The second my therapist let me know I might be getting manipulated, I started to pay attention. I no longer took on the emotional and mental load my ex would dump on me when they got upset, and that's when the mask began to crack. The less I reacted, the more the covert narcissist (with histrionic personality disorder) reacted. My ex started becoming even less rational, they were quicker to anger (which i had never seen in the 2 years I knew them before we dated), started mixing up their stories when I became confident and stood by my own memory, and I stopped doubting my judgement and sanity. I'm out of that relationship now (kicked them out of my house last week) and although my paranoia is at an all-time high, I have the biggest sense of relief. I'm so happy to just live my life in peace and no longer wonder if I am going to set someone off with the most innocent of sentences. The last 6 months of that relationship were so stressful, and now I have my life back.
It’s so true! The tiniest thing sets them off. Which is crazy because all they do is critique and belittle/compare/control. Thank God for a good therapist! ❤
What I've learned is not react just smile or just walk away or look at your phone like if they are not even there .... after being married 40yrs to a narc my mind & ears totally zone out then my husband shuts up :/
Very good point! We cannot cleanse them of their toxic feelings! We must stop trying to teach them! Many times they'll Fake sensitivity or caring in a very buttery way, but it's all an act to suck you in and criticize you again!😊
"You're gonna lose that game every single time." This so true and the reason is they don't have any rules, limits or whatsoever. They will do whatever is needed to defeat you. You however have a moral compass. They don't. At some point, you will give up and think "that's not woth it" and they will just continue.
They will make up lies to win and it’s not about winning you can resolve with people like that when they think it’s about wedding and you’re just trying to communicate.
@@Mehmet-rw9bu The narcissist in my life has control of our disabled adult son in an abusive guardianship. Imagine not being able to give up and having to find a way to detach emotionally without giving up on someone you love whom they have control of. But the process has literally forced me to heal for my son.
Very Well Stated 👏 😌 I shall FOCUS On my Own Psychological Boundaries Consequences, Priorities, Dignity, Respect, and Civilty! No Defense/Explanations! I REFUSE to get drawn into "THEIR ANGER"!
Your words of wisdom came in handy today; Doc. My narcissistic wife blew up today when I mentioned the possibility of her gas-lighting me. As she was throwing a tantrum, I mentioned to her that narcissists get upset like she was because they know they have been caught. The moment I said that; like a light switch; she stopped crying. It was amazing. I was actually stocked🤯. As always; thank you for all you do. Goddess Bless you Always and Blessed Be ✨️
@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks again, Doc. Please remember that when I see you; I think of my grandfather Kenneth H. Campbell, who managed the World Trade Department of the San Francisco Chamber of Commerce; then worked with U.S. Chamber of Commerce in the Kennedy administration. I am grateful for both of you 🤗‼️
Funny I came across this...Just today I was told by a narc that they realize that they can't get to me.. ..Yup! You got that right. Onto the games and tactics will save your well-being everytime!
Radical acceptance works for me... along with knowing who I am in Christ. The difficulties of remaining silent around others who have NO IDEA what it's like to be involved with a narc for decades, therefore anything they might say (or think) about the situation would be misdirected. But I rest assured in joy and peace in the Lord.
Vielen herzlichen Dank für diesen Beitrag. Mit diesem seriösen Beitrag fällt es mir leichter, mich abzuspalten und mich heimlich um meine liebe Seele zu kümmern und anderen Menschen charakterlich "leise" zu kündigen. Manchmal habe ich keine Ahnung mehr, wie ich dies überstehen soll. Ich wollte, ich hätte Familie wie du
Yes! Taking the perspective that I'm dealing with toddlers, and all of what that means, and that I am the adult with maturity in this relationship Dynamic was an absolute game changer. It allowed me to finally be free from the emotional attachment and therefore the triggers and allowed me to address it in a manner that allowed me freedom to let go of the things I can't control and accept that they are who they are, as well as it allowed me to take responsibility and control of the things that are mine to handle as the adult in this relationship Dynamic. This is perfect! Thank you for sharing this!
I'm alone for the first time in my life. Married almost forty years. I've been using this time to figure out why I thought I wasnt worthy. Why I accepted the emotional/verbal abuse. Sadly I married my mother. No surprise there, right? A part of me feels sad, so much wasted time accepting what was dealt to me. Though I'm lonely, my mind feels peace. Feels odd but in time it won't. Psychoanalyzing myself has been an emotional rollercoaster. Of course I grieved my husbands slow death to cancer, I loved him. Sometimes it's just overwhelming. Yet I want to heal and show myself love/compassion. Trusting people is very difficult for me. I'm assuming that's part of the decades of abuse. Give me a room full of animals and I'm good. 💗 This channel is very helpful to me. Perhaps I need a couple of Dr Carters books as well.
"Live according to your own definition of maturity." Doc, thank you, I so appreciate your golden nuggets of wisdom and succint suggestions toward finding our peace.
Totally understand. It's taken a long long time but.... finally I'm doing it. It seems a person has to come to some pivotal point in order to move on. Thank you!
Born into it 💔 both parents were only children of narcissistic mothers who didn’t want kids ❤️🩹 no choice but to survive this sickness ♥️ easier said then done!
This is really good advice I need to be aware and practice this technique I gave to tell myself over and realize this person can do normal it’s a game to them
After yrs of loathing the narcissist I’m finally now at a place where I pray for em. We can’t battle anger & hate & chaos with more of the same but we CAN battle AND win (I believe) if we step back, have compassion & understand why these imposters of good people are the way they are. It’s really sad actually because most of the time it’s due to being abandoned at a young age. That in itself is extremely sad. There’s probably a few folks out there who are just beside themselves right now, with the “oh the audacity “ of this b&@?! wanting me to feel sorry for someone who destroyed me&my heart. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for narcissists. believe me when I say I think they have that one covered fairly well themselves. I am merely suggesting a different approach to handling a narcissist like the Dr. is. Look there is no shortage of evil or imposters of good people out there but instead of trying to figure THEM out with the “why did they do this or why did they just abandon me” etc try instead to change the way you react or respond to them. They live to provoke a response from u & the more unhinged that response is the better because now UR the crazy one. Okay here’s the deal. Do you really want to know the truth & I mean the REAL truth about how to beat a narcissist at their own game? You simply do not play. Period. Pray for em, try to understand their nightmare is a result of pain & trauma & just be grateful. Grateful that you aren’t a narcissist & in no way like them.
Ive went 1500 miles away from my covert wife of 27 years 3 separate times in the last 5 years. The first twoaftetr some months we were " talking" and she came where I was so she could leave again. I'm in my third escape attempt at the moment. The abuse is every word now that she knows that I know whats been sabotaging our family. Im as sick or worse for wanting to be loved so bad Id allow her to cause this much damage .
I find the drc has to go to myself first. My narcissist has worn me down and I desperately need gentleness and drc so I try to give it to myself first.
It’s important to remember that anger and rage can be a response to being manipulated. Our emotions connect us with our intuition. Typically those that suppress their emotions are the ones who are actually manipulating the situation. They are not showing their truest self.
The narc in my life is a drama king. He says mean things intentionally. Very controlling person. Passive aggressive. Starts an argument and then blames you for reacting.
DEEPLY unhappy, mentally ill JERKS. 📍No disrespect to those who have mental health challenges that DO NOT cause harm to (abuse/use/bully/insult) others. Stay strong, Team Healthy! I love you all! 😘
It's all so toxic! My 2 kids were raised as babies with my ex, and a cult-like family. I failed to launch from the toxicity in that situation. It's taken 14 years to set boundaries with all of that relationship and my family. Now both kids have been sucked in and damaged by that dynamic .. the little bit of a relationship with my daughter is upsetting because she definitely shows more signs than just being a narcissist. My son hasn't spoken to me in 4 years! They are now 23 and 21.. it breaks my heart!! I've had no choice but to feel torn!
No one is broken. This world isn’t built for people that feel. In reality most people are mirrors to one another. What we don’t like about others is typically what we don’t like about ourselves and vice versa.
Spot on. Struggling with accept it as a disorder that there’s no medicine for? Hope there’ll be something to treat the symptoms soon. Should be a priority among health systems. Some of them are actually looking for something to calm down, they feel bad. But there’s no support to it or suggest. Some even tries drugs Should be treated some way , body & mind.
When they see they can’t push your buttons, you’re doing the right thing. Take a few deep breaths and let them go and you go on about your day. I am estranged from my 2 remaining brothers since Jan 2023 because of their shenanigans. Toxicity I do not want in my life. Thankfully, they live several states away and can’t travel. They taught me about narcissists and Dr. C taught me how to deal with one.
It's too simplistic: the bad one against the good one. Interactions, like the individuals involved, are complex and bilateral. Are narcissists cripples who, predictably, can only go around limping and stumbling into others? Do they have an incurable disease, or can they be helped instead of being branded and abandoned to their miserable fate?
Thanks, Dr. Carter! Really needed this today! Greatings from Romania. Any videos related to “How to deal with the ex when you have 2 little kids and you have less boundaries that you can set?”🫣
What they don't realise is that boundaries are to protect you and not for punishing them!
God they get offended when you try to stop the abuse.
The punishment is a protection of them.
Well yes, but it hurts them nonetheless.
So true
Oh, well. They care nothing about anyone else @@garybednarz .
Live your own level of maturity and accept that they cannot meet you there
Love that! It's good to see it repeated in words 😊
As a wife he trained me to expect nothing from him.
So I get it now.
The second my therapist let me know I might be getting manipulated, I started to pay attention. I no longer took on the emotional and mental load my ex would dump on me when they got upset, and that's when the mask began to crack. The less I reacted, the more the covert narcissist (with histrionic personality disorder) reacted. My ex started becoming even less rational, they were quicker to anger (which i had never seen in the 2 years I knew them before we dated), started mixing up their stories when I became confident and stood by my own memory, and I stopped doubting my judgement and sanity. I'm out of that relationship now (kicked them out of my house last week) and although my paranoia is at an all-time high, I have the biggest sense of relief. I'm so happy to just live my life in peace and no longer wonder if I am going to set someone off with the most innocent of sentences. The last 6 months of that relationship were so stressful, and now I have my life back.
All I can say is...
*AAAAAWWW YEAAAAAHHH!!!*
🎉 Congrats! Hope this will be the start of a better life for you 🙋
It’s so true! The tiniest thing sets them off. Which is crazy because all they do is critique and belittle/compare/control.
Thank God for a good therapist! ❤
I am so glad for you! ❤
Your lucky you did have your go through a divorce
Be safe ❤
It literally wears me out!! The negative energy just sucks me dry.
Me too
Every day, many of us have to say it like a MANTRA: I'm Saving my Energy!!"
What I've learned is not react just smile or just walk away or look at your phone like if they are not even there .... after being married 40yrs to a narc my mind & ears totally zone out then my husband shuts up :/
I hear that.
Very good point! We cannot cleanse them of their toxic feelings! We must stop trying to teach them! Many times they'll Fake sensitivity or caring in a very buttery way, but it's all an act to suck you in and criticize you again!😊
I’m unattached and will stay that way
Dignity, Respect, Civility..... Keep saying it Dr Carter, IT'S WORKING 😊😊
"You're gonna lose that game every single time."
This so true and the reason is they don't have any rules, limits or whatsoever. They will do whatever is needed to defeat you. You however have a moral compass. They don't. At some point, you will give up and think "that's not woth it" and they will just continue.
You said it for me, no need for me to write a comment now.
It's a stupid, rigged game. It's like dealing with an 8-year-old because emotionally they're like that.
They will make up lies to win and it’s not about winning you can resolve with people like that when they think it’s about wedding and you’re just trying to communicate.
@@Mehmet-rw9bu The narcissist in my life has control of our disabled adult son in an abusive guardianship. Imagine not being able to give up and having to find a way to detach emotionally without giving up on someone you love whom they have control of. But the process has literally forced me to heal for my son.
ABSOLUTE PURE SOLID GOLD!
Bravery And Radical Acceptance.
Life cleanse. Yours!
Clear those decks, and...
Stay Healthy!!
Very Well Stated 👏 😌
I shall FOCUS On my Own Psychological Boundaries Consequences, Priorities, Dignity, Respect, and Civilty!
No Defense/Explanations!
I REFUSE to get drawn into "THEIR ANGER"!
Your words of wisdom came in handy today; Doc. My narcissistic wife blew up today when I mentioned the possibility of her gas-lighting me. As she was throwing a tantrum, I mentioned to her that narcissists get upset like she was because they know they have been caught. The moment I said that; like a light switch; she stopped crying. It was amazing. I was actually stocked🤯. As always; thank you for all you do. Goddess Bless you Always and Blessed Be ✨️
You’re onto it!
@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks again, Doc. Please remember that when I see you; I think of my grandfather Kenneth H. Campbell, who managed the World Trade Department of the San Francisco Chamber of Commerce; then worked with U.S. Chamber of Commerce in the Kennedy administration. I am grateful for both of you 🤗‼️
Wow!
This is incredibly more difficult than I expected. Especially when you think they are attached.
Funny I came across this...Just today I was told by a narc that they realize that they can't get to me.. ..Yup! You got that right. Onto the games and tactics will save your well-being everytime!
Radical acceptance works for me... along with knowing who I am in Christ. The difficulties of remaining silent around others who have NO IDEA what it's like to be involved with a narc for decades, therefore anything they might say (or think) about the situation would be misdirected. But I rest assured in joy and peace in the Lord.
They know how to make it fresh every time
This Dr. is top notch. Thanks Doc.
You are quite welcome.
Vielen herzlichen Dank für diesen Beitrag. Mit diesem seriösen Beitrag fällt es mir leichter, mich abzuspalten und mich heimlich um meine liebe Seele zu kümmern und anderen Menschen charakterlich "leise" zu kündigen.
Manchmal habe ich keine Ahnung mehr, wie ich dies überstehen soll. Ich wollte, ich hätte Familie wie du
You’re so kind. Danke
Yes! Taking the perspective that I'm dealing with toddlers, and all of what that means, and that I am the adult with maturity in this relationship Dynamic was an absolute game changer. It allowed me to finally be free from the emotional attachment and therefore the triggers and allowed me to address it in a manner that allowed me freedom to let go of the things I can't control and accept that they are who they are, as well as it allowed me to take responsibility and control of the things that are mine to handle as the adult in this relationship Dynamic. This is perfect! Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing too! 😊
'.....dealing with toddlers.....' Nailed it. I'm laughing and I thank you for your very helpful comment.
Awesome
Very wise useful words.. thank you 😊
Perfect! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise 🙏
Good advices! Thank you!
Yep you are spot on about this it is truly unbelievable.
Dr. C, thank you so much for this. I’m doing all of these things very well now, but it still hurts. So hearing this from you was very encouraging.
❤ love this
I'm alone for the first time in my life. Married almost forty years. I've been using this time to figure out why I thought I wasnt worthy. Why I accepted the emotional/verbal abuse. Sadly I married my mother. No surprise there, right? A part of me feels sad, so much wasted time accepting what was dealt to me. Though I'm lonely, my mind feels peace. Feels odd but in time it won't. Psychoanalyzing myself has been an emotional rollercoaster. Of course I grieved my husbands slow death to cancer, I loved him. Sometimes it's just overwhelming. Yet I want to heal and show myself love/compassion. Trusting people is very difficult for me. I'm assuming that's part of the decades of abuse. Give me a room full of animals and I'm good. 💗
This channel is very helpful to me. Perhaps I need a couple of Dr Carters books as well.
I love animals..they are more loving than ppl. They dont judge, yell. Criticize..ony unconditional love they give..and protect you.
Sounds good ❤
Great advice. As always. Dignity, respect, and civility.
"Live according to your own definition of maturity." Doc, thank you, I so appreciate your golden nuggets of wisdom and succint suggestions toward finding our peace.
They won’t be able to join you in that process!!!
Right on time, Dr. Carter! I thank God for you and your ministry
thank you , your videos are a god send
So pleased!
Thank you so much. This is exactly where I'm at right now.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I needed this podcast today.
Thank you for sharing this video 🙏
Totally understand. It's taken a long long time but.... finally I'm doing it. It seems a person has to come to some pivotal point in order to move on. Thank you!
Wow. That was so clear and concise. It also explained my last weekend of dealing with rage outbursts. Detachment and boundaries ❤❤❤
Good advice, not always easy to implement, but certainly a worthy goal.
Born into it 💔 both parents were only children of narcissistic mothers who didn’t want kids ❤️🩹 no choice but to survive this sickness ♥️ easier said then done!
❤❤❤❤ not able to cleanse a toxic personality like them❤❤❤❤ this is gonna be on my home screen. I love this. I love this. God bless you for this.
I'm saving this video for when I need the reminder (often).
If you have space from this individual, you can start to heal your nervous system and move out of survival mode.
This is really good advice I need to be aware and practice this technique I gave to tell myself over and realize this person can do normal it’s a game to them
After yrs of loathing the narcissist I’m finally now at a place where I pray for em. We can’t battle anger & hate & chaos with more of the same but we CAN battle AND win (I believe) if we step back, have compassion & understand why these imposters of good people are the way they are. It’s really sad actually because most of the time it’s due to being abandoned at a young age. That in itself is extremely sad. There’s probably a few folks out there who are just beside themselves right now, with the “oh the audacity “ of this b&@?! wanting me to feel sorry for someone who destroyed me&my heart. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for narcissists. believe me when I say I think they have that one covered fairly well themselves. I am merely suggesting a different approach to handling a narcissist like the Dr. is. Look there is no shortage of evil or imposters of good people out there but instead of trying to figure THEM out with the “why did they do this or why did they just abandon me” etc try instead to change the way you react or respond to them. They live to provoke a response from u & the more unhinged that response is the better because now UR the crazy one. Okay here’s the deal. Do you really want to know the truth & I mean the REAL truth about how to beat a narcissist at their own game? You simply do not play. Period. Pray for em, try to understand their nightmare is a result of pain & trauma & just be grateful. Grateful that you aren’t a narcissist & in no way like them.
You make a lot of sense.
Yes Lord
YES YES YES YES YES
I concur dr
Yes there it is - thank you
Psychological Detachment
❤ yahooooooo
Nonsense 😂😂😂 that's what it is!
Thank you!❤️ Love, from Waco. 🥲
Glad to hear from a fellow Waco! Thanks, Susanna.
Ive went 1500 miles away from my covert wife of 27 years 3 separate times in the last 5 years. The first twoaftetr some months we were "
talking" and she came where I was so she could leave again. I'm in my third escape attempt at the moment. The abuse is every word now that she knows that I know whats been sabotaging our family. Im as sick or worse for wanting to be loved so bad Id allow her to cause this much damage .
Yes they do I’ll never do that
Amen. Thanks Dr. Carter
I find the drc has to go to myself first. My narcissist has worn me down and I desperately need gentleness and drc so I try to give it to myself first.
As it should be!
That's great advice! 👍
Thank you Dr. Carter for all you do to help heal us.❤
Really hard on the daily. Really works on the daily. Unbelievably freeing. Thanks Dr C
It’s important to remember that anger and rage can be a response to being manipulated. Our emotions connect us with our intuition. Typically those that suppress their emotions are the ones who are actually manipulating the situation. They are not showing their truest self.
Absolutely true, Sir!
Don't let them Hoover you back up. They'll be sooo nice
Glad i found your video
Detatch,heal,move to self love.❤
Thank you for the message
Beautifully shared ❤ Thank You.....
Thank you so very much Dr Carter. You're a 🌟
The narc in my life is a drama king.
He says mean things intentionally.
Very controlling person.
Passive aggressive.
Starts an argument and then blames you for reacting.
DEEPLY unhappy, mentally ill JERKS.
📍No disrespect to those who have mental health challenges that DO NOT cause harm to (abuse/use/bully/insult) others.
Stay strong, Team Healthy! I love you all! 😘
In summation, 🚶from 👿
🎯❗️
You are on point.Thanks for the knowledge.
You are so welcome
Thanks
Yep they ditch u in my experience ,for the one they cheated on u with after they mentally and physically drain you .and ruin ya life with lies 😢
Is easy to see and ruin relations with family and all friends they have access too
NO ONE SAYS NO TO MOLESTED CRYBABY BITCH VIP DOUGGIE 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 BOOOOOOM
Thants exactly I do
Don’t Play his game
It's all so toxic! My 2 kids were raised as babies with my ex, and a cult-like family. I failed to launch from the toxicity in that situation. It's taken 14 years to set boundaries with all of that relationship and my family. Now both kids have been sucked in and damaged by that dynamic .. the little bit of a relationship with my daughter is upsetting because she definitely shows more signs than just being a narcissist. My son hasn't spoken to me in 4 years! They are now 23 and 21.. it breaks my heart!! I've had no choice but to feel torn!
Stay Calm, Cool, and Collected, ahahaha
Easier said than done.
Stop trying to fix broken ppl
No one is broken. This world isn’t built for people that feel. In reality most people are mirrors to one another. What we don’t like about others is typically what we don’t like about ourselves and vice versa.
🕊️
It would be helpful to see role playing between narc and person trying to interact
And they are unwilling to work on themselves because they are not broken.
Aman
Spot on. Struggling with accept it as a disorder that there’s no medicine for?
Hope there’ll be something to treat the symptoms soon. Should be a priority among health systems.
Some of them are actually looking for something to calm down, they feel bad. But there’s no support to it or suggest.
Some even tries drugs
Should be treated some way , body & mind.
💜
You are right, but drc is hard to hand over when it comes to them in particular. 😤🤐
When they see they can’t push your buttons, you’re doing the right thing. Take a few deep breaths and let them go and you go on about your day. I am estranged from my 2 remaining brothers since Jan 2023 because of their shenanigans. Toxicity I do not want in my life. Thankfully, they live several states away and can’t travel. They taught me about narcissists and Dr. C taught me how to deal with one.
Does anyone know a testimonial of an NPD that overcame this wretched disorder? I have never heard of one example of redemption:(
🙏🏽
🎯
They really are bottomless pits of anger, resentment, bitterness, suspicion, paranoia, and fear. It's actually very sad.
It's too simplistic: the bad one against the good one. Interactions, like the individuals involved, are complex and bilateral. Are narcissists cripples who, predictably, can only go around limping and stumbling into others? Do they have an incurable disease, or can they be helped instead of being branded and abandoned to their miserable fate?
I'm not telling anyone what to do, but if you're in a relationship or marriage with one of these people and you can do it, leave. Save yourself!
👌👌💪
Is it possible they can become umtraped,of their own personal disfunction. Can they change?
🌻
Give no energy
Pleased for you!!
DR. You must have met my X!😑🗣️
Your voice sounds almost identical to DR PHIL ... UNCANNY
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
💞🫂🪽
Thanks, Dr. Carter! Really needed this today! Greatings from Romania. Any videos related to “How to deal with the ex when you have 2 little kids and you have less boundaries that you can set?”🫣
Radical acceptance…🫤
❤