I'm in the middle of my weight loss right now, and everything you say about dating summarizes all that I've experienced so far. It's dehumanizing going to a club or bar and having the men come up to talk to my friends and then ignore me pretty blatantly. It makes me question if I'll even want to date by the time I reach my goal.
while i totally understand where you are coming from and agree that men are conditioned differently in sometimes also toxic, patriarchal ways, i don't think that this narrative of THE man who you need to trick into loving/pursuing you is helping anyone. men are also just people with feelings who you may or may not connect with and i think you will have better dating experiences, when you start seeing dating less as game, where you need to keep the upper hand and instead just show up authentically as who you are and also allow yourself to be vulnerable and get hurt
While I don’t disagree with you, men have created the dating field that we’re living in. I don’t think most women are approaching dating with the intention of being shallow and not opening up. I’ve met some really caring guys who are vulnerable but they still don’t know how to communicate and date with intention. Like Kendall said, women need to decenter men’s comfortability from their lives and in dating. We’re not giving up on them but we’re not chasing their approval when they’ve barely done the emotional labor to deserve us.
@@laurenquirky yes, I see your point and am also obviously thinking about this as a 25 year old woman myself. however I think the narrative of men want x thing and they always think in x way, so women need to act x way or purposefully act the opposite or pretend to not care is doing a HUGE disservice to our own dating experience/mental health/relationship to ourselves and particularily acts to center (!) the man and his dating experience and disregards our own needs and wants in a human connection. who the fuck cares want men want? I think there is a greater strength in not playing into those little games and in my experience will also help attract dating experinces, where you won't need to prove yourself and simply connect with another person (regardless of outcome). and by the way isn't seeing yourself as a "price" to be won by a man just a way to put yourself back in the position of an object, where you're giving him all the power?
@@lu_lu_lu_lu_07 I totally agree with you. And i am quiet surprised that Kandall think that way. It's pretending to have "power" and confiance when obviously no. I don't believe you can find true love when you are playing silly little games about who is paying, who is texting first etc. You aren't a better woman if you share the bill, you aren't a better woman if you take hours to go on a dates. Dating and relationships are complex and can't be resumed by naive and basic gender-based behaviors...
I understand where you're coming from and I have also had plenty of bad experiences with men, but I feel like you're being very cynical. I would say that my top advice for dating would be: 1. Find someone who communicates like you. If you need a guy to affirm you and be available to you find a guy who is like that from day one, don't expect anyone to change and don't play mindgames. 2. Be flexible when it comes to preferences for your own sake. I went on a date with a guy who I wasn't sure if I was physically attracted to based on pictures but my love and attraction for him has grown immensly for the last four years! 3. Don't expect all men to be alike. Let the guy both tell and show you who he is, you can judge them based on those two things, particularly if those two do not align, but do not put words into his mouth or assume what he wants or means. Similarly trust what he shows you, if he acts unreliably he is unreliable. These are my takeways after dating a bunch of guys and finally finding a guy who loves me, respects me and treats me as an equal. The gems are out there, not every guy is selfish or mean. Do not let bad experiences bring you down! I also wrote this from a straight perspective but I don't see why these things couldn't be applied to dating as a queer as well :)
I would say that I got ghosted one time only and that one massively sucked and it was an eye-opener to stop dating for a while. I would say that if a guy ghosts you that he was not that serious to begin with and was looking for only one thing. In general I would say that girls need to be pickier about who they go out with in the first place and raise their standards
I am 4’11 and a bit on the heavier side and I think I “get away” with being a little chubby because I’m short. I’ve never had a man that I go out with not want a second date. I don’t get approached much in public but I do have success on apps. I think my height might be why, but I’m not sure.
I'm in the middle of my weight loss right now, and everything you say about dating summarizes all that I've experienced so far. It's dehumanizing going to a club or bar and having the men come up to talk to my friends and then ignore me pretty blatantly. It makes me question if I'll even want to date by the time I reach my goal.
Same girl relatable ❤
while i totally understand where you are coming from and agree that men are conditioned differently in sometimes also toxic, patriarchal ways, i don't think that this narrative of THE man who you need to trick into loving/pursuing you is helping anyone. men are also just people with feelings who you may or may not connect with and i think you will have better dating experiences, when you start seeing dating less as game, where you need to keep the upper hand and instead just show up authentically as who you are and also allow yourself to be vulnerable and get hurt
While I don’t disagree with you, men have created the dating field that we’re living in. I don’t think most women are approaching dating with the intention of being shallow and not opening up. I’ve met some really caring guys who are vulnerable but they still don’t know how to communicate and date with intention. Like Kendall said, women need to decenter men’s comfortability from their lives and in dating. We’re not giving up on them but we’re not chasing their approval when they’ve barely done the emotional labor to deserve us.
@@laurenquirky yes, I see your point and am also obviously thinking about this as a 25 year old woman myself. however I think the narrative of men want x thing and they always think in x way, so women need to act x way or purposefully act the opposite or pretend to not care is doing a HUGE disservice to our own dating experience/mental health/relationship to ourselves and particularily acts to center (!) the man and his dating experience and disregards our own needs and wants in a human connection. who the fuck cares want men want? I think there is a greater strength in not playing into those little games and in my experience will also help attract dating experinces, where you won't need to prove yourself and simply connect with another person (regardless of outcome). and by the way isn't seeing yourself as a "price" to be won by a man just a way to put yourself back in the position of an object, where you're giving him all the power?
@@lu_lu_lu_lu_07 I totally agree with you. And i am quiet surprised that Kandall think that way. It's pretending to have "power" and confiance when obviously no. I don't believe you can find true love when you are playing silly little games about who is paying, who is texting first etc. You aren't a better woman if you share the bill, you aren't a better woman if you take hours to go on a dates.
Dating and relationships are complex and can't be resumed by naive and basic gender-based behaviors...
I love that you’re posting regularly obsessedddd with you and your content 😭🥹😍
aw yay!!! thanks so much
I understand where you're coming from and I have also had plenty of bad experiences with men, but I feel like you're being very cynical. I would say that my top advice for dating would be:
1. Find someone who communicates like you. If you need a guy to affirm you and be available to you find a guy who is like that from day one, don't expect anyone to change and don't play mindgames.
2. Be flexible when it comes to preferences for your own sake. I went on a date with a guy who I wasn't sure if I was physically attracted to based on pictures but my love and attraction for him has grown immensly for the last four years!
3. Don't expect all men to be alike. Let the guy both tell and show you who he is, you can judge them based on those two things, particularly if those two do not align, but do not put words into his mouth or assume what he wants or means. Similarly trust what he shows you, if he acts unreliably he is unreliable.
These are my takeways after dating a bunch of guys and finally finding a guy who loves me, respects me and treats me as an equal. The gems are out there, not every guy is selfish or mean. Do not let bad experiences bring you down! I also wrote this from a straight perspective but I don't see why these things couldn't be applied to dating as a queer as well :)
I found you through Maddie
girl start a podcast on spotify pls
Me, a happily married 27 year old woman, absolutely eating up yours and Maddie’s content every time you post nevertheless 😂
hahaha love that, thank you!
loved the advice queen!! sending love from brazil ❤️
i am on a kendall hoyt video marathon.
this girl has definitely read ''The Rules'' haha
I would say that I got ghosted one time only and that one massively sucked and it was an eye-opener to stop dating for a while. I would say that if a guy ghosts you that he was not that serious to begin with and was looking for only one thing. In general I would say that girls need to be pickier about who they go out with in the first place and raise their standards
Completely agree w all of this
I am 4’11 and a bit on the heavier side and I think I “get away” with being a little chubby because I’m short. I’ve never had a man that I go out with not want a second date. I don’t get approached much in public but I do have success on apps. I think my height might be why, but I’m not sure.
So random but what is the song in her intro?? I completely forgot about it
Non-dating related q, but what camera do u use?
A mature man will not ghost
🥰