I toe walk, bouncing gate, smile at everyone, I’m expression blind, always wear loose clothes, play in creeks and generally have my head up enjoying life. I’m almost 50, Yea everyone notices Why would I want to blend in? I’m awesome 😎
After being diagnosed with ADHD and learning more about autism (and learning that some of my adult friends have received this diagnoses) I really think everyone I'm close to has some form of Neurodiversity, we must attract one another 😁.
Macy's Ad before this video: "Who's Tiptoe?" What a coincidence. I was a toe walker for most of my life. But I think it was partly because I wanted to be quiet so my family wouldn't bug me. And I close doors very quietly, as well. I even find people who are careless and loud when closing doors to be annoying.
On my first day in a class (PhD program, so we were all adults) my classmates and I were talking and getting to know each other before class. One of them said he was autistic. I asked him a few questions and it became obvious he wasn’t lying about it. My brother is autistic, so I recognized the traits. It was surprising to me that the other students couldn’t believe him and said he had probably been misdiagnosed. Well, this guy and I became best friends. He’s one of the best human beings I know.
It makes me mad others say nsh you must be misdiagnosed! Like excuuuuuuuse me are you living my life? No! So don't make ignorant statements as such! Smh!
@@rosiecheeks.k "It makes me mad others say nsh you must be misdiagnosed" It's not that strange though. What people know as "autism" is the TV/movies extreme version. And we don't help when we put people who somewhat fit this, and people who don't under the same name. If we kept the Aspergers name, we'd have an easier time letting people undertand that you can hve that and don't look like the Rainman or be visibly obviously impaired.
I smiled at your anecdote about the man who felt he was passing so well. The same happened to me. I was speaking with one of my staff, who has been a teacher for about 30 years, and I decided to open up to her saying that I was thinking that I was on the spectrum and was considering going for a diagnosis. She looked at me blankly for a second, then said “oh, I thought you already had one.” Having had exposure to various neurodiversity, she saw it right away in me. The wonderful thing was she said it in such a non-judgemental way like she was saying “you didn’t realize you had brown hair?”. It made me feel that I could unmask and it would be all right.
I've had a few people that I've met ask me how much money did I get a month on my check..they were all people who had disabilities I had no clue I was autistic at the time and was offended kinda
I had that happen to me last may. I was talking about a frustration with my younger brother's eating habits (note there's a 7 year difference) and I was telling him about how it was maybe due to conditioning given my mother who is bipolar and schizophrenic was hard to follow on a lot but was clear he was the golden child. My friend told me about autism contributing sometimes to a restricted preferences with food. He also told me in the same conversation "the first impression I got from you when I met you was that you were autistic." To me directly being told that was the first time I had had that happen. I brought the idea up to my parents when I was younger, but they told me that I didn't have it. Also, about four months before my friend said this, my professor was having us do digital get-to-know-you surveys so that she could respond to everyone's responses individually. I ended up talking a bit on the etymology of chemistry (since the latter was the class and the former a hobby) and she said something along the lines of "my husband is on the spectrum and he's the most interesting person I know." Part of me was like "subtext, there's subtext... right?" My gf is a lab assistant and she brought this up because the conversation went onto past students, and she said something similar. 🤣
I was only able to “spot autism” in people since my daughter had her diagnosis. And it STILL took me 8 years after that to realise *l* am bloody autistic 😂 It’s been so glaringly obvious but I was too busy being excited at spotted possible autistic signs in other people lol
I realized a kid at the daycare I worked at was autistic 8 years before I realized I myself was autistic. No one else thought this poor girl was autistic but the lack of eye contact, the clear painful stimulus for her, and her hate of mealtimes was a dead giveaway for me.
I am seen as highly eccentric, but never autistic. People pick up on the ADHD sometimes, but even that's rare- I have only known about either condition for the last three years. "They think they are too good for other people," is something I have heard throughout my life, when in reality I have no idea how to talk to strangers. Even with people I know we'll, I'm rarely the first to call or strike up a random conversation because I can never tell how other people are feeling. I wait for other people to interact with me, that way I know if they want to talk to me. When I meet someone new, I unconsciously do a lot of mirroring/mimicry, picking up their mannerisms and speech patterns. I get really embarrassed when I realize I'm doing it, because it's usually a sign that I really like someone and want to be their friend. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to go about it. Other people tend to think I'm socially adept, apparently I'm "cool" as an adult, but I literally have no idea what I'm doing.
I heard during most of my life the phrase “you think you’re better than us” - but it as I’ve aged, it’s gone away as I have learned to soften my way of trying to influence change, and also because in social settings I but on a smile, even if I don’t feel like smiling. The other thing I’ve realized over the years is that the people who told me this were the ones who were most focused on making sure every fit into their expectations of what is “normal” human behaviour. People who weren’t normality police never thought that way.
Wow, this could be a description of myself. I never considered autism. I just thought it was 'learned' social awkwardness from my parents and I lacked modelling of what is appropriate...
Working at a special school, I like to see how long it takes for students in my class to say, "you're weird! You're not like the other teachers". First time this happened, I was very embarrassed and upset. Now... it makes me feel genuine.
We spot each other. I encounter other people on the spectrum that will not talk to anyone else except for me in a crowd of people or in a gathering. It happens at the gym, at the store, in meetings, or on the street. It’s like we’re -/+ magnets for each other. They, if verbal, approach me and bring up mundane topics. No eye contact, no introductions.
It’s ridiculous! My friend brings me along to his other friend groups and any time another neurodivergent person is there, we instantly start acting like we’re old friends even though we’ve never met, haven’t disclosed our diagnoses, or even exchanged more than a hello. The connection is powerful and helps me feel less isolated.
@@j.d.senogles1862 This is interesting. I am a self-diagnosed Aspie woman. There is a man who fell in love with me at first sight. He's an Aspie. I have always questioned how he fell for me instantaneously, though he knew nothing about me. You have just made me think that it's possibly because he picked up on my ND immediately.
I generally go unnoticed as being on the spectrum, it is so frustrating. Only took me 33 years to get diagnosed! But I have been called all types of crazy under the sun over the years. I even went to see a psychotherapist when a friend suggested to me that I might have BPD and even they told me that although I had traits, it wasn’t enough to be diagnosed with BPD or bi-polar, so I walked away screaming in frustration and wondering “What is wrong with me then? Why do I feel so different to everyone!?”. One quote I love is “The worst thing about having high-functioning autism is that you’re too weird to be considered normal, but too normal for people to believe you’re autistic”. Never a truer word spoken in my case. 😔
When you said "he was just thinking an processing a lot more than others who would just act on instincts" I realized that this is exactly how I feel. Other people just know what to say quickly but I go quiet for few seconds because I need to process information and find words that I want to respond with. Sometimes I have that I'm slower than others it's irritating. Also I'm looking around when I'm speaking.
I have totally the same thing. I need to process everything and some people are just talking about everything stupid or not. Sometimes I'm jealous about that.
I also have this thinking thing but I am able to be fast enough so that it is not noticeable, I think.. but it is taking a lot of energy. And I also notice when other people are the thinking ones or not, and I tend not to engage too seriously with the "instinct" ones.. I mean.. if you only act on your instinct you are just a part of the huge social behaviour simulation, right.. can be entertaining to watch for a while, but it is not real to me.
Hell yeah. I need at least enough time to repeat what I've heard in my head, and depending on how complex it is extra time to go through varables before I'm anywhere close to a response.
I am a high-functioning aspie and most people seem surprised when I tell them I'm autistic. I usually have a policy of not telling people unless they have gotten to know me a bit first. I will say that I do often come off as a bit unusual and aloof to others. I have been told by some that they thought I was a snob before they got to know me (assigning a motive to the aloof behavior). I have also found that there is a certain percentage of people that are just not interested in socializing with me. I can just tell that they find talking with me uncomfortable on some basic level, even if they couldn't exactly say what it is about me that is bothering them.
People have always thought I'm weird - and I embraced that from childhood. However it took me 70 years to figure out why I am how I am. My fidgeting alone is probably a giveaway. Plus I am usually more interested in my own thoughts than what others are saying. I never "got' parties. Although I've generally fitted in OK, I now see how my (undiagnosed but 99% certain) autism has impacted all of my life. It feels good to at last have some relief, just from understanding better.
You shud try to wake up in the evening. Brain won't be exhausted by day time energy's sun specially if u have adhd too which takes lot of Brain energy as it is.
My mom is an elementary school teacher and tells me stories about her students a lot. One time she mentioned one funny reaction from a student and I instantly smiled and said “he’s gotta be autistic!” She diffuses essential oils in her classroom, and put in a different scent every day, probably just going down the line of bottles. This kid walks into the room, takes one big sniff, and goes “hm… it’s Thursday… Thursday is not peppermint day, it’s supposed to be ….(some other scent)” she was so surprised by it, but I instantly knew, of course, he was telling time/keeping the days spaced with scent! She didn’t agree at the time, she has different views of autism than I do. Growing up, the only times I heard about autism was when she had a student with extreme behavioral problems (usually a loud rowdy boy) and was struggling to convince the parents to get support. She always saw it as only the “negative” aspects and behavior problems. As I’ve been learning more about autism from other autistic people, I’ve found a familiarity I never had before and think I might be autistic, and that my mother might be too, we both struggle with a lot of the same things. Well a month ago she said she thinks I was right about the kid. They were moving onto a new unit, and for the previous 2 units they had gotten themed book marks. When they started the “space” unit, he politely asked her when they would be getting space bookmarks and starting on space, even though they had gone through a few lessons already! And I thought “of course! He is telling the beginning of the unit with supplies. It was the first time we were able to talk about autism in a positive conversation, where she didn’t see it as this dark horrible thing, but maybe possibly as just a different way of thinking! It’s a start! I still have never met the boy, but I think we would get along. He printed out a sheet of black hole facts and gave it to my mom to share with the rest of the class
I have been trying to contact you Paul. Your videos have been life changing to me. I just turned 60 last week. I’m told I’m to old to diagnose because the system figures I made it this far fine😭 Anyway… my life has been hell … but your videos have shed so much light on things and for the first time in my life… at least things finally make sense. Wow- blessings to you in all your endeavors.🙏🏼
When i had my old therapist, before my previous I decided to finally bring up my concerns for having autism. He looked me in the eye and I immediately looked away, down at the table. He said right away "No I don't think so". I didn't bring it up again because I realized a few session later when he was telling me "I don't see any depression in you at all", that he thought I just had severe anxiety and PTSD. And that was that. I do have these problems. I have since childhood, but considering I have had Bipolar symptoms starting at 12 years old I would say I've been depressed. I am now seeing a brand new therapist who is very nice. During our first session I handed her all that I had written down, I write things down because I can't put all of what I want to say in words. She right away said "I don't know what your last therapist was talking about, you have lots of symptoms it's pretty clear you are on the spectrum." She later told me she has ADHD and agrees I also have that as well. If you have a doctor who dismisses you, please try to find another who will listen.
That part about not standing in the right pattern within a group really struck me, I've had that thought a number of times lately, like "am I positioned correctly in this group of friends?" the answer was obviously no!
"One step back from the perimeter"? Me too. Maybe because I have a better view of ev-er-y-one when I take a step back. And I often wonder if they notice that, or conversely if they even know I had walked up to the group to begin with.
First and foremost I have been crazy in love with my husband for 46 years. Although I knew from the start that he processed things differently, it wasn't until just 5 years ago that we both had an "aha" moment and realized that he is on the spectrum. We both wish we had figured it out sooner, only because it did sometimes cause frustration between us. In hindsight, it is so obvious now. Please keep spreading the word on autism and how to understand the differences between us all. Thank you
I am beginning to feel like nobody is really normal. My husband and I have been married for 23 years. I have started to wonder which one of us is on spectrum. Could it be both??!! Reading your comment was helpful to me.
Ten years here and I’m starting to realize that our misunderstandings have been because he’s definitely have some symptoms of autism. I wonder how i didn’t see it before
This is going to be a long one. Most people don’t notice that my daughter or I are autistic. My daughter was more obvious when she was young but now not so much. However, for me at least, they notice I’m weird, socially awkward and closed off (unless they are a real friend). When I meet new people, I always cross my arms over my chest. I can’t help it. It’s a defensive gesture. While I’m trying to protect myself from the criticism and rejection I’m predicting, others see it as my attempt to distance myself from them. This is not my goal but I still can’t stop crossing my arms. Unless I have my dog with me and I can keep my hands occupied. However for you Paul, for the time we were friends, I didn’t notice any differences in you. Perhaps this was because of similarities we had, us both being on the spectrum, but looking back I still can’t see it. In fact, I always thought you were far too popular to want to hang out with a hermit like myself so was always honoured when you invited me out (like a superstar just calls you up and ask if you want to hang). I couldn’t believe that someone as cool as you would invite ME. I knew people thought I was weird, annoying and self centred. All true. However that weirdness I’ve found can be entertaining and amusing to some - I just need to find those people. I can’t change being self centred. Again, I’ve tried for decades. What I can do, is try to be more mindful to ask the questions I want to know about others rather than assume they’ll tell me if they wish to. But I digress. Most non-autistics I don’t believe would know my daughter and I are autistic, but they will mark me as strange. Im pretty good I think at recognising autism in children and in one case, had my assumption confirmed as she was later diagnosed. My family don’t believe im autistic. Some don’t believe my daughter is autistic. And usually people are surprised and doubtful when I tell them. But if I told them I was socially awkward they’d say that was obvious
Here's something that I say about being self-centred. My maternal grandfather was someone who couldn't walk into a room where people were talking without changing the topic of conversation over to something he wanted to talk about. He couldn't walk past people listening to music without changing the music to something he wanted to listen to. I remember my father telling me that, when I was 21. And I remember my mother criticising me when I was 16, saying that if people asked me how I was, I would answer, "Good, thanks. I'm doing an assignment for school." She then said that people weren't interested. I think it's important to understand the difference between someone who talks to hear the sound of their own voice and someone who talks about what they're doing because it's a safe topic. See, if someone sat down beside me and said, "Who's going to win the football?" My answer would be, "The team that finishes the match with the higher score." My mother says that's stupid, but what I say is, "On the one hand, that's a fact. The team that has the higher score at the end of the match is the winning team. On the other hand, it tells people I'm not really interested in discussing the football." If someone says, "He's weird," I'll just say, "Maybe I am." I tend to gravitate more towards people who are different. If I could give an example. On September 23, this year, I had to go for an infusion of IVIG, and the nurse I had was different and she told me her name. I said, "I've met you before." "When?" "August 16, 2018. You were here filling in. You told me about how you came to work one morning with your hair secured in a clothes peg and your colleague told you you were weird and you said, "I know." She was surprised that I remembered.
@@peterwynn2169 You're like one of my friends, he remembers the exact dates of the most random things. Meanwhile I can't remember the birthdays of anyone.
@@peterwynn2169 I wouldn’t do the things your grandfather did, but I would talk about me and my life and not really ask about others. I tend to assume they’ll tell me whatever they want to in the same way I do. I do care about others but I forget that to show I care, I have to ask questions about their life rather than wait for them to volunteer the answer. I’m learning that at least but my default will always be to wait. I have to actively kick my butt into gear to ask after people. It’s not natural for me at all. I wish it was
My mothers autism was so obvious we were stared at in public ALL the time. People looked at me with....I don't know. It was very uncomfortable. I have always been good with the "mentally ill". When I worked at a prison they sent me to deal with "the crazies". It's really funny. I thought it was from being around my mother.. Now I understand I was speaking to them on a level playing field! I did not discover I am autistic until a few months ago.
My aunt and nana, who live with us often, don’t yet know that my mom and sister and I are working toward getting me an autism and adhd diagnosis. Both of them are extremely extroverted, and my nana has Alzheimer’s and is starting to experience “sundowning.” I’ve been a master masker my whole life, having had a clinically narcissistic father. So these subtle details like avoiding eye contact when I’m relaxing, not reacting with my face, hiding in my room to recharge, and avoiding eating meals around other people (chewing sounds kill my soul) have been really hurting my aunt and nana’s feelings and have been causing them to think that I’m tired of them and suspicious of their motives. I hope to get a diagnosis soon so that I can explain to them what’s going on. This video was really encouraging- thank you!
Maybe just explain it like this? Its up to them if they dont listen but for their sake and yours, I hope they do. You dont even need to mention autism, just say you are sensitive to different things. And maybe write it down for them so it's easier to remember
People spot I'm "weird" straight away. I never understood what exactly gave me away, though, and never managed to "fit" for prolongued periods of time. And although nobody has come to me and told me "hey are you autistic?" directly, they have said it to my sister or family (mostly as an insult, or dismissively). I myself consider that I can spot *some* weirdness quickly, but I often have trouble identifying if it's autism or ADHD, as some behaviors are very similar.
My asd radar has always been incredible and I’ve always felt safer around people with asd. It wasn’t until this year that I realised that’s because I am one too. 🔥
Over the years, I've noticed that I feel drawn toward a certain personality type, one that feels familiar and comfortable despite the awkwardness i notice about them almost immediately. (Spotting ASD within a second? Maybe.) I only figured it out a few months ago that I must have Aspergers, and only realized in the past couple weeks that those "delightful weirdo" types I choose to befriend (that's what I call myself, BTW) very likely have ASD as well. And only about a week ago, my first best friend ever from first grade grammar school posted on FB about her own ASD diagnosis. Somehow, when i saw that post, I felt that I already "knew" that about her. As long as i had known her, she was a delightful weirdo, was terribly awkward with physical sportlike activities, and had a very slight lisp. Seeing that post brought a smile to my face. It may have been the same smile that Paul had.
My friend's son was diagnosed with autism. One day a few years ago, him and I got into a lengthy and detailed conversation on a topic that was of interest to both of us. Later that night, I received a text from her telling me that he son asked if I had autism too. Although I have never been diagnosed as such, that was the first time it clicked that i may be.
Since I learned I was on the spectrum, and learning about autism, I believe I’ve gotten pretty good at detecting it in others. Usually you can see that they are stressed when trying to figure out how to respond in social situations that others would know exactly what to do. Or they just kinda beat to their own drum while others are all in sync. I’m trying to mask less and just be cool and confident about it. Because I feel resentful towards others when I put in so much effort just to be like them. There are usually other odd people out in every group I’m in, and no matter how much that person is ignored by the rest of the group, I usually enjoy sparking up conversation with them in the corner of the room. I don’t care who’s considered cool or popular or whatever. I’ll go out of sync with others to be comfortable
Had a co-worker on the spectrum, one day when he left the room another co-worker whispered to me “Don’t you think “Blank” has some kind of mental illness?” That was the first time I was aware that I’m better at hiding my autism than some others. I’ve spotted people on the spectrum and felt 99% sure they were on the spectrum even though they masked well. And I don’t think NT pple knew but it takes one to know one.
That was a very well rounded discussion, as for me I discovered through my son whose son had some degree of autism diagnosed and through his discussion with the autism specialist started to realize that maybe both he and I had it too. On investigation into videos like yours it became very apparent that I too had High Functioning Autism. ONE manifestation which kind of wrecks your life was I was fortunately very good at interviews because they were highly structural but after getting the jobs my complete absence from end of week socializing etc soon put me on top of the redundancy list at virtually all economic downturns no matter how well I did the job. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY!! (I'm 71yrs old and smiling)
I taught science for 10 years, the kids loved me and all my test tube explosions. Their exam marks were the best. The other teachers couldn't understand how such noisy classes produced good results, especially the male teachers. I was diagnosed autistic at 72 years. Explained my whole life !
From childhood to now people were always very good at spotting my autism and treating me bad, bullying me and excluding me from groups, making me feel like an outsider. The problem is I was diagnosed only this year, at 31 years old, which means my social life so far had been a heel. I hope things can change from now on.
Wow, Paul. I felt so validated with this video. I recently left a comment on your collab with the Crappy Childhood Fairy saying that another way you can differentiate between autism and CPTSD is the reaction that people has towards your interactions with them. "Cranky" or "troubled" people with CPTSD still blend, others usually don't have a problem with hanging around with them. I said that because that is my experience. I almost pass for an NT but I'm so clearly different that, since childhood, I tend to get animosity from others, sometimes just by doing and saying nothing at all. For example, I used to enjoy going to the mall (fashion is one of my special interests); 8 times out of 10 I was very concious that I was being followed by security or pissy store employees who wouldn't interact with me, but kept close and looked at me every now and then. Turns out seeing a lone person, during the low flow hours, with unfocused, wandering eyes, who is vaguely touching the fabrics of the items in the racks is _very_ suspicious. Another one: I was explaining a concept to a person in a comment section of some video, and out of the blue (from my viewpoint) she accused me of "picking fight" with her. Things like this get me in trouble, especially at work. I have stories, but those were too traumatizing for me to share in public. I also think I get this reaction in part because I'm a woman. I'm almost certain my partner is also on the spectrum, but he has had a different experience in life because, in our culture, having a caustic sense of humour and being blunt (or even rude) are not undesired traits for a man. Also because men tend to be less picky/judgmental on behavioral details among peers.
Oh my god... just made a connection that THAT is why people at stores were acting kind of weird when I was on my own. I have a tendancy to be very hands on with things (I love touch input... never really equated it with autism until my recent diagnosis) and never thought anything of it, but also very odd that anyone would be suspicious of me. I just never really put it together... 😅
The "picking a fight" part is so relatable... I'm undiagnosed, but under the suspicion that I'm autistic, asperger end of the spectrum, and might even have AD(H)D, for almost a year. I have a whole internal masking system in place that I only realized I have when it collapsed due to the pandemic. Since I started secondary school 8 years ago, I had several hobbies, most of them with other people, because I tried to seem like a social person. But I'd also hide in the library and on trees with a book to shut my mind off. I left High School this year with a secondary degree and am at drama school now for about two months. At first I got along well with my semester, but now it has become evident that I'm the odd one out, just like I was before with my class and grade. I recently had a "picking a fight" situation with my classmates when I read the intention of a text message wrong and answered with something that was meant to show I belong, but was apparently insensitive... 👀 When Paul talked about that masking guy and his tells my mind went like "Oh." because that's exactly what I have been doing 😅 That's a lot, haha, thanks for listening. I'm always insecure with sharing about my autistic traits, since I got invalidated a lot when I tried to raise the topic with my family and therapist... But it feels good to talk about it too :)
Highly agree. I recently got diagnosed, and part of why I'm able to mask so well is due to the narcissistic parenting I received growing up. Being forced to conform and fit in to the narrow band of hometown culture growing up meant that I had only a small window by which I had to act and behave to be accepted by the surrounding society I was raised in. Didn't do much good, since I was still called out for being weird, being socially inept, and constantly harassed by my peers. This was especially soul crushing when I became an adult and still couldn't properly fit into social spaces that I felt I shouldn't have a problem with. I don't think I needed much in the way of accommodations growing up for myself, but I would have felt far more better and accepting of who I am if I had known I was on the spectrum and to not treat my shortcomings as moral and personal failures of inadequacy like I did for decades of my life.
I’m not self aware enough to know whether or not I am displaying atypical behavior. However, I am very aware I struggle with conversations. I can’t small talk. It’s rather stunning how terrible I am at them. Lol oh well. Good health and happiness to you. 🌻 🧩 💜
I remember having the epiphany moment of thinking "Questions!" when I was younger, it made small talk so much easier. You can pre-script a lot of generic quesions. Most people love talking about themselves, so by asking one of those, you can just tune in and listen to their response, looking for the next question to ask. People tend to interpret it as you being nice, kind and a good listener too, which is a bonus. Wanted to share, in case it helps you with small talk too.
In college I've lived with 7 guys in the same flat. I didn't befriend any of them because I suck at small talk to the point of never leaving my room. LOL
I used to walk to university classes alone every day, always wearing headphones. At the time I never realized that I came across as "different" in any way, and wondered why I would be stopped and asked for ID by police. I later learnt that it was mainly my clothing that drew unwanted attention from police, and it got better when I changed my cupboard. One day, there was another "different" looking guy on my way home who looked at me from a distance like he recognized me, kind of smiling but more amused as though he had made an interesting observation... I thought he was going to say something to me so I pulled my headphones around my neck but as we passed each other he blurted out something about "auditory sensory overload". I thought, "How odd!" and carried on walking. When I turned around he was still looking at me like he could see into my future and had an important message for me. I had a mathematics professor who also came across as kinda different. He asked to see me after class and he strongly recommended that I consider taking mathematics as one of my majors. When I asked him why, he gave a deep sigh and looked at me like he didn't want to say what was on his mind, paused and then responded like he was giving me an alternative answer, "because I want to increase the number of students in my classes". Lots of people who get close enough often tell me I'm "kinda different" or "a bit strange" or "kinda odd" or "a bit weird"... always in a kind or nice way... "green hair! only you could pull off something like that". I had no clue what Asperger's or autism was until I had a conversation with my niece about a really difficult day I'd had with extremely noisy kids and then bright lights in busy traffic on my way home, and how after that experience, all I wanted to do was lay on my bed in silence with the lights off coz I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted and disconnected from reality... and then she paused and quietly asked me if I'd ever heard of Asperger's. At the time, I was wondering why she would bring up Alzheimer's in that conversation, "Isn't that the thing that older people get?" Lots more instances of people making observations about me (memory, routines, language, challenges with using phone and email and WhatsApp, getting overwhelmed) but stopping short of saying what's on their mind and then just dropping a hint or diverting. I started connecting some of those dots after my niece mentioned Asperger's and after seeing TH-cam videos like this one. Never been diagnosed.
My english pretty bad actually, it's been a long time ive been depressed and had sensory overload, just like you say, certain lights and some epileptic inducing videos overwhelms me, so i relate to you so much.... On mathematics, i really have interest to learn again, but don't know where to start to learn from scratch again
I'm also undiagnosed but after reading Temple Grandin's book, Thinking in Pictures, I knew that was me. Also autism is quite strong in my father's side of the family. We have not been diagnosed at all.
I have been able to spot autism sins I was a kid. Growing up I was abused. And brainwashed to hide my Autism. When the abuse stopped I started to show more and more signs like a dam breaking. Great video Paul.
People sometimes notice the odd thing or two about me. But if anyone ever spotted autism in me, they did not tell me. I guess one reason is that I probably have combined ADHD and autism (on waiting list for diagnosis) and these conditions are known to partially mask each others symptoms. And I believe I am also compensating or masking by consciously controlling my behavior.
"But if anyone ever spotted autism in me, they did not tell me" most people can notice the traits and tell one is "weird". But they don't know what autism is, so if it's not like in Rainman or worse, they don't know what exactly it is, but they know you have something
I always wondered why people would double take or stare at me like they could see something I couldn't. I only just found out I'm on the spectrum late in life. I wish I would have known sooner. Thank you for your videos 💗
I've been very good at spotting autism in others, often before they are diagnosed or self-diagnosed, which is often how I spotted "potential friends" and it worked pretty well! Also, I definitely know what makes me stand out even if I pass pretty well, I found that acting casual about it often makes neurotypicals drop their suspicion and tends to also make them appreciate me as a "quirky" (lol) person, and the last thing I'd add is boundaries are very useful when neurotypicals become convinced of some hidden motives or such, putting some distance and time usually make them come back on their judgment and if not at least they're less likely to actively bother you
I wish I could have a camera follow me around for a day while I interact in the world, so I could see what others see. I think I pass as neurotypical pretty well in public, but I may be fooling myself.
I had the opportunity to see myself in a video of a conversation at a public event. I remember using the wrong word first then trying to correct myself, and my mouth couldn't keep up with brain and my face looked weird when I stuttered. (Butterfly versus Ladybug. I knew what it was, but my brain sent the wrong word to my mouth first.) Seeing my own mouth get stuck in a momentary hurry-stutter, I was convinced that everyone in the group saw my face go weird for a couple seconds as I hurried to correct myself. I am recently self-diagnosed with Aspergers. The more I learn from others in the spectrum, the more I recognize it in myself and others in my family.
I love this video (and your general style) so much. I'm a trans masc autistic, diagnosed as an adult. I also have ADHD. I often feel like being raised as a girl left me with a lot of baggage, but also an ability to mask expertly. I just wish that one day no one will have to mask. On a happier note, you look really handsome in this video and I wish you all the best!
That was about the time I reaslized it too. After spending almost a decade being around 3 autistic little girls. I could spot it in other adults and kids super easy but not myself. I also had the wierd experince of complete strangers kids recognizing it in me and I still didn't catch on.
The answer is yes, my Mom and I call it the parking lot diagnosis ie: when you can tell someone is autistic just by looking at them from across a parking lot.
I've only had my diagnose for half a year, but I realize more and more that people must be noticing my differences a lot. Now, when I meet new people I just give them a heads up of me being aspie and maybe a quirk or two that they might notice. Before, they'd just start avoiding me after a while because they must have noticed things and decided to not interact with me more than necessary because I guess I just appeared unnormal (and I thought my masking was good!). And now people are a lot more positive towards me. Now that new people in my life already know what's up, I noticed that they are a lot more relaxed around me and for the first time ever I'm starting to make friends! It's such a new concept to me that I feel like I have to learn what to actually do with friends. Does anyone have a "What to do with friends - 101"?
"Does anyone have a "What To Do With Friends 101"?" 😂 I love the way you said that! I kinda have two and a half different answers 🤔 1) Find out what likes, interests, and hobbies you share so that you can do them together. 2) Repeatedly insist on sharing more of your likes, interests, and hobbies with each other until you either find something new that you both like or you get so tired of each other that you don't want to hang out for a whole month🤦♂️(this is both a joke and a good example of my real life experience with friends)🤷♂️ 1/2) I don't know 🤷♂️ but I hope to make more autistic friends soon, and hopefully friendships will be a bit more easy or natural within a neuro diverse community 🤷♂️
My kindergarten teacher spotted autism pretty early in me in the 1980's. This was kind of amazing that she did. But others disagreed - thankfully - as my schooling then where I was would have been different, and I benefitted from thinking I was like everyone else well into post secondary. I don't think I would have gone to post secondary or done well in high school with the type of help that seemed available in the 80's and early 90's. There were still studies then of looking at autism as a cause of criminal behavior! So yeah, glad I wasn't diagnosed then. Instead I became an engineer, a female engineer, and later learned the connections of autism and burnout after working a few years. I don't think most people 'know' I have autism, when they meet me, but they might think I'm odd, I simply don't find some social requirements logical, and so I don't care about them - it's exhausting to try all the time to be what others find natural to be, so I let myself be who I am while doing my very best to understand what is respectful and caring. So no, I don't think most people notice, but I suspect sometimes I'm that 19 year old, who has obvious signs but think I don't.
A lot of people notice my lack of eye contact and lack of visible emotional recognition and think I am rude, but often I am giving them my full attention and thinking a lot more
I loved your story! Thank you for sharing I dont identify as a woman but i have a woman's body. But i often forget to respond when people refer to me as a woman. I am not elegant at all or "womanly". I dont look at peoples faces. Never, it hurts too much. Eyes are information overload. I cant stand smalltalk even for a minute. I walk "robotic" almost like marching. I am in chronic pain and always sleep deprived so my eyes look red and sunken (eyebags?) (bad english). I look basically pale and ill always. I always look at the ground when i walk. I think really fast but verbally i am extremely weak and cant form correct sentences even in my own language. I sound like a chipmunk. I also am overly nice and old fashioned in my choice of words to strangers for some reason. I dont like touching people, i sometimes often need to shower to brush the presence off of me in a way. Cant explain that very well, most people are too extreme/loud and they "stick" to me. I cant stand loud sounds, bright lights and i cant filter conversations so i constantly pick up every word someone is saying wich often causes a shutdown if i'm in a social situation for too long. I dont know how to process all thosr conversations i wasnt even part of. My body is slightly deformed and my hands cramp into "claws" most of the day. I also have a disdorder wich causes me to feel pain in a really weird way. If i'd cut myself i would not notice until i would see blood for example. I would feel something like an alarm going off om my head that there is something wrong but i would not know what or where. Healthcare cant help because they always sent me away because i cant even answer basic question like if i feel cramp, itch or pain and where inside my body. I also dress very weird, i either look like a rainbow christmas tree or a crappy edgy sithlord including the facemask and armor/army like features. I can pick up foreighn languages really fast because of the patterns wich is weird because i am so poor at speech. I can pet animals most people cant like birds, especially crows. I often even receive gifts like branches etc, really cute. I can read them easily, birds are "open books" to me and i spend a lot of time in forests and so often make contact with birds. I love animals, and most of them really seem to like me. I can sadly also spot injuries or other deformaties in animals really quick wich hurts to see. I dont like kids at all, i find them scary and loud. I can't express emotions though i feel a lot, i sometimes think i feel more then most people inside. I have minimal to no body language and my face is always kinda neutral. I cant even cry. I dont understand society but i always try to be polite and never try to bother anyone. Also in my own interest; i am scared of people. If i behave polite i hope people will be polite back but it often makes things worse... I also make a lot of jokes but sadly rarely someone laughes with me. And i dont get most jokes either. I love dark humor and wordplay jokes. I also have morbid interests but i dont see it that way, i dont hurt anyone with what i like or create. So those are a few things what i know about me that is different. I cant mask and cant fit in and everything i do seems to be awkward and/or wrong. Downsides are that most people just dont like me. I often hear they want to punsh or hate/dislike me but dont even know why exactly (i always ask why but rarely get a answer always something like "you just annoy me" or "you are up to something") I am also very afraid for police because they often come to me to ask what i am doing and if i use drugs. I often tell them what i am doing but they rarely believe me i am simply trying to go to a store for example. I even have people sent cops after me because i was a "suspicious person". I now carry a card that explains i am heavily autistic but most people dont even want to read it. People often take pictures of me wich should be considered a crime imo. I also get bullied a lot and was heavily abused as a kid and got no family or home. I am placed from location to location for years now, sometimes need to sleep in the forest and ioften contemplate ending it all. Also, i feel i have a target above my head for people with bad intentions. They spot me easily and because i get scared so easily i sadly have to live with those consequences too and have PTSD besides asperger. There seems to be no healthcare for me and people often think i have a low intelligence for some reason. And i am also so easily bored by simple things... i can often predict by patterns what is going to happen in movies, debates, watching tv, in books etc. Upsides are that there are those rare moments people, often with huge problems, who i dont even know seem to trust me with their entire life story. Its excausting but interesting. And animals like me amd i like them, they calm me. I can also draw and create monsters and dolls (profile pic is the face of a doll that i made) and i love to fantasize. I can also make my own clothes and build furniture and paint etc without every havind amy education in amything. I can often eatch diy tutorials and copy the skills (I left school when i was about twelve). And i can spot all tiny things in nature easily like small insects and fish etc. I also have a broad taste of music and styles and i have so many ideas on how to better the world and make things easier and improve healthcare etc. And now the funniest part; some autistics can spot me easily. And i can often spot them without having to see their face. I get more and more other autistic people asking me if i am autistic. I really love that. They dont see a weird or creepy person. They see a fellow alien who does not fit in. Those and animals/nature are moments that keep me on survival mode somehow. But i'm 34 yesrs old now. I look like i'm barely 25 and dying and i feel 3000 years old. My body is a ruin and i still hope i cam find a home and healthcare. I feel like i should achieve something, leave something behind. All the suffering cant be for nothing... I also hope i can make friends thati can visit and be safe with, i hope autistic friends that consider me just fine the way i am and vice versa. Yes, i do think i sometimes have some sort of radar to spot other autistics. It comes so natural when it does happen from both sides.
frfr this vid is awesome as hell! I also do trial and error with others instead of completely relying on a first impression, but also I try to be mindful of my energy levels with others just in case they would overstep boundaries or drain me a lot - which is the main judgement I use as a first impression
I had to smile your story about the little girl... so often I see a child being told off because they're "being difficult" when they are, to me, obviously on the spectrum and doing things to calm themselves. I have to stop myself telling their parents/carers because I want them to understand but I know the timing wouldn't be helpful or welcome :)
I found it interesting how your description of the lil girls behaviour - as someone with an ADHD D/x but not an autism one, I'd probably have the unconscious bias that her stimming looking up at the sun twiddling her fingers was her ADHD coming through! I think neurodivergent peeps are definitely better at spotting each other.. game recognise game.. but I think we see in other people what we know about ourselves.. so as you rightly say in the video, we might pick up on someone's neurodivergent vibe better than NTs, but we might not get it exactly right. It's really exciting and comforting though that LOADS of the people I vibe with the most in my life have turned out to either be autistic or have ADHD... These are people that, when I first met them, waaayy before any of us were AWARE of our differences... Within SECONDS I had this instinctual feeling that they 'got' me and we instinctively felt safer with each other because we weren't masking with each other as nearly as much ❤️💜
Since I learned about what autism really is, I started to see the signs in certain people around me. I mostly notice it in myself though, I'm one who flies under the radar a lot though. At least for the first five minutes. After that it becomes clear prettty quickly that I am different. The funniest thing are people that I tell about my (self-diagnosed) autism beause I really don't see it as something that I should hide (I never masked much in my life, my excentrics were thankfully just accepted by the people around me) and they're like "What? You're not autistic!" And then I spend some time with them (I guess I am a rather extroverted autistic) and very soon they're like "Actually... I'm seeing it now...". I guess I'm in a very lucky position - my parents used a lot of patience and time to help me develop good social skills.
Another excellent video! I feel like a bobble head doll with these videos because there are so many brilliant content creators on here and I always find myself nodding along to so much of what they say. Now it's time for a novel-length comment that I won't fool myself anyone will probably read, because who has time for that (except very few people)? Regardless, into the breach I go! Cue dramatic throat clearing: Whenever I hear anyone saying you can't and shouldn't diagnose anyone unless you're a licensed psychologist, I always wish I could try and set them straight (not that trying would do any good, because let's be real here). People who live or have experienced autism, or any other neurodiverse condition or even personality disorders, tend to have good or fairly decent radars for these things. Sometimes all it takes is indeed just a second when someone's traits are in full effect. What neurotypicals would snap judge as awkward / socially inept / weird / introverted / rude / creepy; etc; many of us recognise as autistic because we've lived it, or continue to live it. What is more, it never fails to frustrate me when you hear about someone who is blatantly autistic, yet their behaviour is invariably attributed to anything else. As you so rightly pointed out, though, it's not always immediately apparent (at least to me personally), because some autistics are competent maskers who have learned to fine tune their camoflage to blend in most of the time, and perform this complex dance as if it were second nature. It really is the fine tuning that makes all the difference, all the little things that individually wouldn't raise any suspicions but together add up to a sense of difference. That's not to say some or many don't still trip NT's radars somehow-maintaining eye contact for a milisecond too short or long here; responding a micro-fraction too quickly or slowly there; standing just those few centimetres too near or far occasionally; the list goes on-what we autistics may see as a flawless act, or largely flawless but with the infrequent hiccup, could be entirely transparent to NTs, because our version of NT is at best an approximation. After I was diagnosed in my teens (autistic; although latterly also ADHD), I thought that I could simply pretend to be neurotypical, and no-one would be any the wiser as long as I never disclosed- never mind that this tactic never worked before when I and everyone else knew how glaringly different I always was. I believed that diagnosis alone had instantly granted me this magical ability to act NT. It took me many years to realise that not only had I never mastered any aspect of masking, but that my traits were still visible from space. To this day, I know I'm incapable of masking, and that I immediately give most people that same "something is off" vibe that instantly engenders dislike or at least wariness. I feel the term "privilege" is generally overused these days. That said, I think it's applicable here, because "passing privilege" is very real. Unless you're a savant or gifted in some way, and/or supremely accademically qualified, and/or excel in a particular skill; etc; being unable to pass closes doors. There's no doubt masking may be difficult and taxing in the long term, and I really don't mean to try and minimize that, however, it can open doors that would otherwise be firmly shut. Navigating employment and any form of interpersonal interaction is at least possible for maskers, even if it eventually may come at a cost. From a personal perspective, I've also found that non-masking can carry a stigma, as if you're a failure as an autistic person if you haven't achieved neurotypical assimilation. So yeah, those are my thoughts. I commend anyone who actually managed to make it to this point. Thank you again for your continued, very thought-provoking work. It really is fantastic to have people such as yourself who are getting the discussion out there.
It can be confusing as TH-cam shows the premier date in US format mm/dd/yyyy and the time in a US timezone, irrespective of where you are in the world. Google should do better but a lot of US companies are stuck in a northern hemisphere Pacific Time bubble.
I’ve had experienced similar things. And no body realizes I’m autistic but my autistic fiancé realized it at 1st glance and knew he was too and we both have eye contact. I’m 42 just got assessed after my children diagnosis.
Interesting topic! I was diagnosed about 2 years ago at age 65 after thinking for decades that I was not like most of the people I met. I always assumed this was because I fell into the category sometimes labelled "gifted". One curious aspect of my brain wiring is that I'm not really interested in what others think about me (in social situations - I want to be acknowledged for my contributions at work) and I have never felt the need for social interaction. I'm quite happy to be on my own. This all adds up to me having no idea if people think I'm autistic. I think I can spot autism in others as you described, but I don't know if others can see it in me. As far as I know, I was just seen as the smart kid.
Your generation, which is also mine, had no word for autism or Asperger, and you could be bright and weird and silent without anybody thinking a thing about it. Now I am close to 70 and know better, but it does not really matter any longer, does it?
How did you manage to find someone to diagnose you? I've been looking and the only drs in my area only see children for ASD diagnosis. It's so frustrating.
@@patricepalmer1909 I was lucky in that my employer sponsored a mental health program. I picked a psychologist from the program list who seemed to focus on ASD. After 6 sessions she said yup, definitely ASD with ADHD in the mix as well. Now that online doctor meetings are a thing, you can look outside your area. My psych was 500 miles away.
This totally makes since to me. The more I learn about myself and autism the more, I immediately think someone else is autistic to. I never know if someone is mad at me so I have to ask it often. I've been so good at masking that when I tell people I have autism they are outwardly shocked and tell me there is no way I could be.
This was surprisingly much deeper than I anticipated, well done!! As a 62 year-old, retired US military enlisted, this is a recent revelation to me. Always busy, with the speed of life, you know. Fortunately for me the USAF doesn't discriminate on "subtle" differences. I might not have been accepted in the first place ;) Thanks!!!!
I am watching this because my grown son seems to have some signs of autism but it wasn't until talking to other mothers with son who have been diagnosed there are some similarities. When describing his peculiar ways of being socially it is starting to make sense and actually comforting there is a name for it. It's been frustrating trying to understand him but when talking about the way he likes to dress it made me laugh. I just always thought my son was quirky but is extremely capable person in so many areas.
Yes! Thank you for putting this into words so clearly! this has been rattling around in my skull for bit, makes sense that we are able to recognize if we see behaviors that are like our own (aka neurodivergent traits) in others. My favorite thing is talking with other ND people and communicating/engaging with them the way I wish others did for me.
You are so wise and so kind. I hsve always loved & sought the company of people who see things differently with hope they'll be just as excited to learn the infinite. We were painters in the sixties, after all. Hoped all things, believed all things. Blessingd on your way my friend!
Everybody has known I'm different my whole life, but of course the minute I mention I'm autistic, I'm "normal". I've recently noticed that I spot autism really well and had no idea. Looking back at my life I've naturally befriended the outsiders, probably because we have the same neurology. I get a connected feeling to some people and have no idea why. When I was younger and single, I think I mistook it for a crush that I didn't know the reason behind it. Nope, I'm just spotting autistic people, before I even knew I am autistic.
When i found out i was on the spectrum (last summer at age 37) and told people around me, the reactions were very diverse. I think in hindsight it really depends on the person as well. My mom was shocked in a way that it was a real eye opener. While my mother in law had her strong suspicions right from the start. Unknowingly i've been gravitating towards fellow neurodivergents my entire life. I think most of the people i hang out with have something going on in the lines of autism, adhd, add, etc. I have been wondering if we have some sort of radar detection for our kind ;) It also helps a great deal that through my own research i now know a thing or two about what to look for. I have already experienced Paul's example and felt the joy and need to tell them "hey have you considered autism?". Wildly inappropriate in most cases so i'm holding back. Luckily i can tell my wife sometimes. See that one over there? lol
I do think that we have some kind of radar. All the friends I have made as an adult are neurodivergent. When I meet someone new and really like and get along with them it has become almost the norm to find out at some point what their diagnosis is and then I'm always like "of course I'm friends with you, of course I gravitated towards you"
For so long I was able to see it in others but didn’t see it in myself until I was 41. I can say that about 20% of the people I work with have autistic traits and are very intelligent medical professionals. One of them, who I am friends with, would make a comment about another (excusing his behavior) saying “Well you know he’s on the spectrum” and it takes everything I have inside of me not to say “YOU MEAN LIKE US!”
Hi Paul, excellent explanation. I think I fly under the radar, but I must re-assess. I imagine I usually look bored in a group discussion, like I am enduring the conversation : ). However, in a conversation with only one other person I think I make a great effort to show interest.
What you said about being more comfortable and engaged talking to people one on one as opposed to in groups really hit home for me. Does anyone know if this is a common trait among many autistics? To prefer the intimacy of one on one connections to group settings? Or is this just indicative of an introvert? Would love more clarification on this or even a video. Thanks so much! 💚
Paul, I have learned that others spot me as being "different" if they have more than a short chat with me. I'm great at the superficial encounter. Deeper conversations lay bare the fact that I'm not a "typical" person. My solution? I dye my hair. Typically pink. It's great fun, I like how it looks, and it externalizes my "otherness" and gives a ready topic of discussion. I realize I'm lucky I can do this, because of the job I have and the fact that I'm not threatening otherwise, according to American society (white, not tall or short, average looking, middle class). I wouldn't recommend this approach for everyone, because one too many "other" traits can all of a sudden cause a VERY different reaction. But 1 or 2 "different" external traits seems to help, because it eliminates the surprise others may have in how I approach things differently.
I wondered if I looked autistic today as I followed my friend round the charity shop. I always do it, rather than go off to look I stand near her and look at the stuff, or stand stock still once my mind is fragmenting from the endless loud blouses. That dosnt take long.
Same! I don’t get people who shop together but browse the store separately. Like, shouldn’t we just go around together so we can comment on things? And how will we find each other if the shop is big? And what if I want an opinion on which one to buy, I’ll have o hint you down 😂 maybe we should be shopping together instead 😂
From a child to young adult, I've been called various things like: odd, quiet, slow, special, weird, chill, nonchalant, awkward, stupid, silent, observant. I noticed through out my years that I like to do something I call rev matching aka masking/mimicry to try and blend in but I always stick out like a sore thumb. I also notice everyone around me is so much different and doesn't go through the struggles of socializing, small talk and various other things that are "normal". Not diagnosed by any professional I'm self diagnosed for the most part even my family has accepted from a very young age that I'm most likely autistic. I have cousins that are diagnosed and I can relate heavily to em. It makes me feel more comfortable to know that others around me are similar in a way. I most likely don't wanna get diagnosed due to the work place discriminating me. At the same time I should go through with it one of these days.
Late diagnosed autistic, and even the psychologist diagnosed me said I was atypical and didn't tick all the 'conventional boxes' but was undoubtedly autistic. I think I'm one of those people that probaly fly under most people's radar as possibly having a disability, yet I will always flag someone's odd box... I kind of feel that it's always been to my detriment, as people often used it to make fun of me, other me, etc. I've been told as a teen that I was very book smart, but was lacking 'street smarts'. It's nice to finally get that diagnosis to finally know what it is and to finally work on self acceptance. Anyways, thanks for the content. You're one of a couple autistic TH-camrs who I get excited for new releases. :)
This is the second of your videos I have watched. I am diagnosed with bipolar as was my daughter, mother, and grandmother. I have had friends who were also bipolar and sometimes that can be a problem as in drama queens. I started hanging out with a guy who seems to have Asbergers and it is really easy between us. I flip out or get very depressed, but after I explained my bipolar to him, things were okay between us. He is very calm all of the time and that is soothing to me. I don't feel judged by him and that is rare for people with bipolar. Up with Aspergers! I know that term isn't used anymore, but I think it should be.
As a kid I was fairly self-contained. Happy playing alone, but also happy playing with other neighborhood kids when they were around, though I found 'pretend' a bit awkward and weird. I related to adults better than some kids. I was happier choosing the outfit for the doll and setting up the house than having the doll pretend to interact with the other doll. When I got to middle school I started being accused of memorizing the dictionary or the encyclopedia (I liked to read a lot, which obviously changed my vocabulary) and being standoffish. It was even more so in high school. I preferred to hang out with boys at the lunch table than girls because boys were always straight and clear in their communication--they would tell you what they thought straight out. I also found them more accepting and less mean. They might've found me annoying, but never enough to tell me to go away to my face. I was a nerd. Girls always seemed like they were looking at me like some nasty bug. In college I found people who were quirky and weird and accepted me, though I felt like I was the boring quiet one. It was very freeing having friends with colorful hair and different fashion choices, with niche interests. I felt less weird. In work life people tell me I have great attention to detail, but also that I 'talk funny' meaning I express myself in a quirky fashion. People say they learn words they didn't know before when I talk. I really disliked having to work in an office because I felt like I had to dress a certain way, and the office was always cold, and cubicle farms are noisy and have no privacy. I have always valued comfortable clothing over stylish stuff. I've completely abandoned fancy shoes, skirts and dresses, and makeup, and even shaving. I'm slowly moving away from woven clothing, because it's restrictive. I've always preferred solid color clothing--I can't stand most patterns used on clothing, with very few exceptions. Now I work from home in the quiet, where I can put on a sweatshirt and make myself a snack whenever and not have to be on display all the time, and it's much better. I find myself unable to stand still in, say, a parking lot after a bike ride having conversation with other people. I start moving around, pacing I guess. Going to someone else's place for a get together feels really strange and uncomfortable, especially if I don't know many folks. I don't know what to do with myself in such a situation. I mostly listen when other people talk, and try to decide when it's appropriate to eat something. Recently I've noticed myself wiggling my fingers in the grocery store while I debate this or that item. These last few years I've played all my you tube videos on 1.5 speed because people talk so slowly. I have serial hobbies--I'll immerse myself completely in a hobby for a period of time, get to know it thoroughly, then drop it like something poisonous and move on to the next hobby. I've been told before that I was weird or different or 'not like other girls' but nobody ever really followed up with a reason. My child's diagnosis came their senior year of high school. They are doing well in college with some accommodations. I took some of the online tests and they said I would be autistic, but the scores were not far into the autistic range. I have a hard time with those tests though, because I can clearly see the pattern in the questions, I and I know what answers would skew the score one way or the other, and so I'm not entirely sure if my debates with myself about the wording and how it applies to me are really honest and accurate or not. I suppose just having the debate with myself kinda tips the scales in a direction. Since learning about this stuff more, I'm starting to be able to 'see' other people's traits more clearly, but also my own. Gosh, look at my oversharing.
Your video is excellent as always! Yes people always notice I'm different, and as I get older I find that I don't really care if people think I'm "weird", because there are so many people out there walking around that are different shades of weird, that they shouldn't be judging me. For example: I started a new job about 2 months ago in a dollar type store. My assistant manager, when I met her for the very first time, I knew she was severely bi-polar, and have had this confirmed by her behavior many times since. I am autism spectrum, and I don't feel safe around her! She seems dangerous and off-the-wall to me. However, she judges me by my actions and behaviors, even though I am different, but I'm still nice to the customers. I'm starting to wonder, as a side note, if there are really truly any "neurotypical" people.
I am very sensitive to physical similarities as well as differences. I have picked out close relatives of friends in the street from behind, just by a glance at their body shape or gait! I didn't learn of the actual relationship until I coincidentally met these people later.
I feel like this video describes me to the core, I am always a bit of an outsider and everything you mentioned. It's kind of weird to think about how everyone around me can probably pick up on that and all the other things about me that are just a little off and that they will probably misinterpret it. Great video!!!
As a young adult I took some courses that helped me learn how to look neurotypical, including making eye contact and learning how a proper communication cycle happens. That went a long way toward fitting in, but eventually backfired when my "idiosyncrasies" (my autistic nature) showed up. Finding out I was on the spectrum when I was 52 was like having a major earthquake in my brain. It forced me to re-evaluate my entire life. I didn't know neurotypical people thought I was "weird" until my child told me. I knew I was different, but I didn't think it was obvious to everyone else. Learning this made me feel incredibly vulnerable and exposed. Eventually I gained self-understanding, and now I have fully accepted my autism as both a challenge and a gift.
All my life, most people have noticed that I am different, often straight away but almost always within a short time. I think the very fact that I 'felt' different made me stand out as 'being' different (even though, not knowing at the time that I was autistic, I thought I was normal and tried to act normal [thoughts and feelings are two different things; feelings wave a bigger brighter flag than thoughts]). However, nobody ever said they thought I was autistic until I found out a month ago and told my best friends, who all said they knew all along. I have known one of those friends for 20+ years, one for 12 years and one for 5 years (that's my friend count, at age 61). All three of them have experience of autism in their families (that I did not know about until I told them I was autistic) but are not themselves autistic - and that is why I think they are probably still friends...because they know how to interact with autistics, so they accept me for what I am. In fact, the friend of 20+ years thought I always knew I was autistic! I can't help wondering how many other people have known it in my past but never said, for whatever reason? If the whole of society had their experience, or at least their knowledge, the world for autistics would be a much better place.
I've only recently been diagnosed, in my 30's and over 20 years since my dad and I first heard of Aspergers and wondered (but dismissed at the time because I'm a woman and my granny had taught me to mask from a young age). I think people at school and university picked up I was different, and I think the people I gravitated to and became close with are all neurodiverse in some way (several have autism diagnoses as adults), and one office I worked in they all knew and treated me with the respect and support I needed and it was amazing. It gave me the strength to seek finally seek diagnosis when I ended up working somewhere less understanding, but here I've had so many comments being completely stunned at the diagnosis and saying they had no idea and a few who just knew - again, the neurodiverse people.
I find your description of snap judgments very illuminatin and it is certainly a good thing to recognise them and analyse them a little later. I don't think that I am on the autism spectrum even though I understood when I was eighteen that I had serious problems in socialising. I went to address this problem and learn how to perform better. But the reason for my lack of social skills was probably lack of good role models.
My sons and I are high functioning autistic adults. It's hard to spot physically. It's what we do and say that gives it away. We all do almost everything fast and efficiently, don’t talk much at work, like to work alone, and have a selective high IQ and memory. But we also have a lot of differences, partially because we are all at different levels of high functioning. My point is, on some people, it’s hard to spot unless the circumstances are just right. I did like your video; you always are very informative.
Most people notice pretty quickly that I am different, but usually in a specifically positive way. Occasionally someone says outright that I am a little weird or a bit odd, I even had some people comment on my nervous disposition (we were in a crowded space after a day of work). I used to think that I passed for normal, but recently I have realized how wrong I was, luckily I can usually use my quirks in a charming way so that people feel at ease, I have even had lots of people observe that I have an almost uncanny ability to put others at ease. I have noticed that the people who stay closer and who I enjoy being around are often autistic and/or have ADHD.
Right. That is a very important part of the puzzle missing. It's like when you own a car or a family member owns a car and you 'start' seeing that model of car everywhere, like all of a sudden they're popular in town, when really all that's happened is you've become better at identifying them / your brain isn't purging the input because it's now of personal significance.
If you can pass in the "first impression" there can be the problem that the other signs that leak out later will then aggravate the people who thought you passed the first impression test, it's as if you betrayed them. People wanted to put me in the "nice girl" box when I was a young woman and so, when I swore or when I took a strong stance on something, I was quite often met with the "but I thought that you were a nice girl!" response. Even back then I always thought that that was on them, not me. The closest I've met to it that a wider group of people might recognise is when people hear someone talking a language they didn't know that person spoke. Again, there is the shock, almost anger, that the person isn't who and what they thought they were. (Even if they aren't actually angry they can still be shocked.)
I've struggled so much with the whole "masking enough to seem neurotypical but not totally normal" thing. At this point, in safe spaces where I know people are non-judgmental and non-stigmatizing, but where I'm still not ready to tell people I'm autistic, I find myself consciously unmasking-intentionally letting my eyes wander, stimming with objects, letting my words stutter, etc. It's become my subtle way of signaling to those trusted people that no, I don't hate you and I'm not bored with you-I'm just different! It's kinda weird that unmasking has to feel so calculated to me right now, but it makes sense since for so many years I've masked so intensely/constantly/fearfully (lol). Anyway hopefully one day I'll reach a point where I feel comfortable just telling people outright that I'm neurodivergent, but baby steps! XD
Fantastic video Paul. This is such an important topic for everyone to think through and learn about. I am very close to a few people in my life that stand out more than not and nomatter the reasons for their oddities, in my eyes they seem like rare, beautiful loved ones. I think myself lucky to be a part of their life and I love to experience the true person behind the necessary mask.
Think I can spot it pretty easily, my brother is a year younger than me and is autistic, I've been around him my whole life. a lot of the signs of autism you read about I already know intuitively. Where most people see someone as strange or eccentric I try to be understanding, I can usually tell pretty quickly after someone talks to me. Evidently it's a spectrum and it can be hard to gauge at times, but I tend to get it right.
I love how you are leveraging your personal experiences to achieve this analysis! Great video. I also instantly clue into other people's minute differences due to acute awareness of my own differences. I appreciate your video because it reminds me not to read too much into these intuitive observations (though they may be true), and more importantly to acknowledge their uniqueness simply by listening/receiving/accepting, rather than doing something explicit as is my wont ("hey! I'm like you!" 🤣)
I love your videos, I myself have adhd and I sometimes wonder if I’m on the autism spectrum.. not all fits but some. got diagnosed at 33, I asked myself to get tested because I can’t finish any task, I get distracted from everything, my mom said I never cleaned my room - five minutes after she asked I was doing something completely else. “She just doesn’t listen!!” I’ve always been weird.. without knowing exactly what I did wrong.. I mean I talked a lot… but.. Like I remember hearing my friends say to others “yeah she’s weird but she’s really nice once you get to know her” ..I have severe social anxiety- but my adhd takes over like a defensive mechanism and makes me seem super friendly to everyone and extremely outgoing- I’m not at all. My best friend had Asperger’s, he sadly took his own life eight years ago, but he was .. normal in many aspects - like he was one of the most intelligent people I’ve met, and had an enormously popular TH-cam channel. He could hold a conversation without anyone noticing anything - until he suddenly bursted out loudly “aarh I really want to kill that baby!!” - while the mother of the screaming child stood right next to him.. That, and he was 34 and didn’t know how to tie his shoes, tie a hairband/knot (he said his parents just bought him Velcro shoes…) or that he needed to use deodorant. No one had told him. “Luckily” for me I struggled with many different diseases and so I stopped trying to fit in, like Seuss says: be who you are and say what you feel - those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind :) Well this was long. Sorry 😅
I can not say. I am not even diagnosed but for a little over a year I have been suspicious that I might be. I found your channel one day and I relied on some information to help me. Sadly, a formal diagnosis is hard for me to afford and try not to dwell too much on the thought to avoid confirmation bias! But as usual, I really appreciate your videos! Thank you.
Both of my sons are autistic (13 and 15). Opposite sides of the spectrum (low func/high func). I started researching what to expect as their life progresses through the teenage and adult years. I watched TH-cam videos of adult men on the spectrum, and I found out after about 15 videos that they are EXACTLY like me!! (I’m EXACTLY like them!!) I knew I was on the spectrum after the first video, but I had to watch 14 more, just to make sure. It was a trippy realization that I’ve been autistic this whole time and nobody told me! lol It also explained a lot about my past, and why I am “the way I am”. I’m also ADHD, but that diagnosis didn’t catch me off guard. I remember as far back as 2nd grade having parent/teacher meetings about my attention span. Anyway, I can very accurately spot someone with autism these days. I want to ask the unaware people “Have you considered you may be autistic?”, but I know that’s a rude sounding question, so I don’t.
It's fascinating, because : Gifted persons we recognize each other. And now you gave me conformation Autistic persons recognize each other too. It happened to me theses last months, since I am conscious I have Asperger : _ A little girl gave me a huge smile _ A cashier, nod and smile _ A girl looked up in the direction of my balcony and gave me a huge smile. _ A little girl at supermarket looked at me and smile, it happened too with a boy. (It make me so emotional inside because of this deep spirit/mind or soul connection, and also frustrated, I don't want afraid the parents who surely have biases about psychological/neurological conditions) It's confusing for me, because the person could be only autistic, or only gifted, or both. I can also recognized the personality type of people among the 16 personality of the MBTI. I have good pattern recognition in people and things. My theory is : The unconscious is collective (Carl Jung), and the unconscious know everything. By experience : "We attract people who are like us, we like people who are like us, we attract what we are, we like what we are" We naturally/unconscious go toward people who look like us. At a work I met someone, we have the same Personality type INTJ, I think we have the same enneagram : 5, and I think he is Asperger and Gifted too like me. I have the impression he is the man version of me, the impression that "he is me" We both wear total black look 99% of the time, he always did a nap in is car before the work, and after the lunch, and one day send me he was tired. Someone who is super observant like me, pay attention to detail, good pattern recognition, who like analyze everything ^^ and have knowledge in MBTI, autism and giftedness can know a person more than himself. _When someone walk I notice if the person have a leg shorter than the other, larger forehead, eyes very blue with black hair, odd eyes, wear comfortable clothes instead of fashionable clothes, fidgeting, move their feet nervously, prefer stay lonely at calm don't talk, their aura, their energy, their vibration. By observing the behavior of people and their physic, and what they wear I can guess their personality type (and so know how they process informations and others things). Power of pattern recognition thanks my introvert intuition, it's a blessing and also a curse.
It's really interesting what you talk about autism and assuming things, because when you mask, the amount you assume from social interactions rise, since you are not entirely sure what people mean, but you learned it through the years what they mean when a certain pattern is shown. It was really hard for me two years before finding out I was autistic that I assumed soooo much about things and people that I had people discuss it with me so I could actually break this pattern in my behavior.
People often notice that there's something different about me, but a lot of the time People still like me and gravitate towards me; simply because they are just searching for a person who is kind. But I have to be cautious on my end, because people can be very manipulative and have taken advantage of me. Two people have strongly suspected that I am autistic, and that was how it finally clicked in my head that I should get tested (the AQ test strongly suggests that I am). I am embracing it now and just feel liberated to find an answer to all of my social awkwardness and anxiety since childhood. 😇
I was able to spot autism in the first few words of a girl who spoke to me outside my house. It sounds strange, but it’s can sound like an anime character tone depending on the persons interests, she clearly watched a ton of anime and we talked about shows we liked. As I listened to her more and how she delivered sentences, and also the fact that her little brother was trying to keep her on task with their walk, there was no doubt in my mind.
Having kids and a husband who are autistic, I think I’ve got it down when it comes to spotting it in others. Paul is a master of masking, which makes it not instantly obvious. I loved his description of the little girl, and I would have been drawn to her immediately. In my opinion, there is something innocent and free within autistic children, and many adults too ❤
Agreed, Paul is a master of masking but just now i happened to watch this speeded up, 1.5x, and suddenly saw that the signs are still present, body movements, rocking, wayward eye contact etc, but cleverly made less obvious by being slower. Hello Paul, best wishes to you and thank you for all that you do, you're helping us all so much!
I have that passing privilege but once they get to know me it’s a different story. These days I don’t care anymore , my whole life I’ve been the odd one out/weirdo so now I’ve embraced my nuerodivergencgy. I don’t have to identify with what others project unto me, I simply am who I am and that’s exactly who I’m meant to be 💖
@@sharonhobbs4144 it’s not that I can afford not to care it’s just I’m choosing to be proud of who I am . It’s still a struggle everyday day but I’ve learnt that worrying about if people like me or not hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life. It’s easier to accept who you are.
Good video, Paul. I actually finally caught the premiere. I do catch autism behaviors very quickly, but I never say anything till I verify by watching longer or something. Even then, I never actually directly mention it, but I try to be friendly to the person or their parents, according to the situation.
I’m not sure how quickly they notice I’m different. I just got diagnosed and told several people and the ones who didn’t know me as well seemed surprised or maybe didn’t actually believe me? But the ones who knew me a little better immediately said they saw that in me and were happy for me gaining this understanding of myself. I think the ones who seem more skeptical don’t know very much about autism though and I cannot tell if they perceived me as different right away.
My autism seems to be noticed by quite a few, but not all people. I probably mask less than I used to, as other peoples' opinions of me and how I present myself matters less to me than it used to. Watching Paul's videos have been helpful in this area.
Recently at my job I have been able to mostly (not always) recognize if someone was a former Gifted and Talented kid. Let’s just say I work with a bunch of them and kinda turned it into a guessing game. I can see it in their style, how they speak, etc. Maybe they’re not all autistic but there’s something I’m picking up on
I toe walk, bouncing gate, smile at everyone, I’m expression blind, always wear loose clothes, play in creeks and generally have my head up enjoying life. I’m almost 50, Yea everyone notices
Why would I want to blend in? I’m awesome 😎
What's expression blind? You can't tell if someone is angry or happy based on their face?
Is toe walk a sign?
After being diagnosed with ADHD and learning more about autism (and learning that some of my adult friends have received this diagnoses) I really think everyone I'm close to has some form of Neurodiversity, we must attract one another 😁.
Macy's Ad before this video: "Who's Tiptoe?" What a coincidence.
I was a toe walker for most of my life. But I think it was partly because I wanted to be quiet so my family wouldn't bug me. And I close doors very quietly, as well. I even find people who are careless and loud when closing doors to be annoying.
@Jens Wemmel I'm 57 and I still do it :-)
On my first day in a class (PhD program, so we were all adults) my classmates and I were talking and getting to know each other before class. One of them said he was autistic. I asked him a few questions and it became obvious he wasn’t lying about it. My brother is autistic, so I recognized the traits. It was surprising to me that the other students couldn’t believe him and said he had probably been misdiagnosed. Well, this guy and I became best friends. He’s one of the best human beings I know.
Awesome that he had the support to achieve his educational goals. What age was he diagnosed?
It makes me mad others say nsh you must be misdiagnosed! Like excuuuuuuuse me are you living my life? No! So don't make ignorant statements as such! Smh!
@@rosiecheeks.k "It makes me mad others say nsh you must be misdiagnosed" It's not that strange though. What people know as "autism" is the TV/movies extreme version. And we don't help when we put people who somewhat fit this, and people who don't under the same name. If we kept the Aspergers name, we'd have an easier time letting people undertand that you can hve that and don't look like the Rainman or be visibly obviously impaired.
@@foljs5858 I think the name Aspergers should stay in use,despite what the powers that be in DSM world say,who the hell do they think they are?
@@stevealexander2649 Yeah, it's also just a US psychiatric practice manual. The rest of the world has their own terms, and many keep using Aspergers
I smiled at your anecdote about the man who felt he was passing so well. The same happened to me. I was speaking with one of my staff, who has been a teacher for about 30 years, and I decided to open up to her saying that I was thinking that I was on the spectrum and was considering going for a diagnosis. She looked at me blankly for a second, then said “oh, I thought you already had one.” Having had exposure to various neurodiversity, she saw it right away in me. The wonderful thing was she said it in such a non-judgemental way like she was saying “you didn’t realize you had brown hair?”. It made me feel that I could unmask and it would be all right.
Wow it must be great to live in such an environment
I've had a few people that I've met ask me how much money did I get a month on my check..they were all people who had disabilities I had no clue I was autistic at the time and was offended kinda
@@Jonicenhour-yb3em Oof, hopefully in a retrospective look it is amusing to you.
I had that happen to me last may. I was talking about a frustration with my younger brother's eating habits (note there's a 7 year difference) and I was telling him about how it was maybe due to conditioning given my mother who is bipolar and schizophrenic was hard to follow on a lot but was clear he was the golden child. My friend told me about autism contributing sometimes to a restricted preferences with food. He also told me in the same conversation "the first impression I got from you when I met you was that you were autistic." To me directly being told that was the first time I had had that happen. I brought the idea up to my parents when I was younger, but they told me that I didn't have it. Also, about four months before my friend said this, my professor was having us do digital get-to-know-you surveys so that she could respond to everyone's responses individually. I ended up talking a bit on the etymology of chemistry (since the latter was the class and the former a hobby) and she said something along the lines of "my husband is on the spectrum and he's the most interesting person I know." Part of me was like "subtext, there's subtext... right?" My gf is a lab assistant and she brought this up because the conversation went onto past students, and she said something similar. 🤣
I was only able to “spot autism” in people since my daughter had her diagnosis. And it STILL took me 8 years after that to realise *l* am bloody autistic 😂
It’s been so glaringly obvious but I was too busy being excited at spotted possible autistic signs in other people lol
I realized a kid at the daycare I worked at was autistic 8 years before I realized I myself was autistic. No one else thought this poor girl was autistic but the lack of eye contact, the clear painful stimulus for her, and her hate of mealtimes was a dead giveaway for me.
I realized about myself after my boys were diagnosed. It took me ten years to say it out loud.
Gosh, I relate with both of your experiences so much!
I am seen as highly eccentric, but never autistic. People pick up on the ADHD sometimes, but even that's rare- I have only known about either condition for the last three years. "They think they are too good for other people," is something I have heard throughout my life, when in reality I have no idea how to talk to strangers. Even with people I know we'll, I'm rarely the first to call or strike up a random conversation because I can never tell how other people are feeling. I wait for other people to interact with me, that way I know if they want to talk to me.
When I meet someone new, I unconsciously do a lot of mirroring/mimicry, picking up their mannerisms and speech patterns. I get really embarrassed when I realize I'm doing it, because it's usually a sign that I really like someone and want to be their friend. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to go about it. Other people tend to think I'm socially adept, apparently I'm "cool" as an adult, but I literally have no idea what I'm doing.
100% of this is me too
@@moonbread2334 I'm sorry. I know how much that can suck.
@@tris5602 yeah, i'm sorry that's been your experience too!
I heard during most of my life the phrase “you think you’re better than us” - but it as I’ve aged, it’s gone away as I have learned to soften my way of trying to influence change, and also because in social settings I but on a smile, even if I don’t feel like smiling.
The other thing I’ve realized over the years is that the people who told me this were the ones who were most focused on making sure every fit into their expectations of what is “normal” human behaviour. People who weren’t normality police never thought that way.
Wow, this could be a description of myself. I never considered autism. I just thought it was 'learned' social awkwardness from my parents and I lacked modelling of what is appropriate...
Working at a special school, I like to see how long it takes for students in my class to say, "you're weird! You're not like the other teachers". First time this happened, I was very embarrassed and upset. Now... it makes me feel genuine.
We spot each other. I encounter other people on the spectrum that will not talk to anyone else except for me in a crowd of people or in a gathering. It happens at the gym, at the store, in meetings, or on the street. It’s like we’re -/+ magnets for each other. They, if verbal, approach me and bring up mundane topics. No eye contact, no introductions.
Yeah, it doesn't even matter what the topic is, we're just relieved to be able to (relatively) easily socially converse with someone else 🤣
It’s ridiculous! My friend brings me along to his other friend groups and any time another neurodivergent person is there, we instantly start acting like we’re old friends even though we’ve never met, haven’t disclosed our diagnoses, or even exchanged more than a hello. The connection is powerful and helps me feel less isolated.
@@j.d.senogles1862 This is interesting. I am a self-diagnosed Aspie woman. There is a man who fell in love with me at first sight. He's an Aspie. I have always questioned how he fell for me instantaneously, though he knew nothing about me. You have just made me think that it's possibly because he picked up on my ND immediately.
pp
I generally go unnoticed as being on the spectrum, it is so frustrating. Only took me 33 years to get diagnosed! But I have been called all types of crazy under the sun over the years. I even went to see a psychotherapist when a friend suggested to me that I might have BPD and even they told me that although I had traits, it wasn’t enough to be diagnosed with BPD or bi-polar, so I walked away screaming in frustration and wondering “What is wrong with me then? Why do I feel so different to everyone!?”. One quote I love is “The worst thing about having high-functioning autism is that you’re too weird to be considered normal, but too normal for people to believe you’re autistic”. Never a truer word spoken in my case. 😔
When you said "he was just thinking an processing a lot more than others who would just act on instincts"
I realized that this is exactly how I feel. Other people just know what to say quickly but I go quiet for few seconds because I need to process information and find words that I want to respond with. Sometimes I have that I'm slower than others it's irritating.
Also I'm looking around when I'm speaking.
Yes totally.
I have totally the same thing. I need to process everything and some people are just talking about everything stupid or not. Sometimes I'm jealous about that.
Same here
I also have this thinking thing but I am able to be fast enough so that it is not noticeable, I think.. but it is taking a lot of energy. And I also notice when other people are the thinking ones or not, and I tend not to engage too seriously with the "instinct" ones.. I mean.. if you only act on your instinct you are just a part of the huge social behaviour simulation, right.. can be entertaining to watch for a while, but it is not real to me.
Hell yeah. I need at least enough time to repeat what I've heard in my head, and depending on how complex it is extra time to go through varables before I'm anywhere close to a response.
I am a high-functioning aspie and most people seem surprised when I tell them I'm autistic. I usually have a policy of not telling people unless they have gotten to know me a bit first. I will say that I do often come off as a bit unusual and aloof to others. I have been told by some that they thought I was a snob before they got to know me (assigning a motive to the aloof behavior). I have also found that there is a certain percentage of people that are just not interested in socializing with me. I can just tell that they find talking with me uncomfortable on some basic level, even if they couldn't exactly say what it is about me that is bothering them.
People have always thought I'm weird - and I embraced that from childhood. However it took me 70 years to figure out why I am how I am. My fidgeting alone is probably a giveaway. Plus I am usually more interested in my own thoughts than what others are saying. I never "got' parties. Although I've generally fitted in OK, I now see how my (undiagnosed but 99% certain) autism has impacted all of my life. It feels good to at last have some relief, just from understanding better.
Same here. At 68 I was diagnosed and it gave me answers to so many questions from my life.
Im happy for you Gina
You shud try to wake up in the evening. Brain won't be exhausted by day time energy's sun specially if u have adhd too which takes lot of Brain energy as it is.
That can also ne adhd
My mom is an elementary school teacher and tells me stories about her students a lot. One time she mentioned one funny reaction from a student and I instantly smiled and said “he’s gotta be autistic!” She diffuses essential oils in her classroom, and put in a different scent every day, probably just going down the line of bottles. This kid walks into the room, takes one big sniff, and goes “hm… it’s Thursday… Thursday is not peppermint day, it’s supposed to be ….(some other scent)” she was so surprised by it, but I instantly knew, of course, he was telling time/keeping the days spaced with scent! She didn’t agree at the time, she has different views of autism than I do. Growing up, the only times I heard about autism was when she had a student with extreme behavioral problems (usually a loud rowdy boy) and was struggling to convince the parents to get support. She always saw it as only the “negative” aspects and behavior problems. As I’ve been learning more about autism from other autistic people, I’ve found a familiarity I never had before and think I might be autistic, and that my mother might be too, we both struggle with a lot of the same things. Well a month ago she said she thinks I was right about the kid. They were moving onto a new unit, and for the previous 2 units they had gotten themed book marks. When they started the “space” unit, he politely asked her when they would be getting space bookmarks and starting on space, even though they had gone through a few lessons already! And I thought “of course! He is telling the beginning of the unit with supplies. It was the first time we were able to talk about autism in a positive conversation, where she didn’t see it as this dark horrible thing, but maybe possibly as just a different way of thinking! It’s a start! I still have never met the boy, but I think we would get along. He printed out a sheet of black hole facts and gave it to my mom to share with the rest of the class
I have been trying to contact you Paul. Your videos have been life changing to me. I just turned 60 last week. I’m told I’m to old to diagnose because the system figures I made it this far fine😭
Anyway… my life has been hell … but your videos have shed so much light on things and for the first time in my life… at least things finally make sense. Wow- blessings to you in all your endeavors.🙏🏼
@pateckaaron7013 what herbs? please guide
@@salarkhattak1295scam!
When i had my old therapist, before my previous I decided to finally bring up my concerns for having autism. He looked me in the eye and I immediately looked away, down at the table. He said right away "No I don't think so". I didn't bring it up again because I realized a few session later when he was telling me "I don't see any depression in you at all", that he thought I just had severe anxiety and PTSD. And that was that. I do have these problems. I have since childhood, but considering I have had Bipolar symptoms starting at 12 years old I would say I've been depressed. I am now seeing a brand new therapist who is very nice. During our first session I handed her all that I had written down, I write things down because I can't put all of what I want to say in words. She right away said "I don't know what your last therapist was talking about, you have lots of symptoms it's pretty clear you are on the spectrum." She later told me she has ADHD and agrees I also have that as well. If you have a doctor who dismisses you, please try to find another who will listen.
That part about not standing in the right pattern within a group really struck me, I've had that thought a number of times lately, like "am I positioned correctly in this group of friends?" the answer was obviously no!
"One step back from the perimeter"? Me too. Maybe because I have a better view of ev-er-y-one when I take a step back. And I often wonder if they notice that, or conversely if they even know I had walked up to the group to begin with.
First and foremost I have been crazy in love with my husband for 46 years. Although I knew from the start that he processed things differently, it wasn't until just 5 years ago that we both had an "aha" moment and realized that he is on the spectrum. We both wish we had figured it out sooner, only because it did sometimes cause frustration between us. In hindsight, it is so obvious now. Please keep spreading the word on autism and how to understand the differences between us all. Thank you
I am beginning to feel like nobody is really normal. My husband and I have been married for 23 years. I have started to wonder which one of us is on spectrum. Could it be both??!! Reading your comment was helpful to me.
I love you for that! It’s always insanely important to support and try to understand others
Ten years here and I’m starting to realize that our misunderstandings have been because he’s definitely have some symptoms of autism. I wonder how i didn’t see it before
This is going to be a long one. Most people don’t notice that my daughter or I are autistic. My daughter was more obvious when she was young but now not so much. However, for me at least, they notice I’m weird, socially awkward and closed off (unless they are a real friend). When I meet new people, I always cross my arms over my chest. I can’t help it. It’s a defensive gesture. While I’m trying to protect myself from the criticism and rejection I’m predicting, others see it as my attempt to distance myself from them. This is not my goal but I still can’t stop crossing my arms. Unless I have my dog with me and I can keep my hands occupied.
However for you Paul, for the time we were friends, I didn’t notice any differences in you. Perhaps this was because of similarities we had, us both being on the spectrum, but looking back I still can’t see it. In fact, I always thought you were far too popular to want to hang out with a hermit like myself so was always honoured when you invited me out (like a superstar just calls you up and ask if you want to hang). I couldn’t believe that someone as cool as you would invite ME. I knew people thought I was weird, annoying and self centred. All true. However that weirdness I’ve found can be entertaining and amusing to some - I just need to find those people. I can’t change being self centred. Again, I’ve tried for decades. What I can do, is try to be more mindful to ask the questions I want to know about others rather than assume they’ll tell me if they wish to.
But I digress.
Most non-autistics I don’t believe would know my daughter and I are autistic, but they will mark me as strange. Im pretty good I think at recognising autism in children and in one case, had my assumption confirmed as she was later diagnosed.
My family don’t believe im autistic. Some don’t believe my daughter is autistic. And usually people are surprised and doubtful when I tell them. But if I told them I was socially awkward they’d say that was obvious
Appreciate this response, and thanks for the advice/reminder to ask rather than assume 🙏
Here's something that I say about being self-centred. My maternal grandfather was someone who couldn't walk into a room where people were talking without changing the topic of conversation over to something he wanted to talk about. He couldn't walk past people listening to music without changing the music to something he wanted to listen to. I remember my father telling me that, when I was 21. And I remember my mother criticising me when I was 16, saying that if people asked me how I was, I would answer, "Good, thanks. I'm doing an assignment for school." She then said that people weren't interested. I think it's important to understand the difference between someone who talks to hear the sound of their own voice and someone who talks about what they're doing because it's a safe topic. See, if someone sat down beside me and said, "Who's going to win the football?" My answer would be, "The team that finishes the match with the higher score." My mother says that's stupid, but what I say is, "On the one hand, that's a fact. The team that has the higher score at the end of the match is the winning team. On the other hand, it tells people I'm not really interested in discussing the football." If someone says, "He's weird," I'll just say, "Maybe I am." I tend to gravitate more towards people who are different. If I could give an example. On September 23, this year, I had to go for an infusion of IVIG, and the nurse I had was different and she told me her name. I said, "I've met you before." "When?" "August 16, 2018. You were here filling in. You told me about how you came to work one morning with your hair secured in a clothes peg and your colleague told you you were weird and you said, "I know." She was surprised that I remembered.
@@peterwynn2169 You're like one of my friends, he remembers the exact dates of the most random things. Meanwhile I can't remember the birthdays of anyone.
@@Gaze73 Thanks.
@@peterwynn2169 I wouldn’t do the things your grandfather did, but I would talk about me and my life and not really ask about others. I tend to assume they’ll tell me whatever they want to in the same way I do.
I do care about others but I forget that to show I care, I have to ask questions about their life rather than wait for them to volunteer the answer. I’m learning that at least but my default will always be to wait. I have to actively kick my butt into gear to ask after people. It’s not natural for me at all. I wish it was
My mothers autism was so obvious we were stared at in public ALL the time. People looked at me with....I don't know. It was very uncomfortable. I have always been good with the "mentally ill". When I worked at a prison they sent me to deal with "the crazies". It's really funny. I thought it was from being around my mother.. Now I understand I was speaking to them on a level playing field! I did not discover I am autistic until a few months ago.
Wow that sounds like such an amazing story!
Interesting!
My aunt and nana, who live with us often, don’t yet know that my mom and sister and I are working toward getting me an autism and adhd diagnosis. Both of them are extremely extroverted, and my nana has Alzheimer’s and is starting to experience “sundowning.” I’ve been a master masker my whole life, having had a clinically narcissistic father. So these subtle details like avoiding eye contact when I’m relaxing, not reacting with my face, hiding in my room to recharge, and avoiding eating meals around other people (chewing sounds kill my soul) have been really hurting my aunt and nana’s feelings and have been causing them to think that I’m tired of them and suspicious of their motives. I hope to get a diagnosis soon so that I can explain to them what’s going on. This video was really encouraging- thank you!
Maybe just explain it like this? Its up to them if they dont listen but for their sake and yours, I hope they do.
You dont even need to mention autism, just say you are sensitive to different things. And maybe write it down for them so it's easier to remember
just say you think you have it and you're trying to get a diagnosis
People spot I'm "weird" straight away. I never understood what exactly gave me away, though, and never managed to "fit" for prolongued periods of time. And although nobody has come to me and told me "hey are you autistic?" directly, they have said it to my sister or family (mostly as an insult, or dismissively). I myself consider that I can spot *some* weirdness quickly, but I often have trouble identifying if it's autism or ADHD, as some behaviors are very similar.
My asd radar has always been incredible and I’ve always felt safer around people with asd. It wasn’t until this year that I realised that’s because I am one too. 🔥
Same I have Aspergers and spot them from a mile away I'm glad we as humans have intuition and instincts is a blessing and a curse at the same time.
Over the years, I've noticed that I feel drawn toward a certain personality type, one that feels familiar and comfortable despite the awkwardness i notice about them almost immediately. (Spotting ASD within a second? Maybe.) I only figured it out a few months ago that I must have Aspergers, and only realized in the past couple weeks that those "delightful weirdo" types I choose to befriend (that's what I call myself, BTW) very likely have ASD as well. And only about a week ago, my first best friend ever from first grade grammar school posted on FB about her own ASD diagnosis. Somehow, when i saw that post, I felt that I already "knew" that about her. As long as i had known her, she was a delightful weirdo, was terribly awkward with physical sportlike activities, and had a very slight lisp. Seeing that post brought a smile to my face. It may have been the same smile that Paul had.
My friend's son was diagnosed with autism. One day a few years ago, him and I got into a lengthy and detailed conversation on a topic that was of interest to both of us. Later that night, I received a text from her telling me that he son asked if I had autism too. Although I have never been diagnosed as such, that was the first time it clicked that i may be.
Since I learned I was on the spectrum, and learning about autism, I believe I’ve gotten pretty good at detecting it in others. Usually you can see that they are stressed when trying to figure out how to respond in social situations that others would know exactly what to do. Or they just kinda beat to their own drum while others are all in sync.
I’m trying to mask less and just be cool and confident about it. Because I feel resentful towards others when I put in so much effort just to be like them. There are usually other odd people out in every group I’m in, and no matter how much that person is ignored by the rest of the group, I usually enjoy sparking up conversation with them in the corner of the room. I don’t care who’s considered cool or popular or whatever. I’ll go out of sync with others to be comfortable
Well said😎
I wish there were more people like you.
Same!!!
Aspie just like to engage in conversations, no matter what people we meet....
But you're right, we have to put the mask, masking it's exhausting
Just realized this got so many likes! I appreciate it ya’ll. Have a blessed day!
Had a co-worker on the spectrum, one day when he left the room another co-worker whispered to me “Don’t you think “Blank” has some kind of mental illness?” That was the first time I was aware that I’m better at hiding my autism than some others. I’ve spotted people on the spectrum and felt 99% sure they were on the spectrum even though they masked well. And I don’t think NT pple knew but it takes one to know one.
should've just said yes, its the same one i have
muahahahahhhaHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA XD
That was a very well rounded discussion, as for me I discovered through my son whose son had some degree of autism diagnosed and through his discussion with the autism specialist started to realize that maybe both he and I had it too. On investigation into videos like yours it became very apparent that I too had High Functioning Autism. ONE manifestation which kind of wrecks your life was I was fortunately very good at interviews because they were highly structural but after getting the jobs my complete absence from end of week socializing etc soon put me on top of the redundancy list at virtually all economic downturns no matter how well I did the job.
NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY!! (I'm 71yrs old and smiling)
Onya Peter!!
I taught science for 10 years, the kids loved me and all my test tube explosions. Their exam marks were the best. The other teachers couldn't understand how such noisy classes produced good results, especially the male teachers. I was diagnosed autistic at 72 years. Explained my whole life !
From childhood to now people were always very good at spotting my autism and treating me bad, bullying me and excluding me from groups, making me feel like an outsider. The problem is I was diagnosed only this year, at 31 years old, which means my social life so far had been a heel. I hope things can change from now on.
Wow, Paul. I felt so validated with this video. I recently left a comment on your collab with the Crappy Childhood Fairy saying that another way you can differentiate between autism and CPTSD is the reaction that people has towards your interactions with them. "Cranky" or "troubled" people with CPTSD still blend, others usually don't have a problem with hanging around with them. I said that because that is my experience.
I almost pass for an NT but I'm so clearly different that, since childhood, I tend to get animosity from others, sometimes just by doing and saying nothing at all. For example, I used to enjoy going to the mall (fashion is one of my special interests); 8 times out of 10 I was very concious that I was being followed by security or pissy store employees who wouldn't interact with me, but kept close and looked at me every now and then. Turns out seeing a lone person, during the low flow hours, with unfocused, wandering eyes, who is vaguely touching the fabrics of the items in the racks is _very_ suspicious. Another one: I was explaining a concept to a person in a comment section of some video, and out of the blue (from my viewpoint) she accused me of "picking fight" with her. Things like this get me in trouble, especially at work. I have stories, but those were too traumatizing for me to share in public.
I also think I get this reaction in part because I'm a woman. I'm almost certain my partner is also on the spectrum, but he has had a different experience in life because, in our culture, having a caustic sense of humour and being blunt (or even rude) are not undesired traits for a man. Also because men tend to be less picky/judgmental on behavioral details among peers.
Oh my god... just made a connection that THAT is why people at stores were acting kind of weird when I was on my own. I have a tendancy to be very hands on with things (I love touch input... never really equated it with autism until my recent diagnosis) and never thought anything of it, but also very odd that anyone would be suspicious of me. I just never really put it together... 😅
The "picking a fight" part is so relatable... I'm undiagnosed, but under the suspicion that I'm autistic, asperger end of the spectrum, and might even have AD(H)D, for almost a year. I have a whole internal masking system in place that I only realized I have when it collapsed due to the pandemic. Since I started secondary school 8 years ago, I had several hobbies, most of them with other people, because I tried to seem like a social person. But I'd also hide in the library and on trees with a book to shut my mind off. I left High School this year with a secondary degree and am at drama school now for about two months. At first I got along well with my semester, but now it has become evident that I'm the odd one out, just like I was before with my class and grade. I recently had a "picking a fight" situation with my classmates when I read the intention of a text message wrong and answered with something that was meant to show I belong, but was apparently insensitive... 👀
When Paul talked about that masking guy and his tells my mind went like "Oh." because that's exactly what I have been doing 😅
That's a lot, haha, thanks for listening. I'm always insecure with sharing about my autistic traits, since I got invalidated a lot when I tried to raise the topic with my family and therapist... But it feels good to talk about it too :)
Highly agree. I recently got diagnosed, and part of why I'm able to mask so well is due to the narcissistic parenting I received growing up. Being forced to conform and fit in to the narrow band of hometown culture growing up meant that I had only a small window by which I had to act and behave to be accepted by the surrounding society I was raised in. Didn't do much good, since I was still called out for being weird, being socially inept, and constantly harassed by my peers. This was especially soul crushing when I became an adult and still couldn't properly fit into social spaces that I felt I shouldn't have a problem with.
I don't think I needed much in the way of accommodations growing up for myself, but I would have felt far more better and accepting of who I am if I had known I was on the spectrum and to not treat my shortcomings as moral and personal failures of inadequacy like I did for decades of my life.
I’m not self aware enough to know whether or not I am displaying atypical behavior. However, I am very aware I struggle with conversations. I can’t small talk. It’s rather stunning how terrible I am at them. Lol oh well. Good health and happiness to you. 🌻 🧩 💜
I remember having the epiphany moment of thinking "Questions!" when I was younger, it made small talk so much easier. You can pre-script a lot of generic quesions. Most people love talking about themselves, so by asking one of those, you can just tune in and listen to their response, looking for the next question to ask. People tend to interpret it as you being nice, kind and a good listener too, which is a bonus. Wanted to share, in case it helps you with small talk too.
In college I've lived with 7 guys in the same flat. I didn't befriend any of them because I suck at small talk to the point of never leaving my room. LOL
I used to walk to university classes alone every day, always wearing headphones.
At the time I never realized that I came across as "different" in any way, and wondered why I would be stopped and asked for ID by police. I later learnt that it was mainly my clothing that drew unwanted attention from police, and it got better when I changed my cupboard.
One day, there was another "different" looking guy on my way home who looked at me from a distance like he recognized me, kind of smiling but more amused as though he had made an interesting observation... I thought he was going to say something to me so I pulled my headphones around my neck but as we passed each other he blurted out something about "auditory sensory overload". I thought, "How odd!" and carried on walking. When I turned around he was still looking at me like he could see into my future and had an important message for me.
I had a mathematics professor who also came across as kinda different. He asked to see me after class and he strongly recommended that I consider taking mathematics as one of my majors. When I asked him why, he gave a deep sigh and looked at me like he didn't want to say what was on his mind, paused and then responded like he was giving me an alternative answer, "because I want to increase the number of students in my classes".
Lots of people who get close enough often tell me I'm "kinda different" or "a bit strange" or "kinda odd" or "a bit weird"... always in a kind or nice way... "green hair! only you could pull off something like that".
I had no clue what Asperger's or autism was until I had a conversation with my niece about a really difficult day I'd had with extremely noisy kids and then bright lights in busy traffic on my way home, and how after that experience, all I wanted to do was lay on my bed in silence with the lights off coz I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted and disconnected from reality... and then she paused and quietly asked me if I'd ever heard of Asperger's. At the time, I was wondering why she would bring up Alzheimer's in that conversation, "Isn't that the thing that older people get?"
Lots more instances of people making observations about me (memory, routines, language, challenges with using phone and email and WhatsApp, getting overwhelmed) but stopping short of saying what's on their mind and then just dropping a hint or diverting. I started connecting some of those dots after my niece mentioned Asperger's and after seeing TH-cam videos like this one.
Never been diagnosed.
Hi fellow aspies!!!!
My english pretty bad actually, it's been a long time ive been depressed and had sensory overload, just like you say, certain lights and some epileptic inducing videos overwhelms me, so i relate to you so much....
On mathematics, i really have interest to learn again, but don't know where to start to learn from scratch again
I'm also undiagnosed but after reading Temple Grandin's book, Thinking in Pictures, I knew that was me. Also autism is quite strong in my father's side of the family. We have not been diagnosed at all.
I have been able to spot autism sins I was a kid. Growing up I was abused. And brainwashed to hide my Autism. When the abuse stopped I started to show more and more signs like a dam breaking. Great video Paul.
I ironically had more problems once the abuse stopped also.
People sometimes notice the odd thing or two about me. But if anyone ever spotted autism in me, they did not tell me. I guess one reason is that I probably have combined ADHD and autism (on waiting list for diagnosis) and these conditions are known to partially mask each others symptoms. And I believe I am also compensating or masking by consciously controlling my behavior.
That's very interesting about the each of ADHD and autism masking each others traits. I've made a mental note of this.
"But if anyone ever spotted autism in me, they did not tell me" most people can notice the traits and tell one is "weird". But they don't know what autism is, so if it's not like in Rainman or worse, they don't know what exactly it is, but they know you have something
If they gave gold medals for masking I'd get one. It exhausts me but it's a survival strategy learnt to protect myself from bullying.
I always wondered why people would double take or stare at me like they could see something I couldn't. I only just found out I'm on the spectrum late in life. I wish I would have known sooner. Thank you for your videos 💗
I've been very good at spotting autism in others, often before they are diagnosed or self-diagnosed, which is often how I spotted "potential friends" and it worked pretty well! Also, I definitely know what makes me stand out even if I pass pretty well, I found that acting casual about it often makes neurotypicals drop their suspicion and tends to also make them appreciate me as a "quirky" (lol) person, and the last thing I'd add is boundaries are very useful when neurotypicals become convinced of some hidden motives or such, putting some distance and time usually make them come back on their judgment and if not at least they're less likely to actively bother you
I wish I could have a camera follow me around for a day while I interact in the world, so I could see what others see. I think I pass as neurotypical pretty well in public, but I may be fooling myself.
I want to know about myself as well.
I had the opportunity to see myself in a video of a conversation at a public event. I remember using the wrong word first then trying to correct myself, and my mouth couldn't keep up with brain and my face looked weird when I stuttered. (Butterfly versus Ladybug. I knew what it was, but my brain sent the wrong word to my mouth first.) Seeing my own mouth get stuck in a momentary hurry-stutter, I was convinced that everyone in the group saw my face go weird for a couple seconds as I hurried to correct myself.
I am recently self-diagnosed with Aspergers. The more I learn from others in the spectrum, the more I recognize it in myself and others in my family.
I have a ring door bell and I watch myself back Interacting with people and I hate how I look to myself! I look odd to me 😅
@@rbmw981 Oh, I feel this.
People could spot my differences easily, even when I was masking . I don't bother masking anymore.
Me too. I mask some because it seems to help but they still notice that I am weird.
Exactly! I feel the same :)
I love this video (and your general style) so much.
I'm a trans masc autistic, diagnosed as an adult. I also have ADHD. I often feel like being raised as a girl left me with a lot of baggage, but also an ability to mask expertly. I just wish that one day no one will have to mask.
On a happier note, you look really handsome in this video and I wish you all the best!
Chose all the options did ya?
😂
Spot autism in less than a second? It took me 28 years to spot it in myself!
That was about the time I reaslized it too. After spending almost a decade being around 3 autistic little girls. I could spot it in other adults and kids super easy but not myself. I also had the wierd experince of complete strangers kids recognizing it in me and I still didn't catch on.
28? not so much. 41 here 😅
The answer is yes, my Mom and I call it the parking lot diagnosis ie: when you can tell someone is autistic just by looking at them from across a parking lot.
I've only had my diagnose for half a year, but I realize more and more that people must be noticing my differences a lot. Now, when I meet new people I just give them a heads up of me being aspie and maybe a quirk or two that they might notice. Before, they'd just start avoiding me after a while because they must have noticed things and decided to not interact with me more than necessary because I guess I just appeared unnormal (and I thought my masking was good!).
And now people are a lot more positive towards me. Now that new people in my life already know what's up, I noticed that they are a lot more relaxed around me and for the first time ever I'm starting to make friends! It's such a new concept to me that I feel like I have to learn what to actually do with friends.
Does anyone have a "What to do with friends - 101"?
"Does anyone have a "What To Do With Friends 101"?" 😂
I love the way you said that! I kinda have two and a half different answers 🤔
1) Find out what likes, interests, and hobbies you share so that you can do them together.
2) Repeatedly insist on sharing more of your likes, interests, and hobbies with each other until you either find something new that you both like or you get so tired of each other that you don't want to hang out for a whole month🤦♂️(this is both a joke and a good example of my real life experience with friends)🤷♂️
1/2) I don't know 🤷♂️ but I hope to make more autistic friends soon, and hopefully friendships will be a bit more easy or natural within a neuro diverse community 🤷♂️
My kindergarten teacher spotted autism pretty early in me in the 1980's. This was kind of amazing that she did. But others disagreed - thankfully - as my schooling then where I was would have been different, and I benefitted from thinking I was like everyone else well into post secondary. I don't think I would have gone to post secondary or done well in high school with the type of help that seemed available in the 80's and early 90's. There were still studies then of looking at autism as a cause of criminal behavior! So yeah, glad I wasn't diagnosed then. Instead I became an engineer, a female engineer, and later learned the connections of autism and burnout after working a few years. I don't think most people 'know' I have autism, when they meet me, but they might think I'm odd, I simply don't find some social requirements logical, and so I don't care about them - it's exhausting to try all the time to be what others find natural to be, so I let myself be who I am while doing my very best to understand what is respectful and caring. So no, I don't think most people notice, but I suspect sometimes I'm that 19 year old, who has obvious signs but think I don't.
A lot of people notice my lack of eye contact and lack of visible emotional recognition and think I am rude, but often I am giving them my full attention and thinking a lot more
I loved your story! Thank you for sharing
I dont identify as a woman but i have a woman's body. But i often forget to respond when people refer to me as a woman. I am not elegant at all or "womanly". I dont look at peoples faces. Never, it hurts too much. Eyes are information overload. I cant stand smalltalk even for a minute. I walk "robotic" almost like marching. I am in chronic pain and always sleep deprived so my eyes look red and sunken (eyebags?) (bad english). I look basically pale and ill always. I always look at the ground when i walk. I think really fast but verbally i am extremely weak and cant form correct sentences even in my own language. I sound like a chipmunk. I also am overly nice and old fashioned in my choice of words to strangers for some reason. I dont like touching people, i sometimes often need to shower to brush the presence off of me in a way. Cant explain that very well, most people are too extreme/loud and they "stick" to me. I cant stand loud sounds, bright lights and i cant filter conversations so i constantly pick up every word someone is saying wich often causes a shutdown if i'm in a social situation for too long. I dont know how to process all thosr conversations i wasnt even part of.
My body is slightly deformed and my hands cramp into "claws" most of the day. I also have a disdorder wich causes me to feel pain in a really weird way. If i'd cut myself i would not notice until i would see blood for example. I would feel something like an alarm going off om my head that there is something wrong but i would not know what or where. Healthcare cant help because they always sent me away because i cant even answer basic question like if i feel cramp, itch or pain and where inside my body. I also dress very weird, i either look like a rainbow christmas tree or a crappy edgy sithlord including the facemask and armor/army
like features. I can pick up foreighn languages really fast because of the patterns wich is weird because i am so poor at speech. I can pet animals most people cant like birds, especially crows. I often even receive gifts like branches etc, really cute. I can read them easily, birds are "open books" to me and i spend a lot of time in forests and so often make contact with birds. I love animals, and most of them really seem to like me. I can sadly also spot injuries or other deformaties in animals really quick wich hurts to see. I dont like kids at all, i find them scary and loud. I can't express emotions though i feel a lot, i sometimes think i feel more then most people inside. I have minimal to no body language and my face is always kinda neutral. I cant even cry. I dont understand society but i always try to be polite and never try to bother anyone. Also in my own interest; i am scared of people. If i behave polite i hope people will be polite back but it often makes things worse... I also make a lot of jokes but sadly rarely someone laughes with me. And i dont get most jokes either. I love dark humor and wordplay jokes. I also have morbid interests but i dont see it that way, i dont hurt anyone with what i like or create.
So those are a few things what i know about me that is different. I cant mask and cant fit in and everything i do seems to be awkward and/or wrong.
Downsides are that most people just dont like me. I often hear they want to punsh or hate/dislike me but dont even know why exactly (i always ask why but rarely get a answer always something like "you just annoy me" or "you are up to something") I am also very afraid for police because they often come to me to ask what i am doing and if i use drugs. I often tell them what i am doing but they rarely believe me i am simply trying to go to a store for example. I even have people sent cops after me because i was a "suspicious person". I now carry a card that explains i am heavily autistic but most people dont even want to read it. People often take pictures of me wich should be considered a crime imo. I also get bullied a lot and was heavily abused as a kid and got no family or home. I am placed from location to location for years now, sometimes need to sleep in the forest and ioften contemplate ending it all. Also, i feel i have a target above my head for people with bad intentions. They spot me easily and because i get scared so easily i sadly have to live with those consequences too and have PTSD besides asperger. There seems to be no healthcare for me and people often think i have a low intelligence for some reason. And i am also so easily bored by simple things... i can often predict by patterns what is going to happen in movies, debates, watching tv, in books etc.
Upsides are that there are those rare moments people, often with huge problems, who i dont even know seem to trust me with their entire life story. Its excausting but interesting. And animals like me amd i like them, they calm me. I can also draw and create monsters and dolls (profile pic is the face of a doll that i made) and i love to fantasize. I can also make my own clothes and build furniture and paint etc without every havind amy education in amything. I can often eatch diy tutorials and copy the skills (I left school when i was about twelve). And i can spot all tiny things in nature easily like small insects and fish etc. I also have a broad taste of music and styles and i have so many ideas on how to better the world and make things easier and improve healthcare etc.
And now the funniest part; some autistics can spot me easily. And i can often spot them without having to see their face. I get more and more other autistic people asking me if i am autistic. I really love that. They dont see a weird or creepy person. They see a fellow alien who does not fit in. Those and animals/nature are moments that keep me on survival mode somehow. But i'm 34 yesrs old now. I look like i'm barely 25 and dying and i feel 3000 years old. My body is a ruin and i still hope i cam find a home and healthcare. I feel like i should achieve something, leave something behind. All the suffering cant be for nothing... I also hope i can make friends thati can visit and be safe with, i hope autistic friends that consider me just fine the way i am and vice versa.
Yes, i do think i sometimes have some sort of radar to spot other autistics. It comes so natural when it does happen from both sides.
frfr this vid is awesome as hell! I also do trial and error with others instead of completely relying on a first impression, but also I try to be mindful of my energy levels with others just in case they would overstep boundaries or drain me a lot - which is the main judgement I use as a first impression
I had to smile your story about the little girl... so often I see a child being told off because they're "being difficult" when they are, to me, obviously on the spectrum and doing things to calm themselves. I have to stop myself telling their parents/carers because I want them to understand but I know the timing wouldn't be helpful or welcome :)
I found it interesting how your description of the lil girls behaviour - as someone with an ADHD D/x but not an autism one, I'd probably have the unconscious bias that her stimming looking up at the sun twiddling her fingers was her ADHD coming through!
I think neurodivergent peeps are definitely better at spotting each other.. game recognise game.. but I think we see in other people what we know about ourselves.. so as you rightly say in the video, we might pick up on someone's neurodivergent vibe better than NTs, but we might not get it exactly right.
It's really exciting and comforting though that LOADS of the people I vibe with the most in my life have turned out to either be autistic or have ADHD... These are people that, when I first met them, waaayy before any of us were AWARE of our differences... Within SECONDS I had this instinctual feeling that they 'got' me and we instinctively felt safer with each other because we weren't masking with each other as nearly as much ❤️💜
Since I learned about what autism really is, I started to see the signs in certain people around me. I mostly notice it in myself though, I'm one who flies under the radar a lot though. At least for the first five minutes. After that it becomes clear prettty quickly that I am different.
The funniest thing are people that I tell about my (self-diagnosed) autism beause I really don't see it as something that I should hide (I never masked much in my life, my excentrics were thankfully just accepted by the people around me) and they're like "What? You're not autistic!" And then I spend some time with them (I guess I am a rather extroverted autistic) and very soon they're like "Actually... I'm seeing it now...".
I guess I'm in a very lucky position - my parents used a lot of patience and time to help me develop good social skills.
This is a very good channel that avoids the histrionics and judgements of so many health channels.
Thanks.
Yep I've always been the odd one out, and this was a great explanation of what's going on with first impressions and snap judgements.
Another excellent video! I feel like a bobble head doll with these videos because there are so many brilliant content creators on here and I always find myself nodding along to so much of what they say. Now it's time for a novel-length comment that I won't fool myself anyone will probably read, because who has time for that (except very few people)? Regardless, into the breach I go! Cue dramatic throat clearing:
Whenever I hear anyone saying you can't and shouldn't diagnose anyone unless you're a licensed psychologist, I always wish I could try and set them straight (not that trying would do any good, because let's be real here). People who live or have experienced autism, or any other neurodiverse condition or even personality disorders, tend to have good or fairly decent radars for these things. Sometimes all it takes is indeed just a second when someone's traits are in full effect. What neurotypicals would snap judge as awkward / socially inept / weird / introverted / rude / creepy; etc; many of us recognise as autistic because we've lived it, or continue to live it. What is more, it never fails to frustrate me when you hear about someone who is blatantly autistic, yet their behaviour is invariably attributed to anything else.
As you so rightly pointed out, though, it's not always immediately apparent (at least to me personally), because some autistics are competent maskers who have learned to fine tune their camoflage to blend in most of the time, and perform this complex dance as if it were second nature. It really is the fine tuning that makes all the difference, all the little things that individually wouldn't raise any suspicions but together add up to a sense of difference. That's not to say some or many don't still trip NT's radars somehow-maintaining eye contact for a milisecond too short or long here; responding a micro-fraction too quickly or slowly there; standing just those few centimetres too near or far occasionally; the list goes on-what we autistics may see as a flawless act, or largely flawless but with the infrequent hiccup, could be entirely transparent to NTs, because our version of NT is at best an approximation.
After I was diagnosed in my teens (autistic; although latterly also ADHD), I thought that I could simply pretend to be neurotypical, and no-one would be any the wiser as long as I never disclosed- never mind that this tactic never worked before when I and everyone else knew how glaringly different I always was. I believed that diagnosis alone had instantly granted me this magical ability to act NT. It took me many years to realise that not only had I never mastered any aspect of masking, but that my traits were still visible from space. To this day, I know I'm incapable of masking, and that I immediately give most people that same "something is off" vibe that instantly engenders dislike or at least wariness.
I feel the term "privilege" is generally overused these days. That said, I think it's applicable here, because "passing privilege" is very real. Unless you're a savant or gifted in some way, and/or supremely accademically qualified, and/or excel in a particular skill; etc; being unable to pass closes doors. There's no doubt masking may be difficult and taxing in the long term, and I really don't mean to try and minimize that, however, it can open doors that would otherwise be firmly shut. Navigating employment and any form of interpersonal interaction is at least possible for maskers, even if it eventually may come at a cost. From a personal perspective, I've also found that non-masking can carry a stigma, as if you're a failure as an autistic person if you haven't achieved neurotypical assimilation.
So yeah, those are my thoughts. I commend anyone who actually managed to make it to this point.
Thank you again for your continued, very thought-provoking work. It really is fantastic to have people such as yourself who are getting the discussion out there.
It's pathetic how hard it is to get feedback from other people who obviously don't geavitate towards us. I've even asked a few people for feedback.
I kept trying to get this to play 😂 then realized it hasn’t premiered yet . Looking forward to this though .
Same. Lol
@Toby Mcguire always 😂
Me too, just now 🤣
It can be confusing as TH-cam shows the premier date in US format mm/dd/yyyy and the time in a US timezone, irrespective of where you are in the world. Google should do better but a lot of US companies are stuck in a northern hemisphere Pacific Time bubble.
I’ve had experienced similar things. And no body realizes I’m autistic but my autistic fiancé realized it at 1st glance and knew he was too and we both have eye contact. I’m 42 just got assessed after my children diagnosis.
Interesting topic! I was diagnosed about 2 years ago at age 65 after thinking for decades that I was not like most of the people I met. I always assumed this was because I fell into the category sometimes labelled "gifted". One curious aspect of my brain wiring is that I'm not really interested in what others think about me (in social situations - I want to be acknowledged for my contributions at work) and I have never felt the need for social interaction. I'm quite happy to be on my own. This all adds up to me having no idea if people think I'm autistic. I think I can spot autism in others as you described, but I don't know if others can see it in me. As far as I know, I was just seen as the smart kid.
Your generation, which is also mine, had no word for autism or Asperger, and you could be bright and weird and silent without anybody thinking a thing about it.
Now I am close to 70 and know better, but it does not really matter any longer, does it?
How did you manage to find someone to diagnose you? I've been looking and the only drs in my area only see children for ASD diagnosis. It's so frustrating.
@@patricepalmer1909 I was lucky in that my employer sponsored a mental health program. I picked a psychologist from the program list who seemed to focus on ASD. After 6 sessions she said yup, definitely ASD with ADHD in the mix as well. Now that online doctor meetings are a thing, you can look outside your area. My psych was 500 miles away.
This totally makes since to me. The more I learn about myself and autism the more, I immediately think someone else is autistic to. I never know if someone is mad at me so I have to ask it often. I've been so good at masking that when I tell people I have autism they are outwardly shocked and tell me there is no way I could be.
This was surprisingly much deeper than I anticipated, well done!! As a 62 year-old, retired US military enlisted, this is a recent revelation to me. Always busy, with the speed of life, you know. Fortunately for me the USAF doesn't discriminate on "subtle" differences. I might not have been accepted in the first place ;) Thanks!!!!
I am watching this because my grown son seems to have some signs of autism but it wasn't until talking to other mothers with son who have been diagnosed there are some similarities. When describing his peculiar ways of being socially it is starting to make sense and actually comforting there is a name for it. It's been frustrating trying to understand him but when talking about the way he likes to dress it made me laugh. I just always thought my son was quirky but is extremely capable person in so many areas.
Yes! Thank you for putting this into words so clearly! this has been rattling around in my skull for bit, makes sense that we are able to recognize if we see behaviors that are like our own (aka neurodivergent traits) in others. My favorite thing is talking with other ND people and communicating/engaging with them the way I wish others did for me.
You are so wise and so kind. I hsve always loved & sought the company of people who see things differently with hope they'll be just as excited to learn the infinite. We were painters in the sixties, after all. Hoped all things, believed all things. Blessingd on your way my friend!
Everybody has known I'm different my whole life, but of course the minute I mention I'm autistic, I'm "normal". I've recently noticed that I spot autism really well and had no idea. Looking back at my life I've naturally befriended the outsiders, probably because we have the same neurology. I get a connected feeling to some people and have no idea why. When I was younger and single, I think I mistook it for a crush that I didn't know the reason behind it. Nope, I'm just spotting autistic people, before I even knew I am autistic.
When i found out i was on the spectrum (last summer at age 37) and told people around me, the reactions were very diverse. I think in hindsight it really depends on the person as well. My mom was shocked in a way that it was a real eye opener. While my mother in law had her strong suspicions right from the start. Unknowingly i've been gravitating towards fellow neurodivergents my entire life. I think most of the people i hang out with have something going on in the lines of autism, adhd, add, etc. I have been wondering if we have some sort of radar detection for our kind ;)
It also helps a great deal that through my own research i now know a thing or two about what to look for. I have already experienced Paul's example and felt the joy and need to tell them "hey have you considered autism?". Wildly inappropriate in most cases so i'm holding back. Luckily i can tell my wife sometimes. See that one over there? lol
I do think that we have some kind of radar. All the friends I have made as an adult are neurodivergent. When I meet someone new and really like and get along with them it has become almost the norm to find out at some point what their diagnosis is and then I'm always like "of course I'm friends with you, of course I gravitated towards you"
@@talesofmargaritas same with me to I judge individuals based on vibe/energy and a common bond rarely on looks and superficial bs.
For so long I was able to see it in others but didn’t see it in myself until I was 41.
I can say that about 20% of the people I work with have autistic traits and are very intelligent medical professionals. One of them, who I am friends with, would make a comment about another (excusing his behavior) saying “Well you know he’s on the spectrum” and it takes everything I have inside of me not to say “YOU MEAN LIKE US!”
Hi Paul, excellent explanation. I think I fly under the radar, but I must re-assess. I imagine I usually look bored in a group discussion, like I am enduring the conversation : ). However, in a conversation with only one other person I think I make a great effort to show interest.
What you said about being more comfortable and engaged talking to people one on one as opposed to in groups really hit home for me. Does anyone know if this is a common trait among many autistics? To prefer the intimacy of one on one connections to group settings? Or is this just indicative of an introvert? Would love more clarification on this or even a video. Thanks so much! 💚
I burst out in tears when I saw the first and now the second video. Tears of relief but I can't put my finger on it. Only thanks I want to say.
Paul, I have learned that others spot me as being "different" if they have more than a short chat with me. I'm great at the superficial encounter. Deeper conversations lay bare the fact that I'm not a "typical" person.
My solution? I dye my hair. Typically pink. It's great fun, I like how it looks, and it externalizes my "otherness" and gives a ready topic of discussion. I realize I'm lucky I can do this, because of the job I have and the fact that I'm not threatening otherwise, according to American society (white, not tall or short, average looking, middle class). I wouldn't recommend this approach for everyone, because one too many "other" traits can all of a sudden cause a VERY different reaction. But 1 or 2 "different" external traits seems to help, because it eliminates the surprise others may have in how I approach things differently.
I wondered if I looked autistic today as I followed my friend round the charity shop. I always do it, rather than go off to look I stand near her and look at the stuff, or stand stock still once my mind is fragmenting from the endless loud blouses. That dosnt take long.
Same! I don’t get people who shop together but browse the store separately. Like, shouldn’t we just go around together so we can comment on things? And how will we find each other if the shop is big? And what if I want an opinion on which one to buy, I’ll have o hint you down 😂 maybe we should be shopping together instead 😂
From a child to young adult, I've been called various things like: odd, quiet, slow, special, weird, chill, nonchalant, awkward, stupid, silent, observant.
I noticed through out my years that I like to do something I call rev matching aka masking/mimicry to try and blend in but I always stick out like a sore thumb.
I also notice everyone around me is so much different and doesn't go through the struggles of socializing, small talk and various other things that are "normal".
Not diagnosed by any professional I'm self diagnosed for the most part even my family has accepted from a very young age that I'm most likely autistic. I have cousins that are diagnosed and I can relate heavily to em. It makes me feel more comfortable to know that others around me are similar in a way.
I most likely don't wanna get diagnosed due to the work place discriminating me. At the same time I should go through with it one of these days.
Late diagnosed autistic, and even the psychologist diagnosed me said I was atypical and didn't tick all the 'conventional boxes' but was undoubtedly autistic. I think I'm one of those people that probaly fly under most people's radar as possibly having a disability, yet I will always flag someone's odd box... I kind of feel that it's always been to my detriment, as people often used it to make fun of me, other me, etc. I've been told as a teen that I was very book smart, but was lacking 'street smarts'. It's nice to finally get that diagnosis to finally know what it is and to finally work on self acceptance. Anyways, thanks for the content. You're one of a couple autistic TH-camrs who I get excited for new releases. :)
This is the second of your videos I have watched. I am diagnosed with bipolar as was my daughter, mother, and grandmother. I have had friends who were also bipolar and sometimes that can be a problem as in drama queens. I started hanging out with a guy who seems to have Asbergers and it is really easy between us. I flip out or get very depressed, but after I explained my bipolar to him, things were okay between us. He is very calm all of the time and that is soothing to me. I don't feel judged by him and that is rare for people with bipolar. Up with Aspergers! I know that term isn't used anymore, but I think it should be.
As a kid I was fairly self-contained. Happy playing alone, but also happy playing with other neighborhood kids when they were around, though I found 'pretend' a bit awkward and weird. I related to adults better than some kids. I was happier choosing the outfit for the doll and setting up the house than having the doll pretend to interact with the other doll.
When I got to middle school I started being accused of memorizing the dictionary or the encyclopedia (I liked to read a lot, which obviously changed my vocabulary) and being standoffish. It was even more so in high school. I preferred to hang out with boys at the lunch table than girls because boys were always straight and clear in their communication--they would tell you what they thought straight out. I also found them more accepting and less mean. They might've found me annoying, but never enough to tell me to go away to my face. I was a nerd. Girls always seemed like they were looking at me like some nasty bug.
In college I found people who were quirky and weird and accepted me, though I felt like I was the boring quiet one. It was very freeing having friends with colorful hair and different fashion choices, with niche interests. I felt less weird.
In work life people tell me I have great attention to detail, but also that I 'talk funny' meaning I express myself in a quirky fashion. People say they learn words they didn't know before when I talk. I really disliked having to work in an office because I felt like I had to dress a certain way, and the office was always cold, and cubicle farms are noisy and have no privacy. I have always valued comfortable clothing over stylish stuff. I've completely abandoned fancy shoes, skirts and dresses, and makeup, and even shaving. I'm slowly moving away from woven clothing, because it's restrictive. I've always preferred solid color clothing--I can't stand most patterns used on clothing, with very few exceptions. Now I work from home in the quiet, where I can put on a sweatshirt and make myself a snack whenever and not have to be on display all the time, and it's much better.
I find myself unable to stand still in, say, a parking lot after a bike ride having conversation with other people. I start moving around, pacing I guess. Going to someone else's place for a get together feels really strange and uncomfortable, especially if I don't know many folks. I don't know what to do with myself in such a situation. I mostly listen when other people talk, and try to decide when it's appropriate to eat something. Recently I've noticed myself wiggling my fingers in the grocery store while I debate this or that item. These last few years I've played all my you tube videos on 1.5 speed because people talk so slowly. I have serial hobbies--I'll immerse myself completely in a hobby for a period of time, get to know it thoroughly, then drop it like something poisonous and move on to the next hobby. I've been told before that I was weird or different or 'not like other girls' but nobody ever really followed up with a reason.
My child's diagnosis came their senior year of high school. They are doing well in college with some accommodations.
I took some of the online tests and they said I would be autistic, but the scores were not far into the autistic range. I have a hard time with those tests though, because I can clearly see the pattern in the questions, I and I know what answers would skew the score one way or the other, and so I'm not entirely sure if my debates with myself about the wording and how it applies to me are really honest and accurate or not. I suppose just having the debate with myself kinda tips the scales in a direction.
Since learning about this stuff more, I'm starting to be able to 'see' other people's traits more clearly, but also my own. Gosh, look at my oversharing.
Your video is excellent as always! Yes people always notice I'm different, and as I get older I find that I don't really care if people think I'm "weird", because there are so many people out there walking around that are different shades of weird, that they shouldn't be judging me.
For example: I started a new job about 2 months ago in a dollar type store. My assistant manager, when I met her for the very first time, I knew she was severely bi-polar, and have had this confirmed by her behavior many times since. I am autism spectrum, and I don't feel safe around her! She seems dangerous and off-the-wall to me. However, she judges me by my actions and behaviors, even though I am different, but I'm still nice to the customers.
I'm starting to wonder, as a side note, if there are really truly any "neurotypical" people.
I am very sensitive to physical similarities as well as differences. I have picked out close relatives of friends in the street from behind, just by a glance at their body shape or gait! I didn't learn of the actual relationship until I coincidentally met these people later.
I feel like this video describes me to the core, I am always a bit of an outsider and everything you mentioned. It's kind of weird to think about how everyone around me can probably pick up on that and all the other things about me that are just a little off and that they will probably misinterpret it. Great video!!!
As a young adult I took some courses that helped me learn how to look neurotypical, including making eye contact and learning how a proper communication cycle happens. That went a long way toward fitting in, but eventually backfired when my "idiosyncrasies" (my autistic nature) showed up.
Finding out I was on the spectrum when I was 52 was like having a major earthquake in my brain. It forced me to re-evaluate my entire life. I didn't know neurotypical people thought I was "weird" until my child told me. I knew I was different, but I didn't think it was obvious to everyone else. Learning this made me feel incredibly vulnerable and exposed. Eventually I gained self-understanding, and now I have fully accepted my autism as both a challenge and a gift.
All my life, most people have noticed that I am different, often straight away but almost always within a short time. I think the very fact that I 'felt' different made me stand out as 'being' different (even though, not knowing at the time that I was autistic, I thought I was normal and tried to act normal [thoughts and feelings are two different things; feelings wave a bigger brighter flag than thoughts]). However, nobody ever said they thought I was autistic until I found out a month ago and told my best friends, who all said they knew all along. I have known one of those friends for 20+ years, one for 12 years and one for 5 years (that's my friend count, at age 61). All three of them have experience of autism in their families (that I did not know about until I told them I was autistic) but are not themselves autistic - and that is why I think they are probably still friends...because they know how to interact with autistics, so they accept me for what I am. In fact, the friend of 20+ years thought I always knew I was autistic! I can't help wondering how many other people have known it in my past but never said, for whatever reason? If the whole of society had their experience, or at least their knowledge, the world for autistics would be a much better place.
I've only recently been diagnosed, in my 30's and over 20 years since my dad and I first heard of Aspergers and wondered (but dismissed at the time because I'm a woman and my granny had taught me to mask from a young age). I think people at school and university picked up I was different, and I think the people I gravitated to and became close with are all neurodiverse in some way (several have autism diagnoses as adults), and one office I worked in they all knew and treated me with the respect and support I needed and it was amazing. It gave me the strength to seek finally seek diagnosis when I ended up working somewhere less understanding, but here I've had so many comments being completely stunned at the diagnosis and saying they had no idea and a few who just knew - again, the neurodiverse people.
I find your description of snap judgments very illuminatin and it is certainly a good thing to recognise them and analyse them a little later.
I don't think that I am on the autism spectrum even though I understood when I was eighteen that I had serious problems in socialising. I went to address this problem and learn how to perform better. But the reason for my lack of social skills was probably lack of good role models.
My sons and I are high functioning autistic adults. It's hard to spot physically. It's what we do and say that gives it away. We all do almost everything fast and efficiently, don’t talk much at work, like to work alone, and have a selective high IQ and memory. But we also have a lot of differences, partially because we are all at different levels of high functioning. My point is, on some people, it’s hard to spot unless the circumstances are just right. I did like your video; you always are very informative.
Thank you, Paul, for being willing to articulate a difficult conversation I really appreciated listening tonight.
Most people notice pretty quickly that I am different, but usually in a specifically positive way. Occasionally someone says outright that I am a little weird or a bit odd, I even had some people comment on my nervous disposition (we were in a crowded space after a day of work). I used to think that I passed for normal, but recently I have realized how wrong I was, luckily I can usually use my quirks in a charming way so that people feel at ease, I have even had lots of people observe that I have an almost uncanny ability to put others at ease. I have noticed that the people who stay closer and who I enjoy being around are often autistic and/or have ADHD.
As an odd one out we can spot easier people like us
Right. That is a very important part of the puzzle missing. It's like when you own a car or a family member owns a car and you 'start' seeing that model of car everywhere, like all of a sudden they're popular in town, when really all that's happened is you've become better at identifying them / your brain isn't purging the input because it's now of personal significance.
Yeah. That's right.
Not all but many, yes!
Agreed. (Ironically, the TH-camr @theodd1sout is autistic.)
Agreed
You are awesome. I hope everything goes well in your life. ❤️❤️ I am an autism mom so proud of my kid. Your mom must be proud of you 😘
If you can pass in the "first impression" there can be the problem that the other signs that leak out later will then aggravate the people who thought you passed the first impression test, it's as if you betrayed them. People wanted to put me in the "nice girl" box when I was a young woman and so, when I swore or when I took a strong stance on something, I was quite often met with the "but I thought that you were a nice girl!" response. Even back then I always thought that that was on them, not me.
The closest I've met to it that a wider group of people might recognise is when people hear someone talking a language they didn't know that person spoke. Again, there is the shock, almost anger, that the person isn't who and what they thought they were. (Even if they aren't actually angry they can still be shocked.)
Cant wait for this premier Paul
Got my reminder on...
@@Wiz.37083 I do to as Always
I've struggled so much with the whole "masking enough to seem neurotypical but not totally normal" thing. At this point, in safe spaces where I know people are non-judgmental and non-stigmatizing, but where I'm still not ready to tell people I'm autistic, I find myself consciously unmasking-intentionally letting my eyes wander, stimming with objects, letting my words stutter, etc. It's become my subtle way of signaling to those trusted people that no, I don't hate you and I'm not bored with you-I'm just different! It's kinda weird that unmasking has to feel so calculated to me right now, but it makes sense since for so many years I've masked so intensely/constantly/fearfully (lol).
Anyway hopefully one day I'll reach a point where I feel comfortable just telling people outright that I'm neurodivergent, but baby steps! XD
Fantastic video Paul. This is such an important topic for everyone to think through and learn about. I am very close to a few people in my life that stand out more than not and nomatter the reasons for their oddities, in my eyes they seem like rare, beautiful loved ones. I think myself lucky to be a part of their life and I love to experience the true person behind the necessary mask.
Think I can spot it pretty easily, my brother is a year younger than me and is autistic, I've been around him my whole life. a lot of the signs of autism you read about I already know intuitively. Where most people see someone as strange or eccentric I try to be understanding, I can usually tell pretty quickly after someone talks to me. Evidently it's a spectrum and it can be hard to gauge at times, but I tend to get it right.
I love how you are leveraging your personal experiences to achieve this analysis! Great video. I also instantly clue into other people's minute differences due to acute awareness of my own differences. I appreciate your video because it reminds me not to read too much into these intuitive observations (though they may be true), and more importantly to acknowledge their uniqueness simply by listening/receiving/accepting, rather than doing something explicit as is my wont ("hey! I'm like you!" 🤣)
I love your videos, I myself have adhd and I sometimes wonder if I’m on the autism spectrum.. not all fits but some. got diagnosed at 33, I asked myself to get tested because I can’t finish any task, I get distracted from everything, my mom said I never cleaned my room - five minutes after she asked I was doing something completely else. “She just doesn’t listen!!” I’ve always been weird.. without knowing exactly what I did wrong.. I mean I talked a lot… but.. Like I remember hearing my friends say to others “yeah she’s weird but she’s really nice once you get to know her” ..I have severe social anxiety- but my adhd takes over like a defensive mechanism and makes me seem super friendly to everyone and extremely outgoing- I’m not at all. My best friend had Asperger’s, he sadly took his own life eight years ago, but he was .. normal in many aspects - like he was one of the most intelligent people I’ve met, and had an enormously popular TH-cam channel. He could hold a conversation without anyone noticing anything - until he suddenly bursted out loudly “aarh I really want to kill that baby!!” - while the mother of the screaming child stood right next to him..
That, and he was 34 and didn’t know how to tie his shoes, tie a hairband/knot (he said his parents just bought him Velcro shoes…) or that he needed to use deodorant. No one had told him.
“Luckily” for me I struggled with many different diseases and so I stopped trying to fit in, like Seuss says: be who you are and say what you feel - those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind :)
Well this was long. Sorry 😅
I can not say. I am not even diagnosed but for a little over a year I have been suspicious that I might be. I found your channel one day and I relied on some information to help me. Sadly, a formal diagnosis is hard for me to afford and try not to dwell too much on the thought to avoid confirmation bias! But as usual, I really appreciate your videos! Thank you.
Both of my sons are autistic (13 and 15). Opposite sides of the spectrum (low func/high func).
I started researching what to expect as their life progresses through the teenage and adult years. I watched TH-cam videos of adult men on the spectrum, and I found out after about 15 videos that they are EXACTLY like me!! (I’m EXACTLY like them!!) I knew I was on the spectrum after the first video, but I had to watch 14 more, just to make sure.
It was a trippy realization that I’ve been autistic this whole time and nobody told me! lol It also explained a lot about my past, and why I am “the way I am”.
I’m also ADHD, but that diagnosis didn’t catch me off guard. I remember as far back as 2nd grade having parent/teacher meetings about my attention span.
Anyway, I can very accurately spot someone with autism these days. I want to ask the unaware people “Have you considered you may be autistic?”, but I know that’s a rude sounding question, so I don’t.
It's fascinating, because : Gifted persons we recognize each other. And now you gave me conformation Autistic persons recognize each other too.
It happened to me theses last months, since I am conscious I have Asperger :
_ A little girl gave me a huge smile _ A cashier, nod and smile _ A girl looked up in the direction of my balcony and gave me a huge smile.
_ A little girl at supermarket looked at me and smile, it happened too with a boy.
(It make me so emotional inside because of this deep spirit/mind or soul connection, and also frustrated, I don't want afraid the parents who surely have biases about psychological/neurological conditions)
It's confusing for me, because the person could be only autistic, or only gifted, or both.
I can also recognized the personality type of people among the 16 personality of the MBTI. I have good pattern recognition in people and things.
My theory is : The unconscious is collective (Carl Jung), and the unconscious know everything. By experience :
"We attract people who are like us, we like people who are like us, we attract what we are, we like what we are" We naturally/unconscious go toward people who look like us.
At a work I met someone, we have the same Personality type INTJ, I think we have the same enneagram : 5, and I think he is Asperger and Gifted too like me.
I have the impression he is the man version of me, the impression that "he is me" We both wear total black look 99% of the time, he always did a nap in is car before the work, and after the lunch, and one day send me he was tired.
Someone who is super observant like me, pay attention to detail, good pattern recognition, who like analyze everything ^^ and have knowledge in MBTI, autism and giftedness can know a person more than himself.
_When someone walk I notice if the person have a leg shorter than the other, larger forehead, eyes very blue with black hair, odd eyes, wear comfortable clothes instead of fashionable clothes, fidgeting, move their feet nervously, prefer stay lonely at calm don't talk, their aura, their energy, their vibration.
By observing the behavior of people and their physic, and what they wear I can guess their personality type (and so know how they process informations and others things). Power of pattern recognition thanks my introvert intuition, it's a blessing and also a curse.
It's really interesting what you talk about autism and assuming things, because when you mask, the amount you assume from social interactions rise, since you are not entirely sure what people mean, but you learned it through the years what they mean when a certain pattern is shown. It was really hard for me two years before finding out I was autistic that I assumed soooo much about things and people that I had people discuss it with me so I could actually break this pattern in my behavior.
People often notice that there's something different about me, but a lot of the time People still like me and gravitate towards me; simply because they are just searching for a person who is kind. But I have to be cautious on my end, because people can be very manipulative and have taken advantage of me. Two people have strongly suspected that I am autistic, and that was how it finally clicked in my head that I should get tested (the AQ test strongly suggests that I am). I am embracing it now and just feel liberated to find an answer to all of my social awkwardness and anxiety since childhood. 😇
I was able to spot autism in the first few words of a girl who spoke to me outside my house. It sounds strange, but it’s can sound like an anime character tone depending on the persons interests, she clearly watched a ton of anime and we talked about shows we liked. As I listened to her more and how she delivered sentences, and also the fact that her little brother was trying to keep her on task with their walk, there was no doubt in my mind.
Having kids and a husband who are autistic, I think I’ve got it down when it comes to spotting it in others. Paul is a master of masking, which makes it not instantly obvious. I loved his description of the little girl, and I would have been drawn to her immediately. In my opinion, there is something innocent and free within autistic children, and many adults too ❤
Agreed, Paul is a master of masking but just now i happened to watch this speeded up, 1.5x, and suddenly saw that the signs are still present, body movements, rocking, wayward eye contact etc, but cleverly made less obvious by being slower. Hello Paul, best wishes to you and thank you for all that you do, you're helping us all so much!
I have that passing privilege but once they get to know me it’s a different story. These days I don’t care anymore , my whole life I’ve been the odd one out/weirdo so now I’ve embraced my nuerodivergencgy. I don’t have to identify with what others project unto me, I simply am who I am and that’s exactly who I’m meant to be 💖
Isn't it great when you can afford not to care?
@@sharonhobbs4144 it’s not that I can afford not to care it’s just I’m choosing to be proud of who I am . It’s still a struggle everyday day but I’ve learnt that worrying about if people like me or not hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life. It’s easier to accept who you are.
Good video, Paul. I actually finally caught the premiere. I do catch autism behaviors very quickly, but I never say anything till I verify by watching longer or something. Even then, I never actually directly mention it, but I try to be friendly to the person or their parents, according to the situation.
I’m not sure how quickly they notice I’m different. I just got diagnosed and told several people and the ones who didn’t know me as well seemed surprised or maybe didn’t actually believe me? But the ones who knew me a little better immediately said they saw that in me and were happy for me gaining this understanding of myself. I think the ones who seem more skeptical don’t know very much about autism though and I cannot tell if they perceived me as different right away.
My autism seems to be noticed by quite a few, but not all people. I probably mask less than I used to, as other peoples' opinions of me and how I present myself matters less to me than it used to. Watching Paul's videos have been helpful in this area.
Recently at my job I have been able to mostly (not always) recognize if someone was a former Gifted and Talented kid. Let’s just say I work with a bunch of them and kinda turned it into a guessing game. I can see it in their style, how they speak, etc. Maybe they’re not all autistic but there’s something I’m picking up on