Semi recovered is just as torturous mentally, but others think you're doing well. Physical symptoms are generally a bit better but the unhappiness and rules and restrictions are still there. There's no freedom or sense of being carefree
EXACTLY. and i've always said, every time in my life when i'd been restricting to 500 calories or less it honestly feels easier than when i was restricting even 1300-1500 calories for some reason. because at that point, my brain is just SO afraid of food and wanting food that even though the mental hunger is still there and i'm deep down obsessed, i somehow end up thinking about food and eating less because my brain doesn't want to feel that fear from knowing how bad I want to eat. If that makes sense. Also probably because I have much less brain power in general eating that little. And feeling numb and dead inside feels good in a way because I feel more valid and closer to deserving of recovery, and people can see how thin i am. Restricting at higher calories is when i've suffered the most MENTALLY from thinking about food every second of the day. and i didn't even look sick.
Nailed it on the head: slap bang my current situation! And in so many ways, it is, at this 'stage', so much harder to motivate myself to continue than it was when I was very underweight. And, as you say and when I'm totally honest: there is no real difference between "semi-recovered" and not recovered at all. The daily mental torture is still there, my head is still just the same in so many ways (and even worse in some areas), but to the outside world I'm "obviously doing so much better, doing well". I cannot say I haven't made any progress - never been closer to a healthy weight in over a decade - but I still feel just as 'sick' as before ... only, now, it doesn't show anymore.
Oh yes I'm a stubborn little bastard. (for me) The eating disorder was so draining to maintain, that I don't see any point of going back there. Hell yes I gained a lot of weight, hell yes I am constantly hungry. But as you said I have no doubt that I will recover, bc I know that restriction is not even an option anymore. After comitting to 100 no restriction (all in), it became so much easier to recover. As you said, now it's about the details and the time. I tried semi recovery (without knowing it) so many times and it just felt as horrible as the ed times. Larger body, but still fucked up in the head... Oh man, i'm so looking forward to full recovery.
This helps a lot. I really struggle with the thought that I have to make myself look sick on the outside for people to understand the hell inside of me..
I have stopped bingeing finally as I’m now eating enough for my body. People are telling me how well I look with a big smile on their face. Inside I can’t bear it. I cannot stand this body that I am now in. I hate taking a bath, I hate getting dressed. I get anxious when I get hungry because I know I need to eat but can’t help feeling guilty for eating so much and not being able to sit with the hunger. I was unhappy when I was bingeing but I’m still unhappy even though I’ve stopped doing the thing I hated most. This is not the “recovery” I want.
Sarah Bartlett I think it takes time to get use to your new body ... I have been here to with feeling not able to bear being in my bigger body but hang in there it gets better just hang in there
I hear what you're saying, Tabitha, about us being stubborn. Once we've decided, we stick to it. We're good with rules. It was just getting to the point of deciding on full recovery that was so hard. Friends, speaking from the other side now, I want to encourage us all- when the hard times hit, that stubborn thing inside keeps hold. It says, "yeah right, no way, I'm not letting that eating disorder back in." Once you're fully recovered, you really are fully recovered, and you'll know it, and it's so free.
I dont follow any rules anymore, dont exercise, not focused on calories, not hungry all the time, gained loads but struggle with my new old body and feel extremely guilty after eating certain things or more than 3 or 4 times a day..which I hate but I have no idea how to shift this bit ..
Elaine Sulllivan I can hear Tabitha telling you to keep going, eat without restriction, and allow your brain to continue rewiring. You are doing the right actions, but it takes our hard-wired brains time to change. It will get easier over time. Push through this “stuck” period you are experiencing.💪🙏❤️
@@lisamccarter6063 thanks .. I still haven't got my period back .. its been so long now.. I just want this obsession about food and cooking also to shift ..
When I decided to recover, my #1 goal was to get my period back after 10+ years of amenorrhea due to overexercising and undereating (HA). It took me 5 months to get my period back and did my best to embrace the weight gain that was required along with it. But I didn't realize that my subconscious was basically like "Ok, got the period back, and now we're up 35 lbs, gotta stop gaining weight NOW!". And that's when my food rules and compulsive exercise habits started leaking back ever so slightly, so slightly that I didn't fully realize it. Which lead to binging, and left me just downright frustrated because I was/am like, "I'm suppost to be 'recovered', WTF?!". But this video definitely echos a lot of what I'm going through now, and makes me realize that despite being "weight restored" I am not fully recovered after all. I want to commit to myself to shatter those glass walls, stop my brain from calorie counting once and for all, and to just feel at peace day-to-day without any sort of food guilt, or binging. Thank you for always posting these incredible videos and giving great, blunt advice.
@@sarahbartlett9870 SO much better. Thanks so much for checking in! I had to abruptly stop and essentially go back to square one- quit the gym, honor my cravings, and work on my mental health. It also kinda helped that I started a new job so I had a distraction lol but I can gladly say that I am in a much better spot than when I originally wrote that- I even incorporated weight training back in but no longer am I doing it for previous reasons. And I honor my body when it doesn't want to exercise for a day or whatever. Just being patient and taking time to learn the cues of your body (and of course learn to listen instead of shutting it out) is huge...
@@cmjx106 That’s good to hear and thanks for replying. I feel I’m in that exact same spot. . May I ask what happened to your weight ? Did you gain any more after the 35lbs? Did you lose ?
@@sarahbartlett9870 I actually stopped weighing myself more than a year ago so I couldn't tell ya. I would say from start to finish I gained maybe about 40 lbs in recovery, I have no idea if the actual number today is less or more .. but that was the best thing I could've done for myself, if I continued weighing myself I definitely wouldn't have been successful at this at all
What an insightful video. I know that really deep down I know full well what I need to do. I know that I’m deceiving myself and others. I know that making that commitment to be fully recovered, is incredibly hard. But shit, if I’ve had the strength to wire my brain to do what it does now, then surely I have the strength and courage to rewire it back especially since I know so much more. Thank you again x
Hey Tabitha!! Firstly, thank you for this video. Secondly, I wanna share my situation with you. I started recovering in december 2016 and got my period back in december 2017. At that point, I had gained some weight but I was still pretty skinny...like skinnier than my pre-ed weight or the weight that I had always been at. Prior to my ed, I had always been skinny like really skinny very naturally. After getting my period back, I started to become obsessed with restricting some types of foods and being strict with exercise....exercising even when I didn't feel like it (2018). Then, I started to experience....extreme hunger or just never feeling full. I started getting acne, my period became scanty and my hair...dry and brittle. Then, I couldn't bear the hunger and food obsession anymore and started giving in to it. I gained a lot of weight...very quick. I was over my pre-ed or natural weight. My hunger normalised. I never had food thoughts, concentration was good, energy was good, no puffiness etc. But then, I started to exercise again and slowly, I started to eat restrictively again. (2019) I was consciously choosing low calorie stuff (counting calories in my head) and eating very low fat and mostly vegan. My workout time was building up more and more. Lost a ton of weight in a few months. My skin cleared up but still very sensitive to some foods which is why I was restricting these foods, in the first place. And then...went on a holiday where I was calculating things in my head ALL THE TIME. After I came back, I started experiencing extreme hunger again. Couldn't bear it. Decided to never restrict again and go "all in". Gave in to it and gained all that weight back and I think....even more than I had lost and my skin was covered with acne again. It's been 9 months since then now, I've lost very minimal amount of weight and my skin has cleared up A LOT but still feels a bit sensitive to certain foods or it's all in my head..i don't know. I haven't fully let go of restriction. In between these months, I've been restricting certain foods mainly because I'm scared of what it would to my skin. I've been exercising on and off...trying all these different types and timings of working out because I'm desperate to return to my normal self where I'm not thinking about food and I have the energy to do physical activities that I like and to have normal clear skin again and normal period again. My period is very short and scanty. I feel hopeless. Some days, I'm still obsessed with food and have extreme hunger. I get hungry within 30 mins of waking up. Even if I go for a morning walk, I'll get hungry in between my walk. This feels terrible. I see people enjoying their life....not thinking about food, being able to move their bodies without getting so hungry afterwards or in between. I don't know what to do. Is this extreme hunger the same as when I started recovering in 2016? Do I still have some damage to repair? Am I normal? Do I need to rest?? When will this overshoot go down? Am I allowed to eat the way I always did when I didn't have an eating disorder? Will I ever be able to exercise without it making me sooooo hungry afterwards even if its not strenuous?
Tabitha, are you inside my head? Because I’m telling you... you are describing me here, absolutely 100% me, and what is going on in my head. Weight restored, but totally doolally on the inside. In fact, I had my phone propped up and your video playing whilst I was doing the exercises that I’ve become obsessed with doing during quarantine . I think you would describe that as ‘ f***ed up’, am I right?
I don't know if this is something you could help me with but I feel like if I respond to all of my hunger then I'll just end up with a ton of health problems and I know people try to say that most people who are obese most the time get there just because they've been dieting and restricting but for them it just hasn't worked and they get to obesity but my dad is obese And he's never restricted and he eats pretty healthy I would say he's just obese and it's giving him a ton of health problems and that's the same with my grandpa who when he ate intuitively he ended up getting diabetes and being overweight so how do I know that if I eat intuitively that that won't happen to me??
Hey! I would appreciate your opinion on this: I see a psychotherapist, who diagnosed me with the eating disorder and with whom I work on family related issues. Now I a 3-4 months into all in recovery, everything goes well, my digestion works better, my skin cleared from acne, my mood elevated, despite weight gain i feel more comfortable in my body and i don't think about food 24/7. So, I've told all of this to my therapist, she nodded and started promoting her MBSR (mindfulness) course, where a guy who had problems with eating lost 12kgs without noticing. I was a bit startled.. I just told her I feel so much better with this weight and she tells me how somebody else just lost some.. Then she recommended a homeopathic drug to lessen my hunger. Like wtf? I have tried to talk to her about my recovery, but I feel don't feel understood. She claims to have very much experience and status in the psychotherapist community and she helps me with the family issues, but something feels off...
If you’re asking the question I think you probably already know the answer. Definitely find another therapist. This is all kinds of wrong. I see this post was months ago. Hope you’re doing well.
@@fruityliving3413 Hey! Thanks for your reply! Well.. I am still working with this particular psychotherapist. I was very upset after this session and we talked about it the next time i saw her. She explained herself and we moved on. I am still not 100% sure she is suits my needs the best but i will give her a couple more months. But thank you for caring!
Semi recovered is just as torturous mentally, but others think you're doing well. Physical symptoms are generally a bit better but the unhappiness and rules and restrictions are still there. There's no freedom or sense of being carefree
I can totally 100% relate!
I’m there..
EXACTLY. and i've always said, every time in my life when i'd been restricting to 500 calories or less it honestly feels easier than when i was restricting even 1300-1500 calories for some reason. because at that point, my brain is just SO afraid of food and wanting food that even though the mental hunger is still there and i'm deep down obsessed, i somehow end up thinking about food and eating less because my brain doesn't want to feel that fear from knowing how bad I want to eat. If that makes sense. Also probably because I have much less brain power in general eating that little. And feeling numb and dead inside feels good in a way because I feel more valid and closer to deserving of recovery, and people can see how thin i am. Restricting at higher calories is when i've suffered the most MENTALLY from thinking about food every second of the day. and i didn't even look sick.
Nailed it on the head: slap bang my current situation! And in so many ways, it is, at this 'stage', so much harder to motivate myself to continue than it was when I was very underweight.
And, as you say and when I'm totally honest: there is no real difference between "semi-recovered" and not recovered at all. The daily mental torture is still there, my head is still just the same in so many ways (and even worse in some areas), but to the outside world I'm "obviously doing so much better, doing well". I cannot say I haven't made any progress - never been closer to a healthy weight in over a decade - but I still feel just as 'sick' as before ... only, now, it doesn't show anymore.
Oh yes I'm a stubborn little bastard. (for me) The eating disorder was so draining to maintain, that I don't see any point of going back there. Hell yes I gained a lot of weight, hell yes I am constantly hungry. But as you said I have no doubt that I will recover, bc I know that restriction is not even an option anymore. After comitting to 100 no restriction (all in), it became so much easier to recover. As you said, now it's about the details and the time.
I tried semi recovery (without knowing it) so many times and it just felt as horrible as the ed times. Larger body, but still fucked up in the head... Oh man, i'm so looking forward to full recovery.
This helps a lot. I really struggle with the thought that I have to make myself look sick on the outside for people to understand the hell inside of me..
I have stopped bingeing finally as I’m now eating enough for my body. People are telling me how well I look with a big smile on their face. Inside I can’t bear it. I cannot stand this body that I am now in. I hate taking a bath, I hate getting dressed. I get anxious when I get hungry because I know I need to eat but can’t help feeling guilty for eating so much and not being able to sit with the hunger. I was unhappy when I was bingeing but I’m still unhappy even though I’ve stopped doing the thing I hated most. This is not the “recovery” I want.
Sarah Bartlett I think it takes time to get use to your new body ... I have been here to with feeling not able to bear being in my bigger body but hang in there it gets better just hang in there
@@JoJo-vg9sj It will pass, I promise you. Just keep holding on, everything will go better soon.
I hear what you're saying, Tabitha, about us being stubborn. Once we've decided, we stick to it. We're good with rules. It was just getting to the point of deciding on full recovery that was so hard. Friends, speaking from the other side now, I want to encourage us all- when the hard times hit, that stubborn thing inside keeps hold. It says, "yeah right, no way, I'm not letting that eating disorder back in." Once you're fully recovered, you really are fully recovered, and you'll know it, and it's so free.
I dont follow any rules anymore, dont exercise, not focused on calories, not hungry all the time, gained loads but struggle with my new old body and feel extremely guilty after eating certain things or more than 3 or 4 times a day..which I hate but I have no idea how to shift this bit ..
Elaine Sulllivan I can hear Tabitha telling you to keep going, eat without restriction, and allow your brain to continue rewiring. You are doing the right actions, but it takes our hard-wired brains time to change. It will get easier over time. Push through this “stuck” period you are experiencing.💪🙏❤️
@@lisamccarter6063 thanks .. I still haven't got my period back .. its been so long now.. I just want this obsession about food and cooking also to shift ..
When I decided to recover, my #1 goal was to get my period back after 10+ years of amenorrhea due to overexercising and undereating (HA). It took me 5 months to get my period back and did my best to embrace the weight gain that was required along with it. But I didn't realize that my subconscious was basically like "Ok, got the period back, and now we're up 35 lbs, gotta stop gaining weight NOW!". And that's when my food rules and compulsive exercise habits started leaking back ever so slightly, so slightly that I didn't fully realize it. Which lead to binging, and left me just downright frustrated because I was/am like, "I'm suppost to be 'recovered', WTF?!". But this video definitely echos a lot of what I'm going through now, and makes me realize that despite being "weight restored" I am not fully recovered after all.
I want to commit to myself to shatter those glass walls, stop my brain from calorie counting once and for all, and to just feel at peace day-to-day without any sort of food guilt, or binging. Thank you for always posting these incredible videos and giving great, blunt advice.
How are you now ? I can relate
@@sarahbartlett9870 SO much better. Thanks so much for checking in! I had to abruptly stop and essentially go back to square one- quit the gym, honor my cravings, and work on my mental health. It also kinda helped that I started a new job so I had a distraction lol but I can gladly say that I am in a much better spot than when I originally wrote that- I even incorporated weight training back in but no longer am I doing it for previous reasons. And I honor my body when it doesn't want to exercise for a day or whatever. Just being patient and taking time to learn the cues of your body (and of course learn to listen instead of shutting it out) is huge...
@@cmjx106 That’s good to hear and thanks for replying. I feel I’m in that exact same spot. . May I ask what happened to your weight ? Did you gain any more after the 35lbs? Did you lose ?
@@sarahbartlett9870 I actually stopped weighing myself more than a year ago so I couldn't tell ya. I would say from start to finish I gained maybe about 40 lbs in recovery, I have no idea if the actual number today is less or more .. but that was the best thing I could've done for myself, if I continued weighing myself I definitely wouldn't have been successful at this at all
What an insightful video. I know that really deep down I know full well what I need to do. I know that I’m deceiving myself and others. I know that making that commitment to be fully recovered, is incredibly hard. But shit, if I’ve had the strength to wire my brain to do what it does now, then surely I have the strength and courage to rewire it back especially since I know so much more.
Thank you again x
Great video. Perfect for many of my clients. Thanks.
Hi Tabitha, can you make a video for people who haven't an eating disorders, where you give explanation about eating disorders?
Hey Tabitha!! Firstly, thank you for this video. Secondly, I wanna share my situation with you. I started recovering in december 2016 and got my period back in december 2017. At that point, I had gained some weight but I was still pretty skinny...like skinnier than my pre-ed weight or the weight that I had always been at. Prior to my ed, I had always been skinny like really skinny very naturally. After getting my period back, I started to become obsessed with restricting some types of foods and being strict with exercise....exercising even when I didn't feel like it (2018). Then, I started to experience....extreme hunger or just never feeling full. I started getting acne, my period became scanty and my hair...dry and brittle. Then, I couldn't bear the hunger and food obsession anymore and started giving in to it. I gained a lot of weight...very quick. I was over my pre-ed or natural weight. My hunger normalised. I never had food thoughts, concentration was good, energy was good, no puffiness etc. But then, I started to exercise again and slowly, I started to eat restrictively again. (2019) I was consciously choosing low calorie stuff (counting calories in my head) and eating very low fat and mostly vegan. My workout time was building up more and more. Lost a ton of weight in a few months. My skin cleared up but still very sensitive to some foods which is why I was restricting these foods, in the first place. And then...went on a holiday where I was calculating things in my head ALL THE TIME. After I came back, I started experiencing extreme hunger again. Couldn't bear it. Decided to never restrict again and go "all in". Gave in to it and gained all that weight back and I think....even more than I had lost and my skin was covered with acne again. It's been 9 months since then now, I've lost very minimal amount of weight and my skin has cleared up A LOT but still feels a bit sensitive to certain foods or it's all in my head..i don't know. I haven't fully let go of restriction. In between these months, I've been restricting certain foods mainly because I'm scared of what it would to my skin. I've been exercising on and off...trying all these different types and timings of working out because I'm desperate to return to my normal self where I'm not thinking about food and I have the energy to do physical activities that I like and to have normal clear skin again and normal period again. My period is very short and scanty. I feel hopeless. Some days, I'm still obsessed with food and have extreme hunger. I get hungry within 30 mins of waking up. Even if I go for a morning walk, I'll get hungry in between my walk. This feels terrible. I see people enjoying their life....not thinking about food, being able to move their bodies without getting so hungry afterwards or in between. I don't know what to do. Is this extreme hunger the same as when I started recovering in 2016? Do I still have some damage to repair? Am I normal? Do I need to rest?? When will this overshoot go down? Am I allowed to eat the way I always did when I didn't have an eating disorder? Will I ever be able to exercise without it making me sooooo hungry afterwards even if its not strenuous?
Hi Puneet! I's been two years. I'm wondering have you found answers to your questions? How are you doing now?
Tabitha, are you inside my head? Because I’m telling you... you are describing me here, absolutely 100% me, and what is going on in my head. Weight restored, but totally doolally on the inside. In fact, I had my phone propped up and your video playing whilst I was doing the exercises that I’ve become obsessed with doing during quarantine . I think you would describe that as ‘ f***ed up’, am I right?
Joanne Day hi lovely - I used to be obsessed with exercise - happy to chat 💭? Xx
The fucked up analogy 😂😂
I don't know if this is something you could help me with but I feel like if I respond to all of my hunger then I'll just end up with a ton of health problems and I know people try to say that most people who are obese most the time get there just because they've been dieting and restricting but for them it just hasn't worked and they get to obesity but my dad is obese And he's never restricted and he eats pretty healthy I would say he's just obese and it's giving him a ton of health problems and that's the same with my grandpa who when he ate intuitively he ended up getting diabetes and being overweight so how do I know that if I eat intuitively that that won't happen to me??
Hey! I would appreciate your opinion on this:
I see a psychotherapist, who diagnosed me with the eating disorder and with whom I work on family related issues. Now I a 3-4 months into all in recovery, everything goes well, my digestion works better, my skin cleared from acne, my mood elevated, despite weight gain i feel more comfortable in my body and i don't think about food 24/7. So, I've told all of this to my therapist, she nodded and started promoting her MBSR (mindfulness) course, where a guy who had problems with eating lost 12kgs without noticing. I was a bit startled.. I just told her I feel so much better with this weight and she tells me how somebody else just lost some.. Then she recommended a homeopathic drug to lessen my hunger. Like wtf? I have tried to talk to her about my recovery, but I feel don't feel understood. She claims to have very much experience and status in the psychotherapist community and she helps me with the family issues, but something feels off...
If you’re asking the question I think you probably already know the answer. Definitely find another therapist. This is all kinds of wrong. I see this post was months ago. Hope you’re doing well.
@@fruityliving3413 Hey! Thanks for your reply! Well.. I am still working with this particular psychotherapist. I was very upset after this session and we talked about it the next time i saw her. She explained herself and we moved on. I am still not 100% sure she is suits my needs the best but i will give her a couple more months. But thank you for caring!
SaphirBeere that’s good you could talk it through with her. Hope it continues to go well. 👍🏻
She sounds like she has a issue herself