“I can’t afford my $1,600+ a month truck”
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ธ.ค. 2023
- Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich hosts Part 2 with Becki and Dustin, which drops us right back into a contentious conversation about Dustin’s 6-wheeled truck. But his and Becki’s misalignment runs a lot deeper than that. Once their numbers are revealed, painful truths come to the light-and life altering changes are put on the table.
Watch Part 1 with Becki and Dustin: • “Her credit card debt ...
-
💲 RAMIT’S MONEY MINUTE NEWSLETTER
* Each Tuesday, I share instant, actionable tips to improve your finances. Get the emails here: iwt.com/moneyminute-yt
💡 RAMIT’S PODCAST NEWSLETTER
* I share new ways to think about money every Saturday. Get the emails here: iwt.com/podcastnewsletter-yt
🙌 GET HELP FROM RAMIT SETHI
* Take control of your money with the Conscious Spending Plan: iwt.com/csp-youtube
* Optimize your credit cards with the 1st chapter of my book: iwt.com/chapter1-youtube
* Join my Money Coaching program for monthly help: iwt.com/moneycoaching-youtube
🤳 CONNECT WITH RAMIT SETHI
* Instagram: / ramit
* X: / ramit
* LinkedIn: / ramitsethi
✅ SUBSCRIBE SO YOU DON’T MISS ANY EPISODES
/ ramitsethi
-
If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here: iwt.com/apply
Produced by Crate Media.
![[Full Episode] MasterChef Junior Thailand มาสเตอร์เชฟ จูเนียร์ ประเทศไทย Season 3 Episode 4](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/e7Oqqo90x_w/mqdefault.jpg)
0:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube
Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Wow ramit she asks him about money and how he’s gonna make more and you tell him he’s mean . You let her off the hook , this was awful ramit
Honestly I think she should go back to CA where she has friends, family, and a support system. The move to NC just isn't working for her. She makes a good living, she is self-sufficient. She can find someone whose wants are more similar to her own.
I'm not even trying to knock Dustin. They simply want 2 completely different things in terms of where and how they live. A man or woman, no matter how "in love" with them you are, cannot make you happy all by him/herself. Your lives and values have to align.
The power dynamic here is not over money. She can support herself. The real dynamic is that one person moved across the country, while the other just went on living the life they knew and were comfortable with. Things almost have to go perfectly for that type of scenario to work out long-term.
She is not self sufficient. She cannot control her spending and expects her partner to fill in. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to.
@@ebelen1 I believe she makes $100k per year. That is obviously enough to support herself. She does have a spending problem and would need to learn to live within her means, but she doesn't need his money to survive. So no reason not to move back to where she actually wants to be, and give herself a chance to find someone who wants the same things she does.
It might not be good if the people she’s going back to make up the environment where she lost herself. Sending warm dishes of for healing and loving accountability for her. It takes time but it’s worth it!
@@4thand133 $100k is nothing to sneeze at but she owes over $200k. She doesn’t manage money well so it’s not obvious she can support herself. In many ways, she appears to want his money so she can spend more. You may not agree with me and that’s ok but it’s how I see it.
@@ebelen1 most of it is student loans though. She needs to get spending under control, and work towards increasing income. She doesn't want to leave because she's 42 and a strong chance she finds no one else. I don't get what she sees in him anyway. He may provide some stability, but I see no emotion in him, or why he wants to be with her. Her spending is a coping mechanism for her depression. It's a vicious cycle.
End the relationship. She moved across the country to prove her commitment to the relationship but misses her friends and family. He tried to provide her with free rent to pay off her debt, which she thought would fix her debt, but she is unhappy and emotionally spent because she is lonely. Dustin is angry and fed up with her because she had two years of free rent to pay off her debt, but she has accumulated more debt. He had been burned before, and he was testing her. End the relationship. The dynamic is a no-win situation.
Spot on analysis.
+1
Bingo she a spender
True. I moved to Texas w my fiancé and a I am very lonely and isolated here. I miss home and everything.
Agree
Never ... I repeat Never ... Combine finances with someone you are not married to
When we are older ( 40s ans beyond) not sure they should be combined even if married !
I wouldn't combine if married. That's for 1st marriages both starting with nothing.
When two people have accomplished life as individuals it's a different dynamics. They both have children and assets . Those relationships have a different foundation neither party is seeking to build with each other. It's more a relationship of companionship.
Doing it while married is hard enough but at least their each party can set legal terms. Too many financial abusers to be combining without commitment and legal bond
There ^*
Yikes! There is so much toxicity between these two. He is emotionally void, she is starved for unconditional love. "You live with me in my world".... how degrading of a statement for him to make towards her. These two have deep rooted issues that need to be overcome before they combine anything.
There is no true love between them. They are with each other because they are their best option in the moment.
Justin needs to let her go, move on with his life and find a younger wife that he can love, respect, teach and show compassion to.
She needs to seek therapy then find an older husband that she can respect, who will also show her love, respect, teach and guid with compassion while she continues to learn.
@@macsc5497why is her age a problem?
@@macsc5497 lol why are the husbands doing all the teaching here?
@@macsc5497the age comments are gross. Quit being so traditional.
@@StevenEdwardsAudio right? they act like the gap is so big lol
I like that, by the end, they finally got to the real issue. She's lonely but doesn't want to leave him, so she spends money to fill that emotional void. She moved into "his" place, thinking he would marry her. She's been patient, but that patience is wearing thin. The money is an easy excuse for him to continue postponing the engagement. I would never wait 4 years to hear someone tell me they love me. But she has to decide one way or the other to exist with him as it is, or do the brave thing and create a life that actually satisfies her. That may mean moving back to California or just moving into her own place. Waiting and waiting for someone to do what we want them to do is disempowering and chips away at our self-esteem.
great synopsis lol
Ramit: You are officially the Dr Phil of couple's finances!!🤯
This was a powerful episode, you provided them with the opportunity to truly communicate with each other, they even got to say how much they love and admire each other, very touching moments. Thanks for Becky and Dustin for sharing their story with the world.
Living our Rich Life ain't just about money and you are showing this week after week. 🙏🏾
Dr RaPhil ...yap
I agree!!!
He so is am hooked 🇬🇧👍🏾
As someone married for 20 years, I can tell you that a major factor in longevity AND happiness is compatibility. I've seen many couples not make it, not because they didn't love each other, but they simply weren't compatible. Or they stay together, but it's a constant daily struggle. It's clear she loves him, I'm not so sure about his depth of feeling for her. But one thing that's evident is that they're just not on the same page with a lot of things, not just financial. She needs to work on her emotional issues (self-esteem) and I think one thing that would help is for her to move back to where her family and old friends are so that she's surrounded by that support. It's easy to put a lot of pressure on Dustin because she dropped her life to be with him, which she seems to frequently remind him. They seem like two very nice people who may simply not be each other's person. Yes, she needs to get her spending under control, but that has nothing to do with Dustin. She would need to do this whether she's with him, with someone else, or alone. And to be clear, Dustin has his own work that he needs to do, too. I wish them both luck.
💯
❤❤❤
Well said!
It seemed very clear to me that Dustin does not love Becki and is feeling trapped. He's using money as an excuse to postpone what he perceives as inevitable, but terrifying (getting married).
I disagree. They clearly both love each other deeply. The man cried when expressing his feelings, he clearly loves her. I believe he was honest about his concerns which are he’s worked hard and doesn’t want to lose it all or feel unappreciated for everything he’s built. I think they make a great couple and this money conversation opened the door to a deeper connection. It’s sad that so many people instantly write a couple off just because they have issues. Any issue can be overcome for a couple who loves each other and wants to be together. And they clearly do, or they wouldn’t be on the show.
He's not keeping his business account separate from his personal account.
This is how people get in trouble if they're audited. Not good business practices.
He might be good at installing pools but terrible at running it as a business. He needs a manager
Probably can't afford a legitimate manager
The host definitely didn't pressure him to be honest about his numbers, either. The guest is very inconsistent.
I doubt he can be managed
Four years without being told she’s loved just reinforced all of her self doubts. That’s heavy.
no words from Justin can make her emotional damage go away. She fled from her messed up life to safety of his life.
@@brianasamuelssame for him after his failed 10 year marriage he seems burned. Thats not a partner she can heal her self esteem with. And same goes for him, he needs someone with way more money than him so he can stop being anxious.
I do not feel either of them see a future…nobody has the nerve to be the first one to call it quits.
Same. I thought they were getting towards that point of honesty at the end of this video, but it seems like they just missed the goal. They may be great together in some important ways, but after listening to them for two hours they miss the mark in many important ways. Even if they were debt free I don’t think they would or should marry. They should break up and she should return to California and do some self work so that she doesn’t end up in a situation like this ever again
like ramit says, people rather keep doing the same wrong thing and failing instead of risking trying something new. goes for money and clearly for unions
I think this lady could use a few years of singleness so she can do the work of learning about herself, falling deeply in love with the person in the mirror, figuring out what she needs from a partner to feel good and safe with them, etc. I think she could benefit from a few years of self-discovery without a romantic partner, and with a trained coach and/or therapist walking alongside her on the road to self-discovery, self-love, and self-acceptance and assurance. She’s so worthy.
As I was listening to this second chapter, I thought that she would have likely been much better off had she worked with a therapist to resolve these issues from budgeting to her life direction BEFORE meeting this guy and moving across the country to be with him. I don't think she would tolerate this situation if she were in a stronger state of mind - waiting four years for a proposal after moving cross country is absurd
I don't like that when Ramit encouraged her to ask him about his business, she went on the attack. He's supporting their lives but she's pissed he gets off work at 3:30.
I think they're in a toxic dynamic. He doesn't trust her with money and is withholding his full self because of it. She doesn't feel love and spends money to compensate for that.
Yes, he really needs a good accountant to sort out his company finances, make sure he's paying the proper taxes, and put up walls between the company and personal money. I'm worried a good audit would hurt him.
Yes, she needs to pay off her credit cards and get a budget. She also needs to contribute to their bills.
But all of that are symptoms of an unhealthy dynamic. I don't think either of them are all in.
I swear that pissed me off. She’s ungrateful and a user. He’s not opening up to her because she doesn’t appreciate him and just criticizes what she’s not doing to her standards . We always want to point out how much of a victim a woman is without realizing that some women can mindfk men. This man had realized that she’s using him.
I was a little sympathetic with her until this point. She lost me at that point.
I won't judge her for being who she is, in the end, he chose her. And remember, we're only seeing a sliver of their lives, obviously there's something about her that compensates for those deficiencies in his eyes. That said, I think he's right to protect himself and not commit to her becoming a liability; and that's not unjustified given that the prior two years saw a drain in their finances. He does need to learn to communicate more lovingly however, and call it off if he's not seeing things going anywhere, no matter how hard or heartbreaking that might be for both of them
I mean, I don't think Ramit was expecting her to go in on him like that based on the interview to that point, I was really surprised too tbh
Thanks for another great episode. I feel like finally, after over 100 episodes you said straight out, pay yourself first, save first, set aside the debt payment then live off the rest. It's implied in all your material, but this might be the first time you said it flat out. It's something I think most people don't understand
One of the hardest things to do is acknowledging you made a mistake or you’ve changed your mind or you’re unhappy and then taking the steps necessary to go in a different direction.
yep and this is llikely not an abusive relationship. add in violence and people still wonder why women dont leave
No way he has a bookkeeper. Lol
Absolutely not lol
He didn't answer one question about his finances directly -- except for the one about how much his truck payment is.
His bookkeeper might be Auther Anderson lol.
Becky is very relatable ( for me) I have been stationed ( active duty military) in places I didn’t enjoy and ended up spending money with no intention in an effort to “ feel something” .
She said she is surrounded in his world, which just shows , to me, that she is not truly happy with the situation.
All I can say is, I feel for her, I’ve been there.
This is a compassionate statememt
Lady, think long and hard about whether you want to join finances with this man.
Justin needs to run from her! she is clueless how business is run.
@@brianasamuelsshe should run for the whole bunch of reasons and the guy needs therapy before he gets into a new relationship
@@brianasamuels he hasn’t done any marketing in his entire operation… he even says it might be 5k spend for 3 more jobs a year (each worth 5 figure sums)
Beyond that… he just doesn’t seem that into her. I suggest you watch the episode with the recovered addict, and that’s how couples that truly love eachother talk about eachother.
it is his business. he may not want to do more. more money is not always the answer like she seems to think. I have been happily married for 42 years. I could run a class for you if you would like.@@joshdawson5850
Becky is so clearly a hot emotional MESS and she is projecting onto Justin. But he is NOT buying into her emotional damage and it frustrates her even more.
@@knickOoknack
She makes so much money. She could pay those credit cards in one month. Where does all the money go. She lives free at his house
She spends all of it on herself because she thinks that she deserves everything. The way she criticized him for not putting in more effort and working long hours when he makes that much money tells me that she’s a user.
The impression I got from Part 1 is that Becki grew up pretty well off. Probably just used to getting/buying what she wants. In all fairness to her, that's a tough mindset to escape when you grow up around it.
i have a co worker with 2000 dollars in CC debt. he cant pay it off at all. spends 400 on beer a month and gambles. lot of violence in his child hood and he copes through trying to be a trader and also gambling on sports. he is a bright kid and I got him ramits book and he started reading it but we will see how it goes
Everyone seems to point the finger at who is to blame here. I don’t think it’s a matter of who is wrong I think they are just simply not compatible financially and when you’re older and already been through a divorce once you know your deal breakers and finances is a big one. They probably just need to go their separate ways work on themselves and then get into a relationship that is better suited to their needs both emotionally and financially.
I don’t think either are to blame.
She is miserable, he doesn’t know how to run a business (god help him if he gets audited with how he’s mixed personal and business), and he don’t seem to visibly love her.
100% I don't think they have a future together. Imagine saying you're lonely while being in a relationship. Yikes.
Ramit! This was an amazing episode. Although this couple has been together for a while, and have already established some behavioral circuits so to speak, I feel that you have served them so well to start looking at the realities of their relationship and rebuilding it from a solid foundation. The rest is up to them. I was amazed at your insight, your emotional intelligence and spot on interjections to the dialogue. Well done!
I was Team Becky after part 1. But I hate how she criticizes Dustin here for not trying to make more money. If she were financially responsible maybe it would be okay for her to criticize. Maybe.
This. The reason people work and save is to not have to worry about going through a rough patch or being able to slow down and still make ends meet. Dustin has done that, and Becky is projecting her situation onto him.
That part was very telling. He brings in the business, the savings, the house and the investments but can’t get off at 3? It sounded like Becky’s solution to her problems was for Dustin to make more money.
Yes! I am a woman but I could not believe she said that crap! Dustin is taking care of his, why doesn't she take care of hers? 😁
Nah. With how he nags her & tries to be controlling she's more than earned a right to say what she likes.
This has been my favorire episode. They are all good but this one had so many layers. I would find myself taking sides and then question it. They are both very good at articulating their follow ups. Their indovisual perspective was so relatable and so were the communication challenges at time. Thank you for a great episode. To you and them
I felt so touched by this episode. Thank you to Becki and Dustin for sharing your lives with us! Thank you to Ramit for facilitating (in a masterful way) the conversation.
I hate when women move in with men and then wait for a proposal. Women need to have a backbone and say - I am not moving until I have a ring and we are planning a wedding.
Better yet, I am not moving in with you until I am your wife.
@@dearestdarling9467ding ding ding!
I hate when men have women move in, knowing full well they want to get married, and do nothing about it. Men need to have a backbone and say - you're welcome to move in with me but do not see it as a sign of my commitment to you (even though most people view it that way).
A lot of men propose to shut their girlfriends up and then never marry them
shush. and women hate when someone hates something that doesnt affect their lives lol. read some books on it before you speak
I saw a lot of comments that seemed to miss the point of what was even happening with these people, even when they stated things plainly. People saying Becky is a user, Dustin needs to run. Or Dustin just needs a bookkeeper. The problem is THERE IS NO COUPLE, there is no union, they are two individuals in a toxic dynamic. Dustin does not want to be in a team, he is already in the Team of Dustin, and sees Becky as a threat to that team. He certainly doesn’t love her (perhaps he doesn’t have any to give), and doesn’t like her much at this point - he has (and expressed) contempt, openly stated right on this call. Becky is alone and lonely, just as she said. She is emotionally starving, desperate, and is harming herself by trying to soothe the ache with a dopamine rush from spending. Dustin is not right for her, but Becky doesn’t want to “have no one.” She probably hasn’t left because of the sunk cost fallacy.
The best thing would be for them to end this dysfunction. Becky needs to relearn who she is, to love, appreciate, and be grateful for herself - she needs to get comfortable standing alone and feeling enough with just her. Dustin is not capable of being in a healthy relationship dynamic right now, either. He is bitter, angry, and fearful, not emotionally balanced or secure. He needs to get to a place where he feels safe and can trust again while being financially responsible. They actually both make basically 6 figures, but both can improve in financial management. But that is not their real problem - the root of the issue is they are not compatible as partners. It is possible to stay together but it would be a very difficult road for them, and I don’t see the point of doing that. Life is short.
Thank you! So many people are blind to the issues they BOTH are bringing to the table.
Exactly this. I'm surprised by all the side-taking in the comments. BOTH of them have a stake in this situation and both are to blame. They both have a lot of work to do on themselves.
He made a half a million dollars last year and she is policing him on how much effort he makes to earn more when he tries to rest? They’re not even married and he’s basically paying for all their bills but she wants him to put in more effort? She’s ungrateful and that’s why she spends so much on HERSELF because she thinks that she deserves everything. I was side-eying this guy at the beginning of this episode for not being so open with her and even not opening up emotionally but I see why, she’s a user and tried to make it seem like she’s the victim here. She probably controls his mind and he has no 🏀 🏀 to break up with her. They’re better off apart from each other.
Spot on! I thought the same thing and just made a comment regarding that! How dare she complains about him not making more money when she can't even manage her own? Wow 👐🏾
I wouldn't be comfortable combining finances at this point if I was him. She first needs to manage her debt and establish savings.
Well, Ramit tactfully didn't go there, but I think you fail to see the elephant in the room. She's 42. Her childbirth opportunities are getting narrower after 40 with every passing year and her partner acts like they have all the time in the world - and she's letting him, 'cause of low self-esteem, love or whatnot. They met 4 years ago. 38 was still a pretty good age from fertility point of view. If kids are in the picture or if they envision a future together with shared kids, her earnings are not very important at the moment, while his are (stability). If he makes a certain amount now (which could carry them over), but next year is unpredictable and if she loses income they wouldn't be able to feed a kid - could be quite disastrous. Now, her spendings are important of course if they are to have a bigger family. If she doesn't plan to have kids ever, than no pressure of course. But it didn't look to me that way.
@@MrGianetawho mentioned kids? A lot of people don’t want them.
@@irenetoyoda6013I thought kids may be something she needs. She's very lonely, and she buys things to try to console herself.
@@ale347bakerchildren aren't a possession to make you feel better.
Dustin is typical of many contractors. He doesn’t have any structure on how he gets paid from his company. All the money in the company is not his some of it supposed to go to taxes, etc. and buy not having that structure set up. It adds stress for the partner on the other side. I did not see that being addressed in this podcast.
This, even through Becky isn't good with her own money, she is right not to trust Dustin with theirs combined. He was a bad business manager that drew no lines between his personal money and business money, qualified to run Enron exactly.
50:58 omg this had me in tears!!!! I love that Ramit asked them to take 30 seconds to say something unrelated to money. They both needed to hear what each other said 🥹
Dustin treats Becky like a car he's test-driving. Any time he decides she's not up to his standards, he'll return her to stock, with an angry dismissive note describing her failures.
Dustin is blind to Becky's needs - everything is financial to him. He can't understand that she's alone and lonely and isolated from her family and friends. She's on the periphery of his life and she isn't important to him.
She’s going to break up with him. He will marry his next girlfriend. Tale as old as time.
But she also doesn’t appreciate him, he takes a break and she criticizes his efforts when he’s basically taking care of all the bills. She’s a user
Becky sees Dustin as her piggy bank and retirement plan. How you think he's the problem is crazy. She freaks out when she finds out he didn't make as much money this year as last. Her "needs" are demands that Dustin bail her out and pay for her rich life. Sorry Becky, time to move back to Cali. I hope he cuts her loose.
@@joellejoelle6559facts
She is a burden to him financially and he is distant and withdrawn emotionally. She brings nothing to the table financially but is chiding him for not making enough money. I think they are both better off separating, they could both do better.
Ramit. I need more of these videos to feed my habit. One a week just isn't enough
It’s kinda like one a fortnight really, most episodes are 2 parters it seems
Watch Caleb Hammer in between
Me too
@@jusimplicitCaleb’s entertaining but my gosh these are life changing
Start from episode 1 on his pdocasts and work your way up. Trust theres enough there to keep you entertained for a few weeks to months if you take it slow.
I am not too concerned about Dustin's Vehicle purchase. Yes, it is a mistake to purchase the Truck with Six Tires (lol) - but Dustin has made all the right financial choices so far that he has the luxury to make this mistake. Plus, he can also quickly solve this mistake by selling the truck. But Becki's, on the other hand, is not necessarily a math problem - it looks and sounds like the lifestyle creep choices led to this event she is sadly experiencing with Dustin. Regardless, they are two brave individuals sharing their private stories with us; we could all learn something from these intimate stories they willingly share.
hmmm we didn't listen to the same episode. Lifestyle creep is an important part of how Becki got into this situation but it's not why she's in this cycle with her partner.
I wish she could let him go, because this is only going to get worse for her if she doesn’t start centering herself and her well being. She could end up getting sick over this and he will not be there for her. He puts himself first, and she needs to do the same for herself. Get help for codependency. No one owes us love. We owe ourselves love.
Honestly, finances are the least of their worries. They’re just not in alignment with what they both want. I think she’s looking for something he’s incapable of providing. They definitely don’t talk to or treat each other like teammates.
Seems like a hole no one can fill - until she connects with her own soul and identity. My heart goes out to her.
They’ve been together for FOUR YEARS and still aren’t a team. Time to move back to California.
I agree!!
Her spending is emotional. She’s trying to fill a void from the lack of emotional connection with her partner. She doesn’t feel loved or worthy from the sounds of it. Until she feels content, she will keep getting into debt.
I hate saying this, but this won’t work.
It reminds me of my parents. He isn’t a naturally outwardly loving and romantic guy, which is what she needs. They will either part ways, with her going back to her family, or they will stay together in a pointless relationship where there’s no emotional connection, and essentially live as roommates.
That’s unless he can change and be more open and loving and proactive in showing his affection…
@@joshdawson5850 my parents were like this. My dad was bread winner, very strict financially, was not good expressing love verbally/physically. He does not make decisions emotionally. Not romantic. They kept finances seperate like this couple.
My mom is a freaking empath. She feels everything and NEEDS verbally reassurance and touch to feel loved. She would often spend money she didn't have to fill emotional voids.
These differences plus my brothers addiction almost broke us. For 10 years it was nothing but fighting and venom. Was hard as a child.
You know what's weird. They got through it and now the kids are out and for last 10 years they have lived so peacefully together. They now have many friends. They party. My dad has softened and shows affection and my mom has set more relasitic expectations. They are VERY well off and my mom stopped stupid spending.
They were NOT a match and should have never married but some couples do make the turn. Sad it took so long.
Also, it's her indirect/ Passive aggressive way of getting back at him. these two are toxic/unhealthy together. she needs to get control of how 'she feels' and not passively blame him for HER reactions.
@@joshdawson5850 if you don't ever feel true love towards your partner, it's very hard to express it...
He also doesn’t feel emotionally connected to her, she seems to be a materialistic and thinks she deserves everything. This man makes so much money but she criticizes him for not putting in more hours? He’s paying for most of their bills but she’s just pushing him to give more. Not once did she say how much she can give to him, she just wants everything.
Been waiting for part 2! Morning everyone.
Same here, good morning!
Yes! The cliff hanger, the suspense, it was an intense week 😅
You did Dustin dirty again... Change the title to i dont make 2k a month i make 13k a month net. And people forgot that Dustin was married and she took him for everything he had. She makes 100k a year and he gave her one job in 2 years and she did not do it. He is right not to combine incomes. Good for you man.
Thank you, someone with a functioning brain. Just because she cries a lot people are on her side, feeling bad for her and mad at him. She is completely irresponsible being that far in debt given her living situation for the last 2 years. The people defending her are nutjobs that lack common sense.
I listened to these two episodes half distracted and it was easy to be on her side by the way she talked. When she came after him for not advertising in this one (he should advertise but dang) I had to listen in closer and even re-listen. My guy needs to clean up his book keeping and know his numbers better, but Ramit and chica coming after him when she couldn’t do the one thing he asked. Run.
I’m sure there are lots of reasons she felt she needed to spend and Dustin may be too stingy or whatever. Fact is at the end of the day Dustin needed one thing to feel comfortable, and made it easy with basically no expenses and she failed….. for whatever reason, valid or not, she failed and thinks it’s his problem. Run
Ramit I think these 2 have a very transactional perspective about what love means. He thinks she’s more of a liability than he expected with her income. And I don’t think she is as proud of him as she thought she’d be. You did a great job with this video.
Four f****ing years of him not saying I love you?! That's insane in a relationship. Becky is dying to be appreciated, to have someone tell her that she's worth loving, and Dustin is actively withholding that from her.
I know Dustin has his own life and experiences that roll into the way he is with his partner. But for me that absolutely unacceptable and cold hearted, it's not the way a healthy relationship should be. Also that moment @40:00 was too real... He's so angry and she's just his outlet for that.
This is a relationship problem, not a money problem. This is not a problem that Ramit can fix or even help with.
It's really shocking to me that people who make 100-200k feel like they don't have enough money. I make 35k, and it's a career position 😂. 8k a month would be a dream, let alone 16k
its a wild revelation. love the show
00:54 🚚 Dustin made $24,000 last year but bought an F350 truck worth $65,000 with six tires, causing friction in their relationship due to financial disparities.
02:17 💡 Doing an annual Rich Life review helps in reflecting on the past year, setting goals, and taking control of finances, offering a guide for planning and progress.
03:00 🛠 Dustin's F350 hauls heavy machinery, but Becky struggles to grasp the necessity of such equipment, leading to financial strain in their relationship.
04:10 💰 Dustin's $150,000 income gets blurred between personal and business finances, causing confusion and issues in their financial planning.
08:23 🏠 Their household's $200,000 annual gross income, while substantial, doesn't necessarily feel secure or satisfactory to Becky, who desires around $120,000 to $150,000 for comfort.
09:32 💸 Becky's emotional connection to money affects her perception of income; she feels broke despite earning nearly $100,000, indicating deeper self-worth issues.
11:57 🤔 Becky's realization about her ungratefulness regarding her income sparks introspection into her gratitude, recognizing the need for personal growth in appreciating her financial situation.
13:51 🧠 Exploring personal behavior and self-worth surrounding money becomes crucial for Becky's growth and financial clarity.
18:15 📉 Becky's unawareness of total expenses and heavy reliance on guilt-free spending adds to her financial stress, necessitating a reassessment of budgeting.
19:23 🔄 Automating debt payments and addressing prioritized expenses helps alleviate financial anxiety andfacilitates efficient debt clearance strategies.
23:50 💳 Setting up automatic payments for credit cards signals progress and a proactive approach to managing debt, leading to a sense of accomplishment for Becky and Dustin.
24:17 🤑 Paying off debt feels like a weight lifted, freeing up more money for guilt-free spending and investments.
25:28 💳 Overlooked subscriptions can drain finances-canceling them can save hundreds annually, directing funds elsewhere.
28:25 💬 It's easy to dismiss personal spending as mindless, but self-criticism can hinder financial progress.
30:37 🤔 Acceptance and understanding of personal financial habits pave the way for effective change.
31:46 💡 Deep-rooted self-awareness doesn't always correlate with understanding personal passions or desires.
33:00 😔 Uncertainty about personal happiness, despite financial changes, indicates a deeper search for fulfillment.
35:56 🤝 Finances are separate, leading to communication gaps and individual decisions, impacting their relationship.
41:38 💔 Conversations escalate due to financial differences, revealing underlying relationship concerns.
43:32 🗣 Communication issues hinder understanding, emphasizing the need for improved dialogue for a healthier relationship.
46:05 💔 The focus on negatives in discussions dampens the essence of love and care within the relationship.
47:28 💬 Money becomes a crutch for emotional voids, reflecting a need for deeper connections in the relationship.
49:40 🤝 Dustin and Becky take time to express heartfelt admiration and commitment to each other, aiming to strengthen their relationship beyond financial matters.
53:27 💬 Honesty and open communication are emphasized as crucial for the couple's progress and positive change, highlighting the need for genuine connection before focusing on financial plans.
54:41 🗓 Establishing a regular, serious conversation schedule is suggested to discuss weekly reflections, plans, and emotional sharing, aiming to build trust and partnership.
56:47 👍 Incremental teamwork and decision-making, even on seemingly trivial matters, are seen as fundamental steps in building astrong partnership.
57:53 🤝 Despite challenges, there's hope for Dustin and Becky's relationship as they express gratitude, recognize the need for better communication, and commit to implementing changes in their routine.
59:03 💡 Reflecting on the emotional impact of financial issues, Dustin acknowledges the unexpected emotional depth involved, realizing how personal emotions influence financial behavior.
01:00:08 💪 Facing financial fears head-on brought relief and a clearer path forward, illustrating the transformative power of confronting and managing financial issues.
You a real one. Thank you💯🫡
@@anthonyemmmit’s AI
This episode is sooo interesting. I really like that you have dug into the psychology behind money. Especially with people growing up in unconventional households. Their money patterns can be erratic. it’s really interesting to hear becky be honest about her patterns. I’m sure this was really tough for her. I’m glad that she’s working through this. This brings me courage to do so as well!
This was my favorite episode! I watched both parts back to back. It was really moving to see their energy shift from the beginning to the end. They both seem very receptive to feedback and change. I’m wishing them both the best. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. We’re rooting for you ❤
It seems they both have things to work on before they can be real partners to anyone.
As someone who puts a lot of value in financial stability, I see where Dustin is coming from. Becky does not feel safe to me so it'd be hard to trust her enough to open up emotionally. Additionally, to be the one with the more irresponsible spending habits but criticising my work hours and work ethic would've set me off too (think 'who are you to talk?'). If that was a window into how the fights go, i understand why he's so cold so often. In this episode it also emphasised how out of touch she can be (e.g. 'i thought you'd be harder on him' when she's the one with the debt she can't stay out of and with more emotional struggles). I saw it a bit in the last part in the way she brushed over what he was asking for and wanted to talk about combining finances and renovating the house to her specifications without acknowledging how her irresponsibility was contributing to reasons he wouldn't want to go there.
I get that she moved across the country to be with him but i get the sense that she weaponises that. It was years ago and while i do think some of her spending is rebellious, it's clear these feelings she has that causes her to do this were long before him. And will be long after him too.
I saw a glimmer of hope at the end when Dustin got choked up but that made me more concerned his behaviour is reactionary to the situation. Relationships are about more than finances but I believe that disagreements and how they're handled can provide a window into other weak points in a relationship. Someone should do the kind thing and look to end things i feel like. If just temporarily to give each other the time to grow and breathe away from this situation. I think, for Becky in particular, it'd be good to build up self-esteem while being alone. They might love each other but I'm not sure they like each other
Ive never agreed so much
Best podcast and TH-cam in the world. It’s so hard to talk about this stuff and Ramit you always get everyone to get to the root problem it’s almost never about the money and I think a lot of people cover their loneliness or problems with spending, etc. A real couple with things I’m sure most of us can relate to. Thanks for sharing!
Money needs to be discussed within early weeks of dating. It is clear that it is critical...Thanks Ramit
WHY AM I CRYING???!!! This is THE episode that you have to watch on TH-cam for sure.
I WAS CRYING TOO!!
WOW, that was a roller-coaster of an episode.
Very impressed Ramit recoginised so quickly to focus in on the emotional/ relationship aspect and drop the numbers as there are some deep rooted issues here. It was sweet to see the love they have for each other at the end, but boy they need to spend money on a therapist as they have a long way to go. At points I felt like I was watching their break up to be honest, I think Becky was thinking that for quite awhile while she was crying silently in the background.
Theres a moment when you break up with someone, that youre both coming closer to the realisation and then your heart tugs you back, and you can say how much you love and admire the other person but deep down you both know it isnt right. That felt familiar and I'm not sure they will make it long term. It might be better for both for their own happiness to find a healthier and less toxic situation. Wish them all the best in their futures.
I agree. Ramit is very good at couples counseling. I mean that seriously. I didn't quite buy the declarations of love at the end, honestly.
I love when Becky finally had the chance to clarify things about finances, she points the finger at him not making more money. Seems like there’s a lot of resentment built
It's really cool to see having Ramit there helped get them, if momentarily, out of the cyclical argument rut they were in and see the big picture. I wish them luck!
"Your work hours are pretty lax..." lol, that is the dream! he has his finances in order SO THAT his work hours are what he wants them to be. They both need different partners.
100 percent !
His work hours are lax and his business has had in one fall by 50%…
He makes no proactive effort to market his business.
He doesn’t have a business structure to allocate what money goes where.
He’s not good at business.
@@joshdawson5850 Becky ? Is that you ?
Dustin sees things clearly. Go on and take your money and run . Last episode she needlessly tried to shame him by saying he barely graduated high school. Although she is college educated she is the one with all the money problems. She has a negative net worth of 181k while he has positive net worth of 369k but It’s still not enough for her as she was complaining that he was home at 3:30 every day relaxing after a hard days work building pools. Listen to the spirit within trying to protect you and move on . If not the only thing you’re going to gain is a divorce, stuck paying alimony , and a bunch of ex-wife stories to tell your buddies .
You are very right. So many emotional people in these comments saying Dustin needs to change. Excuse me? He can see she is a liability. Ramit saying he was a little mean is nuts. She's FORTY TWO! We aren't dealing with a little girl here. Yet she has debt, and demands he make more money for her. She's the one with a spending problem, a behavior problem. Dustin, if you read this, cut bait man, you can find someone who matches your ideals with money.
She also said something VERY telling . She said she strugggles with gratitude and feeling grateful . That is a huge red flag . When someone doesn’t feel grateful, they become entitled and are self absorbed. Dustin needs to run
Agree with this totally. He can be at home at 3:30 because he built his business with all the hard work he's put in over the years. she needs to clean her financial situation stat and commit if she wants Dustin to see her as marriage material. Also, I think she needs to take some time to find herself...
He literally owes more money than her…
He has a positive net worth, she does not. And she keeps spending and adding to debt rather than pay it down.@@joshdawson5850
This was by far the most toxic relationship I've seen on this show. I hope they've separated and found peace.
That’s what I’m saying! 4 years to say I love you… WTF. If you don’t know you love me after a year, I’m out. This is crazy.
Move across the country, away from friends and family, and we can’t make a plan together as a team…. I’m soooo confused.
you aint seen enough episodes then. go back and watch the first youtube pod and its a woman trying to make her husband pay her back money when she makes 10 times more than him AND he worked to put her through school lol
I love this podcast. Such real conversations and psychology, handled so sensitively.
My nervous system undermines me in ways that are sometimes bad, however it also forces “breaking points” of anxiety when something isn’t right & I have no choice but to redirect. I finally hit that point with money, and I can guarantee my anxiety would NOT allow me to continue at a job in a toxic workplace, or stay in a relationship 3+ years without him saying “I love you.” In that sense, I’m lucky.
Same ! 100 percent !
phew great episode. i got a little teary with them. relationships are HARD. Wishing the the best.
Bottom line, Dustin just not in to her
At the end he gave an unconscious "tell" when Ramit asked them "Do you feel like you can get together and make a plan"....before he answered he was shaking his head "no".
They need to break up. She’s deeply insecure and seeking love from someone who simply can’t give it to her. And he clearly doesn’t love her. Just his rant about her living in HIS world tells me all I need to know.
Yeah that was so rude. They both said some really mean things, which Ramit pointed out.
These episodes just get better and better and every one of them teaches us that it’s never really about the money. Which is so ironic on a financial advice podcast but I LOVE IT 😂❤ life is so funny and weird that way.
Such a great episode!
They are proof that it is not how much you make but what you keep. They are are so bad for each other. 4 years and living together and they still cannot be a team. I don’t feel the love at all :( good luck to them. Hope she get her life together and pay her debt soon and stop her spending.
Yo this episode was nuts. It’s so crazy how self revealing we are!!!! Doing the inner work and speaking lovingly and compassionately to ourselves is directly connected to our finances & feeling wealthy and fulfilled.
I always wonder how someone can voluntarily sign up for such a large payment. Any time you are thinking about a large purchase, think about the Hedonic Treadmill. You can sign up for a $1600 payment for 72 months, but the happiness that purchase brought you may only last for 2-3 months.
When I buy a work truck, it’s strictly about utility. It is an asset, however depreciating, which is all part of its utility. I don’t get the feels from a truck, just the reals. I’m not sure if Dustin thinks that way.
@@vallanddess great feedback.
Why does he have $67,000 in savings and he's paying what appears to be 20% interest on a $65,000 car loan? I feel like he's so desperate to evade income taxes (which may eventually bite him in the ass), that he's signing up for absolutely predatory conditions and managing his money in an awful manner. He's got to be paying over $700 a month in interest on that shitty loan.
@@CliftonHamilton That is a terrible
Rate. That would be about $1300.00 per month. He is definitely playing fast and loose with his financials.
Yes part 2!
Aww, I feel for her 😢 I want to give her a hug!!! And I'm glad he said the kind words to you, and hope he continues to do so. You are worthy of love and being loved ❤
Parts 1 and 2 make for a really great, high quality episode. So much here and certainly the connection piece looms large. I wish them continued success with their date nights and hope they can both find love in themselves so they can find love in each other.
It took a while, but by the end I felt so hopeful for these two!
one of the first times ive seen the comments so divided really interesting!
The way they talk to each other directly isn’t nice…AND to swing from being crappy to sappy emotional…I am getting red flags everywhere. I wish more people would stay single long enough to actually not be toxic in a couple.
Awesome! Both parts.
❤❤
How is she making 100k a year and cant pay off her credit cards when thats really the only bill shes responsible for outside of maybe a car......she shouldnt even NEED to use a credit card, she should be paying cash.....this is just insane.
Its not insane. she can't stop spending. mostly americans live paycheck to paycheck.
Haha I would drop this woman like a bad habit she is manipulative as hell let her find another person to leech off of
This is not her relationship. He has total control and she’s waiting for him to make every move to move the relationship forward. That’s not a great way to live.
I wish Ramit had pressed the issue of Dustin’s own mismanagement of personal versus business finances. Yes Becky may have her own money mindset issues but I think the root of her complaint about him being home at 3 every day is that he’s not being transparent with her about his earnings causing her to feel lost or uncertain. I mean she literally learned his actual income on the call??? If that’s how my partner managed money, I would feel frustrated too. With how many times he said “my” money, Dustin’s playing on a team of one.
Whatever happens I wish them both the best, and that Becky finds her own joy, FIRST. No partner or person can or should fill a hole you feel in yourself. It will never be enough. Take the hard road and learn to love yourself first.
🏃♂️ these two just need to call it quits and be done.
Love all the material discussed in several videos I've seen thus far but none describe a way to live a spiritually "RICH" life with very little money. In fact, I encourage it for the brave at heart. I've been living a life without money for so long I know no other way. Poverty isn't bad, it has provided me with more freedom and less stress for over 40 years. The key to living this way is to first believe it's possible and secondly to believe we've been eating a lot of bull shit our entire lives delivered by our parents, peers, school systems, politicians have been feeding us bull for so long we can't identify fact from fiction. Once you start living this way your heart will grow and the ice of stress will melt away.
When she starts criticism on how he won't earn as much as previous years, i started just shaking my head. She wants him to be proactive to bring in more work when he technically earns more than her. She just said shes surprised he earns so much and that she had no idea then immediately nags him on why earnings aren't at the pandemic peak. I really think she must be projecting. She wants him to bring in more when he's doing good already 😂.
It’s crazy to me that he’s never marketed his business to expand…
So far, it seems he’s got by on luck of home renovation boom during the pandemic… Imagine spending 5k, to get 3 more pool sales… that’s a several hundred percent ROI… and they’re panicking about 0% credit cards and the rates on a truck…
Wow! That was deeply personal and difficult to witness! I can see why she is so unhappy! I can’t say that I felt any love coming from Justin and lot of anger and almost scorn towards her. He is not getting married because he thinks she will walk away with half of everything.
Aww he won me over number one by going first on the emotional bit…and saying such sweet things.
Did you see how she was on his head about a drop in income, that had no impact on the household finances?
He’s waiting for her to get her money together.
@@michellegreen1072 It seemed to me that she wants him to pay for home upgrades while he currently pays most of the bills, she makes enough money she could do the upgrades herself and maybe he would see she is involved enough that he would want to put his money in as well. I see a lot of comments on his truck which I get, but he has a pretty substantial net worth while hers is very negative and yet she wants him to do more.
Why not getting a prenup though? If there is a will there is a way. If he was in love and could not imagine living without her, he would put a ring on it. 😅
These two are doing themselves a disservice by staying together.
Dustin sees her as a burden not the love of his life, forget the money why pissing the time away?!
@@nancyklingler1335Why should she do the upgrades? Dustin never says he loves her, he expresses near contempt for her, he doesn't care about a damn about her being alone and lonely and isolated from her family and friends. He's been treating her like a lodger - she's allowed to camp in HIS house and on the edge of HIS life and left alone to get on with things while he, the big important person, runs HIS big important business with HIS big important truck.
Look at it her way: she pays for all the upgrades, he gives her a big F and dumps her, and she's out. He gets to keep the upgraded house. She gets nothing.
Love your show. ❤
I love Becki so much and send her so much love, wow the COURAGE in this vulnerability! She opened up and hopefully freed herself and is actively freeing countless others stuck in the same cycle. Also her voice is absolutely gorgeous and I needed her to read to me all the time :') QUEEN BECKI
I genuinely think if they had merged their finances from the start with dustin’s scattered way of handling money becky coming in with her lifestyle creep would have ruined them both.
I think Becky also showed some resentment and attacked Dustin. Both of them have contempt for each other. I give applause to both of them for being so candid on this call. It's not easy to publically put it out there.
I don't see the resentment going away, only growing...
Dustin been burnt before by his ex. spending. He's reluctant to allow Becky into his life.
It's a hard pill to swallow when someone is working out in the elements and the other spending their earnings frivolously.
Becky on the other hand wants to be a child in the relationship and have him take care of everything while she just goes to work, gives him her money and she just carries on. She might quit her job if they married.
Becky needs to live independently before thinking of marriage. She has a lot of growing up and self discovery to do.
Dustin has trust issues. His promise to get her every thing she ever dream of is a lot. She already has issues with gratitude. Stuff will not make her happy. She has to find happiness on her own. Dustin doesn't want to say " i love you" because Becky might say " if you love me you'll do xyz^
Maybe these two are not each other's person.
My problem with Dustin is that he runs his own business's numbers like he runs Enron, any bookkeeper would go bankrupt like Enron's back in the 2000's since he has no boundaries between the finances of his own business and his personal finance. What Becky worries is that it's okay to run this way when his business is doing good, but when he can only make half as much, the limitation and harm of managing his money starts to show, so she wants he to make more to make up for it. Dustin is a good guy, I feel like he is half way there to become a very good business person, however he needs a few lessons on how to manage and run his books like a business manager should be, then he can responsibly scale his business to larger enterprises and more number on the books. Right now his method of running his own side of things just doesn't scale well.
it seems obvious he doesn’t love her. and that’s fine.
just end the relationship.
she needs to get her lifestyle creep in order and he needs to actually run a business like a business. tough to tell if he made 24k, 100k, or 500k.
it’s really not that difficult to keep business and personal accounts separate and pay yourself a salary from the business.
NO WAY she started grillin this cat about making more money when he’s paying for everything and ISN’T the one in irresponsible credit card debt 😂
This video needs more views.
End the relationship. The love is not there. Becky, don’t feel rejected or low worth. You are a valuable human being with much to offer a relationship and friendships. He can’t see your worth but just because he can’t see it doesn’t mean you are nothing. Other people can see it. Becky, don’t move across country and give yourself away to someone who doesn’t say commit or minimum say “I love you”. Four years is outrageous. You went out it hopes of what could be rather than what you actually had.
She is spending on something that is keeping her in debt, we didn't see what it is. Apart from the language, Dustin has every right to be fearful especially considering he has been burned in prior marriage
Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives…
👀🍿
I don't get the love here. I think she loves him but I think he's making her pay for whatever happening in marriage #1. I don't see them working it out at all
That is exactly what the dynamics are.
Or he's not an idiot and knows a broke person is always looking for a golden ticket... And if she can't get herself out of debt with him paying all the bills, it shows she's looking for someone to save her which most men that know their value aren't willing to do.
Not even gonna pick sides here... these two are wrong for each other. Communication isn't great and they both have trouble managing money, Becky on a scary level.
I would say do the hard thing and cut ties with him. He will never want to be in a true partnership with you. That's just my 2 cents. Sadness 😢
It was so sad to watch! All he is anxious about is her leaving and him losing money. Not her leaving and him losing someone he loves.
Her crying made me tear up, a stranger, Ramit felt sorry for her. Dustin was just looking straight in front of him.. While saying that he loves her, he looks to the side.
All I’m gonna say is IM GLAD IM SINGLE!!!!!
He’s said what he said and it was clear
There are so many comments about how she makes 100,000 so she can just “pay off the debt” however Justin or Dustin makes 3 to 4 times what she makes so why doesn’t he just pay off the car or the truck? I don’t think a lot of people are grasping the concept that this relationship is abusive and that he doesn’t want to be with her but he’s not brave enough to just tell her that and that even when she gets out of debt, he’s going to move the goal post and they’ll be another reason why they can’t get married, that’s the real issue. I know this is a financial show but the issue is that he does not want to be with her and he’s not being upfront. So she’s jumping through hoops trying to figure out what’s wrong. I guarantee you whoever his celebrity crush is if that’s who the woman is that he was dealing with he would go with whatever she was requesting.
😂 @ "Justin or Dustin"
Oh boy...their communication style is yikes! He doesn't want a partnership with her. The way he talks to her makes me cringe, he is completely emotionally detached. A man who wants to take care of a woman doesnt respond this way. It's not about the money!There is no trust here or love. Momma told me "it's not what a man says its what he does." 😮