0:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
As a single person, I'd love to see some single people discussing how they handle finances on their own. Everyone doesn't have a partner to combine finances with even though it provides a peek into what sharing finances could look like. Just a thought on a different perspective. :)
love the cuple! love the videos! - not just like!!! i love your videos ! I wish you all the best . If we manage to overcome the difficulties here, you can too. And with us there is "market gossip" related to what we do in relation to money. I wish you all the best in life and success together, because you are a wonderful couple.
Alisa, please don't let your toxic family dynamic ruin a beautiful marriage. You & your husband are obviously kind, compassionate & thoughtful people. I love the smiles at 1:09:30 You're so happy he heard you & he's sooo happy he pleased you! If you pull your mother out of your marriage, and just focus on the two of you, you'll find a greater sense of peace and HOPE. I'm so sorry your mother sent that cruel Xmas card telling you how disappointed she is in you. It's no wonder you shifted that pain to your husband to tell him how disappointed you are in him. In the moment, you got release but it didn't help you in the long run. You hurt a man who obviously loves you dearly. He's crushed by your lack of faith in him. And there's only so many times you can be told you're not enough before you believe it and give up. The same sad, hopeless feeling you feel after your mom compares you to your sister is what you put on him. Please don't destroy your marriage because of unfair pressure from your family. Jesse loves you and you love him. It's clear to thousands of strangers after just a few minutes. You guys can do this! You're just overwhelmed by toxic family fumes. Get out of there! Be free and be yourselves. You are both lovely and kind. And in this day and age, that is VERY hard to find. Best of luck to you both! I pray your marriage is stronger than ever after this!
i agree, marriage is between 2 people and not 3. And they should have been honest about money with their daughter and not have unrealistic expectations which in turn poisoned her relationship.
I don't for the life of me understand the purpose of her mother's letter. Then hearing that follow-up at the end that her parents spent her college fund just broke my heart. I'm not someone who thinks parents have to save for the children's college if times are tough, but to send all your kids to college except your last one is hurtful. Especially with no acknowledgement or apology. Her siblings are going for home from starting on first base while she doesn't get that advantage.
For me it was the parents blaming her for not being on *the same step* as her sister (who didn t need to pay for college on her own) after clearing out her college fund. Disgusting.
I think you guys can make it. Remove divorce out of your head. This really is possible you guys can come together and take this step by step together. I wish you both the best!! Combine your finances! Speak! And have a common goal. Work on building trust.
Correct I don’t see any toxicity in their relationship they just misunderstand each other about money and the outside is trying to sabotage what they have going on inside their relationship. It’s a shame. Parents need to stay out of it.
@@taylorspastpresent1014 Not, It's really, she is 38, the older women get the more security they need. I mean If Jesse could buy a house and be trading stocks while having 500K in investments she wouldn't feel as she does now. It is what it it is. she needs to feel taken care of by a go getter kind dude.
Man, what a roller coaster. From Jesse being so low on himself, that he basically tells her he understands if she leaves him, to figuring out that money is really similar to training. Just that metaphor gave him the confidence he needed to see that things can get better, to get in there and try. What a beautiful episode, and what sweet people. Well done Ramit!
Current and Future Parents --> Please, for the love of all things holy, do NOT emotionally charge a card or letter to your children during holidays, birthdays, celebrations, etc. with your not-so-secret resentments, manipulations, excuses, false apologies, and/or "what I think you should do with your life choices." You have NO Idea how much that hurts the recipient on an emotional and psychological level. It hurts the part of the heart that only parents can touch and once inflicted, it's a deep wound that always remains.
Ugh. To hear of her mother’s intense judgment only to find out how unjust it truly is when you consider her parents’ role in the financial situation she is in. Wow
I really loved listening to this conversation. You could tell that Alise and Jesse are both really kind individuals. They were so open emotionally during this conversation, it really felt like a breath of fresh air hearing them navigate their history and future with money,
Ramit hits the nail on the head about Car and Home purchases being based off payment amounts. I literally died inside when I found out that people actually get auto loans 84-96 months.. like that is literally insane.. 96 month loans at 9.7% is what my local credit union is advertising. I cannot understand how people can do this.
I hate financing for vehicles on any level. I bought a new car ONCE in my life (I'm 54). It was only a $17k Corolla, and I still regretted having that payment lol. I promised myself I would never have a car payment again. I just buy used, and I drive the wheels right off them lol.
Wow her follow up just made me remember that’s the exact reason why I went into studying economics and accounting. My dad paid for everyone else’s tuition but mine because he lost money in his construction business in 2008. Now I have $83k in student loan debt. Of which I’ve paid off $20k which has mostly gone to interest. I wonder if I have resentment too, sheesh this is good!
Seriously concerning. From a medical perspective EXERCISE often because those negative feelings get lodged in your muscles ..root cause of fibermyalgia and MS..
Your dad paid 80k for all your sibling's to attend university? I don't know how parents can do this and put away any money for their retirement. I had one year paid for by my parents - 8k.
My brother got his college paid for, i got one year. This was because my mother passed away and her husband wouldn’t help. It took me a long time but i finally paid it off (90k)
This was one of my favorites... They both came in with some seriously problematic thinking about money and confronted their issues together. They're definitely behind on retirement savings but they have the right mindset!
When asked “What do you think the solution is?” people are always quick to respond that they just need to simply make more money, as if that would solve all their problems. Without fundamental issues being addressed as to how they got into debt in the first place, reducing spending habits, and following a budget, making more money wouldn’t necessarily solve anything.
I mean, this is so sad!! They are married but live like they are single. The way they talk: “his money”, “her money” “his debt”. It is so hard to make a marriage works when there’s no team work.
it's frankly worse than that, it sounds very controlling, consciously or unconsciously, to tell a partner what they should or shouldn't order, while having the other person pay for all the bill with "their money".
I've listened and watch so many of your episodes but this one was my favorite! I hope you end up doing a follow-up interview with them as they seem like really kind people. Personally really resonated wtih Alisa's guilt and shame around money (Also have an accountant parent) and experienced financial hardship in high school that has left me feeling lack & scarcity daily as an adult. Thank you Ramit for these episodes! They're so inspiring and personally close to following every financial tip + step you've laid out in your book.
In 2020 I learned that my husband had $100k in debt. He had been lying to me and hiding this mess. It was a lot! At that point we have been married for 29 years. I called it the shit show! Today 2024 we are still together 👍 and I managed to get all 10 …yes 10 of his credit cards, loans paid off! Not fun or funny to deal with. My daughter got me listening to you Ramit and I am very grateful for that. Thank you 💰
What kind of psychopath writes that in a Christmas card?! I think I would cut ties with the mom. That sounds like a toxic relationship and it'll constantly eat away at your own mental health and self-esteem knowing that your mom/MIL looks down on you because of how much money you make.
Amazing episode!! Thank you for being so open and honest Jesse about playing small, I’ve been doing the same thing with my career aspirations. After a good long cry, I sent out 10 emails for job shadowing and if I don’t hear back, I’m committing to send 10 more next Tuesday. No more playing small!! ❤
omg I love Jesse's description of the weekly money convo being a Team coming to practice! Such a great approach as it both acknowledges that a couple is on the same side and working together, and also that they're not going to be perfect right away or ever but this is a practice. That is so great! I really hope this all works out for them. They seem really lovely.
This is far more than financial advice, its very emotional, inspirational. I have your book, I'm currently making changes. I've talked to my friends & my partner who is on board. I've invested for the first time ever
Your podcast keeps me motivated and learning. Coming from poverty and having to learn money management in my 30s, I pick so much up from these episodes. I will definitely be talking about money and spending with my children
The beginning of this session was dire, but as Ramit dug out the issues, this couple really showed promise and the ability to learn to work together... best of luck to them 👍
I am 16 about be 17 in 3 days! And I love ramit I recommend his book to all my friends and on my social media and I am like watch his podcast it so good! It will teach what to and what not to do. I love your podcast and your book thank you!
money use to be such a taboo thing to speak on. I'm so grateful for this show and getting to see myself ( my money psychology) in all of the couples who come onto your show. I haven't been a guest but surely I've been learning so much! thank you!
I was nervous for this couple at the beginning to middle part of the video. But the last 15 minutes really shows how important clear communication is with your significant other
Having personal finance as a hobby is difficult because it’s such a touchy subject and people don’t want to talk about it openly These vids are so interesting
The issue is they don’t really earn $120k, they earn that MINUS 30% self employment tax and whatever it costs to run their business. They probably keep half that, and I’m shocked ramit didn’t name or help them understand this!
I like to think of debt as fat and savings/investments as muscle. Doing well with money for fitness-minded folks can be motivating by thinking of paying off debt as burning fat and investing as building muscle.
Those parents are TOXIC. They are not helping. I just don't understand why we adults have such childish tendencies sometimes. My mom is 65 and she also has some childish tendencies towards my wife and my two kids. So do I, but in other areas of my life, which I'm currently working on. The issue with this couple goes further than finances. They need some counseling for their mental health. So do the parents. So do I. So do all of us. 👍. What we do with our money is just a side effect of where our mind is, so in order to be the best person we can be, we also need therapy from a good psychologist or counselor, a marriage counselor, plus some very good advice from the host here 👍👍👍👍
I’m 37yrs old and my life is none of my family’s business. I will post pictures videos whatever. I’m too old to seek approval from my family. Been through too much.
Talking about the importance of the phrase "save your money" really got me thinking about my life. I have an okay job now, and grew up in a family that got by, but I always felt like I had nothing compared to other kids. My parents didnt spend any extra on anything unneeded. First home growing up was a trailer if that says anything. Yet im good with money and debt free. And I was told "save your money" a lot. Makes me wonder if thats where it all started and I didnt even know it.
I must say you do a great job of getting something much more profound or deep out of the guests by the end of the conversation with almost all of your guests.
The part near the end is what frustrates me the most. She doesn't even know what she wants, but she expects him to know. She knows what she wants to "feel" but there's no way for the guy to know what she feels. She asks for specifics but cannot give a specific example herself. When you don't have a goal, how can you work towards it?
I’m an accountant…. I seriously don’t know much about investing lol…. My husband and I are not too different from this couple. My dad told me two days ago that I should have had $200k saved by now. And my dad told me about my cousin who apparently has $350k saved at 28 years old.
Can you also talk to people who are good with money and people average with money? It would be good to see what might be different. Different personalities, different upbringings, luck, etc.
When Ramit got upset at 55:50, I was pretty shocked. At first it does sound like a $5/session increase isn't much for a new cert. But when he calculates it out as 2200 sessions, I started thinking that 2000 hours is a typical year for a 5-9 job. So $5 covers the investment in a year. But then I realized that their income is very incongruent with a 2000 hour work year. Given their rates, they each only do about 15 sessions a week or 750/year. There's time in the week to more than double their incomes.
I am surprise no one is calling her out She has issues she has to deal with first - some of which are controlling. She wants him to get a 17$ meal instead of a 28$ meal, a $10 difference because it would "feel" he's saving money even if its not rational. Added to all this, she applied for the show, without telling him.... WTH????
@@segredosdotiosam9989 thats the point Its not about the $11. Rationally that dont change anything. She just wants to "feel" he is as much concerned about their finances as she is But as she said in the follow up she was living inside her head, thinking she has to do this alone without ever truly expressing what she wants because she doesnt know. She just feels anxious. Furthermore, when Ramit broke it down, they are not in a bad situation at all Because she feels (unwarranted) anxiousness, she needs to exert control. This is so wrong and goes to show how lots of people have no control and understanding of themselves first. A lot of her anxiety comes as Ramit broke it down and as she end up realising from her background not from her husband I feel bad for her husband, he's almost giving up becuase she doesnt really know exactly what she wants because she lives in anxiety and in her head while not grasping and trying to see if it matches reality The fact she went on applied for the show without telling him is a red flag She asks for partnership and being on the same page while not acting in kind
I mean she very clearly stated that shes aware of the control issues and that it was all stemming from fear and anxiety. Which is why Ramit spent the entirety of the conversation re-framing her thoughts instead of going into the specifics with the numbers.
$125k a year as a combined income for two people in Portland isn't much. They need to each be earning that. edit to add: at $125k a year combined, or $62,500 each while charging $85/hr that means that they are each only working 8.5 billable hours a week. WTF? That's not a job. That's a side hustle.
Most personal trainers don’t work 40hts a week as it’s exhausting work and it’s extremely hard to fill every hour in the day. Most people only train before & after work,
I'm only 10 min in, but one partner full-on babysitting/policing the spending of the other is never a good sign. Hope she will see how her backseat driving is not effective and isn't going to actually help him learn anything about his finances. It's just enabling her to feel self-righteous. They're not collaborating.
Ahh, there it is with the holiday card from Alise's mom: She's doing the same passive-aggressive, nonproductive judgy thing about spending with Jesse. Really hope Ramit will help Alise realize this in the course of the show
1. He doesn’t save money(saves 200$ less than her monthly. 2. He pays when they go out. Sounds like he’s saving more than her, she is just being subsidized by him.
Ramit asked the guy if he grew up working class and he said "yes my dad was a state trooper and my mom was a dental hygenist" but hygienist and cop are both fairly good paying jobs, at least blue collar/middle class.
“Ctrl + Z” 😂 made every spreadsheet nut smile!! 😂 But seriously, probably a great topic for a common thread in your podcasts, getting comfortable seeing what can happen in the CSP without committing to scary changes.
I found that interesting that she thinks she needs $5 million for a comfortable retirement when they hit 65 years old in 25 years. That comes out to approximately a $350,000 a year income plus social security if it's still there. That means they need to save starting today $200,000 a year after taxes year over year until they retire all on their current income of $125,000 a year before taxes, currently not possible. Most people even today don't need 5 million to retire especially if you go into retirement with absolutely zero debt.
@@michaelb.8953you need to factor in inflation though. $350,000 a yr will be less then. I was doing some calculations myself and to feel like living on $75k in today’s money, I would need around $325,000 in about 40 years.
Audio was good for rhe most part, but on Ramit's side break and ads, the audio came in significantly lower. This caused me to constantly adjust audio throughout the episode. Great episode as always.
Something very odd about a woman that will gladly get a timeshare but will argue about her spouse’s entree choice at a restaurant when HE is the one paying for dinner. 😂 poor guy.
This is such a fabulous episode. Thank you to this couple for sharing. I'm not gonna lie, I judged them a lot in the beginning, but hearing their whole situation it's really understandable. They've got this!
I think shame, standards and expectations are perfectly fine especially at a cultural level. This idea that it’s mean to shame or have a standard for your family or friends or neighbors to meet needs to go away. You can see examples all around of society and communities deteriorating bc of a lack of standards.
I remember going to the bank with my mother when i was about 6 years old and opening a savings account. I also had a piggy bank on my dresser to save change. Saving money was seen as a very positive habit.
Salesmen are sharks. My wife and I are very financially savvy and we almost fell for a kitchenware sales right before our marriage. It was a close call. I can totally understand how so many people get sucker into buying timeshares. Now, I avoid those meetings like the plague. No matter what they offer, I always say no.
Trick i started using about 5 years ago. Before buying anything! ask yourself is this going to be eaten or will I have and use this item in 5 years. If not don't buy it. Eating out being more aware of the cost. Also clothes and shoes are not important. I now wear only black pants and if i buy 1 shirt I have to be willing to give away three. This was just me identifying the things I was wasting money on. Since my awakening I have been able to knock of years off my mortgage. No longer have credit card debt. It was hard to change my way of thinking.
Just to point out a pit fall regarding "breadwinner" status. In this particular couple, Jesse/husband makes 89% of Alisa/wife's income. If you look at that as percentage of Household Income, it comes down to Jesse brings in 47% versus Alisa's 53%, really not much difference. Individually they are scraping the bottom of 3rd Earned Income Quintile/"Middle Class", but as a Household they are squarely in the middle of 4th Earned Income Quintile/"Upper Middle Class". It behooves both spouses to get on the same page. However, Alisa needs to choose her words carefully; Alisa brings up investment goal of $5million when there is still $96K of debt that must be addressed first. No wonder Jesse is deflated. Wish Mr. Sethi had asked Jesse how much he did earn prior to Covid shutdown, it might have been he was the significant breadwinner of the two at that time.
Love Ramit's show. It occurs to me that a lot of people have financial trauma going generations back. The US needs to improve our social safety nets. This isn't socialism, it's government working FOR PEOPLE, enabling them to reach their true potential. I love how Ramit calls out how folks often act against their own interests. VOTE BLUE!
So she polices what he orders to not be “excessive” but she’s fine with him paying for her?! If she truly cared about his debt she would pay for herself or for both of them. That would get old quick. I don’t blame him for being over it.
These folks are sweet. I hope he can give her the security that she needs and she can relax and give him the communication and space to change that he needs.
I am hopeful they will see their marriage with renewed eyes and continue to have compassion and respect for each other. I believe they have what it takes to make changes that will help them feel more financially comfortable! 🙏 Best to you both!!
Ramit, I want to see the CSP for families with children in school particular clubs. Would kids activities be a fixed cost? I feel like it’s always around couples with either no kids or small kids. Where do I plan music, art and swim classes?
Ive listened to all of the episodes of this podcast and usually people include it in fixed costs. However I’ve wondered this myself… do I want my kids to be able to do after school activities? Yes. But is it a need? No. So to me that feels like guilt free spending. We could stop the piano lessons and sports if we needed to.
I put my daughter's daycare, pulls ups and soccer classes as fixed expenses sense it's something that is debited from my account and doesn't change (until she goes to public school).
As personal trainers they can turn to online coaches and make an additional 100k between the two of them. They aren’t in a bad position, that would put them at 220k a year. They will be fine but need a mindset shift
Her trying to control his spending and make comments are similar to her Mother doing the same to her. But I know how Alisa feels as I was married to someone with a laid back outlook on finances, paying mortgage on time, spending money on going out with no savings and lots of debt. As an accountant and money coach for women, I now know how important it is to discuss finances prior to marriage, buying a home or other large purchase, just like you would discuss having kids, religion, political affiliation. This stuff breaks up marriages!! Learn it and talk about it. Good luck to you both!
Both are in the same profession as personal trainers. That can be financially risky if the demand for personal trainers decreases. Maybe in Portland $85/hr or more isn't high, but when the economy contracts, the client base may see this more as a luxury and reduce or eliminate this area of spending. Also, in Southern California it seems that there is an abundance of life coaches, personal trainers and yoga teachers. It must be very competitive to get and keep clients.
I have to do that with my parents too, can't let them know if I'm spending more money on anything that's not really frugal. Not rich by any means, but wanted to bring them on a vacation, and after some thought it was a 100% no go.
0:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube
Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Love your sweater!
As a single person, I'd love to see some single people discussing how they handle finances on their own. Everyone doesn't have a partner to combine finances with even though it provides a peek into what sharing finances could look like. Just a thought on a different perspective. :)
Many blessings to you and your family you are doing an amazing job helping so many couples ❤
love the cuple!
love the videos! - not just like!!! i love your videos !
I wish you all the best .
If we manage to overcome the difficulties here, you can too.
And with us there is "market gossip" related to what we do in relation to money.
I wish you all the best in life and success together, because you are a wonderful couple.
Alisa, please don't let your toxic family dynamic ruin a beautiful marriage. You & your husband are obviously kind, compassionate & thoughtful people. I love the smiles at 1:09:30 You're so happy he heard you & he's sooo happy he pleased you! If you pull your mother out of your marriage, and just focus on the two of you, you'll find a greater sense of peace and HOPE. I'm so sorry your mother sent that cruel Xmas card telling you how disappointed she is in you. It's no wonder you shifted that pain to your husband to tell him how disappointed you are in him. In the moment, you got release but it didn't help you in the long run. You hurt a man who obviously loves you dearly. He's crushed by your lack of faith in him. And there's only so many times you can be told you're not enough before you believe it and give up. The same sad, hopeless feeling you feel after your mom compares you to your sister is what you put on him. Please don't destroy your marriage because of unfair pressure from your family. Jesse loves you and you love him. It's clear to thousands of strangers after just a few minutes. You guys can do this! You're just overwhelmed by toxic family fumes. Get out of there! Be free and be yourselves. You are both lovely and kind. And in this day and age, that is VERY hard to find. Best of luck to you both! I pray your marriage is stronger than ever after this!
Aww this is such a sweet message and I agree!
Agreed. Alisa and her husband can do this if she stops letting her mom influence her. They're adults. Alisa is almost 40.
i agree, marriage is between 2 people and not 3. And they should have been honest about money with their daughter and not have unrealistic expectations which in turn poisoned her relationship.
Could not agree more, well written!
Awww.
Man Ramit props up to you. You’re really good with navigating this conversation.
I don't for the life of me understand the purpose of her mother's letter. Then hearing that follow-up at the end that her parents spent her college fund just broke my heart. I'm not someone who thinks parents have to save for the children's college if times are tough, but to send all your kids to college except your last one is hurtful. Especially with no acknowledgement or apology. Her siblings are going for home from starting on first base while she doesn't get that advantage.
For me it was the parents blaming her for not being on *the same step* as her sister (who didn t need to pay for college on her own) after clearing out her college fund. Disgusting.
Agreed. The siblings should have pitched in for the younger siblings college fund or paying back of loans.
its certainly unfair to then compare her to her older sister who probably did not have the student loans.
Sounds like financial trauma. She’s upset with her parents not her partner.
The purpose is to make her feel bad
I think you guys can make it. Remove divorce out of your head. This really is possible you guys can come together and take this step by step together. I wish you both the best!! Combine your finances! Speak! And have a common goal. Work on building trust.
This
She needs to leave him.
Correct I don’t see any toxicity in their relationship they just misunderstand each other about money and the outside is trying to sabotage what they have going on inside their relationship. It’s a shame. Parents need to stay out of it.
@@taylorspastpresent1014 Not, It's really, she is 38, the older women get the more security they need. I mean If Jesse could buy a house and be trading stocks while having 500K in investments she wouldn't feel as she does now. It is what it it is. she needs to feel taken care of by a go getter kind dude.
I was really sad for them in the first 5 minutes but Jesse turned out to be very open, reasonable and relatable towards the end.
Man, what a roller coaster. From Jesse being so low on himself, that he basically tells her he understands if she leaves him, to figuring out that money is really similar to training. Just that metaphor gave him the confidence he needed to see that things can get better, to get in there and try. What a beautiful episode, and what sweet people.
Well done Ramit!
Current and Future Parents --> Please, for the love of all things holy, do NOT emotionally charge a card or letter to your children during holidays, birthdays, celebrations, etc. with your not-so-secret resentments, manipulations, excuses, false apologies, and/or "what I think you should do with your life choices."
You have NO Idea how much that hurts the recipient on an emotional and psychological level. It hurts the part of the heart that only parents can touch and once inflicted, it's a deep wound that always remains.
if they are so worried about her "future" which they robbed her off, why not put in a check now that they comfortably retired ?
Agreed. How odd to put negativity into a card. I would never do that to anyone. Not the time or place for that kind of shit.
I think the mother intended to hurt her, and she succeeded
Ugh. To hear of her mother’s intense judgment only to find out how unjust it truly is when you consider her parents’ role in the financial situation she is in. Wow
I really loved listening to this conversation. You could tell that Alise and Jesse are both really kind individuals. They were so open emotionally during this conversation, it really felt like a breath of fresh air hearing them navigate their history and future with money,
One of the easier less painful episodes to watch. These people were awesome and have a great future with the recommendations.
Ramit hits the nail on the head about Car and Home purchases being based off payment amounts. I literally died inside when I found out that people actually get auto loans 84-96 months.. like that is literally insane.. 96 month loans at 9.7% is what my local credit union is advertising. I cannot understand how people can do this.
the myopic view that he mentioned is how.
I hate financing for vehicles on any level. I bought a new car ONCE in my life (I'm 54). It was only a $17k Corolla, and I still regretted having that payment lol. I promised myself I would never have a car payment again. I just buy used, and I drive the wheels right off them lol.
Wow her follow up just made me remember that’s the exact reason why I went into studying economics and accounting. My dad paid for everyone else’s tuition but mine because he lost money in his construction business in 2008. Now I have $83k in student loan debt. Of which I’ve paid off $20k which has mostly gone to interest. I wonder if I have resentment too, sheesh this is good!
Seriously concerning. From a medical perspective EXERCISE often because those negative feelings get lodged in your muscles ..root cause of fibermyalgia and MS..
Your dad paid 80k for all your sibling's to attend university? I don't know how parents can do this and put away any money for their retirement. I had one year paid for by my parents - 8k.
@@Joce123interesting
My brother got his college paid for, i got one year. This was because my mother passed away and her husband wouldn’t help. It took me a long time but i finally paid it off (90k)
This was one of my favorites... They both came in with some seriously problematic thinking about money and confronted their issues together. They're definitely behind on retirement savings but they have the right mindset!
When asked “What do you think the solution is?” people are always quick to respond that they just need to simply make more money, as if that would solve all their problems. Without fundamental issues being addressed as to how they got into debt in the first place, reducing spending habits, and following a budget, making more money wouldn’t necessarily solve anything.
I mean, this is so sad!! They are married but live like they are single. The way they talk: “his money”, “her money” “his debt”. It is so hard to make a marriage works when there’s no team work.
Team work does not mean marriage..omg..Marriage no longer makes sense
I mostly agree with you except for student loan debt, that is definitely an individual's responsibility.
it's frankly worse than that, it sounds very controlling, consciously or unconsciously, to tell a partner what they should or shouldn't order, while having the other person pay for all the bill with "their money".
I've listened and watch so many of your episodes but this one was my favorite! I hope you end up doing a follow-up interview with them as they seem like really kind people.
Personally really resonated wtih Alisa's guilt and shame around money (Also have an accountant parent) and experienced financial hardship in high school that has left me feeling lack & scarcity daily as an adult. Thank you Ramit for these episodes! They're so inspiring and personally close to following every financial tip + step you've laid out in your book.
In 2020 I learned that my husband had $100k in debt. He had been lying to me and hiding this mess. It was a lot! At that point we have been married for 29 years. I called it the shit show! Today 2024 we are still together 👍 and I managed to get all 10 …yes 10 of his credit cards, loans paid off! Not fun or funny to deal with.
My daughter got me listening to you Ramit and I am very grateful for that.
Thank you 💰
My jaw dropped when they didn’t know they made $125K a year. I’ve enjoyed this episode!
What kind of psychopath writes that in a Christmas card?! I think I would cut ties with the mom. That sounds like a toxic relationship and it'll constantly eat away at your own mental health and self-esteem knowing that your mom/MIL looks down on you because of how much money you make.
Wow! That follow up email from Alise was very powerful! Thank you for sharing it with us!
Amazing episode!! Thank you for being so open and honest Jesse about playing small, I’ve been doing the same thing with my career aspirations. After a good long cry, I sent out 10 emails for job shadowing and if I don’t hear back, I’m committing to send 10 more next Tuesday. No more playing small!! ❤
Checking in! How did it go?
The intro is already heartbreaking.
jesus yes
Yep
I know. That was scary.
It gets so much better... Keep watching! These two are going to be just fine.
Thank u for sharing your financial story! Alise and Jesse are a really nice couple. Wishing them all the best! :)
omg I love Jesse's description of the weekly money convo being a Team coming to practice! Such a great approach as it both acknowledges that a couple is on the same side and working together, and also that they're not going to be perfect right away or ever but this is a practice. That is so great! I really hope this all works out for them. They seem really lovely.
This is far more than financial advice, its very emotional, inspirational. I have your book, I'm currently making changes. I've talked to my friends & my partner who is on board. I've invested for the first time ever
Your podcast keeps me motivated and learning. Coming from poverty and having to learn money management in my 30s, I pick so much up from these episodes. I will definitely be talking about money and spending with my children
I didn’t start saving and investing until I turned 30 also. Take it from me, it can be done. 😊 we are retired now and we are fine.
I loved this episode so much. I’m really rooting for these two! I hope they find a way through this because it’s clear they love each other.
The beginning of this session was dire, but as Ramit dug out the issues, this couple really showed promise and the ability to learn to work together... best of luck to them 👍
Lovely couple, with such great conversational skills. Sounds like they're ready to put those skills to use.
They need to combine finances. Jesse is the one usually paying when they go out but she is mad that he isn’t saving!
Exactly! It’s easy to save and invest when the other partner is the one putting the money for guilt free spending
@@milivaro Totally agree, if you can share a bed in marriage and everything else, why not finances? It shows trust.
Most people don't trust each other financially
I noticed that as well. She argued over him spending 10 bucks on what he wanted, but then she ordered dessert.
Yup, that one hit home
I hope they figure things out as a couple, both good people.
"Other fish in the sea" and they're married? Oh gosh, he sounds tapped out.
“Other fish in the sea” seemed like it was for her. He seemed like he was saying she might do better with a wealthy person.
She wants $5 million, but married a 42yo personal trainer with $70K+ in student debt.
Tough road ahead.
@@AudreyWinelandthey’ve known each other for years before getting married and coming on the episode so it’s not like this is new to her.
😮
@@AudreyWineland They have been married for 10 years.
I am 16 about be 17 in 3 days! And I love ramit I recommend his book to all my friends and on my social media and I am like watch his podcast it so good! It will teach what to and what not to do. I love your podcast and your book thank you!
Certain future millionaire. You are very fortunate.
money use to be such a taboo thing to speak on. I'm so grateful for this show and getting to see myself ( my money psychology) in all of the couples who come onto your show. I haven't been a guest but surely I've been learning so much! thank you!
I was nervous for this couple at the beginning to middle part of the video. But the last 15 minutes really shows how important clear communication is with your significant other
Having personal finance as a hobby is difficult because it’s such a touchy subject and people don’t want to talk about it openly
These vids are so interesting
This was such a great episode! It's wild her mom essentially shames her for her financial decisions when she herself made some questionable choices
I appreciate these two for sharing so much and being open. Their experience is so unique and I hope they have a bright future ahead!
The issue is they don’t really earn $120k, they earn that MINUS 30% self employment tax and whatever it costs to run their business. They probably keep half that, and I’m shocked ramit didn’t name or help them understand this!
Dang second episode with a timeshare! I thought people didn’t fall for those anymore…
Enjoy watching your episodes early with my morning coffee❤
I like to think of debt as fat and savings/investments as muscle. Doing well with money for fitness-minded folks can be motivating by thinking of paying off debt as burning fat and investing as building muscle.
Those parents are TOXIC. They are not helping. I just don't understand why we adults have such childish tendencies sometimes. My mom is 65 and she also has some childish tendencies towards my wife and my two kids. So do I, but in other areas of my life, which I'm currently working on. The issue with this couple goes further than finances. They need some counseling for their mental health. So do the parents. So do I. So do all of us. 👍. What we do with our money is just a side effect of where our mind is, so in order to be the best person we can be, we also need therapy from a good psychologist or counselor, a marriage counselor, plus some very good advice from the host here 👍👍👍👍
They are adults can't blame parents for everything
50:00 5 million dollars by retirement age and they are 40 with -44k value this bitch is unrealistic
1000% agreed
Excellent episode. I have a lot of confidence in these two. They're ready to make the change!
This was a really great episode
I really like this couple and had similar experiences in my childhood as Alise. Greetings from Germany. Thank you for doing great videos 👌
I’m 37yrs old and my life is none of my family’s business. I will post pictures videos whatever. I’m too old to seek approval from my family. Been through too much.
Talking about the importance of the phrase "save your money" really got me thinking about my life. I have an okay job now, and grew up in a family that got by, but I always felt like I had nothing compared to other kids. My parents didnt spend any extra on anything unneeded. First home growing up was a trailer if that says anything. Yet im good with money and debt free. And I was told "save your money" a lot. Makes me wonder if thats where it all started and I didnt even know it.
I must say you do a great job of getting something much more profound or deep out of the guests by the end of the conversation with almost all of your guests.
This couple has it...thanks for telling their story.
Just started the video but if this is another 2 parter im gonna lose my mind.
Edit:just finished. Great episode. This couple will be just fine
The part near the end is what frustrates me the most. She doesn't even know what she wants, but she expects him to know. She knows what she wants to "feel" but there's no way for the guy to know what she feels. She asks for specifics but cannot give a specific example herself. When you don't have a goal, how can you work towards it?
At around 33:00 the husband admits that he doesn't see a future for them. Life is too short to be miserable. It's time to cut their losses.
I’m an accountant…. I seriously don’t know much about investing lol…. My husband and I are not too different from this couple. My dad told me two days ago that I should have had $200k saved by now. And my dad told me about my cousin who apparently has $350k saved at 28 years old.
Your cousin work for big tech in CA or win the lottery?
Why does your dad know how much your cousin has saved? That's equivalent to you trying to keep up with the Joneses 🤦🏾♀️
Did your dad pay 100% of your college? Did dad let you live at home for free so you could save $200K? If no to both questions, then he needs to STFU.
We also have no idea how old you are.
Why do you feel you have to explain yourself to the family live your life your grown people what??
Really connected with this couple. Wishing them well ✨.
Can you also talk to people who are good with money and people average with money? It would be good to see what might be different. Different personalities, different upbringings, luck, etc.
Elise’s story is so relatable but her husband looks unhappy. I hope she realizes what she is doing and saves her marriage.
Guys, please work through❤😊 You're a great couple !!
I am rooting for you two, you got this!
don’t give up you will be surprised what a shared vision can do, it’s all about having a vision
When Ramit got upset at 55:50, I was pretty shocked. At first it does sound like a $5/session increase isn't much for a new cert. But when he calculates it out as 2200 sessions, I started thinking that 2000 hours is a typical year for a 5-9 job. So $5 covers the investment in a year. But then I realized that their income is very incongruent with a 2000 hour work year. Given their rates, they each only do about 15 sessions a week or 750/year. There's time in the week to more than double their incomes.
I am surprise no one is calling her out
She has issues she has to deal with first - some of which are controlling. She wants him to get a 17$ meal instead of a 28$ meal, a $10 difference because it would "feel" he's saving money even if its not rational. Added to all this, she applied for the show, without telling him.... WTH????
its not about the $11. She is worried about his financial decisions in general.
@@segredosdotiosam9989 thats the point
Its not about the $11. Rationally that dont change anything. She just wants to "feel" he is as much concerned about their finances as she is
But as she said in the follow up she was living inside her head, thinking she has to do this alone without ever truly expressing what she wants because she doesnt know. She just feels anxious. Furthermore, when Ramit broke it down, they are not in a bad situation at all
Because she feels (unwarranted) anxiousness, she needs to exert control. This is so wrong and goes to show how lots of people have no control and understanding of themselves first. A lot of her anxiety comes as Ramit broke it down and as she end up realising from her background not from her husband
I feel bad for her husband, he's almost giving up becuase she doesnt really know exactly what she wants because she lives in anxiety and in her head while not grasping and trying to see if it matches reality
The fact she went on applied for the show without telling him is a red flag
She asks for partnership and being on the same page while not acting in kind
I mean she very clearly stated that shes aware of the control issues and that it was all stemming from fear and anxiety. Which is why Ramit spent the entirety of the conversation re-framing her thoughts instead of going into the specifics with the numbers.
@@twlight9000 Come back here when you are a 38 year old woman trying to start a family.
@@segredosdotiosam9989 Neither of them expressed any interest in having children.
I hope they realize they are the most important family now. More than. Their own parents .
Best of luck
$125k a year as a combined income for two people in Portland isn't much. They need to each be earning that.
edit to add: at $125k a year combined, or $62,500 each while charging $85/hr that means that they are each only working 8.5 billable hours a week. WTF? That's not a job. That's a side hustle.
Closer to 14 hrs each per week but still not full time..
Most personal trainers don’t work 40hts a week as it’s exhausting work and it’s extremely hard to fill every hour in the day. Most people only train before & after work,
The median household income in Portland is 83k. It's not rich but they shouldn't be in this much debt.
This was an amazing video. I’m so happy I found this channel. ❤
I'm only 10 min in, but one partner full-on babysitting/policing the spending of the other is never a good sign. Hope she will see how her backseat driving is not effective and isn't going to actually help him learn anything about his finances. It's just enabling her to feel self-righteous. They're not collaborating.
Ahh, there it is with the holiday card from Alise's mom: She's doing the same passive-aggressive, nonproductive judgy thing about spending with Jesse. Really hope Ramit will help Alise realize this in the course of the show
1. He doesn’t save money(saves 200$ less than her monthly.
2. He pays when they go out.
Sounds like he’s saving more than her, she is just being subsidized by him.
Also, not fair of her parents to compare her to her older sister if her older sister didn’t have to get student loans
Ramit asked the guy if he grew up working class and he said "yes my dad was a state trooper and my mom was a dental hygenist" but hygienist and cop are both fairly good paying jobs, at least blue collar/middle class.
Blue collar is working class.
Alisa seems be making the financial mistakes. She wanted the timeshare and career development for $11k.
Would love to get follow-ups 3 to 6 months later so we can see if there has been real change, or just a moment of motivation
“Ctrl + Z” 😂 made every spreadsheet nut smile!! 😂
But seriously, probably a great topic for a common thread in your podcasts, getting comfortable seeing what can happen in the CSP without committing to scary changes.
If she needs 5 million to be happy, she will never be happy.
I found that interesting that she thinks she needs $5 million for a comfortable retirement when they hit 65 years old in 25 years. That comes out to approximately a $350,000 a year income plus social security if it's still there. That means they need to save starting today $200,000 a year after taxes year over year until they retire all on their current income of $125,000 a year before taxes, currently not possible. Most people even today don't need 5 million to retire especially if you go into retirement with absolutely zero debt.
@@michaelb.8953At 4% withdrawal rate, they'll have about $200k per year. Considering inflation, she's not crazy for wanting 5 mil.
@@michaelb.8953they need to save 4k/mo to reach 5 million at age 65 #compoundinterest
@@michaelb.8953you need to factor in inflation though. $350,000 a yr will be less then. I was doing some calculations myself and to feel like living on $75k in today’s money, I would need around $325,000 in about 40 years.
Audio was good for rhe most part, but on Ramit's side break and ads, the audio came in significantly lower. This caused me to constantly adjust audio throughout the episode.
Great episode as always.
Something very odd about a woman that will gladly get a timeshare but will argue about her spouse’s entree choice at a restaurant when HE is the one paying for dinner. 😂 poor guy.
love these episodes
This is such a fabulous episode. Thank you to this couple for sharing. I'm not gonna lie, I judged them a lot in the beginning, but hearing their whole situation it's really understandable. They've got this!
I think shame, standards and expectations are perfectly fine especially at a cultural level. This idea that it’s mean to shame or have a standard for your family or friends or neighbors to meet needs to go away. You can see examples all around of society and communities deteriorating bc of a lack of standards.
I remember going to the bank with my mother when i was about 6 years old and opening a savings account. I also had a piggy bank on my dresser to save change. Saving money was seen as a very positive habit.
Salesmen are sharks. My wife and I are very financially savvy and we almost fell for a kitchenware sales right before our marriage. It was a close call. I can totally understand how so many people get sucker into buying timeshares. Now, I avoid those meetings like the plague. No matter what they offer, I always say no.
Trick i started using about 5 years ago. Before buying anything! ask yourself is this going to be eaten or will I have and use this item in 5 years. If not don't buy it. Eating out being more aware of the cost. Also clothes and shoes are not important. I now wear only black pants and if i buy 1 shirt I have to be willing to give away three. This was just me identifying the things I was wasting money on. Since my awakening I have been able to knock of years off my mortgage. No longer have credit card debt. It was hard to change my way of thinking.
Awesome news and good advice thank you!
Good dude, great gal they'll be alright it feels
Just to point out a pit fall regarding "breadwinner" status. In this particular couple, Jesse/husband makes 89% of Alisa/wife's income. If you look at that as percentage of Household Income, it comes down to Jesse brings in 47% versus Alisa's 53%, really not much difference. Individually they are scraping the bottom of 3rd Earned Income Quintile/"Middle Class", but as a Household they are squarely in the middle of 4th Earned Income Quintile/"Upper Middle Class". It behooves both spouses to get on the same page. However, Alisa needs to choose her words carefully; Alisa brings up investment goal of $5million when there is still $96K of debt that must be addressed first. No wonder Jesse is deflated. Wish Mr. Sethi had asked Jesse how much he did earn prior to Covid shutdown, it might have been he was the significant breadwinner of the two at that time.
I like this couple I think they are both scared, I think they needed to let some of this out. I think if they work through this, they’ll be okay.
Hi Ramit, do sell the spreadsheet @1:00:23? Where can i get access?
Love Ramit's show.
It occurs to me that a lot of people have financial trauma going generations back. The US needs to improve our social safety nets. This isn't socialism, it's government working FOR PEOPLE, enabling them to reach their true potential. I love how Ramit calls out how folks often act against their own interests.
VOTE BLUE!
Thank you very very so much Ramit for these podcast
They seem to love each other and I think they can fix this and become a team
So she polices what he orders to not be “excessive” but she’s fine with him paying for her?! If she truly cared about his debt she would pay for herself or for both of them. That would get old quick. I don’t blame him for being over it.
Any hope for a conversation with singles one day, Ramit? That could be interesting too! Great episode, as always
Not on this podcast, but I frequently speak to single people during live Q&A on iwt.com/moneycoaching
These folks are sweet. I hope he can give her the security that she needs and she can relax and give him the communication and space to change that he needs.
I am hopeful they will see their marriage with renewed eyes and continue to have compassion and respect for each other. I believe they have what it takes to make changes that will help them feel more financially comfortable! 🙏 Best to you both!!
Ramit, I want to see the CSP for families with children in school particular clubs. Would kids activities be a fixed cost? I feel like it’s always around couples with either no kids or small kids. Where do I plan music, art and swim classes?
Ive listened to all of the episodes of this podcast and usually people include it in fixed costs. However I’ve wondered this myself… do I want my kids to be able to do after school activities? Yes. But is it a need? No. So to me that feels like guilt free spending. We could stop the piano lessons and sports if we needed to.
@@shashakeit013 that’s a good point didn’t think to put it under guilt free spending! Thank you for this 🙏🏾
I put my daughter's daycare, pulls ups and soccer classes as fixed expenses sense it's something that is debited from my account and doesn't change (until she goes to public school).
That's the problem with needs v wants budgeting. It doesn't work for our family. We just budget bills v discretionary spending
As personal trainers they can turn to online coaches and make an additional 100k between the two of them. They aren’t in a bad position, that would put them at 220k a year. They will be fine but need a mindset shift
I will really love to see them work things out. I love them ❤❤
Her trying to control his spending and make comments are similar to her Mother doing the same to her. But I know how Alisa feels as I was married to someone with a laid back outlook on finances, paying mortgage on time, spending money on going out with no savings and lots of debt. As an accountant and money coach for women, I now know how important it is to discuss finances prior to marriage, buying a home or other large purchase, just like you would discuss having kids, religion, political affiliation. This stuff breaks up marriages!! Learn it and talk about it. Good luck to you both!
Both are in the same profession as personal trainers. That can be financially risky if the demand for personal trainers decreases. Maybe in Portland $85/hr or more isn't high, but when the economy contracts, the client base may see this more as a luxury and reduce or eliminate this area of spending. Also, in Southern California it seems that there is an abundance of life coaches, personal trainers and yoga teachers. It must be very competitive to get and keep clients.
talking about Americans loving being scammed. I'd never pay 20/hr for a personal trainer let alone 85 bucks. It all a scam.
Money comes, some of that money goes, some of that grows.
I have to do that with my parents too, can't let them know if I'm spending more money on anything that's not really frugal. Not rich by any means, but wanted to bring them on a vacation, and after some thought it was a 100% no go.