Every Zero Punctuation 2009
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 พ.ค. 2019
- Every 2009 Zero Punctuation episode with no punctuation.
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It's almost cute how he thought so many franchises had hit rock bottom back in 2009. How far we had yet to fall.
1:58:30
some came back up, don't pretend that the rock bottomers are the only ones that inhabit advanced darkness region.
@@timokampwerth1996 this is an understatement. Holy crap...
Not so cute now...
@@anierikidemona ^^^^^^I'm with this guy
Doctor: You only have 3 hours 37 minutes and 14 seconds left to live
Me: Oddly specific for a medical professional
Doctor: Oh, that wasn't a diagnosis. That's just how much is left on the timer. Maybe you should take the time to reconsider screwing my wife, huh?
Me: wow everyone says that huh...
@@lnsflare1 Damn 😲
What if you have a day to live?
Me: ...I had you castrate me last week... How could I have screwed her?!?
Rewatching this post everything happening makes me realize how long I've been watching and loving this strange strange man
0:05 Awards for 2008
4:53 Tomb Raider: Underworld
8:57 Far Cry 2
13:16 Gears of War 2
17:32 Little Big Planet
21:54 Satan Butt
22:18 Thief: The Dark Project
26:21 Skate 2
30:38 FEAR 2
34:52 Spiderman: Web of Shadows
39:03 House of the Dead: Overkill
43:09 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
47:27 Resident Evil 5
52:15 XBlades
53:57 Halo Wars
58:52 Pedigree Chum
59:12 GTA Chinatown Wars
1:03:38 MADWORLD
1:07:48 Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X.
1:11:56 Siren Blood Curse
1:16:07 Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
1:19:57 Valkyria Chronicles
1:23:57 Velvet Assassin
1:27:48 Duke Nukem Forever
1:31:45 Bionic Commando
1:36:01 Letter of the Week
1:36:31 Infamous
1:40:15 E3 2009 Hype Massacre
1:44:00 Prototype
1:47:47 The Sims 3
1:51:39 Ghostbusters: The Video Game
1:55:30 Overlord 2
1:59:20 Red Faction Guerrilla
2:03:11 Wii Sports Resort
2:06:48 Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood
2:11:03 Theme Song Time!
2:12:10 The Conduit
2:16:12 Silent Hill 2
2:20:27 2.5D Hoedown
2:24:23 Tales of Monkey Island
2:28:12 Wolfenstein
2:31:59 Batman: Arkham Asylum
2:36:07 Beatles Rock Band and Guitar Hero 5
2:40:13 Darkest of Days
2:44:29 Scribblenauts
2:48:33 Wet
2:52:33 Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story
2:56:47 Brutal Legend
3:00:49 Games Expo Video Journal
3:07:00 Uncharted 2: Among Thieves
3:10:50 Dragon Age: Origins
3:14:56 Winners of the Stonking Great Game Contest
3:16:08 COD: Modern Warfare 2
3:19:56 Assassin's Creed 2
3:24:11 Left 4 Dead 2 and New Super Mario Bros Wii
3:28:30 Demon's Souls
3:32:42 Holiday Announcement
3:32:56 Saboteur
you're great even if you dont get appreciated enough.
thx
Thank you
You even got Pedigree Chum
What a pro lol
Never let a man with an undying love for true survival horror games put googly eyes on his pants.
That turd in a turd accolade for Sonic turned out to be timeless. He could've written that for any Sonic game that's come out since and for the most part it would be true.
I'll never get over how much Yhatzee looks like someone you'd never let your kids near on his DC visit
The Escapist's Overlords really done fucked up.
I love his accent changes from English to New Zealand to occasionally Australian depending on how he's feeling.
A man of true talent.
I can barely speak my own accent yet he's pulling off many.
I put this playlist on a lot while I work. Every time I hear his "origin story" with ps2 red faction I smile. I smile because I went through that exact same situation. Now, Yahtzee is a internet celeb with 5 novels, several games, and over a decade's worth of content under his belt. While I am living in an rv in the Mojave Wasteland trying to learn c# and unity to make a f2p game that doesn't make my soul leave me too.
So did you make that game ?
Listen to someone talk for three and a half hours without taking a single breath has never been more entertaining.
That wolfenstine limerick was impressive
1:07:24
“I’m not against violence, I’m against censorship.”
Well that’s good because the irony of that statement in this video is physically painful.
Yeah funny how he mentions being against censorship in several reviews and the escapist insists on censoring lots of jokes throughout these year releases
@@CallanElliott citation please?
@@KristoKorps I'll back him up. I complained about it in one of their community post and their PR guy - whose name I forget - mentioned it was for advertising revenue.
In fact you can just look at TH-cam's content creator guidelines if you want a good laugh. The censorship is so blatant I'm amazed they're still getting away with it.
@@Arto257 They're getting away with it because they make the rules and can make them whatever they want. This isn't the house of representatives. You're not allowed to say fuck on NBC because NBC doesn't want people saying fuck on NBC.
@@pivoteer556 yeah, yeah, I know. Private company and all that nonsense. Doesn't change the fact that their creator guidelines are fucking ridiculous.
It essentially gives TH-cam absolute free reign to demonetise or even outright remove any content they deem inappropriate.
Not even just swearing or sexual content - talking about certain *topics* isn't allowed. War, for example. Can't mention it, or you make no money. That's _the example_ they give in their guidelines - "war." Conflict. Anything that anyone might possibly take offence to or have a contentious opinion about. It's absolute bullshit, and you can't just hand-wave something like that away with "well, they make the rules"
there's no one like yahtz to paralyse you with laughter after all these years..!
"chest high wall sight-seeing tour" has me crippled
I enjoy listening to these in the background.
It is like listening to the history of videogames from the last decade.
my thoughts exactly, and with a dose of nostalgia no less
It's odd that the 50 Cent section where he rants about censorship is itself censored.
He doesn't even say the full word but, like my mulatto friend, chops it in half.
@@cuttlefishn.w.2705 I cannot say how deep my chuckle was reading that.
It's sad. The Escapist actually replied to someone complaining about the censoring on one of the videos, something to the effect of "we have to pay our staff so we can't afford to have values like you can" or some bullshit.
That's producers
@@OldManJ3nkins That statement hits very different now, given Yatz and so many other escapist creators leaving.
The E3 episode: [mentions Metal Gear Rising]
Me: that didn’t cone out for several more years!
[mentions The Last Guardian which came out like last year, after Kinect was already dead]
lol
3:01:30 it's really interesting to see Nick outside of his position of authority as Editor in Chief of all of Escapist. Almost makes me want to follow his career as it led up to today
Ahahahaha funny that
Fun fact: deleting the gay joke that concludes 1:51:33 makes that sequence seem sincere and thus way _more_ offensive.
Honestly what is the point of all the censorship...
to avoid lawsuits. probably the same reason they changed the music on the bit with the googly-eyed butt dancing. it was originally the austin powers theme music.
@@kingmorgan5047 yeah but the original is probably still the same
Probably in an attempt to have the video monetized
A joke that is looked back upon and recognized as offensive and cut out is entirely appropriate. A joke comes from a place of insincerity but taking a situation and making humor out of it.
In hindsight going back and deleting it seems like a gesture of accepting that it wasn't okay.
@@HellionSeeker That doesn't make any sense, especially in this context.
They deleted an incidental, nonjudgmental allusion to homosexuality, that was supposed to juxtapose the preceding genuinely hateful mysoginistic screed. The joke was _supposed_ to be at the expense of the kind of people who would genuinely be that hateful. By cutting out the end, they made him seem genuinely hateful.
Or, to make this simple: I'm a gay man. The gay joke was not even remotely offensive. There was no reason to cut it out... Unless the mere mention of homosexuality is to be interpreted as offensive. I think you can see why that alone would be problematic. But really, the now apparently-sincere mysogyny is worse.
20:17 Wow, that joke truly fell flat when played with new age royalty free techno music... Makes me want to dig up the original videos just to see the jokes intact.
the 50 cent review is my absolute favourite one he's ever done but its really hamstrung when you cut out the final joke.
Gotta love that American censoring.
@@BobExcalibur It's TH-cam censoring so the Escapist can keep putting ads on these videos. Lately he's been having to literally replace all swears with TH-cam
escapist has mentioned if it was up to them, they wouldnt have censored any of it (and indeed you can still go back and watch the original video uncensored) but to keep the compilations monetizable, youtube required certain jokes had to be cut. and i believe it - there are way more offensive jokes that were left in. leave it to a massive, corporate-run, algorithm-obsessed mass like youtube to abritrarily deem a handful of jokes "too offensive" while completely ignoring nuance and context.
@@KrodaStagg He is not Australian
@@KrodaStagg oh my god, he wants to pay his rent. What a hypocrite.
It feels so surreal hearing Yahtzee talking about how basically allright Gears of War is 😳
The ammount of censored jokes is insulting, frankly
Some don't even make any sense. In the Velvet Assassin review he makes a joke about Valkeria Chronicles "defending the 100 acre woods from mean old farmer Hitler". The part about "mean old farmer Hitler" is cut out and I can't figure out why.
They were probably hoping to keep these videos monetized, considering the amount of mid roll ads
This is really upsetting. The gaps are all I can hear.
@@tate3117 the original uncensored videos still get ads
Mid role? I didn't have one in any of these.
Does anyone know if Yathzee himself cuts the yokes out or somebody else?
I love watching back his review of Dragon Age because you know he hadn't reached the Broodmother because otherwise he would've spent half the review talking about it
and it can go fuck off
Escapist probably thinks we wouldn't notice that they cut out the punchline from the end of the "50 Cent: Blood on the Sand" review. Shame on them!
Llaaaame.
What was the punchline? They cut something else out in the last one too. Think it was something about hitler
@@Kody-mo3fy He used the N-Word in a joking context.
@@GeorgeTsiros This video doesn't even get that far. It ends before getting to the "Not that they'd know anything about work" bit.
I fucking knew it. I was waiting the whole review for it, and they had to cut it. Disliked because seriously fuck escapist
Got 3 hours, 37 minutes, 14 seconds of free time? Here's the perfect video for you!
BlackRazor1000 what if it buffers
Destroyer Creater pray that it doesn’t
DNoah then I’ll pray until Jesus himself comes down and say “dude. You need to chill on your praying”
What makes me laugh is is 'opinion' on children considering he has one now! Time makes fools of us all 🤣🤣🤣
You know what's fascinating? Its pretty easy to see how much Yahtzee has changed in the past 11 years. I'd argue he's managed to kick the really low hanging fruit jokes and stay funny and for that I respect him. Not that he's above knob gags but they're more of a stocking stuffer than his actual best jokes
they cut out almost all of his actually offensive jokes
I've grown to love his really absurd jokes or off kilter references
Edgy Yahtzee was best Yahtzee.
that "It's as similar to the original article as an unwiped arsecrack is to a picture of gorbachev." was his best joke hands down
@Panel Deepak Not completely. They definitely clipped out the ironic racist joke at the end of the anti-racist ending on 50 Cent: Blood On the Sand, and I noticed.
"A society where everyone can make jokes about everyone else and everyone laughs is a truly tolerant society. Political correctness charged censorship only serves to engender resentment and distance between social groups." Yahtzee 2009
kinda ironic because he got censored in this video
"....... In a perfect world. But we don't live in a perfect world. We live in a shitty world, where all the [atrocities of the last 400 years, "the effects of which still linger to this day"] and as such ......."
-Moviebob 20xx
@@seanurbik2689 yeah but Moviebob is a complete tool so...
@@Rebellions Even if that were true, that doesn't change the fact that this isn't a perfect world.
@@seanurbik2689 And it's never going to be. And it's not going to become better through censorship and morality-policing.
high quality shit for over 14 years
time to directly download pure snark directly into my brain
Silly yahtzee, being invisible only whilst playing the trombone is exactly what I'd want
*Dies hearing Yatz say "glock of Damocles" xDD
2:25:00
WHY Did i miss this irish yahtzee joke for years.
WHAT ELSE DID I MISS
You want to hear a sad thing? Yatzhees voice has been the voice i listen to for most of my day,like more than my parents. Seriously i listen to his videos that much that his is the most consistent voice i hear.
Same here. Hardly listen to music anymore.
Or sleep in silence for that matter.
fwiw, his enunciation and delivery has a great flow, so I wouldn't consider it one of the worse voices to get stuck in your head.
To be fair most people in our lives wouldn't be willing or even able to sit down and deliver 3+ straight hours of continuous speech. This is probably something people said about DJs back at the dawn of radio, since it was the first time people had access to so much audio content! So don't feel bad that you don't have your parents' voices memorized like a youtuber's :)
@@fntthesmth423 Yeah, I suspect that the communication revolution changed much more about "Human nature" than we understand...the shear amount of information is unprecedented...but also that information can be "Siloed" and manipulated in multiple ways makes me worry about the future...as our biological brains can't keep up with the massive processing power of purely analytical computers...not saying it'll be something like Skynet, but it will be someone manipulating technology to control or destroy the world...
Damn it Yahtzee what have you done! Im never gonna get work done!
I personally force myself to put it in a hidden tab or else i would get nothing done.
Give us a 4K remaster of old reviews
Might as well skip to 16K
it's funny that yahtzee has been doing this three year longer than you and still you are the one that stagnated while yahtzee remained good.
@@WOLF36554 you didn't need to murder him...even if it's completely true...
WOLF36554 oucccch i felt that and i dont even know who that is.
Why? So the PC Master Race is rendered in even more resplendent detail?
"Maybe by the end of the third game we'll be controlling a big pile of giblets and teeth." No Yahtz you'll need to wait for Carrion (2020) for that.
"It´s wort remembering that sometimes things are pupular for a reason: because they're good"
Fucking preach it mate
Why is his mic quality better in 2009 than it was in 2010-2013 lol
"No franchise has been euthanized quite as well as metal gear solid." Honestly it would've been better if that happened after five, considering where we are now.
Konami will probably not even touch that franchise for a very long time. Heck, any franchise in fact.
listening to his demons souls review is hilarious given how hard he has it for darksouls.
I sometimes forget that thick means stupid outside America. For a second I thought he was saying the Gow aliens had cake.
20:17 Aw man, I forgot Yahtzee showed his face that year!
...I am aroused in the weirdest way...
Escapist changed the music too. It was that little ditty from Austin Powers.
@@jonlee2553 Yes, I noticed that! Probably to escape copyright?
Perhaps my favorite sentence by Yahtzee, "Silent Hill 4 mis-stepped so hard it's femurs burst out of it's legs and rocketed into the sky."
Damn, I loved SH4...but yeah, so much jank...no sidestepping in the apartment, those annoying flying bug-bat things, super limited inventory, having to knock down all those penis plants over and over again in the water prison, and the water prison...
47:25 YOU CUT OUT THE BEST PART. THAT PART HAD ME DYING LAUGHING FOR DAYS WTF
it wasn’t that funny…
2009, the year of the limerick review. The height of my attraction to yatzee...
Without punctuation, but no ads 👍 not complaining really, Yhatz makes it worth it. 😂
@@thewraithwriter22 That's your loss
I just bingewatch your vids anyway. Soooo this is just what I need ;)
Chan? Nice zu sehen das du auch ein Mann der hohen kulturellen Standarts bist👌🏻
I love bingelistening zero punctuation while playing the entire assassin's creed series again and again
This exact combination is my main source of both nostalgic comfort and existential dread
Listen to Yahtzee at the same time as ac II Monteriggionni ambient music and try not to reminder how you will die
"Eventually I started avoiding optional combat missions. When you come across 15 muggings while headed home through the New York warzone its hard to feel you're making an impact on crime."
Yahtzee predicted 2022 New York!
We need to get Yahtzee to cover every game whether it came out that year or years ago. He makes them all worth listening to.
6 views. 8 likes. The sorcery on display is amazing.
That usually happens when there's a lot of vampires watching.
It's wonderful to watch these and see not only how games have evolved, but how Yahtzee has evolved as well. In the Bowser's inside story review, he talks about how much he hates children. And he's a dad now. It's cute. :)
After seeing yahtzees roadtrip footage, K now need a whole series following this man across the world XD that, or let him narrate a nature documentory just once.
If he got to narrate a nature documentary, then he would have ample opportunity to talk about various animal dicks, in context for once.
I may have been just about to fall asleep when the spooky ambience hit and I most shat myself.
the velvet assassin review had me tabbing back and forth between the original video and this every time the scene changed because I'd assumed there was another censored joke
The finest moment in gaming history is the Duke Nukem Forever Review.
59:00 I want a feature-length version of this.
Wow the fucking nostalgia I used to run from highschool to see it as soon as it was out :D thank you Yahtzee, still my go to game reviewer after all this time ^^
Funny to think he still thought Half-Life 3 might be coming out at some point...
First Friday of every month is now a holiday. 👏👏escapist👏👏
Jesus so many of these jokes were trimmed. Which is cruelly ironic after Yahtzee makes a very apt point about such things in the 50 Cent review
Christ they cut out jokes again, these compilations are great but this is annoying as all hell.
Dude don't drag us SJWs into this
@Ex Tyger I'm opposed to them removing it as well but the fact that they removed the n word is not exactly indicative of them being an SJW
@@jelleschoenmaker3956 Could you tell them to stop shoving themselves into everything? Thanks.
We're not. We've always been here
@@TomatoBreadOrgasm Actual ESS-JAY-DABLUS are vastly outnumbered by, and less annoying than, twats who scream ESS-JAY-DABLU at every shadow.
This video for instance; The escapist didn't remove the edgy jokes because they're secretly run by a shadowy cabal of blue-haired gender-studies majors. If they were ideologically motivated, they'd take down the original 50 cent review, wouldn't they. They selectively edited this it because TH-cam's algorithm for demonetisation is sensitive to certain words. The motivation is financial, not ideological. Not that that stops the twats from yelling ESS-JAY-DABLU, because that's their all-purpose explanation for everything they don't like.
20:17
Noooo! He changed the music (likely copyright)
I know, I've seen the original so often that it really caught me off guard
PeterTheRock3 they kept the music for 21:53
It's so weird to randomly hear Grahm at 52:00
The shit that happened over a decade ago
Wow, I don't remember Graham Stark trying to cover for Yahtzee! That was hilarious.
It was after he joined them on an unskippable
I just realized you can hear Police Sirens in the Skate review
I'm impressed he managed to get Matthew Mattosis to guest on the Monkey Island episode.
Also anyone else hear the police coming to get yahtzee at 10:53? And 26:25
clever reference lmao
Oh glob I didn't realize TH-cam was still set to 2x when I came back to this
I tend to listen to these as I go to sleep ( I know ). I hate this video so much because once 21:54 rolls around shit wakes me up every time lol
@ 2:47:46
Hmmm... wasn't there a 3rd part to that joke? Out of all the other things said during Zero Punctuation I wonder why they decided to retcon that joke specifically.
I miss being subscribed to topics on TH-cam. I subbed to Zero Punctuation as a topic and it was great. I don't want my home page flooded by videos I'm not as interested in.
2009 was the "What Arbitrary Silliness" year.
Good times.
The problem with zero punctuation is that it's extremely obvious when you censor a joke.
...or perhaps that's its strength.
not like the average people in internet would ever ponder about it.
@Horus SC besides, it’s not as if the original reviews were edited or taken down. They can still see them to get their fix on hearing inappropriate slurs sprinkled into their video game critiques.
52:15 WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE'S YAHTZEE?!
So, I know it's been a year for you friend buuuut....that's Graham Stark of Loadingreadyrun. Back then LRR was on The Escapist with a show called Unskippable and it basically came down to Yatzhee and Graham saying they could do the other's job easy (in jest), so we got an episode of ZP with Graham in charge and a episode of Unskippable with Yatzhee at the wheel.
Graham and LRR are a Canadian sketch comedy group that's been around for the last 15+ years and have done their own thing and others. For example, if you've ever watched FF7 Machinabridged from TFS, Graham was President Shinra.
I love that they had to change the music for his butt eyes because it was copyrighted.
Can't believe they cut the last joke from the 50 cent game review. Genuinely made me choke the first time i heard it
Hey, Yahtzee, from the year 2021; I think Godzilla vs Kong was partly conjured by 'Nancy Drew Meets Mecha-Godzilla'. So thanks for that.
They cut out the "not that they know anything about work the stupid ni..." line out of the end of the 50 cent review
Thanks, I do remember thinking the lack of vitriol there was a bit jarring.
They also cut out the "Incidentaly I'm still not gay" part from the end of the Sims review (1:51:39)
Hmm, cutting out all the good shit... Wonder what might have caused it
cut the 'and also possibly some child pornography' line from wii sports resort
The ellipsis would be punctuation, so they clearly had to cut it.
What actually is the name of the kickass theme song? I’ve been listening to the intro for years now and I still don’t know lmao
his fuckin pisstake south african accent slipping in and out throughout the entire Far Cry 2 review slays me
Man, I forgot how thick this British accent was
POV: You slept with youtube on and woke up to this video
my prayers have been answered! anotha one!
22:17 review of _Thief_ (yes, the one from the 20th century).
"..... Yeah we're gonna do this"
Hands down, 2009 was his best year.
2010 and 2011 are up there too
THEY CUT OUT THE BEST BIT
horrifying to realise I am now the age Yahtzee was when he was doing these videos.
He mentioned a "big grey lady with jiggle physics". Did Yahtzee predict Lady Dimetrescu in 2009, 12 years before she featured on RE: Village
People are complaining about them censoring jokes in these compilations.
The 9 Mid-roll adds show why they did that.
...But the original videos (Which are completely un-edited) are still monetized. And they leave in quite a few jokes which are still pretty damn raunchy (i.e. Damn near every analogy Yahtzee makes).
@@patchwurk6652 In that case, I have no idea.
Nice that Matthewmatosis joined for the Monkey Island Review. I like knowing my favourite reviewers hang out
Love the full theme song at 2:11:04 hadn’t heard it before
I thought it was going to be a joke mesh video.... but its literal. Wow.
I was 7 years old when these were made. It’s times like these I realise you really are just a grumpy old man
Thanks!
2:33 for the therapeutic leeching that GTA4 urgently required.
He loves half these games nowadays, he hypes up GTA IV a lot, especially the story.
They took out the last joke in Blood on the Sand? Odd choice