Women can’t just jump on any sexual opportunity because the repercussions & the risks that we take with the wrong man sexually should not be taken lightly.
Girl you speak nothing but facts I’m 56 years old I had my daughter when I was 27 my daughter‘s father wasn’t even in the operating room with me he was at home smoking crack at the time this was in 1994 he’s doing better she’s 28 but I just love your channel everything you speak about is just pure honesty and please keep it coming please !!!!! 🥰💕💕💕🙏🏾🙏🏾
Nothing wrong with being selfish and don’t let nobody tell you otherwise. It’s seems like your sister wants you to suffer because misery loves company.
I had the same at your age. It's a blessing to have a circle of friends who are similar like that. The focus, support and accountability are on another level when you're all on the same page. 🙌🏾
I'm 42 years old, and have 2 siblings; none of us have children because none of us are married. I'm proud of that. We were raised in 2 parent households and understand the importance of it. Black women, please stop having babies by men who won't even marry you.
That’s sad actually. what’s wrong with you 3 three that you can’t have a marriage although one was demonstrated for you? Half of your lives (if your lucky) is already over.
So true miss joy that people do not went to married just went sex express and no relationship the game has change big time today marriage is coming like a business which they do not went to have a family in hard times we are living in look what covid did change this generation to be a sex freaky time
thats sad.. how do you end up 42 and alone? Life is short. What are you waiting for? You could die tomorrow. Would you be happy with your life? Stop thinking you have so much time.. just move.. move! I challenge you to MOVE more aggressively in your life in all areas. Because honestly you sound like you're a slacker.
And yes, this baby mama culture trend is the absolute worst. I saw more praise for Keke Palmer over 2 months of being a baby mama, than I did for Simone Biles becoming a wife. If a change is going to happen, it needs to happen with black women saying enough of this baby mama culture.
The pregnancy lasts longer than a lot of their relationships 🤦🏾♀️ it’s always “marriage isn’t for everyone”, but somehow being a baby mama/baby daddy is 🤔
A MAN will switch up on ya azz real FAST & they get BORED fast Us Woman need to start sticking together more yo Us black woman in the community has lost their mind yo Men are Manipulative too
@@aurastarlight2821 I am not sticking by y’all with your dysfunction and your low self-esteem. I am supposed to stick by women who made bad decisions that I don’t agree with?
As a BW who grew up with an involved father , there's NO BENEFITS in being a baby mama.You're sabotaging the child/children future and are missing MANY blessings as a woman.I've witnessed TOO many fatherless black kids and the consequences are absolutely sinister and tragic.
You can’t tell black men and women this though. They think they’re ‘special’….when they’re poor, live in the ghetto, have no education, and no real intelligence. Just dysfunctional and degenerate
its not even just that but the thug loving culture as well you see the men these women like and attracted to its sad and makes the women look so nasty and less then.
Omggg I love how you said black women are being blinded by $20,000 baby showers mimicking weddings receptions and glamorization of broken homes. That was deep for me. This new wave is sick.
Indeed there was a shift in American culture, especially AA culture, where girls now go all out for their proms because for most, it will be their only "princess bride" moment in life to shine. The culture no longer shows weddings to look forward to.
My mom was a baby mama. She had 4 daughters with 3 men. She told me when I was 19yo not to give a man that wouldnt commit a baby. She'd been on 10 year relationships with men that didnt want marriage despite having kid(s) with them. I told myself it would NEVER be me. I'm not letting a man "baby mama me." I also wanted all my children with one man. I always wondered why it would be like to have a full sibling. When I was younger I would NEVER give a man with children a chance. I got my husband and we had our children together...currently pregnant with our 3rd. He's such a good husband and father, I could literally cry. I'm beyond grateful for him! Great video!❤
I’m 37 years old and when I was 27 I made the unfortunate mistake of becoming a single mother. Looking back now, I was definitely lost and need of guidance and direction. My son is 10 now and he is the only one I have. I don’t care to have anymore children. Through therapy, I’ve learned and am beginning to accept how my childhood affected me as an adult. For years, I thought something was wrong with me. Ladies, never mess with a man who has nothing to lose. Get a commitment first before procreating. It’s not hard to when you have standards, boundaries, and expectations. Love yourself more than you’ll ever love a man.
At least, you didn’t keep making the same mistakes. I know so many women that are on rinse and repeat with constantly entertaining low ranking men. Bm or wife ppl need to be cautious and vet their dating options. I also see women being pressed for the ring and tolerating all kinds of bullshit. Being a single married wife or a bm for a broken man isn’t ideal. I’m glad that you bossed up and changed directions. I would prefer to stay single and childless if that meant deal with half of what these influencers are selling as goals. NBA young boy is on his 10th baby mama and he is married. Smh 🤦♀️
Same story … I’m 38 and my daughter is 11. I have been abstaining from sex for almost 5 years until I get married. I want more children and I want to do it the right way. There are women who have multiple children by multiple men and not married, it has become the norm. I did not want to continue that cycle. Now I can teach my daughter to do better and choose wisely.
This was what I needed to hear. I try to have conversations with women in my family about this. Many young black women seek love and validation from terrible men because of what we went through growing up!
This is why I will not let society pressure me into having kids I am 34 years old and I will not subject a baby to a life that is not full if I can help it
Same. I am not willing to settle. I appreciate what i have and will travel and have fun until the right person comes along! Life is too stressful enough to get caught up with an undeserving man...
@@Bubbles-qh7ez No it doesn't. Boys start thinking sexually before girls. Girls mature mentally before boys do. Please do some research before you start typing🤦🏾♀️😒😑
They’re so slow and stupid, and wonder why society looks down on us. You should see the way white people and other races talk about us on their channels. And they’re absolutely right. Majority of black people are not intelligent and make good decisions. It’s all impulsive, feelings, and emotional. And they’ll even stand ‘10 toes down’ in their degeneracy
so why don’t black americans believe in marriage or stability then? you’d rather have a baby for ur little bf. notice in the chart the correlation between marriage and a complete family.
My veiw is this …. We were not raised to be wives and the men of our generation were not raised to be husbands. I grew up in a two parent household and still found myself in a co dependent relationship, ultimately becoming a baby momma. I was taught NOTHING about relationships or dating. Only told to stay away from boys and sex, wasn’t allowed to date until I was 18. and then when I became of age, I was winging it, figuring things out on my own, because my parents sheltered me so much that I knew NOTHING. Same for young men my age, they aren’t raised to settle down, they are in fact encouraged to do the opposite. Baby momma culture exists because we were not given the proper tools and guidance to become anything besides baby mommas and baby daddies.
I agree with this 100%. Many black parents within our community unintentionally set their children up for failure. Which is all the more reason why not having children too prematurely is so important. Many of us were forced to get out here & learn everything for ourselves; unfortunately, most often the hard way. This is one of the reasons why I created WHW, to be able to share a few gems that many of us never received. Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️
That’s me. I sat back and thought one day that wow I was told nothing about dating relationships or even what kind of man I should allow my time. I was truly winging it on my own. My mom was an excellent mom but I’m still confused on why she didn’t give me anything in that department.
@@toriyt2714 I actually asked my mom one day and she apologized and explained that she had been with my dad since highschool, she didn’t have much to give me because that’s the only man she’s been with her whole life , which I can understand to a point.
Yes maam. My daddy told me when I was a little girl that boys will tell you anything that you want to hear and then leave you pregnant, high, and dry. Then My granddaddy told me back when I was a pre-teenager that childbirth is the closest places to death that a woman can be. Both terribly frightening situations and not worth it, especially out of wedlock.
Same!!!! Father figures are so important to a young girl and the decisions she make. My uncle used to always tell me “don’t be a statistic” and he would tell me all my aunts ruined their lives by having kids as teenagers and explained why they so far behind. And it made sense. He was right and I’m glad I listened.
Girlllllll💯💯💯 I'll be 38 may 5th and still don't want children...seeing my female family members having a hard time in life raising all them kids be making me physically ill to my stomach.. It's like even with all the government assistance,section 8 houses,foodstamps,cash assistance,and child support they still be struggling😢they always need other ppl to babysit their kids just so they can have time to enjoy life..hell noooooooo...
This message will never get old! Remember ladies you will never regret not sleeping with a man but the majority of the time you will regret doing so! 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Once you sleep with the wrong one or ones you'll regret not giving the right ones the time of day. The right ones are the ones that won't beg,chase,or blow your phone up because they know what they can provide
Same. I’m 29 with no kids still not sure if I even want any. But what I know for sure is I don’t want to be a single parent. I’d want a family. It’s non negotiable. I sit here thinking like my monthly cycle be about to take me out, you think I’m going through child birth & raising kids ALONE? Chile plz. This a party for TWO!!😅🤧
Stand up ladies we are getting played out here! Seriously ladies there is no reason in 2023 to bring a child into this world just because. The only reason to have a child is as a result of a healthy, stable, loving, MARRIAGE, that’s it. If you don’t have that, it’s NOT WORTH it.
Madam they play theirselves shooting their own damn foot they rather sleep with bad guy that has no long term commitment with them but the one that do are the corny type 😆
I gave birth to my 3rd son In December I started to hemorrhage really bad right after delivery literally walking seeing blood everywhere, I’m so grateful for my husband but he was really on it when it came to the doctors. They even acknowledge how attentive he was to me. I never realized how deadly childbirth was until that moment. We’ve been married 12yrs. I see women scarifying their womb and life for me who don’t even care enough to show up in the delivery room.
Exactly! I have suffered two placenta abruptions! I wish I would bring my body through that amount of pressure for a boyfriend. Many continued blessings to you and your family! 🙌🏽
Baby momma culture is so real. The maternity photos, gender reveals, and baby shower weddings as I call them are so prevalent. It seems like being a mother is easier then a wife. Pregnancy announcements are not engagement announcements. The family setting is how a child should be raised. We have to do better for our kids. They deserve the best.
I saw a mom congratulate her knocked up 15 year old daughter and post it all over social media ..I’m like it just shows as a mother ( and father) you failed your daughter ….. what mother celebrates her daughter coming home pregnant at the age 15? Smh
Me working in labor and delivery I can agree this is 1000% the truth black American women allow this game to be played on them. Other races and cultures don’t play this. It’s rare I see any other race coming in as a single mother. We have to stop this madness!
I agree with what you're saying. However, many other races, especially white women, are quick to get abortions. Most of the time their parents allow them to get it...
The countries with the highest percentage of kids born out of wedlock are in Europe. In Iceland, they call it "independent motherhood". Maybe it's different for them because they are usually in a committed relationship, but it's still a bit unfair that black single mothers are always the poster people for the "baby mama culture."
The thing is Black women don’t frame having a baby as having “a man’s” child and sacrificing yourself to birth a man’s seed. It’s usually framed as she’s having “her” baby and children are a blessing. When talking to young Black women we have to keep this mind and give them the different perspectives.
Phew! This video game and snatched me up! As a single 26 year old black woman with no children, I’m just going to make sure I focus on supporting myself. My womb must be protected at ALL costs and I cannot gamble with my future unless a man has proven himself. Baby mama culture is sooo damaging for black women.
I came to the realization that some Black women don’t understand that if you’re unmarried, you’re a single mother the minute that baby is born. This whole “we planned a baby together” BS gotta STOP. If he wants a baby then he gotta get down on one knee and propose. That is the first step in creating a family. The union of the man and woman, not the baby.
They say they were ‘tricked ‘. Tricked by illiterate ninjas with low IQ’s, who can’t even form a sentence?!? The men and women of the community just disgust me so much, smh
If a man doesn't give his own child his last name because he doesn't like you, prepare to do this alone. Something is seriously wrong with those women that they allow a man to treat them like garbage.
So, if a couple lives together and raises a child together but aren’t married the mother is a single mom? That’s not how that works. Your only a single parent if the other parent doesn’t help raise the child. It’s not about marriage.
@@reeahgirl That is how it works. If there are not any legal documents saying you are married to that person, but you have a child, then you are a single mother playing house with someone who doesn't care enough to marry you.
Their go to argument is that "most women are miserable in their marriage" and I call it A LIE. Why do we see that much bad testimonies about marriages ? Because happy people don't make noises. They're happy and they're lowkey. The people who are complaining about marriage are either: - people who didn't vet their partner CORRECTLY - people who married for the bad reasons - people who fell victims and were deceived despite doing everything right. The problem is that people think only love is enough. It's not, never was, never will. Spirituality, respect, common goals and ambitions are necessary. Simple as that. It is incredibly SELFISH and IRRESPONSIBLE to bring a child in this world when you're still figuring out shit your self. There are people for who, it worked out. They're not even 5%. A man is capable to tell you that he wants you to have his baby so that y'all can do it raw. Biologically talking, if a man doesn't love you, he will see the baby as a direct threat because he can no longer has access to you the way he want to. Ence why you see a drastic change in behavior and even DV. Look up to statistic DV against pregnant women, all races included. Your heat will sank. Be careful ladies 🙏🏽
That’s so true! We know marriages aren’t perfect but to compare being married and unhappy to being used up while being single makes no sense! If you are against marriage at least withhold the marriage benefits like sex if men make women so miserable, them benefiting off your bitter view of love does not benefit you !
This whole thing called vetting is rubbish. But marriage doesnt benefit blackwomen especially but benefits blackmen the most but they shit on marriage and marry the least.
This is very true as a man that got my child’s mom pregnant at 21 I was saying what ever and doing what ever to get that box 8 years later I’m on child support and had to get a lawyer to get joint custody Ladies don’t let any dude in your special place it has consequences
I’m pregnant now with me and my husbands second child. I’m so blessed to have one of the few black men who truly is a great father and husband. He has literally waited on me hand and foot during this pregnancy bc let’s face it pregnancy is hard no matter the situation! I’m so sad to see so many of my sisters out here getting treated like yesterdays garbage by these men while risking their lives carrying their children. And dealing with all the other anxieties and stress that come with pregnancy. I want so much better for these girls smh
Me n my husband almost divorced after we had our first baby. I didnt want a divorce but he did. God did a miracle because he changed his heart n mind an we are still togethhrr
Yes ma’am! I’m pregnant with our first and well taken care of. My husband worked throughout me going to law school, taking the bar and told me I didn’t have to do a thing but grow our baby and focus on my exam. We invest in each together so the return is great but the love is greater.
Mam you sound like a robot. The few black men. If you dont stop spreading propaganda to make yaself look better. Everyblack man i know twke care ofcthey kids. Stop the cap.
I have to be honest, my dad wasn't around. By the time I turned 25 a spiritual father entered my life and changed my aspect. He and his wife have been married for over 45 years and when I saw how they embraced me I was flabbergasted and vowed to marry a good man, I did. I grew up with a great mom that gave me the BEST example that she could, but that father made a HUGE difference.
My thing is it has become publicly acceptable to have children and not be married. The baby showers, the pregnancy photos, and gender reveals are more glamorous than ever! It’s quite ridiculous ! And majority of these women get pregnant within a few months of knowing these men. The pictures on social media are making these women believe this is ok. And if you tell them otherwise they become extremely upset.
AND THEY LOOK AT ME CRAZY BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF AND I HAVE SELF LOVE AND SELF WORTH😍😍😍💅💅💅💅AND I'M GOING TO CONTINUE DOING SO UNTIL GOD SENDS ME THAT MAN
My sister told me with tears in her eyes to have a child EVEN if the man did NOT want the baby. I cut her off soon after‼️ It’s been 2 years no contact. I’m 38 & still child free. I want to be a mother but I refuse for my child to go through what I went through growing up w/o a father. Prayers to everyone ❤️
@@mochabrown4447 MOCHA SAME HERE BABES LIKE BISH I'M DEFINITELY NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING ESPECIALLY SEEING WHAT THE MAJORITY OF THESE WOMEN ARE GOING THROUGH...
A man literally has a better chance at getting a dog pregnant than he does getting me pregnant. No marriage no carry. And if I think I have to do all work we won’t be having kids. My best friend is the same way. It’s literally a choice to be in this situation so enjoy your decisions. It’s your life 🤗
I'm a virgin and proud of it. Everybody expects me to have a boyfriend but I want a husband. And if I can't see myself being satisfied for my entire life, I won't go through with it. I always had higher expectations for myself. And I won't lay them down for anyone. God bless you❤
We should not be having sex before marriage, period! Once you stand on this you will see all the time wasters fall away. We deserve happiness, we deserve stability and we deserve good men to help us raise our children.
@@aurastarlight2821 but she thinks she is. All of her comments are degrading and demeaning everyone else. signs of a miserable person with a miserable life.
As a single mother I completely agree with this message. I had my child super early in life at 21. I went through a weird stage in life during college and I feel prey to a dumbass. I convinced myself that I was only good enough for him. I get pregnant and I got instantly dropped. I was played to the fullest but I allowed the BS! Then I have the baby with no fucking idea what is to be a mother. I’m a product of the single mother so I was use to the chaos and stupidity. My advice to young girls like myself. USE PROTECTION! Carry them on you. Don’t skip the birth control and don’t allow no fool to trick you out of your LIFE! When you have a child young your youth slips away from you. All your energy is put into your child. Don’t waste the best years of your life for noobdy!!!! I wish society stop glamorizing single motherhood cause it’s not fun at all. Kids are expensive AF!!! I can’t stress this enough just chill ladies lay back and ask yourself what is going on with me to want to have a baby with this guy? Is this man fit to lead a child? Be a good parent ?Be honest with yourself ALWAYS ladies its soo important! Even though I have a kid I’m still going strong. I cleaned myself up alot. But it took accountability. I had to check myself and my ego! Definitely not having more kids..I know my comment is everywhere but this is my reality. I wish I ran into videos like these sooner, but atleast I have these videos to show my daughter while I teach her as well. We are NOT repeating this single motherhood BS! It’s definitely not for the weak or the strong. Move smarter ladies ❤ Thank you Wildheart! Stop disappearing so often 😂
Honestly lol I can say that, I wish I seen these videos before I decided to sacrifice and have a son anyways. I didn’t truly know why I was stepping into, my mother warned me but didn’t fully explain the sacrifices.
I respect your testimony! A lot of single mothers nowadays know that their situation with raising children is more stressful than anything but will look you in the face and their own and just LIE!!!
@BreeziDeezie I agree 💯 the elaborate baby showers have taken the place of weddings. Maybe deep down inside many of these women know these men probably won't marry them.
@@melissagreye8445 these women could’ve been working on themselves. They could’ve pursued careers, other hobbies, been better friends etc but they wanted to get attention and thought they would’ve changed him.
@@indigoGoddess7 - but we know that education is very much looked down upon by many in the black community. They're quick to call us bougie and tell us that our degrees mean nothing.
You said a word when you compared these gender reveals to wedding receptions! It’s like they know they’re not getting the wedding so they’ll go BIG for the gender reveal. It’s all cutesy until the reality of having a live defenseless human to take care of no matter what.
That's why I'm soooo thankful to be a 24 year old and childless woman. I will never understand why black women accept the baby mama role. If a man isn't my husband, why should I bless him with a child? Black women do better. Stop giving just any men a baby.
SDNEY SPEAKKKK FACTS GIRL I SAY THIS ALL OF THE TIME IF A MAN ISN'T MY HUSBAND HE SHOULDN'T BE LIVING IN MY HOME LET ALONE HE SHOULDN'T HAVE MY WOMB AT ALL AND I LOVE HAVING BOUNDARIES AND STANDARDS❤❤❤
I'm a single mom and I don't recall giving a man a baby. I remember having one, giving that child my last name and allowing her father to be part of her life. Giving a man a baby? Nah girl. Lol
I’m turning 20 in a few days and my friend and I are both virgins and we are saving ourselves for marriage. Most people in our generation from 14-25 have normalized having sneaky links and having sex. I just don’t understand why people aren’t treating their bodies like temples and just allowing anyone in. It’s crazy out here, social media and rappers are promoting this low vibrational behavior and it’s sad.
Being a BM who married my wife at 26 (our 11th year anniversary is in August) and had our son a year later, I want to say - ladies do not be in a rush to have a baby! Also, years ago my wife explicitly said to me “if we ever brake up, I’m not having anymore children! I only want kids with one man” - I respected it then and I respect that now! What happened to that mentality?! Also ladies, don’t let yourself get suckered/pressured into becoming a baby mama by other women! Some will sabotage your situation if you let them! Watch out for all females that display ‘baby mama encouragement’ vibes! This includes: Your friends Your co-workers Your family members ESPECIALLY if you have a good man who treats you well! He doesn’t even have to be ‘good looking’ Be cautious, beware and be careful ladies! And for goodness sake, DO NOT BE IN A RUSH TO HAVE A CHILD!
Having money doesn't make up for an absent father. Im tired of the girl boss ladies with seven degrees having a baby like its a part of some checklist and not the livelihood of a human being . Praying for change.
Baby momma culture is the result of bad parenting. If my mother and family were not narcissists, I know things would have been different for me. Many women who fall prey to these types of men are women who seek love from all the wrong places because they are not getting love at home with their families. I never got love at home. Instead, I got ridiculed and judged and looked down and sabotaged and rejected and abused, and this is what set me into a cycle of depression and desperately looking for love even if it came from men who didn't care about me. This is why I am determined to live and love my daughter and put her in a situation where she will love herself and value herself so she doesn't seek it from men.
Baby mama culture started from slavery and war. It was when they stripped men from there families and women had to care for the family by herself. It started with government welfare culture from the 1970's until 90's. It was convienent back in the day but now it's unacceptable.
Most women who fall into these predicaments or fall for men like so, come from broken families and are searching for love. You don’t see young men searching for love, why?
@@aaliyahbush4609 The way black boys are raised is very different from how black girls are raised that’s why. Black boys are praised for having multiple women and dogging them out, black boys are told “your young” have fun with woman for as long as you can.
A teacher can get permission from the principal or supervisor to play it in class when teaching them about sex. Sex education for me was taught in 5th grade
The government wouldn't dear do that show this in schools it's not their agenda to heal the black homes this goes back to slavery days .... you have to understand luv they want the broken homes so the black children have no guidance and end up in jail they make billionaire of dollars .then they have you on child support it's just a repeating cycle that's why it's important for us to learn this & break the Generational cruse
@Kayshawn Simmons it's not the public schools it's the government they the one that controls everything they rather have ya kid in school being thought it's okay to be a different gender & you can consent to sex
I’m so happy that I’m focused on buying a car in CASH, buying a home, and finding a new career than having uncomfortable lackluster casual sex with these stupid dusties. Been abstinent for almost 3 yard and don’t plan on ever having sex again until a man commits 🤷🏾♀️
Exactly celibacy=boycotting the way I see it is like a reward/treat for them once they have it they don’t want it and if u think a baby will change their mind girl u are fooling yourself they would actually leave quicker
Thank you for speaking on this! I’m 28 & will NEVER succumb to the baby mama culture. We’ve seen this over & over in our community. We should know better by now.
My mom had 3 girls , me include. Her first children was at 14, she got pregnant at 13. She was a baby mother for all of us. She has nothing to show for any of the relationship no money , no ring just a life that seems to be full of hardship that I was partially raised in when I met her at 10 yrs old. I want more for black women!
AND PEOPLE LOOK AT ME CRAZY BECAUSE I'M NOT HARD UP FOR NO MAN TO LIVE WITH ME.... HAVE SEX WITH ME... BABY YOU CAN'T STAY HERE YOU'RE NOT MY HUSBAND!!!!!!....
I agree with you. I believe people say that marriage doesn’t always work out as an excuse to exhibit poor behavior because sex is so accessible and mostly everyone has the “everyone else is doing it” mindset
This is the first time I comment on your videos. I am African, 21 yo and Muslim. Aside from religious and cultural reasons, at 15 yo I decided to wait til marriage to have sex. I value way to much my body to give it to someone who is not my husband. I know that some of y’all don’t like marriages at all, but giving a man a child is the highest honour for a man. Therefore, before giving the “cookie” think “is he worthy of my body?”. Babymamahood is detrimental for both women and men, and especially kids. It’s wack.
Same🤝 As an eldest African daughter in my family from South Africa, raised in a two parent household where both parents have their Masters and have continuously taught me or warned about the dangers and cons of dating and having sexual relations before having "Knowing myself and loving myself" could lead to stupid decisions that I won't be able to take back.
I applaud 👏🏾 you for remaining abstinent until marriage 🫡… ONLY … if life was that simple 🥀 marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness and some women end up being killed by the same man they married! Just try to be smart about all decisions you make in life! I don’t like it when people compare their lives to other people’s ❗️
I agree. I was raised with both parents. As a teen, I had Turkish friends from a muslim background who always spoke about waiting til marriage & I admired it. I became a christian in my late teen years & chose to wait until marriage. I'm so glad I did. If a man can't commit to making himself my husband, I will not commit to making him a father. He won't get to access husband privileges and benefits without executing the role
This video was so worth the wait. I know someone personally who told me she plans to have a child, and marriage isn't really a big deal for her. And she is very much a grown woman in her 30s. I just don't ge the allure of having a broken home. I grew up in one, and it's overrated. I guess these women feel like because they have money and status, it doesn't matter, but it does. For the young girls watching, Marry before you carry beloved. And if someone shames you for wanting that, get away from them. Period.
This was actually me!!!! Since having a child my perspective changed completely. Tbh I think I would still be operating under broken consciousness if I didn’t have my daughter. Definitely not planning on having another without the commitment first.
I don’t think it’s necessary to be married before having children. However, it is important to find a trustworthy partner/be financially stable. Some people just see marriage as a piece of paper and don’t want contracts through the government. 🤷🏾♀️
Therefore, some men will complain that the women who expose and accuse them of abuse, are being overdramatic and "villainous". Hypocrisy at it's finest.
I'm white... obviously... but i wanted to let you know that i appreciate your video because in the home town I'm from single mothers... teen moms and multiple baby daddies are rampant and it is truly sad that the cycles continue. I grew up in a small south tx town and i appreciate your video.
Growing up I wasn’t allowed to even go to my friends baby parties until I got my own place and moved out 😂. My dad didn’t play. He don’t beg for grandkids like these new grandparents lol
@@thewordsmith5440 I couldn’t leave the house without him knowing where I was going, I had curfews, and he would want to talk to the parents of the people I was hanging with
@@AG-hc1sw but what if you were 18,19 or even 20 still living with your parents but going to your friend baby shower? I wasn’t allowed to go to any baby showers when I was under 18 but once I turned 18 it was my choice
My mom followed this logic. She waited, got married, and had all 4 of her children with her HUSBAND. My dad was abusive, mentally and physically. He was a great provider, I’ll give him that. But our household was even more toxic than ppl I know that grew up with single parents. The problem is deeper than just “choosing better.” Women are being shamed and NOBODY is holding men accountable! NOBODY!! U can choose better all day long, ur outcome will vibrate similarly to that relationship with your own father….in most cases, that’s choosing a man that will abandon u, period! Until we get better outcomes from our MEN, none of this matters. I work in corporate America. All the “successful” black men there are weak, cheaters, and a dressed up version of what’s on the streets, hiding behind a facade. I want us to pause from the “baby mama” argument and focus on absent fathers.
I agree with this take sm. The comments were a little disheartening, reading all the people shaming BM and using it as an excuse to downplay black people as if the color of our skin has anything to do with our dating habits. I truly believe we see so many single mothers bc of poverty in our communities. It’s a lot easier to support a child and stick around when you have the financial means to do so. Is that an excuse to abandon your child? Of course not. But it’s like we have to dig deeper instead of just assuming most black men are trash or all BM are shameful.
You're talking about something entirely different than a careless person. An abusive man is an abusive man. This logic applies to all races/economic class of men. You are correct. Men are not held accountable because even if they were they won't listen. Low vibrational Women also enable/coddle these men to no end. When vetting someone to marry/carry with, there are always little tells beforehand.
@@ServantofAnubis007 Yea, but if you don't know what to look for (bcuz u had an absent father yourself) you'll still get it wrong, or get deceived. My point is that u can follow all this logic to the T but in the black community, there still exists unhealed trauma in too many of us bcuz the man was not around. No matter which way u wanna flip it, it points back to the MEN leaving the women behind. I have seen COUNTLESS videos, opinions, etc blasting single mothers. I literally NEVER see the same smoke for absent fathers.
@@higherrealms5309 these people expect vulnerable women to be expert level FBI agents....shit even the FBI get it wrong sometimes. Black people hate black women it's a shame
I’m white but grew up with my brother and my single mom who worked a lot raised us. My dad left when I was 3 bc he was on drugs. Not having a second parent really affected me
I take full accountability for becoming a mother out of wedlock. Thank God I had already finished college and was in my career. I was able to financially provide with no worries. It was hard emotionally and mentally when she was a newborn. I am married now and my husband loves her as his own. It is still hard to watch her emotionally process having to leave me to spend time with her biological father or leaving him to return to me. Children have an innate sense that they belong with both their biological mother and father. It’s an incredible thing but sad when the biological parents are not together. Young ladies, please please please wait until you are married. 💛
One promise that I’ve made to myself is that I’ll never let a man “BABY MOMMA “ me . I know marriage isn’t always guarantees a great relationship/father but it a risk I’m willing to take . I rather be known as an ex wife than someone’s baby momma. 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
ABSOLUTELY I'M 33 AND IT'S RIDICULOUS AT HOW MANY WOMEN AIM TO BE A BABY MAMA ... NOBODY HAS PROVED TO ME THAT THEY'RE WORTHY AT ALL FOR ME TO EVEN GIVE MY WOMB TO.... THAT'S ALL THAT YOU SEE NOWADAYS.... SHACKING UP PLAYING HOUSE... NO COMMITMENT WHATSOEVER
I deeply believe this all stems from us as women not forcing ourselves to notice red flags. No one becomes a single mother by genuine surprise (unless one parent dies ofc). People ride the relationship until the wheels fall off, and then wonder how they ended up where they did… I’ve literally been there, but something in my soul KNEW that this was not the person whom I was meant to start a family with. That’s where I had to draw the line and finally end it for good. I love my unborn children too much to put some “good chemistry” above their peace and stability. Period.
Discipline!! Discernment!! Self worth!! I watched so many struggle and they knew it would be a struggle from day 1!! Stop creating broken homes!! Kids don't deserve this!! Do better for the next generation even if no one did it for you!!
During the holiday season of 2021 I was engaged and planning my wedding with my spouse and currently introducing him to my godmother who I had not seen in years. This is a black woman who was a young single mother who helped my mother raise myself and my sister to be smart independent young women and to “keep our legs closed”. We were all playing a form of table topics with another guest of hers who is a teenager saying she wants to have a baby right now. The topic of choosing to have a baby out of wedlock came up and when they asked my opinion I said, “I will never allow someone that kind of access to my womb unless we’re married and I can trust that a child is what they truly want.” My godmother and everyone else looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. The same woman who said don’t do what I did a decade ago looked at me like I was an idiot. WEIRD.😅
If a men has giving you a ring and isn't providing for you why have his babies? Only give babies to a men who is your husband and is theire for you providing for you and caring for you. If he is not doing these things, throw his ass away and get you a new men.
Unfortunately, the same ones throwing lavish baby showers and extravagant prom photo-ops are the same ones who have no clue about actually investing the money they make so that those kids inherit wealth. It's sad seeing this behavior normalized in your community while other groups of people make an effort to ensure they children are set up for success.
Set your standards ladies. The right man will indeed meet them! He will wait, he will marry you if that's your standard. Firm boundaries set you up to win! Marry before you carry!👆🏽
Madam, this video was fantastic. I am a black man who is not American and one sad thing I usually hear and assume is how most discussion on the issue of out-of-wedlock births never actually focus on personal accountability of women and men or on the cultural reasons why it has become a problem. Your video actually did all this. You not only call out the men and women who contribute to this issue but you also address teh social and cultural reasons why it exists. Amazing! I hope more people in black America hear your message and make changes.
A lot of women that I meet, tell me that they wish they would of gotten married before having children. They say that for a reason! Marry before you carry. Luckily, I grew in an incredibly loving two parent household so I already knew that having children before marriage was and still is out of the question. We have to stop dismissing marriage as antiquated! Studies prove that children typical do better in two parent households.
Yet people in the Black community see the BW luxury movement as toxic 🤦🏿♀️ no it’s a matter of enjoying life & thriving as as a BW sees fit without suffering via a baby daddy or having kids
I agree. I was surprised at the push back towards the black women deserve luxury movement. It's baby mama culture which is toxic and has put millions upon millions of black women in emotional, stressful and financial/poverty struggles.
This is also the case with the black femininity movement. Everyone nit picks all of the surface things about it but at the core, it's about being confident, being soft (instead of hard and abrasive), emotional intelligence and taking time to care for and be in touch with yourself. I'm not understanding why that would make other black people mad.
It's sad that we are solely holding the black women accountable for becoming baby mamas because of lack of education or poor choice in partner but we are not looking at the men (primarily black) who take advantage of women and leave them after getting them pregnant
Bc women are the one with the womb sis. You opened up your womb and let a dude in it. As a kid women was told to keep their legs closed for a reason. To not be fast or hot in the a** for a reason. Not to protect men but to protect your womb. Because it's sacred and you shouldn't be opening it up unless you want to get pregnant.
I think responsibility goes both ways. But the many examples she given there were red flags in these men and women still chose to go with them. There are many men who need to grow up and women to🤷🏽♀️.
I find single parenthood VERY self-sabotaging, and extremely counterproductive to our communities health, growth, & success! Is it not enough as black women that we are already fighting for our lives against everyone in society, our conditioning, and trauma. Yet, we’re still adding unnecessary stress, chaos, & strife to our lives. We don’t do anything else alone, but have some way some how convinced women that single parenthood is the way to go. 🤯 We don’t go to school alone, we don’t live alone, we don’t work alone, we don’t grow-up alone, we don’t learn alone, but we can parent alone?! How Sway?! 🤷🏾♀️ One parent, whether healthy or not cannot sustain a child alone! You can be the best single parent in the world, and the child would still be lacking something - as will you. Just because you can, or other women have & survived doing it, doesn’t make it normal or better. Single parenthood is traumatizing to the parent, and the child; and if shit goes wrong that child will grow up to traumatize others. This is not to say the same can’t happen with any other circumstances, but it’s less likely. Give your child a chance, if you won’t give yourself one. If I can’t conceive a child on my own, why am I expected to raise one on my own?! Ladies, we have to wake up and accept accountability & responsibility for our decisions. I think one of the reasons women haven’t been doing so is because no one’s tells us our power is internal, it’s naturally built-in. If they told us, they wouldn’t be able to use and abuse us. They want you to believe your power is outside of you, because then you will wait for someone to tell you how, why, & when to use it. This is why the government has gone after our reproductive rights! WE CONTROL OUR LIVES, OUR WOMBS, & OUR WORLD! If you are not safe, loved, cared for, respected, protected, invested in, & revered by a man for bringing life, YOU SHOULD NOT BE PREGNANT! Godspeed to us all! 🖤
Thank you! What is wrong with Black American women who believe their ONLY destiny in life is to become a single baby mama without the benefit of marriage! I cannot believe Black American children born to a single Black American woman has reached 77%. These children don’t stand a real chance in life. The generational cycle of poverty, stress, and strife continues! It’s just sad and sickening 🤮.
This is so scary. I have a 15-year-old daughter. And I’m a single mom. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes myself. My dad only know. I have to talk to her all the time about stuff like this.
Please if you are over 30 single no children take your time and wait until you are happily married. This video was good I grew up in a two parent household but my mom was a BM before she married my dad. I wanted to be married but one day carelessly didn’t use protection and of course wasn’t on birth control so I become pregnant, currently pregnant with my first so this video kind of hit me lol I felt attacked but needed that. I sure won’t make this mistake again.
I’m 35 just had my first child with my husband. I was born as a mistake to a 17 yr old mom and I didn’t want to repeat my moms mistakes. I wish black women would cherish their wombs!
both of my older sisters got pregnant at around 16. People said I would do it and now here I am 27 engaged and recognizing that I am so young. I still have plenty of time to have children. No one will be rushing me.
Geez. Are we tired of LOSING yet!! Women control who gets born. It’s on us, having kids for non-husbands- these kids don’t just appear on doorsteps or “happen to us.” Simple logic would suggest single motherhood is a bad idea, just looking at the cost and logistics alone. Other cultures must be convinced we lack standards and intelligence altogether.
Amen! Please let BW learn! I pray that many young girls see this video and heed this message. We are so much more than our wombs and bodies. We deserve love, respect, and to raise children in safe, double parent homes!
Thankyou for the support 🙏🏽 I chose family and love and didn’t know it would result in being a single mother I feel like this video doesn’t really acknowledge how some men really be manipulating tf out these women and the whole “glamorizing” from baby showers is actually mostly support from family and friends celebrating a life 🤷🏽♀️
I became a single mother in my 30s and would never do this again!!! I was soo against having an abortion but single motherhood is hard. I’ve learned this lesson and if anything having my daughter helped me to break a cycle of accepting and allowing toxic relationships with men to continue. It’s almost like as soon as I had my child, I realised the reason why marriage is important. I’ve been using this time to heal and get to the root of it. I even think I manifested it as this is all I saw growing up. Ladies, value your single season and continue to grow and heal during that time. I really believe this will help you to attract someone with the same high vibrational qualities.
True I’m in the same situation I have 1 child I’m never having onother one unless I’m happily married, learned my lesson ladies please listen don’t allow societal pressure and temporal feelings to lead you to single motherhood it’s hard
@@pileshongwe7827 I agree. I don’t want to block my blessings and say that I would never have children again. Just want to wait until marriage and I’m in a healthy, loving and committed relationship.
Also, I see a lot of blame from women towards single mothers. However what we actually need is to be heavily involved in both boys and girls, really teaching them the value of marriage and relationships. This has to start young and continue in their teenage years. They will hopefully grow up with such a high value for these things that they won’t go down the same path. This is not going to be taught in schools. We need to be the change and start having these conversations.
I was raised by a single mom(still am even though I’m 23 going through college). I’m a first gen student as well and about to hopefully graduate debt free with two bachelors degrees. My mom has taught me so many things, but two things she always tells me is to get my education and don’t become a single mom if you can help it. It’s a lot raising kids and raising them on your own is harder.
Women can’t just jump on any sexual opportunity because the repercussions & the risks that we take with the wrong man sexually should not be taken lightly.
I was at the salon earlier today, watching your old videos under the dryer, wondering where you were. Glad to see you back dear.
.
@@warriorhippie perfect timing! Thank you for your support. 💜✨
@@warriorhippie I said the same thing like we have she been it’s been a couple of months I love this channel she speaks nothing but the truth 🥰🥰
Girl you speak nothing but facts I’m 56 years old I had my daughter when I was 27 my daughter‘s father wasn’t even in the operating room with me he was at home smoking crack at the time this was in 1994 he’s doing better she’s 28 but I just love your channel everything you speak about is just pure honesty and please keep it coming please !!!!! 🥰💕💕💕🙏🏾🙏🏾
I’m 29 with no kids and I still get bashed by my big sis who has 5 kids. She says I’m “selfish,” but the truth is I don’t want her situation.
Nothing wrong with being selfish and don’t let nobody tell you otherwise. It’s seems like your sister wants you to suffer because misery loves company.
I dont understand how NOT having kids makes you selfish
You are not selfish your sister is just upset you are not suffering and not miserable like she is and she hates you are free to do as you please
She wants you to suffer along with her
@@rynelic Right, I never understood that.
23 still a virgin and so are the rest of my friends, none of us are in any rush and we’re trying to secure these careers and rings before having kids
Wise decisions, you and your friends are doing good
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I had the same at your age. It's a blessing to have a circle of friends who are similar like that. The focus, support and accountability are on another level when you're all on the same page. 🙌🏾
Period
I’m 23 and Virgin too!! I agree with everything you said
Right! I’m so glad you and your friends are INTELLIGENT!!!😊
I'm 42 years old, and have 2 siblings; none of us have children because none of us are married. I'm proud of that. We were raised in 2 parent households and understand the importance of it. Black women, please stop having babies by men who won't even marry you.
Factsssss about that before of the words u say to a woman it could affect u and the woman
That’s sad actually. what’s wrong with you 3 three that you can’t have a marriage although one was demonstrated for you? Half of your lives (if your lucky) is already over.
So true miss joy that people do not went to married just went sex express and no relationship the game has change big time today marriage is coming like a business which they do not went to have a family in hard times we are living in look what covid did change this generation to be a sex freaky time
thats sad.. how do you end up 42 and alone? Life is short. What are you waiting for? You could die tomorrow. Would you be happy with your life? Stop thinking you have so much time.. just move.. move! I challenge you to MOVE more aggressively in your life in all areas. Because honestly you sound like you're a slacker.
My sister and I are single and don't have any kids. I'm good ❤
And yes, this baby mama culture trend is the absolute worst. I saw more praise for Keke Palmer over 2 months of being a baby mama, than I did for Simone Biles becoming a wife.
If a change is going to happen, it needs to happen with black women saying enough of this baby mama culture.
Facts
Yes
Wow truth
PREACH! YOU TOLD A BIG TRUTH! THE WOMEN BASHING SIMONE ARE JEALOUS BITTER BABY MOMS IM SURE!
@Lu Reneé The Bitter Brigade
The pregnancy lasts longer than a lot of their relationships 🤦🏾♀️ it’s always “marriage isn’t for everyone”, but somehow being a baby mama/baby daddy is 🤔
A MAN will switch up on ya azz real FAST & they get BORED fast
Us Woman need to start sticking together more yo
Us black woman in the community has lost their mind yo
Men are Manipulative too
@@aurastarlight2821 I am not sticking by y’all with your dysfunction and your low self-esteem. I am supposed to stick by women who made bad decisions that I don’t agree with?
Exactly because of marriage isn't for you, then the commitment of a child definitely isn't either !
@@emajjamariethen stop fucking around and find a good woman?
True this is harsh but the truth
Men show you how they feel about you by their actions, not by their words… ladies please pay attention.
Facts
FACTS!!! Anybody👏can👏 talk👏 but will there be 🗣️ACTION!
💯
Thank you
This part 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
As a BW who grew up with an involved father , there's NO BENEFITS in being a baby mama.You're sabotaging the child/children future and are missing MANY blessings as a woman.I've witnessed TOO many fatherless black kids and the consequences are absolutely sinister and tragic.
You can’t tell black men and women this though. They think they’re ‘special’….when they’re poor, live in the ghetto, have no education, and no real intelligence. Just dysfunctional and degenerate
The mindsets of children who grow up without fathers is just….as you said, tragic.
Yes my father and grandfather were men who were around their children so I refused to be a baby mama.
I totally agree ! Im 29 married and no children yet. Stability and structure only for my future babies 🥹🤍
its not even just that but the thug loving culture as well you see the men these women like and attracted to its sad and makes the women look so nasty and less then.
Omggg I love how you said black women are being blinded by $20,000 baby showers mimicking weddings receptions and glamorization of broken homes. That was deep for me. This new wave is sick.
Indeed there was a shift in American culture, especially AA culture, where girls now go all out for their proms because for most, it will be their only "princess bride" moment in life to shine. The culture no longer shows weddings to look forward to.
ANGEL VERY SICK IF A MAN THINKS A WOMAN IS GOOD ENOUGH TO SHACK UP WITH WELL SHE SHOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR A RING....
@@meka8953 yup agreed!
@@duchesseebene1273 agree
This is the very reason I didn’t do a gender reveal. It’s a waste of money!
“Wedding Style Photoshoots without a Marriage insight” LMAOOOO OH MY GOD SMH 😫
STEPHANIE THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH😹😹😹😹
they wedding is a scam too..90% of men dont honor marriage
My mom was a baby mama. She had 4 daughters with 3 men. She told me when I was 19yo not to give a man that wouldnt commit a baby. She'd been on 10 year relationships with men that didnt want marriage despite having kid(s) with them. I told myself it would NEVER be me. I'm not letting a man "baby mama me." I also wanted all my children with one man. I always wondered why it would be like to have a full sibling. When I was younger I would NEVER give a man with children a chance. I got my husband and we had our children together...currently pregnant with our 3rd. He's such a good husband and father, I could literally cry. I'm beyond grateful for him!
Great video!❤
Such a blessing! Thank you for sharing. 💕✨
God bless your marriage and congratulations on your 3 child ❤
@@keyahninaylor4974 Thank you!❤
Happy for you girl! And you know you deserve it
Your mom sounds like my mom.
I’m 37 years old and when I was 27 I made the unfortunate mistake of becoming a single mother. Looking back now, I was definitely lost and need of guidance and direction. My son is 10 now and he is the only one I have. I don’t care to have anymore children. Through therapy, I’ve learned and am beginning to accept how my childhood affected me as an adult. For years, I thought something was wrong with me. Ladies, never mess with a man who has nothing to lose. Get a commitment first before procreating. It’s not hard to when you have standards, boundaries, and expectations. Love yourself more than you’ll ever love a man.
At least, you didn’t keep making the same mistakes. I know so many women that are on rinse and repeat with constantly entertaining low ranking men. Bm or wife ppl need to be cautious and vet their dating options. I also see women being pressed for the ring and tolerating all kinds of bullshit. Being a single married wife or a bm for a broken man isn’t ideal. I’m glad that you bossed up and changed directions. I would prefer to stay single and childless if that meant deal with half of what these influencers are selling as goals. NBA young boy is on his 10th baby mama and he is married. Smh 🤦♀️
Love this, thank you for sharing 🫶🏾👏🏾
Same story … I’m 38 and my daughter is 11. I have been abstaining from sex for almost 5 years until I get married. I want more children and I want to do it the right way. There are women who have multiple children by multiple men and not married, it has become the norm. I did not want to continue that cycle. Now I can teach my daughter to do better and choose wisely.
This was what I needed to hear. I try to have conversations with women in my family about this. Many young black women seek love and validation from terrible men because of what we went through growing up!
Wow smh 🙄 did he say he didn't want the baby?🤦♀️
This is why I will not let society pressure me into having kids I am 34 years old and I will not subject a baby to a life that is not full if I can help it
All of this!!!!! Yes!!! 🙌🏾✨💕
Same. I am not willing to settle. I appreciate what i have and will travel and have fun until the right person comes along! Life is too stressful enough to get caught up with an undeserving man...
Yes. Same here!
Same! I’m 35 and my standards are high for whomever I choose to enter into marriage and motherhood with.
🗣️ Same!
There’s nothing wrong with getting to know someone while keeping your legs closed , our community is to hyper sexual no shade
I Agree and it starts with the men/boys
Factsssssssss
@@kayshawnsimmons5585 it starts with both men and women....
@@Bubbles-qh7ez No it doesn't. Boys start thinking sexually before girls. Girls mature mentally before boys do. Please do some research before you start typing🤦🏾♀️😒😑
@@kayshawnsimmons5585 no it don’t dumb ah ho
Marriage may not be for everyone, but being a willfully participant In creating broken homes is somehow okay?
Right‼️🎯
They’re so slow and stupid, and wonder why society looks down on us. You should see the way white people and other races talk about us on their channels. And they’re absolutely right. Majority of black people are not intelligent and make good decisions. It’s all impulsive, feelings, and emotional. And they’ll even stand ‘10 toes down’ in their degeneracy
so why don’t black americans believe in marriage or stability then? you’d rather have a baby for ur little bf. notice in the chart the correlation between marriage and a complete family.
🛎🛎🛎
Being married does not mean you will be forever
No Ring No Legs Open. I won't have kids out of wedlock. My national anthem for relationships.
My veiw is this …. We were not raised to be wives and the men of our generation were not raised to be husbands. I grew up in a two parent household and still found myself in a co dependent relationship, ultimately becoming a baby momma. I was taught NOTHING about relationships or dating. Only told to stay away from boys and sex, wasn’t allowed to date until I was 18. and then when I became of age, I was winging it, figuring things out on my own, because my parents sheltered me so much that I knew NOTHING. Same for young men my age, they aren’t raised to settle down, they are in fact encouraged to do the opposite. Baby momma culture exists because we were not given the proper tools and guidance to become anything besides baby mommas and baby daddies.
I agree with this 100%. Many black parents within our community unintentionally set their children up for failure. Which is all the more reason why not having children too prematurely is so important. Many of us were forced to get out here & learn everything for ourselves; unfortunately, most often the hard way. This is one of the reasons why I created WHW, to be able to share a few gems that many of us never received. Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️
That’s me. I sat back and thought one day that wow I was told nothing about dating relationships or even what kind of man I should allow my time. I was truly winging it on my own. My mom was an excellent mom but I’m still confused on why she didn’t give me anything in that department.
@@toriyt2714 I actually asked my mom one day and she apologized and explained that she had been with my dad since highschool, she didn’t have much to give me because that’s the only man she’s been with her whole life , which I can understand to a point.
Yeah my parents didn’t teach me much either. I basically learned as I go and used the internet to help teach me about life.
Agree
Yes maam. My daddy told me when I was a little girl that boys will tell you anything that you want to hear and then leave you pregnant, high, and dry. Then My granddaddy told me back when I was a pre-teenager that childbirth is the closest places to death that a woman can be.
Both terribly frightening situations and not worth it, especially out of wedlock.
Same!!!! Father figures are so important to a young girl and the decisions she make. My uncle used to always tell me “don’t be a statistic” and he would tell me all my aunts ruined their lives by having kids as teenagers and explained why they so far behind. And it made sense. He was right and I’m glad I listened.
And this is why fathers are needed in the community!
@@Goddess_Infinity That part! 👏🏾👏🏾
@@Goddess_Infinity so true
and this is why I'm 32 with no kids and won't be shamed for it!
Girlllllll💯💯💯 I'll be 38 may 5th and still don't want children...seeing my female family members having a hard time in life raising all them kids be making me physically ill to my stomach.. It's like even with all the government assistance,section 8 houses,foodstamps,cash assistance,and child support they still be struggling😢they always need other ppl to babysit their kids just so they can have time to enjoy life..hell noooooooo...
Babayyyy!
@@NerdSplash5555 listen!!! I'll be 44 may 1st and it's the best decision I've made!!
This right here! No shame at all!
Yep I’m terrified of motherhood
This message will never get old! Remember ladies you will never regret not sleeping with a man but the majority of the time you will regret doing so! 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Your comment needs to be pinned everywhere. I wish more women knew that.
THIS A HEAVY STATEMENT RIGHT HERE YOU ARE SOOO RIGHT !!!
💯💯💯
This‼️🗣️🎯❤️
Once you sleep with the wrong one or ones you'll regret not giving the right ones the time of day. The right ones are the ones that won't beg,chase,or blow your phone up because they know what they can provide
I'm terrified of becoming a single mother.
ME TOO !
Same girl same !!!!! 😅
Then keep ur legs closed and be celibate until marriage then a man will show his zrue intentions ❤
Same. I’m 29 with no kids still not sure if I even want any. But what I know for sure is I don’t want to be a single parent. I’d want a family. It’s non negotiable. I sit here thinking like my monthly cycle be about to take me out, you think I’m going through child birth & raising kids ALONE? Chile plz. This a party for TWO!!😅🤧
Good 👍.
Stand up ladies we are getting played out here! Seriously ladies there is no reason in 2023 to bring a child into this world just because. The only reason to have a child is as a result of a healthy, stable, loving, MARRIAGE, that’s it. If you don’t have that, it’s NOT WORTH it.
These girls is not trying to hear you girl🙄 smh
Black women just giving out babies for nothing at all smh
@@F3f3333 they’re robbing the child & repeating a tragic generational curse as well
Madam they play theirselves shooting their own damn foot they rather sleep with bad guy that has no long term commitment with them but the one that do are the corny type 😆
@@F3f3333 lmfaooo damn fucking shame ! Im dishonered to be apart pf this community
I gave birth to my 3rd son In December I started to hemorrhage really bad right after delivery literally walking seeing blood everywhere, I’m so grateful for my husband but he was really on it when it came to the doctors. They even acknowledge how attentive he was to me. I never realized how deadly childbirth was until that moment. We’ve been married 12yrs. I see women scarifying their womb and life for me who don’t even care enough to show up in the delivery room.
Thank God you made it through!! That last sentence…..WHEW!!!!!
Thats so amazing! I wish all women could experience this
Oh yes girl it's scary
What age did you guys get married?
Exactly! I have suffered two placenta abruptions! I wish I would bring my body through that amount of pressure for a boyfriend. Many continued blessings to you and your family! 🙌🏽
As a woman who doesn’t want children at all, this video is solidified my choice in never having kids. This video is very informative for all women.
Same
Ditto child free is the best route for me
Me too but people tend to think something is wrong with you for not wanting kids
You’ll def want kids sooner or later
@Oshun just being honest , ask women 50+ now how they feel about having no kids , 90% of them regret the decision
Baby momma culture is so real. The maternity photos, gender reveals, and baby shower weddings as I call them are so prevalent. It seems like being a mother is easier then a wife. Pregnancy announcements are not engagement announcements.
The family setting is how a child should be raised. We have to do better for our kids. They deserve the best.
I literally just saw ANOTHER pregnancy announcement on the shaderoom teens 🥹
@@KalenElaine So sad! Please bring back families! These babies need a family unit. Having kids is so much bigger than pictures and outfits.
I saw a mom congratulate her knocked up 15 year old daughter and post it all over social media ..I’m like it just shows as a mother ( and father) you failed your daughter ….. what mother celebrates her daughter coming home pregnant at the age 15? Smh
@@shutit4024 😫 earth is ghetto
@@shutit4024 daughter deserves to be happy and to have support from mom. Better than to be kicked out of house.
I do not regret my decision to be child free at 34.
I'M 33 AND SAME HERE HUNNY THESE GUYS AREN'T EVEN WORTHY AT ALL
Me working in labor and delivery I can agree this is 1000% the truth black American women allow this game to be played on them. Other races and cultures don’t play this. It’s rare I see any other race coming in as a single mother. We have to stop this madness!
I agree with what you're saying.
However, many other races, especially white women, are quick to get abortions. Most of the time their parents allow them to get it...
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯🎯🎯
Marry before carring.
They may not come in as single mothers but when the baby comes home they’re expected to do everything by themselves ……
The countries with the highest percentage of kids born out of wedlock are in Europe. In Iceland, they call it "independent motherhood". Maybe it's different for them because they are usually in a committed relationship, but it's still a bit unfair that black single mothers are always the poster people for the "baby mama culture."
The thing is Black women don’t frame having a baby as having “a man’s” child and sacrificing yourself to birth a man’s seed. It’s usually framed as she’s having “her” baby and children are a blessing.
When talking to young Black women we have to keep this mind and give them the different perspectives.
This is a great perspective! Spot on. 🎯
This is where I’m at. I want one for myself.
@O.M Girl wake up, a baby won’t fill a void or make you whole.
@@Liveandletlive0101 um no
Right you’re literally giving a man an opportunity for his legacy and family name to go on. Other races of men see it just like that.
24 black and married 🥰💍 I was worth more and so are my future kids
amen sister!
❤❤❤❤❤❤ I want to hear more of this congratulations 🎊
Congrats! Glad to hear that
Phew! This video game and snatched me up! As a single 26 year old black woman with no children, I’m just going to make sure I focus on supporting myself. My womb must be protected at ALL costs and I cannot gamble with my future unless a man has proven himself. Baby mama culture is sooo damaging for black women.
Protected at all cost!
Preach girl! Continue cultivating ourselves as the woman God destined us to be
@@asha4189 AMEN 🙏
Y’all just not wifey material maybe y’all fast ah la girls was not raised and can’t think about relationships right whew it’s the truth for me
Married for 10 years with two kids with my husband. I 1000% agree. I would never have kids outside of a healthy thriving marriage.
💓💓💓💓
U better love him right mhmm y’all women better step it up for the good men mhmm
@@ChrisSoInfluential both partners should step it up and not take each other for granted
You tell em! Like he also should be grateful for having YOU in his life. Keep thriving sis x happy for you
I came to the realization that some Black women don’t understand that if you’re unmarried, you’re a single mother the minute that baby is born. This whole “we planned a baby together” BS gotta STOP. If he wants a baby then he gotta get down on one knee and propose. That is the first step in creating a family. The union of the man and woman, not the baby.
They say they were ‘tricked ‘. Tricked by illiterate ninjas with low IQ’s, who can’t even form a sentence?!? The men and women of the community just disgust me so much, smh
💯
If a man doesn't give his own child his last name because he doesn't like you, prepare to do this alone. Something is seriously wrong with those women that they allow a man to treat them like garbage.
So, if a couple lives together and raises a child together but aren’t married the mother is a single mom? That’s not how that works. Your only a single parent if the other parent doesn’t help raise the child. It’s not about marriage.
@@reeahgirl That is how it works. If there are not any legal documents saying you are married to that person, but you have a child, then you are a single mother playing house with someone who doesn't care enough to marry you.
Their go to argument is that "most women are miserable in their marriage" and I call it A LIE. Why do we see that much bad testimonies about marriages ? Because happy people don't make noises. They're happy and they're lowkey.
The people who are complaining about marriage are either:
- people who didn't vet their partner CORRECTLY
- people who married for the bad reasons
- people who fell victims and were deceived despite doing everything right.
The problem is that people think only love is enough. It's not, never was, never will. Spirituality, respect, common goals and ambitions are necessary. Simple as that. It is incredibly SELFISH and IRRESPONSIBLE to bring a child in this world when you're still figuring out shit your self. There are people for who, it worked out. They're not even 5%. A man is capable to tell you that he wants you to have his baby so that y'all can do it raw. Biologically talking, if a man doesn't love you, he will see the baby as a direct threat because he can no longer has access to you the way he want to. Ence why you see a drastic change in behavior and even DV. Look up to statistic DV against pregnant women, all races included. Your heat will sank. Be careful ladies 🙏🏽
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Oooo this was a word! PREACH!
That’s so true! We know marriages aren’t perfect but to compare being married and unhappy to being used up while being single makes no sense! If you are against marriage at least withhold the marriage benefits like sex if men make women so miserable, them benefiting off your bitter view of love does not benefit you !
This whole thing called vetting is rubbish. But marriage doesnt benefit blackwomen especially but benefits blackmen the most but they shit on marriage and marry the least.
Bw who are married aren’t going to speak up and talk about how miserable they are with the bm that they choose to marry
This is very true as a man that got my child’s mom pregnant at 21 I was saying what ever and doing what ever to get that box 8 years later I’m on child support and had to get a lawyer to get joint custody
Ladies don’t let any dude in your special place it has consequences
I’m pregnant now with me and my husbands second child. I’m so blessed to have one of the few black men who truly is a great father and husband. He has literally waited on me hand and foot during this pregnancy bc let’s face it pregnancy is hard no matter the situation! I’m so sad to see so many of my sisters out here getting treated like yesterdays garbage by these men while risking their lives carrying their children. And dealing with all the other anxieties and stress that come with pregnancy. I want so much better for these girls smh
Me n my husband almost divorced after we had our first baby. I didnt want a divorce but he did. God did a miracle because he changed his heart n mind an we are still togethhrr
@@322Mermaid that’s black men for you
YES!!!❤🥰🙋🏾♀️
Yes ma’am! I’m pregnant with our first and well taken care of. My husband worked throughout me going to law school, taking the bar and told me I didn’t have to do a thing but grow our baby and focus on my exam. We invest in each together so the return is great but the love is greater.
Mam you sound like a robot. The few black men. If you dont stop spreading propaganda to make yaself look better. Everyblack man i know twke care ofcthey kids. Stop the cap.
I have to be honest, my dad wasn't around. By the time I turned 25 a spiritual father entered my life and changed my aspect. He and his wife have been married for over 45 years and when I saw how they embraced me I was flabbergasted and vowed to marry a good man, I did.
I grew up with a great mom that gave me the BEST example that she could, but that father made a HUGE difference.
They won’t get married but the will get a face tat 🤦🏾♀️
Yeah, I’d say a divorce is easier to get than getting rid of that ugly tattoo.
My thing is it has become publicly acceptable to have children and not be married. The baby showers, the pregnancy photos, and gender reveals are more glamorous than ever! It’s quite ridiculous ! And majority of these women get pregnant within a few months of knowing these men. The pictures on social media are making these women believe this is ok. And if you tell them otherwise they become extremely upset.
Amen!
Amen 🙏🏿
So Many Baby Showers, Barely Any Weddings🤮🤮🤮
They have extravagant baby showers like a wedding smh
IT'S RIDICULOUS
AND THEY LOOK AT ME CRAZY BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF AND I HAVE SELF LOVE AND SELF WORTH😍😍😍💅💅💅💅AND I'M GOING TO CONTINUE DOING SO UNTIL GOD SENDS ME THAT MAN
@@Prettygurl17 SO EMBARRASSING
@@Prettygurl17lol fr then they break up a week later
My sister told me with tears in her eyes to have a child EVEN if the man did NOT want the baby. I cut her off soon after‼️ It’s been 2 years no contact. I’m 38 & still child free. I want to be a mother but I refuse for my child to go through what I went through growing up w/o a father. Prayers to everyone ❤️
I am a single mother, love my kids but I should not have kids. If that makes sense.
Exactly! I’m 38 no kids and I get pressured every day 😂.
@@mochabrown4447 MOCHA SAME HERE BABES LIKE BISH I'M DEFINITELY NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING ESPECIALLY SEEING WHAT THE MAJORITY OF THESE WOMEN ARE GOING THROUGH...
NO STABILITY...NO CONSISTENCY NOTHING JUST SEX AND BABIES ALL OVER RIDAMNDICULOUS
@@meka8953 exactly! It feels good to know there are other women that are feeling the same way without being judge.
A man literally has a better chance at getting a dog pregnant than he does getting me pregnant. No marriage no carry. And if I think I have to do all work we won’t be having kids. My best friend is the same way. It’s literally a choice to be in this situation so enjoy your decisions. It’s your life 🤗
THAT FIRST LINE LMMFAO😹😹🙉🙈
I'm a virgin and proud of it. Everybody expects me to have a boyfriend but I want a husband. And if I can't see myself being satisfied for my entire life, I won't go through with it. I always had higher expectations for myself. And I won't lay them down for anyone. God bless you❤
We should not be having sex before marriage, period! Once you stand on this you will see all the time wasters fall away. We deserve happiness, we deserve stability and we deserve good men to help us raise our children.
Exactly!
We can't out sexual urg,s Sis
Everybody had sex before they got married 😂😂
@@aurastarlight2821 not everyone....maybe the women u surround urself with and u....
@@kleollle681 You not Innocent or Perfect Homegirl
No woman in my eyes , I said what I said . Since you wanna be so smart & dont @ me
@@aurastarlight2821 but she thinks she is. All of her comments are degrading and demeaning everyone else. signs of a miserable person with a miserable life.
As a single mother I completely agree with this message. I had my child super early in life at 21. I went through a weird stage in life during college and I feel prey to a dumbass. I convinced myself that I was only good enough for him. I get pregnant and I got instantly dropped. I was played to the fullest but I allowed the BS! Then I have the baby with no fucking idea what is to be a mother. I’m a product of the single mother so I was use to the chaos and stupidity. My advice to young girls like myself. USE PROTECTION! Carry them on you. Don’t skip the birth control and don’t allow no fool to trick you out of your LIFE! When you have a child young your youth slips away from you. All your energy is put into your child. Don’t waste the best years of your life for noobdy!!!! I wish society stop glamorizing single motherhood cause it’s not fun at all. Kids are expensive AF!!! I can’t stress this enough just chill ladies lay back and ask yourself what is going on with me to want to have a baby with this guy? Is this man fit to lead a child? Be a good parent ?Be honest with yourself ALWAYS ladies its soo important! Even though I have a kid I’m still going strong. I cleaned myself up alot. But it took accountability. I had to check myself and my ego! Definitely not having more kids..I know my comment is everywhere but this is my reality. I wish I ran into videos like these sooner, but atleast I have these videos to show my daughter while I teach her as well. We are NOT repeating this single motherhood BS! It’s definitely not for the weak or the strong. Move smarter ladies ❤ Thank you Wildheart! Stop disappearing so often 😂
🤍🤍🤍✨🫶🏽💕
Honestly lol I can say that, I wish I seen these videos before I decided to sacrifice and have a son anyways. I didn’t truly know why I was stepping into, my mother warned me but didn’t fully explain the sacrifices.
@@aaliyahbush4609 I agree sis!! But we got this one day we won’t have to sacrifice as much… we live and we learn
Thank you for the advice.
I respect your testimony! A lot of single mothers nowadays know that their situation with raising children is more stressful than anything but will look you in the face and their own and just LIE!!!
Omg having 2 kids with a man who prayed for you to have a miscarriage is wild.. 😟 sending self love to all women 😥🫶🏽
They don't want kids they want unprotected sex
This need to be spoke on everyday 💯..... please BW stop the baby momma culture.
Right! We are truly getting played out here.
It won’t stop until the elaborate baby showers and praise for unwed motherhood stop.
@BreeziDeezie I agree 💯 the elaborate baby showers have taken the place of weddings. Maybe deep down inside many of these women know these men probably won't marry them.
@@melissagreye8445 these women could’ve been working on themselves. They could’ve pursued careers, other hobbies, been better friends etc but they wanted to get attention and thought they would’ve changed him.
@@indigoGoddess7 - but we know that education is very much looked down upon by many in the black community. They're quick to call us bougie and tell us that our degrees mean nothing.
You said a word when you compared these gender reveals to wedding receptions! It’s like they know they’re not getting the wedding so they’ll go BIG for the gender reveal. It’s all cutesy until the reality of having a live defenseless human to take care of no matter what.
I’m 23 and childless. Most of my friends have kids already. I definitely want kids but not without a husband first
You're doing it the right and smart way.
Stick to it baby!
Yes, continue your journey.
That's why I'm soooo thankful to be a 24 year old and childless woman. I will never understand why black women accept the baby mama role.
If a man isn't my husband, why should I bless him with a child?
Black women do better. Stop giving just any men a baby.
SDNEY SPEAKKKK FACTS GIRL I SAY THIS ALL OF THE TIME IF A MAN ISN'T MY HUSBAND HE SHOULDN'T BE LIVING IN MY HOME LET ALONE HE SHOULDN'T HAVE MY WOMB AT ALL AND I LOVE HAVING BOUNDARIES AND STANDARDS❤❤❤
THAT'S ALL YOU SEE NOWADAYS ANYWAYS... WOMEN HAVING BABIES BY GUYS THAT THEY AREN'T COMMITTED TOO AND THAT'S SAD AF
I'm a single mom and I don't recall giving a man a baby. I remember having one, giving that child my last name and allowing her father to be part of her life. Giving a man a baby? Nah girl. Lol
Go live in the world a little more. Nothing is as black and white as you seem to think.
I’m turning 20 in a few days and my friend and I are both virgins and we are saving ourselves for marriage. Most people in our generation from 14-25 have normalized having sneaky links and having sex. I just don’t understand why people aren’t treating their bodies like temples and just allowing anyone in. It’s crazy out here, social media and rappers are promoting this low vibrational behavior and it’s sad.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Keep your temple secure 💕
Yes Stay like this 💕
Being a BM who married my wife at 26 (our 11th year anniversary is in August) and had our son a year later, I want to say - ladies do not be in a rush to have a baby!
Also, years ago my wife explicitly said to me “if we ever brake up, I’m not having anymore children! I only want kids with one man” -
I respected it then and I respect that now! What happened to that mentality?!
Also ladies, don’t let yourself get suckered/pressured into becoming a baby mama by other women! Some will sabotage your situation if you let them!
Watch out for all females that display ‘baby mama encouragement’ vibes!
This includes:
Your friends
Your co-workers
Your family members
ESPECIALLY if you have a good man who treats you well! He doesn’t even have to be ‘good looking’
Be cautious, beware and be careful ladies!
And for goodness sake, DO NOT BE IN A RUSH TO HAVE A CHILD!
A woman's greatest enemy is women. Sisterhood is crabs in the buckets disguised as unity.
Having money doesn't make up for an absent father. Im tired of the girl boss ladies with seven degrees having a baby like its a part of some checklist and not the livelihood of a human being . Praying for change.
This is unfortunately my experience. It’s not for the faint hearted. PROTECT YOUR WOMB, PROTECT YOUR LIFE.
I just don’t understand why any woman would want to raise a child alone. The absolute worst! 👎🏽
Baby momma culture is the result of bad parenting.
If my mother and family were not narcissists, I know things would have been different for me.
Many women who fall prey to these types of men are women who seek love from all the wrong places because they are not getting love at home with their families.
I never got love at home. Instead, I got ridiculed and judged and looked down and sabotaged and rejected and abused, and this is what set me into a cycle of depression and desperately looking for love even if it came from men who didn't care about me.
This is why I am determined to live and love my daughter and put her in a situation where she will love herself and value herself so she doesn't seek it from men.
Baby mama culture started from slavery and war.
It was when they stripped men from there families and women had to care for the family by herself.
It started with government welfare culture from the 1970's until 90's.
It was convienent back in the day but now it's unacceptable.
People don’t like to speak on these certain factors lol
Most women who fall into these predicaments or fall for men like so, come from broken families and are searching for love. You don’t see young men searching for love, why?
@@aaliyahbush4609 The way black boys are raised is very different from how black girls are raised that’s why. Black boys are praised for having multiple women and dogging them out, black boys are told “your young” have fun with woman for as long as you can.
I love how gentle you were to the women listening who may already be young single mothers.
That was very classy.
There's a segment of black women and girls who think this is all they are worth and actually something that's aspirational.
This was so well done. I wish that this could be shown in urban schools everywhere. Our young women need to hear this.
A teacher can get permission from the principal or supervisor to play it in class when teaching them about sex. Sex education for me was taught in 5th grade
This comment mirrors my thoughts on this educational video. I will be sharing this with all of the young ladies/women that I possibly can.
Public schools DGAF about the kids
The government wouldn't dear do that show this in schools it's not their agenda to heal the black homes this goes back to slavery days .... you have to understand luv they want the broken homes so the black children have no guidance and end up in jail they make billionaire of dollars .then they have you on child support it's just a repeating cycle that's why it's important for us to learn this & break the Generational cruse
@Kayshawn Simmons it's not the public schools it's the government they the one that controls everything they rather have ya kid in school being thought it's okay to be a different gender & you can consent to sex
An elder told me, “The quickest way to lose a man is to have a baby by him.”
I’m so happy that I’m focused on buying a car in CASH, buying a home, and finding a new career than having uncomfortable lackluster casual sex with these stupid dusties. Been abstinent for almost 3 yard and don’t plan on ever having sex again until a man commits 🤷🏾♀️
Me too girl im celibate almost a year now till a man steps up and commits , imma go about my business n thrive
You go girl! Me also, celibacy until marriage for me❤️🙏.
Proud of you! 😊
Same!!
Exactly celibacy=boycotting the way I see it is like a reward/treat for them once they have it they don’t want it and if u think a baby will change their mind girl u are fooling yourself they would actually leave quicker
Tattooing these men names is ridiculous
Like it really proves the love for one another. 🤦🏽♀️ Pure Ignorance!
It’s so dumb!
NOW THATS SOMETHING I WASNT DOING WHEN I WAS YOUNGER
NEVER TATTOO A NIGGA NAME ON YOU
BISHES BE DUMB
I’m 27 and look forward to marriage and children. 🥰
Thank you for speaking on this! I’m 28 & will NEVER succumb to the baby mama culture. We’ve seen this over & over in our community. We should know better by now.
My mom had 3 girls , me include. Her first children was at 14, she got pregnant at 13. She was a baby mother for all of us. She has nothing to show for any of the relationship no money , no ring just a life that seems to be full of hardship that I was partially raised in when I met her at 10 yrs old. I want more for black women!
AND PEOPLE LOOK AT ME CRAZY BECAUSE I'M NOT HARD UP FOR NO MAN TO LIVE WITH ME.... HAVE SEX WITH ME... BABY YOU CAN'T STAY HERE YOU'RE NOT MY HUSBAND!!!!!!....
I agree with you. I believe people say that marriage doesn’t always work out as an excuse to exhibit poor behavior because sex is so accessible and mostly everyone has the “everyone else is doing it” mindset
This is the first time I comment on your videos. I am African, 21 yo and Muslim. Aside from religious and cultural reasons, at 15 yo I decided to wait til marriage to have sex. I value way to much my body to give it to someone who is not my husband. I know that some of y’all don’t like marriages at all, but giving a man a child is the highest honour for a man. Therefore, before giving the “cookie” think “is he worthy of my body?”.
Babymamahood is detrimental for both women and men, and especially kids. It’s wack.
Same🤝
As an eldest African daughter in my family from South Africa, raised in a two parent household where both parents have their Masters and have continuously taught me or warned about the dangers and cons of dating and having sexual relations before having "Knowing myself and loving myself" could lead to stupid decisions that I won't be able to take back.
I applaud 👏🏾 you for remaining abstinent until marriage 🫡… ONLY … if life was that simple 🥀 marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness and some women end up being killed by the same man they married! Just try to be smart about all decisions you make in life! I don’t like it when people compare their lives to other people’s ❗️
yuck
I agree. I was raised with both parents. As a teen, I had Turkish friends from a muslim background who always spoke about waiting til marriage & I admired it. I became a christian in my late teen years & chose to wait until marriage. I'm so glad I did. If a man can't commit to making himself my husband, I will not commit to making him a father. He won't get to access husband privileges and benefits without executing the role
@@xbabygirltx Good luck to you sister. May God bless and protect you and guide towards a god fearing husband who’ll respect you and cherish you.
This video was so worth the wait. I know someone personally who told me she plans to have a child, and marriage isn't really a big deal for her. And she is very much a grown woman in her 30s. I just don't ge the allure of having a broken home. I grew up in one, and it's overrated. I guess these women feel like because they have money and status, it doesn't matter, but it does. For the young girls watching, Marry before you carry beloved. And if someone shames you for wanting that, get away from them. Period.
This was actually me!!!! Since having a child my perspective changed completely. Tbh I think I would still be operating under broken consciousness if I didn’t have my daughter. Definitely not planning on having another without the commitment first.
@S when you don't grow up with the right examples and guidance it happens. Atleast you know better now, so you will do better. Blessings ☀️🙏🏾
I don’t think it’s necessary to be married before having children. However, it is important to find a trustworthy partner/be financially stable. Some people just see marriage as a piece of paper and don’t want contracts through the government. 🤷🏾♀️
@@reeahgirl if a person considers marriage as merely a piece of paper, then that same person sees "commitment" as a word.
I got 2 miscarriages and I was shocked to see man saying he prays for that to his babymama. It's cruelest thing in the world to do.
Therefore, some men will complain that the women who expose and accuse them of abuse, are being overdramatic and "villainous".
Hypocrisy at it's finest.
I'm white... obviously... but i wanted to let you know that i appreciate your video because in the home town I'm from single mothers... teen moms and multiple baby daddies are rampant and it is truly sad that the cycles continue. I grew up in a small south tx town and i appreciate your video.
Baby mama culture is so disgusting and it’s rampant in this generation. They think it’s cute and all I can do is shake my head.
Why is it disgusting?
@@reeahgirl did you even watch the video ?
@@reeahgirl because they are creating broken homes which are going to effect their kids later on in life. Use your common sense.
And the fact that women made sex for men so accesible, makes me question myself and blow my mind at the same time...🤯
So you want these mothers to be hidden and ashamed?? Yes, that will be so wonderful for these kids. You just wanna bash single mothers
Growing up I wasn’t allowed to even go to my friends baby parties until I got my own place and moved out 😂. My dad didn’t play. He don’t beg for grandkids like these new grandparents lol
How would he even know?
@@thewordsmith5440 I couldn’t leave the house without him knowing where I was going, I had curfews, and he would want to talk to the parents of the people I was hanging with
Exactly. I am not begging for grandkids at all. I told my sons to get their life together first and finish getting their trades before doing all that.
@@AG-hc1sw that’s my dad too at time. I’m grateful for the parents I have
@@AG-hc1sw but what if you were 18,19 or even 20 still living with your parents but going to your friend baby shower? I wasn’t allowed to go to any baby showers when I was under 18 but once I turned 18 it was my choice
Marriage isn't for everyone but somehow having a child (a whole other human) is??? Make it make sense Black Community.
My mom followed this logic. She waited, got married, and had all 4 of her children with her HUSBAND.
My dad was abusive, mentally and physically. He was a great provider, I’ll give him that. But our household was even more toxic than ppl I know that grew up with single parents.
The problem is deeper than just “choosing better.” Women are being shamed and NOBODY is holding men accountable! NOBODY!! U can choose better all day long, ur outcome will vibrate similarly to that relationship with your own father….in most cases, that’s choosing a man that will abandon u, period!
Until we get better outcomes from our MEN, none of this matters. I work in corporate America. All the “successful” black men there are weak, cheaters, and a dressed up version of what’s on the streets, hiding behind a facade. I want us to pause from the “baby mama” argument and focus on absent fathers.
I agree with this take sm. The comments were a little disheartening, reading all the people shaming BM and using it as an excuse to downplay black people as if the color of our skin has anything to do with our dating habits. I truly believe we see so many single mothers bc of poverty in our communities. It’s a lot easier to support a child and stick around when you have the financial means to do so. Is that an excuse to abandon your child? Of course not. But it’s like we have to dig deeper instead of just assuming most black men are trash or all BM are shameful.
You're talking about something entirely different than a careless person. An abusive man is an abusive man. This logic applies to all races/economic class of men. You are correct. Men are not held accountable because even if they were they won't listen. Low vibrational Women also enable/coddle these men to no end. When vetting someone to marry/carry with, there are always little tells beforehand.
@@ServantofAnubis007 Yea, but if you don't know what to look for (bcuz u had an absent father yourself) you'll still get it wrong, or get deceived. My point is that u can follow all this logic to the T but in the black community, there still exists unhealed trauma in too many of us bcuz the man was not around. No matter which way u wanna flip it, it points back to the MEN leaving the women behind. I have seen COUNTLESS videos, opinions, etc blasting single mothers. I literally NEVER see the same smoke for absent fathers.
@@higherrealms5309 these people expect vulnerable women to be expert level FBI agents....shit even the FBI get it wrong sometimes. Black people hate black women it's a shame
No, he would've been like the marriage or not, yall fr need to stop encouraging babymomma culture bc theres a CHANCE a marriage will end in divorce
I’m white but grew up with my brother and my single mom who worked a lot raised us. My dad left when I was 3 bc he was on drugs. Not having a second parent really affected me
I take full accountability for becoming a mother out of wedlock. Thank God I had already finished college and was in my career. I was able to financially provide with no worries. It was hard emotionally and mentally when she was a newborn. I am married now and my husband loves her as his own.
It is still hard to watch her emotionally process having to leave me to spend time with her biological father or leaving him to return to me. Children have an innate sense that they belong with both their biological mother and father. It’s an incredible thing but sad when the biological parents are not together. Young ladies, please please please wait until you are married. 💛
I’m almost 17 and I watched this whole thing through
so proud of you
Stay smart and make smarter choices 💯❤️
Don’t fornicate and form ungodly soul ties. May God bless you!
One promise that I’ve made to myself is that I’ll never let a man “BABY MOMMA “ me . I know marriage isn’t always guarantees a great relationship/father but it a risk I’m willing to take . I rather be known as an ex wife than someone’s baby momma. 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
I’m 30 and child free. It’s the best decision I could have ever made.
ABSOLUTELY I'M 33 AND IT'S RIDICULOUS AT HOW MANY WOMEN AIM TO BE A BABY MAMA ... NOBODY HAS PROVED TO ME THAT THEY'RE WORTHY AT ALL FOR ME TO EVEN GIVE MY WOMB TO.... THAT'S ALL THAT YOU SEE NOWADAYS.... SHACKING UP PLAYING HOUSE... NO COMMITMENT WHATSOEVER
I deeply believe this all stems from us as women not forcing ourselves to notice red flags. No one becomes a single mother by genuine surprise (unless one parent dies ofc). People ride the relationship until the wheels fall off, and then wonder how they ended up where they did… I’ve literally been there, but something in my soul KNEW that this was not the person whom I was meant to start a family with. That’s where I had to draw the line and finally end it for good. I love my unborn children too much to put some “good chemistry” above their peace and stability. Period.
I think it stems from women worshipping other than God. They are worshipping men and love
@@kitejohnson515 facts
@@lindasauzuo8857 Which ironically then leads to single motherhood.
Discipline!! Discernment!! Self worth!! I watched so many struggle and they knew it would be a struggle from day 1!! Stop creating broken homes!! Kids don't deserve this!! Do better for the next generation even if no one did it for you!!
EXACTLY THESE PRECIOUS BABIES ARE SUFFERING MISERABLY SMFH
During the holiday season of 2021 I was engaged and planning my wedding with my spouse and currently introducing him to my godmother who I had not seen in years. This is a black woman who was a young single mother who helped my mother raise myself and my sister to be smart independent young women and to “keep our legs closed”.
We were all playing a form of table topics with another guest of hers who is a teenager saying she wants to have a baby right now. The topic of choosing to have a baby out of wedlock came up and when they asked my opinion I said, “I will never allow someone that kind of access to my womb unless we’re married and I can trust that a child is what they truly want.” My godmother and everyone else looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. The same woman who said don’t do what I did a decade ago looked at me like I was an idiot. WEIRD.😅
Maybe old age is messing with her mental
At 19 years old I needed to hear This!thank U!🦋 because most of us young girls ain’t getting teach at home!🥺
🧡
Please don't fall victim to this Movement!!! It's not worth it and its embarrassing
If a men has giving you a ring and isn't providing for you why have his babies?
Only give babies to a men who is your husband and is theire for you providing for you and caring for you. If he is not doing these things, throw his ass away and get you a new men.
Know your worth, choose a man of means & maturity. No knuckle heads trying to “look“ cool.
If you are gonna have sex make sure he is worth it cause if I knew them
What I knew now I would’ve saved myself a lot of pain
Unfortunately, the same ones throwing lavish baby showers and extravagant prom photo-ops are the same ones who have no clue about actually investing the money they make so that those kids inherit wealth. It's sad seeing this behavior normalized in your community while other groups of people make an effort to ensure they children are set up for success.
All of this!!!!
Set your standards ladies. The right man will indeed meet them! He will wait, he will marry you if that's your standard.
Firm boundaries set you up to win!
Marry before you carry!👆🏽
Tattooed names, babies, cars...EVERY big commitment BUT a marriage 😭😭
Madam, this video was fantastic. I am a black man who is not American and one sad thing I usually hear and assume is how most discussion on the issue of out-of-wedlock births never actually focus on personal accountability of women and men or on the cultural reasons why it has become a problem. Your video actually did all this. You not only call out the men and women who contribute to this issue but you also address teh social and cultural reasons why it exists. Amazing! I hope more people in black America hear your message and make changes.
A lot of women that I meet, tell me that they wish they would of gotten married before having children. They say that for a reason! Marry before you carry. Luckily, I grew in an incredibly loving two parent household so I already knew that having children before marriage was and still is out of the question. We have to stop dismissing marriage as antiquated! Studies prove that children typical do better in two parent households.
Yet people in the Black community see the BW luxury movement as toxic 🤦🏿♀️ no it’s a matter of enjoying life & thriving as as a BW sees fit without suffering via a baby daddy or having kids
I agree. I was surprised at the push back towards the black women deserve luxury movement. It's baby mama culture which is toxic and has put millions upon millions of black women in emotional, stressful and financial/poverty struggles.
EXACTLY ❤️
Thx 🫶🏿 ladies!
This is also the case with the black femininity movement. Everyone nit picks all of the surface things about it but at the core, it's about being confident, being soft (instead of hard and abrasive), emotional intelligence and taking time to care for and be in touch with yourself. I'm not understanding why that would make other black people mad.
It's sad that we are solely holding the black women accountable for becoming baby mamas because of lack of education or poor choice in partner but we are not looking at the men (primarily black) who take advantage of women and leave them after getting them pregnant
This
then bw gets judged for not aborting their babies instead of gettin props for at least trying to do the best she can…it’s weird asf 🥴
@Tiq Brown abort the baby.
Yall dumb as hell keeping babies for bums.
Bc women are the one with the womb sis. You opened up your womb and let a dude in it. As a kid women was told to keep their legs closed for a reason. To not be fast or hot in the a** for a reason. Not to protect men but to protect your womb. Because it's sacred and you shouldn't be opening it up unless you want to get pregnant.
I think responsibility goes both ways. But the many examples she given there were red flags in these men and women still chose to go with them. There are many men who need to grow up and women to🤷🏽♀️.
This needs to be a mandatory topic in every household because it makes my stomach hurt the amount of tax dollars go into these broken homes 😩🧢
I find single parenthood VERY self-sabotaging, and extremely counterproductive to our communities health, growth, & success! Is it not enough as black women that we are already fighting for our lives against everyone in society, our conditioning, and trauma. Yet, we’re still adding unnecessary stress, chaos, & strife to our lives. We don’t do anything else alone, but have some way some how convinced women that single parenthood is the way to go. 🤯 We don’t go to school alone, we don’t live alone, we don’t work alone, we don’t grow-up alone, we don’t learn alone, but we can parent alone?! How Sway?! 🤷🏾♀️
One parent, whether healthy or not cannot sustain a child alone! You can be the best single parent in the world, and the child would still be lacking something - as will you. Just because you can, or other women have & survived doing it, doesn’t make it normal or better. Single parenthood is traumatizing to the parent, and the child; and if shit goes wrong that child will grow up to traumatize others. This is not to say the same can’t happen with any other circumstances, but it’s less likely. Give your child a chance, if you won’t give yourself one. If I can’t conceive a child on my own, why am I expected to raise one on my own?! Ladies, we have to wake up and accept accountability & responsibility for our decisions.
I think one of the reasons women haven’t been doing so is because no one’s tells us our power is internal, it’s naturally built-in. If they told us, they wouldn’t be able to use and abuse us. They want you to believe your power is outside of you, because then you will wait for someone to tell you how, why, & when to use it. This is why the government has gone after our reproductive rights! WE CONTROL OUR LIVES, OUR WOMBS, & OUR WORLD! If you are not safe, loved, cared for, respected, protected, invested in, & revered by a man for bringing life, YOU SHOULD NOT BE PREGNANT!
Godspeed to us all! 🖤
Well said ❤
SAY IT LOUD FOR ALL OF THESE FOOLISH WOMEN WHO ARE CONSTANTLY PREGNANT BY GUYS WHO THEY KNOW ARE NO GOOD SMH
Thank you! What is wrong with Black American women who believe their ONLY destiny in life is to become a single baby mama without the benefit of marriage! I cannot believe Black American children born to a single Black American woman has reached 77%. These children don’t stand a real chance in life. The generational cycle of poverty, stress, and strife continues!
It’s just sad and sickening 🤮.
This is so scary. I have a 15-year-old daughter. And I’m a single mom. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes myself. My dad only know. I have to talk to her all the time about stuff like this.
Please if you are over 30 single no children take your time and wait until you are happily married. This video was good I grew up in a two parent household but my mom was a BM before she married my dad. I wanted to be married but one day carelessly didn’t use protection and of course wasn’t on birth control so I become pregnant, currently pregnant with my first so this video kind of hit me lol I felt attacked but needed that. I sure won’t make this mistake again.
I’m 35 just had my first child with my husband. I was born as a mistake to a 17 yr old mom and I didn’t want to repeat my moms mistakes. I wish black women would cherish their wombs!
both of my older sisters got pregnant at around 16. People said I would do it and now here I am 27 engaged and recognizing that I am so young. I still have plenty of time to have children. No one will be rushing me.
Good on you girl!! Nbs I bet they a lil envious of you lol 😂💕💕💕
Geez. Are we tired of LOSING yet!! Women control who gets born. It’s on us, having kids for non-husbands- these kids don’t just appear on doorsteps or “happen to us.” Simple logic would suggest single motherhood is a bad idea, just looking at the cost and logistics alone. Other cultures must be convinced we lack standards and intelligence altogether.
Emphasis on “women control who gets born” ‼️
Amen! Please let BW learn! I pray that many young girls see this video and heed this message. We are so much more than our wombs and bodies. We deserve love, respect, and to raise children in safe, double parent homes!
Babymommas and single mothers out there, no matter what y’all going through keep y’all heads up and keep grinding for your children regardless ❤❤❤
Thankyou for the support 🙏🏽 I chose family and love and didn’t know it would result in being a single mother I feel like this video doesn’t really acknowledge how some men really be manipulating tf out these women and the whole “glamorizing” from baby showers is actually mostly support from family and friends celebrating a life 🤷🏽♀️
@@psychodoublechinI cannot relate to you Black single baby mamas.
@@Alexandriah.Washington no one asked you too, I ain’t even black 🤣🤝🏽
I became a single mother in my 30s and would never do this again!!! I was soo against having an abortion but single motherhood is hard. I’ve learned this lesson and if anything having my daughter helped me to break a cycle of accepting and allowing toxic relationships with men to continue. It’s almost like as soon as I had my child, I realised the reason why marriage is important. I’ve been using this time to heal and get to the root of it. I even think I manifested it as this is all I saw growing up. Ladies, value your single season and continue to grow and heal during that time. I really believe this will help you to attract someone with the same high vibrational qualities.
True I’m in the same situation I have 1 child I’m never having onother one unless I’m happily married, learned my lesson ladies please listen don’t allow societal pressure and temporal feelings to lead you to single motherhood it’s hard
@@pileshongwe7827 I agree. I don’t want to block my blessings and say that I would never have children again. Just want to wait until marriage and I’m in a healthy, loving and committed relationship.
Also, I see a lot of blame from women towards single mothers. However what we actually need is to be heavily involved in both boys and girls, really teaching them the value of marriage and relationships. This has to start young and continue in their teenage years. They will hopefully grow up with such a high value for these things that they won’t go down the same path. This is not going to be taught in schools. We need to be the change and start having these conversations.
I was raised by a single mom(still am even though I’m 23 going through college). I’m a first gen student as well and about to hopefully graduate debt free with two bachelors degrees. My mom has taught me so many things, but two things she always tells me is to get my education and don’t become a single mom if you can help it. It’s a lot raising kids and raising them on your own is harder.