I mean, you can always have the female protagonist be on the pill, if you feel describing putting a condom feels akward in what you are writing. This scenes are tricky, that's why i don't write explicit ones.
Lol, made a point about this in a story. Drunk fuck, the morning after the girl's parents find them and there's the expected awkward talk which of course leads to the question of weather or not there was any protection at all. Subverted the pissed off dad trope so he actually likes the guy, even though he's freaking out, and the mother is just all around supportive, because the grandkids would be adorable. Actions have consequences and in writing that means you can do all kinds of funny things like embarrass your characters at breakfast.
"He filled her cherry pie with his thick, delicious ball batter" is a sentence I think about at least twice a week even though I don't even remember where I read it, and it was at least ten years ago. You can't unread a bad sex scene.
"If we go on like this, I may not be able to stop." "ummm" "No, not the sex, it's just that we're in the backseat, and I think the car started rolling down the hill."
Jenna: "Ask anyone in the BDSM community. They've got Doms galore and they still preach clear and enthusiastic consent!" The ENTIRE BDSM COMMUNITY: YES! THANK YOU!!
They also partner up so there are two doms in a scene, where one will do the 'punishment', and the other will do the praising. This is known as the 'Good Top, Bad Top' method
Years ago, at a convention where I was hanging out with some friends-of-a-friend, I noticed some chemistry with one of them. I knew they were polyamorous, so after a bit of back-and-forth flirtation I asked them both what their boundaries and arrangements were regarding new playmates or partners. "Oh," she said. "I wish you hadn't asked." "Why? Was that okay?" "Oh, I WAS into you," she said. "You were coming across all confident and swaggering and that was really hot. But then you had to ASK, and that's just not attractive. You should have just TAKEN what you wanted. That's what a confident man does." That whistling sound was the tank-shell I'd just dodged. And yeah, their marriage didn't last much longer. Gee, I can't imagine why.
i just love it when a man forces himself onto me in a way that makes me uncomfortable, fearful, and willing to call the cops 😍 where can i find a guy like that ugh 😣
The "he put what where" problem is especially prevalent in homosexual sex scenes. Since the pronouns are the same, a bad writer can quickly confuse the reader as to who's doing what to whom.
It’s relieving to know that I, someone who’s never had sex before, can write better sex scenes than other adults who have surely had it themselves. Is it that hard to look up proper anatomy or ask a few people who are willing to respond what’s actually enticing than just assume stuff? Just because the school system failed you doesn’t mean you can’t try to educate yourself with some (hopefully) reputable websites and articles!
You're relying on your imagining of sex which is rooted in being comfortable in your own sexuality and expectations of sex. That's good. I know I do. Actual experience with sex (for most people) and the perception of it imposed by society and media tend to overlook the intimacy of a relationship-which doesn't necessarily involve knocking boots.
I wrote a sex scene when I was a virgin and then after I started having sex I decided to go reread it and see how badly I butchered sex, and I was completely surprised to find out what I wrote was accurate as all hell
The one about trusting someone was good. Very good. Once, I read one and I really liked what it said. The guy was holding the girl and kissing her neck and he said, “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,” which was so nice to read, especially when the girl responded a moment later with, “I don’t want to stop.”
Interesting to me that women are almost always the ones who are asked for concent and stuff, but never men. I wonder if there is a biologocal component or a social one or something to that.
@@andrewjennings7306 social. (In many cases:) Women are taught to play stupid games about crushes, sex, marriage, etc. Men are taught to take what they want, that they can't be vulnerable, they can't be the victim, they are allowed anger, and neutrality, etc. Long story short sexism is to blame. Hurts everyone period.
@@andrewjennings7306 men are taught to be greatful for even having sex, encouraged to have it in abundance, if they(stereotypically speaking) showed a disinterest or discomfort they might be called gay or less of a man. If a woman is into rougher stuff and the man is not he will be called boring or "not a real" man. ( Of course women could and have been called prudes, but I have yet to see anyone question their womanhood for it).
Best saying I've heard on this topic was someone who wrote "Giving a reader a sex scene that is only half right is like giving her half of a kitten. It is not half as cute as a whole kitten; it is a bloody, godawful mess."
Jokes aside this is a good point. if ppl write SA as romantic ecounters, the right tags/ TWs are not put and the ppl who have actually gone through SA are then triggered by it. I am one of those ppl and if i had a pound for every time i abruptly stopped reading something because an SA scene is trying to be passed off as romantic, i would be a fricking millionaire.
Very true! Tags are super important and help to disclose any potentially triggering or otherwise pass-worthy elements of their stories. That's part of why I get so annoyed that everyone thinks all fanficiton is Fifty Shades of Grey or something. Just read the tags, or have the decency to put a warning in there somewhere. It's not that hard.
Those who do not want to see can avoid and people who search for if for whatever reason will find it easier. No one should ever have to be exposed to what they are not willing to see/read. Sidenote: Let’s remember that there are also masochists, subs, doms and sadists in this world that would never hurt someone in real life or wish for a fantasy like that to come true. Also some people enjoy seeing characters suffer or enjoy plot points like this; however, it should never ever be romanticized.
"Ask anyone in the BDSM community. They've got Doms galore and they still preach clear and enthusiastic consent!" Yes, we do. I've once preached it so proudly that I scared off a potential partner. Apparently, my comment on how I find gaining consent attractive was a turn-off. Who'd have thunk?
@@angiewinchester3384 Exactly! Plus, there are ways to ask for consent *sexily*. I dunno about vanilla-folk, but having a Dominant softly ask in my ear "Do you want to play" or "Give me a color kitten" or even "May I devour your mouth" is the hottest thing ever.
@@shaelynmartin1996 I'm currently in the 'vanilla group', but I can definitely say that my husband whispering "Do you want to play?" in my ear would have me 0 to 60 in .0001 second. XD
@@angiewinchester3384 That's a tough one, because there's a kink known as "force play" and it's basically a uh...SA-ish kind of scene agreed upon by both partners. So there are some kinks that are hard to get by :/
My brain usually functions well in English. But hence the topic, for some reason my brain felt it was appropriate to hear Jenna saying "fiction" as the german "fick schön", which basically means merry f***ing. Bilingual brains are the best lol. Also so much yes on all of this points!
@@anni1961 Haha no need to be sorry, this was just so funny for me. "Bilingual" just means "someone who speaks two languages" in case this wasn't clear. My mother tongue is German, but my English is strong enough, that my brain just starts randomly switching words as I try to talk. I even regularly think in English. Sometimes I speak German with someone and the German Term just doesn't come up in my brain, so I have the urge to use the English one instead lol
Every time someone says fiction, my mind will not automatically translate it to merry fucking. This will make my conversations infinitely more entertaining and hilarious to look back on.
It's also a bit disturbing (and I'm a guy) when reading a sex scene where the woman in question isn't enjoying it, and just lies there allowing him to do his thing, because she makes excuses in her head about how he's had a hard/traumatic life and therefore feels its her duty to not say anything and just take it.
One of my biggest peeves with sex scenes is when someone who has sex for the first time leaves blood or has pain - that's not how it works. There's not supposed to be blood. If there is any blood, it would be just a small amount that isn't really noticeable. If there is a noticeable amount, that means there is trauma. The hymen isn't a virginity indicator. And the pain part, if their partner makes sure they are relaxed and that they are stretched and such then there shouldn't be any pain.
@@darkenroses I'm not a gynecologist but I had had the hymen. And when I had first sex with penetration it wasn't painful but bloody. Every hymen is different. Some is stretchy and some is not.
@@MrGreyseptember I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but I'm glad that you didn't end up experiencing pain. While yes, that can happen and yes each hymen is different, my biggest gripe is the fact all the books show it (bleeding and pain) as it is common and supposed to happen when it's not. That it should be expected and something that every first time sexual experience should endure. It bugs me to no end. And the fact the hymen being present as an indicator of virginity. It's not. It's information that OB-GYNs have mentioned. -chuckles- I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Stay safe.
@@darkenroses If I remember right, wasn't bleeding during your first time having sex and breaking the hymen was considered, "a right of passage. and painful." Trust me, even after having sex with my husband and having a baby, I somehow still have mine intact which is weird. Sorry, if that was f.y.I. I do agree that everyone is different.
Jenna " I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed, and there ain't nothin in this world for free " I was reading this story once ( I'm assuming they were a young/new writer ) and they described the female lead getting turned on with something like " He stepped toward me aggressively and I could feel the river on my inner thy " or something absolutely 🤢 to think about, there was also some uncomfortable wanted/unwanted? fingering right along after the above. It was ... unpleasant to experience. I've seen many things on this hell scape known as the internet but, this still haunts me.
Two things I don’t get in the least are 1) “hate sex” and 2) when two people somehow “sense” that there is a strong mutual attraction between them without any flirting, or any other kind of clear signals between them. One moment they’re discussing current events, the next they’re going at it on the kitchen table. There is not the slightest doubt in either character’s mind that what they perceive as “signals” from the other character might simply be that character’s idea of being friendly.
Tragedy sex is pretty common IRL. It's one way humans react to death. We feel a need to embrace life, to deny death the win, even if it's only symbolically.
Some may have sex, my sister and I just cracked bad jokes for 3 days after our mum died (then we got angry, sad, the entire ordeal). But like the first couple of days can be filed under „irrational“ for suuure
@@AJ-The-Bumblebee I prefer to write with authenticity. Sex doesn't have to be romantic or salacious. It's enough for it to be what the characters would do at that point in the story.
Diana Gabaldon wrote an entire book about this, but she also gives the book a 5-minute how-to for writing a *good* sex scene. I love you both, so yeah, I'm here for the topic choice lol
And yet, angry sex is still used as conflict solving instead of actually talking, and they had sex when claire was drunk and jamie wasn't. ( In the tv show , at least)
@@christiegreenwood2642 i was sus since the wedding night. All that inner conflict of claire not wanting to cheat on frank but there was no other way but to do it and i was there like ...why? " The marriage won't be legal if it's not consumated"...and? How are black jack and the english soldiers, who are the reason for that wedding to happen, to know if they had sex or not?. Are they just gonna look at claire and jamie and be like " ha, you didn't sleep together, my sixth sense tell me so, so is not valid i will arrest her". Like...if jamie is such a gentleman, claire could have said she really couldn't do with him and he should have respected that and i don't know, just fake some noised to convince the people in the tabern, problem solved. But no the entire scene is like " we are obligated to do this, there is no other way around i". 🤦🏼♀️
@@nessyness5447 Actually it was more so in terms of Scottish and Roman Catholic law. Consummation was required to legitimize the union. There were also witnesses outside (at least in the show, can't remember off the top of my head if it was the case in the book) so they would've been able to tell it was faked. So it was a legit rock-and-a-hard-place situation but if you think about it more so in terms of temporal mechanics and practicality (and that's the conclusion she ultimately came to), Claire wasn't cheating on Frank since he didn't exist here. But her emotional loyalties definitely start to split from here. I do agree that the show tends to lean more towards dubcon especially during the later seasons. But I definitely recommend checking out at least season 1 and Gabaldon's book on how she writes the scenes.
Talking about #6: I was planning a sex scene without protection because the era the story took place that stuff wasn't really invented yet and wouldn't make sense to put it there. Additionally, after the fact the guy character is worried about the whole pregnancy thing in-story. Which leads to a reveal that the girl character is infertile, which had been alluded to but never directly stated. And I don't really intend for any of it to be sexy, to be honest. It's more based on character development and emotional development between these characters, which as an asexual person I find FAR more interesting.
Protection was never “invented”. It’s always been around, different methods of it, but it’s just that most of the times they weren’t very scientific and thus reliable and effective. Btw interesting plot!
@@Thermopylae66 Oh yeah, my bad. I was referring to modern protection stuff. Also thank you, this is just a subplot as well, the main plot is dark(ish) fantasy action lol
Someone I knew once tried to get me to add in a tragedy sex scene to my book. The worst part was the girl involved just discovered her mom’s murdered body. I was like “No dude. That’s weird and wrong.” Plus I’m horrible at writing scenes like that so avoid them as much as possible.
Same, i am the " describe piece of clothing falling to the floor and fade to black, start next scene after it's done" kind of writer, unless i have to describe it for a justifiable reason.
What traumatized me the most and is still difficult to unthink is every movie basically says “if there’s a penis in the scene, sex is not only going to happen, but both people will be completely satisfied.”😒 no creativity whatsoever.
I've read some stories where the guy is on top, but he's also cupping her face in both of his hands, but his hands are also roaming, and I'm just like "Did you turn into Doctor Strange and sprout 20 arms, or what?"
I once made the mistake of randomly opening a pulp novel from the bargain trolley outside a second-hand store, to be confronted by the phrase "He unzipped his flies and shook out Mr Wobbly." The preceding sentences, well, I won't go into detail, but they made it clear he preferred his partners unwilling. I have a feeling this was then followed by the other person finding the experience of being raped ecstatic and thrilling, but I don't know because at that point I put the book back on the trolley and went for a long walk in the fresh air.
Personally, I like to call Tragedy Sex the Trauma Boner. It's better, but still not great if the characters make out or have sex, possibly for the first time, immediately after one or both of them shares a traumatic memory. You can make a character sharing a traumatic memory with their partner emotional and heartwarming and use it to progress their relationship, but if your MC is taking his girlfriend to Pound Town after telling her about how his brother was brutally murdered by the Demon King in front of him as a child, it's weird af.
I actually had a "tragedy sex" scene in my story, but incredibly downplayed and not really all that important to the story- the character was a firefighter and had just returned from being part of the rescue operation after the building where his wife's friend worked was bombed by terrorists (the wife's friend was okay, none of the dead were characters in the story), and the idea was that he and his wife were both so relieved that he was okay that they had sex (it's a fade to black scene, which is why I said it wasn't all that important)- but the wife, in her panic over the attack, had forgotten to take her birth control and she got pregnant. This whole story was a prequel to an earlier idea, where the resulting child was the main character and him finding out that he'd been an "accident" (his parents even considered aborting him) was part of his story arc. And since the bombing was a real-life event, I was able to tie the pregnancy and birth to several other real-life events of that year.
I am SO glad you pointed out the BDSM community's fondness for consent. I once had a dom who was new to the community argue with me when I didn't want to do a certain thing, saying that if I were really a good sub I would just do whatever he wanted. And then another time, he was getting too domineering outside the bedroom, and he wouldn't accept the safe word because "that's not what it's for." BDSM culture is so misunderstood, and those kinds of misconceptions can lead to some bad, bad outcomes.
Input from Someone Who Likes Dark Romance (the subgenre with the taboo content): Dark romance is a tricky sub genre because of its content matter, but I appreciate its existence. Some victims of assault use these books to safely confront and overcome traumatic experiences. Some feel lonely and unwanted, so they fantasize about lovers who want them so much, they can't help but break laws to be with them. Some may be bored from their real life relationships and like to spice things up with fictional scenarios that don't involve real danger or adultery in their waking life. If there's another reason I haven't mentioned, I'm open to hearing it. I personally like dark romances that have gray or even evil main leads. Mafia romances, being my favorite. The books with forced sex aren't in my library, but the lovers who are sweet to their partners but savage to everyone else get me going. I wouldn't go for these violent people in real life, but I enjoy the fantasy of being with them just like others enjoy action movies for badass action stars who don't have to worry about property damage or physics. Personally, I like the "Do you trust me?" phrase because it shows that the love interest wants to make sure their partners are nervous but still interested. Rough sex is intimidating, but some people like it like that. There's more than one way to determine consent, Jenna. Not every scary person is out to hurt you 😂 I do agree that novels need to have content warnings at the beginning of their books so they don't traumatize their readers. Not everyone is into the same thing or have the same sensitivity levels, so writers need to consider that. Also, a reminder that the books are fictional and not guides on how sex and relationships work should be there too in case someone impressionable or inexperienced stumbles onto them. If not for consideration, at least for legal reasons. Good thing a lot of books already have these disclaimers. I'm glad you're back, Jenna! I hope your partner gets better too. More videos please!
I was a victim of sexual assault and I’m writing sex scenes that include some of those tropes. Maybe I’m doing it for the awareness, maybe I’m doing it to express my feelings and thoughts on it and help me heal. I know that my content is problematic but I don’t portray it as if those things were normal or okay. In the eyes of the one who’s causing the assault, it’s okay but the entire story is about sharing awareness. I really like exploring the darker parts of sexuality and then shining light on them.
@@cartooneyed I'm sorry for your experience and I understand your intention with writing in the genre. I would say if you're being authentic-even with word choice-then you're all good. Be confident in wanting to help others.
Any recommendations on some good mob-romances? I've recently found I loooove them. Some people also just straight up have fetishes or kinks for non/dubcon. For me I blame it on an overly religious upbringing where sex (outside of church approved marriage) was a sin worse than murder. This wasn't great for my sexual development, for a variety of reasons, and I found that I enjoy the fantasy of "being forced to enjoy it" and "destruction of innocence" tropes. From what I've seen/read, having similar fetishes/kinks or enjoying non/dubcon is a pretty common trait. I do agree that writers should warn their readers about things that are going to happen, but I also believe that the genre has a place in fiction, as nearly all "problematic" writing does. Do what you will as long as no-one is harmed is the general motto I go by. Also known as "Don't be an asshole." Just my thoughts.
I feel like these types of scenes are the ultimate test of your writing. Not that there are other ways, of course, but you _have_ to nail tone, sentence structure/fluency, dialogue (if there is any) and, most of all, word choice. If you're able to write different types, like comedic, romantic, (intentionally) dark effectively, then your writing is probably in a good place. Room for improvement as always, though I feel scenes like this are somewhat easy to do, but very difficult to pull off. That, and I feel like my writing always improves the most after writing them. Lol
#6. I'm more worried about the STD during a unprotected sex scene rather then pregnancy, because if written right an "accident" in the heat of the moment can lead to a lot of great plot threads.
Besides some people in real life do actually want children. And some people need to make them or humanity would go extinct. In those cases a condom doesn't work and you would just have to take the risk of STDs
YES to all of this, but especially the last one!! I'm so sick of all these tropes that when I tried my hand at writing a sex scene I went into it with the mindset of, "I want to make people horny for healthy relationships." So, established relationship built on mutual trust, a discussion about contraception and sexual health, enthusiastic consent asked for and given several times before and during the act, sweat, scars, stretch marks, leg cramps, lube, awkward moments, humour. You know, all that good shit that I almost never read in actual books but are common practice in my own sex life.
I solved it by having my characters get married. On their wedding night he held her hair as she emptied her stomach of overmuch cake and wine. No consummation that night, they held hands as exhausted they fell asleep. On the morrow, off the page, they made love in private.
I don't write sex scenes, but I decided to watch this video anyway. And I gotta say, those first few seconds caught me off guard and made me do that weird twitchy lip thing when I try to hold back a laugh. :^)
😬 on the "do you trust me?" Trope. However I will say it isn't in that same context though, that just happens to be a question that gets asked a lot in the storyline. But still hearing you say it was like 🥲😶 oh no lmao
Same, I like leaving blanks, and ending chapters before them, because then I can explain later if needed. It'll be heavily implied and even said that it happened, but I dont find them intersting.
@@Logitah Agreed, absolutely. I do the same, (i write fanfiction, and try my best not to be cringey and run it by at least two people b4 posting) I don't describe the scenes, just leave blanks, but usually the need for the scene isn't revealed until later in the plot lol
I know I'm late but same. The ONLY reason I read explicit fanfiction on AO3 is because the aftermath (Or before or anything in between) crack is gold or there's an actual, really interesting plot. Anything else can go die in a ditch
So I personally haven’t even read this book, don’t know the title or the author, but apparently this one highly acclaimed author, male, does not understand female anatomy to such an extent that he thought euphemisms like coin purse and fanny pack were actual descriptions, and he described a woman needing to... remove non IUD objects from her cooter before they could commence with the sexing... and I now hate literature😤😤😤
"Penis goo not art" God yes why do we need so many descriptions of this? texture/color/taste I'm 100% not interested, leave that for the doctor. I think a few of this can be used to "subvert" the trophe, for example talking about how "dominant" the male partner is and how actually scary and weird that feels but the main character goes a long with it because she/he has been conditioned to think that that is okay and then having to reconcile with the fact that it wasn't actually okay.
I agree with the subversion thing. For instance, Lolita is an excellent novel with a lot of romanticized assault in it. The whole point of the story is that the protagonist justifies this stuff to himself because he's a massively unreliable narrator. But, I guess, the downside is that a novel that subverts the trope in this way can also end up being misunderstood by a large number of people.
All the best for Cliff’s recovery! Thanks for the vid. “Readers are impressionable.” I posted something along the lines of this to a writers community page on the concern of bad-boys that seem to be too derogatory toward their love interests and that is interpreted as.... desire, while still trying to paint this guy as a good guy, and I got backlash that “people are allowed to have their fantasies.” I wanted to push my head into an ice bucket. Thanks for calling these out.
You know what Jenna, you came to tragedy sexy and I quickly thought it misplaced on this list but then you put me straight. Tragedy sexy is totally a thing but it's not a bed of roses, no one's growing passionate love out of it, it's not something fondly remembered. Sometimes I'm in awe of you. For you and yours, the very best wishes. Remain well.
I have chronic illnesses and I've been flaring up really badly too for the last month or too. It sucks. Mad respect to you and I hope your husband gets better soon.
Well, as a full grown adult woman i can tell you the word "daddy" has slipped out of my mouth unplanned with a few, more dominant, partners. Its not really something i find i can plan. Some people have that vibe, some don't. And if wer'e being honest, not all sex (especailly hook ups) have a lot of... dialogue before hand. If your kink is like, "Oh hey, im into knives or choking' yeah, discuss that shit beforehand. but I hardly think a kinky petname REQUIRES disclosure beforehand Just picture for a moment, youre hooking up with that hot guy from across the bar. Maybe your a bathroom stall type, maybe your in the backseat of his car, doesnt matter. Things are hot and heavy, your probably a little drunk and fumbling to get clothes off each other. Your a breathless mess as you tear at his shirt. Head buzzing with alcohol and heavily distracted by the feeling of his lips against your neck. You bite back a moan, as his hands wander south.... aaaaand suddenly you remember you have a daddy kink! "Wait, wait!" You insist, pushing him away, as you catch your breath. "What?" He asks, breathless himself and clearly confused. "What's wrong?" "It's just... I thought you needed to know, that theres a chance im going to accidentally call you daddy, is that okay?" (Or even sub in, "I just wanted to ask if I could call you daddy before we get into it?) I honestly think theyd laugh in relief that THATS what you were worried about. You can always address the name drop mid way, for example if youre mid act and the word slips out maybe he stills for a moment, surprised to hear the petname. Now he has the choice, he can lean into it. "That's right, take daddy's cock like a good girl" OR, alterantively if hes not comfortable with it he can express that. "Why dont you call me ____, instead?" Whether its a differnet pet name or even just their name. You gotta rememeber, comuunication is SUPER important, but we as humans forget this. CONSTANTLY. If you want your characters to seem human, they gotta forget this shit sometimes too. (This is also why tags exist tho.) So you can be super finicky about your porn.
The "daddy" one reaally depends on the characters. I'm not a fan, 95% of the time when it happens unexpectedly I cringe. The other 5% of the time I don't even blink. It's the characters that really determine whether something feels gross or not.
Listen, if a high level demon can take the time to ask consent before getting their freak on, a totally normal human can do it too. Otherwise, you've written a character that's even more monstrous, and, well... Jenna said it already. (Using an example from my own writing with the demon)
Ngl, ACOTAR kinda made me fear sex scenes. That shit *scarred* me, I get so fucking anxious and antsy when a romantic scene pops up, just waiting for *BAM* next paragraph clothes are flying everywhere what the fuck
Yeah, that was my reaction to a bunch of it as well. "Your kinks are bad and you should feel bad for having them." Guess I'll never share any of the stuff I write and just keep it for myself.
@@scoot-scoot51341 Look up the book "Rough and Ready". It has one of the most bizarre plots for a romance book and contains one of the of the most infamous sex scenes in modern fiction. Honestly, it must be satire, because it is quiet seriously the funniest shit you'll ever see.
I see your "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" and raise you a quote from 50 Shades of Grey: "His pointer finger circled my puckered love cave. 'Are you ready for this?' he mewled, smirking at me like a mother hamster about to eat her three legged young." -50 Shades of Grey How long does it take to get out of the same galaxy as E.L. James?
As a historian of American women, OMG, I love your take on sex so much!! There IS no such thing as nonconsensual sex and there's so much out there in books and movies and it's BAD FOR EVERYONE.
"Do you trust me?" In the context you describe I just agree with your take 100%, but I'm wondering if it's always like that in real life. You should definitely not be asking if someone trusts you in order to suggest that they should. That _is_ manipulation. What if they are asking because they are actually checking in? I've always said something more like "Are you sure?" or I've just let her be the one to "complete the connection", but I can imagine asking someone if they trust me because I'm good with waiting if they need more time to feel comfortable. Like they don't necessarily have that level of trust yet, but maybe they will later (not later that night) if we just slow it down. I think affirmative consent sometimes requires some kind of check in or pause right before coitus because sometimes people are caught up in the moment but not really ready. If that's the case the check-in usually seems to result in "snapping out of it" and not doing something you regret. When it's not the case the check-in just seems to make things intensify.
"Or a 12 year-old on Wattpad." That's kinda offending. I'm a 12 year-old on Wattpad and I know there is no such thing as insta love. But thanks, I'm writing a YA Fantasy, and this is a good list of things to avoid. (Not that I was going anyway near these weird tropes.)
Ok, about the point in "do you trust me?", i stumble across this statement in literature and immediantly nope out. could never find out why i couldn't read past that statement, thought it was my asexuality. finally know that my gut knows how to protect me from predatorious situations :\
I just want Jenna to have a mini video where she reads those horrible sex scenes and we get to hear the quacky duck sound as she bleeps all the nasty out 🤣
Oh my god that thing will haunt me forever. I read another fanfic one time that was cute and fluffy but then surprise! Graphic sex. Nothing before it, nothing after it. Just graphic sex. I really need to stop reading fanfic with no tags.
This video made me almost snort my coffee. You have gained a new subscriber today. One that writes with her husband and turns a few of these tropes inside out.
RE: Obsessions with inaccurately describing spooge - Not a week goes by that I don't see at least one quote describing spunk as "sweet and creamy". PLEASE STOP. Describing it as such gives the reader a pretty clear idea that the sum total of your experience with the stuff consists of depositing it into a crispy sock.
Alternatively they're a girl and they've never even watched porn before. Which is even more likely, IMHO, since if there's one thing I know about jizz (and I know plenty more things than one thing) it's that it's only resemblance to cream is colour.
@@JennaMoreci I look I know you Disagree With corn movies that Was written by people write these things because he planned fantasize about that It's not meant to be taken seriously In the real world And I know it's awful Fantasy stuff but that's what you get in the fantasy world I mean get over it Because the black different taste That's why it tells you people are not going to like the same thing You can't mind control people That's a reality because people have their own minds.
This little pet peeve of mine is when they have sex in the room right next to the parents or in public area like in an empty classroom and they don't lock the door because it gives me such huge anxiety
(6:15) *Jenna:* "The thing about sex is - It feels good, so you don't gotta add a ton of _bells and whistles_ to make it a good time." ...You've obviously never dated a train engineer.
Honestly this is why I am so hesitant towards historical fiction (for women), because I have read plenty of bad sex scenes. Like a woman pretending to be a man randomly deciding to have sex with a hot man like the day before she heads off the Oregon Trail, but oh yeah, she's supposed to be hiding as a man, so isn't she worried about, um, getting pregnant? And having her cover blown? Or the delirious/sick man running into said woman who is bathing NAKED??? in a river, and the two end up having sex which he thinks its all a feverish dream (which means she technically a**aulted him since he was too delirious to consent). Or after he finds out that she is a woman, and has been the woman "of his dreams" this whole time, and then the night of a party where she had a date, takes her to her room, ties her up, literally rips/cuts off her dress which she spent DAYS making herself, and then proceeds to do "things" to her even though she's protesting (but the girl justifying it by how much she actually wanted it)??? This isn't the only book I've read with bad sex scenes, but this book still haunts me to this day. And I read it like 3 years ago. This is why I have to skim books at the bookstore, to make sure any sex scenes in that book aren't TRAUMATIZINGLY BAD. Or if it is an e-book and I can only read the first chapter, if the first chapter + the blurb gives me even a little bit of a bad vibe, immediately putting it down.
You forgot a dangerous one : the 'the partners are sort of demigods lusting badly after each other and the moment their genitals finally finally touch they are being catapulted out into the bare universe, ascending through the many layers of existence and into the very womb were everything that is and ever will be is created, giving each other magical unattainable live changing pleasure' - and basically completely false expectations towards sex to every Virgin reader. sometimes i would like to see sex not working out, characters stopping because they are just not feeling this or having mediocre, normal sex and being totally fine with it because even if the narrative identifies you as soulmates you probably wouldn't wreck a whole bedroom or enter a magical drug trance of never seen sexual pleasure.
I also have CRPS! That shit is rough and so miss-understood. I see this video was posted a year ago, but sending you both healing thoughts from Toronto 🍁
Romanticized and sexualized r*pe is definitely the biggest offender, for me. And it's everywhere, often with no warning. Written as just another "sex scene", disregarding how traumatic it would be in real life if someone didn't listen or respect your boundaries. I understand people (many with trauma) can have r*pe kinks, but it's extremely insensitive and harmful to just throw non-con into a romance novel and pass it off as a sexy, acceptable or "normal" experience. It's not.
You forgot one. #11 Sex after assault. Wherein a character is assaulted and then has sex with her "true love" immediately afterwards while saying "make me forget him".
I'm glad this was in my recommended. I "smashed" that subscribe button. I hate when sex scenes forget what position the characters are in, or forget to clarify that they've switched positions. The main character is on their back, having sexy time, and then the disfigured reads, "he turned me to face him".... you weren't this entire time??? Then I reread it because I think I can't read, but it turns out they can't write clearly.
Post-funeral (or even during funeral) sex is actually pretty common, and not at all toxic. When faced with the hard fact of mortality people often seek life-affirming activities. Some people cry, some people sing, some people eat, some people have sex. Drawing comfort from genuine human connection, feeling your body come alive at someone else's touch, can help you process your grief, not just distract you from it. But "It's penis goo, not art" is one of my fave sex scene related lines ever.
I kinda find it funny that the light behind your camera when it reflects of your eyes it looks like little hearts when you're talking about how much you hate these tropes.
The last few books I’ve read included sex scenes and I was surprised to find a belated (post coitus) discussion on protection, not with any views of STDs but more to ensure there’d be no unplanned pregnancy.
Can't agree with #6: a fiction author can easily guarantee that no one will become pregnant or be infected even with no protection at all. Likewise, disgusting and non-consensual sex are fine in fiction, because it's fiction, not real life, and the success of certain novels demonstrates that many readers enjoy reading about things that they might find terrible in real life. I personally consider all sex in fiction to be inappropriate unless it's porn, but that's just me and I know others enjoy it, and it's fiction, so who cares?
"People think protection is like a total mood killer... but so are babies." I laughed way too hard at that lmao
I mean, you can always have the female protagonist be on the pill, if you feel describing putting a condom feels akward in what you are writing. This scenes are tricky, that's why i don't write explicit ones.
Lol, made a point about this in a story. Drunk fuck, the morning after the girl's parents find them and there's the expected awkward talk which of course leads to the question of weather or not there was any protection at all. Subverted the pissed off dad trope so he actually likes the guy, even though he's freaking out, and the mother is just all around supportive, because the grandkids would be adorable. Actions have consequences and in writing that means you can do all kinds of funny things like embarrass your characters at breakfast.
So is herpes.
@@nessyness5447 std’s don’t care about the pill
@@cynthiaanderson6410 yeah, but at least they stop babies, is better than absolutely nothing
"He filled her cherry pie with his thick, delicious ball batter" is a sentence I think about at least twice a week even though I don't even remember where I read it, and it was at least ten years ago. You can't unread a bad sex scene.
The guy must be a baker lol
A cherry pie ? Clearly, they were trying to hard.
💀💀💀🤣🤣 I'm dead...
@@hritviacharya8585 💀
Ball batter is the grossest thing ive ever read... thank-you for that.😅
"If we go on like this, I may not be able to stop."
"ummm"
"No, not the sex, it's just that we're in the backseat, and I think the car started rolling down the hill."
Only acceptable time to use that line
That, or followed by the line " if you are not able to stop, i may not be able to stop myself from kicking you in the balls" 🤷🏼♀️
I really want to use this somewhere now
Hahahaha that’s amazing
Lol
Jenna: I’m making this to pay bills
Also Jenna: *makes the least monetizable video possible*
Dead ass 😆
The magic of Patreon~
@Stefano Raul Febles Verastegui good! kids have their own youtube anyway.
Lol
Hey, Sex sells!!
She said get a Therapist, not the rapist.
Lol.
just here for "The Squidbillies" reference... ;o)
@Paxton s winky smile with a big nose... to be perfectly technical about it... ;o)
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 NOOOOOOOO
I still can't believe I Spit In Your Grave 3 rested entirely on this single pun... 😊
Jenna: "Ask anyone in the BDSM community. They've got Doms galore and they still preach clear and enthusiastic consent!"
The ENTIRE BDSM COMMUNITY: YES! THANK YOU!!
They also partner up so there are two doms in a scene, where one will do the 'punishment', and the other will do the praising. This is known as the 'Good Top, Bad Top' method
The amount of times I’ve seen BDSM used as an excuse for lack of consent in fiction... 😒
I definitely like this kind of management
you'd imagine that kind of activity would especially require checking if everything is okay, but most book writers ignore that.
You mean they don't grab a random person off the street and tie them up and spank them with a horsewhip?
Years ago, at a convention where I was hanging out with some friends-of-a-friend, I noticed some chemistry with one of them. I knew they were polyamorous, so after a bit of back-and-forth flirtation I asked them both what their boundaries and arrangements were regarding new playmates or partners.
"Oh," she said. "I wish you hadn't asked."
"Why? Was that okay?"
"Oh, I WAS into you," she said. "You were coming across all confident and swaggering and that was really hot. But then you had to ASK, and that's just not attractive. You should have just TAKEN what you wanted. That's what a confident man does."
That whistling sound was the tank-shell I'd just dodged.
And yeah, their marriage didn't last much longer. Gee, I can't imagine why.
Ah yes, nothing describes confidence like sexual assault.
@@Someone-or8tp RIGHT?
Crisis. Averted.
i just love it when a man forces himself onto me in a way that makes me uncomfortable, fearful, and willing to call the cops 😍 where can i find a guy like that ugh 😣
@@sambanjo Right? "What a REAL MAHHHHNN!!!"
The "he put what where" problem is especially prevalent in homosexual sex scenes. Since the pronouns are the same, a bad writer can quickly confuse the reader as to who's doing what to whom.
True, reading non heterosexual sex scenes gives me migraines when that happens
This is why i read comics or mangas instead
Thats why the furthest I go from straight, is F/F. No matter how its written, its clear.
Hopefully by the time you get to the sex scene, the reader should know the character's names.
It is easily the biggest headache-inducing thing I could do with my spare time😂😭
“Or a 12 year old on wattpad” LMAOOOOOOOOOO Jenna 💀
I said what I said! XD
“you know what would help me in my time of need?”
“penetration 😍”
I LOVE THAT SENTENCE SO MUCH
Those jokes tho LOL
@@JennaMoreci ive been writing on wattpad since i was 8 lmaoo
666 likes currently, somebody will obviously ruin it but I screenshoted lol
It’s relieving to know that I, someone who’s never had sex before, can write better sex scenes than other adults who have surely had it themselves. Is it that hard to look up proper anatomy or ask a few people who are willing to respond what’s actually enticing than just assume stuff? Just because the school system failed you doesn’t mean you can’t try to educate yourself with some (hopefully) reputable websites and articles!
Yeah exactly! A little bit of research would not have gone amiss.
You're relying on your imagining of sex which is rooted in being comfortable in your own sexuality and expectations of sex. That's good. I know I do. Actual experience with sex (for most people) and the perception of it imposed by society and media tend to overlook the intimacy of a relationship-which doesn't necessarily involve knocking boots.
@@kellyjohnson9524 THANK YOU!
Instructions unclear accidentally learned Rule 34 of internet.
I wrote a sex scene when I was a virgin and then after I started having sex I decided to go reread it and see how badly I butchered sex, and I was completely surprised to find out what I wrote was accurate as all hell
“From Death to Dingdongs” - new band name, I call it.
“Tantalized or titillated” - new band name, I call it.
I love how deeply Julien is ingrained in the TH-cam mindset lmao
@@stinkycheese6666 I was wondering if anyone would catch it! Lol Dinkfam
Those are more album names
Not in metal lol
@@Matrim42 way to play along with the joke lmao
The one about trusting someone was good. Very good. Once, I read one and I really liked what it said. The guy was holding the girl and kissing her neck and he said, “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop,” which was so nice to read, especially when the girl responded a moment later with, “I don’t want to stop.”
consent conversations can be sexy! /points/
Interesting to me that women are almost always the ones who are asked for concent and stuff, but never men. I wonder if there is a biologocal component or a social one or something to that.
@@andrewjennings7306 social. (In many cases:) Women are taught to play stupid games about crushes, sex, marriage, etc. Men are taught to take what they want, that they can't be vulnerable, they can't be the victim, they are allowed anger, and neutrality, etc.
Long story short sexism is to blame. Hurts everyone period.
@@andrewjennings7306 men are taught to be greatful for even having sex, encouraged to have it in abundance, if they(stereotypically speaking) showed a disinterest or discomfort they might be called gay or less of a man. If a woman is into rougher stuff and the man is not he will be called boring or "not a real" man. ( Of course women could and have been called prudes, but I have yet to see anyone question their womanhood for it).
@@arceusinsanity301 I believe its atleast partly biological. Testosterone makes ken naturally more aggressive and like to go after stuff they want.
Best saying I've heard on this topic was someone who wrote
"Giving a reader a sex scene that is only half right is like giving her half of a kitten. It is not half as cute as a whole kitten; it is a bloody, godawful mess."
I've just read that. It's a brilliant phrase!
"How NOT To Write A Novel", by Sandra Newman and Howard Mittelmark.
I feel like people should keep their rapey stories on ao3 with the right warning and tags so everyone else can avoid it
Jokes aside this is a good point. if ppl write SA as romantic ecounters, the right tags/ TWs are not put and the ppl who have actually gone through SA are then triggered by it. I am one of those ppl and if i had a pound for every time i abruptly stopped reading something because an SA scene is trying to be passed off as romantic, i would be a fricking millionaire.
I was not expecting to see Dear Leader here
@@MoonWatcher. so many cult members omg hiiiii!!
Very true! Tags are super important and help to disclose any potentially triggering or otherwise pass-worthy elements of their stories. That's part of why I get so annoyed that everyone thinks all fanficiton is Fifty Shades of Grey or something. Just read the tags, or have the decency to put a warning in there somewhere. It's not that hard.
Those who do not want to see can avoid and people who search for if for whatever reason will find it easier. No one should ever have to be exposed to what they are not willing to see/read.
Sidenote: Let’s remember that there are also masochists, subs, doms and sadists in this world that would never hurt someone in real life or wish for a fantasy like that to come true. Also some people enjoy seeing characters suffer or enjoy plot points like this; however, it should never ever be romanticized.
Worst thing I come across way, way, way too much is when there is "backdoor action" and NO LUBE! *headdesk*
When they try to write same-sex couples anf forget the lube 😭😭
True, you're supposed to use a butt-load
I've never done it and even a thought of that hurts me!
THIS. and spit as lube. and recently i read something with the exchange 'how much prep do you want' - 'none.' the h o r r o r.
@@pansykiddclo HIghlander fanfic way back: Blood as lube.
Reader: "But she is your sister!"
Anime MC: "So, we're not blood related."
If they're Lannisters, that's ok. ;b
Hentai MC: "That's why its hot"
@@SouslecoeurdeFenrir or Targaryen's
@@SouslecoeurdeFenrir or Targaryens
@@creatresscorruption802 Indeed !
Ive seen scenes (yes, plural) where the character has sex right after having teeth removed from their head, violently. What the hell? How?
No logic, writer horny
Wtf? 😂
As someone who has just had teeth removed from my head (not violently) I can say I’m not in the mood to be ravished
What? Just what?
@@thelovelybunny9012 am using this line whenever my friends write fan fiction 🤣
"Ask anyone in the BDSM community. They've got Doms galore and they still preach clear and enthusiastic consent!" Yes, we do. I've once preached it so proudly that I scared off a potential partner. Apparently, my comment on how I find gaining consent attractive was a turn-off. Who'd have thunk?
Asking for consent is sexy af. Not asking should be the turn-off. Especially in BDSM.
@@angiewinchester3384 Exactly! Plus, there are ways to ask for consent *sexily*. I dunno about vanilla-folk, but having a Dominant softly ask in my ear "Do you want to play" or "Give me a color kitten" or even "May I devour your mouth" is the hottest thing ever.
@@shaelynmartin1996 I'm currently in the 'vanilla group', but I can definitely say that my husband whispering "Do you want to play?" in my ear would have me 0 to 60 in .0001 second. XD
You dodged a bullet baby!
@@angiewinchester3384 That's a tough one, because there's a kink known as "force play" and it's basically a uh...SA-ish kind of scene agreed upon by both partners. So there are some kinks that are hard to get by :/
The best wishes for your man, Jenna. And also continue taking care of yourself, hon. Thank you once again for a great list!
IKR? Good to see her back!
My brain usually functions well in English. But hence the topic, for some reason my brain felt it was appropriate to hear Jenna saying "fiction" as the german "fick schön", which basically means merry f***ing. Bilingual brains are the best lol. Also so much yes on all of this points!
Oh god... i'm sorry for you, but i guess it does kinda fit the topic
@@anni1961 Haha no need to be sorry, this was just so funny for me. "Bilingual" just means "someone who speaks two languages" in case this wasn't clear. My mother tongue is German, but my English is strong enough, that my brain just starts randomly switching words as I try to talk. I even regularly think in English. Sometimes I speak German with someone and the German Term just doesn't come up in my brain, so I have the urge to use the English one instead lol
I will never hear the word fiction the same again!
@@amylevin2280 I am sorry 😂😂😂
Every time someone says fiction, my mind will not automatically translate it to merry fucking. This will make my conversations infinitely more entertaining and hilarious to look back on.
"Ask anyone in the BDSM community"
*raises hand*
Tell us more 😂
enlighten our feeble minds XD
@@motyfokol5392 what would you like to know? xD
@@undead9999 I have soo many questions.
Also raises hand.
It's also a bit disturbing (and I'm a guy) when reading a sex scene where the woman in question isn't enjoying it, and just lies there allowing him to do his thing, because she makes excuses in her head about how he's had a hard/traumatic life and therefore feels its her duty to not say anything and just take it.
🤮
Eww Disgusting 🤢
One of my biggest peeves with sex scenes is when someone who has sex for the first time leaves blood or has pain - that's not how it works. There's not supposed to be blood. If there is any blood, it would be just a small amount that isn't really noticeable. If there is a noticeable amount, that means there is trauma. The hymen isn't a virginity indicator.
And the pain part, if their partner makes sure they are relaxed and that they are stretched and such then there shouldn't be any pain.
Everyone is different and every hymen is different, so there.
@@lainiwakura1776 I have to ask, are you a gynecologist with knowledge about the hymen?
@@darkenroses I'm not a gynecologist but I had had the hymen. And when I had first sex with penetration it wasn't painful but bloody. Every hymen is different. Some is stretchy and some is not.
@@MrGreyseptember I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but I'm glad that you didn't end up experiencing pain.
While yes, that can happen and yes each hymen is different, my biggest gripe is the fact all the books show it (bleeding and pain) as it is common and supposed to happen when it's not. That it should be expected and something that every first time sexual experience should endure. It bugs me to no end. And the fact the hymen being present as an indicator of virginity. It's not.
It's information that OB-GYNs have mentioned. -chuckles-
I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Stay safe.
@@darkenroses If I remember right, wasn't bleeding during your first time having sex and breaking the hymen was considered, "a right of passage. and painful."
Trust me, even after having sex with my husband and having a baby, I somehow still have mine intact which is weird. Sorry, if that was f.y.I. I do agree that everyone is different.
Jenna " I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed, and there ain't nothin in this world for free "
I was reading this story once ( I'm assuming they were a young/new writer ) and they described the female lead getting turned on with something like " He stepped toward me aggressively and I could feel the river on my inner thy " or something absolutely 🤢 to think about, there was also some uncomfortable wanted/unwanted? fingering right along after the above. It was ... unpleasant to experience. I've seen many things on this hell scape known as the internet but, this still haunts me.
Love Cage the Elephant
Poor me
Ain’t no rest for the wicked...
the river on my inner thighHHSADNKLDGAL
It's always a great moment when you're binging on Jenna's videos and another one pops up in the notifications
Two things I don’t get in the least are 1) “hate sex” and 2) when two people somehow “sense” that there is a strong mutual attraction between them without any flirting, or any other kind of clear signals between them. One moment they’re discussing current events, the next they’re going at it on the kitchen table. There is not the slightest doubt in either character’s mind that what they perceive as “signals” from the other character might simply be that character’s idea of being friendly.
Tragedy sex is pretty common IRL. It's one way humans react to death. We feel a need to embrace life, to deny death the win, even if it's only symbolically.
Some may have sex, my sister and I just cracked bad jokes for 3 days after our mum died (then we got angry, sad, the entire ordeal). But like the first couple of days can be filed under „irrational“ for suuure
@@stefanies.6949 absolutely.
Maybe so, but I don't think it should be treated as titillating or romantic. Maybe a character introspection of deeper seeded problems someone has.
I agree.
@@AJ-The-Bumblebee I prefer to write with authenticity. Sex doesn't have to be romantic or salacious. It's enough for it to be what the characters would do at that point in the story.
Diana Gabaldon wrote an entire book about this, but she also gives the book a 5-minute how-to for writing a *good* sex scene. I love you both, so yeah, I'm here for the topic choice lol
I was thinking about Diana's book also! So glad you commented, lol
And yet, angry sex is still used as conflict solving instead of actually talking, and they had sex when claire was drunk and jamie wasn't. ( In the tv show , at least)
@@nessyness5447 The show is a baaaad offender where dubcon is concerned. It made me give up at the beginning of season 3.
@@christiegreenwood2642 i was sus since the wedding night. All that inner conflict of claire not wanting to cheat on frank but there was no other way but to do it and i was there like ...why? " The marriage won't be legal if it's not consumated"...and? How are black jack and the english soldiers, who are the reason for that wedding to happen, to know if they had sex or not?. Are they just gonna look at claire and jamie and be like " ha, you didn't sleep together, my sixth sense tell me so, so is not valid i will arrest her". Like...if jamie is such a gentleman, claire could have said she really couldn't do with him and he should have respected that and i don't know, just fake some noised to convince the people in the tabern, problem solved. But no the entire scene is like " we are obligated to do this, there is no other way around i". 🤦🏼♀️
@@nessyness5447 Actually it was more so in terms of Scottish and Roman Catholic law. Consummation was required to legitimize the union. There were also witnesses outside (at least in the show, can't remember off the top of my head if it was the case in the book) so they would've been able to tell it was faked. So it was a legit rock-and-a-hard-place situation but if you think about it more so in terms of temporal mechanics and practicality (and that's the conclusion she ultimately came to), Claire wasn't cheating on Frank since he didn't exist here. But her emotional loyalties definitely start to split from here.
I do agree that the show tends to lean more towards dubcon especially during the later seasons. But I definitely recommend checking out at least season 1 and Gabaldon's book on how she writes the scenes.
Talking about #6: I was planning a sex scene without protection because the era the story took place that stuff wasn't really invented yet and wouldn't make sense to put it there. Additionally, after the fact the guy character is worried about the whole pregnancy thing in-story. Which leads to a reveal that the girl character is infertile, which had been alluded to but never directly stated. And I don't really intend for any of it to be sexy, to be honest. It's more based on character development and emotional development between these characters, which as an asexual person I find FAR more interesting.
Protection was never “invented”. It’s always been around, different methods of it, but it’s just that most of the times they weren’t very scientific and thus reliable and effective. Btw interesting plot!
@@Thermopylae66 Oh yeah, my bad. I was referring to modern protection stuff. Also thank you, this is just a subplot as well, the main plot is dark(ish) fantasy action lol
@@corenlavolpe6143 no problem! I wish you luck with your story! It’s so beautiful that you are creating something ✨
Someone I knew once tried to get me to add in a tragedy sex scene to my book. The worst part was the girl involved just discovered her mom’s murdered body. I was like “No dude. That’s weird and wrong.” Plus I’m horrible at writing scenes like that so avoid them as much as possible.
Same, i am the " describe piece of clothing falling to the floor and fade to black, start next scene after it's done" kind of writer, unless i have to describe it for a justifiable reason.
What traumatized me the most and is still difficult to unthink is every movie basically says “if there’s a penis in the scene, sex is not only going to happen, but both people will be completely satisfied.”😒 no creativity whatsoever.
I've read some stories where the guy is on top, but he's also cupping her face in both of his hands, but his hands are also roaming, and I'm just like "Did you turn into Doctor Strange and sprout 20 arms, or what?"
I once made the mistake of randomly opening a pulp novel from the bargain trolley outside a second-hand store, to be confronted by the phrase "He unzipped his flies and shook out Mr Wobbly." The preceding sentences, well, I won't go into detail, but they made it clear he preferred his partners unwilling. I have a feeling this was then followed by the other person finding the experience of being raped ecstatic and thrilling, but I don't know because at that point I put the book back on the trolley and went for a long walk in the fresh air.
Glad that I am not the only one who turns to a random page and read to see if I like the book. I'm sorry, but that phrase had me laughing! XD
@@isabeauwolf562 Well, I laughed too. It was better than throwing up.
Mr wobbly I’ M D E A D
Flies multiple?????????
@@lofi_killer2603 Yes.
Personally, I like to call Tragedy Sex the Trauma Boner. It's better, but still not great if the characters make out or have sex, possibly for the first time, immediately after one or both of them shares a traumatic memory. You can make a character sharing a traumatic memory with their partner emotional and heartwarming and use it to progress their relationship, but if your MC is taking his girlfriend to Pound Town after telling her about how his brother was brutally murdered by the Demon King in front of him as a child, it's weird af.
Seeing “Demon King” in this context is even worse because of The Legend of Zelda 😭
I actually had a "tragedy sex" scene in my story, but incredibly downplayed and not really all that important to the story- the character was a firefighter and had just returned from being part of the rescue operation after the building where his wife's friend worked was bombed by terrorists (the wife's friend was okay, none of the dead were characters in the story), and the idea was that he and his wife were both so relieved that he was okay that they had sex (it's a fade to black scene, which is why I said it wasn't all that important)- but the wife, in her panic over the attack, had forgotten to take her birth control and she got pregnant. This whole story was a prequel to an earlier idea, where the resulting child was the main character and him finding out that he'd been an "accident" (his parents even considered aborting him) was part of his story arc. And since the bombing was a real-life event, I was able to tie the pregnancy and birth to several other real-life events of that year.
I am SO glad you pointed out the BDSM community's fondness for consent. I once had a dom who was new to the community argue with me when I didn't want to do a certain thing, saying that if I were really a good sub I would just do whatever he wanted. And then another time, he was getting too domineering outside the bedroom, and he wouldn't accept the safe word because "that's not what it's for." BDSM culture is so misunderstood, and those kinds of misconceptions can lead to some bad, bad outcomes.
So he put his Richard Nixion into his girlfriends peach pie and went back and forth
Reading that made me laugh.
RICHARD NIXON LMAOO
STOP I’M DEAD
this had no right being this funny
With this profile pic, I read this in Ed's voice. Thank you so much, I can't stop laughing.
Input from Someone Who Likes Dark Romance (the subgenre with the taboo content):
Dark romance is a tricky sub genre because of its content matter, but I appreciate its existence. Some victims of assault use these books to safely confront and overcome traumatic experiences. Some feel lonely and unwanted, so they fantasize about lovers who want them so much, they can't help but break laws to be with them. Some may be bored from their real life relationships and like to spice things up with fictional scenarios that don't involve real danger or adultery in their waking life. If there's another reason I haven't mentioned, I'm open to hearing it.
I personally like dark romances that have gray or even evil main leads. Mafia romances, being my favorite. The books with forced sex aren't in my library, but the lovers who are sweet to their partners but savage to everyone else get me going. I wouldn't go for these violent people in real life, but I enjoy the fantasy of being with them just like others enjoy action movies for badass action stars who don't have to worry about property damage or physics.
Personally, I like the "Do you trust me?" phrase because it shows that the love interest wants to make sure their partners are nervous but still interested. Rough sex is intimidating, but some people like it like that. There's more than one way to determine consent, Jenna. Not every scary person is out to hurt you 😂
I do agree that novels need to have content warnings at the beginning of their books so they don't traumatize their readers. Not everyone is into the same thing or have the same sensitivity levels, so writers need to consider that. Also, a reminder that the books are fictional and not guides on how sex and relationships work should be there too in case someone impressionable or inexperienced stumbles onto them. If not for consideration, at least for legal reasons. Good thing a lot of books already have these disclaimers.
I'm glad you're back, Jenna! I hope your partner gets better too. More videos please!
Appreciate the perspective.
I was a victim of sexual assault and I’m writing sex scenes that include some of those tropes. Maybe I’m doing it for the awareness, maybe I’m doing it to express my feelings and thoughts on it and help me heal. I know that my content is problematic but I don’t portray it as if those things were normal or okay. In the eyes of the one who’s causing the assault, it’s okay but the entire story is about sharing awareness. I really like exploring the darker parts of sexuality and then shining light on them.
@@cartooneyed I'm sorry for your experience and I understand your intention with writing in the genre. I would say if you're being authentic-even with word choice-then you're all good. Be confident in wanting to help others.
Any recommendations on some good mob-romances? I've recently found I loooove them.
Some people also just straight up have fetishes or kinks for non/dubcon. For me I blame it on an overly religious upbringing where sex (outside of church approved marriage) was a sin worse than murder. This wasn't great for my sexual development, for a variety of reasons, and I found that I enjoy the fantasy of "being forced to enjoy it" and "destruction of innocence" tropes.
From what I've seen/read, having similar fetishes/kinks or enjoying non/dubcon is a pretty common trait. I do agree that writers should warn their readers about things that are going to happen, but I also believe that the genre has a place in fiction, as nearly all "problematic" writing does.
Do what you will as long as no-one is harmed is the general motto I go by. Also known as "Don't be an asshole."
Just my thoughts.
@@washichiisai read captive in the dark
I feel like these types of scenes are the ultimate test of your writing. Not that there are other ways, of course, but you _have_ to nail tone, sentence structure/fluency, dialogue (if there is any) and, most of all, word choice. If you're able to write different types, like comedic, romantic, (intentionally) dark effectively, then your writing is probably in a good place. Room for improvement as always, though I feel scenes like this are somewhat easy to do, but very difficult to pull off. That, and I feel like my writing always improves the most after writing them. Lol
On the topic of “acrobatic sex,” it’s also bad if you can’t tell what’s happening even if it isn’t “acrobatic”, just weird or vague logistics.
I think that was kinda the point. I imagine clearly-defined acrobatic sex would be very interesting.
#6. I'm more worried about the STD during a unprotected sex scene rather then pregnancy, because if written right an "accident" in the heat of the moment can lead to a lot of great plot threads.
Besides some people in real life do actually want children. And some people need to make them or humanity would go extinct. In those cases a condom doesn't work and you would just have to take the risk of STDs
YES to all of this, but especially the last one!!
I'm so sick of all these tropes that when I tried my hand at writing a sex scene I went into it with the mindset of, "I want to make people horny for healthy relationships." So, established relationship built on mutual trust, a discussion about contraception and sexual health, enthusiastic consent asked for and given several times before and during the act, sweat, scars, stretch marks, leg cramps, lube, awkward moments, humour. You know, all that good shit that I almost never read in actual books but are common practice in my own sex life.
And how did the readers take it?
I solved it by having my characters get married. On their wedding night he held her hair as she emptied her stomach of overmuch cake and wine. No consummation that night, they held hands as exhausted they fell asleep. On the morrow, off the page, they made love in private.
@@Sly-Moose it's part of an as yet unpublished fanfiction, so who knows?
I don't write sex scenes, but I decided to watch this video anyway.
And I gotta say, those first few seconds caught me off guard and made me do that weird twitchy lip thing when I try to hold back a laugh. :^)
Neither, if it's implied, I leave it blank, it doesn't interest me enough to write it.
"and maybe get some therapy" should be the new salutation in all conversations and emails.
😬 on the "do you trust me?" Trope. However I will say it isn't in that same context though, that just happens to be a question that gets asked a lot in the storyline. But still hearing you say it was like 🥲😶 oh no lmao
Same here. It's not in the context of a set scene, but Jenna still has me rethinking the line
It also lets the writer provide an early hint as to who a villain is
I love Jenna and her complete and brutal honesty. It makes me smile.
That opening caught me off guard lol. I hope you and Cliff are doing alright.
Personally, I go nine billion light years out of my way to avoid writing sex scenes. I find them boring, more often than not filler.
I almost always skip over them, or skim through them, when reading a book. I don't need the details. Been there, done that. Move on.
I think every writer should use the "Shakespeare rule of sex scenes", aka, "No sex scenes unless they actually have something to do with the plot".
Same, I like leaving blanks, and ending chapters before them, because then I can explain later if needed. It'll be heavily implied and even said that it happened, but I dont find them intersting.
@@Logitah Agreed, absolutely. I do the same, (i write fanfiction, and try my best not to be cringey and run it by at least two people b4 posting) I don't describe the scenes, just leave blanks, but usually the need for the scene isn't revealed until later in the plot lol
I know I'm late but same. The ONLY reason I read explicit fanfiction on AO3 is because the aftermath (Or before or anything in between) crack is gold or there's an actual, really interesting plot. Anything else can go die in a ditch
So I personally haven’t even read this book, don’t know the title or the author, but apparently this one highly acclaimed author, male, does not understand female anatomy to such an extent that he thought euphemisms like coin purse and fanny pack were actual descriptions, and he described a woman needing to... remove non IUD objects from her cooter before they could commence with the sexing... and I now hate literature😤😤😤
Can someone please place him in a biology class?
"Penis goo not art" God yes why do we need so many descriptions of this? texture/color/taste I'm 100% not interested, leave that for the doctor.
I think a few of this can be used to "subvert" the trophe, for example talking about how "dominant" the male partner is and how actually scary and weird that feels but the main character goes a long with it because she/he has been conditioned to think that that is okay and then having to reconcile with the fact that it wasn't actually okay.
It's said if a guy eats only pineapples for a week, his semen will taste sweet. Lol. Guess it redefines Pina colada.
I agree with the subversion thing. For instance, Lolita is an excellent novel with a lot of romanticized assault in it. The whole point of the story is that the protagonist justifies this stuff to himself because he's a massively unreliable narrator.
But, I guess, the downside is that a novel that subverts the trope in this way can also end up being misunderstood by a large number of people.
All the best for Cliff’s recovery! Thanks for the vid.
“Readers are impressionable.”
I posted something along the lines of this to a writers community page on the concern of bad-boys that seem to be too derogatory toward their love interests and that is interpreted as.... desire, while still trying to paint this guy as a good guy, and I got backlash that “people are allowed to have their fantasies.” I wanted to push my head into an ice bucket.
Thanks for calling these out.
I've sadly been out of the Jenna loop for a while so, I just wanted to say that I hope Cliff makes a full recovery and I absolutely adore your shirt.
You know what Jenna, you came to tragedy sexy and I quickly thought it misplaced on this list but then you put me straight.
Tragedy sexy is totally a thing but it's not a bed of roses, no one's growing passionate love out of it, it's not something fondly remembered.
Sometimes I'm in awe of you.
For you and yours, the very best wishes.
Remain well.
Im glad I never did the insta love thing when I was a 12 year old on wattpad
But fr some scary stuff goes down there
Couldn't agree more. And I'm so glad I didn't do that either.
I have chronic illnesses and I've been flaring up really badly too for the last month or too. It sucks. Mad respect to you and I hope your husband gets better soon.
More people need to hear #9 😭 can’t tell you the amount of sex scenes I’ve read where someone just drops a “daddy” out of nowhere
Creepy. But then I just heard an old George Michael song with the lyric, "I will be your father-figure." Yeah... Love you to the end of time. Ick.
Well, as a full grown adult woman i can tell you the word "daddy" has slipped out of my mouth unplanned with a few, more dominant, partners. Its not really something i find i can plan. Some people have that vibe, some don't. And if wer'e being honest, not all sex (especailly hook ups) have a lot of... dialogue before hand. If your kink is like, "Oh hey, im into knives or choking' yeah, discuss that shit beforehand. but I hardly think a kinky petname REQUIRES disclosure beforehand
Just picture for a moment, youre hooking up with that hot guy from across the bar. Maybe your a bathroom stall type, maybe your in the backseat of his car, doesnt matter. Things are hot and heavy, your probably a little drunk and fumbling to get clothes off each other. Your a breathless mess as you tear at his shirt. Head buzzing with alcohol and heavily distracted by the feeling of his lips against your neck. You bite back a moan, as his hands wander south.... aaaaand suddenly you remember you have a daddy kink!
"Wait, wait!" You insist, pushing him away, as you catch your breath.
"What?" He asks, breathless himself and clearly confused. "What's wrong?"
"It's just... I thought you needed to know, that theres a chance im going to accidentally call you daddy, is that okay?" (Or even sub in, "I just wanted to ask if I could call you daddy before we get into it?)
I honestly think theyd laugh in relief that THATS what you were worried about. You can always address the name drop mid way, for example if youre mid act and the word slips out maybe he stills for a moment, surprised to hear the petname. Now he has the choice, he can lean into it. "That's right, take daddy's cock like a good girl" OR, alterantively if hes not comfortable with it he can express that.
"Why dont you call me ____, instead?" Whether its a differnet pet name or even just their name.
You gotta rememeber, comuunication is SUPER important, but we as humans forget this. CONSTANTLY. If you want your characters to seem human, they gotta forget this shit sometimes too. (This is also why tags exist tho.) So you can be super finicky about your porn.
The "daddy" one reaally depends on the characters. I'm not a fan, 95% of the time when it happens unexpectedly I cringe. The other 5% of the time I don't even blink. It's the characters that really determine whether something feels gross or not.
Listen, if a high level demon can take the time to ask consent before getting their freak on, a totally normal human can do it too. Otherwise, you've written a character that's even more monstrous, and, well... Jenna said it already. (Using an example from my own writing with the demon)
Well what does Jenna Have her opinion on that
And especially when it comes to porn writing story Of a movie and TV show.
"There are terrible sex scenes that are branded on my brain!"
**ACOTAR has left the chat**
more like joined the chat holy crap 💀💀
please my friend and i were talking about ACOTAR sex scenes and how uncomfortable they are esrlier
Oh, god, remember when they banged in the sky? And when he came because of the mental image of his unborn child?
@@luuuuux_ Oh my god I had completely forgotten that last part that's so baddddd 😭😭😭
Ngl, ACOTAR kinda made me fear sex scenes. That shit *scarred* me, I get so fucking anxious and antsy when a romantic scene pops up, just waiting for *BAM* next paragraph clothes are flying everywhere what the fuck
I love how your shirt actually has your "But Jennaaa!" quote on it. XD And great video.
This video was good at some points but at other points it was really just “I don’t have the same Kink as other people and that’s their problem”
Yeah, that was my reaction to a bunch of it as well. "Your kinks are bad and you should feel bad for having them." Guess I'll never share any of the stuff I write and just keep it for myself.
Two words:
"Galloping Abs"
I' M S O R R Y, W H A T-
@@scoot-scoot51341 Look up the book "Rough and Ready". It has one of the most bizarre plots for a romance book and contains one of the of the most infamous sex scenes in modern fiction. Honestly, it must be satire, because it is quiet seriously the funniest shit you'll ever see.
I’ve been laughing about this for 10 minutes straight W H A T???
Galloping… abs… *W U T*
lmao
BUT HOW FAST CAN ABS GALLOPE?!!?
I see your "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" and raise you a quote from 50 Shades of Grey:
"His pointer finger circled my puckered love cave. 'Are you ready for this?' he mewled, smirking at me like a mother hamster about to eat her three legged young."
-50 Shades of Grey
How long does it take to get out of the same galaxy as E.L. James?
Jesus Christ.....
@@greenapple9477 Imagine being her editor, if there even was one, I don't think there's enough alcohol for such a duty.
How. How have I watched so many reviews of these books and still not seen this before. What the *fuck*.
Me: ah yes, what terrible writers lol who writes sex scenes like that. Noobs.
Also me: *vigorously rewrites entire first chapter*
As a historian of American women, OMG, I love your take on sex so much!! There IS no such thing as nonconsensual sex and there's so much out there in books and movies and it's BAD FOR EVERYONE.
"You can argue with me, but you're wrong" is a line I've used all too often
"Do you trust me?" In the context you describe I just agree with your take 100%, but I'm wondering if it's always like that in real life. You should definitely not be asking if someone trusts you in order to suggest that they should. That _is_ manipulation.
What if they are asking because they are actually checking in? I've always said something more like "Are you sure?" or I've just let her be the one to "complete the connection", but I can imagine asking someone if they trust me because I'm good with waiting if they need more time to feel comfortable. Like they don't necessarily have that level of trust yet, but maybe they will later (not later that night) if we just slow it down.
I think affirmative consent sometimes requires some kind of check in or pause right before coitus because sometimes people are caught up in the moment but not really ready. If that's the case the check-in usually seems to result in "snapping out of it" and not doing something you regret. When it's not the case the check-in just seems to make things intensify.
OMG!!! this line totally ruined Disney's Alladin for me LOL... that is so wrong... BAD DIsney!!!
Your Chanel is one of my favorites in the writing genre. You’re hilarious and the advice has helped me so much with writing scenes.
"Or a 12 year-old on Wattpad."
That's kinda offending. I'm a 12 year-old on Wattpad and I know there is no such thing as insta love. But thanks, I'm writing a YA Fantasy, and this is a good list of things to avoid. (Not that I was going anyway near these weird tropes.)
I’m 13, but, other than that, same here. Love seeing other young writers! 🏳️🌈💕
Ok, about the point in "do you trust me?", i stumble across this statement in literature and immediantly nope out. could never find out why i couldn't read past that statement, thought it was my asexuality. finally know that my gut knows how to protect me from predatorious situations :\
"Either someone someone was suspended in the air, or they are quadruple jointed"
I laughed way too hard at that 🤣
I just want Jenna to have a mini video where she reads those horrible sex scenes and we get to hear the quacky duck sound as she bleeps all the nasty out 🤣
I just remember the sex scenes from my immortal. Those where an experience I never want to relive.
"He put his thingy in my you-know-what" is the one that haunts me the most.
Oh my god that thing will haunt me forever. I read another fanfic one time that was cute and fluffy but then surprise! Graphic sex. Nothing before it, nothing after it. Just graphic sex.
I really need to stop reading fanfic with no tags.
YES! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! 🤣😂🤣🤣🤣😂🤣
This video made me almost snort my coffee.
You have gained a new subscriber today. One that writes with her husband and turns a few of these tropes inside out.
All the ducknoises are killing me XD XD XD XD *ROFL*
lololol thank you it was Cliff's idea XD
@@JennaMoreci really welll i thought youtube didnt like the words. lol
@@JennaMoreci hahahaha! Of course it was! The man's a genius 🤣
great to have you back, hope Cliff gets better and is home soon
RE: Obsessions with inaccurately describing spooge -
Not a week goes by that I don't see at least one quote describing spunk as "sweet and creamy".
PLEASE STOP.
Describing it as such gives the reader a pretty clear idea that the sum total of your experience with the stuff consists of depositing it into a crispy sock.
Alternatively they're a girl and they've never even watched porn before. Which is even more likely, IMHO, since if there's one thing I know about jizz (and I know plenty more things than one thing) it's that it's only resemblance to cream is colour.
This episode's "but Jenna" slapped me so hard cause I was thinking exactly that hahahaha. Love you and Cliff. Sending my love to you guys.
I like hurt comfort where they tend to each others wounds, but sex no. Realistically someone would die halfway though due to blood loss😭😭
Nah it's cool, all the blood is safely in the penis now! /j
@@rowanlavellan9755 LMAO💀💀
Jenna talking about unprotected sex as a bad trope just made my day. Thank you so much.
Well, I think I'm going to have to write out my male romantic lead, Throbbington Pounder.
#10 is my major gripe with ya like no thank you ya writers get your shit together please 😭
it's awful!
Williamoscer garvin:Ren You do realize not everybody is perfect And if you think everybody is You should realize In their minds they're not.
@@JennaMoreci Well don't watch something you don't like It's very simple Because that's what even the women did And even the men.
@@JennaMoreci I look I know you Disagree With corn movies that Was written by people write these things because he planned fantasize about that It's not meant to be taken seriously In the real world And I know it's awful Fantasy stuff but that's what you get in the fantasy world I mean get over it Because the black different taste That's why it tells you people are not going to like the same thing You can't mind control people That's a reality because people have their own minds.
@@Gmal51 ...... not you trying to nationalize YA writers romanticizing sexual assault to a literal rape survivor it’s not a good look boo
So happy to have you back - and with what a video YES
This little pet peeve of mine is when they have sex in the room right next to the parents or in public area like in an empty classroom and they don't lock the door because it gives me such huge anxiety
(6:15) *Jenna:* "The thing about sex is - It feels good, so you don't gotta add a ton of _bells and whistles_ to make it a good time." ...You've obviously never dated a train engineer.
Honestly this is why I am so hesitant towards historical fiction (for women), because I have read plenty of bad sex scenes. Like a woman pretending to be a man randomly deciding to have sex with a hot man like the day before she heads off the Oregon Trail, but oh yeah, she's supposed to be hiding as a man, so isn't she worried about, um, getting pregnant? And having her cover blown? Or the delirious/sick man running into said woman who is bathing NAKED??? in a river, and the two end up having sex which he thinks its all a feverish dream (which means she technically a**aulted him since he was too delirious to consent). Or after he finds out that she is a woman, and has been the woman "of his dreams" this whole time, and then the night of a party where she had a date, takes her to her room, ties her up, literally rips/cuts off her dress which she spent DAYS making herself, and then proceeds to do "things" to her even though she's protesting (but the girl justifying it by how much she actually wanted it)???
This isn't the only book I've read with bad sex scenes, but this book still haunts me to this day. And I read it like 3 years ago. This is why I have to skim books at the bookstore, to make sure any sex scenes in that book aren't TRAUMATIZINGLY BAD. Or if it is an e-book and I can only read the first chapter, if the first chapter + the blurb gives me even a little bit of a bad vibe, immediately putting it down.
You forgot a dangerous one : the 'the partners are sort of demigods lusting badly after each other and the moment their genitals finally finally touch they are being catapulted out into the bare universe, ascending through the many layers of existence and into the very womb were everything that is and ever will be is created, giving each other magical unattainable live changing pleasure' - and basically completely false expectations towards sex to every Virgin reader.
sometimes i would like to see sex not working out, characters stopping because they are just not feeling this or having mediocre, normal sex and being totally fine with it because even if the narrative identifies you as soulmates you probably wouldn't wreck a whole bedroom or enter a magical drug trance of never seen sexual pleasure.
🤣😂🤣 I was just thinking the same thing. Those type of scenes are horrible
I also have CRPS! That shit is rough and so miss-understood. I see this video was posted a year ago, but sending you both healing thoughts from Toronto 🍁
Romanticized and sexualized r*pe is definitely the biggest offender, for me. And it's everywhere, often with no warning. Written as just another "sex scene", disregarding how traumatic it would be in real life if someone didn't listen or respect your boundaries. I understand people (many with trauma) can have r*pe kinks, but it's extremely insensitive and harmful to just throw non-con into a romance novel and pass it off as a sexy, acceptable or "normal" experience. It's not.
You forgot one. #11 Sex after assault. Wherein a character is assaulted and then has sex with her "true love" immediately afterwards while saying "make me forget him".
Yeah, even without the many ethical and moral issues around that, it would really hurt!
What about the "come for me baby" order trope?
The "I know you want because you're wet" trope?
I'm glad this was in my recommended. I "smashed" that subscribe button.
I hate when sex scenes forget what position the characters are in, or forget to clarify that they've switched positions. The main character is on their back, having sexy time, and then the disfigured reads, "he turned me to face him".... you weren't this entire time??? Then I reread it because I think I can't read, but it turns out they can't write clearly.
Bruh number 7 is really gross. I actually leave erotic stories unfinished when sperm is mentioned graphically. I can't. It makes me nauseous.
Post-funeral (or even during funeral) sex is actually pretty common, and not at all toxic. When faced with the hard fact of mortality people often seek life-affirming activities. Some people cry, some people sing, some people eat, some people have sex. Drawing comfort from genuine human connection, feeling your body come alive at someone else's touch, can help you process your grief, not just distract you from it.
But "It's penis goo, not art" is one of my fave sex scene related lines ever.
Totally unrelated to the video, but the lights reflecting into your eyes looked like little hearts. It was so distracting, but also adorable 😂😂
Omg I was eating during this and kept almost choking from laughter. Glad to have you back and that Cliff is getting better
lol.... i thought i was the only weirdo who was worrying about protection while reading about sex
I kinda find it funny that the light behind your camera when it reflects of your eyes it looks like little hearts when you're talking about how much you hate these tropes.
The last few books I’ve read included sex scenes and I was surprised to find a belated (post coitus) discussion on protection, not with any views of STDs but more to ensure there’d be no unplanned pregnancy.
My sex scene rolled into infertility discussion before an intimate shower scene without sex.
Great points. I'm taking notes so I never make these mistakes.
Also, I immediately was worried Cliff's back was hurt again. Hope he gets better soon!
*starts with 8 seconds of swearing* ah yes, this is why I subscribed.
Can't agree with #6: a fiction author can easily guarantee that no one will become pregnant or be infected even with no protection at all. Likewise, disgusting and non-consensual sex are fine in fiction, because it's fiction, not real life, and the success of certain novels demonstrates that many readers enjoy reading about things that they might find terrible in real life. I personally consider all sex in fiction to be inappropriate unless it's porn, but that's just me and I know others enjoy it, and it's fiction, so who cares?