This brought a tear to my eye, as it's very, very true. The lack of empathy from so many and for so many years makes my emotions freeze at times. The divorce and continued mocking/denial by my husband is a great suffering, yet the lack of empathy from family & others I love is like rubbing salt in a deep wound vs providing a loving balm to help heal or easier to endure. Makes it hurt much more and on different levels. A very lonely journey.
I’ve never been a stander but it sounds incredibly painful and lonely. And the pain must be compounded when people ridicule them or tell them just to move on when they are honoring their sacramental marriage. We have lost our child recently. It is the most agonizing pain we have ever experienced. It must be devastating to those in your group of standers who also lost a child. They have not only lost a child, but the only other person on earth that truly feels their pain & sorrow. The one person that can support you in a unique way has rejected you. I really feel badly for all of the standers whether they’ve lost a child or not. There is a lot of suffering in this world. And we should not contribute to anybody’s suffering.
Yes let's pray for the grace to see our own actions. I know a man who has been devastated by his wife leaving him but he can't see how he hurts his son.
Dear Dr Bacon; I WAS a stander, though not one of yours. I DID express empathy for standers. Please reread all my comments from a less defensive view. Perhaps think about this: for standers who were also sexually abused (as was I) : the life long wounds caused by sexual abuse, the lies that many abuse victims/ survivors come to believe subconsciously as children and adults, the coping strategies that were employed to survive (which could become self sabotaging in adulthood) cause the 'standing' to trigger feelings of inadequacy, self loathing, rejection to a greater degree. Also, I asked if you would change the caption- if you were quoting a stander's opinion and not stating what you presented as fact- that standing is more painful than sexual abuse- then it ought NOT to be presented as truth/ certainty. Perhaps become more educated in CPTSD and trauma if you continue to work with survivors in your practice. And please, read things through without reactivity . God bless you.
@Marta-lh7is thank you. I appreciate this. Correct. Sometimes, I'm pushed several times before I push back. I'll seek to be better. Your words are very thoughtful and convincing. I'm so sorry for your abuse, too. May the Lord heal all your wounds and use you to help heal others'.
I went through an abusive marriage and a traumatic divorce. I also lost my son this year. No comparison at all. Having your child die is much more devastating. I’m offended that you would even compare them at all.
@StardustMoon15 I'm very, very sorry for your devastating loss. May God grant you peace. However, the two mothers in my group whose children have also died would beg to differ. They are the ones who told me standing for their marriages is even MORE painful. These are not my mere are careless "opinions." I would never be so thoughtless.
I honestly don't know how you came to the conclusion that people who are sexually abused get support! Some do, but many people were rejected by their entire families for saying they were abused! Christine, I normally like your podcasts, but I think this whole line of thinking is bizarre, weird, and really inappropriate. Abuse of children is not just PAINFUL, it is DAMAGING in a way that things that happen to us as adults are not. Because we are ADULTS. Many marriages break down precisely because of the psychological damage caused by childhood abuse. A person who thinks their marriage breaking down is more painful than their childhood abuse may experience it that way because they are still suppressing the effects of childhood abuse but it's effects may well be the reason the marriage failed. I feel you really truly missed the boat on this one,
@ElizabethMatous-i9n why can't we agree that if people say they are hurt, then they are hurt? I am sorry, though, that you, too, were unsupported after sexual abuse. That's a travesty. All I was trying to do was deliver truth as others shared it. I never mean to offend or hurt. I apologize.
I was not sexually abused, but I have known several people who were and whose families rejected them as a result. I also have known lots of people whose marriages broke down, and plenty of people who had both. I think it's absolutely awful that, after getting feedback from your viewers, you doubled down to insist that you are correct. You had one, ONE man tell you he felt it was "more painful", and with that you actually went and made that the title of your video. I don't know if that was meant to be clickbait or what. And then you got feedback and worked even harder to justify your generalizations. It's so bizarre.
It's not unusual AT ALL for people to not be supported about childhood abuse, in fact that has almost always been the norm! It's only been VERY recently that society even started to change in this regard, in the past victims of abuse were normally ignored, disbelieve, shamed, blamed, or scapegoated, often for their entire lives if they dared to speak about it. And people who don't deal with their abuse carry all that into their marriages! You aren't going to help save marriages by somehow trying to diminish or deny the lifelong effects of sexual abuse! That's pretty counterproductive in my opinion
@ElizabethMatous-i9n actually, since I posted this video, I've had at least 2 more people say that they were both sexually abused and left by their spouse, and they both said the same thing: that the standing was harder than the abuse. So it's not just one person. This is a difficult subject, and I suspect many people keep their mouths shut regarding this issue. My whole point in the beginning was never never, never, ever to denigrate sexual abuse, or make it seem like it wasn't a bad thing. It's horrific. Ask my mother. I think these conversations have devolved into that. My point was to stand up for standers, and to let people read it, realize how incredibly painful that was, I simply made the comparison to sexual abuse when my male stander stated that fact in order for others to understand yet most chose instead, to still continue to attack that perspective and that poor stander. Why can't we just support them both?
@ElizabethMatous-i9n I guess you're right about that part. In the past, those who survived sexual abuse also weren't supported, but, as you rightly pointed out, at least in this last quarter of a century, they are beginning to be understood. I've understood and supported sexual abuse survivors my whole life because of my mom's abuse.
I love your videos and I think you're doing a great job. I agreed with many of the sentiments you expressed here in your current video. I worried for your sake that you're putting too much unearned respect I want to random commenters words. Not everyone out here in youtube comments is sincere or competent. A big grain of salt may do you good. Take care of your perspective. Keep on ❤
This brought a tear to my eye, as it's very, very true. The lack of empathy from so many and for so many years makes my emotions freeze at times. The divorce and continued mocking/denial by my husband is a great suffering, yet the lack of empathy from family & others I love is like rubbing salt in a deep wound vs providing a loving balm to help heal or easier to endure. Makes it hurt much more and on different levels. A very lonely journey.
I’ve never been a stander but it sounds incredibly painful and lonely. And the pain must be compounded when people ridicule them or tell them just to move on when they are honoring their sacramental marriage.
We have lost our child recently. It is the most agonizing pain we have ever experienced. It must be devastating to those in your group of standers who also lost a child. They have not only lost a child, but the only other person on earth that truly feels their pain & sorrow. The one person that can support you in a unique way has rejected you.
I really feel badly for all of the standers whether they’ve lost a child or not. There is a lot of suffering in this world. And we should not contribute to anybody’s suffering.
Yes let's pray for the grace to see our own actions. I know a man who has been devastated by his wife leaving him but he can't see how he hurts his son.
The comparisons are not good.I feel the same way about this post.Truely uncalled for
Very well said Christine,I couldn't agree more with you.
Well said Dr Bacon. God bless you. ❤
Charity is a great virtue!
Dear Dr Bacon; I WAS a stander, though not one of yours. I DID express empathy for standers. Please reread all my comments from a less defensive view. Perhaps think about this: for standers who were also sexually abused (as was I) : the life long wounds caused by sexual abuse, the lies that many abuse victims/ survivors come to believe subconsciously as children and adults, the coping strategies that were employed to survive (which could become self sabotaging in adulthood) cause the 'standing' to trigger feelings of inadequacy, self loathing, rejection to a greater degree. Also, I asked if you would change the caption- if you were quoting a stander's opinion and not stating what you presented as fact- that standing is more painful than sexual abuse- then it ought NOT to be presented as truth/ certainty. Perhaps become more educated in CPTSD and trauma if you continue to work with survivors in your practice. And please, read things through without reactivity . God bless you.
@Marta-lh7is thank you. I appreciate this. Correct. Sometimes, I'm pushed several times before I push back. I'll seek to be better. Your words are very thoughtful and convincing. I'm so sorry for your abuse, too. May the Lord heal all your wounds and use you to help heal others'.
Thank you Christine, Amen! 🙏🏼
Right on, Christine!! ❤
The death of a child, from above comment.
I went through an abusive marriage and a traumatic divorce. I also lost my son this year. No comparison at all. Having your child die is much more devastating. I’m offended that you would even compare them at all.
@StardustMoon15 I'm very, very sorry for your devastating loss. May God grant you peace. However, the two mothers in my group whose children have also died would beg to differ. They are the ones who told me standing for their marriages is even MORE painful. These are not my mere are careless "opinions." I would never be so thoughtless.
@@StardustMoon15 I am too.I have lost my dear daughter .No comparison and the two should not be compared.
Well said. Amen
Thank you amen
You should never " compare" the destandard! child with a stander! Never.
I honestly don't know how you came to the conclusion that people who are sexually abused get support! Some do, but many people were rejected by their entire families for saying they were abused! Christine, I normally like your podcasts, but I think this whole line of thinking is bizarre, weird, and really inappropriate. Abuse of children is not just PAINFUL, it is DAMAGING in a way that things that happen to us as adults are not. Because we are ADULTS. Many marriages break down precisely because of the psychological damage caused by childhood abuse. A person who thinks their marriage breaking down is more painful than their childhood abuse may experience it that way because they are still suppressing the effects of childhood abuse but it's effects may well be the reason the marriage failed. I feel you really truly missed the boat on this one,
@ElizabethMatous-i9n why can't we agree that if people say they are hurt, then they are hurt? I am sorry, though, that you, too, were unsupported after sexual abuse. That's a travesty. All I was trying to do was deliver truth as others shared it. I never mean to offend or hurt. I apologize.
I was not sexually abused, but I have known several people who were and whose families rejected them as a result. I also have known lots of people whose marriages broke down, and plenty of people who had both. I think it's absolutely awful that, after getting feedback from your viewers, you doubled down to insist that you are correct. You had one, ONE man tell you he felt it was "more painful", and with that you actually went and made that the title of your video. I don't know if that was meant to be clickbait or what. And then you got feedback and worked even harder to justify your generalizations. It's so bizarre.
It's not unusual AT ALL for people to not be supported about childhood abuse, in fact that has almost always been the norm! It's only been VERY recently that society even started to change in this regard, in the past victims of abuse were normally ignored, disbelieve, shamed, blamed, or scapegoated, often for their entire lives if they dared to speak about it. And people who don't deal with their abuse carry all that into their marriages! You aren't going to help save marriages by somehow trying to diminish or deny the lifelong effects of sexual abuse! That's pretty counterproductive in my opinion
@ElizabethMatous-i9n actually, since I posted this video, I've had at least 2 more people say that they were both sexually abused and left by their spouse, and they both said the same thing: that the standing was harder than the abuse. So it's not just one person. This is a difficult subject, and I suspect many people keep their mouths shut regarding this issue. My whole point in the beginning was never never, never, ever to denigrate sexual abuse, or make it seem like it wasn't a bad thing. It's horrific. Ask my mother. I think these conversations have devolved into that. My point was to stand up for standers, and to let people read it, realize how incredibly painful that was, I simply made the comparison to sexual abuse when my male stander stated that fact in order for others to understand yet most chose instead, to still continue to attack that perspective and that poor stander. Why can't we just support them both?
@ElizabethMatous-i9n I guess you're right about that part. In the past, those who survived sexual abuse also weren't supported, but, as you rightly pointed out, at least in this last quarter of a century, they are beginning to be understood. I've understood and supported sexual abuse survivors my whole life because of my mom's abuse.
💯%
I love your videos and I think you're doing a great job.
I agreed with many of the sentiments you expressed here in your current video.
I worried for your sake that you're putting too much unearned respect I want to random commenters words.
Not everyone out here in youtube comments is sincere or competent.
A big grain of salt may do you good.
Take care of your perspective.
Keep on ❤
@@efs797 your point is well taken. Thank you