She setting up these high standards for the women she goes to the club with when she can’t even met those standards herself. They love to say it’s just a “preference” when it’s actually being very discriminatory to people.
And that's the conversation. Even if she did meet her own standards, that's messed up to only want to hang with women for their looks and aesthetics & not their mental well-being & personality traits
Yep. People use "preference " incorrectly. A preference means you like two things, but you like one of them more than the other. For example, I like both Snickers and Reeses Cup, but I prefer Reeses.
People complain alot about friendships, but when you understand what they look for in friends it becomes crystal clear on why they always run into the same issues. What erika said is nothing new, but very seldom do superficial friendships ever last.
Yeah, sometimes you have to catch yourself from doing the same mistakes too. For the most part, I do not look for friends by looks. You have to catch yourself or realize that you should like them for them besides how they present themselves. I hope this makes sense lol😭‼️
I agree. So much grace is extended to dirtbags who do soooo much worse but we’re dragging a 23 year old for how she chooses her friends. I don’t agree with her views but they’re not harming anyone but her.
The craziest part is she wouldn't be allowed in certain clubs or sections while she putting a label on it... BBL or not. I just hope my black people are released from the shackles of clout and pick me behavior. Everyone is damn near the same type of person these days. Originality and uniqueness is scarce.
I can think of about a hundred clubs she couldn’t get into just based on looks alone. But it’s crazy because black people have white people’s exact mindset, just 10x louder
This is why she's hard to like 🤦♀️ she's not a real friend because GIRL wth does my body size gotta do with you having a good time?? Hell most women going to the club to see some men, ain't nobody tryna look a certain way for you
Apparently it was one of her friends on Instagram on her private live that leaked her video of saying all this maybe one of those friends is tired of her lol and it’s sad because as a black woman like I can never say this about specifically other black women she must hang out with and tearing them down and saying they have to look a certain way and aesthetic it’s really sad
@@Nina2598-k5x I agree & it shows her self hate because not too long she was exactly what she was describing because we all know she ain't been "thick" for too long
Now this is the same chick that had to go get plastic surgery to get this look that a lot of women were born with and she still not meeting her own standards! Girl, please go away and get some self esteem, self worth, value and real love of yourself, from the inside out!❤🙏🏽
I mean you can find so much low vibrational and narcissistic energy in the club......not saying that every woman with a BBL is like that but it might as well be.
I think thry mean that when you say things like what she said, it makes you ugly on the outside, as well. Also, ol' girl does have a butterface, though.🤪
As they should. The pot can’t be calling the kettle black. I hate when girls glow up by doing surgeries then turn around and criticize people they used to look like. THE HYPOCRISY! If anything she should be empathetic. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
@@shennarice5749 Are people canceling her or just giving their opinions on her opinion? I didn’t read anything saying she’s losing sales or gigs over this.
I know plenty of folks who befriend people based off looks. If you can't fit into that skin tight mini dress, you can't hang. I've been told its all about pretty privilege. If the whole squad is fine, you get into places for free, free drinks, guys pick up tabs for food. They want heads to turn when they walk in.
they sound like over-glorified bums. free drinks, free food, free rent, free car??? how bout these women put all that energy into getting sustainable jobs instead of sustaining misogyny.
Women have physical preferences for other women. Men have skin color preferences for women. Women just can't catch a break. I'm tall, skinny, and dark. I guess I'm out here on my own.
100% right. Women are told to change, then when they do it they get backlash for changing their face or body and not being "natural". A woman's thin and she's too skinny, curvy she's too big and needs to lose some weight, somewhere in between and she's still scrutinized. It's all ridiculous.
With her mentality, she doesn't deserve good genuine friends. And people wonder why when they look for superficial qualities, they don't get authentic personalities.
I've never really been a club or party person like that but when I did used to go or if I do go I would want people with me who I know are going to have my back if something pops off, who I'm really close with or who I can really have fun with. Close friends and family only. Not based on how they look or what their body type is...💯😌✨
I saw this show on Netflix maybe about 2-3 yrs ago. It’s was a social experiment type show. Anyways one of the experiments was about ppl committing a crime, the same crime. The “Attractive ppl” received less time or got a break. While the “Unattractive ppl”, got more time or less of a break from the ppI within the experiment then realized ppl really do go off of looks, when u are attracted to someone u will give them more leniency compared to someone u find unattractive.
This occurs in real life, too. Darker skinned people or people deemed less attractive receive longer sentences. This goes further than just desirability. It’s scary.
This has really been going on for year's & nobody has spoken up until now. I remember in early 2000 I stopped talking to my childhood friend because I had to tell her while we were growing up ALL of her outings/pictures/best friends were really thin, & really light like her and she never once included me in her "in" group.
That had to be really tough. But I will say I feel for people that are stuck in that headspace. It’s a lot of pressure and hanging with those groups is not fun at all. Everyone is in competition or the top spot person treats the other friends like peons.
Had the same experience n that's y I had to cut her ass off. She only wanted me around when someone was going to whoop her ass for sleeping with their man n the slutty girls she hung out with couldn't fight worth a damn, nor did any of them care to help her when she was getting stomped. Had to let her know, fight ur own damn battles.
THANK YOU. They don't say it but they definitely do it. she's wrong but people act like they're not superficial. People gravitate to thick women, pretty women, etc. And they attach themselves with popular people & good looking people to feel seen. It happens on the regular.
Honestly, I’m disappointed and unimpressed about the conversations surrounding this whole situation. There was an opportunity to have a in depth conversation about desirability politics that is way above this Erica situation. I would’ve loved to divulge into the topic of pretty privilege and how one can benefit tangibly or simply have a better quality of life based on their desirability or how misogynior and the desirability hierarchy intersect. Instead the girls are calling Erica undesirable.. I’m tired & the girls simply don’t have the range.
🎯💯 This is the result when morals, humility, accountability and common sense have all sunken below coffin level. Nothing left but surface level, shallow conversations from people who refuse to see the big picture of what is happening to actually solve any issues.
I have always seen the light girl cliques in school, social settings, etc..all she did was speak on a practice that is already understood..men have been having a certain "criteria" that women have to meet for them to consider them, this is nothing new. I think its just sad that she feels better about herself by creating a circle of beautiful "friends" she can use to gain entry into spaces her fame still doesn't allow her in because of HER looks
Erica banks mindset is very common, which is why I don’t understand why people are so outraged. From my experiences, I’ve came across a lot of black women who think like her. The black women who wear long weave, nails and eyelashes were always mean and nasty to black women who don’t wear that stuff. If I had a penny for every time a black person clowned me for my 4C hair and non name brand clothes, I’d be rich. The black community overall is very obsessed with appearance, it’s weird. I’ve came across black men who care too much about another black man’s shoes, “drip”, and haircut. I’ve definitely had black people look me up and down as if I was beneath them. I’ve had BW tell me to do my hair lol. I wear a pineapple bun often, these chicks were wearing weave/relaxers when they said this. The black community is lost.
Actually, it's not lost...it doesn't exist. Since the beginning of chattel slavery, we have made attempts at "community " but either it is stamped out by the oppressors, or we destroy it ourselves via self hate, greed, jealousy & symptoms of poverty. The idea of the Black community is just that, an idea. Not for lack of trying, but often thwarted by our own stumbling . It's a weighty thing.
It’s not the “black community”, it’s the world. It happens in Black spaces because Black spaces exist in this world. I get what you mean, but it’s actually harmful to use language that singles out Black people as if this doesn’t go on in literally every other place. It promotes antiBlackness and ignores the culpability of other races and communities.
@@KamilaShakur I’m not talking about other races. I’m talking about black people because I am black and black people are who I am around often. I don’t care what other races are doing, that’s deflecting. The black community loves to play victims of the world but then discriminate against each other, y’all can’t have it both ways. Black people are each other’s worst enemies. You can’t cry victim, oppress your own then beg to be respected by others. It’s laughable.
I never want to spend time in the company of anyone but the coolest people who I enjoy. I dont care how they look. I care how I look. Life is too short.
She definitely just said what other people are thinking. I had a friend tell me to suck in my stomach for a picture because “she wanted it to look good” mind you I had just came on my cycle and she knew that
In my early 20s I used to go to the clubs with my then boyfriends sister. She was short, light skinned, and thick. She invited me out with one of her friends one time and said the girl would come pick us up. When she arrived she said I couldn’t go bc I was too dark 🤷🏾♀️ I was going to mess up “the look”
The conversation around Erica Banks put me in my place! I found out I used to be shallow… not like the woman in the video.. but I used to find myself saying negative comments about hanging out with tall women since I’m so short. Desirability is a monster, and I’m just trying to check myself and grow.
Justin I applaud your commentary on this topic. You were clear and concise in thought which created lots of provoking insights. This topic is a delicate one given our society is rooted in the belief and practice of desirability. It's accepted and normalized to quantify people's appeasement for validation. You really shined in this moment Justin! Applause! Applause! Applause!😇
Erica isn’t ugly. But her face is very average even with glam. Her face still comes off plain . She has a nice complexion. I will chalk her comments up to immaturity and ignorance.
Funny the “baddies” she wants around…wouldn’t even want to hang with her🤷🏾♀️. If we had to really call it. Erica is not ugly but she’s not what she wants around her AND let’s not throw in the so called exotic types. Erica ain’t it. Period. I live in the same area that she’s from and she’s average cute at best. If this is what she needs for her music to jump, then I wish her the best. It’s a shame that her preference has her discriminating on her own friends. Who needs an enemy when she is a friend like this. Sad.
Desirability is indeed an appendage of White Supremacy. Most folks don't interrogate the origins of their desires. We all have an ideology and those set of ideas, frame how we see the world and the interests we pursue. We are all conditioned by the system of white beauty and glamorization of perfection. This has to be corrected through serious work of self and community accountability. This conversation was very well needed, I appreciate your conversation on this consistently! anytime you post, I get excited cause your breakdowns and deliveries are on point!
I have preferences, but the difference between me and people like this, is that I don’t tell anyone and I never let them completely dominate who I talk to. I’ve dated and befriended people who weren’t my preference in many ways because that’s just more realistic. People can’t often check off every box we want, that don’t mean date people you don’t like tho, people should just be more realistic.
aint gon lie i remember them days girls like her only hang out or invite out ugly women to be the baddest in the friend group so hmmmm times have changed smh
The same people dragging her are the same ones who was dragging her about her body, armpits being dark, and her facial features and this is before all of this happen. They were even just recently dragging her about the guy she was dating because he doesn't *look* a certain way. People just don't like her and because she held up the mirror people can't take it. Also, let's not act like the "look" isn't a huge factor in the industry she's in.
Whew!! This was the truth!! I’ll never forget the time my mom told me she didn’t watch a particular news anchor bc she “couldn’t stand his face”. Smh. And unfortunately some of that has rubbed off on me (plus society in general) bc while I was watching judge Judy, I realized I kept believing the more “attractive” of the litigants! Had it not been for this conversation and channel, idk how long I would have gone not picking up on the fact that I was doing it!! And it DID cross my mind while watching Dahmer!!! I had to check myself! It’s SO crazy. (Mind you, I’m grown!! So grown I won’t be telling my age 😆)
I really feel sorry for this generation today. They are so bogged down with social media. It's just sad that I believe that it will only get worst before it gets better. I dont see a light at the end of this tunnel, and that's unfortunate.
@@AM-rz7hm I beg to differ.i'm old school and there is a big difference in today's youth and my youth. You have more suicides, clout chasing, people doing stuff for "the gram" as the youngsters say. So it's very different.
@@beverlywiggins4621 there was colorism, texturism and featurism way before social media so save it. That’s why these gen x and baby boomer black men are out of control now talking about how they prefer a lightskinned mixed girl with long hair and a big butt.
I agree with you both. There was always societal pressure to fit an impossible body standard. Back in the 1500s the beauty standard for women was fat because very few people had access to unlimited food and didn't have to work. So it was impossible for most women. Then the beauty standard was super skinny. When everyone had access to cheap, bad food. Meeting this standard was impossible because good, healthy food was more expensive to buy and time consuming to prepare and working adults with kids may not have time to work out. Now it's this ant/BBL body. Which is attainable through specialized diet and exercise, which most people cannot easily do. But I also think that the rise of social media puts it in people's faces all the time and it's easier than ever to present a false image.
@@beverlywiggins4621 Auntie, how old are you? Cuz if u had racism back in ur day when black teens were getting rocks thrown at them to integrate white schools, ion wanna hear it.
Learn to love yourself, this way, no matter what anyone say about you, you won't fold. It's a journey in these day and age, but you'll get there fren Don't give up on yourself. PS: Body trends doesn't last 💟
It’s interesting that someone she thought was close leaked this, but that’s a different topic. We’ve heard it time and time again, birds of a feather… Back when I was all the apps, I recognize that guys would say they were looking for friends and fun. When I tried to go the friend route the convo halted pretty fast. Before the halting, the guy wanted to make sure that I knew that he wasn’t into me sexually which I was fine with. I feel like in the queer community, people don’t want friends that they wouldn’t sleep with. Not all, of course, but I’ve seen it time and time again.
Erica dont want nobody around that reminds her of what she used to look like. She need to get therapy asap cuz the self-hate projection is showing. Real bad
Reminds me of the rumor involving that bad bitch vacation Reginae was allegedly excluded from that Lori Harvey hosted because she didn’t match the aesthetic. Normani was there , Ryan Destiny and Taina g herbos second baby mom also Emily bs daughter who is real close with Reginae
That's why I respect your videos and perspective brother. She definitely has underlying issues because of what we as a people consider attractive. As a straight black man I have to talk my sisters off the ledge more times than not. Those same women talk about their friends behind their backs for flaws they themselves have
Erica Banks cannot meet her own goofy standards. I like friends who are worthy of friendship no matter what they look like. I have a list of prerequisites they have to meet, and none of them have to do with their physical appearance.
Ummm she definitely has the industry look. She never said she was the most attractive person on the planet. That doesn’t mean she can’t be the best version of herself. Y’all hating.
SO BASICALLY SHE WANTS THEM NOT TO LOOK HOW SHE LOOKED BEFORE SURGERY 🤷🏾♂️🥴 but also pass the paper bag test which she DONT. 🤦🏾♂️ Couldn’t be me….literally. lol
I was gonna complain but I realize it's just the truth. People use me for my looks sometimes and it's fun tbh, but I naturally never did that myself - until recently when someone told me one of my friends was not on my level. I'm not as superficial as Erica, but I'm now being fair & realistic about things. I just don't want to put so much work into myself to be seen with anybody who's clearly not as put together. That would be selling myself short. It's never someones physical looks for me, but I did have to stop hanging with a friend who was dressing weird and had his hair looking crazy consistently. But I would never brag about that like Erica ... that would be so cringey. Because it's obviously not ideal to have to shut anyone out ... like with everything else, it's all about balance. And just in case anyone is curious, I tried to give the friend hair & fashion advice, and he showed up for drinks with a hole in his jacket and cotton coming out lol so I was done 😅😭
I love that you broke down and focused on desirability and what that truly means. Erica was wrong. But her takes are just a response to everything she's gotten from society...I cringed when she was listing her "preferences". But I get it. She's mirroring all that's been projected onto her. It's sad.
Baddie start pack 1. 30 in wig wit baby hair 2. Red Carpet new face make up 3. Designer bag 4. Shein Dress 5. Stripper heels that make you walk like Fred Flintston bowling 6. RBF
They aren’t lusting over the actual dahmer, they are lusting after the actor who plays him (I think he looks regular) because the actual dahmer wasn’t cute. But i agree with what you are saying
Back in the day women feminists groups were writing letters/lusting over Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer . This has nothing to do with Netflix . Even Nicholas Cruz has lovers writing him on his looks. America has a weird fascination with serial killers.
As a former club fixture in Los Angeles I have to be honest, Miss Banks would most assuredly have to stand in line and pay for admission. Plus it seems weird that she would want to go anywhere with a group of hot girls because it’s not gonna make her look better, in comparison I don’t think she would hold up 🥴
1. It's really shallow. 2. Since this video was never for public consumption and was taken and disseminated without her consent...this is none of my business.
So does this extend to women she wants to collaborate with on songs? "She can't be skinny." Well, that rules out Glorilla, Coi Leray, Doja Cat and Flo Milli. Basically, the newer crop of women rappers. The only girls rocking the BBL look are women over 40 or approaching it with kids. Nicki, Cardi, Remy and them.
@@jhnsn1 Nope. Remy Ma aka shooter got a BBL. Shes pretty open about it. I think bc she has thick thighs and a naturally curvy shape, people dont clock it. But she got one done a while ago, before the baby
Thats the mentality of a girl who doesn’t feel cute standing on her own. She fully believes the people around her effect how others see HER. Theres levels to this ish… shes currently at the level before you truly feel cute in your own right. Shes tryna create a hot girl click lol cause shes banking on the whole group to up her “hot factor”. However when she finally feels cute on her own shell be hoping the thick girls don’t come so they wont be “competing” with her. Hopefully she’ll make it to the final level where she feels cute by herself AND around other girls she considers “hot” as well as the girls she considers “ugly”.
That's a very sad statement. She doesn't want friends she wants an entourage. How can they think you are really their friend based on looks?!? It sounds like an insecurity and a need to have access to "pretty privilege", based on what she thinks pretty looks like. You don't feel good and secure in yourself so you have to pick and choose who can surround you. Surround yourself with people whole love themselves or are working on it, not people who more than likely look just like everyone else you associate with. It's like everytime Women rappers take a step forward they say something on social media that takes them 15 steps back.
Great video! Even though we don’t like what Erica banks said, and it does open up a discussion on the subject of desirability and privilege, it also opens up the conversation of ‘genuineness’: the privileges they get, they know in the long run doesn’t really mean the person likes them for who they are as a person. I think that’s kind of a scary thought. I wonder if some people who have always been deemed attractive ever feel void of genuine love and respect or if they fear that one day they will lose the very thing that drives people to be around them. It also opens up the floor to talk about people who pay to get their pretty privilege; is it everything they wanted or do they feel a void because they know it’s superficial? Can some people feel comfortable with superficial generosity more than others? For me personally, I’d rather hang with people and not get benefits off their looks or even my own if someone found me attractive because it just makes it feel like taking advantage of someone or someone not being taken seriously. In the end, I hope she finds happiness in herself and others who think like her.
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She setting up these high standards for the women she goes to the club with when she can’t even met those standards herself. They love to say it’s just a “preference” when it’s actually being very discriminatory to people.
Whew! 💯
And that's the conversation. Even if she did meet her own standards, that's messed up to only want to hang with women for their looks and aesthetics & not their mental well-being & personality traits
Right? So basically she shields herself with pretty women to hide behind...wonder why??🤔🤐
Right
🗣️💯🖤
When preferences become prejudices that prevent us from having healthy relationships. It’s very sad…
This deserves more likes
Facts & why is it that the preferences aren't about folks personality & mental wellness
🎯
well said!
Yep. People use "preference " incorrectly. A preference means you like two things, but you like one of them more than the other. For example, I like both Snickers and Reeses Cup, but I prefer Reeses.
People complain alot about friendships, but when you understand what they look for in friends it becomes crystal clear on why they always run into the same issues. What erika said is nothing new, but very seldom do superficial friendships ever last.
Very well said 😊
Yeah, sometimes you have to catch yourself from doing the same mistakes too. For the most part, I do not look for friends by looks. You have to catch yourself or realize that you should like them for them besides how they present themselves. I hope this makes sense lol😭‼️
The backlash she got versus the male celebrities and rappers who only let certain women in their section is giving double standards.
Let's not forget She's dark skin. They love teaching the dark skin women a lesson Chile
💯💯💯💯
I agree. So much grace is extended to dirtbags who do soooo much worse but we’re dragging a 23 year old for how she chooses her friends. I don’t agree with her views but they’re not harming anyone but her.
@@WhoAuthorizedThis She's 23????? Didn't know that. Makes waaaayyy more sense now.
She’s a woman though
The craziest part is she wouldn't be allowed in certain clubs or sections while she putting a label on it... BBL or not. I just hope my black people are released from the shackles of clout and pick me behavior. Everyone is damn near the same type of person these days. Originality and uniqueness is scarce.
👍 💯 "Black".
I can think of about a hundred clubs she couldn’t get into just based on looks alone. But it’s crazy because black people have white people’s exact mindset, just 10x louder
She obviously has insecurities and issues within herself that she hasn’t dealt with.
Not only is desirability whack but it played a huge role in the institution of racism
not always..
@@mariahdiaz2829 Institution… Of…
This is why she's hard to like 🤦♀️ she's not a real friend because GIRL wth does my body size gotta do with you having a good time?? Hell most women going to the club to see some men, ain't nobody tryna look a certain way for you
Apparently it was one of her friends on Instagram on her private live that leaked her video of saying all this maybe one of those friends is tired of her lol and it’s sad because as a black woman like I can never say this about specifically other black women she must hang out with and tearing them down and saying they have to look a certain way and aesthetic it’s really sad
@@Nina2598-k5x I agree & it shows her self hate because not too long she was exactly what she was describing because we all know she ain't been "thick" for too long
Now this is the same chick that had to go get plastic surgery to get this look that a lot of women were born with and she still not meeting her own standards! Girl, please go away and get some self esteem, self worth, value and real love of yourself, from the inside out!❤🙏🏽
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤
Facts 👌💯
a word!
She definitely said the quiet part out loud. She held up a mirror to a lot of people.
💯💯💯
So the club is just for the BBL girls?!?
Yes
🎯🎯💯🥴🥴😭
I mean you can find so much low vibrational and narcissistic energy in the club......not saying that every woman with a BBL is like that but it might as well be.
Yep😭😭😭
Things fall apart!! How is your father girl?!
And the fact that people are responding to her by calling her ugly is proving her point. People very are superficial with their friend groups.
I think thry mean that when you say things like what she said, it makes you ugly on the outside, as well. Also, ol' girl does have a butterface, though.🤪
As they should. The pot can’t be calling the kettle black. I hate when girls glow up by doing surgeries then turn around and criticize people they used to look like. THE HYPOCRISY! If anything she should be empathetic. 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Right like they’d never say that to Beyoncé Rihanna karrieche or anyone else they feel beautiful 🤩
That girl is not ugly…she said what she said,I’m tired of this canceling people mess, it’s ok to have a opinion
@@shennarice5749 Are people canceling her or just giving their opinions on her opinion? I didn’t read anything saying she’s losing sales or gigs over this.
I know plenty of folks who befriend people based off looks. If you can't fit into that skin tight mini dress, you can't hang. I've been told its all about pretty privilege. If the whole squad is fine, you get into places for free, free drinks, guys pick up tabs for food. They want heads to turn when they walk in.
Facts it’s definitely a privilege
Ugly chicks make the squad look bad and you get kicked out of places
they sound like over-glorified bums. free drinks, free food, free rent, free car??? how bout these women put all that energy into getting sustainable jobs instead of sustaining misogyny.
Women have physical preferences for other women. Men have skin color preferences for women. Women just can't catch a break. I'm tall, skinny, and dark. I guess I'm out here on my own.
You're amazing just as you are, luv. 💯
100% right. Women are told to change, then when they do it they get backlash for changing their face or body and not being "natural". A woman's thin and she's too skinny, curvy she's too big and needs to lose some weight, somewhere in between and she's still scrutinized. It's all ridiculous.
Join Salkis Re - here on TH-cam . The ugly girls club.
No you’re not… I’m built the same way. Hey girl 👋🏾😂❤
With her mentality, she doesn't deserve good genuine friends. And people wonder why when they look for superficial qualities, they don't get authentic personalities.
I hang out with people who I vibe with and I know I’m gonna have a great time and get drunk with
Thats it! Idc how they look, they just cant be dirty lol
@@miiluvjames4709 agreed!! I'm sorry but if you dirty and have a fishy odor we can't hang lol get that taken care of first.
Imagine being one of Erica's old friends that was confused on why she cut you off 🥲
They was sway that day they had the answer 🤣💀🤣🤣
I've never really been a club or party person like that but when I did used to go or if I do go I would want people with me who I know are going to have my back if something pops off, who I'm really close with or who I can really have fun with. Close friends and family only. Not based on how they look or what their body type is...💯😌✨
I vibe with people who vibe with me.
I saw this show on Netflix maybe about 2-3 yrs ago. It’s was a social experiment type show. Anyways one of the experiments was about ppl committing a crime, the same crime. The “Attractive ppl” received less time or got a break. While the “Unattractive ppl”, got more time or less of a break from the ppI within the experiment then realized ppl really do go off of looks, when u are attracted to someone u will give them more leniency compared to someone u find unattractive.
SUCH A SHAME🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
This occurs in real life, too. Darker skinned people or people deemed less attractive receive longer sentences. This goes further than just desirability. It’s scary.
@@Zim24Diva so imagine being dark and ugly
If she was her own preference, she wouldn’t have gotten all that work done but ok
This has really been going on for year's & nobody has spoken up until now. I remember in early 2000 I stopped talking to my childhood friend because I had to tell her while we were growing up ALL of her outings/pictures/best friends were really thin, & really light like her and she never once included me in her "in" group.
That had to be really tough. But I will say I feel for people that are stuck in that headspace. It’s a lot of pressure and hanging with those groups is not fun at all. Everyone is in competition or the top spot person treats the other friends like peons.
Had same experience
That’s terrible
Had the same experience n that's y I had to cut her ass off. She only wanted me around when someone was going to whoop her ass for sleeping with their man n the slutty girls she hung out with couldn't fight worth a damn, nor did any of them care to help her when she was getting stomped. Had to let her know, fight ur own damn battles.
THANK YOU. They don't say it but they definitely do it. she's wrong but people act like they're not superficial. People gravitate to thick women, pretty women, etc. And they attach themselves with popular people & good looking people to feel seen. It happens on the regular.
She said, what alot of people feel, but just don't say it. Just look at the pictures of celebrities and their friends...Ill leave it at that!
Honestly, I’m disappointed and unimpressed about the conversations surrounding this whole situation.
There was an opportunity to have a in depth conversation about desirability politics that is way above this Erica situation. I would’ve loved to divulge into the topic of pretty privilege and how one can benefit tangibly or simply have a better quality of life based on their desirability or how misogynior and the desirability hierarchy intersect.
Instead the girls are calling Erica undesirable.. I’m tired & the girls simply don’t have the range.
Facts af.
Understood but there's no such thing as pretty privilege I'm not pretty but I live a better life than alot of the better looking girls around me.
@@keya2714 Yes. It does exist. There are limits based on racism, classism, ableism, etc.
🎯💯 This is the result when morals, humility, accountability and common sense have all sunken below coffin level. Nothing left but surface level, shallow conversations from people who refuse to see the big picture of what is happening to actually solve any issues.
@@keya2714 Sis you are one in a million.
This conversation holds weight. I’m so happy you spoke about this.
I have always seen the light girl cliques in school, social settings, etc..all she did was speak on a practice that is already understood..men have been having a certain "criteria" that women have to meet for them to consider them, this is nothing new. I think its just sad that she feels better about herself by creating a circle of beautiful "friends" she can use to gain entry into spaces her fame still doesn't allow her in because of HER looks
I'm glad I don't have fake and shallow freinds around me. I know skinny women who are natural and beautiful.
Erica banks mindset is very common, which is why I don’t understand why people are so outraged.
From my experiences, I’ve came across a lot of black women who think like her. The black women who wear long weave, nails and eyelashes were always mean and nasty to black women who don’t wear that stuff. If I had a penny for every time a black person clowned me for my 4C hair and non name brand clothes, I’d be rich. The black community overall is very obsessed with appearance, it’s weird. I’ve came across black men who care too much about another black man’s shoes, “drip”, and haircut.
I’ve definitely had black people look me up and down as if I was beneath them. I’ve had BW tell me to do my hair lol. I wear a pineapple bun often, these chicks were wearing weave/relaxers when they said this.
The black community is lost.
Actually, it's not lost...it doesn't exist. Since the beginning of chattel slavery, we have made attempts at "community " but either it is stamped out by the oppressors, or we destroy it ourselves via self hate, greed, jealousy & symptoms of poverty. The idea of the Black community is just that, an idea. Not for lack of trying, but often thwarted by our own stumbling . It's a weighty thing.
It’s not the “black community”, it’s the world. It happens in Black spaces because Black spaces exist in this world. I get what you mean, but it’s actually harmful to use language that singles out Black people as if this doesn’t go on in literally every other place. It promotes antiBlackness and ignores the culpability of other races and communities.
@@KamilaShakur I’m not talking about other races. I’m talking about black people because I am black and black people are who I am around often. I don’t care what other races are doing, that’s deflecting. The black community loves to play victims of the world but then discriminate against each other, y’all can’t have it both ways. Black people are each other’s worst enemies. You can’t cry victim, oppress your own then beg to be respected by others. It’s laughable.
She's going to miss out on connections with real friends because of her preferences aka choices.
I never want to spend time in the company of anyone but the coolest people who I enjoy. I dont care how they look. I care how I look. Life is too short.
She definitely just said what other people are thinking. I had a friend tell me to suck in my stomach for a picture because “she wanted it to look good” mind you I had just came on my cycle and she knew that
Really? I literally only care how I look in any picture. I assumed everyone was the same.
‼️THIS .
I suck in my stomach..who wants a bad photo?
@@roc2588 I thought so too kinda let me know how she really feels. And it’s not an age thing I’m “auntie” age
In my early 20s I used to go to the clubs with my then boyfriends sister. She was short, light skinned, and thick. She invited me out with one of her friends one time and said the girl would come pick us up. When she arrived she said I couldn’t go bc I was too dark 🤷🏾♀️ I was going to mess up “the look”
😕
The leaking of the video itself speaks volumes about her current "friends" 😌 The irony writes itself.
I’ll be so glad when this world blow up 😩
On point!!!! Hurry please lol
Lmao stg
I’m counting down when is it coming I’m ready# Internet needs to be bombed big time
LMFAOOOOOOO
😂😂 babbbbbyyyy I can’t waiiiiit
The conversation around Erica Banks put me in my place! I found out I used to be shallow… not like the woman in the video.. but I used to find myself saying negative comments about hanging out with tall women since I’m so short.
Desirability is a monster, and I’m just trying to check myself and grow.
I love when u said "how dare you as an ugly person exist" I've been done like that SOOOO many times.
Her mindset is why this video got leaked from her "close friends."
Exactly!💯
Exactly!!!
Good point 👏🏽
very much that
Clicked ASAP!!!! Praying this is a black v-neck video!!! We ain’t had one of those in a while…..
Justin I applaud your commentary on this topic. You were clear and concise in thought which created lots of provoking insights. This topic is a delicate one given our society is rooted in the belief and practice of desirability. It's accepted and normalized to quantify people's appeasement for validation. You really shined in this moment Justin! Applause! Applause! Applause!😇
This why I love my friends. We’re not all one look, one shape, one anything. We’re all unique & can contribute diff ideas & things to one another. ❤
It's a FUCKING CLUB. Not the white house, not Martha's Vineyard, not The Hamptons but a fucking club.
THE GHETTO THE GHETTO in my Nene Leak's voice
And they’re not her friends they are her associates 🤷🏾♀️
Erica isn’t ugly. But her face is very average even with glam. Her face still comes off plain . She has a nice complexion. I will chalk her comments up to immaturity and ignorance.
She gone regret this sentiment when she start to age out🤣🤣🤣 and in female rap years you age like lettuce 😩✌🏾
Not lettuce. Lol.
Funny the “baddies” she wants around…wouldn’t even want to hang with her🤷🏾♀️. If we had to really call it. Erica is not ugly but she’s not what she wants around her AND let’s not throw in the so called exotic types. Erica ain’t it. Period. I live in the same area that she’s from and she’s average cute at best. If this is what she needs for her music to jump, then I wish her the best. It’s a shame that her preference has her discriminating on her own friends. Who needs an enemy when she is a friend like this. Sad.
My choir teacher would literally tell us pretty people win. That has stuck with me and she was right.
Desirability is indeed an appendage of White Supremacy. Most folks don't interrogate the origins of their desires. We all have an ideology and those set of ideas, frame how we see the world and the interests we pursue. We are all conditioned by the system of white beauty and glamorization of perfection. This has to be corrected through serious work of self and community accountability. This conversation was very well needed, I appreciate your conversation on this consistently! anytime you post, I get excited cause your breakdowns and deliveries are on point!
Well said👏🏾‼️
Chile desirability starts YOUNG. I remember in grade school, the only reason people would elect certain student leaders is “because they were cute”
I have preferences, but the difference between me and people like this, is that I don’t tell anyone and I never let them completely dominate who I talk to. I’ve dated and befriended people who weren’t my preference in many ways because that’s just more realistic. People can’t often check off every box we want, that don’t mean date people you don’t like tho, people should just be more realistic.
aint gon lie i remember them days girls like her only hang out or invite out ugly women to be the baddest in the friend group so hmmmm times have changed smh
It's funny how she got a bbl and now she discriminates on natural women,
The only real conversation about the situation on the Internet!!! This was good.
The same people dragging her are the same ones who was dragging her about her body, armpits being dark, and her facial features and this is before all of this happen. They were even just recently dragging her about the guy she was dating because he doesn't *look* a certain way. People just don't like her and because she held up the mirror people can't take it. Also, let's not act like the "look" isn't a huge factor in the industry she's in.
Whew!! This was the truth!! I’ll never forget the time my mom told me she didn’t watch a particular news anchor bc she “couldn’t stand his face”. Smh. And unfortunately some of that has rubbed off on me (plus society in general) bc while I was watching judge Judy, I realized I kept believing the more “attractive” of the litigants! Had it not been for this conversation and channel, idk how long I would have gone not picking up on the fact that I was doing it!! And it DID cross my mind while watching Dahmer!!! I had to check myself! It’s SO crazy. (Mind you, I’m grown!! So grown I won’t be telling my age 😆)
I feel like it just is what it is. People are always going to be subject to bias and we can’t change that.
I really feel sorry for this generation today. They are so bogged down with social media. It's just sad that I believe that it will only get worst before it gets better. I dont see a light at the end of this tunnel, and that's unfortunate.
Girl this has been happening before social media.
@@AM-rz7hm I beg to differ.i'm old school and there is a big difference in today's youth and my youth. You have more suicides, clout chasing, people doing stuff for "the gram" as the youngsters say. So it's very different.
@@beverlywiggins4621 there was colorism, texturism and featurism way before social media so save it. That’s why these gen x and baby boomer black men are out of control now talking about how they prefer a lightskinned mixed girl with long hair and a big butt.
I agree with you both. There was always societal pressure to fit an impossible body standard.
Back in the 1500s the beauty standard for women was fat because very few people had access to unlimited food and didn't have to work. So it was impossible for most women.
Then the beauty standard was super skinny. When everyone had access to cheap, bad food. Meeting this standard was impossible because good, healthy food was more expensive to buy and time consuming to prepare and working adults with kids may not have time to work out.
Now it's this ant/BBL body. Which is attainable through specialized diet and exercise, which most people cannot easily do.
But I also think that the rise of social media puts it in people's faces all the time and it's easier than ever to present a false image.
@@beverlywiggins4621 Auntie, how old are you? Cuz if u had racism back in ur day when black teens were getting rocks thrown at them to integrate white schools, ion wanna hear it.
The pictures in the thumbnail 😂😂
Learn to love yourself, this way, no matter what anyone say about you, you won't fold. It's a journey in these day and age, but you'll get there fren
Don't give up on yourself.
PS: Body trends doesn't last
💟
It’s interesting that someone she thought was close leaked this, but that’s a different topic.
We’ve heard it time and time again, birds of a feather… Back when I was all the apps, I recognize that guys would say they were looking for friends and fun. When I tried to go the friend route the convo halted pretty fast. Before the halting, the guy wanted to make sure that I knew that he wasn’t into me sexually which I was fine with. I feel like in the queer community, people don’t want friends that they wouldn’t sleep with. Not all, of course, but I’ve seen it time and time again.
Erica has a strong face to me. She wouldn't get in VIP in a lot of clubs.
😂😂😂
Yesss she’s not pretty she’s average looking😂😂😂
Erica dont want nobody around that reminds her of what she used to look like. She need to get therapy asap cuz the self-hate projection is showing. Real bad
Thank You so much Justin I’m glad to hear both men and women speak on this topic
Reminds me of the rumor involving that bad bitch vacation Reginae was allegedly excluded from that Lori Harvey hosted because she didn’t match the aesthetic. Normani was there , Ryan Destiny and Taina g herbos second baby mom also Emily bs daughter who is real close with Reginae
That's why I respect your videos and perspective brother. She definitely has underlying issues because of what we as a people consider attractive. As a straight black man I have to talk my sisters off the ledge more times than not. Those same women talk about their friends behind their backs for flaws they themselves have
Erica Banks cannot meet her own goofy standards. I like friends who are worthy of friendship no matter what they look like. I have a list of prerequisites they have to meet, and none of them have to do with their physical appearance.
Ummm she definitely has the industry look. She never said she was the most attractive person on the planet. That doesn’t mean she can’t be the best version of herself. Y’all hating.
Desirability is a type of currency.
It’s funny that those “friends” were the one who screenshot her shit and spread it around. She ain’t got no real friends. 😂
I really need to expand my thoughts. This was a great conversation
Why did she have to say “physically” while referring to looks? Looks aren’t internal 😅
Greetings from Decatur, Georgia everyone!!!
👋 from Ohio!!
Hey from NYC 🤗🤗
Greetings from San Francisco! 🌉
# Miss beauty- more : right here. { B_ more} east coast diva!!!!... Smooches.
Hello everyone. Nice to meet y'all .
You said that when you said there’s a word for it !
It's sad because who is absorbing this? Our little Black girls 😢
Hearing a black man speak on this made my morning!
This is what it looks like when the BBL goes to ur head
She list all these qualifications yet she's using a full blown filter on her "friend" application video😒
SO BASICALLY SHE WANTS THEM NOT TO LOOK HOW SHE LOOKED BEFORE SURGERY 🤷🏾♂️🥴 but also pass the paper bag test which she DONT. 🤦🏾♂️ Couldn’t be me….literally. lol
I was gonna complain but I realize it's just the truth. People use me for my looks sometimes and it's fun tbh, but I naturally never did that myself - until recently when someone told me one of my friends was not on my level. I'm not as superficial as Erica, but I'm now being fair & realistic about things. I just don't want to put so much work into myself to be seen with anybody who's clearly not as put together. That would be selling myself short. It's never someones physical looks for me, but I did have to stop hanging with a friend who was dressing weird and had his hair looking crazy consistently. But I would never brag about that like Erica ... that would be so cringey. Because it's obviously not ideal to have to shut anyone out ... like with everything else, it's all about balance. And just in case anyone is curious, I tried to give the friend hair & fashion advice, and he showed up for drinks with a hole in his jacket and cotton coming out lol so I was done 😅😭
I love that you broke down and focused on desirability and what that truly means. Erica was wrong. But her takes are just a response to everything she's gotten from society...I cringed when she was listing her "preferences". But I get it. She's mirroring all that's been projected onto her. It's sad.
Also .. I HOPE EVERY PERSON HAS 💰 TO KEEP UP WITH THESE BBL !!!
I Can't wait to see them n 10+ years.😭
It's about to be Senior Edition BBL Style 😳
You made some amazing points here. Period. The most well said video I’ve seen on the topic.
Baddie start pack
1. 30 in wig wit baby hair
2. Red Carpet new face make up
3. Designer bag
4. Shein Dress
5. Stripper heels that make you walk like Fred Flintston bowling
6. RBF
As she ages she will find herself more and more alone. Sane people will definitely avoid her
She meets none of those standards long story short she needs a whole stylest.
Great conversation Justin. Love your content.
They aren’t lusting over the actual dahmer, they are lusting after the actor who plays him (I think he looks regular) because the actual dahmer wasn’t cute. But i agree with what you are saying
Nah Dahmer and Bundy had actual fan clubs during their hey day way before these movies and depictions.
@@potofgoldseeker4248 and Richard Ramirez
Back in the day women feminists groups were writing letters/lusting over Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer . This has nothing to do with Netflix . Even Nicholas Cruz has lovers writing him on his looks. America has a weird fascination with serial killers.
She got a BBL and think she's the standard now. I'm glad Black Twitter gathered her on up.
As a former club fixture in Los Angeles I have to be honest, Miss Banks would most assuredly have to stand in line and pay for admission. Plus it seems weird that she would want to go anywhere with a group of hot girls because it’s not gonna make her look better, in comparison I don’t think she would hold up 🥴
CORRECT !!💯💯
You articulate your thoughts so brilliantly. Always click so fast when you upload. ❤
1. It's really shallow.
2. Since this video was never for public consumption and was taken and disseminated without her consent...this is none of my business.
That should’ve showed her that her preference aren’t even her damn friends lol
I clicked so fast, I just knew you was going to get into the backlash and "Who is Erica Banks" dragging she got.
Never heard of her 🤦🏽♀️ she cancelled her own career before it even began.
Who would even wanna go somewhere with a person like this?
I think one of her friends that never got invited to the club exposed this. Because it probably hurts to hear something like this from a “friend”
So does this extend to women she wants to collaborate with on songs? "She can't be skinny." Well, that rules out Glorilla, Coi Leray, Doja Cat and Flo Milli. Basically, the newer crop of women rappers. The only girls rocking the BBL look are women over 40 or approaching it with kids. Nicki, Cardi, Remy and them.
I didn't know Remy got a bbl.. or did you mean Renni?
@@jhnsn1 Nope. Remy Ma aka shooter got a BBL. Shes pretty open about it. I think bc she has thick thighs and a naturally curvy shape, people dont clock it. But she got one done a while ago, before the baby
😆
💯💯
Thats the mentality of a girl who doesn’t feel cute standing on her own. She fully believes the people around her effect how others see HER. Theres levels to this ish… shes currently at the level before you truly feel cute in your own right. Shes tryna create a hot girl click lol cause shes banking on the whole group to up her “hot factor”. However when she finally feels cute on her own shell be hoping the thick girls don’t come so they wont be “competing” with her. Hopefully she’ll make it to the final level where she feels cute by herself AND around other girls she considers “hot” as well as the girls she considers “ugly”.
That's a very sad statement. She doesn't want friends she wants an entourage. How can they think you are really their friend based on looks?!? It sounds like an insecurity and a need to have access to "pretty privilege", based on what she thinks pretty looks like. You don't feel good and secure in yourself so you have to pick and choose who can surround you. Surround yourself with people whole love themselves or are working on it, not people who more than likely look just like everyone else you associate with. It's like everytime Women rappers take a step forward they say something on social media that takes them 15 steps back.
Great video! Even though we don’t like what Erica banks said, and it does open up a discussion on the subject of desirability and privilege, it also opens up the conversation of ‘genuineness’: the privileges they get, they know in the long run doesn’t really mean the person likes them for who they are as a person. I think that’s kind of a scary thought. I wonder if some people who have always been deemed attractive ever feel void of genuine love and respect or if they fear that one day they will lose the very thing that drives people to be around them. It also opens up the floor to talk about people who pay to get their pretty privilege; is it everything they wanted or do they feel a void because they know it’s superficial? Can some people feel comfortable with superficial generosity more than others? For me personally, I’d rather hang with people and not get benefits off their looks or even my own if someone found me attractive because it just makes it feel like taking advantage of someone or someone not being taken seriously. In the end, I hope she finds happiness in herself and others who think like her.