This is one of the best ways to shut these types of “jokes” down. Since either there is no joke or he knew it was offensive, the boyfriend felt uncomfortable explaining it. He made OP’s wife uncomfortable, so OP made him uncomfortable. No harm done on OP’s part, whereas the boyfriend made a very hurtful comment about something potentially traumatic for OP’s wife.
If you have to explain the joke, it wasn't funny. If you can't explain the joke, it wasn't a joke. I think "I was joking" should join "it was a prank, bro" and "but FaMiLy" in the bullying excuses.
It's also a good way to call someone our in a group without confrontation, and possibly stand up for someone else in the group that the 'joke' could be (consciously or unconsciously) targeting. Going to add one more recommendation for the channel 'Beau of the Fifth Column' here. He used this example for a video on encountering systemic racism last year. Generally, he makes excellent, informative videos on social, cultural & current events without telling you WHAT to think, just picking out the main points. He is somehow military related/ex-military - although don't judge a book... etc. Listen first. He's putting out excellent information - FACTS - on news from Ukraine & Russia just now (& NATO & International Affairs, & things no US networks cover). I learn more from his 10 min videos than from almost anything else, for those interested. (And FWIW, I'm not American, I'm British, & also have some intricate knowledge of some issues he discusses. He is on another level when it comes to informing people.)
Yeah, I have had my share of questionable guests in my house, but the idea that they would throw my food out, is just... wow lol. I like to cook, I have a lot of high dollar items, including semi-rare spices and sauces, I would go on the warpath.
Plus food is really expansive nowadays...just the fact that she refused to pay her back, or at least re-stock the supplies is reason enough to kick her out!
I'm a foodie. I love to eat. I even know that I emotional eat, but I don't care. I work out so I can stay fit and keep eating what I want. I also love to cook and experiment with new recipes and it's one of my joys in life. I have 3 siblings, and only one of which I actually like. But even if the sibling I like did that I'd explode and yell at her to get out too. Don't mess with people's food, and don't mess with the waiter/staff handling your food. Two very simple rules to ensure your food never gets messed with lol
OP gave BF the opportunity to (partially) redeem himself by retracting the joke and apologizing, but he didn't do it, he opted instead for the really strange solution of ... running away. There is definitely something wrong with BF. I wouldn't be surprised if he treats OP's sister this way too.
Also, it wasn’t just a one-time thing. She repeatedly keyed the car before that, and OP let it go, and by the time she trashed the car it had been long enough that it couldn’t even be considered lashing out about the breakup.
To me she sounds like an absolute psychopath. I think she deserves to be locked up for a while for her actions. I think her ex boyfriend deserves to have some time away from relationships with women.
@@erickpoorbaugh6728 I would guess that because the scratches didn't get his attention she probably thinks it's his fault she had to wreck the car. But yeah she's nuts and needs to be stopped. She doesn't need therapy she needs to be institutionalized.
She does sound hostile and a bit unhinged as well. I mean she didn't feel sorry that she got her brother I jail for getting involved. Besides if Op doesn't give her a reality check. I can't imagine how she react when she out on her own in the real world. She would be in jail or kill by the wrong person.
Story 2: the husband isn’t “staying neutral”, he called his wife selfish, ignored his wifes feelings, didn’t defend his wife and was massively unsupportive. He didn’t stay neutral, he sided with his mother, and he needs to stand with his wife. He really is awful and somehow doesn’t see that he’s awful, he is massively TA.
Look at the story. I'm betting she talked him into moving and he reluctantly agreed and sees the situation with his wife and mother as a possible way to get his desire not to move. IMO.
@@JohnThomas-ut3go You're on OP's side because of your own "opinions", which is basically stupid assumptions that has nothing to do with the actual story?
As someone with actual anger issues, the sister in the 3rd story is nuts! Op literally just asked the bf to explain the joke, they didnt even raise their voice or anything. So not the butthole
Seriously. The boyfriend made a completely tasteless "joke" and OP stood up for their partner. That's what you're SUPPOSED to do. Act like an ass, get treated like one
@@ThisIsMego Agree. Telling 'jokes' that hurt people _deserves_ to be challenged. I have only one mild critique of OP: He should have gone to comfort his wife first. The a$$40[e boyfriend could have been dealt with later.
Can confirm, have PTSD which comes with some wonderful PTSD rage, OP handled this so politely, he literally just asked him to explain the joke. Really don’t understand why the sister, who has actual anger issues to be screaming like that, is claiming OP who was calm, has “anger issues”.
“It’s just a joke bro” “Stop asking him to explain the joke, you’re making him uncomfortable” Oh, so it’s completely okay to be crude, dehumanising, hurt, and make his wife literally CRY? And everyone is supposed to be completely okay with this douche? No, he’s 100% TA, why is the family enabling him? Utterly disgusting man.
That Grandma is completely nutso. They didn’t say that she could never come visit, FaceTime the kids, or have a relationship with them. They are literally moving away for a better job, with better income, that would help insure a better future for those kids. Even if she sued for rights; which may not even apply depending on where they live, I don’t see her winning. OP needs to remember who he married and has the kids with.
Yeah, in the original reddit post, the OP said this "Like I said. They're both adults and I don't always have to pick a side and get involved in arguments that I didn't even start." Liz is 100% right, this guy is a TEXTBOOK enabler.
OP has to have some serious blinders on to claim that both have valid arguments when his mom's reaction was, "Oh, well, YOU can move, but you have to leave the kids with ME." In what world does that point to a healthy relationship??
The grandmother is a classic Entitled Parent…textbook, even. What she’s saying is unreasonable and stupid and honestly makes no sense. She can still see her grandkids, and they can still spend quality time with her…but she has 0 right to butt in on this decision that OP made with his wife (even if he tends to forget that). OP may be an enabler, but he’s much more, too, in my opinion; I also see him as a doormat mama’s boy who, frankly, should have had therapy for the horrific childhood it sounds like he went through. Maybe then he could see that this is not normal behavior, and his mom has way more than crossed the line, especially by threatening court (which is an empty threat, or so I’d hope).
Story 1: NTA. The fact the ex-GF didn't go outright screaming crazy says how much she's unhinged. She needs to learn the hard way. Story 2: YTA. He wasn't neutral either. Calling his wife selfish and the grandmother trying to sue them when there are other ways to communicate with the kids? No, the whole issue is uncalled for, OP sucks. Story 3: NTA. The guy made a rude joke in his FIRST MEETING with them and basically runs away when OP wants an answer about that "joke". OP's not at fault here. Story 4: NTA. The sister was a guest in OP's home and needed to act like it. If she wanted to make a suggestion, that's fine. You don't go throwing out food in someone else's home without their permission.
Heck, I don't throw away food in my OWN home, without permission, if the food is labeled as someone's personal food. Because I respect personal property!
The husband from the second story needs to learn a thing or two from the husband in the third story. Have your spouse’s back when someone’s threatening them or making them uncomfortable! Why is that so hard???
Well in stories in this video it shouldn’t be. However that doesn’t mean it should be a default either. I always try to have my spouses back whenever I possibly can, but we both know that A) she has moments of irrationality(anxiety, stress, etc) and B) it has to be based of Logic, not ethos or pathos.
@@Forold ah, Spina Absentus, a most deadly condition for those who are unfortunate enough to contract it. If only he had a pair, that might have been enough to offset the symptoms, but alas...
Story 4: Not only just throw away almost all the food, but the sister didn't even replace any of it with the so called healthy food, and she have the audacity to said she is doing OP a favour
@@troodon1096 YEp. IF she replaced it with the "acceptable food," she's still be an asshole, but at least her story of "I'm doing you a favor. I want you to eat properly" would hold water. However, since she threw away the "wrong" food, claiming it was because she wanted OP to eat properly, and then declared, "NO! I will NOT pay for you to have proper food! I'm doing you a favor by making you spend money you don't have to buy the proper food to suit me!" she made it clear that it was NEVER about the food. It was about power, control, and cruelty. She did it on purpose to hurt her sister. She put her sister in a position of STARVING, not eating "proper" food. IF she wanted her sister to eat "proper" food, she would have PROVIDED the "proper" food. If she were respectful, she would have provided the "proper" food, while leaving the other food alone. But once she destroyed all the other food, and left the sister with nothing to eat, she certainly would have provided "proper" food to eat, rather than saying, "I want you to eat proper food! Now STARVE! I'm doing you a favor, and I'm not going to pay for you to have the food I claim that I want you to have!" Honestly, the fact that the mother buys her garbage story about "I just want her to eat healthy" is gob-smacking. And then, "You have to apologize to your sister for being angry that she's making you starve!" Is she actually insane and/or too stupid to realize how wrong it all is? Or is she simply blinded by her devotion to her Golden Child and hatred of her Scapegoat?
Rslash has become so much harsher when giving buthole score ever since he became a dad, especially if it involves a husband or father. We can clearly see his husbandly and fatherly feelings coming out.
Yeah. When i was not a dad i was very live and let live. Now i am very much daddy bear. Even though my child is now a teen i am just as protective of her as if she was still a nicu baby. So rslash being harsher when its father/husband story just shows he cares imo.
The mother support the food-destroyer, is the enabler. Im guessing the pattern of the OP having to apologize to keep the peace was, probably, lifelong to that point.
Yeah, the wronged party shouldn't be the ones apologizing to keep the peace, especially in situations as serious as this. The sister *stole* OP's food and threw it out, and feels no remorse. OP has more than enough reason to cut her sister off. The only way the two sisters can even begin to have a relationship again is if the sister makes a sincere apology and pays back what is owed.
Its funny how the coward husband is always hostile while telling thee actions of the wife but condescending and sugarcoating the actions of his mother.
Exactly! He’s a grown man with children of his own, yet he’s still siding with his “mommy” like a child. They made a decision as a family, but now he’s trying to pass blame onto his wife since “mommy” is unhappy.
He honestly sounds a bit jealous of his wife getting the better job opportunity. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew his mom would react like this and purposely set it up so his wife would be attacked.
I’m not saying I completely disagree but you also have to look at the fact that trying to juggle the happiness of your mother and wife is extremely difficult, I do think he should have handled it differently however because sitting there and doing nothing is kind of a dick move
WHY is it worse to tell someone off for doing something inappropriate than it is for that person to do the inappropriate thing in the first place. The guy had ample opportunity to take it back, apologize, defend himself... instead, he just stared silently and ran away like a wuss. Edit: rSlash is right: HE'S the princess.
Second story: OP didn’t stay neutral, when his wife asked him to keep his mom from taking their kids, he called his wife selfish, disrespectful, and claim that she didn’t care about his mother’s feelings.OP doesn’t care about his Family at all in when asked to fight for them he just makes it someone else’s fault and pretended to stay out of it.
@rSlash Actually the husband while being stupid in his treatment of his wife's feelings here CANNOT prevent his parents from suing over grandparent rights. However, I doubt the grands have a very good case here (I'm not a lawyer and, even if I was I have no clue about OP's jurisdiction, so I don't know for sure how good the case would be.) after all nothing was said about preventing the grands from visiting, the move is being made for a job opportunity, not to keep the kids from the grands.
@@Twinklethefox9022 TH-cam bot auto deletes stuff that it finds to be 'controvertial' or 'triggering' etc. Ofc, who knows what word combinations the bot finds fault with, since single 'controvertial' words can be ok, but it can decide to delete the comment if the words are in a certain combination etc. It's obviously not too accurate, and it won't even indicate your comment has been deleted. You can never know until you refresh the page and try to find back your comment that doesn't exist anymore, or try to edit after posting and watch it go puff.
"It'S jUsT a JoKe, BrO." "Please, explain the joke then." I'm using that when I encounter someone uses that excuse to cover up their mean/rude/gross comment(s).
Yup, perfect response. He should tell his sister not to cry to him when this douche starts bullying *her.* Because that’s what that was: bullying under the guise of “it’s just a joke.”
It's almost like it's better to talk to someone like an adult then to overreact and assault someone. And yes I'm talking about the will smith Chris rock thing. I agree with you people should discuss the issue not just jump to attacking someone
"I'll never see my grandchildren again!" - does she have a phobia about travelling to their new home in another city? [] The breast "joke": that'd be extremely tasteless from a friend; from someone who only met her that very evening, it's so far over the line that even the Hubble telescope couldn't see it.
Shitty parents : please let my daughter get away with this, she's a girl. We'll buy your son a new car. Op: of course you'll buy him a new car, after we sue while she's in jail for a bit.
That was my first thought when they said they would buy him a new car like that was a bargaining chip! No, you'll be paying for a new car regardless of if they drop the charges or not! Even them getting help for their daughter can't be used to bargain with because the courts will probably mandate that too... The literal only difference in the "deals" on the table is jail/community service time which it sounds like she needs.
Yes, new car with $50,000 towards new stereo system, custom paintjob with decals, HID headlights, and Viper alarm system! Oh and young Bryce should know to never trust the female gender ever again!
@@SinisterScoundrel6562 Oh, there's nothing wrong with the female gender, just this specific specimen. He should be careful from now on, though, since there's a chance crazy might be his type, so he should work on looking for red flags better.
Story 3: How can the parent support the boyfriend? This guy make a gross joke the FIRST time he is meeting this family and they want to take….his….side??
@@black1917 Yeah, the BF is allowed to make a joke that makes OP's wife cry, but OP isn't allowed to make him uncomfortable? There's something seriously wrong with the sister here.
Especially because he's still just a temporary boyfriend, but he made their DAUGHTER (in law) cry! This random was mildly discomforted but their DAUGHTER (in law) was HURT. Clearly, they don't view the daughter-in-law as a permanent part of the family.
Yes I believe that the only time a grandparent can step in and claim rights to a child is when that child is being abused and the parents are proven to be unfit
Nope. Maybe when it comes to actual custody, but grandparents absolutely have rights. Considering the fact that the grandmother has been the primary caretaker of the children, she will easily get enforceable visitation.
@@k.stacey7389 They absolutely have no rights in Iowa. What state are you in? In Iowa grandparents/step-parents do not have any rights your child legal or otherwise unless you're deceased. Then it goes to the other parent. The grandparents on the side of the deceased can file for visitation but that's just a waste of money. I had this BS pull on me by my son's estranged grandparents. They just wasted time cuz no lawyer would take their case.
@@daniellepolzin2390 Agreed. Pretty sure that's the case everywhere in the U.S. Maybe not so on other countries, but that doesn't make sense no matter where you live. Grandparents, should have no inherent custody or visitation RIGHTS
I'm so glad I found Rslash. He expresses his genuine frustration and anger with a heavy enough filter to post on YT, but light enough for it to feel human and help keep cope.
OP is the A in the moving story. Liz never said grandma couldn’t see the kids. Grandma’s just upset that she won’t be as involved. OP needed to stand up for his wife. Liz didn’t do anything wrong.
Op didn’t even have to take a side. He could have played the middle field and try to communicate that them moving doesn’t mean she never gets to see them again. Taking them to court is only gonna make them not wanna be around.
Grandma had a valid reason to be upset, that is acknowledged. But come on, take a stand, there is a limit for everything, grandma went past it, this needed to be acknowledged as well. This would have been enough.
I think Grandma may have been upset because wife started it with , that she will no longer be 'needed'. Kind of an AH thing to say if OP was telling the truth. That doesn't mean I agree with OP staying out of it though. I also got vibes that OP was OK with moving, but it wasn't his choice his use of her job oppurtunity is 'requiring' her to move. OP sounds like he may have been ok either way. Sounds to me that OP is used to Mom and wife making decisions for him and he just goes with the flow.
Story 3: say nothing, just silently reach over and purple the boyfriend's nurple. Refuse to let go, continue squeezing and twisting; when he complains, tell him "It's just a prank, bro."
I lived story 2. My ex inlaws are rich and when I remarried and moved out of state, my mother inlaw said "you won't get away with this". When the kids came to visit for the summer, their lawyer told them to claim physical abuse due to spanking (which they also did, btw) and file for emergency custody. Their son didn't want full custody of the kids, he didn't even take them for weekly visitation when we lived in the same city. I got served for the court hearing the day before I was supposed to pick them up to come home. My husband and I sold everything we could to pay for a lawyer to get the kids home. My husband is a teacher and had 50/50 custody of his own son. These claims could have cost him his job and his son, also. Luckily, his ex-wife knew he would never hurt a child. After investigations by CPS in our state and my ex's state, the charges were ruled as unfounded and the ruling of the judge was: Ex was made to drive farther to pick up the kids or pay full amount of plane tickets, (we were splitting those things equally) pay more in child support due to the financial burden put on me to fight the claims pay all court costs.
Too bad he didn't include a heft fine or jail time for false accusations (especially if they spank, as well), and wasting precious resources, that could have been used to save a child in REAL trouble. How m any stories do we see of children DYING, because CPS in their area was too over-burdened, understaffed and underfunded to actually help the child, even when they were FULLY AWARE of the abuse? It breaks my heart. I think of one poor little boy, in particular, every time I hear about false accusations that waste the CPS resources. That little boy... CPS KNEW he was in danger, and were TRYING to help him, but they simply did not have the time, and he was on the list to take him, but they had a long list, and not enough people, and they were all overworked. And then, just when they were about to take him to safety, his parents murdered him. For all we know, he might have been saved and lived a happy life, in a safe and loving foster/adoptive home, if some SELFISH ASSHOLE had not wasted CPS time and resources by making a false accusation, just to cause trouble to some innocent parents, or in a selfish bid to keep the children of those innocent parents close enough to see them every day, rather than having to make VISITS or PHONE CALLS. It boils my blood and breaks my heart to think of it.
Regarding the sister throwing away op’s food… Definition of larceny : the unlawful taking of personal property with intent to deprive the rightful owner of it permanently
The story where OP wasn't support wife and instead supporting mommy-bitchiest, where Rslash had to censor out an f-bomb, absolutely infuriated me at OP.
Can you imagine someone threatening to take your kids away from you (which is what OP's mum is LITERALLY trying to do) and responding by just "staying out of it"? I would have taken my mum aside and said I love you, of course you're going to be able to visit all the time, and we'll come visit you as well - but if you ever threaten to take my kids again you will NEVER, EVER see them. End of, full stop, not up for discussion. If she tried to respond I'd just leave the room, or ask her to leave to think about it. The fact that he didn't even seem bothered by the threat she made - what kind of parent ARE you??
Op sounds like he's a very detached father, like he sees the kids as anyone else's problem but his. He fathered them, helps in putting a roof over their heads and food on the table so that's the limit of his responsibility to the kids. The rest is up to whomever. He's undeserving of his wife and kids and I hope she gets out asap.
Story 1: NTA because that girl is entirely unhinged and I'm happy OP's son got out of that toxic relationship. And the fact the girl went silent crazy instead of the expected blown out of proportion crazy says how unhinged she actually was. I hope OP went for the maximum penalty when pressing charges. Also, that girl needs to straight-up be sent to a looney bin across the country. Story 2: Wait...suing for grandparent's rights...just because OP's wife is moving the precious grandbabies away? For a job that offers better opportunities?! Does the grandmother not get that separated kids from parents could have a bad impact on them??? And using them as a weapon for "legal rights" also doesn't help??? But then again, OP did nothing to mitigate the situation too. So YTA on that. OP is an enabler because he isn't doing a damn thing. Story 3: This whole story is a massive OOF! Who thinks it's a good idea to tell a rude joke...to the family of their partner....THAT THEY'RE MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME?! That is an instant way to be blacklisted by the family!!! That douchebag deserved to feel uncomfortable as he couldn't even explain his dumb joke AND stupidity. OP is NTA and doesn't need to apologize to that walking waste of air. Story 4: NTA for OP. Honestly, this seems like the straw that broke the camel's back as this was a massive overstep in boundaries. If the sister didn't like OP's food choices, a BETTER option would have been to get her own food. Tossing out OP's food (hundreds of dollars in groceries) was so stupid. Like what did she think it would achieve?? So I agree OP did the right thing to toss her sister out too.
For the 4th storie he should have taken her phone if it was out and put it somewhere in his room(not throwing it away) and when she asks what happened he should have said phones are bad for you so I throw it out for your own good I only want to help you.
When I first learned about grandparents' rights, I immediately had to look up if that was a thing where I live. We are no contact with my MIL because is an abuser and I refuse to let my kids around her. Thankfully, there is no such thing here :D
There really isn't such a thing anywhere that I know of. Unless the parents were abusive, neglectful, or dead, in which case the grandparents could try to get custody; but even in that case, it would be guardians' rights, not grandparents' rights. Grandparents have no legal claim on being able to visit their grandchildren or dictate where their parents may take them. It's entirely voluntary on the part of the parents; they have no legal obligation to allow the grandparents to visit.
I'm just wondering wtf Lana's parents were doing/ *not* doing in the first place that lead to her going so off the rails as she did. Not even that, but her *brother* was more than willing to get in on it. OP has it right in pressing charges because really, what reason do we have to believe they'd send her to get help or if it'd stick?
Lana may have lied to her brother about how things went down, and a big brother looking after their little sister can be a bit... Extreme (or at least not thinking clearly) Not that it's any excuse...
@@dyltube6395 well, if a parent/guardian enable bad behaviour, turn a blind eye, or try to get their "precious" child out of trouble, then that's bad parenting. Kids need to learn at a young age that actions have consequences. It's the parents/guardians job to teach that. Otherwise, who else is to blame? She's clearly unhinged and her parents let her get away with it instead of helping her with her anger issues. If she's abusive towards OP's son like that now, she'll only get worse in the future.
1st story bro his ex gf is honestly crazy it shouldn't be something she just gets a deal on she laughed about it and thinks that it's funny dude no you should press the charges she needs to learn that she cant just do whatever she wants and get away with it
Yeah... that whole family is whack. I'm about that age difference with my sister. When I was younger I would have done just about anything to protect my sister, but if my sister had come to me and said "hey I want to vandalize this car that belonged to my ex" I would have looked at her and said "are you insane? of course I won't help you do that". 23 year old big brother clearly wasn't raised right either.
Wow, that last story makes me so angry at the sister like there's so many other things she could of done. Also, healthy food costs more money typically. Usually the healthiest I eat is when my family cooks since they can afford better groceries than I can. My mom usually spends around $200 a grocery trip where I don't typically go over $80 like yeah, I'll get some healthy stuff but I also go for what I can afford. Thankfully, I do share a kitchen with my parents, I rent a loft in their house so I have to use their kitchen so I always ask permission first before I snag any of my parents' food but I am thankful I do have somewhat easy access to better stuff. Knowing how expensive food can be, man, that sister just ticks me off so much for doing that.
If someone threw out ANY of my food if it's not expired, I wouldn't just kick them out. I would probably chase them with a knife tbh... don't mess with someones food
Story 4: My cousin did something similar. Except it was food we'd gotten for HIM since he only ate organic meat. The day after my parents got it, he shoved it all down the garbage disposal because it "smelled funny." Really expensive food my parents had gotten for HIM. Needless to say, my parents were upset. We didn't kick him out though because he was literally homeless at the time. But yeah, that behavior is unacceptable. When you're a guest in someone's home, you don't dispose of all their food.
The grandmother doesn't really care about "her" grand-kids. She cares about having control of HER property(both OP AND the kids). The wife needs to take her kids and go live her new much better life without the mummy's boy of a "father".
@@Aisenhelm only if she can prove abuse. I can't imagine where a court would stifle the parents income because of grandparents feelings. That is not in the best interest of the children.
@@DaniS398 with the rough knowledge about the Grandparent's rights that I know, this grandmother is requesting visitation rights rather than custody here, but if it was about custody she would lose no doubt, but she's asking for visitation rights as a grandparent, and where I live she needs to prove a few things but the one that's important now is that she took care of the child for some time which this grandmother did as the parent's go-to babysitter. So the grandmother could still get visitation rights, but it is all dependent on the state they are from.
3rd OP: so apparently its okay for sister bf to make a "joke" to make OP's wife uncomfortable, but when ask to explain all the sudden he is uncomfortable? Dude come on the bf is a butt. Not going to lie but I did chuckle a bit when I heard that the bf was becoming uncomfortable. I hope the bf got a good lesson in how to be respectful towards others.
The rude joke story...4 years ago I had a hysterectomy (cancer scare but it turned out to be noncancerous) I was depressed afterwards for a while. My husband finally convinced me to go to a mommy group meet up I was part of. My daughter who was 1 at the time was happy to play with other kids her age and it was nice to see some of the moms. One of the moms that I didn't like very much asked me if I felt like less of a woman now that I couldn't have babies anymore. It got quite and everyone turned on her and l wanted to cry she said it was a joke. The mom who was set up this meet up snap "well explain it because none of us get it"
With the last story I'm figuring that OP's mother wants her (OP) to apologize, so that the sister would move back in with OP. That way the sister who throw away OP's food, wouldn't be in the mother's home long enough to throw away the mother's food.
That dad in the second story is a MASSIVE idiot, I'm surprised Liz doesn't want a break from him. Why would he defend his mom so much when she could literally visit the grandkids at any time?
he has no job lined up, he probably figured that if his mom is not around to look after the kids he will have too more and that means less time for himself, he was maybe agreeing with the move at first but now he is starting realize his mommy then can't look after the kids as much he is probably not so eager to move
@Jordan Rodrigues I was talking about the wife she should divorce op and take the kids the grand parents has absolutely no right on the kids and if I have a mother like that I would rather have a dog as a mother then op’s mom as a mother
@Jordan Rodrigues The husband literally stated in the story she was offered a better job opportunity in another city 🥴 and that she earns more than he does. "Liz has a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city."
I’m underweight and have taste and texture sensory issues. If someone threw out my food because they thought it was unhealthy, I’d never interact with that person again. Anyone trying to get me to apologize or forgive and forget would be told this, in monotone voice on repeat: “I struggle to gain the energy to make myself something to eat. [Person] threw out the food that both my body and mind actually enjoy and can put in the effort to make. I struggle to gain weight enough as it is without having to throw cash away to replace my pantry.”
My moms a divorce lawyer and she thought i was making up the 2nd story when i asked if they had a case it was was just THAT absurd. The grandparents would need a lawyer better than most company’s to make that work
OP's son's girlfriend ABSOLUTELY deserves to be criminally charged. She caused severe property damage, and is to be held accountable. Also, I can bet that if gender roles were reversed OP's neighbours would be actively encouraging OP to sue.
Sad fact is that punitive charges don't actually deter. No moral judgement on story one, but the chances of rehabilitation are extremely low. It's something worth thinking about as a society. That story about the boyfriend? Anyone who sits at a dinner table and lets garbage ideas and behaviour get tossed around for the sake of keeping the peace and being welcoming/leaving good impressions is a spineless hack. OP did the right thing in standing his ground and standing up for his wife, who couldn't stand up for herself in that moment. That garbage human of a boyfriend couldn't even face the music, apologise, and then excuse himself. He just straight up left like a chicken. It's a nasty paradigm where people insist that we keep the peace at the dinner table, but we absolutely shouldn't. Draw a line in the sand, have some self-respect. OP did the right thing.
about the bf one, I would not be surprised they want op to let him get away with it because there is a good chance that the cancer treatment has affected op's wife's fertility so now they see their daughter as their best option for a grandchild even if the father is a douchebag.
correction but punitive charges can work depending on the system, there's many countries that prove that prison and jugdment when done properly can turn someone around but in that case since they're in the US chances are the girl won't change but at least having some consequences in life might slow her down a bit.. perhaps ^^'
@@Alteusgirl that's be some big news to me, so I'd appreciate being pointed to where that's true. That aside, though, this Lana person won't go to prison. It's dubious to call this a felony and even more dubious to find a judge who'll hand down a prison sentence to a minor for vandalism. My comment was more to do with the "make her pay" ideology.
@@sknkpop countries like norway and denmark have very high reinsertion rates for people that went to jail, almost no one goes back to jail after a first sentence. But that's because their prison are high tier and treat people with humanity, reward good behaviour (for exemple they have consoles or they can play voleyball with the guards if they behave they gain points they can spend on those activities, if you try to act up you're not being taken basic rights away but you also don't have anything fun to do. basically working more on positive reinforcement rather than punishment). Other countries like US with for profit jails or even europe (french jails are so overpopulated that people are 4 or 6 in cells meant for 1 or 2 person and it's basically encouraging crime at this point since you can't survive in there without commiting crime and same goes for a lot of countries). as for Lana i think you're right she's gonna get a slap on the wrist, a fine most likely or at the very least damages to pay (but if her parents just pay for her there's no lesson for her) and maybe eventually some community service hours depending on the judge. What that girl needs to learn an actual lesson is therapy and parents that educate her but the second part might be too late. I still definitely think Op is right for pressing charges, at the very least to have it on record in case she continues to harass the son. It's more for the son's protection than to punish the ex.
Story 1: look at that it's the consequences of her actions. If the parents want the daughter to have a lighter sentence they can take it up with the da and judge. Sorry 2: imagine being so spineless can you switch sides because your mommy got upset you are moving. The grandma has the ability to go travel to their house, and vice versa. Planes exist, and so does zoom. Sure you might not be able to do it as much in person but still. Op is so spineless for not being able to recognize that his mother is being very unreasonable. Story 3: it's the greatest way to deal with someone that's making insensitive jokes, asking them to explain what the funny is. It made him uncomfortable because he realized that he messed up and didn't want to admit it. You don't want to be made uncomfortable about a joke you made, maybe read the room better Story 4: rule number one of any roommate situation, you DO NOT touch your roommate's food unless you have a very good reason or permission. And honestly the only reason I can think of that I would need to touch my roommates food without her permission is that it went bad. And even then I would still text her and let her know before I tossed it. The mom is going after op because she knows the sister is more unreasonable in Op will be more easy to cave.
I want to yell at the sister “SHE HAD CANCER YOU STUPID NEANDERTHAL” how dare she even suggest she’s being sensitive? Maybe she should try being terminally ill and getting mocked about it before talking. DAMN
Yeah I'm kinda in the opposite situation - my roommate's food is always going bad and moldy, and I text her about it, but I don't dare touch it because she'll blow up. And now she has blocked me on her phone, so I can't even text anymore.
@@Jupiter-T I'd say that's arguably the one time throwing out someone else's food is okay. You'd be doing them a favor. Otherwise it's stealing. Edit: Oh, crap, the base comment already talked about it. Oh well. If she doesn't let you text her, then maybe just leave a post-it note.
And we all know the mom is only going after op to do it is because that sister is so opinionated and unreasonable she would never do it herself. And the sister is that way because she has been enabled to be that way
I'm trying to figure out the sister's logic, when the "unhealthy" food included precut veggies. I get that some people don't understand why those exist and object to the packaging, but they're literally vegetables. Food doesn't get much healthier than vegetables.
True. Though even if all she had was potato chips and Mountain Dew, not the sister's place to throw it out. That was so crazy. Maybe it's better if the sister doesn't take that new job.
But, were they ethically prepared ORGANIC pre-cut veggies? Anyway, if she actually cared about her sister eating proper healthy food, she would have paid for proper healthy food. But she refused to do that, and claimed she was "doing you a favor," by leaving her sister to STARVE, with the staggering loss of $1,000. She didn't do it about the food or health. She did it for control, power, and cruelty. She WANTED to hurt her sister. Then, she got angry that she had to actually face consequences for her actions.
I'm wondering how that OP fathered those children when it is clear he doesn't have any balls.🙄 Granny and dad are about to share some visitation if he doesn't get his act together.
Your sister destroyed enough food dollar value wise to be considered a felony in 50 states. Tell her you want your money back or you’re going to the police.
Story 3: "Stop it! He's clearly uncomfortable!" Your boy toy met your SIL for the first time and one of the first things he did was joke about her cancer and surgery. Let him wallow in his discomfort, it's the least of what he deserves.
That second husband makes me SO glaf that my bf and future MIL arent psychos. Like ffs. OP YOUR OWN MOTHER JUST THREATENED TO SUE YOU FOR MOVING. And you don't call her crazy or protect your WIFE!? What the hell is wrong with him!?
I am wondering if OP has ulterior motives, and actually doesn't want to move. Or if something else is going on.....cuz OP's description of everything felt really "off", too.
Nope nope nope! If my mother threatened to take me and my hubby to court to gain custody of our child because my hubbys job was relocating us. I would go full force never threaten to take a mother away from her child. As a parent and spouse THE FAMILY YOU CREATE TAKE FIRST PRIORITY OVER EVERYONE ELSE!
This may be due to the fact that I love cars in general, but I really really really HATE when people mess up cars for stupid "revenge". I couldn't care less about insults or other stuff if I'm in the right, but don't you dare even thinking about going near my car
Honestly, as a mechanic's kid, I can't blame you. I'm not gonna like getting insulted, but if you mess up my car it could come with a HUGE price tag. Even with the parents promising to pay, the ex-gf needs to learn that mommy and daddy can clean up after every mess. If it weren't for her age, she'd be facing time alongside her brother.
At 17, a car may not be totally necessary for him to get around, especially if he lives with his family still. But depending how bad she wrecked his car, that’s his livelihood. If you can’t get to work, you don’t get paid. And just imagine if the son and ex were older with kids? Now you’re taking food out of the mouths of children. And for what? All we know is that he broke up with her. Let her learn her lesson now before she’s a real adult with real consequences.
I would agree for stupid stuff but I've done things to stupid peoples cars. Example this one guy I knew got really drunk and wouldn't listen to reason so another buddy and I climbed under his car while he was still in the bar and unplugged certain things so he couldn't start the car. We were trying to prevent him from hurting someone or getting a dui. Well he got pissed when the car wouldn't start, he messed that car up. He dented the door and quarter, he broke the driver side mirror and shattered the driver side window and rear windshield he did other things as well. He ended up getting arrested that night after we left. The next day my buddy and I went back with the guys gf turned out it was her car and she was pissed at my buddy because he admitted to unplugging things so her bf wouldn't total another one of her cars. Apparently there was another time where this dude did this before, some people I swear, you try and do a decent thing and it bites you in the ass.
A car is typically the second most expensive purchase that you'll make in your entire life, the first being a house. That gives more than enough reason for someone to not fuck with a car. God help them if they come across a car enthusiast, because cars are almost everything to us.
For the first story, I can understand OP's son's reluctance to pursue any kind of legal action or anything like that. When you've been in an abusive relationship, you never want to rock the boat more than you need to. Sometimes you don't even realise how scared you still are of your ex, just that you want them as far away from you as possible.
OP in the grandma story is letting his mom walk all over him. You're married to your wife, not your mother. Never let your parents get involved in your marriage. They have 0 right to put their 2 cents in or get involved in ANY capacity. I've seen what happens in those kinds of relationships. I had to grow up with that shit.
Grow some balls and apologize to your wife for not sticking up for her. You said she makes more money than you. Do you think any couŕt is going to take her kids away. She will get full custody and you will have to pay child support. Damn, you might have to move back in with your mommy after your wife takes you to the cleaners. WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!
@@luannhetrick-wood9764 Dude needs to realize he's not obligated to his mother for jack shit after he became an adult. It's painful, but kids are supposed to sprout wings and fly the coop. He definitely needs to come back to his wife on his hands and knees begging for her forgiveness for not sticking by her on this.
In reality, there's no such thing as "Grandparents Rights". It's nearly impossible for the other parent to get custody from a good mom, so there's absolutely no way a grandparent would get them. The most she can hope for is a compassionate judge who will give her a little visitation, but even that is a slim chance. I've been through it.
Exactly. It's just bizarre that the grandma thought she had veto power over her son's family. Now she's unlikely to be welcome to visit and Liz will probably see to it that they rarely, if ever, visit OP's family! Dumb move grandma.
The only time there would be such a thing is if either or both of the PARENTS are neglecting and/or abusing the kids, or the grandparents are the legal guardians of the children. In both cases that would be guardians' rights, not grandparents' rights. There is no legal jurisdiction I know of where "grandparents' rights" are even a thing.
@@troodon1096 They are a thing in some US states. But few. They must have already established a close relationship with the children (true in this case), but frequently, we see stories about grandparents suing for grandparents rights of BABIES who have barely had chance to open their eyes, let alone form a relationship with anyone, in which case they inevitably lose. It's a stupid threat, except under very narrow circumstances, such as "I can afford to take care fo teh children, and the parents are broke/druggies/deadbeats/abusers, who will neglect and/or abuse the children" or "I've been a MAJOR part of their lives, and a positive influence, helping them through this trauma and that trial, and the children NEED me." It's not about the grandparent's rights, at all, but about the children's rights to be cared for and loved by their grandparents. Because children are not objects to be owned.
He probably reflected on her treatment of him, compared that to how his friends were treated by their SO's, and broke it off. Or he realized he no longer had friends because of her.
10:03 look, normally, I am against hating comedians when they do an offensive joke, but fucking hell man, there's a saying (in greek cyprus at least) "at an executed person's funeral, do not mention the noose"
I wouldn't say this is a comedian act even without that. If you're watching the stand-up comedy then it's kind of on you to make sure that the comedian is someone that you actually want to listen to. For the most part that pandering to a specific set of audiences and they can't go for everyone. In a small setting like this it's kind of on the jokester to figure out the room and make sure they aren't going to piss off people, especially if it's a first meeting
@@Flarflenugen thanks about that, I always had the idea "jokes are meant to be funny" and "don't attack someone because you didn't like their humor", but you're right, that should count when you come to the jokester, not when the jokester comes to you
As someone whose mother did take her to court for grandparents rights, trust me, it is no laughing matter. OP - you DO NOT want your mother taking you to court. You will literally have to figure out visitation for EVERYTHING - holidays, summer, vacations, monthly visits, drop off times, if one or both of you will drive, who will bare the cost of driving. It is stressful and embarrassing. And unless you go back to court to modify the judgement, whatever the courts decide is in place indefinitely. It's only been 2 years and my daughter HATES having to go and the continued forcing is just slowly damaging any relationship between the two of them. OP you seriously need to stand with your wife and tell your mother to back down. Just because you guys are moving doesn't mean she won't see her grandkids anymore. Try and come up with a visitation solution on your own. You need to explain that, while her feelings are valid, you aren't moving to hurt her. You guys are moving for beneficial reasons and that at least you will be in the same state where she can still see your kids and watch them and have them over for weekends or play dates, etc. Also, for your mother to mention it so quickly in an argument with your wife tells me that this is something she's looked into already for whatever reason. Be careful OP, you may think your know your mother but for some reason court battles always bring the ugly out in people.
I like that u upload at this time every day bc it allows me to listen to ur videos during my morning routine. (+it's always nice to see a new aita video)
The second story, me? I absolutely HATE disgustingly weak, pathetic, enabling spouses who let their families walk all over them, their family, and their spouses because “iT’s My FaMiLy” If that’s not grounds for divorce, at the very least I would NEVER trust my spouse in that situation ever again and know, “oh this person will never have my back when I need it the most”
Grandmother VS Mother: I agree with R/Slash on the point that OP did agree and could find another job without issue, but unless he hasn't truthfully represented the interaction between his mother and his wife, it seems like his wife was treating his mother life a disposable asset, "since we can get a babysitter you are no longer needed", and her outburst of supposed legal rights may be a desperate attempt not to lose her grandchildren. I mean I get the point that he needs to be supportive of his spouse and he should've gotten more involved, but unless his mother is a devilish Karen that is constantly slandering his wife to him, others, or his children, she does have a right to be a part of her grandchildren's life. I will admit that his mother did sound somewhat deranged for suggesting them move without the kids, which is why I feel there is more to this than is being said, so if his mother is a sociopath he is too afraid to stand again or if she is actually abusive, I fully stand with the wife
With the second story I was clapping at r/slash response. OP is a two face hypocrite and if op’s wife divorces him over it then so be it. The grandmother is out of her goddamn mind! Unless the parents are unfit to look after their children then she has rights but if that’s not the case grandparents can piss off and visit their grandkids but I won’t blame op’s wife for banning her to see them after this. Personal I would!
Thank you! Your absolutely right. And Grandparents rights only really applies when the kids parents die. So it’s like if a kids mom dies. Then the dad says the moms parents can no longer see the kids. If the moms parents were involved in the kids life, they would be entitled to grandparents rights, which would allow them visitation. It is usually only used in the case of a death. Not just in disagreements or someone moves away. Grandparents have no say in if the parents both decide to move to a different city, state or even country. The grandmother is completely wrong in thinking that. She is not the custodial parent so she has no say as long as the mother and father both agree. And I understand being sad your grandkids are moving. But that husband is a total asshole in not backing his wife up and taking his mothers side.
Story 2: I'm sorry, WHAT??? I've lived overseas my whole childhood and only saw my grandparents every other summer. Sure, they missed us, but they never went so far as to take our parents to court! I can't believe OP just stood there while his mom was being completely unreasonable, literally saying she was gonna TAKE HIS KIDS AWAY FROM HIM!
I think 5/5 for the second story is a bit harsh. It used to be really rare to get a 5/5 here. I would rate the grandmother 4/5 and the husband 3/5. It sounds like his mom is exceptionally controlling and ready to make life extremely difficult and that's probably nothing new. Poor guy has probably had to deal with those kinds of outbursts his whole life, so I can understand struggling in the moment to go up against her.
2:56 Vandalism of personal property, and a Zero Deal for proof of no remorse? That is pure act of Adult Criminal content. She put herself in that boat.
Lana in the first story sounds like she's one cracked windshield away from putting OP's 'rabbit' in a pot of boiling water (If you were alive in the 80's you'll get the reference).
for the grandparents story: can grandma not fuckin drive??? it doesn’t sound like liz was saying “you’re NEVER seeing your grandchildren again.” granny flipped out for literally nothing. they’re just moving like, what, max 45 mins away?
Can relate to the having an emotionally abusing partner and parents made the right call in remaining out of it. My dad told me one thing that helped "if you're fighting more often than enjoying each other's company, maybe that deserves some thought." or something like that. At the time, I wasn't ready to hear it as a plea to end the relationship, but it didn't push me away. When it came time to make the decision, I was ready.
It may have spoiled the meeting by repeatedly asking him to explain the joke, but you know what else would have? Getting knocked the hell out. If I had been in OPs shoes, he would have gotten a beating right then and there.
Here's how the 2nd story should have gone: Grandma: "I'm gonna sue for grandparents' rights." Wife: "Honey, back me up here?" Husband: "Don't worry about it, that's not a thing. She's having a (frankly understandable) emotional reaction and she'll get over it."
That would have been preferable to siding with his mother, but unless "she's crazy, she'll get over it" has been well established between OP and his wife, passivity was not the right choice here. He needed to address his mother, not his wife.
@@JennaGetsCreative He was definitely wrong for coming at his wife like that. That was not neutral. He's the AH for that, granted. But I don't think it would have been productive for him to address the grandma. She's having an emotional reaction, he's not going to logic her out of it. If someone threatens to sue me, and I know they have no legal leg to stand on, I would laugh it off and go about my business.
@@davesaylor7829 He doesn't need to attack his crazy mother, just tell her once she's overreacting/being disrespectful/whatever he chooses to say and THEN get his wife to ignore her with him. His wife asked for support and he did worse than give none.
@@JennaGetsCreative I feel like my original comment covered that. I would have literally said, with both of them present: "Grandparents' rights aren't a thing. You're having an understandable but unreasonable emotional reaction. You'll see us again, etc etc"
@@davesaylor7829 Yes, that would be a good way to handle it. I didn't read it that you were suggesting the husband say that, in those words, in front of his mother. That would definitely back his wife up.
For the second story, all OP needs to do is assure his mom that she's still welcome to visit and that they're not trying to keep the kids from her. In fact, I'm surprised Liz didn't bring it up (unless OP chose not to mention it). Heck, the mom could even make plans to move by them if she wants to see them more often, if possible. If this isn't enough of a solution for the mom, that's her problem.
Always something when you hear r/slash go off on an OP. I agree with him 100% on it too. That guy really is spineless and that grandmother really is out of line.
Apparently people are having trouble watching today's episode.
So if you're seeing this, that means you are a chosen one
Yeah, youtube has been acting up this last hour for several channels
LETS GOOO
Yea!
Huzzah I'm a lucky one
Nice
"Explain the joke."
That was absolutely perfect. BF had no answer, because it wasn't a joke. It was a "mean girl" comment.
More like “creep” comment
This is one of the best ways to shut these types of “jokes” down. Since either there is no joke or he knew it was offensive, the boyfriend felt uncomfortable explaining it. He made OP’s wife uncomfortable, so OP made him uncomfortable. No harm done on OP’s part, whereas the boyfriend made a very hurtful comment about something potentially traumatic for OP’s wife.
What does "got the blow" mean? Is that some kind of slang?
If you have to explain the joke, it wasn't funny. If you can't explain the joke, it wasn't a joke.
I think "I was joking" should join "it was a prank, bro" and "but FaMiLy" in the bullying excuses.
@@dtz1000 blow is a synonym for hit or strike. Basically the creep was looking at a stranger and saying "I know which boob got removed."
Asking people to explain the joke is the perfect counter to the "I'm going to be really rude and play it off as a joke" defense.
It's also a good way to call someone our in a group without confrontation, and possibly stand up for someone else in the group that the 'joke' could be (consciously or unconsciously) targeting.
Going to add one more recommendation for the channel 'Beau of the Fifth Column' here. He used this example for a video on encountering systemic racism last year.
Generally, he makes excellent, informative videos on social, cultural & current events without telling you WHAT to think, just picking out the main points.
He is somehow military related/ex-military - although don't judge a book... etc. Listen first.
He's putting out excellent information - FACTS - on news from Ukraine & Russia just now (& NATO & International Affairs, & things no US networks cover).
I learn more from his 10 min videos than from almost anything else, for those interested.
(And FWIW, I'm not American, I'm British, & also have some intricate knowledge of some issues he discusses. He is on another level when it comes to informing people.)
Story 4: If you ruin someone's food inventory because it doesn't agree with what you believe, you deserve to be thrown out.
Yeah, I have had my share of questionable guests in my house, but the idea that they would throw my food out, is just... wow lol. I like to cook, I have a lot of high dollar items, including semi-rare spices and sauces, I would go on the warpath.
Plus food is really expansive nowadays...just the fact that she refused to pay her back, or at least re-stock the supplies is reason enough to kick her out!
I hope she does the same to parents, as a favor and showing the way to a healthier life!
I'm a foodie. I love to eat. I even know that I emotional eat, but I don't care. I work out so I can stay fit and keep eating what I want. I also love to cook and experiment with new recipes and it's one of my joys in life. I have 3 siblings, and only one of which I actually like. But even if the sibling I like did that I'd explode and yell at her to get out too. Don't mess with people's food, and don't mess with the waiter/staff handling your food. Two very simple rules to ensure your food never gets messed with lol
Yeah, the sister is lucky OP didn't take her to small claims court OR call the cops. The mom is crazy for trying to give the sister a pass.
That boyfriend joking about cancer got off easy. He's lucky he didn't get punched square in the nose
OP gave BF the opportunity to (partially) redeem himself by retracting the joke and apologizing, but he didn't do it, he opted instead for the really strange solution of ... running away. There is definitely something wrong with BF. I wouldn't be surprised if he treats OP's sister this way too.
Nah, teeth
If parents don't teach their children consequences, the rest of the world will, so no, OP is NOT the butthole. Lana has to learn some time.
Also, it wasn’t just a one-time thing. She repeatedly keyed the car before that, and OP let it go, and by the time she trashed the car it had been long enough that it couldn’t even be considered lashing out about the breakup.
To me she sounds like an absolute psychopath. I think she deserves to be locked up for a while for her actions. I think her ex boyfriend deserves to have some time away from relationships with women.
@@erickpoorbaugh6728 I would guess that because the scratches didn't get his attention she probably thinks it's his fault she had to wreck the car. But yeah she's nuts and needs to be stopped. She doesn't need therapy she needs to be institutionalized.
She does sound hostile and a bit unhinged as well. I mean she didn't feel sorry that she got her brother I jail for getting involved. Besides if Op doesn't give her a reality check. I can't imagine how she react when she out on her own in the real world. She would be in jail or kill by the wrong person.
@@erickpoorbaugh6728 I mean even if it was lashing out about The Break-Up that would still be wrong and illegal. You don't break people's shit.
Story 2: the husband isn’t “staying neutral”, he called his wife selfish, ignored his wifes feelings, didn’t defend his wife and was massively unsupportive. He didn’t stay neutral, he sided with his mother, and he needs to stand with his wife. He really is awful and somehow doesn’t see that he’s awful, he is massively TA.
EXACTLY
And all that grandparents rights shit is bull. They only have the right to see them if they are dead or incarcerated
Look at the story. I'm betting she talked him into moving and he reluctantly agreed and sees the situation with his wife and mother as a possible way to get his desire not to move. IMO.
husbandslash activated
@@JohnThomas-ut3go You're on OP's side because of your own "opinions", which is basically stupid assumptions that has nothing to do with the actual story?
As someone with actual anger issues, the sister in the 3rd story is nuts! Op literally just asked the bf to explain the joke, they didnt even raise their voice or anything. So not the butthole
Seriously. The boyfriend made a completely tasteless "joke" and OP stood up for their partner. That's what you're SUPPOSED to do. Act like an ass, get treated like one
The sister pissed me off, classic putting the bf first because that’s all they care about at the time and screw everyone else 🤦🏻♀️
@@ThisIsMego Agree. Telling 'jokes' that hurt people _deserves_ to be challenged. I have only one mild critique of OP: He should have gone to comfort his wife first.
The a$$40[e boyfriend could have been dealt with later.
@@shoegal623 Don't forget the parents, too. "You should apologize because this was his first time here..." B. S.
Can confirm, have PTSD which comes with some wonderful PTSD rage, OP handled this so politely, he literally just asked him to explain the joke. Really don’t understand why the sister, who has actual anger issues to be screaming like that, is claiming OP who was calm, has “anger issues”.
“It’s just a joke bro”
“Stop asking him to explain the joke, you’re making him uncomfortable”
Oh, so it’s completely okay to be crude, dehumanising, hurt, and make his wife literally CRY? And everyone is supposed to be completely okay with this douche? No, he’s 100% TA, why is the family enabling him? Utterly disgusting man.
That Grandma is completely nutso. They didn’t say that she could never come visit, FaceTime the kids, or have a relationship with them. They are literally moving away for a better job, with better income, that would help insure a better future for those kids. Even if she sued for rights; which may not even apply depending on where they live, I don’t see her winning.
OP needs to remember who he married and has the kids with.
Yeah, in the original reddit post, the OP said this "Like I said. They're both adults and I don't always have to pick a side and get involved in arguments that I didn't even start."
Liz is 100% right, this guy is a TEXTBOOK enabler.
@@Nekulturny Liz should take the kids.
@@Nekulturnyoh yeah, most def. After the “I just stood there” I knew something was up with the husband
OP has to have some serious blinders on to claim that both have valid arguments when his mom's reaction was, "Oh, well, YOU can move, but you have to leave the kids with ME." In what world does that point to a healthy relationship??
The grandmother is a classic Entitled Parent…textbook, even. What she’s saying is unreasonable and stupid and honestly makes no sense. She can still see her grandkids, and they can still spend quality time with her…but she has 0 right to butt in on this decision that OP made with his wife (even if he tends to forget that). OP may be an enabler, but he’s much more, too, in my opinion; I also see him as a doormat mama’s boy who, frankly, should have had therapy for the horrific childhood it sounds like he went through. Maybe then he could see that this is not normal behavior, and his mom has way more than crossed the line, especially by threatening court (which is an empty threat, or so I’d hope).
Story 1: NTA. The fact the ex-GF didn't go outright screaming crazy says how much she's unhinged. She needs to learn the hard way.
Story 2: YTA. He wasn't neutral either. Calling his wife selfish and the grandmother trying to sue them when there are other ways to communicate with the kids? No, the whole issue is uncalled for, OP sucks.
Story 3: NTA. The guy made a rude joke in his FIRST MEETING with them and basically runs away when OP wants an answer about that "joke". OP's not at fault here.
Story 4: NTA. The sister was a guest in OP's home and needed to act like it. If she wanted to make a suggestion, that's fine. You don't go throwing out food in someone else's home without their permission.
I agree with your voting on the stories in the video
100% agree
I’d give the first story: 1
Second: 5, before that 1, before that 2 and then 4 and now 5
Third: 0
Fourth: 0
Heck, I don't throw away food in my OWN home, without permission, if the food is labeled as someone's personal food.
Because I respect personal property!
Even more, he made a joke to a victim! And his sister calls him fucked up?!
The husband from the second story needs to learn a thing or two from the husband in the third story. Have your spouse’s back when someone’s threatening them or making them uncomfortable! Why is that so hard???
Hes got a very serious medical condition. Like Rslash said he's got no backbone.
Well in stories in this video it shouldn’t be.
However that doesn’t mean it should be a default either.
I always try to have my spouses back whenever I possibly can, but we both know that A) she has moments of irrationality(anxiety, stress, etc) and B) it has to be based of Logic, not ethos or pathos.
@@Forold ah, Spina Absentus, a most deadly condition for those who are unfortunate enough to contract it. If only he had a pair, that might have been enough to offset the symptoms, but alas...
The husband is an asshole 100% he doesn't support his wife at all.
Story 4: Not only just throw away almost all the food, but the sister didn't even replace any of it with the so called healthy food, and she have the audacity to said she is doing OP a favour
Even if she replaced it she wouldn't be in the right, but not doing so is even worse.
@@troodon1096 YEp.
IF she replaced it with the "acceptable food," she's still be an asshole, but at least her story of "I'm doing you a favor. I want you to eat properly" would hold water.
However, since she threw away the "wrong" food, claiming it was because she wanted OP to eat properly, and then declared, "NO! I will NOT pay for you to have proper food! I'm doing you a favor by making you spend money you don't have to buy the proper food to suit me!" she made it clear that it was NEVER about the food. It was about power, control, and cruelty. She did it on purpose to hurt her sister.
She put her sister in a position of STARVING, not eating "proper" food. IF she wanted her sister to eat "proper" food, she would have PROVIDED the "proper" food. If she were respectful, she would have provided the "proper" food, while leaving the other food alone. But once she destroyed all the other food, and left the sister with nothing to eat, she certainly would have provided "proper" food to eat, rather than saying, "I want you to eat proper food! Now STARVE! I'm doing you a favor, and I'm not going to pay for you to have the food I claim that I want you to have!"
Honestly, the fact that the mother buys her garbage story about "I just want her to eat healthy" is gob-smacking. And then, "You have to apologize to your sister for being angry that she's making you starve!" Is she actually insane and/or too stupid to realize how wrong it all is? Or is she simply blinded by her devotion to her Golden Child and hatred of her Scapegoat?
Rslash has become so much harsher when giving buthole score ever since he became a dad, especially if it involves a husband or father. We can clearly see his husbandly and fatherly feelings coming out.
I mean hey, Being a Dad/ husband gives you a whole new different perspective on things 🤣🤣
I like it bc it shows how serious some situations are and I think that it kind of dawns on him moreso thinking himself in their shoes
Yeah. When i was not a dad i was very live and let live. Now i am very much daddy bear. Even though my child is now a teen i am just as protective of her as if she was still a nicu baby. So rslash being harsher when its father/husband story just shows he cares imo.
And sometimes he is really wrong with rating cause of it.
I actually would say that he’s gotten way nicer with the ratings, he used to just hand out 5/5 ratings everywhere.
The mother support the food-destroyer, is the enabler. Im guessing the pattern of the OP having to apologize to keep the peace was, probably, lifelong to that point.
I'm also guessing that is the reason why they're not close, by the way.
Yeah, the wronged party shouldn't be the ones apologizing to keep the peace, especially in situations as serious as this. The sister *stole* OP's food and threw it out, and feels no remorse. OP has more than enough reason to cut her sister off. The only way the two sisters can even begin to have a relationship again is if the sister makes a sincere apology and pays back what is owed.
Another problem is did the sister destroy the mother's food
Its funny how the coward husband is always hostile while telling thee actions of the wife but condescending and sugarcoating the actions of his mother.
Exactly! He’s a grown man with children of his own, yet he’s still siding with his “mommy” like a child. They made a decision as a family, but now he’s trying to pass blame onto his wife since “mommy” is unhappy.
He honestly sounds a bit jealous of his wife getting the better job opportunity. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew his mom would react like this and purposely set it up so his wife would be attacked.
@@songbird-wj4yj “he’s a grown man” is clearly an exaggeration. He is a child being a mommy’s boy that can’t think of taking the teet out of his mouth
Wife needs to move with the kids to the new job and leave hubby with mommy
I’m not saying I completely disagree but you also have to look at the fact that trying to juggle the happiness of your mother and wife is extremely difficult, I do think he should have handled it differently however because sitting there and doing nothing is kind of a dick move
WHY is it worse to tell someone off for doing something inappropriate than it is for that person to do the inappropriate thing in the first place. The guy had ample opportunity to take it back, apologize, defend himself... instead, he just stared silently and ran away like a wuss.
Edit: rSlash is right: HE'S the princess.
Second story: OP didn’t stay neutral, when his wife asked him to keep his mom from taking their kids, he called his wife selfish, disrespectful, and claim that she didn’t care about his mother’s feelings.OP doesn’t care about his Family at all in when asked to fight for them he just makes it someone else’s fault and pretended to stay out of it.
@rSlash Actually the husband while being stupid in his treatment of his wife's feelings here CANNOT prevent his parents from suing over grandparent rights. However, I doubt the grands have a very good case here (I'm not a lawyer and, even if I was I have no clue about OP's jurisdiction, so I don't know for sure how good the case would be.) after all nothing was said about preventing the grands from visiting, the move is being made for a job opportunity, not to keep the kids from the grands.
@@arnoldfossman1701
He's a toxxer for not supporting his own nuclear family.
I think my last comment got deleted because I can't find it but it was something about how my family works. What's wrong with that?
@@Twinklethefox9022 that depends on what's wrong with your family. ;)
@@Twinklethefox9022 TH-cam bot auto deletes stuff that it finds to be 'controvertial' or 'triggering' etc. Ofc, who knows what word combinations the bot finds fault with, since single 'controvertial' words can be ok, but it can decide to delete the comment if the words are in a certain combination etc. It's obviously not too accurate, and it won't even indicate your comment has been deleted. You can never know until you refresh the page and try to find back your comment that doesn't exist anymore, or try to edit after posting and watch it go puff.
"It'S jUsT a JoKe, BrO."
"Please, explain the joke then."
I'm using that when I encounter someone uses that excuse to cover up their mean/rude/gross comment(s).
They guy in the third story did the perfect thing when someone tells an offensive joke, ask them to explain why it's funny.
guy should've been like "I was doing an impression of someone whose a massive piece of shit?"
Yup, perfect response. He should tell his sister not to cry to him when this douche starts bullying *her.* Because that’s what that was: bullying under the guise of “it’s just a joke.”
It's almost like it's better to talk to someone like an adult then to overreact and assault someone. And yes I'm talking about the will smith Chris rock thing.
I agree with you people should discuss the issue not just jump to attacking someone
That method never works for me. The people I use it on are almost proud of being racist or homophobic or whatever. It's sickening.
@@tktalk6900 husband shouldve asked if thats what he was doing >:D lol
"I'll never see my grandchildren again!" - does she have a phobia about travelling to their new home in another city?
[] The breast "joke": that'd be extremely tasteless from a friend; from someone who only met her that very evening, it's so far over the line that even the Hubble telescope couldn't see it.
That last phrase is a gem. Could I borrow it sometime?
@@S730SD - Be my guest! I usually use it in the context of: "Even the Hubble telescope couldn't detect my level of interest".
Shitty parents : please let my daughter get away with this, she's a girl. We'll buy your son a new car.
Op: of course you'll buy him a new car, after we sue while she's in jail for a bit.
That was my first thought when they said they would buy him a new car like that was a bargaining chip! No, you'll be paying for a new car regardless of if they drop the charges or not! Even them getting help for their daughter can't be used to bargain with because the courts will probably mandate that too... The literal only difference in the "deals" on the table is jail/community service time which it sounds like she needs.
Tell them that the deal would cover the civil suit we're going to bring, but not the criminal one.
@@azisles02 The criminal charges would likely be decided by the prosecutor, possibly with input from OP.
Yes, new car with $50,000 towards new stereo system, custom paintjob with decals, HID headlights, and Viper alarm system! Oh and young Bryce should know to never trust the female gender ever again!
@@SinisterScoundrel6562 Oh, there's nothing wrong with the female gender, just this specific specimen. He should be careful from now on, though, since there's a chance crazy might be his type, so he should work on looking for red flags better.
Story 3:
How can the parent support the boyfriend? This guy make a gross joke the FIRST time he is meeting this family and they want to take….his….side??
Because their little princess is mad. Note that not only did she go STRAIGHT to tantrum mode but blamed OP's WIFE for it. She clearly hates the wife.
@@black1917 Yeah, the BF is allowed to make a joke that makes OP's wife cry, but OP isn't allowed to make him uncomfortable? There's something seriously wrong with the sister here.
Especially because he's still just a temporary boyfriend, but he made their DAUGHTER (in law) cry!
This random was mildly discomforted but their DAUGHTER (in law) was HURT.
Clearly, they don't view the daughter-in-law as a permanent part of the family.
Gee, I wonder who the Perfect Golden Child is?🙄
Yes I believe that the only time a grandparent can step in and claim rights to a child is when that child is being abused and the parents are proven to be unfit
Or deceased depending on state.
Nope. Maybe when it comes to actual custody, but grandparents absolutely have rights. Considering the fact that the grandmother has been the primary caretaker of the children, she will easily get enforceable visitation.
@@k.stacey7389 They absolutely have no rights in Iowa. What state are you in? In Iowa grandparents/step-parents do not have any rights your child legal or otherwise unless you're deceased. Then it goes to the other parent. The grandparents on the side of the deceased can file for visitation but that's just a waste of money. I had this BS pull on me by my son's estranged grandparents. They just wasted time cuz no lawyer would take their case.
@@daniellepolzin2390 Agreed. Pretty sure that's the case everywhere in the U.S. Maybe not so on other countries, but that doesn't make sense no matter where you live. Grandparents, should have no inherent custody or visitation RIGHTS
First story: 100% NTA.
Kid was in an abusive relationship.
If someone did that to a car I owned I'd sue.
I'm so glad I found Rslash. He expresses his genuine frustration and anger with a heavy enough filter to post on YT, but light enough for it to feel human and help keep cope.
OP is the A in the moving story. Liz never said grandma couldn’t see the kids. Grandma’s just upset that she won’t be as involved. OP needed to stand up for his wife. Liz didn’t do anything wrong.
Op didn’t even have to take a side. He could have played the middle field and try to communicate that them moving doesn’t mean she never gets to see them again. Taking them to court is only gonna make them not wanna be around.
He is a pushover
I agree. Op sounds like a wimp. He rather no upset his mommy dearest but rather he shift the blame to his wife. He such a doormat.
Grandma had a valid reason to be upset, that is acknowledged. But come on, take a stand, there is a limit for everything, grandma went past it, this needed to be acknowledged as well. This would have been enough.
I think Grandma may have been upset because wife started it with , that she will no longer be 'needed'. Kind of an AH thing to say if OP was telling the truth. That doesn't mean I agree with OP staying out of it though. I also got vibes that OP was OK with moving, but it wasn't his choice his use of her job oppurtunity is 'requiring' her to move. OP sounds like he may have been ok either way. Sounds to me that OP is used to Mom and wife making decisions for him and he just goes with the flow.
Story 3: say nothing, just silently reach over and purple the boyfriend's nurple.
Refuse to let go, continue squeezing and twisting; when he complains, tell him "It's just a prank, bro."
I lived story 2. My ex inlaws are rich and when I remarried and moved out of state, my mother inlaw said "you won't get away with this". When the kids came to visit for the summer, their lawyer told them to claim physical abuse due to spanking (which they also did, btw) and file for emergency custody. Their son didn't want full custody of the kids, he didn't even take them for weekly visitation when we lived in the same city. I got served for the court hearing the day before I was supposed to pick them up to come home. My husband and I sold everything we could to pay for a lawyer to get the kids home. My husband is a teacher and had 50/50 custody of his own son. These claims could have cost him his job and his son, also. Luckily, his ex-wife knew he would never hurt a child.
After investigations by CPS in our state and my ex's state, the charges were ruled as unfounded and the ruling of the judge was:
Ex was made to drive farther to pick up the kids or pay full amount of plane tickets, (we were splitting those things equally)
pay more in child support due to the financial burden put on me to fight the claims
pay all court costs.
Too bad he didn't include a heft fine or jail time for false accusations (especially if they spank, as well), and wasting precious resources, that could have been used to save a child in REAL trouble.
How m any stories do we see of children DYING, because CPS in their area was too over-burdened, understaffed and underfunded to actually help the child, even when they were FULLY AWARE of the abuse? It breaks my heart. I think of one poor little boy, in particular, every time I hear about false accusations that waste the CPS resources.
That little boy... CPS KNEW he was in danger, and were TRYING to help him, but they simply did not have the time, and he was on the list to take him, but they had a long list, and not enough people, and they were all overworked. And then, just when they were about to take him to safety, his parents murdered him.
For all we know, he might have been saved and lived a happy life, in a safe and loving foster/adoptive home, if some SELFISH ASSHOLE had not wasted CPS time and resources by making a false accusation, just to cause trouble to some innocent parents, or in a selfish bid to keep the children of those innocent parents close enough to see them every day, rather than having to make VISITS or PHONE CALLS.
It boils my blood and breaks my heart to think of it.
Regarding the sister throwing away op’s food…
Definition of larceny
: the unlawful taking of personal property with intent to deprive the rightful owner of it permanently
And if you take something that costs a grand, it's called Grand Larceny, and is a felony, with possible prison time.
I'd sue her, honestly. Sister or not, you aren't tossing out that much food and getting away with STARVING the person the food belonged to
The story where OP wasn't support wife and instead supporting mommy-bitchiest, where Rslash had to censor out an f-bomb, absolutely infuriated me at OP.
Can you imagine someone threatening to take your kids away from you (which is what OP's mum is LITERALLY trying to do) and responding by just "staying out of it"? I would have taken my mum aside and said I love you, of course you're going to be able to visit all the time, and we'll come visit you as well - but if you ever threaten to take my kids again you will NEVER, EVER see them. End of, full stop, not up for discussion. If she tried to respond I'd just leave the room, or ask her to leave to think about it.
The fact that he didn't even seem bothered by the threat she made - what kind of parent ARE you??
@@LeonieJMerry Exactly my thoughts, and I'm not a parent.
Op sounds like he's a very detached father, like he sees the kids as anyone else's problem but his. He fathered them, helps in putting a roof over their heads and food on the table so that's the limit of his responsibility to the kids. The rest is up to whomever. He's undeserving of his wife and kids and I hope she gets out asap.
OPs mom: Im gonna sue you for partial custody of your kids!
OP: I missed the part where thats my problem.
Story 1: NTA because that girl is entirely unhinged and I'm happy OP's son got out of that toxic relationship. And the fact the girl went silent crazy instead of the expected blown out of proportion crazy says how unhinged she actually was. I hope OP went for the maximum penalty when pressing charges. Also, that girl needs to straight-up be sent to a looney bin across the country.
Story 2: Wait...suing for grandparent's rights...just because OP's wife is moving the precious grandbabies away? For a job that offers better opportunities?! Does the grandmother not get that separated kids from parents could have a bad impact on them??? And using them as a weapon for "legal rights" also doesn't help??? But then again, OP did nothing to mitigate the situation too. So YTA on that. OP is an enabler because he isn't doing a damn thing.
Story 3: This whole story is a massive OOF! Who thinks it's a good idea to tell a rude joke...to the family of their partner....THAT THEY'RE MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME?! That is an instant way to be blacklisted by the family!!! That douchebag deserved to feel uncomfortable as he couldn't even explain his dumb joke AND stupidity. OP is NTA and doesn't need to apologize to that walking waste of air.
Story 4: NTA for OP. Honestly, this seems like the straw that broke the camel's back as this was a massive overstep in boundaries. If the sister didn't like OP's food choices, a BETTER option would have been to get her own food. Tossing out OP's food (hundreds of dollars in groceries) was so stupid. Like what did she think it would achieve?? So I agree OP did the right thing to toss her sister out too.
For the 4th storie he should have taken her phone if it was out and put it somewhere in his room(not throwing it away) and when she asks what happened he should have said phones are bad for you so I throw it out for your own good I only want to help you.
When I first learned about grandparents' rights, I immediately had to look up if that was a thing where I live. We are no contact with my MIL because is an abuser and I refuse to let my kids around her. Thankfully, there is no such thing here :D
There really isn't such a thing anywhere that I know of. Unless the parents were abusive, neglectful, or dead, in which case the grandparents could try to get custody; but even in that case, it would be guardians' rights, not grandparents' rights. Grandparents have no legal claim on being able to visit their grandchildren or dictate where their parents may take them. It's entirely voluntary on the part of the parents; they have no legal obligation to allow the grandparents to visit.
I'm just wondering wtf Lana's parents were doing/ *not* doing in the first place that lead to her going so off the rails as she did. Not even that, but her *brother* was more than willing to get in on it. OP has it right in pressing charges because really, what reason do we have to believe they'd send her to get help or if it'd stick?
Agreed. They messed up with both of their children. No hope they'll suddenly know how to help their daughter now.
The parents shouldn’t always be to blame because of bad children
Lana may have lied to her brother about how things went down, and a big brother looking after their little sister can be a bit... Extreme (or at least not thinking clearly) Not that it's any excuse...
@@dyltube6395 well, if a parent/guardian enable bad behaviour, turn a blind eye, or try to get their "precious" child out of trouble, then that's bad parenting.
Kids need to learn at a young age that actions have consequences. It's the parents/guardians job to teach that. Otherwise, who else is to blame?
She's clearly unhinged and her parents let her get away with it instead of helping her with her anger issues. If she's abusive towards OP's son like that now, she'll only get worse in the future.
@@dyltube6395 Maybe not always, but when both of their children are off committing the same crime, something's definitely gone wrong.
OP's reaction to that moron's joke was natural and definitely not the ahole, but man did I laugh at the joke 😆
1st story bro his ex gf is honestly crazy it shouldn't be something she just gets a deal on she laughed about it and thinks that it's funny dude no you should press the charges she needs to learn that she cant just do whatever she wants and get away with it
Yeah... that whole family is whack. I'm about that age difference with my sister. When I was younger I would have done just about anything to protect my sister, but if my sister had come to me and said "hey I want to vandalize this car that belonged to my ex" I would have looked at her and said "are you insane? of course I won't help you do that". 23 year old big brother clearly wasn't raised right either.
Wow, that last story makes me so angry at the sister like there's so many other things she could of done. Also, healthy food costs more money typically. Usually the healthiest I eat is when my family cooks since they can afford better groceries than I can. My mom usually spends around $200 a grocery trip where I don't typically go over $80 like yeah, I'll get some healthy stuff but I also go for what I can afford. Thankfully, I do share a kitchen with my parents, I rent a loft in their house so I have to use their kitchen so I always ask permission first before I snag any of my parents' food but I am thankful I do have somewhat easy access to better stuff. Knowing how expensive food can be, man, that sister just ticks me off so much for doing that.
Where do people get so entitled that they start throwing away things while staying at someone's house as a guest?
I'm guessing from the mother, since the mother seemed to think OP needed to apologize to his sister rather than the other way around.
This particular person clearly got her entitlement from her enabling mother.
If someone threw out ANY of my food if it's not expired, I wouldn't just kick them out. I would probably chase them with a knife tbh... don't mess with someones food
*Second OP:* OP should've had his wife's back. Who is his mom to say where he and Liz can live? YTA.
*Third OP:* _This_ OP gets it. NTA
Grand parents have no rights when it comes to grand kids. My mom tried that and was laughed out of court just because she didn’t like my wife.
wow, OP in the second story sucks majorly. Imagine having kids what such an unsupportive spouse.
*with
Story 4: My cousin did something similar. Except it was food we'd gotten for HIM since he only ate organic meat. The day after my parents got it, he shoved it all down the garbage disposal because it "smelled funny." Really expensive food my parents had gotten for HIM. Needless to say, my parents were upset. We didn't kick him out though because he was literally homeless at the time.
But yeah, that behavior is unacceptable. When you're a guest in someone's home, you don't dispose of all their food.
The grandmother doesn't really care about "her" grand-kids. She cares about having control of HER property(both OP AND the kids). The wife needs to take her kids and go live her new much better life without the mummy's boy of a "father".
Doesn't change the fact that the grandmother could still take her to Court and could possibly win depending on the state they're from.
@@Aisenhelm only if she can prove abuse. I can't imagine where a court would stifle the parents income because of grandparents feelings. That is not in the best interest of the children.
@@Aisenhelm that grandmother wouldn’t stand a chance in court. Unless the parents were unfit (which they clearly aren’t), would the grandmother win.
@@DaniS398 with the rough knowledge about the Grandparent's rights that I know, this grandmother is requesting visitation rights rather than custody here, but if it was about custody she would lose no doubt, but she's asking for visitation rights as a grandparent, and where I live she needs to prove a few things but the one that's important now is that she took care of the child for some time which this grandmother did as the parent's go-to babysitter. So the grandmother could still get visitation rights, but it is all dependent on the state they are from.
@@Aisenhelm well, nobody is stopping her from visiting
I wonder why the sister is so desperate for a boyfriend that she would be involved with a jerk that makes "jokes" about a woman's body.
3rd OP: so apparently its okay for sister bf to make a "joke" to make OP's wife uncomfortable, but when ask to explain all the sudden he is uncomfortable? Dude come on the bf is a butt. Not going to lie but I did chuckle a bit when I heard that the bf was becoming uncomfortable. I hope the bf got a good lesson in how to be respectful towards others.
The rude joke story...4 years ago I had a hysterectomy (cancer scare but it turned out to be noncancerous) I was depressed afterwards for a while. My husband finally convinced me to go to a mommy group meet up I was part of. My daughter who was 1 at the time was happy to play with other kids her age and it was nice to see some of the moms. One of the moms that I didn't like very much asked me if I felt like less of a woman now that I couldn't have babies anymore. It got quite and everyone turned on her and l wanted to cry she said it was a joke. The mom who was set up this meet up snap "well explain it because none of us get it"
With the last story I'm figuring that OP's mother wants her (OP) to apologize, so that the sister would move back in with OP. That way the sister who throw away OP's food, wouldn't be in the mother's home long enough to throw away the mother's food.
"We want her close! Just not living with US."
Yeah, I can see that.
2nd: Surprising how long OP managed to live without a spine. OP's wife is awesome for refusing bigotry and marring an invertebrate
That dad in the second story is a MASSIVE idiot, I'm surprised Liz doesn't want a break from him. Why would he defend his mom so much when she could literally visit the grandkids at any time?
He is a massive jerk she should divorce him and take full custody of the kids I don’t give a flip
@Jordan Rodrigues And when you get married the wife comes BEFORE the mother.
he has no job lined up, he probably figured that if his mom is not around to look after the kids he will have too more and that means less time for himself, he was maybe agreeing with the move at first but now he is starting realize his mommy then can't look after the kids as much he is probably not so eager to move
@Jordan Rodrigues I was talking about the wife she should divorce op and take the kids the grand parents has absolutely no right on the kids and if I have a mother like that I would rather have a dog as a mother then op’s mom as a mother
@Jordan Rodrigues The husband literally stated in the story she was offered a better job opportunity in another city 🥴 and that she earns more than he does.
"Liz has a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city."
I’m underweight and have taste and texture sensory issues. If someone threw out my food because they thought it was unhealthy, I’d never interact with that person again. Anyone trying to get me to apologize or forgive and forget would be told this, in monotone voice on repeat: “I struggle to gain the energy to make myself something to eat. [Person] threw out the food that both my body and mind actually enjoy and can put in the effort to make. I struggle to gain weight enough as it is without having to throw cash away to replace my pantry.”
Spineless spouses/parents are the bane of my existence.
I'm looking at you, papa. Stand tf up to your momma.
Hes a feckless mommas boy through and through.
Amen
My moms a divorce lawyer and she thought i was making up the 2nd story when i asked if they had a case it was was just THAT absurd. The grandparents would need a lawyer better than most company’s to make that work
OP's son's girlfriend ABSOLUTELY deserves to be criminally charged. She caused severe property damage, and is to be held accountable.
Also, I can bet that if gender roles were reversed OP's neighbours would be actively encouraging OP to sue.
Don't you mean EX girlfriend
@@nightrayneraven1323 yeah
They already were, her brother went straight to jail and she didn't, I know she's a minor but she's also old enough to be charged as an adult
@@tiredman99 came to say the same thing
Protective entitled parents are protective entitled parents regardless of the gender of their unstable entitled kid
I'm vegetarian in a house of 3 other meat eaters, and even I find the food story absurd. Like what was the nerve of that?
Cool
Sad fact is that punitive charges don't actually deter. No moral judgement on story one, but the chances of rehabilitation are extremely low. It's something worth thinking about as a society.
That story about the boyfriend? Anyone who sits at a dinner table and lets garbage ideas and behaviour get tossed around for the sake of keeping the peace and being welcoming/leaving good impressions is a spineless hack. OP did the right thing in standing his ground and standing up for his wife, who couldn't stand up for herself in that moment. That garbage human of a boyfriend couldn't even face the music, apologise, and then excuse himself. He just straight up left like a chicken. It's a nasty paradigm where people insist that we keep the peace at the dinner table, but we absolutely shouldn't. Draw a line in the sand, have some self-respect. OP did the right thing.
about the bf one, I would not be surprised they want op to let him get away with it because there is a good chance that the cancer treatment has affected op's wife's fertility so now they see their daughter as their best option for a grandchild even if the father is a douchebag.
correction but punitive charges can work depending on the system, there's many countries that prove that prison and jugdment when done properly can turn someone around but in that case since they're in the US chances are the girl won't change but at least having some consequences in life might slow her down a bit.. perhaps ^^'
@@Alteusgirl that's be some big news to me, so I'd appreciate being pointed to where that's true.
That aside, though, this Lana person won't go to prison. It's dubious to call this a felony and even more dubious to find a judge who'll hand down a prison sentence to a minor for vandalism.
My comment was more to do with the "make her pay" ideology.
Yeah, the new bro bf is clearlt an immature jackass. He's 30 years old and didn't know better than to 'tease' a cancer survivor about her mastectomy!?
@@sknkpop countries like norway and denmark have very high reinsertion rates for people that went to jail, almost no one goes back to jail after a first sentence. But that's because their prison are high tier and treat people with humanity, reward good behaviour (for exemple they have consoles or they can play voleyball with the guards if they behave they gain points they can spend on those activities, if you try to act up you're not being taken basic rights away but you also don't have anything fun to do. basically working more on positive reinforcement rather than punishment). Other countries like US with for profit jails or even europe (french jails are so overpopulated that people are 4 or 6 in cells meant for 1 or 2 person and it's basically encouraging crime at this point since you can't survive in there without commiting crime and same goes for a lot of countries).
as for Lana i think you're right she's gonna get a slap on the wrist, a fine most likely or at the very least damages to pay (but if her parents just pay for her there's no lesson for her) and maybe eventually some community service hours depending on the judge.
What that girl needs to learn an actual lesson is therapy and parents that educate her but the second part might be too late.
I still definitely think Op is right for pressing charges, at the very least to have it on record in case she continues to harass the son. It's more for the son's protection than to punish the ex.
Story 1: look at that it's the consequences of her actions. If the parents want the daughter to have a lighter sentence they can take it up with the da and judge.
Sorry 2: imagine being so spineless can you switch sides because your mommy got upset you are moving. The grandma has the ability to go travel to their house, and vice versa. Planes exist, and so does zoom. Sure you might not be able to do it as much in person but still. Op is so spineless for not being able to recognize that his mother is being very unreasonable.
Story 3: it's the greatest way to deal with someone that's making insensitive jokes, asking them to explain what the funny is. It made him uncomfortable because he realized that he messed up and didn't want to admit it. You don't want to be made uncomfortable about a joke you made, maybe read the room better
Story 4: rule number one of any roommate situation, you DO NOT touch your roommate's food unless you have a very good reason or permission. And honestly the only reason I can think of that I would need to touch my roommates food without her permission is that it went bad. And even then I would still text her and let her know before I tossed it. The mom is going after op because she knows the sister is more unreasonable in Op will be more easy to cave.
I want to yell at the sister “SHE HAD CANCER YOU STUPID NEANDERTHAL” how dare she even suggest she’s being sensitive? Maybe she should try being terminally ill and getting mocked about it before talking. DAMN
Yeah I'm kinda in the opposite situation - my roommate's food is always going bad and moldy, and I text her about it, but I don't dare touch it because she'll blow up. And now she has blocked me on her phone, so I can't even text anymore.
@@Jupiter-T I'd say that's arguably the one time throwing out someone else's food is okay. You'd be doing them a favor. Otherwise it's stealing.
Edit: Oh, crap, the base comment already talked about it. Oh well. If she doesn't let you text her, then maybe just leave a post-it note.
The best thing to listen to with morning coffee.
Saud the same thing
So true
Indeed. Although I’m drinking orange juice. Can’t drink coffee
Best thing to listen to when I should be sleeping because I'm working the night shift.
Agreed.
Never apologize to anyone to keep the peace. Never.
Once you give an inch, they'll take the whole mile!
And we all know the mom is only going after op to do it is because that sister is so opinionated and unreasonable she would never do it herself.
And the sister is that way because she has been enabled to be that way
I'm trying to figure out the sister's logic, when the "unhealthy" food included precut veggies.
I get that some people don't understand why those exist and object to the packaging, but they're literally vegetables. Food doesn't get much healthier than vegetables.
Probably because the vegetables wasn't "Organic" and/or "Non-GMO".
But I agree, these vegetables was just fine and no need to be wasted like that.
True. Though even if all she had was potato chips and Mountain Dew, not the sister's place to throw it out. That was so crazy. Maybe it's better if the sister doesn't take that new job.
But, were they ethically prepared ORGANIC pre-cut veggies?
Anyway, if she actually cared about her sister eating proper healthy food, she would have paid for proper healthy food. But she refused to do that, and claimed she was "doing you a favor," by leaving her sister to STARVE, with the staggering loss of $1,000.
She didn't do it about the food or health. She did it for control, power, and cruelty. She WANTED to hurt her sister.
Then, she got angry that she had to actually face consequences for her actions.
@@AuntLoopy123 😆😆
I'm pretty sure most grandparent's rights are reasonable visitation. Flying to another place is reasonable visitation.
Story no. 2: Mama's boy needs a wakeup call. This guy needs to listen to his wife and get his mom some help.
I'm wondering how that OP fathered those children when it is clear he doesn't have any balls.🙄 Granny and dad are about to share some visitation if he doesn't get his act together.
Oh no she will. When op gets visitation
They used a donor. Hopefully the bio-dad doesn't have a genetic condition causing a lack of spine.
Yo that second story hit a nerve. Rslash goin off and giving the entire 5 out of 5 was funnier than that dudes relationship
Your sister destroyed enough food dollar value wise to be considered a felony in 50 states. Tell her you want your money back or you’re going to the police.
Property damage is property damage.
Besides, Lana deserves a straitjacket.
Or electric chair
@@dickysatria7268 Nah, it is not a capital offense to be a looney.
But spending a couple of weeks in a straitjacket surely will break her spirit.
@@dickysatria7268 that's way too far. She's still a minor and did something crazy and dumb. Doesn't deserve death for it.
@@bryn1063 dont need for the zap to be fatal just enuff to zappity zap a bit
@@dickysatria7268 ik you're joking but therapy will work just fine. 🤣😂
Story 3: "Stop it! He's clearly uncomfortable!" Your boy toy met your SIL for the first time and one of the first things he did was joke about her cancer and surgery. Let him wallow in his discomfort, it's the least of what he deserves.
That second husband makes me SO glaf that my bf and future MIL arent psychos. Like ffs. OP YOUR OWN MOTHER JUST THREATENED TO SUE YOU FOR MOVING. And you don't call her crazy or protect your WIFE!? What the hell is wrong with him!?
He's spineless and a certified mommy's boy.
I am wondering if OP has ulterior motives, and actually doesn't want to move. Or if something else is going on.....cuz OP's description of everything felt really "off", too.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings its blantantly obvious he's only moving because his wife said she wants to 💀💀
Nope nope nope! If my mother threatened to take me and my hubby to court to gain custody of our child because my hubbys job was relocating us. I would go full force never threaten to take a mother away from her child. As a parent and spouse THE FAMILY YOU CREATE TAKE FIRST PRIORITY OVER EVERYONE ELSE!
This may be due to the fact that I love cars in general, but I really really really HATE when people mess up cars for stupid "revenge". I couldn't care less about insults or other stuff if I'm in the right, but don't you dare even thinking about going near my car
You're not the only one. Destroying someone's property because they broke up with you is the most stupidest thing to do.
Honestly, as a mechanic's kid, I can't blame you. I'm not gonna like getting insulted, but if you mess up my car it could come with a HUGE price tag. Even with the parents promising to pay, the ex-gf needs to learn that mommy and daddy can clean up after every mess. If it weren't for her age, she'd be facing time alongside her brother.
At 17, a car may not be totally necessary for him to get around, especially if he lives with his family still. But depending how bad she wrecked his car, that’s his livelihood. If you can’t get to work, you don’t get paid. And just imagine if the son and ex were older with kids? Now you’re taking food out of the mouths of children. And for what? All we know is that he broke up with her. Let her learn her lesson now before she’s a real adult with real consequences.
I would agree for stupid stuff but I've done things to stupid peoples cars. Example this one guy I knew got really drunk and wouldn't listen to reason so another buddy and I climbed under his car while he was still in the bar and unplugged certain things so he couldn't start the car. We were trying to prevent him from hurting someone or getting a dui. Well he got pissed when the car wouldn't start, he messed that car up. He dented the door and quarter, he broke the driver side mirror and shattered the driver side window and rear windshield he did other things as well. He ended up getting arrested that night after we left. The next day my buddy and I went back with the guys gf turned out it was her car and she was pissed at my buddy because he admitted to unplugging things so her bf wouldn't total another one of her cars. Apparently there was another time where this dude did this before, some people I swear, you try and do a decent thing and it bites you in the ass.
A car is typically the second most expensive purchase that you'll make in your entire life, the first being a house.
That gives more than enough reason for someone to not fuck with a car. God help them if they come across a car enthusiast, because cars are almost everything to us.
For the first story, I can understand OP's son's reluctance to pursue any kind of legal action or anything like that. When you've been in an abusive relationship, you never want to rock the boat more than you need to. Sometimes you don't even realise how scared you still are of your ex, just that you want them as far away from you as possible.
OP in the grandma story is letting his mom walk all over him. You're married to your wife, not your mother. Never let your parents get involved in your marriage. They have 0 right to put their 2 cents in or get involved in ANY capacity. I've seen what happens in those kinds of relationships. I had to grow up with that shit.
Grow some balls and apologize to your wife for not sticking up for her. You said she makes more money than you. Do you think any couŕt is going to take her kids away. She will get full custody and you will have to pay child support. Damn, you might have to move back in with your mommy after your wife takes you to the cleaners. WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!
@@luannhetrick-wood9764 Dude needs to realize he's not obligated to his mother for jack shit after he became an adult. It's painful, but kids are supposed to sprout wings and fly the coop. He definitely needs to come back to his wife on his hands and knees begging for her forgiveness for not sticking by her on this.
He’s probably getting manipulated
2nd story, the husband is a complete coward and allowed his mother to threaten his wife. His behavior problematic.🚩🚩🚩🚩
In reality, there's no such thing as "Grandparents Rights". It's nearly impossible for the other parent to get custody from a good mom, so there's absolutely no way a grandparent would get them. The most she can hope for is a compassionate judge who will give her a little visitation, but even that is a slim chance. I've been through it.
Exactly. It's just bizarre that the grandma thought she had veto power over her son's family. Now she's unlikely to be welcome to visit and Liz will probably see to it that they rarely, if ever, visit OP's family! Dumb move grandma.
Funny thing is, it never said that OP and Wife weren't going to let Grandma visit/visit Grandma. At least, not until her hissy fit.
The only time there would be such a thing is if either or both of the PARENTS are neglecting and/or abusing the kids, or the grandparents are the legal guardians of the children. In both cases that would be guardians' rights, not grandparents' rights. There is no legal jurisdiction I know of where "grandparents' rights" are even a thing.
@@troodon1096 They are a thing in some US states. But few. They must have already established a close relationship with the children (true in this case), but frequently, we see stories about grandparents suing for grandparents rights of BABIES who have barely had chance to open their eyes, let alone form a relationship with anyone, in which case they inevitably lose. It's a stupid threat, except under very narrow circumstances, such as "I can afford to take care fo teh children, and the parents are broke/druggies/deadbeats/abusers, who will neglect and/or abuse the children" or "I've been a MAJOR part of their lives, and a positive influence, helping them through this trauma and that trial, and the children NEED me."
It's not about the grandparent's rights, at all, but about the children's rights to be cared for and loved by their grandparents.
Because children are not objects to be owned.
"They broke up for some reason" *goes unhinged and vandalises the car* Hmmm yeah wonder why
He probably reflected on her treatment of him, compared that to how his friends were treated by their SO's, and broke it off. Or he realized he no longer had friends because of her.
Husbands: stand up to your moms and support your wives.
As long as the spouse is reasonable
@@Flarflenugen Yeah, this. If the wife is clearly in the wrong, then take the mom's side.
that "pathetic" at 9:14 was powerful
10:03 look, normally, I am against hating comedians when they do an offensive joke, but fucking hell man, there's a saying (in greek cyprus at least) "at an executed person's funeral, do not mention the noose"
I wouldn't say this is a comedian act even without that.
If you're watching the stand-up comedy then it's kind of on you to make sure that the comedian is someone that you actually want to listen to. For the most part that pandering to a specific set of audiences and they can't go for everyone.
In a small setting like this it's kind of on the jokester to figure out the room and make sure they aren't going to piss off people, especially if it's a first meeting
@@Flarflenugen thanks about that, I always had the idea "jokes are meant to be funny" and "don't attack someone because you didn't like their humor", but you're right, that should count when you come to the jokester, not when the jokester comes to you
As someone whose mother did take her to court for grandparents rights, trust me, it is no laughing matter. OP - you DO NOT want your mother taking you to court. You will literally have to figure out visitation for EVERYTHING - holidays, summer, vacations, monthly visits, drop off times, if one or both of you will drive, who will bare the cost of driving. It is stressful and embarrassing. And unless you go back to court to modify the judgement, whatever the courts decide is in place indefinitely. It's only been 2 years and my daughter HATES having to go and the continued forcing is just slowly damaging any relationship between the two of them. OP you seriously need to stand with your wife and tell your mother to back down. Just because you guys are moving doesn't mean she won't see her grandkids anymore. Try and come up with a visitation solution on your own. You need to explain that, while her feelings are valid, you aren't moving to hurt her. You guys are moving for beneficial reasons and that at least you will be in the same state where she can still see your kids and watch them and have them over for weekends or play dates, etc.
Also, for your mother to mention it so quickly in an argument with your wife tells me that this is something she's looked into already for whatever reason. Be careful OP, you may think your know your mother but for some reason court battles always bring the ugly out in people.
Yes EXACTLY THIS....why is no one else considering the repercussions of things?!?! There are lasting effects from this stuff and rarely positive ones.
I like that u upload at this time every day bc it allows me to listen to ur videos during my morning routine.
(+it's always nice to see a new aita video)
The second story, me? I absolutely HATE disgustingly weak, pathetic, enabling spouses who let their families walk all over them, their family, and their spouses because “iT’s My FaMiLy”
If that’s not grounds for divorce, at the very least I would NEVER trust my spouse in that situation ever again and know, “oh this person will never have my back when I need it the most”
Grandparents rights are a damn joke
Grandmother VS Mother: I agree with R/Slash on the point that OP did agree and could find another job without issue, but unless he hasn't truthfully represented the interaction between his mother and his wife, it seems like his wife was treating his mother life a disposable asset, "since we can get a babysitter you are no longer needed", and her outburst of supposed legal rights may be a desperate attempt not to lose her grandchildren. I mean I get the point that he needs to be supportive of his spouse and he should've gotten more involved, but unless his mother is a devilish Karen that is constantly slandering his wife to him, others, or his children, she does have a right to be a part of her grandchildren's life. I will admit that his mother did sound somewhat deranged for suggesting them move without the kids, which is why I feel there is more to this than is being said, so if his mother is a sociopath he is too afraid to stand again or if she is actually abusive, I fully stand with the wife
With the second story I was clapping at r/slash response. OP is a two face hypocrite and if op’s wife divorces him over it then so be it. The grandmother is out of her goddamn mind! Unless the parents are unfit to look after their children then she has rights but if that’s not the case grandparents can piss off and visit their grandkids but I won’t blame op’s wife for banning her to see them after this. Personal I would!
Thank you! Your absolutely right. And Grandparents rights only really applies when the kids parents die. So it’s like if a kids mom dies. Then the dad says the moms parents can no longer see the kids. If the moms parents were involved in the kids life, they would be entitled to grandparents rights, which would allow them visitation. It is usually only used in the case of a death. Not just in disagreements or someone moves away. Grandparents have no say in if the parents both decide to move to a different city, state or even country. The grandmother is completely wrong in thinking that. She is not the custodial parent so she has no say as long as the mother and father both agree. And I understand being sad your grandkids are moving. But that husband is a total asshole in not backing his wife up and taking his mothers side.
Story 2: I'm sorry, WHAT??? I've lived overseas my whole childhood and only saw my grandparents every other summer. Sure, they missed us, but they never went so far as to take our parents to court! I can't believe OP just stood there while his mom was being completely unreasonable, literally saying she was gonna TAKE HIS KIDS AWAY FROM HIM!
I think 5/5 for the second story is a bit harsh. It used to be really rare to get a 5/5 here. I would rate the grandmother 4/5 and the husband 3/5. It sounds like his mom is exceptionally controlling and ready to make life extremely difficult and that's probably nothing new. Poor guy has probably had to deal with those kinds of outbursts his whole life, so I can understand struggling in the moment to go up against her.
Yeah, I'd save 5/5 for the really irredeemable AHs, as in, for the ones that there's no coming back from. OP in that story can still fix things.
2:56 Vandalism of personal property, and a Zero Deal for proof of no remorse? That is pure act of Adult Criminal content. She put herself in that boat.
Lana in the first story sounds like she's one cracked windshield away from putting OP's 'rabbit' in a pot of boiling water (If you were alive in the 80's you'll get the reference).
That movie was so terrifying because we've all either met that woman, or know someone who has.
for the grandparents story: can grandma not fuckin drive??? it doesn’t sound like liz was saying “you’re NEVER seeing your grandchildren again.” granny flipped out for literally nothing. they’re just moving like, what, max 45 mins away?
I hope Lana's parents still pull through on that therapy offer even if OP doesn't drop the charges.
Can relate to the having an emotionally abusing partner and parents made the right call in remaining out of it. My dad told me one thing that helped "if you're fighting more often than enjoying each other's company, maybe that deserves some thought." or something like that. At the time, I wasn't ready to hear it as a plea to end the relationship, but it didn't push me away. When it came time to make the decision, I was ready.
I’m gonna do a favor by throwing away someone else’s (non expired) food. Thank me for costing you thousands of dollars
It may have spoiled the meeting by repeatedly asking him to explain the joke, but you know what else would have? Getting knocked the hell out. If I had been in OPs shoes, he would have gotten a beating right then and there.
The BF already spoiled the meeting by making his insensitive "joke" in the first place.
Here's how the 2nd story should have gone:
Grandma: "I'm gonna sue for grandparents' rights."
Wife: "Honey, back me up here?"
Husband: "Don't worry about it, that's not a thing. She's having a (frankly understandable) emotional reaction and she'll get over it."
That would have been preferable to siding with his mother, but unless "she's crazy, she'll get over it" has been well established between OP and his wife, passivity was not the right choice here. He needed to address his mother, not his wife.
@@JennaGetsCreative
He was definitely wrong for coming at his wife like that. That was not neutral. He's the AH for that, granted.
But I don't think it would have been productive for him to address the grandma. She's having an emotional reaction, he's not going to logic her out of it.
If someone threatens to sue me, and I know they have no legal leg to stand on, I would laugh it off and go about my business.
@@davesaylor7829 He doesn't need to attack his crazy mother, just tell her once she's overreacting/being disrespectful/whatever he chooses to say and THEN get his wife to ignore her with him. His wife asked for support and he did worse than give none.
@@JennaGetsCreative
I feel like my original comment covered that.
I would have literally said, with both of them present:
"Grandparents' rights aren't a thing. You're having an understandable but unreasonable emotional reaction.
You'll see us again, etc etc"
@@davesaylor7829 Yes, that would be a good way to handle it. I didn't read it that you were suggesting the husband say that, in those words, in front of his mother. That would definitely back his wife up.
For the second story, all OP needs to do is assure his mom that she's still welcome to visit and that they're not trying to keep the kids from her. In fact, I'm surprised Liz didn't bring it up (unless OP chose not to mention it). Heck, the mom could even make plans to move by them if she wants to see them more often, if possible. If this isn't enough of a solution for the mom, that's her problem.
She’s 17, not 7.
Always something when you hear r/slash go off on an OP. I agree with him 100% on it too. That guy really is spineless and that grandmother really is out of line.
listening to this before my SAT exam!! ❤️ thanks for always posting content for me to wake up to
Best of luck!
good luck!!!
Good luck! The SATs are important!
Good luck!
Good luck!
Call up the sister and instead of apologizing just start teasing her for how she's never going to settle down and find someone. You know like a joke.