Drowning in Depression and Guilt? (Watch This)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
- On today’s show, we hear about:
- A woman wondering if she needs stricter boundaries with her mom over the holidays. What Seasonal Affective Disorder really is and what you can do about it. A man struggling to understand why his wife left him and what he can learn from it
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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That poor last caller. My heart breaks for him. I don't know what he went through. It must have been horrible. I am praying for him.
Last caller was the hardest to hear so far , I feel for this man , Dr Delony did an amazing job here 🙏
Thank you Doctor. My abusive mother passed away two weeks ago so I needed to hear this. She was a black hole and I still feel like she's trying to steal my happiness from the grave. She made zero attempt to get to know my husband's wonderful family and yet, her last act was to get on Facebook and publicly shame me for keeping her grandson away from her. You're right, I have to face that pain and wade through it hip deep and it's going to hurt.
That's is an incredibly disrespectful thing she did towards you, to post her problems that she had on social media. I have very similar issues that I am dealing with as well. Boundaries are important. Stick to them.
After a year, how do you feel? Have you had some time to heal? Do you feel more free? Have you found some happiness? I hope so. You protected your son. That is the best thing you could do. I am glad that your husband's family is wonderful. I hope that you find peace. It was not you. It was her.
Sarah, I’m in the thick of distancing from my parents because of emotional abuse my whole life. It’s so hard, but worth it. 16:35
The first caller made me think "I'm not Alone!!!" Setting boundaries, especially with family, is challenging but challenges you to be in control of what you can control not others.
Same here. It's hard but it'll bring me so much peace. I have to remind myself that I do matter on where and who I choose to spend my holiday. God bless you for sharing.
I think part of the problem with SAD is the knowledge that another year is passed, the barn is closed up for the winter and a lot of projects just didn't happen once again.
I was where this guy is. I understand. It's very possible to heal beautifully but the journey is really tough and grimmy but worth it. I never knew I was as hurt as I was but I reached a breaking point and straight through is the only and best way 💯
John says these little things just in passing, such as putting his bare feet on the ground. He also made a little comment about his son going through a season of excellence, and that is the theme in their house for his son. These are just little statements in passing, but they are changing my life in a big way.
Great episode. The last caller is such a brave, strong person. Sir, our hearts are with you. Wishing you a bright future and healing.
God bless you Jack...no child should have to endure abuse.
I HATE when parents do or allow these things to happen to their children. OK, Listen to John....I am CHOOSING to be out of control protective of children.
I want to give the biggest hugs to both of the callers. Once I was in the same place with my mother with the guilt tripping; setting boundaries with her, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. As a mother of three little boys, I can’t imagine what the last caller lived through as a little boy. God bless them both and help them to heal ❤
This hits me so hard. I cut ties with my parents 4 months ago. This kind of behavior happened again and again even when I would assert myself. Constantly told I was condescending. The breaking point for me was when I finally realized my parents won’t change. I like to believe everyone can change, but this part I’m about to type I had to do for my daughter.
My mom asked me about a month before I wrote the letter if there was anything traumatic in my childhood. (She asked this on a regular basis because she knew she made a lot of mistakes.) My response was, “You and Dad fighting all the time was more annoying than anything, especially when it’d be anywhere between 1am and 4am. But I’d say when you pulled a |
Dr. You are I'm amazing human being . Thank you for All you do for everyone .
I always knew I had a fantastic Mom. After seeing the things I have seen and listened to so many people that have mothers and fathers like the callers do...I had a fantastic, awesome MOM! She told me it is a parent's responsibility to raise independent, self sufficient adults. Man was she ever right. I can still remember the day that I became friends with my mom. I was grown, married, paying my own bills in my own home. Her job of raising me was done and now we could be really good friends. I am so sorry for the callers and the people I know that are going through this abuse. Keep your boundaries strong, and your back straight! Remember there are people out here that care about you!!
Just wanted to thank Dr. Delony for this take and useful tips for S.A.D. I'm hoping that thinking of the chain reaction / domino effect helps me change just one little thing at a time. It can definitely feel overwhelming when everything seems out of alignment, and when spring is still really far away. I really appreciate how you laid out that little changes can matter, and also that making those little changes isn't necessarily easy.
Also wanted to mention that it has helped me to just accept that I am going to sleep a lot more in the winter, and to try not to feel bad for it. The trees are sleeping too. ❤
Duuuude - had no idea how much light was effecting me - until I moved to the northern section of the Midwest.
From the desert of California.
Going from where it gets light by 6 am to where the sun don’t shine until 8 has been a huge adjustment for the family - even tougher than the cold. At least the snow is fun and excuse to buy extra clothing layers but it slowed our morning routine waaaaaay down. Molasses.
I had no idea that would get to me so much.
Love the light idea and to sit up instead of press snooze. Thank you!
Jack reminds me of my dad...he had a head on collision in the 4th grade with another kid on the playground. Never got it checked out but had migraines from that point forward for his whole life. Now at 60, his memory is shot and has a HARD HARD HARD time paying attention.
Ok now all G2 users need to know the exact type of refill...
I got you 😉
Schmidt Fineliner Refill 😁
Letting a big sigh out! First call, has me shaking my head. I know.....I created boundaries as of 2020....my Mom had an Embolism & Gamma Ray & she has morphed up & I can see when I take out the packages of negative stuff from my brain or "my backpack"....of feelings & emotions to keep my head clear & thinking positive. It has taken me by creating these boundaries to see how great my previous life is, my great husband & my great 3 kids! I am so grateful! Thank you Dr. John Delony! Praying for the young lady in the OC!!!
Three very enlightening episodes in one! (Plus geeking out on pens!🎉)
Thanks, Dr. John!
To the first caller…my mom did this to me my whole life too! She started to spread it around to my husband and kids, family. I talked to her, I had my family/kids/husband talk to her, privately. Nothing worked. I even took her to her pastor, I thought she would listen to him. He turned it on me and said I needed to be more forgiving. The best thing I did was set big boundaries. Yes, I’ve always wanted a good mom, but I can’t have this from her, so I’m no longer trying to get it anymore!!
Is it weird that I have the reverse of SAD? I feel down and a bit depressed in the summer. I have to force myself to get out and do things, I’d much rather stay home and stay inside. I absolutely love the Fall/Winter!
There is at least one other form of S.A.D., slightly less common, and therefore ignored, that hits some folks in late spring or early summer. It's when the days get longer and the sun comes up earlier, and they're circadian rhythms get thrown off, and sometimes it takes a while to adjust back to normal sleep patterns. And it triggers depression etc. I usually get some of both types! 🤣🤣🤣
I feel off for about a month after the time changes in spring and fall. It's miserable. This year has been especially rough.
Sounds like the deer hunters disease. We dream of
Fall all year!
I love a good pen that's comfortable to write with and the ink flows nicely. I'm gonna buy a G2 pen.
Have you been to Seattle? SAD is super common up here.
Why is it that there are mom's who want to torture their adult children with guilt and misery? I have finally started talking back to her and challenging her. It's a strange feeling. I wish I had done this 30 years ago. Why do they chose us? I am a good person. My dad wants me to be happy or allows me space to be happy. My mom does not want me to be happy. She gets angry if I don't feel bad enough for bad, sad situations. The guilt is so heavy and hard to escape. Why does she not care for her daughter?
He is so funny. The pen bit I totally get. Thanks for making me laugh today.
Great tips Dr 🙏👍 especially about diet, exercise and lifestyle 🙏👍💪 I love the tip about getting sunlight even during the cold harsh winter ✅
She can tell her Mom,
“Oh, you’re feeling depressed because of getting some news that hurts you? That’s understandable. Luckily, you’re a grown up and you can manage your own feelings in a healthy way. Phew! You got this, Mom! Show me that inner strength and fortitude I’ve always admired in you, now. I’ll be your biggest cheerleader - from afar - this holiday. With so much love.”
And then send the biggest flower arrangement possible!!!! And gifts of gold to help her bear your absence and show your gratitude for the freedom she gave you to run your own holiday schedule this year.
And lay boundaries that you’re not comfortable with her making you responsible for her feelings. That you’ll stay away until she gets professional, qualified help in a long term therapeutic program to help her manage her own feelings.
Because you want a relationship with her - a great one - but are only willing to accept one of it includes respect for you.
Since she can’t or won’t up to this point, from now on, you are… and you will.
You sincerely hope she takes the offer as supportive and loving and hope it inspires better relationships for her all around her life to enhance it.
But you won’t go along to get along when it involves bowing down to her weaponized feelings anymore and putting your own self respect needs at risk.
Maybe one day she can. That kind of attitude is very hard to gain when you were raised with such poor behavior of a parent. It takes something to snap, or a slow progression into being healthy. The caller wasn't even aware of how unhealthy it is until she had someone teach her.
I'm half submerged, next summer better be better
Speaking of “light”…don’t you think street lights are MUCH darker than years ago before there was so many people with SAD? Why are the lights so dark now??
I think S.A.D. has been around much longer than street lights have been, it just wasn't labeled that way.
It feels like it
Those pens are what i use lmfao how funny
Bookmarking 19:18 for future reference.
The last caller sounds so much like my husband… he’s going through a divorce and he hasn’t bothered to figure out WHY🤔 The BS meter is way above 100%. If he cared AND truly has some kind of trauma that forces him to disassociate (involuntarily) he would have investigated further by the time TWO years passed. I’m going to take a guess that she left because she feels he doesn’t care. I know this because this is almost exactly what happened to us in the early days of our marriage. I have DID due to severe sexual and physical abuse from birth through early teen’s. Most of which I didn’t remember until I began therapy around 20 years old… which I only began after my husband filed for divorce 1.5 years into our now 22 year marriage. This man needs to face his fear’s and deal with the pain or he will end up creating more pain.
These calls always make me really sad for the parent. The elderly in our culture get ignored and are not taken care of in many cases. Parents are just people with issues too, they are not gods. I am not a parent, but isn't there someway they can come to a compromise?
That mother is abusive. The daughter has more than compromised her entire life! She sacrificed herself to constantly manage her mother’s feelings. Her mother will do just fine. She has a job, she’s not spending every day alone. She has a husband… she will not be alone. The mother is a grown woman … she can make other plans. Apparently this is the FIRST time the daughter is getting to choose to spend time with her in-laws. Which should happen from time to time.
Yes, this time of year is hard on some elderly people that are shut in. This woman is not shut in alone.
Have empathy for the daughter. She is doing her best to heal from a LIFETIME of abuse.
P.S. are you her mother?
That is a massive generalization. Should we excuse all the bad behaviour because they are elderly? Boundaries and honesty are a gift to this woman as she may learn something that will improve other relationships. If not then she's realing what she sows
My mom died when I was in my twenties from cancer, so I guess I just have a different thought process on the whole thing
@@KS-md3uj I'm always rooting for the kids in these scenarios. I had to move out years earlier than my peers and cut off contact with my parents because they were abusive. They will likely not change, and I'm not expecting them to. I don't have to put up with their nonsense, and neither do any of the adults calling in with similar situations.
@@tinam761 no, I am not a mother...and I miss my own mother every day, so I guess I just can't relate.
Good grief. Christmas lasts for at least a week! Work it out. Grow up, people.
I'd give real money if the countdown music was different.