Esther Perel | The State of Affairs
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ต.ค. 2017
- Famed couples’ therapist Esther Perel takes a fresh look at an age-old taboo in her new book “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.”
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In “The State of Affairs, Esther argues that affairs have a lot to teach us about marriage. They offer a window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Infidelity is considered one of the most traumatic events that can befall a couple, yet this all too common experience is poorly understood. Using real-life stories pulled from couples visiting her therapy practice over the past decade, Esther implores her readers to engage in a new conversation about the topic, in the hope of gaining a better understanding of the meaning of trust and fidelity.
Psychotherapist Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she holds a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 18 million views and her bestseller “Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence” became a global phenomenon translated into 24 languages.
Esther appears in conversation with New York Times reporter Patricia Cohen, whose most recent book is “In Our Prime: The Invention of Middle Age.”
Recorded October 11, 2017 - บันเทิง
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Esther is the single most intelligent person in the world in my opinion. She is a true role model in wisdom, humor, insight, energy. I am reading now her first book, "Mating in Captivity". Masterpiece, I can't get enough of her wisdom. I will read "The state of Affairs" right after. She has the power to truly change lives with her knowledge!
Rossana Motta
You are intelligent too gleaned fm your blurb.
Razvan Marin
What is the gist?
Rossana Motta I completely agree with you!! She is an amazing women with such energy and commitment to educate. Her experience and perspectives are so relatable and wise. Lovely to find someone else who values her as much as I do myself. Have you had a good search here on TH-cam there is so many of her interviews and presentations. Google has all her current published real life sessions with clients too, it's also free there . They provide such an insight into love and relationships. 😀
@Razvan Marin I totally agree! When I thought of this people thought I was stupid/crazy or I will allow myself to get used or try to use someone but there's always a deeper truth about life that many people don't have the open-mindedness to consider. So I love finding people like Esther Perel.
@She Rolls After reading both, I totally believe they are true masterpieces. Worth every minute invested in reading them and every penny to pay for them.
Esther is incredible. I love the way she sees things. She helps me every time I hear her.
Esther is my latest guru! She's very good! A therapist has the great fortune of listening to the many woes of the greater public, compiling said information, constructing a synopsis of what, when, why, where, and how, and presents to us so profoundly. Never heard of her before, but I'm listening lately.
The more I listen to her the more I am falling in love with her!! I have got the Book at hand..... yet to start. Reading Mating in Captivity at the moment!!! Amazed!! Cheers!
What an amazing human being, wish I knew about her years ago, two years on and I still love listening and learning from her. I think her wisdom and insight gives us better coping and thinking tools.
eloquence and elegance WOW Ester thank you
Authoritative; not judgmental. Enlightening discourse.
Thank you, Dr Perel!
Wow!!! This woman is so intelligent and funny! I'm in love!!! 😍
me too!
Powerful and loving. What a great read for all of us! Thank you
Esther is amazing with her words, they sound like poetry each time she explains something😍... and I have to admit I am truly losing the little hope I had in society and relationships smh. People are really the epitome of being imperfect😐
Esther Perel is changing the 'love world' that she reaches with her impressive videos, books, ipods, sense of humor, and amazing conferences. ILH!
Magnificent Esther. Really insightful, articulate, effective. From one clinician to another, thank you.
Absolutely fascinating stuff. So beautifully and compassionately explained the most inexplicable of human nature
Love your theory! So mentally stimulating and intriguing.
That lady next to Ester her face is like I smell shit .....lol
mrazik131~Omg, now I can't stop laughing bc it's so true.🤣😂😂🤣
🎯
For Or against Infidelity?
Answer Yes 😂
Not condemning is not condoning 👍
This makes me sad. “Even people in happy relationships cheat.”
I don’t feel safe in a happy relationship now. The one time I strayed from just expecting to be disappointed by everyone, I was disappointed & betrayed by one I didn’t expect it from.
Never again...
Expect to be disappointed and you’ll never be disappointed.
Yes betrayed and it’s awful hurts my heart.
At 50 minutes the expression on the interviewers face is so pleasant!
Love this woman
A gem
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
I have listened to many youtube talk events with Esther. I like her thinking, and I look forward to reading her book. I think the repetition of the talks is to get this profound info into our mind, which is offering another point of view. I have been searching for ideas on the info about transgression and divorce. Affairs and betrayal are epidemics in society. There was no apology for the behavior.
The interviewers face when people are asking the questions though xDDDD
There are unique situations ; mine is one. I'm denied the closeness with my daughter as a means of vengeance. Some are barren.
Is this book in Spanish somewhere??
Simply we are not made for only one partner. Why so called
love must become the biggest chain in life?
Agree!
Everyone who has or had an affair strongly are against his or her partner having an affair too ..why??
30:00 1:00:00 best!
True intimacy is when you're able to tolerate otherness in your midst. Its not about sameness !
She is explaining difficult concepts and the truth is hard to hear. It does not seem like the women sitting next to her can relate or agree. She is like what kinda shit is esther propogating but this is the truth. Someone said some people are just philanderers. That is also true. However, this helps victims deal with it better.
Hina Jehan
Eloquently said...
I don't get that vibe. I think the interview is helping to guide the author to pertinent passages. Interviewers don't always need to speak a lot.
Aaaammmmaaaaazzzzziiiiinnnnngggggg
9:51 true
I am an ardent follower I am learning and applying in my career.
What about multiple affairs. Multiple women? It is possible to get over doing one woman. What about more than one or two or three? Is it possible?
Kira Staley
Harem?
It is practiced even today.
That would be entirely up to the betrayed partner to decide where their own boundaries lay. Even one betrayal is one too many for some.
It possible it just makes the recovery work harder to do but with commitments on both parties it can be turn around
Smart
What is a perfect love? What is a real connection? What is a truth and a lie? When does public humiliation work? And when are private sessions appropriate/ no matter the cost. EXPLAIN.
Infidelity is NEVER ok. People can justify anything.
Nope it is never ok, I think the question is can we heal from it and can the relationship be reconciled?
Marina Alexis you can but it takes works and being commited to the cause
E.P. The epitome of true love. 💕... me.
The guy's question at 30:28 app to help couples succeed affair early warning technology...
seriously... he thinks an app is going to stop someone from cheating???
yikes! this is a guy who probably didn't sit down with his wife and ask why she cheated and
instead just thought he could "fix" whatever their problem was with tech.
True intimacy is the ability to tolerate otherness in your midst & not just sameness.
I thoroughly enjoyed the book the state of affairs but actually became physically ill while reading it it seems the way you wrote the book that an affair is almost inevitable so why bother in the first place
that's how I feel.. Why even have a relationship
i also felt that way
All men cheat so why bother?
In this book, she digs into the psychology of what drives a person's choice! If EVERYONE would dare look at those underlying reasons, have open and loving conversations BEFORE the affair happens we could rebuild our family structures as a result of being able to understand each other. Emotional intelligence is difficult and NECESSARY.
@VKRGFAN I agree, I was a cheater many times over in my past relationships and yes I did justify my actions but that is because I lacked emotional intelligence. I could not connect my thinking to my emotions, thus, being unable to really feel for the pain that I was causing. It was until I started seeing a therapist that really opened me up and made me realize that a lot of my past childhood had everything to do with my present. Now, I am still seeing a therapist as well as doing work on myself such as reading books, listening to podcasts, and actually practicing these new tools that I'm learning with my new partner. Cheaters can change if they actually acknowledge that there is a problem.
GIVE PEOPLE EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL FREEDOM. YAY!
When opportunity presented itself, like a traveling salesman is away from home for four days a week and hook up with the motel check in clerk or a waitress. The wife does not know what this married traveling salesman does when he is on the road.
And he doesn't know what she doing while he's on the Road.
@@michaelseidenberg2323 There should be trust and respect between the husband and the wife. .As proven most traveling salesmen have affairs on the road while the wives stay home taking care of the kids. Divorce rates are extremely high for these couples.
The woman next to her... Her face says: "I smell shit"
New worlds needs new strategy , if we trained a robot, then that robot can make changes in our life , but the difference is robot takes the order’s.
It's very simple. Stop being fucking selfish. It's not just about you. You want to sleep with someone else? Fine. Leave and go. But if you lie, withdraw from your partner but still hang onto them that's just wrong. Either try to work things out or leave. But you can't have your cake and eat it too.
Lol! She's stating the truth.
So now people cheat because it helps to keep the marriage together? Women must have 100 times the opportunity.
Glad I never married.
22:11 25:20: the explorers repair by re-pair.it's a catalyst for transformation. Don't cling to the victim role .46:08: the change in the couple 54:30 affairs in the digital era 1:03:11 Pick another story and beware not being recruited for a play that you didn't auditioned for.
Very interesting...(intellectual crush)
Esther more women are on Ashley Madison then Men. But you say Women are closing the Gap. It appears they are leading. Just let me add, People lie numbers don't.
Sorry I find her vacuous. British zoologist Desmond Morris deals with relationships in his book Intimate behaviour in a more precise manner. He is still alive and is 93.
Do you think it’s worth it to save a marriage after the husband cheated before the marriage and continues to have a wandering eye after the marriage and like other exes half naked pictures on instagram even though those exes were in committed relationships and about to get married. What about if that man sends his wife a picture of a naked politician who had a sex scandal and that shows his naked penis while he was masturbating, and that man says that it’s just because it’s a funny scandal and doesn’t mean he is a pervert sending pictures of naked men to his wife. What does it mean about his character?
I loved your playfulness and the naughty twinkle in your eyes
If you pay attention to what she says you will realize that she says the same over and over again. He presentations are identical and everybody probably think what an expert opinion. She repeats herself in every talk. Well, it is the same topic that she the expert on but she has sentences that copy and paste all the time. What do you think? Just pay careful attention and then let's talk.
Is it that she’s repeating herself or are people asking the same questions?
@@Alix_L she is one speaker/motivator and we are millions. Chances to repeat a question in a common issue? For sure will repeat the question but one person answering to issues, pure copy and paste. One size fits all? No applicable
She's speaking about the same topics (3 or 4) at different places to different groups of people, hence her talks/speeches are similar. Also, why the hell does something like that even bother you? Haters always gonna hate right.
Think about musicians who have to play the same song over and over again and how much we love it when it is copied or shows up in a movie! She is brilliant!
People don't want to be married.