Best Sick Jokes!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ต.ค. 2024
- Let's get sick! In the joke department of course.
Best Sick Jokes! - Battlefield 4
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![ลองสั่งของจากแอพ temu ถูกจริงหรอ?? ( part : 1/2 ) [โกงไหมครับ ep.89 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RTcZSQTiDZw/mqdefault.jpg)
What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.
Daaaaamn son
Oh SNAP! Savage af.
savage
xD
Actually, a personal relationship with a woman of Japanese descent and I engaged in a relationship. We had our twist and turns, but she hot the message firmly the first time I gave her, this quote on quote, "bomb".
Q: What's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?
A: Walking
A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?'
She replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what?............
'A Rectum Stretcher!'
'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?' he asked
'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge..
Noice.
That turned me on
Best one yet
DaveyuKay W
i locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic last night. they got really pissed at me when i went inside and asked for a coat hanger
Donovan D I don't really get that one unfortunately
Frosty_ Mercenary 🤦🏻♂️the fact you explained is so funny 😂
I’m literally crying 😂
Reading this while eating hits defiantly! 🤢
I don’t get it
I hated when old people poked me and said "Your next" at weddings, so I started doing the same thing at funerals.
Joshua rutherford I stole it from a meme lol
i laughed.
OriginalDarkMew oh man
Jake Hesketh I stole it from a mene honestly
OriginalDarkMew oh shit that halarous
A man is jogging along the beach and he hears a woman crying. He runs up to her and she has no arms and no legs. He asks why are you crying. She said no one has ever hugged me before. so the man looks around picks her up and hugs her then continues on running. the next day she is crying again. He asks her now why are you crying. She said no one has ever kissed me before. so the man gives her a kiss and continues on jogging. the next day the woman is crying yet again. so he stops and says what is it now. the woman says no one has ever fucked me before. so the man makes sure no one is around. picks her up and throws her in the water and yelled your fucked now.
Gage Stricker Thats a W
That joke was funny in 3rd grade
An oldy but goody!
@@irishsavage8715 your attitude hasn’t changed since then, but at least it got your uncle to stop touching you
3 Gay men died, and all of their lovers where at the funeral home planning on what to do with their ashes. The first one said "Thick always wanted to fly, so I am going to toss his ashes out of a plane." The second one then says "Neebs loved to go fishing so I am going to dump his ashes in his favorite lake." The last one then says "My Simon was such a good lover, so I am going to mix his ashes in a bowl of chili so he can tear up my ass one more time."
+SaintDmac Up vote this they have to see this one.
+DirtDiver181992 hahahaha genius
+DirtDiver181992 I hope so too. I want to see Simon's reaction. Like will he be mad that he is gay but will he be proud that he was the good lover in this.
+TheRAYdustin thanks!
Simon you dirty dog you
A man walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist for some condoms so the pharmacist says "sure you want the 12 18 or 24 pack" and the guy says "oh idk I just met her and I'm meeting her parents but I am feelin lucky so give me the 24 pack" so he buys them and later tht day he goes to his new girlfriends house and meets her parents who insist he stay for dinner and when they begin to say grace he gives an extra long prayer so his girlfriend turns to him and says "you never told me you were religious" and he says" you never told me your dad was a pharmacist
DAVID miller gj
lmao these are all stolen jokes
DAVID miller one word to the 00.1% of people this has actually happened to. \/
RUN!!!!
@@gayretard2804 your name explains alot
This isn't sick or offensive in anyway
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
+Mi2Lethal Oh good god nice one
+D. Jay なに?
+D. Jay +Otaku Ghost straight out of google translate
I instantly got that and I'm 12!
Is it wrong I got that joke at a young age?
How do you start a rave
Throw a flashbang into the epileptic children's ward
Omgggg :/ :D
I laughed too hard at that
Lloyd Griffith **slow clapping**
Lloyd Griffith I was laughing so hard i was crying and almost pissed myself
👏
I don't want to say anything so 1 clap and 1 like
What does dark humor and kids with cancer have in common... they never get old
i love you you should be on top
Goku Is better than you
hah that's so fucked
Oh Fuck!
That’s similar to one of my favorites,
“Dark humor is like a dead baby... it never gets old” 🥁
Danggggggggg
What do you give a cannibal who's late for dinner? The cold shoulder
it didnt help my case much when i went to court for child rape and the judge asked me "how does 7-12 years sound?" and i replied "Sexy"
Noice. Put another pedo joke in front of this one and you can really get rid of people
Daaamm , you have balls to put a child rape joke. 😂
Ooooof but sick so good I guess?!?!
Too far...
A man walks into a bar and sees a giant jar filled with money and asks the bartender 'whats with the huge ass jar?' the bartender points to the back door and answered 'there's a horse out back if you can make him laugh the money is yours'
the man nods and walks out back and then 2 minutes later they hear the horse laughing hysterically. The man walks in and grabs the jar and leaves saying 'I'll see ya around'.
2 months pass and the man comes back to yet another jar filled with money 'What is it this time' He asks.
The bartender says 'You gotta make the horse cry this time...' The man nods. Then saunters out back.
not even a minute comes to pass untill the horse is crying like he saw his mother butchered.The man walked in and before he could grab the jar the bartender said 'Okay... i gotta know how you pulled off both of these...'
The man answers 'Well to make him laugh, i told him i had a bigger dick then he did.' the bartender nods 'How'd you make him cry?' to which the man retorted 'I showed him'
How did he make him cry?
+Zachary Malin-Mitchell read the joke...
best one yet XD
My favorite joke ever XD
+Matthew Haney Why does it need to be a horse?
Little Suzie goes to sunday school every sunday but the previous night she was up late so whilst sitting by her desk she decides to place the bible in front of her face and sleep. whilst shes sleeping the teacher asks her a question. "Suzie who is the lord we worship" little johnny a small troublesome boy comes to the rescue and pricks Suzie with his lucky bobby pin. Suzie wakes up shouting GOD ALMIGHTY. "very good Suzie" says the teacher. Suzzie goes back to sleep. Later the teacher asks Suzie a 2nd Question "Suzie who is the sun of god and our savior. Johnny comes to the rescue agin and suzie wakes up shouting JESUS CHRIST. "very good" says the Teacher Suzie goes back to sleep. The teacher then asks Suzie a 3rd question "Suzie what did Eve say to Adam when they had their 23rd child. Johnny pricks Suzie with his pin Suzie wakes up and yells "if you stick that fucking thing in me again im gonna break it in half". Teacher faints.
hahhaah
That's really clever hahahaha
we had a different version
I am glad I read the whole thing.
ROFLMAO
"I can't believe you slept with my sister!"
"She was lying there naked in my office, what was I supposed to do?"
"The autopsy, you sick bastard!"
This joke ripped from a meme
What is the speed limit of sex? 68, because at 69 you have to stop and turn around.
or you could end it "at 69 she flips over and blows a rod
A little boy gets lured into the woods by a strange man, as they're walking into the woods, the little boy says, "I'm scared", to which the man replies, "you're scared, I have to walk out of here alone".
The guy is wearing a clown suit.
Helen Keller walks into a bar... and a table and some chairs
Yes
Girl: "sorry daddy I've been a naughty girl"
Priest: "for the last time it's ,forgive me father for I have sinned"
0_0
Ha! Is that a Click reference?
5:46 I was telling that joke to someone at work and someone else overheard it, they said they were offended because their nephew was epileptic and had died after having a seizure in the bath. I apologised and said that I didn't know his nephew had drowned. He said he didn't, he choked on a sock
I shouldn’t laugh
Why did he choke on a sock?
That was a tough one to not laugh at
what do you get, when u put an epileptic on a folding chair? a transformer
what is the difference between snow tires and a blac person? the tires dont start to scream when u put the chains on
What's the difference between a one night stand and a washing machine? You can dump your load in the washing machine and it won't follow you around for a week.
Woman: Doctor, what's my diagnoses?
Doctor:What's your zodiac sign
Woman:Cancer
Doctor:What a coincidence
If the camera adds ten pounds, do Ethiopian children really exist?
You should have thought before you responded haha.
YOU WIN
wtf is an ethiopian?
Noah Roberts really though.......
I dont think people understand the joke I made
"Hahaha tell another one about the dead babies!" No one even noticed and I lost my shit lmfao
How manny babies does it take to paint a wall
Depends on how hard you throw them
Amstevecat grim, FUNNY AS HELL! But grim.
you are going to hell see you their
@@not_tellingyou1596 join the club
Hey, whats the difference between a baby and an onion?
I don't cry when I'm chopping up babies.
Meme Master I don't cry when I chop onio
I LOLED SO HARD
Meme Master h
that is a true sick joke
Not meme Master deer god
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one liners?
Because he cant do stand up
i don't get it
Wilgains Fleuridor Hawking canst stand because he's in a wheelchair
Wilgains Fleuridor he's crippled
oh.... lol.
dude...
this is more a racist joke. what's the most confusing holiday in the ghetto?
father's day..
What do you call a homosexual on roller skates?
Rolaids.
Thats a magic johnson joke
jeff Fruit By the Foot.
A pope, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sat down
+dylan williams by saying that little part about not getting it you kinda ruined it srry
How many baby's does it take to paint a wall? ...............depends on how hard you throw them
XD
Funny as hell! Wait hell isn't funny... 😐
your*
lmao
+SKA_16 what are you trying to fix here m8. ''depends on how hard YOU throw them''
First good you spotted a mistake but didnt fix it the right way.
little lesson.
youR is when you own something.
you'RE is you are in one word.
so you shall have said you're*, and you'll be right.
What's worse than 10 babies in one bin.
1 baby in 10 bins.
+CM Cardenas I think it's because someone murdered the baby and chopped it up into 10 pieces.
AManOfShadows ohhh
+CM Cardenas he cut up the baby
+Grey Stash one baby in 10 bins
+CM Cardenas bro I've seen you here, destiny videos and asmr videos. This is crazy
what has 17 arms and 4 legs?
Boston marathon finish line
Liam Beach omfg
Damn bro
Lol
Wait, 17 arms and 4 legs at a marathon? What does that mean-
Oh. Oh God. That’s fucked up.
what do you call a five year old with no friends? a sandy hook survivor
ooooo cold I love it
ouch
I live for things like this :D
+mortalized savage af
+Meowers everyone everywhere has seen something before, get off your high horse
Joke's on you, Neebs. I was already a bad person.
how to do you start an African rave,you staple toast to the ceiling
how do you wipe out a whole continent?
go to Africa and throw a cookie off a cliff.
+Joe Bryson wow that's racist
ok
Love it
+Noah Roberts hippo confirmed
what the difference between a blonde and a mosquito
one stops sucking after you slap it
Brody Belcher omg no way ROFL I have never heard that one before omg!!!!!
Nice joke dude
when your in a school zone and you hit a speed bump and then you remember there are no speed bumps
Whats black and screaming? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
OH GOD! STEVIE WONDER NOOOOO!!!
Fuck I laughed at that
What do you call a burning black kid in a wheel chair? Hot Wheels
fucking good one
How do you get a Jewish girls number?
Look at her arm
Wow
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA because of ww2
that's a nasty nasty one xD
😂😂😂
Ah fuck...
This little girl and her mom were walking through a park one day when the little girl noticed a couple having sex and the little girl asked her mom what are they doing. The mom replied making cake and the little girl says ok. The next day they went to a zoo and saw two monkeys having sex. The little girl asked her mom what are they doing and the mom replied making cake and the little girl said ok. The next day the little girl walked up to her mom and said I know you and Dad were making cake. The mom asked how do you know. The little girl replied cause I licked the icing off the couch.
This one is sick
What does Charlie sheen and Taylor Swift have in common? Bad blood 😂😂
+Jerry Vaughan ha
your*
+SKA_16 shut up
+horrorguy 64 that SKA guy was wrong it's You're
+Elite sniper your&
How many babies can you fit in a blender? Depends how powerful it is.
How do you get them back out? Doritos.
LOLOLOLOLOL
More of these are needed
I laughed at all of these, I hate my self
I acted
I didn't
I laughed more at the comments
what's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?
the wheelchair...
I love rewatching these videos after some time. They remind me why I'll never unsubscribe! 😂
these guys ooze positivity
Here's a Croatian one... Muja and Haso go to Amsterdam. They really want to go to a brothel. They enter one and go into a log hallway with many doors. Above every door there is a price for the ladies services. Firs door says 1000 euro. Second 800 euro and so on. The last one is 500 euro. Mujo and Haso have only 100 euro. They stop the pimp and ask what can they get for 100 euro? He point to a room at the faaaaar end of the hallway and says you can get that one. They go to the room and Mujo goes in first and does his busyness. Haso goes in next and starts doing his thing and just as he finishes a white foamy substance starts cumming out her mouth and nose. Haso starts screaming and the pimp runs in. He sees what happened and shout out to a brothel employ. Hans, this corpse is full! Get another one! :)
Omg thats fucked up.......nice one
I've heard a similar version of this home. Except it was set in the old wild west in a brothel; and the guy said, "Bob, the dead ones full again."
How do you stop a baby from crawling in a circle?
Nail it's other hand to the floor.
😆🤢
How do you pick up a Jewish girl? With a dustpan
+Daveed 78 lol good one
+Daveed 78 I've got to use that one lol
***** what do you call a flying jew?
+HeatWave XD Jesus
Collin Freeman smoke lol
What's the worst part about getting locked out of your car outside of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask for a clothes hanger
what the difference between Michael Jackson and a Catholic Priest.....
Michael Jackson can afford to pay off the families
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common
They r both made of plastic and get turned on by little kids
+Whatyouwantgaming 2020 smh.. 😂😂😂
+Whatyouwantgaming 2020 holy shit that was freaking awesome lol.
damn, that's funny
Ok, two cannibals are eating Amy Shumer, one looks at the other and says "hey, does this taste funny to you?" The other one says "No"
What did the muslim say to the gay bartender when asked what he wanted? "A shot for everybody!"
Hahahahahahaa
Orlando
I'm holding back tears and laughter at the same time.
+ThatGuy same
Btw, that Orlando shooter was only muslim by name, his lifestyle wasn't muslim at all. Still funny though :-)
R.I.P.😂
Who are the best people to insult?
Blind people, because they never see it coming.
Ahhhhh i love handicap jokes.
Wanna hear a sick joke? Simon who doesnt fall in a hole
+DANNYonPC Here's a good joke - Shadow6ix's and JackFrags claims to a "legit EE hunt"
What sends small black children running and skidding down the street.
A fire hose
What's better than winning a gold medal at the Paralympics?
Not being disabled.
What's the difference between a pizza and a Mexican?
A pizza can support a family.
Should replace the pizza with structure beam
+Nemesis Deth no it should be. What is the difference between a black man a bench? a bench can support a family
+ThatGuy no it's a pizza can feed a family of four
Your name is soooo perfect for this joke
Tallerpit97 gaming Who's?
Q: Why are crippled kids always bullied?
A: Because they can't stand up for themselves.
HAHAHAHAHAJAJAHAHA AMAZING
Me and my 21 year old girlfriend were in a restaurant. Everyone was staring at me and calling me a pedophile.
Totally ruined our 9 year anniversary
@Josh Rutherford but what if y'all were the same age lol
@@kylecaetana2124 That would fix the problem.
Ok, I feel really stupid for not getting this joke..😕
Non pedo and I fine this offensive.
By the way google you hurrrr
who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 110 stories in less than 10 seconds
Damn
Damn.
Why can't i copypaste comments on a phone.
OMFG we're going to hell...lol
Ok that ones way to far I was smiling before reading that
69th like
Me and my Girlfriend went to a club and the guy kicked me out because she was 20 and i was 40. totally ruined our 10 year anniversary
im done
+Butters TH-cam 2016
+Butters TH-cam 2016
Butters it asks me to translate the language of your comment
Mom: My son came home in tears and I said "what's wrong honey?"
Son: "My girlfriend slept with my best friend!"
Mom: "That's flattering, I never knew I was your best friend"
I was in Florida and there was a sign that said alstimers awareness group and my dad says "that's funny u think they remembered to go"
Lol ur dads awesome
Blind man walks past a fish Market, tips his hat and says, "hello ladies"
+Steven Gibilaro Come on.
Ohhhhhhhhhh
+Steven Gibilaro Explanation?
+Lucas Ng Hes making a reference to womens genitals and making a remark that they smell like fish
Afroman
what's worse than 5 babies in 1 dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters
and...
what's worse than throwing a baby?
stopping it with a shovel
What's the difference between a trampoline and a pile of baby's? You take your boots off to jump on the trampoline
That's seriously fucked up.. I love it :)
Lmaoooo
How do u pick up a jewish girl?
With a dustpan and brush
Adam lmfao
How many dead babies does it take to cover a roof.
Depends on how thin you slice them
Oh...... SHIT
Depends how thin you slice them
how do you get a baby into a blender? feet first. how do you get a baby out of a blender?... chips...
That's just fucked man
Whats the last living organ in a dead baby?
My Dick
doctor: due to your wife's broken hip she wont be able to walk again.
husband: hip!! she came for a headache!!
doctor: ha we know
Whats the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies?
Theres no ferrari in my garage
false i don't ride a ferrari...
bloke goes up to his missus and asks "do you want to play the rape game?"
His wife looks at him disgusted and replies "ugh! No". He smiles excitedly and exclaims "that's the spirit!"
just recently found this channel and guys are hilarious. love it. so thank you to them for brightening up my day
Neebs is like a kleptomaniac, he's always taking things literally.
I'm disgusted, offended, and terrified by these jokes...looking forward to the next one! :)
a man takes his wife to the doctor
Man:how is she doing?
Doctor: I'm afraid she won't walk for a long time.
Man: what but she only came in for a pain in her neck?!
Doctor: oh I know ;)
That's a Marlon Webb Vine XD
You got that from Marlon Webb
HOw are girls and Blackjack the same?
You aim for 21 but you hit it at 14.
neebs laugh sounds like a priest who laugh with joy when he realizes that the alter boy wont snitch
Man#1: Hey did you guys hear about the school in California?
Man#2: Yea, such a shame.
Man#3: Hey my cousin lives in California.
Man#1: You mean lived in California.
Weak
+Jaydrian Clouse how is that gay?
dumb?
Jesus Christ thats fucked up. I love it, and i live in California :D
my life
+korey roszell I think I know what you're talking about lol that made my day
+korey roszell I died when I saw that
+korey roszell I died when I saw that
+korey roszell I died when I saw that
Jokes are supposed to be funny not sad
how many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
- depends how you slice them
how many dead babies does it take to paint your house?
-one how hard you throw them
How do you get a Jewish girl number?
You check her sleeve.
+NeaStefane I don't get it
+Staxx That is terrible
+Aaron Grether that is the worst joke ever yeah sure I make fuN of my freind that's Jewish but that's terrible I'm sorry but funny in some way
your*
Stop
How do you get a jewish girl's number?
Roll up her sleeve (I'm so sorry)
Oh, it's so sad that this generation don't pay attention in school to learn about history, because that is *fucking amazing!*
Derp Herpington II that's very clever being that I just finished my holocaust unit for 8th grade. 😂😂
Derp Herpington II don't be
Derp Herpington II why are u saying sorry. That was glorious
hella racist
did you guys know that sandy hook's library doesn't have any books? all they have are magazines.
eyyyy
bissanick explain?
And they don't show movie anymore, they can only show clips
Too soon
works for Columbine too
I was at the hospital when the doctor came in and gave me a newborn baby. The doctor said "I'm sorry sir. Your wife didn't make it."
I handed the child back and told them to bring the one she did make.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Answer: Because they don't know where home is.
shout out to anybody that reads this. have u ever eaten African food neither have they
Juan Hernandez you mean Ethiopian?
Yeah
What kind of punch can take out 40 first graders? A Sandy Hook
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AMAZING LOL
Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails and asks: "can I be put up for the night".
where is the most appropriate place to put a 'baby on board' sign?
the dumpster behind an abortion clinic
what is red, boiling and tapping against the glass?
A baby iin the microwave.
you got that off the first page of Google near the bottom of the page
How to roast someone on their own post
how long does it take a baby to blow up in a microwave? idk, I close my eyes when I master bate.
+Brandon Paez I already posted that don't you dare claim it
why you dumbasses even lookin up jokes like really nigga?
how does a small hole turn into a big hole
prison
inaccurate catholic school...
:)
Erik Britz that priest is all about that word of mouth...if you know what i mean...
Omg lol 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Why the long face?"
Horse responds, "Well, I just found out I have AIDS..."
What's the difference between Isaac newton and the baby I just killed??
Isaac newton died a virgin.
How many babies does it take to paint a room?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
what's the best part about fucking a vegetable? they don't cry when you go in dry
whats the worst part about eating vegetables?
The weel chair
ooooooooooooo
+Joe Garza I thought it was putting the adult diaper back on when you are finished.
Doc to the patient: I have 2 bad news, first you have cancer, and the second is you have alzheimer.
Patient: Well, luckly i don't have cancer.
Sorry if my english is not that good :D
Good greetings from germany ^^
P.S i always watched your videos, and my favo ones are the BFF's xD
A Frenchman enters a library
„Can I have a book about the world war?”
„No you can't! You already lost the last two!”
What's the last thing going through the mind of a person who jumped off a building?
Their ankles.