Wow!! What an EYE OPENER!! GEEEEEZ I have some serious work to do. And it really infuriates me that my childhood was full of this pressure to ppl please and be nice 24/7. My niceness attracted the worst narc ever and now this is a lesson I have to handle NOW. Thanks again Deborah!!!❤❤❤
You are not alone. I did the same thing. I got my heart broken twice. By a Narcissist. It made me reevaluate my self worth and how I view myself. I was so silly. NEVER never again.
Same. Having to deal with this kind of stuff is overwhelming especially when you see what being "nice" to people has gotten you, used and abused. Fuck that. Self preserve and learn to be more assertive and don't be afraid to tell people to fuck off. It most definitely comes from childhood, having to parent and take care of grown ass people. Hope you do the work and put yourself first.
Wow same here! And I had the misfortune of not meeting one narc but FOUR! I realised my childhood primed me for this sort of relationships. I have never been in a healthy relationship but I like to believe they do exist and I hope one day I get to experience that.
Same! Everything you said. I was raised to be a people pleaser & man did that cause me to attract a man with narcissistic traits. Wasted years of my life & dealt with the toughest heartbreak, TWICE with the same person, 10 years apart. 🤦🏾♀️ Men do not respect nice, at all.
Men always tell women a sad story that's how they break down their boundaries, basically by making the woman feel sorry for them. This is how women get sucked into unhealthy relationships and then the years fly by!
I once had a guy who was a player tell me his last girlfriend cheated on him to try and make me feel bad for him. I told him "well I guess she made you look really stupid then". He was speechless because he was so used to that tired game working on women.
A family member use to tell me you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar so I tried to be nice and I noticed it got me nowhere but an open invitation of no good people thinking they can take advantage of my kindness. Now, I cut off ALL fake ass "friends", I'm only kind to people who are kind to me and I do that with extreme caution. I have peace of mind now, I don't have that "monkey on my back" feeling anymore nor that out of place feeling I use to have when I was around those fake friends. I'm good now that I've cleaned house.
I'm getting over a life long habit of not speaking up or expressing anger when a man blatantly disrespects me for fear that HE will get upset and not want to talk to me anymore. How stupid is that!!!
“It really hurts my feelings when you point out how I’ve hurt your feelings” It’s such BS. They’ve conditioned us to do this. We must reprogram and stick up for ourselves.
My aunt used to get dogged out by her husband all the time. He used to cheat on her and also diss her infront of family. He used to call her ugly and he used to compare her all the time to his ex wife. She was way too nice to him. For example she used to wake up 4 am for work and every morning before she went to work she used to make him breakfast of pancakes, biscuits, eggs etc. It was just crazy. Thank God the fool is dead and she is free.
Bt Rec I've seen those type of relationships before, affected me a lot because i never really wanted to get married because of how wives were treated by their husbands! every relationship I've been in i always look for an exit before getting too close shits crazy!!! no way in hell id allow a man to treat me like shit👎👎👎
I was with a guy who I had been friends with for years so I assumed he would treat me well. NOPE! Fool got beyond comfortable and disrespectful just talking to me all kinds of crazy then trying to say he was joking. I ended up cussing his ass out too many times and realized I had to go. I'm not going to keep correcting you and telling you not to speak to me any kind of way. I sent one grand "you ain't shit" text and cut him off. He spent almost an entire year trying to get me to talk to him again. I was far too nice because he should've never felt comfortable enough to even start speaking to me like that. I hope he can find any woman to stick around and hear his shit like I did. Bet he won't find her.
WoahhItsMonica Omg Monica I'm going through the same exact thing. It was so awkward because its like we both knew he wasn't shit but I felt so weirdly guilty for thinking it even though its the truth! THANK YOU x10000 for sharing your story!
You are so right!! I am naturally mean, but I was shamed and poked fun of by my family about it as a child. So I, in turn, developed a complex about it and became a nice girl. basicalky, a doormat, a sucka...As a nice girl I got GOT by black males and suffered so much for it. Then I got up on Dark Wisdom and rekindled that primordial bitch within me. my life is so much richer now. and I feel more secure and cenrered.
OMG I was just going to type something like your response. As a kid I got the nickname Ms. Meanie b/c I had a sharp tongue and always responded to people's stupidity in kind. The thing was is that they would be the ones to get upset and get hurt feelings. After a while i started to feel bad, especially after I made my mother cry (parents and other adults say the stupidest shit to kids). I became over the years a doormat. Especially trying to combat the stigma of the angry black woman. I wish I had this advice 20 years ago but like you I'm tapping into that dark wisdom and becoming the woman I was meant to be. I still like being nice but no longer a pushover. Thanks again Deborrah.
I wish this was out when I was younger. My mother was a very passive, old-school woman who never stood up for herself much, and raised me to be the same. I also grew up in a religion where women are treated as second-class citizens and submission was beat into my head. Mom raised me to "be a lady", "stay out of people's way" and "don't be so choosy", and it was the worse thing she ever could have done. To this day, I still don't express anger because I never knew how to. That is why whenever black men bring up submission, it burns me the fuck up. As soon as a woman is submissive, they treat her like shit.
+TheTampaChik I wasn't doing videos, just writing books and articles until about a year ago. Too bad you didn't know about my website...I definitely would have helped deprogram you from that nonsense.
I know a lot of women who down play there intelligent so the man can feel Superior, and they wonder why the man dogs them out, being to damn nice, women stay opinionated don't give up your mind to a man that really don't like you.
truth is most people think kindness is weakness...humans are merely more sophisticated animals and animals respect strength and not kindness....its hard to get out of that nice mentality when u been raised to be that way and abused
I am so embarrassed. For awhile I lived in public housing while I was in college. One day my neighbor, Pearlie, called me out for acting "too white." I asked WTF she meant by that. She said I was acting like a babe in the woods and there were a whole lot of wolves out there. I was being too white, too nice. I thought, well, I know I'm fish-belly white, but isn't it nice to be - nice? Debborah's right. For some people, nice = vulnerable. Easy to use/manipulate. Women are tasked with being kind, like we were taught from childhood, but above all, remembering to be kind to ourselves. To trust that gut feeling that tells us something just isn't right, and to be safe. If we can't love ourselves, how can we expect to be loved by others?
Christine Carrier use to be like that till life and getting f over... now I'm like I'm not pleasing without getting pleased 1st and that's only if I feel like you deserve it. I've found out the hard way and I notice that there's a balance and only certain people deserve your kindness
As much MS Deb's cussing irks me, I appreciate her raw advice. We as women been given advice in floral scents and roses all our lives and its not helped us thus far and thats why we are all on this page. Had I had someone in my life that gave it to me raw like Ms.Deb, I wouldn't have made half the mistakes I made with men. I am now happily married for the past 5 years to a wonderful black man. However, I still reflect and watch Deb to learn more about myself.
Great video! I watched my mother cook, clean, and wash for my dad no matter how bad he treated her. I've always been alone but I never want to be in that position. In fact, I've had men call me crazy. I guess I'm doing something right 😂
im nice but i have low tolerance for shit. so my niceness only goes so far which has really worked well for me with men because if i had of been more patient i'd have dealt with alot more BS in life i feel like
I'm the the same way I'm a nice person but I'm not a door mat I don't allow man to use me or take advantage of! If I see his mistreating me I walk away!
I'm so glad my mother raised me not to be a people pleaser! I have zero fuks to give, and I love it that way. But being this way also keeps my social circle small because most people can't handle the truth.
This video should be required listening for all young girls and even older women. I’ve even been treated badly at work for my good attitude about getting things done and working together. I end up doing all of the work, getting all of their criticisms, and they dog me out. Men are awful in all areas of life if you are a kind hearted woman. Please listen to Deb and don’t be kind to men. You will regret it.
Like K Michelle said, "Men are not good people." I don't think most of them even know how to be. I learned a long time ago that I can't be nice to adult males. They find every opportunity to take advantage of women. I refuse to ever put an adult male over myself or my children. EVER!
“Being nice to men is a guaranteed way to get dogged tf out,” I couldn’t agree more! A hard lesson I learned from experience 🙄 Deb I really wish I knew about you when I was in my late teens and 20’s smh you’re* such a gem. So happy you’re feeling well and delighted to have you back. You were truly missed!
I personally don’t like the nature of men that they pride themselves in. I am 21 years old and I’m realizing how stupid this conquer all attitude is. You can’t be happy doing that. I think men are beautiful creatures, but they shoot themselves in the foot a lot. They seem to need a lot of help. I feel good when I avoid men in my life. It’s really unfortunate.
I'm in a new relationship, and acting too nice. I just realized he is happy taking from me, but not giving to me. 10 minutes after my realization, I simply picked up the phone and called Uber. When he looked around I was down the stairs.....
Ronnie Patton I going through that exactly with my fiancé, it is all about him and I always clear his path so his life can be so more easier.... but when it comes down to me he just complains about my needs I can be stuck with shit up my throat and he just sits and tells me shit.
Lol!! I'm a perfectly logical, productive, driven strong woman when single but an absolute doormat in relationships. I've been called 'nice' by players so many times. In my 40's it's a crime to call me nice. I'd shred their asses first.
I made up my mind that I will continue to “be nice” to who I can be nice to! I agree with you, not everyone is deserving of my “niceness”! Rather it be guys, co workers or family members! I just avoid those people when I can! It works for me!!! 😏🕊💆🏽♀️ My peace, happiness & success is very important to me!
lol I got told by a man that I was too assertive! I just smiled at his insecure ass. I stopped being the nice girl at 25 because it got me know where with people.
TOO assertive? So he wanted a meek bow down woman? LOLOLOL! My goodness he told on himself. Naw, I'm not TOO assertive, you just TOO weak to call yourself a man! Punkass
Debborah is my SheRo this channel is full of valuable information, growing up without a father has made it difficult to choose the right type of man I can finally do better in dating because I have some help. thank you
Thank you, I was wondering why I was getting play and use. Because I was too fucking nice. I cut that shit out. No more fucking nice to men. Nobody taking advantage of me. You so right. Thank you i appreciate you.
Some of this information from this video resonate with me. I was doing this behavior to try to fit in, and it backfired and bit me in my ass too. It did not get me anywhere. I learned this lesson the hard way. I am not being too nice to men anymore. I became bitter and angry because of the bullying and abuse from men. Yes it had affected my self esteem. This stuff come back and haunt me every 6 months.
Nowadays, being nice in general makes you a push over and a victim. At work, if you don't show you're not a doormat from the get go, the narcissists will quickly jump and harass you.
When a guy says he wants a "nice girl like him" he really means a girl who will doubt her contradictions of him of the initial red flags in the beginning.
If people treat me with respect then I treat them with respect if they don’t treat me with respect then I don’t own them respect or anything. It’s that simple
Men say nice men get last place I think it's more so true for nice women. I am nice learning to be less of that in person application part because I realized most men hate nice/good women, you end up being broken hearted, abused, used, threatened etc rarely ever treasured plus they never go extra efforts for nice girls like they do other girls. I also realize being nice in the work place can be negative as well. Being mean though I realize has better results however it's some weird persons with odd complexes. Great video as usual.
Introvertsan they always say women that are 'easy' to get and get along with aren't a 'challenge' for them. but women that aren't are high maintenance bitches. bottom line, they want to hate, they'll find a reason no matter what you do
Your post is on point. Isnt that something else? Being nice leaves u broken...its a harsh truth. Ive pretty much spent my LIFE being nice. Smh. I look back now and see how I was used immensely. Its sad. Fell into attracting a narc and did kindness save my ass? I was treated so shitty that its hard to believe it when I think about it. But these videos are helping me and opening my eyes IMMENSELY. Better late than never..
You're absolutely correct in all you've said. One of your best advice vids. My problem has been (my whole life) other people trying to make me feel bad for standing up for myself or how I've witnessed other women being treated--damn. thank you!! ❤❤
New subscriber here. I love how blunt and straight to the point you are. I've been mean (or blunt), since high school (of course bullying didn't help). I remember my sisters, cousins and I walked to McDonald's in Florida one time, and these guys turned around and got out the car to come talk to us. First of all, that mess was kinda creepy... Anyway, they came out the car, most of them were short and unattractive. And the first thing one of them said was (to us towards me): why you looking so mean? Mind you, they way they stepped to us was creepy, one guy didn't have a shirt on, most of them were sagging (I can't stand sagging)... Being blunt has turned off so many users it's ridiculous. You don't have to talk to me know that I'm not about that life. I really vibe with this video because of that. 😊
This is one of your BEST videos Deb!!! Everything you said in this video is spot on 💯💯💯💯 ...I know from experience that there is NO reward you get for being "nice". I used to be a "nice lady" & it just got me abused, mistreated, taken advantage of & taken for granted. There is NO thanks or recognition you get for being "nice"..... Truth be told "nice" is a rip off. Women are conditioned to be "nice" because that way it will be easier for men & other predators to USE us. I am not "nice" anymore. I put MYSELF first & foremost because I know no one else will. When people tell me to "be nice", I tell them to FUCK OFF!!!
I have to boast. I have two sides with no happy medium. I'm nice as long as you are nice, as soon as you start getting ugly with me, I make you wish you never met me! ESPECIALLY towards dudes. By the time I'm done with their crusty azzes, they'll be running home to their mommy...crying. I'll have them ALL up in their EMOTIONS. You are right Deborah, I like to experiment on dudes and so I play nice to see how they act and how they perceive me, and when I realize their perception of me is weak, a do girl, emotional, low self-esteem, then I bust out and put them back in their places. I do not play and never have. All I know, is that I'm glad I'm me.🤗
Nice guys or in this case nice girls finish last. True story. I tend to suffer the consequences of being overly nice. It’s actually spills out into out her areas of your life. I love this content I’m learning so so much.
It is not nice and considerate that is the problem really,. It doesn't make you finish last either. UNLESS YOU ARE OVERLY NICE to the point as explained where you have no standards, no boundaries, accept anything and smile, are overly giving, and never say NO. Those people are roadkill.
I have a friend who is like this she is too nice to people and if she has low self-esteem and after 7 years of being friends with her I am exhausted the mere suggestion that she puts on a lip when she's going out just makes her cringe because she has convinced herself that no man wants her and if she put on makeup she can't handle the attention that it brings I told her baby you got some issues you need to go and lay on somebody's couch this woman is 60 plus years old
Thank you I appreciate this video so much. I have been the too nice type and have been hurt. I don't want to be this way anymore. I deserve so much better than the shit I've put up with.
When I was in high school, I decided to go with a "good/nice" guy. He was a really good guy, too. The problem is, he was boring. I could never understand whether or not the good ones had to be boring. He did all the right things, my family would approve of, but he had not zest for live. That dating period was VERY short lived. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, I broke up with him. When I broke of with him, he had this "nice guys finish last" attitude. I told him I didn't break up with him because he was nice. I broke up with him because he was boring. I was confused for many years about that. Why couldn't I just like a nice guy? Now I understand. Women like challenges too. Not like men, but if men are too giving and/or too staid, they too, can get used and "kicked to the curb." It's the definition of what it means to be "nice" that causes the confusion.
Most men are boring. Their lives are so mundane and fixed. Work, sports, drinking. Some throw in fishing or hunting or bowling for variety. But the man who is interesting, witty, fun to be around, always has stuff to talk about that stimulates your mind is like priceless.
Sweet/friendly/kind and nice have always been portrayed differently to me throughout my life. You see, through my own experience…I’ve realized that even though all those words serve the same purpose, they do NOT serve the same people. Meaning, nice is more of an action “play nice” or you hear parents say to the kids “be nice.” But for those that are kind or sweet, it’s not really an act, but they are genuinely good people. That’s why I hate when guys say “I’m a nice guy” nice people, well, GOOD people don’t go around saying that they’re good. We just are. Being nice will get you 2 things: being exposed eventually for who you really are (most likely not nice) or people walking over you and your act of “niceness.” If you’re nice to anyone, be nice to yourself. Not everyone deserves that piece of you or you just simply acting that way towards them. Just as respect is earned.
A guy with one leg started giving me a whiny sob story (after trying to flirt initially) at work today. He told me he had no spouse or *family, and if he died, he would melt before anyone found him. I said, oh, they can smell you before too long. 🤣 He then told me he found his female neighbor and her (Great Dane) dog, two houses down from his, dead, by following the smell. 😐😐😬 I kid you not...... 😖😳 I initially felt bad for him in my mind, but externally, I never showed it, or let it change my self protection mode. I interupted his going on too long story casually and said, "I have a lot to do if you aren't moving forward with this." His life/time is no more important than mine. Imho, he never had any intention of purchasing, he came over to attempt to flirt, and make me feel sorry for him. He tried to get me to look up where he lived, told me he used to be a mechanical engineer, and as I walked off, told me his name was Ron Roebuck, in case I was taking notes. 🙄 Ya, I took notes, because he had a really crazy, creepy laugh in addition to everything else. ...Impress me by spending money, or stop wasting my time. I aint got time to caretake no body but myself. "Because iniquity shall abound (be wide spread), the love of many shall wax cold." Matthew 24:12
Thank you so much Queen Deb! You truly are a God send! I’m learning so much from you. 💕🌻 I was raised by a narc mom and dating narcs. Finally seeing things clearly. Working on myself! Living for Me!
I totally love this....it's all about self worth and being super assertive. I really wish I'd heard this earlier ... it's not late tho ... just re-inforces some deep beliefs...esp if you are raised to be always be selfless and nice... this should be selective and really but choice if not people walk all over you and never accept and appreciate. Thanks Debbie... good straight talk
This video READ me! I’m too nice. When I was younger everyone always told me I was mean & so around my college years I started trying to be nice because I didn’t want to r perceived as mean. I preferred myself when I was so called mean. I’m going back to being mean!
I’m nice and honestly pretty passive because I don’t even value people’s opinions enough to get mad 🤷🏾♀️ that’s just me though. Plus I feel like the more you express anger.. the more information you’re giving manipulative narcs on how to fuck with you. I’d rather them not know they pissed me off and ghost their ass.. not even wasting my energy fussing. Unless I want them to be in my life still.. then and only then will I make a fuss (except cheating I’m just out), because if I chose the right person it won’t happen again.
I stopped being nice because there’s no point when the other party is wrong or trying to take advantage of me. I had to lay into my contracting company this morning for not sending my money. The first business day of April was Friday the 1st not today Monday the 4th. Stop trying me!
My motta is if there is gonna be any drama happening, I will start the shit and I will finish it. My home thus is drama free cause I am a tyrant. lolol
Deborrah Cooper lol!!! My sister is a Leo but in terms of life choices and what she strives for, she's the polar opposite of you. If only she had your values. Her life would have been very different and so would her children's.
So happy to hear that ItsBritts. :) That's what we are here for. Hopefully you will share some links to your friends, coworkers, sorors, family and social media. I am great at content producing, but I need help getting the word out to women who can benefit from these messages. I have learned that I cannot do everything all by myself. As hard as that was for an independent Leo to admit. 🙄🤔😔😠😬😅
The original English meaning for the word "Nice" is "Stupid"! Don't be to mean too, because many men will wait into you fall in love, then they will get their revenge and laugh at you!
+Islam Muhammad Dude, he wouldn't get the opportunity! You don't understand. When a woman can be what you call mean to a man, it means she doesn't love him too deeply. Her love is primarily for herself and her interests. So she won't get to where she's hurt if he leaves...Will probably help is ass pack and call his ass a Uber.
Deborrah Cooper That's probably true, but when I see a mean woman, I say to myself she is a push over, but she do this because some man fuck her over. No one likes a push over (Man or Woman), that's why they say: "Bad Men Are No Good, But Good Men Are No Fun!"
+Islam Muhammad You should stop lying to yourself and being narcissistic. Men always make what women do something about them. In reality some girls grew up in environments where they were treated like they mattered, were important, their thoughts and feelings and bodies, dreams, and opinions had value and worth. They therefore refuse to put any male before themselves. They've never been "hurt" which is a simplistic rather unintelligent reaction to a woman who demands respect, fairness, and proper treatment from men.
Deborrah Cooper I have a lot of experience with women, let me remind you that I am not African American, so I go by different rules, than Black American men. It's African American men that fuck y'all over, not North African men. My father had four wives before he dead and I have two wives, one time I had three wives but one wife dead in a car accident, I take care of all of my wives and 8 children. My first wife that dead; was a Black American woman (Creole) and what I notice about black American women, they just talk a lot of shit, but deep down they are got people, thay got molested or use by African American men. Also Black American women can't really love you, because they don't love themselves!!! My Puerto Rican and East African wives don't have all these problems, because they had good fathers in their lives. North African men are real men and they take care of their children and wives, so I am nothing like your African American men. The men in my family own their own businesses and they do not bag White Americans for a job or hand out. American men can't take of one wife, let alone two or four wives, because they have a slave mentality!
+Islam Muhammad you haven't had one fiftieth the experience with black American women that an average brotha has. You can only talk about the few you met. I had a great father,CA fabulous husband who also died in an auto accident, and all the men in my family are educated successful professionals. And have met hundreds personally (thousands if I include my web friends, many of which I've known for 15+ years), who have confidence and none of the issues you mentioned. I hate men with accents. Not trying to deal with any Africans at all. I would not want to be a wife to anyone first, second, third or fourth. It was cute, but I prefer my freedom. Marriage REALLY ain't shit.
Yes, yes, yes, I use to be nice myself and now!? da fuck.. hell naw.. i speak my mind at alllll cost to not just men but any walking soul. I try not to use those terms like "nice" to guys when I no longer want to talk to them and "nice" is a word they use as ammunition against women to preach the "why women single bs cuz they don't like nice guys".. i have asked guys, "is talking to you like pulling teeth?" cuz convos w/u have been boring and i just can't do this.. smh, or after they talk talk talk about how much they just a homebody, i say "ohhhh you are like the cushion on the sofa..hahaha" awww....i dont think you my type man, i have to get out the house, etc. lol yep i say it...but why he Backstepping?? !!!..... they usually back step like in a dancing video. If they ever talk about their daddy was a rolling stone had 9-16 kids w/multi women .. i say "ohhh he was a whore huh, darn how that affect your family?" they get quickly defensive and defend their whore dad. yeah i think i get a lil mean but i think that they need to stop celebrating words for themselves but use it against women...... i hate nice guys... they are just not my type, they are not assertive, non decision makers, THEY RIDE THE FENCE and never choose shit.....they usually need a woman to boss them around....and i so hate them. they are BORING!!!!!!!!!!! NiCe=bORING... i need assertive, how do i or women need to allow you to be a man if you cant make a damn decision?
I know a man like this😥 Very frustrating. I could use him and use him up if I'd like but I'm like a Good Shepherd. I don't know for sure if he loves me because I feel he'd do and give any woman he's with the same as me but he does care.
Welcome! I have maybe 5 maybe 6 like that - one on K Michelle, one on Mary J. Blige, and one on B Smith, and one on Tina Knowles and one on that fat greasy John whatever pastor and one on Russell and Ciara. So that is the few I have done out of almost 1000 videos. I love Mary J and was pissed at how she was treated. I did that on my own. The others were suggestions by channel visitors who wanted my take. Not sure they liked what I had to say though cause it was the opposite of what everyone else was saying. LOL!
Even decent guys will pull their stunts on you to try to get you into bed too soon. It's human nature for men and it's up to us women to not go there too soon. I was casually dating this man, and I basically wanted to keep him at arms length. I enjoy his company, that's it. He took me out to eat at your typical restaurant spot and has always been respectful. I am about to start a new job as a server for a restaurant. So, he congratulated me on my new job. One day, he offered to give me a foot massage. This seems innocent, but in reality, it's an opportunity to get his foot in the door to try to get me in bed. I am not interested in sleeping with a man who isn't my husband. I may be a bit old school, but I am an older woman and am just looking for companionship, not sex. Believe me, no man is looking to rub a woman's feet to aliviate her aches and pains. The man is looking for any way he can gain a foothold into getting you into bed for as cheap as he can get it. So I responded to him and politely said that I don't like anyone touching my feet because I am very ticklish. To be honest, a man's respect for a woman has reached an all-time low because women are very pressured to give her all to a man for nothing. Society encourages this, and it's wrong. If women would respect themselves, stop twerking and stop giving them the cookie, then maybe the men would start respecting us, and maybe we wouldn't have to deal with so many damned Dusties.
That's not human nature, that is male socialization wherein men are TAUGHT that they come first, that they are entitled to women's bodies no matter what she wants, and that he should push and press her to give in vs creating an environment that is welcoming and erotic for her to WANT to jump his bones. So I agree that any type of offer of massaging anything on a woman is about some booty, but not that it is "human nature." Thinking that way absolves men of responsibility and accountability for their actions and words, and we don't do that on this channel.
@Debsterism I never thought of it like that. I always thought that it was just the way they are because not too many I've dated behaved without trying to paw me in an inappropriate manner. I'm in my late 50s, and the older men are just as bad, if not worse than the younger ones. I just want to go out to dinner and have a relationship for companionship. My mindset isn't on marriage neither is it on sex outside of a marriage commitment. The quickest, easiest way to get rid of any dusty, ugly man and annoying pest who just won't leave you alone is simple. All you have to do is tell that man that you do not have sex outside of a marriage commitment and that man will ghost you. I've done it many times 😁. I don't cook for a man, I don't invite him to my house, I don't go to his house. My commitment is to my faith and to chastity. I wasn't always that way but once I committed myself to chastity and my faith, my life got better. It's just my preference. The downside to this is that it's very hard to find a man who upholds to that standard. I think that it's okay to be single. 😊
I think by shifting your perspective onto whom you are giving your energy to and are nice to ….please give that niceness to yourself and treat yourself like how you are treating these strangers
I don’t agree with push your husband before yourself. ( that’s why you get into abusive relationship) never ever push a man first. I think you should be your priority then your kids.
Hey Teresa Hernandez, glad you found your way here, and it's great to meet you. Please be sure to spread the word and tell a friend or two about the Debsterism Channel and what we got going on for women. :)
I'm in this situation now with a creepy🔮😎 mean Muslim brother 31. it's a long story. He's denies he's Muslim, but I recently heard him do a Islamic greeting on the phone to someone. That shocked me, I knew it!. I've been too Nice with him.I also play with him too much.
Wow!! What an EYE OPENER!! GEEEEEZ I have some serious work to do. And it really infuriates me that my childhood was full of this pressure to ppl please and be nice 24/7. My niceness attracted the worst narc ever and now this is a lesson I have to handle NOW. Thanks again Deborah!!!❤❤❤
You are not alone. I did the same thing. I got my heart broken twice. By a Narcissist. It made me reevaluate my self worth and how I view myself. I was so silly. NEVER never again.
You are not alone
Same. Having to deal with this kind of stuff is overwhelming especially when you see what being "nice" to people has gotten you, used and abused. Fuck that. Self preserve and learn to be more assertive and don't be afraid to tell people to fuck off. It most definitely comes from childhood, having to parent and take care of grown ass people. Hope you do the work and put yourself first.
Wow same here! And I had the misfortune of not meeting one narc but FOUR! I realised my childhood primed me for this sort of relationships. I have never been in a healthy relationship but I like to believe they do exist and I hope one day I get to experience that.
Same! Everything you said. I was raised to be a people pleaser & man did that cause me to attract a man with narcissistic traits. Wasted years of my life & dealt with the toughest heartbreak, TWICE with the same person, 10 years apart. 🤦🏾♀️ Men do not respect nice, at all.
Men always tell women a sad story that's how they break down their boundaries, basically by making the woman feel sorry for them. This is how women get sucked into unhealthy relationships and then the years fly by!
So true.
I once had a guy who was a player tell me his last girlfriend cheated on him to try and make me feel bad for him. I told him "well I guess she made you look really stupid then". He was speechless because he was so used to that tired game working on women.
I have learned to treat disrespectful men like they are invisible.
Yep I ghost they ass constantly
Not all men deserve a nice woman. If a man dont appreciate you for who you are then you dont need to be with them. Date out!!
Yup. All men, no matter what race, color or creed, must treat you well. If he doesn't NEXT HIS ASS!
I'm so sick of trying to figure men or people out. Fuck them.. I really rather be alone at this point!😎
That's why I do it for you.
facts! that's where I'm at..
I don't blame you
If you wanna be nice to somebody be nice to yourself!!
Say it again...Please...😀
Amen amen
A family member use to tell me you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar so I tried to be nice and I noticed it got me nowhere but an open invitation of no good people thinking they can take advantage of my kindness.
Now, I cut off ALL fake ass "friends", I'm only kind to people who are kind to me and I do that with extreme caution. I have peace of mind now, I don't have that "monkey on my back" feeling anymore nor that out of place feeling I use to have when I was around those fake friends.
I'm good now that I've cleaned house.
curli-lettey same here and it feels good! 👏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I'm getting over a life long habit of not speaking up or expressing anger when a man blatantly disrespects me for fear that HE will get upset and not want to talk to me anymore. How stupid is that!!!
VERY stupid... but hey I know the feeling. I was raised this way too. smh.
“It really hurts my feelings when you point out how I’ve hurt your feelings” It’s such BS. They’ve conditioned us to do this. We must reprogram and stick up for ourselves.
My aunt used to get dogged out by her husband all the time. He used to cheat on her and also diss her infront of family. He used to call her ugly and he used to compare her all the time to his ex wife. She was way too nice to him. For example she used to wake up 4 am for work and every morning before she went to work she used to make him breakfast of pancakes, biscuits, eggs etc. It was just crazy. Thank God the fool is dead and she is free.
Bt Rec I've seen those type of relationships before, affected me a lot because i never really wanted to get married because of how wives were treated by their husbands! every relationship I've been in i always look for an exit before getting too close shits crazy!!! no way in hell id allow a man to treat me like shit👎👎👎
this is so true. I don't know why it took me so many years to realize that being nice is being a sucker
I was with a guy who I had been friends with for years so I assumed he would treat me well. NOPE! Fool got beyond comfortable and disrespectful just talking to me all kinds of crazy then trying to say he was joking. I ended up cussing his ass out too many times and realized I had to go. I'm not going to keep correcting you and telling you not to speak to me any kind of way.
I sent one grand "you ain't shit" text and cut him off. He spent almost an entire year trying to get me to talk to him again. I was far too nice because he should've never felt comfortable enough to even start speaking to me like that.
I hope he can find any woman to stick around and hear his shit like I did. Bet he won't find her.
WoahhItsMonica Omg Monica I'm going through the same exact thing. It was so awkward because its like we both knew he wasn't shit but I felt so weirdly guilty for thinking it even though its the truth! THANK YOU x10000 for sharing your story!
He did. I just dumped his ass for the same shit back in November
You are so right!! I am naturally mean, but I was shamed and poked fun of by my family about it as a child. So I, in turn, developed a complex about it and became a nice girl. basicalky, a doormat, a sucka...As a nice girl I got GOT by black males and suffered so much for it. Then I got up on Dark Wisdom and rekindled that primordial bitch within me. my life is so much richer now. and I feel more secure and cenrered.
OMG I was just going to type something like your response. As a kid I got the nickname Ms. Meanie b/c I had a sharp tongue and always responded to people's stupidity in kind. The thing was is that they would be the ones to get upset and get hurt feelings. After a while i started to feel bad, especially after I made my mother cry (parents and other adults say the stupidest shit to kids). I became over the years a doormat. Especially trying to combat the stigma of the angry black woman. I wish I had this advice 20 years ago but like you I'm tapping into that dark wisdom and becoming the woman I was meant to be. I still like being nice but no longer a pushover. Thanks again Deborrah.
Same here only I am struggling to the (Death of me) 9's to find my inner darkness & rekindled her one last time, its not working well thus far!
+RAw ness fuck nice in the ass with a fork. Women should only be nice to men when they've done 10 tasks minimum to earn one nice action.
You can attract bad guys based on your good looks but send them away by having boundaries.
I wish this was out when I was younger. My mother was a very passive, old-school woman who never stood up for herself much, and raised me to be the same. I also grew up in a religion where women are treated as second-class citizens and submission was beat into my head. Mom raised me to "be a lady", "stay out of people's way" and "don't be so choosy", and it was the worse thing she ever could have done. To this day, I still don't express anger because I never knew how to. That is why whenever black men bring up submission, it burns me the fuck up. As soon as a woman is submissive, they treat her like shit.
+TheTampaChik I wasn't doing videos, just writing books and articles until about a year ago. Too bad you didn't know about my website...I definitely would have helped deprogram you from that nonsense.
I know a lot of women who down play there intelligent so the man can feel Superior, and they wonder why the man dogs them out, being to damn nice, women stay opinionated don't give up your mind to a man that really don't like you.
truth is most people think kindness is weakness...humans are merely more sophisticated animals and animals respect strength and not kindness....its hard to get out of that nice mentality when u been raised to be that way and abused
Even random men on the streets EXPECT women they don't even know to be nice and pleasant to them. The nerve!
It’s like excuse me ! I don’t think so
I am so embarrassed. For awhile I lived in public housing while I was in college. One day my neighbor, Pearlie, called me out for acting "too white." I asked WTF she meant by that. She said I was acting like a babe in the woods and there were a whole lot of wolves out there. I was being too white, too nice. I thought, well, I know I'm fish-belly white, but isn't it nice to be - nice? Debborah's right. For some people, nice = vulnerable. Easy to use/manipulate. Women are tasked with being kind, like we were taught from childhood, but above all, remembering to be kind to ourselves. To trust that gut feeling that tells us something just isn't right, and to be safe. If we can't love ourselves, how can we expect to be loved by others?
Christine Carrier use to be like that till life and getting f over... now I'm like I'm not pleasing without getting pleased 1st and that's only if I feel like you deserve it. I've found out the hard way and I notice that there's a balance and only certain people deserve your kindness
As much MS Deb's cussing irks me, I appreciate her raw advice. We as women been given advice in floral scents and roses all our lives and its not helped us thus far and thats why we are all on this page. Had I had someone in my life that gave it to me raw like Ms.Deb, I wouldn't have made half the mistakes I made with men. I am now happily married for the past 5 years to a wonderful black man. However, I still reflect and watch Deb to learn more about myself.
I on the other hand LOVE AND APPRECIATE THE RAW REALNESS. Go ahead miss Deb!
Great video!
I watched my mother cook, clean, and wash for my dad no matter how bad he treated her. I've always been alone but I never want to be in that position. In fact, I've had men call me crazy.
I guess I'm doing something right 😂
+jjamerican93 yes you are. And in her generation, thats what wives did.
I've had them call me crazy,too. I'll BE crazy before being a doormat.
I have been watching your videos for 3 days and I felt a spirit of low confidence left my body.
Yay!!!! Go Shawna!!
im nice but i have low tolerance for shit. so my niceness only goes so far which has really worked well for me with men because if i had of been more patient i'd have dealt with alot more BS in life i feel like
I'm the the same way I'm a nice person but I'm not a door mat I don't allow man to use me or take advantage of! If I see his mistreating me I walk away!
I'm so glad my mother raised me not to be a people pleaser! I have zero fuks to give, and I love it that way. But being this way also keeps my social circle small because most people can't handle the truth.
Raising my daughter the same way.. I don't want her to go through even half the shit that I dealt with.
I was the nice girl. This is why I became naive to them. I was a doormat trying to please others. I learned my lesson finally:)
This video should be required listening for all young girls and even older women. I’ve even been treated badly at work for my good attitude about getting things done and working together. I end up doing all of the work, getting all of their criticisms, and they dog me out. Men are awful in all areas of life if you are a kind hearted woman. Please listen to Deb and don’t be kind to men. You will regret it.
Yup. Best to be a broom riding witch. They at least respect you.
Like K Michelle said, "Men are not good people." I don't think most of them even know how to be. I learned a long time ago that I can't be nice to adult males. They find every opportunity to take advantage of women. I refuse to ever put an adult male over myself or my children. EVER!
Everything you said is true
“Being nice to men is a guaranteed way to get dogged tf out,” I couldn’t agree more! A hard lesson I learned from experience 🙄 Deb I really wish I knew about you when I was in my late teens and 20’s smh you’re* such a gem. So happy you’re feeling well and delighted to have you back. You were truly missed!
I personally don’t like the nature of men that they pride themselves in. I am 21 years old and I’m realizing how stupid this conquer all attitude is. You can’t be happy doing that. I think men are beautiful creatures, but they shoot themselves in the foot a lot. They seem to need a lot of help. I feel good when I avoid men in my life. It’s really unfortunate.
@Tired of being an EMPATHY. HELP ME! Ugh maybe she meant male peacocks, that’s the only male thing that’s beautiful 🤣🤣
I'm in a new relationship, and acting too nice. I just realized he is happy taking from me, but not giving to me.
10 minutes after my realization, I simply picked up the phone and called Uber. When he looked around I was down the stairs.....
@@loughrey101 That sounds like she has untreated depression.
Ronnie Patton I going through that exactly with my fiancé, it is all about him and I always clear his path so his life can be so more easier.... but when it comes down to me he just complains about my needs I can be stuck with shit up my throat and he just sits and tells me shit.
@@lachulaguerra5272 It sounds like our partners have depression, or something else. I suggested that to my partner, he just denies it.
Dont make excuses for them! Stand up for what yall want
You are so right, you can't be nice to mean men.
Lol!! I'm a perfectly logical, productive, driven strong woman when single but an absolute doormat in relationships. I've been called 'nice' by players so many times. In my 40's it's a crime to call me nice. I'd shred their asses first.
I made up my mind that I will continue to “be nice” to who I can be nice to! I agree with you, not everyone is deserving of my “niceness”! Rather it be guys, co workers or family members! I just avoid those people when I can! It works for me!!! 😏🕊💆🏽♀️ My peace, happiness & success is very important to me!
lol I got told by a man that I was too assertive! I just smiled at his insecure ass. I stopped being the nice girl at 25 because it got me know where with people.
TOO assertive? So he wanted a meek bow down woman? LOLOLOL! My goodness he told on himself. Naw, I'm not TOO assertive, you just TOO weak to call yourself a man! Punkass
@@Debsterism yep lol first time I have ever been called that 🤣 I just laughed at him.
Debborah is my SheRo this channel is full of valuable information, growing up without a father has made it difficult to choose the right type of man I can finally do better in dating because I have some help. thank you
+BB Fierce You are very welcome!
Thank you, I was wondering why I was getting play and use. Because I was too fucking nice. I cut that shit out. No more fucking nice to men. Nobody taking advantage of me. You so right. Thank you i appreciate you.
Some of this information from this video resonate with me. I was doing this behavior to try to fit in, and it backfired and bit me in my ass too. It did not get me anywhere. I learned this lesson the hard way. I am not being too nice to men anymore. I became bitter and angry because of the bullying and abuse from men. Yes it had affected my self esteem. This stuff come back and haunt me every 6 months.
Nowadays, being nice in general makes you a push over and a victim. At work, if you don't show you're not a doormat from the get go, the narcissists will quickly jump and harass you.
Women! Know your worth and stop giving up your power to these men!
Putting another person before yourself is a down fall you must avoid users and löösers ! Thanks for a good video....
You are right on about this topic. Many men think you ate coming on to them if you even smile.
When a guy says he wants a "nice girl like him" he really means a girl who will doubt her contradictions of him of the initial red flags in the beginning.
Oh man that's so true.
Stop being nice in 2017, it gets you nowhere!
This video came up for me. TODAY IS THE LAST DAY I WILL BE NICE! Fck that. Everything you mentioned has happened to me. I'm worth respect and love.
Deb the truth really hurts...it pains me to listen, but I'm listening.
#Growing 😍
If people treat me with respect then I treat them with respect if they don’t treat me with respect then I don’t own them respect or anything. It’s that simple
Men say nice men get last place I think it's more so true for nice women. I am nice learning to be less of that in person application part because I realized most men hate nice/good women, you end up being broken hearted, abused, used, threatened etc rarely ever treasured plus they never go extra efforts for nice girls like they do other girls. I also realize being nice in the work place can be negative as well. Being mean though I realize has better results however it's some weird persons with odd complexes. Great video as usual.
Introvertsan they always say women that are 'easy' to get and get along with aren't a 'challenge' for them. but women that aren't are high maintenance bitches. bottom line, they want to hate, they'll find a reason no matter what you do
Your post is on point. Isnt that something else? Being nice leaves u broken...its a harsh truth. Ive pretty much spent my LIFE being nice. Smh. I look back now and see how I was used immensely. Its sad. Fell into attracting a narc and did kindness save my ass? I was treated so shitty that its hard to believe it when I think about it. But these videos are helping me and opening my eyes IMMENSELY. Better late than never..
Boundaries Boundaries so important
You're absolutely correct in all you've said. One of your best advice vids. My problem has been (my whole life) other people trying to make me feel bad for standing up for myself or how I've witnessed other women being treated--damn. thank you!! ❤❤
Me too and working on changing this.
New subscriber here. I love how blunt and straight to the point you are. I've been mean (or blunt), since high school (of course bullying didn't help). I remember my sisters, cousins and I walked to McDonald's in Florida one time, and these guys turned around and got out the car to come talk to us. First of all, that mess was kinda creepy... Anyway, they came out the car, most of them were short and unattractive. And the first thing one of them said was (to us towards me): why you looking so mean? Mind you, they way they stepped to us was creepy, one guy didn't have a shirt on, most of them were sagging (I can't stand sagging)... Being blunt has turned off so many users it's ridiculous. You don't have to talk to me know that I'm not about that life. I really vibe with this video because of that. 😊
You'll love her channel, she keeps it real and funny!
Zaria Spell I see. I respect people, who give no fucks. But also the type to make sense while doing it. 😊
Cherryblos9 Same here!
This is one of your BEST videos Deb!!! Everything you said in this video is spot on 💯💯💯💯 ...I know from experience that there is NO reward you get for being "nice". I used to be a "nice lady" & it just got me abused, mistreated, taken advantage of & taken for granted. There is NO thanks or recognition you get for being "nice"..... Truth be told "nice" is a rip off. Women are conditioned to be "nice" because that way it will be easier for men & other predators to USE us. I am not "nice" anymore. I put MYSELF first & foremost because I know no one else will. When people tell me to "be nice", I tell them to FUCK OFF!!!
I have already told my friends about your channel..Many thanks again for your wisdom😊
I love your choice of background music lol.
Sugar lol
They called it nice, I called in low self esteem.
I have to boast. I have two sides with no happy medium. I'm nice as long as you are nice, as soon as you start getting ugly with me, I make you wish you never met me! ESPECIALLY towards dudes. By the time I'm done with their crusty azzes, they'll be running home to their mommy...crying. I'll have them ALL up in their EMOTIONS. You are right Deborah, I like to experiment on dudes and so I play nice to see how they act and how they perceive me, and when I realize their perception of me is weak, a do girl, emotional, low self-esteem, then I bust out and put them back in their places. I do not play and never have. All I know, is that I'm glad I'm me.🤗
"Here you come skippin along throwing petals" ... every vid of Deb's gives me a belly laugh (as well as the all the valuable truth)
This made me roll too 😂😂🤣🤣
Nice guys or in this case nice girls finish last.
True story. I tend to suffer the consequences of being overly nice. It’s actually spills out into out her areas of your life. I love this content I’m learning so so much.
It is not nice and considerate that is the problem really,. It doesn't make you finish last either. UNLESS YOU ARE OVERLY NICE to the point as explained where you have no standards, no boundaries, accept anything and smile, are overly giving, and never say NO. Those people are roadkill.
@@Debsterism absolutely. Thank you ms Deborah.
I have a friend who is like this she is too nice to people and if she has low self-esteem and after 7 years of being friends with her I am exhausted the mere suggestion that she puts on a lip when she's going out just makes her cringe because she has convinced herself that no man wants her and if she put on makeup she can't handle the attention that it brings I told her baby you got some issues you need to go and lay on somebody's couch this woman is 60 plus years old
I’ve been bingeing your talks mam you have truly opened my eyes. Thank you for your wise words!
You go Lady Deb! Please keep sharing your pearls of wisdom. I will be donating to your channel. Ladies lets support this empowering channel.
Thank you I appreciate this video so much. I have been the too nice type and have been hurt. I don't want to be this way anymore. I deserve so much better than the shit I've put up with.
When I was in high school, I decided to go with a "good/nice" guy. He was a really good guy, too. The problem is, he was boring. I could never understand whether or not the good ones had to be boring. He did all the right things, my family would approve of, but he had not zest for live. That dating period was VERY short lived. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, I broke up with him. When I broke of with him, he had this "nice guys finish last" attitude. I told him I didn't break up with him because he was nice. I broke up with him because he was boring. I was confused for many years about that. Why couldn't I just like a nice guy? Now I understand. Women like challenges too. Not like men, but if men are too giving and/or too staid, they too, can get used and "kicked to the curb." It's the definition of what it means to be "nice" that causes the confusion.
Most men are boring. Their lives are so mundane and fixed. Work, sports, drinking. Some throw in fishing or hunting or bowling for variety. But the man who is interesting, witty, fun to be around, always has stuff to talk about that stimulates your mind is like priceless.
Are you still upset with me?
Sweet/friendly/kind and nice have always been portrayed differently to me throughout my life. You see, through my own experience…I’ve realized that even though all those words serve the same purpose, they do NOT serve the same people. Meaning, nice is more of an action “play nice” or you hear parents say to the kids “be nice.” But for those that are kind or sweet, it’s not really an act, but they are genuinely good people. That’s why I hate when guys say “I’m a nice guy” nice people, well, GOOD people don’t go around saying that they’re good. We just are. Being nice will get you 2 things: being exposed eventually for who you really are (most likely not nice) or people walking over you and your act of “niceness.” If you’re nice to anyone, be nice to yourself. Not everyone deserves that piece of you or you just simply acting that way towards them. Just as respect is earned.
This was me I was an innocent farm girl raised in the country I came to the city and they tore my azz up.
Ohhh damn!
😁💨
I needed that message.
Jerry Washington lol
Jerry Washington I'm fine.
I absolutely love the jazz that plays in the background as you speak. ❤️
A guy with one leg started giving me a whiny sob story (after trying to flirt initially) at work today. He told me he had no spouse or *family, and if he died, he would melt before anyone found him. I said, oh, they can smell you before too long. 🤣 He then told me he found his female neighbor and her (Great Dane) dog, two houses down from his, dead, by following the smell. 😐😐😬 I kid you not...... 😖😳
I initially felt bad for him in my mind, but externally, I never showed it, or let it change my self protection mode.
I interupted his going on too long story casually and said, "I have a lot to do if you aren't moving forward with this." His life/time is no more important than mine. Imho, he never had any intention of purchasing, he came over to attempt to flirt, and make me feel sorry for him. He tried to get me to look up where he lived, told me he used to be a mechanical engineer, and as I walked off, told me his name was Ron Roebuck, in case I was taking notes. 🙄 Ya, I took notes, because he had a really crazy, creepy laugh in addition to everything else.
...Impress me by spending money, or stop wasting my time. I aint got time to caretake no body but myself.
"Because iniquity shall abound (be wide spread), the love of many shall wax cold." Matthew 24:12
Not with one leg tho. LOLOLOL Damn
You are the best! I was this woman. I'm so thankful to stumble across your channel. I know how to handle not just men, but people in general.
Been there n woke up! It almost killed me!!
Thank you so much Queen Deb! You truly are a God send! I’m learning so much from you. 💕🌻 I was raised by a narc mom and dating narcs. Finally seeing things clearly. Working on myself! Living for Me!
(Waving hello!) So happy to have you here.
Thank you. 💕
OMG I love you my sista! THANK YOU for speaking the damn truth.
I totally love this....it's all about self worth and being super assertive. I really wish I'd heard this earlier ... it's not late tho ... just re-inforces some deep beliefs...esp if you are raised to be always be selfless and nice... this should be selective and really but choice if not people walk all over you and never accept and appreciate. Thanks Debbie... good straight talk
I'm too nice I need change that about me
I ain't being nice nomore 👿👿😡😠😡👺💀💨🔥💥👍
+Darricka Dukes Yet you putting the mash on ME to be. FOH
damn....... truth 💯 this is my problem.... I am too nice ugh
Where have you been all my life! l love you Lady
Why I was lead to click on this video I couldn't figure out. Now I know why. It's just needed to hear at this time.
This video READ me! I’m too nice. When I was younger everyone always told me I was mean & so around my college years I started trying to be nice because I didn’t want to r perceived as mean. I preferred myself when I was so called mean. I’m going back to being mean!
OOP! LOL
I’m nice and honestly pretty passive because I don’t even value people’s opinions enough to get mad 🤷🏾♀️ that’s just me though. Plus I feel like the more you express anger.. the more information you’re giving manipulative narcs on how to fuck with you. I’d rather them not know they pissed me off and ghost their ass.. not even wasting my energy fussing. Unless I want them to be in my life still.. then and only then will I make a fuss (except cheating I’m just out), because if I chose the right person it won’t happen again.
I stopped being nice because there’s no point when the other party is wrong or trying to take advantage of me. I had to lay into my contracting company this morning for not sending my money. The first business day of April was Friday the 1st not today Monday the 4th. Stop trying me!
The desire to please is so strong when you want a drama free home.
My motta is if there is gonna be any drama happening, I will start the shit and I will finish it. My home thus is drama free cause I am a tyrant. lolol
Deborrah Cooper lol!!! My sister is a Leo but in terms of life choices and what she strives for, she's the polar opposite of you. If only she had your values. Her life would have been very different and so would her children's.
+Patricia Roberts oh she must be a July Leo. They tend to be more laid back and a lot less firey, like cubs vs a lioness.
No. She's August and just fiery over the petty but completely ignores the bigger picture.
That is so true. Most July leos are similar to the cancer sign.
I fell out when you said " i gives no fucks!" Lol!
That's my favorite part too! LOLOLOL!
Danyetta Rich Omg we have the same first name! 😊😊😊 #SoRare
dannyrene12 Oh wow! Never meet someone with the same name!
dannyrene12 Is your nickname Danny?
Danyetta Rich Yes it is. Internet alias lol
Nice means stupid.
Girl I needed this!!! Been binge watching your videos & they are really helping! Thank you love! ❤️🙏🏾
So happy to hear that ItsBritts. :) That's what we are here for. Hopefully you will share some links to your friends, coworkers, sorors, family and social media. I am great at content producing, but I need help getting the word out to women who can benefit from these messages. I have learned that I cannot do everything all by myself. As hard as that was for an independent Leo to admit. 🙄🤔😔😠😬😅
I definitely will be sharing your videos & spreading the word they are helping me & I know they will help others!!! 😊
Deborrah, thank you for providing such informative and honest content .
+Nicole Figueroa You are very welcome.
The original English meaning for the word "Nice" is "Stupid"!
Don't be to mean too, because many men will wait into you fall in love, then they will get their revenge and laugh at you!
+Islam Muhammad Dude, he wouldn't get the opportunity! You don't understand. When a woman can be what you call mean to a man, it means she doesn't love him too deeply. Her love is primarily for herself and her interests. So she won't get to where she's hurt if he leaves...Will probably help is ass pack and call his ass a Uber.
Deborrah Cooper
That's probably true, but when I see a mean woman, I say to myself she is a push over, but she do this because some man fuck her over.
No one likes a push over (Man or Woman), that's why they say:
"Bad Men Are No Good, But Good Men Are No Fun!"
+Islam Muhammad You should stop lying to yourself and being narcissistic. Men always make what women do something about them. In reality some girls grew up in environments where they were treated like they mattered, were important, their thoughts and feelings and bodies, dreams, and opinions had value and worth. They therefore refuse to put any male before themselves. They've never been "hurt" which is a simplistic rather unintelligent reaction to a woman who demands respect, fairness, and proper treatment from men.
Deborrah Cooper
I have a lot of experience with women, let me remind you that I am not African American, so I go by different rules, than Black American men.
It's African American men that fuck y'all over, not North African men.
My father had four wives before he dead and I have two wives, one time I had three wives but one wife dead in a car accident, I take care of all of my wives and 8 children.
My first wife that dead; was a Black American woman (Creole) and what I notice about black American women, they just talk a lot of shit, but deep down they are got people, thay got molested or use by African American men.
Also Black American women can't really love you, because they don't love themselves!!!
My Puerto Rican and East African wives don't have all these problems, because they had good fathers in their lives.
North African men are real men and they take care of their children and wives, so I am nothing like your African American men.
The men in my family own their own businesses and they do not bag White Americans for a job or hand out.
American men can't take of one wife, let alone two or four wives, because they have a slave mentality!
+Islam Muhammad you haven't had one fiftieth the experience with black American women that an average brotha has. You can only talk about the few you met. I had a great father,CA fabulous husband who also died in an auto accident, and all the men in my family are educated successful professionals. And have met hundreds personally (thousands if I include my web friends, many of which I've known for 15+ years), who have confidence and none of the issues you mentioned. I hate men with accents. Not trying to deal with any Africans at all. I would not want to be a wife to anyone first, second, third or fourth. It was cute, but I prefer my freedom. Marriage REALLY ain't shit.
+Deborrah Cooper
You got GAME!
I have to bow and take my hat off to you!!!
I just found your channel. I like it! Thank you for sharing. Hello from Nicaragua in Central America.
Welcome! And glad you like it
😂 😂😂😂😂❤️❤️ I listen to you everyday!!! Thank you!!!!
Yay!!!
Yes! I love you girl! Very wise woman 😍❤️
Right back atcha Danielle!
Yes, yes, yes, I use to be nice myself and now!? da fuck.. hell naw.. i speak my mind at alllll cost to not just men but any walking soul. I try not to use those terms like "nice" to guys when I no longer want to talk to them and "nice" is a word they use as ammunition against women to preach the "why women single bs cuz they don't like nice guys".. i have asked guys, "is talking to you like pulling teeth?" cuz convos w/u have been boring and i just can't do this.. smh, or after they talk talk talk about how much they just a homebody, i say "ohhhh you are like the cushion on the sofa..hahaha" awww....i dont think you my type man, i have to get out the house, etc. lol yep i say it...but why he Backstepping?? !!!..... they usually back step like in a dancing video. If they ever talk about their daddy was a rolling stone had 9-16 kids w/multi women .. i say "ohhh he was a whore huh, darn how that affect your family?" they get quickly defensive and defend their whore dad. yeah i think i get a lil mean but i think that they need to stop celebrating words for themselves but use it against women...... i hate nice guys... they are just not my type, they are not assertive, non decision makers, THEY RIDE THE FENCE and never choose shit.....they usually need a woman to boss them around....and i so hate them. they are BORING!!!!!!!!!!! NiCe=bORING... i need assertive, how do i or women need to allow you to be a man if you cant make a damn decision?
I know a man like this😥 Very frustrating. I could use him and use him up if I'd like but I'm like a Good Shepherd. I don't know for sure if he loves me because I feel he'd do and give any woman he's with the same as me but he does care.
😂 i laughed. Finally someone said it as it is. Tell them to fuck off. I love it
Leslie Steiner is a perfect example. I like her as an advocate against domestic volience, but she was beyond too good for her own good.
People should evaluate there situation and decide when to be nice and when to say no. It depends on what that person is trying to achieve.
Notice the title is very specific and says "TOO nice". Not nice in general. SMDH
Deborrah Cooper oh
So glad I found your channel. Solutions and none of those think pieces on viral content.
Welcome! I have maybe 5 maybe 6 like that - one on K Michelle, one on Mary J. Blige, and one on B Smith, and one on Tina Knowles and one on that fat greasy John whatever pastor and one on Russell and Ciara. So that is the few I have done out of almost 1000 videos. I love Mary J and was pissed at how she was treated. I did that on my own. The others were suggestions by channel visitors who wanted my take. Not sure they liked what I had to say though cause it was the opposite of what everyone else was saying. LOL!
Even decent guys will pull their stunts on you to try to get you into bed too soon. It's human nature for men and it's up to us women to not go there too soon.
I was casually dating this man, and I basically wanted to keep him at arms length. I enjoy his company, that's it. He took me out to eat at your typical restaurant spot and has always been respectful. I am about to start a new job as a server for a restaurant. So, he congratulated me on my new job. One day, he offered to give me a foot massage. This seems innocent, but in reality, it's an opportunity to get his foot in the door to try to get me in bed. I am not interested in sleeping with a man who isn't my husband. I may be a bit old school, but I am an older woman and am just looking for companionship, not sex. Believe me, no man is looking to rub a woman's feet to aliviate her aches and pains. The man is looking for any way he can gain a foothold into getting you into bed for as cheap as he can get it. So I responded to him and politely said that I don't like anyone touching my feet because I am very ticklish.
To be honest, a man's respect for a woman has reached an all-time low because women are very pressured to give her all to a man for nothing. Society encourages this, and it's wrong. If women would respect themselves, stop twerking and stop giving them the cookie, then maybe the men would start respecting us, and maybe we wouldn't have to deal with so many damned Dusties.
That's not human nature, that is male socialization wherein men are TAUGHT that they come first, that they are entitled to women's bodies no matter what she wants, and that he should push and press her to give in vs creating an environment that is welcoming and erotic for her to WANT to jump his bones. So I agree that any type of offer of massaging anything on a woman is about some booty, but not that it is "human nature." Thinking that way absolves men of responsibility and accountability for their actions and words, and we don't do that on this channel.
@Debsterism I never thought of it like that. I always thought that it was just the way they are because not too many I've dated behaved without trying to paw me in an inappropriate manner. I'm in my late 50s, and the older men are just as bad, if not worse than the younger ones. I just want to go out to dinner and have a relationship for companionship. My mindset isn't on marriage neither is it on sex outside of a marriage commitment.
The quickest, easiest way to get rid of any dusty, ugly man and annoying pest who just won't leave you alone is simple. All you have to do is tell that man that you do not have sex outside of a marriage commitment and that man will ghost you. I've done it many times 😁.
I don't cook for a man, I don't invite him to my house, I don't go to his house. My commitment is to my faith and to chastity. I wasn't always that way but once I committed myself to chastity and my faith, my life got better. It's just my preference. The downside to this is that it's very hard to find a man who upholds to that standard. I think that it's okay to be single. 😊
If you're not interested in sex, be up front with the men so they will know not to continue any further contact with you.
@angelamwatts if not interested in sex, hen don't be around men. Find another woman to go on dates with
I’m too nice and I don’t think I can ever change. I’m waaayyyyy too nice to men and that’s why my life is ruined.
I think by shifting your perspective onto whom you are giving your energy to and are nice to ….please give that niceness to yourself and treat yourself like how you are treating these strangers
Hi Deborah. Love this video. Great advice and funny as well.
You absolutely right 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯✔👏
I don’t agree with push your husband before yourself. ( that’s why you get into abusive relationship) never ever push a man first. I think you should be your priority then your kids.
I am new to your channel..Thank you for your wisdom...
Hey Teresa Hernandez, glad you found your way here, and it's great to meet you. Please be sure to spread the word and tell a friend or two about the Debsterism Channel and what we got going on for women. :)
I'm in this situation now with a creepy🔮😎 mean Muslim brother 31. it's a long story. He's denies he's Muslim, but I recently heard him do a Islamic greeting on the phone to someone. That shocked me, I knew it!. I've been too Nice with him.I also play with him too much.