Great discussion. The Enneagram is a fascinating model. I liked what you said… “if you don’t have clear, meaningful boundaries, you’re gonna end up with geographical boundaries” - I’ve definitely done that.
34:30 definitely judging those who judge too much... I feel the same way about patience. Usually very patient but I get impatient with those who are impatient with me. Don't rush me! That's when my 8 wing comes out to play :)
I've been eagerly waiting for this one. Another great video on Type 9! Learning to be more assertive has made my life feel like an adventure, and I'm amazed at what I'm capable of achieving. Plus my relationships with others have become so much more genuine! I hope I can learn more from your videos. Thanks for always sharing 🙏🏽
When it comes to 9s being judgmental, it’s definitely something that can happen-often as a result of being conflict-averse. Instead of setting boundaries, we might avoid dealing with a situation (especially when feeling hurt or angry), and this can lead to becoming overly judgmental or venting about people instead of addressing the issue directly. This used to be one of my biggest struggles until I began to embrace conflict. It’s still hard sometimes, but now I try to let someone know if they’ve said or done something that bothers me. More often than not, it turns out to be a misunderstanding, or at the very least, we gain enough clarity to find closure. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve actually been thanked for addressing issues and resolving conflicts. A few years ago, I never would have believed I was capable of this kind of growth. For me, the biggest obstacle was the deep-seated belief that I was “in the way” or “less important” than others. I used to make excuses like, “They won’t listen to me, so why bother?” or, “If I disagree, they might not like me anymore or abandon me.” These were lies I told myself. At the end of the day, we’re all human, just trying to survive, and most people have as many (if not more) struggles than I do. They’re not constantly judging others or keeping score-they’re usually focused on their own challenges. And if they do have a fleeting negative thought about someone in a social situation, it’s rarely as big a deal as we imagine. It’s not something world-ending or relationship-shattering.
Thank you for sharing your insights! It’s inspiring to see how you’ve embraced conflict and turned it into a tool for growth and understanding. Communication really is key!
Hey Tom, I'm a big fan of your videos. I've watched almost every one. Thanks for doing what you do. I was wondering if you have a list of enneagram book recommendations you'd be willing to share. Im a 7w6 too so I thought you'd be the best to ask. Thanks for reading my comment and your consideration. And thanks again for making enneagram videos. You put a lot of good into the world
Thanks for the video. I could really relate. Since I learned about my type I have worked on speaking up for my self because I do have opinions and some of them are really strong, believe it or not. Setting goals is still a work in progress however. I am aware of the problem but finding a road map is difficult. Anyway you brought up many good points. Appreciated!
9:14 Ohhhh, come on Dr. Tom, don't be afraid of the dark - I'm not, it's where I live and do my best work - let's DO go there, that's where the JUICY stuff is. Let's put on our big boy play pants and our professional hats (mine has bells hanging on the floppy pointy ends🃏) and get into the real dirt. I three-headed dog dare ya'. 😉 Otherwise, great discussion.
Could you maybe make a video about how to get along with each type during the holidays? In my family I believe a lot of conflict is caused by differences in our types (I’m 1, dad is 8, mom is 9, sisters are 6 and 4). Thank you for all your work on this channel!
That's a fantastic idea! Understanding the dynamics of different personality types can definitely help ease holiday tensions. I’ll consider making a video on that topic soon!
Good stuff, thanks! I was wondering if in meeting with 9's, you notice any kind of connection with 9's and dissociation? My trauma response is to dissociate and about a week or two ago I was triggered and I couldn't keep myself from spiraling into depression and dissociation. As I came out of it, I wondered if that is sloth. Feels like I've abandoned my body and it just kinda goes through the motions, very slow functioning. Anyway, I'm not asking if all 9's dissociate, I'm just curious to know if there's any connection.
I'm pretty sure I'm a 9, but his comment about patience threw me off. I hate standing in line and will do whatever i can to avoid it. Same with traffic. I'll drive an extra hour on backroads to avoid 10 minutes of traffic on the highway. Its a stubbornness and I also hate not being in control. Is it possible that I'm a different type?
I am absolutely a 9 and I would for sure describe myself as a patient person with other people. However, I am very impatient when it comes to traffic, and like you, I hate standing in a line. Maybe that is where we draw the line?
I'm 9, definetely quircky, maybe weird. What I absolutely hate is when others embarass me, or "force" me to do things I consider embarrising. As an example, I NEVER took part in the teacher's play to entertain the kids nor would I consider wearing ridiculous outfits for team building exercises
Vanilla ice cream here… People often feel like they can give me unsolicited advice and I can finally say, “Thank you, but what is it about me that makes you think you can say ____ to me?” Boundaries are our friends, 9’s! 🖐️ ☮️
Great discussion. The Enneagram is a fascinating model.
I liked what you said… “if you don’t have clear, meaningful boundaries, you’re gonna end up with geographical boundaries” - I’ve definitely done that.
Thanks for sharing!
How can I know accurately my type?
great beard! great video
9:14, that “dark reason” for appearing like a 2 is exactly how I was operating
34:30 definitely judging those who judge too much... I feel the same way about patience. Usually very patient but I get impatient with those who are impatient with me. Don't rush me! That's when my 8 wing comes out to play :)
I've been eagerly waiting for this one. Another great video on Type 9!
Learning to be more assertive has made my life feel like an adventure, and I'm amazed at what I'm capable of achieving. Plus my relationships with others have become so much more genuine!
I hope I can learn more from your videos. Thanks for always sharing 🙏🏽
When it comes to 9s being judgmental, it’s definitely something that can happen-often as a result of being conflict-averse. Instead of setting boundaries, we might avoid dealing with a situation (especially when feeling hurt or angry), and this can lead to becoming overly judgmental or venting about people instead of addressing the issue directly. This used to be one of my biggest struggles until I began to embrace conflict. It’s still hard sometimes, but now I try to let someone know if they’ve said or done something that bothers me. More often than not, it turns out to be a misunderstanding, or at the very least, we gain enough clarity to find closure.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve actually been thanked for addressing issues and resolving conflicts. A few years ago, I never would have believed I was capable of this kind of growth. For me, the biggest obstacle was the deep-seated belief that I was “in the way” or “less important” than others. I used to make excuses like, “They won’t listen to me, so why bother?” or, “If I disagree, they might not like me anymore or abandon me.” These were lies I told myself.
At the end of the day, we’re all human, just trying to survive, and most people have as many (if not more) struggles than I do. They’re not constantly judging others or keeping score-they’re usually focused on their own challenges. And if they do have a fleeting negative thought about someone in a social situation, it’s rarely as big a deal as we imagine. It’s not something world-ending or relationship-shattering.
Thank you for sharing your insights! It’s inspiring to see how you’ve embraced conflict and turned it into a tool for growth and understanding. Communication really is key!
Nine here. Thank you for talking about the negative list with lightness and humor😅😂😂 it helps the truth pill go down the hatch easier.
You are so welcome
Hey Tom,
I'm a big fan of your videos. I've watched almost every one. Thanks for doing what you do.
I was wondering if you have a list of enneagram book recommendations you'd be willing to share. Im a 7w6 too so I thought you'd be the best to ask.
Thanks for reading my comment and your consideration. And thanks again for making enneagram videos. You put a lot of good into the world
Great suggestion! Maybe I could make a video about that...
@twlahue Ooo that's a great idea! I'm looking forward to it! Appreciate the reply, best wishes
9w1 with now over (for a little while lol) developed 8 wing after trauma & abuse. Balancing back out now...
Thanks for the video. I could really relate. Since I learned about my type I have worked on speaking up for my self because I do have opinions and some of them are really strong, believe it or not. Setting goals is still a work in progress however. I am aware of the problem but finding a road map is difficult. Anyway you brought up many good points. Appreciated!
I'd love to hear a segment on Counter Types. I'm a counter type 9!
Thanks for your suggestion! Counter Types are definitely an interesting topic, and I’d love to explore that in a future video!
9:14 Ohhhh, come on Dr. Tom, don't be afraid of the dark - I'm not, it's where I live and do my best work - let's DO go there, that's where the JUICY stuff is. Let's put on our big boy play pants and our professional hats (mine has bells hanging on the floppy pointy ends🃏) and get into the real dirt. I three-headed dog dare ya'. 😉 Otherwise, great discussion.
I appreciate your enthusiasm! Embracing the darker side can definitely lead to some fascinating discoveries. Let's dive in!
Could you maybe make a video about how to get along with each type during the holidays? In my family I believe a lot of conflict is caused by differences in our types (I’m 1, dad is 8, mom is 9, sisters are 6 and 4). Thank you for all your work on this channel!
That's a fantastic idea! Understanding the dynamics of different personality types can definitely help ease holiday tensions. I’ll consider making a video on that topic soon!
My junior high team is a 1w2, an 8w7, and me, a 9w1. It can be amazing, but sometimes hard too.
Nice shirt!🎉
Thanks! 😁
Girl 5 married to guy 9. I'm a very lucky person. He's so wonderful (generally speaking 😆)
It sounds like you really appreciate what you have! Love is all about connection and compatibility, no matter the numbers.
Good stuff, thanks! I was wondering if in meeting with 9's, you notice any kind of connection with 9's and dissociation? My trauma response is to dissociate and about a week or two ago I was triggered and I couldn't keep myself from spiraling into depression and dissociation. As I came out of it, I wondered if that is sloth. Feels like I've abandoned my body and it just kinda goes through the motions, very slow functioning. Anyway, I'm not asking if all 9's dissociate, I'm just curious to know if there's any connection.
I'm pretty sure I'm a 9, but his comment about patience threw me off. I hate standing in line and will do whatever i can to avoid it. Same with traffic. I'll drive an extra hour on backroads to avoid 10 minutes of traffic on the highway. Its a stubbornness and I also hate not being in control. Is it possible that I'm a different type?
I am absolutely a 9 and I would for sure describe myself as a patient person with other people. However, I am very impatient when it comes to traffic, and like you, I hate standing in a line. Maybe that is where we draw the line?
This is so right on, it shocks me. Am I that obvious to others? Ugh....
do you think a 9 would make a good marriage & family therapist?
YES
Tom, 9s I know are obsessive about details like fixated on their routine.
They’re judgmental when something makes them look possibly weird to others
very interesting, I am a 9 who recognizes that I am weird and proud
I'm 9, definetely quircky, maybe weird. What I absolutely hate is when others embarass me, or "force" me to do things I consider embarrising. As an example, I NEVER took part in the teacher's play to entertain the kids nor would I consider wearing ridiculous outfits for team building exercises
Midle Child💃🏼 Middle Ground
Thank you for dropping by and engaging with the video! Middle children definitely have a special place in the family dynamics.
Vanilla ice cream here…
People often feel like they can give me unsolicited advice and I can finally say, “Thank you, but what is it about me that makes you think you can say ____ to me?” Boundaries are our friends, 9’s! 🖐️ ☮️
It's so important to establish those boundaries! Everyone deserves to feel respected and heard.
Sadly my Sp 9 & So 9 family are so hermitic
Infj door slammed my family too 💔
It's interesting how INFJs can sometimes create boundaries that others might not understand. Thanks for sharing your experience!
@@twlahueAll NFJ’ s actually ✅😉
Thank You from my ISFP 9w8 man🦾🏋️♀️😂👏
Keep it up