Felt as though you were talking directly to me. I learnt two very very important things about myself. My inner dialogue was very healthy once upon a time and then I allowed it to become messed up by trying to conform to the norms of others and have ended up in a tangle. Your lecture gave me confidence and clarity that I can redeem myself through my own efforts. Thank you very much. Wish you a happy new year.
I have to listen for the third time again, This knowledge sheds light on my main difficulty, how to be authentic, because otherwise is such a waste of time
You got that right! What is the point of deceiving, lying, to others or yourself? There is absolute zero benefit, zero reward, zero gained except in the mind of the actor! Zero learned, zero life lived..
This is one of the best inner-dialogue tools I have heard and tried to apply to myself. These are just my observations of key moments. I am curious if anyone else had a similar experience: 1) When finally the mind managed to stop the voices for 1 moment, the body reaction was - instantly go to sleep. No desire to wake up. Like the OS is wiped... I feels like death. Sorry for such blunt description, but Sam is right, you can't go there unprepared. To get up from this state, it took literary assembling each vital department of the body: arms, legs, gut, all senses. All working - so we are not dead. 2) Next stage brought a surprise again: a new voice that called "all this is a waste of time - get up and get on with your laundry!" and then another new voice answered: "oh yeah? and who is this talking? Who let you in this meeting?" What …are these meta voices? At this point, I am laughing so loud that the neighbour's dog started barking. It has a voice too! This is not a peace-making delegation anymore, this is a mob with flaming torches and pitchforks! What would normal people say if they knew what a basket case is walking around? (Another voice!) “Seize the civil war that had been your defining personal history until now.”… wait a minute, WHO IS THIS TALKING? Oh, it’s Sam Vaknin. Thank got for that, he is normal… right!
i could not live without learning new stuff......if you find happiness u will lose drive .....great thought!!! True!!! society is not your friend!!! true!!!....thank u for ur wisdom!!!
I really like you Prof.Sam!! you can be so funny! And also so educational for my healing! (I was discarded after 27 years married to a narcissistic husband) it’s been a month now, I’m struggling, but watching all your videos! Love & aloha🌺 from Kona, Hawaii..Jody
I’m only half way through but this is excellent! ( I keep rewinding back so I can hear, contemplate the info again.) “The rebel is defined by the very thing he rebels against “ - nicely put Sam. Exactly what I was trying to say to a friend the other day. Ok. now I shall listen to the rest of the video… thanks!
Wow. Thank you. This has to be an achievement in explanatory power. I just finished my first of many listen throughs, and I’m struck by how this was even entertaining, I guess because of how intellectually gratifying and erudite it is, beautifully making connections, that afterwards seem obvious, but before watching I had never made before.
beautifully said about being attracted to people who r true self......being true self is so freeing and does indeed attracts many people to u....u r our light...in this darkness:) i really enjoyed your talk today...it had tone of true spiritual guidance to it.....thank u for being real with us...stay blessed!!!
This is very helpful for self reflection. The dialogue supports a narrative that forms identity...which feels fixed. But it is not fix3d..it only feels fixed.
That is such an absolute truth about how the Inner is molded by Others and not by our Soul s Path or Purpose. This was better than 10 sessions of therapy! I m grateful I ve discovered you and your work and thank you for it!
You never know who you will learn from, a gift given on any day when your mind is open, To becoming that which is unknown, your gift is to respond to those, who are also unaware but yet receptive, Use your time, you will pass this way but once
Is there any, you, in you? Language and values are transmitted to us from the society we were born into. Which then enables us to talk inwardly and outwardly about ourselves and our experiences. And from these expierences ,we create new ones by thinking and imagining. So then all our thoughts and values are rooted in our culture and we can never escape, maybe only sages in the mountains
If your sitting on the sidelines,, your not playing the game, If you don't like the rules, Change your attitude.. Freedom within the limitations can be overcome by actions taken with limitless freedom of choice, Stand up or lay down, One Day or Day One
I had to revisit every scenario described by Master Sam, in every video I watched not knowing what I would learn but learn I did, Chair work is catharsis In turmoil, the catalyst that created even more desire to unpack Pandora's box.. Peace came with the acceptance of my 36 yr journey, I'm not lonely, and I don't feel alone.. I have more friends and more money now.. Crazy good!!
@SamVaknin, at 34:00 when you mention life unfolding like a plot, I was reminded of Peter Brooks' Reading for the Plot: Design and Intention in Narrative. Brooks was an English professor at Yale, a Freudian who sort of remained 'old school' during the wave of deconstruction.
where was this video 10 years ago when I started a very painful journey to discover all this piece by piece? there is a very good reason Im working very hard on leaving the west and this man sums it up perfectly. fuck capitalism! I hope y'all wake up before its too late! songs to listen to: metallica. unforgiven I, II, III (big must in this context)...death by stereo - death conspiracy...dead to me - splendid isolation
Listening to the very recent talk about introjects, I hoped you would come back to eastern philosophies. You do, in this longer talk, with its critique of society. All of this helps. Thank you.
The observer can only observe what he is observing, the speaker can only speak what it is going to say, this all 'happens' in you, there is no one that act or can act , a good thought about this is 'what are you going to say next ' , you do not know it , you observe it what it is saying, it happens. So ,sir, I can follow your presentation, which is really good, though you act 'as if ' there is a doer, that there is I , who controls and directs, wich is not to be found inside if we are honest in ourself. We only have a certain capacity to 'observe ' and that is the only thing that can awaken the mind in oneself, which automatically leads to nothingness, each moment is new and flows out of nothingness. Happiness isn't the goal, BE , just be is the moment the observer 'sees' for itself that all happens, that all IS , and that gives the astounding feeling that the observer IS the observed. There is no difference. Thanks for your lecture, was nice to listen to and has good vibrations.
I struggle w the realization that my mom is my enemy, that the woman I call mom f hates me, is vicious as hell, and now she's in a mission to destroy me. I'm overwhelmed this can't be my mother but she is and my siblings too
Aloha🌺 I enjoyed your concepts, they sparked so many questions in my mind! I noticed in one of the comments you responded that a child could do this work. I thought of my sixteen year old daughter as I watched this video. Do you have more resources or videos that offer instruction on integrating a broken narrative? My daughter has endured repeated traumas and I am still seeking effective therapy. Her once intact, distinctive identity has been obliterated. My once happy, friendly child has now been diagnosed with depression, general anxiety disorder and PTSD. She is a gifted child who was traumatized at a small private school, mostly by teachers and a few students. Her father died of cancer just before she was born. For several years, I was with a man she has called dad since she was two. This man fits the description of a narcissist, he is intelligent and successful, so he will most likely never enter a therapist's office. I am not a clinician, yet when I came across narcissm and narcissistic personality disorder all the nonsense in the chaotic underworld we now inhabit had some explanation. His mother had beaten and berated him throughout his childhood. I thought he would appreciate the love and kindness in our family, that was a costly mistaken assumption. During his Napoleonic siege that led to my departure, I had often told him that his life philosophy was really death. So, I relate to your insights. It has taken years for me to separate from him and this experience has deeply confused my daughter. This man has punished me by hurting her. I am searching for a way to help her, as I also must deal with myself. Mahalo🦎
Tools for changing your internal language: 1. Logical fallacies 2. Korzybski's General Semantics 3. Warrior Teachings of Don Juan 4. Advaita Vedanta 5. Epictitus (stoicism) 6. Albert Ellis' REBT
Lets talk about women. I have met very people who truly reject all the bullshit. Not just the conditioning but also the tempatations and baits, the consumerism. I do this to protest, I do this to not be a part of the bullshit world. If I could Id never work again. Anyway women....how likely do you think is it for the a women to reject the social verdict/conditioning, since they are much more focused on being in a social group and much more focused on social status?
Thats a loaded question based on your perspective of and issues with women in your life. Looking through social media and recalling conversation with men in the past - I too find many men either focused on being social (like most humans, to be fair) or focused on building their identities in rebellion to social constructs (which seems dependent), and the majority of them are focused on social status relating to finances or sexual opportunities.
@@sputniksweetheart5187 bro...all the bullshit that men and women are the same. Im not saying one is bad and the other is good. its just that there are differences. and one is that women are indeed more focused on social status....a man would go out in a dirty shirt. what would the wife say? "wear something else, poeple will look at you." and she would be ashamed. again not saying thats good or bad. Im a outsider and the women I like are too, they often have alternative lifestyles. or so they say...or so they think...under the hood its all the same bullshit, just a different paint job. ok I met guys just like that too, but its very, very hard to imagine to meet a women who really sees things through and rejects it all.
@Allergic To Hypocrisy took me a very long time as well. mid 30 now. been single since I started the journey. I wasnt compatible wit normal people anymore or lets say I just didnt want to or coudlnt do it anymore. since few years I try to get back into society. its going ok, im not too bad looking but the rest....I unlearned all the codes and its hard lol.
@@plsdonttttt youre providing a hypothetical anecdote for your hypothesis on women and I just cant get on that train with you. Have a good one. Hope you find good things in life.
Docteur i want to ask you please, such work on self can be done by every one less i mean "normal person " and what about the age, experiences,intellectuel performances ?!
I had opportunity to chat with a man whom his wife describes as high functioning autistic. Has several reasonable paying jobs, loves mathematics, very nice to talk to. He did not know what that was to have conversation inside his mind. He also has to take more time and effort to process verbal communication.
Dr Vaknin, you should consider starting a TikTok account. I’m not kidding. I joined to watch my nieces dance but found that it is a useful window into every type of human. It’s 60 second TH-cam and I feel the way of the future in human interactions. I wish you would join for a few months so you can comment on what you think about it. Trust me.
I would be very curious to see that. How can you fit everything he said in 60 seconds? Did TikTok finally invented a functioning time warp? So far what I see there just adds more voices and chatter.
Wow, Sam. You are one of the the most intellectual person I ever came across.
The whole of the self help industry in 1 hour. Brilliant, Sam. 😮
This video changed me 2 years ago.
I come back to this sometimes.
I know who I am.
Thank you Sam Vaknin
Thank you for being so generous with your knowledge. You're helping save lives/people's sanity... at least mine! 🙏❤️🕊
Felt as though you were talking directly to me. I learnt two very very important things about myself. My inner dialogue was very healthy once upon a time and then I allowed it to become messed up by trying to conform to the norms of others and have ended up in a tangle. Your lecture gave me confidence and clarity that I can redeem myself through my own efforts. Thank you very much. Wish you a happy new year.
How are you a year later?
I will come back to this video...so many big ideas. I'm an educator...I have noted how language defines reality ...its the water we swim in.
@Gmontgalloway I don't think you understand my comment. My inner dialogue is not what I'm referring to but thank you for offering your comment.
@Gmontgalloway Ahhhhh....no emojis to clue me in to that!! Got it...👍😉
Indeed!
I have to listen for the third time again, This knowledge sheds light on my main difficulty, how to be authentic, because otherwise is such a waste of time
You got that right! What is the point of deceiving, lying, to others or yourself?
There is absolute zero benefit, zero reward, zero gained except in the mind of the actor!
Zero learned, zero life lived..
This is one of the best inner-dialogue tools I have heard and tried to apply to myself. These are just my observations of key moments. I am curious if anyone else had a similar experience: 1) When finally the mind managed to stop the voices for 1 moment, the body reaction was - instantly go to sleep. No desire to wake up. Like the OS is wiped... I feels like death. Sorry for such blunt description, but Sam is right, you can't go there unprepared.
To get up from this state, it took literary assembling each vital department of the body: arms, legs, gut, all senses. All working - so we are not dead.
2) Next stage brought a surprise again: a new voice that called "all this is a waste of time - get up and get on with your laundry!" and then another new voice answered: "oh yeah? and who is this talking? Who let you in this meeting?" What …are these meta voices? At this point, I am laughing so loud that the neighbour's dog started barking. It has a voice too!
This is not a peace-making delegation anymore, this is a mob with flaming torches and pitchforks! What would normal people say if they knew what a basket case is walking around? (Another voice!)
“Seize the civil war that had been your defining personal history until now.”… wait a minute, WHO IS THIS TALKING? Oh, it’s Sam Vaknin. Thank got for that, he is normal… right!
Omg this so me. I feel this way but could not describe what I’m feeling
At 29:50 when your talking about the quality of the inner voices. I felt something deeply genuine come through you
The only way out,
Is through,
A process subjective to the individual,
Thank you Sam!
probably one of your best , we come into this world naked in every regard , our happiness shouldnt be based/dependant entirely on external things
i could not live without learning new stuff......if you find happiness u will lose drive .....great thought!!! True!!! society is not your friend!!! true!!!....thank u for ur wisdom!!!
Learning new stuff keeps me going too! Great thing to have because we'll never run out!
I really like you Prof.Sam!! you can be so funny! And also so educational for my healing! (I was discarded after 27 years married to a narcissistic husband) it’s been a month now, I’m struggling, but watching all your videos! Love & aloha🌺 from Kona, Hawaii..Jody
I hope you both are doing better. I send you love and light.
This is so good I’m doing exercise while listening to this. And listening to it more than once.
I’m only half way through but this is excellent! ( I keep rewinding back so I can hear, contemplate the info again.)
“The rebel is defined by the very thing he rebels against “ - nicely put Sam. Exactly what I was trying to say to a friend the other day.
Ok. now I shall listen to the rest of the video… thanks!
Wow. Thank you. This has to be an achievement in explanatory power. I just finished my first of many listen throughs, and I’m struck by how this was even entertaining, I guess because of how intellectually gratifying and erudite it is, beautifully making connections, that afterwards seem obvious, but before watching I had never made before.
beautifully said about being attracted to people who r true self......being true self is so freeing and does indeed attracts many people to u....u r our light...in this darkness:) i really enjoyed your talk today...it had tone of true spiritual guidance to it.....thank u for being real with us...stay blessed!!!
This is very helpful for self reflection. The dialogue supports a narrative that forms identity...which feels fixed. But it is not fix3d..it only feels fixed.
@7:40 - Relative positioning creates anxiety and operant conditioning. Social media is (the biggest) form of relative positioning.
That is such an absolute truth about how the Inner is molded by Others and not by our Soul s Path or Purpose. This was better than 10 sessions of therapy! I m grateful I ve discovered you and your work and thank you for it!
Your videos are really helping me with loving myself and enjoying my journey so much more . Thankyou xx
You never know who you will learn from, a gift given on any day when your mind is open,
To becoming that which is unknown, your gift is to respond to those, who are also unaware but yet receptive,
Use your time, you will pass this way but once
Thank you so much for sharing your talk. Much appreciated.
I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with myself.
Brilliant 👏 to give us tools to understand the mind and society.
Thank you!
Beautiful. So beautiful. Thank you sam
Bravo. All I needed to hear again. Thank you Sir🙏
Is there any, you, in you? Language and values are transmitted to us from the society we were born into. Which then enables us to talk inwardly and outwardly about ourselves and our experiences. And from these expierences ,we create new ones by thinking and imagining. So then all our thoughts and values are rooted in our culture and we can never escape, maybe only sages in the mountains
If your sitting on the sidelines,, your not playing the game,
If you don't like the rules,
Change your attitude..
Freedom within the limitations can be overcome by actions taken with limitless freedom of choice,
Stand up or lay down,
One Day or Day One
I had to revisit every scenario described by Master Sam, in every video I watched not knowing what I would learn but learn I did,
Chair work is catharsis
In turmoil, the catalyst
that created even more desire to unpack Pandora's box..
Peace came with the acceptance of my 36 yr journey, I'm not lonely, and I don't feel alone..
I have more friends and more money now..
Crazy good!!
Thank you Prof. Vaknin. As always, thought provoking and enlightening. 👌
Superb!
This is just brilliant. Thank you.
This was wonderful. I genuinely feel inspired. Even a little healed, just listening to it.
@SamVaknin, at 34:00 when you mention life unfolding like a plot, I was reminded of Peter Brooks' Reading for the Plot: Design and Intention in Narrative. Brooks was an English professor at Yale, a Freudian who sort of remained 'old school' during the wave of deconstruction.
I wish I could be around you Sam, you are emotionally enriching to listen to,
You are extremely intelligent , clear and very wise and I’d like to thank you a million times , I’m benefiting tremendously from your Chanel 🙏
Thank you Sir for this video.
Very valuable teaching. Thank you
where was this video 10 years ago when I started a very painful journey to discover all this piece by piece? there is a very good reason Im working very hard on leaving the west and this man sums it up perfectly. fuck capitalism! I hope y'all wake up before its too late! songs to listen to: metallica. unforgiven I, II, III (big must in this context)...death by stereo - death conspiracy...dead to me - splendid isolation
lol...come on....
Books are necessary but not necessarily sufficient to make you happy, right?
Listening to the very recent talk about introjects, I hoped you would come back to eastern philosophies.
You do, in this longer talk, with its
critique of society. All of this helps.
Thank you.
The observer can only observe what he is observing, the speaker can only speak what it is going to say, this all 'happens' in you, there is no one that act or can act , a good thought about this is 'what are you going to say next ' , you do not know it , you observe it what it is saying, it happens.
So ,sir, I can follow your presentation, which is really good, though you act 'as if ' there is a doer, that there is I , who controls and directs, wich is not to be found inside if we are honest in ourself.
We only have a certain capacity to 'observe ' and that is the only thing that can awaken the mind in oneself, which automatically leads to nothingness, each moment is new and flows out of nothingness.
Happiness isn't the goal, BE , just be is the moment the observer 'sees' for itself that all happens, that all IS , and that gives the astounding feeling that the observer IS the observed. There is no difference.
Thanks for your lecture, was nice to listen to and has good vibrations.
I struggle w the realization that my mom is my enemy, that the woman I call mom f hates me, is vicious as hell, and now she's in a mission to destroy me. I'm overwhelmed this can't be my mother but she is and my siblings too
Thank you very much.
I think you exude a calm authenticity. Just saying. Very cool video. 🙏
I love you man
Aloha🌺 I enjoyed your concepts, they sparked so many questions in my mind! I noticed in one of the comments you responded that a child could do this work. I thought of my sixteen year old daughter as I watched this video. Do you have more resources or videos that offer instruction on integrating a broken narrative?
My daughter has endured repeated traumas and I am still seeking effective therapy. Her once intact, distinctive identity has been obliterated. My once happy, friendly child has now been diagnosed with depression, general anxiety disorder and PTSD.
She is a gifted child who was traumatized at a small private school, mostly by teachers and a few students. Her father died of cancer just before she was born. For several years, I was with a man she has called dad since she was two.
This man fits the description of a narcissist, he is intelligent and successful, so he will most likely never enter a therapist's office. I am not a clinician, yet when I came across narcissm and narcissistic personality disorder all the nonsense in the chaotic underworld we now inhabit had some explanation. His mother had beaten and berated him throughout his childhood. I thought he would appreciate the love and kindness in our family, that was a costly mistaken assumption. During his Napoleonic siege that led to my departure, I had often told him that his life philosophy was really death. So, I relate to your insights. It has taken years for me to separate from him and this experience has deeply confused my daughter. This man has punished me by hurting her. I am searching for a way to help her, as I also must deal with myself. Mahalo🦎
Join my channel on Nothingness.
The gnostics teach that the divine state is repose. If you have all you need there is nothing to do but sit back and enjoy it.
Tools for changing your internal language:
1. Logical fallacies
2. Korzybski's General Semantics
3. Warrior Teachings of Don Juan
4. Advaita Vedanta
5. Epictitus (stoicism)
6. Albert Ellis' REBT
Dilts' logical levels
Thank you!
What's in my head? Music. Like a radio. And usually I like the song.
Healing continues 🤤
brilliant
When you say Be your own God in the good sense you mean something like, Be your own good enough Parent?
Very good video Thank you Dr Vaknin
Watch the new nothingness channel.
@@samvaknin I already follow all your channels 👍🏻
honest and sadistic or honest and cruel?
Lets talk about women. I have met very people who truly reject all the bullshit. Not just the conditioning but also the tempatations and baits, the consumerism. I do this to protest, I do this to not be a part of the bullshit world. If I could Id never work again. Anyway women....how likely do you think is it for the a women to reject the social verdict/conditioning, since they are much more focused on being in a social group and much more focused on social status?
Thats a loaded question based on your perspective of and issues with women in your life. Looking through social media and recalling conversation with men in the past - I too find many men either focused on being social (like most humans, to be fair) or focused on building their identities in rebellion to social constructs (which seems dependent), and the majority of them are focused on social status relating to finances or sexual opportunities.
@@sputniksweetheart5187 bro...all the bullshit that men and women are the same. Im not saying one is bad and the other is good. its just that there are differences. and one is that women are indeed more focused on social status....a man would go out in a dirty shirt. what would the wife say? "wear something else, poeple will look at you." and she would be ashamed. again not saying thats good or bad. Im a outsider and the women I like are too, they often have alternative lifestyles. or so they say...or so they think...under the hood its all the same bullshit, just a different paint job. ok I met guys just like that too, but its very, very hard to imagine to meet a women who really sees things through and rejects it all.
@Allergic To Hypocrisy took me a very long time as well. mid 30 now. been single since I started the journey. I wasnt compatible wit normal people anymore or lets say I just didnt want to or coudlnt do it anymore. since few years I try to get back into society. its going ok, im not too bad looking but the rest....I unlearned all the codes and its hard lol.
@@plsdonttttt youre providing a hypothetical anecdote for your hypothesis on women and I just cant get on that train with you. Have a good one. Hope you find good things in life.
@@di3486 "until you do some introspection" thats saying nothing...be more specific
I couldn't be happy if I couldn't listen to your channel 😂
Very helpfull indeed Sam. Where do I find the next parts to this video?
On my Nothingness channel.
Docteur i want to ask you please, such work on self can be done by every one less i mean "normal person " and what about the age, experiences,intellectuel performances ?!
Even a child can do this self-work.
Prof. Vaknin, which people (claim to) have no inner dialog?
I had opportunity to chat with a man whom his wife describes as high functioning autistic. Has several reasonable paying jobs, loves mathematics, very nice to talk to. He did not know what that was to have conversation inside his mind. He also has to take more time and effort to process verbal communication.
Be like cat 😆
What is the word at 35:21?
Anamnetic.
Dr Vaknin, you should consider starting a TikTok account. I’m not kidding. I joined to watch my nieces dance but found that it is a useful window into every type of human. It’s 60 second TH-cam and I feel the way of the future in human interactions. I wish you would join for a few months so you can comment on what you think about it. Trust me.
I would be very curious to see that. How can you fit everything he said in 60 seconds? Did TikTok finally invented a functioning time warp? So far what I see there just adds more voices and chatter.
leggo my eggo
😂😂 47:57
Thank you 🙂