Friendships are very hard to build. It seems as though I build one relationship just for it to fail. Then I think the next person will be different and it is always the same.
I think women tend to want to connect and set our expectations too high. I’ve learned to put myself in places(it takes work) that I enjoy, places where I’m learning something new or having a new experience and just enjoying the other people there doing the same. My goal is commonality. I don’t think about friendship per se anymore. It can happen but there has to be a lot of lifestyle alignment. And a desire by both people. You are so right. Friendship is very hard to build. Thanks so much for you comment
In older/retired life, we and our priorities change for many reasons. I have come to think that things change because we need to change. I’m a retired RN. I downsized a LOT and my daughter s wanted me to move to another state where they lived. It’s very close to the boarder of my previous state, but it is still a new city and a new state. I love having them within fifteen to twenty minutes from me. I’m starting a new chapter in my life in my own apartment, decorating for my likes. I feel so free. I am loving living alone and adhering to my own schedule and my own needs. I’m alone but not lonely. I have my cat with me and we’ve been together for ten years. She’s great company and not needy. I don’t really have any new friends here yet but have some back home that I stay in touch with. All in all, I’m very content right now but I’m sure I will get more involved with activities later. Just found your channel. New subscriber here. 😊
At the beginning of last year, I had 2 wonderdul friends and now I have none. One is still a friendly acquantance, one is not. All of my adult life I have been there for people, tries to help them and give advice when asked. I have let very few people get close to me, and now I don't want another close friendship. My giving heart is close to empty. I'm trying to be there when people need me but I'm tired.
At 66 I have FINALLY just now determined to no longer be the people pleaser and always the one accommodate others I have always been. I am done ! I have a friend who always expects me to drive out to her house for everything. In the 30 years we have been friends I have been to her house dozens and dozens and dozens of times, for everything. We live 15 miles apart. She has been to my house maybe 8 times. I won't go into all the examples but she calls me her best friend. But her actions tell me she places no value in coming my way. I have finally come to grasp that. I'm about done.
I get it. I have a work friend that I thought I was really close to. She will say how much my friendship means to her, but she sure doesn't show it. I've learned to not hang on to people like that and to keep myself open to other relationships. I think they're out there.
I'm sorry you've experienced this too. I understand!! Because I've followed the same exact path. Then on top of grieving over the friendship fiasco.... one has to struggle to prevent bitterness from creeping in.... just because we did do so much for our friends.... jumping when they needed something, often times putting their needs ahead of our own.
I find it very difficult to find friends when older and you move to a new place. I moved 13 years ago and while I started a friendship with a coworker it really didn’t work and made my work life uncomfortable until she left the job. Been very hesitant to try to foster a close friendship with any others. I do have friends via online communities or in nearby states but I do miss having someone I can call for any reason or call and go out locally with.
@@kristagramer5898 I know exactly what you mean and agree, take your time. I also miss having someone here who I can meet face to face and create a solid friendship. Internet relationships can be wonderful and sometimes enough, but honestly there’s no substitute for a person you can do things with, call for support, and have fun times.
It becomes almost a job looking for those connections. We have to try new hobbies and attended different types of gatherings putting ourselves out there in different circles. I think looking at just connecting first, having friendly acquaintances is a good first goal. I’m going to try a bit of volunteering next month for a group I’ve never done anything with before. I’ll let you know how it goes
Add to kids growing-up, a divorce…. all friends are gone. I was so naive…but, now i know… it was our common life circumstances that brought us together, not true friendships. Truly devastated me .
You’ve hit the nail on the head. Those huge life changes cost so much more than we even realize. I knew a woman for years whose son was the star quarterback of a high school Texas powerhouse team. This woman was belle of the ball. She was a friend magnet starting in her son’s 6th grade year, when everyone started to see his talent. She was invited to everything, had a huge group of women that gathered around her at every game. She shared with me that when her son left for college the phone never rang, she got dropped. She knew many of her ‘pals’ weren’t really anymore than that but a few close friends shocked her. At the same time her father became very ill and she said she was so hurt and overwhelmed. It’s been a decade and she still feels a bit used. As if her value was only her son’s success. It’s very hurtful, disappointing and confusing. And I’m here to tell you it’s okay to feel that way. We move on but we don’t have to forget
@ thank you, Laura… that, too, is my story plus more! Yes, we move on yet always is a wound. Thank you for actually taking the time with a very thoughtful comment.
Thank you for these insights Laura. For a long time now I’ve been in transition, kids grown and on their own but no grandchildren. Covid changed who I interact with at work and people I’ve connected with at the office I don’t see (different schedules). Even dynamics with Church has changed. So it’s been easier to see who to avoid than to reach out to new people. You’ve given me something to think about and I would love to hear more about it!
I’m so glad you are getting something out of these chats, it definitely is an awkward time for me too. We are all just trying to figure it out ! Thanks so much for the comment.
I met a lot of women last year through a leadership program. So far, all of them are acquaintances. Time, effort, and trust will tell if any of them becomes a friend. If they remain acquaintances, it's fine. I learned from them from our shared experiences. We're all productive women and connecting with like-minded people is rewarding. I have a small circle of friends, and maintaining closeness can be challenging the older I get. I remain open to meeting new women and sharing opportunities through this time of life.
Love how intentional this is. So realistic about where you are in life. I think this is a path for success, connect over shared interests(leadership) enjoy what you have in common vs stressing over making a good friend. Love Love all of this. Time and effort without pressure
I love this because you put it out there! We need to be aware of our expectations and also what others may be going through and don’t want to discuss. We don’t have a right to know it all, and if they pull away it’s often for fear of confiding when instead they want to mentally work through it. It feels like alienation or someone perhaps wanting to dismiss you, but one never truly knows! I’ve left the door open even with estranged people that I truly don’t miss. BUT, if they would call or write me, I honestly can say, I am willing to revisit their relationship in my life, and what’s next. So, relax and be available with few demands is a good approach, then reevaluate it over time, and make any necessary changes. Leadership skills are good to have in these troubling times, some of the most unlikely relationships can come together under the right circumstances. At least I hope :))
I’ve been checking for your post ❣️I find your life fascinating ,and your messages so helpful ❣️Truly giving us the nudge to live life and we don’t have to wish ,we can do it❣️Thanks Laura ❣️
Laura it’s not this complicated… friends should not be a difficult part of your life… if it is not organic and simple it’s not worth it….period….i am ok being alone. I like your videos but as I get older I believe we make it more complicated than it should be….its the expectations not only in friendships but in everything in live I have learned not to have expectations and then it’s all good and when I don’t like something I say it and I am honest…. I don’t invest in people because every day things change and I am flexible….
I am also okay with being alone. Most of the time. I lost my two close friends. So if I want to have that kind of relationship again it is going to take some effort on my part. It's not like walking through the grocery store someone is going to suddenly want to connect with me. So I take classes, join in groups to take short trips, attend learning events at my libraries, etc. In your mid to late sixties and being retired we're no longer in contact with people on a daily basis. Unless we choose to be. Since I miss having someone to have discussions with, seek advice from, ask opinions from and just chit chat about life with, I am making that choice.
slsmith: Hear ya... except I think dealing with death is easier. May sound morbid, don't mean for it to, just that I grieve more over a friendship breakup.....or possibly worse, being ghosted and constantly wondering why?? It's very obvious I thought more of the friendship than my friend did.
I had a friend group that started in 1989. My neighbor who is 13 yrs older than me introduced me to her friend. They were friends since 4th grade. 1n 1991 a new neighbor become part of our group. She is 8 yrs older than me. In spring we celebrate our spring birthdays. In summer we met and had a get together. In fall we met and got together. At christmas we celebrated christmas. Dec 30 of 2024 Phyllis died at age 75. The other 2 ladies and I will continue to get together once a month. This month it is playing Bingo for dollar tree prizes. Next month scrabble. I have had other long lasting friendships that did not end well. So these 2 ladies are my last 2 friends. I have 12 adult kids so they are my friends now. I have been really hurt in the past and my mistake was over sharing, holding all the events at my home and getting burned by people I trusted. My 3 cats are awesome friends too. I will be 63 in March. I also treasure being lucky enough to be celebrating 43 yrs of marriage on Jan 21 of this year. My husband helped me through everything and always supportive.
@@wbl5649 small chats here and there with acquaintances can be nice too. I find it adds to my day, having small informal connections here and there as well. They seem to be more simple and easy.
So true! People have accepted that friendship is necessary, many women have even given up. I think there are many great ways to stay connected to other women, share small niceties, that can enrich our lives. I’m really trying to explore that more this year and here on the channel. I for one need female friendships so I’m having to rethink it a bit. Thanks for the comment
That is so odd, my daughter is a City Councilor and has been thinking of a Mayoral run. I will have to tell her about your show because I like it and now I know why. Her name is also Laura. Such fun.
I'm wondering if the friends you do have are watching your videos. 😂😂don't be surprised if you don't hear from some of them. I know I would be oversensitive if a friend would be pointing all these no no out. Most of us are able to end a friendship slowly and diplomatically.
I have a question … I have a friend that I’ve known for about 8 years now. We live in different cities about 100 miles apart. I am always the one that reaches out in text to arrange a get together or just to check in. She never initiates contact but always acts excited to hear from me. And when we get together it’s always a great visit. Should I just back off from initiating? I feel like I should.
If you truly enjoy the time you spend with this person, then just accept you will always be the one reaching out. If it is a burden or makes you unhappy, then stop. They're not a close friend but that can be okay too
I’d back off initiating and if you are missed they will contact you to see if you are well and ok. And, if they don’t, I’d stop investing in an empty well. Plug it as dry and move onto someone else who has something like appreciation to give back to you!
@@snowwhite2709 I love your name! Well, it’s hard when it’s someone you’ve known through thick and thin for decades. And, it’s hard when it’s a family member who believes entitlement is part of family obligations that allow them to use you. But, it’s so easy once they are all gone. These relationships are often seasonal and as we change so does the friendship. That doesn’t mean we still lament the beautiful past and times we had together, because I still do. But, when relationships become like marriages and we all need counseling to endure…count me out. I’m too old and content to take up this work.
Friendships are very hard to build. It seems as though I build one relationship just for it to fail. Then I think the next person will be different and it is always the same.
ditto !
Happens to me often
Well, that stinks!
I think women tend to want to connect and set our expectations too high. I’ve learned to put myself in places(it takes work) that I enjoy, places where I’m learning something new or having a new experience and just enjoying the other people there doing the same. My goal is commonality. I don’t think about friendship per se anymore. It can happen but there has to be a lot of lifestyle alignment. And a desire by both people. You are so right. Friendship is very hard to build. Thanks so much for you comment
In older/retired life, we and our priorities change for many reasons. I have come to think that things change because we need to change. I’m a retired RN. I downsized a LOT and my daughter s wanted me to move to another state where they lived. It’s very close to the boarder of my previous state, but it is still a new city and a new state. I love having them within fifteen to twenty minutes from me. I’m starting a new chapter in my life in my own apartment, decorating for my likes. I feel so free. I am loving living alone and adhering to my own schedule and my own needs. I’m alone but not lonely. I have my cat with me and we’ve been together for ten years. She’s great company and not needy.
I don’t really have any new friends here yet but have some back home that I stay in touch with.
All in all, I’m very content right now but I’m sure I will get more involved with activities later.
Just found your channel.
New subscriber here. 😊
So glad you found the channel and what a fabulous outlook! So much of our happiness is our state of mind. I really appreciate your comment
At the beginning of last year, I had 2 wonderdul friends and now I have none. One is still a friendly acquantance, one is not. All of my adult life I have been there for people, tries to help them and give advice when asked. I have let very few people get close to me, and now I don't want another close friendship. My giving heart is close to empty. I'm trying to be there when people need me but I'm tired.
At 66 I have FINALLY just now determined to no longer be the people pleaser and always the one accommodate others I have always been. I am done ! I have a friend who always expects me to drive out to her house for everything. In the 30 years we have been friends I have been to her house dozens and dozens and dozens of times, for everything. We live 15 miles apart. She has been to my house maybe 8 times. I won't go into all the examples but she calls me her best friend. But her actions tell me she places no value in coming my way. I have finally come to grasp that. I'm about done.
I get it. I have a work friend that I thought I was really close to. She will say how much my friendship means to her, but she sure doesn't show it. I've learned to not hang on to people like that and to keep myself open to other relationships. I think they're out there.
You get to prioritize yourself! What a feeling of freedom.
I'm sorry you've experienced this too. I understand!! Because I've followed the same exact path. Then on top of grieving over the friendship fiasco.... one has to struggle to prevent bitterness from creeping in.... just because we did do so much for our friends.... jumping when they needed something, often times putting their needs ahead of our own.
I find it very difficult to find friends when older and you move to a new place. I moved 13 years ago and while I started a friendship with a coworker it really didn’t work and made my work life uncomfortable until she left the job. Been very hesitant to try to foster a close friendship with any others. I do have friends via online communities or in nearby states but I do miss having someone I can call for any reason or call and go out locally with.
I really miss that too. I'm going to keep my hopes up that I will find another person to really connect with.
@@kristagramer5898 I know exactly what you mean and agree, take your time. I also miss having someone here who I can meet face to face and create a solid friendship. Internet relationships can be wonderful and sometimes enough, but honestly there’s no substitute for a person you can do things with, call for support, and have fun times.
It becomes almost a job looking for those connections. We have to try new hobbies and attended different types of gatherings putting ourselves out there in different circles. I think looking at just connecting first, having friendly acquaintances is a good first goal. I’m going to try a bit of volunteering next month for a group I’ve never done anything with before. I’ll let you know how it goes
Add to kids growing-up, a divorce…. all friends are gone. I was so naive…but, now i know… it was our common life circumstances that brought us together, not true friendships. Truly devastated me .
You’ve hit the nail on the head. Those huge life changes cost so much more than we even realize. I knew a woman for years whose son was the star quarterback of a high school Texas powerhouse team. This woman was belle of the ball. She was a friend magnet starting in her son’s 6th grade year, when everyone started to see his talent. She was invited to everything, had a huge group of women that gathered around her at every game. She shared with me that when her son left for college the phone never rang, she got dropped. She knew many of her ‘pals’ weren’t really anymore than that but a few close friends shocked her. At the same time her father became very ill and she said she was so hurt and overwhelmed. It’s been a decade and she still feels a bit used. As if her value was only her son’s success. It’s very hurtful, disappointing and confusing. And I’m here to tell you it’s okay to feel that way. We move on but we don’t have to forget
@ thank you, Laura… that, too, is my story plus more! Yes, we move on yet always is a wound. Thank you for actually taking the time with a very thoughtful comment.
Thank you for these insights Laura. For a long time now I’ve been in transition, kids grown and on their own but no grandchildren. Covid changed who I interact with at work and people I’ve connected with at the office I don’t see (different schedules). Even dynamics with Church has changed. So it’s been easier to see who to avoid than to reach out to new people.
You’ve given me something to think about and I would love to hear more about it!
I’m so glad you are getting something out of these chats, it definitely is an awkward time for me too. We are all just trying to figure it out ! Thanks so much for the comment.
Wonderful video! 💕🏆
Thank you 🤗
I met a lot of women last year through a leadership program. So far, all of them are acquaintances. Time, effort, and trust will tell if any of them becomes a friend. If they remain acquaintances, it's fine. I learned from them from our shared experiences. We're all productive women and connecting with like-minded people is rewarding. I have a small circle of friends, and maintaining closeness can be challenging the older I get. I remain open to meeting new women and sharing opportunities through this time of life.
Love how intentional this is. So realistic about where you are in life. I think this is a path for success, connect over shared interests(leadership) enjoy what you have in common vs stressing over making a good friend. Love Love all of this. Time and effort without pressure
I love this because you put it out there! We need to be aware of our expectations and also what others may be going through and don’t want to discuss. We don’t have a right to know it all, and if they pull away it’s often for fear of confiding when instead they want to mentally work through it. It feels like alienation or someone perhaps wanting to dismiss you, but one never truly knows! I’ve left the door open even with estranged people that I truly don’t miss. BUT, if they would call or write me, I honestly can say, I am willing to revisit their relationship in my life, and what’s next. So, relax and be available with few demands is a good approach, then reevaluate it over time, and make any necessary changes. Leadership skills are good to have in these troubling times, some of the most unlikely relationships can come together under the right circumstances. At least I hope :))
Love that! Relax and be available with few demands. Such golden advice. Thanks!
I’ve been checking for your post ❣️I find your life fascinating ,and your messages so helpful ❣️Truly giving us the nudge to live life and we don’t have to wish ,we can do it❣️Thanks Laura ❣️
You are so welcome! Thanks so very much. I appreciate you always taking the time to comment
Laura it’s not this complicated… friends should not be a difficult part of your life… if it is not organic and simple it’s not worth it….period….i am ok being alone. I like your videos but as I get older I believe we make it more complicated than it should be….its the expectations not only in friendships but in everything in live I have learned not to have expectations and then it’s all good and when I don’t like something I say it and I am honest…. I don’t invest in people because every day things change and I am flexible….
I am also okay with being alone. Most of the time. I lost my two close friends. So if I want to have that kind of relationship again it is going to take some effort on my part. It's not like walking through the grocery store someone is going to suddenly want to connect with me. So I take classes, join in groups to take short trips, attend learning events at my libraries, etc. In your mid to late sixties and being retired we're no longer in contact with people on a daily basis. Unless we choose to be. Since I miss having someone to have discussions with, seek advice from, ask opinions from and just chit chat about life with, I am making that choice.
We certainly do often make things much more complicated than it should be. Thanks for sharing your perspective. Valuable insight and good advice
@@kimr3755good on you 😊that's such a healthy attitude
Just lost a best friend of 33 years. Absolutely devastating, like a death. Never again. Close acquaintances only, going forward.
I’m so sorry💔I can not imagine how much you are hurting. What a blessing that you had eachother for 33 years. But yes, not long enough
slsmith: Hear ya... except I think dealing with death is easier. May sound morbid, don't mean for it to, just that I grieve more over a friendship breakup.....or possibly worse, being ghosted and constantly wondering why??
It's very obvious I thought more of the friendship than my friend did.
I had a friend group that started in 1989. My neighbor who is 13 yrs older than me introduced me to her friend. They were friends since 4th grade. 1n 1991 a new neighbor become part of our group. She is 8 yrs older than me. In spring we celebrate our spring birthdays. In summer we met and had a get together. In fall we met and got together. At christmas we celebrated christmas. Dec 30 of 2024 Phyllis died at age 75. The other 2 ladies and I will continue to get together once a month. This month it is playing Bingo for dollar tree prizes. Next month scrabble. I have had other long lasting friendships that did not end well. So these 2 ladies are my last 2 friends. I have 12 adult kids so they are my friends now. I have been really hurt in the past and my mistake was over sharing, holding all the events at my home and getting burned by people I trusted. My 3 cats are awesome friends too. I will be 63 in March. I also treasure being lucky enough to be celebrating 43 yrs of marriage on Jan 21 of this year. My husband helped me through everything and always supportive.
43 years🥂🍾congratulations! You share wise words. Not all friendships last but the ones that do truly fill us up!! Thank you for sharing this
I have yet to build-find an actual real friendship now that Im older....everyone seems to prefer surface level acquaintance
@@wbl5649 small chats here and there with acquaintances can be nice too. I find it adds to my day, having small informal connections here and there as well. They seem to be more simple and easy.
So true! Just those small connections, small interactions can make your day
So true! People have accepted that friendship is necessary, many women have even given up. I think there are many great ways to stay connected to other women, share small niceties, that can enrich our lives. I’m really trying to explore that more this year and here on the channel. I for one need female friendships so I’m having to rethink it a bit. Thanks for the comment
That is so odd, my daughter is a City Councilor and has been thinking of a Mayoral run. I will have to tell her about your show because I like it and now I know why. Her name is also Laura. Such fun.
Tell her to go for it!!! It was the greatest job I’ve ever had. So fulfilling
GREAT questions to ask yourself. Really helped me
Thanks!
I'm wondering if the friends you do have are watching your videos. 😂😂don't be surprised if you don't hear from some of them. I know I would be oversensitive if a friend would be pointing all these no no out. Most of us are able to end a friendship slowly and diplomatically.
I have a question … I have a friend that I’ve known for about 8 years now. We live in different cities about 100 miles apart. I am always the one that reaches out in text to arrange a get together or just to check in. She never initiates contact but always acts excited to hear from me. And when we get together it’s always a great visit. Should I just back off from initiating? I feel like I should.
I have a couple friends like that, who I just reconnected with. I have initiated contact 2x each,and now I will back off from it. It's their turn now.
If you truly enjoy the time you spend with this person, then just accept you will always be the one reaching out. If it is a burden or makes you unhappy, then stop. They're not a close friend but that can be okay too
I’d back off initiating and if you are missed they will contact you to see if you are well and ok. And, if they don’t, I’d stop investing in an empty well. Plug it as dry and move onto someone else who has something like appreciation to give back to you!
@theresaclarke4532 totally agree. I'm at the age that I'm done with one sided friendships. I'm not chasing people.
@@snowwhite2709 I love your name! Well, it’s hard when it’s someone you’ve known through thick and thin for decades. And, it’s hard when it’s a family member who believes entitlement is part of family obligations that allow them to use you. But, it’s so easy once they are all gone. These relationships are often seasonal and as we change so does the friendship. That doesn’t mean we still lament the beautiful past and times we had together, because I still do. But, when relationships become like marriages and we all need counseling to endure…count me out. I’m too old and content to take up this work.
W wisdom