Understand this! This isn’t about raising a man. This is about communicating with another human. This goes both ways. No woman or man is perfect at communicating, and the same way a woman will have to do this with a man, a man will have to do this with a woman. I’ve been married 15 years and we are still getting better at communicating every day. If you don’t want to work in a relationship, you aren’t ready for one. If you feel like this is raising a man, you’re not ready for a relationship, and keep that to yourself. The videos to the men sound the same way as this one, because both sides have to WORK!!
if he just takes off, cuts off communication, blocks you for you trying to talk to him, let him go. no way you can help him or change him. and stay away from the guys that their parents, sister etc tell them what to do. There is no change in that.
I enjoy talking to men that are able to express themselves, are truthful, and understanding. I am attracted to those qualities and it don't matter if he is older or younger than me. Maturity of conversation matters.
After only a few months, I had to stop communicating with a guy. He had so much trauma from his childhood & a previous relationship that he was so insecure, emotionally guarded & lacked effective communication skills. It was painful talking to him & I noticed myself walking on eggshells. Had to remove myself quickly because those trauma signs was seen early. Thank God for discernment & protection!
its not that people dont know how to converse. its more like people dont communicate in the way that their partner will comprehend. its like you cant talk to a 5 year old like how you would talk to a 30 year old. you have to meet them on their level in a way they will understand
Only halfway thru the video and I’m exhausted and triggered because I’ve tried many of these techniques only to be at a dead end 😫 I left a year ago and cut all ties. Lesson learned. Now I’m smarter, more aware, and at peace. Alternatively, I’ve lost all patience for men. I don’t have the energy to teach them or hand hold, but I know deep down I can do whatever work is needed for the RIGHT man. Working on me until I’ve healed and a man with intelligence and a capacity for empathy and compassion comes thru. Definitely have to acknowledge the red flags sooner and address them asap! Thanks Tony!
I’ve effectively used communication to stop my previous boss from being rude and angry with me. With the ex however, I got the head nod and “I understand” and then nothing. I was choosing to be present for his poor treatment however. He knew all I would do was complain but then continue to show up. I agree, the wrong man won’t care about your needs or your emotional intelligence and with that man you would just have to realize he is not the one, and leave.
I feel that all these poor communication issues is what everyone has learned, both men and women, from poor teachers, our parents, and we take this issue for granted. When frustration ensues we blame the other person. The important things in life are not stressed or taught in the right way or not given the attention it requires. Communication is more than talking. It involves our whole being. And it does not include winning or losing. I think it is a way to express your need humbly and be understood so that need or idea can be met in order to move forward.
If someone truly wants you, they will show it through actions, how effective their communication is, their vibe, body language and how they treat you. If you have to constantly ask yourself if someone is into you or not, they act hot and cold towards you, then most likely, they're not! 💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
I appreciate Tony for breaking this down for us. However, why do men need so much from women? We as women have to put up with so much from men. How is it that grown men 30 plus years of age, not know how to respect a woman? Men would never grant us the grace, that we are expected to give them.
It's too much. You can't take care of yourself and your healing if you're always taking care of others. Some things only The Most High can do for you and for those you're in a relationship with.
Men need so much collectively and as a whole because they, we, all of us are disconnected from God. Men KNOW that God has placed His loving, nurturing and intuitive traits with the WOMAN, this hurts the MAN'x prideful ego w/o any prompting at all really it is almost innate. It's up to us WOMEN to grow with God.🌺
To me it seems many simply were not taught the value of a good woman and how to love her properly or they want the benefits a good woman has to offer but they are not ready to be the man she needs to stay that way…some grew up seeing there moms be superwoman and truly believe we all should have to live that way even though we have them in our lives for that moment…they haven’t seen productive manhood demonstrated…some recognize the damage they caused but can’t handle what it takes to get the woman they fell in love with back…they rather start over but they don’t love her she’ll never be the one he really wanted…so eventually he’ll repeat the cycle until he realizes he’s truly the cause and do the work…
I don't have any problem walking away. I don't put up with breadcrumbs. I just had a guy ignore me and not show up to our planned play date with our kids, then message me "wyd" two days later after midnight. Yeah ignoring and blocking! I already have someone I am invested in who is talking to me everyday and he is so busy but makes time to message me daily and calls when he can. Consistent communication is key. Yep thank you for admitting what I already know to be true! They can't handle a strong confident woman which is why me and my strong independent beautiful friends are single. A lot of us get tricked young we're treated like gold until they get us pregnant then they abandon us with babies because they're actually Narcissists just using us.
We are taught from the time we are Daddy's little girls that men have such a fragile ego we have to handle "feelings" with care and give them a thousand chances. Thanks for your input Tony!
We have to be handled with care as well. At what point, do they realize, that they can not continue to communicate like children. It's time to communicate like men. We never stop raising people. If it's our kids or not. My opinion.
99% of men I've married, dated, or cohabitated long term with have been one of three types: Yeller, Excuse-maker, or Avoidant. I have used ALL of my mindful therapist talk tricks that Tony mentioned and more. Men of all ages and backgrounds generally have these traits. They generally take on/imitate their parents' argument styles. Schools need to start teaching communication skills between the sexes, regardless of sexual identity etc. We're headed towards a crisis if both men and women don't grow TF up!!
“It’s childish, but it’s life.” -TG this is something I’ve been struggling with in the dating scene. Women have to do a lot of work to weed out boys and seems like a game but it’s life.
Tony, Could you please 🙏🏾 consider doing a seminar speaking engagement for teenage boys… I have a soon to be 14 year old SON who doesn’t have any grown good men around that he can be around to help teach him things that I can’t teach him because I am not a man. I, and I’m sure others, really NEED this…
Yup, it's scriptural. Women will always want the approval and desire of their husband, so the posture is submission. Plus the older generation of women encourages it too!
@@Dr.Elaine1 I gave up. He needs therapy and I am not a psychologist or a social worker. Can't force someone who doesn't want to change. I blessed him and let him go.
Exactly TG. Ladies, value your time, walk in your standards and stop playing about you when it comes to you. 🫶🏽✨ Don’t be scared to let a grown man toddler Go.
When I find myself putting in all the work trying to get to know a person in the beginning, I just cut ties. It’s too much work. Im working on myself, these men should too.
You've described my current partner with avoidant attachment style exactly and that stems from childhood. These are great tips and in line with what our therapist suggests. It's not easy but it works. He probably started out on level 4 out of 10 in communication and is at a 6 now. I've realized that I could become more emotionally mature in my communication.
@@munix9351lol! He can present charismatic but it's very surface level convo and he's mostly listening with light feedback. It took me a little to realize he mainly let me and others lead conversations. He was also not communicative enough to express interest in moving up in his job of 14 years until last year.
Wow this video was EVERYTHING. Thanks for giving steps on how to assist the man and not enable him or just go right to dumping him. But also knowing that we as women can not stick around forever in a relationship with no communication or understanding
I used to get upset with my mom for always wanting me to shut up. I’m glad I noticed that wasn’t okay for me to do for my greatest good. Literally all the guys I’ve dealt with claim I’m yelling at them when I’m trying to have serious conversations with them speaking normally and then they just stay quiet. I haven’t once raised my voice… and I even check myself. I’ve been very frustrated during these conversations but still manage to open up to talk. The thing is they really set the tone. I can’t see myself continuing to try with guys who just don’t wish to make themselves better.
Thank you for this post Mr. Gaskins I as a woman need to work on becoming an effective communicator as I tend to overtalk and my man shuts down. Maybe you can do a video more in depth on becoming an effective communicator as that topic is not bias toward men or women but rather a healthy relationship ❤️
“A man this” “A man that”…. Why is it a woman’s job to always try to figure a man out? Why can’t he just be a man? A lot of these relationship coaches need to talk to the men….cause no matter what we do, if a man is not “A man” then nothing we do or say will work. Why do these male coaches want to lead women but can’t even lead the men? At this point, if men don’t step up….it does no good to keep listening to these relationship coaches focusing on women only because that’s where the money is but not where the problem is. Meanwhile, men still running around like immature children and we are suppose to be the ones to keep figuring it out, while they never grow up or are held accountable…no thanks! Divest ladies…. Be single ladies and leave these men alone that cannot protect, provide, and commit…period.
I just had this conversation last night and he said he would work on his aggressive blunt speak but he doesn’t think he has a pattern of shutting down and I told him that’s from childhood. I’m definitely the over talker and ask to many questions. I’m working on it.
Have you considered gathering data to show him his pattern of shutting down? For example, date of concern, issue that needed to be discussed, answered given/not given, date issued was resolved? Amount of days to resolution. Etc. (Keep data data on yourself as well.). Just a suggestion..
@@Dr.Elaine1 He knows he shuts down he just doesn’t see it as a problem but I’ll take this and use it to show him it’s a pattern and maybe he will work on it and I’ll try not overtaking just keep it simple and to the point. Thank you for the suggestion.
Wow! I had this conversation w/ my neighbors, stating that Men have trouble articulating their feelings. They said I’m calling them stupid! Not @ all just Men are naturally logical, unlike Women are naturally emotionally. Each person need a healthy balance of logic & emotions. Thanks for this🙏🏽
👏🏾👏🏾 Thanks for this clarity from a man's standpoint of Communication. I must say the reasons for the communication breakdown go both ways. Thanks, Tony 👏🏾👏🏾
I think this is all about not tolerating poor treatment and poor communication with your partner. When it shows up (because it will) To y is providing practical advice on how to handle it. So don’t accept poor behavior and mistreatment but instead of just saying not to accept it Tony gives you a roadmap!
Thank you Tony for breaking down what these types of behaviors stem from. Control and pain/trauma is the cause for a lot of the behavior. The hard part is to not stoop to the person’s level, but it is smart. Setting boundaries and making it clear through actions what is acceptable is key 🔑
I came to the realization that I didn’t understand men when I was 34… and had been a single mother for 9 years to a boy smh. I was only motivated to pray for understanding because I didn’t want to grow to dislike my own male child. It’s appalling to me that some girls aren’t taught ANYTHING about men, grow up without a father in the house, but are judged harshly about how they handle men as adults. I’m not learning about men until after I’ve gotten negative outcomes. I never had a chance to get the life I wanted when I was younger because I didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it. And I was surrounded by people who either didn’t know either, or enjoyed seeing my failures. It’s really sad how deep the crabs in a barrel concept is. And how insecure people really are. My family is full of single women. Either divorced or separated or never married. 70% of us!!! I did the math!!! All of us with our own homes, educated and God-fearing, but still single. Tony, you are one of the biggest reasons that I have a chance to fix this family curse! Thanks so much for giving me the tools to teach my daughters the correct information! May God continue to bless you and your family and your ministry 💕.
Thank you Tony!!! That was God!!! I needed this word. May God Continue to Bless you always. God knows we need you so much. Some of us definitely do not know any better. Thank you, God Bless you Brother.
Tony!it's crazy how a man that communicates well is such a turn on. I am loving this podcast, it's one of your best. I would have loved for my Ex to talk to me like a human being, not like he was superior. He belittled me to the point, I didn't know my left from my right. I left ! Feeling better now, God is so so good.
thank you so much for this Tony! communication is the key for both! i have noticed in me that i can be a over talker when i’m trying to get my point heard! that’s something i need to work on! 😇😇😇
Communication it seems is a lifelong journey that changes as maturity ensues. Communication it seems makes you include and understand that there is one or more than one person to be considered. There has to be a lot of humility! How did JESUS teach and reach out to a vast number of people? And the higher classes understood his messages and that He was a threat to them? Communication is our Everything in life!
I appreciate this perspective so much. Can you speak on men that feel like woman expressing theirself is “complaining” when a relationship should be open ended, or men and woman that get defensive when its time for them to take accountability or blame the other person for the issues that you have with them.
My person's communication sucks. I'm over it. Thanks Tony. You're the best. It's called respect. Answer a text FHS. I've never had a man be this way and I'm 64
This is very good information. Thank you Tony. As a woman, it’s easy to write men off like, they just don’t understand us. This makes me look and understand men and my own communication styles.
I just wanna say praise God for you Mr. Tony Gaskins, I had always read your quotes on insta but u popped up in my algorithm and I've been watching your videos old n new every day now. I am a child of God but I just don't go to church anymore. I have a relationship with God but once covid hit I stopped going and now things have opened bk up, I just hvnt found a church. I listen to u and have started bk reading my bible. So I decided that every morning I do a Morning Motivation I.E. Listen to a1hr Tony gaskins topic and a NIghtly Preservations 30 min topic an I decided to name it this in my phone. God is really moving on my heart b/c I am a disabled single mother my kids are grown now and I've been feeling like a sitting duck and being depressed and full of anxiety and docts dropping the ball on getting me to a therapist. I just always revert back to God he just helps me and guide's me but you are a truly blessed man. I pray that God covers you and your family and continue to use you. I'm a 39yr old single woman who just needs to focus on myself b/c I've always put everyone else 1st. I've had 3 spinal surgeries for scoliosis, and I have lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. It has been hard I got my Ged in 2018 both of my sons graduated on time Praise God in 2019 and 2020 but now I'm ready to go to college to get my certification as a CMA. I've always wanted to go into the medical field and I ask God to allow me to feel good and not have a lot of bad days so I can be able to complete the task. I just wanted to tell you a lil bit about me and say Thank you for the videos b/c they motivate me!!💯 Be Blessed
I Believe in Submission But Only to A Strong Leadership Type Of Man, A Man That Seeks GOD and Love his Wife 2nd After GOD. A GOD Fearing Man Only. Because If he Knows GOD he Will Know how to Treat his Wife.
YES.YES. YES💯YES. Your on POINT. Its you need to be this way or that way else he don't want you,nobody would want you. If u don't act this way,look this way or be attractive or alluring this way,he don't want you. You can't date properly,you dont know how to vet properly....u attract assholes and get manipulated. For once im walking away from this life,learning to accept my OWn self and love my OWN self. For once not looking for a man to like or accept me. Yes thats the type of man i been with. He shut down on me and thats exactly what happened. We no longer communicate anymore. Its been almost 3 months. I understand now,sadly we didnt have this chance....he just shut me out. Its over
Communicating effectively is essential to any healthy relationship… we have to heal from childhood traumas… we can’t carry these negative behaviors in our relationships… we have to allow these men time and the ability to heal… men have emotions and feelings too… I think we forget that men are often taught to ignore their feelings and emotions, which results in unhealthy communication and relationships…as mother’s we have to allow our son’s in particular an outlet for expression…let them express themselves, challenge them to think and express themselves in a healthy fashion…🤍👑
I am coming into the awareness of the "Power of Feminine Energy"..As a female I thought being feminine was (Only) getting my hair, nails, feet did!! Looking attractive!! Only to realize that I was very aggressive and that's how my environment trained me (unconsciously)..like LL Cool J song "Around the way Girl"!! Which (looking back is how I attracted a certain type of guy)....Now understanding that it's about an (inner softness)!! With myself first, self concept etc!! Asking myself: what am I thinking about? How do I feel? What can I do to shift my mood? Basically, checking in with me!! As, I've been practicing this new way and acquiring New knowledge on developing myself into the woman I desire to be, I am attracting different type of men. Learning that all people have to be willing to put that work in to acquire New knowledge to grow (Man or Woman)!! With all that being said..I also realize alot of really good men, may not be for me. The world has taught me the#1 thing a Good man must do to show he loves his woman and family is "Provide"..The aren't cheating and work hard to provide your needs and wants!! Now that's wonderful for who it's wonderful for!! Communication is everything to me, definitely not deleting the provision and faithfulness, but it's basic to me!! Yet when we look@how as individuals we are all groomed differently!! I feel that if my future husband in I have a mutual spiritual connection!! (Which may look unique to us). Those beliefs will allow us to meet each other in the middle! While working independently and interdependently together!! Even when we off, we On💕!! Cause some days people just don't feel like it..period! It doesn't have anything to do with the other! W/o being able to have healthy communication (all of this would be almost impossible)!!!
You are really teaching great work 👏 it is 100% right ✅ many man are training to be alway be the head of a woman people focuses on the woman laft the men with out no home training i love you work
See I really have no patience to hold a man’s hand and Pretty much raise/groom him. I am a mirror, however I am treated that’s exactly what I’m goin to give that person in return. For the most part if I see a man can’t get it right, I’m out the door, I don’t have time for games period !
Tony, in the Bible at Genesis 3:16 -To the woman he said: “I will greatly increase the pain of your pregnancy; in pain you will give birth to children, and your longing will be for your husband, and he will dominate you,” here you see where because Eve influenced her husband Adam to eat the fruit that was forbidden this was the punishment that God gave her, as you can see, he says that her "longing would be for her husband" and that her husband will "dominate her", that goes for every woman after her. You said that you believe that a woman innately had a need to submit to a man and here you can see from the Bible that yes, we long for our men and our man will dominate us, so yes, we do innately submit to them. I watch you all of the time and I do appreciate you. I was a member of your blessed tribe for a time but as of now, I'm not. Take care and keep up the good work.
I watched some red pill content. And most men say they don't express emotion because women will often weaponize it in a argument later or he doesn't want to be viewed as not masculine OR they may not trust confidentiality
It’s all excuses and lack of accountability of their baggage bc men weaponize and manipulate womens’ emotions all the time and we still choose to communicate bc we LOGICALLY know it’s what’s best.
This is confirmation of what I've been sharing & saying. Thank you. I have a man who doesn't own his parts and will argue me down until I just shut down. I don't yell back or anything. I just shut down. I'm done talking or trying to talk. How do I communicate with him without him yelling, blaming, and/or saying "we'll talk later" or "I want to enjoy the day, let's no ruin it. we'll talk later" (later never comes)???
Its ok and you are not alone. The liar is only successful because the responses are like a drug. There's no high for them to tell the truth. Just detox and rehab and no one wants to volunteer for that.
Tony, you have so many good points that you bring to our attention. Communication, is a big deal for ALL of us! Yet, it is not given the care and attention it needs. I feel and believe that balanced communication should start at birth and parents should be great examples I realize none of us are good communicators and hence our confusion. How do we begin to correct this and change to communication that has more regard and respect?
Please can you also make a video with comunication with a narcisist or sociopath so on in that case is impossibile and even dangerous to express and better just go away by plan
@@TonyGaskins ahhhhh i understand ....but there are Many people who have channels discussing those tipics even do they are not doctor or so on . Will be' nice maybe u can do a cooperation with doctor Ramani and talk about it .....bcs world is more crazy day by day people need to protect themself especially in relationships
![[TH] VALORANT Champions Seoul - Grand Final - EDG vs TH](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/WvObMc9VelI/mqdefault.jpg)
Understand this! This isn’t about raising a man. This is about communicating with another human. This goes both ways. No woman or man is perfect at communicating, and the same way a woman will have to do this with a man, a man will have to do this with a woman. I’ve been married 15 years and we are still getting better at communicating every day. If you don’t want to work in a relationship, you aren’t ready for one. If you feel like this is raising a man, you’re not ready for a relationship, and keep that to yourself. The videos to the men sound the same way as this one, because both sides have to WORK!!
if he just takes off, cuts off communication, blocks you for you trying to talk to him, let him go. no way you can help him or change him. and stay away from the guys that their parents, sister etc tell them what to do. There is no change in that.
Some men THINK they are good communicators.... but will not tell you how they feel or what bothers them......hmmm 😬
I enjoy talking to men that are able to express themselves, are truthful, and understanding. I am attracted to those qualities and it don't matter if he is older or younger than me. Maturity of conversation matters.
Same I can’t agree more. So much hurt and pain can be avoided
@@zeinebchem4011 Thank you 😊
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💯💯💯
Same hereeee a man that's good with his words and can effectively communicate is very sexy.
@@tarao4382 Thank you😊
After only a few months, I had to stop communicating with a guy. He had so much trauma from his childhood & a previous relationship that he was so insecure, emotionally guarded & lacked effective communication skills. It was painful talking to him & I noticed myself walking on eggshells. Had to remove myself quickly because those trauma signs was seen early. Thank God for discernment & protection!
Sounds like my exact experience. Funny because his last person name was Nicole
Just did the same
I would just avoid an emotionally unavailable guy , if he hasn't done the work that speaks volumes
This should be pinned, cause you are CORRECT!!!!
It’s crazy how people are in relationships and still don’t know how to Conversate
its not that people dont know how to converse. its more like people dont communicate in the way that their partner will comprehend. its like you cant talk to a 5 year old like how you would talk to a 30 year old. you have to meet them on their level in a way they will understand
It really is.....smh
*converse
It's more common than you think.
Thats true
Only halfway thru the video and I’m exhausted and triggered because I’ve tried many of these techniques only to be at a dead end 😫 I left a year ago and cut all ties. Lesson learned. Now I’m smarter, more aware, and at peace. Alternatively, I’ve lost all patience for men. I don’t have the energy to teach them or hand hold, but I know deep down I can do whatever work is needed for the RIGHT man. Working on me until I’ve healed and a man with intelligence and a capacity for empathy and compassion comes thru. Definitely have to acknowledge the red flags sooner and address them asap! Thanks Tony!
I’ve effectively used communication to stop my previous boss from being rude and angry with me. With the ex however, I got the head nod and “I understand” and then nothing. I was choosing to be present for his poor treatment however. He knew all I would do was complain but then continue to show up. I agree, the wrong man won’t care about your needs or your emotional intelligence and with that man you would just have to realize he is not the one, and leave.
👏🏾👏🏾Well said! I’m in the same space
I agree been there done that it’s exhausting! Grown men know how to communicate I’m not a therapist I’m not doing any of that 🤷🏽♀️
I feel that all these poor communication issues is what everyone has learned, both men and women, from poor teachers, our parents, and we take this issue for granted.
When frustration ensues we blame the other person.
The important things in life are not stressed or taught in the right way or not given the attention it requires.
Communication is more than talking. It involves our whole being. And it does not include winning or losing.
I think it is a way to express your need humbly and be understood so that need or idea can be met in order to move forward.
If someone truly wants you, they will show it through actions, how effective their communication is, their vibe, body language and how they treat you. If you have to constantly ask yourself if someone is into you or not, they act hot and cold towards you, then most likely, they're not!
💙TH-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
I absolutely agree if it comes with peace and Confirmation it's a yes if it comes with questions and confusion it's a no.
You are exactly right! WALK AWAY and keep walking. I do not look back!
Me either.....I can't walk and look back.....I may hit a tree
@@beefaye6861 😂👏🏽Good 1! Press forward love even when that sh*t hurts and confusing!
A man whom can actively listen and effectively respond is my love language😊
I appreciate Tony for breaking this down for us. However, why do men need so much from women? We as women have to put up with so much from men. How is it that grown men 30 plus years of age, not know how to respect a woman? Men would never grant us the grace, that we are expected to give them.
It's too much. You can't take care of yourself and your healing if you're always taking care of others. Some things only The Most High can do for you and for those you're in a relationship with.
Men need so much collectively and as a whole because they, we, all of us are disconnected from God. Men KNOW that God has placed His loving, nurturing and intuitive traits with the WOMAN, this hurts the MAN'x prideful ego w/o any prompting at all really it is almost innate. It's up to us WOMEN to grow with God.🌺
To me it seems many simply were not taught the value of a good woman and how to love her properly or they want the benefits a good woman has to offer but they are not ready to be the man she needs to stay that way…some grew up seeing there moms be superwoman and truly believe we all should have to live that way even though we have them in our lives for that moment…they haven’t seen productive manhood demonstrated…some recognize the damage they caused but can’t handle what it takes to get the woman they fell in love with back…they rather start over but they don’t love her she’ll never be the one he really wanted…so eventually he’ll repeat the cycle until he realizes he’s truly the cause and do the work…
"Recognize crazy early." 🙌🏾
Mann this was a good one. I have experienced poor communication in many relationships. Communication and accountability changes the game.
Hey ladies we can not expect a man to change for our good when he is not your God ordained spouse!!!!
Mmph... I hear you!!!
@@vernita0216 ok!!!!
That’s the man I use to be with holding on to the hurt other women did to him and took it out on me
I don't have any problem walking away. I don't put up with breadcrumbs. I just had a guy ignore me and not show up to our planned play date with our kids, then message me "wyd" two days later after midnight. Yeah ignoring and blocking! I already have someone I am invested in who is talking to me everyday and he is so busy but makes time to message me daily and calls when he can. Consistent communication is key. Yep thank you for admitting what I already know to be true! They can't handle a strong confident woman which is why me and my strong independent beautiful friends are single.
A lot of us get tricked young we're treated like gold until they get us pregnant then they abandon us with babies because they're actually Narcissists just using us.
We are taught from the time we are Daddy's little girls that men have such a fragile ego we have to handle "feelings" with care and give them a thousand chances. Thanks for your input Tony!
We have to be handled with care as well. At what point, do they realize, that they can not continue to communicate like children. It's time to communicate like men.
We never stop raising people. If it's our kids or not.
My opinion.
99% of men I've married, dated, or cohabitated long term with have been one of three types: Yeller, Excuse-maker, or Avoidant. I have used ALL of my mindful therapist talk tricks that Tony mentioned and more. Men of all ages and backgrounds generally have these traits. They generally take on/imitate their parents' argument styles.
Schools need to start teaching communication skills between the sexes, regardless of sexual identity etc. We're headed towards a crisis if both men and women don't grow TF up!!
I think we are in the middle of that crisis...
“It’s childish, but it’s life.” -TG this is something I’ve been struggling with in the dating scene. Women have to do a lot of work to weed out boys and seems like a game but it’s life.
We don't have to. We choose to because we think if we don't he will leave us.
Tony, Could you please 🙏🏾 consider doing a seminar speaking engagement for teenage boys… I have a soon to be 14 year old SON who doesn’t have any grown good men around that he can be around to help teach him things that I can’t teach him because I am not a man. I, and I’m sure others, really NEED this…
We will do a zoom!
Thank You Tony 😌💖
Yup, it's scriptural. Women will always want the approval and desire of their husband, so the posture is submission. Plus the older generation of women encourages it too!
Yes but I won’t submit to a man that won’t bring peace and protection to my life
Communication is a 2-way street - when he shuts down there is no communication no matter what I do...so I shut down too.
Thank you for your post.
How’s that working out for you? Have you considered modeling how 2-way communication works?
@@Dr.Elaine1 I gave up. He needs therapy and I am not a psychologist or a social worker. Can't force someone who doesn't want to change. I blessed him and let him go.
@@elizabethhennessey6437 Thanks for your reply. So sorry to hear that.
Love will not make the wrong person the right one. Prayers for you.
This hurts. I watch this and I think of my family and my parents. I still haven't recovered.
Sending you love and light... I know how that is! GOD BLESS!
Exactly TG. Ladies, value your time, walk in your standards and stop playing about you when it comes to you. 🫶🏽✨ Don’t be scared to let a grown man toddler Go.
When I find myself putting in all the work trying to get to know a person in the beginning, I just cut ties. It’s too much work. Im working on myself, these men should too.
You've described my current partner with avoidant attachment style exactly and that stems from childhood. These are great tips and in line with what our therapist suggests. It's not easy but it works. He probably started out on level 4 out of 10 in communication and is at a 6 now. I've realized that I could become more emotionally mature in my communication.
I bet he isn't avoidant at work though 🤐
@@munix9351lol! He can present charismatic but it's very surface level convo and he's mostly listening with light feedback. It took me a little to realize he mainly let me and others lead conversations. He was also not communicative enough to express interest in moving up in his job of 14 years until last year.
TY🌺
Yes my guy is avodent also it's been a ride I always get the old silent treatment when he doesn't want to talk.
Wow this video was EVERYTHING. Thanks for giving steps on how to assist the man and not enable him or just go right to dumping him. But also knowing that we as women can not stick around forever in a relationship with no communication or understanding
You said a mouth full he’s NOT my HUSBAND 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Thank you! I appreciate the fact that you use clean language. God bless sir.
I love this content . I used to stoop to a man level. No more . I will just walk away and stay in my feminine energy.
My dad was sooo controlling and now my brothers are so aggressive with their communication! So true
I can't even express how on time this video is. Thank you again for all you do!
Honestly this is really good teaching, as communication is a real thing with some men. Thank you 🙏
I used to get upset with my mom for always wanting me to shut up. I’m glad I noticed that wasn’t okay for me to do for my greatest good. Literally all the guys I’ve dealt with claim I’m yelling at them when I’m trying to have serious conversations with them speaking normally and then they just stay quiet. I haven’t once raised my voice… and I even check myself. I’ve been very frustrated during these conversations but still manage to open up to talk. The thing is they really set the tone. I can’t see myself continuing to try with guys who just don’t wish to make themselves better.
Thank you for this post Mr. Gaskins I as a woman need to work on becoming an effective communicator as I tend to overtalk and my man shuts down. Maybe you can do a video more in depth on becoming an effective communicator as that topic is not bias toward men or women but rather a healthy relationship ❤️
I do that also.
Thanks Uncle Tony. God really used you in this moment. That's exactly what I needed to hear.
Very good advice, Tony! It's very important to recognize crazy early!
“A man this” “A man that”…. Why is it a woman’s job to always try to figure a man out? Why can’t he just be a man? A lot of these relationship coaches need to talk to the men….cause no matter what we do, if a man is not “A man” then nothing we do or say will work. Why do these male coaches want to lead women but can’t even lead the men? At this point, if men don’t step up….it does no good to keep listening to these relationship coaches focusing on women only because that’s where the money is but not where the problem is. Meanwhile, men still running around like immature children and we are suppose to be the ones to keep figuring it out, while they never grow up or are held accountable…no thanks! Divest ladies…. Be single ladies and leave these men alone that cannot protect, provide, and commit…period.
My exact sentiments! (Spot on Ms. Jen Jen!!!)
Communication is 🗝️. Thanks for sharing this video. 🙏🏽💯
Y’all, pass the offering plate to me! This was so good🙌🏾🙌🏾
I just had this conversation last night and he said he would work on his aggressive blunt speak but he doesn’t think he has a pattern of shutting down and I told him that’s from childhood. I’m definitely the over talker and ask to many questions. I’m working on it.
Have you considered gathering data to show him his pattern of shutting down? For example, date of concern, issue that needed to be discussed, answered given/not given, date issued was resolved? Amount of days to resolution. Etc. (Keep data data on yourself as well.). Just a suggestion..
@@Dr.Elaine1 He knows he shuts down he just doesn’t see it as a problem but I’ll take this and use it to show him it’s a pattern and maybe he will work on it and I’ll try not overtaking just keep it simple and to the point. Thank you for the suggestion.
This should be taught in school a course for all young women thank you so much God bless you 🙏
Thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏
You're very self aware TG. God bless you and your family
Best video of the year!!💯💯💯
Wow!
I had this conversation w/ my neighbors, stating that Men have trouble articulating their feelings. They said I’m calling them stupid! Not @ all just Men are naturally logical, unlike Women are naturally emotionally. Each person need a healthy balance of logic & emotions.
Thanks for this🙏🏽
👏🏾👏🏾 Thanks for this clarity from a man's standpoint of Communication. I must say the reasons for the communication breakdown go both ways. Thanks, Tony 👏🏾👏🏾
I think this is all about not tolerating poor treatment and poor communication with your partner. When it shows up (because it will) To y is providing practical advice on how to handle it. So don’t accept poor behavior and mistreatment but instead of just saying not to accept it Tony gives you a roadmap!
This is an on time vid. I’m kinda talking to someone for the 1st time as an adult. I’m a 22 y/o female & decided to start dating this year🙏🏾
All ears Blessings to you and Wife/Family 🙏🏾
Whew let’s take a listen to this one. All 🦻🏽s😂
Omg this has answered so much just within the first few mins.
Thank you Tony for breaking down what these types of behaviors stem from. Control and pain/trauma is the cause for a lot of the behavior. The hard part is to not stoop to the person’s level, but it is smart. Setting boundaries and making it clear through actions what is acceptable is key 🔑
As always…such a needed topic. Thank you Tony🙏🏽🙂
Tony you’re really good at your communication skills.
Excellent Word Mr. Tony!!!! 👏 Well explained!!!
This is a real key right here man
Great message Tony. Thank you so much!
Mr, Gaskins. I love this video Sir! Well done.
Thank you Tony
I was taught to shut up but u no what I just kept on talking lol
I came to the realization that I didn’t understand men when I was 34… and had been a single mother for 9 years to a boy smh. I was only motivated to pray for understanding because I didn’t want to grow to dislike my own male child. It’s appalling to me that some girls aren’t taught ANYTHING about men, grow up without a father in the house, but are judged harshly about how they handle men as adults. I’m not learning about men until after I’ve gotten negative outcomes. I never had a chance to get the life I wanted when I was younger because I didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it. And I was surrounded by people who either didn’t know either, or enjoyed seeing my failures. It’s really sad how deep the crabs in a barrel concept is. And how insecure people really are. My family is full of single women. Either divorced or separated or never married. 70% of us!!! I did the math!!! All of us with our own homes, educated and God-fearing, but still single.
Tony, you are one of the biggest reasons that I have a chance to fix this family curse! Thanks so much for giving me the tools to teach my daughters the correct information!
May God continue to bless you and your family and your ministry 💕.
Thank you, Tony for these videos.
Thank you Tony!!! That was God!!! I needed this word. May God Continue to Bless you always. God knows we need you so much. Some of us definitely do not know any better. Thank you, God Bless you Brother.
Tony!it's crazy how a man that communicates well is such a turn on. I am loving this podcast, it's one of your best. I would have loved for my Ex to talk to me like a human being, not like he was superior. He belittled me to the point, I didn't know my left from my right. I left ! Feeling better now, God is so so good.
I definitely over share . I’m praying for that .
Great video Tony. Thank you for your time.
thank you so much for this Tony! communication is the key for both! i have noticed in me that i can be a over talker when i’m trying to get my point heard! that’s something i need to work on! 😇😇😇
Communication it seems is a lifelong journey that changes as maturity ensues.
Communication it seems makes you include and understand that there is one or more than one person to be considered. There has to be a lot of humility!
How did JESUS teach and reach out to a vast number of people? And the higher classes understood his messages and that He was a threat to them?
Communication is our Everything in life!
Nailed it thank you and appreciate your gift of wisdom may God continue to bless you too many people that need the help ❤️
I appreciate this perspective so much. Can you speak on men that feel like woman expressing theirself is “complaining” when a relationship should be open ended, or men and woman that get defensive when its time for them to take accountability or blame the other person for the issues that you have with them.
I just thank you for teaching us pure sanity
You're right!
Great video Brother Tony!!! Thank you.
Thank you Tony!! ✨
My person's communication sucks. I'm over it. Thanks Tony. You're the best. It's called respect. Answer a text FHS. I've never had a man be this way and I'm 64
Smh....but I bet he can build an airplane 😂
Oof, I was beginning to think it was something else but now seeing your post makes me think otherwise
@@beefaye6861 😂😂😂
Person? haha
@@mrc3226 haha you've never heard that
This is very good information. Thank you Tony. As a woman, it’s easy to write men off like, they just don’t understand us. This makes me look and understand men and my own communication styles.
Your videos and insight have been very helpful, Tony. I appreciate your ministry here. God bless you and your beautiful family!!🙏🏽
I just wanna say praise God for you Mr. Tony Gaskins, I had always read your quotes on insta but u popped up in my algorithm and I've been watching your videos old n new every day now. I am a child of God but I just don't go to church anymore. I have a relationship with God but once covid hit I stopped going and now things have opened bk up, I just hvnt found a church. I listen to u and have started bk reading my bible. So I decided that every morning I do a Morning Motivation I.E. Listen to a1hr Tony gaskins topic and a NIghtly Preservations 30 min topic an I decided to name it this in my phone. God is really moving on my heart b/c I am a disabled single mother my kids are grown now and I've been feeling like a sitting duck and being depressed and full of anxiety and docts dropping the ball on getting me to a therapist. I just always revert back to God he just helps me and guide's me but you are a truly blessed man. I pray that God covers you and your family and continue to use you. I'm a 39yr old single woman who just needs to focus on myself b/c I've always put everyone else 1st. I've had 3 spinal surgeries for scoliosis, and I have lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. It has been hard I got my Ged in 2018 both of my sons graduated on time Praise God in 2019 and 2020 but now I'm ready to go to college to get my certification as a CMA. I've always wanted to go into the medical field and I ask God to allow me to feel good and not have a lot of bad days so I can be able to complete the task. I just wanted to tell you a lil bit about me and say Thank you for the videos b/c they motivate me!!💯 Be Blessed
I Believe in Submission But Only to A Strong Leadership Type Of Man, A Man That Seeks GOD and Love his Wife 2nd After GOD. A GOD Fearing Man Only. Because If he Knows GOD he Will Know how to Treat his Wife.
This is great advice TY Tony you really are my mentor
YES.YES. YES💯YES. Your on POINT.
Its you need to be this way or that way else he don't want you,nobody would want you. If u don't act this way,look this way or be attractive or alluring this way,he don't want you. You can't date properly,you dont know how to vet properly....u attract assholes and get manipulated. For once im walking away from this life,learning to accept my OWn self and love my OWN self. For once not looking for a man to like or accept me.
Yes thats the type of man i been with. He shut down on me and thats exactly what happened. We no longer communicate anymore. Its been almost 3 months. I understand now,sadly we didnt have this chance....he just shut me out. Its over
Communicating effectively is essential to any healthy relationship… we have to heal from childhood traumas… we can’t carry these negative behaviors in our relationships… we have to allow these men time and the ability to heal… men have emotions and feelings too… I think we forget that men are often taught to ignore their feelings and emotions, which results in unhealthy communication and relationships…as mother’s we have to allow our son’s in particular an outlet for expression…let them express themselves, challenge them to think and express themselves in a healthy fashion…🤍👑
I am coming into the awareness of the "Power of Feminine Energy"..As a female I thought being feminine was (Only) getting my hair, nails, feet did!! Looking attractive!! Only to realize that I was very aggressive and that's how my environment trained me (unconsciously)..like LL Cool J song "Around the way Girl"!! Which (looking back is how I attracted a certain type of guy)....Now understanding that it's about an (inner softness)!! With myself first, self concept etc!! Asking myself: what am I thinking about? How do I feel? What can I do to shift my mood? Basically, checking in with me!! As, I've been practicing this new way and acquiring New knowledge on developing myself into the woman I desire to be, I am attracting different type of men. Learning that all people have to be willing to put that work in to acquire New knowledge to grow (Man or Woman)!! With all that being said..I also realize alot of really good men, may not be for me. The world has taught me the#1 thing a Good man must do to show he loves his woman and family is "Provide"..The aren't cheating and work hard to provide your needs and wants!! Now that's wonderful for who it's wonderful for!! Communication is everything to me, definitely not deleting the provision and faithfulness, but it's basic to me!! Yet when we look@how as individuals we are all groomed differently!! I feel that if my future husband in I have a mutual spiritual connection!! (Which may look unique to us). Those beliefs will allow us to meet each other in the middle! While working independently and interdependently together!! Even when we off, we On💕!! Cause some days people just don't feel like it..period! It doesn't have anything to do with the other! W/o being able to have healthy communication (all of this would be almost impossible)!!!
You are really teaching great work 👏 it is 100% right ✅ many man are training to be alway be the head of a woman people focuses on the woman laft the men with out no home training i love you work
Why is this so on time though. Very helpful.
See I really have no patience to hold a man’s hand and Pretty much raise/groom him. I am a mirror, however I am treated that’s exactly what I’m goin to give that person in return. For the most part if I see a man can’t get it right, I’m out the door, I don’t have time for games period !
👏🏽 yess
Tony, in the Bible at Genesis 3:16 -To the woman he said: “I will greatly increase the pain of your pregnancy; in pain you will give birth to children, and your longing will be for your husband, and he will dominate you,” here you see where because Eve influenced her husband Adam to eat the fruit that was forbidden this was the punishment that God gave her, as you can see, he says that her "longing would be for her husband" and that her husband will "dominate her", that goes for every woman after her. You said that you believe that a woman innately had a need to submit to a man and here you can see from the Bible that yes, we long for our men and our man will dominate us, so yes, we do innately submit to them. I watch you all of the time and I do appreciate you. I was a member of your blessed tribe for a time but as of now, I'm not. Take care and keep up the good work.
We communicate in different ways it's important to understand how. One talk one listen hear then do you understand . We all want to be heard.
I watched some red pill content. And most men say they don't express emotion because women will often weaponize it in a argument later or he doesn't want to be viewed as not masculine OR they may not trust confidentiality
It’s all excuses and lack of accountability of their baggage bc men weaponize and manipulate womens’ emotions all the time and we still choose to communicate bc we LOGICALLY know it’s what’s best.
Im not a big talker, I fear a man trying to “Communicate” me to death!! 😂
This was good
I’ve done this. Even when I try to talk him calm he gets angry and shuts down. No matter how calm I am or what I say he gets irritated immediately.
Amen. 💯
This is confirmation of what I've been sharing & saying. Thank you. I have a man who doesn't own his parts and will argue me down until I just shut down. I don't yell back or anything. I just shut down. I'm done talking or trying to talk. How do I communicate with him without him yelling, blaming, and/or saying "we'll talk later" or "I want to enjoy the day, let's no ruin it. we'll talk later" (later never comes)???
We are in no contact right now because of the way he treats me. I have breast and I am the mother of his son
I’m dealing with a liar and don’t know how to deal with him at all.
Put your track shoes on Sis 👟and run!! Take your life back, you deserve better🙏🏽
Don't deal. Heal. Then you'll understand why you dealing with a liar.
You are dealing with a man that doesn’t meet your standard of honesty. Makes sense that you don’t know how to deal with him.
You not supposed to deal with liars sis at all!🤔
Its ok and you are not alone. The liar is only successful because the responses are like a drug. There's no high for them to tell the truth. Just detox and rehab and no one wants to volunteer for that.
Tony, you have so many good points that you bring to our attention.
Communication, is a big deal for ALL of us!
Yet, it is not given the care and attention it needs. I feel and believe that balanced communication should start at birth and parents should be great examples
I realize none of us are good communicators and hence our confusion.
How do we begin to correct this and change to communication that has more regard and respect?
Say that again
Please can you also make a video with comunication with a narcisist or sociopath so on in that case is impossibile and even dangerous to express and better just go away by plan
No, because those are clinical terms and I’m not a clinician.
@@TonyGaskins ahhhhh i understand ....but there are Many people who have channels discussing those tipics even do they are not doctor or so on . Will be' nice maybe u can do a cooperation with doctor Ramani and talk about it .....bcs world is more crazy day by day people need to protect themself especially in relationships