As a cis-male ally know that some of us will do anything to help. A incident at a bar a few days ago a young cis-male guy was being harassed after exiting the bathroom the attacker was demanding that he show him proof he was a male. That didn't end well for the asshole, when me and another guy asked him if he wanted proof from us, or to show proof himself. as for sitting to urinate, I know plenty of cis-men who sit, not really a thing to me. another thing is don't pick on my biggest fear. spiders are evil little things that scare the living hell out of me dammit. I've almost knocked myself out before from running. Lol!
Raff J He was rather feminine, so I guess that he thought it was a woman, or trans and was upset. I don't know I only caught the confrontation on my way to the restroom. the poor guy was scared to death.
Raff J Well a straight guy in a gay bar should definitely learn his manners. he was lucky his GF dragged him out before it turned physical. I refuse to tolerate bullies.
Agree, also guys pee when then poop most of the time. Not unusual to hear a guy peeing when he poops. Tons of guys also are pee shy and cannot use the urinals. From my experience up to 10 % use the toilets to pee. To hear peeing in the toilets is not unusual at all. Know cause I'm in the locker room at the YMCA every day seen 100 of guy go in and pee. LOL
DO NOT hold your urine! I KNOW it's easier said then done, I am a trans man as well, and I still do it some times. But about two years ago I went into septic shock with a kidney infection and let me tell you...I have never experienced that amount of pain in my life. I was literally bedridden for 3 months and it almost killed me. I'm not exaggerating. I even preach this to cis people as I work outdoors and we don't always have access to a restroom. From someone who's been there PLEASE do not hold your urine ✌️💙
Same! I got pyelonephritis and a heavy e-coli infection, nearly died, was rushed through emergency, lost a couple of organs, and was bedridden with some of the worst pain I've ever felt, even on morphine, for about 3 months. It's not fucking worth it... I'd piss my pants before having to go through that all over again! Nobody deserves to live a life where they might die horribly because some other people think it's 'weird' and try to deny them the right to just a damn piss safely.
there's an app called refuge restrooms and its really important for me as a pre-everything very young trans guy. It basically locates every gender-netrual bathroom near you so you dont have to worry about that. It's seriously a life saver and i recommend it 😌
you took the words right out of my mouth. I always try to explain this to people and nobody gets it. I will for sure be showing people this video, you explain the situation so well.
I fear the bathroom because I am a trans man that is pre t and I don't own a binder yet so I have to go in the woman's bathroom for my own safety but even that isn't safe a lot of the time. I have gotten weird looks and approached and it's scary.
Yup, I have chronic UTIs from holding it so long. I almost got beaten up once. Thank God someone intervened before things escalated. I am so beyond tired of people making this about CIS PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. Like no, this is about OUR SAFETY, DAMN IT!
Every time. Every time I go to the public bathroom, I have this mild anxiety attack like they must know and I'm going to be in danger. More danger. Thank you for making this. I don't feel like the only one anymore.
I'm a genderfluid AMAB person and I don't like going to the men's room! I used to go to the women's room with my mom when I was little, but not anymore (I'm almost 22 and like when I was 10 I started to only go the men's room). I prefer the women's room to the men's room but I would definitely prefer a gender neutral bathroom. I know some cis men or AMAB male presenting people who pee sitting down (I used to do it for many years), so, you and other trans men are not alone (I hope this makes you feel at least a little better). This world needs a lot of changes in terms of trans issues. Let's be the protagonists of the gender revolution! Love you Aydian
I'm not on T yet, so I still use the women's washroom, but I can say it's definitely one of my biggest fears moving forward. even now I try to avoid the washroom as much as I can in public, but I know it's not always an option unless you want to risk hurting yourself. just so tired of non oppressed ppl always turning situations around to be about them and how it negatively affects them
Hey dude. This couldn't have come at a better time. Recently I've been feeling a lot of fear when going to the bathroom anywhere; public and even in my university. Nightclubs are the worst because I've had those experiences which you mentioned about people banging on the stalls, peeing outside instead and even worse. All various levels of terrifying and humiliating. I've dealt with it well in the past but realistically it was probably a narrow escape from something bad and I'm not sure that my faked confidence would save me in all situations. However, luckily my uni is currently having a lot of work done and so they have a public platform for feedback. I mentioned being trans and that bathrooms should either have more stalls or have gender neutral bathrooms. The reason I mentioned this is because other cis guys responded to what I said and backed up my points saying "this guys got the right idea" and so while I feel terrified, I'm choosing to see that as a positive moment. Thanks for a great video man. Have a good day.
The need for me to pee, has ruined date night, more than once. I am not happy you feel this way, however, I'm happy you feel this way too. Sometimes I feel crazy about all the same stuff.
I pee standing up and have for years because I refuse to be a girl or do anything like a girl. I have gotten pretty got at peeing standing up just turned around and I don't put my pants all the way on the ground. I even hold them away from me so I don't splatter pee on the back of my pants. It's totally natural now. I don't even think about it. I'm really glad you shared your feelings!
Don't know how I ended up here, but you should know that LOTS of guys sit down to pee. There are a few reasons for this. If you have an erection (or even a slight one) it's almost impossible to pee. Sitting down somehow relaxes the groin and enables you to pee easier. Also, (if the toilet is clean) sitting down is an excuse to chill for a minute. There are also times when men are "pee-shy" (VERY COMMON) and can't pee when someone is next to them. Other guys go in the stall and sit as to avoid gay men who might be hanging around to check out the guys at the urinal. Then there's always the issue of: sometimes when you gotta go, you're not always sure if it's number 1 or number 2 (or both) so you sit just to be safe. So take a seat in the stall. No dude will think twice, and as an added bonus, they'll prob think you're taking a dump and want to leave the mens room QUICKER. You'll have the room to yourself. Hope this helps.
I'm a 19 years old Pre-T trans guy, and I had to use a public restroom like 4 or 5 times, and I went to the guys restroom, I was lucky that 4 of those 5 times I was at the bathroom alone or maybe just one person was there, but I tell you, I was still so fucking scared that someone noticed that I was not a guy, 'cause I look like a 15 years old and so skinny and not tall at all. And now you, that you're a fully grown trans man, is scared too, man... society is so fucked up... And sometimes I'm so scared to go there that I go to the girls', but they freak out and they don't want me there, so since those times, I can’t go to a bathroom anymore (that happened at my university) I wait until I home to pee or another thing... I hope one day people will see us like who we are... :/
Awesome truth-telling. I deal with women running from me, or reacting with fear, or calling security, when they see me in the women's room, even though I am in a female body (which I sometimes hate more and more). When I was 12, a woman hit me with her purse saying a boy was in the women's bathroom. Everyone deserves the basic right to relieve themselves however they choose. I try to avoid public restrooms, unless it's a one-off because it's so exhausting dealing with people's ignorance, fear, whatever.
I think it's awesome how you still struggle with this issue because I struggle with it & I haven't even gotten top surgery yet or have a lot of facial hair. So hearing this puts me at ease even tho I'm scared to piss most times in public. People think since I'm out it's not a problem to piss in public. 😒
I'm not gay, or trans, and I've always thought people should use the bathroom for the gender they identify with. This video actual struck a cord for me because I never realized why someone like you, who clearly looks male, would fear for their safety while using the bathroom. The fact that people are so concerned with what people are doing in the stall next to them is so beyond me. I'm sorry that this is what you have to deal with.
Thanks for uploading. I went to a bowling alley that had an inch crack in the door and it didn't lock on top of that. It was terrifying. Now that I have my STP, I'd rather piss on myself than sit down in the men's room because of that fear.
I cant use either restroom without having an issue because of the way that I look. problem starts at the entrance of the restroom. I have a large chest that a binder does NOT help with and a beard that I refuse to shave completely away. I hadn't really thought about further issue in a stall because I am still a step behind that at approaching which bathroom to go into to begin with. every single time I am in public and have to pee, I have to take a few minutes beforehand to prepare myself for any type of confrontation. I have been stopped by management because the restrooms were located down a long hallway and the womens restroom was closed, assuming it was the womens room I was headed towards. thankyou for posting this video. I appreciate your honesty about how you feel and pointing out that it doesn't matter what you look like.
I don’t even think about peeing in a public restroom. I’ve been doing it all my life and it’s second nature. It’s sad watching the video and reading the comments about how scary it is for so many. I had no idea this was going on. You all have a right to use any restroom you choose without fear. I will be more understanding moving forward.
I am terrified, I am not out to anybody but 2 of my closest friends and though I see myself as male I dont appear it and I am to terrified to use the mens room, but everytime I use the womens I get stared at as if I dont belong!!! Thank you for pointing out appearance has nothing to do with the fear!
I have been scared so many times in bathroom even before I came out as ftm I've had people yell at me every time I was in the female bathroom and even though no one has ever said anything to me in the men's restroom I would still be paranoid there's been so many times I've walked in a bathroom and then walked right out or just the other day I went to the bathroom at work and this construction guy went in the stall next to me and I got so scared and paranoid he knew I was trans that I walked all the way to the back to use restroom
Definitely hate going to public bathrooms. ive gotten yelled at in the womens bathroom and followed and men if they know me always have a comment. Never to my face though. its frustrating
This one is tough for me. I get shit all the time about my appearance and honestly it pisses me right off, but I never do anything or say anything because I don't want to do the whole "violence on violence" thing, but lately I've been wanting to say something back, stick up for myself rather but I'm worried that if I do, it will just worse because then I might get violent and I really don't need the problems. It's just so hard to keep walking away from the bullying and harassments.
Going to the bathroom everyday is a struggle. Glad someone finally said it! When I was in high school I went to the womens bathroom I was waiting outside the stall and and an old lady came out gave me stink eye then went crazy on me saying why am I in there I was not suppose to be in there she was holding an umbrella trying to hit me with it. That is why for a long time I can not go into the bathroom by myself I need to bring a friend with me. Even today I try not go into a public restroom. Its so scary. If I go into the male bathroom I'm scared I'll get beaten up or something, If I go to the womens bathroom people giving me the look.
Yeah I've become surprisingly perceptive in public bathrooms. As soon as I walk in I scope out everyone in there and only use a stall if there's going to be no one next to me. If someone comes in next to me I've developed a slew of little techniques so nobody can hear my pee. I do it all without even thinking at this point lol.
I can't imagine how bad this is for you, I'm sorry that you have to go through that in life. Just know that me and many others support you, you're an awesome role model Aydian, I'll be looking for those workout videos! Keep your chin up you rock!
when i traveled to europe (Austria and the Czech Republic) the public washrooms were like little closets even in the worst conditions and at nightclubs. I felt more comfortable in a foreign country, for many reasons, than I do in Canada or the US.
I think another thing you may not have wanted to mention is that as trans men, the junk we have makes us feel like targets. Even though we aren't women, there's this pervasive cultural idea that if you have a cooter you're at risk. It's fucked up but that's the fear we live with.
I got permission at school to use the men's bathroom and when I went in there one of my main bullies where in there and kept pounding on the door calling me "dike" and other names such as that.. I was late to my next class because of having to wait till he left... I never went in the men's bathroom again at school after that
as a trans guy who turns 15 in a couple months, pre - t. I don't pass as well as I perhaps want to, I used the mens bathroom just yesterday for the first time.. ever. It was definitely an experience that I found very nerve racking, and I was filled with anxiety walking in, how ever there were very little people coming in and out while I was in there, the best thing to do for me was just to get in and out of there as fast as I possibly could, great video man.
I have always been terrified to use the bathroom. I was in the bathroom at the library before I had my stp and some guy asked why I was sitting down as well. Then when I got out of the stall the same guy was WAITING for me. Then when I stepped out he started walking towards me and telling me I shouldn't be in there because some guy like him (his words) would be tempted to do "nasty" things to me. That really scared the shit out of me. I would hold it when I was in school and had UTIs all the time and my parents just couldn't understand why I had them, but I couldn't tell them.
Im nonbinary AFAB and I get scared in the bathroom but mostly nervous, not too scared since I cant really pass well. I hate those stalls with cracks that you can see people through. I would sometimes go to the female bathroom and have to adjust in my binder and worry that someone would see me. I once had to use the bathroom but the female bathroom was locked. I was then was going to go to the men's bathroom, which was completely empty, but remembered that with more people hearing about trans people I really don't want to be caught in there and questioned. I just held it in until I got home. Thanks for making this video because I didn't know people who passed so well had to struggle with fear of going into the bathroom too. That sucks.
I am 2 months on T and I am scared to use any bathroom in public so I usually just hold it until I get home but yeah I am glad you made this video and that picture.
I used to not be afraid to used the men's bathroom even in before I started T. I was confident and wasn't ever afraid until I had my first bad experience. I was trapped in a stall by a large cis male threatening to kick me ass because he knew I was a 'girl' because he looked into the stall. After that traumatizing experience I have had multiple other bad experiences and I am absolutely terrified to use a a public bathroom. I think it's nice that you talked about it though especially as a trans guy who's a lot farther in his transition. It was nice to know that I'm not alone in my fear of bathroom. For a long time I felt like I wasn't allowed to be afraid because other trans men would tell me I had no reason to be afraid because I 'passed' more than them or because I live in Eugene and it's such a 'liberal' town so according to others I wasn't allowed to be afraid. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings regarding bathrooms, it's definitely not talked about as much as it should be.
I think you are very right. And I saw the picture you posted on instagram , I think it says that the world should know.👌🏽 I'm trans* and Yesterday I was in an restaurant using the bathroom. And I was in a City no one knew me, so I went straight into the mens room. First, there was just one Toilet and second, the door was so broken that it didn't really matter that there was one. But I had to pee and because the universe hates me someone knocked at the door asking why it takes so long to pee. That made me so nervous, I couldn't do anything. I think I waited 15minutes till he was gone. My best friend thought I died in there because it took so long. Sorry for my bad English. I'm just a German guy trying his best. 🇩🇪
tobyr3 THX, it just because my engish teacher tells me every lesson that I'm as bad as someone in primary school, so I thougt I should apologize. But tanks that's very nice.👌
i totally agree with you! it's freaking terrifying to go use a public restroom I get so scared that I sometimes have to sit there for a good minute pretending that I a have to take a dump jst I don't get questioned! it's one of my biggest fears of all time tbh...
I have watched almost all of your video's and this one hit home the most of all of them. I am a cis woman with a trans husband and this is exactly how he feels and I feel just like your wife, I am also terrified everytime he goes into a public bathroom and still stand outside everytime ready to bust in if I think something is wrong ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing this video and that picture. You often make me feel like I am not alone in a lot of my fearful challenges and I thank you for your voice. My wife and I are terrified to travel at times because Lately we feel like walking targets. We are respected in our community, but feeling tethered to our location feels suffocating. Every time you make videos like this I am glued to the screen. I have been in every situation you described and it is an absolute disgrace what the rhetoric around this issue does to the community. Thank you for capturing the vulnerability of the situation. We love your love and your passion. You are an absolute beacon of hope and positivity and I thank you for your open presentation of navigating life as you are. I honor your voice and your perspective on this. Push on❤️🙌🏾 Also.... I recently found this site, and I have been adding "safe zones" in my area. I encourage everyone to try so we aren't holding it all the time. As a trans man with a very sensitive stomach sometimes I am in actual prayer to great jeebus above for a safe toilet that is private. I move from safe zone to zone so I have options. I have found that many improv theaters in America have single stall restrooms and are full of allies. Good luck friends www.refugerestrooms.org
I forgot to lock the door on a single-occupancy men's room once about a year ago, and someone didn't knock and opened the door while I was sitting on the toilet. Now I've had to check the lock on any restroom//stall I use, 10+ times each time, before I feel comfortable enough to take my eyes & hands off the lock and do my business. And I 100% cannot use multiple-occupancy men's rooms if there's more than a few people already in it.... All the things you mentioned are the same for me too. Hate being the subject of political, religion-driven bullshit and they don't even care that they're hurting hundreds of thousands of us.
Went to a comic convention this weekend and they had a gender neutral bathroom, and honest to god that was the most comfortable and safe I have felt in a bathroom since i came out, so in almost two years. It was really awesome. Hope to see more of this in public
I'm pre t and still look feminine but I already know that when I use the men's restroom in the future, I'm just gonna use the "I have diarrhea poops" excuse. No one can tell the difference
I can completely agree and understand where you are coming from. every thing you talked I feel the exact same way.... thank you for broaching this topic. .
I'm always scared to use the men's restroom (except at work where I'm completely out and only work half a dozen guys). But in public...I have to calm my head and at the same time talk myself into going. The worst for me when I flew out of state for top surgery. One airport restroom was filled and all stall were in use, but I HAD to go! I didn't know "where" to stand to wait for the next stall since there were urinals (still don't know the appropriate place) so I I was turning to go find another restroom one open I I bolted inside. I think guys just thought I had to poop really bad but I did stay in longer than it took me just in case. I definitely don't like airport restrooms and glad I don't fly often.
I have bathroom issues too. I've noticed that it's gotten worse over the last few months to a year+. It's like, even though i'm not on T, I can pass SOMETIMES, so it's awkward to get the up and down "wtf are you doing here" look in the women's bathroom. The men's public bathroom is like a death sentence, end of story. So now, I've found myself routing my whole day around not having to use the bathroom, or knowing where a gender neutral stall is and working with that in my day. Even when i'm in a safe LGBT place, using the men's bathroom, I will legit wait in a stall if another person comes in/ is already in there, and that could take a good extra 5 minutes if they take their sweet ass time. I've even gone so far as to not eat or drink (especially drink) while i'm out to avoid having to use the bathroom, and that could be bad when you're wearing a binder all day. I almost passed out once. It's annoying and sad, because i'm with friends who feel fine using the bathroom, yet i'm staring at the doors like... do I want to be judged while I pee or possibly jumped? It's not even something that I could work on, I think this will be a life thing. :/
I agree with this, I’m only a month and a half on T but I pass, but I’m still terrified of going into the men’s restroom more so at my work because people have already made comments when I’m using the restroom....
I’ve been afraid to use public bathrooms since kindergarten. I’m and trans guy that only recently accepted myself as trans and came out to family/friends as trans in the past year. When I was in kindergarten my mom gave me the famous bowl cut haircut. And always like to dress in my twin brothers handmedowns. I went into the girls washroom once and another kindergarten girl looked at me to confused while drying her hands and asked me “what are you doing in here this is the girls washroom?”. I was confused because I knew her and so didn’t understand why she thought I was in the wrong bathroom. And her confusion and hesitation towards me scared me. All my life up to that point I was told to go in the girls room. So I did. And then another girls said it was wrong. I really don’t like making people uncomfortable, always been that way. Since then I’ve been nervous of bathrooms and it just kept getting reinforced as I got older and those scenarios kept happening even at times in my life when my hair was long and I thought I was feminine enough(while still trying to fill some of my masculine looking desires) to not confuse people. I’ve waited outside a bathroom for almost an hour to ensure no one was in there anymore so I could run in, pee, wash and hopefully run out before someone came. Also the waiting in the stall for the sink area to be empty. I used to feel so ashamed for having to do that to feel safe. Thought it was just me. Silly to think it’s just me.
i hate using the men's bathroom at concerts. big queue, and whfn i'm at the front i have to let everyone go before me until the stall is free, and then there's always that one person that yells "oh no, he's taking a shit"
I'm scared in a crowded room or in front of a crowd. I'm not scared when I have to use the restroom. I do, however use a single stall "unisex" restroom when it's available because I prefer it. But if it's not available I just use whatever. No need to panic. Being fearful and awkward in a restroom draws way more attention than anything else. Those are my 2 cents.
these are literally all my fears. i absolutely HATE public bathrooms and avoid using them at all costs. it goes as far as me not drinking any liquids if i go out, it doesn't even matter if i want something to drink as long as i don't end up needing to go. it sucks too cause my bladder seems to have weakened too like when i need to go now it feels like i can't even hold it. i absolutely dread needing to go when i'm not home, and i get so stressed out just thinking about controlling my bladder in some way. like today, i really needed to go when i wasn't at home, and wasn't gonna be home in a while, so i had no other choice but to use public. it honestly felt like i was walking to my death, a bit melodramatic but that's what it felt like. i'm not trans, but i guess i consider myself non binary, i dress entirely like a guy tbh. i have used the men's room before cause fuck it (lol) but there's always that fear that i won't pass as a guy, and using the women's room is torture too because there's always the inevitable staring, for at least 5 seconds from someone, and i feel like i have to act feminine when i'm in the women's and it sucks because that's not me. i've never been girly or feminine in the slightest, and that's me denying my true self, at least that's what it feels like. but anyways, i ended up using the women's bathroom and was just praying there was no one in there. thankfully there wasn't, but then there's the fear of walking out. like someone might see me, looking exactly like a guy, coming out the women's bathroom, what might they think? i just needed to use the restroom but nowadays anyone thinks anything, so going into the bathroom is as dangerous as walking out for us trans/non binary folk. i don't want to end up with some bladder infection or anything more serious because of not going when i need to, but my anxiety levels just go through the roof when i'm in a situation like, and i feel stuck. and it's honestly the worst feeling.
I've actually never been afraid in a public restroom. Probably because I never really thought much about it. Granted I also use an STP and can use a urinal, but even times I haven't worn it or didn't want to mess with it, it's just never really crossed my mind. Not because I'm "so secure" by ANY means, I've just always been distracted by something else or focused on what I was doing before or after I went in the restroom. If I sat and focused on if my stream sounded strong enough or if someone was watching the direction my feet, I'd probably freak myself out. But I've got anxiety about enough things to be adding that to the list lol
I'm glad you mentioned that continuing fear. Some cis guys prefer to pee while sitting. It's sad that there is peer pressure for cis guys to pee while standing, as if it were a demonstration of their masculinity. Peeing, for anyone involves relaxing those urinary sphincter muscles so the flow can begin. Fear and pain can distract from that relaxing effort. It is often referred to as "pee shyness." It often affects guys at urinals if someone is next to them. It's one reason cis guys will use stalls instead. I've heard that some trans guys adjust the way they pee while sitting so the pee sound is reduced, or stream like. It's sad that some feel that's needed.
It's true. Especially now that people are much more aware of trans people. I've never actually had an issue using the men's bathroom but this one time this guy was using the hand dryer next to me and he was looking at me and I got that spike of adrenaline thinking that this guy was going to try to start crap or try to question me about being in the bathroom. He didn't do anything and I didn't look at him or change my stance but I thought I was going to be in a fight in the bathroom. I also adjusted the way that I pee and have cussed people out for peeping through that crack in the door. I really don't think about it that much usually because walking around worrying about it all the time would keep me in my house at all times. I wouldn't be able to function and I'm not going to give up living my life because of other people. I've fought through that for other things, I'm not going to let someone's perceptions of what it means for me to be transgender come between me and living. I'm honestly ready to knock someone on their behind if confronted like that.
I never go to bathrooms out in public unless it's a single stall room with a lock on the door. I once went 12 to 20 hours not going to the bathroom while I was traveling by greyhound to Texas I finally caved and went to the bathroom on the bus.
very excellent video man. Worth sharing. I have never been scared in the bathroom, although at times i should have been, I was in two awkward situations and one was recently.
trans man here, pre t. I get anxious as hell as well. In my case, i'm Argentinian, and I kinda pass it seems, apart from some confused looks, I just try my best to look firm and secure when I walk in or out of the bathroom and they just look away. But sure enough I'd get terrified if someone asked me anything because my voice is still kinda high pitched unfortunately. I think confidence is key in most cases tho, but I might as well be lucky as hell.
I'm one of those trans guys who uses the womens restroom. I'm pre everything and currently 7 months pregnant so I definitely don't pass as male. Before I got pregnant though, I didn't think I passed well enough so I used the women's and got told that I was in the wrong bathroom. I got dirty looks and rude comments because, to them, I looked like a perv teenage boy in the girls bathroom. I decided that I would get less trouble if I just used the men's. As I looked more and more pregnant and had to stop binding and stuff, I started using the women's again just because that was the one that I felt like I fit in the best at the time and I haven't had any problems. I can't wait to have this baby and use the men's again. So far, I haven't had one issue with using the men's so I don't fear using the bathroom in public. I'm sure I will at some point and it will be terrible but I hope it won't prevent me from peeing when I need to.
Fuck Of some transmen want genetic children. theyre willing to suffer to have a child of their own. but if we had the choice? fuck yeah we would be the ones getting others pregnant. but thats not how life fuckin works. so we gotta endure and deal with it. if we want our own children, its our choice to do what we want with our bodies. thats like saying youre not a real transman if you dont get bottom surgery.
Lots of guys sit down to pee, or will sit down to poop and pee will come out too. Also having a prince albert makes some folks want to sit down. it doesnt matter what youre doing in the stall, its no ones business. If anyone asks and you feel the need to answer just say your jawn is pierced.
Thank you for posting this and yours new year's 2018 video on your bathroom experience. It's the first time that I've seen a trans folk speak up about bathroom issues. I don't feel alone. 👍
I have recurring dreams/semi-nightmares about not being able to use a restroom for whatever reason, be it a bomb is lying in the toilet bowl or the doors are made of glass, different each time (no joke, I have had like fifty of them in my life). I have recently discovered I am trans/nb and thinking about transitioning. I imagine these night terrors will get a lot more real if I ever do.
I relate to this alot. I'm always afraid of being attacked or rediculed in public restrooms or places for being a transgender man ftm. Fucking scary I feel you man.
I'm still in high school and I pass as male, I've been on T for over a year, but every time I go to use the school bathrooms (which is rare) I'm always terrified that someone who knew me pre transition will see me and start yelling at me and cause a scene and out me to the entire school. Thankfully that's never happened, but I'm also scared that someone notices that I go to the stall and sit down just to piss, and I've waited in a stall for over 40 minutes once because people kept going in and out and I didn't want anyone to see me
I know a few guys who sit down to pee. So I've always thought it's normal. Though I can see why some people wouldn't think its normal. But really, you guys own your own bodies. Hell, its up to you if you want to LIE DOWN to pee, no one else should have a say :) But again, I understand why it's a big deal and it sucks :(
When I was a teenager growing up going to the bathroom was not a very easy thing to do in public so I made it a point to find every private bathroom in every area I would end up in just in case yes they do have men and women's bathrooms but for example most Dunkin' Donuts or's have a single bathroom that means nobody else would be in the store with you which is what I would like I also do feel very uncomfortable and I will be starting my transition which will make me feel even more uncomfortable i'm also trying to get the prosthetic that helps me go to the bathroom standing up right now what I use at home is that purple stand up P device that people that women are supposed to use when they all go camping or something it's pretty helpful and there's no leaks so even if you had to bring a backpack with you carry it in or a little bag and carry it in it's better than not having it I guess but it is a very big concern and even now I get concerned about it but I've made a point to only go to bathroom years that are single use meaning only one person uses it I know Walmart has one target has one Dunkin' Donuts has one and even thank God my laundry Mat has one so like I said I make sure I make a point to know exactly where the single bathrooms are but if they're male or female it makes you feel little bit more comfortable as a transgender person but I still hate using the public restrooms
In regards to your brother saying you wee differently than him; I'll share that I have three siblings and growing up, when one of them went to the b-room at bedtime, I could tell who it was by what their wee sounded like. Hopefully that assuages some of your anxiety? Basically, it isn't that you do it differently; you just have a signature sound! 🎶
One time I ended up with an upper urinary tract infection, eventually cultivating an extremely heavy e-coli infection that led to pyelonephritis (kidney infection), had a fever so high that I could have fallen into a coma... After a while of trying to treat that legitimately life-threatening infection, I was rushed through emergency surgery and came out with less organs than I went in with. It doesn't seem like holding your pee would be such a big deal, but it really cam be, and habitually doing it's not safe. One thing leads to another... Why should anyone ever feel so scared or like they don't have a right to safely just take a damn piss that they nearly die?
I'm in Missouri right now on my way to visit family in New Mexico. the further south i've gone i've gotten some looks from older people ( 35+) because i'm pre t and my hair is super short. i explained to my mom before i left that the farther south we go, i wanted her to stay with me because i've been harassed before in my home state and it's considered trans friendly.
I can't say how much I relate rn so I'm just going to say a small little story time to explain. So I'm not out yet to my family but I am to my friends in my choir and we recently had a trip to San Francisco and San Jose. I'm not the only trans person on the trip there's another ftm guy and a mtf girl and they both pass really well. I on the other hand struggle passing but I was happy that I could go to the bathroom without my parents around to see which bathroom I used. I used the men's room about 6 times throughout the entire trip and I can't tell you how terrified I was because every time I used the restroom it was always packed with huge guys that would stare at me because they knew I was a teenaged trans guy. I didn't have trouble using the restroom when my friends that were guys where around but I still ended up using the girls room a feel times because I was scared. The last night before I got home I used the men's room and I was washing my hands this one older man looked at me and said what the hell are you doing in the men's room ? I was so scared I didn't respond. He took a step closer to me and I was about to break down and have a panic attack but thankfully my choir teacher walked in and got between me and the man and told me to head back to the bus. I basically ran out of there. I honestly only use the bathroom when I have a friend with me when I go to the bathroom because I get shit when I go to either bathroom.
Wish u can stay away from terrifying of bathroom as I think that it's a very private moment of using the bathroom. Why the guys are so interested in the others' privacy?! They shouldn't do it indeed! 😤Actually I m a straight lady but I definitely support trans ppl! U r so brave and real to be yourself! Always support you!
That's so weird.. I've had some really scary bathroom experiences but plenty of guys, disabled or not, sit down to pee so idk why anyone would question it!
i'm pre-t and i've been terrified of public bathrooms ever since i cut my hair short (i still use the womens) because i'm quite tall (5'11) and occasionally pass. any time i go in there i feel like i have to stick my chest out and use a girly voice because any time i havent people give me funny looks -dan
always afraid in the bathroom. i always wait in there until someone uses a hand dryer or until i know the bathroom is empty because i still haven't mastered the STP i have. the cracks in the stalls get me every time, as well as, feeling like someone will pop their head underneath the stall door and see that I'm trans
I know exactly what you mean. As a Trans woman when I am at school I hold me pee until everyone leaves at the end of the day and then I walk to a bathroom at is out of the way for everyone so that I don't have as much of a risk for people coming in and if some one is in there I will walk away and hold it until I get home because I am so terrified that someone will harass me for using the bathroom.
I am not trans but I always flush the toilet before I start peeing cause I don't want others to hear me😎. I have had some gay men tell me that they pee sitting down! Thanks for making this. Our city has changed single use toilets to " all gender" restrooms. Men r so mean, they beat someone up because of toileting. Your poster is great.
It is the worst part of being trans....I'm now in a job that has only 2 stalls and it feels very personal. I have 5 months on T and I sound and look like a 15 year old boy but still there is a huge fear evrtyime I go to the bathroom. First of all I NEVER sit down in public bathroom I don't know ya'll but my mom taught me that is just nasty and she is 100% right so what I do is I squat down and then I try to aim the corner part of the toilett so it won't sound. Yes there is some exercise in the process lol but I'm fine with that. Then if the pee goes on that area, it won't sound and sometimes if it sounds a lit bit, they will think Im pooping with is 100% ok. Also if I can't hold it and it sounds I just make sure to take a long long while so it will look like I pee and then Im taking a shit....This sounds like a lot but I feel so much Aydian's words....On a side note I'm carrying an stp with me sometimes if everything gets too much for me like a bar with a broken door...that is a nightmare!!!
I got scared in the Men's Bathroom at college because a Young Man came up and stared me right in the face nose to nose and in a dismayed way and then recently at a different college I am going to for the summer there were two Young Men in the bathroom and they both rushed out of the bathroom when I was in the stall, I didn't know if they just were in a hurry to get back to class or if they were going to get reinforces so that they could beat me up.
I avoided switching to using the men's room for as long as I possibly could until there was no way I could use the women's room Now I'm one of those few guys who can pee standing up without an STP (no bottom surgery). Still terrified every second I'm in there.
I'm an FtM that is terrified to go into the men's bathroom because I got reported at the school I go to. So every time I have to go I have to run across campus to the only unisex bathroom because I'm so afraid someone will do something to me.
![โอ้เธอช่าง... - บี้เดอะสกา ft. ต๋อง เทวัญ (Prod. by ป๋าเพชร) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zbWhiLFmVL0/mqdefault.jpg)
As a cis-male ally know that some of us will do anything to help. A incident at a bar a few days ago a young cis-male guy was being harassed after exiting the bathroom the attacker was demanding that he show him proof he was a male. That didn't end well for the asshole, when me and another guy asked him if he wanted proof from us, or to show proof himself. as for sitting to urinate, I know plenty of cis-men who sit, not really a thing to me.
another thing is don't pick on my biggest fear. spiders are evil little things that scare the living hell out of me dammit. I've almost knocked myself out before from running. Lol!
Raff J He was rather feminine, so I guess that he thought it was a woman, or trans and was upset. I don't know I only caught the confrontation on my way to the restroom. the poor guy was scared to death.
Raff J Well a straight guy in a gay bar should definitely learn his manners. he was lucky his GF dragged him out before it turned physical. I refuse to tolerate bullies.
You're a good person, bro
Willed Existence yeah!
I'm a cis-male and pee sitting down occasionally. I don't think it's weird at all to do that.
Agree, also guys pee when then poop most of the time. Not unusual to hear a guy peeing when he poops. Tons of guys also are pee shy and cannot use the urinals. From my experience up to 10 % use the toilets to pee. To hear peeing in the toilets is not unusual at all. Know cause I'm in the locker room at the YMCA every day seen 100 of guy go in and pee. LOL
DO NOT hold your urine! I KNOW it's easier said then done, I am a trans man as well, and I still do it some times. But about two years ago I went into septic shock with a kidney infection and let me tell you...I have never experienced that amount of pain in my life. I was literally bedridden for 3 months and it almost killed me. I'm not exaggerating. I even preach this to cis people as I work outdoors and we don't always have access to a restroom. From someone who's been there PLEASE do not hold your urine ✌️💙
Same! I got pyelonephritis and a heavy e-coli infection, nearly died, was rushed through emergency, lost a couple of organs, and was bedridden with some of the worst pain I've ever felt, even on morphine, for about 3 months. It's not fucking worth it... I'd piss my pants before having to go through that all over again! Nobody deserves to live a life where they might die horribly because some other people think it's 'weird' and try to deny them the right to just a damn piss safely.
there's an app called refuge restrooms and its really important for me as a pre-everything very young trans guy. It basically locates every gender-netrual bathroom near you so you dont have to worry about that. It's seriously a life saver and i recommend it 😌
you took the words right out of my mouth. I always try to explain this to people and nobody gets it. I will for sure be showing people this video, you explain the situation so well.
I fear the bathroom because I am a trans man that is pre t and I don't own a binder yet so I have to go in the woman's bathroom for my own safety but even that isn't safe a lot of the time. I have gotten weird looks and approached and it's scary.
Yup, I have chronic UTIs from holding it so long. I almost got beaten up once. Thank God someone intervened before things escalated. I am so beyond tired of people making this about CIS PEOPLE'S FEELINGS. Like no, this is about OUR SAFETY, DAMN IT!
I think it happens to every trans male... Every time we go to bathroom.. after 5 years on t, I still scared go to public bathroom..
Every time. Every time I go to the public bathroom, I have this mild anxiety attack like they must know and I'm going to be in danger. More danger. Thank you for making this. I don't feel like the only one anymore.
I'm a genderfluid AMAB person and I don't like going to the men's room! I used to go to the women's room with my mom when I was little, but not anymore (I'm almost 22 and like when I was 10 I started to only go the men's room). I prefer the women's room to the men's room but I would definitely prefer a gender neutral bathroom. I know some cis men or AMAB male presenting people who pee sitting down (I used to do it for many years), so, you and other trans men are not alone (I hope this makes you feel at least a little better). This world needs a lot of changes in terms of trans issues. Let's be the protagonists of the gender revolution! Love you Aydian
Everyone says my fears are invalid, that I'll be fine. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone in being so terrified.
I'm not on T yet, so I still use the women's washroom, but I can say it's definitely one of my biggest fears moving forward. even now I try to avoid the washroom as much as I can in public, but I know it's not always an option unless you want to risk hurting yourself. just so tired of non oppressed ppl always turning situations around to be about them and how it negatively affects them
Hey dude. This couldn't have come at a better time. Recently I've been feeling a lot of fear when going to the bathroom anywhere; public and even in my university. Nightclubs are the worst because I've had those experiences which you mentioned about people banging on the stalls, peeing outside instead and even worse. All various levels of terrifying and humiliating. I've dealt with it well in the past but realistically it was probably a narrow escape from something bad and I'm not sure that my faked confidence would save me in all situations.
However, luckily my uni is currently having a lot of work done and so they have a public platform for feedback. I mentioned being trans and that bathrooms should either have more stalls or have gender neutral bathrooms. The reason I mentioned this is because other cis guys responded to what I said and backed up my points saying "this guys got the right idea" and so while I feel terrified, I'm choosing to see that as a positive moment. Thanks for a great video man. Have a good day.
The need for me to pee, has ruined date night, more than once. I am not happy you feel this way, however, I'm happy you feel this way too. Sometimes I feel crazy about all the same stuff.
I pee standing up and have for years because I refuse to be a girl or do anything like a girl. I have gotten pretty got at peeing standing up just turned around and I don't put my pants all the way on the ground. I even hold them away from me so I don't splatter pee on the back of my pants. It's totally natural now. I don't even think about it. I'm really glad you shared your feelings!
Don't know how I ended up here, but you should know that LOTS of guys sit down to pee. There are a few reasons for this. If you have an erection (or even a slight one) it's almost impossible to pee. Sitting down somehow relaxes the groin and enables you to pee easier. Also, (if the toilet is clean) sitting down is an excuse to chill for a minute. There are also times when men are "pee-shy" (VERY COMMON) and can't pee when someone is next to them. Other guys go in the stall and sit as to avoid gay men who might be hanging around to check out the guys at the urinal. Then there's always the issue of: sometimes when you gotta go, you're not always sure if it's number 1 or number 2 (or both) so you sit just to be safe.
So take a seat in the stall. No dude will think twice, and as an added bonus, they'll prob think you're taking a dump and want to leave the mens room QUICKER. You'll have the room to yourself.
Hope this helps.
I'm a 19 years old Pre-T trans guy, and I had to use a public restroom like 4 or 5 times, and I went to the guys restroom, I was lucky that 4 of those 5 times I was at the bathroom alone or maybe just one person was there, but I tell you, I was still so fucking scared that someone noticed that I was not a guy, 'cause I look like a 15 years old and so skinny and not tall at all.
And now you, that you're a fully grown trans man, is scared too, man... society is so fucked up...
And sometimes I'm so scared to go there that I go to the girls', but they freak out and they don't want me there, so since those times, I can’t go to a bathroom anymore (that happened at my university) I wait until I home to pee or another thing...
I hope one day people will see us like who we are... :/
Awesome truth-telling. I deal with women running from me, or reacting with fear, or calling security, when they see me in the women's room, even though I am in a female body (which I sometimes hate more and more). When I was 12, a woman hit me with her purse saying a boy was in the women's bathroom. Everyone deserves the basic right to relieve themselves however they choose. I try to avoid public restrooms, unless it's a one-off because it's so exhausting dealing with people's ignorance, fear, whatever.
I think it's awesome how you still struggle with this issue because I struggle with it & I haven't even gotten top surgery yet or have a lot of facial hair. So hearing this puts me at ease even tho I'm scared to piss most times in public. People think since I'm out it's not a problem to piss in public. 😒
I'm not gay, or trans, and I've always thought people should use the bathroom for the gender they identify with. This video actual struck a cord for me because I never realized why someone like you, who clearly looks male, would fear for their safety while using the bathroom. The fact that people are so concerned with what people are doing in the stall next to them is so beyond me. I'm sorry that this is what you have to deal with.
I feel you 100%
Thanks for uploading. I went to a bowling alley that had an inch crack in the door and it didn't lock on top of that. It was terrifying. Now that I have my STP, I'd rather piss on myself than sit down in the men's room because of that fear.
I cant use either restroom without having an issue because of the way that I look. problem starts at the entrance of the restroom. I have a large chest that a binder does NOT help with and a beard that I refuse to shave completely away. I hadn't really thought about further issue in a stall because I am still a step behind that at approaching which bathroom to go into to begin with. every single time I am in public and have to pee, I have to take a few minutes beforehand to prepare myself for any type of confrontation. I have been stopped by management because the restrooms were located down a long hallway and the womens restroom was closed, assuming it was the womens room I was headed towards. thankyou for posting this video. I appreciate your honesty about how you feel and pointing out that it doesn't matter what you look like.
I've definitely been scared for my life in a restroom.
I don’t even think about peeing in a public restroom. I’ve been doing it all my life and it’s second nature. It’s sad watching the video and reading the comments about how scary it is for so many. I had no idea this was going on. You all have a right to use any restroom you choose without fear. I will be more understanding moving forward.
I am terrified, I am not out to anybody but 2 of my closest friends and though I see myself as male I dont appear it and I am to terrified to use the mens room, but everytime I use the womens I get stared at as if I dont belong!!! Thank you for pointing out appearance has nothing to do with the fear!
I have been scared so many times in bathroom even before I came out as ftm I've had people yell at me every time I was in the female bathroom and even though no one has ever said anything to me in the men's restroom I would still be paranoid there's been so many times I've walked in a bathroom and then walked right out or just the other day I went to the bathroom at work and this construction guy went in the stall next to me and I got so scared and paranoid he knew I was trans that I walked all the way to the back to use restroom
Definitely hate going to public bathrooms. ive gotten yelled at in the womens bathroom and followed and men if they know me always have a comment. Never to my face though. its frustrating
This one is tough for me. I get shit all the time about my appearance and honestly it pisses me right off, but I never do anything or say anything because I don't want to do the whole "violence on violence" thing, but lately I've been wanting to say something back, stick up for myself rather but I'm worried that if I do, it will just worse because then I might get violent and I really don't need the problems. It's just so hard to keep walking away from the bullying and harassments.
Going to the bathroom everyday is a struggle. Glad someone finally said it! When I was in high school I went to the womens bathroom I was waiting outside the stall and and an old lady came out gave me stink eye then went crazy on me saying why am I in there I was not suppose to be in there she was holding an umbrella trying to hit me with it. That is why for a long time I can not go into the bathroom by myself I need to bring a friend with me. Even today I try not go into a public restroom. Its so scary. If I go into the male bathroom I'm scared I'll get beaten up or something, If I go to the womens bathroom people giving me the look.
Yeah I've become surprisingly perceptive in public bathrooms. As soon as I walk in I scope out everyone in there and only use a stall if there's going to be no one next to me. If someone comes in next to me I've developed a slew of little techniques so nobody can hear my pee. I do it all without even thinking at this point lol.
You might want to share some of those techniques here.
Bro, you are actually trans goals
I can't imagine how bad this is for you, I'm sorry that you have to go through that in life. Just know that me and many others support you, you're an awesome role model Aydian, I'll be looking for those workout videos! Keep your chin up you rock!
when i traveled to europe (Austria and the Czech Republic) the public washrooms were like little closets even in the worst conditions and at nightclubs. I felt more comfortable in a foreign country, for many reasons, than I do in Canada or the US.
Michelle Raine I have heard this from so many people lately, nowI'm side-eyeing America a little more....I mean. WTH America.
I think another thing you may not have wanted to mention is that as trans men, the junk we have makes us feel like targets. Even though we aren't women, there's this pervasive cultural idea that if you have a cooter you're at risk. It's fucked up but that's the fear we live with.
I got permission at school to use the men's bathroom and when I went in there one of my main bullies where in there and kept pounding on the door calling me "dike" and other names such as that.. I was late to my next class because of having to wait till he left... I never went in the men's bathroom again at school after that
Jack Altomare bullies grow up to be miserable humans, so I hope that helps...hang in there.
as a trans guy who turns 15 in a couple months, pre - t. I don't pass as well as I perhaps want to, I used the mens bathroom just yesterday for the first time.. ever. It was definitely an experience that I found very nerve racking, and I was filled with anxiety walking in, how ever there were very little people coming in and out while I was in there, the best thing to do for me was just to get in and out of there as fast as I possibly could, great video man.
I have always been terrified to use the bathroom. I was in the bathroom at the library before I had my stp and some guy asked why I was sitting down as well. Then when I got out of the stall the same guy was WAITING for me. Then when I stepped out he started walking towards me and telling me I shouldn't be in there because some guy like him (his words) would be tempted to do "nasty" things to me. That really scared the shit out of me. I would hold it when I was in school and had UTIs all the time and my parents just couldn't understand why I had them, but I couldn't tell them.
Im nonbinary AFAB and I get scared in the bathroom but mostly nervous, not too scared since I cant really pass well. I hate those stalls with cracks that you can see people through. I would sometimes go to the female bathroom and have to adjust in my binder and worry that someone would see me. I once had to use the bathroom but the female bathroom was locked. I was then was going to go to the men's bathroom, which was completely empty, but remembered that with more people hearing about trans people I really don't want to be caught in there and questioned. I just held it in until I got home. Thanks for making this video because I didn't know people who passed so well had to struggle with fear of going into the bathroom too. That sucks.
I am 2 months on T and I am scared to use any bathroom in public so I usually just hold it until I get home but yeah I am glad you made this video and that picture.
I used to not be afraid to used the men's bathroom even in before I started T. I was confident and wasn't ever afraid until I had my first bad experience. I was trapped in a stall by a large cis male threatening to kick me ass because he knew I was a 'girl' because he looked into the stall. After that traumatizing experience I have had multiple other bad experiences and I am absolutely terrified to use a a public bathroom. I think it's nice that you talked about it though especially as a trans guy who's a lot farther in his transition. It was nice to know that I'm not alone in my fear of bathroom. For a long time I felt like I wasn't allowed to be afraid because other trans men would tell me I had no reason to be afraid because I 'passed' more than them or because I live in Eugene and it's such a 'liberal' town so according to others I wasn't allowed to be afraid. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings regarding bathrooms, it's definitely not talked about as much as it should be.
I think you are very right. And I saw the picture you posted on instagram , I think it says that the world should know.👌🏽
I'm trans* and Yesterday I was in an restaurant using the bathroom. And I was in a City no one knew me, so I went straight into the mens room. First, there was just one Toilet and second, the door was so broken that it didn't really matter that there was one. But I had to pee and because the universe hates me someone knocked at the door asking why it takes so long to pee. That made me so nervous, I couldn't do anything. I think I waited 15minutes till he was gone. My best friend thought I died in there because it took so long.
Sorry for my bad English. I'm just a German guy trying his best. 🇩🇪
Your English is quite good. I didn't know you were not a native speaker until you apologized.
tobyr3 THX, it just because my engish teacher tells me every lesson that I'm as bad as someone in primary school, so I thougt I should apologize. But tanks that's very nice.👌
I'm soooooo scared everytime. I feel everything you were saying. it's a struggle. it shouldn't have to be like this for us. smh.
i totally agree with you! it's freaking terrifying to go use a public restroom I get so scared that I sometimes have to sit there for a good minute pretending that I a have to take a dump jst I don't get questioned! it's one of my biggest fears of all time tbh...
I so feel for u literally makes me want to stop from transitioning if can't pee in peace due to constant anxiety of ignorant non tolerant society
I have watched almost all of your video's and this one hit home the most of all of them. I am a cis woman with a trans husband and this is exactly how he feels and I feel just like your wife, I am also terrified everytime he goes into a public bathroom and still stand outside everytime ready to bust in if I think something is wrong ❤❤❤
I've never had to come in lol but he knows I will, I'm a lot taller, bigger and scarier than he is, and I think he feels better with me there❤❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing this video and that picture. You often make me feel like I am not alone in a lot of my fearful challenges and I thank you for your voice. My wife and I are terrified to travel at times because Lately we feel like walking targets. We are respected in our community, but feeling tethered to our location feels suffocating. Every time you make videos like this I am glued to the screen. I have been in every situation you described and it is an absolute disgrace what the rhetoric around this issue does to the community. Thank you for capturing the vulnerability of the situation. We love your love and your passion. You are an absolute beacon of hope and positivity and I thank you for your open presentation of navigating life as you are. I honor your voice and your perspective on this. Push on❤️🙌🏾
Also....
I recently found this site, and I have been adding "safe zones" in my area. I encourage everyone to try so we aren't holding it all the time. As a trans man with a very sensitive stomach sometimes I am in actual prayer to great jeebus above for a safe toilet that is private. I move from safe zone to zone so I have options. I have found that many improv theaters in America have single stall restrooms and are full of allies. Good luck friends
www.refugerestrooms.org
I forgot to lock the door on a single-occupancy men's room once about a year ago, and someone didn't knock and opened the door while I was sitting on the toilet. Now I've had to check the lock on any restroom//stall I use, 10+ times each time, before I feel comfortable enough to take my eyes & hands off the lock and do my business. And I 100% cannot use multiple-occupancy men's rooms if there's more than a few people already in it.... All the things you mentioned are the same for me too. Hate being the subject of political, religion-driven bullshit and they don't even care that they're hurting hundreds of thousands of us.
Went to a comic convention this weekend and they had a gender neutral bathroom, and honest to god that was the most comfortable and safe I have felt in a bathroom since i came out, so in almost two years. It was really awesome. Hope to see more of this in public
I'm pre t and still look feminine but I already know that when I use the men's restroom in the future, I'm just gonna use the "I have diarrhea poops" excuse. No one can tell the difference
I can completely agree and understand where you are coming from. every thing you talked I feel the exact same way.... thank you for broaching this topic. .
I'm always scared to use the men's restroom (except at work where I'm completely out and only work half a dozen guys). But in public...I have to calm my head and at the same time talk myself into going. The worst for me when I flew out of state for top surgery. One airport restroom was filled and all stall were in use, but I HAD to go! I didn't know "where" to stand to wait for the next stall since there were urinals (still don't know the appropriate place) so I I was turning to go find another restroom one open I I bolted inside. I think guys just thought I had to poop really bad but I did stay in longer than it took me just in case. I definitely don't like airport restrooms and glad I don't fly often.
Although I've been on T for almost 7 months now I get hella scared all the time. Thanks Aydian for bringing up this topic, I appreciate it.
Sorry to hear you're in so much pain your strong and you'll get through it
I have bathroom issues too. I've noticed that it's gotten worse over the last few months to a year+. It's like, even though i'm not on T, I can pass SOMETIMES, so it's awkward to get the up and down "wtf are you doing here" look in the women's bathroom. The men's public bathroom is like a death sentence, end of story.
So now, I've found myself routing my whole day around not having to use the bathroom, or knowing where a gender neutral stall is and working with that in my day. Even when i'm in a safe LGBT place, using the men's bathroom, I will legit wait in a stall if another person comes in/ is already in there, and that could take a good extra 5 minutes if they take their sweet ass time. I've even gone so far as to not eat or drink (especially drink) while i'm out to avoid having to use the bathroom, and that could be bad when you're wearing a binder all day. I almost passed out once.
It's annoying and sad, because i'm with friends who feel fine using the bathroom, yet i'm staring at the doors like... do I want to be judged while I pee or possibly jumped?
It's not even something that I could work on, I think this will be a life thing. :/
I agree with this, I’m only a month and a half on T but I pass, but I’m still terrified of going into the men’s restroom more so at my work because people have already made comments when I’m using the restroom....
I’ve been afraid to use public bathrooms since kindergarten. I’m and trans guy that only recently accepted myself as trans and came out to family/friends as trans in the past year. When I was in kindergarten my mom gave me the famous bowl cut haircut. And always like to dress in my twin brothers handmedowns. I went into the girls washroom once and another kindergarten girl looked at me to confused while drying her hands and asked me “what are you doing in here this is the girls washroom?”. I was confused because I knew her and so didn’t understand why she thought I was in the wrong bathroom. And her confusion and hesitation towards me scared me. All my life up to that point I was told to go in the girls room. So I did. And then another girls said it was wrong. I really don’t like making people uncomfortable, always been that way. Since then I’ve been nervous of bathrooms and it just kept getting reinforced as I got older and those scenarios kept happening even at times in my life when my hair was long and I thought I was feminine enough(while still trying to fill some of my masculine looking desires) to not confuse people. I’ve waited outside a bathroom for almost an hour to ensure no one was in there anymore so I could run in, pee, wash and hopefully run out before someone came.
Also the waiting in the stall for the sink area to be empty. I used to feel so ashamed for having to do that to feel safe. Thought it was just me. Silly to think it’s just me.
i hate using the men's bathroom at concerts. big queue, and whfn i'm at the front i have to let everyone go before me until the stall is free, and then there's always that one person that yells "oh no, he's taking a shit"
I'm scared in a crowded room or in front of a crowd. I'm not scared when I have to use the restroom. I do, however use a single stall "unisex" restroom when it's available because I prefer it. But if it's not available I just use whatever. No need to panic. Being fearful and awkward in a restroom draws way more attention than anything else. Those are my 2 cents.
these are literally all my fears. i absolutely HATE public bathrooms and avoid using them at all costs. it goes as far as me not drinking any liquids if i go out, it doesn't even matter if i want something to drink as long as i don't end up needing to go. it sucks too cause my bladder seems to have weakened too like when i need to go now it feels like i can't even hold it. i absolutely dread needing to go when i'm not home, and i get so stressed out just thinking about controlling my bladder in some way. like today, i really needed to go when i wasn't at home, and wasn't gonna be home in a while, so i had no other choice but to use public. it honestly felt like i was walking to my death, a bit melodramatic but that's what it felt like. i'm not trans, but i guess i consider myself non binary, i dress entirely like a guy tbh. i have used the men's room before cause fuck it (lol) but there's always that fear that i won't pass as a guy, and using the women's room is torture too because there's always the inevitable staring, for at least 5 seconds from someone, and i feel like i have to act feminine when i'm in the women's and it sucks because that's not me. i've never been girly or feminine in the slightest, and that's me denying my true self, at least that's what it feels like. but anyways, i ended up using the women's bathroom and was just praying there was no one in there. thankfully there wasn't, but then there's the fear of walking out. like someone might see me, looking exactly like a guy, coming out the women's bathroom, what might they think? i just needed to use the restroom but nowadays anyone thinks anything, so going into the bathroom is as dangerous as walking out for us trans/non binary folk. i don't want to end up with some bladder infection or anything more serious because of not going when i need to, but my anxiety levels just go through the roof when i'm in a situation like, and i feel stuck. and it's honestly the worst feeling.
I've actually never been afraid in a public restroom. Probably because I never really thought much about it. Granted I also use an STP and can use a urinal, but even times I haven't worn it or didn't want to mess with it, it's just never really crossed my mind. Not because I'm "so secure" by ANY means, I've just always been distracted by something else or focused on what I was doing before or after I went in the restroom. If I sat and focused on if my stream sounded strong enough or if someone was watching the direction my feet, I'd probably freak myself out. But I've got anxiety about enough things to be adding that to the list lol
I'm glad you mentioned that continuing fear. Some cis guys prefer to pee while sitting. It's sad that there is peer pressure for cis guys to pee while standing, as if it were a demonstration of their masculinity.
Peeing, for anyone involves relaxing those urinary sphincter muscles so the flow can begin. Fear and pain can distract from that relaxing effort. It is often referred to as "pee shyness." It often affects guys at urinals if someone is next to them. It's one reason cis guys will use stalls instead.
I've heard that some trans guys adjust the way they pee while sitting so the pee sound is reduced, or stream like. It's sad that some feel that's needed.
It's true. Especially now that people are much more aware of trans people. I've never actually had an issue using the men's bathroom but this one time this guy was using the hand dryer next to me and he was looking at me and I got that spike of adrenaline thinking that this guy was going to try to start crap or try to question me about being in the bathroom. He didn't do anything and I didn't look at him or change my stance but I thought I was going to be in a fight in the bathroom.
I also adjusted the way that I pee and have cussed people out for peeping through that crack in the door. I really don't think about it that much usually because walking around worrying about it all the time would keep me in my house at all times. I wouldn't be able to function and I'm not going to give up living my life because of other people. I've fought through that for other things, I'm not going to let someone's perceptions of what it means for me to be transgender come between me and living. I'm honestly ready to knock someone on their behind if confronted like that.
I never go to bathrooms out in public unless it's a single stall room with a lock on the door. I once went 12 to 20 hours not going to the bathroom while I was traveling by greyhound to Texas I finally caved and went to the bathroom on the bus.
very excellent video man. Worth sharing. I have never been scared in the bathroom, although at times i should have been, I was in two awkward situations and one was recently.
trans man here, pre t. I get anxious as hell as well. In my case, i'm Argentinian, and I kinda pass it seems, apart from some confused looks, I just try my best to look firm and secure when I walk in or out of the bathroom and they just look away. But sure enough I'd get terrified if someone asked me anything because my voice is still kinda high pitched unfortunately. I think confidence is key in most cases tho, but I might as well be lucky as hell.
I'm one of those trans guys who uses the womens restroom. I'm pre everything and currently 7 months pregnant so I definitely don't pass as male. Before I got pregnant though, I didn't think I passed well enough so I used the women's and got told that I was in the wrong bathroom. I got dirty looks and rude comments because, to them, I looked like a perv teenage boy in the girls bathroom. I decided that I would get less trouble if I just used the men's. As I looked more and more pregnant and had to stop binding and stuff, I started using the women's again just because that was the one that I felt like I fit in the best at the time and I haven't had any problems. I can't wait to have this baby and use the men's again. So far, I haven't had one issue with using the men's so I don't fear using the bathroom in public. I'm sure I will at some point and it will be terrible but I hope it won't prevent me from peeing when I need to.
Fuck Of you’re ignorant
Fuck Of some trans guys get pregnant to get a baby
Fuck Of some transmen want genetic children. theyre willing to suffer to have a child of their own. but if we had the choice? fuck yeah we would be the ones getting others pregnant. but thats not how life fuckin works. so we gotta endure and deal with it. if we want our own children, its our choice to do what we want with our bodies. thats like saying youre not a real transman if you dont get bottom surgery.
Lots of guys sit down to pee, or will sit down to poop and pee will come out too. Also having a prince albert makes some folks want to sit down. it doesnt matter what youre doing in the stall, its no ones business. If anyone asks and you feel the need to answer just say your jawn is pierced.
Thank you for posting this and yours new year's 2018 video on your bathroom experience. It's the first time that I've seen a trans folk speak up about bathroom issues. I don't feel alone. 👍
I have recurring dreams/semi-nightmares about not being able to use a restroom for whatever reason, be it a bomb is lying in the toilet bowl or the doors are made of glass, different each time (no joke, I have had like fifty of them in my life). I have recently discovered I am trans/nb and thinking about transitioning. I imagine these night terrors will get a lot more real if I ever do.
I can't go into a bathroom without being scared, I'm 14 and ftm pre everything btw
I relate to this alot. I'm always afraid of being attacked or rediculed in public restrooms or places for being a transgender man ftm. Fucking scary I feel you man.
I'm still in high school and I pass as male, I've been on T for over a year, but every time I go to use the school bathrooms (which is rare) I'm always terrified that someone who knew me pre transition will see me and start yelling at me and cause a scene and out me to the entire school. Thankfully that's never happened, but I'm also scared that someone notices that I go to the stall and sit down just to piss, and I've waited in a stall for over 40 minutes once because people kept going in and out and I didn't want anyone to see me
I was at Disney with family once and I held my pee for 14 hours because I couldn’t go
I know a few guys who sit down to pee. So I've always thought it's normal. Though I can see why some people wouldn't think its normal. But really, you guys own your own bodies. Hell, its up to you if you want to LIE DOWN to pee, no one else should have a say :) But again, I understand why it's a big deal and it sucks :(
When I was a teenager growing up going to the bathroom was not a very easy thing to do in public so I made it a point to find every private bathroom in every area I would end up in just in case yes they do have men and women's bathrooms but for example most Dunkin' Donuts or's have a single bathroom that means nobody else would be in the store with you which is what I would like I also do feel very uncomfortable and I will be starting my transition which will make me feel even more uncomfortable i'm also trying to get the prosthetic that helps me go to the bathroom standing up right now what I use at home is that purple stand up P device that people that women are supposed to use when they all go camping or something it's pretty helpful and there's no leaks so even if you had to bring a backpack with you carry it in or a little bag and carry it in it's better than not having it I guess but it is a very big concern and even now I get concerned about it but I've made a point to only go to bathroom years that are single use meaning only one person uses it I know Walmart has one target has one Dunkin' Donuts has one and even thank God my laundry Mat has one so like I said I make sure I make a point to know exactly where the single bathrooms are but if they're male or female it makes you feel little bit more comfortable as a transgender person but I still hate using the public restrooms
I'm with you 1000% . I get scared too man I feel ya for real as a transman, I don't even use public restrooms. sucks!
In regards to your brother saying you wee differently than him; I'll share that I have three siblings and growing up, when one of them went to the b-room at bedtime, I could tell who it was by what their wee sounded like. Hopefully that assuages some of your anxiety? Basically, it isn't that you do it differently; you just have a signature sound! 🎶
One time I ended up with an upper urinary tract infection, eventually cultivating an extremely heavy e-coli infection that led to pyelonephritis (kidney infection), had a fever so high that I could have fallen into a coma... After a while of trying to treat that legitimately life-threatening infection, I was rushed through emergency surgery and came out with less organs than I went in with. It doesn't seem like holding your pee would be such a big deal, but it really cam be, and habitually doing it's not safe. One thing leads to another... Why should anyone ever feel so scared or like they don't have a right to safely just take a damn piss that they nearly die?
I feel you on this I'm having so many issues health wise because of this
Ive experienced every single thing you spoke about!
Have you ever tried an STP? I know it wouldn't eliminate the fear, but maybe you'd be a bit less anxious about the whole sitting down thing.
It's Gnarls Barkley. Crazy.
I'm in Missouri right now on my way to visit family in New Mexico. the further south i've gone i've gotten some looks from older people ( 35+) because i'm pre t and my hair is super short. i explained to my mom before i left that the farther south we go, i wanted her to stay with me because i've been harassed before in my home state and it's considered trans friendly.
I can't say how much I relate rn so I'm just going to say a small little story time to explain. So I'm not out yet to my family but I am to my friends in my choir and we recently had a trip to San Francisco and San Jose. I'm not the only trans person on the trip there's another ftm guy and a mtf girl and they both pass really well. I on the other hand struggle passing but I was happy that I could go to the bathroom without my parents around to see which bathroom I used. I used the men's room about 6 times throughout the entire trip and I can't tell you how terrified I was because every time I used the restroom it was always packed with huge guys that would stare at me because they knew I was a teenaged trans guy. I didn't have trouble using the restroom when my friends that were guys where around but I still ended up using the girls room a feel times because I was scared. The last night before I got home I used the men's room and I was washing my hands this one older man looked at me and said what the hell are you doing in the men's room ? I was so scared I didn't respond. He took a step closer to me and I was about to break down and have a panic attack but thankfully my choir teacher walked in and got between me and the man and told me to head back to the bus. I basically ran out of there. I honestly only use the bathroom when I have a friend with me when I go to the bathroom because I get shit when I go to either bathroom.
Yes I feel that way everyday. I work on deliveries so I go through it constantly
Wish u can stay away from terrifying of bathroom as I think that it's a very private moment of using the bathroom. Why the guys are so interested in the others' privacy?! They shouldn't do it indeed! 😤Actually I m a straight lady but I definitely support trans ppl! U r so brave and real to be yourself! Always support you!
That's so weird.. I've had some really scary bathroom experiences but plenty of guys, disabled or not, sit down to pee so idk why anyone would question it!
Matt Burgess Because it's not common.
i'm pre-t and i've been terrified of public bathrooms ever since i cut my hair short (i still use the womens) because i'm quite tall (5'11) and occasionally pass. any time i go in there i feel like i have to stick my chest out and use a girly voice because any time i havent people give me funny looks -dan
always afraid in the bathroom. i always wait in there until someone uses a hand dryer or until i know the bathroom is empty because i still haven't mastered the STP i have. the cracks in the stalls get me every time, as well as, feeling like someone will pop their head underneath the stall door and see that I'm trans
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS FUCKING VIDEO SO I CAN SHARE IT! THANK YOU
I know exactly what you mean. As a Trans woman when I am at school I hold me pee until everyone leaves at the end of the day and then I walk to a bathroom at is out of the way for everyone so that I don't have as much of a risk for people coming in and if some one is in there I will walk away and hold it until I get home because I am so terrified that someone will harass me for using the bathroom.
I am not trans but I always flush the toilet before I start peeing cause I don't want others to hear me😎. I have had some gay men tell me that they pee sitting down! Thanks for making this. Our city has changed single use toilets to " all gender" restrooms. Men r so mean, they beat someone up because of toileting. Your poster is great.
I'm always scared. I had a nightmare about this the other night. the only time I haven't been scared is in unisex, or single stall bathrooms.
It is the worst part of being trans....I'm now in a job that has only 2 stalls and it feels very personal. I have 5 months on T and I sound and look like a 15 year old boy but still there is a huge fear evrtyime I go to the bathroom. First of all I NEVER sit down in public bathroom I don't know ya'll but my mom taught me that is just nasty and she is 100% right so what I do is I squat down and then I try to aim the corner part of the toilett so it won't sound. Yes there is some exercise in the process lol but I'm fine with that. Then if the pee goes on that area, it won't sound and sometimes if it sounds a lit bit, they will think Im pooping with is 100% ok. Also if I can't hold it and it sounds I just make sure to take a long long while so it will look like I pee and then Im taking a shit....This sounds like a lot but I feel so much Aydian's words....On a side note I'm carrying an stp with me sometimes if everything gets too much for me like a bar with a broken door...that is a nightmare!!!
I love the picture and you can rant as much as you like if it helps xxxx
I had a hockey game at a rink where all the men's stalls were broken.. I literally got hockey tape and taped the door of one shut for a 5-second piss
I got scared in the Men's Bathroom at college because a Young Man came up and stared me right in the face nose to nose and in a dismayed way and then recently at a different college I am going to for the summer there were two Young Men in the bathroom and they both rushed out of the bathroom when I was in the stall, I didn't know if they just were in a hurry to get back to class or if they were going to get reinforces so that they could beat me up.
I avoided switching to using the men's room for as long as I possibly could until there was no way I could use the women's room Now I'm one of those few guys who can pee standing up without an STP (no bottom surgery). Still terrified every second I'm in there.
I'm an FtM that is terrified to go into the men's bathroom because I got reported at the school I go to. So every time I have to go I have to run across campus to the only unisex bathroom because I'm so afraid someone will do something to me.