Are Shared Finances The Right Move for Most Couples?

Having shared finances, for most couples, is an automatic thing to do once married or after being together for many years. It seems natural to want to combine income, expenses, and investments all in one big pot. This was the norm for most couples over the past hundred years, but as technology has made individual accounts more defined, some couples are finding freedom in keeping their finances separate from their relationship.
We thought we’d put this theory to the test by having Doug Cunnington and Carl Jensen, hosts of the "Mile High FI" podcast, on the show. Doug and his wife have separate finances, Carl (Mindy’s husband) has completely combined their cash flow, and David Pere (our trusted military millionaire) has walked the tightrope between combined and separate finances with his wife. But which couple is fairing the best?
Unfortunately, we will not be having a couple vs. couple cage match⁠-but we will discuss the pros and cons of each strategy. Carl, David, and Doug all bring up interesting, and often emotional, arguments as to why they think their money-splitting strategy works best for their specific relationship. If you’re currently in a relationship, married, or about to be wed, this may be a crucial topic worth exploring before your spouse spends $50,000+ on an impulse Tesla order!
Show Notes at:
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Why You’re (Probably) Wrong About Prenups:
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Ramit Sethi’s Money Advice for Couples:
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How to Financially Thrive in Marriage (Even if You or Your Partner is In Debt!):
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How to Know Which College Savings Accounts Are Right for Your Family:
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00:00 Intro
02:11 Doug's Divided Finances
13:19 Individual Investing and Spending
17:39 David's On-and-Off Combined Cash Flow
27:20 Big Investments and Building Financial Trust
32:26 Mindy and Carl's Completely Combined Finances
38:21 Saving for Kids College
48:52 Advice for Couples
54:08 Connect with Doug and Carl!
#biggerpockets #biggerpocketsmoneypodcast #episode332

[@LouBloom21655]

3 accounts, 1 joint and one for each.

[@andreawisner7358]

About checking credit card statements... generally credit cards give you the option for text notifications. I have one bank that texts me the moment the card is run. For another it's like a day later. So if you use a card that notifies you simultaneously, you don't need to be checking the statements every day.

[@johnl9135]

I've been watching a lot of BiggerPockets and other financial channels and it really makes me open my eyes how to save and be frugal. Living paycheck to paycheck is not living, it's call surviving. Being frugal might be sounds cheap to some other people, but you have to do you because nobody else going to pay for your shit.

[@sensitivelifestyle]

Separate for us - My husband is obsessed with day-to-day choices (so he manages and pays for overhead). I am a financial minimalist and more obsessed with investing so my income goes to investments.

[@JosiahK555]

if you can't trust your spouse with finances why did you marry them?

[@DougCunnington]

I’ll ask her! Great question

[@DougCunnington]

Also, I don’t think she’d trust anyone else, even a family member.

[@CP12350]

It's obviously worked for 13 years, right? There's no right answer or one-for-all solution. It's 2022 and the old school method of "one pot" is a bit outdated given there's two incomes coming in, in most households nowadays. Just because there are separate accounts, doesn't mean the marriage will automatically fail. I personally love the idea of having a bit of "independence" in one part of the marriage because at the end of the day, we're both individuals, married or not.

[@factsondeck1552]

Loving someone does not make them good with money.

[@DougCunnington]

Thanks a lot for giving me on! Really enjoyed the conversation

[@derrickp]

Giving you on? Way to go Doug legend!

[@JosiahK555]

i'd probably go with the dave Ramsey philosophy. so you are going to share your life and everything with this person, but not the money? you're one team, and should be aligned on your goals. otherwise you're just roommates.

[@BrokeMillionaire1]

I believe in one pot!

[@CP12350]

***Unpopular opinion - my husband and I have a pre-nup*** I came into the relationship with two retirement accounts that I've been maxing plus a fully paid for multi-family home so I feared not having one because quite frankly, you just never know. I see a pre-nup like life insurance, car insurance, home insurance - it's there JUST IN CASE but obviously you hope to never use it. In addition to that, my husband and I keep separate finances as well (we both work full-time and make the same amount at our jobs) and it has saved us so many unnecessary arguments. Our bills are paid 50/50, we're both debt free, and we currently pay the same extra amount towards our mortgage to pay it off sooner. I should note that we grew up very differently - my parents had everything separate, were never married and later split, while his parents have only been with each other since their teens. I am very disciplined with my finances, live quite frugally, invest the max amount into my two retirement accounts while my husband is a bit more laxed and does not invest into any retirement account right now (company he works for doesn't offer one, although he does have one from his former company but he hasn't touched it since February 2021). If we combined finances and I saw his expenses such as coffee, daily take out, clothes I know he doesn't need, etc. then we would be arguing constantly so, in order to avoid that, we keep our finances separate. As long as our bills are paid and the extra payments are sent to the mortgage company each month, mamma is happy! Once our multi-family house (my 2nd investment property, his 1st) is paid off in January 2024, we will then combine one account where our tenant's rent will go into it and we can pay our monthly bills out of that. We also will begin contributing an equal amount per week (or monthly, we'll see) into this account as our combined savings. We will still each have our own account on the side so if we do want to buy a coffee, take out, clothes (whatever) we can without any complaints from the other person. This works for us!

[@joshengen4480]

Why even get married then? Why not just stay boyfriend/girlfriend? Seems like you're hedging your bets and there's nothing wrong with that but then it seems incongruent to commit to somebody for in theory the rest of your life

[@CP12350]

@@joshengen4480 Why should a marriage solely be based on how finances are handled? This is how we are currently handling them and once the home is paid off we’re combining one account but still giving each other a bit of liberty by keeping a separate one each for whatever our hearts desire. If we want to gift each other something for holidays or “just because” then it leaves us a bit of mystery as to how much the other person spent and it keeps things exciting if you will. Again, it’s 2022 and this topic truly needs to be a bit modernized. I don’t love my husband any less and he doesn’t love me any less solely because we have separate accounts.

[@emac6961]

Yep this sounds suspect because I did the same thing you are saying. Thank god for the pre nup 🙌🏽🙌🏽

[@factsondeck1552]

Would you have the same plan if you were poor and he was rich ?

[@shawnmarie9076]

What about when you are retired and he doesn’t have enough money? or you’re hoping you both have enough?

[@ashleyhakins2298]

Aweomw episode!