Whew! This part of your story broke me. The tears are real & the pain truly hurts. The quote from George Orwell & the realization that the secret is not yours to shoulder deeply resonates with me & my story. Secret, undocumented adoption. The secret the entire family knew except for the adoptee. SMH I am not the adoptee, but his child. I, too, gave suffered a loss of identity & of grounding & gave been drafted to “keep the secret.” Secrets kill. They kill the opportunity for intimacy because the nature of secrets is exclusion. Secrets, also, require that we abstain from wholly exploring one’s self. What if we trip up? What if we let the secret out? Yes, George Orwell had it right. The only way to keep the secret is to hide it from one’s self. And that is no way to live. I understand your secret is even graver than mine. I am so sorry for the battle that is looming a head for you. Peace.
Whew! This part of your story broke me. The tears are real & the pain truly hurts. The quote from George Orwell & the realization that the secret is not yours to shoulder deeply resonates with me & my story. Secret, undocumented adoption. The secret the entire family knew except for the adoptee. SMH I am not the adoptee, but his child. I, too, gave suffered a loss of identity & of grounding & gave been drafted to “keep the secret.” Secrets kill. They kill the opportunity for intimacy because the nature of secrets is exclusion. Secrets, also, require that we abstain from wholly exploring one’s self. What if we trip up? What if we let the secret out? Yes, George Orwell had it right. The only way to keep the secret is to hide it from one’s self. And that is no way to live. I understand your secret is even graver than mine. I am so sorry for the battle that is looming a head for you. Peace.
I need more from you! I’ve listened to everything so far:)
Please add more :)
I appreciate your sharing this. The Orwell quote is interesting and quite cogent.
Thank you for that, Retta. It obviously felt purposeful for me.