0:57 1. How do vou deal with "content" in-between therapv appointments please? I know some techniques, but this time the therapy has opened a can of worms tightly closed for years, and it's all coming out randomly, in between sessions. Flashbacks, hypervigilance, insomnia. 6:41 2. If someone has trust issues and shame issues originating from an avoidant personality type, do you have any suggestions on how they can get into psychotherapy to overcome these... 17:07 3. I grew up in what I always considered to be a perfectly normal home. We were all well behaved and never complained about anything because basically we had our needs.. 27:29 4. Would a therapist not tell you if you have BPD? I really connect with the BPD research I see and I recently had the courage to ask my therapist if... 39:17 5. Within the past year I've been dealing with eating disorder behaviors. I don't know if it would "count" as an eating disorder as what happens is that I'II spend a few months heavily restricting, and then when external things calm... 54:40 6. I was wondering if you've ever told a client you loved them? I recently said it somewhat impulsively before leaving a session and she said she cared very much about me but didn't want to cross her boundaries... 1:00:54 7. How much of a plan is your therapist supposed to have for you? Something I find frustrating lately about therapy is that after several months it doesn't seem to be...
To the mom who feels guilty over her faults with her children: just hearing them and saying you're sorry and sharing your process and telling them some days are difficult but you're doing your best is EVERYTHING. Believe me. I'd heal so much if my mother did that. It's not your fault you're this way and your children are so lucky having you as their mom ❤️
I am that mom! I am so glad this question was addressed! I have quilt and shame, but am working on it in therapy. The older 2 have said they are good and understand. My youngest still at home is not ready I guess. But also my youngest hears from people online that if your parents are emotionally neglectful you should just go no contact and they are horrible parents. This is very hard!
I'd like to make a small disagreement on the comment made about people with Avoidant Personality Disorder preferring to be alone. I feel like according to the DSM-V, this isn't the case. From my understanding as someone who has looked into Avoidant Personality Disorder a fair amount and who has been diagnosed with AVPD (I don't agree with the diagnosis but that's another story), and who has talked to a number of people with AVPD, it's not that we prefer to be alone, it's that the fear of being ridiculed/rejected is far worse than being alone? Additionally, wouldn't it be more of a characteristic of Schizoid Personality Disorder to prefer to be alone/have a disinterest in engaging in social situations? I just think that the distinction is important.
Thank you so much. I broke my ankle 6/2020. I waited inpatient for three days while inflammation decreased. Food and water was not held. I went into surgery. Woke up from orif surgery feeling good ( on pain meds). I went to sleep and woke up five days later in icu with severe icu psychosis. It was terrifying. I learned (after being told by several people “wow it is a miracle you made it” I aspirated. Developed pneumonia, sepsis, had heart and lung failure. I was on a ventilator for five days. They didn’t know if I would make it; as I had trouble coming off the ventilator. Max thank you. I understand better because of this video. I became terrified when I have to go under general anesthesia. (I’ve needed further ankle surgeries.) For the love of God, thank you. My ptsd is relieved. Now I know no food or water. Not even a tiny bit. 🫶🏼🫶🏼
For the mom: my parents were completely emotionally unavailable. If they were now trying to bridge the gap 1 yes just being open about what you're doing would elated me. 2 I had the idea of a shared journal. One between you and each child to say the emotional highs and lows of the day, or a thought we had about them that day plus any tough topics that are so hard to say out loud. The freedom to not have to do these things face to face could be a great start and could cue you in to a topic of conversation when you see each other.
Thank you for answering my follow up comment (the one about having a BPD diagnosis after hospital) It was so validating and helpful! I just feel left out of the conversation of my own treatment and I would like to be clear on my diagnoses so I can understand them, not so I can have a label, which is what you said. Also, I only stayed in hospital for around 8 weeks when I was in crisis that time, so everything you said is validating. I’ll approach my psychiatrist about it again this week by asking if he can explain his perspective on what I’m going through. Thank you again - your videos are always such a valuable resource, especially between therapy ❤
This was a fabulous video, Kati!!! I have learned a tremendous amount about eating disorders from you and I feel like it's helped me be a better support to those in my life who struggle❤️
I can relate to question 3. I am afraid of some of the ways my daughter may have picked up on some of my eating disorder behaviours. Like Kati says, I am going to be talking honestly to her about this, and that I'm sorry. Honesty is always the best way, being open and inviting any questions she might have.
I might have misunderstood the explanation, but it was my understanding that the description here for Avpd actually describes schizoid pd-- i.e. those with Avpd do tend to avoid people and situations, but in reality they are longing for connection and this lack of connection is actually extremely painful & those with schizoid pd are more content or meh with being alone, not distressed by this
This was my understanding too - that AVPD was more like a much more severe version of social anxiety. AVPD criteria from DSM-5: - Avoids occupational activities involving significant interpersonal contact, due to fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection - Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of acceptance - Shows restraint within intimate relationships due to fears of shame or ridicule - Preoccupied with fears of receiving criticism or rejection in social situations - Inhibited in new interpersonal situations due to feelings of inadequacy - Considers self as inferior to others, socially inept, or personally unappealing - Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing
Wow I'm so glad this popped up today because I have the same thoughts about not feeling like there's a plan. I wasn't sure if this was normal so I thought I might have been the issue so I'm glad I can bring it up during my session later today. Thank you!
When I was in my 40s, my mom apologized that I didn't have a good childhood. It doesn't help. I guess I'm glad that she finally acknowledged it, but it doesn't make me feel any better, or like her any more. I feel like it should have done something positive for me, but if anything, it's just made it harder for me to acknowledge my trauma because it feels like I'm blaming her and that scares the hell out of me because, ya know, trauma. 🤷🏻
this ep is still not in my podcast app (overcast)... I just came by your youtube to check if you're ok! I'll wait patiently for the audio only version to appear
my opinion on #5 is most likely it is!! i had some months where i would be completely fine and eating 1-2 meals (bfast was the most likely to be skipped), but other times i would skip meals or only eat tiny portions of snack. i developed this from rowing as i was a tiny person yelling (coxswain | pronounced cocks-inn) as i was on the taller and heavier end. since i couldn’t change my height, i chose to control my weight. this lead me down the anorexia path (to this day, i don’t know my diagnosis, but it gives anorexia vibes) and i got reallllly skinny for my body type. but over the past like 3 years, i’ve worked my ass off to get to where i’m at (getting 2-3, potentially 4 meals a day; one of them is probably a snack). you got this yall!!
AKA & OTDM. hello Kati so good to see you again been waiting and looking forward to this new podcast all week your voice always helps to calm my mind and seeing your smile helps too I always appreciate all the time and effort you put Into these mental health podcasts a good list of important questions and some are triggering and I can really relate to people s questions I'm struggling in my video call therapy session s and doing the In-between therapy homework and sometimes struggle to focus and connect with my therapist love you Kati ❤️☺️
Hi from Canada. Thanks for your great content, its very helpful. Do you have a video of grounding techniques that we can use when in a really tough spot? A walk through of a session. I have BPD, ADHD, childhood trauma survivor, and with a great therapist. On anti-depressants but still hitting walls.Thank you.
I relate hard to the attention thing; I find myself restricting sometimes or pulling away socially in hopes that someone will reach out to check on me. It's almost a self harm thing cuz I fully expect that no one will and I'll just feel hurt and validated in my distrust as a result. There's a lot of shame around this because I know it's unhealthy and manipulative and it's probably better for those involved that they're oblivious to it/chose not to enable my behavior.
Good afternoon from Nikki it's 4:30pm in the uk right now hello people here in the comments how are you doing how are you coping with your mental health your day your week sending support and care plus love ❤️❤️😊
My therapist took 4 days to rely to my email regarding sceduling of the next session and now i don't trust her anymore because she said she'll be there and reply to my emails but it took her 4 days. I feel like she doesn't care. This really makes me wanna not share anything at all with her. I felt really distant to her the last session. I really like her before this behavior and her frequent rescheduling of the sessions and her ending it before time lately. Now I don't know what to do anymore.
Hi katie, please can you point me in the right direction to ask you a question, I've been listening to your podcasts for a while and they are great. Please can you help
Kati asks for them on the community tab of this channel every week on sundays. The exact time shifts, so that people from different time zones get a change to get their questions in early.
I think/thought that people with avpd really want connection with other people, but they avoid, because they are too afraid of rejection and humiliation.
Maybe it’s just the hyper literalness in me (I am autistic) but I found it striking you won’t tell a client you love them but ended the podcast with “I love you all”. I guess I sort of can see it from both sides but “love” can mean a lot of things and technically I assume you feel a great deal more personalized warmth and caring towards a client you’ve worked with for potentially years vs random listeners you don’t know at all, right? Love is a very loaded word, I guess but eh, made me curious about that.
It's the body language of the other person that we might be talkin to like the therapist. That'll give us the idea that they make me mad at us or maybe not into what we talkin about.
0:57 1. How do vou deal with "content" in-between therapv appointments please? I know some techniques, but this time the therapy has opened a can of worms tightly closed for years, and it's all coming out randomly, in between sessions. Flashbacks, hypervigilance, insomnia.
6:41 2. If someone has trust issues and shame issues originating from an avoidant personality type, do you have any suggestions on how they can get into psychotherapy to overcome these...
17:07 3. I grew up in what I always considered to be a perfectly normal home. We were all well behaved and never complained about anything because basically we had our needs..
27:29 4. Would a therapist not tell you if you have BPD? I really connect with the BPD research I see and I recently had the courage to ask my therapist if...
39:17 5. Within the past year I've been dealing with eating disorder behaviors. I don't know if it would "count" as an eating disorder as what happens is that I'II spend a few months heavily restricting, and then when external things calm...
54:40 6. I was wondering if you've ever told a client you loved them? I recently said it somewhat impulsively before leaving a session and she said she cared very much about me but didn't want to cross her boundaries...
1:00:54 7. How much of a plan is your therapist supposed to have for you? Something I find frustrating lately about therapy is that after several months it doesn't seem to be...
🤗🫡
To the mom who feels guilty over her faults with her children: just hearing them and saying you're sorry and sharing your process and telling them some days are difficult but you're doing your best is EVERYTHING. Believe me. I'd heal so much if my mother did that. It's not your fault you're this way and your children are so lucky having you as their mom ❤️
A mother who did these in the past would not bother to say sorry they even feel child should now give them back! Wake up my dear unseen friend ❤
I am that mom! I am so glad this question was addressed! I have quilt and shame, but am working on it in therapy. The older 2 have said they are good and understand. My youngest still at home is not ready I guess. But also my youngest hears from people online that if your parents are emotionally neglectful you should just go no contact and they are horrible parents. This is very hard!
I'd like to make a small disagreement on the comment made about people with Avoidant Personality Disorder preferring to be alone. I feel like according to the DSM-V, this isn't the case. From my understanding as someone who has looked into Avoidant Personality Disorder a fair amount and who has been diagnosed with AVPD (I don't agree with the diagnosis but that's another story), and who has talked to a number of people with AVPD, it's not that we prefer to be alone, it's that the fear of being ridiculed/rejected is far worse than being alone?
Additionally, wouldn't it be more of a characteristic of Schizoid Personality Disorder to prefer to be alone/have a disinterest in engaging in social situations?
I just think that the distinction is important.
Thank you so much. I broke my ankle 6/2020. I waited inpatient for three days while inflammation decreased. Food and water was not held. I went into surgery. Woke up from orif surgery feeling good ( on pain meds). I went to sleep and woke up five days later in icu with severe icu psychosis. It was terrifying. I learned (after being told by several people “wow it is a miracle you made it” I aspirated. Developed pneumonia, sepsis, had heart and lung failure. I was on a ventilator for five days. They didn’t know if I would make it; as I had trouble coming off the ventilator. Max thank you. I understand better because of this video. I became terrified when I have to go under general anesthesia. (I’ve needed further ankle surgeries.) For the love of God, thank you. My ptsd is relieved. Now I know no food or water. Not even a tiny bit. 🫶🏼🫶🏼
As always Kati, a huge thank you goes out to you and your husband for bringing us this podcast every week ❤ means a lot
Thank you for the kind words Emi! 🤗🤗
Ditto!! ❤
For the mom: my parents were completely emotionally unavailable. If they were now trying to bridge the gap 1 yes just being open about what you're doing would elated me. 2 I had the idea of a shared journal. One between you and each child to say the emotional highs and lows of the day, or a thought we had about them that day plus any tough topics that are so hard to say out loud. The freedom to not have to do these things face to face could be a great start and could cue you in to a topic of conversation when you see each other.
Thank you for answering my follow up comment (the one about having a BPD diagnosis after hospital) It was so validating and helpful! I just feel left out of the conversation of my own treatment and I would like to be clear on my diagnoses so I can understand them, not so I can have a label, which is what you said. Also, I only stayed in hospital for around 8 weeks when I was in crisis that time, so everything you said is validating. I’ll approach my psychiatrist about it again this week by asking if he can explain his perspective on what I’m going through. Thank you again - your videos are always such a valuable resource, especially between therapy ❤
This was a fabulous video, Kati!!! I have learned a tremendous amount about eating disorders from you and I feel like it's helped me be a better support to those in my life who struggle❤️
I can relate to question 3. I am afraid of some of the ways my daughter may have picked up on some of my eating disorder behaviours. Like Kati says, I am going to be talking honestly to her about this, and that I'm sorry. Honesty is always the best way, being open and inviting any questions she might have.
I might have misunderstood the explanation, but it was my understanding that the description here for Avpd actually describes schizoid pd-- i.e. those with Avpd do tend to avoid people and situations, but in reality they are longing for connection and this lack of connection is actually extremely painful & those with schizoid pd are more content or meh with being alone, not distressed by this
This was my understanding too - that AVPD was more like a much more severe version of social anxiety.
AVPD criteria from DSM-5:
- Avoids occupational activities involving significant interpersonal contact, due to fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
- Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of acceptance
- Shows restraint within intimate relationships due to fears of shame or ridicule
- Preoccupied with fears of receiving criticism or rejection in social situations
- Inhibited in new interpersonal situations due to feelings of inadequacy
- Considers self as inferior to others, socially inept, or personally unappealing
- Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing
Always good but these questions really resonated and were so helpful to me. Thank you Kati.
Wow I'm so glad this popped up today because I have the same thoughts about not feeling like there's a plan. I wasn't sure if this was normal so I thought I might have been the issue so I'm glad I can bring it up during my session later today. Thank you!
When I was in my 40s, my mom apologized that I didn't have a good childhood.
It doesn't help.
I guess I'm glad that she finally acknowledged it, but it doesn't make me feel any better, or like her any more.
I feel like it should have done something positive for me, but if anything, it's just made it harder for me to acknowledge my trauma because it feels like I'm blaming her and that scares the hell out of me because, ya know, trauma.
🤷🏻
this ep is still not in my podcast app (overcast)... I just came by your youtube to check if you're ok! I'll wait patiently for the audio only version to appear
my opinion on #5 is most likely it is!! i had some months where i would be completely fine and eating 1-2 meals (bfast was the most likely to be skipped), but other times i would skip meals or only eat tiny portions of snack.
i developed this from rowing as i was a tiny person yelling (coxswain | pronounced cocks-inn) as i was on the taller and heavier end. since i couldn’t change my height, i chose to control my weight. this lead me down the anorexia path (to this day, i don’t know my diagnosis, but it gives anorexia vibes) and i got reallllly skinny for my body type. but over the past like 3 years, i’ve worked my ass off to get to where i’m at (getting 2-3, potentially 4 meals a day; one of them is probably a snack). you got this yall!!
AKA & OTDM. hello Kati so good to see you again been waiting and looking forward to this new podcast all week your voice always helps to calm my mind and seeing your smile helps too I always appreciate all the time and effort you put Into these mental health podcasts a good list of important questions and some are triggering and I can really relate to people s questions I'm struggling in my video call therapy session s and doing the In-between therapy homework and sometimes struggle to focus and connect with my therapist love you Kati ❤️☺️
Kati if you were my therapist I would tell you I LOVE YOU all the time!!! ❤️😁😉
Hi from Canada. Thanks for your great content, its very helpful. Do you have a video of grounding techniques that we can use when in a really tough spot? A walk through of a session. I have BPD, ADHD, childhood trauma survivor, and with a great therapist. On anti-depressants but still hitting walls.Thank you.
I relate hard to the attention thing; I find myself restricting sometimes or pulling away socially in hopes that someone will reach out to check on me. It's almost a self harm thing cuz I fully expect that no one will and I'll just feel hurt and validated in my distrust as a result. There's a lot of shame around this because I know it's unhealthy and manipulative and it's probably better for those involved that they're oblivious to it/chose not to enable my behavior.
Good afternoon from Nikki it's 4:30pm in the uk right now hello people here in the comments how are you doing how are you coping with your mental health your day your week sending support and care plus love ❤️❤️😊
My therapist took 4 days to rely to my email regarding sceduling of the next session and now i don't trust her anymore because she said she'll be there and reply to my emails but it took her 4 days. I feel like she doesn't care. This really makes me wanna not share anything at all with her. I felt really distant to her the last session. I really like her before this behavior and her frequent rescheduling of the sessions and her ending it before time lately. Now I don't know what to do anymore.
Hi katie, please can you point me in the right direction to ask you a question, I've been listening to your podcasts for a while and they are great. Please can you help
Kati asks for them on the community tab of this channel every week on sundays. The exact time shifts, so that people from different time zones get a change to get their questions in early.
The description of avpd (7:20) sounds more like schizoid pd
I think/thought that people with avpd really want connection with other people, but they avoid, because they are too afraid of rejection and humiliation.
Maybe it’s just the hyper literalness in me (I am autistic) but I found it striking you won’t tell a client you love them but ended the podcast with “I love you all”. I guess I sort of can see it from both sides but “love” can mean a lot of things and technically I assume you feel a great deal more personalized warmth and caring towards a client you’ve worked with for potentially years vs random listeners you don’t know at all, right? Love is a very loaded word, I guess but eh, made me curious about that.
I can never ask my question, because the Community tab doesn’t work on iPads. 😭
It's the body language of the other person that we might be talkin to like the therapist. That'll give us the idea that they make me mad at us or maybe not into what we talkin about.
This episode is not showing up on apple podcasts
Most therapists have a 30 minute new client linkage in order to meet them
Was your therapist a good therapist if they didnt' listen to you