SITTING SHIVA Jewish Mourning | Not the Video I Planned | Orthodox Jewish Mom (Jar of Fireflies)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ต.ค. 2020
- It’s been a rough few days, my father in law passed away last week, and my husband began sitting shiva. In this video I’ll discuss Jewish mourning customs, sitting shiva, and some of our customs around sitting shiva as Orthodox Jews.
Article on Shiva
www.chabad.org/library/articl...
Hello and welcome! My name is Chana, I’m married to my best friend, and we have three wonderful children together. We also happen to be Orthodox Jews and we homeschool our kids. This video is a sneak peek into our daily lives :) You can see how this particular Jewish homeschool mom sets up her days, rolls with the punches, and gets it all done. Thanks for watching!
#Shiva #Mourning #OrthodoxJew
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I normally like to come on here and start the conversation, but I don't really know what to say still this morning. Thanks for being here though, it means a lot
Jar of Fireflies May his memory be for a blessing
@@iknowiknowwhereiam8802 thank you and amen
So saddened for the passing of your father, father in law, and grandfather
@@frankieniedorf4463 thank you 💜
@Jar of Fireflies - L’Shana Tovah to you and your family.
I just discovered your channel and this video. I’m sorry for your loss, I realize this was ten months ago, but it’s still fresh in a lot of ways. I know, because I lost my father (OBM) three years ago.
I’m puzzled by some of the commentary and pardon my ignorance, but are you a convert or something?? You stated many times you didn’t know why certain things were done and so on. Maybe you’d be able to clarify?
Thanks in advance for your time.
It’s been a couple of years since you posted this but this is the first time I’ve seen it. Your grief is palpable. So I’m sending condolences. Even years after losing a loved one there is grief. My sincerest sympathy to Mr. Firefly and you and your family.
Thank you so much, Colleen 💜
My friend is Jewish and when her mother died, she sat Shiva and I paid my respects at her house and she was sitting on the couch and I don’t know if it’s because she’s not Orthodox or because she’s heavyset so sitting low to the ground might not have been an option but she also covered her mirrors. Very sad and I’m truly sorry for the loss of your father-in-law 🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing this Chana. I hope in time your father-in-law's memory provides both joy and comfort.
Even though conservative religions are not the right fit for me, one of the things that they do spectacularly well is take care of their people and community during huge transitions.
My younger brother died in 2017 at the age of 32. He was autistic with intellectual disabilities. There was nothing like this for me. No one brought me meals. People did not come to visit. The secular community needs to find the same commitment to holding space for others' during times of need, as religious communities do. I would have benefitted from it.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m so sad to hear there wasn’t a community to be there for you in such a hard time. You’re right, it’s needed everywhere.
I'm so late, but my prayers are going up now to Mr Fireflies.
Thank you Linda
May your father in law’s memory live on. God bless you.🙏🏽
Dearest Chana, May you and your husband be comforted amongst the mourners of Israel, Baruch Dayan HaEmet.
Death is never an easy time.
Sitting Shiva is also filled with emotions.
You were asking many questions during your video and since you said , that you will support your husband during this difficult time( rightfully so!) and you don’t have time to do research I thought I could help you.
Shiva comes from the Hebrew word sheva that means 7 as per for 7 days the deceased will be mourned intensely.
every traditions are done to focus all the mourner’s energy remembering and feeling the loss.
Hence the mourners will sit on low stools, not listen to music, will not bathe, shave, change clothes,...
the mourners will be saying special psalms, prayers ( like Kaddish 3x/ day with a minyan)
Usually meals are offered by the community and during the shiva people will take food at the mourner’s house and do breracha/ blessing in the name of the deceased to increase his merits
One of the tradition is to cover the mirrors to avoid vanity i.e. for people to focus on themselves/ their appearance instead of focusing on the deceased.
Another reason is that spirits can/ are roaming in a deceased house to avoid seeing them, and suffer the distress from such visions, the mirrors are covered.
30 days after the passing of the deceased, will complete another important step: usually the tombstone is revealed and special prayers are recited
The mourning period continues and at the 11month and/ or the 12th month mark (depending on traditions) there will be another day of mourning and remembering with special prayers.
Usually during the first 12 months after the passing of direct parent ( father/mother ( the mourning period is shorter for brother/sisters/ ...) the mourner should not partake in any festivities involving music, ... ( some mourners will go for example to the chuppah but will not partake to the dances)
I hope it helps
I am here for you if you need anything.
Much love and healing thoughts coming your way Chanah,
Sara Malka
And thank you for all the info ❤️
Dearest Har of Fireflies, my deepest sympathies on the passing of your father I law, I know there will be a shive for him. Sending you much love to you and your husband and family xxx Susan Butterfield (Ireland)
Thank you Susan ❤️
My heart just breaks for you all. I know this was 2 years ago, but grief is grief no time frame. Sending my deepest condolences to your husband and your family. My father in law died about 2.5 years ago so I know how it feels to see someone you love hurt so bad! You are all in my prayers!
Thank you so very much Wanda ❤️ And I am so sorry for your loss
I feel like I almost grew up going to Shiva for many members of my family. Being a kid, I remember the food and playing with the other kids. It was the hardest sitting Shiva for my mom, I was all alone no food. I light a candle for her tonight. It's never easy.
I am so sorry for your loss
Although 10 months have gone by, it is never too late to offer condolences. I hope your husband & the rest of you have many happy memories of a wonderful father, father-in-law, & grandfather. You said, "its times like these that shows the importance of community." So true! Glad you have that community to surround all of you.
Thank you so much
Beautiful comment, I myself am not Jewish, but have watched a lot of videos etc, what a wonderful, caring and genuine family of people they are, peace to the world x
I may not be the same religion but I know loss. I know how traditions can help. The sense of loss never seems to go away, but it gets easier to live with. I offer my condolences and prayers. I feel like I need to honor the memories of my losses. Thank you for your channel Chana. You have a way with you that is very precious and calming. Thank you.
My condolences to your family. I'm not Jewish but I really enjoy watching your videos and can relate. RIP to your father-in-law
Thank you Maryanne
His father had to be a wonderful man because of the fruit. He is responsible for making the man you love to be the man he is. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know the loss when my husband lost his father it was a horrible time to watch my strong husband hurt so much.
The Jewish community is the most beautiful experience. They love their neighbors and generally work very hard to help each other.
Thank you
So sorry for your family's lose. I lost my father 5 years ago to stage 4 cancer. I don't care what age you are, it is so hard to lose a parent. Then I lost my mom 2 years ago to heart failure. 30 years ago we uncovered a family secret on both side we were Jewish. A lot to learn. My dads family escaped from Europe from Hitler and came in to the United States from Canada. Yes they snuck in before WW2.
Oh wow! What a story! Amazing!
Here is what helped me when I was in mourning hopefully it will help everyone. When we look up at the stars at night we are looking into the past. At some point in our departed loved ones had looked at those same stars. So when they pass they are never truly gone.
the energy that was stored in their bodies are in the universe . So they are not gone forever they will be with us foever
I realize this was almost 3 years ago and yet my heart goes out to your family 💚
Thank you Susan
Chana, I am sitting shiva for my dad right now and revisiting this video even though I watched it when it first aired. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, then and now. I am so glad I have this.
May his memory be a blessing 💐
I stumbled on your channel and have enjoyed learning about your life. I was so sad to hear about your father in law. Even though it's been a while now we never forget those we loved and lost. I am happy that you had your community to help you through this hard time. Blessings on you and your family.
Thank you Molly 💜 And welcome! I’m so glad you’re here
In an important way, the structures created in one’s life like cleaning and taking care of children keep us connected to life during grief. When my husband died, I was not part of a community like yours and was left alone in the house. It would have been healing to have rituals of grief that acknowledge grief, loss, and emptiness. I appreciate your willingness to share honestly this time in your family’s life.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment. I’m glad my video has brought you insight into how we live 💜
When my husband died we were going through a period of estrangement from Yiddishkeit, plus we were both converts so the family wouldn’t have understood if we’d sat shiva, so I had nothing. I sympathise with you 😞
True. When my mother died she did not want any services of any kind. I was alone as well. Of course she was not Jewish and I am. I converted and have no Jewish family. I would have loved a community like this to be supported by.
I want to thank you for making this video explaining what sitting Shiva is because I didn't know what it was.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you
You are such a beautiful woman. I'm a Christian and I find this so interesting to learn about your faith. God bless you and your family.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate you :)
I'm sorry for your family's loss, I just discovered your channel recently. I love your devotion to your husband, and hope you both have found healing and comfort in this past year. Thank you for sharing this video with us.
Thank you so much and you are so welcome! Also, welcome to my channel, I am so glad that you are here!
May his memory be a blessing
Thank you
My deepest condolences and sympathy to your husband and the family
Thank you
This was the first video I watched of you and I liked that you were real. The the emotions, the not knowing what next, it makes you relatable and real, so thank you. I know that shiva period is only 7 days but may your father in law's memories remain rich and strong in your family. I know you also said you won't be sitting Shiva, however you married into the family and you went into a mourning period also. May you all have long lives.
Thank you for your kind words
I am just seeing this now, but send my sincere condolences. May his memory be Eternal
Thank you Donna
@@jaroffireflies you are welcome!
I'm so sorry for your families loss. I lost my Dad almost 10 years ago. One of the hardest things that's ever happened to me. You have my condolences 🙏
Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing
I know its been a while since his passing but my deepest condolences to you and your family.
Thank you so much
Sending so much love and hugs . Beautiful family time but so hard as well. The kids are learning as well how to grieve how to understand grief how to navigate that in their father and mother. Xxxxx
Thank you
First time seeing this I know it was 2 years ago but none the less so deeply sorry for your loss
Thank you Fran
I have just discovered your channel, and am very late in offering my condolences. You and yours will be on my prayer list (I hope that's OK since I'm not Jewish). I am glad you are so blessed in your community. May the good Lord bring healing to your hearts.
Thank you
I was raised going to The Salvation Army church and so I love learning about different churches and stuff. I'm so sorry for your loss!
Thank you
Thank you for posting this even though you were unsure about posting. Although its different than what my Catholic family and I would do after losing a loved one, I appreciate you very much for allowing us to see how your family is going through this. Praying for you, your family, and all those mourning your father in law’s passing. God bless.
Thank you fo your kind words. I’m glad it gave you some insight into how we do things. I was raised Catholic, it’s very different indeed, though we both would have lots of food ❤️
My family are Catholics we also cover any reflective surface, no TV or radio on until after the funeral, food and house hold chores are done by others, giving the person or persons space to grieve without the worry of everyday life. Condolences to family and friends
I found this deeply moving. What a wonderful daughter in law you are to honour your father in law in this way.
Thank you very much for your kind words
chana -- i'm new here and i've been viewing a video here and there. may your husband's father's memory be a blessing. i have to say that you're telling of his experience brought me back to my own time sitting shiva for my husband of blessed memory. he was the best man i've ever known. it will be ten years this coming september. it has left a huge scar, it's a blur and yet a few things stand out that no one could understand or even realize the positive and warm feelings it had for me at the worst time of my life. i estimate that i saw hundreds of people come through my home during shiva, my adult daughter's friends mostly and many others in the community i didn't know at all. two people stood out and made me feel cared for and they weren't even really trying. one woman i knew but not very well. she sat next to me the entire time she visited and took my mind off things for a little while. she instinctively knew what i needed. i appreciated that. the food brought into my house was non-stop and it was all wonderful. at one point i was craving something fresh and uncooked. i mumbled under my breath in a loud room full of twenty-somethings and others that i would give my right arm for a fresh grapefruit. i didn't think anyone could hear me. minutes later an angel from the crowd presented me with a fresh red grapefruit. i still consider her an angel to this day. i haven't thought of these things in years. thank you for sharing your story. my regards to your husband. i'm sorry i don't yet know his name but may he continue to be comforted in his year of mourning.
Thank you so much for sharing some of your story! May your husbands memory be a blessing. Wow, such a wonderful story I really appreciate you sharing and being here!
I’m sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I know this is several months late but I just found your channel. I think it’s great that you are making these videos because the only way for the world to come together is through cultural understanding. I grew up southern Baptist, and in a community where other cultures are judged and misunderstood. As an adult, I’ve tried to learn about the different religions and cultures.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I really appreciate your encouragement :) I also love to learn about how others live, especially the ones that are very different from my own way of doing things. You are right about being able to come together over understanding :)
I am catching up on your videos dear Chana. It is 2023, March. Thank. you for educating on shiva. I am a Hospice nurse and have had a few Jewish Hospice patients and have wanted further education. Thank you for being so genuine.
Thank you so much, Sally! I’m so glad that this was for you. I think it’s so wonderful that you are learning about other cultures and I hope you and your job. 💜
Thank you for including you're subscribers are still important at this time. I didn't see this video before and it is a year later. But yesterday is still today when it's love 💕💕💕
Your family are in my thoughts (& prayers) as you mourn your loved one! 😪🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you Rena 💜
Death comes to every one of us, but it is painful to lose the ones we love and you are doing the right thing in such a sad situation, by supporting your husband and the children, i hope you will all be ok.
Sending prayers of comfort, to your entire family. I’m very sorry for your loss. May your father-in-law rest in rest in eternal peace. I don’t know you, but I’m sending you big hugs during this difficult and emotional time.
Thank you!
So sorry for your husband and family. I lost my mom about the same time. I just found your channel this week. Thank you for teaching me about your culture. ❤
Thank you
Im so sorry for your loss😢
Thank you Cathy
So sorry for your loss.
Thank you
Strange that this appeared on my FB feed, but I lost my husband on this date in 2010. He was only 58, and I was 47. It was at home and unexpected. Thank you for this gift, it helps somehow! 🌹
I’m so sorry for your loss 💜 May his memory be a blessing
I am so very sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing. 💜
Thank you
Thank you for posting this video, it sounds like you were hesitant. I am a reformed Jewish woman in California, I have wondered what to do when my parents pass, especially since COVID has brought these questions to my mind. Anyway, I really appreciate this.
I’m so glad it was helpful. Depending on your local restrictions, there are definitely options to still be comforted. May your parents live till 120 💜
I know you were unsure of posting this, but I think it's good that you did. It's good for people to understand the process of shiva and for all of us to share in your grief, even though it's 2 years later. Ha’makom yenahem etkhem betokh she’ar avelei Tziyonvi’Yerushalayim
Thank you
I’ve not long found your channel but love to listen and learn about your faith.My condolences to you all.I lost my mum this May so completely understand your pain .
Thank you, and I’m so very sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.
Thank you 💜
Sending thoughts and prayers. Thank you for posting this.
Thank you
Thank you for sharing this time in your life.
Thank you for watching 💜
I am really glad you chose to post this and share. Thank you.
Thank you Jeanne 💜
I'm very sorry for your loss! Prayers ❤
Thank you!
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your family has my deepest condolences. Thank you for sharing this. 💕
Thank you
Just found your vlog you're amazing! So sorry for your loss🙏🙏❤💞
Thank you 💜
It made me cry how beautiful Judaism is. ❤️
Thank you 💜
Hi I know it’s been 2+ years but I was so moved by your video, I’d still like to offer my belated condolences and I’ve “liked” your video but please interpret that as a prayer for your husband and your family.
Thank you so very much!
Many caring thoughts are lifted for your family. Prayers for peace and comfort, now and in the days ahead.
Thank you
Sending love and prayers for you and your family 🙏🏻
Thank you
I'm so sorry for your loss and am holding you and your family in my thoughts.
I've been so busy at work I've not been on here much but had to comment when I saw this.
Comforting wishes being sent.
Thank you so much ❤️ I appreciate you!
I’m so sorry to you and your family! I will keep you all in my prayers. 🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! 💕
I’m so very sorry for your family’s loss. Thank you for sharing with us, and hope it eased the pain some.
Thank you
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Sending lots of peace and love.
Thank you
I'm so sorry
RIP to your f
Father in law. My thoughts and prayers go out to all.
Dear Chana, I can't listen to your video right now, but I was able to watch one minute with subtitles and I had to comment.
When I saw you wearing a black tichel, I was sure that a loved one passed away.
My heartfelt condolences. This must be a very sad and difficult time for you and your family, of course especially for your husband.
Sorry, I'm not good at this and it's hard to find words of comfort...
Say not in grief 'he is no more' but in thankfulness that he was.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
💕
Thank you sweet friend
@@jaroffireflies I finally was able to play the full video, but I only listened. I can't take the sadness and grief in your eyes. Every day it will get better from now on. You are blessed with your community. And blessed with your TH-cam community, we love you so much!
I remember when my husbands grandma died we could not make the flight, as she was buried the next day. In Covid times it's simply impossible, still I can't imagine how devastated your husband must have felt not being able to attend the funeral in person. But technology can be something wonderful, and through ZOOM he was there, not his body, but his mind and soul.
I read a lot about shiva and ending shiva. And I found something beautiful. Words of comfort, you already know them for sure:
“Your sun shall set no more, your moon no more withdraw; for the Lord shall be a light to you forever, and your days of mourning shall be ended”.
Thank you for sharing another part of your life, even though it's sad. I hope the rest of the new year will bring only happiness and healing. 💕
“How long will the pain last?”
a broken hearted mourner asked me.
“All the rest of your Life.”
I have to answer truthfully.
We never quite forget.
No matter how many years pass, we remember.
The loss of a loved one is like a major operation.
Part of us is removed,
and we have a scar for the rest of our lives.
As years go by, we manage.
There are things to do, people to care for,
tasks that call for full attention. But the pain is still there,
not far below the surface.
We see a face that looks familiar,
hear a voice that echoes,
see a photograph in someone’s album,
see a landscape that once we saw together,
and it seems as though a knife were in the wound again.
But not so painfully.
And mixed with joy, too.
Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow,
it brings back happiness with it.
How long will the pain last?
All the rest of your life.
But the things to remember is that not only the pain will last,
but the blessed memories as well.
Tears are proof of life.
The more love, the more tears.
If this be true,
then how could we ever ask that the pain cease altogether.
For then the memory of love would go with it.
The pain of grief is the price we pay for love.
- Martha White
♥️
@@annabelle2775 thank you so much! This is all so beautiful ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss Chana. May his memory be a blessing. Xo
Thank you
Thank you for sharing. My condolences to your family.
Thank you
I am truly sorry for your loss. Blessings to your husband and you family.
Thank you
I’m sorry for your loss. Recently found your channel and I am learning so much. Thank for your sharing your story
Thank you so much
Chana. My prayers are with your family.
Thank you
Oh my goodness Chana I’m so sorry for your families loss.
Thank you
Thank you for sharing, and I'm so sorry for your families loss. May you find comfort and healing in your memories.
Thank you
It is so lovely how the community came together, praying for you. ❤
Thank you
Sending my heartfelt condolences to your precious family, huge blessing from Windsor England
Thank you!
You tear clothing near the heart shiva is a very beautiful system . You are taken care for the week
Many prayers are said food is brought after 7 days excludong shsbbos you sit when you are done you walk around the block this signifies end of shiva. You continue mourning no music tv or weddings or parties after the first 30 days you may end mourning by putting up headstone usually a year following all those rules stated then you are to get up and resume life and do everything
I'm so sorry for your loss, Chana. Peace and comfort to you and your family.
Thank you so very much ❤️
I am sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family.
thank you
My condolences and prayers for comfort and peace. May your memories bring you such comfort and peace. Shalom!
Thank you
my comfort and love for your loss, may your pains be soothed and the memories of his father keep him in your hearts forever
Thank you
I’m sorry for your loss & it’s so hard to say goodbye. David wrote in the book of Psalms, “The memory of the righteous is a blessing.” That verse has always been a comfort to me.
Thank you
Sorry for your loss; it is good to learn the customs of morning, ty
Thank you
Sincerest condolences to you, your husband, and your family. It's beautiful to see how the community immediately came to support. You all will be in my prayers.
Thank you
Wishing you long life and only simcha. May his memory be a blessing ❤️
Thank you ❤️
such a hard video, you are so brave to make it. may his memory be a blessing to your family.
Thank you so much
I just saw this now and want to wish you all Long Life. I how your husband's memories are giving him strength
Thank you
Chana, I just saw this video for the first time; I'm a new subscriber. I am so very sorry for your family's loss; it 's so hard to lose a loved one..... may his memory be a blessing...
Thank you so much 💜
I am so sorry for your loss, may your father in law’s memory be a blessing
Thank you
I'm so sorry for your loss. May his memory always be for a blessing.
Thank you
Hannah. Belated condolences .
In the midst of that stressful and sad time , I am struck by your strength and devotion and openness to learning about shiva in such a sad time . I signed on to learn about your faith . I will stay for that , and for you .
Please remember you have thousands of people in your internet community who hold you safe in your hard times .
Thank you so much 💜
@@jaroffireflies : I'm so very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is dreadful; we lost my dad in November of 2012. But I promise that G-d is gracious and merciful and full of loving kindness towards us. He is by your husband’s side constantly. May you know his love and His peace.
Wow, you have such a calming manner about you. Thank you for talking about your life and your faith. It’s all so interesting, but yet this was so very sad. I am so very sorry for the loss of such a wonderful man. If it’s ok I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words
thank you for letting us into your life like this, watching this helps me process the death of my father in law, my husband is taking his death very hard and has been crying every day
I am so sorry for your loss
Thank you for Posting the article on Shiva. It sounds very complicated, but also full of meaning, You are s lucky to have your community.
Thank you!
Prayers for you, your husband, and family across the globe as you mourn the loss of your father in law. God bless you all.
Thank you
I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. My prayers are with your husband and family.
Thank you much Kathy
I’m so sorry for your husband’s (and whole family’s) loss. Prayers going up for strength and comfort.
Thank you
I think you did very well explaining, especially considering you hadn't experienced shiva before. Also, your experience sheds much light on it. Thank you for your time, honestly. Wishing your family well. ❤️
Thank you ❤️ That was my goal, to shed an honest and raw light on helping a loved one through this experience (which is its own experience!) 💜
May his memory be a blessing
Thank you
May God Bless you and keep you.
My condolences to you and your family on the passing of your father in law. Refreshing to know you have a close knit community to help your family during this time.
Thank you