Being an ENFP, all my life I've felt almost as if I was two people. I would switch into comedian mode and back into social justice, save the world empathy mode. I still do this and I'm 42. More and more I am staying in the latter mode though.
Thanks Rob, I'm 30 and only just recently understood I feel like this.. two people in one - one chameleon who changes all the time, gets along with everyone and makes them happy, strokes them the right way if you will, and then the other side which is more like pure me who doesn't really care that much how individual people feel - but rather feel that we are all in the same broken boat, and I yearn to work on fixing it. But it's pretty lonely doing that so often I go back and please people to get my social fix for the day.
I'm ENFP and when you said 'This world would benefit so much if ENFPs could get over the pain of what other people have done' hit me so really deep. I totally concur. A very eloquent speech. Kudos.
29 year old man, and I have tears in my eyes. What you're saying...is the authentic ENFP that no one sees. I grew up with a very strict ESTJ father and ISTJ older sibling. It was very rough to find any understanding in who I am. As you said, it's a struggle that can last a long time to be true to the self. People see the clown, but on the inside is an insurmountable passion for social justice, and swirling abstract ideas of hope. Thank you for saying these things. I might have the courage to share who I really am.
+Robert Conger Take your time. It's a gradual process, especially because people have to learn to adjust to the notions of the "real" or "new" you. There will be discouraging times where people feel like you're being fake or all of a sudden changed. You know who you are, and you know you want to be authentic. Let that guide your process of being a true champion. :)
This was really spot on. Like, people say ENFPs are enthusiastic and inspiring and value driven, blah blah, and that's all true... But you've revealed here the secret side to us, the side others don't see and are not going to be discussed in some general MBTI discussion. Basically unless you're an ENFP, you won't get the points you make here. Thank you for this.
CJ s Possibly all traits have their balance within the deeper self? For example, even if one looks at the functions, in ENFP's as well as ENTP's the 'happy' Ne function is evened out with the serious 4th slot and rather pessimistic Si. Similarly The macho-ish and most masculine Te function as first function in ENTJ's is evened out with the most feminine Fi 4th slot. People are aware if our higher functions, but not that much of our lower ones...Especially on the levels where such functions have a high contrast, people will not suspect we are like that in a deeper layer
As an ENFP, I LOVE this video. A lot of people perceive ENFP's as a very open type, and it's not always true. I myself am very good at giving small amounts of information, enough to satisfy curiosity and appear almost as everything is very out in the open, when in reality I hold many things very close to the chest and am VERY guarded. I use these little bits of myself as a deflector so they don't pry farther. I will over-share on some things that others wouldn't tell people, and then I am very tight lipped about other things. I definitely use different aspects of my personality as a tool to collect information and to work the room. I naturally play off the people around me--this is a genuine part of myself and it is not a mask I put on. However it is never my whole self all the time, and I think that's where the perceived inauthenticity comes from. AWESOME video, so on point. In my experience, FULL vulnerability is nearly painful for me, but it may be just my past that affects this.
You should've added a warning "THIS IS DEEP"! Man was this deep. When you started talking about how some ENFPs (me) adopt the silly, joking, lighthearted character to make other people feel safe, I had to grab a tissue. Seriously. I noticed I have gotten really great responses from people saying I'm hilarious recently ( I mean I am), but what you mentioned made me ponder if I'm doing that to just please them since I do have very intense emotions and thought processes and I have been labeled as intense.
It's something to think about. Sometimes doing things for others genuinely can make you feel happy and fulfilled, too, and sometimes it can be draining to perform for others. And that varies person to person.
It really is draining. And when I need time to rest and be alone, people get upset and think I'm mad or depressed. AND they try to push me to be happy again when I just want to relax and think to myself.
I am an ENFP and just turned 30: you explained the reasoning behind the “being the clown” and “non-threatening” personas so well! I am using that to have more grace on myself. I have struggled with people-pleasing yet at the same time boiling up inside over injustice-over me and over others. I have been frustrated by people who don’t take me seriously when I know that I have good insight or understand how to bring good change. Now that I am 30, I am starting to care much less about “getting along” and more about speaking up about what’s right and wrong (in my mind). Also, it was encouraging to hear that we mature later in life and the reasons for that. I spent most of my teenage life in a super slow, and isolated environment... needless to say I was depressed. When I hit my 20s, I had no idea how to cope on social situations. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement and great insight!
I am definitely wrestling with my clown compulsion, and am deeply depressed, so thanks for this. I also love that you referenced Alice Miller's work, that book really resonated with me, despite not having any "real trauma". Everyone has their own struggles, but being an NF boy can be a bit tricky. I sort of closed down my feelings for business very young, not because my parents were cruel people who didn't love me, but because they didn't understand me, and didn't like how sensitive I was for a boy. I didn't do it consciously, I did it to survive and maintain attachment. But it makes me feel so empty. As you head into the adult world, it feels less vulnerable (at least at first) to try and entertain people and please them. But it's annoying how people see me as this ditzy goof completely incapable of calculation or insight. And what's more, it feels hollow not to make myself known. On the rare occasions I have met someone who has allowed me to be myself, it's like life is worth living again. Thanks for reminding me of the importance of finding my Fi. This was a really great talk. :)
Jeremy Chiasson I hope you're nurturing your Fi! I know I am trying. And it feels wonderful. Kind of like an ebb and flow pace, but it works for me. I guess I have to process in chunks and then I can be more authentic and at peace with my decisions. How are you doing?
Wow! So many synchronicities. This is where I am at in my souls journey. Learning to be authentic but yet feeling more alone the close I get to being me. I know that when you shed a layer of your old self, you lose people that no longer match you vibrationally and that can feel like a traumatic loss that needs time to grieve. I'm excited to eventually live up to my full potential.
This was so deep. I am an ENFP too and I can relate to all of this. I was an overachiever ever since I was 7, until when I was about 16. I wanted to get into medical school, and so I worked really hard to get better scores. Everyone placed high hopes until I entered pre-university level, and I went on a huge slump. I did horribly, and I disappointed people day in and day out. Nobody could understand why. I had friends who always thought I was the goofy, happy-go-lucky girl who never cared, but I did. I think I disappointed them, because they had high expectations of me. I couldn't meet those expectations and those friendships ended. That's why I could relate when you said people start expecting a whole lot from you when you show your champion persona, and you could also fail. That really happened. Also, I really like talking and presenting. There was a project I put a whole lot of effort into and so I gave my 110% during practice. My friends had a knack for calling me fake and I was furious. For awhile I shied away from public speaking and being in the limelight because I was so afraid of what people thought of me. But you were right, I just have to go out there and grab my chances. The friends who matter don't mind, and the friends who mind don't matter. Thank you for this, and for reassuring me I am not alone in my struggles :)
***** thats awesome at least i know im not alone! I'm in nursing school now haha even though its not med sch its pretty close! And all the best you're gonna make a great doctor! 💪
idc anym Really? Thank you. I love nurses. I'm quite excited and nervous at the same time. When the idea of becoming doctor comes again to you, grab that idea and work for it. That's just me , though. :)
+ idc anym I am in my last year of medical school hahahah!!! im ahead of the game of you junior ENFPs. According to a video we suit the role of surgeons, A+E consultants and paedricians most!!! will send the link! extrovert + feeling= good people person = doctors!!
I have never perceived ENFPs as guarded, but it makes sense to hear you explain it now. As an fi-dom, I've thought that both ESFPs and ENFPs are often underestimated when it comes to their emotional depth and maturity. Beneath the playfulness is that undercurrent of sobriety.
you said when we let our champions out and we wholly embrace our authenticity, people start to expect from you. i i just want to say, that as an enfp who has embraced herself , i have fought these expectations. its not easy but its possible. i am the leader of my group at work and we had by the grace of GOD thrived very well. so whenever we felt the expectations and the pressure rising, i used to tell them not to pay attention to them, if we walk on different paths than other groups, make effort to achieve seemilngly impossible goals and just work hard , there is no stopping us. if we win/fail..doesnt matter..we always get to learn something new and by doing so we grow more than others.
Bang on. One of the problems I think I have is that I'm constantly revealing 'personal' information to those around me (like now), such as on facebook, but I've read that that tends to drive away people I naturally attract. Was kind of embarrassing reading that. I think cos of the environment I grew up in there is a strong impulse to 'reveal' myself to other people because I want to be acknowledged for who I am. I know it's neurotic but damn it's hard to change!
I also have very different modes or sides to me like yourself there's the funny side, the social justice warrior, the "too sensitive for this world" nostalgic guy, and the music connoisseur, among others. I keep track of the sorts of things people like on Facebook and the 'funny guy' gets all the likes while the rest---especially the music nerd---get zilch, although occasionally the personal stories can get plenty of likes if they are relevant enough or funny or have an interesting picture associated with it.
Wow.... When you say that ENFP are mirrors I couldn't agree more (at least for me)... You kinda read me there! All this time my 'way of reading and dealing with people' is become a mirror or become a body of water (well, I just realized recently, thinking about changing, but not sure how and to be what)... I am often being told that I was a fake, trying to be friendly and please anyone and don't have my own style or thought or any authenticity... Some people hate it when I kinda read them like open book (benefit of mirroring someone: I kinda know how they feel and think, so I kinda know what they are gonna say or do or what they want to hear or what motivates them), especialy those 'smart people' who very afraid of manipulation (people, I am harmless!!)... Well, the reflection IS always fake and I do feel frustrated for people who seeing only the reflection but not the mirror or the body of water which is the REAL one...
Just want to say I really appreciate that you shared your reflection about the awesomeness and struggles that ENFPs go through. You seem to be a very mature ENFP who has come to terms with yourself and your life experiences using your intuitive side. And it's amazing that you're sharing this reflection with us. So thanks again.
Thank you for the words of encouragement! It's taken a while, and I'm still on my journey for sure. Looking forward to chatting more about ENFP things 😊
I don’t know about other ENFP’s, but I am open AF. Like, to a fault lol. People either deeply admire my honesty or continually warn me not to share quite so much because I’ll be taken advantage of. While I am an ambivert like most ENFP’s, I have become more introverted with age. That being said, I don’t usually share with those who I feel won’t appreciate it or just don’t care. I’m also highly resistant to those who try and draw stuff out of me by force rather than letting it come organically. I’ve also just come to accept that certain things are just off limits and belong to me only. I’ve got to have something for myself no matter how little.
I am an ENFP. I am going through a divorce after 10 years of marriage, to a woman I still love very deeply. This is right after moving to Chicago to LITERALLY BE A COMEDIAN. It has caused me to FEEL real empathy for the people and world around me. It was like my emotions had an off switch and I flipped it back on. I think I had to or else my empathy would have swallowed the real me whole and I would slowly die complacent. As dramatic as that sounds. It feels like you were reading my brain like a teleprompter, it is so accurate to how I felt.
Ive lost many a potential friend because of the ability to see and point out the realness of being a human being. People think they have called me out on occasions, which they probably did (but they really didn't), because I didn't know myself well enough to respond to them, also probably because I believe the best of everyone and tend to think they think like me, and then get such a shock when I discover they don't. Bit sad, but here I am now just discovering I am not broken after all. Such a relief I think I can now move on to actualisation, hopefully. Thank you for videos.
Robyn Long Yes, you're not broken. You're on your path of becoming, and it's a painful yet beautiful experience for most of us. Please continue figuring it out.
As an ENFP, I can easily relate to this. Because of it, I am always "friend-zoned" and taken advantage of. I never have gotten myself into a relationship because so many women find my desire to freely express myself so kiddish and immature for my age. Very unfortunate, but that's okay.
Thank you for this. Three months ago, I was very bitter about relationships and the dating scene, but I am now working towards getting myself out there and having fun. I realized that I don't need anyone (not just women) to define who I am. I want to have fun and celebrate life and if people don't like it, that's their loss! (: I'm actually treating myself a solo vacation to continue celebrating who I am!
angelcarnivore That is so encouraging. to become good at being myself, haha such an enfp challenge I suppose, but I see the value in it. People normally don't like me, not as much as they like my other selves, the ones catering to their needs, which actaully now that I think about it makes me somewhat look down on their inability to appreciate the true value of authenticity. Only when im high on weed I stop people pleasing because then I'm so high in the clouds that I don't have time or energy for it, lol. But then instead I get anxious others don't like me... HAHA. Feels great talking about this because somehow I've started to believe there are those out there who understands this, together with me. So thanks a lot for your comments my friends!
Wow, I've never heard it put into words so accurately. I couldn't even formulate the words, myself. It was more of a feeling without definition. Thank you!
This is very good and very authentic :) Great work! I think you do an excellent job demonstrating the deeper side of an ENFP. Most of us can access the cake-kittens-and-rainbows self easily and find pleasure in that, but because our Fi is private it's nice for you to share that side with the world. Clearly everyone who commented can relate to this as an expression of Fi authenticity :) I can see how a stifled Ne would be a major roadblock for an ENFP, for sure! My own experience comes with the acknowledgement of Fi. When ENFP are raised by strong Thinking types who disdain emotion (feelings-are-weak-and-don't-exist types ;), there is a risk for ENFP's to become 'Achievers' for achievement's sake, bypassing our sense of authenticity and falling into the Ne-Te loop. We can become slaves to external validation of all kinds, easily manipulated by others and by the system. It has taken a while to learn how very important it is to be true to Fi, but I think ENFP can become such powerful crusaders for causes when everything lines up.
+Sarah Hale One of my goals is to show the depth of ENFPs, hopefully to give others a chance to be brave and authentic, even when it can be scary... I get super excited each time someone comments! Teehee~ Re: Achievers--Yes. It's difficult wanting to please others. You're spot-on about taking time to process Fi to become crusaders. It takes time, and forgiveness to get there...
Interesting! Thank you for sharing. As an INFJ who has been trying to "figure out" ENFPs for a while, and where the similarities and differences are, this is really helpful. My personal experience is that almost every ENFP I know wears their heart and practically their whole life-process on their sleeve and is very open, sort of the opposite of mysterious (in a good way! I mean, it can be pretty inspiring and cool.) Maybe that's just been the particular ones I know, or maybe it's because NF types all might have a brand of this and see it differently than non-NF types? Would love to hear some more "grounded" Sensor types take on ENFPs...maybe they are the ones who would see this all as mysterious. I guess I have seen a couple of my ENFP friends get a little "shy" or guarded when they are in large-group situations where they don't know anybody...
Couldn't have said it better. I've been thinking about that a lot recently. While I sometimes label myself as the Queen of Oversharing and my friends feel like they know me like the back of their hand, there's still so so much more that I haven't revealed to them or that I hold back from saying in the moment. Part of it has to do with the hats we wear. We're great at reading people so we know want aspect of our personalities to show to make them comfortable. None of it's inherently inauthentic and we're not hiding our true selves, but since we're so multifaceted we have a lot to pull from and we pull or sometimes even exaggerate elements of ourselves that will get the best response and help us learn about the person we're talking to and the world around us, like mentioned in the video. At least I do that haha Quick side note, I also will avoid sharing certain personal things that I feel will make me a burden to other people, but if sharing an anecdote about a time I was deeply hurt will help the other person's situation and make them feel else alone, you can bet I'll dive deep into my trauma lmao As I'm taking in information, there are people I will talk my theories out with as they come and there are other times when I keep in locked away to build and grow for the right moment, if that moment ever comes. Lastly, I think the multifaceted thing and me showing my heart on my sleeve but not really revealing anything at all, is related to Ne, like the video discussed, but also in the way that with every new sentence we, or someone else says, 30 different ideas/concepts/memories/paths for the conversation to go, etc, pop into our heads. For me, that's forced me to prioritize my thoughts in order to push the conversation to a place they will enjoy, as well as myself. So while I may be spewing off 5 ways penguins are connected to humans, from the silly, goofy connections to the more serious (I personally think any topic can be looked at from a goofy and serious perspective, and everything in between) you can rest assured there are several more things I want to say, many of which are much more random, complex, and sometimes dark. I recognize, however, that most people don't think like me naturally and have trouble following (If allowed to talk on and on I usually will end up presenting my thoughts in a passionate but lighthearted rant about one thing that will end up completely somewhere else with me forgetting how it started). Anyway, I could say a lot more on this but I've already started to do the rant thing, so I'll stop here. ENFPs, in my experience, are weird because they are simultaneously some of the the most open and guarded people you will ever meet. I think it's true, also that we probably appear less mysterious to NFs, or even Ns in general since we're looking at the world in a similar way. I'd be interested to hear more opinions about this topic from an S, as well.
I have also noticed that INFJs, after having known me for a very short time, can see right through me, like most people they encounter, so maybe that's what keep us from being mysterious to you guys lol
We are apt to oversharing and, as you personally spoke of in a video, self actualizing out loud and in public. But only to a point. It might be 95% of who we are, but that other 5% can be kept pretty solidly under lock down. Even for ourselves for a long time. I have noticed that I personally only start sharing something deeply personal or uncomfortable after I have already worked it out to a large extent. And even then I somehow feel more comfortable sharing that with people more removed from me than those closest. That is something I have only recently full come to acknowledge and am working to change, and I’m 41 - so it took a while to get here.
Carrie Preston I feel you!!! On waiting until after I mostly figure things out to talk about them and on sharing them more with people I don't know as well...
I'm in tears. You just showed almost all that I'm struggling with. I'm 19 years old ENFP (4w3 enneagram) I am so GRATEFUL!I was trying to be self-concious, something bothered me though, and I didn't know what and I was constantly mad at myself because I couldn't find myself and when I felt that I finally caught the truth of who I am, it just slipped through my fingers because I changed surrounded by diffrent people (but I think that this trait can be useful, it's who we are, we can change) . And now you're showing me this beautiful, prepared, spruced road. And I don't want to sound like I have some trauma because I love my family! And I love all of my friends. But I was always laugh at while I was sharing my deep concernes, but I always wanted to be into everything that happens in my family so I decided to laugh at myself. And I can see that I've hurted myself multiple times. But I have my INFJ cousin and I"ve always felt like she brought me up. And that's kinda true when it comes to my inner-self. She had her struggles, different than ENFPs have, because she, on the other hand, doesn't care that much about the opinion of other's and she is aware of what she wants and what's best for her and I felt like I should learn from her. Now i know that I definitely should and I will :) I want to repeat that I am Soo grateful. it feels like God or Universe or some other Power brought me here. It feels so adequate. Thank you and keep sharing your thoughts! ;)
Just do it should be like my motto :D but I use this very rarely as I seem to be constantly unsatisfied with the reality and the outcome of my action (perfectionism comes to play the game) :) Sometimes I am like an angry child whose toys have been taken away. I want to scream and cry, because the reality took away my toys (my dreams or daydreamed role-plays) and they are broken and dirty and not as beautiful as they were before. That's why I refuse taking up some actions and I wait for a perfect opportunity. But I am aware of that, so after having some time to nourish myself with new beautiful visions or to mend the broken ones I am able to throw myself into some action and bring myself back to life. :)
(!o!) my thought as well! i just kinda buried it with a lot of activities (fun or adrenaline filled activities) ---> "was trying to be self-concious, something bothered me though, and I didn't know what and I was constantly mad at myself because I couldn't find myself and when I felt that I finally caught the truth of who I am," (' , ') now that i think about it I was really a people-pleaser that I sort of change my personality both unconsciously knowing it or consciously projecting my more positive, polite and more age-appropriate qualities. ----> "I felt that I finally caught the truth of who I am, it just slipped through my fingers because I changed surrounded by diffrent people (but I think that this trait can be useful, it's who we are, we can change) ." THIS ----> "But I have my INFJ cousin and I"ve always felt like she brought me up. And that's kinda true when it comes to my inner-self. She had her struggles, different than ENFPs have, because she, on the other hand, doesn't care that much about the opinion of other's and she is aware of what she wants and what's best for her and I felt like I should learn from her." -----> in my case, my INTJ sister doesnt care about other's opinions more than I do.
Wow I actually kind of felt like sometimes I was acting or not being myself in life but I felt like in the past few years, I'm pretty young, like when I was 12 I kind of became aware of this side of me but couldn't really put a label on it and just assumed people felt like this normally. This video was really inspiring and helped heaps, it also made me realise why one of my friends are also an ENFP and always act like the 'clown' thank you so much :)
Wow, this really tied a lot of loose ends together and answered many questions that I've had over the years. I'm an ENFP, and a lot of people don't believe me when I tell them (at least at first) because of my sometimes aloof and detached nature upon first meeting. However, once someone has the chance to know me, they'll see that I'm just a kind and sentimental person behind that hard facet. It just takes some time. I think Michael Pierce described ENFPs best as being both a young spirit and an old spirit. We have a child-like enthusiasm and passion for what we like, but a disappointed and depressed cynicism lurks in the shadows. Wonderful video as always. :)
Thank you! I started taking notes from around 10:00 to 11:45.. I really needed the enfp pep talk! It's so easy to think we don't quite fit in & therefore forget our mission in the world. Will watch again! :)
Thank you for the positive feedback! I wasn't sure about sharing this video, but it's received ENFP support. I think I'll make some more videos on my process and journey as an ENFP. *high five* SandiiCom
I felt so touched and understood watching this video. I didn't realize that people thought ENFP's were guarded, though I could see how people could mistaken us for being fake. I got so emotional watching this video, seeing that I was not alone and I finally realize how salient these MBTI types are. Thank you for uploading this video.
Your videos are so good that I'm in wow! mode quiet often and I guest it's just self realisation and relating so much to what you have said. Honestly it's so good to have someone so mild, open and honest as it's seen throughout other topics you have covered. Keep up the great work!! Many thanks.😊
Thank you so much for the support! It really encourages me to continue. I know I'm not as popular as other MBTI TH-camrs, but it's nice to get feedback every now and then
My friend is an ENFP and I use her as a mirror sometimes. I didn't realize how guarded I can appear until this video brought it up and how identified with her behaviors.
It took me some time to absorb how other people respond to me, and vice versa. It's interesting how our perspective of self is limited and it keeps growing when we allow the insights of others to weave into our experience
Wow this video popped up at the right moment. It made me really a bit emotional, especially the part about ENFPs helping others to be more human. I loved that. But I'm not sure if others really see and appreciate that.. Which makes me a bit sad. I was just watching some old videos of me as a teenager being all goofy and crazy. I thought damn I lost a bit of that funny side, but then I realized I used it in the past so often to not show my deep, vulnerable self. I was always pretty sensitive, but through my humor and acting people mostly saw in me the goofball I think. In my 20s I started to embrace my sensitivity and seriousness and I actually lost a few friends, who couldn't handle it or felt uncomfortable. But this is who I am - both sides belong to me. And people who don't appreciate it, are missing out a very diverse and exciting human being, I believe now. Still have to be careful sometimes not to switch into a specific mode just because the other person is expecting it. I guess we ENFP are very good at adapting to the environment, but actually I feel super uncomfortable if I'm trying to overplay something.
Yes, it can be isolating and longing to seek that depth of understanding from others, to have then acknowledge what we offer in their lives. It can hurt when we are not truly seen. I am curious about older ENFPs, ones who have learned self love and acceptance, what their experiences and wisdoms are.
Wonderful discussion!!! I loved the portion of being authentic and exploding out of that cocoon and becoming the butterfly and becoming a champion! It is truly a loss to the world when people aren't themselves. Every single person has so much to add to the world when they are real and express their thoughts. Beautiful video. Made my day
I am an ENFJ and the more I learn about ENFP's it's like kindred spirits to me. I am 30 and in my 20's I finally came to terms with who I was.. I had a childhood much like you explained... I felt completely misunderstood and still find myself misunderstood but just laugh it off now if people don't get it. I know in my heart I am a very good person so I have learned to sit down and hug myself and let myself know I am special... helps that I have INTP best friends who all have called me a rare gem in this bad world. I have noticed from the one ENFP I know that you guys seem to really struggle inside with issues.... I don't know what it is exactly... I know you have a hard time saying things so you don't say them, but you express them non-verbally. Being near ENFP I can know without words... but at a distance it's almost impossible to know what is going on in that wonderful brain. Watching you talk in this video made me want to hug you (I know.. typical ENFJ sorry)... I too want people to be original... and I love everyone .... even if most of them scare the poop out of me. You definitely are a special person Boontarika and thank you for posting this video!
As you were talking about childhood, I was thinking 'stunted', and that's the exact word you came out with. There's so much more of what you said, that I relate to, but I'll just compress it, lol. The maturity issue -very true; only started to mature proper a few years ago, and I'm 57!! The need for authenticity but having to curb it to 'fit in', then feeling fake. My family always thought I was highly strung, a dreamer, no direction, naive, blah, blah, blah. I leave it at that or ill end up typing my life story. Great insight from you, thanks. I'm sure many ENFPs will be able to relate to this, especially if they were brought up in a family of mainly SJs. :(((
In my darkest moments confronting my traumatic childhood, I tested as an INFJ... until I began to get help and move my life in a healthy direction.. and then returning to ENFP.
i'm an INFP and i relate to parts of this a lot. i also see all of this in my ENFP friends...thanks so much for the explanations of motivations. it helps me to understand them more deeply. i think most of my friend are ENFPs and i adore their spirited natures :)
Damn, this was introspective and incredibly insightful! Even though I am an INTP, I still relate so much to your observations on not being able to handle the process of childhood and concurrent traumas, especially when no one was there to help us understand the world through the intuitive, perceiving lens our personalities give us. To become non-threatening, I hide myself and remove my needs from the picture, rather than become silly or disarming, as is typical of my introverted temperament. I'm glad to say that I understand that there is a lot of grey to people, though it does not necessarily make anything easier to manage. Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful insights here, as it has helped me understand this perspective much more. Cheers, and keep fighting the good fight!
I have to agree with the others: I found myself becoming a bit misty-eyed while watching your video. Eloquent. :) I too am an ENTP. I often wear a variety of facades out of (what I deem) necessity. However, when a group or a singular person really lets me open up, my soul goes aflight! I truly crave Authentic relationships, ones in which both parties can truly flourish. :) All of my close friends are people with whom I can be open. I save the less-serious face for most of the outside world. For some reason unknown to me, most people just aren't comfortable with talking about profound subjects...such a shame.. :(
I just have to react to this statement: "For some reason unknown to me, most people just aren't comfortable with talking about profound subjects...such a shame.. :(" when i read it, i immediately perked up and thought "exactly my point!!! (>u
I recently took the MBTI test and found out I'm an ENFP. Reading about my personality type and listening to other people's experiences who are also ENFP explains so much about myself. Looking back I've been a part of so many different kinds of social groups and always seemed to share a common interest with almost everybody, so I was never really sure who I really was. I was a class clown in high school but also had good grades, I played in bands and was involved with activist groups of the radical left in college. I developed a lot of inner conflict about who I really was in my early 20s and thought I had been a fake person my whole life. I completely withdrew from my circle of friends and went though a dark period of drug addiction and isolation. I'm 25 now, I'm in recovery and I've been clean for six months, and watching your videos has been very reassuring about who I am and why Im hard for people to figure out. Even though most of the people in my life now know me as a funny light hearted guy, Im getting involved in social justice and activism again because its so important to me and I'll feel empty without it. Thank you for your videos, you are very insightful and informative
Fuck. I've had overprotective parents and lived in a boring neighbourhood my entire life. I've felt trapped, like a caged bird, and when I hit the bars, to try and get out it hurts, so I give up, and sit stagnantly in the middle of the cage, numb and isolated. And then I feel guilty, because I'm lucky, I have a nice home, a garden, a loving (though sometimes it doesn't feel like it) family. But then I remember that I don't get listened to, whenever I talk, no-one in my family is interested, and they laugh and smile as if everything I say is funny, because they still see me as a child.
Wow despite the fact that you had not prepared notes, I think you did an excellent job of conveying your message. You are a very smart & intuitive woman, keep up the great videos!
Hi. Witnessing your facial expression and internal accessing remind me so much of myself... I grew into the champion role, and for a number of years tackled the system through the courts. I gave public meetings, spoke in actions groups, wrote letters for people and took to the injustices on a very personal level. I was badly burned. The anger and resentment I experienced on a daily basis, consumed me. The injustices became a personal war for the champions of the opposing ideologies, and that personal conflict alienated me from the 99% who supported the social norm.... so I've spend the last ten years focussing on the healing...
+Zeezee Twentytwo Personal healing is worth the time... I really wish it didn't always take so long... but I've had my ebbs and flows of championing and healing. I'm very glad we resonate so much with our actions, even facial expressions :) The internet can offer us a tribe we've been searching for~
Ne needs expansion, novelty and getting out of your comfort zone. When development of Ne is prevented by people from your surroundings, the circumstances, your lifestyle...basically anything that may or may not be under your control, it could lead to unhappiness, depression, and that delayed growth you mentioned. I tend to get anxious and depressed with long-term exposure to unstimulating environment. It's kind of draining. This video was very inspiring! Thank you! I can relate to a lot of things you said here.
Thank you for sharing Isidora Ković 💜 I think the process of Ne and understanding this can really help individuals grow by knowing where their energies come from, as well as increase interpersonal understanding from others. We just process differently, and it's not better or worse; just different. I was extremely fidgety as a child, and doodled in class to process information. Too bad it was seen as being disrespectful/not paying attention. Lots of gifted kiddos need to pair stimulation with normal lecturing in order to absorb things.
Boontarika Sripom Hi there, I wanted to respond to this from a perspective of my own experience as a child. I found school challenging and lacked something. I ended up playing truant an awful lot. For me, the museums held more stimulus and I found myself as an 11 year old, spending much of my school days in these environment. After two years of constantly being in trouble for truancy, my headmaster came up with a plan. He knew that I would do what I wanted to do regardless, so he put a plan in place for my education. I was allowed to go to the museums and educate myself, but had to attend lessons at school as well. I chose the lessons that appealed to me and mirrored what appealed to me in the museums. 40 years later, I co wrote a paper with the museum of natural history here in London.
That's a wonderful story! Some children need different approaches to learning. I wish we could offer students the best educations and truly consider their unique processing styles in curriculum planning. Perhaps even parent training as well... Your headmaster was ahead of the times for sure! Wish we could accommodate more creatively for our students.
He truly was ahead of his time. I would bring the projects that I had completed from the museums and he would test me on the details. Because I felt empowered to choose what I had learned, I felt comfortable and confident I had covered everything. I still jump from subject/interest even now, but he instilled a confidence in me to keep searching.
I just found out i am an enfp and stumbled upon this video. Thank you so much for spending the time to make this video, it helped me to think about who I was and who I wanna be. Excellent Video, really helped a lot
You are my new best friend. We do mature later and everything you said hit a chord. I am shedding my past and in the process of becoming the champion I was suppose to be. Fulfilling my destiny
Wayne Lee still maturing and figuring things out at age 38 only moved out of home and lived on my own since last year. Haven’t been in any really serious long term relationships. Feel like my life is just beginning and have decided to change career focus to becoming an actress something I’ve wanted to do since the age of five but never been supported in.
thanks for this video ❤️ totally see myself individualizing relations with others by mirroring their energy or wearing a ‘hat’ that will best please them. Some people are confused by this and see it as being two faced, but I see that the chameleon-ness is a super power since you can connect and empathize with so many people.
this did so much for me, i felt like i was talking to myself from the future lol. i think you did a great job btw. The presentation felt really authentic (lol). Thanks for putting this out there. -Melvin (enft-p and proud)
I'm quite hooked on mbti at the moment and was pretty sure I was INFJ. But I'm finding I relate to so much of the ENFP stuff. This is the most consideration I've given to any type other than INFP. I can't imagine for a second that I'm an extrovert, and honestly find the prospect of becoming a "healthy" well balanced ENFP absolutely petrifying/impossible. I've been told that this in itself should be a pretty good indicator that it's not my type and that I should just accept I'm INFJ. But ENFPs are just so relatable, I actually cried watching your video, maybe that's Fe picking up on your emotions, or maybe it's because I related. Maybe a bit of both. This was a pretty beautiful expression of vulnerability, thanks for sharing.
I opened myself one time to another person, but that other person felt that I was too much and left. Never felt betrayed more and hurt more than that. I trusted him. I love being myself but sometimes it's easier to just have another persona or be a chameleon to protect yourself from people who would take advantage of your authenticity negatively.
It truly is a gamble to be authentic in a world that cannot embrace intensity well. I have come to similar conclusions with creating personas or masks that suit the environment for survival reasons.
Cecily Dossett looking back, it cost me a lot. I've had moments of grief and revisiting. Mostly there is peace and acceptance. I am currently transitioning between changes and stages of life so again, I am visiting ghosts. Your words give me solace. Thank you. I hope to share more on what I discover in this next phase of life. Please take care. 💜
I've honestly questioned at times if I am an enfp because of that gaurdedness and not always fitting the stereotype of a comedian rambling about unicorns. haha This was very affirming. Thank you :)
Thank you for this video! It was so identifiable that I had tears in my eyes. I've always felt that I'm a little guarded and "in a role" when I'm talking with people. I'm interested in understanding people, world, cultural conventions etc. better but because of the social norms, I usually content myself with talking about my weekend plans and stuff. I've thought that "role playing" is a natural part of communicating with other people and that if I was the authentic me, I would never make friends. But, after introducing myself with MBTI and watching this video, I realize more clearly why I behave the way I do and why I should stop it. I have a tendency to be turbulent and insecure but I hope I can get somewhat rid of it, after I let my true personality shine. I feel I'm ready for it now although I'm a little bit afraid what kind of consequences it will cause me. (Will I end up being alone? Will my friends and family see me as a stranger?) Luckily, this video makes me feel that I'm not completely alone with my thoughts and gives me courage to let my guard down and accept myself as I am. So, all in all, thank you! PS. I noticed your appearance (or "aura") and the way you talk is kinda similar to mine. I've always felt insecure about myself as a conversationalist ('cause I tend to sound sensitive and "emotional") but when I look at you, I realize how beautiful it can be to speak right from the heart. You seem very genuine, caring and insightful in this video, and it makes it really enjoyable to watch!
+Hizzukka Being gentle is a gift the world hasn't taken away from you. Please share it with the world! Most people bought into the idea that it is weakness. Gentleness and kindness is a powerful gift that can bring the most guarded people to vulnerability. You can help others embrace their humanity.
I can relate to what you're saying a lot. Up until I turned 20 last year I've always been considered the happy smart girl that people go to for a laugh, which is true. But I think it got to the point where it outwardly seemed like I never really took anything seriously (I did inside). Until I fell off track and got lost and depressed, and realised most of my friends and people around me couldn't understand what I was going through, and failed to take the rough patch I was going through as real and serious. It was really hard but I'm thankful because it forced me to re-evaluate my life and understand the complexity of my nature. Since the I realised the importance in having conviction with what matters to me, and I really don't need to be playful with my values and beliefs even if others are uncomfortable or don't understand. I definitely think a lot of it has to do with self confidence and assurance as well as life experience. I also think it definitely helps to have another XNFP/XNFJ friend who can understand the complexity and diversity of your personality.
Sarah Sombrero Such an important age, life stage, and revelations! Please take care of you. Many of my videos are talking to younger me, so it does take longer when others' opinions or society's rules attempt to change you. I wish you peace and many growth spurts to become the champion the world needs ❤
+Michael Martin I don't know for sure, either. I think it depends on which of your strengths is needed at the moment, and how authentic you're being... among other variables. xNFP are driven by similar values, so I'm okay not being certain with my mbti preference.
I am an ENFP but I am more introverrted but I do seek adventure in regular intervals and the information gathering too. But I think my Introverted side is developing more with time.
It's a relief to find an ENFP who doesn't always have that spiked up jolliness that they have been known for or portratyed as. I admire you though for opening up in public, it feels so vulnerable. but yeah. So-so. thanks. Uhh here's a few of my random remplies to whatever i thought of while watching your vid. (oh yeah i downloaded your vid for reference. I still want to take notes.) I am in part a stunted ENFP. I have (insert reasons here), which made me a cross between a recluse and an overly emotional and dramatic person. I still have temper tantrums til now which i want to be under control. Shit i really have to use a different account with a fake name since this is a public post. and here's my fake name. lols. i still like my real name. What I do know is that if I am stressed i would flee and find a spot to be a recluse to overanalyze my actions and think of various ways i could reconnect somehow. This is when the enneagrams and MBTI's serve as a quick release pain reliever or panacea (At least the good ones who don't explain your type in a generalized and idealistic manner with vague descriptions as compared to those who give detailed character sketches of your type). But somehow, despite all the cross referencing between the multitude sites for both Enneagrams and MBTI's, more options for references just makes it all the more confusing. The healthy kind of release for me is to go through adrenaline-filled activities such as baking without a helmet down a rocky bike trail with a sharp turn (hahaha ---> believe me i always seem to enjoy the nervous laughter it gives me, it feels comparatively more exhilirating than a vanilla intercourse) or intellect-creativity related activities such as learning a new skill or even mastering it. Some of my inteelect-creativty activities may be reading about fictional lore or even watching videos of skyrim while vicariously playing it through the experiences of other players. (since i cant afford a good pc yet) I share the feeling of the inability to connect. But i think this is where there is a defining line between an introvert and an extrovert. You can be an extrovert who lacks social skills or a decent skill level in holding conversations (again i will put a disclaimer here since this statement doesn't always apply to me, especially if we are going to factor in Intimidation (whether you have been intimidated by a stronger personality), professionalism in the work place, If i can't flee in a confrontation, my id comes out and make a fool out of myself (at an embarassing age hahahaha) but the thing is, I do want to change. Hmm...about relationships. I always like a more angularly aesthetic woman. But if I find someone who seems to roll their eyes about "thinking about thinking" line of thought or conversations, i immediately pull away and look for other women. Those whom I've pursued to build a relationship with usually have an intellect that I admire, and mostly they're more intelligent than I am. we dont always put our guards up as enfps, except if we feel as if the environment seethes with judging eyes. sorry i cant seem to organize it :P
Thank you! I felt the emotion when you spoke, it was truly touching. I was so conflicted and what you said brought some reassurance and closure. As ENFP, like you said, we value authenticity, but then I notice myself being different in certain situation or with certain people. Maybe because we're usually adaptable people and people-pleasers so we cater to those around us, but the fact that I couldn't just be really consistent made me feel disingenuous. Furthermore, I know I appear guarded too - maybe due to the Fi. And I've read that ENFPs are the most introverted out of the 8 and of course no one is ever 100% Extroverted or Introverted, but i felt more introverted at times - so much so that I redid the test using different tests, but I seem to still be ENFP.,...and INFP doesn't really sound like me. I feel like I fluctuate, I would love going about and interacting with friends and new people, consistently for 2 weeks time, then for a week or even 2, I need to be by myself to recharge.
i feel you. this case applies to me as well. people start to question why you are not interacting with them at every chance possible.i be like...i cnt be with you now, its stressful to make conversation in this mode
Susan Chiu because while we are extroverts, and seek to meet a social need at times...our thinking is introverted. An ENFP (my experience) needs solitude to think and work though how they "feel". So if we are in solitude mode, we can come off as that way. I am told I look mean..."resting bitch face" if you're familiar with the term...but I love talking to people and hearing experiences. I can sit with ANYONE and find something in common with them....even if our views are opposites. That's the great thing, since we can be chameleons, we can tap into things and learn what others may not. Also being so intuitive, we can read people before they speak. As long as the healthy minded "champion" is allowed to come forward, it can be beautiful. if using the chameleon to hide, it can turn dark....darker than our minds are anyways sometimes.
YESSSSSSS.... i actually forgot that I do have a resting bitch face when im thinking. (and i have to constantly be aware of that in workplaces since i have to think with a smile on my face and it feels horribly fake hahaha) --- the thing is... that I can't always rely on my visual reading skills. perhaps that's where the ADHD factor comes into play. I am not always aware of the situation, if it be serious or well not. So i end up in an embarassing situation. :P i mean not always. ---- i dont think i or we can read people though, perhaps we just recognize patterns, say at work, seniors or colleagues would hint or ask you questions which would be followed by a judgement or a performance critique albeit informally. Somehow those patterns may add up and we see what they really meant by those comments. :P But on the other side of the coin, I believe, DEPENDING ON THE CONTEXT AND SITUATION, when my mind is acute and sharp (not always i think hahaha) when I am with a person who I consider as a very close friend, whom you are completely authentic, in that mind-connect conversation, you would be able to read them by their way of reacting and then you kinda compare their reaction with their past reactions in a blink of an eye. I think we can surprise the NT's during friendly arguments. We can also turn their arguments to themselves, but just so you could make them think of the other side of their statements. ( i do wish i could do that often but i really can't, i have to be really engaged with the topic as well as authentically invested in that platonic relationship). So yes, in a short answer, we can read people in some contexts.... or maybe it's just me lols. hahaha
not always to"cater" to other people but we ENFP's tend to make every effort to relate to other people as we see everyone's point of view due to our empathetic nature. So we go out of our way to reach a level of understanding (diplomacy) and smooth over hot tempers. Because we see all sides in a conflict scenario. We are try to get everyone to bend a little because we hate conflict and we feel fighting is not necessary. Also we tend to NOT BE judgemental as a rule.
Strange. I always find myself talking about social justice and I do it in an entertaining way or serious way. Mostly serious. Though I admit even though I do it often, I part of me always feels misunderstood. Almost like I am spoiling everyone's fun when I do this. This is probably because of people have reacted to it in the past.
A lot of what you said really resonated and made sense to me. Especially the part where it could be scary to be authentic. As ENFPs, we just have this natural wisdom about the world and people because we learn so much from our interactions and experiences. We evaluate and assess everything we're seeing. And so we're wise people. However, we try to conceal our wisdom because of fear. Personally, I fear of being judged. I want to be always okay with everyone. And this gets the better of me sometimes. All my life, i feel like I'm always living double standards. I always adjust my behavior for people. Because I want to belong and I want to be liked. But sometimes, like right now, I don't know who am I anymore. I mean it's just really complicated. I want to step up but I don't want to lose people. I feel lime if I do step up and share my energy and wisdom, people are going to be surprised or confused. Anyway, thank you for this. All you said here made a lot of sense to me.
I've experienced this limbo and need to suppress parts of myself up belong and fear of authenticity suprising others. Some people have gotten mad at me. They felt betrayed and confused when I became less of a performer and more of a whole person for me. It might happen. It hurts and it might pull you back to being a character for others. This is your journey. You can't see the other side yet, but I know it's there. And it is worth it. I can't take any of the pain and struggle away for you, but I offer my compassion and heart. I offer my optimism that you have what it takes to be fully you.
Very insightful. Just occurred to me today that I can be very guarded as an enfp. I think for me it was because I often was corrected or criticised by narcissist parent/spouse.
You are very genuine and it touches my heart. My ENFP friend and I have been having some problems lately - it's hard to believe INFP's and ENFP's can so easily misunderstand each other under difficult circumstances.
+TeeTaan360 Clear communication can be difficult when things taken personally. Fi users tend to have a hard time not taking criticisms personally, so it's a journey of growth and acceptance with disagreeing opinions. It can take a long time to get there, but it can help improve relationships to go back and forth to clarify statements made.
I'm 23 and I'm ENFP... thank you for this video.... I'm still in that stage of feel self conscious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel a lot better knowing that's expected of an ENFP... and now have high hopes I'll get out of this lol. Thanks!
In the latter third of this vid, when you get that little smile & twinkle in your eye, talking about how we "need to embrace & celebrate our Inner Champions...we inspire people...the World needs more of that!" Miss Booni, you go from "pretty" to "bewitching Muse of Awesomry" ❤❤❤ (My preferences are ENFP -A, -T. My best friend is an INFJ & my bf is an ISTP) So...there's this thing, a cause I've long been considering. I think it's time then, hmmm? Xo~
Thank you, I 100% relate and had a few tears. Thank you for putting yourself out here on TH-cam. You made my day and Im so grateful to have found your channel❤
i love this video! i couldn't have said it any better! I'm actually going thru this process right now. i currently got out of a depresiom and I'm trying to find my happy, loving self again but it's soo hard to go back and trusting people when you felt the pain of people's criticism and of breakups. I'm actually feeling that same feeling right now; i feel like I'm being fake when i try to be flippant and charming to people, and it actually feels exhausted. at first i thought i was infp but looking at how extraverted i was before and how i envious not being around people like before, i know for sure I'm enfp, just a very self-insecure enfp.
Now that you say that ... I do play dumb just to surprise people with how much I know and observe. Alittle sinister I know but man are they dumbfounded
I'm growing up in a home where I'm not really...understood as 'myself' and I'm not really mentally stimulated. Since my parents got divorced we move around a lot, as a result, I feel like every time I move to a new place/school I feel as if I put on a new mask, how do you think I could try to change that?
INTJ here. This whole video iv'e been watching for my girlfriend. Good luck getting even the slightest of anything past us. The good part is, we INTJ's are pretty independent and don't take advantage of people. On the other hand with Logic and Reasoning with "facts'" considering neuropsychology it should be known that we see micro expressions and physiological responses very well. Manipulation and then justification is a very hard thing to understand. As far as how ENFP's change and kinda abandoned people who "mean the most" doesn't make sense. I have been in situations and battles with my ENFP only once where it was past the honeymoon phase and some close friends from out of town visited around Christmas and stirred up drama. This is after down right offensive statements were texted to me "because of what her friends thought" if any of you are familiar with INTJ's... even developed ones you'll know that when we feel betrayed and "principals and morals" are broken it's a battle that just can't be won. Honestly if it comes to bending the relationship in half due to sheer will-power to get our point across we always find a way. What ended up working was: I'm not playing, this is rude, ridiculous, and your falling into the influence of other people. INTJ's question and question your answer and switch the topic and question those answers and sure enough there's slip ups and forgetting previous answers, or just seeing straight hesitance and small lies to change the outcomes of a situation under stress. Luckily we have got back on track. Sadly as an INTJ to get back lost trust we put ANYONE (not just ENFJ's) through challenges. This is where we analyze and determine if what a person says actually has anything to back it, how bad a person wants to be with us, if they can even fix it etc. I have no problem admitting my wrong doings on the spot without justifying. Typed this carelessly, it is TH-cam after all.
Awesome video. Thank you so much. I just found your channel and I am hoping to find advice on raising an ENFP child. Also, I am (a real) INTJ, so I can totally relate to being an intuitive raised by extremely concrete SJ parents. I want my ENFP child to have the best possible life, of course, but we are very different. He is so focused on others, yet I am way pragmatic.
I will think about this to make a video. The first things that come to mind are helping young ENFPs take calculated risks to gather data to build their internal Ne map. Experience is learning and hypothesis testing, learning about oneself. Without this, there is stagnation. So help them learn about consequences and analytical thinking with asking hypothetical questions, sharing about stories, observations, and your life so they have initial reference points. Especially about being taken advantage of, trusting too soon, how to bounce back from disappointment.
Boontarika Sripom: Thank you so much for your reply. I so appreciate it. I definitely agree with your suggestions. I will do even more of those things. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Though 2012-14, I was INFJ, but in the last two years have grown enormously, so I retested and now I'm ENFP. Happiest, most fulfilled I've ever been, and this type feels right. Interesting though, my cognitive/self identity was 'introvert' (ambi) and now there's this 'E' , which in a funny way I feel have to 'grow into', even though at any point I could have assumed this label and mindset. It articulates an idea/sentiment I've had for a while now 'life is for living / surely experiential gratification is king in life's broad scheme / truth is absolutely YES but sometimes knowing the truth has negligible value or greater cost than benefit. I was skeptical about your video at first 'just another person who read a tumblr post and half a wiki', but you have genuine insight and great wisdom, too. Thank you for posting this, it was authentic and highly relatable.
WubstepUK oh my gosh. Same! I've been an INFJ for about 2 years, and then went through a whole plethora of experiences that brought me really low and back up. I decided to rest after the whole ordeal and retested after I felt rejuvenated and ready to face the world. I got ENFP and my goodness, never has a type described me so much and never have I been legitimately as happy as I am now! I love being an ENFP! haha 💖
@@hurmaes Subconscious projection, is the difference that causes the change between these two. So, you ( if you are right now ) are probably an ENFP, who thought you were INFJ, because ENFPs has anINFJ-subconscious, function wise. 4 sides of the mind! :D
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson I think so too! I realized my "introvertedness" was me hiding in my shell because I was hurt, and me not having enough energy to actually socialize or do anything.
‘Limiting the way we learn’ So true. Omg u nailed my household environment growing up stagnant .... ENFP Sag lady here I Need that variety to be my best and achieve my best:)
"If we could just move on from the pain others inflect on us" it's ironic that our empathy, our strongest quality around which our 'championship' revolves is at the same time the core reason behind our hesitation to "Go and be ENFPs" ! I feel like i have to put a lot of effort and grow a really thick skin to actually start the so many projects flying in my head everyday thanks to our EXTREMELY powerful intuitiveness. I struggle with a non-comprehensive family situation, mostly coming from the parents, luckily my brothers are also intuitives so we can understand each other and actually have a respect for each other's opinion (my older brother is an INTJ, a mentally compatible type to the ENFP apparently). I hope that with time i keep maturing my Te in the constructive direction because right now it feels like i'm stuck in the auto-criticizing loop. If there are ENFPs here who would like to talk you can reach me on facebook : emna mokhtar ! I'll be thrilled to get in touch with you guys !
Me: *sees video* What in the world is multifaceted? Me after vide: *in literal tears and a pool of snot* I can't believe it. She gets me. I didn't even realize how much I felt this.
Hi I really enjoyed your explanation of why ENFPs develop multiple personalities. I think it is a survival mechanism. My background is Asian, and I was brought up as "seen not heard" and extremely well-behaved girl. This meant I was suppressing both of my Ne and Te tendencies while using Fi and Ne to fake a very Fe appearance. (Almost like ISFJ - like personality). Because of this I thought I was introverted for a long time, and only recently started to explore the "funny" and fun side of me and ended up exploding with Ne. Do you have any experience with meeting very shy and "introverted" ENFPS ? Do you have any developmental tips for us?
I consider myself a quiet ENFP. I think it just takes time to find your truth and balance. Keep reading on whichever subjects interest you, and apply the knowledge somehow. We enfps like ideas but sometimes dont DO anything... so practice moving around, meeting people, writing ideas down, sharing your ideas with people open to listen, join groups that are related to the topics you like, participate. Don't just passively absorb information. Take an active role and participate, knowing that people may and will disagree at times. Be ready to build your thicker skin with small opportunities. Know that you'll be okay if people disagree with opinions. They're just opinions.
Boontarika Sripom Thanks for the reply. Yes I think I am building a more balanced approach to the world. But this change in "personality" is scaring some people off. But thats ok, because they should accept me for all of me. I was wondering, do you ever find your core values change over time due to profound experiences?
YES. And I think it's a sign of growth for people to be able to acknowledge the validity of differing values at the same time. It can be this oscillating type of life experience where we go back and forth between one extreme to another, and then after enough information, experience, or an impactful event, yes, we can change our core values ever so slowly. Perhaps, like you said earlier, the collectivist part of you guided the seeing and absorbing of community values, which isn't good or bad, it's just what happened. And as you have time to become more authentic, explore and test boundaries of who you are, these core values that were already a part of you, OR something that you have to learn about or be exposed to, will slowly change your value system. It may scare people off, but it is a part of growing and a part of figuring life out. People can value and appreciate your time together even if it's not forever.
Thank you for this. I know that as a child, I had to suppress a lot of emotion and parts of myself because I was raised in an environment where I wasn't nurtured. My needs were met on a basic level, but there was not emotional support. I remember there were a lot of instances where I pushed down a lot. I was overly curious as a child and it was shut down. My father left when I was 10, which only added to the mix. So the childhood trauma was something that I always carried and tried to ignore. So, to make myself happy and to allow myself to have value that I thought I deserved, I used my sense of humor to the hilt. It helped to give me a sense of validation. I still struggle with that. Of course, the abandonment issue hasn't helped. I have ALWAYS had trouble with relationships and have rarely felt like I have been understood. Which is also why it has been easy for me to pull away from people.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing part of your story. You've healed through a lot. And I'm sure you are continuing to heal. If you're looking for a therapist, and need some help finding one, I might be able to ask in some groups. Email me organizedmesses@gmail.com
@@BoontarikaSripom Thank you for responding. I have been pursuing Biblical counseling for the last 3 years and that has helped tremendously. A little forgiveness, understanding and a lot of love goes a very long way.
My mom, dad and sister are all INFJ, I'm the odd one, an ENFP. My sister is so much more successful than I am. She finished college. I got married at age 20. Yes, I get bored so easily. I have a sense of humor. Sometimes I don't mean for something to be humorous but others laugh. I'm 37 now.
Being an ENFP, all my life I've felt almost as if I was two people. I would switch into comedian mode and back into social justice, save the world empathy mode. I still do this and I'm 42. More and more I am staying in the latter mode though.
+Rob Lovegreen I'm thankful your're staying more and more in champion mode. The world needs you
Thank you dear. You are a sweetheart and a smart cookie. :D
you've been in bitch mode your whole life
Thanks Rob, I'm 30 and only just recently understood I feel like this.. two people in one - one chameleon who changes all the time, gets along with everyone and makes them happy, strokes them the right way if you will, and then the other side which is more like pure me who doesn't really care that much how individual people feel - but rather feel that we are all in the same broken boat, and I yearn to work on fixing it. But it's pretty lonely doing that so often I go back and please people to get my social fix for the day.
Makes perfect sense. You're switching between your first and second cognitive functions, Ne (comedian/creative) and Fi (social justice/empathy). :)
I'm ENFP and when you said 'This world would benefit so much if ENFPs could get over the pain of what other people have done' hit me so really deep. I totally concur. A very eloquent speech. Kudos.
+Alex W Thank you. Trying to encourage the encouragers to shine brightly. :)
Wow.
This world would b a better place if ENFP’s and all could truly b who u /they r:)
:(
29 year old man, and I have tears in my eyes. What you're saying...is the authentic ENFP that no one sees. I grew up with a very strict ESTJ father and ISTJ older sibling. It was very rough to find any understanding in who I am. As you said, it's a struggle that can last a long time to be true to the self. People see the clown, but on the inside is an insurmountable passion for social justice, and swirling abstract ideas of hope. Thank you for saying these things. I might have the courage to share who I really am.
+Robert Conger Take your time. It's a gradual process, especially because people have to learn to adjust to the notions of the "real" or "new" you. There will be discouraging times where people feel like you're being fake or all of a sudden changed. You know who you are, and you know you want to be authentic. Let that guide your process of being a true champion. :)
: )
Wow, sounds fucking traumatic with that combo man..
Children not getting mirrored for what they are, is sadly way too much of a common occurrance.
Robert Conger there is J in Both my parents and a sibling as well. I get how hard the judgement is to us ENFP’s :)
This was really spot on. Like, people say ENFPs are enthusiastic and inspiring and value driven, blah blah, and that's all true... But you've revealed here the secret side to us, the side others don't see and are not going to be discussed in some general MBTI discussion. Basically unless you're an ENFP, you won't get the points you make here. Thank you for this.
Greg Wilde Yes. I also think INFPs get a feel for our darkness and depth more easily, but in general, we are expected to perform a silly role.
CJ s Possibly all traits have their balance within the deeper self? For example, even if one looks at the functions, in ENFP's as well as ENTP's the 'happy' Ne function is evened out with the serious 4th slot and rather pessimistic Si.
Similarly The macho-ish and most masculine Te function as first function in ENTJ's is evened out with the most feminine Fi 4th slot. People are aware if our higher functions, but not that much of our lower ones...Especially on the levels where such functions have a high contrast, people will not suspect we are like that in a deeper layer
"Be yourself. Everyone else is taken" Oscar Wilde (ENFP)
As an ENFP, I LOVE this video. A lot of people perceive ENFP's as a very open type, and it's not always true. I myself am very good at giving small amounts of information, enough to satisfy curiosity and appear almost as everything is very out in the open, when in reality I hold many things very close to the chest and am VERY guarded. I use these little bits of myself as a deflector so they don't pry farther. I will over-share on some things that others wouldn't tell people, and then I am very tight lipped about other things.
I definitely use different aspects of my personality as a tool to collect information and to work the room. I naturally play off the people around me--this is a genuine part of myself and it is not a mask I put on. However it is never my whole self all the time, and I think that's where the perceived inauthenticity comes from. AWESOME video, so on point. In my experience, FULL vulnerability is nearly painful for me, but it may be just my past that affects this.
You should've added a warning "THIS IS DEEP"! Man was this deep. When you started talking about how some ENFPs (me) adopt the silly, joking, lighthearted character to make other people feel safe, I had to grab a tissue. Seriously. I noticed I have gotten really great responses from people saying I'm hilarious recently ( I mean I am), but what you mentioned made me ponder if I'm doing that to just please them since I do have very intense emotions and thought processes and I have been labeled as intense.
It's something to think about. Sometimes doing things for others genuinely can make you feel happy and fulfilled, too, and sometimes it can be draining to perform for others. And that varies person to person.
It really is draining. And when I need time to rest and be alone, people get upset and think I'm mad or depressed. AND they try to push me to be happy again when I just want to relax and think to myself.
Backyard Sequoia yep, I experience the same.
uniqueLeo08 Yeah, but I try not to hold it against them. If I *REALLY* get upset, then I'll talk to them about it.
I do the exact same thing. I normally brush it off, but if I get annoyed we will have to have a little chat.
I am an ENFP and just turned 30: you explained the reasoning behind the “being the clown” and “non-threatening” personas so well! I am using that to have more grace on myself. I have struggled with people-pleasing yet at the same time boiling up inside over injustice-over me and over others. I have been frustrated by people who don’t take me seriously when I know that I have good insight or understand how to bring good change. Now that I am 30, I am starting to care much less about “getting along” and more about speaking up about what’s right and wrong (in my mind). Also, it was encouraging to hear that we mature later in life and the reasons for that. I spent most of my teenage life in a super slow, and isolated environment... needless to say I was depressed. When I hit my 20s, I had no idea how to cope on social situations. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement and great insight!
I am definitely wrestling with my clown compulsion, and am deeply depressed, so thanks for this. I also love that you referenced Alice Miller's work, that book really resonated with me, despite not having any "real trauma". Everyone has their own struggles, but being an NF boy can be a bit tricky.
I sort of closed down my feelings for business very young, not because my parents were cruel people who didn't love me, but because they didn't understand me, and didn't like how sensitive I was for a boy. I didn't do it consciously, I did it to survive and maintain attachment. But it makes me feel so empty.
As you head into the adult world, it feels less vulnerable (at least at first) to try and entertain people and please them. But it's annoying how people see me as this ditzy goof completely incapable of calculation or insight. And what's more, it feels hollow not to make myself known.
On the rare occasions I have met someone who has allowed me to be myself, it's like life is worth living again. Thanks for reminding me of the importance of finding my Fi. This was a really great talk. :)
Jeremy Chiasson I hope you're nurturing your Fi! I know I am trying. And it feels wonderful. Kind of like an ebb and flow pace, but it works for me. I guess I have to process in chunks and then I can be more authentic and at peace with my decisions. How are you doing?
Wow! So many synchronicities. This is where I am at in my souls journey. Learning to be authentic but yet feeling more alone the close I get to being me. I know that when you shed a layer of your old self, you lose people that no longer match you vibrationally and that can feel like a traumatic loss that needs time to grieve. I'm excited to eventually live up to my full potential.
+Comeoriginal08 Sending positive vibes to help you on your journey~
This was so deep. I am an ENFP too and I can relate to all of this. I was an overachiever ever since I was 7, until when I was about 16. I wanted to get into medical school, and so I worked really hard to get better scores. Everyone placed high hopes until I entered pre-university level, and I went on a huge slump. I did horribly, and I disappointed people day in and day out. Nobody could understand why. I had friends who always thought I was the goofy, happy-go-lucky girl who never cared, but I did. I think I disappointed them, because they had high expectations of me. I couldn't meet those expectations and those friendships ended. That's why I could relate when you said people start expecting a whole lot from you when you show your champion persona, and you could also fail. That really happened.
Also, I really like talking and presenting. There was a project I put a whole lot of effort into and so I gave my 110% during practice. My friends had a knack for calling me fake and I was furious. For awhile I shied away from public speaking and being in the limelight because I was so afraid of what people thought of me. But you were right, I just have to go out there and grab my chances. The friends who matter don't mind, and the friends who mind don't matter. Thank you for this, and for reassuring me I am not alone in my struggles :)
+idc anym you actually sound awesome
+idc anym You sound like me. It's weird. Going into med school soon, too!
***** thats awesome at least i know im not alone! I'm in nursing school now haha even though its not med sch its pretty close! And all the best you're gonna make a great doctor! 💪
idc anym Really? Thank you. I love nurses. I'm quite excited and nervous at the same time. When the idea of becoming doctor comes again to you, grab that idea and work for it. That's just me , though. :)
+ idc anym I am in my last year of medical school hahahah!!! im ahead of the game of you junior ENFPs.
According to a video we suit the role of surgeons, A+E consultants and paedricians most!!! will send the link!
extrovert + feeling= good people person = doctors!!
I have never perceived ENFPs as guarded, but it makes sense to hear you explain it now. As an fi-dom, I've thought that both ESFPs and ENFPs are often underestimated when it comes to their emotional depth and maturity. Beneath the playfulness is that undercurrent of sobriety.
Thank you for this observation. I think playfulness masks a lot of depth that others may not be able to see at times.
Lidah Delton so true we r playful Yet very deep
you said when we let our champions out and we wholly embrace our authenticity, people start to expect from you. i
i just want to say, that as an enfp who has embraced herself , i have fought these expectations. its not easy but its possible.
i am the leader of my group at work and we had by the grace of GOD thrived very well. so whenever we felt the expectations and the pressure rising, i used to tell them not to pay attention to them, if we walk on different paths than other groups, make effort to achieve seemilngly impossible goals and just work hard , there is no stopping us.
if we win/fail..doesnt matter..we always get to learn something new and by doing so we grow more than others.
Bang on. One of the problems I think I have is that I'm constantly revealing 'personal' information to those around me (like now), such as on facebook, but I've read that that tends to drive away people I naturally attract. Was kind of embarrassing reading that. I think cos of the environment I grew up in there is a strong impulse to 'reveal' myself to other people because I want to be acknowledged for who I am. I know it's neurotic but damn it's hard to change!
I also have very different modes or sides to me like yourself there's the funny side, the social justice warrior, the "too sensitive for this world" nostalgic guy, and the music connoisseur, among others. I keep track of the sorts of things people like on Facebook and the 'funny guy' gets all the likes while the rest---especially the music nerd---get zilch, although occasionally the personal stories can get plenty of likes if they are relevant enough or funny or have an interesting picture associated with it.
+Michael Johnson this is SO ME.. haha
+Vardagsvegan Erica Gilbertson yay a TH-cam reply that wasn't attacking me! You're a champ.
Michael Johnson haha
+Michael Johnson music, comedy, social justice---three things that define me too. great to meet someone so like-minded!
Wow.... When you say that ENFP are mirrors I couldn't agree more (at least for me)... You kinda read me there! All this time my 'way of reading and dealing with people' is become a mirror or become a body of water (well, I just realized recently, thinking about changing, but not sure how and to be what)... I am often being told that I was a fake, trying to be friendly and please anyone and don't have my own style or thought or any authenticity... Some people hate it when I kinda read them like open book (benefit of mirroring someone: I kinda know how they feel and think, so I kinda know what they are gonna say or do or what they want to hear or what motivates them), especialy those 'smart people' who very afraid of manipulation (people, I am harmless!!)... Well, the reflection IS always fake and I do feel frustrated for people who seeing only the reflection but not the mirror or the body of water which is the REAL one...
Just want to say I really appreciate that you shared your reflection about the awesomeness and struggles that ENFPs go through. You seem to be a very mature ENFP who has come to terms with yourself and your life experiences using your intuitive side. And it's amazing that you're sharing this reflection with us. So thanks again.
Thank you for the words of encouragement! It's taken a while, and I'm still on my journey for sure. Looking forward to chatting more about ENFP things 😊
This is the best video on being an ENFP I have come across. You make me feel like someone understands the real struggle. Thank you for your honesty
Thank you Julia! I wish you a healing and joyful ENFP journey 💜
I don’t know about other ENFP’s, but I am open AF. Like, to a fault lol. People either deeply admire my honesty or continually warn me not to share quite so much because I’ll be taken advantage of. While I am an ambivert like most ENFP’s, I have become more introverted with age. That being said, I don’t usually share with those who I feel won’t appreciate it or just don’t care. I’m also highly resistant to those who try and draw stuff out of me by force rather than letting it come organically. I’ve also just come to accept that certain things are just off limits and belong to me only. I’ve got to have something for myself no matter how little.
I am an ENFP. I am going through a divorce after 10 years of marriage, to a woman I still love very deeply. This is right after moving to Chicago to LITERALLY BE A COMEDIAN.
It has caused me to FEEL real empathy for the people and world around me. It was like my emotions had an off switch and I flipped it back on. I think I had to or else my empathy would have swallowed the real me whole and I would slowly die complacent. As dramatic as that sounds.
It feels like you were reading my brain like a teleprompter, it is so accurate to how I felt.
Ive lost many a potential friend because of the ability to see and point out the realness of being a human being. People think they have called me out on occasions, which they probably did (but they really didn't), because I didn't know myself well enough to respond to them, also probably because I believe the best of everyone and tend to think they think like me, and then get such a shock when I discover they don't. Bit sad, but here I am now just discovering I am not broken after all. Such a relief I think I can now move on to actualisation, hopefully. Thank you for videos.
Robyn Long Yes, you're not broken. You're on your path of becoming, and it's a painful yet beautiful experience for most of us. Please continue figuring it out.
Damn I’m just wondering how you happened to think this out so clearly about yourself and us as an ENFP. It’s very on point
As an ENFP, I can easily relate to this. Because of it, I am always "friend-zoned" and taken advantage of. I never have gotten myself into a relationship because so many women find my desire to freely express myself so kiddish and immature for my age. Very unfortunate, but that's okay.
Thank you for this. Three months ago, I was very bitter about relationships and the dating scene, but I am now working towards getting myself out there and having fun. I realized that I don't need anyone (not just women) to define who I am. I want to have fun and celebrate life and if people don't like it, that's their loss! (: I'm actually treating myself a solo vacation to continue celebrating who I am!
angelcarnivore That is so encouraging. to become good at being myself, haha such an enfp challenge I suppose, but I see the value in it. People normally don't like me, not as much as they like my other selves, the ones catering to their needs, which actaully now that I think about it makes me somewhat look down on their inability to appreciate the true value of authenticity. Only when im high on weed I stop people pleasing because then I'm so high in the clouds that I don't have time or energy for it, lol. But then instead I get anxious others don't like me... HAHA. Feels great talking about this because somehow I've started to believe there are those out there who understands this, together with me. So thanks a lot for your comments my friends!
Wow, I've never heard it put into words so accurately. I couldn't even formulate the words, myself. It was more of a feeling without definition. Thank you!
This is very good and very authentic :) Great work! I think you do an excellent job demonstrating the deeper side of an ENFP. Most of us can access the cake-kittens-and-rainbows self easily and find pleasure in that, but because our Fi is private it's nice for you to share that side with the world. Clearly everyone who commented can relate to this as an expression of Fi authenticity :)
I can see how a stifled Ne would be a major roadblock for an ENFP, for sure! My own experience comes with the acknowledgement of Fi. When ENFP are raised by strong Thinking types who disdain emotion (feelings-are-weak-and-don't-exist types ;), there is a risk for ENFP's to become 'Achievers' for achievement's sake, bypassing our sense of authenticity and falling into the Ne-Te loop. We can become slaves to external validation of all kinds, easily manipulated by others and by the system.
It has taken a while to learn how very important it is to be true to Fi, but I think ENFP can become such powerful crusaders for causes when everything lines up.
+Sarah Hale One of my goals is to show the depth of ENFPs, hopefully to give others a chance to be brave and authentic, even when it can be scary... I get super excited each time someone comments! Teehee~ Re: Achievers--Yes. It's difficult wanting to please others. You're spot-on about taking time to process Fi to become crusaders. It takes time, and forgiveness to get there...
Interesting! Thank you for sharing. As an INFJ who has been trying to "figure out" ENFPs for a while, and where the similarities and differences are, this is really helpful. My personal experience is that almost every ENFP I know wears their heart and practically their whole life-process on their sleeve and is very open, sort of the opposite of mysterious (in a good way! I mean, it can be pretty inspiring and cool.) Maybe that's just been the particular ones I know, or maybe it's because NF types all might have a brand of this and see it differently than non-NF types? Would love to hear some more "grounded" Sensor types take on ENFPs...maybe they are the ones who would see this all as mysterious. I guess I have seen a couple of my ENFP friends get a little "shy" or guarded when they are in large-group situations where they don't know anybody...
Couldn't have said it better. I've been thinking about that a lot recently. While I sometimes label myself as the Queen of Oversharing and my friends feel like they know me like the back of their hand, there's still so so much more that I haven't revealed to them or that I hold back from saying in the moment. Part of it has to do with the hats we wear. We're great at reading people so we know want aspect of our personalities to show to make them comfortable. None of it's inherently inauthentic and we're not hiding our true selves, but since we're so multifaceted we have a lot to pull from and we pull or sometimes even exaggerate elements of ourselves that will get the best response and help us learn about the person we're talking to and the world around us, like mentioned in the video. At least I do that haha
Quick side note, I also will avoid sharing certain personal things that I feel will make me a burden to other people, but if sharing an anecdote about a time I was deeply hurt will help the other person's situation and make them feel else alone, you can bet I'll dive deep into my trauma lmao As I'm taking in information, there are people I will talk my theories out with as they come and there are other times when I keep in locked away to build and grow for the right moment, if that moment ever comes.
Lastly, I think the multifaceted thing and me showing my heart on my sleeve but not really revealing anything at all, is related to Ne, like the video discussed, but also in the way that with every new sentence we, or someone else says, 30 different ideas/concepts/memories/paths for the conversation to go, etc, pop into our heads. For me, that's forced me to prioritize my thoughts in order to push the conversation to a place they will enjoy, as well as myself. So while I may be spewing off 5 ways penguins are connected to humans, from the silly, goofy connections to the more serious (I personally think any topic can be looked at from a goofy and serious perspective, and everything in between) you can rest assured there are several more things I want to say, many of which are much more random, complex, and sometimes dark. I recognize, however, that most people don't think like me naturally and have trouble following (If allowed to talk on and on I usually will end up presenting my thoughts in a passionate but lighthearted rant about one thing that will end up completely somewhere else with me forgetting how it started).
Anyway, I could say a lot more on this but I've already started to do the rant thing, so I'll stop here. ENFPs, in my experience, are weird because they are simultaneously some of the the most open and guarded people you will ever meet. I think it's true, also that we probably appear less mysterious to NFs, or even Ns in general since we're looking at the world in a similar way. I'd be interested to hear more opinions about this topic from an S, as well.
I have also noticed that INFJs, after having known me for a very short time, can see right through me, like most people they encounter, so maybe that's what keep us from being mysterious to you guys lol
We are apt to oversharing and, as you personally spoke of in a video, self actualizing out loud and in public. But only to a point. It might be 95% of who we are, but that other 5% can be kept pretty solidly under lock down. Even for ourselves for a long time. I have noticed that I personally only start sharing something deeply personal or uncomfortable after I have already worked it out to a large extent. And even then I somehow feel more comfortable sharing that with people more removed from me than those closest. That is something I have only recently full come to acknowledge and am working to change, and I’m 41 - so it took a while to get here.
Carrie Preston I feel you!!! On waiting until after I mostly figure things out to talk about them and on sharing them more with people I don't know as well...
I'm in tears. You just showed almost all that I'm struggling with. I'm 19 years old ENFP (4w3 enneagram)
I am so GRATEFUL!I was trying to be self-concious, something bothered me though, and I didn't know what and I was constantly mad at myself because I couldn't find myself and when I felt that I finally caught the truth of who I am, it just slipped through my fingers because I changed surrounded by diffrent people (but I think that this trait can be useful, it's who we are, we can change) . And now you're showing me this beautiful, prepared, spruced road. And I don't want to sound like I have some trauma because I love my family! And I love all of my friends. But I was always laugh at while I was sharing my deep concernes, but I always wanted to be into everything that happens in my family so I decided to laugh at myself. And I can see that I've hurted myself multiple times. But I have my INFJ cousin and I"ve always felt like she brought me up. And that's kinda true when it comes to my inner-self. She had her struggles, different than ENFPs have, because she, on the other hand, doesn't care that much about the opinion of other's and she is aware of what she wants and what's best for her and I felt like I should learn from her. Now i know that I definitely should and I will :) I want to repeat that I am Soo grateful. it feels like God or Universe or some other Power brought me here. It feels so adequate. Thank you and keep sharing your thoughts! ;)
Just do it should be like my motto :D but I use this very rarely as I seem to be constantly unsatisfied with the reality and the outcome of my action (perfectionism comes to play the game) :) Sometimes I am like an angry child whose toys have been taken away. I want to scream and cry, because the reality took away my toys (my dreams or daydreamed role-plays) and they are broken and dirty and not as beautiful as they were before. That's why I refuse taking up some actions and I wait for a perfect opportunity. But I am aware of that, so after having some time to nourish myself with new beautiful visions or to mend the broken ones I am able to throw myself into some action and bring myself back to life. :)
(!o!) my thought as well! i just kinda buried it with a lot of activities (fun or adrenaline filled activities) --->
"was trying to be self-concious, something bothered me though, and I didn't know what and I was constantly mad at myself because I couldn't find myself and when I felt that I finally caught the truth of who I am,"
(' , ') now that i think about it I was really a people-pleaser that I sort of change my personality both unconsciously knowing it or consciously projecting my more positive, polite and more age-appropriate qualities. ----> "I felt that I finally caught the truth of who I am, it just slipped through my fingers because I changed surrounded by diffrent people (but I think that this trait can be useful, it's who we are, we can change) ."
THIS ----> "But I have my INFJ cousin and I"ve always felt like she brought me up. And that's kinda true when it comes to my inner-self. She had her struggles, different than ENFPs have, because she, on the other hand, doesn't care that much about the opinion of other's and she is aware of what she wants and what's best for her and I felt like I should learn from her." -----> in my case, my INTJ sister doesnt care about other's opinions more than I do.
i've been jumping from video to video all morning. Now I know what I was looking for, and that of course is this video. Amazing, a huge thank you.
obban12 thank you. It means a lot to hear from you.
Wow I actually kind of felt like sometimes I was acting or not being myself in life but I felt like in the past few years, I'm pretty young, like when I was 12 I kind of became aware of this side of me but couldn't really put a label on it and just assumed people felt like this normally. This video was really inspiring and helped heaps, it also made me realise why one of my friends are also an ENFP and always act like the 'clown' thank you so much :)
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. I actually cried... I feel less hopeless after viewing your video.
Julia Watson I am thankful to share. ((Hug))
Wow, this really tied a lot of loose ends together and answered many questions that I've had over the years. I'm an ENFP, and a lot of people don't believe me when I tell them (at least at first) because of my sometimes aloof and detached nature upon first meeting. However, once someone has the chance to know me, they'll see that I'm just a kind and sentimental person behind that hard facet. It just takes some time. I think Michael Pierce described ENFPs best as being both a young spirit and an old spirit. We have a child-like enthusiasm and passion for what we like, but a disappointed and depressed cynicism lurks in the shadows. Wonderful video as always. :)
+Katie Prog Thank you
Thank you! I started taking notes from around 10:00 to 11:45.. I really needed the enfp pep talk! It's so easy to think we don't quite fit in & therefore forget our mission in the world. Will watch again! :)
Thank you for the positive feedback! I wasn't sure about sharing this video, but it's received ENFP support. I think I'll make some more videos on my process and journey as an ENFP. *high five* SandiiCom
Before I rewatch it again, because I loved listening to you, I want to say thank you. Now, I rewatch again :)
Thank you
I felt so touched and understood watching this video. I didn't realize that people thought ENFP's were guarded, though I could see how people could mistaken us for being fake. I got so emotional watching this video, seeing that I was not alone and I finally realize how salient these MBTI types are. Thank you for uploading this video.
I just feel like giving her a big warm hug.
Michael Yenge thanks for the hug!
Your videos are so good that I'm in wow! mode quiet often and I guest it's just self realisation and relating so much to what you have said. Honestly it's so good to have someone so mild, open and honest as it's seen throughout other topics you have covered. Keep up the great work!!
Many thanks.😊
Thank you so much for the support! It really encourages me to continue. I know I'm not as popular as other MBTI TH-camrs, but it's nice to get feedback every now and then
My friend is an ENFP and I use her as a mirror sometimes. I didn't realize how guarded I can appear until this video brought it up and how identified with her behaviors.
It took me some time to absorb how other people respond to me, and vice versa. It's interesting how our perspective of self is limited and it keeps growing when we allow the insights of others to weave into our experience
Wow this video popped up at the right moment. It made me really a bit emotional, especially the part about ENFPs helping others to be more human. I loved that. But I'm not sure if others really see and appreciate that.. Which makes me a bit sad.
I was just watching some old videos of me as a teenager being all goofy and crazy. I thought damn I lost a bit of that funny side, but then I realized I used it in the past so often to not show my deep, vulnerable self. I was always pretty sensitive, but through my humor and acting people mostly saw in me the goofball I think. In my 20s I started to embrace my sensitivity and seriousness and I actually lost a few friends, who couldn't handle it or felt uncomfortable. But this is who I am - both sides belong to me. And people who don't appreciate it, are missing out a very diverse and exciting human being, I believe now.
Still have to be careful sometimes not to switch into a specific mode just because the other person is expecting it. I guess we ENFP are very good at adapting to the environment, but actually I feel super uncomfortable if I'm trying to overplay something.
Yes, it can be isolating and longing to seek that depth of understanding from others, to have then acknowledge what we offer in their lives. It can hurt when we are not truly seen. I am curious about older ENFPs, ones who have learned self love and acceptance, what their experiences and wisdoms are.
Wonderful discussion!!! I loved the portion of being authentic and exploding out of that cocoon and becoming the butterfly and becoming a champion! It is truly a loss to the world when people aren't themselves. Every single person has so much to add to the world when they are real and express their thoughts. Beautiful video. Made my day
+Kylee Enfp I agree. It is a loss when people aren't allowed or don't give themselves permission to be who they are. Take care, fellow Champion
I am an ENFJ and the more I learn about ENFP's it's like kindred spirits to me. I am 30 and in my 20's I finally came to terms with who I was.. I had a childhood much like you explained... I felt completely misunderstood and still find myself misunderstood but just laugh it off now if people don't get it. I know in my heart I am a very good person so I have learned to sit down and hug myself and let myself know I am special... helps that I have INTP best friends who all have called me a rare gem in this bad world. I have noticed from the one ENFP I know that you guys seem to really struggle inside with issues.... I don't know what it is exactly... I know you have a hard time saying things so you don't say them, but you express them non-verbally. Being near ENFP I can know without words... but at a distance it's almost impossible to know what is going on in that wonderful brain. Watching you talk in this video made me want to hug you (I know.. typical ENFJ sorry)... I too want people to be original... and I love everyone .... even if most of them scare the poop out of me. You definitely are a special person Boontarika and thank you for posting this video!
I accept the e-hug! 😊
Lovely comment!!
And I agree and have seen and felt this too. Mother is ENFP, and INFJs have ENFP-subconscious.
As you were talking about childhood, I was thinking 'stunted', and that's the exact word you came out with. There's so much more of what you said, that I relate to, but I'll just compress it, lol.
The maturity issue -very true; only started to mature proper a few years ago, and I'm 57!!
The need for authenticity but having to curb it to 'fit in', then feeling fake.
My family always thought I was highly strung, a dreamer, no direction, naive, blah, blah, blah.
I leave it at that or ill end up typing my life story. Great insight from you, thanks. I'm sure many ENFPs will be able to relate to this, especially if they were brought up in a family of mainly SJs. :(((
In my darkest moments confronting my traumatic childhood, I tested as an INFJ... until I began to get help and move my life in a healthy direction.. and then returning to ENFP.
i'm an INFP and i relate to parts of this a lot. i also see all of this in my ENFP friends...thanks so much for the explanations of motivations. it helps me to understand them more deeply. i think most of my friend are ENFPs and i adore their spirited natures :)
+mirrorghost I'm glad I can help somehow. :) Say hi to your ENFP friends for me ^__^
You too, as the INFP, are adored by the INFJ.
Damn, this was introspective and incredibly insightful! Even though I am an INTP, I still relate so much to your observations on not being able to handle the process of childhood and concurrent traumas, especially when no one was there to help us understand the world through the intuitive, perceiving lens our personalities give us. To become non-threatening, I hide myself and remove my needs from the picture, rather than become silly or disarming, as is typical of my introverted temperament. I'm glad to say that I understand that there is a lot of grey to people, though it does not necessarily make anything easier to manage. Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful insights here, as it has helped me understand this perspective much more. Cheers, and keep fighting the good fight!
+Three-Tail Art *rawr*
I have to agree with the others: I found myself becoming a bit misty-eyed while watching your video. Eloquent. :)
I too am an ENTP. I often wear a variety of facades out of (what I deem) necessity. However, when a group or a singular person really lets me open up, my soul goes aflight! I truly crave Authentic relationships, ones in which both parties can truly flourish. :) All of my close friends are people with whom I can be open. I save the less-serious face for most of the outside world. For some reason unknown to me, most people just aren't comfortable with talking about profound subjects...such a shame.. :(
I obviously made a typo. I meant ENFP. lol
+Leila Elian
I just have to react to this statement: "For some reason unknown to me, most people just aren't comfortable with talking about profound subjects...such a shame.. :(" when i read it, i immediately perked up and thought "exactly my point!!! (>u
I agree
I recently took the MBTI test and found out I'm an ENFP. Reading about my personality type and listening to other people's experiences who are also ENFP explains so much about myself. Looking back I've been a part of so many different kinds of social groups and always seemed to share a common interest with almost everybody, so I was never really sure who I really was. I was a class clown in high school but also had good grades, I played in bands and was involved with activist groups of the radical left in college. I developed a lot of inner conflict about who I really was in my early 20s and thought I had been a fake person my whole life. I completely withdrew from my circle of friends and went though a dark period of drug addiction and isolation.
I'm 25 now, I'm in recovery and I've been clean for six months, and watching your videos has been very reassuring about who I am and why Im hard for people to figure out. Even though most of the people in my life now know me as a funny light hearted guy, Im getting involved in social justice and activism again because its so important to me and I'll feel empty without it. Thank you for your videos, you are very insightful and informative
Fuck. I've had overprotective parents and lived in a boring neighbourhood my entire life. I've felt trapped, like a caged bird, and when I hit the bars, to try and get out it hurts, so I give up, and sit stagnantly in the middle of the cage, numb and isolated.
And then I feel guilty, because I'm lucky, I have a nice home, a garden, a loving (though sometimes it doesn't feel like it) family. But then I remember that I don't get listened to, whenever I talk, no-one in my family is interested, and they laugh and smile as if everything I say is funny, because they still see me as a child.
Wow despite the fact that you had not prepared notes, I think you did an excellent job of conveying your message. You are a very smart & intuitive woman, keep up the great videos!
Hi. Witnessing your facial expression and internal accessing remind me so much of myself...
I grew into the champion role, and for a number of years tackled the system through the courts. I gave public meetings, spoke in actions groups, wrote letters for people and took to the injustices on a very personal level. I was badly burned. The anger and resentment I experienced on a daily basis, consumed me. The injustices became a personal war for the champions of the opposing ideologies, and that personal conflict alienated me from the 99% who supported the social norm.... so I've spend the last ten years focussing on the healing...
+Zeezee Twentytwo Personal healing is worth the time... I really wish it didn't always take so long... but I've had my ebbs and flows of championing and healing. I'm very glad we resonate so much with our actions, even facial expressions :) The internet can offer us a tribe we've been searching for~
Ne needs expansion, novelty and getting out of your comfort zone. When development of Ne is prevented by people from your surroundings, the circumstances, your lifestyle...basically anything that may or may not be under your control, it could lead to unhappiness, depression, and that delayed growth you mentioned. I tend to get anxious and depressed with long-term exposure to unstimulating environment. It's kind of draining. This video was very inspiring! Thank you! I can relate to a lot of things you said here.
Thank you for sharing Isidora Ković 💜 I think the process of Ne and understanding this can really help individuals grow by knowing where their energies come from, as well as increase interpersonal understanding from others. We just process differently, and it's not better or worse; just different. I was extremely fidgety as a child, and doodled in class to process information. Too bad it was seen as being disrespectful/not paying attention. Lots of gifted kiddos need to pair stimulation with normal lecturing in order to absorb things.
Boontarika Sripom Hi there, I wanted to respond to this from a perspective of my own experience as a child. I found school challenging and lacked something. I ended up playing truant an awful lot. For me, the museums held more stimulus and I found myself as an 11 year old, spending much of my school days in these environment. After two years of constantly being in trouble for truancy, my headmaster came up with a plan. He knew that I would do what I wanted to do regardless, so he put a plan in place for my education. I was allowed to go to the museums and educate myself, but had to attend lessons at school as well. I chose the lessons that appealed to me and mirrored what appealed to me in the museums. 40 years later, I co wrote a paper with the museum of natural history here in London.
That's a wonderful story! Some children need different approaches to learning. I wish we could offer students the best educations and truly consider their unique processing styles in curriculum planning. Perhaps even parent training as well... Your headmaster was ahead of the times for sure! Wish we could accommodate more creatively for our students.
He truly was ahead of his time. I would bring the projects that I had completed from the museums and he would test me on the details. Because I felt empowered to choose what I had learned, I felt comfortable and confident I had covered everything. I still jump from subject/interest even now, but he instilled a confidence in me to keep searching.
Yes, yes, yes!!
I just found out i am an enfp and stumbled upon this video.
Thank you so much for spending the time to make this video, it helped me to think about who I was and who I wanna be.
Excellent Video, really helped a lot
Thank you, Carlos.
You are my new best friend. We do mature later and everything you said hit a chord. I am shedding my past and in the process of becoming the champion I was suppose to be. Fulfilling my destiny
Right on, Wayne! #champions4lyfe
Wayne Lee still maturing and figuring things out at age 38 only moved out of home and lived on my own since last year. Haven’t been in any really serious long term relationships. Feel like my life is just beginning and have decided to change career focus to becoming an actress something I’ve wanted to do since the age of five but never been supported in.
thanks for this video ❤️ totally see myself individualizing relations with others by mirroring their energy or wearing a ‘hat’ that will best please them. Some people are confused by this and see it as being two faced, but I see that the chameleon-ness is a super power since you can connect and empathize with so many people.
this did so much for me, i felt like i was talking to myself from the future lol. i think you did a great job btw. The presentation felt really authentic (lol). Thanks for putting this out there.
-Melvin (enft-p and proud)
Thank you for watching! I appreciate your feedback :) have a wonderful day!
This was so accurate, it felt like you were speaking right to me. Thanks so much for making this. :)
Thank you for watching :)
I just discovered your channel and I am also an ENFP. I feel so understood. Such wonderful videos, thank you!
Hannah DeWinter if you have any specific questions, please don't hesitate to ask! I also have responses on Quora in ENFP.
I'm quite hooked on mbti at the moment and was pretty sure I was INFJ. But I'm finding I relate to so much of the ENFP stuff. This is the most consideration I've given to any type other than INFP. I can't imagine for a second that I'm an extrovert, and honestly find the prospect of becoming a "healthy" well balanced ENFP absolutely petrifying/impossible. I've been told that this in itself should be a pretty good indicator that it's not my type and that I should just accept I'm INFJ. But ENFPs are just so relatable, I actually cried watching your video, maybe that's Fe picking up on your emotions, or maybe it's because I related. Maybe a bit of both. This was a pretty beautiful expression of vulnerability, thanks for sharing.
I opened myself one time to another person, but that other person felt that I was too much and left. Never felt betrayed more and hurt more than that. I trusted him. I love being myself but sometimes it's easier to just have another persona or be a chameleon to protect yourself from people who would take advantage of your authenticity negatively.
It truly is a gamble to be authentic in a world that cannot embrace intensity well. I have come to similar conclusions with creating personas or masks that suit the environment for survival reasons.
Screw them. They are a waste of YOUR time. They don’t deserve your light. -INFJ
This one had me crying. Thanks for knowing, Booni.
Cecily Dossett looking back, it cost me a lot. I've had moments of grief and revisiting. Mostly there is peace and acceptance. I am currently transitioning between changes and stages of life so again, I am visiting ghosts. Your words give me solace. Thank you. I hope to share more on what I discover in this next phase of life. Please take care. 💜
Boontarika Sripom 💛
I've honestly questioned at times if I am an enfp because of that gaurdedness and not always fitting the stereotype of a comedian rambling about unicorns. haha
This was very affirming. Thank you :)
Thank you for this video! It was so identifiable that I had tears in my eyes. I've always felt that I'm a little guarded and "in a role" when I'm talking with people. I'm interested in understanding people, world, cultural conventions etc. better but because of the social norms, I usually content myself with talking about my weekend plans and stuff. I've thought that "role playing" is a natural part of communicating with other people and that if I was the authentic me, I would never make friends.
But, after introducing myself with MBTI and watching this video, I realize more clearly why I behave the way I do and why I should stop it. I have a tendency to be turbulent and insecure but I hope I can get somewhat rid of it, after I let my true personality shine. I feel I'm ready for it now although I'm a little bit afraid what kind of consequences it will cause me. (Will I end up being alone? Will my friends and family see me as a stranger?) Luckily, this video makes me feel that I'm not completely alone with my thoughts and gives me courage to let my guard down and accept myself as I am.
So, all in all, thank you!
PS. I noticed your appearance (or "aura") and the way you talk is kinda similar to mine. I've always felt insecure about myself as a conversationalist ('cause I tend to sound sensitive and "emotional") but when I look at you, I realize how beautiful it can be to speak right from the heart. You seem very genuine, caring and insightful in this video, and it makes it really enjoyable to watch!
+Hizzukka Being gentle is a gift the world hasn't taken away from you. Please share it with the world! Most people bought into the idea that it is weakness. Gentleness and kindness is a powerful gift that can bring the most guarded people to vulnerability. You can help others embrace their humanity.
Ok, fellow ENFP here, crying now. You seriously brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
+Brian Buxton You're very welcome. I'm trying my best to help the MBTI community & ENFPs
This spoke to me with such clarity. I identified with everything you said! thanks for uploading the video (: God bless!
I can relate to what you're saying a lot. Up until I turned 20 last year I've always been considered the happy smart girl that people go to for a laugh, which is true. But I think it got to the point where it outwardly seemed like I never really took anything seriously (I did inside). Until I fell off track and got lost and depressed, and realised most of my friends and people around me couldn't understand what I was going through, and failed to take the rough patch I was going through as real and serious. It was really hard but I'm thankful because it forced me to re-evaluate my life and understand the complexity of my nature.
Since the I realised the importance in having conviction with what matters to me, and I really don't need to be playful with my values and beliefs even if others are uncomfortable or don't understand. I definitely think a lot of it has to do with self confidence and assurance as well as life experience. I also think it definitely helps to have another XNFP/XNFJ friend who can understand the complexity and diversity of your personality.
Sarah Sombrero Such an important age, life stage, and revelations! Please take care of you. Many of my videos are talking to younger me, so it does take longer when others' opinions or society's rules attempt to change you. I wish you peace and many growth spurts to become the champion the world needs ❤
This actually hurt quite a bit. But it was very good.
I actually usually end up with INFP results but have never been too sure of that or any other.
+Michael Martin I don't know for sure, either. I think it depends on which of your strengths is needed at the moment, and how authentic you're being... among other variables. xNFP are driven by similar values, so I'm okay not being certain with my mbti preference.
Boontarika Sripom
Hi. Yes definitely. There are so many variables involved in any person.
I am an ENFP but I am more introverrted but I do seek adventure in regular intervals and the information gathering too. But I think my Introverted side is developing more with time.
It's a relief to find an ENFP who doesn't always have that spiked up jolliness that they have been known for or portratyed as. I admire you though for opening up in public, it feels so vulnerable. but yeah. So-so. thanks.
Uhh here's a few of my random remplies to whatever i thought of while watching your vid. (oh yeah i downloaded your vid for reference. I still want to take notes.)
I am in part a stunted ENFP. I have (insert reasons here), which made me a cross between a recluse and an overly emotional and dramatic person. I still have temper tantrums til now which i want to be under control. Shit i really have to use a different account with a fake name since this is a public post. and here's my fake name. lols. i still like my real name.
What I do know is that if I am stressed i would flee and find a spot to be a recluse to overanalyze my actions and think of various ways i could reconnect somehow. This is when the enneagrams and MBTI's serve as a quick release pain reliever or panacea (At least the good ones who don't explain your type in a generalized and idealistic manner with vague descriptions as compared to those who give detailed character sketches of your type). But somehow, despite all the cross referencing between the multitude sites for both Enneagrams and MBTI's, more options for references just makes it all the more confusing.
The healthy kind of release for me is to go through adrenaline-filled activities such as baking without a helmet down a rocky bike trail with a sharp turn (hahaha ---> believe me i always seem to enjoy the nervous laughter it gives me, it feels comparatively more exhilirating than a vanilla intercourse) or intellect-creativity related activities such as learning a new skill or even mastering it. Some of my inteelect-creativty activities may be reading about fictional lore or even watching videos of skyrim while vicariously playing it through the experiences of other players. (since i cant afford a good pc yet)
I share the feeling of the inability to connect. But i think this is where there is a defining line between an introvert and an extrovert. You can be an extrovert who lacks social skills or a decent skill level in holding conversations (again i will put a disclaimer here since this statement doesn't always apply to me, especially if we are going to factor in Intimidation (whether you have been intimidated by a stronger personality), professionalism in the work place,
If i can't flee in a confrontation, my id comes out and make a fool out of myself (at an embarassing age hahahaha) but the thing is, I do want to change.
Hmm...about relationships. I always like a more angularly aesthetic woman. But if I find someone who seems to roll their eyes about "thinking about thinking" line of thought or conversations, i immediately pull away and look for other women. Those whom I've pursued to build a relationship with usually have an intellect that I admire, and mostly they're more intelligent than I am.
we dont always put our guards up as enfps, except if we feel as if the environment seethes with judging eyes.
sorry i cant seem to organize it :P
Thank you so much for your heartfelt response. I look forward to hearing back from you, with your wondrous journey of self discovery and growth
Thank you! I felt the emotion when you spoke, it was truly touching. I was so conflicted and what you said brought some reassurance and closure.
As ENFP, like you said, we value authenticity, but then I notice myself being different in certain situation or with certain people. Maybe because we're usually adaptable people and people-pleasers so we cater to those around us, but the fact that I couldn't just be really consistent made me feel disingenuous.
Furthermore, I know I appear guarded too - maybe due to the Fi. And I've read that ENFPs are the most introverted out of the 8 and of course no one is ever 100% Extroverted or Introverted, but i felt more introverted at times - so much so that I redid the test using different tests, but I seem to still be ENFP.,...and INFP doesn't really sound like me. I feel like I fluctuate, I would love going about and interacting with friends and new people, consistently for 2 weeks time, then for a week or even 2, I need to be by myself to recharge.
i feel you. this case applies to me as well. people start to question why you are not interacting with them at every chance possible.i be like...i cnt be with you now, its stressful to make conversation in this mode
Susan Chiu because while we are extroverts, and seek to meet a social need at times...our thinking is introverted. An ENFP (my experience) needs solitude to think and work though how they "feel". So if we are in solitude mode, we can come off as that way. I am told I look mean..."resting bitch face" if you're familiar with the term...but I love talking to people and hearing experiences. I can sit with ANYONE and find something in common with them....even if our views are opposites. That's the great thing, since we can be chameleons, we can tap into things and learn what others may not. Also being so intuitive, we can read people before they speak. As long as the healthy minded "champion" is allowed to come forward, it can be beautiful. if using the chameleon to hide, it can turn dark....darker than our minds are anyways sometimes.
YESSSSSSS.... i actually forgot that I do have a resting bitch face when im thinking. (and i have to constantly be aware of that in workplaces since i have to think with a smile on my face and it feels horribly fake hahaha) --- the thing is... that I can't always rely on my visual reading skills. perhaps that's where the ADHD factor comes into play. I am not always aware of the situation, if it be serious or well not. So i end up in an embarassing situation. :P i mean not always. ---- i dont think i or we can read people though, perhaps we just recognize patterns, say at work, seniors or colleagues would hint or ask you questions which would be followed by a judgement or a performance critique albeit informally. Somehow those patterns may add up and we see what they really meant by those comments. :P
But on the other side of the coin, I believe, DEPENDING ON THE CONTEXT AND SITUATION, when my mind is acute and sharp (not always i think hahaha) when I am with a person who I consider as a very close friend, whom you are completely authentic, in that mind-connect conversation, you would be able to read them by their way of reacting and then you kinda compare their reaction with their past reactions in a blink of an eye. I think we can surprise the NT's during friendly arguments. We can also turn their arguments to themselves, but just so you could make them think of the other side of their statements. ( i do wish i could do that often but i really can't, i have to be really engaged with the topic as well as authentically invested in that platonic relationship). So yes, in a short answer, we can read people in some contexts.... or maybe it's just me lols. hahaha
not always to"cater" to other people but we ENFP's tend to make every effort to relate to other people as we see everyone's point of view due to our empathetic nature. So we go out of our way to reach a level of understanding (diplomacy) and smooth over hot tempers. Because we see all sides in a conflict scenario. We are try to get everyone to bend a little because we hate conflict and we feel fighting is not necessary. Also we tend to NOT BE judgemental as a rule.
This was really genuine, and I really appreciate it :) Oh, I'm a fellow ENFP, btw :)
Thank you so much for the share! :)
You are very welcome. Send me anything you want shared, i.e. blogs etc :)
I’ve never been seen as fake. On the contrary, I’ve always been told how genuine I am and how uncommon that is.
Strange. I always find myself talking about social justice and I do it in an entertaining way or serious way. Mostly serious. Though I admit even though I do it often, I part of me always feels misunderstood. Almost like I am spoiling everyone's fun when I do this. This is probably because of people have reacted to it in the past.
A lot of what you said really resonated and made sense to me. Especially the part where it could be scary to be authentic. As ENFPs, we just have this natural wisdom about the world and people because we learn so much from our interactions and experiences. We evaluate and assess everything we're seeing. And so we're wise people. However, we try to conceal our wisdom because of fear. Personally, I fear of being judged. I want to be always okay with everyone. And this gets the better of me sometimes. All my life, i feel like I'm always living double standards. I always adjust my behavior for people. Because I want to belong and I want to be liked. But sometimes, like right now, I don't know who am I anymore. I mean it's just really complicated. I want to step up but I don't want to lose people. I feel lime if I do step up and share my energy and wisdom, people are going to be surprised or confused. Anyway, thank you for this. All you said here made a lot of sense to me.
I've experienced this limbo and need to suppress parts of myself up belong and fear of authenticity suprising others. Some people have gotten mad at me. They felt betrayed and confused when I became less of a performer and more of a whole person for me. It might happen. It hurts and it might pull you back to being a character for others. This is your journey. You can't see the other side yet, but I know it's there. And it is worth it. I can't take any of the pain and struggle away for you, but I offer my compassion and heart. I offer my optimism that you have what it takes to be fully you.
Thanks for the reality check, I needed this.
Very insightful. Just occurred to me today that I can be very guarded as an enfp. I think for me it was because I often was corrected or criticised by narcissist parent/spouse.
You are very genuine and it touches my heart.
My ENFP friend and I have been having some problems lately - it's hard to believe INFP's and ENFP's can so easily misunderstand each other under difficult circumstances.
+TeeTaan360 Clear communication can be difficult when things taken personally. Fi users tend to have a hard time not taking criticisms personally, so it's a journey of growth and acceptance with disagreeing opinions. It can take a long time to get there, but it can help improve relationships to go back and forth to clarify statements made.
As an ENFP, this is SPOT on. I got emotional watching this
This was amazing. You're the best!
No, you're the best!
I'm 23 and I'm ENFP... thank you for this video.... I'm still in that stage of feel self conscious and uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel a lot better knowing that's expected of an ENFP... and now have high hopes I'll get out of this lol. Thanks!
You're very welcome :) your journey is just starting, and it will be different from many you come across.
In the latter third of this vid, when you get that little smile & twinkle in your eye, talking about how we "need to embrace & celebrate our Inner Champions...we inspire people...the World needs more of that!"
Miss Booni, you go from "pretty" to "bewitching Muse of Awesomry" ❤❤❤
(My preferences are ENFP -A,
-T. My best friend is an INFJ & my bf is an ISTP)
So...there's this thing, a cause I've long been considering. I think it's time then, hmmm?
Xo~
It is totally time!
Thank you, I 100% relate and had a few tears. Thank you for putting yourself out here on TH-cam. You made my day and Im so grateful to have found your channel❤
i love this video! i couldn't have said it any better!
I'm actually going thru this process right now. i currently got out of a depresiom and I'm trying to find my happy, loving self again but it's soo hard to go back and trusting people when you felt the pain of people's criticism and of breakups. I'm actually feeling that same feeling right now; i feel like I'm being fake when i try to be flippant and charming to people, and it actually feels exhausted. at first i thought i was infp but looking at how extraverted i was before and how i envious not being around people like before, i know for sure I'm enfp, just a very self-insecure enfp.
I can see the passion in your eyes looking through my soul. D:
+marquece johnson Is that a good thing? >_>
yeah i think. I wish I had that effect. xD
Soothing voice you should do asmr 😂 I have this attraction and pull to enfps but they're super interesting yet conflicted
Redrose Abd I've thought about making asmr videos, too! I agree we are a conflicting people's lol
Now that you say that ... I do play dumb just to surprise people with how much I know and observe. Alittle sinister I know but man are they dumbfounded
People assume things. They treat us differently based on how intelligent they think we are.
Thank you for sharing your voice and fostering a place of honest discussion. Takes courage, consideration & integrity.
I'm growing up in a home where I'm not really...understood as 'myself' and I'm not really mentally stimulated. Since my parents got divorced we move around a lot, as a result, I feel like every time I move to a new place/school I feel as if I put on a new mask, how do you think I could try to change that?
INTJ here. This whole video iv'e been watching for my girlfriend. Good luck getting even the slightest of anything past us. The good part is, we INTJ's are pretty independent and don't take advantage of people. On the other hand with Logic and Reasoning with "facts'" considering neuropsychology it should be known that we see micro expressions and physiological responses very well. Manipulation and then justification is a very hard thing to understand. As far as how ENFP's change and kinda abandoned people who "mean the most" doesn't make sense. I have been in situations and battles with my ENFP only once where it was past the honeymoon phase and some close friends from out of town visited around Christmas and stirred up drama. This is after down right offensive statements were texted to me "because of what her friends thought" if any of you are familiar with INTJ's... even developed ones you'll know that when we feel betrayed and "principals and morals" are broken it's a battle that just can't be won. Honestly if it comes to bending the relationship in half due to sheer will-power to get our point across we always find a way. What ended up working was: I'm not playing, this is rude, ridiculous, and your falling into the influence of other people. INTJ's question and question your answer and switch the topic and question those answers and sure enough there's slip ups and forgetting previous answers, or just seeing straight hesitance and small lies to change the outcomes of a situation under stress. Luckily we have got back on track. Sadly as an INTJ to get back lost trust we put ANYONE (not just ENFJ's) through challenges. This is where we analyze and determine if what a person says actually has anything to back it, how bad a person wants to be with us, if they can even fix it etc. I have no problem admitting my wrong doings on the spot without justifying. Typed this carelessly, it is TH-cam after all.
Awesome video. Thank you so much. I just found your channel and I am hoping to find advice on raising an ENFP child. Also, I am (a real) INTJ, so I can totally relate to being an intuitive raised by extremely concrete SJ parents. I want my ENFP child to have the best possible life, of course, but we are very different. He is so focused on others, yet I am way pragmatic.
I will think about this to make a video. The first things that come to mind are helping young ENFPs take calculated risks to gather data to build their internal Ne map. Experience is learning and hypothesis testing, learning about oneself. Without this, there is stagnation. So help them learn about consequences and analytical thinking with asking hypothetical questions, sharing about stories, observations, and your life so they have initial reference points. Especially about being taken advantage of, trusting too soon, how to bounce back from disappointment.
Boontarika Sripom: Thank you so much for your reply. I so appreciate it. I definitely agree with your suggestions. I will do even more of those things. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This is sooooo good Booni. I teared up a bit... xD
Thanks for watching :) Do you think other ENFPs can relate with this?
Totally! You should share it in the groups if you want :D
+ tryston i did too ;-(
Though 2012-14, I was INFJ, but in the last two years have grown enormously, so I retested and now I'm ENFP. Happiest, most fulfilled I've ever been, and this type feels right. Interesting though, my cognitive/self identity was 'introvert' (ambi) and now there's this 'E' , which in a funny way I feel have to 'grow into', even though at any point I could have assumed this label and mindset. It articulates an idea/sentiment I've had for a while now 'life is for living / surely experiential gratification is king in life's broad scheme / truth is absolutely YES but sometimes knowing the truth has negligible value or greater cost than benefit.
I was skeptical about your video at first 'just another person who read a tumblr post and half a wiki', but you have genuine insight and great wisdom, too. Thank you for posting this, it was authentic and highly relatable.
WubstepUK oh my gosh. Same! I've been an INFJ for about 2 years, and then went through a whole plethora of experiences that brought me really low and back up. I decided to rest after the whole ordeal and retested after I felt rejuvenated and ready to face the world. I got ENFP and my goodness, never has a type described me so much and never have I been legitimately as happy as I am now! I love being an ENFP! haha 💖
@@hurmaes Subconscious projection, is the difference that causes the change between these two. So, you ( if you are right now ) are probably an ENFP, who thought you were INFJ, because ENFPs has anINFJ-subconscious, function wise. 4 sides of the mind! :D
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson I think so too! I realized my "introvertedness" was me hiding in my shell because I was hurt, and me not having enough energy to actually socialize or do anything.
GREAT video 😭I hate how much our type is taunted online 😔
AStarIsBornThisWay I do, too. Fi is very misunderstood
Boontarika Sripom
absolutely
ENFPs in quarantine right now feeling what you mean by a stagnant environment thwarting our growth!
Thank you❤️ You have such a calming way about you and it helps me to let go a little and feel inspired. Keep doing you Booni!
Thank you, and yes, I will keep going!
“Resuscitate their dreams.” Love that. You are my go to for understanding myself. Thank you as always.
‘Limiting the way we learn’ So true. Omg u nailed my household environment growing up stagnant .... ENFP Sag lady here I Need that variety to be my best and achieve my best:)
"If we could just move on from the pain others inflect on us" it's ironic that our empathy, our strongest quality around which our 'championship' revolves is at the same time the core reason behind our hesitation to "Go and be ENFPs" !
I feel like i have to put a lot of effort and grow a really thick skin to actually start the so many projects flying in my head everyday thanks to our EXTREMELY powerful intuitiveness.
I struggle with a non-comprehensive family situation, mostly coming from the parents, luckily my brothers are also intuitives so we can understand each other and actually have a respect for each other's opinion (my older brother is an INTJ, a mentally compatible type to the ENFP apparently).
I hope that with time i keep maturing my Te in the constructive direction because right now it feels like i'm stuck in the auto-criticizing loop.
If there are ENFPs here who would like to talk you can reach me on facebook : emna mokhtar ! I'll be thrilled to get in touch with you guys !
Me: *sees video* What in the world is multifaceted?
Me after vide: *in literal tears and a pool of snot* I can't believe it. She gets me. I didn't even realize how much I felt this.
*hugs* take care, gentle, misunderstood ENFP
Hi I really enjoyed your explanation of why ENFPs develop multiple personalities. I think it is a survival mechanism. My background is Asian, and I was brought up as "seen not heard" and extremely well-behaved girl. This meant I was suppressing both of my Ne and Te tendencies while using Fi and Ne to fake a very Fe appearance. (Almost like ISFJ - like personality). Because of this I thought I was introverted for a long time, and only recently started to explore the "funny" and fun side of me and ended up exploding with Ne. Do you have any experience with meeting very shy and "introverted" ENFPS ? Do you have any developmental tips for us?
I consider myself a quiet ENFP. I think it just takes time to find your truth and balance. Keep reading on whichever subjects interest you, and apply the knowledge somehow. We enfps like ideas but sometimes dont DO anything... so practice moving around, meeting people, writing ideas down, sharing your ideas with people open to listen, join groups that are related to the topics you like, participate. Don't just passively absorb information. Take an active role and participate, knowing that people may and will disagree at times. Be ready to build your thicker skin with small opportunities. Know that you'll be okay if people disagree with opinions. They're just opinions.
Boontarika Sripom Thanks for the reply. Yes I think I am building a more balanced approach to the world. But this change in "personality" is scaring some people off. But thats ok, because they should accept me for all of me. I was wondering, do you ever find your core values change over time due to profound experiences?
YES. And I think it's a sign of growth for people to be able to acknowledge the validity of differing values at the same time. It can be this oscillating type of life experience where we go back and forth between one extreme to another, and then after enough information, experience, or an impactful event, yes, we can change our core values ever so slowly. Perhaps, like you said earlier, the collectivist part of you guided the seeing and absorbing of community values, which isn't good or bad, it's just what happened. And as you have time to become more authentic, explore and test boundaries of who you are, these core values that were already a part of you, OR something that you have to learn about or be exposed to, will slowly change your value system. It may scare people off, but it is a part of growing and a part of figuring life out. People can value and appreciate your time together even if it's not forever.
This was perfectly put, Booni. Rock on, baby. Rock on.
Thank you for this. I know that as a child, I had to suppress a lot of emotion and parts of myself because I was raised in an environment where I wasn't nurtured. My needs were met on a basic level, but there was not emotional support. I remember there were a lot of instances where I pushed down a lot. I was overly curious as a child and it was shut down. My father left when I was 10, which only added to the mix. So the childhood trauma was something that I always carried and tried to ignore. So, to make myself happy and to allow myself to have value that I thought I deserved, I used my sense of humor to the hilt. It helped to give me a sense of validation. I still struggle with that. Of course, the abandonment issue hasn't helped. I have ALWAYS had trouble with relationships and have rarely felt like I have been understood. Which is also why it has been easy for me to pull away from people.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing part of your story. You've healed through a lot. And I'm sure you are continuing to heal. If you're looking for a therapist, and need some help finding one, I might be able to ask in some groups. Email me organizedmesses@gmail.com
@@BoontarikaSripom Thank you for responding. I have been pursuing Biblical counseling for the last 3 years and that has helped tremendously. A little forgiveness, understanding and a lot of love goes a very long way.
@@lisamckibben7861 wonderful 💖💖💖 I'm glad you have the spiritual part covered, too. Very important to heal
My mom, dad and sister are all INFJ, I'm the odd one, an ENFP. My sister is so much more successful than I am. She finished college. I got married at age 20. Yes, I get bored so easily. I have a sense of humor. Sometimes I don't mean for something to be humorous but others laugh. I'm 37 now.
you mention INFJ as the mirror and i would definitely agree. what type do you believe represent duality?
Can you describe to me how you define duality, then I can better answer your question.