Why Did I Ever Try HARD DRUGS??
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
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Important message. You have so many followers who look up to your experience- willingness to share your journey and successful recovery. As you know many addicts don’t recover. Moreover many addicts who are health care professionals need your message and your vulnerability.
Quit my nursing job and started using hard drugs. Lost myself for awhile...sober now x1 year
I love cloudy ☁️ days and rain 🌧️ too!! It makes me feel comforted, relaxed and productive.😊
Norco fixed all the same problems for me, funny how that works
My dad overdosed on coke & died of a heart attack when I was 6 years old. As soon as I knew that I had the morbid curiosity to try coke one day when it was inevitably offered 😂 which as I grew up morphed into just a curiosity to try any and all drugs when I had the opportunity. Which I did- like you said psychedelics I don’t regret, totally changed my perception on life. All that you say in the videos I’ve seen, resonates! I tried M & H both at 16 and was an IV addict until 22. #4/20/21 over 15 rehabs, I lost count, hospital stays, 9 months in jail, so much wild stuff.
Brian you seriously could be a great drug councilor! You have a great personality and your just real and honest!!! I am proud of you too because I know all you’ve been through was total hell but you got through it all and you know that’s not easy !! Keep positive and smiling 😊
“It felt like it fixed a problem inside of me” I’m in recovery and a nurse and I felt that so much
I rarely comment, but I just stumbled across your channel and have been binge-watching your videos. Your ability to self-reflect and maintain a positive outlook on life is SO inspirational! Keep up the amazing work :)
Thanks for sharing your story. I used heroin and meth intravenously for fifteen years. Today, I am almost nineteen months sober. I've gone to jail countless times. My wife is who helped me turn things around. Can you tell us about your time in prison/house arrest. How much more time do you have on house arrest, when were you released from prison, etc? Thanks for the video. You're not alone in your journey. I'm with you. Have a great day, sir.
Wow that is amazing ! Keep it up. Same docs, 6 yrs away for me. He has some videos about that already actually look on his channel page :-)
I’m pleased to hear you are in your journey of recovery. It’s a lifelong journey. Please don’t lose sight of this road. It’s a beautiful road to be on. Regards from a mother whose son is in recovery. It’s possible. Thank god you’re alive. 🌻
Your videos have been suggested to me because I’ve been watching nursing videos I think.
I’m in LVN school and I am hooked on your story. Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish you nothing but the best 😊
This ninja done tried everything
I really liked how you explained this as someone who’s never really tired anything. Like I’ve drank when I was younger but nothing crazy. Now when I had surgeries and they put me on pain meds the only thing I can remember is getting good sleep and that’s about it. So it’s really eye opening to see this because you show me different perspectives
Great video! I was addicted to adderall for almost 10 years along with being an alcoholic. The adderall allowed me to drink and still function and the alcohol calmed me down when I was too high on adderall. In 2021, I finally decided that life was not sustainable that way. I ended up using meth just before entering into my first treatment center. Been sober since May 2021, minus a few slips with the alcohol. ❤
Your situation sounds so similar to someone I used to know. :(
Keep up the good work ❤progress not perfection
I did the same thing. Except it was stimulants and opiates instead of alcohol. It’s a beautiful combination… until it isn’t.
I didn't realize you lived in IV for 2 years! I somehow survived 4 years in IV...many funny and sad memories there. Such a crazy micro-culture to experience in early adulthood.
So crazy that you searched for heroine and meth just to “try it”. The thought of trying these things absolutely terrifies me. I’m wondering how your brain (cause you clearly are super intelligent) justified “trying” it. Not that I have that desire. But genuinely just curious. Hope you’re having a great week!!!
I used to look up drugs, prostitution…everything, at the library, so I wouldn’t look like a fool if I ever did these things! I don’t know why…I saw my dad and his girlfriends do these things all the time. With the internet, even movies kids are doing this, for the purpose of trying things! Helpful hint to kids: The slang definitions for substances are often incorrect! Just use whatever word you actually know and have heard actual people use, without being laughed at. Lots of people use plain English. More important hint: Watch AML Films, Lost in Phoenix, and other channels where they actually interview users about what their daily lives are like. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, or how much self control you have before you use substances. Addiction changes the brain. I’ve heard from plenty of people who never thought they’d have a Substance Use Disorder, and they do…myself included! To the person whose comment I responded, I don’t mean you, of course. Your fear is so healthy. I have it now, and I had it before, too. I didn’t act on my “research.” I got pills for pain from a doctor and, at the time, they were telling everyone OxyContin was safe and nonaddictive, that it was different from other opioids. Then, pills you buy from an individual, rather than a pharmacy didn’t sound as bad as withdrawal. Then a friend told me heroin was exactly the same, chemically, as the pills and, though I didn’t literally believe that, he had a point. I knew someone whose doctor gave them fentanyl, and so on. I’m in the field of recovery, now, because I want to turn my experience into a positive for others, and I don’t judge how anyone got there. Trauma, pain and stress make life hard! So do social isolation, undiagnosed conditions, lack of education and so many other factors, it’s a wonder there are so many people who avoid using. With more and better education, I think more people would avoid SUDs. I think I would have. I only learned how to recover in graduate school not any of the treatment centers I went to. That’s probably because of my autism though, because I don’t listen to people I want to see facts.
I can’t speak for him but I had always wanted to try H (but always said I’d never do M)- luckily I never actually tried either and I’m a law student now- and it was largely because A.) the description of the experience sounded amazing and B.) I was young and arrogant and had tried other addictive stuff without getting addicted (cocaine, adderall, MDMA, Xanax, etc). It turns out, I just don’t like benzos or uppers because I did get addicted to opiate pills for awhile so I 100% would’ve gotten addicted to heroin if I’d ever come across any. I believed I could consume heroin recreationally the way people sometimes drink at parties. I think it was largely ignorance and having not seen it. I’d seen meth addicts (I lived in the country with the worst meth problem in the world, literally) so I knew the effects and had no interest in risking that but heroin is unheard of in my area so it was this mythical unicorn that I couldn’t comprehend the toll of. It’s why I’m such a huge proponent now for TikTok allowing heroin addicts who aren’t trying to get sober to make content talking about and showing the realities of their addiction. People think it “normalizes” it, but in reality it shows people what it’s really like and puts a visual reality to this conceptual thing.
Damn. Great video. You explained that perfectly well and I related a ton. Only difference was my opiates was alcohol. Prior to abusing alcohol, the drug experiences from weed and psychedelics was purely out of trying to have some interesting experiences with people or think about these things I hadn't thought about before. For the most part at worse it was just casual relatively wholesome fun. Then at some point, I guess sneakily gradually, alcohol began to feel like a medicine for problems I refused to address. 7 months sober and life is still not easy but I much prefer this new era. Keep up the great vids!
Please don’t go on Lindsay Villandrys podcast right now she needs some serious help she’s in a badly toxic state and needs to see a therapist I would hate to see her bring any of her drama and toxicity into your orbit you look like you’re doing really well….stay well. Careful who you let in your circle. Congrats on sobriety and your health. Best of wishes.
I just came across your channel and I absolutely love your content! You are very well spoken and genuine. Honesty with yourself is the only way to bring true change to your life.
Absolutely. It all starts with how you are with yourself. Thank you for watching and leaving a comment. It means a lot to me ❤️🙂
What’s the difference between meth & adderall? I heard that so many meth users are just self medicating undiagnosed ADHD, but I doubt they have the same effect 🤷🏻♀️
Chemically they are different, but psychologically they offer very similar effects in comparable doses. The main difference with meth is that it is WAAAY stronger usually, is often cut with all kinds of shady shit, and also doses are far harder to regulate/most people take higher concentrations of meth than Adderall due to its recreational/illicit/unregulated use. Kind of like benzos vs barbituates, cause similar effects but benzos are generally safer for similar reasons.
@@matthewcromethanks for answering my question & clarifying this for me 🙏🏻
You’re so incredibly well spoken and I love your “story” telling. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Brian, it was great to see a new video from you this evening. It was interesting how you went from consuming Alcohol to other drugs during your later High school years. Just saying that it is a absolute Miracle that you survived all of that and seem to be thriving in your recovery journey.
It was a scary thought about the Opiates filling up some void in your life. I guess that taking them just made you forget about your problems and made you feel better for a short period of time.
Looking forward to hearing the videos on the steps you want to take before getting your Ankle Monitor off. That will be challenging time so hopefully you will have the tools needed to be successful going forward.
Wishing you all the best going forward and I am so glad you started this channel and all of the support you receive from your viewers.
This was so insightful for me and I’m so glad I watched it. I have a feeling you’re going to help a lot of people. Keep at it!
Thumbs Up 👍 and shared out!!❤
Hi Brian,,Cathy from England. I look forward to your videos every week. Ive recently stopped alcohol after reading Annie Grace The Naked Mind. And i wouldnt have known about that bk if you hadnt mentioned it. Many thanks for your clear insight and weekly words of wisdom ❤
Love Earth Wind & Fire! I did not know they sang that one! Looking it up now. Thanks
💯 I tried H the first time I had a chance… then right away I felt like I had cracked the code, had found the secret to feel normal. I really thought it was my salvation 😣 then I did it every day from that point on. Didn’t even try to avoid it.
Love your videos
As soon as Vicodin ES went to a different class back in 2015? That’s when fentanyl broke out.
Then came my 18yo self
Acute severe abdominal pain!
Growing up in the abusive toxic household I had for 18yrs… maybe even in womb,
the trauma had to come out somehow.
Demerol 100 w 75 of versed q3hrs for the pain to leave, I finished my senior year of HS in the hospital.
I was a patient for over a month + the Cleveland Clinic. Every test run…
Everything normal.
I left with a new friend. A friend called “addiction.”
I somehow felt like myself, I felt good in my body.
I left with a script for Vicodin ES
I battled that until the age of maybe 25-26?
Clean 20+ yrs now?
In 2015 they made opiates a different class & lord knows I’d never try heroin.
I’d b dead
Idk what stopped me but that’s a line my soul isn’t willing to cross.
I left nursing because I didn’t want to end up in jail.
Your videos have brought awareness to why my bro may have tried it, od’d on it alone in a hotel room.
I hate that he took what I see as the easy way out.
He left me and I’m full of rage at him.
Good job keeping up with your followers! :) I know it gets busy! And I love your videos. They're always great! Hope to catch up soon :)
Great video!
It's the worst when you tell somebody you've tried hard drugs but never got addicted. they always think you're a full addict.
As someone who is likely to develop, and has experienced issues with Pancreatitis, I'm trying to educate myself on pain management and the risks involved with certain substances.
Your take on drugs either expanding your horizons, or solving a problem really resonated with me.
Brian You’re going to have your Freedom Back Completely Very Soon 🔜! Be sure to let them know that you have created a Utube Channel for support and to help educate and help others. I’m sure they’ll take it off Soon! Hang In There!!♥️
I understand your thinking and feeling
Yooo! Such good stuff here. I agree with you that the traditional methods (especially in America) that we use to handle addiction are outdated and not helpful for most. I also am hugely interested in the psychedelic movement to move past these patterns. It's been over a decade since I last used crack or meth. I am nearly abstinent all the time with the exception of a drink or two on a holiday with family IF I feel like it. I am 'sober' (don't really like that word) nearly all of the time and love it!
Like you, I had horribly painful issues with a overly cruel mind and an internal dialogue of self hatred and unworthess. An abusive step parent and relentless bullying in school really did a number on me. I used drugs in my teens and 20s in harmful ways to try to cover that pain. When I ultimately stopped everything for 2+ years it was through 12 step programs.
I would say that the community aspect in the Rooms was helpful at first, but over time the dogma just added fuel to the fire of my unworthiness. Lots of shame, guilt, and fear based language used there. I ultimately attempted suicide with 18 months 'clean'. The attempt woke me up to the toxicity of the program and I left. Nearly everyone there shunned me and some even still bully me when I encounter them on the streets today. Many don't like it when people leave and their lives improve. Contradicts the ideology.
Leaving and deprograming was the true catalyst for my healing though. I dove deep into therapy since I left over the last 5 years and truly healed. I finally like/love/accept who I am. I feel so free and so much joy now and have cultivated healthy habits and activities that I enjoy so much more than drinking/using drugs.
My passion now is helping people leave the Program who have had enough, yet are fearful that they will return to harmful habits. I've helped 3 friends I met there leave and create purposeful and FREE lives now! Some People see that I'm thriving and not in meetings and are starting to reach out and it makes me happy!
If you found value in psychedelic experiences but don't want to take anything I would suggest trying to float in a sensory deprivation tank. I swear by it, and do it for 90 minutes every week. I trip in there naturally and have incredible insights just like acid and mushrooms. It is amazing for anxiety, depression, and physical pain as well if you float regularly. I also do cold immersion, mountain biking, jiu-jistsu, running, and distance unicycling. I literally get high naturally all the time now and there isn't a comedown. The lie is that we can't get high without drugs or alcohol. Total bs. Imo the best highs are within us!
I dig your journey Bro, and resonate a lot with how you talk about your experience!
Have you done a video of what your plans are after you are released from custody? Or are you exploring what your options are? Great videos. 👍
❤
I just found your channel and have watched a few of your videos. You are very intelligent and entertaining to watch and listen to. You have a gift and it is generous of you to share it with us. It concerns me a bit how animated you are when speaking of certain drugs. Do you ever think that the ankle bracelet is a bit like your wife was at one time, keeping you from the excitement of the drugs and experiences? Are you ever concerned that you will return to the opiates when the bracelet is removed? You have a lot to give to others.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate this question. I have talked about this a little bit in other videos but haven’t touched on it too much. However, I have given it a lot of thought. I think I will do a video in the next couple of weeks completely dedicated to your comment here! There is just too much to type out 😅 but I think it is such a good question and I would like to give it proper treatment. Thank you for being here 🙏
@@SmilesforMiles2024 Thank you, Brian.
Brian Could you please speak on some of your experiences with mushrooms or acid? I experimented with it in my younger years and I had some very strange experiences.💞
Ayy as long as you didn't get addicted then it's all good. In fact you can take those drug experiences with you for the rest of your life.
Sad cuz I'm reminiscing my life comparing to his and when he said how certain things changed his life like when he said taking LSD changed his life and stuff I'm afraid that that is something that you're supposed to achieve like as a milestone in your life not a chemical reaction with anxiety. In my speculation that hole new Reborn or experience that you get from drugs is because you almost died and you come back that's where that big adrenaline rush and that whole like lifetime Milestone thing comes into effect.
Pot makes my brain extremely paranoid as well
I’ll never do that again
Same for me! Last times I smoked over a decade ago, I had panic attacks and felt like the biggest POS in the world.
@@KatieDeGo I’m so sorry. Yep was 18yo when I tried it (51 now)
.. laced w pcp. Not fun at all
Omword! Last time for me.
My hb used to smoke in HS & mellowed him out.
Weird what it does for some
once addicted we will may never be not interested in substances😮
Hey Brian. Always great to see your content pop up. Take care buddy.
Brian, very articulate "drug journey speech". Would you say you have an extroverted personality? Then, your UCLA party visit ended up with you "being" terrified", " paranoid" .
Later on, opiates "fixed" the problems. "Fixed what was wrong with me" Then your right arm/hand pointed downward. As opposed to where the problem actually materialized in your head? The chemical complexity of the brain is daunting to appreciate. The self discovery journey never ends. You have a great deal to offer, keep yourself moving toward a successful life.
Have you ever read any books/watched any videos on YT by Dr. Gabor Maté?
Heartbreak is what drove me to h....and because my best friends were using it so it was the easiest to get and the quickest way to numb myself. Didn't even start out with pain killers or anything. Just went straight to h....
It was the same situation with me. I was heartbroken and in an abusive/toxic relationship and I just started doing H (started shooting it right out the gate. I taught myself how to do it.) and within 3 months I spiraled out of control and lost everything I had worked for..my first apartment, my car, my money, my friends, family, self respect, my dignity, the cat I had at the time, just everything. This was in 2008. Before H I was struggling with alcohol and coke but once I tried H, I was off and running and that's all I wanted/cared about. My abusive bf would call me and I wouldn't answer because I would be so high and I just didn't care about him anymore and was just so tired of him and our toxic relationship and I considered H "my new boyfriend". The ONLY thing H ever did that was any good for me was help me get over him completely. I am sober today, on MAT (suboxone) and I quit alcohol 3 1/2 years ago on the 7th of this month! #WeDoRecover
Your song of the week.. yep my parents Gen
Do you have a video about the ankle monitor? How it works. The rules. How it looks. Reactions from strangers/family who see it. When it comes off. Etc.
Hey Dj,
I think this one kind of covers it:
th-cam.com/video/qQpfn8gckLY/w-d-xo.htmlsi=8xpZ_js385egYshZ
I remember learning about drugs in middle school during DARE. Ironically..... It was that day, after hearing them they described the effects of each drug, that I decided "I'm definitely trying all of those at least once." 😂
Almost universally, people use 'hard' drugs because they offer relief from some form of suffering.
That is the most generalizable answer. Hard drugs are not the problem, the problem is the way in which they are used (smoked, injected, high dose, unknown strength). In a chaotic context of desperation and suffering, brain remodelling happens rapidly and tolerance/addiction can occur.
I live in Isla Vista!! 🌺💐💕
You popped up on my suggested page a few months ago and have watched nearly all of your videos. I’m curious if you ever want to reconcile with your ex wife or what your relationship is like now after rehab and prison.
Good morning to you.I hope you are well. When do you get to go off of house arrest?Just curious.
Isla Vista, that was random, I live a stones throw away
When on Meth did it switch off ur feelings and emotions? When I’m active addiction is drugs all u care about? Did ur personality change?
So my question is, when you went out and did heroin and meth, were you aware of the risks of being addicted? Also, did you have any family that had addiction issues? The issues that you mentioned you had that you were trying to cover up with heroin and meth, were those issues that stemmed from childhood? Do you feel like your upbringing may have somehow contributed to your path to addiction? What do you think parents today can do to prevent their kids from going down a similar path?
Really enjoying these videos and I am rooting for you! God bless.
Even tv
Is this helping my thinking knowing this ?
Is it possible to redeem your nursing license ? If so, what does the nursing board require of you ?
I’d like to know the same
There is a small city in Upstate New York that helps any RN that has an addiction through rehab and beyond. When they are cleared to return to work they are buddied up with an RN for months, helping them with their recovery while maintaining their job. Huge respect for this Hospital to invest in the people this way, not reinforcing that they are worthless. Giving them a more positive outlook instead of shaming them. They have had a great success with this program!
All the best to you,Brian, for helping us understand how you are recovering and giving hope. ❤️
Brian...have you ever done any Enneagram work?
As a type six, I am also very interested to know :-)
@@bestiefswlady5251Enneagram work has been life changing for me. Type 9 here. 👋
Now I'm wondering about those interactions when you asked people on the street for hard drugs. Like, how many people did you have to ask before you found a source? How did you ask, choose who to ask, and how many people were like, "Who the heck is this dude and why does he think I'd know where to get hard drugs?"
Very similar drug history but actually I did feel like mdma was a solution to a problem in some ways. I definitely was slightly addicted to it at some points.
That right there is how i would describe it! I'm a kratom addict who is on suboxone to get rid of the sludge, not to mention hydros and other pills.
Its kind of funny you mention the psychedelics as I am also on Spravado/esketamine for major depressive disorder.
Lemme see that piece bro
Kratom? An opiate that’s legal? How do you get off when there is so much access to it. I can understand how to do if you’re in jail and have no access, but otherwise? My partner cannot go to rehab, no insurance, and he would lose his job…
😢 ADD. How many people being lost forever without ever getting a diagnosis and decent treatment... many highly intelligent, artistic, highly sensitive people... even being too kind is a risk factor in this fast moving capitalistic world. The lady from my childhood without fingers would be still grandmothering now... she just needed ADHD treatment... who knew in my country that time. Whatever
How did you afford drugs? Also, the great therapist Louise Hay said "you got an addiction that doesn't serve you? get another addiction" there are plenty of good ones.
You do know drugs have been a thing since the 1960's right? And even before then! (27 club)
Sounds a lot like ADHD accidents to me. Anyway, I am wondering if you had been addicted to meth if you could have a regular treatment with Adderall, Vivienne....? I many with drug problems have ADHD and new studies show that treated ex-prisoners are much less risky in falling back as those that shouldn't. For dealing with ADHD myself and drug interest (anyway, only using ADHD medicine and psycodelics right now - not even alcohol) I am wondering if it could rather help you (if you would have it) or rather the opposite? I mean with opioids, cocaine... it seems positive but since you took meth I would be interested even though I am not dealing with that problem.
You said you went and found meth by yourself because Adderall allowed you to focus to study. Did you use the meth to study? What did you do your first times on meth?
💙🤍Ur content
🫶🌹😇
As a parent of a child who "tried" these drugs and has almost completely destroyed his life and that of his family I find is frustrating how casually you approach these topics. I just don't get it. I have learned from you but some people won't ever recover and will be forever changed and have lives ruined.
The sad reality is that your child has probably approached it just as casually. I also have a family member who is struggling with substance abuse, and it started just as “casual experimentation.” Unfortunately, the campaign against drugs wasn’t handled the same way as the campaign against tobacco to prevent such experimentation 😔
@@MathPiHanan truth.
How is it "frustrating" "how casually he approaches these topics"? That doesn't even make any sense. Nearly everybody is affected by addiction in some way, shape or form. Whether they struggle with addiction themselves, have a loved one or family member or friend that struggles, or knows somebody who has ODed an died. He's EDUCATING people on the DISEASE OF ADDICTION! Especially for people who struggle who may work in the medical field. There is NOTHING wrong with discussing these topics. THEY NEED TO BE DISCUSSED. Brushing drugs and alcohol use/abuse under the rug has gotten us nowhere but more people misinformed and dead.
@@hwoods-kg1jfI think you might be misunderstanding the meaning behind a parent’s frustration when their child is struggling with substance abuse. I don’t think this person is frustrated with Brian. I think the frustration stems from how casually people experiment with drugs without second thoughts about heartbreaking consequences.
@@MathPiHanan i know that frustration because I put my mom through it and my man of 14 years but me through it too. I guess it was just the way the phrased their statement that confused me. I’ve been on both sides of the coin so believe me, I get it. But these things need to be discussed and talked about regardless. It’s an important topic to discuss.
You don't need a 12-minute video just to say "hard drugs give a better buzz than soft drugs."
That's why people do 'em and there's no way to get away with pleading ignorance these days when it comes to getting addicted to them!
You did these drugs and it changed the course of your life, not for the better. You looked for heroin bc of all the other drugs and past highs. I find addicts romanticize the experience as you are doing. Just say no folks.
Thank you.
He's not "romanticizing" drugs. He's telling his story/educating people on the disease of addiction which is what our society needs. "Just say no!" and "The War On Drugs" clearly hasn't worked as we have more overdose deaths than car accident fatalities in today's world. Education+ sharing experiences= better educated people before they make the decision to try a drug.
@@hwoods-kg1jf he was college educated, clearly a smart individual but for whatever reason he did "romance" about drug--In high school I had a friend like that he was interested in trying various drugs and I had absolutely NO interest--I went to college he joined the army two years later he was high on something riding a motor cycle crash and lost his left leg up to his pelvis. Brian had a ton like most addicts do of information on why NOT use these drugs.
Have you ever tried the opioid receptor blockers: naloxone or naltrexone?