My Experience with Suicide - An unedited follow-up to Finding Peace
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ม.ค. 2024
- This is a video about my personal experience with suicide. I purposely left it very raw and unedited, because I didn’t want to take anything away from my story.
I get very emotional. No, I’ll be blunt. I sob in this. This isn’t a story, this is my real life.
I wanted to share it with you after my last comfort audio. I want to share my story. I have spent so long being silenced, I want to share this part of me.
I’m not looking for pity or validation. I just want to be heard. I don’t want my fight to be forgotten or trivialized.
I want someone to see what I went through and say, yea, that’s me. What happens next?
Because life happens next. It’s hard, but it gets better. I don’t want to die anymore.
I can celebrate because I don’t want to die anymore. You will get there.
I am here to stand with you. I share my story, feel free to share yours. We can’t be silent about this anymore.
Thank you for listening to my story.
It gets better.
I'm christian, but the fact that your own parents didn't try to get you help makes me sick. We are all here for you
Thank you!
I believed in god right now. How can you write a comment 2 weeks ago if the video came out 8 minutes ago?
@@user-mt1rb1mi3emaybe because this person has patreon and people can watch some videos earlier
One of the biggest struggle I’ve found in live is recognizing the difference between gods truth and the business agenda of the church after all it was the church who crucified Jesus for not meeting their expectations. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope you’ve found genuine affection and compassion in your journey.
@@user-mt1rb1mi3e it was out on my Patreon first
I've never had any experiences like this, but I listen to suicide comfort videos occasionally just because it's nice to hear some of the things said from time to time. Your videos are some of the most heartfelt I've listened to, and I believe it will help someone who truly needs it. I am glad you are here, and admire all the work you've done to take care of yourself, and the willingness to talk about it all. I look forward to hearing more from you, whether it's ASMR or more personal conversations.
Thank you so so much, this comment means so much to me 💕💕
You are loved, you are seen and you are valued.
I am so sorry for what you have experienced.
What your family did to you is inexcusable and the bravery you have displayed is amazing.
Thank you for what you do.
I don't have experience from your perspective but, I have a chronic condition that results in persistent severe pain and if I'm being honest, there have been times when I thought about not being here.
Thank you 💕 I am sorry for what you’re experiencing, my discord dms are open if you ever need to talk
I'm so sorry you went through all this, it's just not fair
And it sucks you can't get treatment for your bpd
I'm very glad you're still here with us!
Thank you for sharing your story with us
and I hope you can get help coping with your bpd
And I'm so sorry that your family didn't take you seriously
You deserve much better, but I am so proud of you and how far you have come
Thank you very much!
I fcking hate how many people are just outright failed by the system for even the most basic things.
Like I understand its hard to organize therapy for everyone who realisticly needs it,
but so many people cant even get the basic meds they need to function. An absolute travesty
I so agree. Thank you for the comment!
Got money for migrants and war but not for the basic care of the most vulnerable American citizens. Sick culture we are…
Okay..maybe it’s 4 months later..or five, and everyone has given you their praise and i’m not saying anything new..
But you ARE that someone. When I had gone through every asmr possible, eventually leading to the morally fucked up ones involving aliens and myself, claiming humans to be dumb and primitive and bla bla bla..which didn’t help a 15 year old boy..can’t believe imm eighteen now, YOU were the voice that made me smile, made me feel good, made me satisfied so I could sleep and make it through highschool those years ago.
Crazy as it is, i’m me, who I am, because of YOU.
Omg thank you so much 😭😭😭 This really means like the world to me!! Thank you!!
I can't describe just how sorry I am. Having depression, anxiety, and OCD myself, made 2 suicide attempts, and had constant suicidal thoughts for a 6 month period last year, I can relate to this like no one should ever have to. I am also currently having therapy which has already cost me £700 ($890) in 2 months. The only reason I can pay for it is because my cousins and I managed to sell my late grandfather's home. It disgusts me to no end that people are expected to pay just have their sanity back. It's bad enough here in the UK where our hugely respected and loved NHS has been gutted over the past 14 years. It's so hard now to get mental health treatment, and I suspect it's even worse in the US. If nothing else, my experience has tempted me to take a conversion course to psychology, because I really think that it might be a line of work that I would have a real drive to do, not something any other job has made me feel. Above all, I want to do something to help those in poverty, or otherwise can't afford treatment, or the education and training to become mental health professionals who are desperately needed all over the world. I had the benefit of having good parents. The way your family treated you is beyond disgraceful. I don't believe in God myself, but if God is an enlightened being, then I doubt they care if you're bi or non-binary. If God was offended by those things, they wouldn't exist. My highest respect to you for talking about this. Don't let that bit of hope go. It does get better. You may end up helping others who share your experience too. All the hugs!
Thank you so much for this comment!!!
I had no idea that there was so much on your plate. The fact that your own family, who should love you more than anything, refused to help you is absolutely atrocious and disgusting. They don’t deserve such a kind soul like you. Sorry if that seems harsh but it just grinds my gears whenever parents don’t care for their own children. I hope you are better now and you have people who actually care about you. ❤ I’m sorry about your religious experience as well, I hope you know that you’re not alone in this.
I also want to say that no matter what happens, God’s love for you has not changed, there is nothing we could possibly do that would make him love us any less.
(Sorry if this seems to push my religion on you, I’lil delete this comment if you want.)
Thank you very much for the comment! 💕
We hear you Rest. I hope you are staying hydrated, and that you have better access to your medication. Remember to eat well, and get plenty of sunlight. Being human is a 24/7 job, and I’m glad you have found the inner strength to pull through for so long. We are all here if you need to talk again, especially those of us on discord.
Thank you so much 💕💕
I’m not the best at talking about how much I appreciate things or people but thank you for the audios you’ve released, they’ve helped me a lot. For the past couple months I started listening to asmr because it was the only way I could feel listened too or loved. I guess mainly because of the fear that I’m overreacting on how I feel so I haven’t tried talking to anyone because I don’t want to seem like im seeking attention. But I just want to say thanks, these are the only way for me to feel happy lately and you always do such a good job. I hope you’re doing okay, thanks for everything
Thank you for the comment! For the record, you're not overreacting. Your feelings are valid. You're not attention seeking if you ask for help, you're just asking for help. My discord dms are open if you want to talk. You are loved 💕
@@arestingplacethanks that means a lot and I might take you up on that offer
Rest, you are that person, that person 8,000+ turn to whenever we don’t have no one to talk to. I’m so fucking sorry for what you’ve been through, please know that you influenced our lives with these videos you created, you were there when no one else was, and I thank you staying strong. Keep pushing, we all appreciate you so very much…
Thank you so much!! You're gonna make me cry 😭
@@arestingplace
Thank YOU Rest, for everything you’ve done for us!
Thank you for sharing. I may not understand what you have had to deal with, but I will listen. You dont have to be alone.
thank you so much!!
I know it doesn’t mean much coming from an internet stranger but thank you so much for your audios. Just like you said these ASMR videos have helped me out a lot in my dark times. I suffer from mental illness as well not the same one but I know how bad it can be at times and the feeling of wanting to take your own life.
Stay safe and have a wonderful and blessed day rest.
Thank you 💕💕
The more I listen the more I wish I could just hold you. Stay strong. I wish I can tell you it will get better but that would be hypocritical of myself, but I wish things will get better for you. ❤
Thank you 💕 it’s been about a year since that and I am doing so much better
@@arestingplace
I’m sorry that happened. I hope you feel better. ❤
Thank you!
This hurts me, hearing anybody like this. It's worse knowing I can't do anything to help. I wish that I could so much. But I can't. I hope that you get better, and that you find someone that will listen to you. To help you whenever you need it. I haven't been through much. No where near as much as a lot of people have been through. I know that's a good thing. Though, sometimes, I wish I have. Just to be able to understand how people feel, and to be able to help them. As I've said before; I hope you get better. I hope you find A Resting Place of your own, where you don't have to worry about anything. And someone that will listen to you, and help you as needed. This comment is pretty bloated, so I'll end it with this: Be yourself. No matter what.
Thank you so much for the comment 💕I so appreciate you
Hey it’s jawad,,, I am really inspired by your story ,
I am crying soo hard 😞
Aw I'm sorry it made you cry!
I don't know if this is what you need to hear but know that you are seen. And also know that I am incredibly proud of you for getting through your days and for getting the things done that you need to get done even if it may take you a little longer sometimes. I am also proud of you for speaking up and being brave enough to put this story out there. You keep on going and I wish for you that you will get the help you need.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for being here
Thank you for sharing that. It's so fucking brave of you, to be that vulnerable with us.
Your audios that deal with mental health stuff, they make me feel seen and understood, when the people around me just... don't. Thank you for that.
I don't know how many of us there are out there but, we see you. We hear you. And maybe we haven't been through what you have but we *get* it.
Thank you for being here, and one day, I hope, we'll be able to look back and say the fight was worth it. That we were worth the fight.
Thank you so so so much
Haven't given this a listen (and i doubt I will, sorry) but I'm glad your still around and I hope things let up. Also from what I can tell by the comments I gotta say that your family not helping you is attrocious. I wouldn't call mine "family" if I went through such things.
Totally understand, thank you for commenting anyway! And thank you 💕
@@arestingplace No problem. If it helps, I always remind myself that it's more of a hassle to go through with it than otherwise.
I never experienced this thoughts myself, but still this topic is quite personal to me. More that one of my closest friends (one of them has also BPD) tried and it was really scary for me, even though we are "just" friends. The idea that i will never talk to them or laugh with them again and that feeling that i couldnt help them, when they needed it...It haunted me 24/7 during those days.
What i am trying to say by this nonsense dump is that even when you feel absolutely alone and afraid that everyone doesn't care about you, there is a good chance that someone will really miss you and that someone want to help you...
I really hope that things will get better for you and thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you for the comment 💕
I’m so sorry that you have to go through that. It sounds really, really hard to be dealing with something like this. I know I’m just some stranger on the internet to you, but I just want you to know that I am so so proud of you for fighting and staying strong despite all the low points. I believe I speak for everyone on this channel and everyone who knows you when I say that I’m very, very happy that you’re with us and that you’re handling such a difficult situation. Please, please don’t ever apologise for this. It’s not your fault. And it’s totally reasonable to be emotional and feel weak when you’re talking about a topic that affects you this much. Maybe I don’t know you personally, but it makes me so, so proud that you have the strength to stay strong and living your life.
We’re all so proud of you for powering through.
Genuinely, thank you so much.
Thank you so much for this comment 💕💕
My friend... 😔😔😔
Your voice makes life better
I feel like I can’t be sad or mad or have any emotions so I kept it all in. It doesn’t help that I’m a guy who grew up in a place where men aren’t really supposed to be sad or mad or anything of the sort. I’ve dug myself into a hole a deep dark pit of disdain for myself. I haven’t tried divide but self harm was prevalent. My life line is you and my mom and I know some people don’t even have that. I’m lonely, sad, angry, and odd. People always leave me behind and it hurts, I have no friends and the friends that I do have leave or die. I know people that have far less than me in their life and yet they love their life to the fullest so why can’t I, the boy who has EVERYTHING BE HAPPY? That thought often leads to self harm I have scars on my arms now and I always had suicidal thoughts but never tried because I knew it would kill my mother if I did so I had to push through o still experience it but at the end of the day I am a guy and have to push through. I admire your bravery for telling your story Madame. Rest well
Thank you for sharing your experience. My discord dms are open if you need a friend 💕 be safe
It gets better. And it wil be better. Promise is kept. Words not forgotten. Still here.
Reat you know that we are all behind you 100% you have all our love and support.
Thank you so so much
I have faced only one who was trying kill themselves... Once I knew things were going out if hand... My own soul felt like I was slowly about to break apart into pieces one by one.... I knew every year would come new challenges... things are harsh... I also am a fellow christian and I always listen to reminders to what God would message me and the other people... My teachers, pastors and friends.... they do understand the circumstances and they kept moving on until they faced it.... I wish one say that God is there to you, sending His Son Jesus Christ to you... I just hope... I just hope that nothing ever happens... I want to hold up a cross and so as everyone could do the same to care and know that we all love you and that God is there... If ever there us hard times... ask the pastor, politely say that you needed Jesus Christ as your savior.. The enemy will go away.... What matters is to say goodbye to shame and open up to forgivness. We hope you feel better from the negative outcomes... we want to make you feel happy and free from the terrible things that happened.... Rest and drink with the Lord.... read, sleep, look in the mirror and tell to your relfection that I would one day that I was a sinner saved by Grace... Don't lose hope... God spared people and wants them to do the things they want... I ask this the Lord Father, heal her spirit, take away the negative thoughts the devil implanted her soul. Guider her through the journeys she will go, Jesus shine the light as the path for her, let her seek the truth and the repentance for you Lord. Bless her by all means and keep her safe, her work, her life, her love, her care and most importantly, her spirit to be saved by the Lord Christ. In Christ's name... I say Amen to you... ⛪✡️🛐
I appreciate this :) I will say my pronouns are they/them
I'm so sorry this is happening to you rest I hope everything gets better
Thank you Spike! I'm doing a lot better now
Ty Rest
🥰🌹
Also like as a non binary, does that make you trans ?
Yes I consider myself trans
I few months I told my best friend about my attempt from a couple years prior, it was the first time I told anyone about it and she's the only person who knows of it. And it kinda felt amazing to actually talk about it you know? It might sound a bit cliche, but it truly felt like a big weight flew off my shoulders, and I'm happy that I did so even I doubt I would tell anybody else, but still.
So basically what I'm tryna say is I hope posting this and telling us your story gives you a similar feeling that I had, but thank you anyways for doing so! We all need to stick together. 🫂
I am so sorry for all that you have been through! I’m glad you’re here, your videos have brought me much comfort when I’ve had similar thoughts. Your strength is amazing and inspiring in dealing with your diagnoses in spite of your family. 🫂 We hear you.
Thank you so much!
Hey there my friend🫂 this one was unexpected and tbh i‘m left speechless right now. the only thing i want to do right now is to grab you and hug you and never ket go🥺🫂💕. You are one of the most beautiful people i have met here on the internet and i‘m so sorry that you had to go through this and are still experiencing this. I don‘t know how much strength this must have taken to record this and even post it here on this little but beautiful safe haven. so i‘m really proud of you🫂. I‘m sorry about the situation with your family but at least now you have some amazing friends and i think that is something good. i hope you get what i mean by that😅 like i said i don‘t know what to say exactly right now but just know that you are a very precious person to us all and we will always love and support you and listen to you if you want to ramble and vent. You are absolutely precious and please never let that dark demon in you mind tell you otherwise. i know that this is some cliche sentence but i really mean it because i know what it feels like when you mind is constantly trying to talk you down.
Please stay strong my beautiful precious and loving friend. you are amazing and you are a true hero to me since you have helped me through some rough times too. as i said at the beginning i just want to hug you, since that isn’t physically possible i‘m sending you some biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig bear hugs all warm and cozy full of positive feelings (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤ (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ❤
Thank you so much my friend!!! This fully made me cry 😭😭 Thank you so much for your love and support, so so so many hugs for you!!! You are such an amazing friend thank you 💕💕 So much love to you 💕💕