Whew! Breeny girl you just broke it down for me in a way that I can now understand who I am! I am most definitely the Anxious Attachment type of person. You also helped me to understand my ex and now I know why we had so many bumps in the rode until we fell off a cliff. Thank you so much honey you have helped me find ME💯💯🥺🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💋💋💋💋
I’am an anxious insecure attachment type. It’s sad and hard to admit. I consistently need reassurance, I need honestly, trust and loyalty and I need to know that you’ll always be there. I’m always in my head and always question every single word and action. I’m currently in a relationship with someone who is emotionally inconsistent and it’s killing me. I feel trapped and burden. I really don’t know what type I attract and at this point I’ll much rather be alone than be so unhappy with someone.
Omg, you just described how I feel too. When I get any signs of dishonesty or if I feel confused or drained, I just leave because I would rather leave a certain situation than having the possibility of getting hurt in the future
I was in the same situation and now I’m the avoidant type, I don’t see myself being in a relationship ever, thinking about relationships makes me sick now wich is weird because I’m ironically a hopeless romantic too
@@evangelinemmayie6116 After a quick research you can definitely have traits from several attachment styles, it’s actually very common and depends on your childhood traumas... some people have deeper issues!
@@evangelinemmayie6116 I’m confident we can overcome anything, and be a happier and healthier version of ourselves. Breeny’s videos and therapy have been really helpful in my case. Sending you lots of love and light ❤️
When breeny was mentioning my type, And spoke about the very unstable home, then went on to break it down even more in detail. I broke down into tears!! I have a mother that to this day never wants to apologise for anything or even discuss it! If the discussion ever comes up about certain terrible things that happened while growing up! She literally gets angry!!!! And starts crying and calling us ungrateful!! She don’t want to accept the fact that “These once was little kids has grown up now and remember everything” they want us to forget all the bad things that ever happened and just focus on the fact that they bath and fed us!! evil mums like her don’t want to accept that we didn’t forget what happened and it’s infact still bothering us!! It’s infact affecting our adulthood! It’s infact affecting our fucking relationships mental health social life everythingggggg!! ITS HAUNTING BASICALLY! And I’ve concluded that I need therapy!
That was my mother to the T. I was very angry at her for that. We had a lot of arguments but I loved her with all my soul. I wanted to save our relationship before I have a child... Unfortunately when we started to work on it because I instaured drastic strong boundaries, she passed away. I can never forgive myself now for things I told her out of anger when like you said she wanted me to remember only the "bath and feeding" instead of all the toxic behaviors that led me to have dysfunctional relationships. I wish I could have one more chance to be with her, ignore all her stupid comments and remind her how much I love her every single day. Hug her whenever it's possible because what I've learned is that she didn't know better, she thought she was actually helping me in the only way she knew because she's human too and got damaged too by her parents. I now realize when she was crying when calling us ungrateful, it was not because she was acting and reversing the role of the victim but because she truly believed she was the victim because even if it didn't look like it, she was actually giving her whole self and love to make us happy in the only way she knew. Just like when a cat kill his prey and drag it to her house and throw it at the feet of it's owner, he doesn't know it's unproper or disgusting, the cat think, this is the best way to thank it's owner and make the owner happy in turn. Should the owner kill the cat or call it the most demonic cat ever because it's not acting all sweet and cute according to our expectations? I know it's difficult and it must hurt but please love your mother now when she still have her, I called mine all kind of names even to her face, now I think she must hate me and I've been a bad daughter to her. I had empathy with everyone except her and now all I can see is how much I must have hurt her indeed.
@@Pearl.K well then I’ve tried and tried and tried to build a relationship with her!! But it last for a little while and she will do something’s that will remind me badly!! Of growing up! And that’s when me trying to talk to her comes in and that never ever goes well! I lost a baby and she walked out on me! All she wants is money! She care about her self onlyyyy! Now how on earth can I deal with someone that does not want to change or keep doing things that remind you of the haunting past!! I have to let her be! The thought of her dying while we don’t speak comes to me and it bothers me but still I already know what will happen if I dare speak to her again ever!
i was raised by a narc so i wass sooo codependant. To her, her kids arent anyone by themselves. We are who she says we are.. Made my attachment style very fearful.
All of this is pretty accurate, but maybe the most important thing is that attachment style CAN BE HEALED. If you are anxious and keep attracting avoidants or chasing avoidant types, it’s actually better to take steps back and work on healing your own attachment style. Once you heal to become secure within yourself, you won’t even be attracted to avoidants and can finally be in a secure relationship. When you become secure, you are attracted to other secures. When I used to be on the anxious/avoidant/disorganized spectrum I would RUN from anyone who wanted to love me, and would chase anyone who avoided me. Lol. What a nightmare. I took some years away from dating just to work on healing and reinforcing exactly what it means to be secure and after all that finally met someone who was secure, who I don’t have to question my status with or chase or anything. Plus I feel safe in other spheres of life outside of romantic relationships. All those avoidant and narcissistic types of relationships, friends, family included all literally fell away from my life when I healed my attachment style.
Hey, my degree is in Psychology but if I were you, I would ask myself why i avoid legitimate intimacy and seek "relationships" which lack the real fundamentals of relationships and love which is mutual intimacy and trust. Are you ready to have mutual intimacy and trust someone? Was your father absent and you created this ideal Father who would be there for you and cares but the real life father always disappointed, creating a fantasy man. This fantasy is easier to believe when the man is rarely close to you or present because the reality would pop that bubble and sometimes loving someone who loves you back can terrify folks who feel undeserving of love or fear they have a hidden bad, shameful spirit or secret that actual closeness may reveal. Intimacy is terrifying and this generation has made many platforms for keeping people from having it. Ask yourself maybe why you dont want to actually connect it's like eating a snack instead of a meal, you know you're short changing yourself but what are your motives? Unrequited love is usually a behavior from folks with a savior or martyr complex but the thing is you're just doing a masochistic, spiritually self harming dance against the image of another. I would recommend spiritual solutions...namely Jesus Christ is the perfect example of unrequited love but our normal human suffering cannot make even a love object suffer less. Actual love brings peace to someone's life but they have to accept it. Unrequited love usually comes from a childhood of neglect, being close not too close yet being afraid to be punished for not acting well, despite having little opportunities to play or be happy with parents. Basically like behave but we are not going to love you or comfort you how a child should be.
@@Iwillsurvive95 i looked it up and yeah ur right subconsciously im prob just reliving my trauma but consciously i dont see myself afraid to real relationships or intimacy like i would be happy if anyone felt the same way for me but maybe im just blind to what’s really going on but I believe God will help me get to that place
This is indeed facts. This is why parents need to learn how parenting actually works. They have no idea that they could subconsciously be damaging their children. As when they become adults they end up attracting toxic and even though they may not necessarily like it. They subconsciously don't mind it...true or definitely true?
It’s mad that I only learnt about this in October 2020. I have elements of anxious and fearful avoidant attachment but I’m able to be alone. However, I have a fear of abandonment/rejection. I continuously blamed myself for the failures of “relationships” and things going wrong. All it took was heartbreak from someone emotionally unavailable to figure this out. I honestly believe the whole situation was sent by God because it “woke” me up and made me change my perspective. And now I’m in therapy getting help 🥳🎉 I will make sure that my future children have a secure attachment
You are on the right track of healing your inner child. Once you tap into her you will be amaze How amazing she is. Much blessings in your therapy sessions in the making of you.
I have the same experience! Personally, I’ve noticed that going through toxic & abusive relationships have turned me from anxious to more avoidant. I used to crave love & affection, & be so emotionally thirsty. But after those toxic relationships, I’m more guarded & put up walls to protect myself from getting hurt again. Although, I still crave intimacy, it’s just hard. I’m working on it though, I’m tired of going through the same cycles. I want to have healthy relationships!
@@saris1685 Stay on your healing journey & things will definitely get better in time! I suggest checking out “Personal Development School” on TH-cam. Thais has very informative and insightful videos on attachment styles and how to heal and become more secure. I’ve been watching them, they are very helpful. Blessings!
Omg I am crying!!! I am anxious attachment and my boyfriend is secure, it’s so difficult because he’s amazing and his way of loving is so pure and mine is so damaged by my childhood. I need to become more secure
I'm a mixture of Fearful and Dismissive attachment style. Took me a year to realise my mum is the toxic person in my life. I have a dad but he is simply there for display. I changed my mindset, who I surround myself with, the people I allow in my life, what I watch, what I listen to. Everything! It takes a lot to change who you are as a person and develop your self and actually be my own person.
@@XavianneNailz I realize a lot of my triggers through the relationship and talking it out with my partner and also understanding what he went through from his dad and his mom, and I hope we can make it work, because we both really love each other, but it’s all about communication and understanding, knowing your triggers, and the times that my bf hurt me and didn’t understand me, my therapist did, and that’s the beauty of having someone you can talk to openly
@@AndreabelievesinJesusChrist yeah I know exactly what you mean, the guy I just called it off with. He told me he doesn’t “chase” or court women. And he wasn’t doing the same with me. I constantly asked him questions to try to get to know him more and it was like talking to a brick 🧱 wall. But when it came to discussing sex, he would be able to talk for days about it. When I mentioned to him he made it seem like that’s just how he was. He definitely has avoidant attachment and I have anxious attachment. When I told him I wasn’t happy on Jan 4,2020 he didn’t respond to my text and we haven’t spoke since. It hurts like hell 🥺 but it is what it is 🤷🏽♀️
I'm an anxious insecure attachment type and my partner is so wonderful and consistent with me and still for some reason still feel that yearning for reassurance that he still loves me, still likes me, still wants me around. And I know it drains him, I don't want to do that to him. He deserves better
I dont understand i am fearful avoidant and also dismissive avoidant . I never had a bf , i might’ve talked to a few guys but when they want more i pull tf back . I hate that about me fr .
Realized I was dismissive avoidant a while back and your explanation just solidified it. Started therapy last year and going to continue. However, in my friendships , I have very healthy and fulfilling relationships that I feel are rare. Validation, boundaries and vulnerability. BUT my romantic partners, I have tried to be conscious of their needs and I'm self-aware enough so know when I need to open up and apologize. But I am very sensitive to them when vulnerable and I don't feel validated by them I get turned off and angry. I don't take many things personally but I do that. Like I'm being vulnerable, take this seriously. I realized I'm kind of hard on them but that is also because vulnerability, I hold in such high regard because someone is trusting me enough to open their souls for a moment. I can listen for days but when it gets comes to me, it's so hard. Probably why I am overthinker and have such a rich inner world. It becomes hard to express to the outer world.
“Into me see” ... sis 👌🏾 I’m the anxious type and I’m actually working on myself FIRST. For many years I used to feed off other people’s opinions of me and since the year started , I vowed to be secure in MYSELF, recognizing all my flaws and perfections so that no one else may even try use what I already know against me. I love your content. Keep on keeping . All my love from 🇿🇦
I'm a fearful/avoidant/anxious type. This video honestly helped so much and honestly just think about being in a happy/healthy relationship it makes me doubt the possibility and feel all weird and closed up emotionally. I always think of the worst situations
Hey Breeny! I’m a fan of your videos, but this one I am going to have to politely disagree with as far as the attachment styles. For example, as a fearful avoidant myself, who is healing, I am not/was never a cold person. I also can give in a way that is genuine as I am in tune to the needs of others since I developed hyper vigilance at an early age. I don’t have a stone cold heart, although in the past I used to put up a wall in certain situations which deeply triggered me but this does not make my heart stone cold. Also, insecure environments do not always mean toxicity. If people show me genuine kindness, I truly value it and remember it forever. As I said, I do enjoy your work but I just wanted to shed some light as it is kind of dangerous to throw out information which one has not truly mastered in knowing yet, especially information that can affect people. Also, your attachment style can develop after childhood or change if, for example, you go through an emotionally-abusive, long-term partnership or even an intense, short-lived, relationship. As I said, absolutely no hate. Just wanted to shed some light as the topic of attachment styles is so vital and it’s nice to see people opening up to it 💛
My secure attachment style came from my dad, always being very warm, gentle and careful with me, he spoiled me rotten, gave me everything, he was very protective of me 😁, Yes I am a secure independent adult! Thanks Dad, I love you.
I’m sobbing uncontrollably, hearing you describe the dismissive-avoidant attachment style. Of all the videos I’ve watched/articles I’ve read on it, I have never felt as seen as I do, listening to you speak. I’ve been doing a LOT of self-parenting & healing these past few years because I’m exhausted of constantly pushing away/sabotaging intimate connections-the thing I want most. At the same time, this video is a beautiful reminder of how far I’ve come-I find that “leaning into emotional intimacy” has become easier & less scary the more I do it. I’m so happy I found your channel, Breeny ❤️ thank you thank you!
I’m an anxious-avoidant “fearful” “disorganized” empath. Like the best (and worst) of both worlds. Toxically enmeshed to a covert narcissist West African mother who was abused as a child and has a very insecure anxious attachment. She raised me to be dependent so that would never leave. I damn near went pseudo-borderline until I woke up and healed. I just moved out with my kids at 43. Free at last! 🕊 💡 🔥
As a black man you are the epitome of a black woman. This 1 video alone has helped me tremendously. Many considered me the fboi type however they never overstood my extremely toxic relationship with my mother. Luckily I was always on TH-cam studying myself & the effect my childhood would have on my love life. Thank you
My mother has undiagnosed bipolar disorder and this caused a constant feeling of walking on eggshells and constantly being told to remain comfortable to the abuse. I always felt resentment towards her for that, but as I grew older I utilized spiritual healing and forgiveness to battle my unprecedented circumstances. I am the fearful avoidant attachment type with a few dismissive tendencies. I am working to the secure attachment and can happily say I am close on my way.
Just broke up with my boyfriend to make sure I fix myself first. It sucks so bad, but I need to grow. Start therapy on Tuesday, thank you so much for this video Breeny!
I would think dismissive avoidant would be worst for anxious attached speaking from personal experience. The coldness and being neglectful definitely prevents the anxious attached from feeling reassured n getting the bonding they want.
The dismissive avoidant gets what they want and ignore others needs. So they are normally in the better position until they self reflect and start trying to be vulnerable
I was in a relationship with attachment style number 2 and the universe knows I went through it. I now understand that people with serious issues are walking around and I genuinely am not interested in forming connections. Experience me in whatever settings I show up in but don’t try to be in my life. I’m exhausted of humans with issues that refuse to work on it. I’d also never advise anyone to deal with any of their types you mentioned, let those ppl get counseling, they need it, I worked hard on my self to be destroyed by a narcissistic attachment style #2. Now I’ll have to work on me all over again, hear me well. Leave those ppl alone and let them heal themselves. You’ll regret playing the good guy hoping they’ll feel loved and change or want to heal, leave them alone.
Secure attachment 🙋🏾♀️ however due to my “iyanla fix me complex (now resolved) , I used to attract the avoidant dismissive and anxious types. This changed when I realised that “I was only responsible for me and nobody else within a relationship “ 🖤
I have a mixture of anxious and fearful attachment, man I only realized now watching this video. I definitely need to work on my self-esteem because i rely way too much on other people’s opinions. I grew up in a very negative and emotionally unstable environment where my feelings were dismissed as exaggerate all the time.
I’m definitely the fearful attachment type mixed with the dismissive type but I’m working on allowing myself to be vulnerable without seeing it as a weakness, but I didn’t grow up in a household of neglect or abuse or anything. I had two loving parents but I just think it’s bcuz I didn’t really talk about feelings growing up, just kinda pushed them aside and moved on.
Yh I agree I definitely can be avoidant at times. Being raised in a nuclear family had its pros but sometimes somethings would be swept under the carpet or taken for granted.
I've been talking about this I'm definitely the anxious attachment style and abandonment too it sucks. I'm hoping to heal and improve myself this year though .
May God bless your soul! 💖🙏🏽 I’ve had relationship anxiety for a VERY long time. Ever since I can last remember I’ve had it. I’ve never been able to get myself into a relationship. The minute I used to get close I’d run like the wind, the thought of being in a relationship would make my anxiety levels go through the roof. You made me realise that I had a fear-avoidant based attachment style and things in my childhood caused me to behave this way!! I did an inner child healing to that memory and my anxiety disorder has COMPLETELY GONE!! Wow! Like my chest feels so light now, it’s not something I’m used to. My heart rate is normal again! I just want to say a huge thank you Breeny. If it wasn’t for your video I would never have realised why I was like this 🥺🥺 I couldn’t be in a relationship for more than 2 weeks. I’d really struggle with managing my anxiety when I was in a relationship. Keep doing what you’re doing! You’re changing lives. SLAY SIS 💖 xx
I always feel anxious when I start developing feelings for someone and everything goes left field. I start having dreams the person with someone else.. feel like they don’t want me.. it’s a mess!!!!! I really get the anxious feeling in my stomach at times!!!! But somehow I always get the guys who act nonchalant and above have feelings after I get attached! 🤷🏾♀️
I’m working on changing my anxious attachment style I realized a lot of my parents treatment toward me was how they grew up and they don’t know how to parent other than what they know. I had to realize that and now I’ve realized I can’t change my parent and now I’m working on loving myself and I’ve been doing a lot better.
I’m the anxious attachment style. I always wondered why I found it so difficult to tell people when they have done something wrong. Thanks for this, now I’m about to do more research on this
@Breeny, did you just tackle 'love and relationship' in a single video?! Apart from understanding my attachment style, I have even gained empathy towards other people! People be fighting battles that we don't even know we just tend to force ourselves into them then complain how wrong they are acting!
I know you mentioned once that you don't feel like putting on glam looks for shooting a video. Yes you look absolutely gorgeous but i dont want you to feel obligated to do so. We are here to listen to you, to your experiences, thoughts and wisdom☺️ And yes you are absolutely beautiful without makeup too!!! Just do what you feel like. Whatever that is Even a video in sweatpants with no makeup i think people would find relatable and relaxed. Ps I can't explain you enough how much i enjoy listening to you talk, i've learnt so so so much. There is nOOONE like you on ytb :) Im 21, waiting till marriage, never had a bf, trying to deepen my relationship with God and also find my path in life and work on myself in every aspect :-)) you help A LOOOTTT
I learned about attachment styles when my 7 year relationship ended two years ago and when i tell you it was the missing piece and put everything into perspective about that relationship it is an understatement. I was an anxiously attached person in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant partner. Worst mix ever. He was my first everything & I experienced alot of heartbreak in that relationship but it taught me alot about what needs healing within myself so that I can attract someone securely attached and stable as well as put up boundaries on how i am willing and not willing to be loved.
Certainly, my challenging childhood did affect me & my love life, however, it is about noting and learning about ourselves. The key is to notice the pattern, acknowledge and know why some behaviours are certain why. I also just started my channel on mindfulness, growth and love! It would be so happy to stay in touch & connect!
Thank you so much for taking your time out to pass your knowledge to us. I LITERLY wake up every morning and play one of your videos. It helps me start my day in a good head space. This video answered so many questions about myself and my relationship.
My attachment has be the Fearful avoidant type recently based on my experiences. I used to be anxious in love but now I just avoid it became like Brenny said, only a genuine type of love and reassurance can help me get to the secure attachment state. Thanks Brenny. You’re the best! You look gorgeous as always 💕💕
It has taken me YEARS to unlearn and reprogram my attachment style from anxious to secure. But you should never blame yourself for not being secure since it was out of your control. You're not broken and it's not finite!
I am definitley the Dismissive Avoidant type...Omg....It's very painful to show vulnerability and to open up about my feelings and emotions. Oh goodness... This video is an eye opener... And yeah, I attract the anxious type.
Thank you Brenny Lee, you told me more about myself, this is good on my level Up journey. I attract the insecure anxious. These guys cling to me with their feminine energy, nothing positive never came of this. Everyone once in a while I'll attract the F-boy player, player, Selfish people bore me. I ignore Dismissive Avoidant people in general. I don't have time for that drama!
Do you think there other factors that affect our love style other than parenting for example , people who trust easily may go through heart break or cheating and therefore may unknowingly or knowingly Chang there love style ?
Definitely. When I was younger I was more anxious. After going through a toxic/abusive relationship, I find myself leaning more fearful avoidant/dismissive. Personally, I put up walls & act distant as a defense mechanism because I don’t want to let people in & risk getting hurt again. Also, still working through triggers & pain. I don’t feel it would be fair to bring these issues into a relationship... Low-key PTSD.
I have more than one type, I am insecure & fearful. Then I've been working on things and have some qualities of secure but not the good ones. I like to try and fix things but have found out through things u can't fix someone that doesn't want fixed. In the mean time I am dating someone that is the dismissal type. I always feel like I'm not getting even reassurance and steadiness. He says I need to back off that I'm too needy. And since I have I feel like I'm allowing too much to happen without anything in return. I am trying my hardest to be patient and I've gotten better. But when u said be patient, I'm telling u that u really have to be.... Months, and years. I'm just waiting while I'm trying to work on me.
I have done a lot of introspection whilst listening to Breeny and I can say I have a shred of a mixture of insecure-anxious attachment which I got while I was a child bc my mother somewhat preferred my sister over me bc she was/still is active so I also wanted to be validated as well and avoidant-fearful attachment that I got in my teenage years while I was living with my Aunt..hell broke loose in that house and I was damaged and traumatised there and I developed a trace of dismissive-avoidance attachment as a coping mechanism to survive but it's wearing out for what felt like a protective shield has being decapitating me now. I know I need to work on myself.
I've been loving digging deeper into attachment styles. I don't think understanding attachment styles alone can encompass the full scope of human behavior but I think it definitely gives some valuable insights. Love your channel, love the content so much- it has added significant value to my self-love journey. God bless you and may He continue to give you wisdom💜
Soooo... I was with my baby’s father for 8 years, it had its up’s and downs.. mainly downs ngl. I become 6 stone through depression he was cheating on me. We lived together and had our own place but I felt I was raising my daughter alone. We separated 2 years ago and a year after I was ready to move on and I got with this really lovely guy.. he was so good from emotionally stable, financially stable, had a good career a lovely home of his own and loved me and my daughter.. he knew we came as a package and fully accepted us, took us on holidays got me a phone on contract he was the best guy you could ever ask for. But I messed it all up and it’s been a year and I can’t get over him. No matter what I have tried. I think I never really felt good enough even though he treated me as I was a queen and he told me plenty of times everything a girl could ever want to hear followed up with actions. But I just couldn’t get over the fear of not being enough. He was wealthy and I am poor he always had designer and me and my baby never had much and he would buy us clothes and give me money each month to pay rent/food/gas and extra for whatever I wanted. I basically got given everything but I never felt good enough for him. He was drop dead gorgeous and wore suits to work and I would just be in basic jeans and a jumper and I wondered what he ever see in me.
I'm definitely in the avoidant spectrum.. WAS in the avoidant spectrum.. now I'm 80% secure but tend to go avoidant especially in new relationships/friendships
Wow! this is extremely helpful as I reflect on my self and past friendship and relationships I've experience. I grew up the anxious/fearful I attachment type and experienced a lot of friendships and relationships that where either anxious/fearful and/or dismissive. The dismissive attachment relationship was the WORST! I am 30 now and I feel more secure. secure in myself and who I am. I have now attracted a partner who is also secure. This video is great Breeny! I wish I learned this at a younger age.
I think I am both the secure and anxious attachment type, I'm learning to trust, and more so myself and God than any person.. anytime I feel some anxious thoughts come up I usually reassure myself with the word and different scriptures. This video was very informative though, keeping some tips in my head for when I need them. Thank you Breeny!
Breeny!!! Why haven’t I found you earlier in life? I’ve been putting myself in situations and abusing myself , and through your channel I’m knowing the reasons why so many things happening and happened in my life /:::
Breeny you're amazing, Thank you for making me understand myself and why I act the way I act towards relationships and how I can change myself Am the Anxious attachment type, thanks Girl♥️ this video changed how I think of my self too🙏
She just summary my life Dismissive avoidant attachment another thing is every time u want to do something on your own your parents always say no, don't do that, don't touch that.😫😭😢😥😩😓
i really can not express how much you helped me as a person and you helped me grow and realize soooo much literally you changed my life it sounds corny but its really true you helped me get through my past traumas, my emotional and sexual abuse i cannot express how grateful i am ur amazing
I was a dismissive avoidant for 25 years but got therapy because I wanted to know why the same issues kept replaying themselves in my life. I’ve now made active steps towards secure attachment and it’s finally so freeing. I feel like who I was created to be and am able to just be myself 🥰
I’m a Fearful avoidant mixed w insecure anxious in a relationship with dismissive attachment. We’ve been together for 4 years lol we are actively working towards secure attachment. It has its moments like every 3 months we hit this wall but eventually with through it
This channel is FRIGGIN AWESOME!!! YOU ARE MY NEW ANGEL MAM AND ALTHOUGH I HAVENT MET YOU I FEEL I LNOW YOU AND YOU KNOW ME. KEEP HELPING CHANGE THE LIVES OF THE YOUNG AMD IGNORANT. YOU ROCK!!!
Thank you for making these videos! They are not only great for advice for adults but also parents with children who wish to gain clarity on how to not raise damaged adults!
I'm an anxious avoidance attachment style. It sucks because I was just talking to a guy and he drop me in two days. My heart drop , instantly panicked and I'm like wtf happened.
I was fearful avoidant type, but now I really understood I have leaned on the secure type, because I found faith in God. My bf is insecure type, and I know I can't change him, But from the beginning he changed himself drastically... And only because he wanted. We are most of the time respectful and gentle... But I get hurt if he promised something to himself, and doesn't go through. I am the one who like to engage into deep conversations, and it helps through time for him to understand him. But really... Listening to the all types... I somehow had all types... Not sure how it's possible. But best description for this moment in my life is secure one. I just pray for my bf to realize that contradicting me isn't helping getting us closer, or dealing with accuring problems, or mistakes we are doing.
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Whew! Breeny girl you just broke it down for me in a way that I can now understand who I am! I am most definitely the Anxious Attachment type of person. You also helped me to understand my ex and now I know why we had so many bumps in the rode until we fell off a cliff. Thank you so much honey you have helped me find ME💯💯🥺🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💋💋💋💋
Road*
I'm the avoidant attachment type, why I've never had a bf before lol.
Same 😔
I’m an avoidant anxious and all my relationships have been really short 🙁
I have an avoidant attachment style too and it definitely makes relationships difficult.🤦🏾♀️
She got it from a book I read called Attached by Dr Amir Levine. Great book helped me with my relationship with my wife and vice versa
Same sis, same
I’am an anxious insecure attachment type. It’s sad and hard to admit. I consistently need reassurance, I need honestly, trust and loyalty and I need to know that you’ll always be there. I’m always in my head and always question every single word and action. I’m currently in a relationship with someone who is emotionally inconsistent and it’s killing me. I feel trapped and burden. I really don’t know what type I attract and at this point I’ll much rather be alone than be so unhappy with someone.
Wow I’m in the exact same situation. I’d rather be alone, because the second guessing and the anxiousness is really hurting me smh
I left. Self-work first.
@Mariama Koroma probably mostly DA's then FA's. 🤔🤔
Omg, you just described how I feel too. When I get any signs of dishonesty or if I feel confused or drained, I just leave because I would rather leave a certain situation than having the possibility of getting hurt in the future
I was in the same situation and now I’m the avoidant type, I don’t see myself being in a relationship ever, thinking about relationships makes me sick now wich is weird because I’m ironically a hopeless romantic too
Breeny needs to do a "how to LEVEL UP: MENTALLY (2021)" video !!
Omg yes please
!!!
She has it already
@@Rastavibration7981 I asked for a 2021 update video, like a part 2.
@@pastry111 ooh my bad
Why do I feel like I’m a mix of several attachment styles? 😂 Is that even possible
Same here
@@evangelinemmayie6116 After a quick research you can definitely have traits from several attachment styles, it’s actually very common and depends on your childhood traumas... some people have deeper issues!
Wow i didn't know
Thanks
@@evangelinemmayie6116 I’m confident we can overcome anything, and be a happier and healthier version of ourselves. Breeny’s videos and therapy have been really helpful in my case. Sending you lots of love and light ❤️
@Elisa Villalta yes Breeny's videos are very insightful
Thanks sis, wish you the same
Haven’t even watched this yet, but the title alone has me saying ‘FACTS’😩
Lool agreed
When breeny was mentioning my type, And spoke about the very unstable home, then went on to break it down even more in detail. I broke down into tears!! I have a mother that to this day never wants to apologise for anything or even discuss it! If the discussion ever comes up about certain terrible things that happened while growing up! She literally gets angry!!!! And starts crying and calling us ungrateful!! She don’t want to accept the fact that “These once was little kids has grown up now and remember everything” they want us to forget all the bad things that ever happened and just focus on the fact that they bath and fed us!! evil mums like her don’t want to accept that we didn’t forget what happened and it’s infact still bothering us!! It’s infact affecting our adulthood! It’s infact affecting our fucking relationships mental health social life everythingggggg!! ITS HAUNTING BASICALLY! And I’ve concluded that I need therapy!
Same here your not alone 🙏🏼🥺🤍
@@sarahortez1191 ❤️❤️❤️
That was my mother to the T. I was very angry at her for that. We had a lot of arguments but I loved her with all my soul. I wanted to save our relationship before I have a child... Unfortunately when we started to work on it because I instaured drastic strong boundaries, she passed away. I can never forgive myself now for things I told her out of anger when like you said she wanted me to remember only the "bath and feeding" instead of all the toxic behaviors that led me to have dysfunctional relationships. I wish I could have one more chance to be with her, ignore all her stupid comments and remind her how much I love her every single day. Hug her whenever it's possible because what I've learned is that she didn't know better, she thought she was actually helping me in the only way she knew because she's human too and got damaged too by her parents. I now realize when she was crying when calling us ungrateful, it was not because she was acting and reversing the role of the victim but because she truly believed she was the victim because even if it didn't look like it, she was actually giving her whole self and love to make us happy in the only way she knew. Just like when a cat kill his prey and drag it to her house and throw it at the feet of it's owner, he doesn't know it's unproper or disgusting, the cat think, this is the best way to thank it's owner and make the owner happy in turn. Should the owner kill the cat or call it the most demonic cat ever because it's not acting all sweet and cute according to our expectations? I know it's difficult and it must hurt but please love your mother now when she still have her, I called mine all kind of names even to her face, now I think she must hate me and I've been a bad daughter to her. I had empathy with everyone except her and now all I can see is how much I must have hurt her indeed.
@@Pearl.K well then I’ve tried and tried and tried to build a relationship with her!! But it last for a little while and she will do something’s that will remind me badly!! Of growing up! And that’s when me trying to talk to her comes in and that never ever goes well! I lost a baby and she walked out on me! All she wants is money! She care about her self onlyyyy! Now how on earth can I deal with someone that does not want to change or keep doing things that remind you of the haunting past!! I have to let her be! The thought of her dying while we don’t speak comes to me and it bothers me but still I already know what will happen if I dare speak to her again ever!
omg you hit the nail on the fucking head! My mother to the T, the way you expressed that whole paragraph, god bless you, we got this fam
i was raised by a narc so i wass sooo codependant. To her, her kids arent anyone by themselves. We are who she says we are.. Made my attachment style very fearful.
Saaaaammee!
Same
Same. I’m disorganized attachment myself. Luckily I learnt years back and have been working on it.
Sammmeee girlll it does make u very fearful @Dinah
Who else skipped through secure attachment because they already know they aren’t that 😂
Lol 🥴
lol yes
Same
😂😂😂🙋🏽♀️
All of this is pretty accurate, but maybe the most important thing is that attachment style CAN BE HEALED. If you are anxious and keep attracting avoidants or chasing avoidant types, it’s actually better to take steps back and work on healing your own attachment style. Once you heal to become secure within yourself, you won’t even be attracted to avoidants and can finally be in a secure relationship. When you become secure, you are attracted to other secures. When I used to be on the anxious/avoidant/disorganized spectrum I would RUN from anyone who wanted to love me, and would chase anyone who avoided me. Lol. What a nightmare. I took some years away from dating just to work on healing and reinforcing exactly what it means to be secure and after all that finally met someone who was secure, who I don’t have to question my status with or chase or anything. Plus I feel safe in other spheres of life outside of romantic relationships. All those avoidant and narcissistic types of relationships, friends, family included all literally fell away from my life when I healed my attachment style.
Wow thank you this was amazing! ❤️
Can u talk about ALWAYS being in situations of unrequited love
Yes Please Breeny
Hey, my degree is in Psychology but if I were you, I would ask myself why i avoid legitimate intimacy and seek "relationships" which lack the real fundamentals of relationships and love which is mutual intimacy and trust. Are you ready to have mutual intimacy and trust someone? Was your father absent and you created this ideal Father who would be there for you and cares but the real life father always disappointed, creating a fantasy man. This fantasy is easier to believe when the man is rarely close to you or present because the reality would pop that bubble and sometimes loving someone who loves you back can terrify folks who feel undeserving of love or fear they have a hidden bad, shameful spirit or secret that actual closeness may reveal. Intimacy is terrifying and this generation has made many platforms for keeping people from having it. Ask yourself maybe why you dont want to actually connect it's like eating a snack instead of a meal, you know you're short changing yourself but what are your motives? Unrequited love is usually a behavior from folks with a savior or martyr complex but the thing is you're just doing a masochistic, spiritually self harming dance against the image of another. I would recommend spiritual solutions...namely Jesus Christ is the perfect example of unrequited love but our normal human suffering cannot make even a love object suffer less. Actual love brings peace to someone's life but they have to accept it. Unrequited love usually comes from a childhood of neglect, being close not too close yet being afraid to be punished for not acting well, despite having little opportunities to play or be happy with parents. Basically like behave but we are not going to love you or comfort you how a child should be.
@@Iwillsurvive95 😥
@@Iwillsurvive95 i looked it up and yeah ur right subconsciously im prob just reliving my trauma but consciously i dont see myself afraid to real relationships or intimacy like i would be happy if anyone felt the same way for me but maybe im just blind to what’s really going on but I believe God will help me get to that place
Lykke Li 💖
This is indeed facts. This is why parents need to learn how parenting actually works. They have no idea that they could subconsciously be damaging their children. As when they become adults they end up attracting toxic and even though they may not necessarily like it. They subconsciously don't mind it...true or definitely true?
THIS👏🏽RIGHT👏🏽HERE.👏🏽💯💯💯
you said it like damn, I was also thinking about how they have to fix themselves before they bring a child into the world
Right
You are a bright light in the black hole that is TH-cam. Thank you!
It’s mad that I only learnt about this in October 2020. I have elements of anxious and fearful avoidant attachment but I’m able to be alone. However, I have a fear of abandonment/rejection. I continuously blamed myself for the failures of “relationships” and things going wrong. All it took was heartbreak from someone emotionally unavailable to figure this out. I honestly believe the whole situation was sent by God because it “woke” me up and made me change my perspective. And now I’m in therapy getting help 🥳🎉 I will make sure that my future children have a secure attachment
You are on the right track of healing your inner child. Once you tap into her you will be amaze How amazing she is. Much blessings in your therapy sessions in the making of you.
Same!!!
Yes, breaking those “generational curses!” 👏🏽
@@alexag7686 sounds good!
❤
I think my childhood made me have an anxious-avoidant attachment style. I needed this video thank you.
It’s so strange. I used to have anxious attachment and transitioned to avoidant the older I’ve gotten
I have the same experience! Personally, I’ve noticed that going through toxic & abusive relationships have turned me from anxious to more avoidant. I used to crave love & affection, & be so emotionally thirsty. But after those toxic relationships, I’m more guarded & put up walls to protect myself from getting hurt again. Although, I still crave intimacy, it’s just hard. I’m working on it though, I’m tired of going through the same cycles. I want to have healthy relationships!
@@alexag7686 Thats the same exact boat I’m on. It’s so exhausting! I feel like I can never win but I’m hopeful in the universe
@@saris1685 Stay on your healing journey & things will definitely get better in time! I suggest checking out “Personal Development School” on TH-cam. Thais has very informative and insightful videos on attachment styles and how to heal and become more secure. I’ve been watching them, they are very helpful. Blessings!
Saris I support you unbecoming and becoming is great to help you grow stay focused and give yourself affirmations.
Omg I am crying!!! I am anxious attachment and my boyfriend is secure, it’s so difficult because he’s amazing and his way of loving is so pure and mine is so damaged by my childhood. I need to become more secure
Damn girl, we’re in the same freaking shoe.
Same here
When Breeny Lee goes into theorists.....Mary Ainsworth, John Bolwby, Abraham Maslow etc...... FACTS 👌🏽👌🏽💯💯
I'm a mixture of Fearful and Dismissive attachment style. Took me a year to realise my mum is the toxic person in my life. I have a dad but he is simply there for display.
I changed my mindset, who I surround myself with, the people I allow in my life, what I watch, what I listen to. Everything! It takes a lot to change who you are as a person and develop your self and actually be my own person.
proud of you you are precious and worthy of being loved
I’m definitely the anxious person who attracts dismissive avoidance people
Me too , I’ve been anxious person since I started dating, and it explains why I haven’t been in a long term relationship.
same ugh going through it now
@@AndreabelievesinJesusChrist I’m in therapy now to heal and handle my childhood horror. I think that’s the best way to handle it
@@XavianneNailz I realize a lot of my triggers through the relationship and talking it out with my partner and also understanding what he went through from his dad and his mom, and I hope we can make it work, because we both really love each other, but it’s all about communication and understanding, knowing your triggers, and the times that my bf hurt me and didn’t understand me, my therapist did, and that’s the beauty of having someone you can talk to openly
@@AndreabelievesinJesusChrist yeah I know exactly what you mean, the guy I just called it off with. He told me he doesn’t “chase” or court women. And he wasn’t doing the same with me. I constantly asked him questions to try to get to know him more and it was like talking to a brick 🧱 wall. But when it came to discussing sex, he would be able to talk for days about it. When I mentioned to him he made it seem like that’s just how he was. He definitely has avoidant attachment and I have anxious attachment. When I told him I wasn’t happy on Jan 4,2020 he didn’t respond to my text and we haven’t spoke since. It hurts like hell 🥺 but it is what it is 🤷🏽♀️
Psychology...I’m here for it. 💜
I definitely relate to the “Fearful attachment” part 😣
I can too
I think I’m the fearful and dismissive type
I’m definitely a mix of fearful avoidant and anxious avoidant
I'm an anxious insecure attachment type and my partner is so wonderful and consistent with me and still for some reason still feel that yearning for reassurance that he still loves me, still likes me, still wants me around. And I know it drains him, I don't want to do that to him. He deserves better
I dont understand i am fearful avoidant and also dismissive avoidant . I never had a bf , i might’ve talked to a few guys but when they want more i pull tf back . I hate that about me fr .
Realized I was dismissive avoidant a while back and your explanation just solidified it. Started therapy last year and going to continue. However, in my friendships , I have very healthy and fulfilling relationships that I feel are rare. Validation, boundaries and vulnerability. BUT my romantic partners, I have tried to be conscious of their needs and I'm self-aware enough so know when I need to open up and apologize. But I am very sensitive to them when vulnerable and I don't feel validated by them I get turned off and angry. I don't take many things personally but I do that. Like I'm being vulnerable, take this seriously. I realized I'm kind of hard on them but that is also because vulnerability, I hold in such high regard because someone is trusting me enough to open their souls for a moment. I can listen for days but when it gets comes to me, it's so hard. Probably why I am overthinker and have such a rich inner world. It becomes hard to express to the outer world.
“Into me see” ... sis 👌🏾
I’m the anxious type and I’m actually working on myself FIRST. For many years I used to feed off other people’s opinions of me and since the year started , I vowed to be secure in MYSELF, recognizing all my flaws and perfections so that no one else may even try use what I already know against me.
I love your content. Keep on keeping . All my love from 🇿🇦
This👌👌👌 and then I saw the flag🇿🇦, then I saw the name. Lol too relatable.
We've got this girl, let the self love continue to prosper.
@@thabaindigontamo9828 Heyyy lovey😄nice to see you here.
Look at us ,watching some wholesome and informative content 💕
I'm a fearful/avoidant/anxious type. This video honestly helped so much and honestly just think about being in a happy/healthy relationship it makes me doubt the possibility and feel all weird and closed up emotionally. I always think of the worst situations
Hey Breeny! I’m a fan of your videos, but this one I am going to have to politely disagree with as far as the attachment styles. For example, as a fearful avoidant myself, who is healing, I am not/was never a cold person. I also can give in a way that is genuine as I am in tune to the needs of others since I developed hyper vigilance at an early age. I don’t have a stone cold heart, although in the past I used to put up a wall in certain situations which deeply triggered me but this does not make my heart stone cold. Also, insecure environments do not always mean toxicity. If people show me genuine kindness, I truly value it and remember it forever. As I said, I do enjoy your work but I just wanted to shed some light as it is kind of dangerous to throw out information which one has not truly mastered in knowing yet, especially information that can affect people. Also, your attachment style can develop after childhood or change if, for example, you go through an emotionally-abusive, long-term partnership or even an intense, short-lived, relationship. As I said, absolutely no hate. Just wanted to shed some light as the topic of attachment styles is so vital and it’s nice to see people opening up to it 💛
My secure attachment style came from my dad, always being very warm, gentle and careful with me, he spoiled me rotten, gave me everything, he was very protective of me 😁, Yes I am a secure independent adult! Thanks Dad, I love you.
I’m sobbing uncontrollably, hearing you describe the dismissive-avoidant attachment style. Of all the videos I’ve watched/articles I’ve read on it, I have never felt as seen as I do, listening to you speak. I’ve been doing a LOT of self-parenting & healing these past few years because I’m exhausted of constantly pushing away/sabotaging intimate connections-the thing I want most. At the same time, this video is a beautiful reminder of how far I’ve come-I find that “leaning into emotional intimacy” has become easier & less scary the more I do it. I’m so happy I found your channel, Breeny ❤️ thank you thank you!
I’m an anxious-avoidant “fearful” “disorganized” empath. Like the best (and worst) of both worlds. Toxically enmeshed to a covert narcissist West African mother who was abused as a child and has a very insecure anxious attachment. She raised me to be dependent so that would never leave. I damn near went pseudo-borderline until I woke up and healed. I just moved out with my kids at 43. Free at last! 🕊 💡 🔥
As a black man you are the epitome of a black woman. This 1 video alone has helped me tremendously. Many considered me the fboi type however they never overstood my extremely toxic relationship with my mother. Luckily I was always on TH-cam studying myself & the effect my childhood would have on my love life. Thank you
My mother has undiagnosed bipolar disorder and this caused a constant feeling of walking on eggshells and constantly being told to remain comfortable to the abuse. I always felt resentment towards her for that, but as I grew older I utilized spiritual healing and forgiveness to battle my unprecedented circumstances. I am the fearful avoidant attachment type with a few dismissive tendencies. I am working to the secure attachment and can happily say I am close on my way.
Just when I had a fight with my husband today , you upload this 😭❤️💯👏🏾
Just broke up with my boyfriend to make sure I fix myself first. It sucks so bad, but I need to grow. Start therapy on Tuesday, thank you so much for this video Breeny!
There are times in life when even the smallest words or actions are infused with the most exquisite meaning.
I would think dismissive avoidant would be worst for anxious attached speaking from personal experience. The coldness and being neglectful definitely prevents the anxious attached from feeling reassured n getting the bonding they want.
The dismissive avoidant gets what they want and ignore others needs. So they are normally in the better position until they self reflect and start trying to be vulnerable
I was in a relationship with attachment style number 2 and the universe knows I went through it. I now understand that people with serious issues are walking around and I genuinely am not interested in forming connections. Experience me in whatever settings I show up in but don’t try to be in my life. I’m exhausted of humans with issues that refuse to work on it. I’d also never advise anyone to deal with any of their types you mentioned, let those ppl get counseling, they need it, I worked hard on my self to be destroyed by a narcissistic attachment style #2. Now I’ll have to work on me all over again, hear me well. Leave those ppl alone and let them heal themselves. You’ll regret playing the good guy hoping they’ll feel loved and change or want to heal, leave them alone.
Secure attachment 🙋🏾♀️ however due to my “iyanla fix me complex (now resolved) , I used to attract the avoidant dismissive and anxious types. This changed when I realised that “I was only responsible for me and nobody else within a relationship “ 🖤
I have a mixture of anxious and fearful attachment, man I only realized now watching this video. I definitely need to work on my self-esteem because i rely way too much on other people’s opinions. I grew up in a very negative and emotionally unstable environment where my feelings were dismissed as exaggerate all the time.
I am dismissive avoidant due to my mom neglect, I’m scare of been in romantic relationship
I’m definitely the fearful attachment type mixed with the dismissive type but I’m working on allowing myself to be vulnerable without seeing it as a weakness, but I didn’t grow up in a household of neglect or abuse or anything. I had two loving parents but I just think it’s bcuz I didn’t really talk about feelings growing up, just kinda pushed them aside and moved on.
Yh I agree I definitely can be avoidant at times. Being raised in a nuclear family had its pros but sometimes somethings would be swept under the carpet or taken for granted.
@@corellejackson5717 2021 is about healing for us 😳
I was dismissive avoidant but now I feel I’ve gotten better. I don’t know if I’m all the way secure yet, but I’m way better than I was.
I've been talking about this I'm definitely the anxious attachment style and abandonment too it sucks. I'm hoping to heal and improve myself this year though .
May God bless your soul! 💖🙏🏽
I’ve had relationship anxiety for a VERY long time. Ever since I can last remember I’ve had it. I’ve never been able to get myself into a relationship. The minute I used to get close I’d run like the wind, the thought of being in a relationship would make my anxiety levels go through the roof. You made me realise that I had a fear-avoidant based attachment style and things in my childhood caused me to behave this way!! I did an inner child healing to that memory and my anxiety disorder has COMPLETELY GONE!! Wow! Like my chest feels so light now, it’s not something I’m used to. My heart rate is normal again!
I just want to say a huge thank you Breeny. If it wasn’t for your video I would never have realised why I was like this 🥺🥺
I couldn’t be in a relationship for more than 2 weeks. I’d really struggle with managing my anxiety when I was in a relationship.
Keep doing what you’re doing! You’re changing lives. SLAY SIS 💖 xx
Can you do a thorough video on how you changed your attachment style?
Yesss! This would really help.
Love the break down, love your voice, love your cadence. Subscribed!
I always feel anxious when I start developing feelings for someone and everything goes left field. I start having dreams the person with someone else.. feel like they don’t want me.. it’s a mess!!!!! I really get the anxious feeling in my stomach at times!!!!
But somehow I always get the guys who act nonchalant and above have feelings after I get attached! 🤷🏾♀️
Breeny over here helping me be a better parent! I am trying to raise my kids so I can help them avoid these problems in the future😅 Thank you Breeny!!
You have opened my eyes so much with this!!🙏🏽
I love this genre! I don't get why it wouldn't attract people to your channel❤️ go on please :)
I’m working on changing my anxious attachment style I realized a lot of my parents treatment toward me was how they grew up and they don’t know how to parent other than what they know. I had to realize that and now I’ve realized I can’t change my parent and now I’m working on loving myself and I’ve been doing a lot better.
I’m fearful avoidant. Pretty much why I have less relationships
I’m the anxious attachment style. I always wondered why I found it so difficult to tell people when they have done something wrong. Thanks for this, now I’m about to do more research on this
I've got your favorite type attachment style. YES RIGHT! dismissive attachment style.
@Breeny, did you just tackle 'love and relationship' in a single video?!
Apart from understanding my attachment style, I have even gained empathy towards other people! People be fighting battles that we don't even know we just tend to force ourselves into them then complain how wrong they are acting!
I know you mentioned once that you don't feel like putting on glam looks for shooting a video. Yes you look absolutely gorgeous but i dont want you to feel obligated to do so. We are here to listen to you, to your experiences, thoughts and wisdom☺️ And yes you are absolutely beautiful without makeup too!!! Just do what you feel like. Whatever that is Even a video in sweatpants with no makeup i think people would find relatable and relaxed.
Ps I can't explain you enough how much i enjoy listening to you talk, i've learnt so so so much. There is nOOONE like you on ytb :)
Im 21, waiting till marriage, never had a bf, trying to deepen my relationship with God and also find my path in life and work on myself in every aspect
:-)) you help A LOOOTTT
I learned about attachment styles when my 7 year relationship ended two years ago and when i tell you it was the missing piece and put everything into perspective about that relationship it is an understatement. I was an anxiously attached person in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant partner. Worst mix ever. He was my first everything & I experienced alot of heartbreak in that relationship but it taught me alot about what needs healing within myself so that I can attract someone securely attached and stable as well as put up boundaries on how i am willing and not willing to be loved.
Key word: only when you feels safe to do so
Why do I feel like I can relate to all the attachment styles 😭😂
Certainly, my challenging childhood did affect me & my love life, however, it is about noting and learning about ourselves. The key is to notice the pattern, acknowledge and know why some behaviours are certain why.
I also just started my channel on mindfulness, growth and love! It would be so happy to stay in touch & connect!
Thank you so much for taking your time out to pass your knowledge to us. I LITERLY wake up every morning and play one of your videos. It helps me start my day in a good head space. This video answered so many questions about myself and my relationship.
My attachment has be the Fearful avoidant type recently based on my experiences. I used to be anxious in love but now I just avoid it became like Brenny said, only a genuine type of love and reassurance can help me get to the secure attachment state.
Thanks Brenny. You’re the best! You look gorgeous as always 💕💕
It has taken me YEARS to unlearn and reprogram my attachment style from anxious to secure. But you should never blame yourself for not being secure since it was out of your control. You're not broken and it's not finite!
I feel that I am mostly secure, with triggers of my anxious fearful avoidant attachment style. Working through it x
After watching this, I realized my attachment type is definitely the insecure attachment type, and sadly I feel like I attract dismissive attachment 😔
Crazy how I have bee studying so much about attachment styles these days and you drop this video. In sync💕
I am definitley the Dismissive Avoidant type...Omg....It's very painful to show vulnerability and to open up about my feelings and emotions. Oh goodness... This video is an eye opener... And yeah, I attract the anxious type.
my favorite cousin and I used to drive around with that song don't save her all the time I miss her. so my and hate we ruined our relationship 😢
I was here from the beauty video days, and I love how your channel changed. It feels more authentic, and I can tell that you enjoy it more.
I’m both the anxious and fearful type. I’m still trying to change it, but change is a process. I know I’ll get there tho, just takes time!
Girl I noticed you love lipgloss (i do too :D)... definitely recommend you try lip gloss from MAO Cosmetics! Life changing honestly!
Intimacy: into me you see; being seen. Taking because this is a word/motto/self-affirmation is to remind oneself of what you deserve.
Prayers going out for your mental, emotional and spiritual health. May you continue to rely on him for strength, guidance, comfort and understanding
Thank you Brenny Lee, you told me more about myself, this is good on my level Up journey. I attract the insecure anxious. These guys cling to me with their feminine energy, nothing positive never came of this. Everyone once in a while I'll attract the F-boy player, player, Selfish people bore me. I ignore Dismissive Avoidant people in general. I don't have time for that drama!
Do you think there other factors that affect our love style other than parenting for example , people who trust easily may go through heart break or cheating and therefore may unknowingly or knowingly Chang there love style ?
Yesss I'd like to hear more about this
Definitely. When I was younger I was more anxious. After going through a toxic/abusive relationship, I find myself leaning more fearful avoidant/dismissive. Personally, I put up walls & act distant as a defense mechanism because I don’t want to let people in & risk getting hurt again. Also, still working through triggers & pain. I don’t feel it would be fair to bring these issues into a relationship... Low-key PTSD.
I have more than one type, I am insecure & fearful. Then I've been working on things and have some qualities of secure but not the good ones. I like to try and fix things but have found out through things u can't fix someone that doesn't want fixed. In the mean time I am dating someone that is the dismissal type. I always feel like I'm not getting even reassurance and steadiness. He says I need to back off that I'm too needy. And since I have I feel like I'm allowing too much to happen without anything in return. I am trying my hardest to be patient and I've gotten better. But when u said be patient, I'm telling u that u really have to be.... Months, and years. I'm just waiting while I'm trying to work on me.
I have done a lot of introspection whilst listening to Breeny and I can say I have a shred of a mixture of insecure-anxious attachment which I got while I was a child bc my mother somewhat preferred my sister over me bc she was/still is active so I also wanted to be validated as well and avoidant-fearful attachment that I got in my teenage years while I was living with my Aunt..hell broke loose in that house and I was damaged and traumatised there and I developed a trace of dismissive-avoidance attachment as a coping mechanism to survive but it's wearing out for what felt like a protective shield has being decapitating me now. I know I need to work on myself.
please breeny. i beg for an updated video on narcissism
I've been loving digging deeper into attachment styles. I don't think understanding attachment styles alone can encompass the full scope of human behavior but I think it definitely gives some valuable insights. Love your channel, love the content so much- it has added significant value to my self-love journey. God bless you and may He continue to give you wisdom💜
Soooo... I was with my baby’s father for 8 years, it had its up’s and downs.. mainly downs ngl. I become 6 stone through depression he was cheating on me. We lived together and had our own place but I felt I was raising my daughter alone. We separated 2 years ago and a year after I was ready to move on and I got with this really lovely guy.. he was so good from emotionally stable, financially stable, had a good career a lovely home of his own and loved me and my daughter.. he knew we came as a package and fully accepted us, took us on holidays got me a phone on contract he was the best guy you could ever ask for. But I messed it all up and it’s been a year and I can’t get over him. No matter what I have tried. I think I never really felt good enough even though he treated me as I was a queen and he told me plenty of times everything a girl could ever want to hear followed up with actions. But I just couldn’t get over the fear of not being enough. He was wealthy and I am poor he always had designer and me and my baby never had much and he would buy us clothes and give me money each month to pay rent/food/gas and extra for whatever I wanted. I basically got given everything but I never felt good enough for him. He was drop dead gorgeous and wore suits to work and I would just be in basic jeans and a jumper and I wondered what he ever see in me.
I'm definitely in the avoidant spectrum.. WAS in the avoidant spectrum.. now I'm 80% secure but tend to go avoidant especially in new relationships/friendships
Wow! this is extremely helpful as I reflect on my self and past friendship and relationships I've experience. I grew up the anxious/fearful I attachment type and experienced a lot of friendships and relationships that where either anxious/fearful and/or dismissive. The dismissive attachment relationship was the WORST! I am 30 now and I feel more secure. secure in myself and who I am. I have now attracted a partner who is also secure. This video is great Breeny! I wish I learned this at a younger age.
I think I am both the secure and anxious attachment type, I'm learning to trust, and more so myself and God than any person.. anytime I feel some anxious thoughts come up I usually reassure myself with the word and different scriptures. This video was very informative though, keeping some tips in my head for when I need them. Thank you Breeny!
Fearful attachment here! I'm in therapy though.
Breeny!!! Why haven’t I found you earlier in life?
I’ve been putting myself in situations and abusing myself , and through your channel I’m knowing the reasons why so many things happening and happened in my life /:::
Breeny you're amazing, Thank you for making me understand myself and why I act the way I act towards relationships and how I can change myself Am the Anxious attachment type, thanks Girl♥️ this video changed how I think of my self too🙏
She just summary my life Dismissive avoidant attachment another thing is every time u want to do something on your own your parents always say no, don't do that, don't touch that.😫😭😢😥😩😓
i really can not express how much you helped me as a person and you helped me grow and realize soooo much literally you changed my life it sounds corny but its really true you helped me get through my past traumas, my emotional and sexual abuse i cannot express how grateful i am ur amazing
I was a dismissive avoidant for 25 years but got therapy because I wanted to know why the same issues kept replaying themselves in my life. I’ve now made active steps towards secure attachment and it’s finally so freeing. I feel like who I was created to be and am able to just be myself 🥰
Thank you big sister.
I am a true fearful avoidant...I really appreciate you making this video because now I identified things I can work on
LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR VIDEOS ❣💫 please make a next one about rules of healthy and happy realtionships 💜
I’m a Fearful avoidant mixed w insecure anxious in a relationship with dismissive attachment. We’ve been together for 4 years lol we are actively working towards secure attachment. It has its moments like every 3 months we hit this wall but eventually with through it
This channel is FRIGGIN AWESOME!!! YOU ARE MY NEW ANGEL MAM AND ALTHOUGH I HAVENT MET YOU I FEEL I LNOW YOU AND YOU KNOW ME. KEEP HELPING CHANGE THE LIVES OF THE YOUNG AMD IGNORANT. YOU ROCK!!!
Matched in a relationship with a dismissive type
Anxious Attachment Type 💯💯
Thank you for making these videos! They are not only great for advice for adults but also parents with children who wish to gain clarity on how to not raise damaged adults!
I'm an anxious avoidance attachment style. It sucks because I was just talking to a guy and he drop me in two days. My heart drop , instantly panicked and I'm like wtf happened.
I was fearful avoidant type, but now I really understood I have leaned on the secure type, because I found faith in God.
My bf is insecure type, and I know I can't change him,
But from the beginning he changed himself drastically... And only because he wanted.
We are most of the time respectful and gentle...
But I get hurt if he promised something to himself, and doesn't go through.
I am the one who like to engage into deep conversations, and it helps through time for him to understand him.
But really... Listening to the all types... I somehow had all types... Not sure how it's possible.
But best description for this moment in my life is secure one.
I just pray for my bf to realize that contradicting me isn't helping getting us closer, or dealing with accuring problems, or mistakes we are doing.