@@MegaRose1958 Ah no he just smirked about it in an evil little way and said "Well I'm not hitler". Don't worry I've been no contact for about a year now.
Yes! It’s about control and access. There’s no way I want to be friends with someone that treated me horribly. I went no contact with my ex-husband and didn’t fall for the hoovering attempts.
He still wanted to be friends as ‘he still likes me as a person’, after putting me through emotional hell, I was like no thank you.. he’s 45 as well, but has an emotional maturity of a toddler
Someday they'll get to the bottom of how these people are stuck with baby brain cells and how to help them develop. I bet technologically and psychologically we know how to do it or soon will 😊 People with autism and Asperger's have certain parts of their brain that are stuck with baby brain cells based on curiosity and wonder, learning and other things from the infant and toddler stage! So it's easy to extrapolate that if that's cerebral for ASD, then what would it look like if it was in the emotional centers instead of the learning information centers? I believe it would look like cluster B disorders.
They want continued ACCESS to you, and all the "continued" benefits of being treated as a GIRLFRIEND-in-a-relationship(despite NEVER being unable to commit). Basically, they want you as a SIDE-PIECE for life.
Will they b able to b friends minus the control, because lm single now , and l want to date other men, , and if they can't take it , we can't b friends, lve moved on., Because they will c who The c , and l will too , can they accept that.
Let’s all agree that all of our narcissistic exes are somewhere being entertained by another person who soon will be here on lees channel telling us their story. Y’all stay safe out there 🫡
facts. neighbor still can't figure out what "get off and stay off stay off my property means" 🙄 they all dumb as hell and don't respect you or your boundaries
They know what they want. They aren’t trying to figure out anything. They have already discarded you and want to use your kindness. And the gag is that they will talk about you like a dog to their new supply while telling you how amazing you are!
@@IsabellaPiesch I remember mi ex-bf (narcissist) talking sh*t about his BEST FRIEND like she was the worst person. And I remember telling him "someone who doesn't know this friend of you would probably think she's the worst person in the world"
ooo!!!! this one was painful to read. glad i haven't heard from dude!!! but i do hate the thought that he might be talking about me like a dog! i'll get over it!!!!
@@ItsSoarTime I was utterly SHOCKED by the things that he said about me. Lolol. All complete lies. I was so hurt and disgusted. None of the lies were true. I’m a good person and thought that he saw that in me. Narcs are absolutely vicious.
And if you're really attractive, they want to use you to make other people jealous that they were with you. It elevates their status. I notice that a lot with narcissistic men and the haram of women they like to have around them.
I SOOOOO relate to you saying that they want to pick your brain and siphon your energy. Why does every conversation start off with them saying “let me ask you a question” or “what do think about” or “I’m curious”. They don’t want a conversation they want an audience.
Yes, the crazy part is....just like they want to be friends with you and still "clap cheeks" with you....its the same dynamic with their exes or flings while claiming they were just friends with them....
Thus is a healthy way to put things if they can't be a friend to you in marriage when love and support are suppose to be happening then what kind of friend will they be after the responsibilities of marriage goes awzy❤
GIRL! 💪🏾 we WERE friends working towards a relationship. What next step is there?!!!! Not friends cuz we were more than but still friends...so not doing it again. I ain't stupid.
They are really scared of being alone because they know they don’t have anybody else especially if you were good to them. This is what I’m going through right now 😭.
@@drossaadneij Yeah it’s hard to grasp but it’s because we tolerated their bs and they know nobody else will tolerate it. Mine is tryna show me that he can change and I told him that I need to heal and don’t want to be in a relationship.
Yes because they alienate their families to the point that their families don't want anything to do with them and if their family does deal with them it's because they are narcs as well it's a sad twist
I don't want to be friends with my narcissist. He did this song and dance with me for over 7 years. The first person I've ever loved was this narcissist who emotionally abused me and strung me along the whole time. It didn't stop until I went No Contact. I cannot believe how much better my life is without a narcissist tormenting my soul distracting me from my own priorities and goals and interrupting my piece of mind. I don't want to be friends with a narcissist. Hard no.
You can not be friends with a narrissist my ex narrissist wanted to still keep contact after treating me like Garbage you can not be friends with a narrissist 💯
@@aminachanae I'm so sorry... If you can, get as far away from him as possible because the further away from him you are, the stronger you get. I gained so much clarity and focus without him in my ear poisoning and polluting my mind... Life gets sooo much better when you're away from those kinds of entities.
I thought my ex husband was a great guy because he was still friends with his exes....I realize now they were supply. We are not friends I blocked him from my life.
He told me he doesn't want to get married. But he "doesn't like" the fact I want to move on. His response always is "things can change one day" and one day I can be a millionaire 😂😂
@@MentalHealness And I haven’t talked to him since. Do you think that he will try and reach out to me even though I have a lifetime protective order on him? I don’t have no problem sending him back to jail. 😁
Because narcissist are extremely opportunistic and want to maintain constant supply so when there’s a drought, they can go back in their narc decks and call you up at 3 AM because your “friends “ 🙄
It's like saying "now you know who I really am, but I still want supply from you." 😂 ZERO attachments folks! They always milk you dry and leave, well because, it's in their nature.
exactly! 😂 And they come back with a line like, "I cant give YOU what YOU want..." As if you're BENEATH them, and STILL want them, even when you've completely moved forward with your life without them. The arrogance is just astounding, once you see them for what they truly are.
But isn't staying friends also, or maybe mainly, a proof to themselves (and possibly others) that they haven't treated you that badly after all, and that it's okay? Basically, proof to them that they're not a bad person
@@MaKhambule I would also add that it's narrative control - once you agree to being friends, you accept the conventional expectations - and you're not expected to "badmouth" your "friends", are you? hence, you're effecively being gagged
I think a lot of people stick around because of the carrot the narcissist will dangle. Moments of lucidity where they appear to understand every grievance and say the right things. However, these moments are short lived, and the reset always happens. Whether intentional or not, narcissists put themselves on a treadmill, and to be in their life means you too must run an endless race.
Yesss..mine understood every grievance when I was in his face because I'm his body type....but as soon as I was out of his face, he'd be sooo shitty. Blamed me for his behavior. Threw shit i thought we got past MONTHS ago in my face constantly. No thanks. DEUCES✌🏾✌🏾
The dual-mothership concept comes to mind here… people with deep childhood wounding are subconsciously looking for another parent (like most of us here probably are/were). you’re supposed to show unending interest in them no matter how many tantrums they throw, like their parent was supposed to. they don’t have to reciprocate that interest because deep down they are still that child who never learned to individuate. they need you, and they need you to play your role by absorbing all of their displaced shame and cheering on their accomplishments. i was codependent up until about 30yo... i always saw myself as the "kid" with my make-believe life during my breakups, even if i was doing the dumping. the other person always seemed more mature, heading off into the future... into their real life. took me a long time to really sit with that, so i can understand someone with npd jumping into something else fast. until you know your *why* - you will behave like an addict. “supply” could be changed to “supplier.” if you’ve been on the receiving end of narcissistic/toxic abuse, understand that you were the one supplying energy to the relationship more often than not - at least outside of the love bombing. you were the one supplying empathy and interest. you probably have your own healing to do with codependency. we are all operating out of our wounding at some point in our lives, but please recognize that you have something beautiful to offer and your value has not been diminished just because someone else was operating out of their wounding at the time. whether or not you noticed/valued it, you were supplying your patented empathy and interest to the world before this person. give yourself time to rip up the lopsided contract you two signed, shed their quotas and ideas of success, and get back to how you genuinely want to run things. hopefully in the end everybody can heal. another great video man.
I laughed so hard when he said that years ago. He said if we didn’t make it , he would wanna be friends.. I said that won’t happen! And I’m not even a bitter person, because i am cordial to a few people in my past. But this is different!! He won’t have that privilege! Nope!
Yes. My major Alpha-narc broke it off with me after I had requested he listen to me. But then, he asked if we could stay in touch “ so that he could run ideas by me” By this time, I had been schooled by TH-cam anti/narc channels and I said no. Supply!
Haha so spot on! I had been trying to communicate throughout the entire relationship. And when he broke it off he's like - well maybe we could still be friends, I still enjoy parts of you as a person LOL. I said I am exactly that - a PERSON and I am not to be stripped down only to my good parts for him to be able to enjoy them and not accept my lows, too. Then he is like - well or we could keep meeting up to talk about what happened in the relationship so we can grow out of it individually for our potential relationships with other people. What the hell! To that I answered that this is what comes in a package as having me as a PARTNER and I had been doing so for xyz months and he didn't seem to be willing to listen. SUDDENLY he wants to? I am not his therapist. Well, no contact it is. Am really wondering if he is gonna come back around or not. Maybe better if he does not.
I just think it's an ego boost to them knowing you'll still pick up when they call and give them attention. As long as they break it off first they keep the upper hand.
The beauty of that is that they cannot play the victim card and complain to everyone that you abandoned them unfairly. I'm happy the narc finally discarded me but I think he'll be back.
You asked what they have to gain apart from sex, it's attention and validation. Some narcissists pull huge energy just from talking to/flirting with someone they're attracted to or an ex (technically even people they're not attracted to, even. Getting attention often makes them attracted to people they usually wouldn't be.) The person who is with the narcissist will notice the surge in the narcs energy and know that they weren't the one to supply it and that's when our gut starts telling us they have someone else.
Once I break up with someone, that's it. I don't want to be friends. I don't want to talk anymore. I'm done. Everything you said I agree with. I've always thought if an ex wants to be friends, they wanted to be a part of your life in some way. Access denied!
Yeah they want to be part of your life so you can see them parade their new partner in your face to make you feel bad. They will purposefully do things that they wouldn’t dare do with you for insecurities or being who they are. Luckily as a Super Empath I know how to out narcissist the the narc and that’s by acting like we’re still friends and being there for them… then out of nowhere ghost! They go crazy, they can feel the genuine abandonment and idc they never cared how I would feel about them moving on to someone else out of nowhere. Oh well you reap what you sow!
Man, this hit my timeline at just the right time!!!! I needed to hear this today because my ex wants to be my bestie all of a sudden. Probably because he knows i have a new man. He dumped the girl he was cheating on me for 3 years with and suddenly is “single” wanting to be best friends. 😂
I just wanted a date...couldn't even get that. He did do my suggestion of making me dinner while his 7 year old son was sleeping in his room...2 different days back to back months later and said this was my date.😂😭
Exactly. It is a red flag for me, when I meet either a man or woman, who lists all of their X's as dear friends, and boasts that they retain extremely close relationships with them. This either comes to the forefront immediately, if it is clear that I am not interested, or appears after love bombing. The NPD wants to maintain a harem, if at all possible. One NPD described it to me as; "People like to compete." I'd rather be single than in a harem.
Huge 🚩. I came across that and he was upset that I wanted to cut all ties instead of being an option 😕 Huh??🤨 yea.. thanks but no thanks. Then he tried to convince me that I was just bitter because all of his ex’s dating back from high school were still his friends after breaking up. 😂 as if that made my decision any harder!! LMFAOOO. My exes be my exes , and my friend’s are not past lovers. So weird is that to collect exes. You won’t be bringing all of that unhealthy energy to disrupt mines.
Narcissists want the supply you give them. You are like their oxygen. They actually need the power and control they get from you to survive. They don't care that you will be their scapegoat.
Stbx said he wanted to stay friends. We were never friends- friends do not treat people the way he treated me. When I told him there were billions of people who I would choose to be friends with before him.
I said something similar. I was like I didn't go into this looking for friends. We got together and planned to build a life together and she bailed. She was horrible to me. Destroyed the relationship and never treated me like a friend either so why would we be friends? What's infuriating is seeing how she treats the next guy like gold. I guess she saw me as a low value man and because this bum is rich, he's a high value man so he deserves to be treated great. I came across a card he wrote her saying he can't believe how great she is and she's almost too good to be true. This is proof that they can control their outbursts and how they treated us.
@@OLegendStudiosIf your ex is a narcissist, what you say is her “treating him like gold” is actually the love bombing phase. One day her mask will slip and she’ll treat him exactly how she treated you.
Yeah, he said that he wanted to be friends after the discard. I dropped off the kids, said NO and drove off. No going backwards, I have a great life ahead and so do you.
Get this guys. He started messing around with his new tattoo gun, for about 6 months. He used himself as a canvas. He BEGGED to do one on me. I wouldn't let him. I was finally straight up with him and told him "No! We are divorcing and I don't want to have ANYTHING on my body that makes me think of you". He was shocked that I just said exactly why he wanted to put one on me. He finally left me alone about it. Thank God! I wasn't a fool and let him. That would've messed not only my body up, but my mind as well.
If a man asks me to be his friend, I say “Sure, I’ll call you if I need a ride to the airport” or, for those I’ve been involved with at a more intimate or relationship level, “I don’t think so because you haven’t really been a friend to me. I hope the way you treat me isn’t how you treat your friends, or, my friends don’t treat me the way you did” something along those lines - - they don’t like that answer.
Yep, my child's father is a toxic person who wanted me to stay friends with benefits but I drew the line. His other ex remains available to him and he still isn't satisfied. He wants my attention, too! "Never gonna get it!"
Yes exactly what my ex is trying to do. I've ignored I've blocked. Yet he still turns up doing a 200mile round trip. Saying he wants to "check on me" and wants to be "friends" he "needs" me. Doesn't matter he married his lastest victim. Good luck to her. Don't want to be friends or have anything to do with him. Turned up just before Xmas with a card. It's tiring
He is on point . My x did this . He was trying to be friends with but his phone was full of girls numbers and when I saw the messages he was playing mind games with one of them and she was saying "why did you stop talking to me all of sudden". So I realized he was playing games. So I put my foot down with him. I told him im not your friend and I will never be.
It’s all about supply and using you to get what they need out of you and then set you on the curb until you are needed again. I tried to be civil with him for a year and was actually waiting for an apology I will never ever get in my living life. The fact he wasted my time and have no remorse makes me sick. Then again I am at fault and should’ve known better too. I owe myself the biggest apology and am still learning to forgive myself for it. This session is on point though, he is dating and still wants to “see me” and I finally said “why???” Ghost those damaging chumps, I finally did. Like hell if I am going to be used just because his raunchy life style doesn’t work out for him. Not my problem! We all deserve better guys!! I am more friends with my daughters father and that is rare now a days. That says something right there.
My ex told me he wasn't physically attracted to me, but still wanted to be friends..... he has ZERO friends.... I wasn't going to give him 1.... I wanted him to remain friendless....no one should have to put up with him.
They always trot out an ex to triangulate with you with. He called me into his office and asked for sex on demand, right the and there. I was shocked. " He said I don't like to do all that stuff ( dating, foreplay, going out to dinner". So I laughed and left. I said " Good luck with that".
YEEEESSSS! You are so right about the "friends" maneuver in every aspect. My narcissistic ex-bf's last text showed me more of his manipulative and controlling behavior. He asked if we could be friends after I asked him not to contact me ever again. He went on to say, he saw no harm in that but maybe I do. He will never get an answer from me on that or anything. He can answer that for himself...He is no "friend" of mine. He knows I see him clearly for who he is. He knows that. Like I told him, he doesn't get it or me. Friends like him, I don't need enemies. I am GOOD!!☺️
I got that question and clearly said no. I said no because I don´t want a husband nor a friend who cheats on people. (And confabulates stories). So no thank you. I was used long enough - now I focus on my kids and myself (I have enough to do!).
Learned this the hard way several times. They don’t want my friendship, they just want the narcissistic supply they know I can give them but with terms that they control and without the commitment of being my partner/friend. It’s all part of their tactic to retain as much of the supply we give them without truly caring about us in return. When you talked about how they want to call and talk about themselves for hours but when we reciprocate they quick end the call, been there done that too many times.
Yep, mine kept me as his backup friends with benefits on & off for several years. This last time he broke off all connection with me for his now toxic girlfriend or whatever she is! He gave up everything with me and cut me off so he could be with her even though he said we were "best friends " we have been in no contact for 3 years now but last July he stopped by my house cause he and his gf were split up and having difficulties so he came crying to me literally crying about it and telling me he was done with her but yet they are together once again after multiple break ups! They are both toxic but she can have him, he better just hope he doesn't come by ever again! They deserve each other and youre right, I was never his friend all a big lie!
My ex wanted to be friends and I said u cheated,left,and treated me bad and u think I can be friends or trust a person like u that did that to me and I told him don’t call me at all for nothing u wanted me out of your life I’m out period
I got the "sincerely hope we can be friends" line 💩. After 2 years of lies, manipulation and psychological abuse ending with a completely terrifying black eyed rage for some unknown offense. I went no contact and blocked him. There's no room for toxic people who have no genuine love or empathy to give in my life.
There is no way in Hell that I would be friends with my narcissistic ex. partners. As soon as I get out of their life I immediately go no contact with them. The End. For me they're dead. I'm not a toy that they can play with whenever they please.
Always say no - say I have a lot going on -too much blood under the bridge . I will pray for your in all ways spiritually physically and especially mentally and emotionally I hope you find peace and have the heart to give peace and mercy to someone else as I’ve done for you in spite of your self . Be Well . 3:16 asking to be friends is him wanting to monitor you your success your happiness because he will never stop being jealous he’s relentless
So true!!!! they want you to be their friend they are not your friend and will never be your friend!!! They do want you to be a place holder!!! lol I just told someone that exact thing. I got out and now I’m trying to help everyone I know get out.
I actually felt like a 'friend with benefits' whilst I was still in a relationship with the narcissist - it was hell and soooooo weird - unlike any relationship or any girl I have been with. Like dating an alien or a demon.
Once again, I’m shocked to find how similar the things my ex told me are to other stories. I heard all the time “If we broke up, could we still be friends?” “If we broke up, could we still ****?” “If we broke up, could we cuddle?” “If we broke up, could you stay over at night so we can still sleep in the same bed?” Etc etc. 😒 so many times I had to look at him like WTF? Of course we wouldn’t do any of that if we split up after a 7 year long relationship + kid. That’s just toxic and unhealthy for all involved. He’d get so offended that I would dare to even look upset 🙄🙄
Aka they show you that they don't wanna be there in your life by betraying and hurting you and they walked out, SHUT THE DOOR, LOCK IT AND MOVE OUT , when they come back and they always will - Let them knock, cry and wait at an closed door to an empty house you already left years ago. NO ACCESS NO CONTROL DONT ALLOW this person to do what they want to you, let me live with the regret that they fumbled a real bag!!
My narcissist is my "friend" what really strikes me is that he will get mad at me for little things, and then later will pretend that everything is great. I always found it odd that i can piss him off so much, but yet he doesn't want to end the "friendship"
No you can't stay friends. Move on. Listen to Lee. I have been listening to him and watching his videos for awhile now. Do not stay. I have listened to many narcissist coaches. He is the real thing. You can't learn from someone that hasn't experienced it. He is a narcissist trying to help people that are suffering. Please listen to him. Get his self love devotion book. He knows.
Οf course they dont want to be friends. Friends means real feelings, care, interest, etc. Access is the best way I ‘ve seen it being described. It will always be on their own terms only, so it is control by default. Some experts, therapists etc. usually talk about the supply, fuel, manipulation, but tend to forget the initial condition for those, which is, of course, access. It all starts with that. Everything in the video is spot on. The dynamic is exactly that one described.
Yep. Been there done that. Even though I didn't realize what was happening at first I eventually got it. It's a horrible feeling to be placed on hold. It took a lot of prayer to overcome it but with God's help I did. All I got to say is you reap what you sow.
This is all so telling! I cannot believe I was about to enter into a relationship with someone who has these tendencies. I'm not going to call him a narc since I am no Dr to diagnose but the math is mathing. I remember our initial conversation was about growth and being ok with therapy. But in an incident where he showed some insecurity and controlling characteristics, when I called him out and suggested it, he said he could heal himself. All during the time I was involved with him, he did say that he still remains friends with his exs, one in which he says is a toxic ex. When I asked him why he allows someone who was toxic to still have access to him, he had no answer. It makes sense that he wants the access to them!!! When I broke things off, he definitely asked me if we could still be friends. I declined and didn't want to be a part of his options. I have been no contact with him since the NY.
Good job, start your New Year off right,🎊🥳💃💃 stay the course moving forward, hope you cut off all excess in communications, because they never stop trying no matter what, birthdays and holidays are always their go to tactic beware, my advice change number.
@@ladye1777 yes thank you. Good thing about him is that e doesn't do social media and he is horrible with remembering important dates. He is totally blocked from communicating with me and from me feeling the need to communicate with him. I'm not going to front, I did contribute to his games and feel that we could be friends after breaking it off. I was still responding to him even after I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Once I took responsibility, I definitely feel free by enforcing the boundary.
They want people to think that being friends with their ex means they are a good person. My ex wanted to be friends while using me as a door mat and using me to help him, no reciprocation. He would tell anyone and everyone that I was his ex. But he couldn’t help bread crumbing me into thinking that one day we might be together again. It was all a lie just to keep me stuck and get attention supply from me. I cut him off and within no time he was off to the Phillipines and everyone knows why a 61 year old man goes to these places. He came back and had the nerve to try and pull me back into his vortex but I have refused and he has now gone back to Phillipines. 28 years and 2 children I was with this man and all I am to him is an option. I think that’s what hurts the most the cruel callous way he used me not caring once about my feelings as long as he was getting what he needed🥺
Mine just said we can hang out and go slow to see if we can get back together. I was like.. so you mean if I am perfect in your eyes and fit in your perfect little box I have a chance? It’s been 6 years bud, you know who I am. No thanks. Bu bay
I was dumb enough to say I was ok w being friends down the road, and never heard from him again, which I am happy for. I have a sense of calm coming back without all the mind games and inconsistencies stressing me out !
Mr Lee be on point with the church! Thanks for the confirmation. I had to tell him to stop saying we friends. I WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS W/ SOMEONE I LEFT. That’s so weird & gross to think I want to be in his life at all. Now I know what he was doing when we were together & I’m grossed out. Trying to benefit & control others when and giving them places and space instead of focusing fully on building with me. I’m just grossed out by him. Every time he tries to reach out it’s embarrassing that I ever had anything with him. I asked him to give me space & he just keeps annoying me. I’m so trying not to block him cuz I know how ugly it could get but dang. He makes me wish I never let him cross one line. I’ll never be his friend. I dont even want to see him.
Watching this 1 video, after watching many on narcissistic abuse, the fact that you are a narcissist telling us these facts helps me to continue to stand 10 toes down on anything I have said or done to keep them away because they know exactly what they do to others. No excuses.
I have learned so much from Lee and this channel about narcissistic traits. Immediately after our break up, my ex-narc of 6 months, who was my first love as a teen, (we’re now in our 50s) said he wanted us to be friends. I told him I don’t want to be your friend and that I’m good on the friends I have. 😊 He kept calling every day until the “no contact contract” was put in place, if I don’t call you, then you don’t call me. He still tries to do ALL the things Lee said he would. Emotionally he’s still a teen and I KNOW I dodged a bullet. Thank you God! ❤
The worse mistake I have made in my 63 yrs. Old of my life. Wasting 26 of them with her. And probably one of the worst life stories I'll ever hear in my remaining years. Only if I would have known the meaning of what a narcissist is 😢 Hell!
I gave my friend a 2000 th chance after not talking for 3 years. When that didnt work out he told me to give him another chance and he realizes he didnt appreciate the friendship. I realized exactly what the game was and that it will never get any better.
Leaving a relationship with a narcissist is like peeling back the layers of an onion. 🧅 Little by little you realize all the different ways you were abused. More and more things start to unfold and you see more clearly the many ways they manipulated and took advantage of you. As time goes on, you realize the abuse was so much worse than you thought 💔
I was “dating” a narcissist pretty recently. Spot on classic example. She kept it strictly business with her. Telling me exactly what I wanted to hear just to keep me around for her own benefit. I ALWAYS PAID when we went places. And of course she pretended like it upset her the first 5-10 times. It was all an act of course. She thought I didn’t notice or care cause she was graciously giving me her time. I’ll never forget we went out for my birthday. She knew it was my birthday for what a month? She couldn’t be a halfway decent human and save 5-10 bucks a week to treat me. No. She actually let me PAY FOR MY BIRTHDAY DINNER. What kind of psychopath does that? You don’t sit by and just accept the gesture. No. You stand up and say “there is no way you’re paying, it’s your birthday” The bill was like 60 bucks. She swore up and down to herself she “had me” Until I switched up my schedule at work so I wouldn’t see her since she worked the night shift, I HATE MORNINGS, but switched it to never see her again. I cut all communication with her overnight. I’m sure she wasn’t expecting that, and I’m sure she tries to forget I got the last laugh when I treated her like a bad dream. Just forget she ever existed
My ex tried to pull a “store and recycle” on me. I’ll never forget how shocked she sounded when she said “You don’t sound like you care at all” when I accepted the breakup
I ended things after New Years 2024. For a little over a year, this man would argue with me every weekend. I also happen to be his neighbor and got involved with him...stupid! But, it's done and I told him we couldn't even be friends because he would abuse our friendship as well as me. No thanks, cannot let my peace go for NOTHING
Me too!! The rest of the week would be ok...not great but ok but once the weekend hit, he blamed and hated me. It was such an exhausting 5 months. So glad it's over 🙏
😂 that floss is like the relationships. Hard to break at first, but eventually the relationship becomes less durable and breaks.
😂 good one 😆
😂
Thats a good one 😂
Yes they make look innocent but that how they keep you stuck.
@@VioFax Another great analogy!
I told my ex when he told me he wanted me to still be his friend, I told him my friends don't hurt me. We can't be friends.
Deep...
Yeah! SEND IT!
I told him my friends hate him for what he did - if he doesn’t also hate himself for what he did then he’s not my friend.
@@ThimbleFox350 He might tell you he hates himself, but always remember how that person treated you not their words.
@@MegaRose1958 Ah no he just smirked about it in an evil little way and said "Well I'm not hitler". Don't worry I've been no contact for about a year now.
Yes! It’s about control and access. There’s no way I want to be friends with someone that treated me horribly. I went no contact with my ex-husband and didn’t fall for the hoovering attempts.
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That exactly what I said to hin..as if...
Do you have kids together?
@@Ani-yz8mk we do not. But he has a child from a previous relationship that I had a bond with and that was hard to leave him too.
@@Ani-yz8mk I have kids with my narcissistic ex. And she tries to trample on my boundaries all the time and I have to put her in her place.
He still wanted to be friends as ‘he still likes me as a person’, after putting me through emotional hell, I was like no thank you.. he’s 45 as well, but has an emotional maturity of a toddler
Toddler is the word
So true. No emotional maturity
He'll stilk be like if he lives to be 100.
Someday they'll get to the bottom of how these people are stuck with baby brain cells and how to help them develop. I bet technologically and psychologically we know how to do it or soon will 😊
People with autism and Asperger's have certain parts of their brain that are stuck with baby brain cells based on curiosity and wonder, learning and other things from the infant and toddler stage! So it's easy to extrapolate that if that's cerebral for ASD, then what would it look like if it was in the emotional centers instead of the learning information centers?
I believe it would look like cluster B disorders.
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They want continued ACCESS to you, and all the "continued" benefits of being treated as a GIRLFRIEND-in-a-relationship(despite NEVER being unable to commit). Basically, they want you as a SIDE-PIECE for life.
Facts
I used to call it being 2nd to everything in HIS life
Will they b able to b friends minus the control, because lm single now , and l want to date other men, , and if they can't take it , we can't b friends, lve moved on., Because they will c who The c , and l will too , can they accept that.
Yep
You nailed it! 💯
Let’s all agree that all of our narcissistic exes are somewhere being entertained by another person who soon will be here on lees channel telling us their story. Y’all stay safe out there 🫡
Facts! 😂😂😂😂
Snapple facts 🤑
Lol right
Frfr
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but I’m ready for a break! Find someone else to drive crazy!
They hate, when you create boundaries.
Yup yup! They get defensive FAST😂😂tells me all I need to know
Yeah like a ten Yr old stamping their feet.
facts. neighbor still can't figure out what "get off and stay off stay off my property means" 🙄 they all dumb as hell and don't respect you or your boundaries
They know what they want. They aren’t trying to figure out anything. They have already discarded you and want to use your kindness. And the gag is that they will talk about you like a dog to their new supply while telling you how amazing you are!
The gag is they talk about everyone bad behind their backs. ...
That's exactly what happened to me
@@IsabellaPiesch I remember mi ex-bf (narcissist) talking sh*t about his BEST FRIEND like she was the worst person. And I remember telling him "someone who doesn't know this friend of you would probably think she's the worst person in the world"
ooo!!!! this one was painful to read. glad i haven't heard from dude!!! but i do hate the thought that he might be talking about me like a dog! i'll get over it!!!!
@@ItsSoarTime I was utterly SHOCKED by the things that he said about me. Lolol. All complete lies. I was so hurt and disgusted. None of the lies were true. I’m a good person and thought that he saw that in me. Narcs are absolutely vicious.
They always want to be “friends” just to monitor you, “pick your brain” & syphon your energy any other ways they can think of, when they see fit….
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YEAP
And if you're really attractive, they want to use you to make other people jealous that they were with you. It elevates their status. I notice that a lot with narcissistic men and the haram of women they like to have around them.
Exactly!
I SOOOOO relate to you saying that they want to pick your brain and siphon your energy. Why does every conversation start off with them saying “let me ask you a question” or “what do think about” or “I’m curious”. They don’t want a conversation they want an audience.
No we canNOT be friends. Block✌🏽
🏃🏼♂️
😂 pretty much
Spot on.
I can't hang .I always hold on to everyone. 😢 I wanna know what happened to the people later on in life. I keep tabs on people. Lol
Yeap. Blocked
Yes, the crazy part is....just like they want to be friends with you and still "clap cheeks" with you....its the same dynamic with their exes or flings while claiming they were just friends with them....
You find out real quick that their definition of "friend" and "platonic" includes people they fuck.
This. So much this!!!
Yup learned that when he beteayed me.
If I couldn’t trust him as my husband, then I’m damn certain I can’t trust him under any other title. He can go play in traffic.
Thus is a healthy way to put things if they can't be a friend to you in marriage when love and support are suppose to be happening then what kind of friend will they be after the responsibilities of marriage goes awzy❤
💥🔥💥🔥🤣🤣🤣💯💯
💀
Well said, I hope there's a severe police chase that day....
GIRL! 💪🏾 we WERE friends working towards a relationship. What next step is there?!!!! Not friends cuz we were more than but still friends...so not doing it again. I ain't stupid.
Just in case they NEED you... But you better NOT need THEM. They're only available on their terms.
🇦🇨❤👍👍👍💯❤🇦🇨
hahahaha - mine what’s to be friends.. so he can be here if i need anything 😂
you can’t make this stuff up !!! So delusional
Being available on your own terms is a good thing
They are really scared of being alone because they know they don’t have anybody else especially if you were good to them. This is what I’m going through right now 😭.
I know what you’re saying, cause my ex husband was that person. After all the things he did ‘he still wanted me in his life .
@@drossaadneij Yeah it’s hard to grasp but it’s because we tolerated their bs and they know nobody else will tolerate it. Mine is tryna show me that he can change and I told him that I need to heal and don’t want to be in a relationship.
Sm
um-huh!
Yes because they alienate their families to the point that their families don't want anything to do with them and if their family does deal with them it's because they are narcs as well it's a sad twist
I don't want to be friends with my narcissist. He did this song and dance with me for over 7 years. The first person I've ever loved was this narcissist who emotionally abused me and strung me along the whole time. It didn't stop until I went No Contact. I cannot believe how much better my life is without a narcissist tormenting my soul distracting me from my own priorities and goals and interrupting my piece of mind. I don't want to be friends with a narcissist. Hard no.
This!
Sorry.
SAME💯
Don't let them in your head space rent free.
Amen
Absolute NO CONTACT. They don't respect anyone!
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You can not be friends with a narrissist my ex narrissist wanted to still keep contact after treating me like Garbage you can not be friends with a narrissist 💯
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Very true
What he do afterwards?
Nooooo! 100% no contact. All they want is to feel they still have control
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He discarded me then tried to bully me into remaining "friends"... 1 year, 8 months free and HAPPY, my people!
yessss!
OMG I am going through this right now 😢
@@aminachanae I'm so sorry... If you can, get as far away from him as possible because the further away from him you are, the stronger you get. I gained so much clarity and focus without him in my ear poisoning and polluting my mind... Life gets sooo much better when you're away from those kinds of entities.
💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💛
That’s so cool you’re out. I’m 2 months so far…. I need your strength
I thought my ex husband was a great guy because he was still friends with his exes....I realize now they were supply. We are not friends I blocked him from my life.
My narcissistic female best friend used to say EXACTLY the same thing. Took me years to work out she was a convert narcissist.
Lord totally my husband.
He told me he doesn't want to get married. But he "doesn't like" the fact I want to move on. His response always is "things can change one day" and one day I can be a millionaire 😂😂
Yup...he wanted to friend zone me and I told him to go pound sand. He got married 11 weeks later. Dodged a bullet there.
💯
omg
dang how do you even plan and then actually have a wedding in just 11 weeks
@@cocc_goblinyou don’t … probably had them as a “partner” long before they broke up unfortunately.❤️🩹
Lee you’re right on point with this. I told him no we can’t be friends because you don’t deserve my friendship.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@@MentalHealness And I haven’t talked to him since. Do you think that he will try and reach out to me even though I have a lifetime protective order on him? I don’t have no problem sending him back to jail. 😁
Because narcissist are extremely opportunistic and want to maintain constant supply so when there’s a drought, they can go back in their narc decks and call you up at 3 AM because your “friends “ 🙄
@@carolinelaronda4523 Well I’m glad he can’t call me no more because I changed my number. Now nobody in his throw off family can call me anymore.
It's like saying "now you know who I really am, but I still want supply from you." 😂
ZERO attachments folks! They always milk you dry and leave, well because, it's in their nature.
😅
Exactly 😂
exactly! 😂 And they come back with a line like, "I cant give YOU what YOU want..."
As if you're BENEATH them, and STILL want them, even when you've completely moved forward with your life without them.
The arrogance is just astounding, once you see them for what they truly are.
But isn't staying friends also, or maybe mainly, a proof to themselves (and possibly others) that they haven't treated you that badly after all, and that it's okay? Basically, proof to them that they're not a bad person
I agree!!
Bingo!
This is the comment 👌
@@MaKhambule I would also add that it's narrative control - once you agree to being friends, you accept the conventional expectations - and you're not expected to "badmouth" your "friends", are you? hence, you're effecively being gagged
The response I've been looking for👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
Friends? Nah he just wanted to control the narrative
😰
I think a lot of people stick around because of the carrot the narcissist will dangle. Moments of lucidity where they appear to understand every grievance and say the right things. However, these moments are short lived, and the reset always happens. Whether intentional or not, narcissists put themselves on a treadmill, and to be in their life means you too must run an endless race.
😫
Well said
Yesss..mine understood every grievance when I was in his face because I'm his body type....but as soon as I was out of his face, he'd be sooo shitty. Blamed me for his behavior. Threw shit i thought we got past MONTHS ago in my face constantly. No thanks. DEUCES✌🏾✌🏾
The dual-mothership concept comes to mind here… people with deep childhood wounding are subconsciously looking for another parent (like most of us here probably are/were). you’re supposed to show unending interest in them no matter how many tantrums they throw, like their parent was supposed to. they don’t have to reciprocate that interest because deep down they are still that child who never learned to individuate. they need you, and they need you to play your role by absorbing all of their displaced shame and cheering on their accomplishments.
i was codependent up until about 30yo... i always saw myself as the "kid" with my make-believe life during my breakups, even if i was doing the dumping. the other person always seemed more mature, heading off into the future... into their real life. took me a long time to really sit with that, so i can understand someone with npd jumping into something else fast. until you know your *why* - you will behave like an addict.
“supply” could be changed to “supplier.” if you’ve been on the receiving end of narcissistic/toxic abuse, understand that you were the one supplying energy to the relationship more often than not - at least outside of the love bombing. you were the one supplying empathy and interest. you probably have your own healing to do with codependency. we are all operating out of our wounding at some point in our lives, but please recognize that you have something beautiful to offer and your value has not been diminished just because someone else was operating out of their wounding at the time. whether or not you noticed/valued it, you were supplying your patented empathy and interest to the world before this person. give yourself time to rip up the lopsided contract you two signed, shed their quotas and ideas of success, and get back to how you genuinely want to run things.
hopefully in the end everybody can heal. another great video man.
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Very well said 🤗🙏💗
The accuracy! You literally articulated my thoughts
@ericxb Thank you for this Eric 🙏. Beautifully written and received ✨.
@ericxb Beautifully stated🙏🏽
Being friends after a narc break up .. is like them using the back door to finish destroying you .: and let the head games begin 😵💫
😥😥
I laughed so hard when he said that years ago. He said if we didn’t make it , he would wanna be friends.. I said that won’t happen! And I’m not even a bitter person, because i am cordial to a few people in my past. But this is different!! He won’t have that privilege! Nope!
Yes.
My major Alpha-narc broke it off with me after I had requested he listen to me.
But then, he asked if we could stay in touch “ so that he could run ideas by me”
By this time, I had been schooled by TH-cam anti/narc channels and I said no.
Supply!
protect your peace
@@MentalHealness most definitely
Haha so spot on! I had been trying to communicate throughout the entire relationship. And when he broke it off he's like - well maybe we could still be friends, I still enjoy parts of you as a person LOL. I said I am exactly that - a PERSON and I am not to be stripped down only to my good parts for him to be able to enjoy them and not accept my lows, too. Then he is like - well or we could keep meeting up to talk about what happened in the relationship so we can grow out of it individually for our potential relationships with other people. What the hell! To that I answered that this is what comes in a package as having me as a PARTNER and I had been doing so for xyz months and he didn't seem to be willing to listen. SUDDENLY he wants to? I am not his therapist.
Well, no contact it is. Am really wondering if he is gonna come back around or not. Maybe better if he does not.
I just think it's an ego boost to them knowing you'll still pick up when they call and give them attention. As long as they break it off first they keep the upper hand.
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The beauty of that is that they cannot play the victim card and complain to everyone that you abandoned them unfairly. I'm happy the narc finally discarded me but I think he'll be back.
Yup. Its about that control
You asked what they have to gain apart from sex, it's attention and validation. Some narcissists pull huge energy just from talking to/flirting with someone they're attracted to or an ex (technically even people they're not attracted to, even. Getting attention often makes them attracted to people they usually wouldn't be.) The person who is with the narcissist will notice the surge in the narcs energy and know that they weren't the one to supply it and that's when our gut starts telling us they have someone else.
You essentially teach people how to treat you.
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Yep...he tried that...and I told him that he wasn't even a good friend..so nope!
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My ex wanted me to be a cheerleader on the sideline of his new life.
Same
They doooooo!!! 😂
Once I break up with someone, that's it. I don't want to be friends. I don't want to talk anymore. I'm done. Everything you said I agree with. I've always thought if an ex wants to be friends, they wanted to be a part of your life in some way. Access denied!
Yes me too
Yeah they want to be part of your life so you can see them parade their new partner in your face to make you feel bad. They will purposefully do things that they wouldn’t dare do with you for insecurities or being who they are. Luckily as a Super Empath I know how to out narcissist the the narc and that’s by acting like we’re still friends and being there for them… then out of nowhere ghost! They go crazy, they can feel the genuine abandonment and idc they never cared how I would feel about them moving on to someone else out of nowhere. Oh well you reap what you sow!
so true... my ex says "you're so cold you won't even let me touch you or hug you." nope... if it's not about the kid doesn't need to be discussed
💪🏽💪🏽 stay safe
Man, this hit my timeline at just the right time!!!! I needed to hear this today because my ex wants to be my bestie all of a sudden. Probably because he knows i have a new man. He dumped the girl he was cheating on me for 3 years with and suddenly is “single” wanting to be best friends. 😂
😅😅
Girl, RUN!!!
Do not give in. Stay strong.
Completely true while stringing you along as they get what they want while you starve to death.
😟😟
Yes!!!!!
I just wanted a date...couldn't even get that. He did do my suggestion of making me dinner while his 7 year old son was sleeping in his room...2 different days back to back months later and said this was my date.😂😭
💯 FACTS after 8 years of narcissistic abuse .I went NO CONTACT and ignored all hoovers, and my life got 100 times better!!
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Yeah, what it means is that they want you to be at their "Beck and Call" whenever they want.
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Broke it off with this guy told him I dont give girlfriend benefits and being called a friend he was beyond mad 😅
🤭🤭
It’s the benefit of bugging you whenever forever ….
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Exactly. It is a red flag for me, when I meet either a man or woman, who lists all of their X's as dear friends, and boasts that they retain extremely close relationships with them. This either comes to the forefront immediately, if it is clear that I am not interested, or appears after love bombing. The NPD wants to maintain a harem, if at all possible. One NPD described it to me as; "People like to compete." I'd rather be single than in a harem.
❤❤❤
Huge 🚩. I came across that and he was upset that I wanted to cut all ties instead of being an option 😕 Huh??🤨 yea.. thanks but no thanks. Then he tried to convince me that I was just bitter because all of his ex’s dating back from high school were still his friends after breaking up. 😂 as if that made my decision any harder!! LMFAOOO. My exes be my exes , and my friend’s are not past lovers. So weird is that to collect exes. You won’t be bringing all of that unhealthy energy to disrupt mines.
Narcissists want the supply you give them. You are like their oxygen. They actually need the power and control they get from you to survive. They don't care that you will be their scapegoat.
😮
Stbx said he wanted to stay friends. We were never friends- friends do not treat people the way he treated me. When I told him there were billions of people who I would choose to be friends with before him.
I said something similar. I was like I didn't go into this looking for friends. We got together and planned to build a life together and she bailed. She was horrible to me. Destroyed the relationship and never treated me like a friend either so why would we be friends? What's infuriating is seeing how she treats the next guy like gold. I guess she saw me as a low value man and because this bum is rich, he's a high value man so he deserves to be treated great. I came across a card he wrote her saying he can't believe how great she is and she's almost too good to be true. This is proof that they can control their outbursts and how they treated us.
@@OLegendStudios;
𝑶𝒉, 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 ..... 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒍𝒚'𝒔 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑶𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑵𝒂𝒓𝒄 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝒕𝒉𝒆 "𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆" ...... 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹𝒀 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝑩𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏'𝒔.
𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑵𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝑰𝑺 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 "𝑶𝒘𝒏" 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒎𝒚. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒚𝒄𝒍𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 "𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔" 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆 ..... 𝑩𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑻𝑯𝑬𝒀 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒐𝒏 𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒐𝒓. 𝑰𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒓'𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔! 𝑨𝒏𝒅 "𝒉𝒐𝒘" 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒙 𝒊𝒕.
@@OLegendStudiosIf your ex is a narcissist, what you say is her “treating him like gold” is actually the love bombing phase. One day her mask will slip and she’ll treat him exactly how she treated you.
He wasn’t a good boyfriend (maybe only like 5-10% of the time) so why does he think I would want to be his friend?! 😂😂😂
😆
They cling to you like barnacles! Sitting for this! 🙌🏿🙌🏿💜
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Yeah, he said that he wanted to be friends after the discard. I dropped off the kids, said NO and drove off. No going backwards, I have a great life ahead and so do you.
How are your kids taking the breakup?
Get this guys. He started messing around with his new tattoo gun, for about 6 months. He used himself as a canvas. He BEGGED to do one on me. I wouldn't let him. I was finally straight up with him and told him "No! We are divorcing and I don't want to have ANYTHING on my body that makes me think of you". He was shocked that I just said exactly why he wanted to put one on me. He finally left me alone about it. Thank God! I wasn't a fool and let him. That would've messed not only my body up, but my mind as well.
💪🏽🙌🏾
If a man asks me to be his friend, I say “Sure, I’ll call you if I need a ride to the airport” or, for those I’ve been involved with at a more intimate or relationship level, “I don’t think so because you haven’t really been a friend to me. I hope the way you treat me isn’t how you treat your friends, or, my friends don’t treat me the way you did” something along those lines - - they don’t like that answer.
Yep, my child's father is a toxic person who wanted me to stay friends with benefits but I drew the line. His other ex remains available to him and he still isn't satisfied. He wants my attention, too! "Never gonna get it!"
Placeholder:
I could see myself holding down a PLACE on his SHELF for the “ girlfriend “ trophy!
No relationship required!
“ Holding area”, yup.
💪🏽💪🏽
Or they give you bs excuses like " you deserve better" like they doing you a favour by letting you go. Cowards
Yes exactly what my ex is trying to do. I've ignored I've blocked. Yet he still turns up doing a 200mile round trip. Saying he wants to "check on me" and wants to be "friends" he "needs" me. Doesn't matter he married his lastest victim. Good luck to her. Don't want to be friends or have anything to do with him. Turned up just before Xmas with a card. It's tiring
He is on point . My x did this . He was trying to be friends with but his phone was full of girls numbers and when I saw the messages he was playing mind games with one of them and she was saying "why did you stop talking to me all of sudden". So I realized he was playing games. So I put my foot down with him. I told him im not your friend and I will never be.
It’s all about supply and using you to get what they need out of you and then set you on the curb until you are needed again. I tried to be civil with him for a year and was actually waiting for an apology I will never ever get in my living life. The fact he wasted my time and have no remorse makes me sick. Then again I am at fault and should’ve known better too. I owe myself the biggest apology and am still learning to forgive myself for it. This session is on point though, he is dating and still wants to “see me” and I finally said “why???” Ghost those damaging chumps, I finally did. Like hell if I am going to be used just because his raunchy life style doesn’t work out for him. Not my problem! We all deserve better guys!! I am more friends with my daughters father and that is rare now a days. That says something right there.
He abandoned me in the middle of the night & ran awat while i was sleeping...
...but he wanted to still be friends. HA
My ex told me he wasn't physically attracted to me, but still wanted to be friends..... he has ZERO friends.... I wasn't going to give him 1.... I wanted him to remain friendless....no one should have to put up with him.
They always trot out an ex to triangulate with you with. He called me into his office and asked for sex on demand, right the and there. I was shocked. " He said I don't like to do all that stuff ( dating, foreplay, going out to dinner". So I laughed and left. I said " Good luck with that".
YEEEESSSS! You are so right about the "friends" maneuver in every aspect. My narcissistic ex-bf's last text showed me more of his manipulative and controlling behavior. He asked if we could be friends after I asked him not to contact me ever again. He went on to say, he saw no harm in that but maybe I do. He will never get an answer from me on that or anything. He can answer that for himself...He is no "friend" of mine. He knows I see him clearly for who he is. He knows that. Like I told him, he doesn't get it or me. Friends like him, I don't need enemies. I am GOOD!!☺️
I got that question and clearly said no. I said no because I don´t want a husband nor a friend who cheats on people. (And confabulates stories). So no thank you. I was used long enough - now I focus on my kids and myself (I have enough to do!).
Exactly! Same here
Learned this the hard way several times. They don’t want my friendship, they just want the narcissistic supply they know I can give them but with terms that they control and without the commitment of being my partner/friend. It’s all part of their tactic to retain as much of the supply we give them without truly caring about us in return. When you talked about how they want to call and talk about themselves for hours but when we reciprocate they quick end the call, been there done that too many times.
Yep, mine kept me as his backup friends with benefits on & off for several years. This last time he broke off all connection with me for his now toxic girlfriend or whatever she is! He gave up everything with me and cut me off so he could be with her even though he said we were "best friends " we have been in no contact for 3 years now but last July he stopped by my house cause he and his gf were split up and having difficulties so he came crying to me literally crying about it and telling me he was done with her but yet they are together once again after multiple break ups! They are both toxic but she can have him, he better just hope he doesn't come by ever again! They deserve each other and youre right, I was never his friend all a big lie!
My ex wanted to be friends and I said u cheated,left,and treated me bad and u think I can be friends or trust a person like u that did that to me and I told him don’t call me at all for nothing u wanted me out of your life I’m out period
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I told him i dont sleep with my friends and my friends are respectful.
I got the "sincerely hope we can be friends" line 💩. After 2 years of lies, manipulation and psychological abuse ending with a completely terrifying black eyed rage for some unknown offense. I went no contact and blocked him. There's no room for toxic people who have no genuine love or empathy to give in my life.
There is no way in Hell that I would be friends with my narcissistic ex. partners. As soon as I get out of their life I immediately go no contact with them. The End. For me they're dead. I'm not a toy that they can play with whenever they please.
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I need to be able to trust that my friends are truthful and actually treat me as a friend.
I don't want or need fake.
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I reminded him he told me when we were married that he said we couldn’t be friends. And I am sticking with that.
Go no contact & move forward & do not look back. Narcissists do not change. It’ll be dejavu over & over again.
Always say no - say I have a lot going on -too much blood under the bridge . I will pray for your in all ways spiritually physically and especially mentally and emotionally I hope you find peace and have the heart to give peace and mercy to someone else as I’ve done for you in spite of your self . Be Well . 3:16 asking to be friends is him wanting to monitor you your success your happiness because he will never stop being jealous he’s relentless
So true!!!! they want you to be their friend they are not your friend and will never be your friend!!! They do want you to be a place holder!!! lol I just told someone that exact thing. I got out and now I’m trying to help everyone I know get out.
I actually felt like a 'friend with benefits' whilst I was still in a relationship with the narcissist - it was hell and soooooo weird - unlike any relationship or any girl I have been with. Like dating an alien or a demon.
Once again, I’m shocked to find how similar the things my ex told me are to other stories.
I heard all the time
“If we broke up, could we still be friends?”
“If we broke up, could we still ****?”
“If we broke up, could we cuddle?”
“If we broke up, could you stay over at night so we can still sleep in the same bed?”
Etc etc. 😒 so many times I had to look at him like WTF? Of course we wouldn’t do any of that if we split up after a 7 year long relationship + kid. That’s just toxic and unhealthy for all involved. He’d get so offended that I would dare to even look upset 🙄🙄
Aka they show you that they don't wanna be there in your life by betraying and hurting you and they walked out,
SHUT THE DOOR, LOCK IT AND MOVE OUT , when they come back and they always will -
Let them knock, cry and wait at an closed door to an empty house you already left years ago.
NO ACCESS NO CONTROL
DONT ALLOW this person to do what they want to you, let me live with the regret that they fumbled a real bag!!
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My narcissist is my "friend" what really strikes me is that he will get mad at me for little things, and then later will pretend that everything is great. I always found it odd that i can piss him off so much, but yet he doesn't want to end the "friendship"
Saaaaame!!!
No you can't stay friends. Move on. Listen to Lee. I have been listening to him and watching his videos for awhile now. Do not stay. I have listened to many narcissist coaches. He is the real thing. You can't learn from someone that hasn't experienced it. He is a narcissist trying to help people that are suffering. Please listen to him. Get his self love devotion book. He knows.
Οf course they dont want to be friends. Friends means real feelings, care, interest, etc. Access is the best way I ‘ve seen it being described. It will always be on their own terms only, so it is control by default. Some experts, therapists etc. usually talk about the supply, fuel, manipulation, but tend to forget the initial condition for those, which is, of course, access. It all starts with that. Everything in the video is spot on. The dynamic is exactly that one described.
No friends, blocking and living my life! 🌴💎🧬❤️🙏
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My moto is: You/He didn't want me while I was there, and I don't want him since we are apart!
Game Over!!!!
Yep. Been there done that. Even though I didn't realize what was happening at first I eventually got it. It's a horrible feeling to be placed on hold. It took a lot of prayer to overcome it but with God's help I did. All I got to say is you reap what you sow.
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This is all so telling! I cannot believe I was about to enter into a relationship with someone who has these tendencies. I'm not going to call him a narc since I am no Dr to diagnose but the math is mathing. I remember our initial conversation was about growth and being ok with therapy. But in an incident where he showed some insecurity and controlling characteristics, when I called him out and suggested it, he said he could heal himself. All during the time I was involved with him, he did say that he still remains friends with his exs, one in which he says is a toxic ex. When I asked him why he allows someone who was toxic to still have access to him, he had no answer. It makes sense that he wants the access to them!!! When I broke things off, he definitely asked me if we could still be friends. I declined and didn't want to be a part of his options. I have been no contact with him since the NY.
Good job, start your New Year off right,🎊🥳💃💃 stay the course moving forward, hope you cut off all excess in communications, because they never stop trying no matter what, birthdays and holidays are always their go to tactic beware, my advice change number.
@@ladye1777 yes thank you. Good thing about him is that e doesn't do social media and he is horrible with remembering important dates. He is totally blocked from communicating with me and from me feeling the need to communicate with him. I'm not going to front, I did contribute to his games and feel that we could be friends after breaking it off. I was still responding to him even after I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Once I took responsibility, I definitely feel free by enforcing the boundary.
They want people to think that being friends with their ex means they are a good person. My ex wanted to be friends while using me as a door mat and using me to help him, no reciprocation. He would tell anyone and everyone that I was his ex. But he couldn’t help bread crumbing me into thinking that one day we might be together again.
It was all a lie just to keep me stuck and get attention supply from me. I cut him off and within no time he was off to the Phillipines and everyone knows why a 61 year old man goes to these places. He came back and had the nerve to try and pull me back into his vortex but I have refused and he has now gone back to Phillipines.
28 years and 2 children I was with this man and all I am to him is an option. I think that’s what hurts the most the cruel callous way he used me not caring once about my feelings as long as he was getting what he needed🥺
Thank you. I dealt exactly with this. She is a complete narcissist. I learnt how to identify them now. Appreciate your honesty. Peace.
you’re welcome
Mine just said we can hang out and go slow to see if we can get back together. I was like.. so you mean if I am perfect in your eyes and fit in your perfect little box I have a chance? It’s been 6 years bud, you know who I am. No thanks. Bu bay
I was dumb enough to say I was ok w being friends down the road, and never heard from him again, which I am happy for. I have a sense of calm coming back without all the mind games and inconsistencies stressing me out !
it happens
The floss represents the narc, you trying to let go but they don’t let you!!🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Mr Lee be on point with the church! Thanks for the confirmation. I had to tell him to stop saying we friends. I WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS W/ SOMEONE I LEFT. That’s so weird & gross to think I want to be in his life at all. Now I know what he was doing when we were together & I’m grossed out. Trying to benefit & control others when and giving them places and space instead of focusing fully on building with me. I’m just grossed out by him. Every time he tries to reach out it’s embarrassing that I ever had anything with him. I asked him to give me space & he just keeps annoying me. I’m so trying not to block him cuz I know how ugly it could get but dang. He makes me wish I never let him cross one line. I’ll never be his friend. I dont even want to see him.
Yes, what the heck is this about??? They destroy your life then want to stay friends with you. Messed up for sure!!
Watching this 1 video, after watching many on narcissistic abuse, the fact that you are a narcissist telling us these facts helps me to continue to stand 10 toes down on anything I have said or done to keep them away because they know exactly what they do to others. No excuses.
I have learned so much from Lee and this channel about narcissistic traits. Immediately after our break up, my ex-narc of 6 months, who was my first love as a teen, (we’re now in our 50s) said he wanted us to be friends. I told him I don’t want to be your friend and that I’m good on the friends I have. 😊 He kept calling every day until the “no contact contract” was put in place, if I don’t call you, then you don’t call me. He still tries to do ALL the things Lee said he would. Emotionally he’s still a teen and I KNOW I dodged a bullet. Thank you God! ❤
The worse mistake I have made in my 63 yrs. Old of my life.
Wasting 26 of them with her.
And probably one of the worst life stories I'll ever hear in my remaining years.
Only if I would have known the meaning of what a narcissist is 😢
Hell!
I gave my friend a 2000 th chance after not talking for 3 years. When that didnt work out he told me to give him another chance and he realizes he didnt appreciate the friendship. I realized exactly what the game was and that it will never get any better.
Leaving a relationship with a narcissist is like peeling back the layers of an onion. 🧅
Little by little you realize all the different ways you were abused. More and more things start to unfold and you see more clearly the many ways they manipulated and took advantage of you.
As time goes on, you realize the abuse was so much worse than you thought 💔
Indeed
Literally JUST experienced this a few days ago… Talk about timing! ✨
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I was “dating” a narcissist pretty recently. Spot on classic example. She kept it strictly business with her. Telling me exactly what I wanted to hear just to keep me around for her own benefit. I ALWAYS PAID when we went places. And of course she pretended like it upset her the first 5-10 times. It was all an act of course. She thought I didn’t notice or care cause she was graciously giving me her time. I’ll never forget we went out for my birthday. She knew it was my birthday for what a month? She couldn’t be a halfway decent human and save 5-10 bucks a week to treat me. No. She actually let me PAY FOR MY BIRTHDAY DINNER. What kind of psychopath does that? You don’t sit by and just accept the gesture. No. You stand up and say “there is no way you’re paying, it’s your birthday”
The bill was like 60 bucks. She swore up and down to herself she “had me”
Until I switched up my schedule at work so I wouldn’t see her since she worked the night shift, I HATE MORNINGS, but switched it to never see her again. I cut all communication with her overnight. I’m sure she wasn’t expecting that, and I’m sure she tries to forget I got the last laugh when I treated her like a bad dream. Just forget she ever existed
Narcissist instead of leaving you alone to thrive they'll still be stalking you that's why they want you to be your friend
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My ex tried to pull a “store and recycle” on me. I’ll never forget how shocked she sounded when she said “You don’t sound like you care at all” when I accepted the breakup
I ended things after New Years 2024. For a little over a year, this man would argue with me every weekend. I also happen to be his neighbor and got involved with him...stupid! But, it's done and I told him we couldn't even be friends because he would abuse our friendship as well as me. No thanks, cannot let my peace go for NOTHING
Me too!! The rest of the week would be ok...not great but ok but once the weekend hit, he blamed and hated me. It was such an exhausting 5 months. So glad it's over 🙏
No way you can be friends with someone who treated you horribly. Get thee behind me Satan is my answer if my ex narc wants to stay friends