How Do You Help Someone Who's Lost? | Jordan Peterson Life Advice
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2019
- Dr. Peterson responds to a difficult question posed by an audience member during his lecture.
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"Don't cast pearls before swine."
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➤➤Speaker:
Jordan Peterson
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• Lecture: Biblical Seri...
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Yes, the meaning of “Don’t cast pearls before swine” means do not share things you deem of value with those who can’t see its worth!
Exactly. . . And sometimes the thing of value is help, advice or assistance.
👏🤓👂✍ 🎈
That would include, time, input, advice and an ear to listen, maybe a shoulder to cry on, the term offering a hand is loosley defined by all of the above. Wouldn't think it would be too hard to figure that out seeing as your smart enough to know the "ACTUAL" definition hahah
Joshua Murphy yes, whatever you deem of value!
Yes... and that’s exactly what Jordan meant. If you offer your precious ( in your opinion) hand to someone and he/ she dont value this... so it’s like casting pearls before swine.
Jordan Peterson. You will never truly know how many lives you will save.
Christian Anubis Pineda and have saved
Yes, but you can’t force and convince someone who doesn’t want to listen.
Jordanetics
Lemmings
Such an underrated comment 🥺😔
I pray for his quick return to full health. God bless him.
Ameen
Is he sick?
What’s wrong with my JP?
“ you’re not obligated to drown with them”
Very very potent!!
You save them if you can . Physically or other ways ,mentally ect
That’s why I left my bipolar sister and my co-dependent mother in Brazil and moved to England.
maplegingko can you knock them out
Many got the impression that Christianity expects exactly that of people: to die for others. Wrong. Instead, Jesus WAS NOT OBLIGED, he DECIDED to make himself a sacrifice at a certain point for a specific mission. He did not sacrifice himself every time he walked on the street. He fled from people who were trying to lay hands on him. For three years he fought back, discussed, strategized. He helped and knew when it was time to move on. It was only once that he made the full sacrifice of himself and decided to drown fully. He didn't drown along the way.
Checking himself into rehab is him practicing what he preaches... his treating himself like someone his responsible to help. I thank God for granting us a great teacher...May he find Good health
AMEN! Lord Jesus Please Be with Him and His Precious Family. Holy Spirit Touch his Wife and Her Cancer I ask for Healing Lord if Your Will be Done or A Peace That Surpasses all Human Understanding. Thank you Jesus. AMEN.
Thats the hardest thing about being honest with yourself, is to admit that you need help.
Rehab for what?
GLB Woodsbum 256 during his wife’s battle with cancer, he was taking some anti-anxiety/depression medication to handle the stress, but when he went cold turkey on it after his wife’s battle was over, it royally fucked him up with withdrawals. He had to go into medicated rehab with other drugs to help wean him off of the drug. What he had been taking was something so strong that you’re basically addicted with the first dose. Personally, I think the doctor should’ve just given him something to take the edge off instead of . . . whatever the hell the prescribed medicine did to him.
It would be equally possible to interpret this as lack of wisdom on his part, what with his past of alcohol abuse and all, but whatever.
I've had to leave my family and friends behind. My path is one I will probably walk alone. I was afraid. I am afraid. But I cannot stay in an environment that takes more than it gives. I want fullness of being and life more than I want acceptance from the majority. I am grateful for the hells I've come through. Symbolically, I have died and been reborn many times. And much of me has been cut away. But I no longer suffer many diseases passed to me from my upbringing. And I will not go back.
Robin Hice Loneliness is a frightening thing, but that’s because society teaches us that it’s wrong. I chose to live a life alone, and I’ve never been happier. Look up some of the things the Buddha has to say about aloneness. That helped me a lot when I was making my own unconventional decision.
Maybe this perspective will help you...
I dedicated my time to working to start a non-profit. You need something to give your life to in order to feel fulfilled, I think.
All day I learn, read, and work. My mind is a very relaxed place. I rarely worry. I never have to mull over what someone said to me and how it made me feel, or think in circles about problems I can’t fix. I never cry anymore. My life has never made more sense. Looking back on what it was like to try to live a busy life with people - I realized I felt like I was standing in a busy city intersection. Now I feel like I’m living in a boat out on the sea listening to the waves and seagulls and feeling the sun on my face.
That’s what aloneness can feel like when you allow yourself to enjoy your own company.
I will add one bit of advice though. I think sleeping alone isn’t something humans are psychologically well wired for. When I got the blues, I got them at night. I adopted a couple of orphaned kittens, and they turned out to be the “missing piece”.
I hope this helps you overcome your fear. Just think of all the time you’ll have when you’re free. Good luck! I mean it. :)
@@AK-jt7kh Thank you so much for your advice. It's quite nice to remember there are others like me. I wish you continued peace and strength for the tough times. May your endeavors grow. 🤗✌🏼🌱
I going through the same Robin. Fool, hermit,
@@rollzolo shame...be strong..
@@rollzolo
Sage.
This made me cry. I just realized I have to do something I knew I had to do but was hoping it wouldn’t come to it. This will hurt.
Hey Daryl. Seems like you are about to make a big decision in your life. If you need any personal advice feel free to reach me out.
Godspeed, my friend.
if it's about getting rid of something, or cutting toxic people out of your life, just remember, once the decision is made for the right reasons, to feel the freedom that comes from it.
Albion Rising My fear is I’m the only one left. After me He’s alone.
@@darylmiranda8597 Without knowing your situation, it does seem as though that person has a habit of unintentionally pushing those around them away. Remember, sometimes life gives you examples of how NOT to live it, like my racist mother. I am so far from that I am polar opposite. #WeAllBleedRed At the end of EVERY day, ask yourself 2 questions: "Who did I help (even if it is yourself)" & "What did I learn?"
Jordan speaks the truth and sometimes its like a slap to the face. Sometimes that's what you need😯
That's from the Bible man. "Do not give dogs what is holy and cast not your pearls before swine your they trampled you underfoot." True wisdom comes from above.
Yes..
Christopher Speight.
Yeah brother truth sometimes is offensive before it becomes creatively
Attractive .God's willing to save humanity from the pit of darkness.
But unfortunately some people
Have been in love with darkness for
So long, therefore truth becomes offensive.
I just found out the girlfriend I've lived with for 6 years, has cheated on me while I was away. I'm devastated, even though I've been putting up with such disrespectful behavior for so long. I want to give her another chance. But its killing me. I feel as though. If I stay I will be ashamed. And if I have her leave, I can get better and one day hold my head high.
So finding this today is a gift to think about.
Datsun Lambchops
I found out two months ago my wife of 10 years cheated on me... it’s been a rollercoaster but I have it another go, we’ve had another honeymoon phase but I’m not sure it’s going to last.. every f’ing day is a struggle... I have never had a hard time with women but this relationship has damn near killed me on many occasions.. the only reason I don’t leave is our son.
If you don’t have children I’d say walk dude.. you sound confident and capable. But if you have shit to improve on then do it and go out and find someone who is content with the life you imagine!
Wish I had more wise words but I’m tired.. best of luck, fight hard & don’t give up..
You’re better off without her now that you know what she’s like. Be glad you know and can move on. Turn it into a good thing.
Someone who is able to cheat will cheat again and again no matter how much they claim to love you or how sorry they are. I am happy that i did leave my ex Behind even though it was the hardest thing to do at that time. I felt lost and alone but finally the right man found me and i am the happiest wife and mom now. Life will reward courage and self respect. Wish you all the best things in life.
That would be unwise to give her another chance. It will never be the same. Move on and take what you’ve learned.
See a counselor to whom you can feel safe with to help you make a safety plan for yourself when you have her leave in peace or for when something unexpected comes up before then.
"Give not that which is holy to the dogs. Neither cast ye your pearls before swine lest they trampled them underfeet and turn again and rend you". Mathew 7:6 KJV (King James Version).
''Knowledge is speaking. Wisdom is listening.'' -Jimi Hendrix
Indeed. A lot of the American corporate model has an irrational extrovert-bias among a population significantly introverted in their ability to learn and communicate. Not everyone is a bullhorn and we can't expect them to be, not everyone asks a question every 60 seconds either, yet people are ostracized and let go on a daily basis for inherent characteristics. Shy kids, quiet kids - growing up alcoholics, addicted to adderall and cocaine wondering why society doesn't understand them anymore in the modern world of speaking before listening.
@@oooweebaby4483 Ain't it so!
Great wisdom. As parents we often sacrifice our health to provide. A wise woman ( My Mom) said to me, if you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of your family.
I had to learn this hard lesson when divorcing my abusive but very ill first husband. He was dying because he didn't want to do the work he had to do to get well. Finally, he ran out of time. It was sad, but if I had stayed in that codependent situation, I would have died as well. Some friends and family did not understand my actions, but I had to make the hard decisions so that I could live. Life is better now.
You did the right thing. All the best
What he did is a thing people brush off as "individualism". While he may have been the one dying for his decision, it didn't mean he was the only one being hurt because of it. I hope you have found people who would not have you go through such thing again.
@@tnt01 you have no frigging clue of knowing whether she did the right thing
I think you did the wrong thing....I think you could have forced him I dont know if its harder if its a family memeber to help someone who doesnt want to be saved or if they arent related to you or none but its still hard. But my grandfather he also took part in his close death hes in a coma and cant speak but is physically capable of moving his eyes and he rejected my mothers plea for help and he agreed with my grandmother to not get help and because of his and her both own complacencys hes close to death which isnt bad but he could have saved himself and of course hes obese because of how badly he ate and what bad choices he made but i love my grandfather I guess nobody could have changed him only he could have it was really up to him but my grandmother also should take blame as she was afraid for no reason about whatever it was i didnt get by her fears. Anyways so I guess mabey you really couldnt have done anything to help your diying husband. He let himself die. Damn that bastard I wish he worked They would all still be in good health Its sad. What the hell has these scientists and farmers done to our Men? And me too im male and I dont have feminine physicality because I decided to that is for the most. But Evil humans are toxic warfare against male biology warfare being estrogenics and forcing males to be effeminate fat and weak. so this is why I say its still not our mens fault. It really isnt. its an underliying issue. That simply turns them off to die. I just hope they both go to heaven. Were not like this by coincidence and its not an accident this evil.
the way he speaks is pure wizardry
After decades as a clinician, researcher and lecturer, he's just proving he chose the right career.
"Don't cast pearls before swine" - keeping that in mind for dealing with all of my classmates in college =).
OMG, this man is just awesome! Again, just listening to this, a light went on in my head..and I realize that I Did save myself...
Matthew 7:6 Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.
Never clapped for a youtube video but this was just exemplary!
This man moves me to the right path...
Sailor of the Mind You’re ignorant. He didn’t take them recreationally. His wife had cancer and he just wanted them long enough to manage the downfall...
Sailor of the Mind I hope the same never happens to you... I can’t imagine the emotional turmoil he must’ve been in to make that decision.
This men is brilliant and he has a lot of knowledge that we doesn't know . The Sad part is Dr. Jordan Peterson has checked himself into rehab . You're pray will be so helpful, if you pray for him . I swear to God , if my health was in my hand I'll give him , Bc father Peterson has sacrificed himself for us a lot . And His wife is fighting a cancer. This Father sacrificed for us and now is our Time to pray for him. May God give him a full health he and his wife . Also God bless you brother for this Video ❤🙏
God help him
Sorry to hear he has a vice, what is it?
Thank you for the reminder... 🙏🏽
Praying for him and his wife.
Adam The Republican I agree! My son feels the same, and I refer my grandchildren to his books and videos all the time. Prayers for his speedy recovery.
Praying for he and his wife to get healing. Also, that his mind will be opened to the understanding of saving faith. Sometimes the best and brightest don’t want to humble themselves before God.
steve kelly Can you explain what saving faith means? I don’t understand.
How do you know he doesn't humble himself before God? He's not obligated to display himself bowing for your entertainment. Pray for him, sure, but don't make assumptions just because he doesn't do what you prefer him to do.
Alika Kianga Saving faith means believing that Jesus died for all of humanities sins. Before Jesus died as the ultimate sacrifice for sin, God had instructed people to sacrifice spotless lambs or goats to have their sins forgiven. Their sin was put on the lamb or goat as the sacrifice for their sin. God had people do this until Jesus came to earth as the perfect sacrifice. Jesus is actually God himself in human form born by a virgin woman. God has three personalities, God the father, God the Holy Spirit, and Jesus who is God in human form. There is one God but he has three personalities. To be forgiven of your sins, all you have to do is believe Jesus is the sacrifice for your sins, he died in your place. Also repent or be sorry for your sins and try your best to live as God wants us to live. If you do this you have eternal life in heaven with God and the other believers. If you reject Gods gift of Jesus as your sacrifice, you cannot go to heaven. You will receive eternal punishment. God cannot exist with sin.
A person cannot be good enough to go to heaven. We are born with a sinful nature and sin every day. Even the best people. So if you tell God you are sorry for your sins and will believe Jesus is the sacrifice for your sins you will go to heaven. And , of coarse try to live as God wants us to live. It’s very simple so even a child can understand it. However, as you start living the Christian life and learn more from reading the Bible and from preaching and teaching about God it can seem complicated but that’s normal for everyone.
Read the books of John and Romans in the Bible to get started. Also, TH-cam preachers such as John MacArthur, Billy Graham, Franklin Graham and Warren Weirsbe. Look for their TH-cam presentations of how to be saved.
I will be praying for you. Seek and you will find. Ask me more questions on this post if you want to.
steve kelly I was baptised episcopalian actually. I’ve just never heard the expression “saving faith”.
Alika Kianga 😀
Yes ! Me First - then you. Not selfish, just real life reality. You must first help yourself before you can help others.
You can't help someone who's lost if they're not willing to be not lost. Stop helping. Go have your life. Go help someone else who's lost but willing to be found. So true.
Vanessa Le crazy story, I’m in a strange “therapeutic” relationship at the moment but while it’s a hope in each for the mutual flourishing of the other, it’s also quite painful. It’s like we are trying to help but also neither of us can swim well or for long and we take turns swimming and then struggling while the other recovers, and we both kick each other while awkwardly attempting to swim. It’s ridiculous, sad and trying. Honestly I wonder if either of us will let the other go. But we are surviving. And I think some subtle mutual hope, both communicated, has something to do with it.
I think it’s all about the threshold of stamina in one’s capability, objectively compared to the relative willingness (or weakness) of the other. Don’t try to help someone who wants to be helped, if their weakness or load is too much for you to bear. But, if you develop your own stamina and capacity, and they’re still looking for help, then trying becomes an option.
@@edgeofthought I hear you. It's hard to love the brokenness in people. Two people can drown each other or help each other rise. I don't have all the answers.
@@vanessale5610 Unfortunately, nor does Peterson. His words completely contradict those of Christ when he mentioned the Prodigal Son. The Son returns to the Father, but instead of telling the son off-he is thankful that he is okay. The point of this story, that Jesus illustrated so vividly, is that life is precious and would we truly allow others to remain lost?
@@lordlightning2339 very true Christian values mandate us to help those who are lost. Loving brokenness in people is very hard to do. We're all broken in some ways but there are many who insist on remaining lost. If you're drowning you have to grab at the life line that is given to you. Like everything in life, everything is a choice. Helping someone is a choice and receiving help is also a choice. Salvation is a free gift given to us by Christ and it is up to the individual to accept that special gift.
@@lordlightning2339 You need to read that story agaiin. The father let go of the rebellious son. It was only when the son had run his length, woke up, and repented that the father received him back.
"If they aren't willing to NOT BE LOST you can't help them..." Every coach and therapist needs to hear this. Family too that are struggling with members who have addictions or other challenges. I give thanks for JP's common sense wisdom that illuminates and also emancipates. Blessings.
Thanks for this. I have a half-brother who is going off the rails. I realize the best way to move ahead, the best way to help him ..... is to show him what success is, rather than trying to explain things to him. He won't listen to any words, but maybe if I lead by example, that will help.
Powerful message. I was in a toxic relation. I tried to help her. She was always sad and angry about everything no matter how. I understood very late that I was wasting my time trying to show her that life in not that horrible
Well. I guess its good.
Life is suffering, like j peterson says. But it doesnt mean that anyone have the right to put more suffering into that
You didn't get that 2nd Bible reference exactly right. It wasn't Jesus' mother. It was a man who said he'd follow Jesus, but first he must bury his father. Jesus said, "let the dead bury the dead," meaning to let those who are spiritually dead bury the physically dead, because now, the task He was undertaking was urgent at this point and dedication was what He needed. The time you might be thinking of His mother, was when His mother and brothers wanted to see Him, and Jesus looked at the disciples and said, " who are my brothers and mother? Then He indicated those around Him doing the Father's will.
Bible references:
Matthew 8:21,22
Matthew 12:47-50
I think someone made the arguement that in the first passage the man's father wasn't actually dead yet; he still had a few years on him. And the man was basically giving an excuse why he couldn't follow Jesus "at that moment". Jesus was basically saying "if you really wanted to follow me, you wouldn't try to buy time."
Clinical psychologists and life coaches tend to get Bible stories mixed up because they are primarily focussed on mundane knowledge. In essence, he had a point though.
He's an inspirational and an incredibly man. I am so sorry he is suffering from heavy world overload. He's a lightning rod...and that's a huge responsibility. Sometimes it's too much. He and his wife are in my prayers. May God protect and heal his hurting soul.
@Trouble Came Calling Why do men of evil hearts judge so harshly when they themselves are not a good person whilst viewing their own reflection?
I wrote the following quote of thoughts this morning because I couldn't sleep. The world is full of so many evil people and so many crazy evil mantras. I don't know you. I don't care to know you because you seem like a bully by your comment to me whom you have never met...Have a blessed life.
"I was wondering what and who.
What matters?
Who are you?
If you were your own judge, jury and executioner of your own soul ....what would you see in thee?
Good is good as it should.
A good person knows the goodness of Jesus, truely.
When you allow Jesus into your life...He will guide you toward the truth and towards the light.
A good mama would not murder her baby.
A good Dad would not abandon his children and family.
A good man would never harm a woman.
A good person does not lie, steal, rape or unjustly kills.
A good person helps others.
A good person is honest.
A good person keeps their word.
A good person has a conscience.
A good person has principles. A good person does not use children as pawns of power.
A good person would never perv on the innocent children. If you're not good...then you must be evil.
They say...don't judge others but other's should judge themselves.
Be honest and judge yourself.
Forgive yourself if you have not been good to yourself or good to others. " (DRL)
It's a hard lesson to learn but you truly don't have to light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm
“ If someone who is sinking has their hands around u r neck and is pulling u down, u don’t have to feel obligated to drown with them” good quote.
This is a man worth listening to.
I wish I found Jordan Peterson a long time ago
You are the only one to state painful truths that are struggled over.....yet there seems to be no solution. Thank you for the video.
We have had to do this with our 37 yr old very angry, manipulative narcissist son. Hardest thing in the world to do. After years of psychological abuse and manipulation, many gifts of money, cars, etc to try to keep him off the streets, we told him we were done. Last year we gave him the last car and said “No more.” He’s also got a significant weed habit, maybe other drugs. Don’t know. We’re in our 60’s and finally feel we deserve these last few years in peace. He’s back recently of course, so this little video is timely. Thanks.
This sudden misfortune and crisis by no means dismisses nor will ever discredit Dr Petersons powerful, profound and heartfelt message to me and I hope to all. This only hurts me in the worst way as someone currently making better, wiser, stronger and selfless choices due to Dr. Jordan’s effective way to emphasize how everything I do matters. I’m a Christian man that fears god and praying this only allows Jordan’s heart to open up to the lord through gods mighty challenge. You got this Jordan. God-Speed.
No more drinking with depression or with losers in bars 😂
No more being the loser in the bar who believes the others are the losers.
Depression is a thirst for God.
There is no God pill.
Vulnerable people grasping for life in the alcohol that only betrays them further. It's the clarity we seek within drunkenness yet that same clarity is possible in daily rituals of exercise and meditation but with 100x more benefits.
So true. Walk away from pathological relationships. I walked away twice and lived my own life in my own way. It works.
I remember another saying
"you can't reason someone out of a position that they themself did not reason thenself into"
And i will never forget that
I remember a situation many years ago trying to help someone get their act together, to no avail. Although I was not close to the person it still bothered me that I failed. One day I came across Proverbs 27:22 "Though you grind a fool in a mortar, grinding them like grain with a pestle, you will not remove their folly from them." I felt total peace after that.
Thank you for this … 4 years later and its the node in a network . Again Thank you
I would like to add that you may keep praying for this person even if you have to separate yourself from them
yes
He is an Earth Angel 👼 . Enlightened , but he is still human he also needs help and prayers. Thank you for empowering us...
This man must be protected at all costs
While watching this video. I realized that it happens with parents a lot. They often try to help the one who doesn't want to be helped. But they never give up. Because they can't stop offering the hand, just because you didn't take it. They will make sure that you realize you're falling. And you must take their hand. I have very mixed feelings when it comes to parents. They can't help themselves from being the savior. It's all they know.
I would be glad to see anyone respond to my videos. I just want to be helped. So if you can. 😅
Parents must learn to eventually let their children go.
@@M3XICANFL3M yup. That's so true. Its what will teach them to walk on their own. But I feel as if it's easy for us. But not for them. They feel that it's their responsibility to make sure we do the right thing. I always wish parents have the courage to let them fall so that they can learn to fly. and not curbing their potential by keeping them in their shell.
The only thing I can say is that overly helpful parents send the wrong message to their struggling kids. The message is “You can’t take care of yourself. I don’t believe in you. You need me because you’re not self-sufficient. You’re not a real adult. You’ll fail without me.”
You’ve left the child in a situation where if they DO succeed, they can’t really feel successful, because they only did it by breaking their parents backs. If they don’t succeed, they are chronically using and abusing the people they love and respect, who have helped them the most. That dilemma traps children in a dependent emotional state.
Parents need to not define their own sense of self-worth by the success of their adult child. Adults are adults. Done. If you respect your child, then you should see the potential in them. If you see the potential in them, show them the respect of having faith in them and their ability to achieve it. And mean it. You need to actually believe it.
Take a step back and find that healthy state of mind if you’re a parent. Let your kid make their own mistakes and find their own solutions. Stop trying to control their success.
When you do that, it will become obvious what they ACTUALLY need from you, and what you’re just giving them on a silver platter because you feel like you failed.
Some kids are going through a rough few years for some really good reasons - I was one of those. My parents gave me a house to live in and fed me dinner, and my mom even bought me some better clothes to wear and nicer shoes, and took walks with me. But they made me pay rent and utilities within reason - basically they matched it to what I could afford, and it went without saying of course that I couldn’t just lay around and freeload. They used phrases like “I’ll treat you this time”. It wasn’t a jab at my failures - just a way of reminding me that they were giving me a bit of a helping hand temporarily.
I got lucky to have such great parents. They’re wise, and emotionally self-sufficient. I’m over that rough patch now - it will probably always be the darkest time in my life - but now I have a successful business and I’m working on launching a start up. I’ll never stop being over-the-top grateful to them for having faith in me and not making it “about them”. They didn’t grill me or guilt trip me or try to “be the one” to make me see sense. They respected me as an adult, gave me space, and made it very clear their generosity had its limits, which gave me the anxiety I needed to dig myself out of the ditch I was in.
I can’t imagine how hard it must be to watch your kids fail. That’s tough. That’s life though. Suffering is useful. It makes us so uncomfortable we feel like we have to change. The best thing you can do is let someone achieve that change for themselves so they can take pride in their victory and feel empowered by it.
@@AK-jt7kh well, I totally agree with you. I wish every parent hear it and have the courage to let their children be self-sufficient. If parents don't even give their kids the responsibility, there is no way they are gonna learn to handle it. When it comes to struggling, its the responsibility of the parent to let them struggle so that they make their own path.
But the sad truth is when it comes to wrong tracks. Addictions and materialism. It is the responsibility of the parents to make sure they keep an eye on their kids. And make them see the light every time they get into the dark. But at such times kids can't see the worth in their words. And this way kids start to see their parents as their enemy. It is too difficult to handle a teenager who hasn't yet got the understanding of what's good for him. And yet at the same time also doesn't want to be helped. Because it's the stage where one is partially able to make judgments on own. They believe they are independent which they are, but not to the extent that they don't need anyone's help.
Sana Rajar Oh, when you’re talking about a teenager it’s a bit of a different story. I was referring more to adult kids - at least college-aged.
I find with teenagers (speaking as someone who isn’t a parent), the most important thing is to make them feel trusted and respected. Nothing makes a teenager rebel faster than trying to control them. The wonderful thing about teenagers is that they have time to make mistakes, and they still have their parents to help them through. Being a teenager is about getting those mistakes out of your system. Teenagers HAVE to struggle, I think. You wouldn’t want them moving out and going crazy in college where they don’t have the support of their family. They have to challenge the rules and face real-world consequences, and discover the truth for themselves. They have a very short window of opportunity to test out what it’s like to be an adult before they actually have to be one.
Parents often make poor decisions that are dictated by fear, when it comes to their teens. Fear-based choices are almost never wise. Materialism and addiction is something everyone needs to come face to face with, and make decisions about, on their own terms. A parent’s job is to ease off on parenting and allow their children to suffer the consequences for their mistakes, while providing guidance and wisdom - but not control.
At the point that your child is in highschool, they’re not a child. They’re a pseudo-adult, ready to experience adult situations. What better time to experience them than when they still have their parents to help them handle the consequences of those decisions?
I made a lot of mistakes as a teen, but my parents gave me the freedom to make them and they put their faith in me. They gave me their trust, and didn’t patronize me. The respect of my parents meant the world to me. It kept me from making some really bad choices. If they had treated me like a child, I would have wanted to act out to show myself that I can be empowered and I don’t have to listen to them anymore. Instead they took a step back and they let me mess up. I was a bit of a party animal for a few years in highschool. By the time I got to college I was SO sick of that lifestyle that I saw everyone around me who was doing it as childish - I was very motivated to succeed and I was top in most of my classes.
I think, realistically, parents need to accept that people need to have a rebellious phase where they test their independence, make bad choices, and face the consequences. Your choice is to let that happen while you’re there to help, or let it happen when you’re kid goes off to college - potentially hours or more away.
Parents who give their teens respect and distance, I think, have a much better chance of developing a significant, meaningful relationship with them. It’s much better to be the person your teen can come to when they need to ask for advice or share a secret, than it is to be their prison warden. Pretty soon they’ll be out “in the real world”. You don’t want to coddle them up until the point they have to leave, and then just dump them out there. This is a transitionary stage. The best way to facilitate a transition is to let them try to be an adult, while you are there to help them when they fall.
That’s my philosophy on parenting teens, at least!
This man is has a great mind and it is wrapped around reality ! Thank god for a public figure that gets it .
It’s called tough love. Those who won’t change for good and would come back again and again to abuse your kindness and soft heart. Some people, they won’t change after being sunk to the very bottom.
This brilliant teacher is a gifted and authentic human being. The very fact he is in rehabilitation shows that he practices what he preaches. Praying God's strength, peace, and power for full restoration.
I’m glad that I came across this video. I’d like to share my story while I’m here.
I’ve always been someone that had a hands-on approach to problem solving. If there was ever an issue, rather than attending to emotional needs, I would try to either address the problem directly or at least change how I interacted with it. When I reached a point in my life though where more emotion-focused coping of was needed of me, I lacked expertise.
I overtime became better at being emotionally supportive. However, the people in my life who I supported valued my support and any wisdom I had to offer, but whenever drama would emerge, such appreciation went out the window. One quality I was proud of, and one that others seemed to desire, was that I had no problems in my life. Of course, I did face challenges that define that living experience, but when it came to personal struggles and inconveniences, I always overcame them and never otherwise gave into despair and was genuinely a happy person. My problem-focused copping, I believe, is why that quality emerged.
With my friends, whenever there was drama-be it with other friends, romantic partners, parents, etc- I acted like a pseudo-Jesus figure: I integrated emotional help (long supportive talks, careful listening, spending money, etc) and my natural propensity for problem-solving (directly involving myself into a conflict as a mediating third party, offering any advice whether I was asked, and otherwise plunging myself into a forest fire trying to put it out with a water pale). After doing this all throughout high school, and after a recent situation, I came to realize something…
Whenever I would involve myself into a situation WHEN ASKED, and if things would go well, I was appreciated, but such appreciation would never be remembered. Whenever I would get involved without being asked and things wouldn’t work out so well, I would be accused of making things worse. After going through many cycles of this, I came to realize that I was always wasting my words and my efforts…
When things were already a disaster, and when I would step in and help, if a good outcome emerged, I would be acknowledged a little, but no to the same extent that I was negatively ridiculed for when I would help and things would go terribly. My good deeps were never remembered, but when bad outcomes would arise, I would be scapegoated and given complete blame. I will admit that there have been times where my interventions were perhaps not needed and common wisdom should have otherwise kept me at a safe distance. However, whenever the people around me were in despair and I’d help, I’d never be given full thanks, and when things did not unfold well, the conflicting parties would come together in unison out of the belief that it was always my fault.
I have been accused of wanting to take control of every situation and wanting to seek out drama for the sake of wanting to watch the world burn. In times of harmony, my efforts for helping achieve it would undervalued, and in times where things were in discord before I showed up, I would be scapegoated for the discord altogether (even in times when my help was asked).
I’ve learned that it’s perhaps better to not get involved in other peoples problems, even if at their bequest. There have been many times where I set myself on fire if it meant others could keep warm. Although I would always make a conscious effort to act with integrity, people only care about your intentions if they elicit the outcome they want. I’ve learned that if I walk along a clam path, look across, and see others burning alive, it’s not my responsibility to help, as I risk myself being burned, and I risked being help responsible for their burn marks if I try to PUT OUT the fire.
For all of those who like to help others when they can, remember that the struggles that occur outside of your direct involvement happen for a reason, and it cannot and should not be your responsibility to help. They have to do it themselves.
If anyone has any critiques of my character in all of this, please leave them bellow. I know that my perception of events is probably biased in my favor, so I’ll acknowledge knowing that I have never been a saint myself. In any case, I know I’m not a bad person, but I’ve noticed this pattern instantiate itself (where I offer help, and my intentions would subsequently be villainized and misunderstood) many times over, and this is the wisdom I’ve extracted from it.
Get your life together and manifest the reality of an alternative mode of being. Awesome!
What does he mean that by getting your life together you can help them out?
It is so sad when you desperately want to help someone you love but they're not willing to let you, but it's absolutely true that you can't go on banging your head on a wall,it has to stop.
It's a good thing Peterson's family was there for him during his struggle even though he was lost.
very hard to accept, for both of me, the helping one and the one in deep misery
I pray you live a long and healthy life and keep imparting your wisdom to the world.
I have had to walk away from each of my family members (mother, father, sister and brother) one at a time. I know that people do not realize how hard that is to do and how many times the question "Could I have done more?" pops into my head. When I was 20 or so, I went to my family doctor and told him I needed professional help. He asked me what my problems were. When I finished telling him he said those were not my problems but rather my family's problems and if I could not see that perhaps I did need help. He referred me to self-help books. I left thinking he was wrong but did take his advice about the books. They started me on my journey. I look back now and wonder what my life would have been like if I did accept that they were my family's problems and went on with my life then but I was not ready. It is a tough decision to walk away. Each person has to do it on their own timetable. At 66 I finally have the peace of mind that I yearned for all my life.
I started with "Games People Play," "I'm Okay, You're Okay," and "The Road Less Traveled" a little over 45 years ago. It's been a struggle, but so worth it.
Many of my old friends left me, now I know why. I gotta change!!! Thanks Jordan!!!
A truly intelligent caring rational human being. 🙏
This is so true. We have to offer help to others from a position of safety.
I have such reverence for this soul.
I'm really employing the "do not cast pearls before swine" concept now that I've heard Peterson's explanation. A painful lesson to accept less from people, to accept friends not caring about what I do or what's close to my heart. But why fight it? Either accept your friends as they are, or stop being friends with them because they don't meet your standards. See where your standards lead you. In my lifetime, it's a clear reality that even my low standards are too high for most people. I'll have to protect myself, be the caring person as the example, and accept the friendships that are actually available. Acceptance, empathy, and actually showing up are all I ask for at this point. Anyone who doesn't meet that BASIC level isn't a friend. I will have to accept a few minimal friendships, and live most of my life alone on my path otherwise. Fighting reality is unwise, and only leaves you entangled with dysfunctional, toxic people who will never live up to basic standards.
In my case it’s my daughter 💕 I want to help. Approaching “feet first” is really, really hard. She’s floundering and it is hard to determine if she wants help (she says she does) or if she’s “unfindable” and actually quite unwillingly to learn and change (based upon repeated behaviors). I want to hold her, help her...and yet she continues to say and do things that I can only describe as.... misguided. Misguided is the single best word I can find to describe her behavior and actions, unwise is another. There are many derogatory terms I might otherwise use as well, but simply labeling troubling behaviors and beliefs isn’t going to help her change them. If she even wants to change...therein lies my dilemma...😔
W. B.'s Friends and Fun - you must let her fall and ask for your help
"Don't cast your pearls before swines"....hmmmm, that hit me in my chest hard Sir!
Jesus said that regarding telling others the Gospel.
Psalm40
Yup. This guy was using the verse wrong and out of context.
@@johnkranig2054 Yeah, these guys that plagiarize Gods Holy Word to teach others foolish worldy pep talks are treading on their own souls!!
That was a big slap on my face. So many years trying to help those who actually didnt want my help,and what a waste of time and effort! I need to start listening more to eminence J.Peterson
It took me decades to learn this lesson. Pearls before swine is so correct.
This is so harsh yet so true.
Absolutely correct some of us have learned the hard way.
''Like everything else in life;
you just gotta keep tryin' all that s-tuff that doesn't work.'' -gilpin 92619
A quote I read in a book could also mean something in relation to what was mentioned in the video about not casting pearls before swine, it may have been said by Munenori, "An unpolished jewel attracts dirt and dust. A polished one doesn't become soiled even if put in the mud. Train hard and polish your mind so that it may remain."
I imagine a possible example could be when Ang in the series Avatar The Last Airbender's final fight with the Fire Lord where Aang was told earlier he should be "unbendable".
So much wisdom in just a short video. I've been crying deep inside for quite sometime now. My relationship with my brother has been ugly and I've tried so many ways to get us on the loving track. He refuses my help. He hates me to the core. I've apologized countless times for any wrong I did him, those that I can remember and even those I might have forgotten.
I've tried giving advice, lending a helping hand, being there in need, asked for his help even, tried to get him to participate in acts of love. All I get is threats and revenge.
But tonight, I've learnt something very big in this video. I'm smiling as I wait for a new day to live. To move on. To be tougher and a little wiser. Thank you TH-cam.
Man o man does this sound like some people I know. They are impervious to their own self-destructive behavior no matter how many examples of good alternatives they are given. Sometimes the horse just will not drink, no matter how thirsty it is.
@marthale7 The Good Lord never gives up on us, and I would never call Him a fool.
Im always enlightened by your words on what life is esp the way you explain it is so intellectual and clear. God bless you.
@UCKN3xZTrqwC00wD_G6qAaZg i dont know him. But i know for a fact that i can relate to what he saying and how he explains it. Don't judge or criticize instead encourage bro hes only human. I bet you are too.
This was something I had to learn. Only help people who want to be helped.
I’m am the lost that can’t be brought back to the light and he is right. No one can help me. If more people were honest like this, maybe this world would be worth living well in.
It’s hard to do but eventually it must be done.
So so true , have been in situations exactly as he is describing , we must not continue to force “help” on those that are not ready to accept it . Believe years ago the term was coined as “tough love “ and it is 100% accurate .
Great clip for as many as possible to see 🤔
I was just helping a stranger who was sharing about their brutal situation in life at the moment. It was clear he wasn't over his ex and i could see myself in his exact spot not even 6-7 months ago. I offered him words to lift him up, to give him hope and to bolster his self esteem. He shrugged them off saying "can't i just feel bad, i'm having a bad day", i felt like saying just today huh.. Instead I tried again from a slightly different approuch. Same thing, he wants to be sad he wants to feel bad for himself and he lashed back saying just stop. I was stunned, embarrassed that i had cared about this random stranger and wanted help him. This exact jordan peterson speech came ringing through my head "don't cast pearls among swine.". I realized i can't let his negativity prevent me from spreading kindness to others by letting his misguided words hurt me.
He just saved the remainder of my life.
Also, recently I replied no to & had to hang up on a high school friend that tracked me down. Sooo emancipating, I can't wait to run into more of my "swiney" gangster dabbling ex-friends to say peace AND then keep disconnected. Something I was too nice to do back in hs & acted somewhat complacent about. Too much tolerance for dysfunction..
Remember people can use your proclivities, just as they can use your possessions.
I learned that lesson the hard way for 20 years trying to help my cussin because I really thought he was family but his family didn’t even care about me or my family for how I tried to really help him and it costed me a lot. Very good video, thank you 🙏
Blessings of good health for you and your family!
Here is to realizing that you need to walk away from the ones we wish to know us but they won't even take a chance on us.
This is wisdom that many don’t grasp!
God bless you Jordan and your family, you are an inspiration. Your words have helped me enormously. Thank you for caring.
One of his best; at his most philosophical.
I needed to hear this tonight. I care very much for a friend. She is ruining so much in her life. I have tried so much to help her. It's hard to watch. As much as I love her, I had to step back. Now, I realize I did the best thing I could have done.
I think with his indepth wisdom he can carry a great burden. Or with such humility his self being is so sensitive he his embodiment boils over with gratitude. I have so much empathy and passion for this human being. His Family is burdened with being intolerant and allergic to almost everything. They have found the balance in diet. As he said it was hell on its effect on their Social life. God Bless and strengthen you and all your Family. Of all you all deserve it☺❤☺
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves
"dont save her, she dont want to be saved" j cole
There's so much common sense to most of what he says, which, I believe, accounts for his appeal. He articulates what we intuitively know.
I discovered Peterson 2 years ago when casually studying philosophy and making my way through my own existential crisis, and it was a breath of fresh air. He says what I want to hear because it's what I know to be true about finding meaning and purpose in life, i just needed it to be articulated by someone else. He has helped me gain confidence in myself, I haven't had any due to being badly bullied in grade school. One of the few people I truly respect.
Right.. it's an important key issue that a person wants to be found or wants to grow or to own life. If they don't, you can't help them. You can't be someone else's commitment to truth, responsibility, or morality for them. They'll drown you with them. You can't force someone to open their mind to reason. You can only pitch it to them.
The Story about Jesus, his mother and uncle is FAR from what the New Testament actually says. But he still makes his point.
Didn't happen. The situation was with a disciple, not Mary. The man spoke of his father. He didn't ask Jesus to do anything but wanted to wait before he joined the ministry. This man uses only hearsay evidence about Christianity. He has no heart knowledge. He's as dysfunctional as the people he addresses.
He mixed up several events, but as he spoke, I realized the same point was made in each of them. So, he got the essence right.
@@introverdant , if the point was derived from the analogy clearly then the point was made correctly. That's true even if the analogy used differs from the source. What you can say is just that: the analogy cited differs from the named source. But, since the video already recognized that as a possibility, you'd be saying nothing new.
Why do you suppose you'd do something like that?
I wouldn't quibble. The King James and the Revised Standard are in part political documents of their time. It may be that the version of the Bible he is citing is closer to the original than the ones you or I grew up with.
man that is hard . been there .
Dr. Peterson rocks!
I agree with a lot of what he says, but you never give up on a loved one, be thankful that you are not in the same negative situation and always be there for them, don't be an enabler for negative actions but you can never give up on your nearest and dearest
If you're feeling lost, reach out for help. We all need to be heard, we all need support and guidance sometimes. When things are not ok, speak out and reach out for help, we all go through difficult situations and we all need support.
@@hankjones7576 Kind Up a little Brother.
th-cam.com/video/1cSlspU4_PY/w-d-xo.html
"Everybody" album: ''Diamonds in the Rough'' -John Prine 1972
While out sailing on the ocean
While out sailing on the sea
I bumped into the Savior
And He said pardon me
I said "Jesus you look tired"
He said "Jesus so do you,
Sit down son
'Cause I got some fat to chew"
[Chorus:]
Everybody needs somebody that they can talk to
Someone to open up their ears
And let that trouble through
Now you don't have to sympathize
Or care what they may do
But everybody needs somebody that they can talk to
Well he spoke to me of morality
Starvation, pain and sin
Matter of fact the whole dang time
I only got a few words in
But I won't squawk
Let 'em talk
Hell it's been a long long time
And any friend that's been turned down
Is bound to be a friend of mine
[Chorus]
Now we sat there for an hour or two
Just eatin' that Gospel pie
When around the bend come a terrible wind
And lightning lit the sky
He said so long son I gotta run
Appreciate you listening to me
And I believe I heard him sing these words
As he skipped out across the sea
[Chorus] -Former U.S. Paratrooper Sgt. '71-'74
''How can I begin anything new with all of yesterday in me?'' -Leonard Cohen
''The less I was of who I was the better I felt.'' -Leonard Cohen
''Life's just one big continuance of adjustments.'' me
@@soldtobediers You're right I shouldn't be so harsh towards others I should ease up and show more compassion. Thank you for the friendly reminder. Nice song I liked its message I enjoyed listening to it.
@@hankjones7576 Done it myself many a time. Brings me back to the way Dylan put it in the lines he has @ timeline 2:00 on the following link. th-cam.com/video/llK08ljfj7Y/w-d-xo.html
This song's lyrics are so strong, that at my Dad's graveside funeral when it was played; that the following day the old gentleman who ran the back-hoe said that he went home that evening after work and search his Bible for where many of the words he'd heard in the song were - but could not find them. I had these later following words of the song engraved in the middle of my parents companion stone... @ 4:36
''I am hanging in the balance of a *perfect finished plan. Like every sparrow fallen. like every grain of sand.'' Blessings be upon your future endeavors Hank!
*His songs later version of words used.
What if someone dear to you is lost, but never reaches out for help? What if they even reject what little help they're given? What then.
Wow..this is topical for me..letting go of a woman I thought was it..it fucking sucks..this helps tho thank you..absolutely love your videos
#MGTOW
Get well! When you are a better man, you will find a better woman. And may you both be blessed.
CM M hi I had to let go of a friend of 20 years , when I finally realised I did all the trying to pleas , by running her everywhere , shops hostpital etc , but when I had to cancel running her and her partner to hostpital for a routine visit as another friend was going home to an empty house after a big op , and needed help , she was furious ,I felt like a taxi service , this was the tip of the iceberg , so I cut her out of my life , I still miss her company ,but I am not prepared to be used like that ,ps I am 75 ,
Thanks for that! I've left my entire family and the more emotional distance I gain, the surer I get that I'll never return! Sometimes I wonder to what degree they know what they do. I'll probably never find out and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't even really matter.
God bless Jordan Peterson. I went through Klonopin withdrawal. It is a hell like no other. I became enlightened because of the sheer hell I was enduring daily and for a very long time. The only way I got through it was to believe in something higher then myself. I lost everything including the conditioning I was following. I'm still recovering today.
Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!
thank you for this message today. I needed this today to recomfirm my decision to walk away& end a relationship with a narcissist ex after 4 years!! god bless you!!
C R B the best is yet to come ,xxx
So very true. Harsh, but true. You can't save everyone.
Lord I needed this 🫴🏽
Wow I needed this !!
Thanks for the videos! Keep it up.
It's so enlightening when someone can articulate what you've been trying to
I really like this piece by the doctor. This one touched me at a time that I needed to hear this!