Hey guys, hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts! If you’d like to see if our program would be a good fit for you & what you NEED, be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited). At the end of this masterclass, we will provide you instructions on how to apply for the program, and we will be able to honestly inform you if the program would be a good fit for you, or not! Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! → urlgeni.us/MCEP157DS Download the FREE GUIDE! → relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! th-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
I had that old mindset as well. My wife went cold and indifferent. Now separated. Working on my internal shifts and frameworks in hopes of reconciliation some day, but if not, I will be better first for myself, my kids, and the next relationship I get into. Thanks Geoffrey.
Keep it going and let us know how we can help. Like I said to another commenter here - be sure to master the right WHAT with the right HOW. Amateurs master something until they can get it right, pros master something until they cannot get it wrong!
Well put together. I actually had this hope/disappointment conversation with women who went through a similar scenario as my wife. They were very interested in your program once the conversation took to relatable topics. So I can at least attest for a dozen women (more than that honestly) who approve of these teachings (kudos to you brother). So for me...truly seeing resistance, not just from my wife but all people, as opportunities has really allowed for a thriving mindset. I spoke to her about a very painful topic the other day and she genuinely thanked me for speaking about it with her. There is more there but I hadn't seen her real fucking smile in so long that just...damn dude it took me by suprise even though I could tell she wanted to cry. I have work to do. Looking forward to the Frameworks series, thanks G.
Resistance is most definitely an opportunity to create MASSIVE safety with your partner. Glad to read that you're FEELING the difference in adopting a thriving mindset. Always happy to help, my man :)
Spot on Geoffrey, you are THE GOAT!!!!!!!!!!! I am working on my anger which caused my wife to want to leave after my last outburst. Hopefully, she will not go, like you sir I had a lot of chances and hopefully, I get one last one to make this right and continue to work on my outburst. Thank you again for this video to continues to give me hope📿🙏
Make sure to check out the internal shift playlist. And remember, amateurs master something until they can get it right, pros master something until they can't get it wrong anymore. You must master the RIGHT things, in the RIGHT ways (Experientially, not just conceptually)
You are most welcome :) Always happy to provide viewers with the best possible free content on relationships! What was the most jaw-dropping realization for you in today's video?
Quite honestly, everything. I really liked the comparison to bring laid off. In my marriage there were skills that I didn't have, and I'm working on all the things you talk about in your videos. @@GeoffreySetiawan
Sad to see how many haters come after you not realizing they are playing victim while typing all that. They can literally stop themselves to think different while formulating their thoughts. Please remember if anyone is being unkind or hateful towards you: it says more about them than it does you. that is some deeply rooted issues they have with themself and they're projecting it onto you. I hate that mentality. I still struggle with victim mentality but been doing better because you said something before that stuck with me. When you think bad, and realize it’s a bad thought no matter the emotion, you can stop it once you realize wait? Why am I mad? Why am I feeling victim? All the sudden you can make that switch by thinking the alternative. I’m only 10 minutes in and I do not want to sound like any of these drama chasers. Lol. Thank you for changing my way of thinking Geoff. I have a long way to go for internal shifts but I always feel like I’m on the right track when watching your videos. Thanks for being a real one bro. 😎👊🏽
Exactly! The worst kind of victim to be is the blind victim. That's exactly why we prize our community with world-class standards; Victims have no more excuse to remain blind when they're exposed to the behavior of true A+ players. I'm always happy to help those who want to help themselves :) Let me know what other massive realizations you come across after finish the video!
Gold as always Geoff! The more I watch your videos the more I realise that the problem was always a lack of safety within myself. This is my main goal, and the more I work on it, the less day to day anxiety I feel in general. I still have moments when certain events or situations with her get me very anxious, but thanks to the Internal Shifts series I now have something to do about this. I look within and try to figure out what about the situation makes me nervous. I can't tell you how many times I have brought myself from the brink of sheer panic these last few weeks because of that alone.
Wow, another outstanding video! I'm only 20 seconds in, and I'm already impressed! Thank you so much, Geoffrey! Your videos keep my hopes alive while I'm working on self-improvement, even though I'm currently away from my potential partner. Please continue creating these amazing videos! I take notes every time I watch them. Thank you immensely, brother! You're truly the best lifestyle coach on this platform! 👍🏾💯
@@GeoffreySetiawan Thank you, brother! I just finished the video, and my main takeaway is this: It saddens me that people's paradigms or worldviews are often so negative. They rarely use an antithesis mindset to reframe their paradigm into a positive interpretation. If bettering myself and being a good partner makes me a 'simp' in society's eyes, then so be it. I'll be a proud 'simp'! When you go against social norms, you often face pushback due to people's victim mindset. I could discuss this all day, Geoffrey! I'm currently in a situation where the potential partner I want to be with needs space due to my mistakes with trust plus me not making her feel safe. However, I'm viewing everything she's doing as opportunities to thrive, just as you've taught me. Some days are tough, and I catch my 'mind virus,' but then I recognize it and shift my perspective. I know I'll be okay. I'm committed to success in all my human endeavors! 👍🏾
@@imagegotbeats"If bettering myself and being a good partner makes me a 'simp' in society's eyes, then so be it. I'll be a proud 'simp'! When you go against social norms, you often face pushback due to people's victim mindset." Absolutely fire realization, my guy. Don't stop your journey in becoming irreplaceable!
@@GeoffreySetiawan of course brother I will continue to work on myself and become irreplaceable. I promise you!! I won’t let you or myself down! I will believe in the slogan that I have for myself “ The Grind & Hustle must continue towards success in any human endeavor.💯
Excellent video. I've been following you since May. The perspectives are clear and valued. I've used many of them within my music tutoring. Implementing them yourself is a harder task but we can all get there. The course looks great and I aim to get on later this year. Best wishes and thank you for all the efforts you and the team put in
Thank you for the kind words :) Being the victim feels easy in the short-term, but creates a harder life in the long-term. Being the hero feels harder in the short-term, but creates an easier life in the long-term. It's a matter of choice. The question is what will we choose? I choose being the hero every single day. Looking forward to seeing you join the program and become an even better hero!
There are so many nuances to these mindset shifts ,What Geoffrey is saying now he has been saying on his TH-cam for years but still everytime I hear the same message I realize something new something I overlooked some way how I was still being a victim some way I was still destroying safety . I have a long long journey and it is my mission to make enough money to get into this program one day and then be one of the guys giving the interviews
Loving the enthusiasm, my man. Looking forward to when you'll be a part of our program and eventually become one of our success stories. The victim mindsets are incredibly subtle, aren't they? As you work on killing them, you will begin uncovering deeper and deeper manifestations of those victim mindsets. It's all a part of that never-ending journey! I will happily keep giving people the best free content possible so that more and more relationships can be saved :)
@@GeoffreySetiawanwhat you are doing and teaching is ahead of our time and just like everyone who has been ahead of their time u are often misunderstood and portrayed in a bad image . Maybe one day in the future what u teach will be societies new norm
@@ahmedshah5922 Don't worry - Legit not bothered by the hate. I actually love them as it helps me come up with better arguments to shut em down, and for people who ACTUALLY want to be helped. It also shows me, like you said, that we are on to something amazing, a "hidden secret" if you will, that allows my men to rise above the "competition". We've seen it work for close to 6,000 active clients in the past 4 years. We are not insecure about "the efficacy" what we teach - no amount of hate can rattle undeniable proof. :) P.S. When I started this business, I knew of the hate I will get, because just as in society - people want what is EASY, and often, what is EASY is NOT what is BEST. But this journey has been more than worth it in all aspects for the 1% of men who care to learn! And that makes this all worth it for us.
Looking forward to learning more about frameworks! Your vids have been so helpful in growing the self and building deep connections with people! I swear I still go over the prison of mind video so much still! Yall do amazing work
Yeheeey! Another video. Will watch it on the way home. Can't wait to learn more from you. Honestly, the more you embrace your flaws and stop thinking that you are a victim, things get to go to the right places. I guess it is true that the first step of growth is to really admit your 100% contribution to the issue.
We are just trying to create a more understanding world. We see so many couples are quick to attack each other and accidentally make their nightmares a self-fulfilling prophecy. We are in dire need of a shift in perspectives, especially with bad ideas proliferating in the web. More couples are as unhappy (and jaded) as ever, and as you can see from some of the comments here, they do not seem to be aware how much damage it is creating, and how those some ways of thinking probably got them into the same pickle! We are on a mission to bring out the highest potential from both parties, and from the happiness and fulfillment that romantic relationships are supposed to give!
I understand what you’re saying, but there’s dual accountability in a relationship and quite honestly, a lot of the time what is happening wrong in one is not your fault other than for the fact that that you poorly vetted your partner. And this isn’t just true for men, but it’s also true for women . I think what you have to say is good advice for somebody who actually has a lot of room to improve to be kind and considerate of others and respect their needs and wants. I think what you’re saying is terrible advice for people who have been giving without receiving remotely, reciprocal respect, and love and have been gaslit and conditioned since the time they were a child often, to believe that everything bad that happens to them is their fault and everything that happens for them is because of the effort of somebody else. All of the arguments you made for the woman, you could easily turn that around and make them for the man. What makes the woman so special? Why is she the only one who has agency and deserves to be treated well in a situation? What if she’s cheating on you, belittling you, degrading you, transmitting STDs to you, she doesn’t work, she doesn’t really take care of the Home, she doesn’t instill, good values and children, she doesn’t take care of you, she doesn’t take care of anything really and just focuses on herself selfishly, she doesn’t really provide any intrinsic value and when you come home, she’s a piece of the problem, not your peace. She’s dishonest and she’s manipulative and she gets into potential legal problems. Are you still gonna sit there and say to these men that have made poor vetting choices and have no self-respect or self-love or self-worth that they are the ones that need to continue blaming themselves? I agree with what you’re saying about the workplace analogy much more, because that’s actually more of a fair environment for judgment because green is ultimately what work cares about. But when it comes to a relationship, you’re talking about just the relationship between you and another person which somebody can manipulate based on their feelings and whims on an idle moment. Just because somebody treats you poorly, that doesn’t always mean that you deserve it. Maybe sometimes you do. But not always. That’s what reflection is for. Just because somebody is crying, that doesn’t mean that you did something to make them cry. Sometimes it does. But often it’s a manipulation tactic as well to assert their own victim status, and to void accountability for themselves. The Internet is such a bizarre place where I see toxic Manosphere advice on one side, and then I see this Simp-city advice that doesn’t even challenge people to try and exist within reality. My personal advice to people to take accountability for everything that you actually can and keep it pushing. You can’t take accountability for other peoples behavior, though. Heck, you can’t even really take accountability for your grown children’s behavior. Ultimately, people are just going to be who they want to be. And it doesn’t always have something to do with you and in fact, it rarely does, and in fact, these people are just caught in their cyclic behaviors that they have established from the time that they were children, and they picked up damage throughout their life, they have not healed from.
If you are easily offended, stop reading here. If I get $4,000 everytime I take on someone who is convinced their partner is evil and etc... And show them that their relationship and their partners actually have a crap ton more potential IF they learn to lead a more positive culture in a relationship that makes it easier for their partner to reciprocate... Oh wait - I don't have to imagine that... Currently, we have enrolled close to 6,000 clients in the past 4 years who think exactly like this... Until we show them what REAL leadership looks like... Until we show them what happens and how much untapped potential gets realized when REAL leadership is present... Then they believe (Feel free to watch the endless proof, and counting, of this in literally every single interview we publish every 2 weeks - a feat that no other coach in the industry can pull off). Our theory has not been proven to be dangerous or ineffective ONCE across nearly 6,000 cases who have actually tried our approach... Every single time a man takes the time to PROPERLY LEAD their relationship by building the 5 pillars, their women blossom into something beautiful. So we're working with a sample size of almost 6,000... How big is your sample size? My job is to speak the truth that has worked for almost 6,000 clients with no exceptions... And what you do is up to you - follow me or not, it's not me who has to deal with those consequences. But again, ask yourself -- If paradigms -> Interpretations -> Feelings -> Actions -> Outcome & repeat (Like I said in the video).... Where has your paradigms & current way of thinking gotten you?
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
I'm currently taking a break to focus on Geofferys Teachings. My ex seems happy with her new partner and has even pointed out what he can do better than me. I realize I failed to support her during tough times like arguements as i always walked away, which pushed her away. Despite her being a loving and caring person, my neediness during the break drove her further into another relationship.
@@cell5066 I understand brother and I wish you all the best my friend!! Just stay focus on Geoffrey teaching and work on yourself!! Everything for you in due time will work out 👍🏾💯 stay positive
I feel you on this bro. Ive had simmiliar experiences, whats hard is i left my relationship because of major arguments . Once separated i only then refelected on my flaus and realized wow thats why she wasnt happy. Sure she definly could also work on herself but i can only control n work on myself. Jeoulsy and neediness has also been a struggle for me. Hope your keeping well and working thru the programe. All the best
She just gave u a golden opportunity by telling you what the other guy does better than you now u have a direct path of improvement, if we look at it from an insecure perspective it would sting but if we look at this from a growth mindset this is a massive opportunity do not let this valuable information go to waste and do not waste the pain either . Best of luck to you my friend
@@ahmedshah5922 Well said, my friend! The fact that she's even talking to him about her new partner is significant in itself. She's likely testing him with this information to see how he'll handle the situation. If he approaches this with a positive mindset and remains consistent, things could change for the better.
Looks like the community has already chimed in with excellent advice. This is your GOLDEN opportunity. Will you double down on creating massive changes despite the outcome? Or, will you crumble and stop creating massive changes because the outcome is taken away from you? Your response will tell your partner EVERYTHING they need to know. Keep working on becoming irreplaceable and the rest takes care of itself :)
@@GeoffreySetiawan I am so looking forward to this! The internal shifts playlist is currently my daily go to because it has such a huge impact and I always think of how you constantly tell us that internal shifts are the key to everything else. What i find most fascinating now is how I can actually catch myself when i am on the misguided interpretations roller coaster and am learning to save myself faster every day. So looking forward to the day when antithetic thinking and positive interpretations are my go to!
I 100% have identified and take responsibility for my issues / what I was doing wrong and I’ve been improving myself daily and still am. However she sadly won’t do the same and she is destroying herself going down a horrible path and it kills me to watch 😢 especially when it’s affecting our kids
Can you expand on what "100% have identified and take responsibility for my issues / what I was doing wrong and I’ve been improving myself daily and still am." Does it involve the 5 pillars? For example, when my wife and I met, we were both very young and immature, obviously. So yes, we were both doing crazy and toxic stuff all the time. But because safety was created, we were able to talk through what the "blockers" were, and came up with mutual next steps and a culture that actually made doing the right things "fun". e.g. For myself, it was me being more responsible financially. I was terrible with money. It was also my lifelong addiction to cigarettes. My wife and I talked a lot about my very scarce upbringing and how checking finances was such a traumatic experience for me. My wife and I talked about my addictions and the blockers for getting out of them. And we figured out a way. e.g. I've expressed this a lot, but for my wife, if was her patriarchal upbringing and feeling un-appreciated as a woman by her family that caused a ton of issues sexually, a ton of shame, etc... This, of course, requires a ton of internal shifts (Cannot have stuff like FAE, tetheredness or allergy to resistance)... And a ton of the mastery of the frameworks to guide and deepen conversations into productive places. And a great ability to build the 5 pillars. Are these the type of "improvements" you speak of?
Can you define for me what is meant by "100% have identified and take responsibility for my issues / what I was doing wrong and I’ve been improving myself daily and still am.". What do these improvements entail? I faced a lot of similar issues myself and have seen these same issues with hundreds of my clients. When my partner and I first met, for example, we were both very young and very immature, and we both did a lot of toxic stuff. But instead of just "hoping" that my partner improved, we proactively used the safety we have created to start deep conversations around the "blockers" to getting out of positive behaviors. For me, it was my destructive money habits, and my intense smoking habit. This was due to a lot of childhood traumas that made me HATE the process of managing my finances, or my inability to deal with stress, which manifested itself in so many crazy ways. For my partner (and I have been transparent on this on my channel), it has been about growing up in a toxic patriarchy that made her very disconnected sexually, disconnected from her feminine side, and which manifested itself in many destructive ways too. But because we have the 5 pillars backed up by the frameworks, and internal shifts that are devoid of things like FAE bias, to allow us to lead DEEP conversations about these "blockers" and to both consider next steps to try to re-program the culture to make the "right" behaviors more fun... We have both come to outgrow a lot of the toxic stuff that we each do. This is the same strategy that many of my clients have used. Feel free to watch any and all of my interviews for their stories on getting goal-alignment. So are these the improvements you speak of? (P.S. I have also made a lot of videos about what the RIGHT kinds of self-improvement are, and why your partner isn't changing despite yours).
Me and my wife have been separated for 6 months. Finally we are able to talk with out arguments or me begging. Am I supposed to be reaching out consistently just asking how her day was or should I be waiting for something to come up like bills kids work.
What you are describing seems close to "Smart Contact" taught by MH. We have made a video about this and gave our thoughts and recommendations on what to do instead. Feel free to check it out.
@@GeoffreySetiawan I listed to that video one or two days ago about smart contact and no contact. So I was curious if I’m supposed to send a normal text like hey how was your day or am I supposed to be approaching it differently
Is it an acceptance for women that they have "chosen wrong"? Or is it true that a lot of them are avoidant, and society has taught them they don't have to put any effort in and men simply have to serve them? If women put more effort in, and communicated more, and stopped just "waiting" for things to be perfect for them, more marriages would last.
I used to think like this and always blamed my wife for not initiating, not putting in effort, and communicating proactively until G taught me the masculine & feminine balance and how they actually work. For the feminine, feelings of love comes as a "surrender", while for men, it is a "thrust". In order for women to "surrender" to romantic feelings, they need to feel the 5 pillars, and especially safety. When you understand things in this way, everything kinda makes sense and you just stop being confused and whining about how "crazy" and "confusing" women are. They are not, we just need to understand how humans work, the same way we want women to understand how men operate and how we are. I'm 2 years into the program, and it is crazy how much my wife's behavior has changed when I just led a different environment with the 5 pillars. My wife has never been more loving, communicative, proactive, and putting in more effort, something I though she was not capable of back then. G has a few videos on intimacy and sex, and a great one on attachment styles since you mentioned it. Check it out. There is another way.
I think this video is fine and all, but this is completely way off base with my situation. I'm kind of really over the whole idea that the average woman is this poor suffering fool who pleads for her husband to just understand her and he's a dull idiot who could care less about it. I'm sure there's men out there that are like this, but this stereotype is kind of hurtful and wrong. Some of us men were the wife you describe in this situation and our wives were the men. Avoidant and emotionally repressive women are becoming way more common than people want to believe and these types of misunderstandings just send men right into the fire without the right tools.
If you are easily offended, stop reading here. I wonder what your wife will say if she was allowed to speak her mind... Would she say she feels like a victim too? So let me get this straight... You're claiming you're the victim... And she is also claiming she is the victim... How does that mathematically/logically make sense? How can both of you be the victim? Doesn't a victim need a perpetrator? UNLESS - This is proof of what I said in this video, about how victims always feel like what they feel is right, and there is nothing one can say or do to prove them otherwise? At some point, what does both of you raising your hands higher and higher and saying louder and louder "I'm the bigger victim" do for either of you exactly?
@@GeoffreySetiawan Easy answer, one of us is claiming to be the victim be revising the entire relationship, and flaw finding to justify either an affair, or something else to get out of the marriage. Just because someone claims to be the victim, doesn't mean they actually ARE a victim. My wife blindsided me and tore my character down when she dumped me, and then ended up telling me she didn't mean it months later but still didn't want to be with me. Mixed signals. They do this to justify breaking up a family. Nobody wants to be the villain in their own story. Women do not take accountability. They have to CONVINCE themselves they are making the right decision WAY before we even find out they are thinking about leaving, and that includes making themselves a victim by making us a villain.
@@jimjam_games5783 "Just because someone claims to be the victim, doesn't mean they actually ARE a victim." Apparently except when YOU say that YOU are a victim, you are 100% right? Cmon now. How convenient.😄😄If I look back 3 years ago, I used to think exactly like you. I was convinced something was wrong with my wife, that she was a narcissist and that I was a victim of her crazy personality and character. She gave zero effort, was convinced she was not committed and all the things you said. That is until I found G and finally learned to see and take accountability for what I did. I realized the many subtle ways I destroyed that safety and the 5 pillars and how I led my wife to be in such self-preserving behavior that ANYONE in her position would be driven insane too. Now, pretty much all her toxic behavior is no longer existent. It is so amazing to watch her blossom into the beautiful woman she is, inside and out, just because we have created the right environment for her to thrive. And I am not alone, if you are in G's program, you literally see evidence of partner's behaviors changing in drastic and positive ways all the time. Be open to another way my guy, there is a better paradigm to lead your life with.
@@jimjam_games5783 "Just because someone claims to be the victim, doesn't mean they actually ARE a victim." Except when YOU say YOU are the victim, that must be 100% correct. Cmon man, how convenient 😆😆 Dude, I used to think exactly like you. I used to be convinced my wife was a narcissist and that there was something wrong with her. Until I found G and realized the many ways I destroyed the 5 pillars and led her to self-preserve in so many ways. What's funny is that 2 years into the program, and after re-establishing the 5 pillars in a lot of ways, I have never seen this side of her that is so loving, so kind, gentle, feminine and just beautiful. It is so amazing to watch her blossom like that. And I am not alone. If you are in G's program, you will literally see evidence of women changing in drastic and positive ways all the time. Be open to another paradigm to live your life my guy, there is a better way.
@@GeoffreySetiawan Who said I was offended? I shared my opinion and that's really it. If you want to project your standard narrative that you use whenever you experience dissenting opinions then that's on you. But as as far as my situation goes, my (ex) wife is a complete POS and what she does or doesn't think about me I could care less about. I just think this idea that if a man just did X, Y, and Z then his woman will just magically connect and let her guard down is delusional and dangerous and perpetuates shame and guilt among men who have experienced legitimate emotional abuse. Your advice is useful in a normal relationship, but some of us weren't married to normal women and the idea that we could have done this or that and it would have turned out differently I find kind of absurd and ridiculous. But you do you, man.
Clearly you have not been through the divorce grinder... it's not about hating women (although they can and do behave badly through the process) The process itself is toxic and adversarial BY DESIGN...! How bad is it? well 15mo in, my youngest 7yo daughter started talking about suic%$e at school... yes.. its that bad... not to mention the financial strain that few people can not get hurt by I don't hate women and still have coffees with some, or even my ex but the lawyers are often toxic... and create hardship for everyone unnecessary... It's z dumpster fire situation that you really don't understand until you experience it...
Saboor here. I did go through "divorce grinder" as you call it. I have first-hand experience with all the pressures that come with lawyers, money, etc. And guess what? I actually moved back in about 6 months ago with Cass. Our relationship is literally 1000x better than it was prior to divorce. My divorce with Cass was incredibly clean/amicable. Practically a non-event when I think about it. So, why was this the case for me? Is it because I'm some sort of statistical anomaly? Got lucky? Had it "easy" somehow? Or, is it because I had the process (from the program) to work with her, my lawyer, and her lawyer to guarantee that the divorce was clean for us both? --- So, what do you think is more likely in your case? Are you creating victim reasons to fail? Make the divorce process incredibly toxic by your own design? Or, are you searching for hero reasons to succeed despite? To ensure that you are designing a very peaceful divorce process?
If you get easily offended, stop reading here. Imagine saying this to your mechanic... "Hey, I know you have the best track record of fixing ruined cars. I also know you have adopted a mindset, lifestyle and process that allow you to keep your cars at MINT conditions... BUT I don't trust what you say, because you HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE RUINED YOUR OWN CAR AND THE HEADACHE THIS WHOLE PROCESS IS OF FIXING IT!" Uh...How does that make sense? Don't you WANT a mechanic who has the right mindset, lifestyle and processes to ensure all the cars they own NEVER get even close to broken? Or do you want a mechanic who cannot even keep their own cars in good condition to fix your car for you? Don't you WANT a mechanic who has the best track record of fixing cars? Or do you want a mechanic who just listens to you complain, but doesn't know how to fix your issue? And like I said in this video, right now, can you name me ONE other coach who are able to launch un-fake-able long form interviews as frequently as us? Just name ONE :) So if you want to actually AVOID divorce, then we are the channel for you... But if you just want to whine, complain and vent about how difficult the process is, there are MANY professionals you can pay hundreds of dollars per hour to listen to you whine, but it's not us!
No one here has a 'victim' mindset so I'm not clear what you're getting uptight about, and no I'm not offended... 1. I don't hate women, in fact I have many women I care for in my life now 2. My life is improving all round, despite losing my new house with ocean views, a redundancy and the mess with the kids mindset... I've started 2 profitable businesses since and sending out 5 figure invoices regularly.. 3. I could care less about your validation... it's irrelevant This vid auto played and I thought, hey maybe this is interesting?, but I sense frustration in your tone just made an honest comment from personal experience.. and not ivory tower thinking... Good luck to you
@@PooferLlama "My divorce with Cass was incredibly clean/amicable. Practically a non-event when I think about it." In other words, you have not been through the divorce grinder that the commentor was pointing out. It's not about playing victim. It's about recognizing reality that lawyers are incentivized to make it advesarial. You guys could do so much better to point out that there are productive ways to deal with the issues of the divorce process without either playing the victim, or getting caught up in the grinder aspect of it, then to dismiss it as nonexistent, or all about being a victim.
@@charinabottae I've been in this country as an Asian for 16 years. To me, racism is non-existent. Does that mean people have not been racist towards me? No - but I just choose to look at a different reality. My clients also learn the same. If you actually watched Saboor's interview, it's not that his divorce process was clean and painless... It was painful... But a painful event can seem not-so-painful, and in fact, like opportunities, if you are open to changing your paradigms about it. Seems like you don't understand what internal shifts are and how they work. If you want to learn, the playlist is there for free... If you do not, up to you!
Had I seen your channel last month I shouldn't pushed my wife further until finally she said we're done last Friday 🥹 everything you pointed out here hits right to the core. I hope I can still win her back 🙏🏽
Hey man. Ive been watching alot of your videos since my girlfriend left me last week. Ive been learning alot about how negative my behavior had been so i thank you for that. We are both long distance in college right now but we met in out hometown at my house yesterday and we had a conversation about the issues we had with communication and mistrust. I asked her for a second chance and she said that she doesnt know if shes willing to give me a second chance. I said that was fine it had only been a week. After she left i texted her saying i was sad but i understand that she needs more time. Her response was that she didnt see us together in the future. Should i give her more time? Should i only text her once a day or even less than that? I have been having long conversations with her where she seems engaged but the next day it seems like she doesnt want to talk. What approach should i take? Im lost at sea right now so any advice would help.
The best advice I can give to you is learn how to create safety with your partner. I have a series on creating the internal shifts(which will help you implicitly create safety) and an upcoming series on the Frameworks (which help you explicitly create safety). Here is my series on the internal shifts: th-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzve8y0JwtzHhTGFGBjjwbbk.html&si=OOYRvV9wGjjSwkQT
I disagree. I’ve paid and worked with both coaches, and can say the Geoffrey is the best in the biz for this. My consultations with coach Craig provided a lot of clarity because he did go into specifics of what to say and do, but to be honest, they did more harm than good for me. It’s almost like he knows how to teach me how to serve and start conversations, but not the principles that allows me to volley back and forth through numerous possible scenarios. This was dangerous and put me in a lot of pickles. Geoffrey does not teach tactics, but he does teach principles. In my experience, the 5 pillars, internals shifts and frameworks he teaches are all you need. Nothing more or less. To be honest, I initially did not get Geoffrey’s content at first because I was looking for someone to just tell me what to say and do. But once you understand the principles behind them, you will realize that it is extremely powerful, and allows you to come up with your own “tactics” that you know will work for your exact situation and future scenarios. Start with these internal shifts dude. When you get your internals straightened, a lot of the “right things to do” becomes very obvious. Your wife is smarter than you think, she ain’t gonna fall for your tactics or words from TH-cam coaches. Like Geoffrey says in the program all the time, you need the right what with the right how and why for whatever you say and do to work. The right what with the wrong how and why is a recipe for disaster.
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Hey guys, hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts!
If you’d like to see if our program would be a good fit for you & what you NEED, be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited).
At the end of this masterclass, we will provide you instructions on how to apply for the program, and we will be able to honestly inform you if the program would be a good fit for you, or not!
Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! → urlgeni.us/MCEP157DS
Download the FREE GUIDE! → relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions
To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! th-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
I had that old mindset as well. My wife went cold and indifferent. Now separated. Working on my internal shifts and frameworks in hopes of reconciliation some day, but if not, I will be better first for myself, my kids, and the next relationship I get into. Thanks Geoffrey.
Keep it going and let us know how we can help. Like I said to another commenter here - be sure to master the right WHAT with the right HOW.
Amateurs master something until they can get it right, pros master something until they cannot get it wrong!
Amazing video Geoffrey!! I want to thank you for the contribution you have on people and the world. Love all of your videos!! Life changing.
Let's keep rising!
Well put together. I actually had this hope/disappointment conversation with women who went through a similar scenario as my wife. They were very interested in your program once the conversation took to relatable topics. So I can at least attest for a dozen women (more than that honestly) who approve of these teachings (kudos to you brother).
So for me...truly seeing resistance, not just from my wife but all people, as opportunities has really allowed for a thriving mindset. I spoke to her about a very painful topic the other day and she genuinely thanked me for speaking about it with her. There is more there but I hadn't seen her real fucking smile in so long that just...damn dude it took me by suprise even though I could tell she wanted to cry. I have work to do.
Looking forward to the Frameworks series, thanks G.
Resistance is most definitely an opportunity to create MASSIVE safety with your partner.
Glad to read that you're FEELING the difference in adopting a thriving mindset.
Always happy to help, my man :)
Spot on Geoffrey, you are THE GOAT!!!!!!!!!!! I am working on my anger which caused my wife to want to leave after my last outburst. Hopefully, she will not go, like you sir I had a lot of chances and hopefully, I get one last one to make this right and continue to work on my outburst. Thank you again for this video to continues to give me hope📿🙏
Make sure to check out the internal shift playlist. And remember, amateurs master something until they can get it right, pros master something until they can't get it wrong anymore. You must master the RIGHT things, in the RIGHT ways (Experientially, not just conceptually)
Thank you for what you do Geoffrey. I devote time every day to watch at least one of your videos
You are most welcome :)
Always happy to provide viewers with the best possible free content on relationships!
What was the most jaw-dropping realization for you in today's video?
Quite honestly, everything. I really liked the comparison to bring laid off.
In my marriage there were skills that I didn't have, and I'm working on all the things you talk about in your videos.
@@GeoffreySetiawan
Sad to see how many haters come after you not realizing they are playing victim while typing all that. They can literally stop themselves to think different while formulating their thoughts.
Please remember if anyone is being unkind or hateful towards you: it says more about them than it does you. that is some deeply rooted issues they have with themself and they're projecting it onto you.
I hate that mentality. I still struggle with victim mentality but been doing better because you said something before that stuck with me. When you think bad, and realize it’s a bad thought no matter the emotion, you can stop it once you realize wait? Why am I mad? Why am I feeling victim? All the sudden you can make that switch by thinking the alternative.
I’m only 10 minutes in and I do not want to sound like any of these drama chasers. Lol. Thank you for changing my way of thinking Geoff. I have a long way to go for internal shifts but I always feel like I’m on the right track when watching your videos. Thanks for being a real one bro. 😎👊🏽
Exactly!
The worst kind of victim to be is the blind victim. That's exactly why we prize our community with world-class standards; Victims have no more excuse to remain blind when they're exposed to the behavior of true A+ players.
I'm always happy to help those who want to help themselves :)
Let me know what other massive realizations you come across after finish the video!
Gold as always Geoff!
The more I watch your videos the more I realise that the problem was always a lack of safety within myself. This is my main goal, and the more I work on it, the less day to day anxiety I feel in general. I still have moments when certain events or situations with her get me very anxious, but thanks to the Internal Shifts series I now have something to do about this. I look within and try to figure out what about the situation makes me nervous. I can't tell you how many times I have brought myself from the brink of sheer panic these last few weeks because of that alone.
Wow, another outstanding video! I'm only 20 seconds in, and I'm already impressed! Thank you so much, Geoffrey! Your videos keep my hopes alive while I'm working on self-improvement, even though I'm currently away from my potential partner. Please continue creating these amazing videos! I take notes every time I watch them. Thank you immensely, brother! You're truly the best lifestyle coach on this platform! 👍🏾💯
Thanks again, my man :)
There are many more videos to come, stay tuned for those. Let me know what you find most eye-opening from today's video!
@@GeoffreySetiawan Thank you, brother! I just finished the video, and my main takeaway is this: It saddens me that people's paradigms or worldviews are often so negative. They rarely use an antithesis mindset to reframe their paradigm into a positive interpretation.
If bettering myself and being a good partner makes me a 'simp' in society's eyes, then so be it. I'll be a proud 'simp'! When you go against social norms, you often face pushback due to people's victim mindset.
I could discuss this all day, Geoffrey! I'm currently in a situation where the potential partner I want to be with needs space due to my mistakes with trust plus me not making her feel safe. However, I'm viewing everything she's doing as opportunities to thrive, just as you've taught me. Some days are tough, and I catch my 'mind virus,' but then I recognize it and shift my perspective.
I know I'll be okay. I'm committed to success in all my human endeavors! 👍🏾
@@imagegotbeats"If bettering myself and being a good partner makes me a 'simp' in society's eyes, then so be it. I'll be a proud 'simp'! When you go against social norms, you often face pushback due to people's victim mindset."
Absolutely fire realization, my guy. Don't stop your journey in becoming irreplaceable!
@@GeoffreySetiawan of course brother I will continue to work on myself and become irreplaceable. I promise you!! I won’t let you or myself down! I will believe in the slogan that I have for myself “ The Grind & Hustle must continue towards success in any human endeavor.💯
Excellent video. I've been following you since May. The perspectives are clear and valued. I've used many of them within my music tutoring. Implementing them yourself is a harder task but we can all get there. The course looks great and I aim to get on later this year.
Best wishes and thank you for all the efforts you and the team put in
Thank you for the kind words :)
Being the victim feels easy in the short-term, but creates a harder life in the long-term.
Being the hero feels harder in the short-term, but creates an easier life in the long-term.
It's a matter of choice. The question is what will we choose? I choose being the hero every single day.
Looking forward to seeing you join the program and become an even better hero!
There are so many nuances to these mindset shifts ,What Geoffrey is saying now he has been saying on his TH-cam for years but still everytime I hear the same message I realize something new something I overlooked some way how I was still being a victim some way I was still destroying safety . I have a long long journey and it is my mission to make enough money to get into this program one day and then be one of the guys giving the interviews
Loving the enthusiasm, my man.
Looking forward to when you'll be a part of our program and eventually become one of our success stories.
The victim mindsets are incredibly subtle, aren't they? As you work on killing them, you will begin uncovering deeper and deeper manifestations of those victim mindsets.
It's all a part of that never-ending journey!
I will happily keep giving people the best free content possible so that more and more relationships can be saved :)
@@GeoffreySetiawanwhat you are doing and teaching is ahead of our time and just like everyone who has been ahead of their time u are often misunderstood and portrayed in a bad image . Maybe one day in the future what u teach will be societies new norm
@@ahmedshah5922 Don't worry - Legit not bothered by the hate.
I actually love them as it helps me come up with better arguments to shut em down, and for people who ACTUALLY want to be helped.
It also shows me, like you said, that we are on to something amazing, a "hidden secret" if you will, that allows my men to rise above the "competition".
We've seen it work for close to 6,000 active clients in the past 4 years.
We are not insecure about "the efficacy" what we teach - no amount of hate can rattle undeniable proof. :)
P.S. When I started this business, I knew of the hate I will get, because just as in society - people want what is EASY, and often, what is EASY is NOT what is BEST.
But this journey has been more than worth it in all aspects for the 1% of men who care to learn! And that makes this all worth it for us.
Looking forward to learning more about frameworks! Your vids have been so helpful in growing the self and building deep connections with people! I swear I still go over the prison of mind video so much still! Yall do amazing work
Yeheeey! Another video. Will watch it on the way home. Can't wait to learn more from you. Honestly, the more you embrace your flaws and stop thinking that you are a victim, things get to go to the right places. I guess it is true that the first step of growth is to really admit your 100% contribution to the issue.
Love to hear it!
After you watch the video, let me know what was most groundbreaking to you!
Dude! I am a woman and I am loving your content! You are helping more than you know ❤
We are just trying to create a more understanding world. We see so many couples are quick to attack each other and accidentally make their nightmares a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We are in dire need of a shift in perspectives, especially with bad ideas proliferating in the web.
More couples are as unhappy (and jaded) as ever, and as you can see from some of the comments here, they do not seem to be aware how much damage it is creating, and how those some ways of thinking probably got them into the same pickle!
We are on a mission to bring out the highest potential from both parties, and from the happiness and fulfillment that romantic relationships are supposed to give!
@@GeoffreySetiawan Just keep doing what you’re doing!
I understand what you’re saying, but there’s dual accountability in a relationship and quite honestly, a lot of the time what is happening wrong in one is not your fault other than for the fact that that you poorly vetted your partner.
And this isn’t just true for men, but it’s also true for women .
I think what you have to say is good advice for somebody who actually has a lot of room to improve to be kind and considerate of others and respect their needs and wants.
I think what you’re saying is terrible advice for people who have been giving without receiving remotely, reciprocal respect, and love and have been gaslit and conditioned since the time they were a child often, to believe that everything bad that happens to them is their fault and everything that happens for them is because of the effort of somebody else.
All of the arguments you made for the woman, you could easily turn that around and make them for the man. What makes the woman so special? Why is she the only one who has agency and deserves to be treated well in a situation?
What if she’s cheating on you, belittling you, degrading you, transmitting STDs to you, she doesn’t work, she doesn’t really take care of the Home, she doesn’t instill, good values and children, she doesn’t take care of you, she doesn’t take care of anything really and just focuses on herself selfishly, she doesn’t really provide any intrinsic value and when you come home, she’s a piece of the problem, not your peace. She’s dishonest and she’s manipulative and she gets into potential legal problems.
Are you still gonna sit there and say to these men that have made poor vetting choices and have no self-respect or self-love or self-worth that they are the ones that need to continue blaming themselves?
I agree with what you’re saying about the workplace analogy much more, because that’s actually more of a fair environment for judgment because green is ultimately what work cares about.
But when it comes to a relationship, you’re talking about just the relationship between you and another person which somebody can manipulate based on their feelings and whims on an idle moment.
Just because somebody treats you poorly, that doesn’t always mean that you deserve it. Maybe sometimes you do. But not always. That’s what reflection is for.
Just because somebody is crying, that doesn’t mean that you did something to make them cry. Sometimes it does. But often it’s a manipulation tactic as well to assert their own victim status, and to void accountability for themselves.
The Internet is such a bizarre place where I see toxic Manosphere advice on one side, and then I see this Simp-city advice that doesn’t even challenge people to try and exist within reality.
My personal advice to people to take accountability for everything that you actually can and keep it pushing. You can’t take accountability for other peoples behavior, though.
Heck, you can’t even really take accountability for your grown children’s behavior. Ultimately, people are just going to be who they want to be. And it doesn’t always have something to do with you and in fact, it rarely does, and in fact, these people are just caught in their cyclic behaviors that they have established from the time that they were children, and they picked up damage throughout their life, they have not healed from.
If you are easily offended, stop reading here.
If I get $4,000 everytime I take on someone who is convinced their partner is evil and etc...
And show them that their relationship and their partners actually have a crap ton more potential IF they learn to lead a more positive culture in a relationship that makes it easier for their partner to reciprocate...
Oh wait - I don't have to imagine that...
Currently, we have enrolled close to 6,000 clients in the past 4 years who think exactly like this...
Until we show them what REAL leadership looks like...
Until we show them what happens and how much untapped potential gets realized when REAL leadership is present...
Then they believe (Feel free to watch the endless proof, and counting, of this in literally every single interview we publish every 2 weeks - a feat that no other coach in the industry can pull off).
Our theory has not been proven to be dangerous or ineffective ONCE across nearly 6,000 cases who have actually tried our approach...
Every single time a man takes the time to PROPERLY LEAD their relationship by building the 5 pillars, their women blossom into something beautiful.
So we're working with a sample size of almost 6,000...
How big is your sample size?
My job is to speak the truth that has worked for almost 6,000 clients with no exceptions...
And what you do is up to you - follow me or not, it's not me who has to deal with those consequences.
But again, ask yourself -- If paradigms -> Interpretations -> Feelings -> Actions -> Outcome & repeat (Like I said in the video)....
Where has your paradigms & current way of thinking gotten you?
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
It's difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let her go I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@@Stevenn411 how?
I'm currently taking a break to focus on Geofferys Teachings. My ex seems happy with her new partner and has even pointed out what he can do better than me. I realize I failed to support her during tough times like arguements as i always walked away, which pushed her away. Despite her being a loving and caring person, my neediness during the break drove her further into another relationship.
@@cell5066 I understand brother and I wish you all the best my friend!! Just stay focus on Geoffrey teaching and work on yourself!! Everything for you in due time will work out 👍🏾💯 stay positive
I feel you on this bro. Ive had simmiliar experiences, whats hard is i left my relationship because of major arguments . Once separated i only then refelected on my flaus and realized wow thats why she wasnt happy. Sure she definly could also work on herself but i can only control n work on myself. Jeoulsy and neediness has also been a struggle for me. Hope your keeping well and working thru the programe. All the best
She just gave u a golden opportunity by telling you what the other guy does better than you now u have a direct path of improvement, if we look at it from an insecure perspective it would sting but if we look at this from a growth mindset this is a massive opportunity do not let this valuable information go to waste and do not waste the pain either . Best of luck to you my friend
@@ahmedshah5922 Well said, my friend! The fact that she's even talking to him about her new partner is significant in itself. She's likely testing him with this information to see how he'll handle the situation. If he approaches this with a positive mindset and remains consistent, things could change for the better.
Looks like the community has already chimed in with excellent advice.
This is your GOLDEN opportunity.
Will you double down on creating massive changes despite the outcome?
Or, will you crumble and stop creating massive changes because the outcome is taken away from you?
Your response will tell your partner EVERYTHING they need to know.
Keep working on becoming irreplaceable and the rest takes care of itself :)
Great video! When can we expect to learn the frameworks?
Thanks!
I'm keeping that release date a surprise :)
You will know the instant it launches!
@@GeoffreySetiawan I am so looking forward to this! The internal shifts playlist is currently my daily go to because it has such a huge impact and I always think of how you constantly tell us that internal shifts are the key to everything else. What i find most fascinating now is how I can actually catch myself when i am on the misguided interpretations roller coaster and am learning to save myself faster every day. So looking forward to the day when antithetic thinking and positive interpretations are my go to!
I 100% have identified and take responsibility for my issues / what I was doing wrong and I’ve been improving myself daily and still am. However she sadly won’t do the same and she is destroying herself going down a horrible path and it kills me to watch 😢 especially when it’s affecting our kids
Can you expand on what "100% have identified and take responsibility for my issues / what I was doing wrong and I’ve been improving myself daily and still am."
Does it involve the 5 pillars?
For example, when my wife and I met, we were both very young and immature, obviously. So yes, we were both doing crazy and toxic stuff all the time.
But because safety was created, we were able to talk through what the "blockers" were, and came up with mutual next steps and a culture that actually made doing the right things "fun".
e.g. For myself, it was me being more responsible financially. I was terrible with money. It was also my lifelong addiction to cigarettes. My wife and I talked a lot about my very scarce upbringing and how checking finances was such a traumatic experience for me. My wife and I talked about my addictions and the blockers for getting out of them. And we figured out a way.
e.g. I've expressed this a lot, but for my wife, if was her patriarchal upbringing and feeling un-appreciated as a woman by her family that caused a ton of issues sexually, a ton of shame, etc...
This, of course, requires a ton of internal shifts (Cannot have stuff like FAE, tetheredness or allergy to resistance)...
And a ton of the mastery of the frameworks to guide and deepen conversations into productive places.
And a great ability to build the 5 pillars.
Are these the type of "improvements" you speak of?
Can you define for me what is meant by "100% have identified and take responsibility for my issues / what I was doing wrong and I’ve been improving myself daily and still am.". What do these improvements entail?
I faced a lot of similar issues myself and have seen these same issues with hundreds of my clients.
When my partner and I first met, for example, we were both very young and very immature, and we both did a lot of toxic stuff. But instead of just "hoping" that my partner improved, we proactively used the safety we have created to start deep conversations around the "blockers" to getting out of positive behaviors.
For me, it was my destructive money habits, and my intense smoking habit. This was due to a lot of childhood traumas that made me HATE the process of managing my finances, or my inability to deal with stress, which manifested itself in so many crazy ways.
For my partner (and I have been transparent on this on my channel), it has been about growing up in a toxic patriarchy that made her very disconnected sexually, disconnected from her feminine side, and which manifested itself in many destructive ways too.
But because we have the 5 pillars backed up by the frameworks, and internal shifts that are devoid of things like FAE bias, to allow us to lead DEEP conversations about these "blockers" and to both consider next steps to try to re-program the culture to make the "right" behaviors more fun...
We have both come to outgrow a lot of the toxic stuff that we each do.
This is the same strategy that many of my clients have used. Feel free to watch any and all of my interviews for their stories on getting goal-alignment.
So are these the improvements you speak of? (P.S. I have also made a lot of videos about what the RIGHT kinds of self-improvement are, and why your partner isn't changing despite yours).
Me and my wife have been separated for 6 months. Finally we are able to talk with out arguments or me begging. Am I supposed to be reaching out consistently just asking how her day was or should I be waiting for something to come up like bills kids work.
What you are describing seems close to "Smart Contact" taught by MH.
We have made a video about this and gave our thoughts and recommendations on what to do instead. Feel free to check it out.
@@GeoffreySetiawan I listed to that video one or two days ago about smart contact and no contact. So I was curious if I’m supposed to send a normal text like hey how was your day or am I supposed to be approaching it differently
Is it an acceptance for women that they have "chosen wrong"? Or is it true that a lot of them are avoidant, and society has taught them they don't have to put any effort in and men simply have to serve them? If women put more effort in, and communicated more, and stopped just "waiting" for things to be perfect for them, more marriages would last.
I used to think like this and always blamed my wife for not initiating, not putting in effort, and communicating proactively until G taught me the masculine & feminine balance and how they actually work. For the feminine, feelings of love comes as a "surrender", while for men, it is a "thrust". In order for women to "surrender" to romantic feelings, they need to feel the 5 pillars, and especially safety. When you understand things in this way, everything kinda makes sense and you just stop being confused and whining about how "crazy" and "confusing" women are. They are not, we just need to understand how humans work, the same way we want women to understand how men operate and how we are. I'm 2 years into the program, and it is crazy how much my wife's behavior has changed when I just led a different environment with the 5 pillars. My wife has never been more loving, communicative, proactive, and putting in more effort, something I though she was not capable of back then. G has a few videos on intimacy and sex, and a great one on attachment styles since you mentioned it. Check it out. There is another way.
I think this video is fine and all, but this is completely way off base with my situation. I'm kind of really over the whole idea that the average woman is this poor suffering fool who pleads for her husband to just understand her and he's a dull idiot who could care less about it.
I'm sure there's men out there that are like this, but this stereotype is kind of hurtful and wrong. Some of us men were the wife you describe in this situation and our wives were the men. Avoidant and emotionally repressive women are becoming way more common than people want to believe and these types of misunderstandings just send men right into the fire without the right tools.
If you are easily offended, stop reading here.
I wonder what your wife will say if she was allowed to speak her mind...
Would she say she feels like a victim too?
So let me get this straight...
You're claiming you're the victim...
And she is also claiming she is the victim...
How does that mathematically/logically make sense? How can both of you be the victim?
Doesn't a victim need a perpetrator?
UNLESS - This is proof of what I said in this video, about how victims always feel like what they feel is right, and there is nothing one can say or do to prove them otherwise?
At some point, what does both of you raising your hands higher and higher and saying louder and louder "I'm the bigger victim" do for either of you exactly?
@@GeoffreySetiawan Easy answer, one of us is claiming to be the victim be revising the entire relationship, and flaw finding to justify either an affair, or something else to get out of the marriage. Just because someone claims to be the victim, doesn't mean they actually ARE a victim. My wife blindsided me and tore my character down when she dumped me, and then ended up telling me she didn't mean it months later but still didn't want to be with me. Mixed signals. They do this to justify breaking up a family. Nobody wants to be the villain in their own story. Women do not take accountability. They have to CONVINCE themselves they are making the right decision WAY before we even find out they are thinking about leaving, and that includes making themselves a victim by making us a villain.
@@jimjam_games5783 "Just because someone claims to be the victim, doesn't mean they actually ARE a victim." Apparently except when YOU say that YOU are a victim, you are 100% right? Cmon now. How convenient.😄😄If I look back 3 years ago, I used to think exactly like you. I was convinced something was wrong with my wife, that she was a narcissist and that I was a victim of her crazy personality and character. She gave zero effort, was convinced she was not committed and all the things you said. That is until I found G and finally learned to see and take accountability for what I did. I realized the many subtle ways I destroyed that safety and the 5 pillars and how I led my wife to be in such self-preserving behavior that ANYONE in her position would be driven insane too. Now, pretty much all her toxic behavior is no longer existent. It is so amazing to watch her blossom into the beautiful woman she is, inside and out, just because we have created the right environment for her to thrive. And I am not alone, if you are in G's program, you literally see evidence of partner's behaviors changing in drastic and positive ways all the time. Be open to another way my guy, there is a better paradigm to lead your life with.
@@jimjam_games5783 "Just because someone claims to be the victim, doesn't mean they actually ARE a victim." Except when YOU say YOU are the victim, that must be 100% correct. Cmon man, how convenient 😆😆 Dude, I used to think exactly like you. I used to be convinced my wife was a narcissist and that there was something wrong with her. Until I found G and realized the many ways I destroyed the 5 pillars and led her to self-preserve in so many ways. What's funny is that 2 years into the program, and after re-establishing the 5 pillars in a lot of ways, I have never seen this side of her that is so loving, so kind, gentle, feminine and just beautiful. It is so amazing to watch her blossom like that. And I am not alone. If you are in G's program, you will literally see evidence of women changing in drastic and positive ways all the time. Be open to another paradigm to live your life my guy, there is a better way.
@@GeoffreySetiawan Who said I was offended? I shared my opinion and that's really it. If you want to project your standard narrative that you use whenever you experience dissenting opinions then that's on you. But as as far as my situation goes, my (ex) wife is a complete POS and what she does or doesn't think about me I could care less about.
I just think this idea that if a man just did X, Y, and Z then his woman will just magically connect and let her guard down is delusional and dangerous and perpetuates shame and guilt among men who have experienced legitimate emotional abuse. Your advice is useful in a normal relationship, but some of us weren't married to normal women and the idea that we could have done this or that and it would have turned out differently I find kind of absurd and ridiculous. But you do you, man.
Check hypergamy. Then it gets easier.
Clearly you have not been through the divorce grinder... it's not about hating women (although they can and do behave badly through the process)
The process itself is toxic and adversarial BY DESIGN...!
How bad is it? well 15mo in, my youngest 7yo daughter started talking about suic%$e at school... yes.. its that bad... not to mention the financial strain that few people can not get hurt by
I don't hate women and still have coffees with some, or even my ex but the lawyers are often toxic... and create hardship for everyone unnecessary...
It's z dumpster fire situation that you really don't understand until you experience it...
Saboor here.
I did go through "divorce grinder" as you call it. I have first-hand experience with all the pressures that come with lawyers, money, etc.
And guess what? I actually moved back in about 6 months ago with Cass. Our relationship is literally 1000x better than it was prior to divorce.
My divorce with Cass was incredibly clean/amicable. Practically a non-event when I think about it.
So, why was this the case for me?
Is it because I'm some sort of statistical anomaly? Got lucky? Had it "easy" somehow?
Or, is it because I had the process (from the program) to work with her, my lawyer, and her lawyer to guarantee that the divorce was clean for us both?
---
So, what do you think is more likely in your case?
Are you creating victim reasons to fail? Make the divorce process incredibly toxic by your own design?
Or, are you searching for hero reasons to succeed despite? To ensure that you are designing a very peaceful divorce process?
If you get easily offended, stop reading here.
Imagine saying this to your mechanic...
"Hey, I know you have the best track record of fixing ruined cars.
I also know you have adopted a mindset, lifestyle and process that allow you to keep your cars at MINT conditions...
BUT I don't trust what you say, because you HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE RUINED YOUR OWN CAR AND THE HEADACHE THIS WHOLE PROCESS IS OF FIXING IT!"
Uh...How does that make sense?
Don't you WANT a mechanic who has the right mindset, lifestyle and processes to ensure all the cars they own NEVER get even close to broken?
Or do you want a mechanic who cannot even keep their own cars in good condition to fix your car for you?
Don't you WANT a mechanic who has the best track record of fixing cars?
Or do you want a mechanic who just listens to you complain, but doesn't know how to fix your issue?
And like I said in this video, right now, can you name me ONE other coach who are able to launch un-fake-able long form interviews as frequently as us? Just name ONE :)
So if you want to actually AVOID divorce, then we are the channel for you...
But if you just want to whine, complain and vent about how difficult the process is, there are MANY professionals you can pay hundreds of dollars per hour to listen to you whine, but it's not us!
No one here has a 'victim' mindset so I'm not clear what you're getting uptight about, and no I'm not offended...
1. I don't hate women, in fact I have many women I care for in my life now
2. My life is improving all round, despite losing my new house with ocean views, a redundancy and the mess with the kids mindset... I've started 2 profitable businesses since and sending out 5 figure invoices regularly..
3. I could care less about your validation... it's irrelevant
This vid auto played and I thought, hey maybe this is interesting?, but I sense frustration in your tone
just made an honest comment from personal experience.. and not ivory tower thinking...
Good luck to you
@@PooferLlama "My divorce with Cass was incredibly clean/amicable. Practically a non-event when I think about it."
In other words, you have not been through the divorce grinder that the commentor was pointing out. It's not about playing victim. It's about recognizing reality that lawyers are incentivized to make it advesarial. You guys could do so much better to point out that there are productive ways to deal with the issues of the divorce process without either playing the victim, or getting caught up in the grinder aspect of it, then to dismiss it as nonexistent, or all about being a victim.
@@charinabottae I've been in this country as an Asian for 16 years. To me, racism is non-existent.
Does that mean people have not been racist towards me?
No - but I just choose to look at a different reality. My clients also learn the same.
If you actually watched Saboor's interview, it's not that his divorce process was clean and painless...
It was painful...
But a painful event can seem not-so-painful, and in fact, like opportunities, if you are open to changing your paradigms about it.
Seems like you don't understand what internal shifts are and how they work.
If you want to learn, the playlist is there for free...
If you do not, up to you!
Had I seen your channel last month I shouldn't pushed my wife further until finally she said we're done last Friday 🥹 everything you pointed out here hits right to the core. I hope I can still win her back 🙏🏽
Hey man. Ive been watching alot of your videos since my girlfriend left me last week. Ive been learning alot about how negative my behavior had been so i thank you for that. We are both long distance in college right now but we met in out hometown at my house yesterday and we had a conversation about the issues we had with communication and mistrust. I asked her for a second chance and she said that she doesnt know if shes willing to give me a second chance. I said that was fine it had only been a week. After she left i texted her saying i was sad but i understand that she needs more time. Her response was that she didnt see us together in the future. Should i give her more time? Should i only text her once a day or even less than that? I have been having long conversations with her where she seems engaged but the next day it seems like she doesnt want to talk. What approach should i take? Im lost at sea right now so any advice would help.
The best advice I can give to you is learn how to create safety with your partner.
I have a series on creating the internal shifts(which will help you implicitly create safety) and an upcoming series on the Frameworks (which help you explicitly create safety).
Here is my series on the internal shifts:
th-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzve8y0JwtzHhTGFGBjjwbbk.html&si=OOYRvV9wGjjSwkQT
I disagree. I’ve paid and worked with both coaches, and can say the Geoffrey is the best in the biz for this. My consultations with coach Craig provided a lot of clarity because he did go into specifics of what to say and do, but to be honest, they did more harm than good for me.
It’s almost like he knows how to teach me how to serve and start conversations, but not the principles that allows me to volley back and forth through numerous possible scenarios. This was dangerous and put me in a lot of pickles.
Geoffrey does not teach tactics, but he does teach principles. In my experience, the 5 pillars, internals shifts and frameworks he teaches are all you need. Nothing more or less. To be honest, I initially did not get Geoffrey’s content at first because I was looking for someone to just tell me what to say and do. But once you understand the principles behind them, you will realize that it is extremely powerful, and allows you to come up with your own “tactics” that you know will work for your exact situation and future scenarios.
Start with these internal shifts dude. When you get your internals straightened, a lot of the “right things to do” becomes very obvious. Your wife is smarter than you think, she ain’t gonna fall for your tactics or words from TH-cam coaches. Like Geoffrey says in the program all the time, you need the right what with the right how and why for whatever you say and do to work. The right what with the wrong how and why is a recipe for disaster.