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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ต.ค. 2011
- Recorded in September 2011. This is my story of how I came out at age 25, after having been in a serious relationship with a woman for 7 years. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but finally being honest with myself and those around me has given me a new life, free from feeling trapped, frustrated and depressed. I hope to inspire someone who may be in a similar situation.
This video helped me come out 6 years ago, after being married for 26 years. I had always looked at handsome and particularly lean muscular men with envy, wishing I looked like them. It didn’t hit me at the time that it meant that I was physically attracted to them. As I grew older, and never dated women, it eventually became obvious to me that if I wanted to have a family, the clock was ticking down. I married someone who was in love with me and convinced myself that if I reciprocated that love, we could have a life together, which we did. The fascination with other handsome men never left me, i just suppressed it, never engaging with any other man. As we grew less and less close after our child left home, I became more and more disappointed in my life, and considered ending it prematurely. This lead me to try to understand better what I had felt all my life. I went to Pride events, joined a local group of older gay men who met once a month, read a lot of books, and watched a ton of these kind of videos. I learned that many of these other men, some of whom had been married and later came out as gay, had had the same feelings I had when they were young, but also had no role models, no other visible gay men around them, and a hostile dogmatic religious anti-gay environment around them that provided no support and some legal and many social and employment sanctions for any men who were visible as gay. We all stayed silent, unaware of what how we felt meant in terms of how we should be allowed to live our lives honestly in relationships with each other. At age 69, I had the most painful talk of my life with my wife, and told her that I thought I was either male oriented bisexual, or completely gay. It was a sad day for both of us, providing no joy of coming out for me, and copious tears for her as I disassembled her planned life in retirement and old age. No, it wasn’t fair to her, and wasn’t really much of a relief for me, but I had to do it or die in despair. We amicably divorced, split our assets 50/50, I bought her a house on 2 acres, which she wanted to have a garden, and I stayed in our old house for a while. By a rare chance of fate, I met someone half my age who is attracted to older men. We have been together for six years, and are planning on being married when the Covid crisis is over and can get our friends together. He is going to medical school now at age 36, and we live together as husband and husband. We know he will likely outlive me, and we both accept that, but life is lived in the moment, and at this moment we are both happy and in love with each other. My daughter and former wife accept him, and we all get along together when we can, and communicate via computer when we can’t. It does eventually get better, when you do what is necessary to make it happen. I hope you have been able to find your life mate, Mike, and thank you for helping me find mine.
Amazing. Very well done. I hope you both will always be happy
Incredible story. Glad you found your truth and shared it.
"Handsome" doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the tip of that iceberg. Wow.
Agreed, and so are you😃
@@bilahn1198 so many gay boys are beautiful...
Wow handsome. I swear every single Coming Out video TH-cam recommends to me has a handsome dude in it. It's like TH-cam has been watching me!!!
'Just another piece of the puzzle that makes up you' - excellent Father!
That was perhaps the most beautiful thing I've ever heard said in this context.
To those who are critical of this and other men who try and live a straight lifestyle is it really surprising that so many do.Not everyone is brave and courageous and some people are terrified of being cast out by family and friends. It is with age and wisdom that many come to the realisation that trying to please others is ultimatley corrosive to the human soul if you do not find favour with yourself and accept yourself for who you are and what you are .Life's too short for compromise.
I tried unsuccessfully to suppress my sexuality keeping everyone far from me, although I love people. A most miserable life I forced upon myself. At 69 knew I was "done" and began the struggle to be myself. I may never have love, did I wait too long, to begin the process of accepting myself? Of course I did, but now learning the freedom of being truthful to who I am. I hate knowing I made myself tragic to myself, but only now have I been ready. I look back and the stubbornness that kept me confined to a lone lifestyle has shown me how little regard I had of myself. Absorbing your coming out story, your peace and contentment speaks to the love you have for others and yourself. The best to you, will subscribe, to read your ongoing journey.
Randy, I'm ten years older than you, and your life sounds a lot like mine. But, we didn't live in a time where we could be accepted nearly as openly as the last ten years or so has made possible. Looking back, I can't imagine how my life could have been any different because it just wasn't possible until recently. I have no regrets.
7 YEARS?! The guilt started killing me 2 months into the "relationship" I was in.
You're a man! I'm happy your happy now! :)
He made one video, around 8 years ago, and that was it... no videos or news about this beautiful man since then.
That was 2011. Ten years ago, almost to the day (this is being written 27 Sept). So... 35, now, and I hope the last decade has been a good one for you. Good on you for putting your story so calmly and clearly out there, though it was obviously not easy to do.
Painful but liberating. Thanks for sharing.
Wow. What a story? You seem like a stand up guy, good for you. It sounds like you did your best to be caring and considerate to your ex. Congratulations for being true to yourself. Thank you for sharing your experience.
JMIKE -- Fascinating story. Different from all the other gay coming-out videos. Amazing how you and your girlfriend managed your separation and are now talking to each other again. I'm a 70-year-old gay American now living in Great Britain. I believe we are here on Earth to learn to love and trust ourselves, and also to learn how to accept and manage our emotions so that they empower and transform us, instead of wrecking us. So all these gay coming-out videos that I watch are about young souls learning this process of self-healing through self-love. Congratulations on your success in this process, and keep it up. -- Donald in Cardiff
Good job man. I came out 21 years ago and it was ROUGH!!!!!!!!!!! But Life is better now. I have been happily married to my husband now for 19 years and my parents are now totally supportive. Good for you to being honest to yourself!
It's always difficult for a good looking hunk like yourself to NOT have a girl. Then, everybody is like "is he....?" Anyway, I think it's great that there are mature masculine guys such as yourself telling their story. You're a real role model!
Wow, life "difficulties" of being handsome. I want to puke.
Thanks for sharing your story, you seem like a great guy!
with regards from Russia, thank you!
I found your's to be one of the most interesting 'coming-out' stories I've seen on TH-cam. Very interesting and real. Great to know you are finally living your truth. :)
How wonderful that you came out when you did, before getting married, having children, etc., entangling yourself in a life of lies. Well done! I wish you the very best and trust that your testimony will help other men of our kind.
Thank you.
Dude you are so incredibly awesome, good for you for coming out. It does feel amazing when you do come out. I never thought be openly bi would feel so good!
Thank you so much for your story, I hope things are still good for you. I came out at 33 and for about a year I had gay friends but then I reverted back to my old familiar lonely solitary lifestyle. Now at 56 I find myself alone and lonely and never have experienced love. I am now trying to reach our again, I want to experience love, giving it and receiving it. I need to be happier in life and stop living with regrets...thank you for inspiring me, it means a lot!
+Ben Cooper Thank you Ben, it's very true what you said about regret. Good luck to you, I hope you find love soon.
iCEL55 Have you ever found the love you desire?
Hi how are you doing at the monent??
Thanks for sharing this so sensitively. You have handled this right down the line - now it's time to live your life.
I came across your video and boy did it bring back alot of memories.
You told your story so well. Thank you for sharing, it has inspired me to take control of my life and come out of the closet this year. I want to find happiness just like you have.
Good on you buddy, Cheers to you mate. Enjoy the future and new beginning everyone deserves happiness.
Awesome. Thanks for making this video. I came out nearly twenty years ago. It was emotional but necessary. Peace to you and all those who come out to be free.
Good for you! Congratulations on being true to yourself! Thank you also for making a video that will help others. All the best.
Thanks for sharing bud, best of luck!!
7 years with a girl? Wow that's long. It's always a pity some gay guys do this, for both the girl and themselves. But I'm happy you learned to be true to yourself.
+Xarriable I like to be with woman just to know. thought about paying
+Leo Alexander Scott huh?
I don't know how he could perform with a female. I couldn't. I guess some people are wired differently. I wish I had this outlet when I was young. I didn't know there were other gay men like me. There were two guys at school but they were very feminine. This guy is nice looking and so regular acting. It's affected my whole life....the isolation I felt.
brama me too!!
@@stephen1371 acting feminine is not irregular. Grow up.
lovely forthcoming story. Be happy in your present journey.
Enjoyed your wonderful video. Helps me a lot. When looks were passed out, you were first in line. Great personality, too!
Great story, Glad you came out instead of living a lie. Wish you all the best with your new man.
Honesty is the greatest thing in this world. I am sorry that you and your girl friend had to hurt for seven years before you could be honest. So so sorry for your girl friend. They say it is easier to get into a realtionship than to get out of one. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and you appear to be kind. Good luck to you!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I came out late in life after being married for 18 years to my best friend and it was very difficult. We had a tough time for about the first year but now three years later we are really good friends and are able to still do things together once in awhile. So I'm very grateful for that and it was very liberating when I finally confessed to her that I was gay. There were a lot of Tears and we lived under the same roof for about 4 months after I came out and then I struck out on my own so it was really tough but in the end I think we're both much happier. I know I am so thanks again for sharing and know that there are other people out there who have gone through the same trials as you.
Good video. You come off as sincere, and a nice person. You should make more videos, relating your thoughts on social issues or whatever.
Interesting that with your parents so open and accepting you remained closeted so long.
It’s I interesting how the youtube algorithm works. Why am I getting this in my recommended 9 years after it was made. This guy is living a whole different life now probably.
You're honest and happy.
Everybody has his own journey. There's no "one way" to come to terms with yourself. Only you know when it's time. In the end you did, and I am proud of you. You're beautiful.
Wow! Each time I hear someone coming out story in person or online. I find that we all are similar than we think. We keep secret to protect the ones we love but in the end, we are hurting ourselves the most. I love that you finally came out and enjoy your newborn you. I met my lover, partner, husband on Jan. 3. This day is a magical day. always remember this day you came out that day you love yourself to free yourself. My husband and I have been together for 23 years. Jan. 3. 2020 will make 24 years. I will say again Jan. 3. is a lucky day. Good luck and be happy.
I'm sorry she had to go through something like that. You're definitely a catch and losing you would obviously be difficult for anyone. The good thing is that you did own up to your truth. Some people live out their entire lives before owning up.
Thanks for being a huge role model for a lot of guys like yourself.
Good on you for coming out. Proud of you.
Such an amazing video. It’s a shame that we don’t get to know anything more about you after this!
Hope u are happy & can be yourself now. All the best.
January 7th or 8th of 2011 is when I came out. I was 17 and in my senior year of high school. It was a year for us to be honest with ourselves. Im glad you came out to be honest to you and to give you and your girlfriend the opportunity to live authentic lives. We have to fight the stigmatization that we have around the world. Everyone is affected by this and it MUST stop!
Good for you. I wish you only the most happiness. Thank you for sharing.
Great, interesting coming out story! I really hope that you have found happiness and contentment. You seem such a sincere person. You deserve happiness and serenity. Good luck!
That must have taken a lot of courage! I’m gay and in the closet and considering coming out to certain people. This video motivated me.
Beautifully said. Thanks
Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing your coming out story with us. Your story will help others that are struggling with their sexuality, come out too.
I know this is an old video but thanks for sharing. You seem to really have your head screwed on right if you will pardon the wording. Hope everything is still going well for you. I'm sure your story will provide those going through similar with hope and strength.
so handsome. good luck!
What a great story!
I hope you are happy now
I'm really happy for you and thank you so much for your inspiring story. I'm only 18 and want to come out my freshmen year of college, but it won't be easy because I too have been living a lie. :/ I'm attending University at Buffalo too, and you're from Buffalo!
Let me just say that i can relate 100% but you were able to get through it a hell of a lot better than i was ? you were also very fortunate that your former girlfriend was'nt a complete psycho after getting the news . congratulations on being able to be yourself ! Good luck and be safe , it's tough out there .
pssh you make it sound simple. i came out in 2008 to my parents and then 2011 to the rest of my family. i have not recovered. you are very lucky LUCKY to have the life you have now.
We need an update video... thanks for your story.
I'm not sure why he calls his story disjointed. I found it very straightforward and well narrated.
you are so awesome, thanks for sharing.
Oh, the pain you suffered. It's so wrong. But you emerged from it a much better person. More than a decade later, I can only hope you're happier and healthier than ever.
@jmike1017
Ciao Bello!
Mike is it? "Uomo Molto Bello e Espressivo" that's "One Beautiful or Handsome if you prefer, Expressive Man"! I'm so glad you "Had the Urge", because you've entered a great contribution to the "Coming Out" Archive here! I'm sure "Uomo Bello" that many will find it edifying, just as I Bobby Griffiths' (Prayers for Bobby) old lover/boyfriend "Blaine" here have !
Thank you for telling the story of your life. Spend it good in love.
thanks for your story
This guy is keeping it real. Shows his humanity.
Thanks for this video :)
Exceptional video. Good luck with your bf. I've been with mine for 16 happy years. Good luck.
Please update your story!!!
continuing the lie would have really messed up her life - and yours. If you can't love yourself for who you are, you can not love others.
If you were going to stay together (I respect that you didn't want to leave her high and dry), the living arrangement/environment had to change. Perhaps a new space that afforded you both a modicum of privacy was called for.
Regardless, no one walks away from the end of ANY relationship, whatever the cause, without scars. Hopefully the ongoing healing for both of you will help you both grow closer and stronger with the honesty, rather than further apart.
this is so cute!
You're my type of guy. I hope you'll come to France this year ;-)
+Frenchlad He's everyone's type!
My sister doesn't agree with you !
+Brad David Not reallly.
+Erick D You jealllous ;-)
So happy for you that you found the courage to be who you were born to be. Best wishes for a good life. Time will heal the wounds of the past, even though the scars may remain. You deserve Joy for your present and future 💙🏳️🌈⭐️🌈💪💜🇺🇸👍
Great 👍 video. Hope you are well.
Whatever your personal reasons, You KNOW that you are now truly yourself. Some unfortunate people live a life which is a lie,and now you must feel reborn. Have a great life.
.
Life is short. When the end comes, as you lie dying, the only thing that will matter is what love you have!
It still shocks me when I hear someone say they're from Buffalo 🤯🤯 I moved from there in 1984.
You should do an update, I'm 20 and I'm thinking about starting to experiment my sexuality, I knew I was gay about a year ago but I constantly think about the suffering Many grown (born in the 80's and 90's) homosexual men had to go through I hope you're doing well and I wish you the best, you're a gorgeous man and I hope your life gets better☺️❤️ and I'm expecting you to do an update💓💓☺️
Brave. God bless. Lucky with your girlfriend - 7 years... and counting!
I wish jmike1017 would make an update video. Very awe inspiring and I am in a similar situation. Would love to know what happened after this video.
thanks for sharing your story...stay happy....and you're so cute ;-)
Arrive late is better than never arrive!
Good for you Mike! When I hear stories about a gay man spending several years with a woman, most of them living together, I wonder. She thinks their romantic life isn't great but it's OK? How do you have a romantic life with a woman before she starts asking what's going on? When I tried to date women, they eventually wondered why I wasn't trying harder. But maybe these guys are further along on the bisexual scale than I am?
I love you dude
How's your life now , many years later? I'm interested in hearing. Did you find the love of your life?
Nice video! :)
Hi I'm here watching
7 years is really LONG! I feel really sorry for her but well, at least you didn't come out after marriage so hey, kudos to you for coming out!
I'm kinda in the same shoes. Almost 24 and have recently started to come out gradually so I totally understand how it feels to come out at such a late age. Coming out is the single most scary experience for a gay man but it's like a passage of rite.
One hurdle down, next, find a husbando lol.
He moved to Chicago to follow his girlfriend, paying her rent while she bought food. At 06:40 he describes this, and how after he came out to her, therapy helped them "decide" that he would stay suffocated in the closet, still paying her rent, while she finished school. You can see that for him to strike this "compromise" he was still under the oppressive blue pill thinking and that she still needed his financial support, even if it was at his psychological expense. No surprise that this bad arrangement lasted only a month before he needed air to breathe and then she blew up that her rent money wanted his own life. He moved out and she learned that she could indeed pay for herself after all, no more reliance upon the unmarried man she manipulated to follow her to Chicago to help pay for her schooling costs. Not only did he come out of the closet but he stopped being her bitch. Now, if only straight guys could figure that out.
John, money is NOT a deciding factor in relationships. If he could afford the rent and that was OK for him to pay and not share the costs that is OK. It could have been anyone without any other form of attachment and if he felt that it was Ok so be it. I am not so sure that he felt taken upon because of he supported her financially. He even said that she was the most important person in his life. My uncle paid all the expenses of his mother in law even after his wife had passed away. I think money doesn't have the power that you described to everyone else. Perhaps it is just a different philosophy of life. I am pretty sure that he doesn't think of her as a "bitch" as you put.
No, I didn't say that he thought of her as a bitch. I said he was being _her_ bitch, for subjugating his best interests to hers. It's a slang term representing subjugation and not temperament. I believe this man was sincere in saying that she was the most important person in his life, but you may be underestimating the ability and facility of women to cold-bloodedly use men as utilities, especially in the ethical crossroads she found herself at by his revelation. Even if she didn't manipulate him to follow her in HER move to Chicago, I believe that, once he said he was gay, she thought to herself, "Well, heck, if he wants to hang around and pay my rent, well, OKAY! I won't advocate for HIS best interests! Works for ME!" People can rationalize like that when they are in a pinch. She got her situation fulfilled while he did not. She knew this, and it was her ethics that failed her here. She knew she should not be taking his money any longer but it was, frankly, the easy way out for her at the moment. Do you think for a minute that, if the roles were reversed and she was gay, she would fund his life at her sacrifice? Oh, heck no. She'd move out and he'd be on his own, without her financial help. Woman are too in tune to their self interests to ever set them aside as readily as a man sets his aside, as this man did here. She knew she was the beneficiary of this arrangement, and I know he was too nice a guy to put himself first, so he made a bad deal which fell apart after a month. That was the proof it was an unbalanced deal. He really needed to separate from her, and she really needed to let him.
+John Smith one thing was worse which to my astonishment he quickly realised. She pushed him to agree to not meet or see men until she finished school. Ostensibly she was re victimising him, castrating him for her selfish emotional needs and he was re victimising himself by agreeing. She used emotional blackmail. If the therapist agreed to this plan of him paying and remaining celibate then the therapist should be shot.
Fortunately he awoke from this trance and got away.
would love to hear how you are doing. please update. thank you
Dam he is handsome. Love the mustache
The world already knows who we are whether we come out or not
I'm seeing this in April 2019 I hope you married your boyfriend by now. Good video, thanks for sharing.
you are out ;) great videio ;)
I feel sorry for her, but if it would have gone the same as usual, things would have turned out really bad in the end. It's better now than in ten years when you have kids! It's better to say it than to hide it and live miserably.
IKR
awesome
more video?
have read some of the stupid cruel messages on this video...........hey Man, there is so much bullshit in this world...just let it pass you by. I wish I had the courage to tell the world about who I am.....you are very special and please be well
❤️
You're cute!! Representing WNY!!! Woot Woot!! Are you still in the Chicago area? (^_^ )/ #SpreadingTheLove