*Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is so real*. So before diagnosing oneself with depression and anxiety look who's around you first. Pay attention to how you feel around certain people and what kind of reaction they bring in you. Feeling any kind of fear, dread, not being comfortable around them or feeling worthless is a red flag. It has taken me years to finally see the connection. And the pain and destruction they bring you can take years to recover. They want to be seen as the best, the smartest, and the way they go about doing this is to bring those around them down. They are ruthless and have little to no concern for others. They don’t play by the rules.They constantly criticize you and use snide remarks. They want to destroy you from the inside out and will use many tactics, as you have mentioned, to spin things around so you are always to blame and to create doubt in your mind. They want you to take their bait. They want to convince you that you are stupid and that you are worthless. And if they say it long enough and treat you like it, it is only a matter of time when you start to believe it, and then start acting like you are worthless and stupid to the point where you don’t care about yourself anymore or you don't know who you are anymore. How they treat you will affect you physically, emotionally and psychologically. This treatment is insidious. Whether they know what they are doing or not *This is abuse*.
When you lash out and instead of folks admitting to their wrongdoings, they project them onto you and use your reaction to justify their stance that you’re “unstable” and “crazy”.
Have you watched our podcast on Reactive Abuse? You can find it on our TH-cam channel on our podcast playlist, or on most podcast platforms. Mad.In.Love is the name of the podcast.
Very important subject. It happened to me. I think other symptoms--those that are perhaps seen in those who've left the narcissist--are anger, profound mistrust of others,, loss of confidence in oneself as a judge of character,..and there are probably more. Many narcissists do not allow for closure, will leave longtime partners without a conversation, and then make up stories about the person they left. They devalue and discard--leaving their partners in a train wreck. This leaves lasting scars on the victim. Thanks for your great work!
As a child of God, I find your videos absolutely fantastic. Thank you for your ministry, Dr. David! I am finishing my doctorate in nursing practice and have an ungodly mother who leans far on the spectrum of NPD. My life was an absolute mess until I said "enough is enough" and took a 8-year time out from that relationship. Although I still do not have contact with my mother, God has blessed me in so many ways. I literally had to soak my mind with the Word of God for YEARS before I was able to stand on my own two feet again. Sadly, those injured by this emotional/ psychological abuse often takes a very long time to heal. Your videos are spot on. May God Bless You Richly!
One very important thing for everyone, that should be taught in the school too, is that TAKE CARE OF YOUR ECONOMICAL INDEPENDENCY - even before you step into a relation. It is much easier to leave the bad relation, bad job or anything, when you have money of your own. Never, never give your economical independency away, not even in a good relation. And any way: in a good relation people does not even demand each others to be dependent of someone else's money.
+u235u235u235 Yes, I can understand it. That is why every women (and man) should know before they get married or get into the relation, that it is very important to create economical independency first, not to hang on anyone else's. Because if you are dependent of someones money, you are very vulnerable and can be used in a bad ways! This knowledge does not help those who are already in the bad situation, but I think of young people who still are free - to avoid the mistake that they can find someone else, who takes are of them! It is very dangerous to think in that way when we know that there are so many emotionally sick people.
***** i think we agree. i'm in favor of women working, at least for a brief period, and having marketable job skills in the event they need to support themselves and maintain a reasonable lifestyle. It took me a while, and I'm in my early 40s, to understand that women having marketable job skills is a total benefit in a relationship. Under a system where the woman have no marketable job skills and the man cannot work the family falls apart. But if the woman can work and the man falls ill or is unemployable, then the woman can enter the workforce and provide for the family. It's basically economic insurance for the family. The downside, is a 50% divorce rate in the US because women will not put up with the bullshit of a man's dysfunction. There's aren't that many emotionally sick people as you say, it's certainly a minority. But certain women are preyed upon by these men - they can smell out weak women a mile away.
Yes. I come from Finland where women are traditionally supposed to work. In Finland a housewife is looked as a stranger and it is difficult for a women to choose just to stay home with children in Finland. They are not looked very up. However, they can still get in trouble like anyone else! They start to support a man who gives nothing to the family. Drinks a lot - there are many of those stories. But I think also that the most in danger are women, who put themselves in the dependency position in the relation, they seek for the "rich" man for to support them. They are very vulnerable in that way to get a rich man, but… he might not always be so nice. The vulnerable are also women, who thinks to be loved by being things and buy supporting their husband and doing everything for other's benefit but not for themselves - even they are the ones who bring the money home!
+Sanna Lahti Great point. One of the things that makes an abusive relationship possible is the victims dependence on the narcissist. Money is one of the main ways that this can happen. Economical independence could probably save many people before it gets too late. In my case, my former boss had control of many parts of my life. Thanks for the great insight.
Or they just say "try harder to submit". The greatest anger I have is not my husband but the several marriage counsellors and ministers who have turned to me and said that. I now have a great problem with church authority and doubt I will ever trust them again.
Secondary abuse from the church is a big problem and we hear similar stories everyday. We have a video on secondary abuse that you may find helpful: th-cam.com/video/cRKXwCjetrM/w-d-xo.html
Most likely, I will never be on this site again; I am trying to "move on" and stop dumping on other people. But, I have to share this story with you all. I have had a very, very tough life; horrible. But, there is a light shining, and I see it! In 1984, my grandmother (little did I know) was onto my primary narc; a parent. She wrote me a letter and included a little poem, which I have never forgotten, and it is truly wisdom. It was about a little sparrow that was in a barn; all of the horses, cows, etc, kept taking a sh-t on the little sparrow; it came into the barn to get warm. But, after being "covered" by the "sh-t" it could no longer move; it was frozen from the weight of the _rap. Then a huge storm came; all of the animals died; it was tragic, but the little sparrow managed to "weather the storm" because it had been so s--t on that no storm could overcome it. The little sparrow had been through it all. Words of wisdom from my Grandma. Thank you Grandma G!!! Words well spoken, and well taken!!
Denise Horn I’m suffering very bad in life right now due to what I’m convinced is a hateful almost evil man and that Little quick story of the Bird was just what I needed to go to bed and get through this night.
Denise Horn , my Lil sister once told me, some days your a bird, others your a bird bath, some days you fly around, others you get shit upon, good luck, and hope you get thru this. I’m going thru this right now with a girl I thought was true and wanted help but she’s treating me this way and I let it happen, because i loved her and I wanted to really help her, now she’s discarded me and blaming me for everything when it’s her fault as well. All the best to you.
After decades of abuse, without knowing it, I got to the point of going into a rage at the smallest emotional jab from my mother. I finally defeated her through forgiveness, but I'm still trying to break free of my dependance on her.
There are very complicated and deep ties that can keep a person emotionally tied to their abuser. Seek professional guidance - you can find healing with the right help. - Client Care Team
I grew up with a NARC family and have had OCD, Anxiety, Self Mutilation, you name it,Major Depression, I can only say that when I was separated from them I saw that they were wrong.. very wrong.. My family loved me being SICK.. They could appear "superior" to me while I was SICK...When I became HEALTHY they started to HATE me with a hate like no other. I can truly say that my family are very horribly sick people. I stay no contact permanently for my own health. There needs to be a place for people to go who have family like this.
you sound like my wife, but she thinks her family is loving and caring. I tried to help her out with her problems. she was stuck and didn't want to listen to me for 7 years. now, I'm asking for a divorce because she doesn't want help. especially when I tell her to ask Jesus Christ to help her out.
+eastbaysf Oh dear... I can so relate to this. Your words express so much of my own truth. Ahhh... thank you. I have a nice apartment to go. But I have developed social phobia.
I am glad (not for the truths we face) but for getting to know we can move on. ITs a start. Healthy habits keep me sane. Just the bike path and the walking trails. (personal judgment free zones). Take care.
eastbaysf So right. I am thankful for my experience. The pain leads me to my awakening, to more understanding, more love and compassion. It's been a long way to see it this way. More a path. A spiritual path. Lots of hours of meditation, counselling, counselling, meditation, sports and healthy lifestyle. Hugs, keep it up :)
My mother married my father a severe NPD.He is obsessive compulsive in his verbal, emotional and physical abuse with her. Which as we grew up, became the same types of abuse for us children. My mother , sister and brother developed Dissassociative Personality Disorders as a result of the abuse. As the eldest child I took on the peace maker role and I remember everything. My mother, sister and brother have brilliantly developed dissassociative mental spaces to tuck away the abuse memories and they have no cognition of the abuse. I however, remember all of it. Since I was a little girl I can remember being in the middle of the violence,trying to shield my mother, sister and brother from it. I begged my mother to leave as she would be making breakfast with sunglasses on to cover her bruised swollen eyes,I would take her in the bathroom and show her in the mirror what he had done to her. She would look in the mirror and tell me that there were no bruises on her eyes.I would show her the blood matted hair on her head and she would tell me I was imaginingit, that there was nothing wrong with her and nothing had happened. She totally invalidated my reality, as that was how she survived her own. I could not ever understand how she could be so willing to put her children in harms way, allowing him to threaten to shoot us children in the head every night and then go make the bullet that he promised to use. My parents are 80 and the cycle continues. They have a pit bull that was trained to kill other dogs, and has attacked my mothers maltese 5 times to the point that the maltese needed major surgery and drains. The pit bull has attacked and nearly chewed off my sisters dog's ear twice. Inevitably the maltese and my sister's dog growl when the pit bull comes near them, and then my mother and father yell at the maltese and my sisters dog, not the victimiizer. My parents then praise the pit bull after screaming and yelling at it's victims. This is so remniscent of my childhood. What kind of cycle is this? Does this have a name? Mostly, my desire to help any of the humans has waned, as they are committed to this sick process. Yet I feel some moral obligation to help the animals. The challenge here is how to educate them about what I have witnessed with the dogs and provide a safe place for the humans as I wonder if they will see themselves in this cycle as I do. Truthfully, I will probably be the only one with insight as my dad the severe narcissist will never take this personally, my mother is so entrenched in her codependency that it is too threatening to her survival to rock the boat so she won't even think about taking it personally, and my sister is just so wounded and her personality splits so easily, that she will probably emotionally leave the conversation. My mother and sister forget almost every conversation we have because they cannot emotionallly afford to be present at any given moment-reality would be too much for them. For any validation of my family life I have to go to my dad who proudly remembers and recalls all the violence stating emphatically "I should have killed you kids when I had the chance. You all deserved what you got. Especially your mother." The police finally made my father surrender his guns after I called the police on him. Please help me understand what kind of cycle has been playing out in my family. Thank you for your time.
Thank you for the information! although i tried to get psychological help for me as a wife victim of an NPD husband, He got furious with me and fragged me out of the Drs. office. I personally believe that leaving the individual as soon as possible is the wisest and only choice to protect yourself from such tremendous emotional damage!
Dr. Hawkins...I visited you once... and was separated for 2 yrs from my soon to be ex....during that period he committed adultery...I forgave him and we reconciled for 5 months and the patterns started all over again and then he blamed me for his adultery...I made the decision to divorce for my own sanity..I did not want to turn into a bitter women like my soon to be ex....thank you for the help you gave me to keep my sanity.....
I'm glad we were of help to you and even though it may not have ended how one might have hoped, it sounds like you are in a better place now Renata. - Client Care Team
Glad it was helpful! For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletters for more helpful articles and videos from our therapists: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
As far as Trauma Bonding goes, it is more bonded than a normal and healthy drama free relationship...you are tramatically bonded....your entire brain and emotions are affected...like a hot iron....
😭Apparently we never had to be good to matter, never had to help people 24/7, we were allowed to say no without guilt, all of that because we already matter in this world.😳
Thanks for sharing your knowledge about narcissism. Wish I would have found you sooner, but it is still helpful at least understanding some of the issues and its implications
Hey hey!! ❤️ biggest lesson of my life. I learned so much about me, keeping the peace at the cost of nearly all of my resources. Still quite a story ❤️ all the elements
Finally someone said out loud and clarified all the craziness I feel in my head on a daily basis! I stay so confused as to whether or not I am the problem!! What can I do to make him change?!! I feel so hopeless!!
You are not alone Shannon! We have healing programs for women who are struggling to make sense of what they are going through and want to join other women on this journey together. Change can't be forced on anyone, but there are steps you can take towards greater emotional and relational health, and if your partner wants to seek help for his behaviors, then we certainly have programs and services that can help him as well. Contact us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to talk to our Client Care Team about your needs and get connected to resources.
The stress is so real! I notice more and more myself having “the shakes” from anxiety in his presence. Especially when certain subjects are brought up. It’s that walking on eggshells feeling, always being on edge, trying to keep the peace between him and the kids, and being the “pleaser”:/. If I’m not around him and see that I have a text from him, I have so much anxiety about opening it and what it’s about. This has been years in the making but only just realizing what is going on. How do you get someone w NPD to seek therapy without giving them an “ultimatum”. I’m in this limbo where now that I realize the abuse and NVS, I am seriously considering leaving. I do not have anywhere to go to have the option of giving him a “break down” to have a “break through”. There isn’t anyone who can take in my 3 kids and I so if I decide to leave and rent or buy a place, this will be a more permanent solution. What can I do?
Sometimes an ultimatum, or an intervention is the only thing that will motivate someone to seek help. Keep in mind, setting boundaries is not about controlling another person but it's about controlling YOUR environment and what you choose to engage with. We have many videos and articles on Intervention, and even a free video class led by Dr. Hawkins. Please visit our website www.marriagerecoverycenter.com or call our Client Care Team at (206) 219-0145 to ask about these resources.
Thanks so much for this resource. I can really use all the help I can possibly get at this stage. I’ve increased my individual therapy sessions from once a month to once a week to help work on my coping skills but even that doesn’t seem to be enough at this time. Thanks so much for your response and guidance!
Dear dr. David Hawkins. I have just discovered your channel and I am so grateful. I have been in a marriage with someone for 12 years said I believe is high and in a marriage with someone for 12 years said I I'm starting to believe is hi and covert narcissistic traits. For a long time I thought he was simply "passive aggressive", I never suspected that my partner could be a narcissist due to the classic view; but when I discovered the idea of the covert narcissist, I started to really wonder. Since then I've been reading on up on the subject, but quite frankly until I found your videos I wasn't sure. Every single type of interaction you talk about I have gone through--so what can I say now? I find your videos extremely validating and I'm so happy to have found them. I'm not sure where to go next, but just listening to you so clearly describe some of the crazy making interactions I have is a relief. I often feel alone because to the outside world my husband seems like a great guy. When I try to describe some of these interactions most people don't quite get it. Cheers to you Dr Hawkins. For tackling this very important subject; it's been a huge eye-opener.
We're so glad you are finding our content insightful. If you're not sure where to go from here, visit our website to find out how you can get started on your healing and get on a path to a healthier marriage. We're here for you! marriagerecoverycenter.com/ - Client Care Team
im married to one been 5 years and just 2 days ago did I come to the realization.. I feel broken down and stuck ... written him a letter about what hes been doing to me and questions I wanted answers.. didn't bother talking to him because he ignores me he wrote me back but never answered one question..only. justifying and blaming and the cycle continues.. I feel stuck..
I have NVS and my therapist is failing to recognize it. I am having a lot of trouble finding a professional that understands and is able to treat me properly.
I was in a marriage for 10 years with a NPD. Its took me another couple of years to realize what even happened! I am still struggling and stumbling with my self worth all the while still being harassed/bullied by him...we have a five year old son together. I haven't quite found a way to break free from him... And to not let his words effect me. Any advice on how to deal with that would be great!
Mickey Ledford Minimal contact. All communication done by email. That way you have a record of what he says and can read the emails when you are in a good space and feeling strong. Do not meet him in person unless there are other people around. Do not EVER talk to him on the phone. If you can have drop off and pick ups at a family members home. Do not respond to any bullying. Just ignore it. No communication of a personal nature at all. Keep emails to the point, stick to the facts. Expect that anytime he is nice, it will not be for long. Expect that he will never change. Do not ever kid yourself that you are fine and can deal with him on his terms...you can't. Understand that he would treat anyone the way he treats you...it is not personal. Treat him as a business associate. Unless you limit the contact, you cannot heal and move forward. Get a good psychologist that knows about NPD trauma. Read everything you can about NPD and their victims. Recognize that you are healing. Baby yourself as much as you can. Go slow. Slow is fast. Be patient. Recognize that you won't always feel this way. Remember where you were when you started this process. Celebrate the small victories. Good luck. Blessed be.
In my opinion there are not enough people talking about the NPD women. These women have children and they either follow their mothers footsteps or they develop CPTSD (narcissistic victim syndrome). I have CPTSD, I'm the child of a person with NPD. She is dangerous and I have gone completely no contact and she is still doing everything in her power to ruin my life and take my children. These women ruin lives quietly, but on the outside they are the victims, they are the people others comfort and pity. They start generations of horrors for everyone in their lives
You are right about the prevalence of gender bias when it comes to the topic of narcissism and emotional abuse. While most people tend to use the male pronoun when referring to narcissists, including us, we acknowledge that it is absolutely something that can affect men and women equally. Here is an article we published about women who are emotionally abusive: marriagerecoverycenter.com/the-impact-of-emotional-abuse-on-men/
Spot on 🤦🏼♀️ been struggling with all the above mentioned after being involved with a NPD. Been single for so long only to recover from the abuse and to get back on track been 3 years now but im going on strong!! Believe you can and you will... Best of luck to all the victims going trough this i feel your pain. X
Do these folks get abused by someone that is Covert Narcissist or an emotional abuser? What is the key element that makes them so horrible? My narcissist abused me emotionally, physically, verbally and Spiritually because they used the bible as a weapon of control. I still don't understand if its a snap in their brain or what is is the deal. I was treated so horribly and ended up co-dependent which isn't good either, but at least I do have geniune love.
It can be a type of psychological disorder with many possible causes. You can read more about it in Dr. Hawkins' book "When Loving Him is Hurting You" available on Amazon.
Thank you for this helpful video Dr. David. Do you think that victims of narcissistic abuse may have long-term problems from this abuse - in future healthy relationships?
My ex wife has DID coupled with NPD , Men are more and more the victim of NPD women .. I wish there were groups for men to heal but its not available ... I want to heal to move on , my therapist is at a loss for finding a better method other then what we are trying .... I am tired of feeling like I have no where to turn and I am tired of being told because I am the man I must have caused her to be this way ..any help please
been watching his for a while ..... sadly I am stuck in minimal contact and stuck in the same apartment I was abused in ..... the nightmare even though she is gone is still here no help for me just misery
Jeff hayes Not sure what you mean about being stuck in minimal contact. Dude...you have to move. If your ex has DID coupled with NPD most likely she has an alter that is NPD and the rest are sane which has to make it even more difficult for you and must make the what ifs horrible. My heart goes out to you. I haven't taken the Melanie Tonia Evens program, but the two videos I watched are sound and make a lot of sense. I would also suggest giving that a try. Rewiring your brain isn't easy.
Yup I had ulcerative pan colitis since I was 15. Currently working on moving away from my narcamama. I already disowned her. Can't wait to be out of there!
You're welcome! If you found this helpful and would like to access more related content and helpful advice from our therapists, subscribe to our TH-cam channel, or visit our blog at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com/blog
Glad you are enjoying our content Rachel and hope that it is helping you navigate your relationship with your mom. You can find more in depth content in Dr. Hawkins' latest book www.amazon.com/When-Loving-Him-Hurting-You/dp/0736969810 - Client Care Team
This MUST be taken seriously; our families are suffering from it; our children are lost...the victim is just sick!! Selfish people are immature people; the life of an adult can never be accomplished with a narcissist because they remain at the age when they "gave up." It can be from not having enough; basically being on their own at that age; that is the case is my situation. He had no parents; his mother was in a TB sanitarium in the 60s and his father had left the family; seven children; to pursue his own selfish lusts. From that day forward, everyone had paid with their lives; success; happiness, because the narc has learned to charm everyone in his path, (in order to get his wishes fulfilled) but the destruction that has followed may never be corrected. He has destroyed himself in every way; he followed the path of his lustful and irresponsible father. Perhaps it is DNA; perhaps it is environment; I only know one thing; if you marry, choose wisely or you will end up with an 8 year old child, for life, or at least until you escape.
I will be emailing you....... I'm really sick of my situation & he does exactly as you have stated.... says it's me...I'm unstable & should probably take meds to relax etc... but no....It's him, he doesn't respect me nor take responsibility for any thing he does. I expect too much etc
1:53 I hope maybe you might consider that after one becomes damaged (no escape, sometimes referred to as torture by survivors) that this understanding might be considered rather from a naturally arising continuum to, instead, just evidence of intentionally inflicted emotional/psychological harm, for which any individual would necessarily need atonement and acknowledgement of harm, otherwise known in the formally morally based world as 'justice'.
This video is from almost 5 years ago...has NVS been made a recognized diagnosis yet? I'm trying to figure out if I have NVS (I feel like after 11 years of marriage to the devil how could I not..coupled w me being a diagnosed borderline...recipe for the perfect storm) or PTSD or C-PTSD or....can you have both NVS and PTSD? Luckily, I've been away from here for exactly a year thank goodness...but truthfully not bc I was strong enough and left( I truly believe I would NEVER have left him just bc of the extreme low and dark suicidal place he had me for so long) - he was sentenced to 20- 40 years in state prison so the choice was taken away from me. I'm just trying to figure out how to repair and heal what has been broken for so long.....
Hi Jaimi, we have a counselor on staff that specializes in working with people with NVS. It's definitely closely related to C-PTSD/PTSD. She offers one on one as well as group programs focused on healing for people with NVS. Call or email us for more info at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com - Client Care Team
Hey David, how can people heal and recover from narcissistic damage when some if not MOST therapists are also narcissistic themselves? They clearly don't care about their clients and they constantly get away with gas lighting and turning blame around on the clients and have no care if that same client they're deliberately abusing becomes suicidal.
Out of Babylon It's not generalizing it's just a fact. A lot of these therapists just shouldn't have a license because as narcs they pose a great threat to innocent clients.
"Fishermen" use all kinds of hooks and bait to catch a fish; the narc is the same way. They will put out a beautiful, fluffy little scenario for you, but it was nothing more than a "lure" to "hook you." Most fish never escape, lets face it; they are someone's dinner. That will be you if you get with a narc. Swim away little fish, or lose your life!!!!
I was about to turn the video off, thought the title was a clickbait. At 3:44 we started to get somewhere))) But without much substance. Sorry, Dr. Hawkins... I would expect to hear: 1) NVS happens after being subjected to narcisstic relation for a long time, i.e. mother-child relations, 2) here are the traits of NVS, 3) here is how to avoid further exposure to trauma (break the relations to start with), 4) here's what to do with yourself when you know for sure that you're a potential victim. And you only said that NVS is real and it has to do with low self esteem. I know it's real, and I've mended self-esteem, and I regret to say the self esteem is not the only problem I face. What else? Go to "mend-your-marriage.com"? No. Not this marriage. Sorry for being snappy.
Hi Mikhail, thank you for your perspective and input. We continue to learn more and more about NVS through our ongoing work with clients. Many of your points which are very well laid out are covered in our class on Emotional Abuse as well as some of Sharmen's videos - she is one of our staff counselors who works extensively in this area. You're invited to check them out. marriagerecoverycenter.com/healing-from-emotional-abuse/ th-cam.com/video/jQTo1m-wX4o/w-d-xo.html - Client Care Team
The past is the best predictor of the future, UNLESS there is an intervention which can alter the course of where things are headed. With expert guidance, you can create change in your life and your relationships via an intervention. If you'd like to learn more, visit our website at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com/
Ok. So I attempt to set a boundary with this lady that is my landlord. She deflects the boundary. Uses devils advocate to create crazymaking & debate to input doubt in me + emotionally drain. I give multiple perspectives for 10 different ideas. I took the bait. She then labels and plays the victim next. Blame shifting and then goes into rage to make me feel afraid for setting a boundary. Essentially gaslighting me. Then starts to argue which I shutdown the argument by telling I won't argue. Then she starts to giving me the silent treatment and won't respond to me. The boundary I was trying to set is about silent treatment. She proceeded to not respect my boundary. What the heck.
Boundaries are not about controlling another's behavior but rather your own response to their behavior. You must first set the boundary, the consequence for violating the boundary, then communicate it to the person so it is clear to them. After that, the choice is theirs but they must live with the consequences.
I can't even imagine how... Ok I can imagine what a session might look like "NPD, you have to look inside yourself..." "Whaaat? *Insert insults/rationalization/excuses* *storms off* *slams door* *hellbreakslooseathome*
It's all nice and dandy but the current system sides with the abuser when they are not being protected like an endangered species so I can not be really healed while he is spewing lies about me all over the place without any consequences. No psychotherapist nor psychologist is good enough to help me to heal because of this issue.
I'm sorry for what you are experiencing. Unfortunately this is one of the elements of covert abuse. Here is a video where Dr. Hawkins talks about how well intentioned people, including pastors and churches, are causing further harm because they don't understand the issue or don't want to admit that the problem exists and is rampant in our churches and in our neighborhoods. It is something we are working to raise awareness about. th-cam.com/video/rDJOH1sbmm8/w-d-xo.html - Client Care Team
Well of course! At least half of our clients, if not more, are men who are suffering from unhealthy relationships. This video addresses a specific topic to a specific audience, in this case women who are suffering in abusive relationships, and not intended for a general audience. Taken out of context it may seem biased but we help both men and women who are in toxic or harmful relationships. - Client Care Team
🐿️ You should stop people marrying in the first place. It was a covert narcissist woman that indifferently messed me up. I think she enjoyed pushing me to the brink of suicide. I should have kicked her out when she just was not paying her way.
Mi scusi, io sono italiana, non ho mai fatto la vittima. In questo caso però, io sono veramente una vittima di una pressione mediatica mondiale come GASLIGHTING, STOLKING.. É ALTRO! (MI SCUSI SE NON SCRIVO CORRETTEMANTE..) Questa storia ha dell'incredibile, ma purtroppo è tutto vero. Solo io so cosa significa questa sofferenza che, non ha limiti.. Vorrei raccontarle tutto, ma ci vorrebbero cinque lunghi anni, però le dico che sto vivendo ancora una tortura giorno e notte da CRIMINALI che nessuno, nonostante i tanti appelli di aiuto..... Ha portato dove è il loro habitat..... Non mi voglio dilungare, ma io sono una persona forte, perché altrimenti....Darei già morta!... Tutto questo è orribile... Ma bisognerebbe.... Prima ascoltare! Buona serata!
It happened to me in Seattle about 4 years ago i left the United States running from the narcissist the narcissist is free the police on her side Court on her side now she is doing it to another victim one of her victims contact me trying to give me a worning but it was too late for me she ruined my life and she didn't let me see my kids for 4 years and the guy before me he didn't see his kid for 11 years and she still free doing it to other people using help of the police because she knows how to lie and when to lie she knows how to get around and play her game right convincing others that she is the victim
Yes, both men and women can be emotional abusers, it's not limited to one gender. And playing the victim and making the other out to be the bad guy is one of their tactics.
To avoid narc-victimisation we need physical legs to run the h out of their reach. I try to stay focused on my goals , but the narc rule has backed up their power with total immobilisation. Mine , to be exact. Heard it through the grapevine that you might be narc. Shortening the rug from one end to add to the other? The tales of the 'goofies' = goofballs. Have a nice day! Narc-free .....
You're rignt, if no one is talking about the female narcissist problem or seeking help for it, then we have no way to know about how prevalent the problem is. We can only speak from our experience and the available research and information that is shared in the field. -Client Care Team
*Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is so real*.
So before diagnosing oneself with depression and anxiety look who's around you first. Pay attention to how you feel around certain people and what kind of reaction they bring in you. Feeling any kind of fear, dread, not being comfortable around them or feeling worthless is a red flag. It has taken me years to finally see the connection. And the pain and destruction they bring you can take years to recover.
They want to be seen as the best, the smartest, and the way they go about doing this is to bring those around them down. They are ruthless and have little to no concern for others. They don’t play by the rules.They constantly criticize you and use snide remarks. They want to destroy you from the inside out and will use many tactics, as you have mentioned, to spin things around so you are always to blame and to create doubt in your mind.
They want you to take their bait. They want to convince you that you are stupid and that you are worthless. And if they say it long enough and treat you like it, it is only a matter of time when you start to believe it, and then start acting like you are worthless and stupid to the point where you don’t care about yourself anymore or you don't know who you are anymore. How they treat you will affect you physically, emotionally and psychologically. This treatment is insidious. Whether they know what they are doing or not *This is abuse*.
Love is your power Love your very own beautiful self. N those dearest in your heart.💖💕👣
The worst part is they know what they are doing
When you lash out and instead of folks admitting to their wrongdoings, they project them onto you and use your reaction to justify their stance that you’re “unstable” and “crazy”.
Have you watched our podcast on Reactive Abuse? You can find it on our TH-cam channel on our podcast playlist, or on most podcast platforms. Mad.In.Love is the name of the podcast.
@@drdavidbhawkins thank you so much! I will look that up.
My older brother is very much a narcissist. I stopped talking to him a couple years ago and I've been much happier since.
Very important subject. It happened to me. I think other symptoms--those that are perhaps seen in those who've left the narcissist--are anger, profound mistrust of others,, loss of confidence in oneself as a judge of character,..and there are probably more. Many narcissists do not allow for closure, will leave longtime partners without a conversation, and then make up stories about the person they left. They devalue and discard--leaving their partners in a train wreck. This leaves lasting scars on the victim.
Thanks for your great work!
As a child of God, I find your videos absolutely fantastic. Thank you for your ministry, Dr. David! I am finishing my doctorate in nursing practice and have an ungodly mother who leans far on the spectrum of NPD. My life was an absolute mess until I said "enough is enough" and took a 8-year time out from that relationship. Although I still do not have contact with my mother, God has blessed me in so many ways. I literally had to soak my mind with the Word of God for YEARS before I was able to stand on my own two feet again. Sadly, those injured by this emotional/ psychological abuse often takes a very long time to heal. Your videos are spot on. May God Bless You Richly!
One very important thing for everyone, that should be taught in the school too, is that TAKE CARE OF YOUR ECONOMICAL INDEPENDENCY - even before you step into a relation. It is much easier to leave the bad relation, bad job or anything, when you have money of your own. Never, never give your economical independency away, not even in a good relation. And any way: in a good relation people does not even demand each others to be dependent of someone else's money.
+Sanna Lahti women in the past stayed married because if they left they'd be poor.
+u235u235u235 Yes, I can understand it. That is why every women (and man) should know before they get married or get into the relation, that it is very important to create economical independency first, not to hang on anyone else's. Because if you are dependent of someones money, you are very vulnerable and can be used in a bad ways! This knowledge does not help those who are already in the bad situation, but I think of young people who still are free - to avoid the mistake that they can find someone else, who takes are of them! It is very dangerous to think in that way when we know that there are so many emotionally sick people.
***** i think we agree. i'm in favor of women working, at least for a brief period, and having marketable job skills in the event they need to support themselves and maintain a reasonable lifestyle.
It took me a while, and I'm in my early 40s, to understand that women having marketable job skills is a total benefit in a relationship. Under a system where the woman have no marketable job skills and the man cannot work the family falls apart. But if the woman can work and the man falls ill or is unemployable, then the woman can enter the workforce and provide for the family. It's basically economic insurance for the family.
The downside, is a 50% divorce rate in the US because women will not put up with the bullshit of a man's dysfunction.
There's aren't that many emotionally sick people as you say, it's certainly a minority. But certain women are preyed upon by these men - they can smell out weak women a mile away.
Yes. I come from Finland where women are traditionally supposed to work. In Finland a housewife is looked as a stranger and it is difficult for a women to choose just to stay home with children in Finland. They are not looked very up. However, they can still get in trouble like anyone else! They start to support a man who gives nothing to the family. Drinks a lot - there are many of those stories. But I think also that the most in danger are women, who put themselves in the dependency position in the relation, they seek for the "rich" man for to support them. They are very vulnerable in that way to get a rich man, but… he might not always be so nice. The vulnerable are also women, who thinks to be loved by being things and buy supporting their husband and doing everything for other's benefit but not for themselves - even they are the ones who bring the money home!
+Sanna Lahti Great point. One of the things that makes an abusive relationship possible is the victims dependence on the narcissist. Money is one of the main ways that this can happen. Economical independence could probably save many people before it gets too late. In my case, my former boss had control of many parts of my life. Thanks for the great insight.
Or they just say "try harder to submit". The greatest anger I have is not my husband but the several marriage counsellors and ministers who have turned to me and said that. I now have a great problem with church authority and doubt I will ever trust them again.
Secondary abuse from the church is a big problem and we hear similar stories everyday. We have a video on secondary abuse that you may find helpful: th-cam.com/video/cRKXwCjetrM/w-d-xo.html
Most likely, I will never be on this site again; I am trying to "move on" and stop dumping on other people. But, I have to share this story with you all. I have had a very, very tough life; horrible. But, there is a light shining, and I see it! In 1984, my grandmother (little did I know) was onto my primary narc; a parent. She wrote me a letter and included a little poem, which I have never forgotten, and it is truly wisdom. It was about a little sparrow that was in a barn; all of the horses, cows, etc, kept taking a sh-t on the little sparrow; it came into the barn to get warm. But, after being "covered" by the "sh-t" it could no longer move; it was frozen from the weight of the _rap. Then a huge storm came; all of the animals died; it was tragic, but the little sparrow managed to "weather the storm" because it had been so s--t on that no storm could overcome it. The little sparrow had been through it all. Words of wisdom from my Grandma. Thank you Grandma G!!! Words well spoken, and well taken!!
Denise Horn I’m suffering very bad in life right now due to what I’m convinced is a hateful almost evil man and that Little quick story of the Bird was just what I needed to go to bed and get through this night.
Denise Horn , my Lil sister once told me, some days your a bird, others your a bird bath, some days you fly around, others you get shit upon, good luck, and hope you get thru this. I’m going thru this right now with a girl I thought was true and wanted help but she’s treating me this way and I let it happen, because i loved her and I wanted to really help her, now she’s discarded me and blaming me for everything when it’s her fault as well. All the best to you.
After decades of abuse, without knowing it, I got to the point of going into a rage at the smallest emotional jab from my mother. I finally defeated her through forgiveness, but I'm still trying to break free of my dependance on her.
There are very complicated and deep ties that can keep a person emotionally tied to their abuser. Seek professional guidance - you can find healing with the right help. - Client Care Team
I enjoy your insight so much. I have my half dozen favorite healers online. I thank you for you.
I grew up with a NARC family and have had OCD, Anxiety, Self Mutilation, you name it,Major Depression, I can only say that when I was separated from them I saw that they were wrong.. very wrong.. My family loved me being SICK.. They could appear "superior" to me while I was SICK...When I became HEALTHY they started to HATE me with a hate like no other.
I can truly say that my family are very horribly sick people. I stay no contact permanently for my own health. There needs to be a place for people to go who have family like this.
+burningknuckle26 sounds like my mom too. when I tell her, she gives me a weird twitching look with her eyes.
you sound like my wife, but she thinks her family is loving and caring. I tried to help her out with her problems. she was stuck and didn't want to listen to me for 7 years. now, I'm asking for a divorce because she doesn't want help. especially when I tell her to ask Jesus Christ to help her out.
+eastbaysf Oh dear... I can so relate to this. Your words express so much of my own truth. Ahhh... thank you.
I have a nice apartment to go. But I have developed social phobia.
I am glad (not for the truths we face) but for getting to know we can move on. ITs a start.
Healthy habits keep me sane. Just the bike path and the walking trails. (personal judgment free zones). Take care.
eastbaysf
So right.
I am thankful for my experience. The pain leads me to my awakening, to more understanding, more love and compassion. It's been a long way to see it this way. More a path. A spiritual path. Lots of hours of meditation, counselling, counselling, meditation, sports and healthy lifestyle. Hugs, keep it up :)
My mother married my father a severe NPD.He is obsessive compulsive in his verbal, emotional and physical abuse with her. Which as we grew up, became the same types of abuse for us children. My mother , sister and brother developed Dissassociative Personality Disorders as a result of the abuse. As the eldest child I took on the peace maker role and I remember everything. My mother, sister and brother have brilliantly developed dissassociative mental spaces to tuck away the abuse memories and they have no cognition of the abuse. I however, remember all of it.
Since I was a little girl I can remember being in the middle of the violence,trying to shield my mother, sister and brother from it. I begged my mother to leave as she would be making breakfast with sunglasses on to cover her bruised swollen eyes,I would take her in the bathroom and show her in the mirror what he had done to her. She would look in the mirror and tell me that there were no bruises on her eyes.I would show her the blood matted hair on her head and she would tell me I was imaginingit, that there was nothing wrong with her and nothing had happened. She totally invalidated my reality, as that was how she survived her own. I could not ever understand how she could be so willing to put her children in harms way, allowing him to threaten to shoot us children in the head every night and then go make the bullet that he promised to use.
My parents are 80 and the cycle continues. They have a pit bull that was trained to kill other dogs, and has attacked my mothers maltese 5 times to the point that the maltese needed major surgery and drains. The pit bull has attacked and nearly chewed off my sisters dog's ear twice. Inevitably the maltese and my sister's dog growl when the pit bull comes near them, and then my mother and father yell at the maltese and my sisters dog, not the victimiizer. My parents then praise the pit bull after screaming and yelling at it's victims. This is so remniscent of my childhood. What kind of cycle is this? Does this have a name? Mostly, my desire to help any of the humans has waned, as they are committed to this sick process. Yet I feel some moral obligation to help the animals. The challenge here is how to educate them about what I have witnessed with the dogs and provide a safe place for the humans as I wonder if they will see themselves in this cycle as I do. Truthfully, I will probably be the only one with insight as my dad the severe narcissist will never take this personally, my mother is so entrenched in her codependency that it is too threatening to her survival to rock the boat so she won't even think about taking it personally, and my sister is just so wounded and her personality splits so easily, that she will probably emotionally leave the conversation. My mother and sister forget almost every conversation we have because they cannot emotionallly afford to be present at any given moment-reality would be too much for them. For any validation of my family life I have to go to my dad who proudly remembers and recalls all the violence stating emphatically "I should have killed you kids when I had the chance. You all deserved what you got. Especially your mother." The police finally made my father surrender his guns after I called the police on him. Please help me understand what kind of cycle has been playing out in my family. Thank you for your time.
Thank you for the information! although i tried to get psychological help for me as a wife victim of an NPD husband, He got furious with me and fragged me out of the Drs. office. I personally believe that leaving the individual as soon as possible is the wisest and only choice to protect yourself from such tremendous emotional damage!
This brought tears to my eyes Dr David. Absolute tears. Does the recovery ever fully happen?
Dr. Hawkins...I visited you once... and was separated for 2 yrs from my soon to be ex....during that period he committed adultery...I forgave him and we reconciled for 5 months and the patterns started all over again and then he blamed me for his adultery...I made the decision to divorce for my own sanity..I did not want to turn into a bitter women like my soon to be ex....thank you for the help you gave me to keep my sanity.....
I'm glad we were of help to you and even though it may not have ended how one might have hoped, it sounds like you are in a better place now Renata. - Client Care Team
@@drdavidbhawkins yes thank you Dr. Hawkins...
What amazing dr
Glad I found your channel.
Thank you!
Glad it was helpful! For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletters for more helpful articles and videos from our therapists: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
As far as Trauma Bonding goes, it is more bonded than a normal and healthy drama free relationship...you are tramatically bonded....your entire brain and emotions are affected...like a hot iron....
Thank you for this video. You truly have a clear insight into this insidious relationship cancer that destroys people's lives and souls.
There are narcissistic women too. The number of men being victimized by female narcissists has increased.
You're right, we are starting to see more of this and help both men and women with narcissist behaviors. - Client Care Team
Dr. David! Thank you for the video but mostly thank you for the quote "I know what I know in my knower. "
😭Apparently we never had to be good to matter, never had to help people 24/7, we were allowed to say no without guilt, all of that because we already matter in this world.😳
My ex husband’s is a victim narcissist.
I left him in 2009 after 17 years.
I’m still recovering from the damage
Thanks for sharing your knowledge about narcissism. Wish I would have found you sooner, but it is still helpful at least understanding some of the issues and its implications
Hey hey!! ❤️ biggest lesson of my life. I learned so much about me, keeping the peace at the cost of nearly all of my resources. Still quite a story ❤️ all the elements
Finally someone said out loud and clarified all the craziness I feel in my head on a daily basis! I stay so confused as to whether or not I am the problem!! What can I do to make him change?!! I feel so hopeless!!
You are not alone Shannon! We have healing programs for women who are struggling to make sense of what they are going through and want to join other women on this journey together. Change can't be forced on anyone, but there are steps you can take towards greater emotional and relational health, and if your partner wants to seek help for his behaviors, then we certainly have programs and services that can help him as well. Contact us at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com to talk to our Client Care Team about your needs and get connected to resources.
The stress is so real! I notice more and more myself having “the shakes” from anxiety in his presence. Especially when certain subjects are brought up. It’s that walking on eggshells feeling, always being on edge, trying to keep the peace between him and the kids, and being the “pleaser”:/. If I’m not around him and see that I have a text from him, I have so much anxiety about opening it and what it’s about. This has been years in the making but only just realizing what is going on. How do you get someone w NPD to seek therapy without giving them an “ultimatum”. I’m in this limbo where now that I realize the abuse and NVS, I am seriously considering leaving. I do not have anywhere to go to have the option of giving him a “break down” to have a “break through”. There isn’t anyone who can take in my 3 kids and I so if I decide to leave and rent or buy a place, this will be a more permanent solution. What can I do?
Sometimes an ultimatum, or an intervention is the only thing that will motivate someone to seek help. Keep in mind, setting boundaries is not about controlling another person but it's about controlling YOUR environment and what you choose to engage with. We have many videos and articles on Intervention, and even a free video class led by Dr. Hawkins. Please visit our website www.marriagerecoverycenter.com or call our Client Care Team at (206) 219-0145 to ask about these resources.
Thanks so much for this resource. I can really use all the help I can possibly get at this stage. I’ve increased my individual therapy sessions from once a month to once a week to help work on my coping skills but even that doesn’t seem to be enough at this time. Thanks so much for your response and guidance!
Dear dr. David Hawkins. I have just discovered your channel and I am so grateful. I have been in a marriage with someone for 12 years said I believe is high and in a marriage with someone for 12 years said I I'm starting to believe is hi and covert narcissistic traits. For a long time I thought he was simply "passive aggressive", I never suspected that my partner could be a narcissist due to the classic view; but when I discovered the idea of the covert narcissist, I started to really wonder. Since then I've been reading on up on the subject, but quite frankly until I found your videos I wasn't sure. Every single type of interaction you talk about I have gone through--so what can I say now? I find your videos extremely validating and I'm so happy to have found them. I'm not sure where to go next, but just listening to you so clearly describe some of the crazy making interactions I have is a relief. I often feel alone because to the outside world my husband seems like a great guy. When I try to describe some of these interactions most people don't quite get it.
Cheers to you Dr Hawkins. For tackling this very important subject; it's been a huge eye-opener.
We're so glad you are finding our content insightful. If you're not sure where to go from here, visit our website to find out how you can get started on your healing and get on a path to a healthier marriage. We're here for you!
marriagerecoverycenter.com/ - Client Care Team
Thank-you ...this is "me" after 25+
Years...I really see "it" clearly after 60 months of pursuit of truth! I did not know ??? Who I was married2
im married to one been 5 years and just 2 days ago did I come to the realization.. I feel broken down and stuck ... written him a letter about what hes been doing to me and questions I wanted answers.. didn't bother talking to him because he ignores me he wrote me back but never answered one question..only. justifying and blaming and the cycle continues.. I feel stuck..
Just a tip - turn your camera sideways. Landscape makes for better videos than portrait
thank you so much Dr. Hawkins!
I have NVS and my therapist is failing to recognize it.
I am having a lot of trouble finding a professional that understands and is able to treat me properly.
I was in a marriage for 10 years with a NPD. Its took me another couple of years to realize what even happened! I am still struggling and stumbling with my self worth all the while still being harassed/bullied by him...we have a five year old son together. I haven't quite found a way to break free from him... And to not let his words effect me. Any advice on how to deal with that would be great!
ross rosenberg you tube observe but dont absorb
Mickey Ledford Minimal contact. All communication done by email. That way you have a record of what he says and can read the emails when you are in a good space and feeling strong. Do not meet him in person unless there are other people around. Do not EVER talk to him on the phone. If you can have drop off and pick ups at a family members home. Do not respond to any bullying. Just ignore it. No communication of a personal nature at all. Keep emails to the point, stick to the facts. Expect that anytime he is nice, it will not be for long. Expect that he will never change. Do not ever kid yourself that you are fine and can deal with him on his terms...you can't. Understand that he would treat anyone the way he treats you...it is not personal. Treat him as a business associate. Unless you limit the contact, you cannot heal and move forward. Get a good psychologist that knows about NPD trauma. Read everything you can about NPD and their victims. Recognize that you are healing. Baby yourself as much as you can. Go slow. Slow is fast. Be patient. Recognize that you won't always feel this way. Remember where you were when you started this process. Celebrate the small victories. Good luck. Blessed be.
In my opinion there are not enough people talking about the NPD women. These women have children and they either follow their mothers footsteps or they develop CPTSD (narcissistic victim syndrome).
I have CPTSD, I'm the child of a person with NPD. She is dangerous and I have gone completely no contact and she is still doing everything in her power to ruin my life and take my children.
These women ruin lives quietly, but on the outside they are the victims, they are the people others comfort and pity.
They start generations of horrors for everyone in their lives
You are right about the prevalence of gender bias when it comes to the topic of narcissism and emotional abuse. While most people tend to use the male pronoun when referring to narcissists, including us, we acknowledge that it is absolutely something that can affect men and women equally.
Here is an article we published about women who are emotionally abusive: marriagerecoverycenter.com/the-impact-of-emotional-abuse-on-men/
Spot on 🤦🏼♀️ been struggling with all the above mentioned after being involved with a NPD. Been single for so long only to recover from the abuse and to get back on track been 3 years now but im going on strong!! Believe you can and you will... Best of luck to all the victims going trough this i feel your pain. X
Glad to hear you are in recovery!
Do these folks get abused by someone that is Covert Narcissist or an emotional abuser? What is the key element that makes them so horrible? My narcissist abused me emotionally, physically, verbally and Spiritually because they used the bible as a weapon of control. I still don't understand if its a snap in their brain or what is is the deal. I was treated so horribly and ended up co-dependent which isn't good either, but at least I do have geniune love.
It can be a type of psychological disorder with many possible causes. You can read more about it in Dr. Hawkins' book "When Loving Him is Hurting You" available on Amazon.
Its a personality disorder also the frontal lobe has less activity that regular ppl.frontal lobe is the area where empathy is.
Thank you for this helpful video Dr. David. Do you think that victims of narcissistic abuse may have long-term problems from this abuse - in future healthy relationships?
Thank you for this video!
being married doesn't mean anything. many people marry for sex and fun and have no emotional connection.
Wow....I commented a year ago!
I have learned a great deal and in one year from now I want closer !!
+Blyss Stariha How have you taken steps towards healing?
A narc can not change!
A lot can't but I know of one who has.
My ex wife has DID coupled with NPD , Men are more and more the victim of NPD women .. I wish there were groups for men to heal but its not available ... I want to heal to move on , my therapist is at a loss for finding a better method other then what we are trying .... I am tired of feeling like I have no where to turn and I am tired of being told because I am the man I must have caused her to be this way ..any help please
shrink4men.com
been watching his for a while ..... sadly I am stuck in minimal contact and stuck in the same apartment I was abused in ..... the nightmare even though she is gone is still here no help for me just misery
Jeff hayes Not sure what you mean about being stuck in minimal contact. Dude...you have to move. If your ex has DID coupled with NPD most likely she has an alter that is NPD and the rest are sane which has to make it even more difficult for you and must make the what ifs horrible. My heart goes out to you. I haven't taken the Melanie Tonia Evens program, but the two videos I watched are sound and make a lot of sense. I would also suggest giving that a try. Rewiring your brain isn't easy.
TH-cam "ear for men"
Yup I had ulcerative pan colitis since I was 15. Currently working on moving away from my narcamama. I already disowned her. Can't wait to be out of there!
We hope you have access to tools and resources for healing both emotionally and physically, and wish you all the best. - Client Care Team
Thank you.
You're welcome! If you found this helpful and would like to access more related content and helpful advice from our therapists, subscribe to our TH-cam channel, or visit our blog at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com/blog
I love your videos. Very informative
We're glad our content has been helpful to you. Feel free to visit our website for more content and resources www.marriagerecoverycenter.com
Really enjoying your videos.... I have a narc mom but my EX was a monster
Glad you are enjoying our content Rachel and hope that it is helping you navigate your relationship with your mom. You can find more in depth content in Dr. Hawkins' latest book www.amazon.com/When-Loving-Him-Hurting-You/dp/0736969810 - Client Care Team
your vids are great
This MUST be taken seriously; our families are suffering from it; our children are lost...the victim is just sick!! Selfish people are immature people; the life of an adult can never be accomplished with a narcissist because they remain at the age when they "gave up." It can be from not having enough; basically being on their own at that age; that is the case is my situation. He had no parents; his mother was in a TB sanitarium in the 60s and his father had left the family; seven children; to pursue his own selfish lusts. From that day forward, everyone had paid with their lives; success; happiness, because the narc has learned to charm everyone in his path, (in order to get his wishes fulfilled) but the destruction that has followed may never be corrected. He has destroyed himself in every way; he followed the path of his lustful and irresponsible father. Perhaps it is DNA; perhaps it is environment; I only know one thing; if you marry, choose wisely or you will end up with an 8 year old child, for life, or at least until you escape.
I will be emailing you....... I'm really sick of my situation & he does exactly as you have stated.... says it's me...I'm unstable & should probably take meds to relax etc... but no....It's him, he doesn't respect me nor take responsibility for any thing he does. I expect too much etc
1:53 I hope maybe you might consider that after one becomes damaged (no escape, sometimes referred to as torture by survivors) that this understanding might be considered rather from a naturally arising continuum to, instead, just evidence of intentionally inflicted emotional/psychological harm, for which any individual would necessarily need atonement and acknowledgement of harm, otherwise known in the formally morally based world as 'justice'.
I was always trying to do better...
I could have driven myself to my grave in the pursuit and nearly did...
I always was taught that "there must be something wrong with me" and that "I was never good enough". My dad is the Narc. My mom was a co-dependent.
This video is from almost 5 years ago...has NVS been made a recognized diagnosis yet? I'm trying to figure out if I have NVS (I feel like after 11 years of marriage to the devil how could I not..coupled w me being a diagnosed borderline...recipe for the perfect storm) or PTSD or C-PTSD or....can you have both NVS and PTSD? Luckily, I've been away from here for exactly a year thank goodness...but truthfully not bc I was strong enough and left( I truly believe I would NEVER have left him just bc of the extreme low and dark suicidal place he had me for so long) - he was sentenced to 20- 40 years in state prison so the choice was taken away from me. I'm just trying to figure out how to repair and heal what has been broken for so long.....
Hi Jaimi, we have a counselor on staff that specializes in working with people with NVS. It's definitely closely related to C-PTSD/PTSD. She offers one on one as well as group programs focused on healing for people with NVS. Call or email us for more info at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com - Client Care Team
Hey David, how can people heal and recover from narcissistic damage when some if not MOST therapists are also narcissistic themselves? They clearly don't care about their clients and they constantly get away with gas lighting and turning blame around on the clients and have no care if that same client they're deliberately abusing becomes suicidal.
Change the therapist.
Out of Babylon Then what? Find out that therapist is just as much of a narcissistic piece of shit?
Khalfrank Do not generalize.
Out of Babylon It's not generalizing it's just a fact. A lot of these therapists just shouldn't have a license because as narcs they pose a great threat to innocent clients.
Out of Babylon Good therapists my ass. Go take your own damn advice and find own your self.
"Fishermen" use all kinds of hooks and bait to catch a fish; the narc is the same way. They will put out a beautiful, fluffy little scenario for you, but it was nothing more than a "lure" to "hook you." Most fish never escape, lets face it; they are someone's dinner. That will be you if you get with a narc. Swim away little fish, or lose your life!!!!
I was about to turn the video off, thought the title was a clickbait. At 3:44 we started to get somewhere))) But without much substance. Sorry, Dr. Hawkins... I would expect to hear: 1) NVS happens after being subjected to narcisstic relation for a long time, i.e. mother-child relations, 2) here are the traits of NVS, 3) here is how to avoid further exposure to trauma (break the relations to start with), 4) here's what to do with yourself when you know for sure that you're a potential victim. And you only said that NVS is real and it has to do with low self esteem. I know it's real, and I've mended self-esteem, and I regret to say the self esteem is not the only problem I face. What else? Go to "mend-your-marriage.com"? No. Not this marriage. Sorry for being snappy.
Hi Mikhail, thank you for your perspective and input. We continue to learn more and more about NVS through our ongoing work with clients. Many of your points which are very well laid out are covered in our class on Emotional Abuse as well as some of Sharmen's videos - she is one of our staff counselors who works extensively in this area. You're invited to check them out. marriagerecoverycenter.com/healing-from-emotional-abuse/
th-cam.com/video/jQTo1m-wX4o/w-d-xo.html - Client Care Team
Dr. Hawkins, thank you very much for your reply and for the reference!
Narc parents groom us for narc relationships through life.
The past is the best predictor of the future, UNLESS there is an intervention which can alter the course of where things are headed. With expert guidance, you can create change in your life and your relationships via an intervention. If you'd like to learn more, visit our website at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com/
@@drdavidbhawkins thank you sir : )
Ok. So I attempt to set a boundary with this lady that is my landlord. She deflects the boundary. Uses devils advocate to create crazymaking & debate to input doubt in me + emotionally drain. I give multiple perspectives for 10 different ideas. I took the bait. She then labels and plays the victim next. Blame shifting and then goes into rage to make me feel afraid for setting a boundary. Essentially gaslighting me. Then starts to argue which I shutdown the argument by telling I won't argue. Then she starts to giving me the silent treatment and won't respond to me.
The boundary I was trying to set is about silent treatment. She proceeded to not respect my boundary.
What the heck.
Boundaries are not about controlling another's behavior but rather your own response to their behavior. You must first set the boundary, the consequence for violating the boundary, then communicate it to the person so it is clear to them. After that, the choice is theirs but they must live with the consequences.
does counseling even work with an ndp ?? seriously...
I can't even imagine how... Ok I can imagine what a session might look like "NPD, you have to look inside yourself..." "Whaaat? *Insert insults/rationalization/excuses* *storms off* *slams door* *hellbreakslooseathome*
It's all nice and dandy but the current system sides with the abuser when they are not being protected like an endangered species so I can not be really healed while he is spewing lies about me all over the place without any consequences. No psychotherapist nor psychologist is good enough to help me to heal because of this issue.
I'm sorry for what you are experiencing. Unfortunately this is one of the elements of covert abuse. Here is a video where Dr. Hawkins talks about how well intentioned people, including pastors and churches, are causing further harm because they don't understand the issue or don't want to admit that the problem exists and is rampant in our churches and in our neighborhoods. It is something we are working to raise awareness about.
th-cam.com/video/rDJOH1sbmm8/w-d-xo.html
- Client Care Team
I am also very much aware of that. Thank you.
what about the men who are suffering ? I think this is very biased ! I am female
Well of course! At least half of our clients, if not more, are men who are suffering from unhealthy relationships. This video addresses a specific topic to a specific audience, in this case women who are suffering in abusive relationships, and not intended for a general audience. Taken out of context it may seem biased but we help both men and women who are in toxic or harmful relationships. - Client Care Team
Trauma bonding, it was, marriage never. Should change your name to Relationship Recovery Doctor.
We are the Marriage Recovery Center and focus on restoration. Learn more about what we do at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com - Client Care Team
🐿️ You should stop people marrying in the first place.
It was a covert narcissist woman that indifferently messed me up.
I think she enjoyed pushing me to the brink of suicide.
I should have kicked her out when she just was not paying her way.
Marriage should be illegal.
Mi scusi, io sono italiana, non ho mai fatto la vittima. In questo caso però, io sono veramente una vittima di una pressione mediatica mondiale come GASLIGHTING, STOLKING.. É ALTRO! (MI SCUSI SE NON SCRIVO CORRETTEMANTE..) Questa storia ha dell'incredibile, ma purtroppo è tutto vero. Solo io so cosa significa questa sofferenza che, non ha limiti.. Vorrei raccontarle tutto, ma ci vorrebbero cinque lunghi anni, però le dico che sto vivendo ancora una tortura giorno e notte da CRIMINALI che nessuno, nonostante i tanti appelli di aiuto..... Ha portato dove è il loro habitat..... Non mi voglio dilungare, ma io sono una persona forte, perché altrimenti....Darei già morta!... Tutto questo è orribile... Ma bisognerebbe.... Prima ascoltare!
Buona serata!
I fully disagree with you. I’m in the entertainment industry and 50% of the women i come across are full on Narcissists with plenty of those traits
We agree, it's not a gender specific issue. It affect both men and women.
It goes both ways. You should in the future be gender neutral.
You are absolutely right, women and men are equally capable of being narcissist or having qualities.
It happened to me in Seattle about 4 years ago i left the United States running from the narcissist the narcissist is free the police on her side Court on her side now she is doing it to another victim one of her victims contact me trying to give me a worning but it was too late for me she ruined my life and she didn't let me see my kids for 4 years and the guy before me he didn't see his kid for 11 years and she still free doing it to other people using help of the police because she knows how to lie and when to lie she knows how to get around and play her game right convincing others that she is the victim
Yes, both men and women can be emotional abusers, it's not limited to one gender. And playing the victim and making the other out to be the bad guy is one of their tactics.
Hey
To avoid narc-victimisation we need physical legs to run the h out of their reach. I try to stay focused on my goals , but the narc rule has backed up their power with total immobilisation. Mine , to be exact. Heard it through the grapevine that you might be narc. Shortening the rug from one end to add to the other? The tales of the 'goofies' = goofballs. Have a nice day! Narc-free .....
You got it wrong. False alarm
WRONG.......there are just as many Narc females, many are coverts, and better at their narc gamers!
You're rignt, if no one is talking about the female narcissist problem or seeking help for it, then we have no way to know about how prevalent the problem is. We can only speak from our experience and the available research and information that is shared in the field. -Client Care Team
Wrong.... Go back to school son...