it works if the avoidant is open to tell the secure their needs. if they just keep quiet, the secure has no way to figure out what their partner wants. when the secure tries to probe more, the avoidant feels pressured, decides to take a step back. nothing gets solved. and the secure becomes an anxious because they values the relationship. dont let the avoidant cause us to go bonkers
This explanation is gold. I've "known" this for years and seen it happen in myself time and time again. She said exactly what i have witnessed and experienced for years into words and a way that is easily digestable for everyone. Love this. Keep up the good work!
Great content. Very wise and insightful. Now do the work and heal that little one inside us and let her adult version to show up. Easier said than done but a must for the healing journey. Huge thank you to you both!! ❤
This video explains why everyone in school is extra quiet and afraid to ask questions in front of the class. I had some teachers in high-school that would embarrass you if you needed to ask a question. It was like how dare you interrupt my lecture to ask me a question for clarification. This was a highly ranked school as well. I could never learn that way and struggled greatly in school. It's funny that I could never recall a teacher saying to the class "before I move on, does anyone have any questions or comments?"
I feel like this video should be mandatory for everyone before they engage in any relationship, this would make such a huge difference for people. Great content!!
I left my country of origin when I was very young, grew up in a foreign country, and returned to my country barely understanding my native language. I took an exam in elementary school and one of the questions asked something about AM and PM. I went to my teacher and asked him during the exam what "AM and PM" meant. He looked at me with an annoyed look and said in front of my classmates, "If you don't understand what they mean, you don't need to take the exam". Fast forward, my boss's boss asked me to explain what some terminology meant and I didn't explain it correctly. He looked at me with contempt and said, "Everyone knows what it means" in front of my boss. Fortunately, today there is the Internet to look things up. But feeling helpless and ashamed, I still find it hard sometimes to ask for help.
There are also people out there just waiting to be helpful. Keep asking for what you need from other people, and maybe learn to identify the people you can trust.
One of the best videos on attachment theories ever! For a few weeks I was thinking of an idea of healing by being with people. As someone with anxious-avoidant attachment style due past experiences, embracing the experience with people I trust is what is helping me the most. Healing journey does not have to be in solitude all the time, let yourself go in a situation around people you know and trust. Then the healing will come naturally
48:19 Sarah said, "a woman can be in her divine feminine which really can only happen when she feels safe because otherwise she is going to have too much masculine energy around and dominating". I'm curious if she meant that if a woman doesn't feel safe, she will become more masculine and dominant, or if she feels unsafe as a result of a man's wounded masculinity?
I honestly think it's a combination of both. If a man is insecure in his masculinity then he will not be able to contribute to the environment in which the woman feels safe, thus she will have to become more masculine and dominant in order to defend for herself (emotionally and potentially physically).
@@Junkyard_Jake If that's true, then the reason why women in the West are becoming more masculine and dominant is because the men are not upholding a healthy masculinity?
Any insights on Dr. Anna Machin’s interview on Modern Wisdom this weekend? Specifically her claim that attachment style now appears to be more genetically determined than previously believed???
I havent seen the episode yet, but am familiar with some of the research coming out linking Attachment to a genetic predisposition. However, As in most cases genes are heavily influenced by environmental exposures. Stress, toxins, diet, and environmental hostility all have big roles when it comes to gene expression and activation. You might be predisposed genetically to one attachment or another, but the environment you grew up in is still going to play a big part in whether that is "turned on" or not. In short - yes I would imagine that your genetics play a role, but your environment is still highly determinant as to whether certain genes are activated. I'll have to dig in deeper, but thats my initial thought without having dug in. What was your take?
I knew this information but the way she explained it all was so clear and practical. However, some of it really heavily chopped and edited when she was speaking which sounds very unnatural and off-putting. Can you release an unedited version?
@@ManTalks I'm not sure we are referring to the same thing. It sounds like the conversation has been edited so that gaps and pauses between speaking (both with yourself and her) have been reduced and edited out, leading to a condensed and unnatural sounding discussion. Perhaps that is just the style of the podcast but that's just my two cents on it as a listener giving feedback. Good information nonetheless ✌
Almost clicked off in the first five minutes with all the clinical terms, but glad I stuck it out. Really good stuff here. BTW, is this edited using AI? Seems really jumpy.
What's up with the jumpy staccato time smash editing? It's really distracting. You've both been robotized. The content is great but I'm 15 minutes in and it's kind of hard to watch.
![[DRIP] ‘Woke Up In Tokyo (RUKA & ASA)’ PREVIEW](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QN44lcR_VkI/mqdefault.jpg)
it works if the avoidant is open to tell the secure their needs. if they just keep quiet, the secure has no way to figure out what their partner wants. when the secure tries to probe more, the avoidant feels pressured, decides to take a step back. nothing gets solved. and the secure becomes an anxious because they values the relationship. dont let the avoidant cause us to go bonkers
Yes! Very well put!
Well-articulated and very helpful discussion. Thank you. I will share this with loved ones...hoping they will watch too.
This explanation is gold. I've "known" this for years and seen it happen in myself time and time again. She said exactly what i have witnessed and experienced for years into words and a way that is easily digestable for everyone. Love this. Keep up the good work!
Great content. Very wise and insightful. Now do the work and heal that little one inside us and let her adult version to show up. Easier said than done but a must for the healing journey. Huge thank you to you both!! ❤
This is so brilliant. Thank you both 🙏🏼
This video explains why everyone in school is extra quiet and afraid to ask questions in front of the class. I had some teachers in high-school that would embarrass you if you needed to ask a question. It was like how dare you interrupt my lecture to ask me a question for clarification. This was a highly ranked school as well. I could never learn that way and struggled greatly in school.
It's funny that I could never recall a teacher saying to the class "before I move on, does anyone have any questions or comments?"
I feel like this video should be mandatory for everyone before they engage in any relationship, this would make such a huge difference for people. Great content!!
So much knowledge and wisdom here!❤❤
I left my country of origin when I was very young, grew up in a foreign country, and returned to my country barely understanding my native language. I took an exam in elementary school and one of the questions asked something about AM and PM. I went to my teacher and asked him during the exam what "AM and PM" meant. He looked at me with an annoyed look and said in front of my classmates, "If you don't understand what they mean, you don't need to take the exam". Fast forward, my boss's boss asked me to explain what some terminology meant and I didn't explain it correctly. He looked at me with contempt and said, "Everyone knows what it means" in front of my boss.
Fortunately, today there is the Internet to look things up. But feeling helpless and ashamed, I still find it hard sometimes to ask for help.
There are also people out there just waiting to be helpful. Keep asking for what you need from other people, and maybe learn to identify the people you can trust.
One of the best videos on attachment theories ever! For a few weeks I was thinking of an idea of healing by being with people. As someone with anxious-avoidant attachment style due past experiences, embracing the experience with people I trust is what is helping me the most.
Healing journey does not have to be in solitude all the time, let yourself go in a situation around people you know and trust. Then the healing will come naturally
Wow this is awesome, free therapy session for everyone, thank you for this video guys!
I will enjoy this. Thank you ☺
Make a video on fixing anxious-fearful avoidant relationship
48:19 Sarah said, "a woman can be in her divine feminine which really can only happen when she feels safe because otherwise she is going to have too much masculine energy around and dominating". I'm curious if she meant that if a woman doesn't feel safe, she will become more masculine and dominant, or if she feels unsafe as a result of a man's wounded masculinity?
I honestly think it's a combination of both. If a man is insecure in his masculinity then he will not be able to contribute to the environment in which the woman feels safe, thus she will have to become more masculine and dominant in order to defend for herself (emotionally and potentially physically).
@@Junkyard_Jake If that's true, then the reason why women in the West are becoming more masculine and dominant is because the men are not upholding a healthy masculinity?
Any insights on Dr. Anna Machin’s interview on Modern Wisdom this weekend? Specifically her claim that attachment style now appears to be more genetically determined than previously believed???
I havent seen the episode yet, but am familiar with some of the research coming out linking Attachment to a genetic predisposition. However, As in most cases genes are heavily influenced by environmental exposures. Stress, toxins, diet, and environmental hostility all have big roles when it comes to gene expression and activation. You might be predisposed genetically to one attachment or another, but the environment you grew up in is still going to play a big part in whether that is "turned on" or not. In short - yes I would imagine that your genetics play a role, but your environment is still highly determinant as to whether certain genes are activated. I'll have to dig in deeper, but thats my initial thought without having dug in. What was your take?
Bruce Ecker, man!!! Bruce Ecker.
Should I have him on?
I knew this information but the way she explained it all was so clear and practical. However, some of it really heavily chopped and edited when she was speaking which sounds very unnatural and off-putting. Can you release an unedited version?
Her video was chopped because of the WiFi connection. It was a bit rough. The podcast has a much better audio if you’re able to tune into that
@@ManTalks I'm not sure we are referring to the same thing. It sounds like the conversation has been edited so that gaps and pauses between speaking (both with yourself and her) have been reduced and edited out, leading to a condensed and unnatural sounding discussion. Perhaps that is just the style of the podcast but that's just my two cents on it as a listener giving feedback. Good information nonetheless ✌
@@andyjm7122 ah! I see what you're saying. Yes, that needs to shift. Thanks for the feedback
Daym ... she's gorgeous !
Almost clicked off in the first five minutes with all the clinical terms, but glad I stuck it out. Really good stuff here. BTW, is this edited using AI? Seems really jumpy.
36:45..
What's up with the jumpy staccato time smash editing? It's really distracting. You've both been robotized. The content is great but I'm 15 minutes in and it's kind of hard to watch.
I listen to the audio feed on my podcast app.
Sorry about that. New video editing team.... I agree that it's choppy and we will get it sorted