The problem is him cheating on her and lying about being a Virgin. While trying to hold her to a certain standard that he doesn’t even hold himself to?
The sex isn't a problem... The fact that he have had sex, lied about it, covered it from Alina, and expect her to remain "chaste" is the problem. Definitely shady and hypocritical. He's definitely the new villain of the franchise who's pretty up there with Big Ed, Paul, Colt, and Andrew.
I think what upsets her is that he picks and chooses what he follows from the Mormon church while expecting her to follow all of the rules. She also said no when he asked to date other girls. It seems instead of addressing that and talking it out, he went ahead and did it anyway while she thought he was still exclusive to her.
Sure it’s “okay” to ask someone to join your religion and remain pure but he asked her to remain pure for HIM and then subsequently cheated on her and had sex with others. That’s the problem for me.
Can we talk about how calm Alina is during this? I feel like I would be very outwardly emotional in her shoes. I hope she’s okay and takes care of herself, because she deserves it.
Sometimes Dr. Kirk doesn't understand the viewer's suspicion towards some cast members which is totally understandable since he is seeing them from a professional point of view. But I think it also speaks about a "secure" up bringing. As opposed to many of us who have experienced abuse, grooming, deceit etc... from people close to us, people we were supposed to be able to trust. A lot of times "suspicion" has been a very necessary tool for survival. That, and the fact that we can identify scummy behavior quickly because of how often some of us have been victimized. I don't know if Steven is inmature or evil, but either way he gives off creepy vibes. He might mature and grow out of it, but right now his behaviour is hurtful and Alina should run.
Dr Honda has all of these feelers of suspicion he just doesn’t voice them in the same way as you need more than speculation. His feelers go up for all of this but only vocally conveys what is extremely evident as to not speculate with reasonable doubt due to his profession. Many people have had good upbringings with many trials and tribulations with friendships, relationships, family … nobody has a completely “secure” upbringing. We all learn from experiences
I agree. Btw I'm not saying anything bad about Dr. Honda. I was referring to his confusion as to why some viewers show immediate dislike to some cast members.
Exmormon here. Mormons believe having premarital sex is a sin that’s next to murder. So, some people become hyper-fixated on it because it’s so “wrong”. That’s probably why Steven is focusing on that and not on the lying. Even though lying is obviously a huge problem in this situation. As a Mormon, we were told to never even think about sexual things. Sex is such a taboo topic in the Mormon church that people end up having a very unhealthy relationship with sex.
Religion, amiright? Purity culture is so toxic in this society. The more conservative the Christian denomination, the worse they are about sex and are so super hyperfocused on this one thing.
It depends. Not all members of the church think sex is taboo. I know many, including myself who know having a healthy sex life....albeit with a spouse...is really important. I think couples who have a healthy sex life have a healthy marriage. I believe its starting to change...less taboo, but the sub culture in the mountain west has really warped a lot of basic things we teach at church.
As an ex Mormon as well, I can definitely back up what you said. Are you feeling as frustrated as I am watching this and not being able to add a world of context that someone wouldn’t know unless they grew up in that church and lived in Utah in a high concentration of Mormons? I want to put more of the context of on here in the comments. But I am worried about the current members of the church getting on here and attacking me as an “anti Mormon”. Many of the things that are happening are completely explained by the history and culture of where he comes from.
@@veronicaguyader9997 I agree that it definitely can depend. I wasn’t saying that everyone who is Mormon has an unhealthy relationship, but it is quite common. Especially where I grew up - near Provo, Utah where there is a high concentration of Mormons that have more extreme beliefs. So, I was more speaking to my experience. I should’ve clarified that previously.
@@gnomemobile7718 I completely agree with you. If they understood the strong culture he comes from, then his behavior could potentially be more easily explained. It’s definitely frustrating to watch, and that’s why I felt like commenting might help give some context on what might be going on in his head (with the background on the church that I’ve experienced myself, obviously I don’t know exactly what his experience has been). But believe me… I’m definitely waiting for the “anti-Mormon” comments to come 😂
I'm not really sure what Dr. Honda doesn't understand. She perceives them to be in a relationship that is serious enough to be planning a marriage imminently. He has been pressuring her to become Mormon and live according to their ideals as is displayed by his expectations with regard to the wine. So not only has he lied to her about his behavior being in contradiction to what he espouses, he has also cheated on her and lied about it for the length of their relationship. And by the way, she actually has a right to have preferences about the man she marries. Even if you don't have them, some people do. Maybe she is a virgin that is looking to marry another virgin. That's not most people nowadays, but if it's her, what's wrong with that?
I have a feeling that it comes from some cultural aspect on America. There seems to be a unwritten rule that you can't judge peoples religion based doings because you end up criticising the religion itself. I'm from a culture where religion has very minor role and I can call him for weponize his religion, without hesitation. That dosen't mean that there is something wrong in Moronism in general, only his take of it is scrooged. Unfortunately, Alina being from the one of the most misogynestic countries, I bet that she is going to be a "strong woman" and calling out his wrongdoings, but she will also do everything she can to please him - and I can't watch that.
@@juunasjohn9401 I think there are absolutely a lot of problems with Mormonism. I wrote my MA thesis on the religion and it's really bad. One of those very controlling and very damaging religions.
@@flyingfig12 The man is head of the household. You can only enter heaven as a woman if you're married to a Mormon man and he chooses to receive you in heaven with him. If he was a good Mormon, then he can have his own planet and together with his wife they will make spirit babies. However, you have to be a temple attending Mormon for all that, which means your bishop has to think you're eligible for a temple recommend. Then you can be sealed together for eternity in the temple. That's why it's important for him that she's a good Mormon and she can get a temple recommend. She'd first get baptised and then sealed to him in the temple. Of course men's transgressions are always viewed differently than women's.
Steven is in my top 3 most cringy guys to ever appear on this show. Him, Paul, and Big Ed make me really, really uncomfortable. I feel a negative physical reaction when I see them. I also get very triggered by Jesse, but in a different way. He's an emotionally abusive narcissist. But Paul, Ed and Steven give me the creeps.
@@germansnout Geoffrey didn't creep me out, he just came across as abusive, controlling and just a bad apple. But Steven actually gives me the creeps. There is something innately creepy about him, the same way there is something innately creepy about Paul. It's hard to explain because yes, Geoffrey elicited a negative reaction from me as well. But it was a different variety of negative reaction.
Also, the amount of women does matter. If there was 1 girl, that would kind of be something that could be forgiven. 5 is a lot. 24 is a lot. 100 is a lot.
@@sirmel11 That's impossible! I have lots of friends (guys) way more attractive, educated .... and non of them have had so many girls! Numbers are surreal! :D
The lying is a huge issue. But I do think she has a good reason to talk about the hypocrisy. He is expecting her to live by the standards of the religion that he grew up in and wants her to fully comply with that. While lying about how difficult it has been for him. He seems to have higher expectations for her
Watching Alina handle this with poise, grace and immense maturity has been both satisfying and inspiring. Can we just aknowledge the fact that she's just 20 years old. She's definitely the hero of the season.
It is so refreshing for Steven to finally answer direct questions about his behavior, which he’s been evading until now. I think it also makes it easier for Dr Honda to call it out this time around. Dr Honda has definitely been more patient with Steven than I have as a viewer!
I am not LDS, but I live in Utah and have for a very long time. I'd like to add some perspective to Steven's weird behavior and some of the things that troubled Dr Honda. The reason why Steven is so focused on the "sinning against God" aspect and not the fact that he disrespected Alina and lied to her is because there are two types of very active, very religious Mormons (not to be confused with the less active, less religious people). Category one consists of some truly wonderful people who take the positive aspects of their religion to heart and truly live a pius life. They are very family oriented, very honest, always helping their neighbors and friends, etc. They really live and believe what their religion espouses. Then there is category two. This is Steven's category. These are people who are still very active and very religious but they won't get with the program and actually live up to the rules and virtues they preach. They are fake, they lie, they hide things. Outwardly, they want to LOOK and appear pius to save face and look like a stellar member of the community but behind closed doors they have porn addictions, they attend swinger parties, they hide alcohol in the back of a cabinet, etc. It's very dysfunctional and the seedy underbelly of some of these communities keeping up appearances. The LDS community often protects and excuses this category of people because calling them out would put a negative mark on the image of the whole community. At best, they're cut enough slack to hang themselves with. At worst, some families will try to hide some objectively terrible behavior for appearances. Of course, there are more "balanced" LDS people as well. People are a spectrum. They're not perfect, they have issues like we all do. But they live a more authentic life. The above just focuses on the very active, very religious folks and the two camps they seem to fall into.
@@Михалыч-е2у to be fair, mormon was NEVER the name of the followers or religion. They get called that because of The Book of Mormon. The church's name has always been The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints, hence the LDS acronym.
@@inesolujic2534 oh i see i didnt know that. I live in utah also and just seemed to notice rapid change of how mormons went from mormons to lds like they changed their name or something to distance themselves from bad mormon assosiations people have
@@Михалыч-е2у I do remember the church announcing a couple of years ago how members should use the full church name instead of nicknames or the acronym because my LDS coworkers were joking about it because the church name is so long and cumbersome to say in a sentence. Kind of odd.
Isn't withholding information like that lying by omission ? They were in a relationship. If the roles were reversed he would have nothing to do with her.
I am sorry, but no part of me believes he had slept or made out with that many women. And Dude, if you’re gonna lie, don’t make it so ridiculously outlandish. Like say 3 or 4. He is like a middle schooler making up a wild excuse for not having an assignment when a simple lie is so much better than an extravagant one.
I think one of the biggest issues she has is Mormon Men expect their mates to be “pure” and he has probably harped on her staying pure to the point of leaving her in a foreign country alone so it “doesnt look bad and affect her baptism “ so the hypocritical nature of it is a double whammy🥺
Many here are saying it's the lying, not the sex that is the big issue here, but I think we're minimizing how bad it is that it is sex/virginity he lied about. Elsewhere in the comments, others with direct experience in the Mormon Church have described well how very bad it is to have pre-marital sex. It really is not a small thing that he lied about repeatedly committing one of the biggest sins in his religion. And with 100 girls and his age, I don't think it is physically possible that he even dated his sexual partners for very long before sleeping with them. When he speaks about how he came to commit the sin, he says they were on a date, they were watching a movie, it just happened. That's such a small amount of temptation! It took virtually nothing for him to commit one of the worst sins in his religion. I think it is very similar to dating a man that has kept his criminal history secret for longer than he should have. I personally would tolerate a variety of non-violent criminal histories, but if the crime is something very unethical that hurt someone (eg running a pyramid scheme, outright scamming people out of money, embezzlement) that they weren't driven into by financial necessity, for example, I would consider that crime a serious part of their character. It seems clear to me that he was going on these dates with an intention of having sex. With so many partners, I would guess most of them were not fellow Mormons and did not believe having sex with him was a sin. It sounds like he was setting himself up to have sex. Given how serious a sin this is in his Church, I would take that to say a lot about his character. It's one thing to be together for a long time and know you will be married soon, give in and have premarital sex. But having sex after a few dates is not even trying to uphold your religion. Seeing that against his evangelism for Mormonism says some very negative things to me about a person.
@@Authentistic-ism Getting an STD from Steven would cause me to rethink some things about my life. The question would be very revealing and give them a lot to talk through. If he bought condoms and brought them on dates, then he clearly had decided to not try to uphold this tenet of his religion. If the girls had condoms, then it seems less like he was looking for a spiritual match than casual dating. I wonder if he only dates non-Mormons or far more liberal Mormons because he wants a partner he has converted? Or maybe he has a very limited understanding of safe sex. I can only imagine how much shame he might face if he got a woman pregnant. How did he view that risk? There's just so much to wonder about with this couple.
I completely agree with you on this - that we need to see the sexual transgression through his eyes not our own (eg for ME the lying would be the thing not the sex, but for him because of his conceptions of sexual purity it is a worse character flaw and more of a red flag in his situation). But I feel I should point out - he doesn’t say he has had sex with 100 women - he says he’s ‘made out’ with 100 which I think means kissing, and ‘2 dozen’ were more intimate and 4 or 5 he had sex with. Of course its still shit, especially for a preachy Mormon!
He keeps putting constant pressure on her to follow all these standards in order to join a religion that he says is extremely important to him, And that she is not specifically interested in, yet he's not living up to those standards himself and she's rightfully upset to find that out. Never mind the fact that he repeatedly lies, controls her, and never mind the fact that he cheated. He's a creep.
I agree with Lucy and Liz... the thing that irritates me the most about him is his double standard. He attempts to control her actions so she acts according to his religious rules, yet doesn't control himself.
I think the reason why she's focused on the hypocrisy is that he has been pressuring her to be a Mormon. She's had a real struggle with that in her own life, because Mormonism is so restrictive and so weird to non-Americans. She probably had a lot of difficult conversations in her life about it. So to have him pressure her to do something so difficult, while not doing it himself is jarring.
I don't use your videos as a form of therapy, but for sure use them to communicate better cause a lot of the things you say are for sure very helpful. I think it just helped me to see someones true colors or just learn how we do not match more quickly than it would have happened otherwise so thank you for these videos and insights it is educational and I love how you try to see the best in everyone.
I LOVE seeing Dr. Honda exhibit some emotions of frustration over the fact that being pure when a virgin is a supernatural belief, it makes him relatable to see him have real emotions come through the professional façade 👌
But to some people it does matter how many sex partners your boyfriend/girlfriend has had. It matters because sometimes it can tell about the morals, lifestyle, libido etc. of that person. All of the things that are important to consider when building a relationship with someone.
I agree. While it seems to be different from my own perspective, I appreciate Dr. Kirk's cultural worldview when it comes to sex positivity. However, the tone of his comments regarding sex and religious beliefs felt very dismissive. I understand that he was addressing an individual on this show, but he seemed to kinda disregard religion in general. Maybe this is a hypersensitive topic for me, but it was disappointing to see the way Dr. Kirk talked about sex and religion, especially since he tends to be so open-minded and self-aware of his own cultural pocket. While I am protestant, I don't share Steven's views. However, I understand that they are important(ish?) to him. And while I wouldn't frame virginity as something that makes one "pure", sex is extremely important and I do believe should be honored highly and not taken lightly. That said, I understand this is a deeply spiritual view I hold and people aren't "wrong" if they have a different viewpoint. But of course when I'm choosing a life partner, I'd want someone who shares that view.
I think she’s more-so focused on the hypocritical aspect than the lying one simply because of the double standard at play. The standard implemented on her implies there is a consequence for her if she breaks that promise, meanwhile Steven doesn’t face any consequences because he is enforcing the standard. I could see why she was be so hyper focused on that and hurt.
“I’m sorry I’m not perfect” - he’s putting blame on her by suggesting her that she has high unrealistic expectations. He’s only a human being. What are you gonna do? It’s only human to err… Very manipulative.
Kinda resonates with what his dad said about him which is that Steven doesn’t think the rules apply to him. He just does what he wants, even if it could potentially hurt other people ie Alina. He doesn’t seem apologetic at all, only giving excuses for his behavior.
He doesn't share any of the value of his religion. He desperately wants to do the things his religion prohibits and only doesn't do them because of the religion. (or does do them and then lies)
I would love to see Dr. Honda talk about the possible association between lying and religion (not saying all religious people lie). Due to all the rules he has to follow in his religion, it seems like he feels the need to hide and lie a lot.
Perhaps he isn't truly persuaded by the religion that the lifestyle is one he wants....then he should leave it rather than play games, lie and fake actions. Religion doesn't cause lies its your choice to have faith or not. Hypocrites aren't welcome in any group.
You both completely misunderstood what I was trying to say. I even said in parentheses that I was not implying all religious people lie. I'm saying he has shown that he struggles with following the strict rules of Mormonism. You can tell he is really conflicted between what he believes (from his religious upbringing) and the lifestyle he wants to live. The great shame he has about not being able to follow the rules may be the reason why he chooses to lie. Again, I'm not stating religion causes him to lie. Moreso his inability to live up to his own religious standards.
It says a lot that he would wait until she's uprooted her life, there with him, and "stuck" in a sense before being honest with her. He knew what he was doing.. and im sure theres going to be lots more to come!! RUNNNNNN FAST!
As someone who has a history of being Mormon, it seems that Steven is resorting to “confessing” to her as if she were a bishop because Mormons are taught this is part of a repentance process. This of course isn’t productive because he neglected being honest from the beginning.
Even though I like Dr Kirk here is what is important to know about his views, many of his views are dogmatic, and they are not a result of science, but rather his own ideological thinking. For example his view on 'lying by omittance' on one hand he recognizes that a person has a right to nondisclosure on the other, he claims that non telling someone something may be considered lying. There were some episodes in the past where he identified that there is some grey area where he was unable to identify where lying begins and the right to nondisclosure ends. But where is that line, and isn't it just a completely subjective to decide what should be told and what not? Is there some scientific principle regarding this? There were many episodes where he said that in a relationship it doesn't matter how many sexual partners the other person had, like in the case of big Ed and Rose. So does past matter or not? Maybe what's important for one person about others person past it's not important to other person. Creating some guidelines regarding this is purely subjective. There could be someone who will say that the only thing that matters is who the person is in the present then there is no such thing as lying by not telling the past, because past wouldn't matter anyways. Dr Kirk won't be able to give any precise rules regarding this no more than Steven isn't able to say why premarital sex is a sin other than because God says so. It's just my opinion, let's not make this division between religion based views and Dr Kirk views on life which he seems to like to present as a person of science. There are some things he says that have scientific evidence and many that don't.
But here’s the issue…IT’S NOT OK Dr. Kirk. It’s not. He is a hypocrite because he is basically saying Alina HAS to be pure and abide by his religion when he’s clearly not even doing that. Why is it ok for him but not for her? He lied about having sex which is wrong, premarital sex in his religion is wrong and expecting her to be celibate and not him is wrong. It’s just downright wrong all around. Yes, out of context sex is fine. Whatever he did before Alina I guess is “fine” but he legit cheated on her, lied about it and then expects Alina to do as he says not as he does. I don’t feel like the main issue is just the lying. I would be furious and I’d have walked right out that door and not looked back. And he is full of excuses, he has no remorse about it.
Steven wants to do whatever he wants while posing as a religious person. He uses the excuse that he's working on things. Meanwhile he expects Alina to follow everything perfectly when she has just been recently introduced to the religion.
As I recall, in her introduction she said she didn’t really intentionally remain a virgin. It just happened to be the case when she met Steven. Then she said they agreed to keep themselves “pure” for each other until they married. So I think for her it wouldn’t have been a big deal if he’d told her from the beginning. And then he didn’t want to stay in the same room with her. As a woman I’d have to kind of wonder why he was basically rejecting me, when he’s been sleeping with others. Why is her v-status so important when it obviously was not important for him. I think there has to be some element of Steven wanting to control her in order to marry a virgin. I’ve known guys who cannot stand the thought of their wife ever having been with someone else, even though they’ve been with many women. Double standard.
The problem is the hypocrisy. What is the point in saying I can only marry you if you are a mormon and follow the mormon rules if you can break them at any point you want and just say 'I have my weaknesses'? In which case sure, I'm a mormon too, I just have a weakness for sex, coffee and alcohol, but I am def a mormon.
I am surprised to hear Dr. Honda say that sometimes lies are justifiable when he was very adamant about how we should never ever ever lie under any circumstance, except maybe in very special circumstances. Maybe he is being strongly influenced (in a negative way) by the people of this channel now.
@@lucylohan8894 it’s really no different than he is with everyone. He is balanced and doesn’t blast people. He’s trying to be educational not just say “yeah they’re a bad evil person” because most people aren’t. More therapists should have empathy like that
I didn't get that impression at all from his statement... I believe he means people can sometimes lie for UNDERSTANDABLE reasons BUT it is still not ok to lie, especially to a partner. For example lying to abusive parents in fear of getting hurt is understandable and perhaps even justifiable. Lying to a partner about an immoral act in past is understandable BUT still not ok.
@@lucylohan8894 I didn't get the impression that he's more "lenient" towards Steven but if he was it could be because he's taking his age into consideration? which he should..🤷 It's more understandable for young adults to make immature decisions in life and relationships (obviously not excusing his actions but you don't need to chastise the guy) for a therapist especially, he shouldn't be taking sides and shouldn't hold contempt towards the people he's trying to help lol
I'd be mad if a man was hypocritical like that to me (I'm a woman). A lot of men hold gendered double standards about sexuality. They think they should be able to sleep with as many as women as they want, but they're livid if a woman has a sex life. I would be deeply offended if a man thought it was fine if he had sex but gave me shit for doing the same. I'd never want to be with a man who's so overtly sexist.
I'd lean towards immaturity. If the numbers he gave are accurate then perhaps he is used to being more flirty and "straying" without consequences. Alina may be the person that shocks him into being more serious by either staying or leaving. This may be the first time has had to deal with relationship consequences.
One of the rare times I'm sort of disagreeing with Kirk here. :) I don't think the lying is the only problem from her point of view. There's nothing wrong with having sex for sure, but the lies he's told need to be framed in the context of the information he's been hiding, because not all lies are the same. By asking details, she's also assessing the extent of the lie. I would also try to take opportunity of his "ready to tell the truth" state (which may disappear the next day), and as it turns out the information she gathered was certainly important! She can do both things, discuss the details of the lie he's told her, highlighting how unfair what he is asking of her is given that history, and later on discuss the fact that that he lied repeatedly for months.
I appreciate the potato chip comparison. Teenagers in the church have often been taught to avoid exclusive dating, and avoid privacy with members of the opposite sex because “you can’t just rely on your self control.” It’s especially applicable for adolescents because of lower impulse control. Parents can help them avoid situations they might regret. Dating as an adult is different, but because of church structure not all young adults get relevant advice after turning 18. In this context it makes sense that Steven thinks the way he does.
Even if it was a lie by omission, it takes on an extra sting when he is holding her to a standard of chastity and Mormon "perfection" so that she can be baptized in order to be "good enough" to marry his hypocritical ass Edit: isn't Alina entitled to know what his past ACTUALLY looks like in contrast to the fantasy he's been feeding her before she decides whether to move forward with him? I get that the lie is the universal wrong, but she deserves a chance to choose INFORMED consent before deciding if she wants the relationship
I usually always agree with Dr Honda, but this time I agree with Alina pointing out the hypocrisy. I mean he is a Mormon and I am pretty sure lying is frowned upon, yet he chooses to lie while sex with her before marriage is a no go. So he just picks and chooses what aspects to focus on, while expecting her to become a true Mormon. That's just not ok, in any way shape or form.
On a random note: do you have a skincare routine? You look like you're in your mid/late 30s so I was shocked to find out that you're not. I love watching all your videos and have learned a lot. Thank you :)
Dr. Kirk, I think the problem here was that he was insisting that she remain “pure” and a virgin and adhere to his religion while he was doing the opposite. It seemed very sexist to me, that she needed to stay pure for him to marry her, but he could do whatever he wanted.
I’m very conflicted…he’s either grooming her for polygamy and knows exactly what he’s doing…or he hasn’t had any sex education and thinks third base stuff is just holding hands…I’m finding it very hard that this little dip has kissed 100 girls 🙄 either way he’ll be a hell of a politician
@@Selilokie yeah…I know about polygamy…it’s not allowed in mainstream Mormonism…but it did just become a misdemeanor in Utah instead of a felony and there’s two shows about it on TLC right now….besides he didn’t clarify if he was mainstream or fundamentalist…and I also said it was a possibility not that he definitely was…but his asking about dating other girls and telling her he’s kissed over 100 people might be trying to get her desensitized to the thought of him with someone else…or he’s just a stupid ass dopey kid 🤷♀️ we’ll see
Sometimes I wish I could ask Dr. Honda a question in the moment. For example, what does he mean by Steven being raised in a way to make him think he's entitled to certain things. Is Dr. Honda saying Steven was raised to believe he is entitled to marry a virgin but not raised to believe that he himself should remain chaste until marriage? Or he's entitled to tell others how they need to behave to gain the grace of God however his knowing what it takes is all Steven needs to get the grace of God? I feel like I'm missing something here.
A lot of people who were raised in very religious communities end up becoming perpetual liars (happened to me too). I think it might be because there is such a pressure to try to be perfect and to adhere to rules that deep down might not make a lot of sense to you that you develop this habit because you don't want to be rejected by your community.
Steven appears VERY immature and has not been taught that there are consequences for his actions against his Mormon teaching. Never being taught about consequences leads anyone down a very dark path!
Steven believes he has the privilege to do whatever he wants but Alina has to be chaste and pure and not drinking wine etc… She is sooo right. He is manipulative and hypocritical and kinda controlling to me. The comment about her drinking that wine.. huge red flag 🚩
I don't hear Steven saying he sinned. He seems to skim over that. Dr. Honda seems to think he is wrestling with his religious convictions in some way. I just don't hear remorse for having "sinned." I hear remorse for having to tell Alina what he did. If he didn't have to tell her, I don't think he would have an issue with his actions. Am I alone in that perspective?
LDS people aren’t supposed to date till they are 16 and group dating is emphasized. Your not encouraged to date exclusively till your ready for marriage, so that might be why there’s immaturity and lack of experience in Steven’s dating. Though it seems he’s more concerned about “getting out of trouble” than understanding what she’s feeling . 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sad to see how formatted Steven's apologies are. He seems to think that speaking of himself as a bad person on a "journey" of improvement will basically get him out of anything. So he tests it with anybody, including his producers. I'm kinda wondering where the manipulation stops and the sabotage starts... This is a poor image of the LDS Church, in my eyes.
Steven is not mentally stable. He expects purity from Alina and for her to convert, but he isn’t living by the tenements either. He has lied multiple times and doesn’t seem to be able to control himself around her, which is questionable. I get the feeling he may be on the spectrum (which doesn’t okay his lies).
I get the feeling he's got the kind of goofy style that makes people think he's harmless and they can trust him, and he's well-aware of how much he can get away with by playing that card. Maybe he's on the spectrum or whatever, but at his age you could also assume it's "just" immaturity… time will tell if he gets his act together.
The problem is him cheating on her and lying about being a Virgin. While trying to hold her to a certain standard that he doesn’t even hold himself to?
The double standard. I know. Not shocking though. Men have always been like that.
@@sabias3932 He would be GONE!
I'm wondering if he wants a pure wife to save him from himself?
@@legzfalloffgirl5148 He is just entitled.
@@sabias3932 😁😁😁😁😂😂😂😂😂
The comment about the wine says so much about Steven's personality.
According to his own logic: "Jesus had friends who were women" = "Jesus drank wine" 🤣
@@yyaaii fundamentalists and Mormons are so deranged they think Jesus only drank grape juice
@@politicaltroll8920 I mean, his first miracle was to turn water into wine at HIS OWN WEDDING.
They have gotten so much wrong...
What that's he's an alcoholic
You know he was about to drink that glass of wine too if the cameras hadn't been there. He picked it up and quickly put it back down lol.
The sex isn't a problem... The fact that he have had sex, lied about it, covered it from Alina, and expect her to remain "chaste" is the problem. Definitely shady and hypocritical. He's definitely the new villain of the franchise who's pretty up there with Big Ed, Paul, Colt, and Andrew.
Major facts🙏
exactly. And I think he expected these things from her WHILE he was doing the opposite as well… pretty disgusting
Angela, Nicole…
Its quite an easy way to deny that we would be bother by a person with a colourful past by saying only the lies bothered us. I frankly doubt it.
I think what upsets her is that he picks and chooses what he follows from the Mormon church while expecting her to follow all of the rules. She also said no when he asked to date other girls. It seems instead of addressing that and talking it out, he went ahead and did it anyway while she thought he was still exclusive to her.
Mormonism is extremely patriarchal so cutting corners as a man is to be expected.
Sure it’s “okay” to ask someone to join your religion and remain pure but he asked her to remain pure for HIM and then subsequently cheated on her and had sex with others. That’s the problem for me.
Can we talk about how calm Alina is during this? I feel like I would be very outwardly emotional in her shoes. I hope she’s okay and takes care of herself, because she deserves it.
That's very Eastern European of her. Women here usually aren't loud. We're taught not to be. We just calmly slash your tires or something like that.
@@IzzysTravelDiaries Lol what? That’s definitely not the case, sorry.
@@paulap4675 Lol. We find a way to get back at you, I meant.
@@IzzysTravelDiaries can't blame you guys lol. As a latina we do get things nasty lol
Sometimes Dr. Kirk doesn't understand the viewer's suspicion towards some cast members which is totally understandable since he is seeing them from a professional point of view. But I think it also speaks about a "secure" up bringing. As opposed to many of us who have experienced abuse, grooming, deceit etc... from people close to us, people we were supposed to be able to trust. A lot of times "suspicion" has been a very necessary tool for survival. That, and the fact that we can identify scummy behavior quickly because of how often some of us have been victimized. I don't know if Steven is inmature or evil, but either way he gives off creepy vibes. He might mature and grow out of it, but right now his behaviour is hurtful and Alina should run.
Dr Honda has all of these feelers of suspicion he just doesn’t voice them in the same way as you need more than speculation. His feelers go up for all of this but only vocally conveys what is extremely evident as to not speculate with reasonable doubt due to his profession. Many people have had good upbringings with many trials and tribulations with friendships, relationships, family … nobody has a completely “secure” upbringing.
We all learn from experiences
I agree. Btw I'm not saying anything bad about Dr. Honda. I was referring to his confusion as to why some viewers show immediate dislike to some cast members.
Exactly Yelena
Speak for yourself op. I don't know anyone who had abuse issues....
@@yyaaii stop complaining
This guy is majorly manipulative. I dont believe Alina deluded herself. He told her things to get her to go to Turkey to GET MARRIED.
Exmormon here. Mormons believe having premarital sex is a sin that’s next to murder. So, some people become hyper-fixated on it because it’s so “wrong”. That’s probably why Steven is focusing on that and not on the lying. Even though lying is obviously a huge problem in this situation.
As a Mormon, we were told to never even think about sexual things. Sex is such a taboo topic in the Mormon church that people end up having a very unhealthy relationship with sex.
Religion, amiright? Purity culture is so toxic in this society. The more conservative the Christian denomination, the worse they are about sex and are so super hyperfocused on this one thing.
It depends. Not all members of the church think sex is taboo. I know many, including myself who know having a healthy sex life....albeit with a spouse...is really important. I think couples who have a healthy sex life have a healthy marriage. I believe its starting to change...less taboo, but the sub culture in the mountain west has really warped a lot of basic things we teach at church.
As an ex Mormon as well, I can definitely back up what you said. Are you feeling as frustrated as I am watching this and not being able to add a world of context that someone wouldn’t know unless they grew up in that church and lived in Utah in a high concentration of Mormons? I want to put more of the context of on here in the comments. But I am worried about the current members of the church getting on here and attacking me as an “anti Mormon”. Many of the things that are happening are completely explained by the history and culture of where he comes from.
@@veronicaguyader9997 I agree that it definitely can depend. I wasn’t saying that everyone who is Mormon has an unhealthy relationship, but it is quite common. Especially where I grew up - near Provo, Utah where there is a high concentration of Mormons that have more extreme beliefs. So, I was more speaking to my experience. I should’ve clarified that previously.
@@gnomemobile7718 I completely agree with you. If they understood the strong culture he comes from, then his behavior could potentially be more easily explained. It’s definitely frustrating to watch, and that’s why I felt like commenting might help give some context on what might be going on in his head (with the background on the church that I’ve experienced myself, obviously I don’t know exactly what his experience has been). But believe me… I’m definitely waiting for the “anti-Mormon” comments to come 😂
I'm not really sure what Dr. Honda doesn't understand. She perceives them to be in a relationship that is serious enough to be planning a marriage imminently. He has been pressuring her to become Mormon and live according to their ideals as is displayed by his expectations with regard to the wine. So not only has he lied to her about his behavior being in contradiction to what he espouses, he has also cheated on her and lied about it for the length of their relationship. And by the way, she actually has a right to have preferences about the man she marries. Even if you don't have them, some people do. Maybe she is a virgin that is looking to marry another virgin. That's not most people nowadays, but if it's her, what's wrong with that?
Your comment 100%. Thank you!
I have a feeling that it comes from some cultural aspect on America. There seems to be a unwritten rule that you can't judge peoples religion based doings because you end up criticising the religion itself. I'm from a culture where religion has very minor role and I can call him for weponize his religion, without hesitation. That dosen't mean that there is something wrong in Moronism in general, only his take of it is scrooged. Unfortunately, Alina being from the one of the most misogynestic countries, I bet that she is going to be a "strong woman" and calling out his wrongdoings, but she will also do everything she can to please him - and I can't watch that.
@@juunasjohn9401 I think there are absolutely a lot of problems with Mormonism. I wrote my MA thesis on the religion and it's really bad. One of those very controlling and very damaging religions.
@@IzzysTravelDiaries Hm let me guess.. it's better for the guys than the girls.
Sounds like most, if not all the other religions.
@@flyingfig12 The man is head of the household. You can only enter heaven as a woman if you're married to a Mormon man and he chooses to receive you in heaven with him. If he was a good Mormon, then he can have his own planet and together with his wife they will make spirit babies. However, you have to be a temple attending Mormon for all that, which means your bishop has to think you're eligible for a temple recommend. Then you can be sealed together for eternity in the temple. That's why it's important for him that she's a good Mormon and she can get a temple recommend. She'd first get baptised and then sealed to him in the temple. Of course men's transgressions are always viewed differently than women's.
Steven is in my top 3 most cringy guys to ever appear on this show. Him, Paul, and Big Ed make me really, really uncomfortable. I feel a negative physical reaction when I see them. I also get very triggered by Jesse, but in a different way. He's an emotionally abusive narcissist. But Paul, Ed and Steven give me the creeps.
I'd have to add Mike from Sequim
Geoffrey too!
@@germansnout Geoffrey didn't creep me out, he just came across as abusive, controlling and just a bad apple. But Steven actually gives me the creeps. There is something innately creepy about him, the same way there is something innately creepy about Paul. It's hard to explain because yes, Geoffrey elicited a negative reaction from me as well. But it was a different variety of negative reaction.
@@inesolujic2534 The way Steven walks 20 feet away to fart is definitely creepy.
Coltee tho
I think she is also really bothered by the fact that he has pressured her to adhere to Mormon standards while he has not at all.
Steven is selfish and a bit of a gaslighter. When he said, "Well, I'm sorry that I'm not perfect and not as chaste as you," I wanted to slap him!
I think Alina asked about how many girls he slept with because she wanted to know the extent of his lies and hypocrisy.
Also, the amount of women does matter. If there was 1 girl, that would kind of be something that could be forgiven. 5 is a lot. 24 is a lot. 100 is a lot.
@@sirmel11 There are no 100 girls on planet earth who will look at this thing! He is manipulating her! :D))))) 100!? 2000?!!!!!
@@Elle-xf8mw Eh, you'd be surprised who's popular.
@@sirmel11 That's impossible! I have lots of friends (guys) way more attractive, educated .... and non of them have had so many girls! Numbers are surreal! :D
@@Elle-xf8mw doubt they are in the mormon church
So…the Mormon rules apply to the non-Mormon and not the practicing Mormon. Holy Moses, I can’t with this kid.
Exactly! THIS!!
The lying is a huge issue. But I do think she has a good reason to talk about the hypocrisy. He is expecting her to live by the standards of the religion that he grew up in and wants her to fully comply with that. While lying about how difficult it has been for him. He seems to have higher expectations for her
exactly. I think Dr. Kirk is missing out on some of the sexism here.
Watching Alina handle this with poise, grace and immense maturity has been both satisfying and inspiring. Can we just aknowledge the fact that she's just 20 years old. She's definitely the hero of the season.
Alina should run !! She can do better than that
He acts like an adolescent. I wonder if it's a product of a sheltered, sex-negative upbringing or his own... quirks.
Sounds likely!
Also in his lack of an ability to openly and honestly communicate....shame = secrets.
It is so refreshing for Steven to finally answer direct questions about his behavior, which he’s been evading until now. I think it also makes it easier for Dr Honda to call it out this time around. Dr Honda has definitely been more patient with Steven than I have as a viewer!
I am not LDS, but I live in Utah and have for a very long time. I'd like to add some perspective to Steven's weird behavior and some of the things that troubled Dr Honda. The reason why Steven is so focused on the "sinning against God" aspect and not the fact that he disrespected Alina and lied to her is because there are two types of very active, very religious Mormons (not to be confused with the less active, less religious people). Category one consists of some truly wonderful people who take the positive aspects of their religion to heart and truly live a pius life. They are very family oriented, very honest, always helping their neighbors and friends, etc. They really live and believe what their religion espouses. Then there is category two. This is Steven's category. These are people who are still very active and very religious but they won't get with the program and actually live up to the rules and virtues they preach. They are fake, they lie, they hide things. Outwardly, they want to LOOK and appear pius to save face and look like a stellar member of the community but behind closed doors they have porn addictions, they attend swinger parties, they hide alcohol in the back of a cabinet, etc. It's very dysfunctional and the seedy underbelly of some of these communities keeping up appearances. The LDS community often protects and excuses this category of people because calling them out would put a negative mark on the image of the whole community. At best, they're cut enough slack to hang themselves with. At worst, some families will try to hide some objectively terrible behavior for appearances.
Of course, there are more "balanced" LDS people as well. People are a spectrum. They're not perfect, they have issues like we all do. But they live a more authentic life. The above just focuses on the very active, very religious folks and the two camps they seem to fall into.
The church is trying to deal with the members who try to live 2 lives, but the local cronyism is a HUGE issue.
Lol this LDS name is so stupid mormon is mormon no need to change names to seem better😂
@@Михалыч-е2у to be fair, mormon was NEVER the name of the followers or religion. They get called that because of The Book of Mormon. The church's name has always been The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints, hence the LDS acronym.
@@inesolujic2534 oh i see i didnt know that. I live in utah also and just seemed to notice rapid change of how mormons went from mormons to lds like they changed their name or something to distance themselves from bad mormon assosiations people have
@@Михалыч-е2у I do remember the church announcing a couple of years ago how members should use the full church name instead of nicknames or the acronym because my LDS coworkers were joking about it because the church name is so long and cumbersome to say in a sentence. Kind of odd.
Isn't withholding information like that lying by omission ? They were in a relationship. If the roles were reversed he would have nothing to do with her.
Dr Honda said she shouldn't focus on how many women he slept with, but his answer definitely put things into perspective 😂
yeah no kidding. I wouldn't focus on it b/c I'd be straight out the door
His wording. "Ended up having sex." It's an accountability red flag.
This feels very Big Ed and Rose like. So many lies. I hope Alina leaves like Rose did.
I love Alina's laugh when he says 100 😂 Even she doesn't believe him 🤣
hahahahahahahahahahaa That was laughable! Obviously another lie!
I think what Alina means is that he expects her to adhere to Mormon guidelines more than he does himself
I am sorry, but no part of me believes he had slept or made out with that many women. And Dude, if you’re gonna lie, don’t make it so ridiculously outlandish. Like say 3 or 4. He is like a middle schooler making up a wild excuse for not having an assignment when a simple lie is so much better than an extravagant one.
Lmao I just commented he’s not only lying to her but also to us! I’m not buying it either!
I think one of the biggest issues she has is Mormon Men expect their mates to be “pure” and he has probably harped on her staying pure to the point of leaving her in a foreign country alone so it “doesnt look bad and affect her baptism “ so the hypocritical nature of it is a double whammy🥺
Quick comment to say steven is an hypocrite!!
"Do as I say, not as I do" :D
Dr Honda. Always seeing the best in these creeps. He’s a better man than I.
Sounds to me like a classic example of having your cake and eating it too.
Many here are saying it's the lying, not the sex that is the big issue here, but I think we're minimizing how bad it is that it is sex/virginity he lied about. Elsewhere in the comments, others with direct experience in the Mormon Church have described well how very bad it is to have pre-marital sex. It really is not a small thing that he lied about repeatedly committing one of the biggest sins in his religion. And with 100 girls and his age, I don't think it is physically possible that he even dated his sexual partners for very long before sleeping with them. When he speaks about how he came to commit the sin, he says they were on a date, they were watching a movie, it just happened. That's such a small amount of temptation! It took virtually nothing for him to commit one of the worst sins in his religion. I think it is very similar to dating a man that has kept his criminal history secret for longer than he should have. I personally would tolerate a variety of non-violent criminal histories, but if the crime is something very unethical that hurt someone (eg running a pyramid scheme, outright scamming people out of money, embezzlement) that they weren't driven into by financial necessity, for example, I would consider that crime a serious part of their character. It seems clear to me that he was going on these dates with an intention of having sex. With so many partners, I would guess most of them were not fellow Mormons and did not believe having sex with him was a sin. It sounds like he was setting himself up to have sex. Given how serious a sin this is in his Church, I would take that to say a lot about his character. It's one thing to be together for a long time and know you will be married soon, give in and have premarital sex. But having sex after a few dates is not even trying to uphold your religion. Seeing that against his evangelism for Mormonism says some very negative things to me about a person.
Alina needs to ask him how many condoms he used, too.
@@Authentistic-ism Getting an STD from Steven would cause me to rethink some things about my life. The question would be very revealing and give them a lot to talk through. If he bought condoms and brought them on dates, then he clearly had decided to not try to uphold this tenet of his religion. If the girls had condoms, then it seems less like he was looking for a spiritual match than casual dating. I wonder if he only dates non-Mormons or far more liberal Mormons because he wants a partner he has converted? Or maybe he has a very limited understanding of safe sex. I can only imagine how much shame he might face if he got a woman pregnant. How did he view that risk? There's just so much to wonder about with this couple.
I completely agree with you on this - that we need to see the sexual transgression through his eyes not our own (eg for ME the lying would be the thing not the sex, but for him because of his conceptions of sexual purity it is a worse character flaw and more of a red flag in his situation). But I feel I should point out - he doesn’t say he has had sex with 100 women - he says he’s ‘made out’ with 100 which I think means kissing, and ‘2 dozen’ were more intimate and 4 or 5 he had sex with. Of course its still shit, especially for a preachy Mormon!
He keeps putting constant pressure on her to follow all these standards in order to join a religion that he says is extremely important to him, And that she is not specifically interested in, yet he's not living up to those standards himself and she's rightfully upset to find that out. Never mind the fact that he repeatedly lies, controls her, and never mind the fact that he cheated. He's a creep.
I agree with Lucy and Liz... the thing that irritates me the most about him is his double standard. He attempts to control her actions so she acts according to his religious rules, yet doesn't control himself.
I think the reason why she's focused on the hypocrisy is that he has been pressuring her to be a Mormon. She's had a real struggle with that in her own life, because Mormonism is so restrictive and so weird to non-Americans. She probably had a lot of difficult conversations in her life about it. So to have him pressure her to do something so difficult, while not doing it himself is jarring.
Mormonism is very weird to some Americans too lol (myself included)
The title “100 girls” 😂😂😂 love it
I don't use your videos as a form of therapy, but for sure use them to communicate better cause a lot of the things you say are for sure very helpful. I think it just helped me to see someones true colors or just learn how we do not match more quickly than it would have happened otherwise so thank you for these videos and insights it is educational and I love how you try to see the best in everyone.
I LOVE seeing Dr. Honda exhibit some emotions of frustration over the fact that being pure when a virgin is a supernatural belief, it makes him relatable to see him have real emotions come through the professional façade 👌
It really shows what he's passionate about
But to some people it does matter how many sex partners your boyfriend/girlfriend has had. It matters because sometimes it can tell about the morals, lifestyle, libido etc. of that person. All of the things that are important to consider when building a relationship with someone.
I agree.
While it seems to be different from my own perspective, I appreciate Dr. Kirk's cultural worldview when it comes to sex positivity. However, the tone of his comments regarding sex and religious beliefs felt very dismissive. I understand that he was addressing an individual on this show, but he seemed to kinda disregard religion in general. Maybe this is a hypersensitive topic for me, but it was disappointing to see the way Dr. Kirk talked about sex and religion, especially since he tends to be so open-minded and self-aware of his own cultural pocket. While I am protestant, I don't share Steven's views. However, I understand that they are important(ish?) to him.
And while I wouldn't frame virginity as something that makes one "pure", sex is extremely important and I do believe should be honored highly and not taken lightly. That said, I understand this is a deeply spiritual view I hold and people aren't "wrong" if they have a different viewpoint. But of course when I'm choosing a life partner, I'd want someone who shares that view.
I think she’s more-so focused on the hypocritical aspect than the lying one simply because of the double standard at play. The standard implemented on her implies there is a consequence for her if she breaks that promise, meanwhile Steven doesn’t face any consequences because he is enforcing the standard. I could see why she was be so hyper focused on that and hurt.
“I’m sorry I’m not perfect” - he’s putting blame on her by suggesting her that she has high unrealistic expectations. He’s only a human being. What are you gonna do? It’s only human to err…
Very manipulative.
Kinda resonates with what his dad said about him which is that Steven doesn’t think the rules apply to him. He just does what he wants, even if it could potentially hurt other people ie Alina. He doesn’t seem apologetic at all, only giving excuses for his behavior.
Dr. Honda is killing me with the memeable moments 😂 I was listening to to this while trying to take a nap and burst out laughing at "come on lazy" 😂😂
Oh snap! The wine comment.
His standards for her are higher than the ones he has for himself.
He doesn't share any of the value of his religion. He desperately wants to do the things his religion prohibits and only doesn't do them because of the religion. (or does do them and then lies)
Purity culture in Christian denominations certainly encourages this. It's disgusting and it's destroys people's lives.
@@JulesA5266 yah right. Sleeping with anyone in teen years so much better.
I would love to see Dr. Honda talk about the possible association between lying and religion (not saying all religious people lie). Due to all the rules he has to follow in his religion, it seems like he feels the need to hide and lie a lot.
Perhaps he isn't truly persuaded by the religion that the lifestyle is one he wants....then he should leave it rather than play games, lie and fake actions. Religion doesn't cause lies its your choice to have faith or not. Hypocrites aren't welcome in any group.
I do not see that there is any connection between lying and religion. For everyone who lies, there is someone who doesn't because of religion.
You both completely misunderstood what I was trying to say. I even said in parentheses that I was not implying all religious people lie. I'm saying he has shown that he struggles with following the strict rules of Mormonism. You can tell he is really conflicted between what he believes (from his religious upbringing) and the lifestyle he wants to live. The great shame he has about not being able to follow the rules may be the reason why he chooses to lie.
Again, I'm not stating religion causes him to lie. Moreso his inability to live up to his own religious standards.
It says a lot that he would wait until she's uprooted her life, there with him, and "stuck" in a sense before being honest with her. He knew what he was doing.. and im sure theres going to be lots more to come!! RUNNNNNN FAST!
I can’t get over his weird completely made up accent and the fact that he looks and conducts himself like a 14 year old boy. It’s so bizarre.
it seems more like a speech impediment
What accent?
What accent?
Y’all can’t hear a weird accent when he speaks?!? 🤯
@@Cmoreau27 No. There's no accent. LoL
As someone who has a history of being Mormon, it seems that Steven is resorting to “confessing” to her as if she were a bishop because Mormons are taught this is part of a repentance process. This of course isn’t productive because he neglected being honest from the beginning.
He little too late. He should have said it before Turkey.
Even though I like Dr Kirk here is what is important to know about his views, many of his views are dogmatic, and they are not a result of science, but rather his own ideological thinking. For example his view on 'lying by omittance' on one hand he recognizes that a person has a right to nondisclosure on the other, he claims that non telling someone something may be considered lying. There were some episodes in the past where he identified that there is some grey area where he was unable to identify where lying begins and the right to nondisclosure ends. But where is that line, and isn't it just a completely subjective to decide what should be told and what not? Is there some scientific principle regarding this? There were many episodes where he said that in a relationship it doesn't matter how many sexual partners the other person had, like in the case of big Ed and Rose. So does past matter or not? Maybe what's important for one person about others person past it's not important to other person. Creating some guidelines regarding this is purely subjective. There could be someone who will say that the only thing that matters is who the person is in the present then there is no such thing as lying by not telling the past, because past wouldn't matter anyways. Dr Kirk won't be able to give any precise rules regarding this no more than Steven isn't able to say why premarital sex is a sin other than because God says so. It's just my opinion, let's not make this division between religion based views and Dr Kirk views on life which he seems to like to present as a person of science. There are some things he says that have scientific evidence and many that don't.
Dr. Honda, "Well that's surprising." hahahahahaha
I still dont believe he is nearly as prolific as he says he is. Like come on who would touch this dweeb
SteVen is the CLASSICAL chovinist. He'll do everything and expect his wife to be pure and behave.
But here’s the issue…IT’S NOT OK Dr. Kirk. It’s not. He is a hypocrite because he is basically saying Alina HAS to be pure and abide by his religion when he’s clearly not even doing that. Why is it ok for him but not for her? He lied about having sex which is wrong, premarital sex in his religion is wrong and expecting her to be celibate and not him is wrong. It’s just downright wrong all around. Yes, out of context sex is fine. Whatever he did before Alina I guess is “fine” but he legit cheated on her, lied about it and then expects Alina to do as he says not as he does. I don’t feel like the main issue is just the lying. I would be furious and I’d have walked right out that door and not looked back. And he is full of excuses, he has no remorse about it.
Stop being dramatic
Steven is not just lying to Alina but also to us. There’s no way a 100 girls would get with him.
Steven wants to do whatever he wants while posing as a religious person. He uses the excuse that he's working on things. Meanwhile he expects Alina to follow everything perfectly when she has just been recently introduced to the religion.
As I recall, in her introduction she said she didn’t really intentionally remain a virgin. It just happened to be the case when she met Steven. Then she said they agreed to keep themselves “pure” for each other until they married. So I think for her it wouldn’t have been a big deal if he’d told her from the beginning. And then he didn’t want to stay in the same room with her. As a woman I’d have to kind of wonder why he was basically rejecting me, when he’s been sleeping with others. Why is her v-status so important when it obviously was not important for him. I think there has to be some element of Steven wanting to control her in order to marry a virgin. I’ve known guys who cannot stand the thought of their wife ever having been with someone else, even though they’ve been with many women. Double standard.
The problem is the hypocrisy. What is the point in saying I can only marry you if you are a mormon and follow the mormon rules if you can break them at any point you want and just say 'I have my weaknesses'? In which case sure, I'm a mormon too, I just have a weakness for sex, coffee and alcohol, but I am def a mormon.
Come on. He last saw another woman 2 weeks ago.
We got an extra "really" at the end! 🤩
I think Steven has lack of impulse control, which is the reason for "messing up."
I met my ex husband 3 times for a total of 4 weeks in person before getting married... big emphasis on EX!
We're the hundred girls imaginary friends?
I think he means in his life time.
I am surprised to hear Dr. Honda say that sometimes lies are justifiable when he was very adamant about how we should never ever ever lie under any circumstance, except maybe in very special circumstances. Maybe he is being strongly influenced (in a negative way) by the people of this channel now.
Yeah I agree!!! He’s been very “lenient” with this guy… it’s as if every time something shady comes up It’s brushed off or there’s an excuse for it.
He has said that it is justifiable when you’re going through things like abuse in the past where when not lying could be a detriment to you’re safety
@@lucylohan8894 it’s really no different than he is with everyone. He is balanced and doesn’t blast people. He’s trying to be educational not just say “yeah they’re a bad evil person” because most people aren’t. More therapists should have empathy like that
I didn't get that impression at all from his statement... I believe he means people can sometimes lie for UNDERSTANDABLE reasons BUT it is still not ok to lie, especially to a partner. For example lying to abusive parents in fear of getting hurt is understandable and perhaps even justifiable. Lying to a partner about an immoral act in past is understandable BUT still not ok.
@@lucylohan8894 I didn't get the impression that he's more "lenient" towards Steven but if he was it could be because he's taking his age into consideration? which he should..🤷 It's more understandable for young adults to make immature decisions in life and relationships (obviously not excusing his actions but you don't need to chastise the guy) for a therapist especially, he shouldn't be taking sides and shouldn't hold contempt towards the people he's trying to help lol
I feel like Alina knew about this- most people would have flipped the table in her position. Also, the acting in this show is hard to watch 😜
I'd be mad if a man was hypocritical like that to me (I'm a woman). A lot of men hold gendered double standards about sexuality. They think they should be able to sleep with as many as women as they want, but they're livid if a woman has a sex life. I would be deeply offended if a man thought it was fine if he had sex but gave me shit for doing the same. I'd never want to be with a man who's so overtly sexist.
I'd lean towards immaturity. If the numbers he gave are accurate then perhaps he is used to being more flirty and "straying" without consequences. Alina may be the person that shocks him into being more serious by either staying or leaving. This may be the first time has had to deal with relationship consequences.
Steven triggers me so much. I like it when Dr. Honda pauses the video to give a differentiated explanation about what’s going on 🙏🏼
One of the rare times I'm sort of disagreeing with Kirk here. :)
I don't think the lying is the only problem from her point of view. There's nothing wrong with having sex for sure, but the lies he's told need to be framed in the context of the information he's been hiding, because not all lies are the same. By asking details, she's also assessing the extent of the lie. I would also try to take opportunity of his "ready to tell the truth" state (which may disappear the next day), and as it turns out the information she gathered was certainly important! She can do both things, discuss the details of the lie he's told her, highlighting how unfair what he is asking of her is given that history, and later on discuss the fact that that he lied repeatedly for months.
I appreciate the potato chip comparison. Teenagers in the church have often been taught to avoid exclusive dating, and avoid privacy with members of the opposite sex because “you can’t just rely on your self control.” It’s especially applicable for adolescents because of lower impulse control. Parents can help them avoid situations they might regret.
Dating as an adult is different, but because of church structure not all young adults get relevant advice after turning 18. In this context it makes sense that Steven thinks the way he does.
Even if it was a lie by omission, it takes on an extra sting when he is holding her to a standard of chastity and Mormon "perfection" so that she can be baptized in order to be "good enough" to marry his hypocritical ass
Edit: isn't Alina entitled to know what his past ACTUALLY looks like in contrast to the fantasy he's been feeding her before she decides whether to move forward with him? I get that the lie is the universal wrong, but she deserves a chance to choose INFORMED consent before deciding if she wants the relationship
I usually always agree with Dr Honda, but this time I agree with Alina pointing out the hypocrisy. I mean he is a Mormon and I am pretty sure lying is frowned upon, yet he chooses to lie while sex with her before marriage is a no go. So he just picks and chooses what aspects to focus on, while expecting her to become a true Mormon. That's just not ok, in any way shape or form.
On a random note: do you have a skincare routine? You look like you're in your mid/late 30s so I was shocked to find out that you're not. I love watching all your videos and have learned a lot. Thank you :)
Dr. Kirk, I think the problem here was that he was insisting that she remain “pure” and a virgin and adhere to his religion while he was doing the opposite. It seemed very sexist to me, that she needed to stay pure for him to marry her, but he could do whatever he wanted.
I fully follow the magical spaghetti monster banner. It is the only way to live 😉😂🤣
“Third base stuff” 😂
I’m very conflicted…he’s either grooming her for polygamy and knows exactly what he’s doing…or he hasn’t had any sex education and thinks third base stuff is just holding hands…I’m finding it very hard that this little dip has kissed 100 girls 🙄 either way he’ll be a hell of a politician
@@joeyotten2091 the polygamy thing has been my theory since the begining too. He gives off "gross" vibes.
@@joeyotten2091 church members get excommunicated if they practice polygamy, though some break off groups from the church do practice polygamy
@@Selilokie yeah…I know about polygamy…it’s not allowed in mainstream Mormonism…but it did just become a misdemeanor in Utah instead of a felony and there’s two shows about it on TLC right now….besides he didn’t clarify if he was mainstream or fundamentalist…and I also said it was a possibility not that he definitely was…but his asking about dating other girls and telling her he’s kissed over 100 people might be trying to get her desensitized to the thought of him with someone else…or he’s just a stupid ass dopey kid 🤷♀️ we’ll see
Sometimes I wish I could ask Dr. Honda a question in the moment. For example, what does he mean by Steven being raised in a way to make him think he's entitled to certain things. Is Dr. Honda saying Steven was raised to believe he is entitled to marry a virgin but not raised to believe that he himself should remain chaste until marriage? Or he's entitled to tell others how they need to behave to gain the grace of God however his knowing what it takes is all Steven needs to get the grace of God? I feel like I'm missing something here.
A lot of people who were raised in very religious communities end up becoming perpetual liars (happened to me too). I think it might be because there is such a pressure to try to be perfect and to adhere to rules that deep down might not make a lot of sense to you that you develop this habit because you don't want to be rejected by your community.
Definitely a meme-able moment haha
The idea that sex is a 'neutral scientific act' with no particular meaning is also a super natural belief
Dr Honda you always dig on other members for lying by admission and he has done that and more…
Star Wars...?
I'm a Star Wars geek and all, but Darth Vader never got me hot and bothered.
Anikan Skywalker tho?😍😍😍😍
Steven appears VERY immature and has not been taught that there are consequences for his actions against his Mormon teaching. Never being taught about consequences leads anyone down a very dark path!
Steven believes he has the privilege to do whatever he wants but Alina has to be chaste and pure and not drinking wine etc… She is sooo right. He is manipulative and hypocritical and kinda controlling to me. The comment about her drinking that wine.. huge red flag 🚩
The double standards are still very strong today as was a way of life in the past.
Umm when someone cheats on you with tons of people, you absolutely have a right to know because they could very likely being a disease back to you.
Religious ❌
Atheist ❌
Spaghetti Monster ✅
I don't hear Steven saying he sinned. He seems to skim over that. Dr. Honda seems to think he is wrestling with his religious convictions in some way. I just don't hear remorse for having "sinned." I hear remorse for having to tell Alina what he did. If he didn't have to tell her, I don't think he would have an issue with his actions. Am I alone in that perspective?
No, I agree with you on that one.
LDS people aren’t supposed to date till they are 16 and group dating is emphasized. Your not encouraged to date exclusively till your ready for marriage, so that might be why there’s immaturity and lack of experience in Steven’s dating. Though it seems he’s more concerned about “getting out of trouble” than understanding what she’s feeling . 🤷🏼♀️
Did I just hear Dr. Honda give a shout-out to the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster? All hail, FSM! 😃
This might be the most entertaining Dr. Kirk videos yet. "Having sex and watching Starwars." Someone make the mousepad, stat!
Star Wars and chill.
Would he even be with her if she was not a virgin? I don’t think so. He can sully other women but his wife must be pure.
Where are these girls that he has supposedly been with…are they blind and deaf?
I’m calling BS
I'm sad to see how formatted Steven's apologies are. He seems to think that speaking of himself as a bad person on a "journey" of improvement will basically get him out of anything. So he tests it with anybody, including his producers.
I'm kinda wondering where the manipulation stops and the sabotage starts...
This is a poor image of the LDS Church, in my eyes.
Maybe he thinks marriage will cure him of his compulsive behavior.
Yeah maybe
I was thinking the same thing
The table is covered with wineglasses and there's a whole bottle right there, and he's only now bringing up the wine? Whose glasses are those anyway?
They were wine tasting. He agreed to it as long as they spit it out.
Steven is not mentally stable. He expects purity from Alina and for her to convert, but he isn’t living by the tenements either. He has lied multiple times and doesn’t seem to be able to control himself around her, which is questionable. I get the feeling he may be on the spectrum (which doesn’t okay his lies).
I get the feeling he's got the kind of goofy style that makes people think he's harmless and they can trust him, and he's well-aware of how much he can get away with by playing that card. Maybe he's on the spectrum or whatever, but at his age you could also assume it's "just" immaturity… time will tell if he gets his act together.