I'm so sorry for your loss, Kelly-Ann. I appreciate you sharing your emotional & even physical experience... made me feel less crazy and less alone. I lost my dad last year... you somehow managed to touch upon so much of what I wish I could express on his birthday, today. Thank you for articulating what is too raw for me to share. Blessings to you with the utmost respect.🙏
I know I'm just another faceless commenter who has just popped up a few months back, so It's just a random comment from a fan that likely doesn't mean much. But I just feel emotionally compelled to say thank you for your honesty and vulnerability within these videos about your loss.. it helps a lot to hear, in ways that are hard to express.
My brother who suffered from schizophrenia passed away under a bridge sometime in 2007 and was found in January of 2008. He is always on my mind. His birthday is next Thursday. The grief of who he was and what his life could have been is endless. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
This such an important message .. I lost my 24 year old daughter 4 years ago .Grief is yours to express how you need it to be expressed . My life has changed never to be the same ..But with the understanding that my daughter is ever living and knowing she would want me to live my life to the fullest .Keeps me constantly opening my petals ..Thank you my dear and big hugs to you 🌻🌻🌻
I'm so sorry for your immeasurable loss. ❤🩹 I love that you keep in mind that she would want you to live life to the fullest. Sending big hugs back to you xx
Oh, Kelly-Ann, I feel you so deeply! My Granddaughter transitioned last year at the age of 23! May you continue to be cared for by your Spiritual Team, I appreciate your Strength 😻🫶🏾❤️
I'm very early on in this video. But recently I lost my very best friend. 35 years together we had (I'm greedy it's not enough) and a few sort years before that I lost another very close friend and one of saddest reminders of this loss is the inside jokes and the moment you realize you're the only one left inside. I speak in such weird references that no one understands anymore.
I'm so desperately sorry, babe. Honestly, my whole heart goes out to you. I have had my bestie in my life for 12 years and I love the shit out of him. I know that if he died, I would have a bunch of in-jokes and references that didn't make sense to anyone. I can barely think of losing him. It's an agonising thought. 💔 Grief is truly the mirror of love - we must risk the agony of grief to truly feel the wonderment of love. There is something so savage about that reality. 😢 Sending you so much strength and as many of the easier days as it's possible to have. I hope you can recieve the signs you need, if you believe in that. I hope you can share the stories and keep them alive. Feel free to share some here if you like. ❤
Sweet Kelly-Ann, you are a tonic and a balm. How blessed we are to receive you. Thank you thank you thank you♥️ sending love and grace and healing always xxx
Alot of the points you have been making have really rattled me to my core. I lost both of my parents 13 and 14 years ago. I'm in my early 30s now. I'm in the process of only now rectifying the debilitating habits that I succumbed to due to the grief. Everytime that I think I've integrated this, here comes another trigger to shatter me once again. Thank you for speaking so plainly about your grief. I might try to book something with you a little later down the line.
the strength and grit inside you it must have taken to open your eyes and mouth and accept the misery, in the face of the gaping void called Grief, to experience it completely, goes beyond words. You are made of diamonds, girl.
I have followed along your bereavement journey, and now having lost my sister suddenly at the end of last year, this video particularly hits hard and resonates. I've also had to see a doctor for hair loss, and sleep--what's that? Like you, I've found medicine and refuge in work and creative outlets. I actually gave myself the deadline of a month to get back into creating content and doing lives because I knew it would ultimately be good for me and a needed distraction (if I wasn't ready, that would've been okay too). And while I'm trying not to suppress the grief and let it come when it will, I've realized I engage in a lot of masking so that others--particularly my partner--won't worry. So perhaps people in my life get the impression that I'm handling things well enough, when in reality it's a lot of grieving when I'm alone. Thank you, as always, for sharing your experiences with us. Sending you many virtual hugs 🫂
Listening to this the week of the 3 year anniversary of my brother’s death and it’s like I could’ve spoken all of this myself. Sending you much love and healing ❤️🩹
Kelly-Ann, so much of what you say I recognise in myself after my tower moment. My people pleasing also disappeared, it was so freeing. I think of you often and wonder how you have been doing since the loss of your brother. I’m so glad that in amongst all the sludge and grief you have found love. Someone who loves you how you deserve to be loved. Sending hugs to you. ❤
I am so sorry for your loss - I know there are no words that can bring comfort. When my husband died, I had the horrible experience of having the shock over and over again, at first every few seconds I would realise, shit, he's dead...then this became every minute, every five, and so on. Shock lasts far longer than anyone really gives it credit; but arranging the funeral, knowing this was the last thing we could do to honour his life, and wanting to do the very best, was what carried me and his family through the first days. I'm a very long way down the road now, including remarried, but over the long years that day I found him stays with me and it always will. I will say; as well-meaning as people are, saying stuff like "They're in a better place", along with all the other At Least sayings, really aren't helpful and I had to bite my tongue several times. What did help was a vicar friend telling me how utterly shit it is, and that she understood from having been through it herself. I grew up that day, in my 40's, and I am so much the stronger; but who wants to go through that?
Kelly-Ann, I’m trying really hard not to write you a novel of a comment, but I wanted to send my deepest and sincerest gratitude to you for this video. I’m approaching the one year anniversary of my mother’s death, and literally everything you’ve expressed in this video, I’ve related to. I didn’t know I needed to hear your words. I cannot fathom how difficult making this video must have been. You truly are a warrior for spirit, a healer and a genuine bad ass! 🙏🏽I’m in awe of you and so appreciative for all the work you do. Thank you. 🫂🤍
Thank you so much, darling. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I really appreciate your empathy. This video was very hard to make, but knowing that I could ever be a part of helping another bereaved person to feel seen is amazing. x
the strength you show in speaking about your brother even through the tears is so beautiful. i have also lost a brother and it’s a deep pain, your composure in the face of it is inspiring to me.
Thank you darling. I'm so sorry you lost a brother too. You have my empathy. ❤🩹 The pain has sometimes been so bad that I have actually started laughing, as though it's so ridiculous that I should be able to live through it. x
I remember when you made the first video about your dear brother, I shared my grief with you. My brother was Mark Donnelly aged 19 who went with one other Trinity college student who went to Spain on a holiday that I went guarentee for to get him the money. On the first day, they were dropped at the hotel, left their bags and went to check out the beach, he had his ear buds in while walking and looked the wrong way( because the traffic is different) and stepped out! He never saw it coming. A car hit him at full speed and drove on. I totally understand it wasn't the driver's fault. I miss him so much and think of him often. He was the youngest of 7. I can't even imagine your grief with him being your only sibling. Being so Spiritual, let him rest and be calm inside, knowing he's in a beautiful place. Be at peace with him. Let him rest and be at peace. 🌹🌼☘
I'm so sorry for the loss of Mark, and thank you for sharing the story. Like you, my brother's death was a random accident, a 'one false move' kind of thing. 😔 Thanks for your lovely words. I hope you've had everything you've needed for your healing journey. x
Thank you Kelly so much for this I lost my baby sister a couple of years ago and here lately I have been feeling like I just lost her again she has been in my dreams and thoughts so much lately I needed this.my baby sisters death wasn't a accident she was murdered and I can't seem to get over the 🤬 anger.
I know I've already said it, but I am so sorry for your loss, love. Your journey has been so difficult, I know. Yes, there are times when the waves of grief are really strong and all we can do is ride them out with our heads as much above water as possible. x
@@kelly-annmaddox I am doing everything I can to save up to get spiritual counseling with you because I know in my heart you can provide what I need I was blessed with that gift to know things before they happen and I know without a doubt your the one that can help.i feel so hurt and the anger is overwhelming as to why anyone would have done that to my sweet baby sister I relive it every day and I feel stuck in the same place unable to move on without and I focus on the right time of revenge I feel as though I just don't belong here anymore along with a lot of other feelings and emotions I can't explain
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and vulnerability. I've lost everyone in my family, except for my mother. (Who currently isn't the healthiest) this video hit home in so many ways, and reminded me even though I feel alone in my grief in those moments of loss... I am truly not alone in my pain. There are those on this earth that understand just how deep that pain can become rooted and take over at times. I appreciate you in so many ways. Thank you again ❤
I'm always so impressed by your ability to put all of this into words. One day I will surely have a bereavement and these words will be with me. You are an amazing teacher.
I think the way you're handling this is great. Especially the way you share this and what and when you share this with us. I'd really like to hug you. Thank you for being this emotional, strong, caring, loving, empowering, raw and honest person. 💜 And I a hundred percent know what you mean when you say you don't like people who say "You're so strong. I couldn't do that." As a visibly disabled person, I've heard that a 1000 times and it's one of the worst things you could say. omg and this part with stopping overgiving and the people who let you down in difficult situations. Been there, done that. During the last 6 years I went through a lot. Starting with a Sepsis and the severe changes that it brought (I'm bedridden now). I also ended my marriage and both my parents died. I have gone through so much and there weren't many people who could handle it. And yes, a big part was that I stopped overgiving and 2 of my best friends (so I thought) couldn't handle that. It's been sad and but I don't regret it. I love the person I am now. 🖤🖤🖤
✨Kelly-Ann, thank you so much for authentically sharing your experiences and feelings around this very important topic. This kind of stuff isn't discussed very much here within the witchy TH-cam community so I truly appreciate it. I've been grieving the loss of my beloved corgi, Luna since she crossed over in January she was like a child to me so it hits hard. Hearing you talk about this has had a tremendous impact on me, it has been extremely helpful for me on my own grief journey. My deepest condolences for the loss of your brother. I feel like you're honoring him by helping others here. I hope I'm not out of line by saying so. Take care, and much love to you.
Thank you Kelly-Ann for the authenticity. I lost my youngest teen sister in June of 2022 . 6 days after her 17th bday and her legal caretaker passed 9 days prior to her. I won't get into anymore of the tragedy details of it all here. However, I just wanna say thank you for your understanding. I love listening to you and your rawness. I hear you. I feel you. I held you tight and cried with you . Thank you
Thanks so much for sharing some of your grief journey with us. I appreciate how hard it must be to share something so personal and honestly...I never thought that there's anything wrong with you trying to post as usual and do your work. I know that when I was going through a period of grief, sometimes focusing on working and doing things for other people helped me too! Like you said, everyone experiences grief differently. In the past, when I experienced grief, I found it healing to lock myself in my room and dance to my favourite sad music....I know a lot of sad songs that are danceable because I've spent most of my adult life on the goth dance floor! Anyway, the point is that your journey is valid and I totally get the going back and forth between being really productive and having meltdowns....and also the numbness. It's all part of the journey for us and in some ways, like you said, it makes it more impactful when we use that experience to help others, even though obviously we would have loved for the events that caused our grief to not have happened at all. I don't know if there's meaning in our loved ones leaving this plane of existence, but it's valid to feel comforted by creating meaning....and art to celebrate their lives and/or process the grief. Anyway, I'm rambling, but this video really resonated with me and I am grateful to you for this gift to humanity. It inspired me to share my own loss with people in my life and to be more vulnerable, and feel less selfish about still needing support. It's true that sometimes the following year/s can be more difficult than the first year but in my experience, it gets easier eventually, even when loss anniversaries are still difficult and some things will always be a reminder of the person.
This is a horribly tough topic, but thank you so much for making this video. This is the second time I'm watching this today. I lost someone immeasurably dear just yesterday, and you through this video are helping me so much with coping. I'm a weepy mess and my heart is trying to claw its way out of my chest, I still can't believe this is real, and you are providing priceless peer support. A sincere thank you.
It's been 8 years, but I still sometimes wake up sobbing after seeing her in a dream [rare though, like once in 6 months]. I still write poems about her which somehow connects me to her in a way that's healing and meaningful now, not trying to make sense of shattered pieces that I had become in the beginning. I love the way that I somehow have become her and feel her in me now and it's peaceful. I really cherish that I had her in my life and that she gave me life. NOW, when grief has mostly healed, I'm able to see that, but at the beginning it all seamed meaningless and black, yes. Thank you for sharing and thank you for shedding light on Grief. I feel like talking about it when we feel ready is really healing. Not just for us, but also for society.
Darling, thank you for sharing a piece of your experience. I love that you write poems about her. It really helps, doesn't it? It's a totally different way of processing grief. Yeah, talking about it when we're ready is indeed healing for society as well as for us - the death and grief conversations are wayyyyy behind where they should be for a lot of human beings, I think. So, any little thing I can do to help it along. 😉
Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been in a couple years of mess basically grieving the relationship with my family and a close friend. When I had done enough healing in myself to stop people-pleasing and minimizing my needs for others, I found that they were not there for me in the way I thought they were. I had to disentangle from an unhealthy enmeshment with my family, and the friend just dropped out entirely, it seems. It's maybe not as sharp, acute as a sudden death, but still leaves me sad, angry, exhausted. But I'm grateful to have the love and strength of my partner, as well as other good friends who have stepped up and been incredibly validating and supportive. I still resonated with a lot of your words here, and have taken away some useful things to mull over and to try. Thank you. ❤
Thank you from my heart for this honest and detailed account of your grief. It's 20 years this year since my beloved father died, yet I still relate to a lot of what you've said. Particularly the bit about the insensitive shit people say, e.g. 'God wanted him...' 'He had a good innings..' etc. On the other hand I also remember a cousin giving me a huge hug and saying 'There'll be a hooley in heaven tonight!' (We're Irish :D) Three of my Dad's sisters and a few brothers-in-law had died before him and, although I don't really believe in that kind of afterlife, the words made me laugh through my tears and were strangely comforting. I wish you comfort and strength at every turn as you move on through life xx
I deeply admire how present you are for yourself in your grief. To me, it seems truly self-loving... I know you're not doing this with the goal of being an example for others, but still... It's a terrible and beautiful thing to witness your courage and ability to process everything that's going on. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and honest-
Sending love Kelly-Ann❤. I am really grateful for you and your courage, you are such an inspiration not just for my witchcraft but also for life. Can’t wait to receive your second book in Ocotober 🙏♥️🦄. Keep up, your message is much needed in this such shallow oriented society 🙏.
I’m so grateful that you are out here articulating your experiences in such a clear, true, and meaningful way. It’s rare I understand so fully. Thank you. ❤
I think ALL you said i have experienced after losing ny dad. Including the fact that most people dropped out of my life. It has been liberating, in a way. I gave so much and didn't even get a kind word in return, so at least now i can save my energy for myself.
Thank you for this video. Lost my father all of a sudden.....to a heartarrest on 14 march 2024. He had cancer but i lost him all of a sudden to sth totally else......that i could not imagine I only saw one movie.....again. joan of arc ❤ i havent seen many movies. Now reading sinead o connor
Thank you for sharing your journey with grief. Your honesty and how you show up for yourself is inspiring. I wasn’t close with my grandfather but last May, he committed suicide and I cried like crazy the night I found out. Mainly because it didn’t feel real. While I was able to move on fairly quickly, I recently thought about his memorial and how so many of the stories shared about him felt so blank with a few being actually heartfelt. And I thought to myself, I don’t want my own memorial to be like that. I wrote down how I want people to remember me and, when I think back on that, it inspires me to be the version of me I want people to remember. Many blessings to you and I wish you continued wellness and love during all of this.
I lost my 8 year old sister to a brain tumor in December. I know I’ve been feeling numb but I couldn’t describe it so thank you for doing it for me. Also, the part where you were falling in love while grieving.. I was too but I was broken up with a week ago.. harder to describe the feeling of double grief in similar but different ways.
I feel so blessed to have you on my feed. Your balm comforts so. I'm also so happy.you picked up some of my sacred texts such as Aurelius and Tzu and Baudelaire. They have been part of my counsel for as long as I can remember. There are so many similarities I see here from when I lost my dad the year you lost your brother. It's been enlightening to see just how much it changes you, right!? Thanks for sharing your voice. ❤
Such a helpful video thank you for sharing. My dad died unexpectedly in a plane crash when I was 24. I remember the phone call, still, decades later. It was like I existed in a time slip for a very long time. I was there but not there, dulled, depressed and like I was a few seconds out of step with everything just numbed to the very core
lost my grama in 2022, she was my rock. i feel so much of what you talked about here. music and Mother Mary carried me through the storm ❤ u should check out the song Time, As A Symptom by Joanna Newsom if u aren't familiar with it already. such a beautiful song for a bereavment journey.
Oh, I adore Joanna Newsom but haven't listened in a while, so I definitely will this evening. Thank you for the recommendation. It seems 2022 was a year of agonising loss for us both. ❤🩹❤🩹 Sending you empathy and strength.
My mother died in 2019 leaving me to take custody of my special needs nephew. She, a career medical professional, Didn't want a funeral or memorial. But admitted she wanted to be cremated and have her ashes pouted into the ocean. My brother will be in prison for another 9 years. I keep her ashes in hopes we can, the three of us fulfill her final wish together. I read all of your poetry on Instagram. It helped.
When my youngest (now 12) was about three months old we nearly lost my brother because of a car accident. And i remember my whole family circling the wagons and pulling together to hold our mom in one piece. And it was funny because her mom got militant. Asking all the questions and making a plan. Our grandfather offered physical comfort. And i remember telling my brother that if he left us I would march into whatever afterlife had him and drag him back because my girls weren't going to lose their uncle because of some stupid asshole friends of his. Once we knew he would be okay, we all lost it. But sometimes my brain goes back to those first few days and the grief and fear of almost losing my younger brother wraps itself around me and I have to let myself feel it and then remind myself that he made it out. He stayed with us, but the fear, the knowledge of how fragile it all really is. Changed us all.
One of the things I want to say (which might be slightly selfish) is that I am so glad that in the midst of the grief you did not have a Doreen Virtue moment. Grief is often the escort down the pagan to born-again Christian pipeline. Your ability to pray the rosary and lean on Mother Mary but retain your identity as a witch is amazing. I hear Mary's call often but I have so much church hurt that I often ignore her, but she is a Mother and a Mother will come to you if you will not come to her. Secondly, I think it was very clear you were grieving. Perhaps it's because I'm an OG viewer and I really only watch the check-in videos now because I consider you my parasocial friend 🤣, but it was verrrrry clear to me that this was difficult for you and I never once thought you were "just getting on." Absolutely not. Regardless, anyone who judges someone for complicated grief, disenfranchised grief, inhibited grief, absent grief or delayed grief has not known loss. I had delayed grief and when my grief showed up it was in the form of self-destruction and it would not be until I took a strong look at myself that I realized that I had been grieving for 5 years!!!!! Never let anyone judge you because your grief doesn't look like theirs. I am still so sorry for your loss, Kelly-Ann, a year later and I am so thankful for this guide-video as someone who is grieving hisself. You have become a force of nature within the last year and this video is very healing for me.
Hehe, hell no. No Doreen Virtue antics here. There is plenty in the witchcraft realm to help me heal and stay centred. 🧹🧙♀️🪄🔮 Witch for life over here! Thanks so much for your reassurance and kind words. I wish you all the strength and insight needed for your ongoing grief journey. X
Ive been bereaved since 5 years old onwards throughout my life with nonstop family members, Im now 36 ... they were all close family! My father, who was persian, went back to Iran to collect our inheritance & was murdered by other family members to rob him before his return to the uk.....we've been in international court cases ever since. So F-ing crooked & disgusting. I knew before they classed the death as suspicious that they'd killed him. I just knew it.... my exhusband & my father, yeah...they were the 2 of the hardest, last 1 was 2 years ago, my Auntie. Yeah I feel all that pain babe. Daily. Always and forever. And now I feel your pain too darling. Im very empathic, cant help but feel peoples aura or vibes or emotions. I had to embrace it....and let it blow through me....or it would've killed me.....i work with spirit now..... And I know they are around us. Absolutely. Hes with you 🕯🙏🏼✨️🤘🏼❤️
Thank you so, so much for this. No one has put into words what I have felt about losing my mom. Grief, I found has been so isolating and just hearing you describe the myriad of emotions that truly cannot be described with words meant so much to me. I am so sorry you lost someone so very, very special. Please know that your insight and willingness to share at this time in your journey helped me in ways I cannot explain. Much love to you, friend.
Interesting, feeling how the bloating and pain receded within approximately two months made all the difference, I simply go’ogled the latest by Tilly Strankten and her Ovarian Cyst Guide and although it really took about 10 weeks for it to totally shrink and vanish I’ve never felt so light and relaxed.
Thank you so much for this, Ms. Kelly-Ann. Thank you for your honesty and your wise words. And you're right, we all have to walk the path of grief in our own way. So, I won't try to tell you how to walk yours. I'll just say, good luck on your journey, and may you find peace and healing. 💛
I'm so sorry for your loss, Kelly-Ann. I appreciate you sharing your emotional & even physical experience... made me feel less crazy and less alone. I lost my dad last year... you somehow managed to touch upon so much of what I wish I could express on his birthday, today. Thank you for articulating what is too raw for me to share. Blessings to you with the utmost respect.🙏
I know I'm just another faceless commenter who has just popped up a few months back, so It's just a random comment from a fan that likely doesn't mean much.
But I just feel emotionally compelled to say thank you for your honesty and vulnerability within these videos about your loss.. it helps a lot to hear, in ways that are hard to express.
Thank you so much, darling x
My brother who suffered from schizophrenia passed away under a bridge sometime in 2007 and was found in January of 2008. He is always on my mind. His birthday is next Thursday. The grief of who he was and what his life could have been is endless. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
This such an important message .. I lost my 24 year old daughter 4 years ago .Grief is yours to express how you need it to be expressed . My life has changed never to be the same ..But with the understanding that my daughter is ever living and knowing she would want me to live my life to the fullest .Keeps me constantly opening my petals ..Thank you my dear and big hugs to you 🌻🌻🌻
I'm so sorry for your immeasurable loss. ❤🩹 I love that you keep in mind that she would want you to live life to the fullest. Sending big hugs back to you xx
@@kelly-annmaddox 🌻🌻🌻
Oh, Kelly-Ann, I feel you so deeply! My Granddaughter transitioned last year at the age of 23! May you continue to be cared for by your Spiritual Team, I appreciate your Strength 😻🫶🏾❤️
Thank you so much. ❤
I'm very early on in this video. But recently I lost my very best friend. 35 years together we had (I'm greedy it's not enough) and a few sort years before that I lost another very close friend and one of saddest reminders of this loss is the inside jokes and the moment you realize you're the only one left inside. I speak in such weird references that no one understands anymore.
I'm so desperately sorry, babe. Honestly, my whole heart goes out to you. I have had my bestie in my life for 12 years and I love the shit out of him. I know that if he died, I would have a bunch of in-jokes and references that didn't make sense to anyone. I can barely think of losing him. It's an agonising thought. 💔 Grief is truly the mirror of love - we must risk the agony of grief to truly feel the wonderment of love. There is something so savage about that reality. 😢 Sending you so much strength and as many of the easier days as it's possible to have. I hope you can recieve the signs you need, if you believe in that. I hope you can share the stories and keep them alive. Feel free to share some here if you like. ❤
Sweet Kelly-Ann, you are a tonic and a balm. How blessed we are to receive you. Thank you thank you thank you♥️ sending love and grace and healing always xxx
This was EPIC. Thank you so very much for sharing this brilliance. And thank you for being YOU. YOU are pure, radiant magic.😘😘😘😘😘
Thank you for your lovely words, darling. This one was scary to put out there but I'm glad I did. x
Alot of the points you have been making have really rattled me to my core. I lost both of my parents 13 and 14 years ago. I'm in my early 30s now. I'm in the process of only now rectifying the debilitating habits that I succumbed to due to the grief. Everytime that I think I've integrated this, here comes another trigger to shatter me once again. Thank you for speaking so plainly about your grief. I might try to book something with you a little later down the line.
the strength and grit inside you it must have taken to open your eyes and mouth and accept the misery, in the face of the gaping void called Grief, to experience it completely, goes beyond words. You are made of diamonds, girl.
I have followed along your bereavement journey, and now having lost my sister suddenly at the end of last year, this video particularly hits hard and resonates. I've also had to see a doctor for hair loss, and sleep--what's that? Like you, I've found medicine and refuge in work and creative outlets. I actually gave myself the deadline of a month to get back into creating content and doing lives because I knew it would ultimately be good for me and a needed distraction (if I wasn't ready, that would've been okay too). And while I'm trying not to suppress the grief and let it come when it will, I've realized I engage in a lot of masking so that others--particularly my partner--won't worry. So perhaps people in my life get the impression that I'm handling things well enough, when in reality it's a lot of grieving when I'm alone. Thank you, as always, for sharing your experiences with us. Sending you many virtual hugs 🫂
I'm so sorry for the sudden loss of your darling sister. ❤ Thank you for watching this and sharing your experiences. X
Listening to this the week of the 3 year anniversary of my brother’s death and it’s like I could’ve spoken all of this myself. Sending you much love and healing ❤️🩹
Kelly-Ann, so much of what you say I recognise in myself after my tower moment. My people pleasing also disappeared, it was so freeing. I think of you often and wonder how you have been doing since the loss of your brother. I’m so glad that in amongst all the sludge and grief you have found love. Someone who loves you how you deserve to be loved. Sending hugs to you. ❤
I am so sorry for your loss - I know there are no words that can bring comfort. When my husband died, I had the horrible experience of having the shock over and over again, at first every few seconds I would realise, shit, he's dead...then this became every minute, every five, and so on. Shock lasts far longer than anyone really gives it credit; but arranging the funeral, knowing this was the last thing we could do to honour his life, and wanting to do the very best, was what carried me and his family through the first days. I'm a very long way down the road now, including remarried, but over the long years that day I found him stays with me and it always will. I will say; as well-meaning as people are, saying stuff like "They're in a better place", along with all the other At Least sayings, really aren't helpful and I had to bite my tongue several times. What did help was a vicar friend telling me how utterly shit it is, and that she understood from having been through it herself. I grew up that day, in my 40's, and I am so much the stronger; but who wants to go through that?
My best friend died 24 years ago. I stopped crying every spring...about 2 years ago. I never thought about how much it changed me. Thank you. ❤
Kelly-Ann, I’m trying really hard not to write you a novel of a comment, but I wanted to send my deepest and sincerest gratitude to you for this video. I’m approaching the one year anniversary of my mother’s death, and literally everything you’ve expressed in this video, I’ve related to. I didn’t know I needed to hear your words. I cannot fathom how difficult making this video must have been. You truly are a warrior for spirit, a healer and a genuine bad ass! 🙏🏽I’m in awe of you and so appreciative for all the work you do. Thank you. 🫂🤍
Thank you so much, darling. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I really appreciate your empathy. This video was very hard to make, but knowing that I could ever be a part of helping another bereaved person to feel seen is amazing. x
the strength you show in speaking about your brother even through the tears is so beautiful. i have also lost a brother and it’s a deep pain, your composure in the face of it is inspiring to me.
Thank you darling. I'm so sorry you lost a brother too. You have my empathy. ❤🩹 The pain has sometimes been so bad that I have actually started laughing, as though it's so ridiculous that I should be able to live through it. x
I remember when you made the first video about your dear brother, I shared my grief with you. My brother was Mark Donnelly aged 19 who went with one other Trinity college student who went to Spain on a holiday that I went guarentee for to get him the money. On the first day, they were dropped at the hotel, left their bags and went to check out the beach, he had his ear buds in while walking and looked the wrong way( because the traffic is different) and stepped out! He never saw it coming. A car hit him at full speed and drove on. I totally understand it wasn't the driver's fault. I miss him so much and think of him often. He was the youngest of 7. I can't even imagine your grief with him being your only sibling. Being so Spiritual, let him rest and be calm inside, knowing he's in a beautiful place. Be at peace with him. Let him rest and be at peace. 🌹🌼☘
I'm so sorry for the loss of Mark, and thank you for sharing the story. Like you, my brother's death was a random accident, a 'one false move' kind of thing. 😔 Thanks for your lovely words. I hope you've had everything you've needed for your healing journey. x
Thank you Kelly so much for this I lost my baby sister a couple of years ago and here lately I have been feeling like I just lost her again she has been in my dreams and thoughts so much lately I needed this.my baby sisters death wasn't a accident she was murdered and I can't seem to get over the 🤬 anger.
I know I've already said it, but I am so sorry for your loss, love. Your journey has been so difficult, I know. Yes, there are times when the waves of grief are really strong and all we can do is ride them out with our heads as much above water as possible. x
@@kelly-annmaddox I am doing everything I can to save up to get spiritual counseling with you because I know in my heart you can provide what I need I was blessed with that gift to know things before they happen and I know without a doubt your the one that can help.i feel so hurt and the anger is overwhelming as to why anyone would have done that to my sweet baby sister I relive it every day and I feel stuck in the same place unable to move on without and I focus on the right time of revenge I feel as though I just don't belong here anymore along with a lot of other feelings and emotions I can't explain
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and vulnerability. I've lost everyone in my family, except for my mother. (Who currently isn't the healthiest) this video hit home in so many ways, and reminded me even though I feel alone in my grief in those moments of loss... I am truly not alone in my pain. There are those on this earth that understand just how deep that pain can become rooted and take over at times. I appreciate you in so many ways. Thank you again ❤
I'm always so impressed by your ability to put all of this into words. One day I will surely have a bereavement and these words will be with me. You are an amazing teacher.
I’m so proud of you! You’re GLOWING, hunny bun. ❤
Thank you so much, doll. Very sweet of you to say x
Thank you so much for sharing with us, your energy and words have such a healing effect. It helps me remember we're not alone 💙😊
Dear Kelly-Ann, wishing you strength and blessings always! Blessed Be 🙏🙌
I think the way you're handling this is great. Especially the way you share this and what and when you share this with us. I'd really like to hug you. Thank you for being this emotional, strong, caring, loving, empowering, raw and honest person. 💜
And I a hundred percent know what you mean when you say you don't like people who say "You're so strong. I couldn't do that." As a visibly disabled person, I've heard that a 1000 times and it's one of the worst things you could say.
omg and this part with stopping overgiving and the people who let you down in difficult situations. Been there, done that. During the last 6 years I went through a lot. Starting with a Sepsis and the severe changes that it brought (I'm bedridden now). I also ended my marriage and both my parents died. I have gone through so much and there weren't many people who could handle it. And yes, a big part was that I stopped overgiving and 2 of my best friends (so I thought) couldn't handle that. It's been sad and but I don't regret it. I love the person I am now.
🖤🖤🖤
Yes. I've learned a lot about grief, resilience, and humanity from the people of Palestine, and of Gaza.... 😢😞
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✨Kelly-Ann, thank you so much for authentically sharing your experiences and feelings around this very important topic.
This kind of stuff isn't discussed very much here within the witchy TH-cam community so I truly appreciate it.
I've been grieving the loss of my beloved corgi, Luna since she crossed over in January she was like a child to me so it hits hard. Hearing you talk about this has had a tremendous impact on me, it has been extremely helpful for me on my own grief journey.
My deepest condolences for the loss of your brother. I feel like you're honoring him by helping others here. I hope I'm not out of line by saying so.
Take care, and much love to you.
Thanks😢. I needed this today.
So sorry for the late reply to this, I really appreciated it. Sending my love to you 💖
Thank you Kelly-Ann for the authenticity. I lost my youngest teen sister in June of 2022 . 6 days after her 17th bday and her legal caretaker passed 9 days prior to her. I won't get into anymore of the tragedy details of it all here. However, I just wanna say thank you for your understanding. I love listening to you and your rawness. I hear you. I feel you. I held you tight and cried with you . Thank you
Darling, I'm so sorry for your loss. 😔💔 Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from and crying with me. x
Thanks so much for sharing some of your grief journey with us. I appreciate how hard it must be to share something so personal and honestly...I never thought that there's anything wrong with you trying to post as usual and do your work. I know that when I was going through a period of grief, sometimes focusing on working and doing things for other people helped me too! Like you said, everyone experiences grief differently. In the past, when I experienced grief, I found it healing to lock myself in my room and dance to my favourite sad music....I know a lot of sad songs that are danceable because I've spent most of my adult life on the goth dance floor! Anyway, the point is that your journey is valid and I totally get the going back and forth between being really productive and having meltdowns....and also the numbness. It's all part of the journey for us and in some ways, like you said, it makes it more impactful when we use that experience to help others, even though obviously we would have loved for the events that caused our grief to not have happened at all. I don't know if there's meaning in our loved ones leaving this plane of existence, but it's valid to feel comforted by creating meaning....and art to celebrate their lives and/or process the grief. Anyway, I'm rambling, but this video really resonated with me and I am grateful to you for this gift to humanity. It inspired me to share my own loss with people in my life and to be more vulnerable, and feel less selfish about still needing support. It's true that sometimes the following year/s can be more difficult than the first year but in my experience, it gets easier eventually, even when loss anniversaries are still difficult and some things will always be a reminder of the person.
This is a horribly tough topic, but thank you so much for making this video. This is the second time I'm watching this today. I lost someone immeasurably dear just yesterday, and you through this video are helping me so much with coping. I'm a weepy mess and my heart is trying to claw its way out of my chest, I still can't believe this is real, and you are providing priceless peer support. A sincere thank you.
It's been 8 years, but I still sometimes wake up sobbing after seeing her in a dream [rare though, like once in 6 months]. I still write poems about her which somehow connects me to her in a way that's healing and meaningful now, not trying to make sense of shattered pieces that I had become in the beginning. I love the way that I somehow have become her and feel her in me now and it's peaceful. I really cherish that I had her in my life and that she gave me life. NOW, when grief has mostly healed, I'm able to see that, but at the beginning it all seamed meaningless and black, yes. Thank you for sharing and thank you for shedding light on Grief. I feel like talking about it when we feel ready is really healing. Not just for us, but also for society.
Darling, thank you for sharing a piece of your experience. I love that you write poems about her. It really helps, doesn't it? It's a totally different way of processing grief. Yeah, talking about it when we're ready is indeed healing for society as well as for us - the death and grief conversations are wayyyyy behind where they should be for a lot of human beings, I think. So, any little thing I can do to help it along. 😉
Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been in a couple years of mess basically grieving the relationship with my family and a close friend. When I had done enough healing in myself to stop people-pleasing and minimizing my needs for others, I found that they were not there for me in the way I thought they were. I had to disentangle from an unhealthy enmeshment with my family, and the friend just dropped out entirely, it seems. It's maybe not as sharp, acute as a sudden death, but still leaves me sad, angry, exhausted. But I'm grateful to have the love and strength of my partner, as well as other good friends who have stepped up and been incredibly validating and supportive.
I still resonated with a lot of your words here, and have taken away some useful things to mull over and to try. Thank you. ❤
Thank you from my heart for this honest and detailed account of your grief. It's 20 years this year since my beloved father died, yet I still relate to a lot of what you've said. Particularly the bit about the insensitive shit people say, e.g. 'God wanted him...' 'He had a good innings..' etc. On the other hand I also remember a cousin giving me a huge hug and saying 'There'll be a hooley in heaven tonight!' (We're Irish :D) Three of my Dad's sisters and a few brothers-in-law had died before him and, although I don't really believe in that kind of afterlife, the words made me laugh through my tears and were strangely comforting. I wish you comfort and strength at every turn as you move on through life xx
I deeply admire how present you are for yourself in your grief. To me, it seems truly self-loving... I know you're not doing this with the goal of being an example for others, but still... It's a terrible and beautiful thing to witness your courage and ability to process everything that's going on. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and honest-
Forever grateful for you 🖤
I'll be back for a re-watch
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Sending love Kelly-Ann❤. I am really grateful for you and your courage, you are such an inspiration not just for my witchcraft but also for life. Can’t wait to receive your second book in Ocotober 🙏♥️🦄. Keep up, your message is much needed in this such shallow oriented society 🙏.
I’m so grateful that you are out here articulating your experiences in such a clear, true, and meaningful way. It’s rare I understand so fully. Thank you. ❤
Hey girlie, thank you for your channel. I lost my darling little last month and youve helped me lots in what may or may not come up ❤
Thank you for this heartfelt video. I'm working through a divorce I never saw coming after 6 years. - from one Chaos Witch to another
Sending love and light, so glad you have found such a loving partner
thank you so much for for sharing this Kelly-Ann, you are such an amazing healer 💕🙌🏽
I think ALL you said i have experienced after losing ny dad. Including the fact that most people dropped out of my life. It has been liberating, in a way. I gave so much and didn't even get a kind word in return, so at least now i can save my energy for myself.
Thank you for your vulnerability
Thank you for this video. Lost my father all of a sudden.....to a heartarrest on 14 march 2024. He had cancer but i lost him all of a sudden to sth totally else......that i could not imagine I only saw one movie.....again. joan of arc ❤ i havent seen many movies. Now reading sinead o connor
Thank you for sharing your journey with grief. Your honesty and how you show up for yourself is inspiring. I wasn’t close with my grandfather but last May, he committed suicide and I cried like crazy the night I found out. Mainly because it didn’t feel real. While I was able to move on fairly quickly, I recently thought about his memorial and how so many of the stories shared about him felt so blank with a few being actually heartfelt. And I thought to myself, I don’t want my own memorial to be like that. I wrote down how I want people to remember me and, when I think back on that, it inspires me to be the version of me I want people to remember. Many blessings to you and I wish you continued wellness and love during all of this.
I lost my 8 year old sister to a brain tumor in December. I know I’ve been feeling numb but I couldn’t describe it so thank you for doing it for me. Also, the part where you were falling in love while grieving.. I was too but I was broken up with a week ago.. harder to describe the feeling of double grief in similar but different ways.
I feel so blessed to have you on my feed. Your balm comforts so. I'm also so happy.you picked up some of my sacred texts such as Aurelius and Tzu and Baudelaire. They have been part of my counsel for as long as I can remember.
There are so many similarities I see here from when I lost my dad the year you lost your brother. It's been enlightening to see just how much it changes you, right!?
Thanks for sharing your voice. ❤
Such a helpful video thank you for sharing. My dad died unexpectedly in a plane crash when I was 24. I remember the phone call, still, decades later. It was like I existed in a time slip for a very long time. I was there but not there, dulled, depressed and like I was a few seconds out of step with everything just numbed to the very core
lost my grama in 2022, she was my rock. i feel so much of what you talked about here. music and Mother Mary carried me through the storm ❤ u should check out the song Time, As A Symptom by Joanna Newsom if u aren't familiar with it already. such a beautiful song for a bereavment journey.
Oh, I adore Joanna Newsom but haven't listened in a while, so I definitely will this evening. Thank you for the recommendation. It seems 2022 was a year of agonising loss for us both. ❤🩹❤🩹 Sending you empathy and strength.
My mother died in 2019 leaving me to take custody of my special needs nephew. She, a career medical professional, Didn't want a funeral or memorial. But admitted she wanted to be cremated and have her ashes pouted into the ocean. My brother will be in prison for another 9 years. I keep her ashes in hopes we can, the three of us fulfill her final wish together. I read all of your poetry on Instagram. It helped.
❤This video is so good ❤
Thank you babe. I think I got a lot of good out of making it too. 💓
When my youngest (now 12) was about three months old we nearly lost my brother because of a car accident. And i remember my whole family circling the wagons and pulling together to hold our mom in one piece. And it was funny because her mom got militant. Asking all the questions and making a plan. Our grandfather offered physical comfort. And i remember telling my brother that if he left us I would march into whatever afterlife had him and drag him back because my girls weren't going to lose their uncle because of some stupid asshole friends of his. Once we knew he would be okay, we all lost it. But sometimes my brain goes back to those first few days and the grief and fear of almost losing my younger brother wraps itself around me and I have to let myself feel it and then remind myself that he made it out. He stayed with us, but the fear, the knowledge of how fragile it all really is. Changed us all.
❤️🌹🖤 you are so love filled 😭 🌹
One of the things I want to say (which might be slightly selfish) is that I am so glad that in the midst of the grief you did not have a Doreen Virtue moment. Grief is often the escort down the pagan to born-again Christian pipeline. Your ability to pray the rosary and lean on Mother Mary but retain your identity as a witch is amazing. I hear Mary's call often but I have so much church hurt that I often ignore her, but she is a Mother and a Mother will come to you if you will not come to her.
Secondly, I think it was very clear you were grieving. Perhaps it's because I'm an OG viewer and I really only watch the check-in videos now because I consider you my parasocial friend 🤣, but it was verrrrry clear to me that this was difficult for you and I never once thought you were "just getting on." Absolutely not. Regardless, anyone who judges someone for complicated grief, disenfranchised grief, inhibited grief, absent grief or delayed grief has not known loss. I had delayed grief and when my grief showed up it was in the form of self-destruction and it would not be until I took a strong look at myself that I realized that I had been grieving for 5 years!!!!! Never let anyone judge you because your grief doesn't look like theirs. I am still so sorry for your loss, Kelly-Ann, a year later and I am so thankful for this guide-video as someone who is grieving hisself. You have become a force of nature within the last year and this video is very healing for me.
Hehe, hell no. No Doreen Virtue antics here. There is plenty in the witchcraft realm to help me heal and stay centred. 🧹🧙♀️🪄🔮 Witch for life over here!
Thanks so much for your reassurance and kind words. I wish you all the strength and insight needed for your ongoing grief journey. X
Ive been bereaved since 5 years old onwards throughout my life with nonstop family members, Im now 36 ... they were all close family! My father, who was persian, went back to Iran to collect our inheritance & was murdered by other family members to rob him before his return to the uk.....we've been in international court cases ever since.
So F-ing crooked & disgusting.
I knew before they classed the death as suspicious that they'd killed him. I just knew it.... my exhusband & my father, yeah...they were the 2 of the hardest, last 1 was 2 years ago, my Auntie.
Yeah I feel all that pain babe. Daily. Always and forever.
And now I feel your pain too darling.
Im very empathic, cant help but feel peoples aura or vibes or emotions.
I had to embrace it....and let it blow through me....or it would've killed me.....i work with spirit now.....
And I know they are around us. Absolutely.
Hes with you 🕯🙏🏼✨️🤘🏼❤️
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❤ Xx
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Thank you so, so much for this. No one has put into words what I have felt about losing my mom. Grief, I found has been so isolating and just hearing you describe the myriad of emotions that truly cannot be described with words meant so much to me. I am so sorry you lost someone so very, very special. Please know that your insight and willingness to share at this time in your journey helped me in ways I cannot explain. Much love to you, friend.
I fucking love you.
I'm not so egotistical to think that this was "for" me, but . . .
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Interesting, feeling how the bloating and pain receded within approximately two months made all the difference, I simply go’ogled the latest by Tilly Strankten and her Ovarian Cyst Guide and although it really took about 10 weeks for it to totally shrink and vanish I’ve never felt so light and relaxed.
Thank you so much for this, Ms. Kelly-Ann. Thank you for your honesty and your wise words. And you're right, we all have to walk the path of grief in our own way. So, I won't try to tell you how to walk yours. I'll just say, good luck on your journey, and may you find peace and healing. 💛
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