Wow ... triggered 🙏🙏 "my" ex narcissist is Croatian. I have been there three times in the last 12 months ..over 4 months in total as we both live in America..... I walked away in December ... behind the illusionary mask is a house of horrors..... 🙏🙏 hardest thing ever... if you've never experienced it, you wouldn't possibly understand. Thank you!!
@roxyright4782 I don't want to turn this into a nationality issue but as a Croatian woman I can tell that most of the Croat men are narcs...Our society rise them that way and thinks that is the right way for a man to behave and gaslights women about it. Of course there are exeptions and I do notice a slow progress of younger and better educated generations.This refers also to the other countrys on the Balkans and wider. I could also be wrong bit I'm sure that countries and metallities like ours are breeding soils for narcs. No offence to anyone. God bless.
@@jelicabudic9288 🫂❤️🙏💫🪐.... total chills, tears of strength , resilience and courage 🙏 I don't know you per se but I profoundly feel this message. Thank you for taking the time 🙏
@@samvaknin I actually tried to get that right out of respect… hence the edited comment. Still missed it lol. Sorry about that professor Vaknin! 💜💜. Thanks for everything!!!!
No, it's not a good situation to be a service provider. I think the "service provider " could feel quite confused in the beginning and incredibly angry, (which masquerades sadness) later on.
The emphesis on the duality of seperation individuation, getting rid of the internal objects process is amazing..2 infants pretending to be mothers..couldn’t help my tears..for both party it is the most painful and hardest part..Knowing the depths of this illness and that the narcissist is not intentionally evil makes it harder though..feels like being haunted, cursed eternally. Hope to find a way out of this someday..
Their father are equally to blame. They always BECOME fathers. That's about their fathers. Not saying their mother isn't guilty too but their father cause huge trauma in them. I have never met a narcissist who had a decent father
wow! Every time I listen to you I learn so much I didn’t know. The depth of your knowledge is quite amazing. Especially about the fantasy projections and the house of mirrors is a very good visual image the relationship between the narcissist and the supplier of sex ,service, etc..
So right about "victim" joining in on the fantasy at the beginning. After me finally breaking it off with him, I recognized my part in the fantasy at the beginning, before seeing this video, and you confirmed it. Thank God the relationship was short and I ended it with "no contact". He is a neighbor and drew me in time and time again...now I know better. He's moved on to someone else and the woman before me (he was grooming me when they were still seeing each other) will sleep with him if neither of them has a current sex partner (according to him). This is all within a year and a half. I won't be lured in again, Thank you so much for sharing your work on youtube.
What are your thoughts on repeat offending criminals and narcissism - where they do not respect authority and dont seem to calculate risks or outcomes? Do you think many people in prison could be narcissists or have traits perhaps (possibly not while in prison though as you mention)?
Professor, my ex LD narc said his late wife (2nd wife) was the love of his life. He idolizes her. He gets a lot of sympathy because of it. Of course it started out great with us then he started to devalue me… insults, condescending etc. he has all the classic NPD symptoms, lying, cheating, childhood trauma. He said he wanted me to be his wife then berated me. The first time he told me he “loved” me, he first said THREE times that he hated me then that he loved me. I can’t imagine that he treated his late wife any differently… but he said she was “perfect”. He triangulates me with his dead wife! Can this happen? Such different relationships? Or is he idealizing a snapshot of her and rewriting history.
Dear Professor - does the fact that the narcissist was able to successfully split from you as her/nie mother at the end on the first relationship (even if he/she can really change) means that the second relationship with the same person (after hoovering and rekindle) is different from npd’s point of view? How does this process effect the cycle? Usually the story ends there - that it’s going to be shorter and more ruthless. I wonder… there should be more to this and this topic is left out.
After all “normal” people tend to have different relationship with their parents in their adult life - more open, equal etc.. Same happens when we have children. What are the specifics of the second relationship with the narcissist. I guess it could make a whole episode of your brilliant podcast. The story seems incomplete.
Mr Vaknin i have an important question to ask. You said the narcissist was raised by a dead mother , couldn't get his mothers gaze and at the same time you said that the mother didn't allow the child to separate from herself. How can a mother be a dead non loving ,someone who never provide attention and affection and not allow the child to separte. Is this not contradictory. Was the narcissist over pampered or neglected by her mother what's the case?
What happen after the narcest merge the old interject with the new one , will he get back and hover again to the old intimate partner or just move one and forget cous it's just happened to me month ago plz answer me Prof vaknin
Dear Professor. Could you make an episode of your podcast regarding second relationship with the covert narcissist (and npd in general) after successful hoovering and rekindle? I mean we all know that it goes cycles. And only information that’s out there seems to suggest that the second time in shorter and more ruthless. But the story ends there. I’m wondering is there more to this? It seems there’s should be more to this story, simply because both sides of renewed intimate relationship are different at this point. The narcissist was able to split with you as his/her mother (so she/he should feel somewhat liberated - I know that npd’s are fallen angels unable to make significant changes - nevertheless this should make big impact regarding this one person - relationship between “normal” people and their parents is after all completely different in adult life) and the counterpart is different (had time to think about previous relationship with npd and even if hoovered and/or is unaware of the disorder, will also want to treat the whole thing differently). It should make some impact. But, as I have written before, this part of the story seems to be left out.
Could you please tell me the process involved where the mother does NOT allow the child to separate from her. I'm sure I've I heard you explain this in another video, but I have forgotten, despite being confident that it made absolute sense at the time.
In your opinion, is there any way possible to be in a relationship with a narcissist? I am in a 10 1/2 yr relationship. I knew what the patterns and behaviors were. I just had no idea that this existed in the world. And I didn't know how to label them. Luckily, now i do. As you know, the emotional abuse is beyond comprehension and extremely damaging to say the very least. Thinking back on so many things. Especially after we got engaged. Wow.... Shame on me. 10+ yrs is really such a humongous time in my like to have it be all for nothing. I just want to disappear
The narcissist is not verbally or physically abususive. But the psychological abuse is more than anyone bare. People in this narcissicist abuse should probably cut ties as soon as they can.....? Because there's no "fixing" this.... They are who they are and this is a personality match up on here now. Insights are VERY welcome, please 😊
I understand the narcissist has a functionally fossilized ego and the emotional IQ of a 4-yr old, so presumably would respond best, if at all, to a therapist employing child psychology methodology. The co-narcissist has a developed ego, though they have been infantilized by the narcissist and the shared fantasy. Would the co-narcissist then initially benefit more from a child psychologist, later transferring to a therapist employing adult methodologies?
@samvaknin if i pointed out all of his devalue manipulation and at the end said that I SEE him and who he is, and have alluded to narcissism in the past … would this cause mortification please ?
No matter how much reading and listening I’ve done about this subject there is always something new to learn in this channel!
Wish I knew you were in ZG. I would stalk you! 😂😂😂
👍
😂😂😂😂😂
Me too!!
Wow ... triggered 🙏🙏 "my" ex narcissist is Croatian. I have been there three times in the last 12 months ..over 4 months in total as we both live in America..... I walked away in December ... behind the illusionary mask is a house of horrors..... 🙏🙏 hardest thing ever... if you've never experienced it, you wouldn't possibly understand.
Thank you!!
In my case I'm Croatian and my husband is American and narcissist . Once when you see it you can't unseen it.
@roxyright4782 I don't want to turn this into a nationality issue but as a Croatian woman I can tell that most of the Croat men are narcs...Our society rise them that way and thinks that is the right way for a man to behave and gaslights women about it. Of course there are exeptions and I do notice a slow progress of younger and better educated generations.This refers also to the other countrys on the Balkans and wider. I could also be wrong bit I'm sure that countries and metallities like ours are breeding soils for narcs. No offence to anyone. God bless.
@@jelicabudic9288
🫂❤️🙏💫🪐.... total chills, tears of strength , resilience and courage 🙏 I don't know you per se but I profoundly feel this message. Thank you for taking the time 🙏
Sam Vanknin is so incredibly intelligent. I have been so helped by him. Most of the other Narc Content pales in comparison.
Vaknin.
@@samvaknin I actually tried to get that right out of respect… hence the edited comment. Still missed it lol. Sorry about that professor Vaknin! 💜💜. Thanks for everything!!!!
I will definitely rewatch these two videos again. Btw, Prof. Vaknin, you have a great sense of humour.😂
I will be in Zagreb tommorow. Did not know you are coming. Today I have listen in a car your lectures which I enjoy.
No, it's not a good situation to be a service provider. I think the "service provider " could feel quite confused in the beginning and incredibly angry, (which masquerades sadness) later on.
Sad beyond measure. It does not go away,a state of loss n grief
The emphesis on the duality of seperation individuation, getting rid of the internal objects process is amazing..2 infants pretending to be mothers..couldn’t help my tears..for both party it is the most painful and hardest part..Knowing the depths of this illness and that the narcissist is not intentionally evil makes it harder though..feels like being haunted, cursed eternally. Hope to find a way out of this someday..
Я ещё не посмотрела, а 👍 уже поставила ❤
Professor, you break down narcissism down to a T. I love it! thank you for assisting me in understanding this soul disease.
It’s all the mothers fault I knew it!!
@@timtim8468the mother always gets in the way 😢
Their father are equally to blame. They always BECOME fathers. That's about their fathers. Not saying their mother isn't guilty too but their father cause huge trauma in them. I have never met a narcissist who had a decent father
@@mimi42428 Yes I agree, good point
wow! Every time I listen to you I learn so much I didn’t know. The depth of your knowledge is quite amazing. Especially about the fantasy projections and the house of mirrors is a very good visual image the relationship between the narcissist and the supplier of sex ,service, etc..
I really want to meet this man,
"You have changed my mind"
Greetings from West-Africa.
❤
So right about "victim" joining in on the fantasy at the beginning. After me finally breaking it off with him, I recognized my part in the fantasy at the beginning, before seeing this video, and you confirmed it. Thank God the relationship was short and I ended it with "no contact". He is a neighbor and drew me in time and time again...now I know better. He's moved on to someone else and the woman before me (he was grooming me when they were still seeing each other) will sleep with him if neither of them has a current sex partner (according to him). This is all within a year and a half. I won't be lured in again, Thank you so much for sharing your work on youtube.
Just brilliant explanations and provision of insight on this subject.
Great talk. Thank you
My homeland ❤
Please visit and lecture in Dallas, TX, USA. I will be there!
Thank you Master!!!!❤
Based
Fantastic explanation, never ever heard anything as clear as this one .
Thank you, it helps so much!
MusT LiStenD x 3 listen sLowly!! A-GaiN....A-GaiN!!! ThanKSaMv❤
What are your thoughts on repeat offending criminals and narcissism - where they do not respect authority and dont seem to calculate risks or outcomes?
Do you think many people in prison could be narcissists or have traits perhaps (possibly not while in prison though as you mention)?
These are psychopathic behaviors, not narcissism.
Please come to Australia!!
Dear Prof. Sam Vaknin
May you please tell a few words about relationships between 2 narcissists
Is it possible by the way?
Many thanks in advance
Search the channel.
th-cam.com/video/0e0gPNyetNU/w-d-xo.htmlsi=oiMLY32Jw1M25Ki-
On Coverts th-cam.com/video/Jp8axjriC00/w-d-xo.htmlsi=UdtSJiNYoTnRutp5
Professor, my ex LD narc said his late wife (2nd wife) was the love of his life. He idolizes her. He gets a lot of sympathy because of it. Of course it started out great with us then he started to devalue me… insults, condescending etc. he has all the classic NPD symptoms, lying, cheating, childhood trauma. He said he wanted me to be his wife then berated me. The first time he told me he “loved” me, he first said THREE times that he hated me then that he loved me. I can’t imagine that he treated his late wife any differently… but he said she was “perfect”. He triangulates me with his dead wife! Can this happen? Such different relationships? Or is he idealizing a snapshot of her and rewriting history.
Dear Professor - does the fact that the narcissist was able to successfully split from you as her/nie mother at the end on the first relationship (even if he/she can really change) means that the second relationship with the same person (after hoovering and rekindle) is different from npd’s point of view? How does this process effect the cycle? Usually the story ends there - that it’s going to be shorter and more ruthless. I wonder… there should be more to this and this topic is left out.
After all “normal” people tend to have different relationship with their parents in their adult life - more open, equal etc.. Same happens when we have children. What are the specifics of the second relationship with the narcissist. I guess it could make a whole episode of your brilliant podcast. The story seems incomplete.
Thank you for the topic suggestion.
Mr Vaknin i have an important question to ask. You said the narcissist was raised by a dead mother , couldn't get his mothers gaze and at the same time you said that the mother didn't allow the child to separate from herself. How can a mother be a dead non loving ,someone who never provide attention and affection and not allow the child to separte. Is this not contradictory. Was the narcissist over pampered or neglected by her mother what's the case?
Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
What happen after the narcest merge the old interject with the new one , will he get back and hover again to the old intimate partner or just move one and forget cous it's just happened to me month ago plz answer me Prof vaknin
If they cannot find a new partner for the shared fantasy and they have not been mortified by you - they will.
Dear Professor. Could you make an episode of your podcast regarding second relationship with the covert narcissist (and npd in general) after successful hoovering and rekindle? I mean we all know that it goes cycles. And only information that’s out there seems to suggest that the second time in shorter and more ruthless. But the story ends there. I’m wondering is there more to this? It seems there’s should be more to this story, simply because both sides of renewed intimate relationship are different at this point. The narcissist was able to split with you as his/her mother (so she/he should feel somewhat liberated - I know that npd’s are fallen angels unable to make significant changes - nevertheless this should make big impact regarding this one person - relationship between “normal” people and their parents is after all completely different in adult life) and the counterpart is different (had time to think about previous relationship with npd and even if hoovered and/or is unaware of the disorder, will also want to treat the whole thing differently). It should make some impact. But, as I have written before, this part of the story seems to be left out.
Could you please tell me the process involved where the mother does NOT allow the child to separate from her. I'm sure I've I heard you explain this in another video, but I have forgotten, despite being confident that it made absolute sense at the time.
Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
In your opinion, is there any way possible to be in a relationship with a narcissist?
I am in a 10 1/2 yr relationship.
I knew what the patterns and behaviors were. I just had no idea that this existed in the world. And I didn't know how to label them. Luckily, now i do. As you know, the emotional abuse is beyond comprehension and extremely damaging to say the very least.
Thinking back on so many things. Especially after we got engaged.
Wow....
Shame on me.
10+ yrs is really such a humongous time in my like to have it be all for nothing.
I just want to disappear
The narcissist is not verbally or physically abususive.
But the psychological abuse is more than anyone bare.
People in this narcissicist abuse should probably cut ties as soon as they can.....?
Because there's no "fixing" this....
They are who they are and this is a personality match up on here now.
Insights are VERY welcome,
please
😊
Search my channel for “stay” as well as the abuse playlist.
What happens with the real mother when narcissist are in a relantionship and he or she introduce them to each other? I am curious about this.
A third world war
I wonder if you plan to visit Kyiv ever🤔
Yes, now the question seems stupid but still...
Where can I find out about your next public lecture nearby? I would love to listen to your lecture live anywhere near Ljubljana, Zagreb 😮
I understand the narcissist has a functionally fossilized ego and the emotional IQ of a 4-yr old, so presumably would respond best, if at all, to a therapist employing child psychology methodology. The co-narcissist has a developed ego, though they have been infantilized by the narcissist and the shared fantasy. Would the co-narcissist then initially benefit more from a child psychologist, later transferring to a therapist employing adult methodologies?
Yes.
This right here 24:16
@samvaknin if i pointed out all of his devalue manipulation and at the end said that I SEE him and who he is, and have alluded to narcissism in the past … would this cause mortification please ?
Search the channel for "mortification".
What about when you are dealing with a group of narcissists and you have a web of shared fantasies from previous and new relationships battling?
9:29 😢😮❤😂😅😊....yikes
I also wish i knew you were in Zg
The lecture was limited to clinicians. It was not open to the public.
Can they love??😅
No!!!!
No!!!!
Never
Like an infant
Black and white
Love and hate
The four S’s
Good one !