My boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than 3 years, these past months we've had some issues about trust, and doing things that hurt the other. When we're together we're so happy but when we're apart things get very difficult. We've both been dealing with mental health and guilt for some mistakes that we both made (but also that we both want to forgive) and it's affecting our relationship even more, I always thought we could figure it out together working for our relationship and thinking positive about the future but that's not what he wanted. He told me he needed time to heal by himself in order to be able to help me and love me. I am so hurt because I felt him pushing me away for a while now, not doing the things he used to, not telling me he loved me like he used to. I decided to accept taking a break mainly because he said he wants to get back after he feels better, but it's not something that I want, I want to be with him and I'm scared and angry at the same time that he says he loves me but decided to leave me anyway. Also I'm scared that he might be with some else during this break because that would crush me... I don't know what to do.
Hi Cynthia. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it must be difficult. First, you must accept and respect his request even though it's hard. You can't force someone to be with you and if he needs some space to heal and get perspective you must honour that. You might need that as well even if being apart scares you. I can give you advice here but of course, only the two people in the relationship know what they really need and only you know what you are comfortable with. Speaking of that, respecting his wish to take a break is one thing but you must both be very clear as to what this "break" means: are you simply not communicating and seeing each other or can you both start seeing other people. This is a very important detail. Sounds like both of you have been through quite a lot in your relationship so it is possible that a bit of distance will help you both heal and think about what went wrong, why and how to make sure it doesn't happen again. Thinking about this is scary of course but you can't put your head in the sand. It's also hard to be honest with ourselves about the real state and potential of a relationship when we see the person every day. That's why a bit of distance (created by the break) can be helpful: it helps you detach just a little and be more objective. Kind of like a best friend would give you objective advice about what you should do, a bit of time alone can do that as well. I know you must feel hurt but always remember that how other people act is about THEM not you even though, yes you are involved in this relationship. If you have been through a lot and have hurt each other, it's probably normal that he is not acting the same, especially if he requested the break and you are officially on this break. Once again, I know it's hard but use this precious time to take care of yourself, surround yourself with love, connect within, journal and figure out what matters most to you and if you two truly have a future together. Give yourself time to answer these difficult questions. It's process. O hope this is helpful and keep me posted on how you are doing or if you have more questions. Sending you lots of love. xo
Hey Cynthia, My girlfriend and I are in a similar boat. Time will heal and make your relationship better. Yes, I know, it hurts to be apart. But it will only do better for you and your partner.
This was great, thanks, I have been researching "therapeutic ways to deal with a breakup" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - Pefflan Telepathic Paramountcy - (should be on google have a look ) ? It is a smashing one of a kind product for discovering how to discovering a simple technique to get your ex back minus the normal expense. Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my colleague got great success with it.
I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years (married for 1.5) and my wife said a few days ago that he didn’t know if she was happy in our relationship and doesn’t know if she wants to stay with me. We have decided to go on a break to allow her time to think about what she wants and if she wants to be in the relationship and willing to work on it. But I’m devastated. My heart physically hurts and i can’t sleep or eat because I’m just so upset about it. I feel like this is her trying to make a break up easier but saying she will think very hard about what she wants. I took hope from your video and hope this helps us reevaluate what we have and try to make it work! Thank you x
My dear Claire. Thank you for reaching out to me and I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with heartache.The first thing I would say and I know this is not easy is to give the other person the space they need. I know that fear is probably rising up in a major way but the more you try to hang on to the other person the more they will try to create the distance they need. Start with honouring how you feel and knowing that it's okay to be sad about this even though you aren't sure about the outcome just yet. Be kind to yourself and make sure you reserve lots of time for self care. Focus on all the other aspects of your life that bring you happiness and spend time with the other people that remind you that you are loved no matter what. Now, if your wife needs time and space to figure out what she wants, you must respect that even though it is difficult. She needs to get clarity and perspective and trying to force her or manipulate her (I'm not saying that is what you are doing of course) will only blur her thoughts and confuse her emotions. You don't want to be with a person that doesn't truly want to be with you so allow her for that to be clear in her mind. Take this as an opportunity for yourself to think about the relationship too. Were you perfectly content? Does the relationship meet your core needs and values? You say that you fear that she is using the break as an "easy" way to end the relationship. There is no way of knowing if this is true of course and telling her that is what you think will probably not bring anything positive so keep that assumption for yourself. That said, you also must stand in self respect and you can't be on standby forever. If you take an inner look at the relationship and determine that you are happy and want it to continue then eventually she must make a decision. I'm not a relationship expert but I would say a few days or couple of weeks is fair to offer the other person for them to "figure things out". Now, that said, communication is key in a healthy relationship and I would hope that your partner can let you know why she thinks she is unhappy and what isn't working for her in order to determine if there is a way to make the relationship work. It might not be clear to her yet though which is why she needs a bit of time and space... I hope this helps and please don't hesitate to reach out to me again. Sending lots of love your way. Geneviève xo
@@GenevieveColmer I am on break from my girlfriend we been frighting a lot I told her i i want take a break she was really upset she called me today she agree with me she want a break I do misses her a lot and really loves her how long till we talk about be together again ???.
@@michellelohde8683 Dear Michelle, I know that what you are going through is not easy. This is a period of uncertainty that can seem scary but it should also be seen as an opportunity to pause, take a step back and determine what it is that your heart and soul need the most out of a romantic relationship. To assess over time if you are getting what you truly need and if you feel that your partner is someone that you could see yourself happy with for years to come. Breaks happen for various reasons and it can sometimes be because there is a disconnect between what one of the two people need or want. This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the other person but it is important to be honest about the alignment of core values, vision of life and general compatibility. Some people are meant to cross our path and stay in our life for a season, and some are meant to become more permanent fixtures ♥️ I hope this helps. Please let me know how you are doing.
@@GenevieveColmer my girlfriend and I had big fright I just moved back in with her she got jealous when I told her my ex girlfriend kissed me why she upset and Jealous of my ex ?? how made up with her ??.
Thank you for your video, it made me see somethings I wouldn’t have seen. My girlfriend started to be distant with me out of nowhere (not replying to my texts, answering my texts with a word or 2, same goes when we are face to face). I kept trying to force her to communicate with me and i admit I pushed too far. Recently she suggested it would be the best for us to have a break. I’m afraid to lose her because I love her very much. I really hope this break helps us in the end.
I'm glad this video was helpful. Romantic relationships can be quite testing and it's so important to get guidance when needed. You do have to respect her request fo some space as you cannot force someone to want to be with you or love you. If you push, she will push back and it will drive her further as you said. I know it's scary when you think the person you love might be drifting away but you must trust life. If you are meant to be together, you don't need to force it. You should be with someone that wants to be with you and feels lucky to have you (and vice versa). Focus on everything else in your life that makes you happy surround yourself with those you love. You do deserve to know where things are at eventually though so if you give her a bit of space for lets say a week or so, then you can gently check it to see if a conversation can be had. Hope this helps!
My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for the about 7 years now. I did not think that we had an issue till I was recently told by her that we need a break. Overnight, she went from being caring/love to somewhat cold towards me. It's all a little confusing to me atm. She said she needs to discover herself for which she needs this break. To a certain extent I can accept that as a reason. However, it feels as if I have been pushed out into the a cold and dark room and asked to survive
Its bs shes out exploring the carousel when women say this get rid of her yesterday its over and she wants to find the new screw but keep u around in case it doesn't work out for her
My thoughts are that the "Breaks" are sometimes a means for guilt free cheating, also that "Breaks" really mean doubt and if there is any doubt of commitment to a relationship, you should not be in it.
Breaks can indeed mean something different for every couple and every person. Doubts are 100% normal. It’s so important to take moments to assess if different areas of your life are still aligned to what you want and need. To not be afraid to ask yourself tough questions. Sometimes a break is needed to create enough space and time to see things objectively 😉
My boyfriend said that he didn’t want a relationship “right now” because it could be stressful and he needed to get his stuff together for right now. He then proceeded with saying that he really liked me and wanted to remain cool and didn’t want to fall out with me and that he really cared for me. I then asked “you don’t want a relationship right now as in you gotta get your stuff together or right now as in I should try and get over you” then he said as in I have to get my stuff together. So I then asked “so how am I supposed to know if your not losing feelings for me while I’m supposed to be waiting on you?” And he then said I doubt that I’ll lose feelings but if I do I’ll let you know I wouldn’t lead you on. I then said alright so are we breaking up or on a break he said that we’re on a break but he isn’t going to tell me what to do because I’m gonna do what I wanted regardless. I then asked him where did he see me and him going with the relationship and what were his plans. He said that he just thought we needed a break for right now but he still “messed with” me and sees us being together for a longtime in the long run. I then ended the conversation with saying well you can text me or call me wherever about whatever and I’ll be here when your ready I guess. This was a week ago Thursday coming up makes two weeks. We haven’t spoken since last Thursday. I was doing horrible the first three days and then I was okay but now I’m losing my mind again. I keep stalking his social media’s posting things in hope that he watched the story and he sometimes does. I overthink everything I’m starting to lose hope that he’s going to ever come back. I’m scared that he’s going to find someone else during this break and I’m scared that he’s going to realize how better off he is without me. I was going to text him on Tuesday to check on him but I’m debating. And I just don’t know what to do or how to feel I don’t wanna lose hope on the relationship but it’s getting harder not to by the day. And I didn’t want to ask him how long would it be until he thought he was ready to continue our relationship because I felt like that was selfish to ask someone who’s trying to get there things together there’s not a time limit on that but I don’t want to sit here and wait for him just for him to come back and tell me he doesn’t want the relationship anymore or lost feelings. And I’m always wondering is he misses me or thinks about me and I get sad and tell myself no because if he did he’d text me or call me. And yeah can I please get some help
Dear Alana. Honey, he does not deserve you. A healthy relationship is when two people are in love and truly want to be together. He does not seem serous about you and you deserve someone that wants to be with you 110%. You're better to let him go and find someone that treats you with respect and shares the same love you do. I know it can be hard at first but in a while you will see you deserve way better than this. Cut all ties or you won't be able to move on. Don't stalk his social and keep your mind busy with things that make you happy. Create space to eventually attract someone that is the right fit with you. Work on YOU and on that self confidence so you attract a person that treats you well. You are strong and will heal from this. People like this are there to teach us that we are worthy of true love. Hope this helps and please let me know how you are doing. xo
I'm thinking of taking a break from my relationship I do love him but i dont know how to tell him their are some things I do for him that I dont like mostly doing things that he wants every time we have an argument I'm the one who always says sorry im happy with him but some things are affecting our realiomship I don't know whether to break up with him or take a break
My girlfriend and I, over the past few weeks, have been so tense. We have been together for 3 years and our love is very deep. We are both passionate about the relationship and want it to work. We have decided to give each other some space and a break for a while. Do you think a break will cool some of the heat down? We've has some incompatibility issues causing the tenseness and fighting.
@@chantalp3234 I made this commented 6 days ago, this break has been the best decision we could've possibly made. It's very difficult in the beginning but it's worth it! We are both missing each other a lot which is what we needed. I plan to initiate the relationship again by leaving her flowers and a note at her door on valentines!
@@jayfroneman Hi Jarod. Sorry for the delay in responding. I think you are right and it was a wise decision and glad to see it seems to be working out. A bit of distance brings so much perspective and perhaps even appreciation for the other person. And your idea for the flowers is so sweet!
@@chantalp3234 Hi Chantal. How are things going? How are you feeling? Is this break bringing you some perspective in the relationship on what the fighting was occuring and what could be done to improve your relationship?
Me and my long distance boyfriend of 2 months just recently took a break. It started around 2-3 days ago. Everything was fine within those two months. Though everything did seem to go pretty fast, I really didn't seem to mind it, and neither did he. We were basically talking about how we want to be in each other's lives, especially when we finally meet in real life. We were planning our future as if we really want to be together. Then suddenly, during the beginning of the week, he started getting distant, but I didn't pay any mind to it because I just assumed he was busy with school. And then 2-3 days ago, he suddenly wanted to talk to me about us. He told me that before he met me, he got out of a toxic relationship and initially wanted time for himself to heal from it, but then I came along. He said he didn't want to be the person he was in his previous relationship to me. From the person that was planning our future, he suddenly became this person doubting that we'd even be together in the future. He said he wasn't sure whether he wanted to commit, but he also didn't want to lose me. He didn't even know if he needed space or a break. I was the one that told him I'll give him space, and we ended the conversation with our usual "I love you". It's only been a few days but I'm already very scared that this break will turn into a breakup and that he won't talk to me anymore. He has made me feel happiness that I never thought I'd feel, and he made me feel so loved. He showered me with so much love and affection that this all felt so sudden. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I'm confused and scared. I love him but I'm contemplating if he even loved me within those two months. I don't know what to do.
@@AGO271 Okay thank you for clarifying. It's hard for me to provide guidance on this situation since you have never met and that is a very particular situation. I can't imagine starting a relationship with someone I have never met. I would be careful of the image you have created of this person because a virtual relationship is very different to an in person one. That I know a lot about because I did long distance with my ex boyfriend for 8 years. I would recommend protecting your heart especially if things are already getting rocky. I think that relationships are difficult enough as it is and I wonder if you can even build a solid foundation with someone you have never met but I could be wrong. Trust your gut and give yourself time. Surround yourself with people you love and focus on visualizing how you want to feel with your romantic partner. Then compare with how you have felt during the last few weeks. A break can be an easy way out or it can actually make a relationship stronger but once again if you have never met all bets are off. are you planning on living in the same place soon to start a more normal relationship? It's important that you both be on the same wave length about your short and long term visions. I know it's hard but it's important to trust life. To know that some people come and go and even though it hurts for a while something that ends always leaves room for something even better suited for us to come into our lives. Please keep me posted on how it goes and how you are doing. xo
@@GenevieveColmer We ended up calling it off, but decided to stay in contact and remain as friends because nothing bad happened within the relationship. However, I don't think there's any hope of us getting back together. From the bright eyed passionate man I once knew, he now is an indecisive person going through an existential crisis, closing off everyone he knows and love. It's best that it's over now, but now I'm just supporting him as a friend, hoping that life takes a positive turn for him.
@@AGO271 Sounds like you made the best decision even though I'm sure it wasn't easy. It's nice to be supportive but make sure that doesn't stop you from eventually moving on and finding the right person for you. ;) Give yourself time to heal and eventually create space to welcome in someone new. Sending you lots of love.
Me and my girlfriend just started a break today. I know she is going through things mentally . When we last talked she told me she loved me and wanted to spend her life with me but she needs some clarity and I just don’t know how to feel about it . My anxiety has been so high and I’m freaking out .
Hi Jonathan. I understand how difficult it can be when you are put on standby by someone that needs a bit of time to make a decision but that is being of being in a relationship. We must respect the other person's wishes and trust that if it's meant to be, the break will bring the clarity that the other person wants to be with us. If that is not the conclusion the person comes to, it's best to know now and move on even though on the short term there will be some heartbreak and sadness. Take this moment to reflect as well and to make sure that she is truly the person for you and meets your most important needs. And of course, take care of yourself and surround yourself with people that love you, are supportive and will remind you that even if a relationship doesn't workout, life will go on and you are still loved. I hope this helps and keep me posted on how things evolve. Sending you lots of positive energy and support. Geneviève
My boyfriend and I just took a break but we’re still talking..we’re talking about how we can fix our relationship..is this okay? Or should we have no contact..we’re still single but still talking about our relationship
I think communication is key in making a relationship work when it is healthy and even more important if you are going through a rough path. You should do whatever feels right to you. If it's taking some distance to get a bit of perspective that is fine. If it's communicating to see who you can make the relationship work, that is fine too. Only the two people in the relationship can really know how to best move forward and you have to listen to your heart. Hope this helps!
So 3 days ago my bf of 6 months decided long distance is too hard and that we should go on a break until May before he leaves for basic training. That’s when he comes to see me. I obviously was taken back and have been a mess ever since he said it. He seems more jerkish now and won’t talk to me much but when I said you need to work on this with me and not act all cold towards me and then he sighed and said that he understood what I said and that he is scared to lose me ( I threatened that if he didn’t then I couldn’t do this because it hurt too much) and so idk what I should do or what my approach should be because this is the first time I have been through this and it’s so hard (also we are 17) I’m very mature and I’m trying to take this in a way that is beneficial and we come back stronger. Because I do understand how it’s hard but it doesn’t make the break easier. Please give me advice or any opinion you have!
Mel Marie I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know it’s not an easy situation and it’s even more difficult when you feel like you don’t have control over what is going on (and the other person is calling the shots). Did you both establish the rules for this “break”. You must have an honest talk about what you are each comfortable with (speaking, not speaking, texting, dating other people, etc). Do you feel like this break was imposed on you? It sounds like it is... I can tell you from first hand experience that long distance relationships are not easy and there must be a solid foundation to start from for it to work. You must trust and respect each other. I have been in a long distance relationship for over 6 years and I’m still amazed that we are still together. Neither of us ever wanted a break even though it’s been challenging. You both are so young too so even though this might feel like he’s the love of your life, if for some reason it doesn’t workout, you will 100% be okay even though if that is hard to believe now. Also known that men aren’t the best at communicating and especially not at 17 so he still has a lot of learning to do and you will have to teach him and be patient. Always make sure that you are with someone that treats you right and makes you feel loved. You are an amazing person and deserve nothing but happiness. Even though it might be hard, give him space as forcing things is never good. Establish and tell him what you need and don’t let him play with your heart. Hope this helps. Please keep my posted. Sending you lots of love.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and there have been some issues with him and my parents. Its just complicated cause he wasn’t raised the same as me. He loves me a lot and says that he couldn’t live without me and wants to marry me someday. But my parents are important people in my lives and he needs to make the effort to start forming a better relationship with them or else I’m never going to be fully happy in our relationship. I put in the effort to have a great relationship with his parents but he doesn’t try as hard at all with mine because he thinks that there’s no use and that they will never like him. I told him that if he wants this relationship to work he needs to step up and work harder on that. And then I added that maybe we should take a break for a few weeks because my mom is sick and I need to rekindle my relationship with her because my relationship with her is just as important as the one I have with him. All I want is for him to try and improve his relationship with my parents so they feel better about him and then I can feel better about my relationships with all of them. Besides the parental issue he’s been a good boyfriend. But that is something I don’t have the energy to tolerate anymore. And something needs to improve or else I can’t continue like this.
So, I've pretty much follow the guidance on a structured and mutual break to work on each other. Now what? There are no videos that explain how to reunite after a break. Oct 1 will be 3 months which was our agreed time frame and I am nervous about what will happen. Our agreement was no contact and no other relationships (of any kind). I trust she has kept her agreement as have I. So, now what? How do we "start over"?
Hello Will. I would say go with your gut and with that feels right to initiate contact after the break. Maybe that's a text message saying hello, maybe it's a phone call. I assume you are clear on if you want the relationship to continue so the goal is to see if you are both on the same wave length. If you are both comfortable discussing in person you could meet somewhere neutral that isn't too busy (a coffee shop or a park). Both parties must feel comfortable and it's important from this point moving forward that communication be super fluid (if you are to pursue the relationship). I hope this is helpful! Keep me posted!
This past weekend my girlfriend asked to put our relationship on hold due to all her personal problems she's having (financial issues, trying to get her car back, etc). She did tell me in that conversation "I do love you, don't think I don't." Yet there is this guy, who happens to be her friend who keeps showing up at our work place, who just seems to be desperate to have her. 3 friends of ours (2 co-workers who are really close to both of us), really don't like the fact that he keeps showing up everyday waiting for her and she hangs out w/ him for the last 10 mins of the shift. Since we're on our break I give her, her space and don't message or face chat at all, if she wants to do that w/ me I wait for her to contact me instead to help show me that she still wants me. But the problem is I've never been in a "break" before with another girl and my co-workers have said she doesn't plan on leaving me & still has feelings for me. Yet I have a bad feeling in the back of my head that she could be cheating on me with that other guy. I just don't know if she is just doesn't know what she wants or am I just getting paranoid? It's almost as if I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place.
Michael M Hello Michael. First I think you have the right instinct to give her her praise. You can never force someone’s feelings. That said, her reason for the break seems a bit strange. Life is not perfect and we all deal with challenges. If we start taking breaks or pulling away from our partners when times get difficult, that doesn’t make for a very solid or stable relationship. Also, I would really block out the « external noise » and stop listening to what others are saying. They are looking at the situation from their own values, and their past experiences and fears do influence the advice they will give you so it might not suit YOU since you might have different values. Only the two people in the relationship can know what the real deal is and how they should move forward so trust your internal guidance. Yes, the voice of fear might arise and you want to make sure it doesn’t cloud your judgment. If your gut tells you the way she is acting with that guy is strange or makes you feel uncomfortable you must honour that. Be clear about what a « break » means as well (can your both date other people?). A break should also not drag on for too long since it can be a difficult waiting period during which we are in the unknown. Hope this helps!
I don’t expect you to know the answer but my current boyfriend and I, are on a break because he wants to focus on god, school and football. It hurt a lot speaking of which he also said he didn’t know if he loves me, also, our break is going to be for a month since in a month, football will be over. I am devastated and I’ve been having a hard time dealing with it.
Hi Viviana. I'nm so sorry to hear you are going through some heartache. Romantic relationships can be tricky to navigate. I know that your heart must be hurting but I truly believe that when we are with the person we are meant to be with, both people feel the same about each other. If your boyfriend is not on the same page as you and is prioritizing other things in his life then you go and do YOUR own thing because you know what? You are fabulous without him. You are fabulous without any man really. For me (and I ADORE my boyfriend), romantic partners are important but they are somewhat the cherry on the sunday as they say. It's so important to have a complete life that you love and then if a fabulous man is part of that then great. If you are with someone that isn't totally in love with you then you deserve better. It's not about being mad at him or playing games. It's about having enough love for yourself that you feel complete without him (or any man) and that self love and confidence can eventually attract the right person. I would really do my own thing and move on even though I know it's easier said than done. Focus on everything else in your life that brings you joy and work on building a life you truly love (while loving yourself, always). I hope this helps and don't hesitate to reach out to me again. You do not need to "wait" after him. He was lucky to have you and if he can't see that then it's not meant to be. Sending you so much love! xo
Genevieve Colmer That was spot on! I can’t even find the words! Thank you so much! So far it’s been day 3 of no contact and I actually feel a lot better! Thank you again!
i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we have always been good with each other it was always great and everything but recently im starting to feel like he doesnt really understands me and doesnt take my problems seriously anymore we started a serious conversation and he saide he feels like he likes me as a person so much he want to countinue he feels spacial about me but he doesnt really love me why would he say that im confused and we kept talking about stuff and he feels guilty we started crying i told him i love him so much before the conversation and i ment it but right now im a bit too confused and i think we should take a break hope this works out
Hello Eugene. I’m so sorry you are going through a challenging period in your relationship. I’ll start by saying that only the two people in the relationship can know what the best next steps should be and your intuition seems to be guiding you in the right direction. When there is confusion, taking a step back to get some perspective is a good idea even though I know it is difficult. I think it’s difficult partly because there is a fear that the distance creates when taking a break will lead to a break up and that of course is a possibility. That said, you can only get clarity if you create space for yourself so it’s up to you to define what you want that break to look like. If he seems to have mixed feelings about you and doesn’t truly love you, that is a big sign you need to seriously reconsider where the relationship is going. You can also take the time during your break to assess if he really does meet your needs. Be honest with yourself about it even if the answers that come up are scary. Sending you so much love, strength and healing and remember you have the guidance within you to know what is right. Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions but deep down we know it’s for the best (and we feel at peace even though we might be sad). Love, Geneviève xo
You seem to really know what you’re talking about, so now I must ask for your advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and recently things haven’t been going to well. We broke up on New Years due to some trust issues that had risen a month prior. My boyfriend was the one to leave me, but the following 2 weeks he kept reaching out to me just to talk to me. We came to the conclusion that we couldn’t just leave one another’s life, but this is when things became difficult. All of 2017 we hardly ever fought and if we did it was due to communication issues. For the most part we’ve had an extremely healthy relationship. After we chose to stay in one another’s life as friends flirting started to occur and we naturally started going back to how we were when we were together, except he would pull back and we weren’t talking as much. I started seeing that deep down we both wanted to get back together, but sadly we told each other we would just be friends during this time. It didn’t work out, we started getting into fights about “You’re treating this as a relationship still” At first he put all the blame on me ignoring the fact that he was the one that started all the flirting. We came to a conclusion that we should just try a fresh start where we don’t label what we are and just let whatever happens, happen. This went well for 3 weeks. After that I started expecting much more from him, but he was not willing to give due to our circumstances. I became a mess constantly breaking down and going to him for help. This was probably one of the toughest times during our entire time knowing one another. There was so much fighting so much stress. The love was there but he began fighting it and pushing back, only showing me the love when he felt necessary. Of course I noticed the backpedaling, but would ignore it because I didn’t want to cause more fights. I had things happening in my personal life that led me to become more stressed out and led me to lash out on him. We were now in a toxic place. One week we would be amazing, the next not so great. Last week we were hitting our breaking points, it was about to be time to call it a wrap, but we couldn’t. Things were still toxic and negativity became something that could not leave us alone. I came up with a proposal on Wednesday that maybe we should take a break to find ourselves, get away from all this negativity, and just focus on other things to help us get back in a better place. He agreed. Sunday was our last planned day to talk to one another. TH-Sunday things were great. We were not fighting. It’s like the man I fell in love with I had him back. We were both hopeful that this would be a fix. He did a complete 180 and it kind of freaked me out. Before he was the one that would be distant towards me, but after the proposal of the break he said he just wanted things to be positive before we go on this break, that way we could think about how good we could be together. Were scheduled to talk on May 11th because that is the last day of my school semester which I started to slack off in. He told me he just wants me to get back on the right track in school and once the semester is over we can try the right way. I think I mentioned earlier our communication skills always needed a little help, but not these past 4 days. Things were perfect. Although things went well on our last days of talking today is day one of us being on a break and I’m just so nervous and scared that it may not work out. Do you think we’re making the right decision? Will a break really help us escape all this negative energy? I love this man with all my heart and I would never have imagined myself taking a break from him. This is something new to me, but I did it in hopes that it could really save us. Please give me your feedback.
Hi Josh. Sorry for the delay in replying. I think that a break might be just what's needed to allow you both to get some perspective and distance. It's so hard to do that when you are with the person every day. The love and attraction blur our judgement and we convince ourselves that we can work it out. It's not to say that you can't but you can only come to a solid conclusion if you are a little more objective. I know a break is hard and scary as you afraid to lose the other person but you must trust that if it's meant to be, you will reconnect and rebuild that relationship on a solid foundation. Surround yourself with loving people and take care of yourself. Your happiness cannot revolved around your romantic partner (that is way too much pressure and creates a lack of balance) so remind yourself all the other things and people that make you happy in your life. Reconnect with yourself and what brings you joy. With a bit of distance, allow yourself to ask yourself some tough questions like what is most important to you in a romantic partner, what are your nice to haves and must haves (your non negociables). I hope this helps and please keep me posted. xo
My boyfriend and I have just decided to take a break..things have been stressful in both of our lives with school and family issues on my end and he cheated on me while drunk, something I've forgiven him for but he hasn't forgiven himself for yet. He said that the best thing for us would be to take a break and figure out how to get our parents to accept our relationship (mainly my mum), how we feel and what we really want from our relationship. He's my first serious relationship ever and I really want it to work because I love him and it's mutual....but honestly I have no clue how to approach it. Do we just not talk while on our break? How long do breaks usually last? I know we need it but it's slightly unsettlingly cos we usually talk often.
The first rule to know in love is that only the two people in the relationship know what works for them. People on the outside (like me) can give you advice based on their experiences but that's exactly it: it's based on who they are and THEIR experiences so it might not work for you. It's so important during this challenging time to figure out what works for you. What "rules" for this break suit you? For sure it will be unsettling because you are changing the dynamic of the relationship during a break. I would say it's probably best not to talk if you want to stay as objective as possible and work on things your end. Distance either makes the heart grow fonder or it ends a relationship. I've been with my man for 8 years and we live on different continents but because we love each other we keep a connexion and make it work. I think there are many external factors influencing your relationship including stress, family and unfaithfulness. A break is probably a good idea to get some perspective and for him to think about why he cheater. Being drunk is a poor excuse in my opinion. When you really love someone and if you are happy in a relationship this kind of thing doesn't happen. That said, everyone makes mistakes and if you are able to trust him again despite his betrayal than you are very strong (and I hope you are right in doing so). How long have you known him? How long have you been together? A healthy relationship that is meant to be should not be filled with drama and obstacles. Relationships have ups and downs and challenges but if it's a constant struggle you must ask yourself if you should really be together. Those questions are never easy of course but your romantic partner should bring you love and harmony (not hurt and self doubt). Please let me know how you have been doing since you last wrote. I believe it's been about a week. Sending love and healing your way. xo
@@GenevieveColmer Thanks for the advice, I've known him for just over two years and we'd been dating a year before the break. I do trust him, but he's treating the break as a "temporary break up" which did upset me because I love him so much and I really want to be with him. We're meeting up soon to catch up and discuss what we both want going forward, I'm nervous but I want what's best for us. Our relationship isn't always drama, but we've had things affecting us in the past like my mum disapproving of us (recently I asked her and she is now fine with it) but it's just these little nagging things that have bothered us. Now I'm older I'm really hoping we can start over together, but he seems to think that "moving on" means finding someone else, not that he's said it explicitly, just implied. I know talking in person is best so I'm waiting till then
hi, I need advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 5 months. We had some issues in the past, but had always worked through things together. He’s been really depressed lately, and I’ve been too. The other night he suggested we take a break saying he needs time to figure himself out, gain back control of his emotions. Etc etc. I went to absolute pieces and everything. He said we’re more then likely to get back together, and that I should look at it as a fresh start. And stuff of that nature. Everyone said they think we’ll get back together, and his friend said he thinks it’s more of a personal thing then it is necessarily me. And I understand that but I have anxiety and I’m just absolutely freaking out. And need advice :(
My Dear Sarah. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can imagine it must be diffucult but know that you are so much stronger than you think. It's so hard for me to give advice on specific situations like this because only the two people in the relationship know what it's really about. But also, only YOU (not his friends, or your friends) have the intuition to know what is really going on. It can be a trutht that is difficult to admit but we must always be honest with ourselves. The first thing I would say is take this time apart to make sure that HE is the right person for you. Do you truly know what your needs are and has he met them so far? Does he make you feel valued and respected? Can you be yourself around him? Are you a priority for him? Also, you need to trust that if you two are meant to be, things will work out. I know this is easier said than done but sometimes we hang on to something so tighly that might not be meant for us (a job, a person, etc) and there could be something/someone even better suited for us around the corner but we must create space in our life to welcome it. Most importantly, learn to love yourself and be comfortable with yourself so that a man is a "nice to have", someone that enhances your life but not that you feel that you need to feel complete. When we are confident in ourselves and have a well balanced life, we feel like we have a good foundation so it a relationship doesn't workout it can be very sad but we don't feel like our life is about to end. Hope some of this makes sense to you and is helpful. Keep me posted on how things evolve. Sending you lots of love! Geneviève xo
Styles posen Hello! I guess it depends on the situation but you probably aren’t risking much by wishing him happy holidays. I would just say that if he asked for the break you should try to be as independent as possible. First to give him space. Second to allow him to be without contact with you and see how life would be without you (and hopefully he misses you). Third because if he asked for the break out of self respect you don’t want to be “running after him”. It’s not so much about playing games but you don’t want to feel respected and what to feel wanted. All that said it’s not a big deal to wish join happy holidays as long as he was good to you in the first place. Hope this helps! Happy holidays! Geneviève
Hi, I need advice my girlfriend and I had been getting to a lot of arguments lately.This recent one was my fault and we both love each other and she wants to take a break so that I work on myself and she works on her.She kinda describes it as being together without spending time together. I miss her and I don’t know what to do but I want to make this work.Its just hard not wanting to be with her and a break leading to a breakup.Thanks in advance for reading and/or responding
Antonio Tribble Hi Antonio. If there have been a lot of arguments I think a break or at least giving each other space is a good idea. Space and time apart allows us to get perspective and think about what is causing the arguments. I know it’s not easy when someone asks to take a break but if you are both meant to be together this time apart will only solidify your bond. It’s not easy to trust but if your love is strong and you both feel the same about each other you will eventually reunite. Make sure that the “rules” about the break are clear and acceptable for both of you. You must feel respected and heard. During this time apart try to think about what you truly want in a partner and why. Then be honest with yourself and assess if she meets those core characteristics. Hope this helps. Keep me posted! Geneviève
Hi please help me out , me and boyfriend have been together for almost three years we met when we were 14 and I’m going to be 18 this year , our relationship has always been loving we’ve only ever had one problem and it was resolved quickly , throughout the relationship I’ve had trust issues he’s always been friends with girls and I found it hard I got upset when he saw them and now I realise I was being wrong . He’s got family issues going on and we had a problem a month ago when I saw a girl from a trip away on his phone I overreacted completely and he was shocked . He says he wants a break it was sudden and the night before he said he loved me and he’s sorry he can’t make me happy anymore . He didn’t tell me the boundaries of our break how long it will be , just that he needed some space and that he felt like I’m suffocating him I told him I’m sorry I loved him . It’s been three days and I’ve heard nothing my anxiety is through the roof and I can’t do anything please help x
Hi dear Katy. I'll start by saying that only the two people in the relationship know what is right for them. It's very hard for someone from the outside that doesn't know all the complexities of the relationship to judge and give advice. That said, I can say that based on MY experience, trust issues can arise either because one person is actually doing something that can cause concerns OR it can be a self esteem issue on the part of the person that is jealous. Both of you probably need to take a little time for yourselves to really get some perspective on why things went wrong and why certain issues come back. A relationship shouldn't be that much hard work although yes, there can be difficult periods but as you say, if there is constant negativity, there are issues to face and resolve. If I were you, I would use this break as an opportunity to get a bit of distance and perspective to connect with your heart (step away from the voice of fear coming from your head) and determine what it is you really want out of your romantic partner. This might evolve with the years as well (when I was younger I thought I wanted certain things out of a man and as I got older I realized I needed other things to really make me happy and be compatible). I know you are afraid of losing him but you have to trust that if it's meant to be, you will come back together. I know that when you are in love it can be so difficult to imagine taking a break from that person or breaking up with them. That's why the distance helps. It clears our head and heart and let's answers rise up. Focus on YOU, taking care of yourself, surrounding yourself with positive energy and people that love you. Sending yourself lots of love and focus on that self confidence if you think there might be a little work that needs to be done there (I know for me there was a lot and I'm still working on it). Trust is a key ingredient in a relationship and it's what allows you to build a solid foundation. Without it, it's like trying to build a house on quicksand. I hope this helps and don't hesitate to let me know how you are doing after these first few days of break. Sending you lots of love. Geneviève xo
Thank you for the insightful video 😊 I just wanted to see what your perspective are of my current situation. My partner and I of 2 years are currently on a break for around 2 months and was initiated by her due to her noticing over last 2 months me being distant which was due to my own person issues as I still loved her very much and she had called asking for a break saying giving ourselves a chance to work on ourselves and hoping during this break it can help us as for her she needs to learn to not bottle things up and say what's on her mind and also as well she has her last exams to finish her degree coming up in less than 2 months plus assignments and that it's tough to communicate over social media and her priority right now is to just focus on finishing college as trying to sort it out now will be mentally hard on her but after exams are done she would like to meet up and talk and just work it out. What are your thoughts on the outcome based on what she said ?? Thank you 😊
Hello home boy. It might be difficult for me to tell you what the outcome can be as nobody has that answer but I would have a few questions for you. How do YOU feel about this break? Have you established clear parameters like can you or do you want to see other people, how often to you talk if you do, etc? Putting this aside, I would say from experience that life can get challenging and if we push the person we love aside when that does happen, perhaps we need to question ourselves if we are with the right person. Same goes for having "personal issues" We all have them and it takes a lifetime to work on them so if we way for these to be resolved, we will be alone forever. Part of being in a romantic relationship is that each person works on their issues and both support each other through this. A break can be an easy excuse to get out of a relationship that just isn't meant to be. But it can also be valid if the people need some time and perspective to figure out if the relationship is right for them. It's when outside factors get involved in the reason for the break that I start wondering if it's an excuse to actually break up in an easier way.... If the answers aren't clear for you, give yourself time and remember that self care is crucial during a break. I hope this is helpful and please let me know how it goes. Geneviève
I have been very stressed with family things lately, and recently a lot of people have been crushing on my boyfriend and it's just building onto my stress. Is it alright to ask for a break in my relationship until some of my stress goes away?
Hi Darity Dan. Unfortunately, stress is a part of life and is difficult to avoid. If you took a break in your relationship every time stress appeared, you will be taking a lot of breaks. Of course, how we choose to deal with stress makes all the difference in the world and if your partner is partly the cause of that stress an important conversation needs to take place. When you say "a lot of people have been crushing on my boyfriend" do you mean you think he is being unfaithful? Do you feel confident in the relationship? If so, then if other people are interested in him won't make a difference. Of course, it depends how he reacts to those people. Does he seem interested? Is he flirting? We must always be careful when jealously rears its head as it's often the cause of low self confidence. All that said, I'm not saying that you shouldn't take a break. Just make sure it's for the right reasons and not just to avoid reality as you will have to face it eventually. If you need to get some distance and perspective on the relationship to make sure you are with the right person, then perhaps a break is right for you. Just keep in mind that a break is not to be taken lightly and he says something about the solidity of the relationship. There is also going to be an impact on the other person and how they perceive the relationship. The break will either make the relationship stronger in the end or weaker. I hope this provides some food for thought and don't hesitate to reach out again.
Could I ask you for some advice? My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and some change before we became long distance due to schooling. It was a pretty serious relationship we saw each other almost everyday and marriage was a foreseeable future. The long distance took a toll on both of us; he wasnt putting in much of an effort while I was putting in too much. He had a hard time communicating in general but was having an even harder time adjusting to college.I wasnt happy and I felt growth was necessary for us both so I decided it was time to take a break. This wasnt a hard decision at the time because I had already lost him physically but I miss having a person to talk to and who loved me and seeing him fall apart was heart wrentching. I didnt want to hurt him but I needed time for me.We are only taking a break for a month but I feel guilty and wish I hadnt done it at times. I do feel happier in some aspects im more in the moment and feeling like my bubbly self but all my friends bring it up and it just makes me sad. Whats your advice? It was a recent split but im not sure what to do, my heart and my head are telling me two different things. His family is also very upset at me for doing this. Your advice would be so helpful! Thank you so much :)
Hi Laura. I'm so sorry to hear this. A break or breakup is never easy. I understand what you mean when you say that your head and heart are telling you two different things. Your heart and your intuition told you that a break was needed but you have the voice of guilt coming from your head. It's not a bad thing in the sense that it shows you have compassion but that doesn't mean the break was a bad idea. It's normal that we don't feel either totally white or black in this type of decision. There is a grey area. If you felt that you two were on different levels when it came to the effort you were both putting in, I can understand you were feeling frustrated so once again if your gut was telling you to protect yourself and take a step back I would honour that. Ask your friends not to bring it up if it makes you sad. They need to respect your wishes and the fact that you are healing. It's also normal that you miss him but this doesn't mean that the break was a bad idea either. Even when two people that clearly shouldn't be together anymore break up, it's normal that you miss them and the companionship. In French we have an expression that says "Il vaut mieux être seul que mal accompagné" which means it's better to be alone that paired up with the wrong person. I strongly believe this and as strong women we need to learn to be okay with being single (we are 100% complete without a romantic partner). Also, please try to shield yourself from what his family says as this will affect your judgement and how clearly you hear what your heart is telling you and listen to it. Once again, it's not about being heartless but you can't put other people's happiness first (or the need to please). I have been in a long distance relationship for 6 years and I've never felt like he didn't put the same effort as me. If I had, I probably would have asked for a break too... When you are apart like this it's important to feel like you have a solid foundation. Trust is key as well. I hope this is helpful and if you have other questions, don't hesitate to reach out! Sending you love and light. xo
The girl I was dating said that she doesnt want me out of her life but the relationship isn’t going anywhere right now so I suggest we take a break. Does this mean it’s over for good?
Hi Smooth. You suggested to take a break, correct? What was your intention behind this? Did you ask her why she thinks it's not going anywhere? How did you feel about the relationship before she stated this? Were your needs met? Did you see a future with this person?
I need advice......me and my girlfriend have been together have been together for over a year....we took a break because I went to the hospital over Xanax withdrawals that she didn’t know I was taking....I stopped taking them that’s why I went the he hospital because I didn’t want to lose her and haven’t taken them since...we just started this break yesterday and I went the the hospital over two months ago....she says she hasn’t gotten over it and needs to find a way to fix that and this is the only way she says....she says she doesn’t want to worry whenever I slur my words or am not acting right we were the type to see each other every single day and say I love you constantly it came out of nowhere....she says she’s going to try her hardest to come back to me and get over it.....she still says she loves me she just doesn’t know what to do she always taking doing a lot with her life right now....do you think she’ll come around because I love her so much and I honestly can’t stand the thought of us not being together.
Hi Rob. Thank you for reaching out to me.I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time personally with your struggle with Xanax and in love as well. As you say, they are both clearly connected and although I am not a relationship expert, my experience as taught me that we need to have our own solid foundation if we want to enter a romantic relationship successfully. Nobody is perfect of course and we all have our struggles, so the goal isn't to wait to be "perfect" to match up with a partner. That said, if you do have some "demons" to deal with, I would say to tackle those first and once you feel strong, you can start thinking about having a partner in your life. If you had been in a relationship when these issues arose and your partner was there standing by you to support you I would not say to walk away from her of course. I think the biggest issue here (after the dependency to drugs) is TRUST. It's one of the most important ingredients to make a relationship work and if you don't have that, things can get difficult. You have to respect what she feels and not try to convince her to "win her back" no matter how much you love her. I know that is difficult but she must feel like she has a solid, healthy partner that she can trust and that won't happen overnight. So if you do love her deeply, patience will be the true test. Take it one day at a time, heal yourself and put your health and well-being first. Once that is in place, you can think about welcoming in someone else in your life. Surround yourself with people that support you. Romantic relationships are important but so is family and friendship. If you have a solid support system, you will find balance in your life and that is also key to have a healthy romantic life. Hope this helps and let me know how you are doing.
Please give advice it will be really helpful . Me and my man have been together for 1.5 years . He had gotten into business from past few months and now barely has time for me . I trust him he is actually busy and not making any excuses . I feel very confused and feel like I don't get the love and attention I need from him due to time issues . I've talked with him regarding the break but he always disagrees. He's very independent and I fear what if taking a break does more harm then good ? What if he moves on in his life and even after the break I am stuck on him . I am very confused about the whole thing . Also if we do decide to take a break how long should it last ?
You say he is building a business right. If he is focus on the business and it seems he is not giving you anytime. Try being apart of helping him build the business. Do it as a team and things will be better. Because you love the fact he is handling his business so be his right-hand
I have a question my boyfriend is actually going through some stuff his health is awful it was bad he was in the hospital for a while. Then his grandmother who is the women who raised him fell and is taking care of her. He wants a break. Recently when I went through some stuff he said we were a team so when he told me what was going on I said i wanna be there for him to and he said no. Two days before he asked me for a break he asked me to move in with him. We were so happy I dropped him home from the hospital and i thought everything was okay then he asked for a break. He said he cant give me the attention i need. He said he needs to focus on himself then his grandmother. Once everything is done hopefully there a certain girl waiting for him.The way he said cant be sure if he was being honest or he was trying to make me feel better he was so out of it plus he wasnt feeling will. I never had anyone ask for a break before. Its the worst. I asked him if i was a priority or an option he said I was not anymore😔. He said he needs a friend right now but when I assure him I will be there for him and if he needs anything its one word reponses. I didn't want to give him the break but he didnt tell me the rules. I told him we cant talk to other people (like to date) he said yes mabey to make me feel better. He just didnt tell me the rules. How much time do you need, are we still gonna play video games, if you need a friend right now then why didnt you tell me your not coming back to work until October? Why does evryone know but me? Why did I have to hear it from someone else? Worst part is he asked for the necklace he gave me back he said he will add something to it, but that hurt the most. Because then he returned the necklace I gave him. He couldn't reassure me in anything. He said I told you what im gonna do. Its frustrating!!! Im sad one minute and mad the next this isnt me. I even stop eating cmon over a guy i know, but I like him a lot. He already told me he loved me. How can he take it back? Evryone around me is shock and suprise he would do this. There certain he cares, he looks so happy when he with me. I had a friend tell me to talk to him in person if i ask him to meet im not sure he will. I dont want to drive his house for awnsers because how do I look. Seeing him in person may be the only way I know the truth. I will wait for him. I just need to make sure hes doing the same. I know hes going through a lot but thats the worst part. I dont know if he will even make time to tell me what I need to hear. Or if its even a good idea to talk to him about this stuff because he is going through stuff. I'm trying to be strong but this frustrating. I go back and forth with this sutuation. He really does have stuff going on, but how can I know im not waisting my time. He said we will resume where we left off. Is this true or did he just say that to make me feel better one word texts are not helping me feel better? I never been in a pause before or break. All i am hoping for is he will give me the necklace back to me but i cant wait till October to know whats going on between us is there still an us? I just don't know what to do whats right whats wrong. At least in a break you know why your crying its over but this is a pause a break. How are you to act? What should I do? I reassured him I will be there for him and that i will wait. I just wish he can give me something even a text where he says how im doing to make sure im not overthiking it. That's things are good he just needs time and space. He said his intention isnt to break up with me. Frustrating part is he said that through text and when he tried to talk to me in person he wasnt feeling will. So we can have a proper talk. I have more questions then awsners. What do I do? I dont like the way im becoming, but i miss him so much. What should I do? I need some advise i know talking to him about this stuff isnt fair right now because of whats going on his life but i needs something were i can stop acting this way and know its true were gonna get back together. What should i do what do you recommend. Mother says if hes your he will come back to you. But she also says if you dont feed the fire the fire will go out.
My dear Rose. Since you took the time to pour your heart out here I want to make sure I answer every little nuance in your comment because there is a lot to break down and I am happy to answer but also I want to make sure you take it all in and can see everything that is going on in this situation. I want to start by saying that this is only my opinion and only YOU can truly know what is best for you. Part 1: "I have a question my boyfriend is actually going through some stuff his health is awful it was bad he was in the hospital for a while. Then his grandmother who is the women who raised him fell and is taking care of her. He wants a break. Recently when I went through some stuff he said we were a team so when he told me what was going on I said i wanna be there for him to and he said no." ANSWER: As humans we all go through challenging moments. A solid relationship means that you are able to let your partner be there for you when you face challenges and you are they are there for you when you go through difficult times. "Two days before he asked me for a break he asked me to move in with him. We were so happy I dropped him home from the hospital and i thought everything was okay then he asked for a break." ANSWER: This worries me. For someone to change their mind within such a short time period on something so major is a red flag. "He said he cant give me the attention i need. He said he needs to focus on himself then his grandmother. Once everything is done hopefully there a certain girl waiting for him." ANSWER: Once again, he should know that you are mature and confident enough to give him the space and time he needs to take care of his grandmother without having to take a break. Unless he finds you incredibly needy and in that case I would ask him why and some concrete examples. "The way he said cant be sure if he was being honest or he was trying to make me feel better he was so out of it plus he wasnt feeling will. I never had anyone ask for a break before. Its the worst. I asked him if i was a priority or an option he said I was not anymore😔. He said he needs a friend right now but when I assure him I will be there for him and if he needs anything its one word reponses." ANSWER: It feels horrible because the person asking for the break has total control and you feel like you have none. BUT your reaction to him asking for this break can determine how much control you have. If you decide to use this period to reflect on the relationship and ask yourself if he really is the person for you, you aren't the victim anymore. TRUST what is happening even if it's scary. Let go of the outcome and trust that if you are meant to be and if this mean is right for you (and if he deserves you) then you will come through this break. "I didn't want to give him the break but he didnt tell me the rules. I told him we cant talk to other people (like to date) he said yes mabey to make me feel better. He just didnt tell me the rules. How much time do you need, are we still gonna play video games, if you need a friend right now then why didnt you tell me your not coming back to work until October? " ANSWER: A relationship is composed of TWO people and is not a dictatorship. It's not up to him to establish "rules" and you to follow. You are equals so you have to determine what works for you as well in this transition period. What are YOU comfortable with? How can you feel like you are respecting yourself and he is respecting you (while you respect his wishes for some time alone)? "Why does evryone know but me? Why did I have to hear it from someone else? Worst part is he asked for the necklace he gave me back he said he will add something to it, but that hurt the most. Because then he returned the necklace I gave him. He couldn't reassure me in anything. He said I told you what im gonna do." ANSWER: I would try not to analyze every single little thing about this break because it's going to drive you mad and just hurt you more. Stay focused on the bug picture and let go of the small stuff. "Its frustrating!!! Im sad one minute and mad the next this isnt me. I even stop eating cmon over a guy i know, but I like him a lot. He already told me he loved me. How can he take it back? Evryone around me is shock and suprise he would do this. There certain he cares, he looks so happy when he with me. I had a friend tell me to talk to him in person if i ask him to meet im not sure he will. I dont want to drive his house for awnsers because how do I look." ANSWER: Be careful about asking friends are family for advice as they are not objective parties. Plus, only YOU know what you need to be happy. As for him saying he loves you, feelings can change over time (yours can too). I would not try to push him or go over them. The more you try to see him the more power you give him but also the more you are likely to push him away. He needs distance to understand if you two are meant to be together and you should do the same. Do you want to be with someone that treats you this way? " He really does have stuff going on, but how can I know im not waisting my time. He said we will resume where we left off. Is this true or did he just say that to make me feel better one word texts are not helping me feel better? I never been in a pause before or break." ANSWER: He clearly needs his space so I would stop reaching out to him. Don't waste time trying to figure out why he is saying certain things (you will never know and it's not important)" All i am hoping for is he will give me the necklace back to me but i cant wait till October to know whats going on between us is there still an us? I just don't know what to do whats right whats wrong. At least in a break you know why your crying its over but this is a pause a break. How are you to act? What should I do? I reassured him I will be there for him and that i will wait." ANSWER: DO what feels right to you. Take care of yourself. Surround yourself with people that love you and respect you. I've always believed that our happiness in life has to come from multiple sources and a romantic partner is only one of those sources. So when times are rough in romance, you can lean on the other parts of your life that bring you joy. Write down how you are feeling and make sure you are having kind thoughts about yourself. I would NOT promise him anything (being there for him when he wants to get back together). Take your distance, it's the only way he will appreciate you. " I dont like the way im becoming, but i miss him so much. What should I do?" ANSWER: It is totally normal to miss him. Honour all that you are feeling and then take care of yourself. Remind yourself that your life isn't just about a man. You were happy and complete before you met him and you can be the same after no matter what happens. In fact, the happier you seem without him it it will be more attractive to him to see that you are independant. A man can't handle the pressure of feeling like you are his only source of happiness. I hope these answers help you. I know it's not an easy situation but you are strong girl and this challenge will teach you that. Use this as an opportunity to get even stronger and more self confident. Have you read Gabrielle Bernstein's book Spirit Junkie? She helped me a lot when I went through a difficult relationship years ago. She also has many helpful videos on You Tube on self love. Please let me know how you are doing and if you have any other questions. Sending so much love your way. Geneviève xo
Thank you for the advise, it helps but I may now need some new advice. My friend yesterday confessed that he lives down the street from my boyfriend ex. He saw his car in the driveway and when he passed the house my boyfriend was in the car. He texted him saying what's going on? My bf said he needed to pick up a shirt. Later my friend texted him what was going on between me and him. My boyfriend said that we broke up not on a break. My friend showed me the messages, but I don't understand how can he tell me its break, a pause and he told my friend we broke up. He's so sick. He has to take care of his grandmother but the shirt is so important. He drove over there for it. This whole time I was holding on to false hope. I took off the necklace today, the one he gave back to me. I'm not ready to date again. How do you deal with getting hurt this way? How can he ask me to move in and take it back? How can he put me aside but running to his ex-was so important? My friend told me she can be pretty manipulative. Mabey this whole time they were talking? If it wasn't for my friend telling me what he saw I would still be acting such a miss and hoping for his return. I don't want to see him anymore October 2 is around the corner. My friend said he may be transferred to a different store I'm hoping its true, but how am I to deal with this. My friend doesn't want to get in the middle of it he's both our friend. He doesn't like being put in this position. He told me he will let me know if he sees anything else. I didn't ask my friend for anything he confronted me and told me what he saw. There's no point into confronting my bf or should I say ex now. All I ever asked for was his honesty no point in confronting him if all I'm gonna get are lies. I'm hurt betrayed and feel stupid. I just don't understand how in 2 days everything changed. What do you recommend? I feel like I can't do anything without feeling like a joke. Any advice about going back to normal? I just hate being the joke.
Hello Rose. I think you need to let go of all expectations you have about him. He has clearly disappointed you over and over and as long as you have expectations of him and stay somehow connected to him, you will suffer. Not only because of his actions but because, deep down you know you deserve someone much better and more loving/respectful in your life. Start looking forward instead of back to see what kind of life you can build without him and with people that treat you right. Start building the future you want by surrounding yourself with people that don't come with a lot of drama and that make you feel good. Also, stop worrying about appearing a certain way to him. What he thinks doesn't not matter one bit. The best way to start feeling better is to stand up for yourself, not let yourself be treated this way and cut him out of your life. You might never find out why he acted this way and you know what, it doesn't matter. Right now it might feel like it does but in the not so distant futur you will see that it doesn't. How he is acting is a reflection on HIM, not you. Hang in there, surround yourself with love and light and say goodbye to drama and negativity. xo
@@GenevieveColmer thank you this helps he already made plans with the ex before me to do something this Christmas he used me this whole time i was just his rebound im tired of feeling this way i was just his joke. He got mad because the way i say hellow to him made him feel like i didn't want to be part of his life anymore, but he made plans there talking i dont understand him and all i do is keep getting more mad or start crying because of everything i find out. I work with him this monday i dont know how to act or be and I'm just tired of being this way. How can i stop feeling stupid? How can i just move on and let go? Is there something i can do to speed up the process? Evryone is telling me to be rude, treat him wrong, act like he doesnt exist. Honestly i feel every choice i make keeps getting worse i dont know what's right whats wrong. I just need stop feeling this way. Im tired of getting hurt all the time i was in a better place now and he worked so hard so i can agree to date him. Then he through me away like i was nothing. Hes a liar and a coward. How could he do this to me? His ex treated him poorly for a year evryone agrees on this and because i treated him right i was the first thing to go. I dont understand im hurt im bitter mad and upset. How could he play with me and use me and through me away like i was nothing? How can i get over this soon? Is there a certain way i should act when i see him? Who should i be the hurt girl the mad one or the fake girl who pretends everyhing is alright when shes know she can't take this anymore? Im just so tired of being eveyone fool...
Rose Amada Dear Rose. Unfortunately we can’t speed up this kind of process. As humans we aren’t meant to feel great and happy all the time. We have to feel discomfort, sadness and anger as well. The more you resist it, the more it will persist. Honour those feelings and let them pass through you eventually. I wouldn’t listen to people that tell you to be mean to him because that gives him power and never forget that what you send out will come back to you so you don’t want to be putting out negative energy. Choose kindness and forgiveness. If you don’t forgive you are only generating negative energy for yourself and you won’t be able to move forward and be happy once again. Let me know how you are doing. 💞
Hi, I was wondering if maybe you could give me some advice. Due to the recent events regarding the pandemic my boyfriend of 6 months is going back to his country for 7 months. He said he didn’t want a long distance relationship because he tried it in the past and it ended badly, and he claims he wants to leave things in good terms so we can still talk. We discussed the options and agreed that we would go on a break because we still have feelings for each other, however we decided to not set boundaries regarding seeing other people in the meantime, because to him that would be the same as being in a long distance relationship. We talked about re-assessing if we want to get back together in January when he comes back (thats the time frame we expect for him to return, could be earlier or later). Lastly we agreed we would still have communication every once in a while. Am I doing the right thing?
Also regarding the no boundaries as far as seeing other people we agreed that it would be if we meet someone during our time apart, however we wont actively try to seek someone...
Hello my dear. My first question would be: how do you feel deep down inside in this new situation? Does it sit right with you or not? Do you feel like there is good balance in the relationship or does he have the power? Personally the status seems a bit confusing. I would not be comfortable with this. We are together or apart. Did you both clearly state that you plan on getting back together once he returns? Why does he want to stay in contact? He wants you on standby? That’s not really fair. If you had both decided to stay together and do long distance knowing he would return in January that seems like a healthy situation even though it’s difficult. Right now my dear is that you will be waiting for you but he might be moving on. It’s so important to be on the same page and to both agree on what you want and need out of this. Don’t hesitate to take time for yourself to think about that. Long distance is hard in the best of circumstances but if the relationship is not clear it’s unhealthy. Don’t rush your decision. You will feel it in your heart with time what is best for you. Don’t give him all the power. You must decide what YOU want and need. 😉 Hope this helps!
Genevieve Colmer I stablished that if when he returns and he is the type of guy I want for myself I would reconsider getting back together. But im not gonna hold on to that, I have been working on myself and trying to move on. He claims he wants to keep things in good terms to keep talking and having a chance if getting back together but im currently following the no contact rule for 40 days.
Montse A I think that’s great and it’s such a healthy mindset. A romantic partner is icing on the cake. We must feel complete and content on our own and that’s when we attract the right person and build a relationship from a strong foundation 😉
I want to ask u something. We are long distance. My bf and I taking a break cause he don't have energi for another person and not ready to have a gf, cuz that there's a lot that he want to do in his life "college and music" and he need to figure whole thing out. He told me he loves me. We still talk and he's been texting me 2 days straight and ask how I was feeling. I don't like it like taking a break but I have to accept it cuz I love him enough to let him do these things he want, but it depends. I want the best for him. I just feel like he's confused.. and I'm standing here by myself and I want to make this work..
Luna Monserrat Shinlae Andersen Hello my dear. Long distance is not easy. I did it for almost 8 years... May I ask how long you’ve been together and have you ever lived close to each other? When he says he doesn’t have the energy to have a girlfriend that seems like a strange reason. We all have a lot going on in our lives but when we love someone we want to be with them and we find time for them. That said if you both have to fly somewhere to be together that makes it a lot more complicated. I think if he asked for a break you either respect that request or break up for good. Only you know what is best. A break will give you both time to think about if the other person is truly right for them. If you are meant to be you will miss each other and eventually reunite. You just trust that if ever the break becomes a permanent break up you are strong and will find someone better suited for you. I guess what’s important is that you feel loved and respected. The rules of the break should be clear and it shouldn’t last forever. Did that make sense?
Genevieve Colmer I mean I feel like he’s confused abt he could do 2 things at a time “school, music, job and now me”. I told him yesterday that mby he’s confused abt whole thing. He said mby he is, and he need to figure it out, and he need some time to think.. he said we met in weird time. We’ve been together for almost 3 months and I am the first girl he’s ever showed up to his family and same here. We rlly do love each other.. but I just don’t know how long it’ll take time to think. We life 2:20 mins always from each other. I really need to see him and talk abt this whole situation.. that day he told me he wanted a break, he looked very sad and I cried a lot. So he got sad cuz I was soo sad. I couldn’t sleep that night and next morning his mom and him drives me to train station.He said “he loves me and we’ll figure it out and say we’ll see again next month, we must find out” And while I was sitting on a train I got a text from him and said he was crying like a bby. It just hit me so hard. I feel like where’s all theses things we’ve planned for our future? And I really need to see him..
@@lunashinlaephyu6225 Hi my dear. I know this is not easy but if he says he needs some time, you must respect that. It's a good sign if he seems sad in the sense that it shows he cares about you. The only thing you can do is give him the space he is asking for even though it's difficult. You need to give him this space to allow him to get perspective on the relationship. Distance either makes the heart grow fonder or it teaches us that we might not be with the right person. You must learn to trust life. If you are meant to be together, this break will be for the best and you will reunite stronger than before. I would insist on meeting him to talk to him. I'm sure he thought long and hard before he suggested the break in the first place. It's time to surround yourself with people that love you and remember all the good that is in and was in your life before you met him. Focus on yourself and do things that heal you. Reflect on what you want your future to look like in all aspects of your life. I hope this makes sense and I send you so much strength and love. xo
I️ hope u can help me because I️m kinda sad and nervous. My boyfriend and I️ have discussed a little bit about taking a break. We’ve been in a relationship for 4 years and we dated when we were very young. Neither of us had a really SERIOUS relationship before each other so we don’t know anything outside each other. We discussed that if we want to think about the future and being together for the long haul, it might be a good idea to take a break from our relationship to know for sure when we come back together that we’re really right for each other and can actually start to think about the future. We both cried to each other about it cause we don’t want to leave each other or think about each other with other people. But I️m trying to be strong and realize it could really help us and give us a chance of solitude to figure out ourselves better....do you have any advice to feel better ??? We haven’t made any decisions yet but just talking about it made me sad....
My dear sweet Sara. I feel you. Relationships are testing sometimes and love can shake us to the core. If you are both on the same page and feel that you need to spend time apart then do what your heart is calling you to even if it's scary. There is not one right answer to this question. There is only YOUR answer and only you (and he ) know what is best for both of you. Sometimes it takes being apart to know you want to be together and sometimes distance creates clarity and you realize you might need someone else. Time apart will definitely make you more objective about the whole situation and you will see how strong your love is for each other. I must say that in order to have a healthy relationship with another person, you have to have a healthy relationship (and love) for yourself first. If not, then everything is a struggle and internal issues are reflected outwards into the relationship. Now, that said, we all deal with some sort of issues throughout our life. That's called being human. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are both called to take this break, then do it and take it one day at a time. Listen to your heart, rather than your head and really focus on you and what YOUR needs are. Hope this helps and keep me posted my dear! Geneviève xo
Hello Genieve..my girlfriend requested a break...but she kept texting and calling me. ..actually we are very much intimate. .at this moment of this "break"....Is she confused? ?.cuz i thought we were to be silent for some time.Can i break up with her?
She is definitely sending you mixed messages and might indeed be confused about her own feelings. However, that's no reason to play yoyo with your feelings. Both people should feel empowered in a relationship and it seems like she is doing a bit of a "power play" and running the show as we say. Your romantic partner should be respectful of you and it does not feel like it's the case. That said, only you can know all the complexities of this relationship and can make the right judgement call. It seems like your intuition is telling you exactly what to do: to stop these "games" and distance yourself from her. It's not to say she is a bad person. She might be dealing with her own issues (like we all do) but that shouldn't have repercussions on you. Listen to what your heart needs and protect it preciously. Surround yourself with people that respect you and where both parties are on the same level (of love and respect). Hope this is helpful and don't hesitate to reach out again. Geneviève
I'll start by saying that the only two people who really know what is going on in a relationship are the two people in the relationship no matter what other people on the outside might think or give advice on. You must trust your intuition and if something feels wrong or if someone makes you feel "less than" then it's time to do something about that. Now, taking a break when you are in a romantic relationship is one thing. Starting to see someone else while you are on said break, is something totally different. Once again, it all depends of the circumstances of the break and also how you feel about this situation. If you are fine with it and even considering seeing other people too, then great. Although if that is the case, I would say that your break is probably more of a break up and that is totally fine. As long as you both are on the same page about that. Would you mind saying who initiated the break? I must say that either way, given the two details you shared (it's been 6 months and he is seeing someone else) my intuition is telling me this is more than just a break but perhaps he was trying to let you off "gently". That being said, that might have been his intention or it might have just been the coward's way of breaking up. You deserve to be spoken to honestly and with respect and you deserve to know if it's time to move on and eventually meet someone what will give you the love and respect you deserve. Sending lots of love your way and don't forget to trust that internal guidance system! Hope this is helpful. xo
Genevieve Colmer hi thank you so much for that and my intuition tells me that he's just with a rebound given that he was actually the one more attached and that even before the break he specifically told me to be open to others as well and he said that i may not see it now but his real intention was for the relationship to be stronger thats why wer gonna take a break and also considering that wer just teenagers and we need to learn more about life and meet other people before we can get back with each other but nonetheless my instincts say and believe that wer rly gonna get back together i hope what im feeling is normal?
If that is what your intuition is telling you and you are comfortable in the situation then that's fine. Regarding if what you are feeling is "normal", I'm not a great fan of that word. It implies that we must all fit a mould and those that don't well, there is something wrong with them. I believe that each relationship is unique so we should not waste any time comparing ourselves and wondering if what we are feeling is wrong. Deep down, we usually know the answer and it's often based on how we feel. If you feel okay with this long break and the fact that he is with someone else, than the situation can remain as is. But if not, you might want to clear the air with him. If you are teenagers then indeed you have your whole lives ahead of you and I think it is good to meet different people to discover what your needs really are and what type of person suits you best. I'm just not sure in this case I would call it a break. This is more like you are both moving on and perhaps in a few years if it's meant to be, you will reunite? I would just be careful about hoping for this as so many things can happen in the meantime. Once again, as long as you are both on the same page and you feel respected in whatever decisions are being made (and you have your say).
@@GenevieveColmer well said, Genevieve. You talk just enough and articulate very well. This video as well as reading through comments, and your responses that relate to my scenario really helped me this morning. Happy New Year to you and all the best!
@@FoxtrotXero Thank you for your kind words Dario. Any time people are mean I know it's because they are suffering so I don't take it personally. ;) I'm glad this video and my responses were helpful to you and I wish you all the best as well in this new year xo
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than 3 years, these past months we've had some issues about trust, and doing things that hurt the other. When we're together we're so happy but when we're apart things get very difficult. We've both been dealing with mental health and guilt for some mistakes that we both made (but also that we both want to forgive) and it's affecting our relationship even more, I always thought we could figure it out together working for our relationship and thinking positive about the future but that's not what he wanted. He told me he needed time to heal by himself in order to be able to help me and love me. I am so hurt because I felt him pushing me away for a while now, not doing the things he used to, not telling me he loved me like he used to. I decided to accept taking a break mainly because he said he wants to get back after he feels better, but it's not something that I want, I want to be with him and I'm scared and angry at the same time that he says he loves me but decided to leave me anyway. Also I'm scared that he might be with some else during this break because that would crush me... I don't know what to do.
Hi Cynthia. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it must be difficult. First, you must accept and respect his request even though it's hard. You can't force someone to be with you and if he needs some space to heal and get perspective you must honour that. You might need that as well even if being apart scares you. I can give you advice here but of course, only the two people in the relationship know what they really need and only you know what you are comfortable with. Speaking of that, respecting his wish to take a break is one thing but you must both be very clear as to what this "break" means: are you simply not communicating and seeing each other or can you both start seeing other people. This is a very important detail. Sounds like both of you have been through quite a lot in your relationship so it is possible that a bit of distance will help you both heal and think about what went wrong, why and how to make sure it doesn't happen again. Thinking about this is scary of course but you can't put your head in the sand. It's also hard to be honest with ourselves about the real state and potential of a relationship when we see the person every day. That's why a bit of distance (created by the break) can be helpful: it helps you detach just a little and be more objective. Kind of like a best friend would give you objective advice about what you should do, a bit of time alone can do that as well. I know you must feel hurt but always remember that how other people act is about THEM not you even though, yes you are involved in this relationship. If you have been through a lot and have hurt each other, it's probably normal that he is not acting the same, especially if he requested the break and you are officially on this break. Once again, I know it's hard but use this precious time to take care of yourself, surround yourself with love, connect within, journal and figure out what matters most to you and if you two truly have a future together. Give yourself time to answer these difficult questions. It's process. O hope this is helpful and keep me posted on how you are doing or if you have more questions. Sending you lots of love. xo
Hey Cynthia, My girlfriend and I are in a similar boat. Time will heal and make your relationship better. Yes, I know, it hurts to be apart. But it will only do better for you and your partner.
Did it get any better?
This was great, thanks, I have been researching "therapeutic ways to deal with a breakup" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you heard people talk about - Pefflan Telepathic Paramountcy - (should be on google have a look ) ? It is a smashing one of a kind product for discovering how to discovering a simple technique to get your ex back minus the normal expense. Ive heard some pretty good things about it and my colleague got great success with it.
@@carlaandreina5554 So glad this was helpful to you. No I haven’t heard of that term before!
I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years (married for 1.5) and my wife said a few days ago that he didn’t know if she was happy in our relationship and doesn’t know if she wants to stay with me. We have decided to go on a break to allow her time to think about what she wants and if she wants to be in the relationship and willing to work on it. But I’m devastated. My heart physically hurts and i can’t sleep or eat because I’m just so upset about it. I feel like this is her trying to make a break up easier but saying she will think very hard about what she wants. I took hope from your video and hope this helps us reevaluate what we have and try to make it work!
Thank you x
My dear Claire. Thank you for reaching out to me and I'm so sorry to hear that you are dealing with heartache.The first thing I would say and I know this is not easy is to give the other person the space they need. I know that fear is probably rising up in a major way but the more you try to hang on to the other person the more they will try to create the distance they need. Start with honouring how you feel and knowing that it's okay to be sad about this even though you aren't sure about the outcome just yet. Be kind to yourself and make sure you reserve lots of time for self care. Focus on all the other aspects of your life that bring you happiness and spend time with the other people that remind you that you are loved no matter what. Now, if your wife needs time and space to figure out what she wants, you must respect that even though it is difficult. She needs to get clarity and perspective and trying to force her or manipulate her (I'm not saying that is what you are doing of course) will only blur her thoughts and confuse her emotions. You don't want to be with a person that doesn't truly want to be with you so allow her for that to be clear in her mind. Take this as an opportunity for yourself to think about the relationship too. Were you perfectly content? Does the relationship meet your core needs and values? You say that you fear that she is using the break as an "easy" way to end the relationship. There is no way of knowing if this is true of course and telling her that is what you think will probably not bring anything positive so keep that assumption for yourself. That said, you also must stand in self respect and you can't be on standby forever. If you take an inner look at the relationship and determine that you are happy and want it to continue then eventually she must make a decision. I'm not a relationship expert but I would say a few days or couple of weeks is fair to offer the other person for them to "figure things out". Now, that said, communication is key in a healthy relationship and I would hope that your partner can let you know why she thinks she is unhappy and what isn't working for her in order to determine if there is a way to make the relationship work. It might not be clear to her yet though which is why she needs a bit of time and space... I hope this helps and please don't hesitate to reach out to me again. Sending lots of love your way. Geneviève xo
@@GenevieveColmer I am on break from my girlfriend we been frighting a lot I told her i i want take a break she was really upset she called me today she agree with me she want a break I do misses her a lot and really loves her how long till we talk about be together again ???.
@@michellelohde8683 Dear Michelle, I know that what you are going through is not easy. This is a period of uncertainty that can seem scary but it should also be seen as an opportunity to pause, take a step back and determine what it is that your heart and soul need the most out of a romantic relationship. To assess over time if you are getting what you truly need and if you feel that your partner is someone that you could see yourself happy with for years to come. Breaks happen for various reasons and it can sometimes be because there is a disconnect between what one of the two people need or want. This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the other person but it is important to be honest about the alignment of core values, vision of life and general compatibility. Some people are meant to cross our path and stay in our life for a season, and some are meant to become more permanent fixtures ♥️ I hope this helps. Please let me know how you are doing.
@@GenevieveColmer my girlfriend and I had big fright I just moved back in with her she got jealous when I told her my ex girlfriend kissed me why she upset and Jealous of my ex ?? how made up with her ??.
Thank you for your video, it made me see somethings I wouldn’t have seen. My girlfriend started to be distant with me out of nowhere (not replying to my texts, answering my texts with a word or 2, same goes when we are face to face). I kept trying to force her to communicate with me and i admit I pushed too far. Recently she suggested it would be the best for us to have a break. I’m afraid to lose her because I love her very much. I really hope this break helps us in the end.
I'm glad this video was helpful. Romantic relationships can be quite testing and it's so important to get guidance when needed. You do have to respect her request fo some space as you cannot force someone to want to be with you or love you. If you push, she will push back and it will drive her further as you said. I know it's scary when you think the person you love might be drifting away but you must trust life. If you are meant to be together, you don't need to force it. You should be with someone that wants to be with you and feels lucky to have you (and vice versa). Focus on everything else in your life that makes you happy surround yourself with those you love. You do deserve to know where things are at eventually though so if you give her a bit of space for lets say a week or so, then you can gently check it to see if a conversation can be had. Hope this helps!
My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for the about 7 years now. I did not think that we had an issue till I was recently told by her that we need a break. Overnight, she went from being caring/love to somewhat cold towards me. It's all a little confusing to me atm. She said she needs to discover herself for which she needs this break. To a certain extent I can accept that as a reason. However, it feels as if I have been pushed out into the a cold and dark room and asked to survive
Its bs shes out exploring the carousel when women say this get rid of her yesterday its over and she wants to find the new screw but keep u around in case it doesn't work out for her
Discovering herself is an innocent sounding phrase for fooling around.
My thoughts are that the "Breaks" are sometimes a means for guilt free cheating, also that "Breaks" really mean doubt and if there is any doubt of commitment to a relationship, you should not be in it.
Breaks can indeed mean something different for every couple and every person. Doubts are 100% normal. It’s so important to take moments to assess if different areas of your life are still aligned to what you want and need. To not be afraid to ask yourself tough questions. Sometimes a break is needed to create enough space and time to see things objectively 😉
My boyfriend said that he didn’t want a relationship “right now” because it could be stressful and he needed to get his stuff together for right now. He then proceeded with saying that he really liked me and wanted to remain cool and didn’t want to fall out with me and that he really cared for me. I then asked “you don’t want a relationship right now as in you gotta get your stuff together or right now as in I should try and get over you” then he said as in I have to get my stuff together. So I then asked “so how am I supposed to know if your not losing feelings for me while I’m supposed to be waiting on you?” And he then said I doubt that I’ll lose feelings but if I do I’ll let you know I wouldn’t lead you on. I then said alright so are we breaking up or on a break he said that we’re on a break but he isn’t going to tell me what to do because I’m gonna do what I wanted regardless. I then asked him where did he see me and him going with the relationship and what were his plans. He said that he just thought we needed a break for right now but he still “messed with” me and sees us being together for a longtime in the long run. I then ended the conversation with saying well you can text me or call me wherever about whatever and I’ll be here when your ready I guess. This was a week ago Thursday coming up makes two weeks. We haven’t spoken since last Thursday. I was doing horrible the first three days and then I was okay but now I’m losing my mind again. I keep stalking his social media’s posting things in hope that he watched the story and he sometimes does. I overthink everything I’m starting to lose hope that he’s going to ever come back. I’m scared that he’s going to find someone else during this break and I’m scared that he’s going to realize how better off he is without me. I was going to text him on Tuesday to check on him but I’m debating. And I just don’t know what to do or how to feel I don’t wanna lose hope on the relationship but it’s getting harder not to by the day. And I didn’t want to ask him how long would it be until he thought he was ready to continue our relationship because I felt like that was selfish to ask someone who’s trying to get there things together there’s not a time limit on that but I don’t want to sit here and wait for him just for him to come back and tell me he doesn’t want the relationship anymore or lost feelings. And I’m always wondering is he misses me or thinks about me and I get sad and tell myself no because if he did he’d text me or call me. And yeah can I please get some help
Dear Alana. Honey, he does not deserve you. A healthy relationship is when two people are in love and truly want to be together. He does not seem serous about you and you deserve someone that wants to be with you 110%. You're better to let him go and find someone that treats you with respect and shares the same love you do. I know it can be hard at first but in a while you will see you deserve way better than this. Cut all ties or you won't be able to move on. Don't stalk his social and keep your mind busy with things that make you happy. Create space to eventually attract someone that is the right fit with you. Work on YOU and on that self confidence so you attract a person that treats you well. You are strong and will heal from this. People like this are there to teach us that we are worthy of true love. Hope this helps and please let me know how you are doing. xo
I'm thinking of taking a break from my relationship I do love him but i dont know how to tell him their are some things I do for him that I dont like mostly doing things that he wants every time we have an argument I'm the one who always says sorry im happy with him but some things are affecting our realiomship I don't know whether to break up with him or take a break
My girlfriend and I, over the past few weeks, have been so tense. We have been together for 3 years and our love is very deep. We are both passionate about the relationship and want it to work. We have decided to give each other some space and a break for a while. Do you think a break will cool some of the heat down? We've has some incompatibility issues causing the tenseness and fighting.
But thank you for this video, I really needed this.
I’m in the same situation. We’ve been fighting for the past few weeks so he wanted space and we’ve agreed on taking a 2 weeks.
@@chantalp3234 I made this commented 6 days ago, this break has been the best decision we could've possibly made. It's very difficult in the beginning but it's worth it! We are both missing each other a lot which is what we needed. I plan to initiate the relationship again by leaving her flowers and a note at her door on valentines!
@@jayfroneman Hi Jarod. Sorry for the delay in responding. I think you are right and it was a wise decision and glad to see it seems to be working out. A bit of distance brings so much perspective and perhaps even appreciation for the other person. And your idea for the flowers is so sweet!
@@chantalp3234 Hi Chantal. How are things going? How are you feeling? Is this break bringing you some perspective in the relationship on what the fighting was occuring and what could be done to improve your relationship?
Me and my long distance boyfriend of 2 months just recently took a break. It started around 2-3 days ago. Everything was fine within those two months. Though everything did seem to go pretty fast, I really didn't seem to mind it, and neither did he. We were basically talking about how we want to be in each other's lives, especially when we finally meet in real life. We were planning our future as if we really want to be together.
Then suddenly, during the beginning of the week, he started getting distant, but I didn't pay any mind to it because I just assumed he was busy with school. And then 2-3 days ago, he suddenly wanted to talk to me about us. He told me that before he met me, he got out of a toxic relationship and initially wanted time for himself to heal from it, but then I came along.
He said he didn't want to be the person he was in his previous relationship to me. From the person that was planning our future, he suddenly became this person doubting that we'd even be together in the future. He said he wasn't sure whether he wanted to commit, but he also didn't want to lose me.
He didn't even know if he needed space or a break.
I was the one that told him I'll give him space, and we ended the conversation with our usual "I love you".
It's only been a few days but I'm already very scared that this break will turn into a breakup and that he won't talk to me anymore. He has made me feel happiness that I never thought I'd feel, and he made me feel so loved. He showered me with so much love and affection that this all felt so sudden.
I don't know what to do or how to feel. I'm confused and scared. I love him but I'm contemplating if he even loved me within those two months.
I don't know what to do.
Hello my dear. First, may I clarify that you two have never actually met? This is crucial information for me to better guide you. ;)
@@GenevieveColmer No, we haven't met yet. I was planning on surprising him by meeting him this January but... I don't know anymore.
@@AGO271 Okay thank you for clarifying. It's hard for me to provide guidance on this situation since you have never met and that is a very particular situation. I can't imagine starting a relationship with someone I have never met. I would be careful of the image you have created of this person because a virtual relationship is very different to an in person one. That I know a lot about because I did long distance with my ex boyfriend for 8 years. I would recommend protecting your heart especially if things are already getting rocky. I think that relationships are difficult enough as it is and I wonder if you can even build a solid foundation with someone you have never met but I could be wrong. Trust your gut and give yourself time. Surround yourself with people you love and focus on visualizing how you want to feel with your romantic partner. Then compare with how you have felt during the last few weeks. A break can be an easy way out or it can actually make a relationship stronger but once again if you have never met all bets are off. are you planning on living in the same place soon to start a more normal relationship? It's important that you both be on the same wave length about your short and long term visions. I know it's hard but it's important to trust life. To know that some people come and go and even though it hurts for a while something that ends always leaves room for something even better suited for us to come into our lives. Please keep me posted on how it goes and how you are doing. xo
@@GenevieveColmer We ended up calling it off, but decided to stay in contact and remain as friends because nothing bad happened within the relationship. However, I don't think there's any hope of us getting back together. From the bright eyed passionate man I once knew, he now is an indecisive person going through an existential crisis, closing off everyone he knows and love. It's best that it's over now, but now I'm just supporting him as a friend, hoping that life takes a positive turn for him.
@@AGO271 Sounds like you made the best decision even though I'm sure it wasn't easy. It's nice to be supportive but make sure that doesn't stop you from eventually moving on and finding the right person for you. ;) Give yourself time to heal and eventually create space to welcome in someone new. Sending you lots of love.
Me and my girlfriend just started a break today. I know she is going through things mentally . When we last talked she told me she loved me and wanted to spend her life with me but she needs some clarity and I just don’t know how to feel about it . My anxiety has been so high and I’m freaking out .
Hi Jonathan. I understand how difficult it can be when you are put on standby by someone that needs a bit of time to make a decision but that is being of being in a relationship. We must respect the other person's wishes and trust that if it's meant to be, the break will bring the clarity that the other person wants to be with us. If that is not the conclusion the person comes to, it's best to know now and move on even though on the short term there will be some heartbreak and sadness. Take this moment to reflect as well and to make sure that she is truly the person for you and meets your most important needs. And of course, take care of yourself and surround yourself with people that love you, are supportive and will remind you that even if a relationship doesn't workout, life will go on and you are still loved. I hope this helps and keep me posted on how things evolve. Sending you lots of positive energy and support. Geneviève
Try meds for her wow
Stop giving others the power to put your life on hold set time limit and cut them loose if they dont like it its your life
She looks a lot like Christina Applegate on Friends! Thanks for the helpful video.
So glad this video was helpful! Thanks for commenting!
My boyfriend and I just took a break but we’re still talking..we’re talking about how we can fix our relationship..is this okay? Or should we have no contact..we’re still single but still talking about our relationship
I think communication is key in making a relationship work when it is healthy and even more important if you are going through a rough path. You should do whatever feels right to you. If it's taking some distance to get a bit of perspective that is fine. If it's communicating to see who you can make the relationship work, that is fine too. Only the two people in the relationship can really know how to best move forward and you have to listen to your heart. Hope this helps!
Genevieve Colmer thank you so much
You're so welcome my dear!
So 3 days ago my bf of 6 months decided long distance is too hard and that we should go on a break until May before he leaves for basic training. That’s when he comes to see me. I obviously was taken back and have been a mess ever since he said it. He seems more jerkish now and won’t talk to me much but when I said you need to work on this with me and not act all cold towards me and then he sighed and said that he understood what I said and that he is scared to lose me ( I threatened that if he didn’t then I couldn’t do this because it hurt too much) and so idk what I should do or what my approach should be because this is the first time I have been through this and it’s so hard (also we are 17) I’m very mature and I’m trying to take this in a way that is beneficial and we come back stronger. Because I do understand how it’s hard but it doesn’t make the break easier. Please give me advice or any opinion you have!
Mel Marie I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know it’s not an easy situation and it’s even more difficult when you feel like you don’t have control over what is going on (and the other person is calling the shots). Did you both establish the rules for this “break”. You must have an honest talk about what you are each comfortable with (speaking, not speaking, texting, dating other people, etc). Do you feel like this break was imposed on you? It sounds like it is... I can tell you from first hand experience that long distance relationships are not easy and there must be a solid foundation to start from for it to work. You must trust and respect each other. I have been in a long distance relationship for over 6 years and I’m still amazed that we are still together. Neither of us ever wanted a break even though it’s been challenging. You both are so young too so even though this might feel like he’s the love of your life, if for some reason it doesn’t workout, you will 100% be okay even though if that is hard to believe now. Also known that men aren’t the best at communicating and especially not at 17 so he still has a lot of learning to do and you will have to teach him and be patient. Always make sure that you are with someone that treats you right and makes you feel loved. You are an amazing person and deserve nothing but happiness. Even though it might be hard, give him space as forcing things is never good. Establish and tell him what you need and don’t let him play with your heart. Hope this helps. Please keep my posted. Sending you lots of love.
I thank you so much for these words! I needed this! Love your vibes and great content
Rafael Febo So glad this video was helpful! Thank you for your kind comment 🙏🏻
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and there have been some issues with him and my parents. Its just complicated cause he wasn’t raised the same as me. He loves me a lot and says that he couldn’t live without me and wants to marry me someday. But my parents are important people in my lives and he needs to make the effort to start forming a better relationship with them or else I’m never going to be fully happy in our relationship. I put in the effort to have a great relationship with his parents but he doesn’t try as hard at all with mine because he thinks that there’s no use and that they will never like him. I told him that if he wants this relationship to work he needs to step up and work harder on that. And then I added that maybe we should take a break for a few weeks because my mom is sick and I need to rekindle my relationship with her because my relationship with her is just as important as the one I have with him. All I want is for him to try and improve his relationship with my parents so they feel better about him and then I can feel better about my relationships with all of them. Besides the parental issue he’s been a good boyfriend. But that is something I don’t have the energy to tolerate anymore. And something needs to improve or else I can’t continue like this.
Hello my dear. May I ask why your parents have an issue with your boyfriend? It might help guide my answer. ;)
So, I've pretty much follow the guidance on a structured and mutual break to work on each other. Now what? There are no videos that explain how to reunite after a break. Oct 1 will be 3 months which was our agreed time frame and I am nervous about what will happen. Our agreement was no contact and no other relationships (of any kind). I trust she has kept her agreement as have I.
So, now what? How do we "start over"?
Hello Will. I would say go with your gut and with that feels right to initiate contact after the break. Maybe that's a text message saying hello, maybe it's a phone call. I assume you are clear on if you want the relationship to continue so the goal is to see if you are both on the same wave length. If you are both comfortable discussing in person you could meet somewhere neutral that isn't too busy (a coffee shop or a park). Both parties must feel comfortable and it's important from this point moving forward that communication be super fluid (if you are to pursue the relationship). I hope this is helpful! Keep me posted!
@@GenevieveColmerthank you. Is there a way to get additional help?
This past weekend my girlfriend asked to put our relationship on hold due to all her personal problems she's having (financial issues, trying to get her car back, etc). She did tell me in that conversation "I do love you, don't think I don't." Yet there is this guy, who happens to be her friend who keeps showing up at our work place, who just seems to be desperate to have her. 3 friends of ours (2 co-workers who are really close to both of us), really don't like the fact that he keeps showing up everyday waiting for her and she hangs out w/ him for the last 10 mins of the shift. Since we're on our break I give her, her space and don't message or face chat at all, if she wants to do that w/ me I wait for her to contact me instead to help show me that she still wants me. But the problem is I've never been in a "break" before with another girl and my co-workers have said she doesn't plan on leaving me & still has feelings for me. Yet I have a bad feeling in the back of my head that she could be cheating on me with that other guy. I just don't know if she is just doesn't know what she wants or am I just getting paranoid? It's almost as if I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place.
Michael M Hello Michael. First I think you have the right instinct to give her her praise. You can never force someone’s feelings. That said, her reason for the break seems a bit strange. Life is not perfect and we all deal with challenges. If we start taking breaks or pulling away from our partners when times get difficult, that doesn’t make for a very solid or stable relationship. Also, I would really block out the « external noise » and stop listening to what others are saying. They are looking at the situation from their own values, and their past experiences and fears do influence the advice they will give you so it might not suit YOU since you might have different values. Only the two people in the relationship can know what the real deal is and how they should move forward so trust your internal guidance. Yes, the voice of fear might arise and you want to make sure it doesn’t cloud your judgment. If your gut tells you the way she is acting with that guy is strange or makes you feel uncomfortable you must honour that. Be clear about what a « break » means as well (can your both date other people?). A break should also not drag on for too long since it can be a difficult waiting period during which we are in the unknown. Hope this helps!
I don’t expect you to know the answer but my current boyfriend and I, are on a break because he wants to focus on god, school and football. It hurt a lot speaking of which he also said he didn’t know if he loves me, also, our break is going to be for a month since in a month, football will be over. I am devastated and I’ve been having a hard time dealing with it.
Hi Viviana. I'nm so sorry to hear you are going through some heartache. Romantic relationships can be tricky to navigate. I know that your heart must be hurting but I truly believe that when we are with the person we are meant to be with, both people feel the same about each other. If your boyfriend is not on the same page as you and is prioritizing other things in his life then you go and do YOUR own thing because you know what? You are fabulous without him. You are fabulous without any man really. For me (and I ADORE my boyfriend), romantic partners are important but they are somewhat the cherry on the sunday as they say. It's so important to have a complete life that you love and then if a fabulous man is part of that then great. If you are with someone that isn't totally in love with you then you deserve better. It's not about being mad at him or playing games. It's about having enough love for yourself that you feel complete without him (or any man) and that self love and confidence can eventually attract the right person. I would really do my own thing and move on even though I know it's easier said than done. Focus on everything else in your life that brings you joy and work on building a life you truly love (while loving yourself, always). I hope this helps and don't hesitate to reach out to me again. You do not need to "wait" after him. He was lucky to have you and if he can't see that then it's not meant to be. Sending you so much love! xo
Genevieve Colmer That was spot on! I can’t even find the words! Thank you so much! So far it’s been day 3 of no contact and I actually feel a lot better! Thank you again!
It's my pleasure my dear! So happy I could be helpful. You let me know how you are over the next few weeks! xo
I thought I heard “nude” too!!! 😂😂😂
Lol! I still laugh when I watch that part of the video.
I wouldnt mind😊😅💗
i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we have always been good with each other it was always great and everything but recently im starting to feel like he doesnt really understands me and doesnt take my problems seriously anymore we started a serious conversation and he saide he feels like he likes me as a person so much he want to countinue he feels spacial about me but he doesnt really love me why would he say that im confused and we kept talking about stuff and he feels guilty we started crying i told him i love him so much before the conversation and i ment it but right now im a bit too confused and i think we should take a break hope this works out
Hello Eugene. I’m so sorry you are going through a challenging period in your relationship. I’ll start by saying that only the two people in the relationship can know what the best next steps should be and your intuition seems to be guiding you in the right direction. When there is confusion, taking a step back to get some perspective is a good idea even though I know it is difficult. I think it’s difficult partly because there is a fear that the distance creates when taking a break will lead to a break up and that of course is a possibility. That said, you can only get clarity if you create space for yourself so it’s up to you to define what you want that break to look like. If he seems to have mixed feelings about you and doesn’t truly love you, that is a big sign you need to seriously reconsider where the relationship is going. You can also take the time during your break to assess if he really does meet your needs. Be honest with yourself about it even if the answers that come up are scary. Sending you so much love, strength and healing and remember you have the guidance within you to know what is right. Sometimes we have to make difficult decisions but deep down we know it’s for the best (and we feel at peace even though we might be sad). Love, Geneviève xo
You seem to really know what you’re talking about, so now I must ask for your advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and recently things haven’t been going to well. We broke up on New Years due to some trust issues that had risen a month prior. My boyfriend was the one to leave me, but the following 2 weeks he kept reaching out to me just to talk to me. We came to the conclusion that we couldn’t just leave one another’s life, but this is when things became difficult. All of 2017 we hardly ever fought and if we did it was due to communication issues. For the most part we’ve had an extremely healthy relationship. After we chose to stay in one another’s life as friends flirting started to occur and we naturally started going back to how we were when we were together, except he would pull back and we weren’t talking as much. I started seeing that deep down we both wanted to get back together, but sadly we told each other we would just be friends during this time. It didn’t work out, we started getting into fights about “You’re treating this as a relationship still” At first he put all the blame on me ignoring the fact that he was the one that started all the flirting. We came to a conclusion that we should just try a fresh start where we don’t label what we are and just let whatever happens, happen. This went well for 3 weeks. After that I started expecting much more from him, but he was not willing to give due to our circumstances. I became a mess constantly breaking down and going to him for help. This was probably one of the toughest times during our entire time knowing one another. There was so much fighting so much stress. The love was there but he began fighting it and pushing back, only showing me the love when he felt necessary. Of course I noticed the backpedaling, but would ignore it because I didn’t want to cause more fights. I had things happening in my personal life that led me to become more stressed out and led me to lash out on him. We were now in a toxic place. One week we would be amazing, the next not so great. Last week we were hitting our breaking points, it was about to be time to call it a wrap, but we couldn’t. Things were still toxic and negativity became something that could not leave us alone. I came up with a proposal on Wednesday that maybe we should take a break to find ourselves, get away from all this negativity, and just focus on other things to help us get back in a better place. He agreed. Sunday was our last planned day to talk to one another. TH-Sunday things were great. We were not fighting. It’s like the man I fell in love with I had him back. We were both hopeful that this would be a fix. He did a complete 180 and it kind of freaked me out. Before he was the one that would be distant towards me, but after the proposal of the break he said he just wanted things to be positive before we go on this break, that way we could think about how good we could be together. Were scheduled to talk on May 11th because that is the last day of my school semester which I started to slack off in. He told me he just wants me to get back on the right track in school and once the semester is over we can try the right way. I think I mentioned earlier our communication skills always needed a little help, but not these past 4 days. Things were perfect. Although things went well on our last days of talking today is day one of us being on a break and I’m just so nervous and scared that it may not work out. Do you think we’re making the right decision? Will a break really help us escape all this negative energy? I love this man with all my heart and I would never have imagined myself taking a break from him. This is something new to me, but I did it in hopes that it could really save us. Please give me your feedback.
Hi Josh. Sorry for the delay in replying. I think that a break might be just what's needed to allow you both to get some perspective and distance. It's so hard to do that when you are with the person every day. The love and attraction blur our judgement and we convince ourselves that we can work it out. It's not to say that you can't but you can only come to a solid conclusion if you are a little more objective. I know a break is hard and scary as you afraid to lose the other person but you must trust that if it's meant to be, you will reconnect and rebuild that relationship on a solid foundation. Surround yourself with loving people and take care of yourself. Your happiness cannot revolved around your romantic partner (that is way too much pressure and creates a lack of balance) so remind yourself all the other things and people that make you happy in your life. Reconnect with yourself and what brings you joy. With a bit of distance, allow yourself to ask yourself some tough questions like what is most important to you in a romantic partner, what are your nice to haves and must haves (your non negociables). I hope this helps and please keep me posted. xo
My boyfriend and I have just decided to take a break..things have been stressful in both of our lives with school and family issues on my end and he cheated on me while drunk, something I've forgiven him for but he hasn't forgiven himself for yet. He said that the best thing for us would be to take a break and figure out how to get our parents to accept our relationship (mainly my mum), how we feel and what we really want from our relationship. He's my first serious relationship ever and I really want it to work because I love him and it's mutual....but honestly I have no clue how to approach it. Do we just not talk while on our break? How long do breaks usually last? I know we need it but it's slightly unsettlingly cos we usually talk often.
The first rule to know in love is that only the two people in the relationship know what works for them. People on the outside (like me) can give you advice based on their experiences but that's exactly it: it's based on who they are and THEIR experiences so it might not work for you. It's so important during this challenging time to figure out what works for you. What "rules" for this break suit you? For sure it will be unsettling because you are changing the dynamic of the relationship during a break. I would say it's probably best not to talk if you want to stay as objective as possible and work on things your end. Distance either makes the heart grow fonder or it ends a relationship. I've been with my man for 8 years and we live on different continents but because we love each other we keep a connexion and make it work. I think there are many external factors influencing your relationship including stress, family and unfaithfulness. A break is probably a good idea to get some perspective and for him to think about why he cheater. Being drunk is a poor excuse in my opinion. When you really love someone and if you are happy in a relationship this kind of thing doesn't happen. That said, everyone makes mistakes and if you are able to trust him again despite his betrayal than you are very strong (and I hope you are right in doing so). How long have you known him? How long have you been together? A healthy relationship that is meant to be should not be filled with drama and obstacles. Relationships have ups and downs and challenges but if it's a constant struggle you must ask yourself if you should really be together. Those questions are never easy of course but your romantic partner should bring you love and harmony (not hurt and self doubt). Please let me know how you have been doing since you last wrote. I believe it's been about a week. Sending love and healing your way. xo
@@GenevieveColmer Thanks for the advice, I've known him for just over two years and we'd been dating a year before the break. I do trust him, but he's treating the break as a "temporary break up" which did upset me because I love him so much and I really want to be with him. We're meeting up soon to catch up and discuss what we both want going forward, I'm nervous but I want what's best for us. Our relationship isn't always drama, but we've had things affecting us in the past like my mum disapproving of us (recently I asked her and she is now fine with it) but it's just these little nagging things that have bothered us. Now I'm older I'm really hoping we can start over together, but he seems to think that "moving on" means finding someone else, not that he's said it explicitly, just implied. I know talking in person is best so I'm waiting till then
hi, I need advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 5 months. We had some issues in the past, but had always worked through things together. He’s been really depressed lately, and I’ve been too. The other night he suggested we take a break saying he needs time to figure himself out, gain back control of his emotions. Etc etc. I went to absolute pieces and everything. He said we’re more then likely to get back together, and that I should look at it as a fresh start. And stuff of that nature. Everyone said they think we’ll get back together, and his friend said he thinks it’s more of a personal thing then it is necessarily me. And I understand that but I have anxiety and I’m just absolutely freaking out. And need advice :(
My Dear Sarah. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can imagine it must be diffucult but know that you are so much stronger than you think. It's so hard for me to give advice on specific situations like this because only the two people in the relationship know what it's really about. But also, only YOU (not his friends, or your friends) have the intuition to know what is really going on. It can be a trutht that is difficult to admit but we must always be honest with ourselves. The first thing I would say is take this time apart to make sure that HE is the right person for you. Do you truly know what your needs are and has he met them so far? Does he make you feel valued and respected? Can you be yourself around him? Are you a priority for him? Also, you need to trust that if you two are meant to be, things will work out. I know this is easier said than done but sometimes we hang on to something so tighly that might not be meant for us (a job, a person, etc) and there could be something/someone even better suited for us around the corner but we must create space in our life to welcome it. Most importantly, learn to love yourself and be comfortable with yourself so that a man is a "nice to have", someone that enhances your life but not that you feel that you need to feel complete. When we are confident in ourselves and have a well balanced life, we feel like we have a good foundation so it a relationship doesn't workout it can be very sad but we don't feel like our life is about to end. Hope some of this makes sense to you and is helpful. Keep me posted on how things evolve. Sending you lots of love! Geneviève xo
Do you think I should wish him happy holidays if we are on a break?
Styles posen Hello! I guess it depends on the situation but you probably aren’t risking much by wishing him happy holidays. I would just say that if he asked for the break you should try to be as independent as possible. First to give him space. Second to allow him to be without contact with you and see how life would be without you (and hopefully he misses you). Third because if he asked for the break out of self respect you don’t want to be “running after him”. It’s not so much about playing games but you don’t want to feel respected and what to feel wanted. All that said it’s not a big deal to wish join happy holidays as long as he was good to you in the first place. Hope this helps! Happy holidays! Geneviève
Hi, I need advice my girlfriend and I had been getting to a lot of arguments lately.This recent one was my fault and we both love each other and she wants to take a break so that I work on myself and she works on her.She kinda describes it as being together without spending time together. I miss her and I don’t know what to do but I want to make this work.Its just hard not wanting to be with her and a break leading to a breakup.Thanks in advance for reading and/or responding
Antonio Tribble Hi Antonio. If there have been a lot of arguments I think a break or at least giving each other space is a good idea. Space and time apart allows us to get perspective and think about what is causing the arguments. I know it’s not easy when someone asks to take a break but if you are both meant to be together this time apart will only solidify your bond. It’s not easy to trust but if your love is strong and you both feel the same about each other you will eventually reunite. Make sure that the “rules” about the break are clear and acceptable for both of you. You must feel respected and heard. During this time apart try to think about what you truly want in a partner and why. Then be honest with yourself and assess if she meets those core characteristics. Hope this helps. Keep me posted! Geneviève
Hi please help me out , me and boyfriend have been together for almost three years we met when we were 14 and I’m going to be 18 this year , our relationship has always been loving we’ve only ever had one problem and it was resolved quickly , throughout the relationship I’ve had trust issues he’s always been friends with girls and I found it hard I got upset when he saw them and now I realise I was being wrong . He’s got family issues going on and we had a problem a month ago when I saw a girl from a trip away on his phone I overreacted completely and he was shocked . He says he wants a break it was sudden and the night before he said he loved me and he’s sorry he can’t make me happy anymore . He didn’t tell me the boundaries of our break how long it will be , just that he needed some space and that he felt like I’m suffocating him I told him I’m sorry I loved him . It’s been three days and I’ve heard nothing my anxiety is through the roof and I can’t do anything please help x
Hi dear Katy. I'll start by saying that only the two people in the relationship know what is right for them. It's very hard for someone from the outside that doesn't know all the complexities of the relationship to judge and give advice. That said, I can say that based on MY experience, trust issues can arise either because one person is actually doing something that can cause concerns OR it can be a self esteem issue on the part of the person that is jealous. Both of you probably need to take a little time for yourselves to really get some perspective on why things went wrong and why certain issues come back. A relationship shouldn't be that much hard work although yes, there can be difficult periods but as you say, if there is constant negativity, there are issues to face and resolve. If I were you, I would use this break as an opportunity to get a bit of distance and perspective to connect with your heart (step away from the voice of fear coming from your head) and determine what it is you really want out of your romantic partner. This might evolve with the years as well (when I was younger I thought I wanted certain things out of a man and as I got older I realized I needed other things to really make me happy and be compatible). I know you are afraid of losing him but you have to trust that if it's meant to be, you will come back together. I know that when you are in love it can be so difficult to imagine taking a break from that person or breaking up with them. That's why the distance helps. It clears our head and heart and let's answers rise up. Focus on YOU, taking care of yourself, surrounding yourself with positive energy and people that love you. Sending yourself lots of love and focus on that self confidence if you think there might be a little work that needs to be done there (I know for me there was a lot and I'm still working on it). Trust is a key ingredient in a relationship and it's what allows you to build a solid foundation. Without it, it's like trying to build a house on quicksand. I hope this helps and don't hesitate to let me know how you are doing after these first few days of break. Sending you lots of love. Geneviève xo
Thank you for the insightful video 😊 I just wanted to see what your perspective are of my current situation. My partner and I of 2 years are currently on a break for around 2 months and was initiated by her due to her noticing over last 2 months me being distant which was due to my own person issues as I still loved her very much and she had called asking for a break saying giving ourselves a chance to work on ourselves and hoping during this break it can help us as for her she needs to learn to not bottle things up and say what's on her mind and also as well she has her last exams to finish her degree coming up in less than 2 months plus assignments and that it's tough to communicate over social media and her priority right now is to just focus on finishing college as trying to sort it out now will be mentally hard on her but after exams are done she would like to meet up and talk and just work it out. What are your thoughts on the outcome based on what she said ?? Thank you 😊
Hello home boy. It might be difficult for me to tell you what the outcome can be as nobody has that answer but I would have a few questions for you. How do YOU feel about this break? Have you established clear parameters like can you or do you want to see other people, how often to you talk if you do, etc? Putting this aside, I would say from experience that life can get challenging and if we push the person we love aside when that does happen, perhaps we need to question ourselves if we are with the right person. Same goes for having "personal issues" We all have them and it takes a lifetime to work on them so if we way for these to be resolved, we will be alone forever. Part of being in a romantic relationship is that each person works on their issues and both support each other through this. A break can be an easy excuse to get out of a relationship that just isn't meant to be. But it can also be valid if the people need some time and perspective to figure out if the relationship is right for them. It's when outside factors get involved in the reason for the break that I start wondering if it's an excuse to actually break up in an easier way.... If the answers aren't clear for you, give yourself time and remember that self care is crucial during a break. I hope this is helpful and please let me know how it goes. Geneviève
This was very helpful. Thank you!
myhomeboy You’re so welcome! 😉
I have been very stressed with family things lately, and recently a lot of people have been crushing on my boyfriend and it's just building onto my stress. Is it alright to ask for a break in my relationship until some of my stress goes away?
Hi Darity Dan. Unfortunately, stress is a part of life and is difficult to avoid. If you took a break in your relationship every time stress appeared, you will be taking a lot of breaks. Of course, how we choose to deal with stress makes all the difference in the world and if your partner is partly the cause of that stress an important conversation needs to take place. When you say "a lot of people have been crushing on my boyfriend" do you mean you think he is being unfaithful? Do you feel confident in the relationship? If so, then if other people are interested in him won't make a difference. Of course, it depends how he reacts to those people. Does he seem interested? Is he flirting? We must always be careful when jealously rears its head as it's often the cause of low self confidence. All that said, I'm not saying that you shouldn't take a break. Just make sure it's for the right reasons and not just to avoid reality as you will have to face it eventually. If you need to get some distance and perspective on the relationship to make sure you are with the right person, then perhaps a break is right for you. Just keep in mind that a break is not to be taken lightly and he says something about the solidity of the relationship. There is also going to be an impact on the other person and how they perceive the relationship. The break will either make the relationship stronger in the end or weaker. I hope this provides some food for thought and don't hesitate to reach out again.
Could I ask you for some advice? My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and some change before we became long distance due to schooling. It was a pretty serious relationship we saw each other almost everyday and marriage was a foreseeable future. The long distance took a toll on both of us; he wasnt putting in much of an effort while I was putting in too much. He had a hard time communicating in general but was having an even harder time adjusting to college.I wasnt happy and I felt growth was necessary for us both so I decided it was time to take a break. This wasnt a hard decision at the time because I had already lost him physically but I miss having a person to talk to and who loved me and seeing him fall apart was heart wrentching. I didnt want to hurt him but I needed time for me.We are only taking a break for a month but I feel guilty and wish I hadnt done it at times. I do feel happier in some aspects im more in the moment and feeling like my bubbly self but all my friends bring it up and it just makes me sad. Whats your advice? It was a recent split but im not sure what to do, my heart and my head are telling me two different things. His family is also very upset at me for doing this. Your advice would be so helpful! Thank you so much :)
Hi Laura. I'm so sorry to hear this. A break or breakup is never easy. I understand what you mean when you say that your head and heart are telling you two different things. Your heart and your intuition told you that a break was needed but you have the voice of guilt coming from your head. It's not a bad thing in the sense that it shows you have compassion but that doesn't mean the break was a bad idea. It's normal that we don't feel either totally white or black in this type of decision. There is a grey area. If you felt that you two were on different levels when it came to the effort you were both putting in, I can understand you were feeling frustrated so once again if your gut was telling you to protect yourself and take a step back I would honour that. Ask your friends not to bring it up if it makes you sad. They need to respect your wishes and the fact that you are healing. It's also normal that you miss him but this doesn't mean that the break was a bad idea either. Even when two people that clearly shouldn't be together anymore break up, it's normal that you miss them and the companionship. In French we have an expression that says "Il vaut mieux être seul que mal accompagné" which means it's better to be alone that paired up with the wrong person. I strongly believe this and as strong women we need to learn to be okay with being single (we are 100% complete without a romantic partner). Also, please try to shield yourself from what his family says as this will affect your judgement and how clearly you hear what your heart is telling you and listen to it. Once again, it's not about being heartless but you can't put other people's happiness first (or the need to please). I have been in a long distance relationship for 6 years and I've never felt like he didn't put the same effort as me. If I had, I probably would have asked for a break too... When you are apart like this it's important to feel like you have a solid foundation. Trust is key as well. I hope this is helpful and if you have other questions, don't hesitate to reach out! Sending you love and light. xo
The girl I was dating said that she doesnt want me out of her life but the relationship isn’t going anywhere right now so I suggest we take a break. Does this mean it’s over for good?
Hi Smooth. You suggested to take a break, correct? What was your intention behind this? Did you ask her why she thinks it's not going anywhere? How did you feel about the relationship before she stated this? Were your needs met? Did you see a future with this person?
I need advice......me and my girlfriend have been together have been together for over a year....we took a break because I went to the hospital over Xanax withdrawals that she didn’t know I was taking....I stopped taking them that’s why I went the he hospital because I didn’t want to lose her and haven’t taken them since...we just started this break yesterday and I went the the hospital over two months ago....she says she hasn’t gotten over it and needs to find a way to fix that and this is the only way she says....she says she doesn’t want to worry whenever I slur my words or am not acting right we were the type to see each other every single day and say I love you constantly it came out of nowhere....she says she’s going to try her hardest to come back to me and get over it.....she still says she loves me she just doesn’t know what to do she always taking doing a lot with her life right now....do you think she’ll come around because I love her so much and I honestly can’t stand the thought of us not being together.
We’ve had future plans too about college and kids so that’s a good sign I guess right
We really love each other I know we do
Hi Rob. Thank you for reaching out to me.I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time personally with your struggle with Xanax and in love as well. As you say, they are both clearly connected and although I am not a relationship expert, my experience as taught me that we need to have our own solid foundation if we want to enter a romantic relationship successfully. Nobody is perfect of course and we all have our struggles, so the goal isn't to wait to be "perfect" to match up with a partner. That said, if you do have some "demons" to deal with, I would say to tackle those first and once you feel strong, you can start thinking about having a partner in your life. If you had been in a relationship when these issues arose and your partner was there standing by you to support you I would not say to walk away from her of course. I think the biggest issue here (after the dependency to drugs) is TRUST. It's one of the most important ingredients to make a relationship work and if you don't have that, things can get difficult. You have to respect what she feels and not try to convince her to "win her back" no matter how much you love her. I know that is difficult but she must feel like she has a solid, healthy partner that she can trust and that won't happen overnight. So if you do love her deeply, patience will be the true test. Take it one day at a time, heal yourself and put your health and well-being first. Once that is in place, you can think about welcoming in someone else in your life. Surround yourself with people that support you. Romantic relationships are important but so is family and friendship. If you have a solid support system, you will find balance in your life and that is also key to have a healthy romantic life. Hope this helps and let me know how you are doing.
Please give advice it will be really helpful . Me and my man have been together for 1.5 years . He had gotten into business from past few months and now barely has time for me . I trust him he is actually busy and not making any excuses . I feel very confused and feel like I don't get the love and attention I need from him due to time issues . I've talked with him regarding the break but he always disagrees. He's very independent and I fear what if taking a break does more harm then good ? What if he moves on in his life and even after the break I am stuck on him . I am very confused about the whole thing . Also if we do decide to take a break how long should it last ?
You say he is building a business right. If he is focus on the business and it seems he is not giving you anytime. Try being apart of helping him build the business. Do it as a team and things will be better. Because you love the fact he is handling his business so be his right-hand
I have a question my boyfriend is actually going through some stuff his health is awful it was bad he was in the hospital for a while. Then his grandmother who is the women who raised him fell and is taking care of her. He wants a break. Recently when I went through some stuff he said we were a team so when he told me what was going on I said i wanna be there for him to and he said no. Two days before he asked me for a break he asked me to move in with him. We were so happy I dropped him home from the hospital and i thought everything was okay then he asked for a break. He said he cant give me the attention i need. He said he needs to focus on himself then his grandmother. Once everything is done hopefully there a certain girl waiting for him.The way he said cant be sure if he was being honest or he was trying to make me feel better he was so out of it plus he wasnt feeling will. I never had anyone ask for a break before. Its the worst. I asked him if i was a priority or an option he said I was not anymore😔. He said he needs a friend right now but when I assure him I will be there for him and if he needs anything its one word reponses. I didn't want to give him the break but he didnt tell me the rules. I told him we cant talk to other people (like to date) he said yes mabey to make me feel better. He just didnt tell me the rules. How much time do you need, are we still gonna play video games, if you need a friend right now then why didnt you tell me your not coming back to work until October? Why does evryone know but me? Why did I have to hear it from someone else? Worst part is he asked for the necklace he gave me back he said he will add something to it, but that hurt the most. Because then he returned the necklace I gave him. He couldn't reassure me in anything. He said I told you what im gonna do. Its frustrating!!! Im sad one minute and mad the next this isnt me. I even stop eating cmon over a guy i know, but I like him a lot. He already told me he loved me. How can he take it back? Evryone around me is shock and suprise he would do this. There certain he cares, he looks so happy when he with me. I had a friend tell me to talk to him in person if i ask him to meet im not sure he will. I dont want to drive his house for awnsers because how do I look. Seeing him in person may be the only way I know the truth. I will wait for him. I just need to make sure hes doing the same. I know hes going through a lot but thats the worst part. I dont know if he will even make time to tell me what I need to hear. Or if its even a good idea to talk to him about this stuff because he is going through stuff. I'm trying to be strong but this frustrating. I go back and forth with this sutuation. He really does have stuff going on, but how can I know im not waisting my time. He said we will resume where we left off. Is this true or did he just say that to make me feel better one word texts are not helping me feel better? I never been in a pause before or break. All i am hoping for is he will give me the necklace back to me but i cant wait till October to know whats going on between us is there still an us? I just don't know what to do whats right whats wrong. At least in a break you know why your crying its over but this is a pause a break. How are you to act? What should I do? I reassured him I will be there for him and that i will wait. I just wish he can give me something even a text where he says how im doing to make sure im not overthiking it. That's things are good he just needs time and space. He said his intention isnt to break up with me. Frustrating part is he said that through text and when he tried to talk to me in person he wasnt feeling will. So we can have a proper talk. I have more questions then awsners. What do I do? I dont like the way im becoming, but i miss him so much. What should I do? I need some advise i know talking to him about this stuff isnt fair right now because of whats going on his life but i needs something were i can stop acting this way and know its true were gonna get back together. What should i do what do you recommend. Mother says if hes your he will come back to you. But she also says if you dont feed the fire the fire will go out.
My dear Rose. Since you took the time to pour your heart out here I want to make sure I answer every little nuance in your comment because there is a lot to break down and I am happy to answer but also I want to make sure you take it all in and can see everything that is going on in this situation. I want to start by saying that this is only my opinion and only YOU can truly know what is best for you.
Part 1:
"I have a question my boyfriend is actually going through some stuff his health is awful it was bad he was in the hospital for a while. Then his grandmother who is the women who raised him fell and is taking care of her. He wants a break. Recently when I went through some stuff he said we were a team so when he told me what was going on I said i wanna be there for him to and he said no." ANSWER: As humans we all go through challenging moments. A solid relationship means that you are able to let your partner be there for you when you face challenges and you are they are there for you when you go through difficult times.
"Two days before he asked me for a break he asked me to move in with him. We were so happy I dropped him home from the hospital and i thought everything was okay then he asked for a break." ANSWER: This worries me. For someone to change their mind within such a short time period on something so major is a red flag.
"He said he cant give me the attention i need. He said he needs to focus on himself then his grandmother. Once everything is done hopefully there a certain girl waiting for him." ANSWER: Once again, he should know that you are mature and confident enough to give him the space and time he needs to take care of his grandmother without having to take a break. Unless he finds you incredibly needy and in that case I would ask him why and some concrete examples.
"The way he said cant be sure if he was being honest or he was trying to make me feel better he was so out of it plus he wasnt feeling will. I never had anyone ask for a break before. Its the worst. I asked him if i was a priority or an option he said I was not anymore😔. He said he needs a friend right now but when I assure him I will be there for him and if he needs anything its one word reponses." ANSWER: It feels horrible because the person asking for the break has total control and you feel like you have none. BUT your reaction to him asking for this break can determine how much control you have. If you decide to use this period to reflect on the relationship and ask yourself if he really is the person for you, you aren't the victim anymore. TRUST what is happening even if it's scary. Let go of the outcome and trust that if you are meant to be and if this mean is right for you (and if he deserves you) then you will come through this break.
"I didn't want to give him the break but he didnt tell me the rules. I told him we cant talk to other people (like to date) he said yes mabey to make me feel better. He just didnt tell me the rules. How much time do you need, are we still gonna play video games, if you need a friend right now then why didnt you tell me your not coming back to work until October? " ANSWER: A relationship is composed of TWO people and is not a dictatorship. It's not up to him to establish "rules" and you to follow. You are equals so you have to determine what works for you as well in this transition period. What are YOU comfortable with? How can you feel like you are respecting yourself and he is respecting you (while you respect his wishes for some time alone)?
"Why does evryone know but me? Why did I have to hear it from someone else? Worst part is he asked for the necklace he gave me back he said he will add something to it, but that hurt the most. Because then he returned the necklace I gave him. He couldn't reassure me in anything. He said I told you what im gonna do." ANSWER: I would try not to analyze every single little thing about this break because it's going to drive you mad and just hurt you more. Stay focused on the bug picture and let go of the small stuff.
"Its frustrating!!! Im sad one minute and mad the next this isnt me. I even stop eating cmon over a guy i know, but I like him a lot. He already told me he loved me. How can he take it back? Evryone around me is shock and suprise he would do this. There certain he cares, he looks so happy when he with me. I had a friend tell me to talk to him in person if i ask him to meet im not sure he will. I dont want to drive his house for awnsers because how do I look." ANSWER: Be careful about asking friends are family for advice as they are not objective parties. Plus, only YOU know what you need to be happy. As for him saying he loves you, feelings can change over time (yours can too). I would not try to push him or go over them. The more you try to see him the more power you give him but also the more you are likely to push him away. He needs distance to understand if you two are meant to be together and you should do the same. Do you want to be with someone that treats you this way?
" He really does have stuff going on, but how can I know im not waisting my time. He said we will resume where we left off. Is this true or did he just say that to make me feel better one word texts are not helping me feel better? I never been in a pause before or break." ANSWER: He clearly needs his space so I would stop reaching out to him. Don't waste time trying to figure out why he is saying certain things (you will never know and it's not important)"
All i am hoping for is he will give me the necklace back to me but i cant wait till October to know whats going on between us is there still an us? I just don't know what to do whats right whats wrong. At least in a break you know why your crying its over but this is a pause a break. How are you to act? What should I do? I reassured him I will be there for him and that i will wait." ANSWER: DO what feels right to you. Take care of yourself. Surround yourself with people that love you and respect you. I've always believed that our happiness in life has to come from multiple sources and a romantic partner is only one of those sources. So when times are rough in romance, you can lean on the other parts of your life that bring you joy. Write down how you are feeling and make sure you are having kind thoughts about yourself. I would NOT promise him anything (being there for him when he wants to get back together). Take your distance, it's the only way he will appreciate you.
" I dont like the way im becoming, but i miss him so much. What should I do?" ANSWER: It is totally normal to miss him. Honour all that you are feeling and then take care of yourself. Remind yourself that your life isn't just about a man. You were happy and complete before you met him and you can be the same after no matter what happens. In fact, the happier you seem without him it it will be more attractive to him to see that you are independant. A man can't handle the pressure of feeling like you are his only source of happiness.
I hope these answers help you. I know it's not an easy situation but you are strong girl and this challenge will teach you that. Use this as an opportunity to get even stronger and more self confident. Have you read Gabrielle Bernstein's book Spirit Junkie? She helped me a lot when I went through a difficult relationship years ago. She also has many helpful videos on You Tube on self love. Please let me know how you are doing and if you have any other questions. Sending so much love your way. Geneviève xo
Thank you for the advise, it helps but I may now need some new advice. My friend yesterday confessed that he lives down the street from my boyfriend ex. He saw his car in the driveway and when he passed the house my boyfriend was in the car. He texted him saying what's going on? My bf said he needed to pick up a shirt. Later my friend texted him what was going on between me and him. My boyfriend said that we broke up not on a break. My friend showed me the messages, but I don't understand how can he tell me its break, a pause and he told my friend we broke up. He's so sick. He has to take care of his grandmother but the shirt is so important. He drove over there for it. This whole time I was holding on to false hope. I took off the necklace today, the one he gave back to me. I'm not ready to date again. How do you deal with getting hurt this way? How can he ask me to move in and take it back? How can he put me aside but running to his ex-was so important? My friend told me she can be pretty manipulative. Mabey this whole time they were talking? If it wasn't for my friend telling me what he saw I would still be acting such a miss and hoping for his return. I don't want to see him anymore October 2 is around the corner. My friend said he may be transferred to a different store I'm hoping its true, but how am I to deal with this. My friend doesn't want to get in the middle of it he's both our friend. He doesn't like being put in this position. He told me he will let me know if he sees anything else. I didn't ask my friend for anything he confronted me and told me what he saw. There's no point into confronting my bf or should I say ex now. All I ever asked for was his honesty no point in confronting him if all I'm gonna get are lies. I'm hurt betrayed and feel stupid. I just don't understand how in 2 days everything changed. What do you recommend? I feel like I can't do anything without feeling like a joke. Any advice about going back to normal? I just hate being the joke.
Hello Rose. I think you need to let go of all expectations you have about him. He has clearly disappointed you over and over and as long as you have expectations of him and stay somehow connected to him, you will suffer. Not only because of his actions but because, deep down you know you deserve someone much better and more loving/respectful in your life. Start looking forward instead of back to see what kind of life you can build without him and with people that treat you right. Start building the future you want by surrounding yourself with people that don't come with a lot of drama and that make you feel good. Also, stop worrying about appearing a certain way to him. What he thinks doesn't not matter one bit. The best way to start feeling better is to stand up for yourself, not let yourself be treated this way and cut him out of your life. You might never find out why he acted this way and you know what, it doesn't matter. Right now it might feel like it does but in the not so distant futur you will see that it doesn't. How he is acting is a reflection on HIM, not you. Hang in there, surround yourself with love and light and say goodbye to drama and negativity. xo
@@GenevieveColmer thank you this helps he already made plans with the ex before me to do something this Christmas he used me this whole time i was just his rebound im tired of feeling this way i was just his joke. He got mad because the way i say hellow to him made him feel like i didn't want to be part of his life anymore, but he made plans there talking i dont understand him and all i do is keep getting more mad or start crying because of everything i find out. I work with him this monday i dont know how to act or be and I'm just tired of being this way. How can i stop feeling stupid? How can i just move on and let go? Is there something i can do to speed up the process? Evryone is telling me to be rude, treat him wrong, act like he doesnt exist. Honestly i feel every choice i make keeps getting worse i dont know what's right whats wrong. I just need stop feeling this way. Im tired of getting hurt all the time i was in a better place now and he worked so hard so i can agree to date him. Then he through me away like i was nothing. Hes a liar and a coward. How could he do this to me? His ex treated him poorly for a year evryone agrees on this and because i treated him right i was the first thing to go. I dont understand im hurt im bitter mad and upset. How could he play with me and use me and through me away like i was nothing? How can i get over this soon? Is there a certain way i should act when i see him? Who should i be the hurt girl the mad one or the fake girl who pretends everyhing is alright when shes know she can't take this anymore? Im just so tired of being eveyone fool...
Rose Amada Dear Rose. Unfortunately we can’t speed up this kind of process. As humans we aren’t meant to feel great and happy all the time. We have to feel discomfort, sadness and anger as well. The more you resist it, the more it will persist. Honour those feelings and let them pass through you eventually. I wouldn’t listen to people that tell you to be mean to him because that gives him power and never forget that what you send out will come back to you so you don’t want to be putting out negative energy. Choose kindness and forgiveness. If you don’t forgive you are only generating negative energy for yourself and you won’t be able to move forward and be happy once again. Let me know how you are doing. 💞
Hi, I was wondering if maybe you could give me some advice. Due to the recent events regarding the pandemic my boyfriend of 6 months is going back to his country for 7 months. He said he didn’t want a long distance relationship because he tried it in the past and it ended badly, and he claims he wants to leave things in good terms so we can still talk. We discussed the options and agreed that we would go on a break because we still have feelings for each other, however we decided to not set boundaries regarding seeing other people in the meantime, because to him that would be the same as being in a long distance relationship. We talked about re-assessing if we want to get back together in January when he comes back (thats the time frame we expect for him to return, could be earlier or later). Lastly we agreed we would still have communication every once in a while. Am I doing the right thing?
Also regarding the no boundaries as far as seeing other people we agreed that it would be if we meet someone during our time apart, however we wont actively try to seek someone...
Hello my dear. My first question would be: how do you feel deep down inside in this new situation? Does it sit right with you or not? Do you feel like there is good balance in the relationship or does he have the power? Personally the status seems a bit confusing. I would not be comfortable with this. We are together or apart. Did you both clearly state that you plan on getting back together once he returns? Why does he want to stay in contact? He wants you on standby? That’s not really fair. If you had both decided to stay together and do long distance knowing he would return in January that seems like a healthy situation even though it’s difficult. Right now my dear is that you will be waiting for you but he might be moving on. It’s so important to be on the same page and to both agree on what you want and need out of this. Don’t hesitate to take time for yourself to think about that. Long distance is hard in the best of circumstances but if the relationship is not clear it’s unhealthy. Don’t rush your decision. You will feel it in your heart with time what is best for you. Don’t give him all the power. You must decide what YOU want and need. 😉 Hope this helps!
Genevieve Colmer I stablished that if when he returns and he is the type of guy I want for myself I would reconsider getting back together. But im not gonna hold on to that, I have been working on myself and trying to move on. He claims he wants to keep things in good terms to keep talking and having a chance if getting back together but im currently following the no contact rule for 40 days.
Montse A I think that’s great and it’s such a healthy mindset. A romantic partner is icing on the cake. We must feel complete and content on our own and that’s when we attract the right person and build a relationship from a strong foundation 😉
I want to ask u something. We are long distance. My bf and I taking a break cause he don't have energi for another person and not ready to have a gf, cuz that there's a lot that he want to do in his life "college and music" and he need to figure whole thing out. He told me he loves me. We still talk and he's been texting me 2 days straight and ask how I was feeling. I don't like it like taking a break but I have to accept it cuz I love him enough to let him do these things he want, but it depends. I want the best for him. I just feel like he's confused.. and I'm standing here by myself and I want to make this work..
Luna Monserrat Shinlae Andersen Hello my dear. Long distance is not easy. I did it for almost 8 years... May I ask how long you’ve been together and have you ever lived close to each other? When he says he doesn’t have the energy to have a girlfriend that seems like a strange reason. We all have a lot going on in our lives but when we love someone we want to be with them and we find time for them. That said if you both have to fly somewhere to be together that makes it a lot more complicated. I think if he asked for a break you either respect that request or break up for good. Only you know what is best. A break will give you both time to think about if the other person is truly right for them. If you are meant to be you will miss each other and eventually reunite. You just trust that if ever the break becomes a permanent break up you are strong and will find someone better suited for you. I guess what’s important is that you feel loved and respected. The rules of the break should be clear and it shouldn’t last forever. Did that make sense?
Genevieve Colmer I mean I feel like he’s confused abt he could do 2 things at a time “school, music, job and now me”. I told him yesterday that mby he’s confused abt whole thing. He said mby he is, and he need to figure it out, and he need some time to think.. he said we met in weird time. We’ve been together for almost 3 months and I am the first girl he’s ever showed up to his family and same here. We rlly do love each other.. but I just don’t know how long it’ll take time to think. We life 2:20 mins always from each other. I really need to see him and talk abt this whole situation.. that day he told me he wanted a break, he looked very sad and I cried a lot. So he got sad cuz I was soo sad. I couldn’t sleep that night and next morning his mom and him drives me to train station.He said “he loves me and we’ll figure it out and say we’ll see again next month, we must find out” And while I was sitting on a train I got a text from him and said he was crying like a bby. It just hit me so hard. I feel like where’s all theses things we’ve planned for our future? And I really need to see him..
@@lunashinlaephyu6225 Hi my dear. I know this is not easy but if he says he needs some time, you must respect that. It's a good sign if he seems sad in the sense that it shows he cares about you. The only thing you can do is give him the space he is asking for even though it's difficult. You need to give him this space to allow him to get perspective on the relationship. Distance either makes the heart grow fonder or it teaches us that we might not be with the right person. You must learn to trust life. If you are meant to be together, this break will be for the best and you will reunite stronger than before. I would insist on meeting him to talk to him. I'm sure he thought long and hard before he suggested the break in the first place. It's time to surround yourself with people that love you and remember all the good that is in and was in your life before you met him. Focus on yourself and do things that heal you. Reflect on what you want your future to look like in all aspects of your life. I hope this makes sense and I send you so much strength and love. xo
I️ hope u can help me because I️m kinda sad and nervous. My boyfriend and I️ have discussed a little bit about taking a break. We’ve been in a relationship for 4 years and we dated when we were very young. Neither of us had a really SERIOUS relationship before each other so we don’t know anything outside each other. We discussed that if we want to think about the future and being together for the long haul, it might be a good idea to take a break from our relationship to know for sure when we come back together that we’re really right for each other and can actually start to think about the future. We both cried to each other about it cause we don’t want to leave each other or think about each other with other people. But I️m trying to be strong and realize it could really help us and give us a chance of solitude to figure out ourselves better....do you have any advice to feel better ??? We haven’t made any decisions yet but just talking about it made me sad....
My dear sweet Sara. I feel you. Relationships are testing sometimes and love can shake us to the core. If you are both on the same page and feel that you need to spend time apart then do what your heart is calling you to even if it's scary. There is not one right answer to this question. There is only YOUR answer and only you (and he ) know what is best for both of you. Sometimes it takes being apart to know you want to be together and sometimes distance creates clarity and you realize you might need someone else. Time apart will definitely make you more objective about the whole situation and you will see how strong your love is for each other. I must say that in order to have a healthy relationship with another person, you have to have a healthy relationship (and love) for yourself first. If not, then everything is a struggle and internal issues are reflected outwards into the relationship. Now, that said, we all deal with some sort of issues throughout our life. That's called being human. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are both called to take this break, then do it and take it one day at a time. Listen to your heart, rather than your head and really focus on you and what YOUR needs are. Hope this helps and keep me posted my dear! Geneviève xo
I 100% agree and needed this.
Sommer Jones So glad this video was helpful to you!
Hello Genieve..my girlfriend requested a break...but she kept texting and calling me. ..actually we are very much intimate. .at this moment of this "break"....Is she confused? ?.cuz i thought we were to be silent for some time.Can i break up with her?
She is definitely sending you mixed messages and might indeed be confused about her own feelings. However, that's no reason to play yoyo with your feelings. Both people should feel empowered in a relationship and it seems like she is doing a bit of a "power play" and running the show as we say. Your romantic partner should be respectful of you and it does not feel like it's the case. That said, only you can know all the complexities of this relationship and can make the right judgement call. It seems like your intuition is telling you exactly what to do: to stop these "games" and distance yourself from her. It's not to say she is a bad person. She might be dealing with her own issues (like we all do) but that shouldn't have repercussions on you. Listen to what your heart needs and protect it preciously. Surround yourself with people that respect you and where both parties are on the same level (of love and respect). Hope this is helpful and don't hesitate to reach out again. Geneviève
me and my boyfriend took a break but it's been 6months already and he's with another girl. is it normal?
I'll start by saying that the only two people who really know what is going on in a relationship are the two people in the relationship no matter what other people on the outside might think or give advice on. You must trust your intuition and if something feels wrong or if someone makes you feel "less than" then it's time to do something about that. Now, taking a break when you are in a romantic relationship is one thing. Starting to see someone else while you are on said break, is something totally different. Once again, it all depends of the circumstances of the break and also how you feel about this situation. If you are fine with it and even considering seeing other people too, then great. Although if that is the case, I would say that your break is probably more of a break up and that is totally fine. As long as you both are on the same page about that. Would you mind saying who initiated the break? I must say that either way, given the two details you shared (it's been 6 months and he is seeing someone else) my intuition is telling me this is more than just a break but perhaps he was trying to let you off "gently". That being said, that might have been his intention or it might have just been the coward's way of breaking up. You deserve to be spoken to honestly and with respect and you deserve to know if it's time to move on and eventually meet someone what will give you the love and respect you deserve. Sending lots of love your way and don't forget to trust that internal guidance system! Hope this is helpful. xo
Genevieve Colmer hi thank you so much for that and my intuition tells me that he's just with a rebound given that he was actually the one more attached and that even before the break he specifically told me to be open to others as well and he said that i may not see it now but his real intention was for the relationship to be stronger thats why wer gonna take a break and also considering that wer just teenagers and we need to learn more about life and meet other people before we can get back with each other but nonetheless my instincts say and believe that wer rly gonna get back together i hope what im feeling is normal?
If that is what your intuition is telling you and you are comfortable in the situation then that's fine. Regarding if what you are feeling is "normal", I'm not a great fan of that word. It implies that we must all fit a mould and those that don't well, there is something wrong with them. I believe that each relationship is unique so we should not waste any time comparing ourselves and wondering if what we are feeling is wrong. Deep down, we usually know the answer and it's often based on how we feel. If you feel okay with this long break and the fact that he is with someone else, than the situation can remain as is. But if not, you might want to clear the air with him. If you are teenagers then indeed you have your whole lives ahead of you and I think it is good to meet different people to discover what your needs really are and what type of person suits you best. I'm just not sure in this case I would call it a break. This is more like you are both moving on and perhaps in a few years if it's meant to be, you will reunite? I would just be careful about hoping for this as so many things can happen in the meantime. Once again, as long as you are both on the same page and you feel respected in whatever decisions are being made (and you have your say).
:-)
You talk too much
Ah ah! My first hater! Sending so much love your way. By the way, it's probably best not to watch a vlog if you don't like it when people talk. ;)
@@GenevieveColmer well said, Genevieve. You talk just enough and articulate very well. This video as well as reading through comments, and your responses that relate to my scenario really helped me this morning. Happy New Year to you and all the best!
@@FoxtrotXero Thank you for your kind words Dario. Any time people are mean I know it's because they are suffering so I don't take it personally. ;) I'm glad this video and my responses were helpful to you and I wish you all the best as well in this new year xo