After 5 discards in 6yrs, I am finally seeing everything. He has tried to hoover but I told him I wasn't doing this anymore and went NC. I hope he just stays away
I dumped my Narc in 2015, was just hoovered on September 19 in 2023, the Narc called and said in a voicemail that he’d “be on my doorstep for my birthday 🎉🤣.” I BLOCKED HIM immediately. 🙄
I'm narc free too thank god we've excaped.. It was horrendous but I was not disgarded I got rid I got him removed Abused in awful ways also kept captive in my own home But I was hounded flying monkeys the lot Hoovered through social media false name accounts he's not giving up Still I'm under police protection until I relocate in no contact I've had to have a therapist to get through all this However I'm so glad he's gone goodluck to his next supply she's going to enter a nightmare, I'm glad you got out it's not a place for us I don't care he's painted me black who cares about that as long as we aren't with the likes of them, goodluck I wish you happiness 💞
I am going to start loving the fact I threaten his control and keep it like that by replacing him with HG and thus staying NC while getting all the more wiser and stronger.
The whole thing was malign, from beginning to end. Narcissists need to go to shrinks so they can develop a healthy, functional ego. Stunted ego development is the problem with them. That's why they lack boundaries, an independent self, object constancy and all the rest. They literally haven't reached an average eight-year old's psychological development. And they keep rehashing their relationship with mommy or daddy, trying to come out the winner this time. They're not winners---they're stuck in the past! And they want everyone to be forever stuck with them, just like they're stuck with their own narcissistic parents! That's a very bad way to live life.
The way I understand Narcissism is the personality is malformed. The material of the vehicle is defunct, not just a bad paint job or technology short. The issue is they do not see they have a problem so why do they need to fix anything? The misinformation that lay apply to this extremely dangerous person does not work. There is new evidence that those with NPD have a low chance of responding to therapy. Very low. There are usually high stakes in order to even get a person with NPD into therapy. These would be: threat of incarceration, divorce or loss of employment, to name a few. Additionally, a lot of professional therapist misdiagnose NPD.... with this being said the odds of getting a NPD person to engage in therapy and it not turning into a mind game is most likely not going to happen. Think of the NPD person as a house that is made of materials, wood, nails, paint. The wood is rotten, the nails are made of inferior metals, and the paint is cheap. The house cannot be fixed when the roof begins to fall down.
A narcissist i dated dumped and hoovered me 3 times in a month and then hoovered me as a friend 3 times into weeks until i lashed out at all her insecurities and she went insane. I nearly went insane too. It was very unhealthy to be with someone like that.
Thank u. My feelings are hurt today. All my time and effort and he will never feel real feelings of regret or love or care. Stay focused on own life and taking care of myself and being a good person. Simple. Goso Golden rules and live or reach out and die There will never be change..we already tried to no avail
When the sweet talk did not work, then commenced the insults, veiled threats, and even a claim that he had a brain tumor, so he "just wanted to be friends, PLEASE!" It is astounding, the lengths they will go to, and the array of tactics employed.
I was brought up in a fundamental Christian (Roman Catholic) family and environment. Confession, fasting (severe, not like dieting, and it involved both food and water fasting), mandatory self harming (drawing blood by stabbing or pricking and smearing it on pieces of paper, which we then presented to God, during Lent. We had a tree inside the church on which we would hang the pieces of paper and there was a competition between the girls as to who would bring in the most blood smeared pieces of paper). When I heard about the Communist trials (the Prague one for example) and the Maoist 'Reeducation' programmes and the 'ceremonies' where people would accuse themselves of having thought incorrectly etc. it really reminded me of how I was brought up. It didn't matter what I had done or not, the important thing is that I was 'essentially' guilty, and had to feel guilt or shame. It's made me very prone to being manipulated by narc managers (i.e. I do a lot of unpaid overtime) and I dread 'one to ones' as they remind me of Confession.
I have never been hoovered after I break up with them probably cuz I go NC. So if they think they are going to punish me or control me by not contacting me, they are playing games with themselves. I am glad they want me to stay away. I guess I've never met a greater and an ultra, which is good for me.
I have moved... completely away from my ex Narc....new home. I was outside yesterday.....I saw him ride by, I run into the house. I don't know how he keeps finding me. Even when I've changed my number time after time. I am a bit scared of this. Thank you HG for video
Honour that feeling. I don't think No Contact Orde 26:24 rs, or Restraining Order in Australia help much at all. In fact may hinder or harm. Maybe this would be a good topic to discover more about. How helpful is going to the Police or courts? I'd say there isn't a better community to find out what the experience is. Does it help or not and if so under what circumstances? That is my question to HG. HONOUR those fears, if I WAS in that situation I would book a consultation with HG. Avoiding being hoovered seems useful if possible. Best wishes with it all. New car and phone number seems a good idea, also social media black out for a while and if it's really bad come back with wrong pic and a pseudonym. Tell your friends you are no contact and ask them to delete his contact and not to disclose any details about you to him. Is it opportunity that he saw a mutual acquaintance/friend and asked about you and was given an address? Or did he go all Sherlock and track you down? That is the million dollar question for HG to answer so you know how to proceed. I spent a few years giving support to my neighbour and neighbour's children at similar ages to mine. In her case he asked her Grandmother with a pity play where she was and wham bam. They sold her house which she owned, and quickly blew all the money on toys and high living. All kinds lol. He abducted the children and was violent. He had a steel plate in his head after fighting injuries. But working and able to pay lawyers to spout lies in Court. He put them in a position where they had to lie about their mum in court or risk chastisement from him. It was horrible. Young women get trapped by pregnancy. Don't let that happen to you. Sometimes all you can do is to say Father Unknown on the birth certificate and to hell with any shame. I shall pass on one last thing from what I learnt from my neighbour's experience from Australia is that always make sure that Interim Orders are confirmed otherwise there is no cross Jurisdictional validity. I'd like to see that change in Australia. My neighbour lost everything due to this, as the custody order made in Queensland was not valid in other states. It will, I suspect be similar in the UK between say Scotland and England. Know your position and rights if you move and make sure any Orders obtained are finalised. IMV Interim Orders ought to be automatically confirmed if not amended within say 6 months? This would mean a lot less tax payer money bleeding into the Family Court unnecessarily, and give a lot more certainty to the victims of this kind of stress fear and uncertainty. I haven't done the test 26:24 but I think I am Cerebral Empath? Haha 😂 ❤😅 I hope this alerts even one person on what to watch out for in these 'going no contact' scenarios.
Thank you HG. I am now 6 weeks and one day total no contact. There is no way I would have escaped without your wisdom and the information that you share. He hurt me so much and so many times I would not have survived if I hadn't gotten away. It was a 20 month ensnarement. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I believe that you're blessing to me from God. I just want to say thank you because I truly believe I'm free this time. Thank you HG. 💖
The one I met, but no in a sentimental relationship, was very very lazy and had no friends, so all day doing nothing. Also, he was awake up night. So yes, some of them have plenty of time looks like. In fact I think they make the time as hurting seems like an addictive hobby. I only shared space with him 2 months and I was shocked of how evil he was. Also he came from a country in which black magic and stuff like that was normal. Si yes, bibles, christs, religious tattoos all over him and the place. I never entered his room but I bet he made all sort of rituals. So yes, all the time in the world for bullshit. A horror movie.
H G You so have one of the best explanation of human beings that I have ever heard and probably will. I found all you talk about line's up to scripture. The best explanation of human nature who and what we are.
My ex narc sent me a book saying his daughter thought I would like it. That infuriated me because he was using her to Hoover me. I ignored it but it was surprising that emotional thinking still affected me.
You are the best no words of gratitude could help me express how truly grateful I am for you This is exact not one word off .every single word u speak exact. That's why I am willing to trust your direction on this. I thank God for bringing me to this. I swear I almost died over that man. This is a battle . I do ok then my thinking exact like u say I gotta keep going I know that I am not going back I have to go through whatever all this is aftermath remaining goso
Oh my God...re-listening to this again... My kitty cat went missing during this malice campaign. I initially thought the realtor left the door open and the indoor meek kitty decided to go out and get lost, never to return. No trace of him. Now I wonder if Mr Gibbie met a sinister fate? The exe always hated cats. Oh hed pretend but the times he terrorized these animals, it was so disturbing that it never made sense until I listened to this again. HG... Do these upper mid range kill animals?
Absolutely. Think about how criminals are described? Almost always there’s a disregard for life that shows early in the form of ritualistic abuse with animals, or killing them. Empathy is probably best seen through how we treat those who can do nothing for us and have no voice at all. All humans are different, so I’m sure there’s exceptions to this rule.
I wish that HG would do a long segment on the non-intimate partner primary source. Dig into what happens to the psyche of an only child of a narcissistic single mother. The effect this would have on a person raised in such a soup. How almost impossible it is for the child to break away once they're grown. This is such a common occurrence right now and it's devastating. Even when the grown child gets married the mother sees that person as a rival and can make that marriage unbearable. The sense of obligation for that grown child that they can't escape from and how it only gets worse as the narcissistic mother ages.
I doubt if there will be another chance to be punished. Both the mother and her daughter tried to hoover me back thru a 3rd party. Triangulated (played dirty by someone you know, he is married with 5kids) I figured out that she bedded this guy not as a new supply but recycled. I made it clear, after silent treatment, watched and observed there behaviors, I told them clearly their cheating with this guy, alienated with my step son, etc and moved out never to return. One year withholding sex. Dirty sex. Set boundaries not to have intimacy. She went on rage . Zero impact. I don't need any contact from them. Moved on with my life, with my fiance. Don't have online media. Never minded to find out what they were doing. I don't care what they are doing
That is fabulous! I love your simplistic thinking of this person. What a shit show it all is. It’s very true that once you see it, you can’t unsee it. So after that, it shouldn’t matter who they are with or where.. it’s such nonsense, immature and draining of positive energy !
Love it. I just recently went no contact, after almost 3 yrs of the rollercoaster revolving door, and ripping me off and texting from old account, if he's smart he'll stay gone- fool has over 10 fb accounts, newest one made the day before came up on my feed, the video he made is freaking creepy, his eyes did a weird twitch, I could blow his ass out of the water, and he apparently has a warrant out for him, sad ending to a 30 + yr "friendship"
I got used to disengagement as a teenager and had come to expect it from one particular person, and i knew that she would always come back round again. I learned to preempt the hoovers and overload her with treats giving her more than she would have obtained by manipulation. Whenever she tried to manipulate me, i took this as an excuse to prolong the conversation, with precisely the same outcome either way. So she could just show up, collect her hoover money, and be about her business with no upset. She could storm off, and have dirty secrets, with no reaction from my part because shed always been this way. She made a recovery but i was a bit apprehensive about her going to therapy, in case they 'cured' the wrong bit
I saw my ex a week after we fell out. She realized I wasn’t going to come back and she called me 2 days later talking about stop stalking me stay away from her. I’m like😂😂 I just broke up with with you get over yourself
Yes the newest note after the one that now I owe him money was that all he did was ever be there for me and when I stop calling him a liar and a cheater to call
I always thought my ex husband both enjoyed hurting and then “rescuing” but then questioned that thinking bc I saw disgust. That he could be absolutely pitiful, cry, (crocodile tears), fake suicide attempt, etc etc. but when I show emotion? Disgusting. Vile. Weakling. Edit to add one of these reactions doesn’t invalidate the other. Depending on the stage-devaluation, discard. This is the BIGGEST ghost that haunts so many of us. Why were you being Viciously cruel on top of being mean as hell? It’s odd, though, I can’t think of what I did to trigger this stage. Just bc I don’t recall kicking the hornets nest doesn’t mean I didn’t…it was so much easier than I thought.
Just received a malign Hoover: first time I went complete NC, moved out: I was told he replaced me, but I didn't even know,same night I got a blocked voicemail saying "that he opened my mail, I owe a tow that I ran "you always do this, never learn, you owe this much $, you can send me such amount and I'll put it in my EZ pass, I can't keep doing this" now it makes sense bc I was the ipps & he replaced me, it was to gain fuel for the new supply golden period, bc my car is not even registered in his name, so why would he feel the need to make me think he's burdened with it!! I called this out ASAP!! I did not & will not reach out!! That's crazy.. I never knew this
My narc ex of 28 years, told me he wanted a divorce when we were taking our oldest to college. Lol.... 9 years later , after much suffering and wondering what happened. Within 2 months of walking out on our marriage of 28 years, he picked up with my replacement, the new woman, who he began seeing prior to him walking out. They are now married. It has now been 9 years and I have become a much stronger woman. I was so gullible and participated in magical thinking. Thru control and manipulation, he turned our two children against me and made me out to be the less than person. Slowly getting the respect back from my children who are 29 and 26. (His father did the same thing to his mother after 30 years of marriage and 9 children.) Like father, like son.
I had an ex-sister-in law who did all those things after I escaped from being underneath her control. I literally had to relocate to a new city, a new location cause she was so obsessed with me... Really really wierd to have had that experience with someone I thought was someone I could trust.. this all happened after I escaped from an entanglement with a 2 year intimate relationship with a mid range narcissist and I had no place to live. My ex sister-in law. she took me in...then it got real wierd.. Came home one day and she attacked me from behind with hands around my neck began to strangle me, all because she thought I closed a door too hard.... I had to remove myself out of there real fast..Female narcissist psycho....she wouldn't leave me alone, telephone calls, possessive and so on...Female narcissists do exist and believe me I think are worse then the male version....
You may be a narc if you feel so inclined to do so. Revenge in 'mind games' is such a waste of time. Let people mind game themselves and stay logical with no contact.
Why so much drama !! The love we give you is a charity ! The control you thought you had over us is a fantasy!! Our bonding with you was virtual reality. To a realist with self control, there is no harm.
The thumbnails for these vids are some of the best in the business, very professional. Loving the plague doctor mask HG, looks truly authentic. Is it one of yours? 😏
What happens after the mid range or lesser (not even sure what he is yet) comes back to you (convincing you he wants to change) and you ask him why he hurts you so much if he claims to love you? He always acted remorseful but what was really going on in his head??
It's nothing more than a ruse. He'll behave himself just for a short period of time to try to show he's "changed" and then it's payback time with dividends.
Loved this one. After a robust no-contact regime, ( including 3 times relocation in 3 years after disengament ), how can a NISS superempath/supernova stop benign f/up hoovers by proxy, sent by greater or ultra ex boss? Will it continue x ever? I'm amazed @ how much energy...
I probably ( unfortunately) hold some kind of record here re malign hoovering. Married to a particularly nasty Narc for 11 years, I finally grabbed the kids and escaped. At first limited contact because after his custody application was rejected, he had visiting rights, which soon fizzled out. At first he tried working the kids “ don’t you want a mummy and a daddy family” ( incl. grand tearful performances) Anyway, after 33 years he’s written me venomous letters at least once a month, lately switched to silent phone calls ( he’s still got my landline number) at odd times during the night. ( he hasn’t got internet) I never reacted to any letter and all his calls ( 72+) are blocked. One “ I admit I treated you bad, but we are old now, can’t we try again” a while ago and he engaged the help of an organisation which brings families back together again. They were unsuccessful lol . By the time I left him I had already removed myself emotionally completely, there wasn’t even anger left, so he hit impenetrable stonewalls with me, and yet he’s still hoovering around like a little pesky fly. The kids, now grown up, went no contact too, he’s literally got no one. I have no idea what he did during all those years on his own, but looks like the fact I got away still rankles with him. 🤷♀️ We live quite a distance away from each other, but should he ever bang on my door, I call the copshop, but he’s wily enough not to outright harass me.
I want to know why he discarded me a month ago and I didn’t contact him whatsoever in anyway and he came back. I’m not messaging him but why come back after you discard somebody for over a month. He’s the one that said he didn’t want me and I was more than okay with that because I knew who he was, I even told him I knew he was and he still came back. Lol why? He has hoovered twice through texting recently and I didn’t give him what he wanted. But why come back anyways? Why keep trying? I didn’t take the bait. Do I have to worry about this demonic guy coming to home, cause he does know where I live. I really don’t feel like beating someone with a baseball bat. But I will if he ever comes Near my home. He isn’t welcome!!! I’m raised by narcissists and I get most of it and know the antics and tactics but the hoovering part I never heard of. Why when they let me go. He let me go and I didn’t chase is that why? Was he expecting me to chase him and break down?
Hoover follow up malice example: Narc/bully at work threaten by victim, steals a direct competitive promotion from victim at work by aligning/manipulating the weak beta hiring boss and using flying monkeys co-workers. Narc is successful and wins the promotion despite having way lesser merit and experience than the victim. Narc contiues to subtle punishment devalue victim however victim resolves what has happened and goes about their life but stays in the company daily with the Narc. Victim works hard and gains confidence i preparation for the next promotion and receives recognition often over the Narc. 3 yrs later, another promotion come up, victim is sure to get it based on merit and work experience/ethic. The Narc awakens again to further exert control and starts the procress of devaluation of the "old conquered victim" and again succeeds in manipulation/aligning with the same weak beta boss/hiring manager and recruits the same flying monkeys to devalue/smear once again. The Narc succeeds in the competiter winning the promotion against the "old victim". The even greater malice, the Narc lovebombed telling the victim " hey, you have really come along and i want you to know I told the boss you deserve to be promoted this time". Victim thinks "i guess he felt bad for what he did" and begins to trust the Narc and forgives him. Meanwhile, the Narc plots for more Narc points and control and gives the competitor secret interview strategies and writes letter of rec for the competitor and underhandedly smears the victim. The lesser competitor wins the promotion depsite having 16 yrs less experience.
Hey H. G, What an in-lighting post! However, leaves with a couple of questions. Are saying that the Golden Period is taxing depleting to the narcissist? Does the narcissist enjoy the Golden Periods? So, does the provocative behaviors they engage in to extract victims fuel also exhaust the narcissist?
yes mine used benign hoover 3 times unsuccessfully a week after end then after 3 weeks after 4 weeks. once I learned and understood why he behaved the way he did and I had definition of who he is. there was no way for him to get back into my head.
I don’t understand why I never experience a malign hoover. All of the hoovers I got was “poor me because of this or that” or trying to resume communication like nothing happened.
They may have occurred but you might not have noticed or they were never used because they were never needed, The Prime Aims were obtained through benign FUHs.
@ HG Tudor You are revising history as you are the one who feels rejection but I am deeply aware how it seems to you but all is not as it appears to be.To know is to trust someone,that required an explanation of why hot and cold.It was nothing you did,so I am sorry our paths never found a way to speak in private.You would have realised then that there was no abandonment and no intent to confuse you.
No contact bro, suppressing everything remembering you them. Eat good, exercise, take rohdiola, occupe yourself and of course accept the pain which is temporary and I swear after that hard period you will have your best life
The longer you were in the relationship, the longer it will take. Just remember, you’re now better off and have a chance to meet someone who loves you, and you’ll see the signes this time, and you won’t get involved with another narc. Don’t rush into another relationship. Wait for the right person. Don’t jump into bed right away. Get to know the person, make sure they’re not married!! Don’t waste your time on those ones!!😒
Left him on December 3rd no more Hoover’s since January 2021. Only a couple flying monkeys under fake accounts calling me insanely jealous, after I’ve made a comment on a certain anti narcissistic channel. And their comments stick out like sore thumb, they don’t fit the narrative. And are so oblivious. Maybe he’s striking out at the flying monkeys now lol 😂
I've gone no contact w my narc neighbor. I literally have to walk down thru the center of my field, 200 ft from her driveway, to maintain no contact...she has cameras following me as I walk my own fences! And she comes out on her UTV and follows me, screaming invective at me. It's freaking weird and strange The malign hoovers are huge. Vandalism, screaming nasty comments across the field, blocking my drive, and now nasty mail (not email, regular mail). Threats of shooting me. Of shooting my horses. Posting my address with house photos on line. And on and on. I have maintained NC, but I don't know what's coming next...I can feel my anger rise, and know that's what she wants/needs, but I worry someday I'll just open my mouth and go off. She's obsessed. And it's scary.
No contact is the only 2 key words required. Any contact with them after a discard, whether it's kind or nasty will bring you hell eventually.
Yes.
This video made me cry - what a trigger! I applied GOSO and I am safe now. Please listen to HG. All he says will save your life!!!!
I watch a lot of true crime. This is terrifying,HG Tudor.
After 5 discards in 6yrs, I am finally seeing everything. He has tried to hoover but I told him I wasn't doing this anymore and went NC. I hope he just stays away
5 discards?! Damn.
This is one I could listen to 100 times and still not have unpacked all of this invaluable skill set.
I dumped my Narc in 2015, was just hoovered on September 19 in 2023, the Narc called and said in a voicemail that he’d “be on my doorstep for my birthday 🎉🤣.” I BLOCKED HIM immediately. 🙄
Stop whining.
Get going
No abuser and you better be grateful.
Thank u for all these videos. I have to have these everyday. My daily medicine to live
Gosh how i wish I could have saw this coming but I had to LEARN THE HARD WAY UNFORTUNATELY BUT IM FINALLY NARC FREE 💞
I'm narc free too thank god we've excaped.. It was horrendous but I was not disgarded I got rid I got him removed
Abused in awful ways also kept captive in my own home
But I was hounded flying monkeys the lot
Hoovered through social media false name accounts he's not giving up
Still I'm under police protection until I relocate in no contact
I've had to have a therapist to get through all this
However I'm so glad he's gone goodluck to his next supply she's going to enter a nightmare, I'm glad you got out it's not a place for us
I don't care he's painted me black who cares about that as long as we aren't with the likes of them, goodluck I wish you happiness 💞
I wish I learned this before, walking up the Purgatory.
Congratulations! Free, Free, Free at last!!
I am going to start loving the fact I threaten his control and keep it like that by replacing him with HG and thus staying NC while getting all the more wiser and stronger.
Smart lady
The whole thing was malign, from beginning to end.
Narcissists need to go to shrinks so they can develop a healthy, functional ego. Stunted ego development is the problem with them. That's why they lack boundaries, an independent self, object constancy and all the rest. They literally haven't reached an average eight-year old's psychological development. And they keep rehashing their relationship with mommy or daddy, trying to come out the winner this time. They're not winners---they're stuck in the past! And they want everyone to be forever stuck with them, just like they're stuck with their own narcissistic parents!
That's a very bad way to live life.
A shrink can not help them,they are gone baby gone.
Mine was in therapy when we broke up. Fucking useless.
The way I understand Narcissism is the personality is malformed. The material of the vehicle is defunct, not just a bad paint job or technology short. The issue is they do not see they have a problem so why do they need to fix anything? The misinformation that lay apply to this extremely dangerous person does not work.
There is new evidence that those with NPD have a low chance of responding to therapy. Very low. There are usually high stakes in order to even get a person with NPD into therapy. These would be: threat of incarceration, divorce or loss of employment, to name a few.
Additionally, a lot of professional therapist misdiagnose NPD.... with this being said the odds of getting a NPD person to engage in therapy and it not turning into a mind game is most likely not going to happen.
Think of the NPD person as a house that is made of materials, wood, nails, paint. The wood is rotten, the nails are made of inferior metals, and the paint is cheap. The house cannot be fixed when the roof begins to fall down.
You just described Meghan and Harry
A narcissist i dated dumped and hoovered me 3 times in a month and then hoovered me as a friend 3 times into weeks until i lashed out at all her insecurities and she went insane. I nearly went insane too. It was very unhealthy to be with someone like that.
Thank u. My feelings are hurt today. All my time and effort and he will never feel real feelings of regret or love or care.
Stay focused on own life and taking care of myself and being a good person. Simple.
Goso
Golden rules and live or reach out and die
There will never be change..we already tried to no avail
When the sweet talk did not work, then commenced the insults, veiled threats, and even a claim that he had a brain tumor, so he "just wanted to be friends, PLEASE!"
It is astounding, the lengths they will go to, and the array of tactics employed.
I was brought up in a fundamental Christian (Roman Catholic) family and environment. Confession, fasting (severe, not like dieting, and it involved both food and water fasting), mandatory self harming (drawing blood by stabbing or pricking and smearing it on pieces of paper, which we then presented to God, during Lent. We had a tree inside the church on which we would hang the pieces of paper and there was a competition between the girls as to who would bring in the most blood smeared pieces of paper). When I heard about the Communist trials (the Prague one for example) and the Maoist 'Reeducation' programmes and the 'ceremonies' where people would accuse themselves of having thought incorrectly etc. it really reminded me of how I was brought up. It didn't matter what I had done or not, the important thing is that I was 'essentially' guilty, and had to feel guilt or shame. It's made me very prone to being manipulated by narc managers (i.e. I do a lot of unpaid overtime) and I dread 'one to ones' as they remind me of Confession.
The only way to go is no contact in addition to get out and stay out.
GOSO is no contact.
@@hgtudor-theultra Fair enough. I repeated myself.
I ..am a super empath according to what I just learned . I only think logically now. I have no tolerance for any bodies BS anymore thank God
I have never been hoovered after I break up with them probably cuz I go NC. So if they think they are going to punish me or control me by not contacting me, they are playing games with themselves. I am glad they want me to stay away. I guess I've never met a greater and an ultra, which is good for me.
I have moved... completely away from my ex Narc....new home. I was outside yesterday.....I saw him ride by, I run into the house. I don't know how he keeps finding me. Even when I've changed my number time after time. I am a bit scared of this. Thank you HG for video
Honour that feeling. I don't think No Contact Orde 26:24 rs, or Restraining Order in Australia help much at all. In fact may hinder or harm. Maybe this would be a good topic to discover more about. How helpful is going to the Police or courts? I'd say there isn't a better community to find out what the experience is. Does it help or not and if so under what circumstances? That is my question to HG.
HONOUR those fears, if I WAS in that situation I would book a consultation with HG. Avoiding being hoovered seems useful if possible.
Best wishes with it all. New car and phone number seems a good idea, also social media black out for a while and if it's really bad come back with wrong pic and a pseudonym.
Tell your friends you are no contact and ask them to delete his contact and not to disclose any details about you to him. Is it opportunity that he saw a mutual acquaintance/friend and asked about you and was given an address? Or did he go all Sherlock and track you down? That is the million dollar question for HG to answer so you know how to proceed.
I spent a few years giving support to my neighbour and neighbour's children at similar ages to mine. In her case he asked her Grandmother with a pity play where she was and wham bam. They sold her house which she owned, and quickly blew all the money on toys and high living. All kinds lol.
He abducted the children and was violent. He had a steel plate in his head after fighting injuries. But working and able to pay lawyers to spout lies in Court. He put them in a position where they had to lie about their mum in court or risk chastisement from him. It was horrible.
Young women get trapped by pregnancy. Don't let that happen to you. Sometimes all you can do is to say Father Unknown on the birth certificate and to hell with any shame.
I shall pass on one last thing from what I learnt from my neighbour's experience from Australia is that always make sure that Interim Orders are confirmed otherwise there is no cross Jurisdictional validity. I'd like to see that change in Australia. My neighbour lost everything due to this, as the custody order made in Queensland was not valid in other states. It will, I suspect be similar in the UK between say Scotland and England. Know your position and rights if you move and make sure any Orders obtained are finalised. IMV Interim Orders ought to be automatically confirmed if not amended within say 6 months?
This would mean a lot less tax payer money bleeding into the Family Court unnecessarily, and give a lot more certainty to the victims of this kind of stress fear and uncertainty.
I haven't done the test 26:24 but I think I am Cerebral Empath? Haha 😂
❤😅
I hope this alerts even one person on what to watch out for in these 'going no contact' scenarios.
Thank you HG. I am now 6 weeks and one day total no contact. There is no way I would have escaped without your wisdom and the information that you share. He hurt me so much and so many times I would not have survived if I hadn't gotten away. It was a 20 month ensnarement. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I believe that you're blessing to me from God. I just want to say thank you because I truly believe I'm free this time. Thank you HG. 💖
The malign hoover sounds like someone with too much time on there hands. Thank GOD. We don't have to deal with that
The one I met, but no in a sentimental relationship, was very very lazy and had no friends, so all day doing nothing. Also, he was awake up night. So yes, some of them have plenty of time looks like. In fact I think they make the time as hurting seems like an addictive hobby.
I only shared space with him 2 months and I was shocked of how evil he was.
Also he came from a country in which black magic and stuff like that was normal. Si yes, bibles, christs, religious tattoos all over him and the place. I never entered his room but I bet he made all sort of rituals.
So yes, all the time in the world for bullshit.
A horror movie.
H G You so have one of the best explanation of human beings that I have ever heard and probably will. I found all you talk about line's up to scripture. The best explanation of human nature who and what we are.
My ex narc sent me a book saying his daughter thought I would like it. That infuriated me because he was using her to Hoover me. I ignored it but it was surprising that emotional thinking still affected me.
You are the best no words of gratitude could help me express how truly grateful I am for you
This is exact not one word off .every single word u speak exact. That's why I am willing to trust your direction on this. I thank God for bringing me to this. I swear I almost died over that man. This is a battle . I do ok then my thinking exact like u say I gotta keep going I know that I am not going back I have to go through whatever all this is aftermath remaining goso
Oh my God...re-listening to this again... My kitty cat went missing during this malice campaign.
I initially thought the realtor left the door open and the indoor meek kitty decided to go out and get lost, never to return.
No trace of him.
Now I wonder if Mr Gibbie met a sinister fate? The exe always hated cats. Oh hed pretend but the times he terrorized these animals, it was so disturbing that it never made sense until I listened to this again.
HG...
Do these upper mid range kill animals?
I’m so sorry.
Absolutely. Think about how criminals are described? Almost always there’s a disregard for life that shows early in the form of ritualistic abuse with animals, or killing them. Empathy is probably best seen through how we treat those who can do nothing for us and have no voice at all. All humans are different, so I’m sure there’s exceptions to this rule.
I wish that HG would do a long segment on the non-intimate partner primary source. Dig into what happens to the psyche of an only child of a narcissistic single mother. The effect this would have on a person raised in such a soup.
How almost impossible it is for the child to break away once they're grown. This is such a common occurrence right now and it's devastating. Even when the grown child gets married the mother sees that person as a rival and can make that marriage unbearable. The sense of obligation for that grown child that they can't escape from and how it only gets worse as the narcissistic mother ages.
Fabulous graphics and presentation HG! Thank you for your work!
You are welcome.
Difficult to believe… grateful for the awareness. Thank you HG Tudor
I doubt if there will be another chance to be punished. Both the mother and her daughter tried to hoover me back thru a 3rd party. Triangulated (played dirty by someone you know, he is married with 5kids) I figured out that she bedded this guy not as a new supply but recycled. I made it clear, after silent treatment, watched and observed there behaviors, I told them clearly their cheating with this guy, alienated with my step son, etc and moved out never to return. One year withholding sex. Dirty sex. Set boundaries not to have intimacy. She went on rage . Zero impact. I don't need any contact from them. Moved on with my life, with my fiance. Don't have online media. Never minded to find out what they were doing. I don't care what they are doing
That is fabulous! I love your simplistic thinking of this person. What a shit show it all is. It’s very true that once you see it, you can’t unsee it. So after that, it shouldn’t matter who they are with or where.. it’s such nonsense, immature and draining of positive energy !
Thank God for this type of site enlightening us.
Essential information all in all when dealing with MPD thank you H.G
Apparantly I like to kick the crap out of the hornets nest, hoping to achieve something that is impossible. It's a terrible addiction.
I get that- part of me wants to stir shit myself-
They will not be Hoovering me, they are sh!t scared I will expose them😁
Hahahahahaha! 😆
Love it. I just recently went no contact, after almost 3 yrs of the rollercoaster revolving door, and ripping me off and texting from old account, if he's smart he'll stay gone- fool has over 10 fb accounts, newest one made the day before came up on my feed, the video he made is freaking creepy, his eyes did a weird twitch, I could blow his ass out of the water, and he apparently has a warrant out for him, sad ending to a 30 + yr "friendship"
They're gonna hoover ya babe
@@CarterSams not true
I got used to disengagement as a teenager and had come to expect it from one particular person, and i knew that she would always come back round again. I learned to preempt the hoovers and overload her with treats giving her more than she would have obtained by manipulation. Whenever she tried to manipulate me, i took this as an excuse to prolong the conversation, with precisely the same outcome either way. So she could just show up, collect her hoover money, and be about her business with no upset. She could storm off, and have dirty secrets, with no reaction from my part because shed always been this way. She made a recovery but i was a bit apprehensive about her going to therapy, in case they 'cured' the wrong bit
Financial Strangulation during No Contact is really effective.
I saw my ex a week after we fell out. She realized I wasn’t going to come back and she called me 2 days later talking about stop stalking me stay away from her. I’m like😂😂 I just broke up with with you get over yourself
Yes the newest note after the one that now I owe him money was that all he did was ever be there for me and when I stop calling him a liar and a cheater to call
I always thought my ex husband both enjoyed hurting and then “rescuing” but then questioned that thinking bc I saw disgust. That he could be absolutely pitiful, cry, (crocodile tears), fake suicide attempt, etc etc. but when I show emotion? Disgusting. Vile. Weakling. Edit to add one of these reactions doesn’t invalidate the other. Depending on the stage-devaluation, discard. This is the BIGGEST ghost that haunts so many of us. Why were you being Viciously cruel on top of being mean as hell? It’s odd, though, I can’t think of what I did to trigger this stage. Just bc I don’t recall kicking the hornets nest doesn’t mean I didn’t…it was so much easier than I thought.
Just received a malign Hoover: first time I went complete NC, moved out: I was told he replaced me, but I didn't even know,same night I got a blocked voicemail saying "that he opened my mail, I owe a tow that I ran "you always do this, never learn, you owe this much $, you can send me such amount and I'll put it in my EZ pass, I can't keep doing this" now it makes sense bc I was the ipps & he replaced me, it was to gain fuel for the new supply golden period, bc my car is not even registered in his name, so why would he feel the need to make me think he's burdened with it!!
I called this out ASAP!! I did not & will not reach out!! That's crazy.. I never knew this
The validation. Ty HG I hope your channel skyrockets. Would love a convo between you and Dr. Sam.
7:24 😳 Cmon man are you serious
My narc ex of 28 years, told me he wanted a divorce when we were taking our oldest to college. Lol.... 9 years later , after much suffering and wondering what happened. Within 2 months of walking out on our marriage of 28 years, he picked up with my replacement, the new woman, who he began seeing prior to him walking out. They are now married. It has now been 9 years and I have become a much stronger woman. I was so gullible and participated in magical thinking. Thru control and manipulation, he turned our two children against me and made me out to be the less than person. Slowly getting the respect back from my children who are 29 and 26. (His father did the same thing to his mother after 30 years of marriage and 9 children.) Like father, like son.
I had an ex-sister-in law who did all those things after I escaped from being underneath her control. I literally had to relocate to a new city, a new location cause she was so obsessed with me... Really really wierd to have had that experience with someone I thought was someone I could trust.. this all happened after I escaped from an entanglement with a 2 year intimate relationship with a mid range narcissist and I had no place to live. My ex sister-in law.
she took me in...then it got real wierd..
Came home one day and she attacked me from behind with hands around my neck began to strangle me, all because she thought I closed a door too hard....
I had to remove myself out of there real fast..Female narcissist psycho....she wouldn't leave me alone, telephone calls, possessive and so on...Female narcissists do exist and believe me I think are worse then the male version....
Thank you for helping me understand me
I will hunt as much narc as possible and deal with them, game on my time now. Seeing I am very much attracted to such creatures.
You may be a narc if you feel so inclined to do so. Revenge in 'mind games' is such a waste of time. Let people mind game themselves and stay logical with no contact.
Why so much drama !! The love we give you is a charity ! The control you thought you had over us is a fantasy!! Our bonding with you was virtual reality. To a realist with self control, there is no harm.
Does a Narcissist respect someone who torches them more than someone who is sobbing in the fetal?
Its not about respect. They have no respect. It's about control, always.
HG can you give us an example what kind of malign hoover have you done to your former IPPS and IPSS?
Accept the challenge and stick to your grounds and that will break the narcs.
I liked it when you sang that song about the Grinch
The thumbnails for these vids are some of the best in the business, very professional.
Loving the plague doctor mask HG, looks truly authentic.
Is it one of yours? 😏
Do secondary sources get hoovered?
Mine actually posts "Are you ready" on social media when he's coming after me.
That's scary!
THAT is truly diabolical.
Stay strong. Get rid of all social media? Move home?
NC still am a confused empath. There was a text thing maybe that fits this category in the past few months and a hoover some time ago.
What happens after the mid range or lesser (not even sure what he is yet) comes back to you (convincing you he wants to change) and you ask him why he hurts you so much if he claims to love you? He always acted remorseful but what was really going on in his head??
It's nothing more than a ruse. He'll behave himself just for a short period of time to try to show he's "changed" and then it's payback time with dividends.
Holy sheet this is my ex wife she was a higher level narcissist, self aware bragged one day about how she picked her victims...
Loved this one.
After a robust no-contact regime, ( including 3 times relocation in 3 years after disengament ), how can a NISS superempath/supernova stop benign f/up hoovers by proxy, sent by greater or ultra ex boss?
Will it continue x ever? I'm amazed @ how much energy...
I probably ( unfortunately) hold some kind of record here re malign hoovering. Married to a particularly nasty Narc for 11 years, I finally grabbed the kids and escaped. At first limited contact because after his custody application was rejected, he had visiting rights, which soon fizzled out. At first he tried working the kids “ don’t you want a mummy and a daddy family” ( incl. grand tearful performances) Anyway, after 33 years he’s written me venomous letters at least once a month, lately switched to silent phone calls ( he’s still got my landline number) at odd times during the night. ( he hasn’t got internet) I never reacted to any letter and all his calls ( 72+) are blocked. One “ I admit I treated you bad, but we are old now, can’t we try again” a while ago and he engaged the help of an organisation which brings families back together again. They were unsuccessful lol .
By the time I left him I had already removed myself emotionally completely, there wasn’t even anger left, so he hit impenetrable stonewalls with me, and yet he’s still hoovering around like a little pesky fly. The kids, now grown up, went no contact too, he’s literally got no one. I have no idea what he did during all those years on his own, but looks like the fact I got away still rankles with him. 🤷♀️ We live quite a distance away from each other, but should he ever bang on my door, I call the copshop, but he’s wily enough not to outright harass me.
What if I hurt them? Will they drop me altogether?
I want to know why he discarded me a month ago and I didn’t contact him whatsoever in anyway and he came back. I’m not messaging him but why come back after you discard somebody for over a month. He’s the one that said he didn’t want me and I was more than okay with that because I knew who he was, I even told him I knew he was and he still came back.
Lol why? He has hoovered twice through texting recently and I didn’t give him what he wanted. But why come back anyways? Why keep trying? I didn’t take the bait. Do I have to worry about this demonic guy coming to home, cause he does know where I live. I really don’t feel like beating someone with a baseball bat. But I will if he ever comes Near my home. He isn’t welcome!!! I’m raised by narcissists and I get most of it and know the antics and tactics but the hoovering part I never heard of. Why when they let me go. He let me go and I didn’t chase is that why? Was he expecting me to chase him and break down?
I heard all that
But after the residue is cleaned up...I realize you NARXS helped me learn authentic love. And empathy in action...
Hoover follow up malice example: Narc/bully at work threaten by victim, steals a direct competitive promotion from victim at work by aligning/manipulating the weak beta hiring boss and using flying monkeys co-workers. Narc is successful and wins the promotion despite having way lesser merit and experience than the victim.
Narc contiues to subtle punishment devalue victim however victim resolves what has happened and goes about their life but stays in the company daily with the Narc. Victim works hard and gains confidence i preparation for the next promotion and receives recognition often over the Narc. 3 yrs later, another promotion come up, victim is sure to get it based on merit and work experience/ethic. The Narc awakens again to further exert control and starts the procress of devaluation of the "old conquered victim" and again succeeds in manipulation/aligning with the same weak beta boss/hiring manager and recruits the same flying monkeys to devalue/smear once again. The Narc succeeds in the competiter winning the promotion against the "old victim". The even greater malice, the Narc lovebombed telling the victim " hey, you have really come along and i want you to know I told the boss you deserve to be promoted this time". Victim thinks "i guess he felt bad for what he did" and begins to trust the Narc and forgives him. Meanwhile, the Narc plots for more Narc points and control and gives the competitor secret interview strategies and writes letter of rec for the competitor and underhandedly smears the victim. The lesser competitor wins the promotion depsite having 16 yrs less experience.
Oh my goodness ... A few of these have happened to me ...
Hey H. G,
What an in-lighting post! However, leaves with a couple of questions. Are saying that the Golden Period is taxing depleting to the narcissist? Does the narcissist enjoy the Golden Periods? So, does the provocative behaviors they engage in to extract victims fuel also exhaust the narcissist?
So weird. So exact
Never been hoovered
it hurts less knowing that that unaware mid range
is just a sick man rather than knowing he manipulated purposely .
yes mine used benign hoover 3 times unsuccessfully a week after end then after 3 weeks
after 4 weeks.
once I learned and understood why he behaved
the way he did and I had definition of who he is. there was no way for him to get back into my head.
What would happen if this gets sent to a narcissist?
MsAimee--if this was sent to a narcissist, most likely he will say YOU were HOOVERING HIM! L 😂 L
OMG Hoover by proxy... It's getting worse
Same
Yes. My ex is using the court system. When will it end?
Yup yup and yup. This really sucks if you’re a coparent
I don’t understand why I never experience a malign hoover. All of the hoovers I got was “poor me because of this or that” or trying to resume communication like nothing happened.
They may have occurred but you might not have noticed or they were never used because they were never needed, The Prime Aims were obtained through benign FUHs.
Thank you very much.
Does this only apply to the Primary Source?
Hahahaha.....its o v e r.....I simply dont care....wow. satisfying and gratifying.
I agree it freed up so much time. Read the book of Jeremiah 🙂
@ HG Tudor You are revising history as you are the one who feels rejection but I am deeply aware how it seems to you but all is not as it appears to be.To know is to trust someone,that required an explanation of why hot and cold.It was nothing you did,so I am sorry our paths never found a way to speak in private.You would have realised then that there was no abandonment and no intent to confuse you.
Afternoon H G,
How do you break the trauma bond as quick as possible
No contact bro, suppressing everything remembering you them.
Eat good, exercise, take rohdiola, occupe yourself and of course accept the pain which is temporary and I swear after that hard period you will have your best life
The longer you were in the relationship, the longer it will take.
Just remember, you’re now better off and have a chance to meet someone who loves you, and you’ll see the signes this time, and you won’t get involved with another narc. Don’t rush into another relationship. Wait for the right person. Don’t jump into bed right away. Get to know the person, make sure they’re not married!! Don’t waste your time on those ones!!😒
Left him on December 3rd no more Hoover’s since January 2021. Only a couple flying monkeys under fake accounts calling me insanely jealous, after I’ve made a comment on a certain anti narcissistic channel. And their comments stick out like sore thumb, they don’t fit the narrative. And are so oblivious. Maybe he’s striking out at the flying monkeys now lol 😂
I've gone no contact w my narc neighbor. I literally have to walk down thru the center of my field, 200 ft from her driveway, to maintain no contact...she has cameras following me as I walk my own fences! And she comes out on her UTV and follows me, screaming invective at me. It's freaking weird and strange The malign hoovers are huge. Vandalism, screaming nasty comments across the field, blocking my drive, and now nasty mail (not email, regular mail). Threats of shooting me. Of shooting my horses. Posting my address with house photos on line.
And on and on.
I have maintained NC, but I don't know what's coming next...I can feel my anger rise, and know that's what she wants/needs, but I worry someday I'll just open my mouth and go off.
She's obsessed. And it's scary.
I WOULD feel sorry for Him....or for you...but I Dont....
❤️🔥
How if We Share Children??
Use this narcsite.com/how-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist/ it is what it is designed for
@@hgtudor-theultra Thank you
24 minutes onwards.
I don't understand these people. Why are you guys so evil???