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I’m on overwhelming every day because I have way too much to do and I don’t even have a job and that’s where I’m just like how my post to fit the same with everything else ? Exercise for my defrosting bones, recent divorce so building from ground up! Literally, house I rent is too much but stuck because no job, covert abuse still even after divorce I could write a book on that, drama I shut down, have yet to date and not excited about that but tried multiple times without actually going out because I’m super picky, too many other strange things to list.
What if your ex-husband at the time he remarried was sleeping with the brother-in-law‘s his brother-in-law sister that was the therapist working in the same practice as my son’s therapist so my child got let go and now after my narcissistic ex took everything pretty much which thank God for alimony and good medical for the kidS but I’m having to rebuild everything and I don’t trust therapist after that and it took a while for my child to trust a new therapist that I knew he needed therapy. My ex was guarded with the money and controlled it so we were always told we didn’t have the money. He made $150,000 a year and I lived off $150 a week at the time.
I agree with you that we need somebody in our group to point things out to us that we may not see that we’re doing to harm or selves but how do you do that after being totally ridiculed in lot losing everything with narcissistic abuse that does not stop after the abuser is gone???? Especially after not trusting therapist, after what happened when I was in therapy for years fixing myself. I went to file for divorce I was going to after I got a job. He knew what he was tracking me. He beat me to the punch and did a lot of she’s things.
I see what you’re saying about therapist specializing in what they’ve dealt with, but in all honesty from everything, I’ve seen this therapist have issues like anyone else, and to be honest most people that have struggled have seem more rewards in getting better and not killing themselves with dealing with people that have actually went through it themselves just like a drug addict and someone that struggles with that they need to have help from someone it’s come through it It’s not we end up wasting our time and I know therapist see it a different way. I think that’s why a lot of people turn to self-help and do a lot better in that arena. Sadly, my son’s therapist said I’ve done amazing considering the narcissistic abuse and stuff I’ve been through. I’m completely high functioning apparently.
Depression is not equal to sadness. Depression is a lowering of physical and mental baseline. I can literally sit in one place for an hour doing nothing, and feel as if I did all I could do.
Good answer! I don’t remember where I heard this but it was years ago when I first was diagnosed…”if you can verbalize your depression, you may not be clinically depressed, rather you’re actually sad. People who seem happy, funny and problem-free can be dealing with clinical depression”. Which is so true and reminds me of Robin Williams and his demise. How sad that was
This is me every day. I want to do so many things but it takes an act of God to get me to do even one of them. I also grew up with emotionally immature parents who could only respond with anger or silence. The question from the woman who grew up the same was spot on. I do all the things, meditation, exercise self-help, books, podcasts, therapy etc. Nothing seems to reach that deep space that needs to be held and appreciated and cared for.....cptsd is no joke. 😞
I found that saying what I want to do at the third person works 🤔 for example, il i want to go for a walk i say in my head : "[my name] wants to go for a walk, [my name] like to walk outside", the 2nd part is important because it has to be something real you like about doing the first part..
With some repeat it works, and if not I just say to myself, ok not now I understand there is [something too ridiculous, like "so much little herbs awaiting for me outside] , I'm trying to be like a funny good friend
I find the "5 Second Rule" I saw on a TED Talk once, sometimes works to kick start my motivation. As soon you think about something that you need to do, start a 54321-second countdown and get up to action it. The more you practise this, the easier it gets. I recommend it.
The issue for me is that the more I get stressed about being unproductive the more I waste time on apps (telling myself its selfcare/I need a break and whatever) and then getting back to feel stressed at being unproductive … never ending cycle
I clicked on this video because I thought I was going to be getting ADHD advice--because this is a classic symptom of ADHD. Procrastination until the cows come home. I have been medicated for my entire adult life for depression but was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I'm sure there were times during that span that I was depressed--but most of that time I was just overwhelmed because I'm neurodivergent! So, if you feel this way you might look up the symptoms of ADHD and consider getting tested for it.
I was diagnosed with ADHD years ago, depression and CPTSD More recently. I already know why I do the things I do. I've been working on those things for over a year already with meds, therapy, self-help, podcasts etc... And I exercise regularly (Pilates junkie) and I eat pretty healthy..... Nonetheless trauma, ADHD, PTSD..... They aren't things that you can cure. There are things that are with you for life. Adapting and learning how to cope in healthy ways is the only way we get better. Despite knowing all of this, it is still a struggle. It always will be. I understand that.
Jennifer Wells - Yes! Same here! That's been my experience exactly. I even clicked on the video for the same reason. Getting the correct diagnosis has been life-changing so far. Thank you for sharing this comment. I think it's important and it would have been nice if I'd seen a comment like this years ago. I never considered it could be anything other than depression.
@@effsharpsomehow Same here. I remember talking about how overwhelmed I was as a 30something with young children. The friend said that my reactions to things did not seem proportional to what was actually happening and she thought I was depressed. I carried that with me to the doctor, even though I didn't FEEL depressed. And yes, they put me on antidepressants. All along it was ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 49, believe it or not--and only because my kids were diagnosed.
Watched this video yesterday. Took a shower today! Ate some vegetables. Stood outside on my porch and let the sun warm my face. Listened to music drifting from the town green about two blocks up my street. Wanted to change my sheets but felt really tired at that point. Washed the pants and blouse I wore 24/7 for the last 4 days. After spilling my tea on the big living room chair that I normally spend most of my day sitting in and having to mop it up with cleaning rags, I managed not to fly into a rage. Discovered one of the pillows I rest against was coming apart at one of the seams. Shoved the small pile of stuff blocking the linen closet out of the way, reached in for my jar of sewing thread and needles and other sewing things, sat down and spent 20 minutes repairing it. I am not sure what happened because of this video. Partly, I think, I felt less hopeless, alone and ashamed of myself. "Wow, look at how many people struggle with the same things that I do," I thought. And somehow I felt a little bit of energy come unblocked. After showering, which DID call for a lot of energy, I really liked feeling (and smelling) clean. I put on all clean clothes. I felt even better! I made a little meal of Ramen noodles. I washed my bowl and spoon. (I am currently having a contest with myself to see how many days in a row I can do my dishes and keep the sink empty). (I also keep a running record on a piece of paper taped to the bathroom wall of the date and time I shower. The most recent date on the list is May 9, the day before I went out to dinner with my family for my birthday - 18 days ago!) So, I may come back to this video when I get into a slump. But I did observe my mood today and how it continued to improve with each accomplishment. For me, improved mood and a boost of energy are precious gifts. I want more.
I find I do better alone, I don't usually speak unless spoken to. I used to do a lot of activities by myself, there by reducing the chance of being made fun of or disappointed. I pick activities that I can do alone, like weight lifting. I don't engage in playing games because that requires quick thought and often other people and sometimes teams. Solitude is lonely, but so is disappointment, so I distance myself.
I guess the big question I have for you is - are you happy being this way. If yes, I say keep it up mostly, but you have to step up some so that you aren’t dysfunctional. If you are not happy - one thing I want to say is that adults don’t tease or bully as much as children do. You might be surprised if you find some good people.
@Aila Verco Hello, we certainly have plenty of examples of this adult bullying behavior from Trump and many in the Republican Party. They are a sad lot, but what should we think about the voters who put these people into office?
I know what you mean. I pretty much prefer being by myself most of the time because that way I don't have to put up with other peoples demands or criticism. Both of which I've had enough of.
Note of caution. I was told I was depressed for years until I hit my 50s. Then I was told that it was the menopause. Turned out I had a neurological condition and was also diagnosed with T2 Diabetes. A lot of conditions can mimic depression and depression can mimic totally unconnected conditions. Get tested.
Yaaaas lady!! the second one being on and off sounds like just any of my periods, a lot of doctors just send you to get meds without checking your hormones
Excellent point. A severe B12 deficiency in my case accounted for a third of my 'depression', undiagnosed Autism another third. There's still a third that persists and as of yet has no known cause, but I'm going to keep digging and see if there's a way to get rid of the final chunk of heavy depressive limitation that weighs my life down.
@@pendafen7405 Glad you mentioned nutritional deficiencies. I was B1/thiamine deficient and doctors didn't even tell me about the test result! At one point I genuinely thought I might have early-onset Alzheimer's because my cognition got so bad!
One thing that helps me is not only giving myself a single task, but what I call "micro tasks". For example I tend to put things I want to take upstairs on the stairs and so they accumulate. Instead of telling myself "I will clean up the mess on the stairs", I rather tell myself to take a SINGLE thing upstairs. Often enough I will take an other thing and one more... and end up having done much more than that "single thing". And even if I didn't do more than that single task, I can tell myself "I did something". ;) My "micro tasks" are the most basic part of doing anything.
I have learned in the last years, that my task paralysis is mostly linked to my ADD. When I know that a task is manageable in a foreseeable time, I can force myself far easier than in the case of tasks that are repeatable and without a clear outcome in a short time. My mind simply cannot handle anything that needs a longer period of development or which are based on tasks that have no clear effect that I can see. I am also more likely to do something (more or less) immediately if it involves movement or if I can work with my hands. Then I can start a task and even hyperfocus on it. I have learned that, that planning out larger tasks in smaller chunks is helpful, but it does not fully take away the agony of starting those tasks.
Yes, I have this same experience. If something is one level deep that I need to do, I can usually do it without much issue. But if there is perceived an intermediate thing or more, then that complexity puts my mind off into, oh no and what then? Maybe I will fail, and I can't even face that possibility, it is safer to not even try.
Exact same! It's classic ADHD, needing external demand to do things and / or being more motivated to do things that involve some level of physicality. Even knowing thus I still get so incredibly frustrated and upset about all the things I want to, but can't make myself do 😞
I feel y’all. ❤ I’ve tried to get out of this loop that is now years in the making. It seems like I’m someone I don’t know inside out when it comes to dealing with anxiety, depression, and ADHD symptoms.
Sammmeee and ADHD with time blindness. I try to explain it as..."You know when you are getting sick, like with the flu, and a few days before it gets BAD, you are tired, knocked out, feel like you got hit by a truck, have no energy, and you know your body is telling you that you need rest..... THAT is literally me morning, noon, and night, for the past ummm..... 20 years". I honestly hoped it was a thyroid or hormonal issue because then it would make more sense to me, but nope.... all signs point to depression. Stimulants dont help much, I've been on meds for years and just started ketamine therapy.
@@rockyduck9133 I have some circulation issues too, which I attribute to being overweight.... Like neuropathy.... I'll definitely look into fibromyalgia. I also thought maybe POTS because of the chronic fatigue.... Thank you for the insight!!!
@Nothing But Love what demons have you been delivered from, in the realm of mental illness? Because people who go to church are very quick to pull out the “Jesus delivers card” but have not experienced the advice they are giving out to others. You are in a forum of people opening up their hearts truthfully about their mental health struggles (some have suffered for a lifetime), so you need to be real and honest with your comment! There is nothing worse than someone who dishes out advice for something they have never been through themselves. Empathy is the word I am thinking of, when sharing or giving encouragement. Just saying! BTW suffering from trauma does not mean a demon has entered the person. It is the brains response to a trauma. Just like a car accident that causes physical trauma does not cause a demon to enter into a person. Jesus suffered trauma (spiritual, mental and physical) on the cross, but I am certain that no demon entered into him. I am sure you mean well, but then so did Job’s comforters.
Your description of feeling like you have this unending list of things you want or need to do… but you just can’t seem to make yourself actually do it, then feel so mad and disappointed in yourself for not doing it!!! Thanks for this advise, I’m really struggling!
“I HAVE TO, but I CANT” I feel like I’m not going to be able to do it right and I’ll get so frustrated and will feel shame. ❤You are right. Self-care then one bite out of the elephant.
I needed that first topic ... badly. I have never been so unmotivated in my entire (60+ year) life. Taking regular meds but good sleep has been a challenge while my hair is falling out in clumps. Will try to start small with a few of my procrastinated tasks because the negative self-talk has been awful.
Negative self talk is so difficult to overcome! I didn't even realize how bad it was, until my therapist asked me to try to do some positive self talk, and... crickets. I was literally blank. I couldn't even form a thought. It took me an embarrassingly long time to start to shift it. The big thing that helped me- was when my therapist said- imagine what you would say to your daughter- and my energy COMPLETELY shifted in that moment. (It did just now too when I wrote that. Lol) That was my ticket to start. I would imagine I'm talking to my young daughter, and turn it around to me. Also helpful, is imagining talking to the child-version of yourself. Keeping a baby/ toddler picture of yourself up and visible and imagine talking to them ( you). The first time I finally did it naturally, I cried. It was just so different and... nice.
I am sober 336 days today. My oldest sign died suddenly 5 years ago and it destroyed me. Baby step and meds as perscribed I sleep good although I watch alot of movies on my laptop. Loving myself is paramount! Please girls please do not think you need a man or anyone else's approval absolutely necessary. My Dad left me a home and I am blessed so very blessed but I have been working on self love - all we have is now. Put a few 24 hours of that and it gets better.
I think there are other reasons too. You know if you're depressed especially if it's severe, you feel hopeless and in a black hole. But other things like trauma, cptsd, neurodivergence, burnout, so many things can cause us to feel like we can't do the things we want to do. It's dangerous to tell someone they're depressed if it's not clear that they are.
My goodness. I just found you today. I can’t believe there are so many people like me. I’m 79 years old now. When I was young no one went into therapy. I feel like I should do this now even though I’m old. Maybe there is still time to feel better.
@@Jane-nk3no There’s is no age myth. We get old and die. When you are 50 you are not 40 and when you are 60 you are old. Once you see the loss of collagen which is generally mid 40’s then it’s all down hill from there. But you can still enjoy life. Love is anxiety. Attachment is suffering. Life is suffering. Everything we do is out of fear and love. In the end nothing matters. Tomorrow is not promised. Tomorrow does not exist. So live and enjoy every moment of everyday like it’s your last and stop worrying about what others re thinking. Be you and live for you ❤
Live for tomorrow always. Do Good deeds for your friends, Neighbors, family if U have blood family 😂. If, not. Still, KEEP WELL for tomorrow always. Be Ready for anything that comes your way. Be Alert. Be AWARE of dangers. Be prepared LOGICALLY stable to recognize differences between Real, literally, true, tangibly, substantially, earth made. VS FAKE, smoke & MIRRORS strategies to lie to ONE'S Neighbors. Fake news, Deception, deceptive Fake Friends: Charismatic charming fictitious characters cheating, stealing goodhearted people PEACE OF MIND. & THEIR LIVELIHOODS . ALWAYS BE SURE TO LIVE WELL FOR TOMORROW, EVERYONE.. ❤❤❤❤🥰🥰🥰🥰😇😇😇😃😃😁😁💯💯👍👍👍👍 HAVE & KEEP YOUR BODY & MIND WELL & HEALTHFUL . 'BE GRATEFUL Everyday." Practice PATIENCE & kindness at least. Be CLEAN & UPRIGHT MINDED PEOPLE!!! .Be an emotional CAREGIVERS to connect safely. Build everyone UP. BE HAPPY!!!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
What you said about trauma is on point! If it feels like trauma to you, it's trauma. It took me 40years to acknowledge my childhood was traumatic - for me. Having a mother that loved me and told me so, often, doesn't mean that her paralyzing depression and anxiety didn't affect me. It did affect me. And still does 50+ years later. After listening further, I felt compelled to add that my mother's father was a psychologist. He never stepped in to protect his kids from the verbal & emotional abuse perpetrated by my grandmother on my mother and her siblings.
Timestamps! 0:49 1. In my head I always want to do all of these things (like workout, study, clean, etc.) but I can’t get myself to actually do anything. I don’t feel like I’m depressed because I really want to accomplish these things. I just can’t get myself to physically... 13:25 2. I grew up with emotionally immature parents who couldn’t tolerate, let alone help me handle, any of my emotions, and instead responded with anger, silent treatment and isolation. I was also groomed as a young teen by a much older, married man. Now, as an adult, I’m finally doing all the “right” things: therapy, journaling, not judging my feelings, daily exercise, meditation, healthy eating, vitamins, so many self-help books-and they do help take the edge off my depression and anxiety-but none of it touches that deep ache of needing someone to take care of me for once and tell me it will all, somehow, be okay. I know this is a byproduct of C-PTSD, and... 22:15 3. Could you talk more about grief in relation to trauma? I’ve heard that people still essentially go through the stages of grieving when healing from trauma. How important is it to grieve what could have been? 29:20 4. I was wondering if it’s possible to be traumatized by something that isn’t actually traumatic? I never had any big T traumas but growing up I struggled with terrible anxiety mostly separation anxiety and social anxiety... 33:05 5. How can one be diagnosed with PTSD (noting that C-PTSD isn’t a recognised diagnosis in the DSM5) if they “only” experienced emotional neglect growing up? 39:31 6. As a therapist yourself, how do you manage to trust other therapists? And what do you do if you feel like you "know better" / would handle things differently? I'm currently in training, but I'm also in therapy myself... 47:47 7. I’ve had the same therapist for about 6 years, but recently I’ve started to consider looking for a new therapist. Not because of anything that went wrong- I just think that it’s time for a change and having a new therapist might help me grow... 53:54 8. What is the role of a loved one, parent, spouse, sibling, or child, in the treatment of their mental health? Sometimes I feel the therapists of loved ones are missing a major issue... 57:45 9. How did you balance having a relationship now with a parent who was abusive growing up? I believe my dad's intentions were never bad, but he was still very harmful and contributed...
Instead of a 'to do' list (which never ends) try creating a 'ta-dah' list. Aim to add one small unscheduled or unexpected task each day that wasn't on your main to do. By the at the end of the first week take a look Back at what you've achieved at the end of the day / week and then reward yourself.
A 'ta-dah' list -- with rewards. I like it!!! So much better than the pressure of a 'to do' one, where everything is always in front of you. Ta-dah, it's done. A have-done list sounds great to me, like standing on the top of Everest looking down instead of at the bottom looking up. Thank you. Great idea.
53 years old. I knew my formative years were shit, but it's only recently that I have realized the degree to which those experiences wrecked the rest of my life. I feel like it's too late to even try to fix anything, but thank you for the realizations of why things have gone the way they have anyway.
I could probably write most of what you said too. How did I deal with it? I admitted to myself that I couldn't possibly go back and fix everything that went wrong. And you can only be angry or sad for so long before you realize that you're only hurting yourself. So I did the UNTHINKABLE, I forgave the people who harmed me and decided to make the best of my circumstances for the rest of my life. It's worth a try. 🤷
I’m 53. Feel somewhat same about it being too late. But I think that’s society. Yes we are not as quick as we were in our 20’s or 40’s even, but we have wisdom. In spain elders are honored. But 50’s isn’t elder.
I used to believe I lacked motivation but than I realized I'm actually highly motivated lol _I'm highly motivated to procrastinate and beat myself up for not being motivated enough._ -- However, learning that I don't have a lack of motivation was really liberating for me. (my issue is more about what I pour my motivational energy into...and how those things generate a pushback effect against my conscious goals...and it's those internal struggles between conflicting desires, which leaves me feeling stuck in life and thoroughly drained)
This is really interesting. Would you be willing to elaborate a little bit? I'm just trying to fully wrap my head around it tonsee if maybe this is my issue as well. Thanks!
Perfect! I'm the same.😊. Such a profound revelation. I really have perfected my procrastination skills, to the point where I'm basically paralyzed to begin any task.
I like how you describe the culmination of little t traumas like being stuck in a shallow chaotic sea. You aren't dragged under by a tidal wave, but your legs are churning in a cross-sea under the sand, or the edge of a rip-tide or a strong under-current. It's not obvious but still scary and unsettling. You're not drowning under the water, but you are distressed and maybe buffeted by confusing directions to the point of paralysis.
1:56 This is EXACTLY what I have! It's the same thing also, where I can't do it for myself, but if I am doing it for someone else I can and will do it. It's not even that I don't have enough energy, I do. And I WANT to do these things, I even have virtual enthusiasm for them. I have the knowledge and expertise, and have even done them before successfully. Maybe it's form of depression, but I don't really have that either, not in a classical way; maybe it's a strange contorted kind of depression? There is an element of anticipatory fear, fear of success and failure, fear of finality of a project, fear of what will I do after. If things stay up in the air for ever, then there is always open possibilities. It is also more like, self-effacement, what I want is not important, what I do shouldn't be better or more excelling than others, so I hobble myself, like Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron, where everyone who was better at something had to be hobbled. A weird psychological dynamic.
#1 is so relatable. Started a routine and was fine for about three weeks and then back to not engaging in it. Think that a new thing is good but generally when I do so, I'll lose another thing I was already doing. I started keeping dishes out of the sink, and the dish washer empty and totally lost taking my meds every night...very different yet it happens every time!
I am having the same struggle. My husband passed away in 2016. We didn't have kids. My relatives are gone, and my best friend died this year. I have had depression for years.
Same here. No reason to have to do anything. Husband passed. Son has autism and does nothing. Parent passed. One friend who I rely on too much. Will probably lose her since I cling too much. Sister lives in another state. It is just too much trying to figure everything out myself alone.
Whoever asked this 1st question described me exactly. Usually I get up plan to organize / clean the house or something and then feel like I have to get out of the house first and go shopping every day instead bc it’s more fun and relaxing for me! I’m sorry to say that the advice she gave does not help someone like me.
Oh my gosh.... You described me exactly!!!! I came into this accidentally, it must have been meant to be, because I am having such a problem with this exactly right now!! I felt so alone and stuck in my head etc also. I didn't know how or when I would be able to get out of it! Thank you for your comment because everything you wrote is me also everyday for the same reasons.
I needed to watch this video because I will sit in one spot, watching the same episodes of the same show I’ve seen at least 15 times and feel like I’ve done everything I could and I know people think I’m lazy but just waking up and existing is a lot for me….
Waking up,.. and existing is hard. I can relate. For me it was loosing the job I loved for 20yrs. It's devastated me in so many multiple ways, I'm still finding out. Depression and Anxiety hit me hard. I lost interest in everything, including life. I know it's a mental disorder... I don't no the label. It's just horrible..
Wow! I'm so glad I found this site! I just had a little vacation from work and had every intention of doing all the things that needed to get done. It was a long list. Wash the car, vacuum the car, clean a spare room, do the laundry, Organize my craft supplies. The only things I did were the things I Had to do like go to my eye doctor, go grocery shopping, and make a car payment. At the end of my staycation I was so upset with myself for not getting everything done, I felt like such a big failure. Oh yeah, and I ate a LOT of junk food too. I'm thankful that you have given us some ways to change ourselves and give us hope. I like what you say about changing our "self" talk too. Thank you from my heart ❤️💕❤️
Thank you for this. It’s what I’ve struggled with for decades. I can jump out of bed for work but not for my entrepreneurial self. And that’s why I’m still just an employee. I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager.
Ditto. After 20 years in the same profession I'd like to be an entrepreneur, but I just can't get it going. I haven't been able to for years. Still an employee.
YESSS. I have to have that flight or fight in order to do anything. Work is critical somehow, i have no idea how. I've even tried to think of how I can trick my brain to make other things like showering, chores, etc seem just as 'critical' but no luck so far.
EMDR therapy as really helped me heal my inner child. It enables you to go back to distressing memories without the flight/fright/freeze response getting in your way of processing and healing. To truly be able float back in time and give yourself what your younger self needed is super healing and the comfort feels just as real as when we receive comfort from another person. You start to feel more confidence and trust within yourself. Wishing healing to whoever reads this 💕
I’ve been doing EMDR for the past year and it’s sending me into a panic attack and severe distress for Big T trauma. It’s not always without flight/fight/freeze response… Me and my therapist decided to put it away for a while because of how difficult EMDR sessions were for me to handle emotionally.
Thank you for this!! I am a disabled veteran and Have just broken free from a Domestic abuse situation...I've never been depressed and I didn't know what was wrong with me. You saved me!
It’s most likely because you haven’t yet developed the balls to truly create a circle of friends who supports you to reach your goals. Your subconscious mind perceives it as a threat to try to reach your goals alone and therefore doesn’t allow a significant energetic investment into it. It’s because you have a bigger likelihood to survive when other low accomplishment people are at your side (which is much more likely when you also accomplish little) than if you tried to do everything yourself have some success but without those people.
“Why can’t I get myself to do anything?” I have lived the same way for 63 years. My #1 is not taking showers plus tons more of other things. I’ve tried everything suggested by all types of professionals like yourself yet I am still not able to do anything. For me, I recently began that all these things are connected to Self-Love and Self-Care. These two ideas are very new to me and I still don’t get it all yet. Having be born into a large dysfunctional family, where misbehavior was tended to first and good behavior was not applauded as a good example, I was swept under the bus. I never was taught about or witnessed Self-Love or Self-Care all of my life even until now, so do not know how to implement these things. Can you lease discuss this further and hoe it affects our ability to take care of things for ourselves that make us happy please. Thank you.
@@TheWolfox911 What a worthless blanket statement that solves absolutely nothing. Believing in a diety isnt the cure all for depression insomnia anxiety procrastination self harm or loneliness. Ive never found the answers I was seeking in the bible. Therapy a support system open honest informative conversation tools like medication, create success that is necessary to move people forward. Save your preaching for the pulpit. Thanks.
@@heatherhansen3664 not for us, but for some people it actually does make a difference. Tons of research to prove it. People finding God often get to be a part of a community and benefit from the support it usually comes with. But yeah, it's not for me either.
@@rialdaosmanovic2142 i dont believe that such a person could become part of a community. That's the point they're incapable of showing and doing basicic self-care.
@@TheWolfox911 a lot of people already have faith, and still suffer from the same issues as people watching and commenting on these videos. I have C-PTSD, believe in Spirit (not religious and certainly not a Christian, though my adoptive family didn't respect that at all) and even after 2 years of therapy with a great counsellor, I'm still struggling from the impact of stuff that started happening when I was just 3 weeks old; the trauma was merely perpetuated by the arrangement that was supposed to improve my life, because my a-family were pretty immature and dysfunctional.
I was raised that chores came before fun, there was an approved, supported path to adulthood. My sibs veered from the path when they left home & the guilting was tremendous. I stuck to the path but refused to follow a bunch of other rules such as curfew. Sometimes I think my 'inability' to do things i find boring etc is rooted in that. Like I MUST have something to rebel against.
Goodness, this entire video and all questions were so relevant to where I'm at right now. I'm currently about to get a HUGE project off my shoulders that I've been putting off for three years! It feels so good, but I needed therapy to help get me to that point. I'm working on getting my deceased parents home (the one I grew up in) emptied of tons of stuff and cleaned up from their years of dementia. Just thinking about that massive task made me depressed. The estate sale company is there right now and it should be emptied out in a few weeks. I'm so excited. So, to everyone out there putting stuff off and feeling bad about yourself because of it, this advice works. It's exactly what my therapist helped me to do. Every little step gave me energy for the next one because I no longer felt so paralyzed. I had so much anxiety because I wasn't taking care of important matters, so when I started handling them, a lot of the anxiety lifted as well. I still have a lot to do, but I have some momentum now. Oh and something she didn't mention is to let people help. Allow friends to be there for you. Let people in and don't isolate.
@cynthiacoring8602 I beg you for their sake, start getting rid of extra stuff. Things didn't go as planned, and now, in addition to dealing with the house, I have to file a lawsuit against the auction company because they are refusing to pay me. It's been a total nightmare.
The story we tell ourselves, about whose trauma is worse, can come from a narcissistic parent, who discredited our feelings and experience….so we shame ourselves.
I read a very helpful thing for me from another poster once: instead of a to-do list make a ta-da list. I find that much better because instead of feeling I'm at the bottom of a mountain of to-dos looking up; I feel as if every tick is like standing on top of a smaller mountain looking down and celebrating getting there.
The person in question 1 reminds me a lot of me, and I'm not depressed. I have ADHD. I use body doubling to help me get things done. Executive dysfunction is a big challenge in ADHD and a lot of other things.
@@anjareefschlager8317 body doubling is when you use the presence of someone else to help you focus on a task. For me it’s easier to focus on doing my homework, when I’m with a friend who’s also doing homework because it kind of passively forced me into also doing work. HowToADHD probably has a video explaining it.
I feel really moved, i'm crying right now when you answer the person ( 14 or 15min) when he or she shares his need 'someone to care for me and say it's gonna ok '. And you say ' it's a normal human need to need attention because we're social creatures we crave connection and connection...' with such conviction. I feel like you are saying to me that i have the right to be cared of... i'm 55 and I didn't know. I lived in a toxic family, i was psychologically abused, attachment issues, i also have Asperger's syndrom only diagnosed when I was 39, maybe that's one of the reasons because it's hard to live and/or love an autistic person? I have cptsd, chronic depression, sometimes needing hospitalization. I'm going through one of my severe anxiety and depression.. on day care, it helps me a lot, but I keep thinking I just need someone who would hug me and say it's gonna be okay. Thank you. And thank you for your wise advices and tools you give us. (Sorry for my english, i'm a french talker)
For the idea of small bite sized goals- I see a therapist and I am not "depressed" but suffer from this as well, I am a tired solo parent of a toddler, who works fulltime in a stressful job. I have found putting perfectionism aside and guilt are key. I set a timer and I don't do it every night, but I have an alarm on my phone that goes off after my kids bedtime to remind me to clean for 15 minutes. Not a whole space and not any longer to avoid burning out.. just put 15 min in each evening before relaxing. It has really helped keep some things more manageable. I also know that if I let myself feel bad for not doing all the things I do even less...baby out with the bathwater, a problem my mom assures me I have had my whole life and I'm 40 and still dealing with it. So, I do agree with Kati about smaller chunks, but alarms on phones for 5-20 min chunks can be really helpful.
Just discovered your channel. I have learned what depression means over the last three years. Here are some examples of what I have learned. 1. Compassion toward people also suffering, I truly did not understand what it meant. 2. When I start to feel anxious and ashamed in the struggle to motivate myself, I ask myself , if you had a best friend who had this issue what would you tell them and how could you help them? This really helps me get perspective and ironically I have a tendency to be more positive and understanding with others than I am with myself. 3. I have a coffee date once a week with two friends. I don’t always make it but most of the time I do and always feel uplifted. 4. When I am having a good day, I go for it, clean the house, do laundry, food prep etc. I do this because having these things taken care of calms me and also because I have learned that it could be awhile before I have another good day. 5. Social contact is hard these days so I stick with texts and FaceTime, even if it’s only a picture or video I find on Pinterest or TH-cam. Don’t want to lose touch with people I love. 6. I focus on hobbies where I can sit or lie down LOL 😊 such as knitting, reading, coloring, hand sewing. 7. My dog Belly has been a huge help, knowing I need to take care of her gets me outside 6 times a day. Making sure she has food and water reminds me to eat and drink water too. Just having her to pet calms me. Lastly I would say go for whatever works for you. Stay away from any toxic people in your life. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend because you are. Wishing you all the very best.
Hello i really like your channel content. i am a semi retired psychologist with my Doctorate in the field. i have 14 years experience and more than 10k patients. I specialize in women's health and specifically trauma victims. I feel like you are very dedicated and it comes from your own experiences in life. I am a former victim as well it caused me to get into the field. I love helping people i guess like you? i don't believe i have ever spoken on here before.I'm Doc in Palm beach Florida. I am now in a wheel chair stage 5 kidney failure recently married to a woman half my age but the rock of my life. Great video....
The first question completely hit home for me. For me this was me from childhood into my mid 30s. In my mid 30s I was diagnosed with autism. Im such a happy and positive person though amd have never felt connected with depression and its frustrating that providers kept saying that to me. Although it completely made sense how they explained things but that just wasn't what I was feeling. To explain a bit more... If im having to stop my moving momentum flow is hard and is equally as hard to start that momentum from stuck energy. I discovered this same feeling that I have had a name of autistic inertia(hope I spelled this right). This was helpful for me. Im also very overwhelmed with everything sensory like audio, visual, sounds, textures, temps, etc. Once I learned this ive been able to find things that help. For me I have to ask if someone is brushing their teeth, then I go with. If someone else does something I need to double up whenever possible. Then I also hold myself accountable by telling anyone im going to do the things. Or I make a list. Thats really the only ways I am able to prioritize things in my brain. If they aren't priorities to me then they'd fall to the bottom. I have had struggles with water my whole life. Like baths, cooking, drinking water, dishes, washing hands, brushing teeth, etc. These are all rare things for me to be able to do regularly on my own. This is just what my own experience has been with that first question. So interesting how everyone is so different. The brain is so fascinating to me.
Sometimes I want to do something, but the task seems so boring that I can't get started even though I know things will be better if I get the task accomplished.
Thank you Kati for sharing this information as I felt seen and validated right now. I suppose there is going to be ebbs and flows when doing our inner child healing work. For now, I’m asking my inner child to help and cooperation to just own it. Feel healed without denying the symptoms when it comes to the surface. What works for me is body movement when I feel stuck, journal, paint, draw, surrender to the full experience of feeling the uncomfortable sensations in my body and emotional dysregulation. Self-compassion, care, and kindness is what I’m also embodying and I’m grateful for all the village of health professionals and be there for my nervous system when things do come up to be released. Also tolerate the discomfort, allowing feelings of those emotions that were labeled as negative. They’re just emotions and release all the energy out of my mind/body/spirit. And being able to have kind and loving inner self-talk. Sending healing thoughts and good vibes to us all. We’re not alone and we’ve come so far already. ❤❤❤
I want to thank you for this, I found you randomly but this is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I came to the realization that I must be depressed about 3 weeks ago, but I haven't found my way out of my rut. I'm going to try your methods.
Wow, I can't believe I clicked on this, I've always told myself I hate therapy, but I'm enjoying listening to you. You'll be shocked when you hear me story. I'm from New Orleans but it was getting so unsafe and I couldn't find work, so I was feeling like a prisoner in my house. My sister had moved to Fayetteville, Arkansas years ago and was a successful real estate agent. She had a house that I could live in and she helped me move up here. Beautiful house, beautiful neighborhood, enough money from my military retirement, but I haven't left my house since Jan 27th when I had hip surgery, before that it was Thanksgiving. I don't remember the day but I havnt taken a shower or brush my teeth since the first week of Feb. I don't want to be alive anymore but I'm not actively suicidal. Basically I'm exhausted and don't want to wake up. I have two of my adult children here with me. My 33 year old son is schizophrenic and my daughter is not the nicest person. But that's not new so I don't think that's the problem. If my sister showed up at my door, I would pretend I wasn't there. She's nice, I have no reason except the house doesn't look very nice. Not filthy, but I'm funny about that. I don't know how to break this depression. I'm on lexapro and have a shrink that does video appointments quarterly. I find that I want to hide the truth from him. I did that with my parents when I was in HS, always telling them I was popular and had lots of friends. Couldn't stand them knowing how bad it was. I wasn't abused as a child but I suffered from extreme extreme neglect. Basically raising myself I think. Teachers would pull me aside in elementary school and ask me if I had a comb, then a toothbrush, then asking if I had only one outfit because I wore the same thing to school for months. Never EVER having lunch money or any food in the house to make a lunch. This is terrible for a kid at lunch time. You're hungry, but proud and say things like, "it's ok, I'm not hungry." And this goes on for years, for my younger brother and sister who I take care of. How could people at the school not notice and help us? We arrived at school looking like homeless children. Never having bookbags or the things you have to buy like binders, paper, notebooks, etc.. and there were adults that were actually mean to us. Most weren't but when you're a neglected child, it's big. So much more but I can't go on.
Wow - funny, not funny. Teachers called us into office to ask why we hadn't showered...the shame of not having lunch money or milk money. Eventually, they cut you off. One day the school called my mom at home because they couldn't give me any more free lunch. She told the school she was coming in to bring my lunch. I sat alone in the cafeteria while the other kids went back to class, waiting for my mother. She showed up 45 minutes later explaining that she had gotten into a conversation with the deli guy about a script she was writing and time got away...it was humiliating and shameful. Not to not eat, to have the full blown experience that my well being was at most an afterthought - even the basics like clean clothes, and knowing this was in the full light. Just saying...wth? I wonder if decisions were made that I clearly wasn't worth it/worthy and that judgement became internalized. Sorry you experienced this as well.
You were abused as a child when they were not providing that to you, food clothing yes that is neglect but it’s also abuse physical and mental abuse. You need to see your therapist more than quarterly because whatever that is doing isn’t working
@@m_christine1070 I'm taking 20mg. They've done studies and find that there's really no added value in taking more than 20mg. But I asked my doctor anyway and he added a bottle of 10mg tablets so I could try it. It didn't help. He added wellbutrin. That helped a bit. I went in person recently and they diagnosed me with narcolepsy and gave me meds for that. I mean, I guess falling asleep in a busy clinic is abnormal. I feel exhausted all the time. I went outside though. That was kind of big. I think, if I searched the whole country, I wouldn't be able to find a bunch of people as sweet and good as my neighbors. I really hit the jackpot. I still feel myself pulling back from them but I make an effort now.
Listening to you made me think realize that for the past 10 years I've been absorbing lots of trauma from working with clients who are in addiction recovery and/or dealing with homelessness. Some of them are children, which is particularly taxing. I love what I do but no wonder I am identifying more and more with trauma survivors. I'm also dealing with personal and family illness. No wonder my energy is just not there.
Unfortunately the title of the video is me right now. I feel like nothing and no one can help me,very overwhelmed with daily tasks. Even the things you say can help translates to me like "yeah not me though, I can't help me anymore/right now" :\ Thank you for everything Kati ❤️
I'm stuck in this too. I'm 51 and have GAD with depressed mood. I'm on meds, part of support groups and seeing my Dr. Journaling helps when I'm really upset. But I'm stuck in a hole and often think why am I here, I'm fed up and sometimes just want to end it. I find myself remembering things from my past that I realize now caused trauma for me. I'm always asking myself what's making me focus on this now? I'm always putting myself down, can't ever accept compliments and feel that I'm always wrong when I used to be on top of things and helping others. I can't help myself how could I ever help others. I need out of this dark cloud.
@@dd3209 That's an awful place to be in, I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Just a thought, it's possible that you're thinking about these things now bc you're in a position to handle it now. It sounds like you felt on top of things before, so perhaps that competency and energy is what allowed you to confront these things. Meaning, maybe this is part of the process of getting past it. So it's something that will pass once you're out of the woods. Don't know if that's true for you, just thought I'd share. Also, if you are having suicidal ideation please tell someone you trust - Ideally a professional like a therapist or psych doctor, but a close friend or family member is good too. One, that means there's someone to help look out for you, to notice if you start spiraling. Two, equally important, I've found that it alleviates some of the isolation, and it seems suicidal ideation is made worse by isolation (emotionally or physically). Also, feeling hopeless can be less intense if you feel connected with someone else, someone on the outside, so to speak. Best wishes for you.
Don't feel depressed or unhappy. Just the fear of not doing anything distroy muscles. "Don't use it you'll lose it. " The Idea of showering is great. Thank you.
I smoke indica. 2-3 puffs, and my house is clean, and the work/chores get done. I am able to Journal and turn off the TV. Indica gets me out of the dullness of my brain. I also sleep better. I already follow a Keto diet. I stopped taking pharmaceuticals, once I got my diet, healthy lifestyle dialed in. Everything cleared up. 18 pills down to 1.
My therapist recommended 3 random things to do from any list of things I wanted or needed to do, try to accomplish 3 things a day. One day I retrieved a clothespin that had been under my desk for 7 years, changed the sheets, and threw away some stuff from the fridge. Mission accomplished! So now, when I’m stuck on the couch I put that trick into action. It has helped me in a lot of ways. I don’t feel useless, the sorely missed feeling of accomplishment peeks out from the clouds and I feel just as good as when I’m able to do more because there’s no negative self talk. So now, every day I do at least 3 things, some days I can do so much more but I still dip down to 30-50% below the happiness line.
All the routines & strategies in the world may not give a person feelings of validation, which is what so many of us lack. I feel worthless (not valid) because my dad abused me & my mom rejected me. It can take a lot of hard work & reflection to get to the place where validation comes from within. 🥰
I came across this by chance today and found it so incredibly insightful and helpful. Thanks so much for being so generous with your time and helping others.
I was like that off and on throughout the years (lazy, unmotivated...despite WANTING to be), then some physical symptoms began to manifest at times and then go away. The past 2 years were the worst. I was finally willing to accept that the physical symptoms were anxiety although it didn't add up for me. And i was ready to accept that I'm just a lazy person. Then the physical symptoms got worse and worse. Eventually I was able to find that I was anemic and B vitamin deficient. Taking B vitamins transformed me immediately. Getting my blood built up took time but also changed everything. At some point I realized I was getting more done in a day than I used to get done in months. I was able to get a job just in the nick of time before I was completely broke (after months of being off work with scary physical symptoms and total lack of motivation). It turns out that not only do B vitamins (B12, folate, B6) help get rid of weird phantom physical symptoms (tingly fingers, phantom smells, angina, palpitations, excess thirst, excess urination, cold and fatigue, lower back pain that won't heal) but it releases the motivation to do stuff that was there but being muted. My mind was always telling me I wanted to do these things but just couldn't bring myself to do them. It didn't add up. My body simply intervened my mind to stop me from doing stuff b/c I was deficient. B12 really changed me from the very first day. ymmv
So I ment the other me listening to this lady I felt I was hearing the inner me shouting for help. I lost my daughter in Nov. 2023. This was not the beginning of my mental health problem. I came from a family full of addiction of mental health issues, I have fought these feelings forever. Thank you for reaching out to us so called lazy people. I'm so overwhelmed now I don't want to give up I get moving one week I then seem stuck the next. I just keep praying but for now I am so glad I found your site.
I feel this way too but mostly since the chronic pain got to a point it's just so much easier to do nothing. Then I get depressed because I have so much to do, I just keep moving tasks out another day or week on the calendar. I used to do it all but being in my 60's with health issues has stopped all that including my ability to work and it is really messing with my head so much that even when I don't have much pain I still can't get motivated. It seems like this is happening to many of us as a part of aging, we know it's going to be a different life when we are seniors but there is no way to know just how much harder every little thing will become until we get here. Thanks Kati and for letting me vent, going to try to clean the bathroom now, good luck everyone, hoping we all find our way.
For the longest time, from childhood to adulthood I was seeing a therapist who was a terrible therapist. My mother was emotionally absent, and would weaponize anything and use it against me, so I learned not to open up to her in the slightest. My father, I'd see once every 3 months or so, so he was barely any influence into my life whatsoever. I had/have no friends. So, the only source I had was my crappy therapist. Anytime I would open up about anything, he would just reply "That's bullsh*t". He would do it again and again. I learned not to open up to him either, and just went because I was oblligated to go. But closed off. I stopped telling him anything. What was the point? Today, I REFUSE to see a male doctor. I do not trust male doctors. I was seeing a male therapist for a while who pointed out 2 things: a) "You seem to focus on the past a lot". YES! I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor from a single-parent covert narcissistic mother who was emotionally numb. b) "You keep repeating yourself". YES! I'm processing 40+ years of trauma and dealing with pain and grievance, and dealing with a lot! I'm GOING to repeat myself! This guy was a therapist?!?!!? Refusing any male doctors at this point, I am aware I am using "transference". Is it fair? I don't care!! It FEELS right! I do NOT trust any male doctor. Fortunately, I have found a good female therapist who is a trauma therapist, so she knows what she is talking about!!! I actually trust her, to a point. (I don't totally trust ANYONE but me)
Omg. Those statements would make me want to choke him! When I first got my psychiatrist, the one and only time when I tried to explain to him, a serious situation I was experiencing w respect to my sister literally stealing my life savings(lifelong brainwashing and narc abuse by her but I was in denial -50+ years!!- until she stole $80k from me. But I only got as far as:"I'm dealing with a serious situation with my sister ....and he cut me off. To say: " you seem like you're someone who likes to complain 🤯.
I felt that cause I have the same background.. Both of my parents are narcs... I just keep to myself mostly.. I see my mom sometimes.. But deep talks are off limits concerning the past.. She freaks out if I want to talk about stuff or says I dont remember that.. My Dad is horrible.. He takes pleasure in hurting me.. They both are liars.. It really sucks.. I just want to move to the country away from people...
@winterwarlock Doctors in general have massive egos. I too am not into looking to male humans for help. I'm male and I dislike men at this point. I finally have a female doctor and have yet to speak to her. I'm very nervous because if it's not a good match I may not make it! 14 years with no diagnosis for a physical aliment that is taking me out and many more years with no diagnoses for any of my brain disorders which seem to be plentiful. Over 5 years of waiting for appointments and dozens of male doctors all ending in no ****ing help.
Oh I can relate with Q1. I've been so so angry going into work this week and my therapist is on maternity leave. I do a lot of journaling to get it out. It's that time of year for me where things are triggering and I'm doing my best to just workout and work on my paintings but it's so hard at times. I am so tired and feeling burnt out from work right now too. The energy is hard to handle. It just feels better to veg out and watch TH-cam and chill on my couch. I try to stick to a routine but it's lacking right now. I need to not be hard on myself and remember it's just the time of year and I won't feel like this forever. Thanks for the tips Katie! You've always been my go to online therapist when I'm on a break from mine. I appreciate you : )
I always remind myself that many animals and plants "hibernate" in the winter and so do I! Unfortunately I have to work but other than that I adjust my expectations and spend a lot of time resting. Thay is what winter is for if you ask me!
I experience this a lot myself. One of the ways I have found super helpful is to do tasks in 10-15 minute intervals. Then, if I feel like doing more, great.
Omg.. Im an ICU RN..long story..but,Im 'disabled' depressed,in pain24/7,-ptsd i think from working covid..etc. ADD,and I literally celebrate if I take garbage out ormake 'those' 3 important phone calls.. my kids have NEVER once been late to school, or absent in years( 16,19) But I'm late, procrastinate , and just cant function since Not working,not walking, and blah blah blah.ty..Im so glad I found you♡ cuz it gets WORSEdaily as I get disappointed in myself for not doing anything unless it comes to my kids
You probably know of Gabor Mate. His trauma theory is so enlightening. Our culture does not care for children. They need to be loved just for existing. My parents did nothing to encourage me and I got straight A's in 6th grade and that was it - my mom was never satisfied with me. Dealing with things as children that we should have been taught makes for fear/ trauma. Exactly the trauma is not the problem its how it affected us, How our mind and body find ways to cope.
Don't forget to rule out other medical causes first, like anemia. Also sleep disorders like Apnea and Narcolepsy can cause this. Narcolepsy has the extra whammy in that it knocks out some of your motivation biochemicals. I have those and also learned i have ADHD at 47. Watch some people talk about it. It can cause a Clutter Paralysis, both physical & emotional. You want to have a clean house, but your brain doesn't organize the same way and so you 'fail' when using traditional tactics. I was misdiagnosed with depression for many years... especially when Narcolepsy first started. Also, not everyone circadian are the same, but getting up at the same time will eventually have you go to sleep earlier if you need it. The book The Sleep Solution is very funny and good. Women often present ADHD differently than men too. Many adults learn to cope with ADHD until something throws in a monkey wrench, and then the coping ststem doesn't.
Hello to everyone here in the comments how is everyone been this last week I'd like to share my depressive episode s have got worse over this last week iv been struggling and trying to get myself out of it but I'm in a dark deep hole right now I know so Meany of you understand this feeling I'm sleeping so much not eating properly/ not mangeing my self -care bad emotions and thoughts in my head I'm so thankful for Kati Morton ❤️❤️
1:05:18 I know it’s a difficult time of the year for many people….with thanksgiving and Christmas holidays being triggering to some because of so many plans an things I feel I HAVE to do. I get very depressed in November thru March because of the above mentioned and also so many more hours of darkness starting in late afternoon and not much sunlight to take in during daytime hours. It’s made me reclusive and wanting to sleep all day and very isolated. I’m working thru this with a therapist but it is still difficult to get self motivated to even get out of bed.it truly is a process…and you’re definitely NOT alone in feeling this way (depressed). I hope you see a therapist to help you get through this debilitating time. ♥️
@@dawncraig3340 hello I really appreciate you replying to my comment nice to meet you thank you. no sadly I don't have Meany friends only 1 close friend he visit s me sometime 1 day a week I live with my family they surpport me and try to keep me eating I feel honestly it helps to share these things Kati s so calming and helpful iv been following and watching her podcast and videos for a long time and I am also so thankful for the community ❤️
@@sherrieh2062 hello nice to meet you and thank you so much for your lovely surportive comment and shareing your mental health struggle s with me shareing and being careing and surportive is so important we all know what it feels like to have mental health issues any symptoms of depression I honestly hate it constantly draining my mind and body each and every day yes I recently started CBT therapy but on the phone and will be doing video call s therapy with my new therapist but iv not had much luck in the past with being in therapy but giving it a chance 😥
I’ve always said, since I’ve heard about that acronym, HALT, to add an S for sick. So it would be HALTS. Because all those feelings cause one to feel a certain way, and do, or not do, something. Thank you, Kati! I literally just scrolled and saw your channel for the first time. This exact question has bothered me in my life as well I have had deep, severe depression since very early childhood. I grew up in a very dysfunctional, and abusive home, and I have CPTSD. Just surviving to be alive was such an accomplishment. I’m tired often when I haven’t done anything to be tired. I have had adrenal fatigue from cortisol being high since I was very young as well. Of course, adrenal glands don’t get tired. The human body gets tired, not the adrenal gland. The body NEEDS rest to heal and grow.
This was very helpful! Keep up the good work. Forgiving does not include forgetting. It just helps with accepting and not holding on to the anger. Allow yourself to be angry and to grieve what you experienced because that is important for healing.
Holy crap this first question is spot on me! I felt awful like I couldn't get up and do anything other absolutely needed tasks, which was only working or getting ready for work
I’m a recovered addict. I lost my daughters, but not to the state. My husband had signed temporary guardianship. I got clean to get them back! We also ended up in different states. So I couldn’t even see them. And then it turned where the Pastor did everything to keep them from us as much as possible. I ended up mourning as if they had died. I know it sounds ridiculous. And I apologize to anyone who has lost a child. I certainly mourned the years I missed with them. And my depression was so severe and I allowed Pastor to intimidate me. My oldest also wanted to stay and finish high school. But my youngest wanted to come live with us. And not only did Pastor have a sense of entitlement to my children. My husband (their biological dad) didn’t want to separate them! So I had two people stopping my youngest coming home! And it’s 8 yrs this month. But they are 20 and going on 19 now. We spend Christmas together. A little bit of time in the summer. And we try and meet half way and spend a weekend somewhere. But I also have some medical issues. I’ve been in counseling every two weeks for about 5 yrs. I take antidepressants and anxiety medication. And granted my depression has lessened to a degree. But I still haven’t been able to reach acceptance. Oh! And the reason we didn’t move back to where they are, is we burned so many bridges, we couldn’t go back. And even though we are and have been clean, our church won’t help us now! I started taking my girls there when they were toddlers! I sent them to private school there. And ironically my kids opened their children’s home! 😢 But I have lost all ability for self care. I wouldn’t leave my house without makeup on. Now I struggle to shower! It’s so embarrassing! I don’t understand how something that was just like eating or breathing, has become one of my biggest struggles!
It's not ridiculous AT ALL to mourn for your children under these circumstances - I was adopted (fostered by then-future a-parents from the age of 2, then adopted a few years later) and recently got back in touch with my birth family. They told me my birth mum had grieved for me, and had always wanted to see me again, though unfortunately I was too late for a reunion as she died 10 years ago. I mourned for her as well, my whole life; grieving for someone you know is still alive is absolutely comparable to grieving for a deceased loved one, especially if there's a barrier not of your own making between you. That pastor doesn't sound very compassionate, to me. You deserved a chance to see your daughters more often. I'm sorry you're struggling, too.
Could be ADHD Analysis Paralysis. I hate it SO incredibly much. This can also be and usually will be mixed with depression and anxiety. And negative self talk. 🥺😞 It’s so hard to change.
On November 15th 2021 the love of my life passed away after thirty years together. I had also just found out I was a diabetic at the same time. Now I have complications to deal with, and another surgery looming over my head. I also had to sell our house a year ago because we had filed for bankruptcy, and move across the country to stay with my sister and brother-in-law. Dealing with him at times has been traumatic. I’m used to the city and I live in the country right now, without the use of my car. I want to move back to my home state California and all I have is a motor home, which is okay with me to live in full time. I have a friend who is willing to help me get there. Trying to get Medicare started finally, and social security has finally kicked in. To say that I’m overwhelmed is an understatement, but with God’s help and the help of family and friends, I get by…my problem is that I have a hard time getting things done.I’ve always been that way, and that’s when my late husband would direct me and help me. Just venting….
I say it this way: I'm not depressed, I'm discouraged. It's like the reward circuit is broken. I'll force myself to do something, and there's no feeling of "yay I did it." I avoid a lot of things i internally want to do, things internally plan, and even put it on the to do list, but then there's this invisible barrier. A fear of feeling nothing when doing it and worse, feeling nothing when it's done. The to do list is a tool I learned from watching ADHD videos about executive dysfunction. If i put it on the list, I will eventually do it. It will consume a LOT of energy. The to do list is now 17 pages long. I'm sometimes ashamed at how little I accomplish. I'd rather sit all day on youtube, reddit, video games, or endless tv streaming. I sit there and try to puzzle out why I'll do virtual tasks that are actually rather boring, but then I have a couple of junk rooms full of things that I should re-sell on ebay for real money or projects I started but never finish, but then... invisible barrier... energy drain from other unavoidable tasks (cleaning, Laundry, cooking, work).... executive dysfunction broken task initiation. I don't have the other problems that are typical ADHA, memory, focus, setting goals, self control and awareness, etc. I just have the task initiation and sticking to projects because there's no mental reward. Have I just burnt out my dopamine receptors with all the "clicking for virtual pleasure pellets" with internet & tv? Why doesn't finishing tasks make me feel encouraged?
U might benefit from channels like archaix …learning about our history and what this end times thing is about…it helped drag me out of the depression and hopelessness of what a Christian is made to feel during this time…turned everything around and has helped me find a path to heal…
I relate to the woman who wants to be taken care of. I, also have this deep desire. It is embarrassing for me to admit. My mom passed in a fire when I was 10 and I have been failed ever since in every way. Taken away from my brother same day along with everyone in the life I had with my mother, abused, given up on, put in foster care, abandoned. Always clinging to the outside of someone else’s family. Today at 52, I’m alone and single. No deep relationships no support system with depression. I have one friendship I just ended yesterday because any time I open up to her about my feelings she’ll say “ heeere we go again” and this last time she hung up on me after my response…. which was, some day when you have no father, no brother and no one left who,loves you, you’ll understand. This is a common response I get along with, get over it. Which I wonder how I can get over something I’m still living. Plus it’s so hurtful. I. have no hope for getting past these emotional issues but I do wish to be understood. I no longer feel safe bringing up my feelings to anyone and feel like I’m annoying them if I do. I just wish someone would love me enough to listen and hear me
How sad a thing it is, that many professional psychologists and psychiatrists do not recognize CPTSD and CFS as real illnesses, but they are always ready to talk down to you and put you on Rx meds. Be your own patient advocate and stand up and walk out if your therapist is not on your side.
At 83, I can, and mostly do, nothing but sit all day and stay on my iPad and can’t make myself do the daily things that most people do as part of life. For example, showering and brushing my teeth everyday, small household maintenance,etc. Occasionally, I do manage to do those things if I have to go to an appointment, or see my family occasionally, but it’s extremely difficult. I am on an antidepressant, so I’m not completely shut down, but still not even close to 100%. All my life, I have been an artist and and an avid crafter, but even though I have all the supplies and ideas, I can’t make myself start. For a long time now, I spend a lot of my time on TH-cam learning about various hobbies and I want to do them myself and sometimes even buy the needed supplies (Mostly Amazon), but just can’t get started. I beat myself up about it and feel even less motivated. I make short “to do” lists everyday of ordinary things and sometimes even manage to do some of them, like load and unload the dishwasher, do a load of laundry, take a shower, pick up and put away clutter, etc. I get angry at myself for wasting the last few years I have left before I, inevitably, die. It's a vicious cycle and I can’t get motivated enough to break out of the cycle. Thanks for letting me vent about it.
Yeah, its incredibly frustrating to know that what you are going through is not depression, but then the therapist says, no, it's depression. Fast forward years and you find out its ADHD. It was very triggering to hear her deny that persons reality.
Why can’t it be both ADHD and depression? I have both. But post partum, I couldn’t get anything done and couldn’t figure out why until I got through the fog. I began to realize I was depressed and didn’t know it. ADHD just magnified what I struggled with.
This is my first time here. Very informative and helpful. I am 64 years old and so sad and lost. I am still working for the State at a MH and SA Outpatient clinic in clerical. I will be watching and look forward to looking into your other post and books. Thank you
I didn't realize you had a podcast. I've only seen your videos on your regular channel. So glad I found this! This was so rich with information and wisdom. Thank you for taking the time for Q&A, your answers were so thorough. I did want to bring up 2 points. Regarding the question about friends' or family's role in a person's therapy, I do think the exception is when the individual is either in crisis or a danger to themselves/others. I think in those cases the friend/family have an obligation to intervene and reach out. I have had to make calls to friends' therapists/psych to notify them that the patient was in crisis and in immediate need of help. In those cases the individual was unable to communicate that to the therapist/psych because they were too deep in the crisis. But I didn't ask to be a part of therapy, I just offered to be available if they needed information from me regarding the symptoms I'd observed. I basically just acted as an advocate, to get them assistance so they weren't stuck suffering. Regarding the issue of retaining a relationship with an abusive family member, I 💯 agree with everything you said. I applaud you for so directly communicating that victims have rights, and that trumps all else. That our mental health is valuable and we have the right to protect it. That as an adult we have power and choices that weren't available as a child, and we have the right to exercise that power. It's such an important message for victims to hear, especially because family can put intense inappropriate guilt or misplaced blame on the victim. So that's a message some people really needed to hear to have permission, so to speak, to put their mental well being first. I can say from personal experience that the best decision I ever made was to stop communicating with my abusers (my parents). I'm sure there was talk of me "abandoning" the family, because that story sounds a whole lot better than the truth - their toxic, traumatizing behavior made it impossible to have any sort of relationship. (I havent seen them or spoken to them in 30 years, so its safe to say we moved on to live our own lives.) It would not have served me in any way to have remained in contact. In fact, they continued to be so abusive once I had moved out even that my therapist at the time said, "I normally don't say this, but in this one greeting card they have displayed such intensity that I don't recommend you trying to have a relationship." It was hugely helpful to have that objective insight, and to have a person in a position of some authority (a specialist, an experienced professional) give permission to act in my best interests. The experience also helped me realize that not all families are the same - some are excellent and supportive, and some are horrible and damaging - so the picture of the ideal family is simply not a reality many people face. Regardless of culture, a constant is that there's pressure to meet that ideal, even if it's superficial. And once you realize that those ideals are just that, not fact, it's freeing. Hope that made sense. Eta: I really appreciated you talking about the grief of trauma, bc it's something I've never heard anyone acknowledge, much less address. I was talking to a friend recently about this, we both felt we had so much grieving related to the abuse we experienced, but felt lost as to how to deal with it. I was telling her how frustrated I was that this was overlooked - all the therapists who were supposedly specializing in trauma, all the trauma therapy groups, none of them ever mentioned grief. I'd love to hear you talk more about it
Way late here, your channel just popped and I clicked. It describes me. I accept depression because I have good reason to have a truckload of it. For anyone that may need a few tips, these are mine, this is what I do. My #1 goal everyday is to be productive. So I do spurts of many things to me, in my mind which is where it counts, I'm productive. The yard needs me, I take myself out there with the lopers and cut a few limbs of overgrowth from a tree - to be continued of course. Time to let inside cat out but since he runs off, I sit on the back patio with him and watch him, while I sew by hand. I'm making some summer pajama shorts, so I keep one of these projects ready to go when he's ready - to be continued. Then maybe I'll play online sudoku - evil, a real brain workout. Sometimes, I even high march down the hallway, from computer to bathroom or vice versa - my exercise for the moment. Other spurts might be sweeping - one are at a time, not the whole room, of course not. Same for bathroom, one day I clean tub and shower, next day sink counter, next day toilet, etc. and so forth. Then I get on Facebook and play. Or maybe Ebay - I only purchase real bargains, I mean like a brand new with tags jurassic park tee $1.50. Sometimes I make purchases that need altering, so this will turn into a project for me on the patio with kitty. This is my day, all day long everyday. I find this works for me, hope it helps you.
I think my inability to get anything done, is rage. I've never felt heard in my whole life. My mother was a real narcissist. She ruined everything, all the time, including cleaning the whole house Saturday, and Sundays. Not cooperating is my way of screaming.
19:36 I paused and did just that. I never got to he a child. I didn't know what that little girl needed to hear. Until I started speaking. My present situation similar to to questioner. 🙏 Thank You for reminding us the tools we have learned. And that it is practice. Which never ends. Unfortunately, the dance is never ending. Thank You for being here to remind us that even though we already memorized the steps; we may still stumble. So, stop and and see that there is another step. 🙏
I suffer from depression and treat with medication. I am known as being funny and gregarious by nature..I know it is a sign of my underlying depression which keeps me from completing tasks at home. I struggle knowing I need to complete tasks and yet not ever getting to them. I agree with Katy's suggestions. Start with baby steps, one thing at a time and mostly, be kind to yourself. Today, I took all of my recycling out and cleaned my cat box. That's it!. At least I have two less things to do tomorrow! Thank you, Katy!
Wow yes! I get overwhelmed with every tiny little thing I need to do just for up keep, like wash my face and take my vitamins, all the daily necessities, the never-ending list. They get done and then I never get around to making my art, or I never save time for exploration. I have been wondering lately if i have a low grade depression. The other day i forced myself to clean and i was dragging so much I leaned on furniture while I cleaned it and I'm active and healthy.
@@Mockduck2020 where there is a will there is a way....if you really want to do art in peace and quiet without ruining your health and missing out on essential hours of sleep, getting up super early is the key...that is how I wrote my novel while.l bringing up four kids, running a day time business and daily swimming sessions at the gym. ( Kiss the sky by DC gallin) I give the title so you know it's not just talk. I would wake up at four every morning and by ten I had done my quota of creative daily work. Research Ayurvedic circadian cycles to see which organs renew themselves at what time of the night and why it's so important for.brain health as well... Saludos
I started my on my bedroom which became a drop off spot for everything. I started the back left side. Break a few days. Worked on back right side. Break. One of the bookcases. Break Christmas. Next on list is my 1 dresser. Then 2nd dresser Closet 2nd bookcase. Whew…
On grief: I always tell people that grief is NOT linear. We talk about stages, but it's been two years after I lost my mum suddenly, and I have triggers all the time. It's certainly not finished after the stages... I get angry after acceptance, too. When my therapist bailed suddenly during counseling (she left the practice with less than a days' notice), I then developed an aversion to therapy, since three times in a row I fell between the cracks with therapy. (Your trust-in-therapists portion was also timely for me, as my usual coping mechanisms are breaking down lately!) So my depression, which has been a running theme through my adult life, continues to manifest itself with inertia, which you so perfectly discussed in this video. Thank you. My inertia/ennui haunts me, and I really have trouble breaking through and gaining momentum.
Well. I relate to the person in that letter too well. I’ve suffered from Chronic Major Depression my whole life. I don’t seem to make serotonin…and my life, like most people’s has been hard and with lots of trauma. Four years ago I entered a new period in my life. I call it the “Sick era”. I went from managing myself pretty well, to being completely bed-ridden and almost encephalitis-like. I was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disease of the liver, AIH, and as a bonus, I had already developed Stage IV Cirrhosis, which is ironic because I have never imbibed alcohol. Ever. Anyway, I’m trying to hang in there, but I am like that person. I just can’t seem to do anything. I recently found out that I’m anemic and have a vitamin B12 deficiency. Maybe that explains my current state, but basically, I just can’t seem to do anything. Showering, for instance. I used to shower everyday no matter what. Now, I’m amazed if I get to the shower within a week. I’ve gone two weeks once without a shower. At first I put it down to my fear of falling. I blacked out once in 2019 during my illness before I was diagnosed, and fell backward 5’ onto the tile floor on my head. Then, four days later while in the shower, I had a bad Vertigo moment (I’ve had Vertigo ever since my fall, to this day…and I can no longer drive because of it), and passed out, hitting the same place on my head and breaking my foot in the process. I finally got safety bars installed in my shower, but I seem to have lost my motivation to be clean. I am home-bound because I can’t drive, I don’t have a lot of support at home, and I have my therapist and a Skype Pal from Canada, to be friends with. That’s it. My room looks like a Hoarder has taken over, and I feel too physically weak, and in too much ennui to do anything about it. Some days I wear the same outfit all week long, not even bothering with pjs…I just go to bed in my clothes. And wear them the next day…it’s pathetic, but I don’t know what to do. I take my anti-depressant medicine every day. I used to call them, “my happy pills” to try to explain why Mommie was taking pills everyday, to her 4 yr old, years ago. To this day, we still call them that. But they don’t make me happy. I don’t really do happy…but they do keep me ‘normal’ and keep my disorganized thinking under some control, and suicidal thoughts at bay. Still, I’m not sure they’re working…cause nothing really matters to me these days. Some major setbacks this past year: My beloved Mama died right before thanksgiving last year. We cajoled her to live to 100. She got close but died at 98 instead. One of our cats died at 19 yrs, about a month ago - ironically, on what would’ve been my Mom’s birthday. And, I’ve been trying to write music again (what I did before the Sick Era started) and I was as close to happy as I’ve ever gotten, and then when Mom passed, we went into Probate and I can no longer continue in the music studio I had created in my Mom’s walk-in closet. It has no electricity, and I found out that I can’t upgrade the room until the Probate is over, which could take years, so my music has just…stopped. Anyway, all I do anymore is play word games and jigsaw puzzles on my iPad, on my bed at night, and sleep all day. I am completely backwards with my sleep/wake cycle. I don’t bother to comb my hair, or wear deodorant (unless I’m going to the doctor) or makeup. Doesn’t really seem any point in doing so. I know I’m in a bad way, but I don’t seem to have fallen into a suicidal ideation, which has happened before. So I don’t know what to call this ‘season’ that I’m in. I hate it, but not enough to do anything about it. Thanks for listening.
I’m basically in the same place you just described. Have been for several years. Most of the time I just don’t give a crap anymore and just want to die.
I actually discovered lately after going thru the same thing ... That it is called abulia which is a symptom of schizophrenia. So we are not crazy for thinking something is wrong ff. But what nobody knows that it is delayed schizophrenia. It is just interesting to know that. Look up negative symptoms of such. There is no treatment for it. However high protein diet and l tyrosine help. Hang in there. There are so many people struggling l ike that. I will say a prayer for you today. God still loves us all
Thank you for being so honest. I truly hope that you are doing better and find happiness. Currently, I am without many people in my life as well. But I pray that will change soon. I'm feeling more hopeful today and I am sending that energy to you. Be well.
Expectations always lead to DISAPPOINTMENT 😞 😪 😕 😔. DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING from ANYONE, ORGANIZATIONS, etc..etc. etc. Self Protection is a Right. For one's own health and Safety. Thanks SO MUCH for your knowledge and time & REMINDERS . U R AMAZING 👏!
Join Kati in her powerful new LIVE Online Workshop on ATTACHMENT - JULY 21st & 28th katimorton.com/the-shop (pre-order your recorded version if you will be unavailable to attend LIVE)
I’m on overwhelming every day because I have way too much to do and I don’t even have a job and that’s where I’m just like how my post to fit the same with everything else ? Exercise for my defrosting bones, recent divorce so building from ground up! Literally, house I rent is too much but stuck because no job, covert abuse still even after divorce I could write a book on that, drama I shut down, have yet to date and not excited about that but tried multiple times without actually going out because I’m super picky, too many other strange things to list.
Oh no I’m not now lazy keep going, but the list never stops and it gets worse
What if your ex-husband at the time he remarried was sleeping with the brother-in-law‘s his brother-in-law sister that was the therapist working in the same practice as my son’s therapist so my child got let go and now after my narcissistic ex took everything pretty much which thank God for alimony and good medical for the kidS but I’m having to rebuild everything and I don’t trust therapist after that and it took a while for my child to trust a new therapist that I knew he needed therapy. My ex was guarded with the money and controlled it so we were always told we didn’t have the money. He made $150,000 a year and I lived off $150 a week at the time.
I agree with you that we need somebody in our group to point things out to us that we may not see that we’re doing to harm or selves but how do you do that after being totally ridiculed in lot losing everything with narcissistic abuse that does not stop after the abuser is gone???? Especially after not trusting therapist, after what happened when I was in therapy for years fixing myself. I went to file for divorce I was going to after I got a job. He knew what he was tracking me. He beat me to the punch and did a lot of she’s things.
I see what you’re saying about therapist specializing in what they’ve dealt with, but in all honesty from everything, I’ve seen this therapist have issues like anyone else, and to be honest most people that have struggled have seem more rewards in getting better and not killing themselves with dealing with people that have actually went through it themselves just like a drug addict and someone that struggles with that they need to have help from someone it’s come through it It’s not we end up wasting our time and I know therapist see it a different way. I think that’s why a lot of people turn to self-help and do a lot better in that arena. Sadly, my son’s therapist said I’ve done amazing considering the narcissistic abuse and stuff I’ve been through. I’m completely high functioning apparently.
Depression is not equal to sadness. Depression is a lowering of physical and mental baseline. I can literally sit in one place for an hour doing nothing, and feel as if I did all I could do.
Yes
So true
Good answer! I don’t remember where I heard this but it was years ago when I first was diagnosed…”if you can verbalize your depression, you may not be clinically depressed, rather you’re actually sad. People who seem happy, funny and problem-free can be dealing with clinical depression”. Which is so true and reminds me of Robin Williams and his demise. How sad that was
Amen! That’s me!
you are spot on.
This is me every day. I want to do so many things but it takes an act of God to get me to do even one of them. I also grew up with emotionally immature parents who could only respond with anger or silence. The question from the woman who grew up the same was spot on. I do all the things, meditation, exercise self-help, books, podcasts, therapy etc. Nothing seems to reach that deep space that needs to be held and appreciated and cared for.....cptsd is no joke. 😞
I found that saying what I want to do at the third person works 🤔 for example, il i want to go for a walk i say in my head : "[my name] wants to go for a walk, [my name] like to walk outside", the 2nd part is important because it has to be something real you like about doing the first part..
With some repeat it works, and if not I just say to myself, ok not now I understand there is [something too ridiculous, like "so much little herbs awaiting for me outside] , I'm trying to be like a funny good friend
I have CPTSD and have mental paralysis. It’s life altering and limiting for sure.
So relate 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞👊
I find the "5 Second Rule" I saw on a TED Talk once, sometimes works to kick start my motivation. As soon you think about something that you need to do, start a 54321-second countdown and get up to action it. The more you practise this, the easier it gets. I recommend it.
The issue for me is that the more I get stressed about being unproductive the more I waste time on apps (telling myself its selfcare/I need a break and whatever) and then getting back to feel stressed at being unproductive … never ending cycle
This!
It's like your taking the words right out of my mouth. I hope and pray that you over one, the tough part is not everybody understands.
Exactly, Elisa--
right there with all of you going through this. It bites.
Yep
Me too
I clicked on this video because I thought I was going to be getting ADHD advice--because this is a classic symptom of ADHD. Procrastination until the cows come home. I have been medicated for my entire adult life for depression but was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I'm sure there were times during that span that I was depressed--but most of that time I was just overwhelmed because I'm neurodivergent! So, if you feel this way you might look up the symptoms of ADHD and consider getting tested for it.
I was diagnosed with ADHD years ago, depression and CPTSD More recently. I already know why I do the things I do. I've been working on those things for over a year already with meds, therapy, self-help, podcasts etc... And I exercise regularly (Pilates junkie) and I eat pretty healthy..... Nonetheless trauma, ADHD, PTSD..... They aren't things that you can cure. There are things that are with you for life. Adapting and learning how to cope in healthy ways is the only way we get better. Despite knowing all of this, it is still a struggle. It always will be. I understand that.
Jennifer Wells - Yes! Same here! That's been my experience exactly. I even clicked on the video for the same reason. Getting the correct diagnosis has been life-changing so far. Thank you for sharing this comment. I think it's important and it would have been nice if I'd seen a comment like this years ago. I never considered it could be anything other than depression.
@@effsharpsomehow Same here. I remember talking about how overwhelmed I was as a 30something with young children. The friend said that my reactions to things did not seem proportional to what was actually happening and she thought I was depressed. I carried that with me to the doctor, even though I didn't FEEL depressed. And yes, they put me on antidepressants. All along it was ADHD. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 49, believe it or not--and only because my kids were diagnosed.
@@marilan3455 m
@dippy psychiatrists are only there to prescribe meds. They should be happy to oblige.
Watched this video yesterday. Took a shower today! Ate some vegetables. Stood outside on my porch and let the sun warm my face. Listened to music drifting from the town green about two blocks up my street. Wanted to change my sheets but felt really tired at that point. Washed the pants and blouse I wore 24/7 for the last 4 days. After spilling my tea on the big living room chair that I normally spend most of my day sitting in and having to mop it up with cleaning rags, I managed not to fly into a rage. Discovered one of the pillows I rest against was coming apart at one of the seams. Shoved the small pile of stuff blocking the linen closet out of the way, reached in for my jar of sewing thread and needles and other sewing things, sat down and spent 20 minutes repairing it. I am not sure what happened because of this video. Partly, I think, I felt less hopeless, alone and ashamed of myself. "Wow, look at how many people struggle with the same things that I do," I thought. And somehow I felt a little bit of energy come unblocked. After showering, which DID call for a lot of energy, I really liked feeling (and smelling) clean. I put on all clean clothes. I felt even better! I made a little meal of Ramen noodles. I washed my bowl and spoon. (I am currently having a contest with myself to see how many days in a row I can do my dishes and keep the sink empty). (I also keep a running record on a piece of paper taped to the bathroom wall of the date and time I shower. The most recent date on the list is May 9, the day before I went out to dinner with my family for my birthday - 18 days ago!) So, I may come back to this video when I get into a slump. But I did observe my mood today and how it continued to improve with each accomplishment. For me, improved mood and a boost of energy are precious gifts. I want more.
Happiness frequency and The video CHOIR sings OM helps, and om mane padme hum.
I find I do better alone, I don't usually speak unless spoken to. I used to do a lot of activities by myself, there by reducing the chance of being made fun of or disappointed. I pick activities that I can do alone, like weight lifting. I don't engage in playing games because that requires quick thought and often other people and sometimes teams.
Solitude is lonely, but so is disappointment, so I distance myself.
I guess the big question I have for you is - are you happy being this way. If yes, I say keep it up mostly, but you have to step up some so that you aren’t dysfunctional. If you are not happy - one thing I want to say is that adults don’t tease or bully as much as children do. You might be surprised if you find some good people.
I don't find solitude lonely at all
@Aila Verco Hello, we certainly have plenty of examples of this adult bullying behavior from Trump and many in the Republican Party. They are a sad lot, but what should we think about the voters who put these people into office?
I feel pain in your statement and I have no suggestions for you, but I do wish you a life that makes you happy. Keep trying as you'll get there.
I know what you mean. I pretty much prefer being by myself most of the time because that way I don't have to put up with other peoples demands or criticism. Both of which I've had enough of.
Note of caution. I was told I was depressed for years until I hit my 50s. Then I was told that it was the menopause.
Turned out I had a neurological condition and was also diagnosed with T2 Diabetes. A lot of conditions can mimic depression and depression can mimic totally unconnected conditions. Get tested.
Yaaaas lady!! the second one being on and off sounds like just any of my periods, a lot of doctors just send you to get meds without checking your hormones
Excellent point. A severe B12 deficiency in my case accounted for a third of my 'depression', undiagnosed Autism another third. There's still a third that persists and as of yet has no known cause, but I'm going to keep digging and see if there's a way to get rid of the final chunk of heavy depressive limitation that weighs my life down.
I'm glad you found out ,and may our Great Creator bless us all ❤
❤Thank you for that info. I'll be taking your testing advice next month.
@@pendafen7405 Glad you mentioned nutritional deficiencies. I was B1/thiamine deficient and doctors didn't even tell me about the test result! At one point I genuinely thought I might have early-onset Alzheimer's because my cognition got so bad!
I didn't know I was depressed! I'm 73 years old! Didn't realize the reason it was so hard to make myself go places to do things.
Have PTSD.
It seems like it should be obvious, but it isn't. I am your age and am shocked at all the things about my life that I never realized.
70 yrs old here. I feel like this you all, calling my assigned Dr tomorrow.
Wow, I'm only 59, now I don't feel so bad. Thank you for making me not feel so bad
Me too I'm 66
One thing that helps me is not only giving myself a single task, but what I call "micro tasks". For example I tend to put things I want to take upstairs on the stairs and so they accumulate. Instead of telling myself "I will clean up the mess on the stairs", I rather tell myself to take a SINGLE thing upstairs. Often enough I will take an other thing and one more... and end up having done much more than that "single thing". And even if I didn't do more than that single task, I can tell myself "I did something". ;)
My "micro tasks" are the most basic part of doing anything.
Me too
Great idea. I tried that yesterday, and actually followed thru with that one thing, and did a couple of more things that I hadn't planned. 😊
@@m_christine1070 I am glad, it helped! :)
@@andreask.2675 ♥️
I will try this. Thank you so much
I have learned in the last years, that my task paralysis is mostly linked to my ADD. When I know that a task is manageable in a foreseeable time, I can force myself far easier than in the case of tasks that are repeatable and without a clear outcome in a short time. My mind simply cannot handle anything that needs a longer period of development or which are based on tasks that have no clear effect that I can see. I am also more likely to do something (more or less) immediately if it involves movement or if I can work with my hands. Then I can start a task and even hyperfocus on it. I have learned that, that planning out larger tasks in smaller chunks is helpful, but it does not fully take away the agony of starting those tasks.
Yes! Same.
Yes, I have this same experience.
If something is one level deep that I need to do, I can usually do it without much issue. But if there is perceived an intermediate thing or more, then that complexity puts my mind off into, oh no and what then? Maybe I will fail, and I can't even face that possibility, it is safer to not even try.
Exact same! It's classic ADHD, needing external demand to do things and / or being more motivated to do things that involve some level of physicality. Even knowing thus I still get so incredibly frustrated and upset about all the things I want to, but can't make myself do 😞
I feel y’all. ❤
I’ve tried to get out of this loop that is now years in the making.
It seems like I’m someone I don’t know inside out when it comes to dealing with anxiety, depression, and ADHD symptoms.
You should all read the book “The More You Do The Better You Feel” there are sooo many good gems in that book, almost every page is loaded with value.
I have treatment resistant major depressive disorder and I relate so much to not being able to do anything.
Sammmeee and ADHD with time blindness. I try to explain it as..."You know when you are getting sick, like with the flu, and a few days before it gets BAD, you are tired, knocked out, feel like you got hit by a truck, have no energy, and you know your body is telling you that you need rest..... THAT is literally me morning, noon, and night, for the past ummm..... 20 years". I honestly hoped it was a thyroid or hormonal issue because then it would make more sense to me, but nope.... all signs point to depression. Stimulants dont help much, I've been on meds for years and just started ketamine therapy.
@@CrystalCat24 it also sounds like fibromyalgia.
@@rockyduck9133 I have some circulation issues too, which I attribute to being overweight.... Like neuropathy.... I'll definitely look into fibromyalgia. I also thought maybe POTS because of the chronic fatigue.... Thank you for the insight!!!
@Nothing But Love what demons have you been delivered from, in the realm of mental illness? Because people who go to church are very quick to pull out the “Jesus delivers card” but have not experienced the advice they are giving out to others. You are in a forum of people opening up their hearts truthfully about their mental health struggles (some have suffered for a lifetime), so you need to be real and honest with your comment! There is nothing worse than someone who dishes out advice for something they have never been through themselves. Empathy is the word I am thinking of, when sharing or giving encouragement. Just saying! BTW suffering from trauma does not mean a demon has entered the person. It is the brains response to a trauma. Just like a car accident that causes physical trauma does not cause a demon to enter into a person. Jesus suffered trauma (spiritual, mental and physical) on the cross, but I am certain that no demon entered into him. I am sure you mean well, but then so did Job’s comforters.
You might be a good candidate for Ketamine treatment.
Your description of feeling like you have this unending list of things you want or need to do… but you just can’t seem to make yourself actually do it, then feel so mad and disappointed in yourself for not doing it!!! Thanks for this advise, I’m really struggling!
I have the same problem
“I HAVE TO, but I CANT” I feel like I’m not going to be able to do it right and I’ll get so frustrated and will feel shame. ❤You are right. Self-care then one bite out of the elephant.
I needed that first topic ... badly. I have never been so unmotivated in my entire (60+ year) life. Taking regular meds but good sleep has been a challenge while my hair is falling out in clumps. Will try to start small with a few of my procrastinated tasks because the negative self-talk has been awful.
Negative self talk is so difficult to overcome! I didn't even realize how bad it was, until my therapist asked me to try to do some positive self talk, and... crickets. I was literally blank. I couldn't even form a thought. It took me an embarrassingly long time to start to shift it. The big thing that helped me- was when my therapist said- imagine what you would say to your daughter- and my energy COMPLETELY shifted in that moment. (It did just now too when I wrote that. Lol) That was my ticket to start. I would imagine I'm talking to my young daughter, and turn it around to me. Also helpful, is imagining talking to the child-version of yourself. Keeping a baby/ toddler picture of yourself up and visible and imagine talking to them ( you). The first time I finally did it naturally, I cried. It was just so different and... nice.
for sleep i have found medical marijuana to be a life-saver!
@@Mit3mouse which kind?
@@floridahomesteader7983 Indica
Get your iron and ferritin levels checked. They should be higher than most doctors say.
I am sober 336 days today. My oldest sign died suddenly 5 years ago and it destroyed me. Baby step and meds as perscribed I sleep good although I watch alot of movies on my laptop. Loving myself is paramount! Please girls please do not think you need a man or anyone else's approval absolutely necessary. My Dad left me a home and I am blessed so very blessed but I have been working on self love - all we have is now. Put a few 24 hours of that and it gets better.
Congratulations on sobriety. My son struggles with it. Stay strong.
I have a death that I am still crushed by. Congrats on soberity. One day at a time.
Congrats on your sobriety!! Coming up on 18 months myself. One day at a time.
peace be with you Elizabeth
Sorry for your loss
I think there are other reasons too. You know if you're depressed especially if it's severe, you feel hopeless and in a black hole. But other things like trauma, cptsd, neurodivergence, burnout, so many things can cause us to feel like we can't do the things we want to do. It's dangerous to tell someone they're depressed if it's not clear that they are.
My goodness. I just found you today. I can’t believe there are so many people like me. I’m 79 years old now. When I was young no one went into therapy. I feel like I should do this now even though I’m old. Maybe there is still time to feel better.
Yes, there's always time to feel better, and you're worth it! Good wishes to you. : - )
Of course there is!!! I’m so tired of these age myths that beat us down.
@@Jane-nk3no There’s is no age myth. We get old and die. When you are 50 you are not 40 and when you are 60 you are old. Once you see the loss of collagen which is generally mid 40’s then it’s all down hill from there. But you can still enjoy life. Love is anxiety. Attachment is suffering. Life is suffering. Everything we do is out of fear and love. In the end nothing matters. Tomorrow is not promised. Tomorrow does not exist. So live and enjoy every moment of everyday like it’s your last and stop worrying about what others re thinking. Be you and live for you ❤
Live for tomorrow always. Do Good deeds for your friends, Neighbors, family if U have blood family 😂. If, not. Still, KEEP WELL for tomorrow always. Be Ready for anything that comes your way. Be Alert. Be AWARE of dangers. Be prepared LOGICALLY stable
to recognize differences between Real, literally, true, tangibly, substantially, earth made. VS FAKE, smoke & MIRRORS strategies to lie to
ONE'S Neighbors. Fake news, Deception, deceptive
Fake Friends: Charismatic charming fictitious characters cheating, stealing goodhearted people PEACE OF MIND. & THEIR LIVELIHOODS .
ALWAYS BE SURE TO LIVE WELL FOR TOMORROW, EVERYONE.. ❤❤❤❤🥰🥰🥰🥰😇😇😇😃😃😁😁💯💯👍👍👍👍 HAVE & KEEP YOUR BODY & MIND WELL & HEALTHFUL . 'BE GRATEFUL Everyday." Practice PATIENCE & kindness at least. Be CLEAN & UPRIGHT MINDED PEOPLE!!! .Be an emotional CAREGIVERS to connect safely. Build everyone UP. BE HAPPY!!!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
God bless everyone with GOOD WARM HEARTS living on this beautiful EARTH, ALWAYS. ❤❤😂❤😊😊😊😊😊😊🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
What you said about trauma is on point! If it feels like trauma to you, it's trauma. It took me 40years to acknowledge my childhood was traumatic - for me. Having a mother that loved me and told me so, often, doesn't mean that her paralyzing depression and anxiety didn't affect me. It did affect me. And still does 50+ years later. After listening further, I felt compelled to add that my mother's father was a psychologist. He never stepped in to protect his kids from the verbal & emotional abuse perpetrated by my grandmother on my mother and her siblings.
Timestamps!
0:49 1. In my head I always want to do all of these things (like workout, study, clean, etc.) but I can’t get myself to actually do anything. I don’t feel like I’m depressed because I really want to accomplish these things. I just can’t get myself to physically...
13:25 2. I grew up with emotionally immature parents who couldn’t tolerate, let alone help me handle, any of my emotions, and instead responded with anger, silent treatment and isolation. I was also groomed as a young teen by a much older, married man. Now, as an adult, I’m finally doing all the “right” things: therapy, journaling, not judging my feelings, daily exercise, meditation, healthy eating, vitamins, so many self-help books-and they do help take the edge off my depression and anxiety-but none of it touches that deep ache of needing someone to take care of me for once and tell me it will all, somehow, be okay. I know this is a byproduct of C-PTSD, and...
22:15 3. Could you talk more about grief in relation to trauma? I’ve heard that people still essentially go through the stages of grieving when healing from trauma. How important is it to grieve what could have been?
29:20 4. I was wondering if it’s possible to be traumatized by something that isn’t actually traumatic? I never had any big T traumas but growing up I struggled with terrible anxiety mostly separation anxiety and social anxiety...
33:05 5. How can one be diagnosed with PTSD (noting that C-PTSD isn’t a recognised diagnosis in the DSM5) if they “only” experienced emotional neglect growing up?
39:31 6. As a therapist yourself, how do you manage to trust other therapists? And what do you do if you feel like you "know better" / would handle things differently? I'm currently in training, but I'm also in therapy myself...
47:47 7. I’ve had the same therapist for about 6 years, but recently I’ve started to consider looking for a new therapist. Not because of anything that went wrong- I just think that it’s time for a change and having a new therapist might help me grow...
53:54 8. What is the role of a loved one, parent, spouse, sibling, or child, in the treatment of their mental health? Sometimes I feel the therapists of loved ones are missing a major issue...
57:45 9. How did you balance having a relationship now with a parent who was abusive growing up? I believe my dad's intentions were never bad, but he was still very harmful and contributed...
@anniekate76. Hello how have you been thank you as always for posting the timestamp s
Thank you!
Breakup greif
I appreciate the amount of specific detail you included in your timestamps.
It's really helpful for people like myself -- so thank you for that lol
This is so very helpful to be able to replay certain sections. Thanks for taking the time
Instead of a 'to do' list (which never ends) try creating a 'ta-dah' list. Aim to add one small unscheduled or unexpected task each day that wasn't on your main to do. By the at the end of the first week take a look Back at what you've achieved at the end of the day / week and then reward yourself.
A 'ta-dah' list -- with rewards. I like it!!! So much better than the pressure of a 'to do' one, where everything is always in front of you. Ta-dah, it's done. A have-done list sounds great to me, like standing on the top of Everest looking down instead of at the bottom looking up. Thank you. Great idea.
Thanks for this 👍🏼
This is such a great idea!
Love the reframing! I will use this idea.
Oh wow I love this! Thank you so much!
53 years old. I knew my formative years were shit, but it's only recently that I have realized the degree to which those experiences wrecked the rest of my life. I feel like it's too late to even try to fix anything, but thank you for the realizations of why things have gone the way they have anyway.
Friend, try. There is nothing more disempowering than remaining disempowered.
@@Lady_Ra Thank you for the kind encouragement. May your days be blessed.
As long as you're still alive it's never too late. You can do something about it.
I could probably write most of what you said too. How did I deal with it? I admitted to myself that I couldn't possibly go back and fix everything that went wrong. And you can only be angry or sad for so long before you realize that you're only hurting yourself. So I did the UNTHINKABLE, I forgave the people who harmed me and decided to make the best of my circumstances for the rest of my life. It's worth a try. 🤷
I’m 53. Feel somewhat same about it being too late. But I think that’s society. Yes we are not as quick as we were in our 20’s or 40’s even, but we have wisdom. In spain elders are honored. But 50’s isn’t elder.
I used to believe I lacked motivation but than I realized I'm actually highly motivated lol
_I'm highly motivated to procrastinate and beat myself up for not being motivated enough._
-- However, learning that I don't have a lack of motivation was really liberating for me.
(my issue is more about what I pour my motivational energy into...and how those things generate a pushback effect against my conscious goals...and it's those internal struggles between conflicting desires, which leaves me feeling stuck in life and thoroughly drained)
This is really interesting. Would you be willing to elaborate a little bit? I'm just trying to fully wrap my head around it tonsee if maybe this is my issue as well. Thanks!
Perfect! I'm the same.😊. Such a profound revelation. I really have perfected my procrastination skills, to the point where I'm basically paralyzed to begin any task.
I like how you describe the culmination of little t traumas like being stuck in a shallow chaotic sea. You aren't dragged under by a tidal wave, but your legs are churning in a cross-sea under the sand, or the edge of a rip-tide or a strong under-current. It's not obvious but still scary and unsettling. You're not drowning under the water, but you are distressed and maybe buffeted by confusing directions to the point of paralysis.
lquey~ What you said makes a lot of sense. Thank you for that.
1:56
This is EXACTLY what I have!
It's the same thing also, where I can't do it for myself, but if I am doing it for someone else I can and will do it.
It's not even that I don't have enough energy, I do.
And I WANT to do these things, I even have virtual enthusiasm for them. I have the knowledge and expertise, and have even done them before successfully.
Maybe it's form of depression, but I don't really have that either, not in a classical way; maybe it's a strange contorted kind of depression?
There is an element of anticipatory fear, fear of success and failure, fear of finality of a project, fear of what will I do after. If things stay up in the air for ever, then there is always open possibilities.
It is also more like, self-effacement, what I want is not important, what I do shouldn't be better or more excelling than others, so I hobble myself, like Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron, where everyone who was better at something had to be hobbled.
A weird psychological dynamic.
#1 is so relatable. Started a routine and was fine for about three weeks and then back to not engaging in it. Think that a new thing is good but generally when I do so, I'll lose another thing I was already doing. I started keeping dishes out of the sink, and the dish washer empty and totally lost taking my meds every night...very different yet it happens every time!
Same 100%
Oh wow.. I experience that too!
This has gotten worse since retirement. Without a schedule, more of a challenge. I enjoy you videos, thank you for information
I experienced the same with retirement. No reason to get up.
It all seems so repetitve and pointless.
@@markolsen9183 I can relate. As best as I can figure, we must be quite depressed. I can't figure out what the point of life is.
I am having the same struggle. My husband passed away in 2016. We didn't have kids. My relatives are gone, and my best friend died this year. I have had depression for years.
Same here. No reason to have to do anything. Husband passed. Son has autism and does nothing. Parent passed. One friend who I rely on too much. Will probably lose her since I cling too much. Sister lives in another state. It is just too much trying to figure everything out myself alone.
Whoever asked this 1st question described me exactly. Usually I get up plan to organize / clean the house or something and then feel like I have to get out of the house first and go shopping every day instead bc it’s more fun and relaxing for me! I’m sorry to say that
the advice she gave does not help someone like me.
Oh my gosh.... You described me exactly!!!! I came into this accidentally, it must have been meant to be, because I am having such a problem with this exactly right now!! I felt so alone and stuck in my head etc also. I didn't know how or when I would be able to get out of it! Thank you for your comment because everything you wrote is me also everyday for the same reasons.
You described me perfectly
I've been addict shopping on the Temu app. But I can't open the boxes that are delivered. There are about 50 of them now
I used to go out but I don’t
This is me as well.🥹
I needed to watch this video because I will sit in one spot, watching the same episodes of the same show I’ve seen at least 15 times and feel like I’ve done everything I could and I know people think I’m lazy but just waking up and existing is a lot for me….
Waking up,.. and existing is hard.
I can relate. For me it was loosing the job I loved for 20yrs. It's devastated me in so many multiple ways, I'm still finding out. Depression and Anxiety hit me hard. I lost interest in everything, including life. I know it's a mental disorder... I don't no the label. It's just horrible..
Wow! I'm so glad I found this site! I just had a little vacation from work and had every intention of doing all the things that needed to get done. It was a long list. Wash the car, vacuum the car, clean a spare room, do the laundry, Organize my craft supplies. The only things I did were the things I Had to do like go to my eye doctor, go grocery shopping, and make a car payment. At the end of my staycation I was so upset with myself for not getting everything done, I felt like such a big failure. Oh yeah, and I ate a LOT of junk food too. I'm thankful that you have given us some ways to change ourselves and give us hope. I like what you say about changing our "self" talk too. Thank you from my heart ❤️💕❤️
Thank you for this. It’s what I’ve struggled with for decades. I can jump out of bed for work but not for my entrepreneurial self. And that’s why I’m still just an employee. I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager.
Ditto. After 20 years in the same profession I'd like to be an entrepreneur, but I just can't get it going. I haven't been able to for years. Still an employee.
YESSS. I have to have that flight or fight in order to do anything. Work is critical somehow, i have no idea how. I've even tried to think of how I can trick my brain to make other things like showering, chores, etc seem just as 'critical' but no luck so far.
EMDR therapy as really helped me heal my inner child. It enables you to go back to distressing memories without the flight/fright/freeze response getting in your way of processing and healing. To truly be able float back in time and give yourself what your younger self needed is super healing and the comfort feels just as real as when we receive comfort from another person. You start to feel more confidence and trust within yourself. Wishing healing to whoever reads this 💕
What’s EMDR?
I’ve been doing EMDR for the past year and it’s sending me into a panic attack and severe distress for Big T trauma. It’s not always without flight/fight/freeze response… Me and my therapist decided to put it away for a while because of how difficult EMDR sessions were for me to handle emotionally.
@@NS-xt5wv same
Thank you for this!! I am a disabled veteran and Have just broken free from a Domestic abuse situation...I've never been depressed and I didn't know what was
wrong with me. You saved me!
I’m tired every day and rarely get my goals accomplished 😢
Aww Do you have depression?
@@lauriemtz8616 I wake up feeling good some days but most days I’m sleepy right away.
It’s most likely because you haven’t yet developed the balls to truly create a circle of friends who supports you to reach your goals. Your subconscious mind perceives it as a threat to try to reach your goals alone and therefore doesn’t allow a significant energetic investment into it. It’s because you have a bigger likelihood to survive when other low accomplishment people are at your side (which is much more likely when you also accomplish little) than if you tried to do everything yourself have some success but without those people.
It’s no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
“Why can’t I get myself to do anything?” I have lived the same way for 63 years. My #1 is not taking showers plus tons more of other things. I’ve tried everything suggested by all types of professionals like yourself yet I am still not able to do anything. For me, I recently began that all these things are connected to Self-Love and Self-Care. These two ideas are very new to me and I still don’t get it all yet. Having be born into a large dysfunctional family, where misbehavior was tended to first and good behavior was not applauded as a good example, I was swept under the bus. I never was taught about or witnessed Self-Love or Self-Care all of my life even until now, so do not know how to implement these things. Can you lease discuss this further and hoe it affects our ability to take care of things for ourselves that make us happy please. Thank you.
Love and acceptance comes from our Lord.
@@TheWolfox911 What a worthless blanket statement that solves absolutely nothing. Believing in a diety isnt the cure all for depression insomnia anxiety procrastination self harm or loneliness. Ive never found the answers I was seeking in the bible. Therapy a support system open honest informative conversation tools like medication, create success that is necessary to move people forward. Save your preaching for the pulpit. Thanks.
@@heatherhansen3664 not for us, but for some people it actually does make a difference. Tons of research to prove it. People finding God often get to be a part of a community and benefit from the support it usually comes with. But yeah, it's not for me either.
@@rialdaosmanovic2142 i dont believe that such a person could become part of a community. That's the point they're incapable of showing and doing basicic self-care.
@@TheWolfox911 a lot of people already have faith, and still suffer from the same issues as people watching and commenting on these videos. I have C-PTSD, believe in Spirit (not religious and certainly not a Christian, though my adoptive family didn't respect that at all) and even after 2 years of therapy with a great counsellor, I'm still struggling from the impact of stuff that started happening when I was just 3 weeks old; the trauma was merely perpetuated by the arrangement that was supposed to improve my life, because my a-family were pretty immature and dysfunctional.
I was raised that chores came before fun, there was an approved, supported path to adulthood. My sibs veered from the path when they left home & the guilting was tremendous. I stuck to the path but refused to follow a bunch of other rules such as curfew. Sometimes I think my 'inability' to do things i find boring etc is rooted in that. Like I MUST have something to rebel against.
Goodness, this entire video and all questions were so relevant to where I'm at right now. I'm currently about to get a HUGE project off my shoulders that I've been putting off for three years! It feels so good, but I needed therapy to help get me to that point. I'm working on getting my deceased parents home (the one I grew up in) emptied of tons of stuff and cleaned up from their years of dementia. Just thinking about that massive task made me depressed. The estate sale company is there right now and it should be emptied out in a few weeks. I'm so excited.
So, to everyone out there putting stuff off and feeling bad about yourself because of it, this advice works. It's exactly what my therapist helped me to do. Every little step gave me energy for the next one because I no longer felt so paralyzed. I had so much anxiety because I wasn't taking care of important matters, so when I started handling them, a lot of the anxiety lifted as well. I still have a lot to do, but I have some momentum now.
Oh and something she didn't mention is to let people help. Allow friends to be there for you. Let people in and don't isolate.
Bless you for doing the hard work. I worry about the mess I will leave my kids.
@cynthiacoring8602 I beg you for their sake, start getting rid of extra stuff. Things didn't go as planned, and now, in addition to dealing with the house, I have to file a lawsuit against the auction company because they are refusing to pay me. It's been a total nightmare.
The story we tell ourselves, about whose trauma is worse, can come from a narcissistic parent, who discredited our feelings and experience….so we shame ourselves.
I agree
And then it becomes a family mantra.
I have a strong feeling this could be possible for me. Not sure though.
I read a very helpful thing for me from another poster once: instead of a to-do list make a ta-da list. I find that much better because instead of feeling I'm at the bottom of a mountain of to-dos looking up; I feel as if every tick is like standing on top of a smaller mountain looking down and celebrating getting there.
It’s amazing I found this channel. You are speaking to me.
The person in question 1 reminds me a lot of me, and I'm not depressed. I have ADHD. I use body doubling to help me get things done. Executive dysfunction is a big challenge in ADHD and a lot of other things.
Yes! I read the title and immediately went: ADHD!
(I also have ADHD and I’d say executive dysfunction is my biggest issue)
@@maritje4225 same
Body doubling helps me but I don’t have anyone to be the be the body double 😭
Could you explain body doubling, please.
@@anjareefschlager8317 body doubling is when you use the presence of someone else to help you focus on a task. For me it’s easier to focus on doing my homework, when I’m with a friend who’s also doing homework because it kind of passively forced me into also doing work. HowToADHD probably has a video explaining it.
I feel really moved, i'm crying right now when you answer the person ( 14 or 15min) when he or she shares his need 'someone to care for me and say it's gonna ok '. And you say ' it's a normal human need to need attention because we're social creatures we crave connection and connection...' with such conviction. I feel like you are saying to me that i have the right to be cared of... i'm 55 and I didn't know. I lived in a toxic family, i was psychologically abused, attachment issues, i also have Asperger's syndrom only diagnosed when I was 39, maybe that's one of the reasons because it's hard to live and/or love an autistic person? I have cptsd, chronic depression, sometimes needing hospitalization. I'm going through one of my severe anxiety and depression.. on day care, it helps me a lot, but I keep thinking I just need someone who would hug me and say it's gonna be okay.
Thank you. And thank you for your wise advices and tools you give us. (Sorry for my english, i'm a french talker)
For the idea of small bite sized goals- I see a therapist and I am not "depressed" but suffer from this as well, I am a tired solo parent of a toddler, who works fulltime in a stressful job. I have found putting perfectionism aside and guilt are key. I set a timer and I don't do it every night, but I have an alarm on my phone that goes off after my kids bedtime to remind me to clean for 15 minutes. Not a whole space and not any longer to avoid burning out.. just put 15 min in each evening before relaxing. It has really helped keep some things more manageable. I also know that if I let myself feel bad for not doing all the things I do even less...baby out with the bathwater, a problem my mom assures me I have had my whole life and I'm 40 and still dealing with it. So, I do agree with Kati about smaller chunks, but alarms on phones for 5-20 min chunks can be really helpful.
It’s not just depression that causes mental paralysis. I have CPTSD and it also causes this. Lot of disorders or trauma related issues do.
@@kaylakurgun332 I was not aware that cptsd could cause that kind of paralysis, I'll have to look into that.
I like the timers and have to make sure they are in a different area to turn them off (no google/Siri but analog physical timer or oven timer)
Just discovered your channel. I have learned what depression means over the last three years. Here are some examples of what I have learned. 1. Compassion toward people also suffering, I truly did not understand what it meant. 2. When I start to feel anxious and ashamed in the struggle to motivate myself, I ask myself , if you had a best friend who had this issue what would you tell them and how could you help them? This really helps me get perspective and ironically I have a tendency to be more positive and understanding with others than I am with myself. 3. I have a coffee date once a week with two friends. I don’t always make it but most of the time I do and always feel uplifted. 4. When I am having a good day, I go for it, clean the house, do laundry, food prep etc. I do this because having these things taken care of calms me and also because I have learned that it could be awhile before I have another good day. 5. Social contact is hard these days so I stick with texts and FaceTime, even if it’s only a picture or video I find on Pinterest or TH-cam. Don’t want to lose touch with people I love. 6. I focus on hobbies where I can sit or lie down LOL 😊 such as knitting, reading, coloring, hand sewing. 7. My dog Belly has been a huge help, knowing I need to take care of her gets me outside 6 times a day. Making sure she has food and water reminds me to eat and drink water too. Just having her to pet calms me.
Lastly I would say go for whatever works for you. Stay away from any toxic people in your life. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend because you are. Wishing you all the very best.
Having my dogs keeps me going.
Hello i really like your channel content. i am a semi retired psychologist with my Doctorate in the field. i have 14 years experience and more than 10k patients. I specialize in women's health and specifically trauma victims. I feel like you are very dedicated and it comes from your own experiences in life. I am a former victim as well it caused me to get into the field. I love helping people i guess like you? i don't believe i have ever spoken on here before.I'm Doc in Palm beach Florida. I am now in a wheel chair stage 5 kidney failure recently married to a woman half my age but the rock of my life. Great video....
The first question completely hit home for me. For me this was me from childhood into my mid 30s. In my mid 30s I was diagnosed with autism. Im such a happy and positive person though amd have never felt connected with depression and its frustrating that providers kept saying that to me. Although it completely made sense how they explained things but that just wasn't what I was feeling. To explain a bit more... If im having to stop my moving momentum flow is hard and is equally as hard to start that momentum from stuck energy. I discovered this same feeling that I have had a name of autistic inertia(hope I spelled this right). This was helpful for me. Im also very overwhelmed with everything sensory like audio, visual, sounds, textures, temps, etc. Once I learned this ive been able to find things that help. For me I have to ask if someone is brushing their teeth, then I go with. If someone else does something I need to double up whenever possible. Then I also hold myself accountable by telling anyone im going to do the things. Or I make a list. Thats really the only ways I am able to prioritize things in my brain. If they aren't priorities to me then they'd fall to the bottom. I have had struggles with water my whole life. Like baths, cooking, drinking water, dishes, washing hands, brushing teeth, etc. These are all rare things for me to be able to do regularly on my own. This is just what my own experience has been with that first question. So interesting how everyone is so different. The brain is so fascinating to me.
I'm so grateful for you in the world. Listening to you feels comforting and helps so much.
Sometimes I want to do something, but the task seems so boring that I can't get started even though I know things will be better if I get the task accomplished.
Thank you Kati for sharing this information as I felt seen and validated right now.
I suppose there is going to be ebbs and flows when doing our inner child healing work.
For now, I’m asking my inner child to help and cooperation to just own it. Feel healed without denying the symptoms when it comes to the surface.
What works for me is body movement when I feel stuck, journal, paint, draw, surrender to the full experience of feeling the uncomfortable sensations in my body and emotional dysregulation.
Self-compassion, care, and kindness is what I’m also embodying and I’m grateful for all the village of health professionals and be there for my nervous system when things do come up to be released.
Also tolerate the discomfort, allowing feelings of those emotions that were labeled as negative. They’re just emotions and release all the energy out of my mind/body/spirit.
And being able to have kind and loving inner self-talk.
Sending healing thoughts and good vibes to us all.
We’re not alone and we’ve come so far already. ❤❤❤
I want to thank you for this, I found you randomly but this is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I came to the realization that I must be depressed about 3 weeks ago, but I haven't found my way out of my rut. I'm going to try your methods.
Lately, showering and doing my hair are my goals for the day. It's been impossible to get enough slee.
Thank you for this video still helping people today from years ago!! Thank you it’s really hard out here 😩
Wow, I can't believe I clicked on this, I've always told myself I hate therapy, but I'm enjoying listening to you. You'll be shocked when you hear me story. I'm from New Orleans but it was getting so unsafe and I couldn't find work, so I was feeling like a prisoner in my house. My sister had moved to Fayetteville, Arkansas years ago and was a successful real estate agent. She had a house that I could live in and she helped me move up here. Beautiful house, beautiful neighborhood, enough money from my military retirement, but I haven't left my house since Jan 27th when I had hip surgery, before that it was Thanksgiving. I don't remember the day but I havnt taken a shower or brush my teeth since the first week of Feb. I don't want to be alive anymore but I'm not actively suicidal. Basically I'm exhausted and don't want to wake up. I have two of my adult children here with me. My 33 year old son is schizophrenic and my daughter is not the nicest person. But that's not new so I don't think that's the problem. If my sister showed up at my door, I would pretend I wasn't there. She's nice, I have no reason except the house doesn't look very nice. Not filthy, but I'm funny about that. I don't know how to break this depression. I'm on lexapro and have a shrink that does video appointments quarterly. I find that I want to hide the truth from him. I did that with my parents when I was in HS, always telling them I was popular and had lots of friends. Couldn't stand them knowing how bad it was. I wasn't abused as a child but I suffered from extreme extreme neglect. Basically raising myself I think. Teachers would pull me aside in elementary school and ask me if I had a comb, then a toothbrush, then asking if I had only one outfit because I wore the same thing to school for months. Never EVER having lunch money or any food in the house to make a lunch. This is terrible for a kid at lunch time. You're hungry, but proud and say things like, "it's ok, I'm not hungry." And this goes on for years, for my younger brother and sister who I take care of. How could people at the school not notice and help us? We arrived at school looking like homeless children. Never having bookbags or the things you have to buy like binders, paper, notebooks, etc.. and there were adults that were actually mean to us. Most weren't but when you're a neglected child, it's big. So much more but I can't go on.
Wow - funny, not funny. Teachers called us into office to ask why we hadn't showered...the shame of not having lunch money or milk money. Eventually, they cut you off. One day the school called my mom at home because they couldn't give me any more free lunch. She told the school she was coming in to bring my lunch. I sat alone in the cafeteria while the other kids went back to class, waiting for my mother. She showed up 45 minutes later explaining that she had gotten into a conversation with the deli guy about a script she was writing and time got away...it was humiliating and shameful. Not to not eat, to have the full blown experience that my well being was at most an afterthought - even the basics like clean clothes, and knowing this was in the full light. Just saying...wth? I wonder if decisions were made that I clearly wasn't worth it/worthy and that judgement became internalized. Sorry you experienced this as well.
I’m sorry you grew up this way.
I hope you can learn to reparent yourself to give yourself the love and attention you deserved.
You were abused as a child when they were not providing that to you, food clothing yes that is neglect but it’s also abuse physical and mental abuse. You need to see your therapist more than quarterly because whatever that is doing isn’t working
@@m_christine1070 I'm taking 20mg. They've done studies and find that there's really no added value in taking more than 20mg. But I asked my doctor anyway and he added a bottle of 10mg tablets so I could try it. It didn't help. He added wellbutrin. That helped a bit. I went in person recently and they diagnosed me with narcolepsy and gave me meds for that. I mean, I guess falling asleep in a busy clinic is abnormal. I feel exhausted all the time. I went outside though. That was kind of big. I think, if I searched the whole country, I wouldn't be able to find a bunch of people as sweet and good as my neighbors. I really hit the jackpot. I still feel myself pulling back from them but I make an effort now.
@@Jane5720 thank you for stating the obvious 🤨
Listening to you made me think realize that for the past 10 years I've been absorbing lots of trauma from working with clients who are in addiction recovery and/or dealing with homelessness. Some of them are children, which is particularly taxing. I love what I do but no wonder I am identifying more and more with trauma survivors. I'm also dealing with personal and family illness. No wonder my energy is just not there.
Unfortunately the title of the video is me right now. I feel like nothing and no one can help me,very overwhelmed with daily tasks. Even the things you say can help translates to me like "yeah not me though, I can't help me anymore/right now" :\
Thank you for everything Kati ❤️
What a shitty place to be in. Me too. I dont know how to explain it either
@@suewoo5 I hope you'll get better sooner than you think ❤️ Best of wishes.
@lucybuttercup1006. I love your TH-cam name also I can also relate and understand your comment I know how this feels ❤️
I'm stuck in this too. I'm 51 and have GAD with depressed mood. I'm on meds, part of support groups and seeing my Dr. Journaling helps when I'm really upset. But I'm stuck in a hole and often think why am I here, I'm fed up and sometimes just want to end it. I find myself remembering things from my past that I realize now caused trauma for me. I'm always asking myself what's making me focus on this now? I'm always putting myself down, can't ever accept compliments and feel that I'm always wrong when I used to be on top of things and helping others. I can't help myself how could I ever help others. I need out of this dark cloud.
@@dd3209 That's an awful place to be in, I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Just a thought, it's possible that you're thinking about these things now bc you're in a position to handle it now. It sounds like you felt on top of things before, so perhaps that competency and energy is what allowed you to confront these things. Meaning, maybe this is part of the process of getting past it. So it's something that will pass once you're out of the woods. Don't know if that's true for you, just thought I'd share.
Also, if you are having suicidal ideation please tell someone you trust - Ideally a professional like a therapist or psych doctor, but a close friend or family member is good too. One, that means there's someone to help look out for you, to notice if you start spiraling. Two, equally important, I've found that it alleviates some of the isolation, and it seems suicidal ideation is made worse by isolation (emotionally or physically). Also, feeling hopeless can be less intense if you feel connected with someone else, someone on the outside, so to speak.
Best wishes for you.
Don't feel depressed or unhappy. Just the fear of not doing anything distroy muscles. "Don't use it you'll lose it. " The Idea of showering is great. Thank you.
I smoke indica. 2-3 puffs, and my house is clean, and the work/chores get done. I am able to Journal and turn off the TV. Indica gets me out of the dullness of my
brain. I also sleep better.
I already follow a Keto diet. I stopped taking pharmaceuticals, once I got my diet, healthy lifestyle dialed in. Everything cleared up. 18 pills down to 1.
Is indica a therapeutic weed?
It does help me like that too. I just hate feeling stoned. Been using the last few weeks regardless though as it does get me moving.
Love 💕 it 👏
My therapist recommended 3 random things to do from any list of things I wanted or needed to do, try to accomplish 3 things a day. One day I retrieved a clothespin that had been under my desk for 7 years, changed the sheets, and threw away some stuff from the fridge. Mission accomplished! So now, when I’m stuck on the couch I put that trick into action. It has helped me in a lot of ways. I don’t feel useless, the sorely missed feeling of accomplishment peeks out from the clouds and I feel just as good as when I’m able to do more because there’s no negative self talk. So now, every day I do at least 3 things, some days I can do so much more but I still dip down to 30-50% below the happiness line.
All the routines & strategies in the world may not give a person feelings of validation, which is what so many of us lack. I feel worthless (not valid) because my dad abused me & my mom rejected me. It can take a lot of hard work & reflection to get to the place where validation comes from within. 🥰
I came across this by chance today and found it so incredibly insightful and helpful. Thanks so much for being so generous with your time and helping others.
Not by chance.
I was like that off and on throughout the years (lazy, unmotivated...despite WANTING to be), then some physical symptoms began to manifest at times and then go away. The past 2 years were the worst. I was finally willing to accept that the physical symptoms were anxiety although it didn't add up for me. And i was ready to accept that I'm just a lazy person. Then the physical symptoms got worse and worse. Eventually I was able to find that I was anemic and B vitamin deficient. Taking B vitamins transformed me immediately. Getting my blood built up took time but also changed everything. At some point I realized I was getting more done in a day than I used to get done in months. I was able to get a job just in the nick of time before I was completely broke (after months of being off work with scary physical symptoms and total lack of motivation). It turns out that not only do B vitamins (B12, folate, B6) help get rid of weird phantom physical symptoms (tingly fingers, phantom smells, angina, palpitations, excess thirst, excess urination, cold and fatigue, lower back pain that won't heal) but it releases the motivation to do stuff that was there but being muted. My mind was always telling me I wanted to do these things but just couldn't bring myself to do them. It didn't add up. My body simply intervened my mind to stop me from doing stuff b/c I was deficient. B12 really changed me from the very first day. ymmv
So I ment the other me listening to this lady I felt I was hearing the inner me shouting for help. I lost my daughter in Nov. 2023. This was not the beginning of my mental health problem. I came from a family full of addiction of mental health issues, I have fought these feelings forever. Thank you for reaching out to us so called lazy people. I'm so overwhelmed now I don't want to give up I get moving one week I then seem stuck the next. I just keep praying but for now I am so glad I found your site.
I feel this way too but mostly since the chronic pain got to a point it's just so much easier to do nothing. Then I get depressed because I have so much to do, I just keep moving tasks out another day or week on the calendar. I used to do it all but being in my 60's with health issues has stopped all that including my ability to work and it is really messing with my head so much that even when I don't have much pain I still can't get motivated. It seems like this is happening to many of us as a part of aging, we know it's going to be a different life when we are seniors but there is no way to know just how much harder every little thing will become until we get here. Thanks Kati and for letting me vent, going to try to clean the bathroom now, good luck everyone, hoping we all find our way.
For the longest time, from childhood to adulthood I was seeing a therapist who was a terrible therapist. My mother was emotionally absent, and would weaponize anything and use it against me, so I learned not to open up to her in the slightest. My father, I'd see once every 3 months or so, so he was barely any influence into my life whatsoever. I had/have no friends. So, the only source I had was my crappy therapist.
Anytime I would open up about anything, he would just reply "That's bullsh*t". He would do it again and again. I learned not to open up to him either, and just went because I was oblligated to go. But closed off. I stopped telling him anything. What was the point?
Today, I REFUSE to see a male doctor. I do not trust male doctors. I was seeing a male therapist for a while who pointed out 2 things:
a) "You seem to focus on the past a lot". YES! I'm a narcissistic abuse survivor from a single-parent covert narcissistic mother who was emotionally numb.
b) "You keep repeating yourself". YES! I'm processing 40+ years of trauma and dealing with pain and grievance, and dealing with a lot! I'm GOING to repeat myself!
This guy was a therapist?!?!!?
Refusing any male doctors at this point, I am aware I am using "transference". Is it fair? I don't care!! It FEELS right! I do NOT trust any male doctor. Fortunately, I have found a good female therapist who is a trauma therapist, so she knows what she is talking about!!! I actually trust her, to a point. (I don't totally trust ANYONE but me)
Omg. Those statements would make me want to choke him! When I first got my psychiatrist, the one and only time when I tried to explain to him, a serious situation I was experiencing w respect to my sister literally stealing my life savings(lifelong brainwashing and narc abuse by her but I was in denial -50+ years!!- until she stole $80k from me. But I only got as far as:"I'm dealing with a serious situation with my sister ....and he cut me off. To say: " you seem like you're someone who likes to complain 🤯.
I felt that cause I have the same background.. Both of my parents are narcs... I just keep to myself mostly.. I see my mom sometimes.. But deep talks are off limits concerning the past.. She freaks out if I want to talk about stuff or says I dont remember that.. My Dad is horrible.. He takes pleasure in hurting me.. They both are liars.. It really sucks.. I just want to move to the country away from people...
@@m_christine1070 Sooooo many "therapists" are way more emotionally unhealthy than their patients.
@@lisabrickner6004 Same story and feelings here.
@winterwarlock Doctors in general have massive egos. I too am not into looking to male humans for help. I'm male and I dislike men at this point. I finally have a female doctor and have yet to speak to her. I'm very nervous because if it's not a good match I may not make it! 14 years with no diagnosis for a physical aliment that is taking me out and many more years with no diagnoses for any of my brain disorders which seem to be plentiful. Over 5 years of waiting for appointments and dozens of male doctors all ending in no ****ing help.
Oh I can relate with Q1. I've been so so angry going into work this week and my therapist is on maternity leave. I do a lot of journaling to get it out. It's that time of year for me where things are triggering and I'm doing my best to just workout and work on my paintings but it's so hard at times. I am so tired and feeling burnt out from work right now too. The energy is hard to handle. It just feels better to veg out and watch TH-cam and chill on my couch. I try to stick to a routine but it's lacking right now. I need to not be hard on myself and remember it's just the time of year and I won't feel like this forever. Thanks for the tips Katie! You've always been my go to online therapist when I'm on a break from mine. I appreciate you : )
I always remind myself that many animals and plants "hibernate" in the winter and so do I! Unfortunately I have to work but other than that I adjust my expectations and spend a lot of time resting. Thay is what winter is for if you ask me!
I experience this a lot myself. One of the ways I have found super helpful is to do tasks in 10-15 minute intervals. Then, if I feel like doing more, great.
Omg.. Im an ICU RN..long story..but,Im 'disabled' depressed,in pain24/7,-ptsd i think from working covid..etc.
ADD,and I literally celebrate if I take garbage out ormake 'those' 3 important phone calls.. my kids have NEVER once been late to school, or absent in years( 16,19)
But I'm late, procrastinate , and just cant function since Not working,not walking, and blah blah blah.ty..Im so glad I found you♡ cuz it gets WORSEdaily as I get disappointed in myself for not doing anything unless it comes to my kids
❤
You probably know of Gabor Mate. His trauma theory is so enlightening. Our culture does not care for children. They need to be loved just for existing. My parents did nothing to encourage me and I got straight A's in 6th grade and that was it - my mom was never satisfied with me. Dealing with things as children that we should have been taught makes for fear/ trauma. Exactly the trauma is not the problem its how it affected us, How our mind and body find ways to cope.
Don't forget to rule out other medical causes first, like anemia. Also sleep disorders like Apnea and Narcolepsy can cause this. Narcolepsy has the extra whammy in that it knocks out some of your motivation biochemicals. I have those and also learned i have ADHD at 47. Watch some people talk about it. It can cause a Clutter Paralysis, both physical & emotional. You want to have a clean house, but your brain doesn't organize the same way and so you 'fail' when using traditional tactics.
I was misdiagnosed with depression for many years... especially when Narcolepsy first started. Also, not everyone circadian are the same, but getting up at the same time will eventually have you go to sleep earlier if you need it. The book The Sleep Solution is very funny and good.
Women often present ADHD differently than men too.
Many adults learn to cope with ADHD until something throws in a monkey wrench, and then the coping ststem doesn't.
Everybody does something. Thinking is something existing is something. Being traumatized and shut down is something. You’re doing something all right.
Finally someone who speaks about this! Thank you for bringing this up. 😊
Hello to everyone here in the comments how is everyone been this last week I'd like to share my depressive episode s have got worse over this last week iv been struggling and trying to get myself out of it but I'm in a dark deep hole right now I know so Meany of you understand this feeling I'm sleeping so much not eating properly/ not mangeing my self -care bad emotions and thoughts in my head I'm so thankful for Kati Morton ❤️❤️
1:05:18 I know it’s a difficult time of the year for many people….with thanksgiving and Christmas holidays being triggering to some because of so many plans an things I feel I HAVE to do. I get very depressed in November thru March because of the above mentioned and also so many more hours of darkness starting in late afternoon and not much sunlight to take in during daytime hours. It’s made me reclusive and wanting to sleep all day and very isolated. I’m working thru this with a therapist but it is still difficult to get self motivated to even get out of bed.it truly is a process…and you’re definitely NOT alone in feeling this way (depressed). I hope you see a therapist to help you get through this debilitating time. ♥️
So sorry to hear that Nikki! Can you ask a friend to maybe help with meals? You aren't alone. 💗
@@dawncraig3340 hello I really appreciate you replying to my comment nice to meet you thank you. no sadly I don't have Meany friends only 1 close friend he visit s me sometime 1 day a week I live with my family they surpport me and try to keep me eating I feel honestly it helps to share these things Kati s so calming and helpful iv been following and watching her podcast and videos for a long time and I am also so thankful for the community ❤️
@@sherrieh2062 hello nice to meet you and thank you so much for your lovely surportive comment and shareing your mental health struggle s with me shareing and being careing and surportive is so important we all know what it feels like to have mental health issues any symptoms of depression I honestly hate it constantly draining my mind and body each and every day yes I recently started CBT therapy but on the phone and will be doing video call s therapy with my new therapist but iv not had much luck in the past with being in therapy but giving it a chance 😥
I’ve always said, since I’ve heard about that acronym, HALT, to add an S for sick. So it would be HALTS. Because all those feelings cause one to feel a certain way, and do, or not do, something.
Thank you, Kati! I literally just scrolled and saw your channel for the first time. This exact question has bothered me in my life as well I have had deep, severe depression since very early childhood. I grew up in a very dysfunctional, and abusive home, and I have CPTSD. Just surviving to be alive was such an accomplishment. I’m tired often when I haven’t done anything to be tired. I have had adrenal fatigue from cortisol being high since I was very young as well. Of course, adrenal glands don’t get tired. The human body gets tired, not the adrenal gland. The body NEEDS rest to heal and grow.
This was very helpful! Keep up the good work.
Forgiving does not include forgetting. It just helps with accepting and not holding on to the anger. Allow yourself to be angry and to grieve what you experienced because that is important for healing.
Holy crap this first question is spot on me! I felt awful like I couldn't get up and do anything other absolutely needed tasks, which was only working or getting ready for work
I’m a recovered addict. I lost my daughters, but not to the state. My husband had signed temporary guardianship. I got clean to get them back! We also ended up in different states. So I couldn’t even see them. And then it turned where the Pastor did everything to keep them from us as much as possible. I ended up mourning as if they had died. I know it sounds ridiculous. And I apologize to anyone who has lost a child. I certainly mourned the years I missed with them. And my depression was so severe and I allowed Pastor to intimidate me. My oldest also wanted to stay and finish high school. But my youngest wanted to come live with us. And not only did Pastor have a sense of entitlement to my children. My husband (their biological dad) didn’t want to separate them! So I had two people stopping my youngest coming home! And it’s 8 yrs this month. But they are 20 and going on 19 now. We spend Christmas together. A little bit of time in the summer. And we try and meet half way and spend a weekend somewhere. But I also have some medical issues. I’ve been in counseling every two weeks for about 5 yrs. I take antidepressants and anxiety medication. And granted my depression has lessened to a degree. But I still haven’t been able to reach acceptance. Oh! And the reason we didn’t move back to where they are, is we burned so many bridges, we couldn’t go back. And even though we are and have been clean, our church won’t help us now! I started taking my girls there when they were toddlers! I sent them to private school there. And ironically my kids opened their children’s home! 😢 But I have lost all ability for self care. I wouldn’t leave my house without makeup on. Now I struggle to shower! It’s so embarrassing! I don’t understand how something that was just like eating or breathing, has become one of my biggest struggles!
Dido..
It's not ridiculous AT ALL to mourn for your children under these circumstances - I was adopted (fostered by then-future a-parents from the age of 2, then adopted a few years later) and recently got back in touch with my birth family. They told me my birth mum had grieved for me, and had always wanted to see me again, though unfortunately I was too late for a reunion as she died 10 years ago. I mourned for her as well, my whole life; grieving for someone you know is still alive is absolutely comparable to grieving for a deceased loved one, especially if there's a barrier not of your own making between you. That pastor doesn't sound very compassionate, to me. You deserved a chance to see your daughters more often. I'm sorry you're struggling, too.
Could be ADHD Analysis Paralysis. I hate it SO incredibly much. This can also be and usually will be mixed with depression and anxiety. And negative self talk. 🥺😞 It’s so hard to change.
On November 15th 2021 the love of my life passed away after thirty years together. I had also just found out I was a diabetic at the same time. Now I have complications to deal with, and another surgery looming over my head. I also had to sell our house a year ago because we had filed for bankruptcy, and move across the country to stay with my sister and brother-in-law. Dealing with him at times has been traumatic. I’m used to the city and I live in the country right now, without the use of my car. I want to move back to my home state California and all I have is a motor home, which is okay with me to live in full time. I have a friend who is willing to help me get there. Trying to get Medicare started finally, and social security has finally kicked in. To say that I’m overwhelmed is an understatement, but with God’s help and the help of family and friends, I get by…my problem is that I have a hard time getting things done.I’ve always been that way, and that’s when my late husband would direct me and help me. Just venting….
I feel very much like you. My husband died 12 years ago and I have felt like I can't figure anything out on my own since he died.
I say it this way: I'm not depressed, I'm discouraged. It's like the reward circuit is broken. I'll force myself to do something, and there's no feeling of "yay I did it." I avoid a lot of things i internally want to do, things internally plan, and even put it on the to do list, but then there's this invisible barrier. A fear of feeling nothing when doing it and worse, feeling nothing when it's done. The to do list is a tool I learned from watching ADHD videos about executive dysfunction. If i put it on the list, I will eventually do it. It will consume a LOT of energy. The to do list is now 17 pages long. I'm sometimes ashamed at how little I accomplish. I'd rather sit all day on youtube, reddit, video games, or endless tv streaming. I sit there and try to puzzle out why I'll do virtual tasks that are actually rather boring, but then I have a couple of junk rooms full of things that I should re-sell on ebay for real money or projects I started but never finish, but then... invisible barrier... energy drain from other unavoidable tasks (cleaning, Laundry, cooking, work).... executive dysfunction broken task initiation. I don't have the other problems that are typical ADHA, memory, focus, setting goals, self control and awareness, etc. I just have the task initiation and sticking to projects because there's no mental reward. Have I just burnt out my dopamine receptors with all the "clicking for virtual pleasure pellets" with internet & tv? Why doesn't finishing tasks make me feel encouraged?
I wasn't like this 4 years ago. Parents passed. A few years later covid. The world got dark and I realized the true biblical time that we are in.
So is Donald trump the antichrist?
U might benefit from channels like archaix …learning about our history and what this end times thing is about…it helped drag me out of the depression and hopelessness of what a Christian is made to feel during this time…turned everything around and has helped me find a path to heal…
I relate to the woman who wants to be taken care of. I, also have this deep desire. It is embarrassing for me to admit. My mom passed in a fire when I was 10 and I have been failed ever since in every way. Taken away from my brother same day along with everyone in the life I had with my mother, abused, given up on, put in foster care, abandoned. Always clinging to the outside of someone else’s family. Today at 52, I’m alone and single. No deep relationships no support system with depression. I have one friendship I just ended yesterday because any time I open up to her about my feelings she’ll say “ heeere we go again” and this last time she hung up on me after my response…. which was, some day when you have no father, no brother and no one left who,loves you, you’ll understand. This is a common response I get along with, get over it. Which I wonder how I can get over something I’m still living. Plus it’s so hurtful. I. have no hope for getting past these emotional issues but I do wish to be understood. I no longer feel safe bringing up my feelings to anyone and feel like I’m annoying them if I do. I just wish someone would love me enough to listen and hear me
How sad a thing it is, that many professional psychologists and psychiatrists do not recognize CPTSD and CFS as real illnesses, but they are always ready to talk down to you and put you on Rx meds. Be your own patient advocate and stand up and walk out if your therapist is not on your side.
Thank you for this! This has been where I’ve been stuck for months. I can barely do the bare minimum, horrible cycle. I guess my meds aren’t working.
I know how that feels. Have you spoken to your doctor about adjusting or changing your meds?
At 83, I can, and mostly do, nothing but sit all day and stay on my iPad and can’t make myself do the daily things that most people do as part of life. For example, showering and brushing my teeth everyday, small household maintenance,etc. Occasionally, I do manage to do those things if I have to go to an appointment, or see my family occasionally, but it’s extremely difficult. I am on an antidepressant, so I’m not completely shut down, but still not even close to 100%. All my life, I have been an artist and and an avid crafter, but even though I have all the supplies and ideas, I can’t make myself start. For a long time now, I spend a lot of my time on TH-cam learning about various hobbies and I want to do them myself and sometimes even buy the needed supplies (Mostly Amazon), but just can’t get started. I beat myself up about it and feel even less motivated. I make short “to do” lists everyday of ordinary things and sometimes even manage to do some of them, like load and unload the dishwasher, do a load of laundry, take a shower, pick up and put away clutter, etc. I get angry at myself for wasting the last few years I have left before I, inevitably, die. It's a vicious cycle and I can’t get motivated enough to break out of the cycle. Thanks for letting me vent about it.
It's not age: it's the phone and general lack of connection with other people...what's the use of doing anything if we don't have community?
Plenty of mental health disorders cause mental paralysis, not just depression.
Many physical autoimmune diseases also cause" brain fog" or disfunction...
Such as???
Yeah, its incredibly frustrating to know that what you are going through is not depression, but then the therapist says, no, it's depression. Fast forward years and you find out its ADHD. It was very triggering to hear her deny that persons reality.
@@kdelka81 I agree.
Why can’t it be both ADHD and depression? I have both. But post partum, I couldn’t get anything done and couldn’t figure out why until I got through the fog. I began to realize I was depressed and didn’t know it. ADHD just magnified what I struggled with.
This is my first time here. Very informative and helpful. I am 64 years old and so sad and lost. I am still working for the State at a MH and SA Outpatient clinic in clerical. I will be watching and look forward to looking into your other post and books. Thank you
I didn't realize you had a podcast. I've only seen your videos on your regular channel. So glad I found this! This was so rich with information and wisdom. Thank you for taking the time for Q&A, your answers were so thorough.
I did want to bring up 2 points. Regarding the question about friends' or family's role in a person's therapy, I do think the exception is when the individual is either in crisis or a danger to themselves/others. I think in those cases the friend/family have an obligation to intervene and reach out. I have had to make calls to friends' therapists/psych to notify them that the patient was in crisis and in immediate need of help. In those cases the individual was unable to communicate that to the therapist/psych because they were too deep in the crisis. But I didn't ask to be a part of therapy, I just offered to be available if they needed information from me regarding the symptoms I'd observed. I basically just acted as an advocate, to get them assistance so they weren't stuck suffering.
Regarding the issue of retaining a relationship with an abusive family member, I 💯 agree with everything you said. I applaud you for so directly communicating that victims have rights, and that trumps all else. That our mental health is valuable and we have the right to protect it. That as an adult we have power and choices that weren't available as a child, and we have the right to exercise that power. It's such an important message for victims to hear, especially because family can put intense inappropriate guilt or misplaced blame on the victim. So that's a message some people really needed to hear to have permission, so to speak, to put their mental well being first.
I can say from personal experience that the best decision I ever made was to stop communicating with my abusers (my parents). I'm sure there was talk of me "abandoning" the family, because that story sounds a whole lot better than the truth - their toxic, traumatizing behavior made it impossible to have any sort of relationship. (I havent seen them or spoken to them in 30 years, so its safe to say we moved on to live our own lives.)
It would not have served me in any way to have remained in contact. In fact, they continued to be so abusive once I had moved out even that my therapist at the time said, "I normally don't say this, but in this one greeting card they have displayed such intensity that I don't recommend you trying to have a relationship." It was hugely helpful to have that objective insight, and to have a person in a position of some authority (a specialist, an experienced professional) give permission to act in my best interests.
The experience also helped me realize that not all families are the same - some are excellent and supportive, and some are horrible and damaging - so the picture of the ideal family is simply not a reality many people face. Regardless of culture, a constant is that there's pressure to meet that ideal, even if it's superficial. And once you realize that those ideals are just that, not fact, it's freeing.
Hope that made sense.
Eta: I really appreciated you talking about the grief of trauma, bc it's something I've never heard anyone acknowledge, much less address. I was talking to a friend recently about this, we both felt we had so much grieving related to the abuse we experienced, but felt lost as to how to deal with it. I was telling her how frustrated I was that this was overlooked - all the therapists who were supposedly specializing in trauma, all the trauma therapy groups, none of them ever mentioned grief. I'd love to hear you talk more about it
Way late here, your channel just popped and I clicked. It describes me. I accept depression because I have good reason to have a truckload of it. For anyone that may need a few tips, these are mine, this is what I do. My #1 goal everyday is to be productive. So I do spurts of many things to me, in my mind which is where it counts, I'm productive. The yard needs me, I take myself out there with the lopers and cut a few limbs of overgrowth from a tree - to be continued of course. Time to let inside cat out but since he runs off, I sit on the back patio with him and watch him, while I sew by hand. I'm making some summer pajama shorts, so I keep one of these projects ready to go when he's ready - to be continued. Then maybe I'll play online sudoku - evil, a real brain workout. Sometimes, I even high march down the hallway, from computer to bathroom or vice versa - my exercise for the moment. Other spurts might be sweeping - one are at a time, not the whole room, of course not. Same for bathroom, one day I clean tub and shower, next day sink counter, next day toilet, etc. and so forth. Then I get on Facebook and play. Or maybe Ebay - I only purchase real bargains, I mean like a brand new with tags jurassic park tee $1.50. Sometimes I make purchases that need altering, so this will turn into a project for me on the patio with kitty. This is my day, all day long everyday. I find this works for me, hope it helps you.
I think my inability to get anything done, is rage. I've never felt heard in my whole life. My mother was a real narcissist. She ruined everything, all the time, including cleaning the whole house Saturday, and Sundays. Not cooperating is my way of screaming.
19:36
I paused and did just that.
I never got to he a child. I didn't know what that little girl needed to hear.
Until I started speaking.
My present situation similar to to questioner.
🙏 Thank You for reminding us the tools we have learned.
And that it is practice. Which never ends.
Unfortunately, the dance is never ending.
Thank You for being here to remind us that even though we already memorized the steps; we may still stumble.
So, stop and and see that there is another step. 🙏
I suffer from depression and treat with medication. I am known as being funny and gregarious by nature..I know it is a sign of my underlying depression which keeps me from completing tasks at home.
I struggle knowing I need to complete tasks and yet not ever getting to them. I agree with Katy's suggestions.
Start with baby steps, one thing at a time and mostly, be kind to yourself.
Today, I took all of my recycling out and cleaned my cat box. That's it!. At least I have two less things to do tomorrow!
Thank you, Katy!
Wow yes! I get overwhelmed with every tiny little thing I need to do just for up keep, like wash my face and take my vitamins, all the daily necessities, the never-ending list. They get done and then I never get around to making my art, or I never save time for exploration. I have been wondering lately if i have a low grade depression. The other day i forced myself to clean and i was dragging so much I leaned on furniture while I cleaned it and I'm active and healthy.
The trick is the get up really early and do your art first....then comes the neverending list...see how you become motivated!
@@dcgallinwhat if your not a morning person?
@@Mockduck2020 where there is a will there is a way....if you really want to do art in peace and quiet without ruining your health and missing out on essential hours of sleep, getting up super early is the key...that is how I wrote my novel while.l bringing up four kids, running a day time business and daily swimming sessions at the gym.
( Kiss the sky by DC gallin) I give the title so you know it's not just talk.
I would wake up at four every morning and by ten I had done my quota of creative daily work.
Research Ayurvedic circadian cycles to see which organs renew themselves at what time of the night and why it's so important for.brain health as well...
Saludos
As soon as I saw this, I was like oh I gotta listen. Because it’s 136 and I’m in pajamas. And started the day crying.
Don’t say anything to yourself you wouldn’t say to a friend. ✨❤️🔥✨
I just learned about pathological demand avoidance and it makes so much sense to me.
I started my on my bedroom which became a drop off spot for everything. I started the back left side. Break a few days. Worked on back right side. Break. One of the bookcases. Break Christmas. Next on list is my 1 dresser.
Then
2nd dresser
Closet
2nd bookcase.
Whew…
I have to do this too. I am overwhelmed with the whole picture.
@@larnold7614 I know. And it’s just my bedroom.
On grief: I always tell people that grief is NOT linear. We talk about stages, but it's been two years after I lost my mum suddenly, and I have triggers all the time. It's certainly not finished after the stages... I get angry after acceptance, too. When my therapist bailed suddenly during counseling (she left the practice with less than a days' notice), I then developed an aversion to therapy, since three times in a row I fell between the cracks with therapy. (Your trust-in-therapists portion was also timely for me, as my usual coping mechanisms are breaking down lately!)
So my depression, which has been a running theme through my adult life, continues to manifest itself with inertia, which you so perfectly discussed in this video. Thank you. My inertia/ennui haunts me, and I really have trouble breaking through and gaining momentum.
Well. I relate to the person in that letter too well. I’ve suffered from Chronic Major Depression my whole life. I don’t seem to make serotonin…and my life, like most people’s has been hard and with lots of trauma. Four years ago I entered a new period in my life. I call it the “Sick era”. I went from managing myself pretty well, to being completely bed-ridden and almost encephalitis-like. I was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disease of the liver, AIH, and as a bonus, I had already developed Stage IV Cirrhosis, which is ironic because I have never imbibed alcohol. Ever. Anyway, I’m trying to hang in there, but I am like that person. I just can’t seem to do anything. I recently found out that I’m anemic and have a vitamin B12 deficiency. Maybe that explains my current state, but basically, I just can’t seem to do anything. Showering, for instance. I used to shower everyday no matter what. Now, I’m amazed if I get to the shower within a week. I’ve gone two weeks once without a shower. At first I put it down to my fear of falling. I blacked out once in 2019 during my illness before I was diagnosed, and fell backward 5’ onto the tile floor on my head. Then, four days later while in the shower, I had a bad Vertigo moment (I’ve had Vertigo ever since my fall, to this day…and I can no longer drive because of it), and passed out, hitting the same place on my head and breaking my foot in the process. I finally got safety bars installed in my shower, but I seem to have lost my motivation to be clean. I am home-bound because I can’t drive, I don’t have a lot of support at home, and I have my therapist and a Skype Pal from Canada, to be friends with. That’s it. My room looks like a Hoarder has taken over, and I feel too physically weak, and in too much ennui to do anything about it. Some days I wear the same outfit all week long, not even bothering with pjs…I just go to bed in my clothes. And wear them the next day…it’s pathetic, but I don’t know what to do. I take my anti-depressant medicine every day. I used to call them, “my happy pills” to try to explain why Mommie was taking pills everyday, to her 4 yr old, years ago. To this day, we still call them that. But they don’t make me happy. I don’t really do happy…but they do keep me ‘normal’ and keep my disorganized thinking under some control, and suicidal thoughts at bay. Still, I’m not sure they’re working…cause nothing really matters to me these days. Some major setbacks this past year: My beloved Mama died right before thanksgiving last year. We cajoled her to live to 100. She got close but died at 98 instead. One of our cats died at 19 yrs, about a month ago - ironically, on what would’ve been my Mom’s birthday. And, I’ve been trying to write music again (what I did before the Sick Era started) and I was as close to happy as I’ve ever gotten, and then when Mom passed, we went into Probate and I can no longer continue in the music studio I had created in my Mom’s walk-in closet. It has no electricity, and I found out that I can’t upgrade the room until the Probate is over, which could take years, so my music has just…stopped.
Anyway, all I do anymore is play word games and jigsaw puzzles on my iPad, on my bed at night, and sleep all day. I am completely backwards with my sleep/wake cycle. I don’t bother to comb my hair, or wear deodorant (unless I’m going to the doctor) or makeup. Doesn’t really seem any point in doing so.
I know I’m in a bad way, but I don’t seem to have fallen into a suicidal ideation, which has happened before. So I don’t know what to call this ‘season’ that I’m in. I hate it, but not enough to do anything about it. Thanks for listening.
I’m basically in the same place you just described. Have been for several years. Most of the time I just don’t give a crap anymore and just want to die.
I actually discovered lately after going thru the same thing ... That it is called abulia which is a symptom of schizophrenia. So we are not crazy for thinking something is wrong ff. But what nobody knows that it is delayed schizophrenia. It is just interesting to know that. Look up negative symptoms of such. There is no treatment for it. However high protein diet and l tyrosine help. Hang in there. There are so many people struggling l
ike that. I will say a prayer for you today. God still loves us all
Thank you for being so honest. I truly hope that you are doing better and find happiness. Currently, I am without many people in my life as well. But I pray that will change soon. I'm feeling more hopeful today and I am sending that energy to you. Be well.
Expectations always lead to DISAPPOINTMENT 😞 😪 😕 😔.
DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING from ANYONE, ORGANIZATIONS,
etc..etc. etc.
Self Protection is a Right. For one's own health and Safety.
Thanks SO MUCH for your knowledge and time & REMINDERS . U R AMAZING 👏!
You're amazing at explaining mental processes in a very recognizable way. Love this video.