The differences in advice for the son vs daughter is always interesting. He should leave her, but she should stick around. Chasing the idea that there’s something better can cause a lot of problems including losing everyone you love.
Great conversation but I also thought the advice was cringing! It’s crazy even if it’s their own daughters they will still protect the boy. And if it’s their own son the will protect the son!!!yikes May my future sons, and daughters come across people with the same standards. Because the double standard thing is wild 😮. And like Jalon stated those will be the boy who will suffer the consequences later in life if they live with I can find better later mindset!!
@@Fearlesslyme463 I agree. Very surprising that they didn’t even attempt to protect their daughter. Jalon has the perfect mindset holding everyone including himself accountable.
It's crazy you all are speaking on my life. I'm 36 currently. Got with my husband at 18 and we were married by 23 after having a serious conversation. We are celebrating 12 years of marriage 2/29. Happy marriage! It doesn't happen that way for everyone but I believe it's forever forever
Nope, the daughter should dip after 6 years at 24. If they get the standby card from the young man, it’s a no for me. No love lost. Go forth and be great. We both have a beautiful life ahead.
Respect to Jalon for committing to raising responsible & accountable human beings. We need more people to have this perspective when making decisions that impact both themselves and others. 👏🏿👏🏿
Jalon 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Yes! PREACH!!! We’re not telling them to get married “young” but we’re definitely going to have discussions about the future, marriage, family, morals, values etc . . . This whole “you don’t know what else is out there” is the wrong mindset. Social media, dating apps, FOMO etc are truly the downfall of some couples.
As a parent of two boys, I plan on getting to know the parents of their significant other. I want to make sure my tribe vibe with your tribe. Thats is already part of my haitian culture.
The 24 y/o daughter should leave too. Terrible double standard, "if he's a good man then I would tell her to stay". Perhaps, we should consider if they're a good match or partner? This advice shouldn't be divided by gender but instead quality of the individuals and the relationship.
“I have experiences that I had because I didn’t know what was out there that I’m battling now” Man of God Jalon, go head then! The world has corrupted us to make us feel like we need to go taste and see everything. At the time it’s sweet but in due time we pay thru a corrupt mind. Just as Adam & Eve did. Titus 1:15-16 To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled. They profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny Him, being detestable and disobedient and worthless for any good deed.
I don't see creating a standard of marriage, as an ultimatum. I see it as an opportunity. If two people are in agreement to build their future together, then that's ideal!
Jalon says all the things I think when the conversation needs to go deeper and I love it!!!! It can be frustrating when your perspective isn't one that you hear talked out but Jalon typically nails it for me. Love this podcast & the different perspectives
Some people have toxic families so keeping your life private esp from your family is the only way to go. And in other situations, parents don't wanna get involved unless it's about marriage. You don't just bring every person you're dating around your family, even if it's been years.
Jalon’s comments about his sit downs with his future son or daughter - the realness - were deeply moving for me. I didn’t see that level of conversation growing up so I didn’t know that my future husband, my future son, or my future husband’s father could do that to shepherd growing children. Signs of an admirable man. I’m saving this conversation. Thank you so so so much you guys. Can’t wait to share my testimony one day with the Nice & Neat community
I agree with Duke at 6:00. As a military wife who is also a businesswoman with an immigrant military officer. For the past 5 years have been a lot of compromise and I didn’t understand it until yall gave the definition of settling and compromise until yall explained it. I thought I’ve been settling, now I realize that it’s compromise.
If you’re together early let’s say 18-24 like they said, and there is an ultimatum, neither have sat down and had a serious conversation about what their life looks like together (marriage, finances, children, etc). No ultimatum needed. Only conversation about what one another wants. Only then can you choose to go your separate way or to stay. (Therapist in training here🥰)
I’ve previously set an ultimatum knowing the person couldn’t do it, that was my get out This wasn’t about marriage it was about being consistent. It helped me find the evidence I needed.
If you knew he couldn't do it , that mean the person shows you multiples times they weren't up for it so you had evidences before the ultimatum. Maybe you just didn't want to be the one to blame if you left and now you can they that the person made you leave ...
Men "concede/compromise/regulate" more daily basis on small things, but I see that as the tax you pay. Women have compromised on huge things, some they may never mention So the man's small compromises still don't equate.
I think compromise always comes with a vision. Women may compromise more because a man may be settled in his ways. It can eventually swing both ways because a man begins to see that comprising was beneficial for both. There's more than one way to get something done and also men are made aware that she made total life changes for us and it may comes a time that men have to see they should do the same for benefit of both. I don't like ultimatums, because it could always backfire. If a man marries after 6 years because he was given an ultimatum, as a woman I really wouldn't feel secure that he really wanted to marry me. At some point during the relationship, I would hope we've had discussions what we are working towards, and goals to accomplish within different timeframes. As a woman, there's been a change/shift in one or the other like moving individually as opposed to together, or one carries more of growth/accomplishments, or there's no motivation, no changes, whatever then discussions should be had and eventually what she's plans on doing because this relationship isn't working anymore. That's a final decision she's made, because there's nothing he can now start to do change her mind. If he didn't do during the years, to me you took her for granted and felt she would never leave. No hard feelings on her part, maybe hurt because she knew his potential but when she experienced more me rather than us, its time to cut your losses because resentment is never good.
This was a crazy conversation because I’ve been with my girl since we were 15 years old. I moved out to Utah where she was going to college in 2022 and then we got engaged at 24yrs old. It was an ultimatum we both were thinking of and having conversations about it. We were thinking what else are we waiting for we are now moved in together let’s build! And we are soon to be married
Interesting about the stay @home aspect. I have done this off/on for 20+ yrs for my active duty husband and our children. I am filled w/regret @47, and lately it has been the forefront of many conversations. This is a tough convo. Its not said to make him feel bad, its said because its my truth and i do feel regrets in life. I feel unfulfilled in the aspect of my identity and career
I’m at work I just got this notification that you guys posted, I can’t wait to get off and watch it. Love the podcast gentlemen thank you for putting positive and informing information out there for males and females.
I’d like to get your perspective on social media usage/expectations and its impact on relationships today in-depth. And what to do if you offer the ultimatum of less usage if you feel it is hindering your relationship outlook with your partner. Just the perspective.
The 24 yo difference in choice for daughter vs. son upholds the belief that women won’t have other choices. It maintains the double standard that it only gets worse for women whereas men will undoubtedly find another good woman. The future prospects for anyone in their 20’s is prime time. Also when women are 34 or even 44 prospects are still available. Living in fear that “only one bus will come” results in a lot of settled and unfulfilling relationships for BOTH GENDERS.
Can you speak on knowing when you’re financially ready for the marriage ? (Being that your stable as the man on your own already)How do you get to a place where you’re like ok we’ll be good, let’s do it instead of just I’m good
The thumbnail title was so controversial, it took me a minute to watch. But now that I’m watching (so far) this is a great exchange. Especially O’s comment about being responsible for the security of the relationship?? I would luv for them to revisit that particular perspective 🤔
You guys are usually on point but I got to disagree with this. No matter what age if the man is not ready it’s no woman’s responsibility to wait for him. He can come back to find her. Women need reassurance “ I don’t know” doesn’t cut it. Honestly, I would tell my children not to date until they’re 24 because anything before that they are immature, untried don’t know who they are they don’t know how to do relationships they’re not prepared. Just get your heartbroken just waste your time. In mid to late 20s. And do not give a man six years do not even give a man three years unless you are in alignment. If someone’s not ready, you can’t make them ready you just walk away. woman desire security if we don’t think that’s gonna happen it is very hard to stay, unless other ways that he has committed, and that is the end result, it would be a risky for woman. I believe in honest conversations not ultimatums because it will create that doubt later. Each must take full accountability for the choice and sacrifice. So different timing can be an incompatibility deal breaker because the person may know that if things don’t change they will be resentful so walking away may be best.
Do y’all feel that having the trait of discipline determines a relationship and marriage ? Having something you can be consistent with days a lot about a person to me . Even if you are consistent with making sure the dishes are washed every night . Or something u want to better yourself at in life , if it’s not drinking for 3 months , working out everyday , learning a knee craft . Do you all think if a person can not be consistent with their self in any part of their life besides going to work and scrolling on social media and going to sleep . Are they capable of being consistent with another person ?
This is a great episode and I appreciate the perspectives. I do have a thought though, and it’s one I’ve had for awhile now. I truly do wonder if one of the reasons relationships/marriages in the African American community seem to suffer IS because we push focusing on your studies/life rather than also focusing on finding the right partner while young? As we know the older you get, the tougher it may be to find a solid spouse, so why not push for the younger generation to find that person while they’re around valuable candidates in college? Like I know it’s deeper than surface level things, but as a black woman, I went to college with tons of non black women who parents pushed for them to get their Mrs. Degree(which a lot of them DID) meanwhile, me and my other fellow black women were told to NOT focus on men and worry about our studies. Those non black women are still happily married with children, meanwhile a lot of us black women are still searching for our person. I get it, but I do feel that we could help eliminate problems while helping our children with dating/vetting.
I wonder why the standards for a daughter is different for a son. U mentioned how being in a 6 year relationship would go differently for your daughter than your son why is that?
For those women that are very rare and hard to come by what’re some of the qualities and characteristics that come with this? Is it intellect, personality, connection, chemistry, partnership. I would be interested to know this
It’s the intangible. It’s how someone makes you feel that no one else has or can do. That’s going to vary from person to person. Therefore it’s very subjective and you can’t necessarily put it in a box.
DO NOT LET IT SLIDE Don't let women get by with disrespecting you just by saying, I'll let her have that one because it could be, if that incident--quiet as it may thought to have been kept--andvit (the truth of if, and possibly the lie of it, the expectation or fantasy or ideal of what was thought to happen was not worked through, then a pile up of instant crashes, coming from you know not where, will hinder a healthy relationship. Going back to the first female relationships, generations past, look at how issues were displayed by women. Look at family gatherings, and you may see where these generational curses have come--or the good! BE HEALTHY
Jalon is so intelligent. “I wouldn’t want my daughter to be in a long relationship without a ring” You have a beautiful lady with a child. What will make you put a ring on her?
My gut says they’ve had ultimatums in their adult life, re: Omar’s comment. but it’s okay…we don’t have to dig ALLL the way into that. Afterall, they said ultimatums don’t matter if they aren’t feeling the lady…
I love when you guys tackle a topic but look at it from different perspectives and are open enough to discuss the differences AND even change your mind if it makes sense love 🤍
![ทุกครั้งที่หลับตา (Lucid Dream) - AYLA's [ Official MV ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/4i1OBAQyv58/mqdefault.jpg)
The differences in advice for the son vs daughter is always interesting. He should leave her, but she should stick around. Chasing the idea that there’s something better can cause a lot of problems including losing everyone you love.
Great conversation but I also thought the advice was cringing!
It’s crazy even if it’s their own daughters they will still protect the boy. And if it’s their own son the will protect the son!!!yikes
May my future sons, and daughters come across people with the same standards. Because the double standard thing is wild 😮. And like Jalon stated those will be the boy who will suffer the consequences later in life if they live with I can find better later mindset!!
@@Fearlesslyme463 I agree. Very surprising that they didn’t even attempt to protect their daughter. Jalon has the perfect mindset holding everyone including himself accountable.
It's crazy you all are speaking on my life. I'm 36 currently. Got with my husband at 18 and we were married by 23 after having a serious conversation. We are celebrating 12 years of marriage 2/29. Happy marriage! It doesn't happen that way for everyone but I believe it's forever forever
I agree it doesn't happen for everyone. I met my husband at 20, married at 25, and currently on our 8th year married. Him and I are locked in.
Nope, the daughter should dip after 6 years at 24. If they get the standby card from the young man, it’s a no for me. No love lost. Go forth and be great. We both have a beautiful life ahead.
Respect to Jalon for committing to raising responsible & accountable human beings. We need more people to have this perspective when making decisions that impact both themselves and others. 👏🏿👏🏿
Men compromise for women’s emotions/emotional support… Women compromise for the leadership men provide… But at times roles may switch.
Jalon 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Yes! PREACH!!! We’re not telling them to get married “young” but we’re definitely going to have discussions about the future, marriage, family, morals, values etc . . . This whole “you don’t know what else is out there” is the wrong mindset.
Social media, dating apps, FOMO etc are truly the downfall of some couples.
That last line is a BAR!! 💯
As a parent of two boys, I plan on getting to know the parents of their significant other. I want to make sure my tribe vibe with your tribe. Thats is already part of my haitian culture.
The 24 y/o daughter should leave too. Terrible double standard, "if he's a good man then I would tell her to stay". Perhaps, we should consider if they're a good match or partner? This advice shouldn't be divided by gender but instead quality of the individuals and the relationship.
“I have experiences that I had because I didn’t know what was out there that I’m battling now” Man of God Jalon, go head then! The world has corrupted us to make us feel like we need to go taste and see everything. At the time it’s sweet but in due time we pay thru a corrupt mind. Just as Adam & Eve did.
Titus 1:15-16
To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled. They profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny Him, being detestable and disobedient and worthless for any good deed.
🔥
I don't see creating a standard of marriage, as an ultimatum. I see it as an opportunity. If two people are in agreement to build their future together, then that's ideal!
Jalon says all the things I think when the conversation needs to go deeper and I love it!!!! It can be frustrating when your perspective isn't one that you hear talked out but Jalon typically nails it for me. Love this podcast & the different perspectives
Some people have toxic families so keeping your life private esp from your family is the only way to go. And in other situations, parents don't wanna get involved unless it's about marriage. You don't just bring every person you're dating around your family, even if it's been years.
I agree Omar,
A ultimatum can be a reality check,
Like this woman loves me, I have to do sometime right, I have to be better , etc…
You are right
Jalon’s comments about his sit downs with his future son or daughter - the realness - were deeply moving for me.
I didn’t see that level of conversation growing up so I didn’t know that my future husband, my future son, or my future husband’s father could do that to shepherd growing children.
Signs of an admirable man. I’m saving this conversation.
Thank you so so so much you guys. Can’t wait to share my testimony one day with the Nice & Neat community
I agree with Duke at 6:00. As a military wife who is also a businesswoman with an immigrant military officer. For the past 5 years have been a lot of compromise and I didn’t understand it until yall gave the definition of settling and compromise until yall explained it. I thought I’ve been settling, now I realize that it’s compromise.
If you’re together early let’s say 18-24 like they said, and there is an ultimatum, neither have sat down and had a serious conversation about what their life looks like together (marriage, finances, children, etc). No ultimatum needed. Only conversation about what one another wants. Only then can you choose to go your separate way or to stay. (Therapist in training here🥰)
I’ve previously set an ultimatum knowing the person couldn’t do it, that was my get out This wasn’t about marriage it was about being consistent. It helped me find the evidence I needed.
If you knew he couldn't do it , that mean the person shows you multiples times they weren't up for it so you had evidences before the ultimatum. Maybe you just didn't want to be the one to blame if you left and now you can they that the person made you leave ...
Men "concede/compromise/regulate" more daily basis on small things, but I see that as the tax you pay. Women have compromised on huge things, some they may never mention
So the man's small compromises still don't equate.
I think compromise always comes with a vision. Women may compromise more because a man may be settled in his ways. It can eventually swing both ways because a man begins to see that comprising was beneficial for both. There's more than one way to get something done and also men are made aware that she made total life changes for us and it may comes a time that men have to see they should do the same for benefit of both. I don't like ultimatums, because it could always backfire. If a man marries after 6 years because he was given an ultimatum, as a woman I really wouldn't feel secure that he really wanted to marry me. At some point during the relationship, I would hope we've had discussions what we are working towards, and goals to accomplish within different timeframes. As a woman, there's been a change/shift in one or the other like moving individually as opposed to together, or one carries more of growth/accomplishments, or there's no motivation, no changes, whatever then discussions should be had and eventually what she's plans on doing because this relationship isn't working anymore. That's a final decision she's made, because there's nothing he can now start to do change her mind. If he didn't do during the years, to me you took her for granted and felt she would never leave. No hard feelings on her part, maybe hurt because she knew his potential but when she experienced more me rather than us, its time to cut your losses because resentment is never good.
Great conversation. I especially respect and can appreciate Jalon’s perspectives and his way of thinking on the topics discussed.
Jalon was speaking straight facts this episode
This was a crazy conversation because I’ve been with my girl since we were 15 years old. I moved out to Utah where she was going to college in 2022 and then we got engaged at 24yrs old. It was an ultimatum we both were thinking of and having conversations about it. We were thinking what else are we waiting for we are now moved in together let’s build! And we are soon to be married
Duke is so understanding and relatable.
6:15 agreed!!! We tend to compromise just a tap more than men, but I will say men will (and should) be able to compromise too
Jalon that sweater is straight fire!!
This was a dope convo fellas, first time I ever heard the pod. I’m a fan of this among brothas. Real 💯✊🏾
Interesting about the stay @home aspect. I have done this off/on for 20+ yrs for my active duty husband and our children. I am filled w/regret @47, and lately it has been the forefront of many conversations. This is a tough convo. Its not said to make him feel bad, its said because its my truth and i do feel regrets in life. I feel unfulfilled in the aspect of my identity and career
I’m at work I just got this notification that you guys posted, I can’t wait to get off and watch it. Love the podcast gentlemen thank you for putting positive and informing information out there for males and females.
I think the word the men are looking for is accommodate.
The dictionary defines accommodate as "in with the wishes or needs of" or "adapt to."
"Forever?" No one has a crystal ball, so let's approach these relationships spiritually.
I met the love of my life at 24 we got 5 yrs in and i just wish i could of met her as the person i am now.
I think it depends on your relationship, who compromises more.
Such a great conversation
I’d like to get your perspective on social media usage/expectations and its impact on relationships today in-depth. And what to do if you offer the ultimatum of less usage if you feel it is hindering your relationship outlook with your partner. Just the perspective.
The 24 yo difference in choice for daughter vs. son upholds the belief that women won’t have other choices. It maintains the double standard that it only gets worse for women whereas men will undoubtedly find another good woman. The future prospects for anyone in their 20’s is prime time. Also when women are 34 or even 44 prospects are still available. Living in fear that “only one bus will come” results in a lot of settled and unfulfilling relationships for BOTH GENDERS.
7:35 NOPE!! I gotta see the vision and respect the decision
Can you speak on knowing when you’re financially ready for the marriage ? (Being that your stable as the man on your own already)How do you get to a place where you’re like ok we’ll be good, let’s do it instead of just I’m good
Thank you for the conversation.
great episode. being with a women for years those general questions will be asked to your women a
or it will be brought by them.
Good conversation fellas!
Jalon this episode 🔥🔥
The thumbnail title was so controversial, it took me a minute to watch. But now that I’m watching (so far) this is a great exchange.
Especially O’s comment about being responsible for the security of the relationship?? I would luv for them to revisit that particular perspective 🤔
You guys are usually on point but I got to disagree with this. No matter what age if the man is not ready it’s no woman’s responsibility to wait for him. He can come back to find her. Women need reassurance “ I don’t know” doesn’t cut it. Honestly, I would tell my children not to date until they’re 24 because anything before that they are immature, untried don’t know who they are they don’t know how to do relationships they’re not prepared. Just get your heartbroken just waste your time. In mid to late 20s. And do not give a man six years do not even give a man three years unless you are in alignment. If someone’s not ready, you can’t make them ready you just walk away. woman desire security if we don’t think that’s gonna happen it is very hard to stay, unless other ways that he has committed, and that is the end result, it would be a risky for woman.
I believe in honest conversations not ultimatums because it will create that doubt later. Each must take full accountability for the choice and sacrifice. So different timing can be an incompatibility deal breaker because the person may know that if things don’t change they will be resentful so walking away may be best.
Love this show
I love this for young people
Another FIRE episode 🔥🔥🔥
Great episode.
22:55 “He’s a good man, Savannah.” 😂😂😂
Do y’all feel that having the trait of discipline determines a relationship and marriage ? Having something you can be consistent with days a lot about a person to me . Even if you are consistent with making sure the dishes are washed every night . Or something u want to better yourself at in life , if it’s not drinking for 3 months , working out everyday , learning a knee craft .
Do you all think if a person can not be consistent with their self in any part of their life besides going to work and scrolling on social media and going to sleep .
Are they capable of being consistent with another person ?
This is a great episode and I appreciate the perspectives. I do have a thought though, and it’s one I’ve had for awhile now. I truly do wonder if one of the reasons relationships/marriages in the African American community seem to suffer IS because we push focusing on your studies/life rather than also focusing on finding the right partner while young? As we know the older you get, the tougher it may be to find a solid spouse, so why not push for the younger generation to find that person while they’re around valuable candidates in college?
Like I know it’s deeper than surface level things, but as a black woman, I went to college with tons of non black women who parents pushed for them to get their Mrs. Degree(which a lot of them DID) meanwhile, me and my other fellow black women were told to NOT focus on men and worry about our studies. Those non black women are still happily married with children, meanwhile a lot of us black women are still searching for our person. I get it, but I do feel that we could help eliminate problems while helping our children with dating/vetting.
I wonder why the standards for a daughter is different for a son. U mentioned how being in a 6 year relationship would go differently for your daughter than your son why is that?
For those women that are very rare and hard to come by what’re some of the qualities and characteristics that come with this? Is it intellect, personality, connection, chemistry, partnership. I would be interested to know this
It’s the intangible. It’s how someone makes you feel that no one else has or can do. That’s going to vary from person to person. Therefore it’s very subjective and you can’t necessarily put it in a box.
I’m so excited for a new episode I don’t realize the minutes of the episode till the mid point and now I’m like 45 mins tf 😂
It’s funny that you say the man should leave, and the women should stay🤔 interestinggg
DO NOT LET IT SLIDE
Don't let women get by with disrespecting you just by saying, I'll let her have that one because it could be, if that incident--quiet as it may thought to have been kept--andvit (the truth of if, and possibly the lie of it, the expectation or fantasy or ideal of what was thought to happen was not worked through, then a pile up of instant crashes, coming from you know not where, will hinder a healthy relationship. Going back to the first female relationships, generations past, look at how issues were displayed by women. Look at family gatherings, and you may see where these generational curses have come--or the good!
BE HEALTHY
Jalon is so intelligent. “I wouldn’t want my daughter to be in a long relationship without a ring”
You have a beautiful lady with a child. What will make you put a ring on her?
Again again for the Jason luv I would like to know what makes him more prestigious. The body art or is it the genre of jewelry drip. Know one
Great 🔥
Trey songz resembles Omar. I’ll tell y’all for free😆
Might need to see a ophthalmologist
My gut says they’ve had ultimatums in their adult life, re: Omar’s comment.
but it’s okay…we don’t have to dig ALLL the way into that. Afterall, they said ultimatums don’t matter if they aren’t feeling the lady…
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I would like to see Jason luv on the pod cast. Someone is always bigger than you. Not with a cain
I love when you guys tackle a topic but look at it from different perspectives and are open enough to discuss the differences AND even change your mind if it makes sense
love 🤍