i want more for myself.// DJI Pocket 3

I truly believe life is all about seasons. What you’re experiencing today is temporary.. Whether you’re high on a mountain top or a low in a valley… Nothing stays the same forever. This is encouraging to believe because I know there is an end to this feeling I’ve had for a long time. In the past season, I took sooo many L’s, recategorized as lessons that I could teach a class on life. Become a life coach or something. God had made it blatantly obvious that he chose me to be his strongest warrior, as I was down here on Earth getting whooped by his toughest battles. I was somewhere in between…”this will make a good testimony” and “this would make a great TV show”. After years of life showing me why she’s the undefeated champ… I finally realized
“I want more for myself”. Maybe I was settling for less because more required a version of myself that I wasn’t comfortable giving to the world. To reach my standard of success, I’d have to work harder than ever before, do some things no one… including myself… has ever seen, and I would have to have more discipline than I’ve ever had. I knew that if I was to reach my greatest potential… I would have to take whatever I have and create from where I am.
After all, God is my shepherd, I shall not want. I have everything I need
Contrary to popular belief, The most difficult part of creating the life you want isn’t “starting” Sorry Nike, but it’s not about just doing it. Because if you don’t have a destination, a goal set in mind then where are you going? The most important part is being honest with yourself about who you are and what you want the most right now. What makes me happy? What makes me excited to start the day as soon as I open my eyes? On the back end, what drains my energy? What habits do I have that makes discipline more difficult? What foods slow me down and make me tired? Who serves as a distraction instead of someone that brings out the best in me?
Once I figured out what I wanted tomorrow to look like, and the changes I need to make today… I became a million steps closer to getting everything I want for myself. Because I positioned myself expectantly. Now, Just do it again every single day until opportunity meets preparation. Like Nipsey said. Nobody said it would be overnight or easy.
I’m so happy to be in a new season in my life. For so long I was Tired. Sick. Sick and tired. Then I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I got tired of being a victim to my circumstances, and feeling like no one understands me. I’m tired of feeling like the process of living my dream life is too overwhelming so instead I do nothing. I’m sick of telling myself “no” because my desires are my greatest expense. Shit, I’m still in debt from chasing a dream or two… but i’m also better than I’ve ever been before. Stronger than I’ve ever been before. Faster, smarter and more self aware than I’ve ever been before. Struggle really is life’s greatest teacher and the only way to pass the class is to master survival mode. When is the last time you smiled after some absolute bullshit happened? Like a complete freak accident happened and you can’t explain why it’s happening to you’re but you're just tickled pink. I mean, you’re smiling and laughing because life be lifing. As a child I never understood what people meant when they said “sometimes you have to dance in the rain”. Until I was too occupied dancing a full choreo to realize I was in a thunderstorm. I thought those lighting strikes and thunder booms were special effects to add to my show. We out here doing it for Lil Saint! But seriously, if you’re in a place where you want better for yourself but it feels impossible. Maybe you’re in survival mode and it feels like you’re suffocating… Find the beauty in every situation and remember that you choose how much it impacts you. If you’re worrying, you’re not praying. If you’re praying, you’re not worrying. Hit a little two step, celebrate what you have and go to sleep. Tomorrow could be the day the rain slows down. If not, find out how to sell the rain or make art from it. Ignore TLC, chase that waterfall then markup the price. “Waterfalls everyone! I’m selling waterfalls!”
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Autumn Hayes