One thing that has helped me alot is realizing that it's always easier to choose to not "just check your phone" or "just playing a League game" than it is to stop when you have started. The weird part about this is that it doesn't feel that way, but the reason for that is that it feels harder to fight the urge to be stimulated than to stop the activity, because once you've started you already surrendered, and your brain doesn't want to do anything else.
Absolutely! Dr. K has called this "boarding the dopamine train", because there is no stopping it once you've boarded it and even if you do manage to stop your focus and motivation to do anything else is gone for the rest of the day. He talked about this and related topics in-depth in "Why Do You Only Get Motivated After Midnight?" video, it was quite insightful for me.
I find this phenomenon quite often when making a "gaming break" when working or doing other stuff. Let's say I stop working for lunch and then I decide to play for 30 minutes to cope and decompress. If it isn't compulsory to return to work I'll cheat the 30 minute easily and go for +1 hour. Sometimes is fine because the game will generate enough satisfaction in that short time period. But often times I'll feel the urge to complete a task or I will get engaged because the game is getting interesting. I want to enjoy videogames with some regularity but probably most of us need a "hardening" our discipline stage or a dopamine detox which is so trendy nowadays
Yeah, you're already getting lots of positive feedback if you're doing the thing. You get some positive feedback thinking about doing the thing, but actually doing it? Wait I'm at work I have to put my phone away
It feels like the situation is a bit questionably framed, though. It's not like they're bullshitting because they're intentionally trying to get out of something or defend themselves from something; they're being inconsistent or inaccurate because they haven't learned how to be aware of the things going on in their own heads. It's good that Dr. K is teaching them, but the process of "they're bullshitting and need to be called out" might not be the best way of doing so.
A bit of advice from a 31 year old, who takes ages to learn anything, and typically very resistant to making an effort, but has set out to do things I want to do. So if you're like me; this might help. 1) You have time! Most of you are young and its fine to feel stuck, life is overwhelming and this is just a mechanism to protect you. If you're not so young, starting now is great - you're old enough to have experience in life, but young enough to make changes, bit like me. 2) Take things in tiny steps. You dont have to "go hard or go home", more go at a pace you're comfortable with cus its 100% better than nothing. You'll get comfortable with stage 1, then you're ready for stage 2. Even take start by focusing on one thing at a time. If you want to exercise, and learn to cook, and learn a new skill, spend a month JUST focusing on exercise, however small. Then slowly incorporate the other activities. 3) Simplify what you want to learn! Masters at anything, sports, cooking, art, math and of course gaming- they all know how to simplify complex things, which is why they can process more than an amateur. Everything has basic steps - and those carry over to everything!
This is oddly motivating. The second bit of advice especially. It puts things in much smaller perspective and more achievable and applicable. I hope this carries on to tomorrow and onward as it's late at night for me now.
I'm also 31 and I have definitely learned the hard way to take the slow and steady approach. When you first start working to get your life together it's easy to get all hyped and want to completely overhaul your entire being. You want to eat healthy so you by all these fruits and veggies, etc.; you want to get ripped so you decide to hit the gym 4 days a week; you want to learn an instrument so you go buy a guitar and sign up for lessons; and the list goes on. The thing is that excitement you have in the beginning is short lived and when you try to change everything all at once you end up burning yourself out real fast. Changing your life is a lifelong endeavor, and you have to approach it as such. Slow and steady wins the race, go too fast and you burn out and give up. Take is slow, work on one or two things at a time, and eventually (we're talking years here, sorry to burst your bubble) you will find that you are making significant strides in living the life you envision for yourself.
I never looked at it as if I was motivated to destroy my life. In fact, that makes total sense. I was raised to destroy my dreams to be financially stable. I lived my life destroying my life. Dopamine was my only coping mechanism to deal with the awful shit my parents put me through. All that dopamine chasing was "approved" by them, because it kept me away from people, who "could have been a bad influence." Recently, I've been able to catch myself playing video games and ask myself "where is this going? Is this what you want?" The answer is always no. "No, I don't actually want to play Path of Exile for 94 hours in the past two weeks." 1000+ hours in that game, and I've yet to kill Sirus or Elder, etc. I don't want to. I just wanted to be distracted from life. But at the same time, the answer is also "No, I don't want to struggle anymore." I've struggled my whole life. One trauma after another. Yet, I'm starting to realize many of those struggles were never my own. They were more often the extension of someone else's struggle that I let into my life. I'm not good at fighting for myself. I was told that struggling for my own goals wasn't worth it. I was made fun of for it. I was ashamed for having aspirations for myself. I wanted to write stories, music, opinions, etc. "But it doesn't make money. It's pointless." I'm slowly getting there. That desire to embrace MY struggle. To embrace MY pain. I want my life, I want my goals, I don't want security for the sake of it. I want feel like my life was worth something to me, and mean something to me. Maybe if I can do this, I can make people feel the same why art has made me feel. Connected to something beyond myself, and in those moments... I feel a sense of hope for living. Maybe it's fucking lofty to say "I want to give people hope" but... I do.
same, i always put my dreams over somebody else, put what i interest the most for the sake of my mother and my sister, which is just now i realize they are narc, while im losing hope here everyday loath crying all they do are blaming, criticizing, and hating when i just need for emotional support, everytime im being vunerable, they always gaslit me, it make traumatize and confuse, it's like living with people who want you down, hating, and happy when you depressed....
im living in constant high stress, i always have to read what they need the most, obsessing and ruminating, what they gonna do if I'd do this and that, confusing and stressful..... over reacting while they gaslit if i try to engage with their lies and their wrong.... they never change, altough i realize this on cognitive level, is still hard to be reciprocate my self around them, cause i was raised this way, to be a scapegoat....
I thank this comment for also connecting me to your sentiments. I, too want to give hope, but still find mental pain extremely hard to endure. But just as the giants fall the hardest, the bigger climbs also make for the most satisfying ones, *and I will win!*
Learn how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. The pain doesn’t go away but you learn how to live with it. That’s some wisdom handed down to me from a much older gentleman. I use it as motivation when I’m trying to overcome a difficult thing that can take weeks or months to do. It’s just another training arc that will make the next thing possible.
Actually those activities are not neceserarily more rewarding, but they give you a very quick dopamine hit. I got this from an ADHD book "In this state you don’t consciously know if you are happy or not, which is just as good as being happy, if not better, because you are not wasting energy on self assessment." I used to find books boring, but all I needed to fall in love with them is to first of all select ones that interest me and listen to them sped up and don't hesitate to put them down if they suck. In the past 2-3 years I went from having read about 20-30 books, to like 200.
The one thing that school pushes people to believe is that you should slog through books you don't enjoy. Sure, maybe you have a project where reading is just a took, like research, but mostly that's a load of Bull.
To be honest, and correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like you do get over it somewhat. At least in two activities that I perform: exercise and writing. If you can get in the zone, especially when starting out a new story, you absolutely feel motivated to do this more than anything. You feel like you can write all day, and you hate it when something distracts you. If it's not dopamine, I don't know what is. But the big difference is that it takes a lot of effort to continuously find yourself in this place. It's much harder than just opening a TH-cam page. That's why a lot of writers struggle with inspiration. Second activity is exercise. At first it's very hard and I personally can't keep it up for long. But if I do exercise consistently for a month, I start getting really motivated during the workout sessions. It's still very hard to start them, but while I'm exercising, I feel as good, if not better, than during gaming/TH-cam. Especially if I get to do some complex activities such as dancing, fencing or rock climbing. I do believe that this is effect of dopamine. The only difference I think is the ease of getting into that state. It's easy to start destructive dopamine-inducing behaviour, but it's hard to get into the real life productive counterparts. But I do believe that there is not only meaning, but also real joy in things that feel dull and boring at first.
Its only life destruction if you choose to feel that way. I don't feel shame or like that at all. And I choose the path of least pain. I follow the likes of Arthur Schopenhauer
I think because in youtube it was faster cycle of dopamine (anticipation - reward). It even faster for tiktok, where writing and exercise, the reward is slower, and the anticipation for something new is little hard. so it hard to keep up that flow state
The difference is in anticipation of the reward, if understood Dr. K’s argument correctly. You don’t enjoy writing in the moment (especially when you’re frustrated and want to tear your hair apart), but you know that by the end you’ll get that rush of happiness.
When dealing with the dopamine, I like to think that even if things are going to be less fun in the present, I will be more proud of myself and my past.
That's exactly the opposite of what he's saying. You're thinking you will get dopamine later on after you do the boring shit. But he's saying you will never get dopamine again. Choosing this path of hardship will forever be painful.
@@bigmandem01 The key is to limit the dopamine. I also think they are healthier ways to get your necessary dopamine fix like working out and listening to good music as opposed to p0rn, gaming, drugs, etc.
@@heehokuzunoha7757 Yeah for sure I think a balance can definitely be had. You can play video games and have a fulfilling life. Though I'm not so sure you get dopamine from working out. Working out feels like shit for the most part.
incredible. this is the exact problem and path that i am taking to slowly get out of it. seeing it laid out like this is so validating and makes me so grateful for all the damn hard work that i feel like i have been putting into it. plus i can share this with others so hopefully they understand what the hell i'm going through. thank you dr k and team from the bottom of my heart
I used to feel like I never got that dopamine rush from doing healthy & satisfying things, then I learned that I have ADHD and autism, so my dopamine receptors are messed up to start with - I'll never feel completely satisfied from anything. I just keep going and going until I hopefully feel something, but that's just not how my brain works. I have to constantly check myself to make sure I'm treating myself nicely by giving myself both time to be productive and time to zone out with video games. Also I figured out I was trans, and after being on hormones, I totally lost interest in porn and hardcore gaming, so now I have plenty of time to do the things I love. I'm easily 10x as productive now. Solid advice in this video!
Same here. Since I started to quit bad habits and make my life worth living I keep thinking "why is this so hard" and "will it always stay this way". The good thing is though that thinking about going back and doing things like I used to became so unacceptable to me that I remind myself that this is no alternative anymore because I know how damn unhappy I was, leaving me no other choice than to keep working no matter how long it takes.
As a wise lyricist once said: "This is only the start Of something which never ends or gets less hard Yet every part will be worth it in moments When you look back and seen how much you've grown into what you are And the memories blot each page Demarcations of the ways you've aged Not all of which you wanted to see, but without each of which you could not be And even as your heart breaks Taking tallies of all mistakes you can say At the very least you weren't afraid to try to make something"
I absolutely agree. It's not about "how badly do you want to break the dopamine cycle?", but instead coming to terms with the fact that it will be tough... and inspite of that, choosing to take the steps to break the cycle. Kinda like salmon swimming upstream; it's certainly not the easiest or most convenient path, but at their core they know that crossing that hurdle will allow them to lay their eggs in a better place (just an analogy)
Calling it natural misses the dual problem of society who creates creates and enables disfunctinoal behavior and the individual which engages and feeds the cycle. Be careful about your rhetoric if you try to discribe a problem otherwise you might miss the point and therefore solution. In this case effort is the wrong approach it is quite the opposite patients, humility and consciousness are the values that help you get over addiction. As soon as you build an ego out of your attempt to free yourself it falls over from the next gust of wind. Been trough relapses with modern problems for years treat it like a real addiction otherwise you won't make it have the courage to addmit hopelessness this way you can find something in you that can free you. It is not what you think it is. LITERALLY.
I don't fully agree. I think Dr. K said something to the effect of 'doing what you have to/ want to do is not hard'. Like, we may imagine the boredom and the pain as really hard, unbearable. But actually, once we really understand what we get by enduring the boredom and pain, it will be easy. Once we really get that the hard choice is the right choice to pick, it will take no effort to do what our mind recognizes is right. It's reframing that being a motivated person is not 'hard', the way society frames it is. It's not a daily struggle. I actually think framing as 'it will always be effortful' is a bit harmful. At least, for me it was. Do I want a life in which I fight against myself every day? Hell no. But (and I speak from experience) this fight doesn't exist, at least not in the long run.
Accepting that the right path will be endlessly painful and boring seems really risky. I'm reminded of that learned helplessness experiment, i.e. groups of dogs being shocked and the group that didn't have a way to stop them later gave up and simply lied down during any future, stoppable ones. However, I imagine that not being able to provide for my family, friends and loved ones when they'll need it would be indescribably more painful than whatever in-the-moment discomfort I'm experiencing, and getting past that discomfort gets me closer to being of more help. Even speaking as a loner, it's worth admitting and leveraging our built-in social, familial, communal instincts. Good luck everyone
Yeah it's a difficult choice. Endless pain and boredom for the mind eventually destroys the soul, so then are the "rewards" even worth it at that point?
I think this could be a dangerously misleading wording of it, for it won't be painful and boring for very long. This is something he leaves out for some reason.
keep in mind that acceptance and helplessness are not the same thing. tbh, I don't think that the dogs experiment degree of pain and its properties are what really happens in real-life situations. I really want to share a lot of thoughts with you but i have many of them. I encourage you to see things from a different perspective.
On one hand I agree with what he's saying, on the other I think we need to consider other factors that might be at play, like medical factors. About 2 years ago I made a choice to stay off drugs and other bad habits that were a constant quick supply of dopamine hits, since then I had to make the decision to live a harder life, but a more fulfilling life, I had to start exercising, eating healthier, taking up other hobbies and doing things with my life that were more "worth" it but more painful. I was able to do it for a long time until one day I just lost all motivation not knowing why and reverted back to easy dopamine hits, video games, youtube, things I could easily access without having to be motivated. I actually tried to get back on track but its like I was unable to do it again. Later it turned out my vitamin b12 levels were low and I had a high cholesterol, both causing extreme fatigue which manifested itself in lack of motivation and pursuing simple pleasures and easy, effortless dopamine hits. Had I not figured that out I would've probably kept going without addressing it, sticking to youtube, video games and all the stuff that doesn't require motivation. There are two sides to this, psychological and medical. I don't advise self medicating, but going to a doctor and getting yourself tested would at least help you understand where the problem is and how to address it.
You're right. In fact, he actually did a lecture on this topic, the video is called "You Need To Get Tested", of which he spoke about some symptoms that are commonly labeled as mental health issues, but in reality many of them could also be caused by physical health problems, he even mentions B12 deficiency.
Vitamin D deficiency is also a possibility. Most Americans are deficient in Vitamin D and don’t know it. Your doctor can run a blood test to determine if you’re deficient.
It took me a decade to learn this lesson. You've got to learn to embrace the suck. You've got to learn to embrace the discomfort and pain that is a part of life. Porn and video games and scrolling through social media are all escapes. They are how you run from all those negative emotions you're terrified of feeling. The point of abstinence from these things is not to no longer feel those negative emotions, but quite the opposite, it's to stop numbing yourself from your emotions. The thing is, numbing goes both ways, you numb the positive when you numb the negative. So while you must feel the full force of your negative emotions it opens the gate to fully feeling your positive ones as well.
12:37 FFS I WAS LITERALLY THINKING THIS YESTERDAY. Ok so, I was drawing, went to get food, and when I came back, all my drawings looked crooked and I hated them all. I hated all my art within half an hour of creating it. And on that page, I signed and made a note that said basically smth like "the fact that I already see all the mistakes shows that I am improving. So I'll learn to take comfort in the knowledge that this pain is proof of my progress". Really glad I stumbled upon this video, lots of useful stuff here
It was really hard for me to learn I had to accept dealing with negative emotions instead of just pushing them aside. But it does get easier (though progress isn't always linear and I'm still learning/improving). Being able to acknowledge that something is hard and still work through it makes me feel strong. also oof that quote at 11:15 "You can watch TH-cam as much you want to inform yourself about things that are neat instead of actually doing something in the world. You can learn about what other people are doing as much as you want to. It's never going to fix the hole of not having done anything yourself."
As of late, breaking my habits and performing better in my day to day has been just as fruitful, if not moreso than falling into repetitive dopamine hits.
@@rituraj-503 I don't want to speak for Clyde here, but I feel similarly so maybe I can clear it up so you understand. I have spent over 10 years being very addicted to videogames, as well as picking up some other addictions along the way like porn (thankfully relatively briefly) and smoking weed. Recently I've been going to therapy, talking with my coaches and my mom to actually get my life together, and now I'm starting to be able to do things like exercise and clean up. not because someone else expected it of me and I felt REQUIRED to do it; but because I WANT to. Specifically I feel great when I exercise because I'm finally working on actually improving my body, and I am also using some of my energy, rather than just sitting in a chair all day.
@@rituraj-503 I'm 24, and have had my own PC since 1999. Two decades of figuratively using a hydraulic press on the dopamine button. Nothing in my life has been more difficult than wrestling myself out of this, and with how much of a detriment the degenerate desensitized early netizen lifestyle and imageboard culture has been to me, well... rewarding doesn't come close to describing the feeling of acting in accordance with *my* character, and no longer feeding the looping self-sabotage machine. Also, keep in mind that the initial changes in habit and behavior may not seem like they're improving. Going from waking up and immediately gaming, getting stuck in a loop of trying to satisfy that dopamine craving that never ultimately comes versus waking up and making your bed, showering, playing for an hour or two then getting out and about seems like the ball gets rolling really well, but maybe the next day showering gets put off until later, or things get delayed because we bargained with ourself thinking "okay... three more matches then I'll go look for jobs..". Don't let it discourage you. The awareness of it will steer the mind in the right direction the next time it arises. Ultimately though it depends what you want. Sorry that was so all over the place, a lot of this is stuff I'm still compartmentalizing.
@@kirsty_yamaha thanks for sharing your experience, I'm trying to start my journey of getting over the gaming and TH-cam addiction but just really struggling with it, coming up with an end number of excuses to just keep on continuing with my routine but when I hear about people getting over their addiction, gives me a little more drive to fix it, and hopefully i can act upon it too xD
Heroin is pretty much the ultimate example of this concept, orders of magnitude stronger than videogames. Gl with your journey to sobriety, one day youll look back and consider this one of the best things youve ever done :)
@@cc1drt Thank you for the encouragement! Although honestly, videogames were much more addicitve and damaging than heroin in my case lol (only because I was younger). Thank God I had experience overcoming addiction by the time I even began using, or it would have been much worse.
@@freshrockpapa-e7799 Yep. You run out of money, opiates, opportunities or your own physical health, so you get an interruption; a crash and maybe a chance: but video games will caress you forever.
I've been trying to spend less time online, and it made me realize I have no idea what I truly want to do. The tricky thing about getting off the dopamine treadmill is it's hard to tell which things are truly boring/uninteresting to you, and which things just feel boring now but you might enjoy more in the future.
I think I have to accept the fact of doing good things it's hard, but when the work it's done you perfectly can do dopaminergic stuff, just a little and keeping working on what you care.
The content recently has been amazing, keep it up. If I may suggest something, I'd like to see more interviews, but perhaps short-form ones with random viewers? Just an idea.
I mean, it does end eventually… This really is a top tier reframing. I have watched previous videos about motivation, but reframing feeling unmotivated as an orientation problem couples really well with previous observations that motivation is a well and certain activities dip very deeply into it. It’s fascinating how wisdom unfolds in different ways in your content over time.
It does end but starting this path with such “when does it end” perspective in mind will make it so much harder for you to eventually feel the gratification that comes with going the rough way
Recently my therapist has been pushing me towards thinking what I am really hiding behind the question "why I don't want to change?", i.e. what I am avoiding to look at. Every time I come to a session I either say how bad my gaming/porn/tech addiction is and how I really want to quit it, or I go on about how I understand the things I SHOULD do but never come to doing them. This video has helped me realise there is indeed a huge motivation to keep on playing games (and chasing quick dopamine in general) and the realisation of the real life choice actually being the crappy one is eye-opening. That's just what I needed to hear.
Also for people wondering if life is then only suffering if we choose the right path - technically true, BUT, some tips to feel joy: - THE HARDEST PART: jumping over the intial cliff that is sucking VERY HARD at whatever you want to do. (Imagine first timing LoL, you went 0/10/0 30cs, it took months until you got a positive KDA, obviously you won't feel positive feelings, the only way to improve is to brute force it, play what you want/follow your interests to keep your mind focused on the goal not the misery you have today) (you also didn't change your main/role every game, you stuck with 1 champ you REALLY LIKED) - suffering is the only way to change things ("suffering" is also just a construct of the mind, notice the exact moment that you suffer and then try to not attach feelings or identity, think of yourself as a robot that WILL do it's job no matter what) (this is abstract, you cant understand it from 1 sentence) - if you don't tryhard in the areas that interest you, you will only see the suffering, because its not worth it for the result you get (since you don't want it) (imagine playing only supp in LoL instead of playing the champs you want only because they're better to gain elo at the moment *figuratively speaking* ) - if you don't have a balanced tryhard/life cycle you will burnout because, again, you only see the suffering (make it a rule to split it 50/50 of tryharding and fun shit, DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THIS, you probably will, so please notice the next time you burn out why you did so) -LOWER THE BAR TO THE LOWEST IT CAN GET. Here your ego will fight you, so you just have to accept sucking NOW for 2 months, because if you don't, you will suck for 6 months because you're just spinning your wheels in 1 place ( When you see someone bench 100kgs, but you can't despite "training for 3 years", you just haven't mastered all the details behind being able to bench 100kgs) (practically, lowering the bar looks something like this: if it works for others but for some reason not for you, the reason is exactly that you don't understand the even simpler subjects first.) - All of this is basically to combine the part of your biggest desire and achieving flow state. -By following your desires you will never burn out in the long run (because it SHOULD AND MUST be FUN). Know that if it isn't somewhat fun you will not stick for the long run. Also know that meaningful changes happen in >1 year. After the tryharding you should do the fun stuff about your desires, it also counts as practice. (if it makes sense for your desires ofc) Even if there isn't any fun at the moment (because you suck still), then find fun in other areas. BUT MAKE SURE YOU DID YOUR TRYHARDING THEN MAKE SURE TO ADD SOME SPICE IN YOUR LIFE AND DO SOMETHING FUN. By achieving flow state you can assure yourself you did your job on the practical sense of tryharding everyday. START YOUR SESSION WITH SOMETHING KINDA EASY (like, the thing you practiced yesterday) THEN GO TO THE HARD STUFF FOR TODAY THEN GIVE IT 10 TRIES/MINUTES UNTIL YOU GET THE "rusty" OFF OF YOU. (or to just actually grasp fully the thing you need to learn) ONLY AFTER YOU GRASP IT FULLY, THEN YOU TRY SOMETHING VERY SLIGHTLY HARDER !!!!!!! If you ignore this, you start immediately with something you suck at, you fail immediately too, your brain will go like "oh man, now I have to do this FOR 3 MORE HOURS" and you drop it. !!!!!! If you have a small win first, then you fail, your brain will be like "well atleast I won something" or "well, I know it gets better" (notice its only positive, if it ain't positive thoughts, you're doing something wrong from all the above) (and I mean ALL) !!!!!! you wonder how games are addicting? THE MMR SYSTEM AUTOMATICALLY LETS YOU ENTER FLOW STATE. If you're plat, the mmr system won't let you play againts challangers, neither bronze. This is exactly flow state. Just a bit harder to keep your interest and not overly hard to the point of giving up. Going into art/programming/business/working out, you will either overshoot or undershoot. Imagine wanting to make a riot splash art when you cant even make a proper face. Imagine wanting to bench 100kgs when you can't bench the bar. END NOTE 1: this is all just a guidance in what to look for, you need to experience it yourself, you will overshoot and undershoot and it is in that "experience" that people talk about when you see others that "got their shit together". It takes time (took me a year to understand how to tryhard properly). Its like adding too much spice or too little spice in your cooking, only after 60 tries you get it perfect and FAST (at the start you will be very slow and you will just fail again lul). Only after ~100 tries you dont even need to follow the recipe or even measure the spice you're adding, you just guess and its perfect everytime. This is how progress looks like. END NOTE 2: None of this will resonate with you if you don't even have a reason to stop wasting your life with games. That's a whole different game, there are no tips for that, it's only just straight up THINKING about it and random experiences that will give you a different take on life. (like seeing someone else that was trashy like you succeed in life)
Very underrated comment. Thank you 😊 💓 As someone who has goals in life that requires a not so fun start, this was helpful in many ways. Half of me can settle for the life of dopamine, the other half is simply inducing suffering for being left alone 😔
Just like how Dr K has deconstructed the concept of motivation, I'd be interested to hear his thoughts on the concept of resilience. I think he's definitely talked about the practical steps on how to persevere without explicitly using the term "perseverance" across multiple videos of similar topics, like centering the mind on a direction, cultivating motivation, having something worth suffering for etc. But I feel like there's a little something that's still missing from the equation. Would love to hear some thoughts for those who have started on the path but find themselves slipping from time to time or need that extra push when other things don't seem to work.
If you want to better understand what motivation is from a scientific point of view and how you "build" resilience you can look up the self determination theory. That's what we teachers are using to try to help students build up what I think you mean by "perseverance". Basically every human needs 3 things in order to do stuff. Motivation is the "natural state" but if we sever one of those three prerequisites, it makes things harder (and our society is very good at severing them). The three keys are autonomy, competence and relation to other people. People who cannot persevere lack one or several of those things. For instance lack of self confidence is a big thing among students because our society puts a lot of negative focus on failures and mistakes while those things are a very crucial part of learning.
Dr. K you just made me realize the reason people tend to change their lives after having their lowest lows is because the motivation isn't even working for you anymore and you can lose feelings for those things so you start doing the other shit that is good for you because you will eventually get more for those things but that's why it's so easy for them to get back into the things that motivated them to begin with. So what I heard was Focus but don't say the bad things (you are what you eat just notice the shit you're doing) Do shit you hate (fake it till you make it you are still you intill you are not so become the you you want to be and understand the old you [you are lonely sad and depressed but how is thinking about just reinforces so stop thinking about it]) Pick the shit you want stop complaining and JUST DO IT! ACCEPT YOURSELF! LOVE YOURSELF! thinking about it only hurts you
Some other related topics Dr. K touches on I think are important to this overall 'dopamine cycle' we all get into from time to time (maybe all the time, if you're like me): Dharma - duty, working through and embracing suffering Karma fel - planting seeds everyday, focusing on actions over results Sangha - community: maintaining interest by immersing ourselves in groups of ppl with a common interest Meditation and focus - developing a 'one-pointed- mind Ayurveda doshas - framework for personality types; determining optimal workflow, etc. Motivation, intent, goals, expectations - the coaching workshop videos are a really good resource Shame and other negative emotions - teaching us how to process and become aware of them Satya - the power of authenticity and honesty Active challenges - taking on more to feel less overwhelmed There's a lot more but these are some important ones that came to mind.
I'm currently on day 5 of my dopamine detox after watching this stream, as well as a few other older streams from Dr. K's twitch channel (I was in a consumption binge spiral). So far it's been both really great and relatively neutral. Almost immediately there was a complete 180 shift concerning my 3 biggest issues of not sleeping enough, eating unhealthily and not getting any exercise. I am still unsure of how it happened... but I am so happy that it did. Really looking forward to seeing what else I can accomplish by the time I complete the full 14 day cycle. I am currently working on creating again. If you are reading this and think you may also have a dopamine addiction, I highly encourage you to try a detox --- I think there are a few other videos on this channel that talk more about it. Good luck!
Well, I'm not expecting all sunshine and daisies. But this doesnt mean I should accept that I will be extremely bored form these healthy activities for the rest of my life. I feel like Dr. K didn't exactly target the question here. Nobody is having fun working out all the time but after a certain level, the satisfaction and benefits they get from it outweights the pain. So they can keep going. The very difficult part is getting to that level from the "no pleasure" level. That is what the question was about. The question wasn't "How do I get rid of the pain altogether?" I feel like he is saying "Just accept the pain bro."
What he was missing in my opinion was something along the line of you have to embrace the pain/boredom until you eventually see the reward coming out of the process, because it's slowly starting to outweigh the sacrifice you have made. And this thing in particular is very subjective and highly depends on what you expect and wish for, where your personal goal lies. For example if you're overweight and want to lose weight, you will have to learn to endure the pain and lack of immediate return of pleasure like a bag of chips does or binge watching youtube clips. Changing dietry habits will suck, going out for a run every day will hurt, but if you want to achieve your goal of becoming thinner, you won't make it unless you embrace it and give sacrifices. Only when you endure it and look into the mirror again months later, you will slowly see changes and receive some kind of satisfactory feedback, because you notice your actions do something good which then again pleases your mind. Same goes for a book. You will have to give up time, need to learn to become patient and attentive to finish a book. Only when you've made it through, you will be able to contemplate about it and get slight gratification out of it. But it will never be as short-term reaction intense as a playlist of 1min youtube videos. So yeah, I think embracing it is not wrong, but time and personal expectations are important factors, which will eventually brings us back to the whole instant gratification vs. delayed gratification thing.
@@markrutte5637 I don't think its strange, thats just how it is, just do it bro, theres a reason people dont make it, its because they don't accept the "just do it".
Working out is replacing a socially unacceptable addiction (whatever people tell you you should stop doing) with a socially acceptable addiction (working out)
When I was abroad visiting my grandparents my phone data plan ran out and I was stuck for around a week without Internet. No way to contact my friends or to go online even to listen to podcasts or music. I really didn't know how I would manage at first but just within a couple days I adjusted and spent probably the most peaceful and restful week of my entire life learning how to sew, reading, walking, taking photographs, meditating. I couldn't believe how easy it was and how much my life improved. I was actually dreading returning home because I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself when I had access to the Internet again. It is possible to do and the rewards are amazing but it's not easy !!!
this is exactly the video I needed to hear. I don't really have problems completing art stuff. In fact I get sucked into it, at a point where it becomes detrimental to everything else. Sedentary lifestyle, etc.. Eventually I can backslide into depression and other dopamine activities just because my body feels like sludge, slithering between a camera and computer. But I feel like that's just the price sometimes and a part of me must remain slime. Finding that balance is key
Isn't it the most common cliche? Embrace pain and sacrifice, work hard, be a productive member of society, leave a legacy, sacrifice some more. I can understand this working for people who have an actual dream (like being an artist in this case). But what if you don't?
I think it’s true that the fulfillment you get from the activities that are good for your soul will eventually outweigh that pain. But it’s good that Dr. K is being realistic here. It’s a daily struggle, and you have to understand that. If you think someday it will feel like porn and vidya, then you’re deluding yourself.
This question was honestly so relatable to me, thank you so much for covering it! Not porn addiction but just the urge to always be on my PC, consuming TH-cam or chatting on Discord, and finding little enjoyment in other acvities.
I did a dopamine detox for 40 days where I even cut out movies, social media, sugars (even fruits) and even music. What I learned was that most of us have no idea what the human brain is like when we our dopamine sensitivity is hightend and not given modern pleasures. You become a true focused, relentless, unashamed monster whose only challenge becomes being nice. Things like waking up quick, comprehensive reading of a book longer than 20 min, being assertive, focused on your task list, increased memory becomes something effortless 🤯 One of the most amazing discoveries I've made.
@@varmoparnpuu Discipline. Not everyone is born with it and most of us have parents who fail to teach it to us. It's something you have to cultivate out of necessity.
I'm on what's supposed to be the last day of a 2 week detox right now and I failed about 4 days ago. I don't know how Dr. K keeps reading my mind (I managed to stay away from Twitter, Discord and video games the entire time though, and I did part of the Blender donut tutorial!)
As a warning to my fellows, even when you get a family and a good job, it’s still possible to have these same issues if there’s something unaddressed-in my case, the feeling of professional failure. Watching other people on TH-cam doing something awesome rather than doing something awesome myself… that hit home.
You're helping so many people. This video is really good as an intro before watching an interview if someone wants to learn how to do this to themselves.
I have went this direction while telling myself I am saving money. I have saved money and proud of not spending. The winters are tuff in the summer I get out more cycling. Thank you for this discussion.
Man this hit hard... I'm an artist and everytime there is something hard in my drawing I always go back to TH-cam or social media. I don't get anything done.
Reminds me of Robert Nozick’s experience machine example. You must choose what level of pleasure you want, a higher sort or a lower sort. Recommend people read his work on that
I gave the same advice to my crush 6 years ago, then I got my heart broken soon after. I coped with it by trying to forget everything about her, and that includes the advice that I gave her. Which turned me into the poster and just now started to get my stuff together.
Dude, tbh, I feel it's really important to mention that in reality, when you're really in that healthy boi life, everything feels more or less as good as a lot of the dopamine shit. Like, I'd argue it's even better, things may be rough but since everything else is so good I don't mind nearly as much. It's sort of negligible, because everything else is so fulfilling and most importantly, genuinely enjoyable. It's so much fun, just as much or even more enjoyable than video games. You don't get over the pain, you get into it. Then suddenly you realise, it's not painful at all. It actually feels really fucking good. Sure, it takes work, but whenever I healthed up, I felt it was totally doable and not that big of a deal doing that work.
@@furiousdestroyah9999 What a lot of people describe as "personality" is frequently more like "current state of mind", personality isn't some static thing. Some may have more reserves and thus are able to better withstand stress like bad health, but eventually health catches up to pretty much everybody. Whether or not they care hardly matters when they eventually end up with issues.
@@furiousdestroyah9999 >implying I am not struggling with depression and have for 15 years depression is sort of a meme that preserves itself. so many depressed people say 'oh I'm depressed though so things just don't get better', but that's the exact thing keeping the depression up and the people down. I know that because I've been in and out several times by now. That disease makes you think that nothing ever gets better and everything is just bad and it's just bad luck because you got depressed and thus nothing will ever work out again. Sorry, but that's wrong.
@@Sestaak My bad, I misworded that, should have said people that aren't depressed to the point where they're ready to bite the dust. Things can always get better, but for some people it'll never be good enough and that's just how it is
If you aren't getting at least a mildly intense dopamine reward from exercise you're either 1. not goal setting and tracking progress. 2. your form exercise has a small margin for progression 3. not sweating enough or really pushing yourself (endorphin central from saunas) 4. gamifying your damn goals !
Whether or not youre getting the dopamine reward from exercise isn't usually the issue. It's the idea that you had to put in so much uncomfortable effort to get that reward when there are so many other easier ways to get that reward that's actually fun, simple and addictive. Even if the exercise itself was kinda fun, it's still going to be a lot of effort. When people eventually think of exercise after a few weeks or months, you don't think of the reward, you think "ahh shit I have to go exert all of this energy doing this crap". The boost doesnt feel worth it in comparison. It's like the boost is nice but it isn't even slightly equal to the strain you put your body through. Which is where Dr K is right. Waiting for the "pain" to stop is an easy way to stop working out because the balance isn't there. I wake up for the gym and I can't think of the dopamine hit post workout because I can lay in bed all day and get that high without the effort.
But what is the reward? Health? That is a long-run reward and it’s not that noticeable. Getting jacked? Not really interested. You know what I recently have been interested a lot in? Music. I am trying to learn how to play the Electric Bass and it gives me genuine pleasure because It’s something I like. Working out just isn’t something fun and not because learning how to play an instrument doesn’t require blood, sweat and tears. I just won’t be as compelled to exercise because it’s not as interesting as learning music or playing videogames or watching anime. I also learn Japanese because I really like things from Japan and it was a struggle for quite some time. I clearly have the motivation if it’s something that interests me bit otherwise I just don’t ser the point
What a beautiful talk on why we need less not more to tackle our modern problems. I went through the journey of boredom coming out of highschool. For years I only played WoW and watched porn, and felt wretched socializing or doing good things for my self. I found the path of boredom was easier, I learned to find the subtle joy in it, when I listed to my heart area where my values, true interests, good intentions, and "soul" reside. Best of boredom to all the fellow gamers out there!
Boredom is probably the true fear that's stopping me from job-hunting. That, and the feeling that doing what I like over politics, medicine or activism (which I didn't choose) will be a colossal waste of time no matter how well I do.
@@jonlarge4283 In short, anything that's only self-serving and doesn't help my family/my village/my country/my society/humanity as a whole. I know that's an f-ed up way of thinking.
@@destroyerinazuma96 Any way of thinking can be f-ed up if taken to extremes. Selflessness is no bad thing but it sounds like you're saying you think anything that isn't selfless is a waste of time, but also in your first message it seems that you're saying that there's some conflict between wanting to do things that you like and feeling a need to instead be selfless? TH-cam comments probably isn't the place for life advice, i've just known a few people be selfless to the point of it being exploited by others, and knew a girl that poured so much of herself into what she thought she "should" or "needed" to be doing that it became detrimental to herself. This might not be relevant to you, maybe you're talking exclusively to do with professions. I don't know enough, it just struck a chord. Just uh, time spent to keep yourself fit and healthy whether that's physically, mentally or emotionally, whatever form that takes, is very rarely a waste of time. Stay true to yourself buddy.
The trickiest thing for me with TH-cam is that it actually serves me things that are intellectual, philosophical (like your content) and has good amount of knowledge (coding and stuff), along with Let's Plays and Marvel theories but that's a small amount. This actually makes me feel good about myself but I know I'd rather put that knowledge to practice (coding) than just watch that stuff. I guess my real problem is then.. procrastination? And when I try to put it to practice, I get mentally exhausted/demotivated within an 1 or 1.5 hours if I get stuck on some bug and can't find it. How do I keep this working state going for hours on end? Otherwise I can't get things done in time.
Thank you, Dr. K. This was one of your best videos. I had this realization a few years ago and it was monumental for me. I hope this find the people who need to hear it.
For me what worked was getting a bunch of hobbies, I make music, program, blog, workout, walk, practice a language I'm learning just about every day. I'll even read every so often and I'll hang out with and talk to friends constantly. Yeah, they aren't as "fun" as youtube/porn/games, but the fulfillment and positive energy I feel are worth it. It's strange really, it's almost like the "fun" I feel from youtube/porn/games is hollow. It feels like a weak version of getting high really. They're fun in doses but experiencing them constantly doesn't actually make me happy. Creating and taking care of myself, working towards goals, and such is much more fulfilling. It feels good and it's fun in its own way. And If I'm being completely honest I experience the same kind of dopamine rush making a project I'm passionate about as I do when I'm consuming media, except I feel good and satisfied after I finish. This is where I kind of disagree with Dr. K, at least in my own personal experience, I feel like the boredom-pain did go away once I got passionate about what I was doing. And if I feel like I've worked enough on one thing, then I do what this person already does. You switch between youtube, porn, and games when you get tired of one. Well, I switch to a different task, in order to break it up. You could theoretically Make it art, walking, talking to friends or art, reading, gym or art, podcast, learn a language. Worth a try, it may not work for everyone, but it really helped me and where I'm at in life. (EDIT): changed from second person to first person, spelling errors
I've done the hobby thing with creative writing, practicing a language, and picking up art. I do those literally every day, at least a little bit. None of that gave me a more positive outlook on life. Sometimes I get the happy chemicals in my brain from doing those things but most of the time I just don't actually want to do them. I do them anyway out of habit, because they're ingrained in me, but I have not seen any more of a noticeable shift to a "healthier" mindset.
ive recently found a way to kind of break free from this cycle (that works for me) and that was seeing video games as a thing to just fill in that void in your heart and is nothing but that, so whenever i play now, i regret doing it, knowing i could be doing so much more. But i think what really pushed me to see games this way was because i convinced myself that i would be dead if i don't get a job, if i don't work, ill be a piece of shit that'll drag people down so that sense of urgency is probably whats pushing me. also accepting the fact that in order to do anything in life, to get anywhere in life, i need to go through hard work, which is a pain, but that's what it takes.
The way I think of it is this: Only when I do what I have to do (work, meditate, practice whatever) can I enjoy leisure (games, reading, etc). I can't just enjoy forever playing videogames or reading the whole day, it just does not happen, I have to work and then enjoy.
bit of a vent, i've struggled such a long time with this. I know exactly what i should be doing but the thought of doing them drives me to youtube, checking socials, binge eating, etc. i cant tell you how many hours ive blown spending entire days just watching youtube. im in a rut at the moment but doing what i can to try and get out of it. for too long ive tried this idea of setting healthy limits, i think i need to try fully abstaining for at least a month to do a solid reset. i feel like an addict (i probably am one) constantly being pulled into the things that only make me more and more miserable as times goes on. sending thoughts and vibes to anyone else feeling like this, itll be hard af to come out on the other side but im hopeful that i can do it
*"What do you want out of life?"* For it to be over already, I hate it here. Honestly at this point in my life I'm completely apathetic to really changing anything. I don't really have a huge desire to "do something" with my life. I don't want for a lot of things. I don't have dreams or real passions or hopes. I don't want to go out and "live life to its fullest". I have no desire to just hit the gym brah, just talk to chicks brah. Nietzschean platitudes about embracing the pain and becoming an overman don't really resonate with me at all. Maybe at one time they did, but not any longer. I think I've actually just crossed a rubicon into complete degeneracy and I'm okay with it. The only thing that has really helped me, actually given me a measure of peace of mind, is realizing that free will doesn't exist, and the universe is either predetermined or completely random, neither of which allow someone to be free to author their own life. So whatever happens with my life is out of my control. No need to worry excessively over it. Whatever happens, happens. Que sera, sera.
ouch... this resonates a lot with me 12:40 Expecting "boring" things to be as exciting as "fun" things are a big delusion. A delusion that I fell for not so long ago. Essentially, you have to embrace that what will make you happy and fulfilled *DOES NOT* feel good in the moment, but has the potential to satisfy you long-term.
This video actually depresses me because it makes me realize that life is simply boring and depressing, idk how the hell you guys manage to find life beautiful when the things that are supposed to be good aren't fun at all like vidya. I just don't care about having anything considered good and all these things like vidya etc are boring to me even tho i keep chasing them for the dopamine hit that never hits. This fucking sucks, i can't manage to find a way to function properly, i wish i could just live in a world of my own, that would solve everything but that's fucking impossible i beg you guyd what the fuck should i do
Dr K I'm procrastinating on YT instead of doing my liberal arts class homework (I'm a STEM major so this stuff is agonizing to me), but you're right. I need to stop wasting time on YT and video games and get this shit done. Thanks for the help. I needed that kick in the ass.
I like to think of "the pain" as weights in weightlifting. You never want the weights you're lifting to feel comfortable, otherwise you won't see any growth. You have to keep making yourself uncomfortable to grow and become a better person, and when you get comfortable, add more "pain". This doesn't mean burn bridges or create sadness in your life, but it means pushing your limits as far as what you're capable of doing.
Honestly, between a year of no video games vs. non-stop video games, it's hard to tell which would hurt me more, until I think about the long-term consequences. Going without the pleasure of games sucks, but I've found that it's nowhere near as painful as my life of suppressing inner shame built from my lack of accomplishments, the thoughts of how I'm going to get older without doing anything that matters, that I'll be on my deathbed having nothing to remember doing, no one to have spent time with, the idea that I have a chance to help someone in this world, anyone. I think about all of the ways this world is falling apart, many of which are beyond my control but some of which I could help with if I'd just dedicated myself to more research. If I fail at some or even all of my tasks, my biggest dharmas, I could potentially grieve that loss, though it'd be hard. If I sat back and waited, or never even tried, I'd never forgive myself. I'd be carrying that guilt to my grave. Yes, video games are pleasurable, but even the biggest hits of dopamine get hollowed by the guilt of running away from what I'm supposed to do. (At least, that's how it is for me.)
I really struggle with breaking away from these dopanimergic activities after a day of working my job. Paradoxically, on my days off, I can get shit done in my life, but when I'm tired after a day of work, I come home, have a quick nap, and spend the evening buried in TH-cam.
Dr. K beschreibt eine Person, die in einem Zyklus von dopaminergen Aktivitäten wie dem Konsum von Pornographie, Videospielen und TH-cam gefangen ist und Schwierigkeiten hat, sich für andere gesunde Aktivitäten zu motivieren. Die praktischen Implikationen, die sich aus dem Text ergeben, sind wie folgt: 1. Überprüfen der Erwartungen: Die Person sollte ihre Erwartungen an andere Aktivitäten überdenken. Wenn sie davon ausgeht, dass diese Aktivitäten die gleiche sofortige Befriedigung und Dopaminfreisetzung wie ihre bevorzugten Aktivitäten bieten, wird sie wahrscheinlich enttäuscht sein. Es ist wichtig zu akzeptieren, dass verschiedene Aktivitäten unterschiedliche Arten von Freude und Erfüllung bieten. 2. Anerkennen der Unbequemlichkeit: Die Person sollte sich bewusst sein, dass es unangenehm sein kann, aus dem dopaminergen Zyklus auszusteigen. Es ist normal, dass andere Aktivitäten anfangs nicht so befriedigend erscheinen. Es erfordert Zeit und Geduld, um eine neue Perspektive zu entwickeln und Freude an anderen gesunden Aktivitäten zu finden. 3. Reframing der Motivation: Die Person sollte ihre Motivation hinterfragen und verstehen, dass sie tatsächlich hochmotiviert ist, aber ihre Motivation in die falsche Richtung gelenkt ist. Es ist wichtig, die eigenen Werte und Ziele zu identifizieren und sich bewusst zu entscheiden, welche Art von Leben man führen möchte. Es geht darum, langfristige Zufriedenheit und Erfüllung zu wählen, anstatt sich von kurzfristigen Dopaminhöhen leiten zu lassen. 4. Akzeptanz von Unannehmlichkeiten: Die Person sollte sich darauf einstellen, dass es Momente der Langeweile, Anstrengung und Frustration geben wird, wenn sie ihre Gewohnheiten ändert. Es ist wichtig, diese Unannehmlichkeiten zu akzeptieren und zu erkennen, dass sie Teil des Prozesses sind, um ein erfüllteres Leben zu erreichen. 5. Zielsetzung und Unterstützung: Es kann hilfreich sein, klare Ziele zu setzen und Unterstützung zu suchen, sei es durch Coaching, Selbsthilfegruppen oder den Austausch mit Menschen, die ähnliche Herausforderungen bewältigt haben. Der Prozess der Veränderung kann einfacher sein, wenn man sich mit anderen verbindet, die ähnliche Ziele verfolgen. Letztendlich geht es darum, bewusste Entscheidungen zu treffen und sich für ein Leben zu entscheiden, das auf langfristiger Erfüllung und persönlichem Wachstum basiert, anstatt sich von kurzfristigen Dopaminhöhen abhängig zu machen. Dies erfordert Geduld, Selbstreflexion und die Bereitschaft, Unannehmlichkeiten zu akzeptieren, um langfristiges Glück und Erfüllung zu erreichen.
On the expectations thing - A lot of self improvement content does basically say "Stuff will be just as fun as the unhealthy dopaminurgic stuff if you just avoid the bad stuff for long enough"
wow I am in a very similar situation (compared to the redditpost), but my life is going up right now. Depression is not so strong but I am behind in university and I could drop out after failing this one test (last chance) But recently I got very motivated by the fact that new relationships arised and that I have overall a very supportive group of friends. Next time I meet a friend of mine from school and ask her out, because I realised that I might like her more than just a friend. I am gonna need to escape this hedonistic lifestyle of mine... damn corona this pandemic only increased this hedonistic lifestyle...
Actually this may be me but I can cook in any state anytime and never feel like I don’t want to. It’s just so relaxing and the food at the end is always worth it.
True, there are also people who live hiking, myself included. I will always say yes when someone invites me to a hike. But the difference is that even though it is fun, it's not really addictive, not in the way online games or drugs can be.
That's what I also realized. Some people keep calling me lazy. I'm just extremely motivated at wrong things in life. After doing those activities I don't have any energy for anything else.
When the goal changes from dopamine reward to overcoming, enduring and letting go of everyday problems, then it gets easier. It's better when we can observe the situation instead of getting emotional about it. I think I get a dopamine boost when I look back at what I overcame earlier that day.
The most crippling thing for me is music. I can't put it away: i have like a million songs for each and every type of mood/activity. For example, if I'm not listening to music while working, my brain is like that squirrel in Over The Hedge cartoon - it's just twitching all over the place, saying 'gimme, gimme, gimme! Gimme tunes, melody, something!' It's like a drug addicts type of thing. And if i put up something, like synthwave, my brain lets go of the strain, and i can work alright.
Currently struggling with this cycle. Being aware is part of the solution but also the detrimental behaviors - I relapse quickly as opposed to having drawn out bouts of change. It takes moments, I wish I was able to commit to full days.
First accept that life is suffering, then decide to accept that suffering in your life. Don't run away from the pain embrace it. Yes, it hurts, and no one has ever escaped the pain. But we can learn to live with it, and make valuable choices despite the pain we are in.
@@nootics My mistake. I did not think of that. I think that you can't just end your pain, because if you end your own pain all you're really doing is adding to the pain of those that know you and those that love you.
I get immense pleasure and dopamine from exercise. I do parkour specifically and learning a new trick or sticking a challenge is incredible rewarding. Even weightlifting like deadlifts and calisthenics feel incredible.
I think this is misleading. You can learn to enjoy or at least get used to some other activities (not all though) and abstaining from dopamine also reduces the craving for it. I think the main takeaway from the video should be that there is no magic switch that will make packing your gym bag as "fun" as a heroine injection, so you should stop looking for one.
5:15 I thinks I really needed someone totally outside of my life to hear it because it seem I Always make other feel ashamed to say The truth when it come to this, because they have their espectation and the idea that the response to this is "yes" dismiss them.
After a while it is more about fear of putting months of work in and not getting results. Anxiety on the wrong things completely destroys motivation to do anything.
As someone that started listening to audiobooks last year about self improvement, mindset, and finance I can say it absolutely became fun and I will end gaming sessions earlier so I can get more listening time in before bed
One thing that has helped me alot is realizing that it's always easier to choose to not "just check your phone" or "just playing a League game" than it is to stop when you have started. The weird part about this is that it doesn't feel that way, but the reason for that is that it feels harder to fight the urge to be stimulated than to stop the activity, because once you've started you already surrendered, and your brain doesn't want to do anything else.
Absolutely! Dr. K has called this "boarding the dopamine train", because there is no stopping it once you've boarded it and even if you do manage to stop your focus and motivation to do anything else is gone for the rest of the day. He talked about this and related topics in-depth in "Why Do You Only Get Motivated After Midnight?" video, it was quite insightful for me.
I find this phenomenon quite often when making a "gaming break" when working or doing other stuff. Let's say I stop working for lunch and then I decide to play for 30 minutes to cope and decompress. If it isn't compulsory to return to work I'll cheat the 30 minute easily and go for +1 hour. Sometimes is fine because the game will generate enough satisfaction in that short time period. But often times I'll feel the urge to complete a task or I will get engaged because the game is getting interesting.
I want to enjoy videogames with some regularity but probably most of us need a "hardening" our discipline stage or a dopamine detox which is so trendy nowadays
Yeah, you're already getting lots of positive feedback if you're doing the thing. You get some positive feedback thinking about doing the thing, but actually doing it?
Wait I'm at work I have to put my phone away
Also, with ADHD the perseveration makes it worse
This is so true. It feels like any time you boot up a video game, or open up hornpub, it makes it harder to resist the following time.
I appreciate that Dr. K can be both extremely compassionate, and also is able to call people on their bullshit.
Good comment. These two qualities in him, combined with his obvious competence, are what makes me appreciate him and his content so much
the way he does it is still with compassion a lot of the time. it's nice
It feels like the situation is a bit questionably framed, though. It's not like they're bullshitting because they're intentionally trying to get out of something or defend themselves from something; they're being inconsistent or inaccurate because they haven't learned how to be aware of the things going on in their own heads. It's good that Dr. K is teaching them, but the process of "they're bullshitting and need to be called out" might not be the best way of doing so.
A bit of advice from a 31 year old, who takes ages to learn anything, and typically very resistant to making an effort, but has set out to do things I want to do. So if you're like me; this might help.
1) You have time! Most of you are young and its fine to feel stuck, life is overwhelming and this is just a mechanism to protect you. If you're not so young, starting now is great - you're old enough to have experience in life, but young enough to make changes, bit like me.
2) Take things in tiny steps. You dont have to "go hard or go home", more go at a pace you're comfortable with cus its 100% better than nothing. You'll get comfortable with stage 1, then you're ready for stage 2. Even take start by focusing on one thing at a time. If you want to exercise, and learn to cook, and learn a new skill, spend a month JUST focusing on exercise, however small. Then slowly incorporate the other activities.
3) Simplify what you want to learn! Masters at anything, sports, cooking, art, math and of course gaming- they all know how to simplify complex things, which is why they can process more than an amateur. Everything has basic steps - and those carry over to everything!
3-advice is so golden
Decent advice. Better go for the soft limit and extend it than go against the hard limit.
This is oddly motivating. The second bit of advice especially. It puts things in much smaller perspective and more achievable and applicable. I hope this carries on to tomorrow and onward as it's late at night for me now.
Advice number 3 blows my mind. Never thought of it that way.
I'm also 31 and I have definitely learned the hard way to take the slow and steady approach. When you first start working to get your life together it's easy to get all hyped and want to completely overhaul your entire being. You want to eat healthy so you by all these fruits and veggies, etc.; you want to get ripped so you decide to hit the gym 4 days a week; you want to learn an instrument so you go buy a guitar and sign up for lessons; and the list goes on. The thing is that excitement you have in the beginning is short lived and when you try to change everything all at once you end up burning yourself out real fast. Changing your life is a lifelong endeavor, and you have to approach it as such. Slow and steady wins the race, go too fast and you burn out and give up. Take is slow, work on one or two things at a time, and eventually (we're talking years here, sorry to burst your bubble) you will find that you are making significant strides in living the life you envision for yourself.
I never looked at it as if I was motivated to destroy my life. In fact, that makes total sense. I was raised to destroy my dreams to be financially stable. I lived my life destroying my life.
Dopamine was my only coping mechanism to deal with the awful shit my parents put me through. All that dopamine chasing was "approved" by them, because it kept me away from people, who "could have been a bad influence."
Recently, I've been able to catch myself playing video games and ask myself "where is this going? Is this what you want?"
The answer is always no. "No, I don't actually want to play Path of Exile for 94 hours in the past two weeks." 1000+ hours in that game, and I've yet to kill Sirus or Elder, etc. I don't want to. I just wanted to be distracted from life.
But at the same time, the answer is also "No, I don't want to struggle anymore." I've struggled my whole life. One trauma after another. Yet, I'm starting to realize many of those struggles were never my own. They were more often the extension of someone else's struggle that I let into my life.
I'm not good at fighting for myself. I was told that struggling for my own goals wasn't worth it. I was made fun of for it. I was ashamed for having aspirations for myself. I wanted to write stories, music, opinions, etc. "But it doesn't make money. It's pointless."
I'm slowly getting there. That desire to embrace MY struggle. To embrace MY pain. I want my life, I want my goals, I don't want security for the sake of it. I want feel like my life was worth something to me, and mean something to me.
Maybe if I can do this, I can make people feel the same why art has made me feel. Connected to something beyond myself, and in those moments... I feel a sense of hope for living. Maybe it's fucking lofty to say "I want to give people hope" but... I do.
Feeling you, keep going!
same, i always put my dreams over somebody else, put what i interest the most for the sake of my mother and my sister, which is just now i realize they are narc, while im losing hope here everyday loath crying all they do are blaming, criticizing, and hating when i just need for emotional support, everytime im being vunerable, they always gaslit me, it make traumatize and confuse, it's like living with people who want you down, hating, and happy when you depressed....
im living in constant high stress, i always have to read what they need the most, obsessing and ruminating, what they gonna do if I'd do this and that, confusing and stressful.....
over reacting while they gaslit if i try to engage with their lies and their wrong....
they never change, altough i realize this on cognitive level, is still hard to be reciprocate my self around them, cause i was raised this way, to be a scapegoat....
I thank this comment for also connecting me to your sentiments.
I, too want to give hope, but still find mental pain extremely hard to endure.
But just as the giants fall the hardest, the bigger climbs also make for the most satisfying ones, *and I will win!*
i feel & relate to you, 1:1
Learn how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. The pain doesn’t go away but you learn how to live with it. That’s some wisdom handed down to me from a much older gentleman. I use it as motivation when I’m trying to overcome a difficult thing that can take weeks or months to do. It’s just another training arc that will make the next thing possible.
Did you learn how to do this? Does your life now predominantly consist of constant pain that you’re comfortable with?
@@paradise745I assume you are comfortable with the pain of not doing heroine (a drug addict won’t tolerate your daily life)
Actually those activities are not neceserarily more rewarding, but they give you a very quick dopamine hit. I got this from an ADHD book "In this state you don’t consciously know if you are happy or not, which is just as good as being happy, if not better, because you are not wasting energy on self assessment."
I used to find books boring, but all I needed to fall in love with them is to first of all select ones that interest me and listen to them sped up and don't hesitate to put them down if they suck. In the past 2-3 years I went from having read about 20-30 books, to like 200.
What's the title of the ADHD book if I may ask? :)
@@moony7093 also very interested
The one thing that school pushes people to believe is that you should slog through books you don't enjoy. Sure, maybe you have a project where reading is just a took, like research, but mostly that's a load of Bull.
What's the title!
Title?
"Seek freedom and become a captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty" - The Bene Gesserit Coda (from Dune)
To be honest, and correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like you do get over it somewhat.
At least in two activities that I perform: exercise and writing.
If you can get in the zone, especially when starting out a new story, you absolutely feel motivated to do this more than anything. You feel like you can write all day, and you hate it when something distracts you.
If it's not dopamine, I don't know what is.
But the big difference is that it takes a lot of effort to continuously find yourself in this place. It's much harder than just opening a TH-cam page. That's why a lot of writers struggle with inspiration.
Second activity is exercise. At first it's very hard and I personally can't keep it up for long. But if I do exercise consistently for a month, I start getting really motivated during the workout sessions. It's still very hard to start them, but while I'm exercising, I feel as good, if not better, than during gaming/TH-cam. Especially if I get to do some complex activities such as dancing, fencing or rock climbing.
I do believe that this is effect of dopamine.
The only difference I think is the ease of getting into that state.
It's easy to start destructive dopamine-inducing behaviour, but it's hard to get into the real life productive counterparts.
But I do believe that there is not only meaning, but also real joy in things that feel dull and boring at first.
Its only life destruction if you choose to feel that way. I don't feel shame or like that at all. And I choose the path of least pain. I follow the likes of Arthur Schopenhauer
I think because in youtube it was faster cycle of dopamine (anticipation - reward). It even faster for tiktok, where writing and exercise, the reward is slower, and the anticipation for something new is little hard. so it hard to keep up that flow state
The difference is in anticipation of the reward, if understood Dr. K’s argument correctly. You don’t enjoy writing in the moment (especially when you’re frustrated and want to tear your hair apart), but you know that by the end you’ll get that rush of happiness.
He's mentioned in the past that the brain likes two things, Entertainment and being in the flow state.
When dealing with the dopamine, I like to think that even if things are going to be less fun in the present, I will be more proud of myself and my past.
Hamza fan?
That's exactly the opposite of what he's saying. You're thinking you will get dopamine later on after you do the boring shit. But he's saying you will never get dopamine again. Choosing this path of hardship will forever be painful.
@@bigmandem01 The key is to limit the dopamine. I also think they are healthier ways to get your necessary dopamine fix like working out and listening to good music as opposed to p0rn, gaming, drugs, etc.
@@heehokuzunoha7757 Yeah for sure I think a balance can definitely be had. You can play video games and have a fulfilling life. Though I'm not so sure you get dopamine from working out. Working out feels like shit for the most part.
@@bigmandem01 There's an endorphin rush that comes afterwards but the dopamine factor is in knowing that you worked out, not working out itself.
incredible. this is the exact problem and path that i am taking to slowly get out of it. seeing it laid out like this is so validating and makes me so grateful for all the damn hard work that i feel like i have been putting into it. plus i can share this with others so hopefully they understand what the hell i'm going through. thank you dr k and team from the bottom of my heart
I used to feel like I never got that dopamine rush from doing healthy & satisfying things, then I learned that I have ADHD and autism, so my dopamine receptors are messed up to start with - I'll never feel completely satisfied from anything. I just keep going and going until I hopefully feel something, but that's just not how my brain works. I have to constantly check myself to make sure I'm treating myself nicely by giving myself both time to be productive and time to zone out with video games.
Also I figured out I was trans, and after being on hormones, I totally lost interest in porn and hardcore gaming, so now I have plenty of time to do the things I love.
I'm easily 10x as productive now. Solid advice in this video!
Same here. Since I started to quit bad habits and make my life worth living I keep thinking "why is this so hard" and "will it always stay this way". The good thing is though that thinking about going back and doing things like I used to became so unacceptable to me that I remind myself that this is no alternative anymore because I know how damn unhappy I was, leaving me no other choice than to keep working no matter how long it takes.
As a wise lyricist once said:
"This is only the start
Of something which never ends or gets less hard
Yet every part will be worth it in moments
When you look back and seen how much you've grown into what you are
And the memories blot each page
Demarcations of the ways you've aged
Not all of which you wanted to see, but without each of which you could not be
And even as your heart breaks
Taking tallies of all mistakes you can say
At the very least you weren't afraid to try to make something"
Bruh this is stellar.
This made me feel things.
Was not expecting to see Trial of the Golden Witch in Healthy Gamer's comment section. That whole album fucking rocks.
"wise"
It is our natural inclination - it takes extraordinary effort to swim against the stream
Free from desire you see the mystery and how the world truly works, caught in desire you see only the manifestations.
Homeostasis is a b*tch too.
I absolutely agree. It's not about "how badly do you want to break the dopamine cycle?", but instead coming to terms with the fact that it will be tough... and inspite of that, choosing to take the steps to break the cycle.
Kinda like salmon swimming upstream; it's certainly not the easiest or most convenient path, but at their core they know that crossing that hurdle will allow them to lay their eggs in a better place (just an analogy)
Calling it natural misses the dual problem of society who creates creates and enables disfunctinoal behavior and the individual which engages and feeds the cycle. Be careful about your rhetoric if you try to discribe a problem otherwise you might miss the point and therefore solution. In this case effort is the wrong approach it is quite the opposite patients, humility and consciousness are the values that help you get over addiction. As soon as you build an ego out of your attempt to free yourself it falls over from the next gust of wind. Been trough relapses with modern problems for years treat it like a real addiction otherwise you won't make it have the courage to addmit hopelessness this way you can find something in you that can free you. It is not what you think it is. LITERALLY.
I don't fully agree. I think Dr. K said something to the effect of 'doing what you have to/ want to do is not hard'.
Like, we may imagine the boredom and the pain as really hard, unbearable. But actually, once we really understand what we get by enduring the boredom and pain, it will be easy. Once we really get that the hard choice is the right choice to pick, it will take no effort to do what our mind recognizes is right.
It's reframing that being a motivated person is not 'hard', the way society frames it is. It's not a daily struggle.
I actually think framing as 'it will always be effortful' is a bit harmful. At least, for me it was. Do I want a life in which I fight against myself every day? Hell no.
But (and I speak from experience) this fight doesn't exist, at least not in the long run.
Accepting that the right path will be endlessly painful and boring seems really risky. I'm reminded of that learned helplessness experiment, i.e. groups of dogs being shocked and the group that didn't have a way to stop them later gave up and simply lied down during any future, stoppable ones. However, I imagine that not being able to provide for my family, friends and loved ones when they'll need it would be indescribably more painful than whatever in-the-moment discomfort I'm experiencing, and getting past that discomfort gets me closer to being of more help. Even speaking as a loner, it's worth admitting and leveraging our built-in social, familial, communal instincts. Good luck everyone
Yeah it's a difficult choice. Endless pain and boredom for the mind eventually destroys the soul, so then are the "rewards" even worth it at that point?
I think this could be a dangerously misleading wording of it, for it won't be painful and boring for very long. This is something he leaves out for some reason.
@@MiketheNerdRanger Good point, agreed!
keep in mind that acceptance and helplessness are not the same thing. tbh, I don't think that the dogs experiment degree of pain and its properties are what really happens in real-life situations. I really want to share a lot of thoughts with you but i have many of them. I encourage you to see things from a different perspective.
One of the things my therapist asked me was what my day consisted of. It was actually a good question.
My chiropractor asked me this same question and I was like" uuuuhhh, which day." Seriously, which of my bipolar points are we talking about.
On one hand I agree with what he's saying, on the other I think we need to consider other factors that might be at play, like medical factors. About 2 years ago I made a choice to stay off drugs and other bad habits that were a constant quick supply of dopamine hits, since then I had to make the decision to live a harder life, but a more fulfilling life, I had to start exercising, eating healthier, taking up other hobbies and doing things with my life that were more "worth" it but more painful. I was able to do it for a long time until one day I just lost all motivation not knowing why and reverted back to easy dopamine hits, video games, youtube, things I could easily access without having to be motivated. I actually tried to get back on track but its like I was unable to do it again. Later it turned out my vitamin b12 levels were low and I had a high cholesterol, both causing extreme fatigue which manifested itself in lack of motivation and pursuing simple pleasures and easy, effortless dopamine hits. Had I not figured that out I would've probably kept going without addressing it, sticking to youtube, video games and all the stuff that doesn't require motivation. There are two sides to this, psychological and medical. I don't advise self medicating, but going to a doctor and getting yourself tested would at least help you understand where the problem is and how to address it.
You're right. In fact, he actually did a lecture on this topic, the video is called "You Need To Get Tested", of which he spoke about some symptoms that are commonly labeled as mental health issues, but in reality many of them could also be caused by physical health problems, he even mentions B12 deficiency.
Vitamin D deficiency is also a possibility. Most Americans are deficient in Vitamin D and don’t know it. Your doctor can run a blood test to determine if you’re deficient.
“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.”
- Dr. Gabor Maté
It took me a decade to learn this lesson. You've got to learn to embrace the suck. You've got to learn to embrace the discomfort and pain that is a part of life. Porn and video games and scrolling through social media are all escapes. They are how you run from all those negative emotions you're terrified of feeling. The point of abstinence from these things is not to no longer feel those negative emotions, but quite the opposite, it's to stop numbing yourself from your emotions. The thing is, numbing goes both ways, you numb the positive when you numb the negative. So while you must feel the full force of your negative emotions it opens the gate to fully feeling your positive ones as well.
12:37 FFS I WAS LITERALLY THINKING THIS YESTERDAY. Ok so, I was drawing, went to get food, and when I came back, all my drawings looked crooked and I hated them all. I hated all my art within half an hour of creating it. And on that page, I signed and made a note that said basically smth like "the fact that I already see all the mistakes shows that I am improving. So I'll learn to take comfort in the knowledge that this pain is proof of my progress". Really glad I stumbled upon this video, lots of useful stuff here
It was really hard for me to learn I had to accept dealing with negative emotions instead of just pushing them aside. But it does get easier (though progress isn't always linear and I'm still learning/improving). Being able to acknowledge that something is hard and still work through it makes me feel strong.
also oof that quote at 11:15 "You can watch TH-cam as much you want to inform yourself about things that are neat instead of actually doing something in the world. You can learn about what other people are doing as much as you want to. It's never going to fix the hole of not having done anything yourself."
As of late, breaking my habits and performing better in my day to day has been just as fruitful, if not moreso than falling into repetitive dopamine hits.
i dont understand, could you explain , again?
@@rituraj-503 I don't want to speak for Clyde here, but I feel similarly so maybe I can clear it up so you understand.
I have spent over 10 years being very addicted to videogames, as well as picking up some other addictions along the way like porn (thankfully relatively briefly) and smoking weed.
Recently I've been going to therapy, talking with my coaches and my mom to actually get my life together, and now I'm starting to be able to do things like exercise and clean up. not because someone else expected it of me and I felt REQUIRED to do it; but because I WANT to.
Specifically I feel great when I exercise because I'm finally working on actually improving my body, and I am also using some of my energy, rather than just sitting in a chair all day.
@@rituraj-503 I'm 24, and have had my own PC since 1999. Two decades of figuratively using a hydraulic press on the dopamine button. Nothing in my life has been more difficult than wrestling myself out of this, and with how much of a detriment the degenerate desensitized early netizen lifestyle and imageboard culture has been to me, well... rewarding doesn't come close to describing the feeling of acting in accordance with *my* character, and no longer feeding the looping self-sabotage machine.
Also, keep in mind that the initial changes in habit and behavior may not seem like they're improving. Going from waking up and immediately gaming, getting stuck in a loop of trying to satisfy that dopamine craving that never ultimately comes versus waking up and making your bed, showering, playing for an hour or two then getting out and about seems like the ball gets rolling really well, but maybe the next day showering gets put off until later, or things get delayed because we bargained with ourself thinking "okay... three more matches then I'll go look for jobs..". Don't let it discourage you. The awareness of it will steer the mind in the right direction the next time it arises. Ultimately though it depends what you want.
Sorry that was so all over the place, a lot of this is stuff I'm still compartmentalizing.
same
@@kirsty_yamaha thanks for sharing your experience, I'm trying to start my journey of getting over the gaming and TH-cam addiction but just really struggling with it, coming up with an end number of excuses to just keep on continuing with my routine but when I hear about people getting over their addiction, gives me a little more drive to fix it, and hopefully i can act upon it too xD
As a heroin addict, this truly spoke to me... Thank you so much for all the work you're doing!
Heroin is pretty much the ultimate example of this concept, orders of magnitude stronger than videogames. Gl with your journey to sobriety, one day youll look back and consider this one of the best things youve ever done :)
@@cc1drt Thank you for the encouragement! Although honestly, videogames were much more addicitve and damaging than heroin in my case lol (only because I was younger). Thank God I had experience overcoming addiction by the time I even began using, or it would have been much worse.
@@freshrockpapa-e7799 Yep. You run out of money, opiates, opportunities or your own physical health, so you get an interruption; a crash and maybe a chance: but video games will caress you forever.
@@saulg00dman_ what?
I have come back to this video many times, it really had a big impact on me. Thank you dr. K
I've been trying to spend less time online, and it made me realize I have no idea what I truly want to do. The tricky thing about getting off the dopamine treadmill is it's hard to tell which things are truly boring/uninteresting to you, and which things just feel boring now but you might enjoy more in the future.
I think I have to accept the fact of doing good things it's hard, but when the work it's done you perfectly can do dopaminergic stuff, just a little and keeping working on what you care.
Thanks for posting these videos, Dr. K. I appreciate the AOE. It's truly impacted my life in a positive way.
The content recently has been amazing, keep it up. If I may suggest something, I'd like to see more interviews, but perhaps short-form ones with random viewers? Just an idea.
Hahahaha I love how chat is divided between ''Haha sigma male'' and ''Oh god, he's doomed.''
I mean, it does end eventually…
This really is a top tier reframing. I have watched previous videos about motivation, but reframing feeling unmotivated as an orientation problem couples really well with previous observations that motivation is a well and certain activities dip very deeply into it.
It’s fascinating how wisdom unfolds in different ways in your content over time.
It does end but starting this path with such “when does it end” perspective in mind will make it so much harder for you to eventually feel the gratification that comes with going the rough way
Recently my therapist has been pushing me towards thinking what I am really hiding behind the question "why I don't want to change?", i.e. what I am avoiding to look at. Every time I come to a session I either say how bad my gaming/porn/tech addiction is and how I really want to quit it, or I go on about how I understand the things I SHOULD do but never come to doing them. This video has helped me realise there is indeed a huge motivation to keep on playing games (and chasing quick dopamine in general) and the realisation of the real life choice actually being the crappy one is eye-opening. That's just what I needed to hear.
Also for people wondering if life is then only suffering if we choose the right path - technically true, BUT, some tips to feel joy:
- THE HARDEST PART: jumping over the intial cliff that is sucking VERY HARD at whatever you want to do.
(Imagine first timing LoL, you went 0/10/0 30cs, it took months until you got a positive KDA, obviously you won't feel positive feelings, the only way to improve is to brute force it, play what you want/follow your interests to keep your mind focused on the goal not the misery you have today) (you also didn't change your main/role every game, you stuck with 1 champ you REALLY LIKED)
- suffering is the only way to change things ("suffering" is also just a construct of the mind, notice the exact moment that you suffer and then try to not attach feelings or identity, think of yourself as a robot that WILL do it's job no matter what) (this is abstract, you cant understand it from 1 sentence)
- if you don't tryhard in the areas that interest you, you will only see the suffering, because its not worth it for the result you get (since you don't want it)
(imagine playing only supp in LoL instead of playing the champs you want only because they're better to gain elo at the moment *figuratively speaking* )
- if you don't have a balanced tryhard/life cycle you will burnout because, again, you only see the suffering
(make it a rule to split it 50/50 of tryharding and fun shit, DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THIS, you probably will, so please notice the next time you burn out why you did so)
-LOWER THE BAR TO THE LOWEST IT CAN GET. Here your ego will fight you, so you just have to accept sucking NOW for 2 months, because if you don't, you will suck for 6 months because you're just spinning your wheels in 1 place
( When you see someone bench 100kgs, but you can't despite "training for 3 years", you just haven't mastered all the details behind being able to bench 100kgs) (practically, lowering the bar looks something like this: if it works for others but for some reason not for you, the reason is exactly that you don't understand the even simpler subjects first.)
- All of this is basically to combine the part of your biggest desire and achieving flow state.
-By following your desires you will never burn out in the long run (because it SHOULD AND MUST be FUN). Know that if it isn't somewhat fun you will not stick for the long run. Also know that meaningful changes happen in >1 year.
After the tryharding you should do the fun stuff about your desires, it also counts as practice. (if it makes sense for your desires ofc)
Even if there isn't any fun at the moment (because you suck still), then find fun in other areas.
BUT MAKE SURE YOU DID YOUR TRYHARDING
THEN MAKE SURE TO ADD SOME SPICE IN YOUR LIFE AND DO SOMETHING FUN.
By achieving flow state you can assure yourself you did your job on the practical sense of tryharding everyday.
START YOUR SESSION WITH SOMETHING KINDA EASY (like, the thing you practiced yesterday)
THEN GO TO THE HARD STUFF FOR TODAY
THEN GIVE IT 10 TRIES/MINUTES UNTIL YOU GET THE "rusty" OFF OF YOU. (or to just actually grasp fully the thing you need to learn)
ONLY AFTER YOU GRASP IT FULLY, THEN YOU TRY SOMETHING VERY SLIGHTLY HARDER
!!!!!!! If you ignore this, you start immediately with something you suck at, you fail immediately too, your brain will go like "oh man, now I have to do this FOR 3 MORE HOURS" and you drop it.
!!!!!! If you have a small win first, then you fail, your brain will be like "well atleast I won something" or "well, I know it gets better" (notice its only positive, if it ain't positive thoughts, you're doing something wrong from all the above) (and I mean ALL)
!!!!!! you wonder how games are addicting? THE MMR SYSTEM AUTOMATICALLY LETS YOU ENTER FLOW STATE. If you're plat, the mmr system won't let you play againts challangers, neither bronze. This is exactly flow state. Just a bit harder to keep your interest and not overly hard to the point of giving up. Going into art/programming/business/working out, you will either overshoot or undershoot. Imagine wanting to make a riot splash art when you cant even make a proper face. Imagine wanting to bench 100kgs when you can't bench the bar.
END NOTE 1: this is all just a guidance in what to look for, you need to experience it yourself, you will overshoot and undershoot and it is in that "experience" that people talk about when you see others that "got their shit together". It takes time (took me a year to understand how to tryhard properly). Its like adding too much spice or too little spice in your cooking, only after 60 tries you get it perfect and FAST (at the start you will be very slow and you will just fail again lul). Only after ~100 tries you dont even need to follow the recipe or even measure the spice you're adding, you just guess and its perfect everytime. This is how progress looks like.
END NOTE 2: None of this will resonate with you if you don't even have a reason to stop wasting your life with games. That's a whole different game, there are no tips for that, it's only just straight up THINKING about it and random experiences that will give you a different take on life. (like seeing someone else that was trashy like you succeed in life)
I disagree. I'm happy with choosing the life of dopamine and I dont feel shame at all.
Very underrated comment. Thank you 😊 💓
As someone who has goals in life that requires a not so fun start, this was helpful in many ways. Half of me can settle for the life of dopamine, the other half is simply inducing suffering for being left alone 😔
Just like how Dr K has deconstructed the concept of motivation, I'd be interested to hear his thoughts on the concept of resilience. I think he's definitely talked about the practical steps on how to persevere without explicitly using the term "perseverance" across multiple videos of similar topics, like centering the mind on a direction, cultivating motivation, having something worth suffering for etc. But I feel like there's a little something that's still missing from the equation. Would love to hear some thoughts for those who have started on the path but find themselves slipping from time to time or need that extra push when other things don't seem to work.
If you want to better understand what motivation is from a scientific point of view and how you "build" resilience you can look up the self determination theory. That's what we teachers are using to try to help students build up what I think you mean by "perseverance". Basically every human needs 3 things in order to do stuff. Motivation is the "natural state" but if we sever one of those three prerequisites, it makes things harder (and our society is very good at severing them). The three keys are autonomy, competence and relation to other people. People who cannot persevere lack one or several of those things. For instance lack of self confidence is a big thing among students because our society puts a lot of negative focus on failures and mistakes while those things are a very crucial part of learning.
Dr. K you just made me realize the reason people tend to change their lives after having their lowest lows is because the motivation isn't even working for you anymore and you can lose feelings for those things so you start doing the other shit that is good for you because you will eventually get more for those things but that's why it's so easy for them to get back into the things that motivated them to begin with.
So what I heard was
Focus but don't say the bad things (you are what you eat just notice the shit you're doing)
Do shit you hate (fake it till you make it you are still you intill you are not so become the you you want to be and understand the old you [you are lonely sad and depressed but how is thinking about just reinforces so stop thinking about it])
Pick the shit you want stop complaining and JUST DO IT!
ACCEPT YOURSELF! LOVE YOURSELF!
thinking about it only hurts you
Some other related topics Dr. K touches on I think are important to this overall 'dopamine cycle' we all get into from time to time (maybe all the time, if you're like me):
Dharma - duty, working through and embracing suffering
Karma fel - planting seeds everyday, focusing on actions over results
Sangha - community: maintaining interest by immersing ourselves in groups of ppl with a common interest
Meditation and focus - developing a 'one-pointed- mind
Ayurveda doshas - framework for personality types; determining optimal workflow, etc.
Motivation, intent, goals, expectations - the coaching workshop videos are a really good resource
Shame and other negative emotions - teaching us how to process and become aware of them
Satya - the power of authenticity and honesty
Active challenges - taking on more to feel less overwhelmed
There's a lot more but these are some important ones that came to mind.
This hit me like a truck...thank you...for being courageous to say this to our face.
I'm currently on day 5 of my dopamine detox after watching this stream, as well as a few other older streams from Dr. K's twitch channel (I was in a consumption binge spiral). So far it's been both really great and relatively neutral. Almost immediately there was a complete 180 shift concerning my 3 biggest issues of not sleeping enough, eating unhealthily and not getting any exercise. I am still unsure of how it happened... but I am so happy that it did. Really looking forward to seeing what else I can accomplish by the time I complete the full 14 day cycle. I am currently working on creating again.
If you are reading this and think you may also have a dopamine addiction, I highly encourage you to try a detox --- I think there are a few other videos on this channel that talk more about it. Good luck!
TL;DR we must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey
ooo interesting take
This isn’t useful. Just nice thinking. Thinking and doing are two different things.
How?
Well, I'm not expecting all sunshine and daisies. But this doesnt mean I should accept that I will be extremely bored form these healthy activities for the rest of my life.
I feel like Dr. K didn't exactly target the question here. Nobody is having fun working out all the time but after a certain level, the satisfaction and benefits they get from it outweights the pain. So they can keep going. The very difficult part is getting to that level from the "no pleasure" level. That is what the question was about. The question wasn't "How do I get rid of the pain altogether?" I feel like he is saying "Just accept the pain bro."
yeah. like, he's saying just do it. strange how he talks about adhd then says stuff like this
What he was missing in my opinion was something along the line of you have to embrace the pain/boredom until you eventually see the reward coming out of the process, because it's slowly starting to outweigh the sacrifice you have made. And this thing in particular is very subjective and highly depends on what you expect and wish for, where your personal goal lies.
For example if you're overweight and want to lose weight, you will have to learn to endure the pain and lack of immediate return of pleasure like a bag of chips does or binge watching youtube clips. Changing dietry habits will suck, going out for a run every day will hurt, but if you want to achieve your goal of becoming thinner, you won't make it unless you embrace it and give sacrifices. Only when you endure it and look into the mirror again months later, you will slowly see changes and receive some kind of satisfactory feedback, because you notice your actions do something good which then again pleases your mind. Same goes for a book. You will have to give up time, need to learn to become patient and attentive to finish a book. Only when you've made it through, you will be able to contemplate about it and get slight gratification out of it. But it will never be as short-term reaction intense as a playlist of 1min youtube videos.
So yeah, I think embracing it is not wrong, but time and personal expectations are important factors, which will eventually brings us back to the whole instant gratification vs. delayed gratification thing.
@@markrutte5637 I don't think its strange, thats just how it is, just do it bro, theres a reason people dont make it, its because they don't accept the "just do it".
@@andrei3586 id just watch jordan peterson and joe rogan for advice like that.
Working out is replacing a socially unacceptable addiction (whatever people tell you you should stop doing) with a socially acceptable addiction (working out)
When I was abroad visiting my grandparents my phone data plan ran out and I was stuck for around a week without Internet. No way to contact my friends or to go online even to listen to podcasts or music. I really didn't know how I would manage at first but just within a couple days I adjusted and spent probably the most peaceful and restful week of my entire life learning how to sew, reading, walking, taking photographs, meditating. I couldn't believe how easy it was and how much my life improved. I was actually dreading returning home because I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself when I had access to the Internet again. It is possible to do and the rewards are amazing but it's not easy !!!
this is exactly the video I needed to hear.
I don't really have problems completing art stuff. In fact I get sucked into it, at a point where it becomes detrimental to everything else. Sedentary lifestyle, etc.. Eventually I can backslide into depression and other dopamine activities just because my body feels like sludge, slithering between a camera and computer. But I feel like that's just the price sometimes and a part of me must remain slime.
Finding that balance is key
I think the real question for many is, "When does the pain begin to feel worth it?"
Isn't it the most common cliche? Embrace pain and sacrifice, work hard, be a productive member of society, leave a legacy, sacrifice some more. I can understand this working for people who have an actual dream (like being an artist in this case). But what if you don't?
At the beginning he mentions the question you should ask yourself, "what I want my life to be"?
@@stepans2167 non existent
@@Void-Knull I feel you bro
this was so painfully true, no extra bullshitting insults, just the truth, love it and hate it, thank you.
I think it’s true that the fulfillment you get from the activities that are good for your soul will eventually outweigh that pain. But it’s good that Dr. K is being realistic here. It’s a daily struggle, and you have to understand that. If you think someday it will feel like porn and vidya, then you’re deluding yourself.
This question was honestly so relatable to me, thank you so much for covering it! Not porn addiction but just the urge to always be on my PC, consuming TH-cam or chatting on Discord, and finding little enjoyment in other acvities.
I did a dopamine detox for 40 days where I even cut out movies, social media, sugars (even fruits) and even music.
What I learned was that most of us have no idea what the human brain is like when we our dopamine sensitivity is hightend and not given modern pleasures. You become a true focused, relentless, unashamed monster whose only challenge becomes being nice. Things like waking up quick, comprehensive reading of a book longer than 20 min, being assertive, focused on your task list, increased memory becomes something effortless 🤯 One of the most amazing discoveries I've made.
How tf were you able to do that for 40 days
@@varmoparnpuu Discipline. Not everyone is born with it and most of us have parents who fail to teach it to us. It's something you have to cultivate out of necessity.
@@heehokuzunoha7757 Still though, 40 days of severe brain atrophy? That's not worth going through
@@furiousdestroyah9999 it might feel like atrophy but its probably safe
@@cornloin9732 For the body? Yeah, I can't imagine that doing any real damage, but for the mind? I prefer my sanity over some soul stuff
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference”
-Robert Frost
Thank you for this. I've been struggling with this problem for years and this has really inspired me to make desperately needed changes. Wish me luck!
Did you make much progress in life since this comment?
I'm on what's supposed to be the last day of a 2 week detox right now and I failed about 4 days ago. I don't know how Dr. K keeps reading my mind (I managed to stay away from Twitter, Discord and video games the entire time though, and I did part of the Blender donut tutorial!)
Reframe. You didn't fail, you just didn't reach your goal. But even a one week detox is pretty awesome imo.
Bulletfastspeed is right, you didn't fail.
Just try again, you managed to start once; you can definitely do it again.
That's very commendable my man, you definitely didn't fail in my eyes.
HOLY SHIT EVERYONE STARTS WITH THE BLENDER DONUT LETS GOOOOO
This man has helped me in a way that’s impossible to put in words. Genuinely thank you. This is a great community.
Exactly what you need to hear right when you need to hear it
As a warning to my fellows, even when you get a family and a good job, it’s still possible to have these same issues if there’s something unaddressed-in my case, the feeling of professional failure. Watching other people on TH-cam doing something awesome rather than doing something awesome myself… that hit home.
You're helping so many people. This video is really good as an intro before watching an interview if someone wants to learn how to do this to themselves.
I have went this direction while telling myself I am saving money. I have saved money and proud of not spending. The winters are tuff in the summer I get out more cycling. Thank you for this discussion.
Man this hit hard... I'm an artist and everytime there is something hard in my drawing I always go back to TH-cam or social media. I don't get anything done.
Reminds me of Robert Nozick’s experience machine example. You must choose what level of pleasure you want, a higher sort or a lower sort. Recommend people read his work on that
I gave the same advice to my crush 6 years ago, then I got my heart broken soon after. I coped with it by trying to forget everything about her, and that includes the advice that I gave her. Which turned me into the poster and just now started to get my stuff together.
Dude, tbh, I feel it's really important to mention that in reality, when you're really in that healthy boi life, everything feels more or less as good as a lot of the dopamine shit. Like, I'd argue it's even better, things may be rough but since everything else is so good I don't mind nearly as much. It's sort of negligible, because everything else is so fulfilling and most importantly, genuinely enjoyable. It's so much fun, just as much or even more enjoyable than video games. You don't get over the pain, you get into it. Then suddenly you realise, it's not painful at all. It actually feels really fucking good. Sure, it takes work, but whenever I healthed up, I felt it was totally doable and not that big of a deal doing that work.
Really depends on you personally though. Some people couldn't care less about their health
@@furiousdestroyah9999 What a lot of people describe as "personality" is frequently more like "current state of mind", personality isn't some static thing. Some may have more reserves and thus are able to better withstand stress like bad health, but eventually health catches up to pretty much everybody. Whether or not they care hardly matters when they eventually end up with issues.
@@Sestaak I guess that's true about non-depressed people
@@furiousdestroyah9999 >implying I am not struggling with depression and have for 15 years
depression is sort of a meme that preserves itself. so many depressed people say 'oh I'm depressed though so things just don't get better', but that's the exact thing keeping the depression up and the people down. I know that because I've been in and out several times by now. That disease makes you think that nothing ever gets better and everything is just bad and it's just bad luck because you got depressed and thus nothing will ever work out again. Sorry, but that's wrong.
@@Sestaak My bad, I misworded that, should have said people that aren't depressed to the point where they're ready to bite the dust. Things can always get better, but for some people it'll never be good enough and that's just how it is
If you aren't getting at least a mildly intense dopamine reward from exercise you're either
1. not goal setting and tracking progress.
2. your form exercise has a small margin for progression
3. not sweating enough or really pushing yourself (endorphin central from saunas)
4. gamifying your damn goals !
Whether or not youre getting the dopamine reward from exercise isn't usually the issue. It's the idea that you had to put in so much uncomfortable effort to get that reward when there are so many other easier ways to get that reward that's actually fun, simple and addictive. Even if the exercise itself was kinda fun, it's still going to be a lot of effort. When people eventually think of exercise after a few weeks or months, you don't think of the reward, you think "ahh shit I have to go exert all of this energy doing this crap". The boost doesnt feel worth it in comparison. It's like the boost is nice but it isn't even slightly equal to the strain you put your body through. Which is where Dr K is right. Waiting for the "pain" to stop is an easy way to stop working out because the balance isn't there. I wake up for the gym and I can't think of the dopamine hit post workout because I can lay in bed all day and get that high without the effort.
But what is the reward? Health? That is a long-run reward and it’s not that noticeable. Getting jacked? Not really interested. You know what I recently have been interested a lot in? Music. I am trying to learn how to play the Electric Bass and it gives me genuine pleasure because It’s something I like. Working out just isn’t something fun and not because learning how to play an instrument doesn’t require blood, sweat and tears. I just won’t be as compelled to exercise because it’s not as interesting as learning music or playing videogames or watching anime. I also learn Japanese because I really like things from Japan and it was a struggle for quite some time. I clearly have the motivation if it’s something that interests me bit otherwise I just don’t ser the point
What a beautiful talk on why we need less not more to tackle our modern problems. I went through the journey of boredom coming out of highschool. For years I only played WoW and watched porn, and felt wretched socializing or doing good things for my self. I found the path of boredom was easier, I learned to find the subtle joy in it, when I listed to my heart area where my values, true interests, good intentions, and "soul" reside.
Best of boredom to all the fellow gamers out there!
Cheers m8!
Boredom is probably the true fear that's stopping me from job-hunting. That, and the feeling that doing what I like over politics, medicine or activism (which I didn't choose) will be a colossal waste of time no matter how well I do.
@@destroyerinazuma96 How do you define waste of time?
@@jonlarge4283 In short, anything that's only self-serving and doesn't help my family/my village/my country/my society/humanity as a whole. I know that's an f-ed up way of thinking.
@@destroyerinazuma96 Any way of thinking can be f-ed up if taken to extremes. Selflessness is no bad thing but it sounds like you're saying you think anything that isn't selfless is a waste of time, but also in your first message it seems that you're saying that there's some conflict between wanting to do things that you like and feeling a need to instead be selfless?
TH-cam comments probably isn't the place for life advice, i've just known a few people be selfless to the point of it being exploited by others, and knew a girl that poured so much of herself into what she thought she "should" or "needed" to be doing that it became detrimental to herself.
This might not be relevant to you, maybe you're talking exclusively to do with professions.
I don't know enough, it just struck a chord.
Just uh, time spent to keep yourself fit and healthy whether that's physically, mentally or emotionally, whatever form that takes, is very rarely a waste of time.
Stay true to yourself buddy.
damn this is tuff. Big decisions need to be made now thanks for making the paths clear. Makes sense to me.
honestly as an acearo person the repeated stress on finding a relationship being like the goal and the fulfillment was just. really alienating.
The trickiest thing for me with TH-cam is that it actually serves me things that are intellectual, philosophical (like your content) and has good amount of knowledge (coding and stuff), along with Let's Plays and Marvel theories but that's a small amount. This actually makes me feel good about myself but I know I'd rather put that knowledge to practice (coding) than just watch that stuff. I guess my real problem is then.. procrastination?
And when I try to put it to practice, I get mentally exhausted/demotivated within an 1 or 1.5 hours if I get stuck on some bug and can't find it. How do I keep this working state going for hours on end? Otherwise I can't get things done in time.
Thank you, Dr. K. This was one of your best videos. I had this realization a few years ago and it was monumental for me. I hope this find the people who need to hear it.
For me what worked was getting a bunch of hobbies, I make music, program, blog, workout, walk, practice a language I'm learning just about every day. I'll even read every so often and I'll hang out with and talk to friends constantly.
Yeah, they aren't as "fun" as youtube/porn/games, but the fulfillment and positive energy I feel are worth it. It's strange really, it's almost like the "fun" I feel from youtube/porn/games is hollow. It feels like a weak version of getting high really. They're fun in doses but experiencing them constantly doesn't actually make me happy.
Creating and taking care of myself, working towards goals, and such is much more fulfilling. It feels good and it's fun in its own way. And If I'm being completely honest I experience the same kind of dopamine rush making a project I'm passionate about as I do when I'm consuming media, except I feel good and satisfied after I finish.
This is where I kind of disagree with Dr. K, at least in my own personal experience, I feel like the boredom-pain did go away once I got passionate about what I was doing. And if I feel like I've worked enough on one thing, then I do what this person already does. You switch between youtube, porn, and games when you get tired of one. Well, I switch to a different task, in order to break it up. You could theoretically Make it art, walking, talking to friends or art, reading, gym or art, podcast, learn a language. Worth a try, it may not work for everyone, but it really helped me and where I'm at in life.
(EDIT): changed from second person to first person, spelling errors
I've done the hobby thing with creative writing, practicing a language, and picking up art. I do those literally every day, at least a little bit. None of that gave me a more positive outlook on life. Sometimes I get the happy chemicals in my brain from doing those things but most of the time I just don't actually want to do them. I do them anyway out of habit, because they're ingrained in me, but I have not seen any more of a noticeable shift to a "healthier" mindset.
@@cabellocorto5586 interesting, I guess everyone is different
Thank you for this, Dr K!
I love how he went from the psychiatrist we wanted to the father figure we needed in our lives.
ive recently found a way to kind of break free from this cycle (that works for me) and that was seeing video games as a thing to just fill in that void in your heart and is nothing but that, so whenever i play now, i regret doing it, knowing i could be doing so much more. But i think what really pushed me to see games this way was because i convinced myself that i would be dead if i don't get a job, if i don't work, ill be a piece of shit that'll drag people down so that sense of urgency is probably whats pushing me. also accepting the fact that in order to do anything in life, to get anywhere in life, i need to go through hard work, which is a pain, but that's what it takes.
That's an interesting change in perspective.
The way I think of it is this: Only when I do what I have to do (work, meditate, practice whatever) can I enjoy leisure (games, reading, etc). I can't just enjoy forever playing videogames or reading the whole day, it just does not happen, I have to work and then enjoy.
bit of a vent, i've struggled such a long time with this. I know exactly what i should be doing but the thought of doing them drives me to youtube, checking socials, binge eating, etc. i cant tell you how many hours ive blown spending entire days just watching youtube. im in a rut at the moment but doing what i can to try and get out of it. for too long ive tried this idea of setting healthy limits, i think i need to try fully abstaining for at least a month to do a solid reset. i feel like an addict (i probably am one) constantly being pulled into the things that only make me more and more miserable as times goes on. sending thoughts and vibes to anyone else feeling like this, itll be hard af to come out on the other side but im hopeful that i can do it
*"What do you want out of life?"*
For it to be over already, I hate it here.
Honestly at this point in my life I'm completely apathetic to really changing anything. I don't really have a huge desire to "do something" with my life. I don't want for a lot of things. I don't have dreams or real passions or hopes. I don't want to go out and "live life to its fullest". I have no desire to just hit the gym brah, just talk to chicks brah. Nietzschean platitudes about embracing the pain and becoming an overman don't really resonate with me at all. Maybe at one time they did, but not any longer. I think I've actually just crossed a rubicon into complete degeneracy and I'm okay with it. The only thing that has really helped me, actually given me a measure of peace of mind, is realizing that free will doesn't exist, and the universe is either predetermined or completely random, neither of which allow someone to be free to author their own life. So whatever happens with my life is out of my control. No need to worry excessively over it. Whatever happens, happens. Que sera, sera.
I think being an author will work smoothly with you, what amazing philosophical thoughts you have.
@@bassaml4438 Not sure if you're being ironic or not
@@cabellocorto5586 I'm sorry if it seems ironic to you, but this is my honest opinion.
@@bassaml4438 Ah, it's alright. No offense taken. I just assumed you could've meant it ironically and sarcastically, so I just wasn't sure.
ouch... this resonates a lot with me 12:40
Expecting "boring" things to be as exciting as "fun" things are a big delusion. A delusion that I fell for not so long ago. Essentially, you have to embrace that what will make you happy and fulfilled *DOES NOT* feel good in the moment, but has the potential to satisfy you long-term.
This video actually depresses me because it makes me realize that life is simply boring and depressing, idk how the hell you guys manage to find life beautiful when the things that are supposed to be good aren't fun at all like vidya. I just don't care about having anything considered good and all these things like vidya etc are boring to me even tho i keep chasing them for the dopamine hit that never hits. This fucking sucks, i can't manage to find a way to function properly, i wish i could just live in a world of my own, that would solve everything but that's fucking impossible i beg you guyd what the fuck should i do
I think it might be time to seek a professional.
@@willw1980 ^ this
This was incredible, thank you very much HealthyGamer !!
Dr K I'm procrastinating on YT instead of doing my liberal arts class homework (I'm a STEM major so this stuff is agonizing to me), but you're right. I need to stop wasting time on YT and video games and get this shit done. Thanks for the help. I needed that kick in the ass.
Guy 1 in chat: How do we get over the pain?
Dr. K: You dont.
Guy 2 in chat: DEATH
This has been the most helpful video for me so far, thank you so much Dr. K
I like to think of "the pain" as weights in weightlifting. You never want the weights you're lifting to feel comfortable, otherwise you won't see any growth. You have to keep making yourself uncomfortable to grow and become a better person, and when you get comfortable, add more "pain". This doesn't mean burn bridges or create sadness in your life, but it means pushing your limits as far as what you're capable of doing.
This post feels like it was taylored for me, thank you for posting this dr K!
Honestly, between a year of no video games vs. non-stop video games, it's hard to tell which would hurt me more, until I think about the long-term consequences. Going without the pleasure of games sucks, but I've found that it's nowhere near as painful as my life of suppressing inner shame built from my lack of accomplishments, the thoughts of how I'm going to get older without doing anything that matters, that I'll be on my deathbed having nothing to remember doing, no one to have spent time with, the idea that I have a chance to help someone in this world, anyone. I think about all of the ways this world is falling apart, many of which are beyond my control but some of which I could help with if I'd just dedicated myself to more research. If I fail at some or even all of my tasks, my biggest dharmas, I could potentially grieve that loss, though it'd be hard. If I sat back and waited, or never even tried, I'd never forgive myself. I'd be carrying that guilt to my grave.
Yes, video games are pleasurable, but even the biggest hits of dopamine get hollowed by the guilt of running away from what I'm supposed to do. (At least, that's how it is for me.)
I really struggle with breaking away from these dopanimergic activities after a day of working my job. Paradoxically, on my days off, I can get shit done in my life, but when I'm tired after a day of work, I come home, have a quick nap, and spend the evening buried in TH-cam.
Very helpful video, thank you Dr. K for what you are doing.
Dr. K beschreibt eine Person, die in einem Zyklus von dopaminergen Aktivitäten wie dem Konsum von Pornographie, Videospielen und TH-cam gefangen ist und Schwierigkeiten hat, sich für andere gesunde Aktivitäten zu motivieren. Die praktischen Implikationen, die sich aus dem Text ergeben, sind wie folgt:
1. Überprüfen der Erwartungen: Die Person sollte ihre Erwartungen an andere Aktivitäten überdenken. Wenn sie davon ausgeht, dass diese Aktivitäten die gleiche sofortige Befriedigung und Dopaminfreisetzung wie ihre bevorzugten Aktivitäten bieten, wird sie wahrscheinlich enttäuscht sein. Es ist wichtig zu akzeptieren, dass verschiedene Aktivitäten unterschiedliche Arten von Freude und Erfüllung bieten.
2. Anerkennen der Unbequemlichkeit: Die Person sollte sich bewusst sein, dass es unangenehm sein kann, aus dem dopaminergen Zyklus auszusteigen. Es ist normal, dass andere Aktivitäten anfangs nicht so befriedigend erscheinen. Es erfordert Zeit und Geduld, um eine neue Perspektive zu entwickeln und Freude an anderen gesunden Aktivitäten zu finden.
3. Reframing der Motivation: Die Person sollte ihre Motivation hinterfragen und verstehen, dass sie tatsächlich hochmotiviert ist, aber ihre Motivation in die falsche Richtung gelenkt ist. Es ist wichtig, die eigenen Werte und Ziele zu identifizieren und sich bewusst zu entscheiden, welche Art von Leben man führen möchte. Es geht darum, langfristige Zufriedenheit und Erfüllung zu wählen, anstatt sich von kurzfristigen Dopaminhöhen leiten zu lassen.
4. Akzeptanz von Unannehmlichkeiten: Die Person sollte sich darauf einstellen, dass es Momente der Langeweile, Anstrengung und Frustration geben wird, wenn sie ihre Gewohnheiten ändert. Es ist wichtig, diese Unannehmlichkeiten zu akzeptieren und zu erkennen, dass sie Teil des Prozesses sind, um ein erfüllteres Leben zu erreichen.
5. Zielsetzung und Unterstützung: Es kann hilfreich sein, klare Ziele zu setzen und Unterstützung zu suchen, sei es durch Coaching, Selbsthilfegruppen oder den Austausch mit Menschen, die ähnliche Herausforderungen bewältigt haben. Der Prozess der Veränderung kann einfacher sein, wenn man sich mit anderen verbindet, die ähnliche Ziele verfolgen.
Letztendlich geht es darum, bewusste Entscheidungen zu treffen und sich für ein Leben zu entscheiden, das auf langfristiger Erfüllung und persönlichem Wachstum basiert, anstatt sich von kurzfristigen Dopaminhöhen abhängig zu machen. Dies erfordert Geduld, Selbstreflexion und die Bereitschaft, Unannehmlichkeiten zu akzeptieren, um langfristiges Glück und Erfüllung zu erreichen.
On the expectations thing - A lot of self improvement content does basically say
"Stuff will be just as fun as the unhealthy dopaminurgic stuff if you just avoid the bad stuff for long enough"
wow I am in a very similar situation (compared to the redditpost), but my life is going up right now.
Depression is not so strong but I am behind in university and I could drop out after failing this one test (last chance)
But recently I got very motivated by the fact that new relationships arised and that I have overall a very supportive group of friends.
Next time I meet a friend of mine from school and ask her out, because I realised that I might like her more than just a friend.
I am gonna need to escape this hedonistic lifestyle of mine... damn corona this pandemic only increased this hedonistic lifestyle...
The channel has been killing it this week. These minimalist thumbnails seem to be paying off !
Actually this may be me but I can cook in any state anytime and never feel like I don’t want to. It’s just so relaxing and the food at the end is always worth it.
True, there are also people who live hiking, myself included. I will always say yes when someone invites me to a hike. But the difference is that even though it is fun, it's not really addictive, not in the way online games or drugs can be.
That's what I also realized. Some people keep calling me lazy. I'm just extremely motivated at wrong things in life. After doing those activities I don't have any energy for anything else.
Kind of like drinking LaCroix after chugging coke for years.
When the goal changes from dopamine reward to overcoming, enduring and letting go of everyday problems, then it gets easier.
It's better when we can observe the situation instead of getting emotional about it.
I think I get a dopamine boost when I look back at what I overcame earlier that day.
The most crippling thing for me is music. I can't put it away: i have like a million songs for each and every type of mood/activity. For example, if I'm not listening to music while working, my brain is like that squirrel in Over The Hedge cartoon - it's just twitching all over the place, saying 'gimme, gimme, gimme! Gimme tunes, melody, something!' It's like a drug addicts type of thing. And if i put up something, like synthwave, my brain lets go of the strain, and i can work alright.
same for me! everything feels way easier when you're listening to music
Currently struggling with this cycle. Being aware is part of the solution but also the detrimental behaviors - I relapse quickly as opposed to having drawn out bouts of change. It takes moments, I wish I was able to commit to full days.
So... all this time.. I was very MOTIVATED
.
.
just in the wrong direction
First accept that life is suffering, then decide to accept that suffering in your life. Don't run away from the pain embrace it.
Yes, it hurts, and no one has ever escaped the pain. But we can learn to live with it, and make valuable choices despite the pain we are in.
The way you framed it one could easily add getting rid of the pain for good to it (ie sui**de) as a viable option as well
@@nootics My mistake. I did not think of that. I think that you can't just end your pain, because if you end your own pain all you're really doing is adding to the pain of those that know you and those that love you.
Time stamping 12:34 for myself.
I need to watch this every day to remind myself.
I get immense pleasure and dopamine from exercise. I do parkour specifically and learning a new trick or sticking a challenge is incredible rewarding. Even weightlifting like deadlifts and calisthenics feel incredible.
Dr. K explaining the meaning of Evangelion
Person: So when am i gonna actually enjoy the other activities and stop my cravings for quick dopamine hits
Dr.K: That's the neat part, you don't.
Guess i'll choose death then 🤷♂️
I think this is misleading. You can learn to enjoy or at least get used to some other activities (not all though) and abstaining from dopamine also reduces the craving for it. I think the main takeaway from the video should be that there is no magic switch that will make packing your gym bag as "fun" as a heroine injection, so you should stop looking for one.
adhd medication actually can somewhat do that but it hasn’t felt like a consistent, sustainable long term solution to me
@@SirHolmesxd you mean amphetamine?
5:15 I thinks I really needed someone totally outside of my life to hear it because it seem I Always make other feel ashamed to say The truth when it come to this, because they have their espectation and the idea that the response to this is "yes" dismiss them.
This video hurts so much, I'm scared of fighting this battle again.
After a while it is more about fear of putting months of work in and not getting results. Anxiety on the wrong things completely destroys motivation to do anything.
As someone that started listening to audiobooks last year about self improvement, mindset, and finance I can say it absolutely became fun and I will end gaming sessions earlier so I can get more listening time in before bed