5 Narcissistic Blind Spots You Need To See
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ค. 2023
- As part of your healing from narcissistic abuse, you need clear psychological vision, with full honesty about who you are. Dr. Les Carter reminds you, however, that narcissists operate with major blind spots which inhibit them from joining your positive efforts. You'll need to press forward even as they remain stuck in their delusions.
If you are interested in online therapy, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com/drcarter for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
Listen to Dr. C’s POPULAR PODCAST at anchor.fm/dr-les-carter.
It also is available on Google, Apple, Spotify, and Amazon.
Sign up for Dr. Carter's course: Ready, Set, Connect
courses.survivingnarcissism.t...
Get 20% off when you use the coupon code: rsc20youtube
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
Join the Team Healthy community HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/subscr...
Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarcissism.tv
You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101
Dr. Carter has two other courses that you may find to be useful:
Free to Be: Reclaim & rediscover your uniqueness survivingnarcissism.tv/free-t...
This Is Me: Setting boundaries with the controllers in your life survivingnarcissism.tv/this-i...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other TH-cam channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarcissism.tv/books-...
![[TH] 2024 PMWC x EWC Group Stage Day 2 | PUBG MOBILE WORLD CUP x ESPORTS WORLD CUP](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vwIQyCmNIBU/mqdefault.jpg)
Last month my husband and I started seeing a therapist due to the narcissistic abuse I've received from my in-laws for over 35 years. After telling the therapist the issues she told my husband that his family has been "bullying" me by "ostracizing" me; which is a silent weapon for the bully. Or in this situation, bullies, with a total of 6 people in my husband's family that participate in ostracizing me. And about 25 years ago, when my children were older, I stopped going with my husband and my kids to their annual family reunion. I would stay home by myself. Well, the therapist suggested that me staying behind was all "by design", and I agree with her. That all they wanted was my husband and kiddos anyway, so they got what they wanted: time with them. Therapy is helping because that is all about to change and my husband no longer wants to play this game of ostracizing his wife with his own family. He told the therapist, because she asked, what was the problem as he sees it with his family, and he said they "never accepted" me. His words. And he didn't know what to do about it. Nor did I. But now he sees that he's been inadvertently participating with the abuse by taking himself and the kids to the annual family get-together. So now he doesn't want to go to anymore family reunions and he's standing by my side -- finally!
Good that his eyes are opening. Perhaps he will eventually see that their abuse toward you is also abusive toward him. Glad the two of you are in therapy. Best wishes to you.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Wow yes good point, thank you :)
Congrats, it's kinda rare that a flying 🐒 finally gets off of their leash & stops enabling this 💩.Your family shouldn't apologize for not understanding what they've been unintentionally enabling obviously...But I do hope they've made it known to you that they're sorry you had to endure that because it's NASTY when you get the narc family members going after you like a nest of hornets😬.The 🚹 I've ❤️ since we were only 13 comes from narcs & they didn't like me from the start either likely because they felt like their power/control over him was "threatened" by a healthy mate🙄.Best wishes for your much brighter & healthier future🥳🎉🎊🎆🎇.
I think the best part of this story is that your husband is on your side and wants to work with you to improve the situation.
❤❤❤
1. extreme defensiveness "I just know so much."
2. their desire for admiration - psychological neediness
3. interpret disagreement as rejection - feel like a victim
4. need for control - bossy, give unasked for advice
5. their loving is all taking - no giving
Thank you for making the checklist ✔
1. I can't ever be incorrect. I never do wrong, whatever I do.
2. Look at me! I am so impressive, I am superiour, you are beneath me. I am devine! Fools a flying monkey, whom is seen as inferior, a useful tool. The monkey looks in awe and admiration.
3. I stalk, insult, slander you, deprive you of privacy, attempts to gaslight you, commit various crimes towards you. But turns it so it's the narcissist that is being abused by the victim.
4. Claims that you're insane, you are irrational and need to be controlled. When you're upset from the accuse and provoke games they claim you're insane, and being upset motivates further stalking and further insult and breaching into your life. Spends time with you against your will. Refuses to leave you alone. Threatens your wellbeing, freedom and selfreigin.
5. Commits fraud. Deep. Longterm fraud. Based itself on nonsense. Disrespect freedom of speach, disrespect and has issues with people who are different from him. Accuses you of being a crazy person who randomly accuse poor poor people of being insane in narcissism.
Claims your needs, your preferences and your wellbeing does not matter. All that matters is that King cultleader narcissist gets his supply satisfied. Causes an issue, suggests that it should get paid to solve it. ("Im paid per hour, I wont ever solve it, even if I could.") Slanders that you're the one that is insane. Then Genuinely Believes that he is on moral highground.
Geeze spot on
You certainly nailed down how 🦇-💩 insane these people are😉👍🏻👍🏻.
Sounds like Gus' very close friend....any input that goes against their limited perspective n lack of actual experience in 'lived narcissism' must mean the person expressing the different opinion is a narcissist...ego problem for sure
That calm confidence works so well they dont get it and there confusion is funny 😂
Narcissists are drawn to codependent (and are codependent themselves) but have no idea how to manage the relationship and fear the subordinate position.
You get it.
Narcissist want you to support them in their absurd reasoning.
They want you to believe that they have to behave in a certain way, because they see pretty much everyone, including you, as untrustworthy. They want you to believe that their behavior has nothing to do with them, but with everyone else.
They also tend to turn even former friends into enemies. Yesterday's friend can easily become today's enemy.
Of course, they do not have to behave like they do, but merely telling them that may put you in "enemies" category.
Their blind spots are sometimes exactly what they didnt get from their parents. If nobody teaches you something you have no idea you should know it. Also when they expect shame or attack, thats exactly what they got.
Introspection
Empathy
Compassion
Respect
Love
Poorly developed conscience/pre adolescent thinking , no compassionate empathy , no emotional empathy - hence these 5 narcissistic blind spots
Narcissistic blind spots are your boundaries, beliefs, anything you think or want.
If looks could kill. I recently went to a family function where my N sister was too. Since I’ve gone no contact with her she looks really evil……it happens when you don’t drink their poison.
My name is Cynthia, I am 62 years old.
I've spent my entire life seeking healing.
I am completely alone (except for my 22 year old daughter, whom i don't see enough).
Five months ago I finally became aware that my parents are narcissists as well as on again off active alcoholics.
I need to know how I can connect with groups of people or groups in general that are supporting each other as they deal with what narcissistic abuse did to them.
Where I live there aren't any resources that I can get involved with. I have tried numerous support groups non of which are safe places for me.
I am desperate..
I am a life long learner but I am completely isolated.
10 years ago i had 2 massive strokes so severe that I shouldn't have survived.
There's a long story behind how I ended up where I am.
The bottom line is my drug addict husband (who is no longer in my house)
succeded in gaining the favor of everyone that was in my life.
Not one person in my life acknowledged the severe damage the strokes caused.
Everyone, including my therapist at the time, took his side and went after me.
I am in therapy but my therapist doesn't specialize in Narcissistic trama.
I don't want my life to be what it is and I am out of ideas.
I am giving up and that is not who I am.
I am so unbearably sad.
Because of covid the world is a dangerous place.
I have numerous situations to back up that statement.
I am unable to have even causal conversations with people which is how I have met people 10years ago before my strokes.
I can't go into what has happened but I haven't ever experienced the evil behavior I have had directed at me.
I am afraid to even ask these questions because I get disappointed and shoved aside every time I make an effort.
I hope you can help me.
I know the agony of my heartbreak and total isolation is going to kill me.
I know some night I am going to go to sleep and never wake up.
I don't want this to happen, but I know if something doesn't come my way, the sorrow that fills my heart will kill me.
42 years of fighting for healing is too long.
Dear Cynthia, I have read your story and I hear you. Please, do not give up for there is always a light at the end of the tunnel! There will come help and support, even if you cannot believe it at this very moment.
It's only been 5 months ago that you finally became aware that you were raised up by Narcissistic parents. Now you are aware of the fact that you have been abused by your parents, which damaged you emotionally, spiritually and also "programmed" you to choose an unhealthy husband, who was addicted to drugs - only now your healing can really begin, which you have been seeking all your life. It is quite "normal" that you feel such a deep sadness and desperation after your awareness that you have been abused nearly your entire life. And it is also quite common that you have trust issues (especially when your former therapist did not believe you but your husband) so that you feel isolated to the rest of the world. I am glad that you have at least a daughter, to whom you are able to connect. (By the way, I have a daughter at the same age as yours, but she is still living with me.) Unfortunately I do not know any safe supporting groups for you. You have to choose by yourself what feels safe for you and you said that you already tried groups and you did not feel safe. Take little steps for your healing journey because you cannot force your healing. Perhaps you can try a (new) hobby, do something that you really like and where you are able to connect with others. Your soul needs comfort and may be your soul just likes to be in nature, walking at a lake, in the forrest or at the seaside. Or maybe your soul likes drawing with colours to feel comfort and peace. I do not know you, so these are just some suggestions. Moving the body (sports, yoga, dancing etc.) are always good exercises for healing but just do what you really like.
You said that you are a fighter and I think you are a very strong person. But for healing you do not have to fight. Just be and breathe!
Wishing you the best for your healing! Let the healing begin...
P.S.: I can recommend you some other youtube channels, which I find valuable:
DoctorRamani
Narc Con
Looking behind the Mirror
Danish Bashir
💐🌻💐🌻💐💕
Cynthia, you are not alone. Where I live, there isn't much for support groups and I'm terrified of meeting people. I want to, but the world we grew up in is very different from the one we live in. It's hard to just make small talk with people because you don't know how the person will respond. It's like everyone is living through social media and we didn't grow up that way. We want personal connections, but that just isn't how it works anymore.
Don't give up on yourself. I have a BF and our relationship is not doing good and I have no friends or family, but I do have hope. Sometimes hope is all we have and maybe that will bring us to finding a friend or partner. I know it's lonely, but try to find something you enjoy doing by yourself.
We really need a "In person support group for people who are going through or has gone through Narcissistic Abuse. Just know you are not alone feeling this way.❤
Thank you so very, very much for having the heart to respond to me.
Receiving and reading your response gave me a sense of connection and helps me to not feel as alone.
I always appreciate ideas from people who live with what I endure.
I am extremely good at finding many creative ways to occupy myself as well as challenging my intellect.
I have always needed a lot of alone time and I am good on my own, yet living as an total outcast (I haven't ever used anti-social media as I immediately saw that the depersonalized format was going to end badly) and being thrown away like garbage by the people who call themselves my parents and friends has stripped me of any hope I had after my husband left.
Before Co-vid, I told my former best friend, "there isn't a problem I can't find a solution to !"
Over the last 5 years I have tried anything and everything I could come up with to make just simple changes in my life that would fuel inspiration.
Not one of my efforts has created the changes I desperately need.
Our culture doesn't value people like myself.
I am really good at getting people to smile, have casual conversation or just naturally connect with common interests.
It's not safe to engage with anyone anymore.
Over the last my interactions with people have been terrifying.
I married my x in 1995, so my view of the world is framed around that time period.
People have mutated into predators and lie about "EVERYTHING".
I never imagined that in the 6th decade of my life that my future wouldn't exist.
Again, thank you for caring.
@cynthiamarini9450 You are very welcome. I never cared for social media either as it's became a wall against personal connection. I never thought there would be people who devalue interpersonal skills, empathy, and just human connection. This world just doesn't value those things or anyone who speaks the truth. It seems all people want is to hear lies and live a lie. I used to be very social, but now I just keep to myself. My dad died in 2014 and never told me what he thought of me and my mother made it very clear that she never wanted or liked me. She looked at me like I was sh@t on her feet and that broke my heart and I haven't been the same since and knowing my past was nothing but a lie. I guess I'm just telling you all this because I get it.
This world seems to have no room for people like us right now and it may never will, but we must stay true to ourselves. I'm happy to read that you have ways to keep yourself busy. Stay safe and take care.❤️
They're constantly running a competition of "who's smarter and more competent". And when you indicating a spot where they just depart from reality, they would just tell you (or imply) kinda "you're thinking so, because YOU'RE stupid (and just don't see how smart I am)". This is really fantastically hilarious to what extents they may go in defending themselves and trying to always be one-up.
Agree. I used to feel angry and infuriated by it. Now I feel no inclination to engage, just sit back and watch the clown show. And have reached the step of laughing inside.
😂😂😂 the narc is like a circus clown. He's willing to make a fool and idiot of himself. 🤡🤡
I give a lot but get very little useful in return
when a narcissist refuses to take responsibility for something, and they say you've got that wrong, you respond by telling them, "you're proving my point."
savage clapback by dr.c.
cheers 🍻from southern ontario, canada 🍁
My concerns about their blind spots... None. I gave up caring whether or not
they care about my feelings... I care about my feelings so I will keep them to myself.
My sister confuses being controlling with 'being a caring person', or 'being worried about you'. Terrible, just terrible.
Yes, it’s my fault a family member was alcoholic (she has passed) because I made her worry about me so much. I was in my 50’s …and mommy is worried sick she had to plan to go buy liquor, drink it, then try to hide it and claim recovery at meetings. Um, ok.
My sister is ultra, ultra controlling with her kids and spouse. She can’t figure out why they don’t respect her, her spouse bends to knees to appease her temper and crying fits. Wow. Just, wow. The kids are 11 and 14 and are already planning their moves out on their own. She can’t figure out why. I know why. I’ve tried constructive criticism in the nicest ways but she cannot find any faults in herself…. She gives me silent treatments and guilt trips when she can… I, of course, don’t let that affect me at all. She’s a complete washout, unfixable. I’m there for the kids and her spouse, but she’s damaged goods and does not want to help herself… she has turned to Jesus… omg… Jesus is her life and pushing it on her little family and trying to do the same to me. Doesn’t work at all with me. She’ll be well when she dies and feels peace. God hopefully rests her soul.
"The tongue may hide the truth but the eyes-never!" ~ Mikhail Bulgakov
Thank you! Since we all need more pairs of eyes out there willing to talk.
@@francesbernard2445 Everyone already know about narcs famous glee in his eyes.
thank you for the insights into narcissism, I feel sick to my stomach & am full of mixed emotions, but I finally have the answers I've searched for .
Keep growing...turn those painful emotions into resolve!
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you, I will do, now I've seen it & understand it, I will never be able to unsee it which is a great relief in itself because now I know what I'm dealing with.
we're all in this together, I am SOOO GLAD that what I'm going thru has a name, even if it doesn't have a solution......🤕
@@M_alienWorldThere is always a solution, you just have to find the one to help yourself. I hope you find a way to be happy 😊
I really need someone to talk to...
That is AWESOME that you recognize that 😊 As a person that has dealt with this first hand over 32 years, that is the one thing I did not have. Talking to someone that Understands and can give Wise advice is Key ♥️ Much Love on your Healthy Healing, !
You can write a comment as a sort of cathartic measure and people will respond. Plus, there's the live streams too. That's a start.
I have my email (and other info) on the “about” tab on my channel. Glad to help, even if only to listen.
Me too
Isolation is part of the abuse
so spot on, Dr. Carter
.. one of the NPD people I've had to deal with in my own family would shout "You're demonizing me!" if he caught anyone (accurately) describing the disturbing way he treated them in any instance
he'd respond to anyone pointing out that he's trying to control, saying that no, I'm not a controlling person at all, I only want to control things that affect my life ... and YOU affect my life
Good thing you have carilty of perception. Those are the exact words which the business owner of a small company office where I used to work when he came into the office to shame the supervisor of his only office left. She later admitted to the rest of us that at his home office where he once called her to in order to work he came onto her not long before that. When for example he wasn't pulling practical jokes on all of us women to for example according to him show us why we shouldn't worry too much by making it seem like we were enduring through a bomb attack not long after one of the children of one of his office workers said the school experienced a bomb threat that turned out to be only a hoax. It was almost like he was demanding worship status being paid to him from all of us for only paying us all at or near minimum wage to do all of his work except delivering his directories. Much later when I found out that conservative politicians here decided we all needed a war room to find out why anyone would complain how things get done sometimes on oil fields which the directory was advertising to I took a very dim view on having to pay taxes for more political advertising instead. One company I was advertising for offered private ambulance services and private medical care. I wondered how their work was being regulated at the time while agreeing that there was a need for it since where we live no rural ambulance services exist. After I quit that job without first having another full time job instead I couldn't believe how some older people were only concerned because as result I was underemployed given what was going on there. The secular work world has drastic changed. There is reason that the Me Too movement started. What I don't understand is how some people prefer to instead remain in what Dr. Ramani calls "betrayal blindness".
BLIND IS A REALLY KIND WAY TO EXPRESS YOUR IDEA ON NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOUR ! 13:03
What exactly is the “Me too Movement “? Dr Ramni is one of my favorite, can you tell me what she meant by the blindness?@@francesbernard2445
Everything Dr. C said, and then some! I don't know about other narcs but mine is completely incapable of having a normal everyday conversation about anything. Always latches onto the exact wrong context in someone elses sentence then stays stuck there no matter how many times the other person (usually me) tries to rephrase and get the conversation back on track. Nowadays I literally gray rock soon as it starts because already know my repeated attempts at what was intended to be discussed will result in a childish narc screamfest tantrum. 😐
Ditto. I learned to avoid making valid points to someone who is bent on misunderstanding me. But gossip about others is super easy insightful and lengthy experience for them. They care less than average how they affect others.
the NPD people surround themselves with "Yes Men", they insist on having loyal followers who let them tell them what to think ..
because of this, with some NPD people, it starts to look as if they've started a cult .. some even get directly accused of that and it goes right over the heads of their followers, they just can't seem to Get It for some reason
I learned from being married to a narcissist for 40 year …. Sticks and stones will break your bones … but names will never harm you !! Is not the truth! Names will break your heart!!! And your soul ! I am healing thank you dr carter for EVERYTHING 🙏
So pleased for your ongoing healing! You just made my day!
one of them is suffering, i think. they don't see suffering or pain for what it is, they see it as a lack of strength, or a defect, with contempt. they also don't see their projections as obvious tells about who they really are! they don't realize that we ALL see others as being like us, so if you're a deceptive, dishonest, envious pathetic tool, you'd see others as being those things, everywhere. people who trust others are trustworthy. people who only see the flaws of others believe they have "good judgment", when in reality, they're admitting their own flaws. they are definitely oblivious to their projections! so those are my 2c for now!
I agree about their projections being very telling about who THEY are. The narcs in my life always seem to think the absolute worst of me, and my intentions. I can see now that it is because they are projecting themselves and their OWN evil intentions onto me! They see me (and everyone else) as being just like them.
This has given me new insight into the narc mind, and why relationships with them are impossible!
@@christinelamb1167 ya me too! but wow was i waaay off the mark on where dr c was going with this one, haha! my projection of who I am is also why it takes so long to see it (or maybe i'm just dense) - it never occurred to me, that someone would be so disdainful, or be doing the things they were accusing others of. including me. i assumed they were straight up, not sideways and literally upside-down/inverted. hindsight, always 20/20
@@sheilajac Yes, that makes sense too! Because we are not a narc, we project onto others what we expect to see: flawed, but basically good people who wouldn't purposely hurt us. At least, this is what I used to think. But since going through narc abuse over many years, and learning the warning signs, I now carefully analyze people's behavior, and look for red flags. I don't assume anyone is straight up, I wait and let them show me who they are.
F**k ya. Thank u sooooo much I really needed to "hear" this today, right now.
I knew it! As that is how I felt deep down but i seemed to alwats be caught off guard and quite shocked by how they came at me but also thinking that thats who they are cause I KNOW WHI I AM AND WHAT MY INTENT IS.THANK U Heavy ❤
@@christinelamb1167you're stronger than me as I haven't seemed to quite learned to get out early.
This is exactly true!!!! I have experienced all of this and more. My narcissists screened at me for pointing out the mean things they do, 70+ year old human beings who still cannot have any humility or love and kindness. If I had not had my eyes opened to this I would have become just like them, I hated what they are so I self-reflected to make sure I do not do back to them the things they have done to me. I think they hated me even more because I did not respond in kind, they wanted me to be just like them so they had a good reason to hate me.
It is very common to have blind spots. In a healthy relationship we welcome the input of the other when they see a blind spot in us to get the oppurtunity to grow. Narcissists indeed have major blind spots, which sets them up for lots of projection.
What exactly is a blind spot?
》defense mechanism which prevents the recognition of one's true feelings because in recognizing them, all the more they would become painful and persistent
Major Narcissistic blind spots:
1. Assuming their defensiveness is
decisiveness
(They think that they know so much.)
2. Need for admiration is really an
acceptance deficit
3. Interpretting disagreements as
rejection
(They view themselves as a victim.)
4. Refusing to admit how controlling they are
5. Their efforts in love are not really
love
(They are ego driven, no humility,
no kindness, no goodness, except if they need something from you.)
》》We need accountability and
healthy exchanges
Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
There's Roxy, doing what she does so well. Thanks!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Your comment made me giggle.🤭 Thanks to you, Dr Carter! 😊
Thank you for taking notes ✍
@@yukio_saito You are so welcome, Yukio 🙏
Great video so spot on! My blind spot is I'm a people pleaser and it's hard for me to say No. And it's also hard for me to stick up for myself against bullies. Funny, if someone else is being bullied then I defend them, but I shut down when I need to defend myself. Working on changing that with my therapist, and some big changes are on the horizon.
I'm like that too.
Dr. Carter sometimes I wish to not have clear psychological vision. While being expected to keep my mouth shut too. Around the narcissists things done which don't make any sense at all.
3. Interpreting disagreement as rejection...😮💨
Holy moly, that has been a major source of conflict in my relationship... My narc is not well educated or well informed on most topics but has extremely strong opinions; i have an insatiable curiosity for all aspects of the world around me and am blessed to retain what i learn easily. It's VERY difficult (borderline impossible) for me not to voice a difference of opinion when i hear him stating an incorrect fact or expressing an ignorant opinion. Regardless of how diplomatic and respectful i am, he becomes either indignant and offended or sullen and sulky. Feeling rejected or judged is his inevitable reaction and, when he is hurt or ashamed, the next step is to retaliate. I'm either accused of thinking I'm "better than" or of "manipulating" him into changing his perception of the subject.
I'm not allowed to express my opinion or share knowledge without inciting resentment, jealousy, or anger.
It's EXHAUSTING. 🥺
Sign of the times. Political differences has my brother & I in emotional discord. The narc tendency is ingrained in every aspect of relationships within our family. Mind scrambling, to say the least.
Wow really relate with you on this one!
Oh the uneducated opinionated. My 89 elderly covert narc mother knows it all and hasn't cracked a book since high school! My reply is usually "where did you research that or what is the source of your research on that"? Duh!
@@DebbieLee-dr3hr sadly political differences are a waste of time. Both parties are wings on the same bird and equally corrupt. Once I realized that, my political stance no longer mattered to me. Ho hum.
Wow, I've been going through this with the circle of people I live with. It's really weird and I'm not being paranoid. I k ew I wasn't but it just sucks when all act like this
In a kinda bad place right now. New info was given to me about my (estranged, narcissistic) wife, and has me reeling in how surreal this all is. Woke this morning to a scenario that would DESTROY her, mentally. I've gone thru a forgiveness cycle over 30 times this morning over it. Having dinner with a friend/confidant/advisor tonight. Thinking I need to keep this scenario to myself, lest I use it to manipulate. I need to be who I really am. But I can see how contagious this all is.
Thanks for sharing this, Aaron. I know you're grinding it out, and I wish the best for you. Hopefully you can discuss this with a trusted friend/advisor so you can find the right perspective. Stay on the high road!!
I'm sorry to hear this, Aaron. You have come so far, and hopefully, this is the last of whatever it is. I'm glad that you've arranged to talk to someone.
All the best 👍 YNWA
@@amandaliverpool3374 I can tell this chapter is coming to a close, and am preparing to celebrate when it does. My friend is offering a campfire after, if conversation over dinner won't settle everything. I do understand how blessed I am to have friends like this, but this could only happen if I wasn't vulnerable enough to get an outside perspective to help me see my own blind spots. I appreciate TH for these realizations.
@aaronkwolfe You are spot on with your approach to this. Let's hope it's that last hurdle to get across. I wish you well, Aaron 🙏
I admire your ability to navigate this situation. Forgiveness, wisdom, support, self awareness, and insight... 👍 Stay true to yourself! It can be so hard at times when you've been worn down, but choosing to be loving and acting with integrity are the decisions that will reinvigorate you!❤ Thanks for the inspiration and sharing with such honesty.
"you got that wrong" "You're proving my point"
My client got deeply offended because I refused to change my schedule to work on my day off. I told him that the other office who sent someone for Fridays needs to find someone who can deal with his wheelchair. First he said, "I don't know if they can do that." THEN he said, "I won't be needing your services anymore."
I admit, it got nasty after that... but before I left, I told both of them that I ALMOST quit 3-1/2 years ago. The younger guy DENIED practically begging me not to quit, and NOT to tell my office. Always lying, always denying reality.
I got written up at work for the first time since I've been at this agency (over 8-1/2 YEARS!). I told the woman at my office I genuinely appreciated her advice on behaving "professionally". I also appreciated when she told me, that had SHE been in charge of this case, I wouldn't have had to come in on 3 separate occasions to describe that there was a serious problem. She would have found me another case right then. My "coordinator" will be finding me another assignment. Although I had multiple problems over the years when I worked in the engineering field, I cannot imagine having another situation like this one I've been dealing with the for the last 4 years happen again (certainly not anytime soon), and if I take this lady's advice about getting in touch with my office about any such problems, it should AVOID things getting worse as they did today.
I told her about Dr. Carter and these videos, and how much they've been helping me. Also, about the number of recent days when I'd be on my way home and saying to myself, "GOOD JOB today!!!" She said, you SHOULDN'T HAVE to be in a situation where that's an ongoing, daily consideration.
Stay away from people, who think its an attack on them that we take our space in the world , shine and share our true self, and claim our rights, keep healthy boundaries, and choose to connect with safe enough people. Some narcs not aware yet about their behaviour or traits, feel its an attack when I honor and share my true self, and share my truth anyway , but i choose to honor it , and share whats true for me , and chose relationships where i can share and express my true self and get my needs for connection met, for friendships and one day a partnership, we are worth it, can keep healing, and shining and sharing my true self, thats who i need to be, the right people will respect that. I cant be anyone other than my true self, and thats what will show me who my people are and will help me get my needs for connection met like that. I continue to want to take my space in the world share my self with the world and express my self, and raise my voice when necesary when there are issues that seem unfair to me, thats why we have a voice ;)) and take my spaceto use itwhen necesary and then conitnue to find mysafe enough peoplem where i will get my needs for connection met and navigate people with DRC but taking my space, and having boundaries if necesarry and then for my circle choosing people that are safe for me and it feels safe and natural and right to keep sharing mytrue self ,and get our needs met in workeable, relationships, Godspeed were worth it :)
Godspeed. My goodness you said everything in the most relatable way and I feel validated by your comment as I feel the same way but no one in my circle these many years have reminded me I know no other way but to be myself no matter what I tell the truth and have respect. Scary when I have to defend that about myself and somehow I felt constantly that there was something wrong with me for being me. There's something wrong with me!?
Don’t want get to far in the weeds here but I’m utterly shocked and appalled but what I’m witnessing with the blatant narcissist behavior with people in authority and power! I have chosen to seek a therapist to help me sort my thoughts and feelings out. Really this has knocked me off my game here! Thank goodness for Dr. C and community to keep me sane 😊❤☮️
Hopefully we can be a community who moves into very different directions. #TeamHealthy
@@SurvivingNarcissism absolutely 👍
Totally agree! Even in friends ànd families....its mind boggling for sure! It absolutely wears a person's very soul to the quik!
I was raised to believe that others were more important than me, put other's NEEDS first or I was being selfish and self-centered. So I struggled with self-loathing bc there were things I wanted to do, things I found I was good at, but in order to act upon my interests it had to be for someone else, not for myself. So many many years later I still feel like I am so far behind others bc I began doing for myself and finally enjoying the fruit of my labor, ideas, skill... It is not selfish knowing I can do something very well and have a sense of accomplishment once finished. I learned that I have to put on the O2 first before I am able to think clearly to help someone else. I began coming to these types of self-help videos for confirmation of my new found understandings of what my actual responsibilities were, when certain individuals kept trying to (I called it brain washing) manipulate me (I had not learned at that time how to have strong boundaries). I just found it easier to stay away from those types but working forced me to confront the issue. Then I had to develop a thicker skin. Now, through videos such as this one, I feel I have aquirred some useful tools and an ability to use them. I don't dread so much anymore the occasional times I am confronted by these personality types (not that I want a steady diet of them either) bc knowing their end game helps me detach and stay on MY course not theirs.
Others are important, just as you too are important. It's a delicate balancing act. #TeamHealthy
I left my narc and It seems he's willing to hurt and destroy himself, to try and mess with my life and hurt me. What is this craziness?
Took my narc person
To breakfast, less than two miles. I was kicked out before we got half way home because I wanted to work on mowing the grass until
The batteries ran out. Approximately one hour. It’s been raining a
Lot here in central Florida. That wasn’t good enough for him. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve never been so mistreated verbally in my whole
Life. Kicked out daily. He chases me
Out the door if I try to get in the car to go somewhere. I have to
Lie to go to an AA meeting or doctor appointment. He took a life insurance policy out on me. I just don’t know anymore.
you'll know by your feelings..if it feels wrong. take care of yourself. Leave if you have too. Be strong, confidence ..you deserve to be well treated
Get out!
Whoa. I truly hope you contact a women's shelter, what you are saying sounds very scary and unhealthy on his part, you need to get away.
Yeah they can be so flipping weird and mean. It's Stupid and it's not right. ❤
Taking out a life insurance policy ( if not in the normal aspect of, say, starting a new job and having your spouse covered) would be a major red flag for me. And having to lie to go somewhere.
On team healthy I can see for the first time, I relate to all the above.
When my narc partner and I would have relationship arguments, the conversation would go in circles !!!!
At a certain age it’s not excusable. We are too old for them to be STILL acting like this. It has been over a decade of this behavior from the same man and woman and craziness that I never met the woman. And my marriage of a decade was strictly a business arrangement not in anyway shape or form was love involved so jealousy was never a factor. So why I never met this best friend after 10 years shows HER INTENTION publicly. I don’t have to waste my time on people I’ve never met. And I will no longer be blamed for people receiving their own karma. Thank you so much for validating this. Tonight my heart couldn’t handle the disappointment. It never ceases to amaze me but yes he proved my point tonight by having the audacity to ask to give me a massage aka intercourse in front of my small child & after calling the police on me in front of both my youngest 2 angels not even 10 days prior. That’s the abuse & attention bombing rollercoaster that I can now say Will never end because he is incapable of respecting my boundaries as a human being with real emotions. He lives on another planet where you can abuse a woman and then never acknowledge but my only concern is ensuring my children listen to right from wrong and are allowed to be children after being robbed of their innocence with every rediculous abusive scenario possible taking plac these last 3 years & the female friends of his who continue to enable him, being mothers themselves, I truly in my heart have so much empathy for their children because we don’t chose our parents. While I continue to fight for my children & our rights, these women selfishly refuse to stop their actions in supporting my ex husbands abuse. This time I was smart enough to stand up and collect evidence.
Dr. C, your messages always seem to speak to me directly and address issues that I am having at that moment in my life. I am convinced that God has touched you in the gift of speaking into others' lives for the better, and you are treasured for it!
I second that!
Yes! Always so relevant and seems to be just what I need to hear!! This one included, as I had [another] confounding conversation with the cover narcissist in my life yesterday. Once again, Dr. C’s video is so validating and timely.
Thanks for the kind regards.
Yes!!! Always say God sent me to his videos etc. 💯😉❤️💪👑
The last time I saw my ex husband he had lost so...much weight. I said, oh my gosh you have lost so much weight, you need to start eating! He looked at me and said something like " quit putting me down", he said, " no one else told me that Ive lost alot of weight". I said, or course they havent, your working with a bunch of men. Within three days he was found deceased of a meth overdose.
Yikes 😳
Hence the weight loss and his sidestepping of the topic. Such a sad commentary.
@SurvivingNarcissism I was just explaining what happened. When he said, " quit putting me down", he totally ignored the reason for the weight loss. This NPD is so hard to understand.
These are useful blind spots to be aware of. I have a manager at work who has a deluded idea of how decisive he is when all he ever seems to do is react.
What a joy it is to know the world has people other than those who are toxic. For decades I believed everyone was like that. Growing up in a bent out of shape family is a swamp spot never mind a blind spot! Black comedy aside, the blind spot for me was having my psyche broken down dismantled and somebody else's inserted, leaving me constantly confused. Like a pea in a drum rattling around unable to see daylight the only way to get along in a narc family is to negate who you are and transform into what they want. It's a tough way to live and leads to all the wrong decisions in life. When you wake up you realise you've been played
A body of church folk….. SAD‼️
I appreciate your help and wisdom about Narcissism. I watch your videos all the time. Thank you 🙏😊🕊️☮️💯
You are so welcome
thank you Dr. Carter for explaining this so succinctly. I wished i had known this decades ago. I wouldn't have had to defend or explain, knowing it was futile.
But, it was that darn 4 letter word that kept me going. No, not love, but hope. Hope for realization and real change for the better, sadly, to no avail.
thank you!
You're quite welcome.
Once again Dr Carter, you're dead on right, all of the above with ultimate goal of their projection.
Glad to be free.
Hello from California Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community. I don't understand how they can abuse you so much and hurt you so much then they want to go on like they never did anything and everything has been beautiful. Of course this is when they have you totally isolated from everyone and no one wants to be around them. Thank you so much for a much needed video and you are a blessing to us all Dr. Carter.
Many years ago, when I believed that our family narcissist and I had a lot in common and were on reasonably friendly terms, and we were emailing back and forth regularly, one day I got a call from my dad asking me to stop emailing him. (The narcissist was in his 40's and still living with our parents. I lived far away, so emailing was very nice and convenient.)
I was shocked, of course. Dad explained that whenever he got an email which disagreed with him or challenged him in any way, he would get up and stomp around and yell. I could not believe it. He continued to email, so I did my best to send happy replies that didn't challenge him; or I wouldn't comment if I felt that an honest reply would cause an eruption. I was thinking about my parents more than him.
Yep, always 'I'm just trying to be helpful'.
So true!
💙🙏🏼🐶 Thank you Dr. C and……the GUSMEISTER!! Have a restorative and peaceful weekend. 🐶🙏🏼💙
They can not see …and if they do they will deny it tho …ugh…they can’t not love or care about you..SMH
Dr Carter, sir can you do a video on how to handle flying monkeys and enablers after you go no-contact with an elderly covert narc parent and then attend their funeral. I dread this day as I'm sure I will be attacked by these people even though they all saw the behavior.
Hope you don't mind my recent experience.
I blocked the flying monkeys as well. Go to the funeral if you're up to it emotionally/mentally. Don't discuss anything personal. You'll never have to see them again!❤👋
@@Realistically123 I'll be the one who has to plan the funeral because her Golden Child whom she conditioned to take care of her is an irresponsible drunk. I think most of the family is mad I walked away and left the drunk in charge.
I feel for you.Tough spot you're in.
Whatever you have to do, protect your emotional health. Let folks be mad. Keep it short & sweet. Stand your ground to any verbal crap in a calm tone.
Understanding this is really a game changer.
Once again 100%. Exact match for the narcs who have been in my life ... and no longer are, thanks to your teachings, Dr. C.
I do get annoyed when first they force their company on me, then goes ahead and insult me for their sick attributes which they deny is theirs and project on me. Stalking is criminal but their sooo privledged they get a free pass on commit crimes on people with different physical or mental attributes. (Partially their own denied attributes) I did not know that there is a "Get upset when stalked- illness" either, which is fixed by provoke and accuse games. What a clown, tries desperately to seem impressive. Theres nothing in what it does that's worth admiration. I hate it.
Thank you Dr Carter, I recognize all the blind spots from my father, who I have been in low contact with since 2 years, since my mom finally left him after 43 years. Now this week he just sent me a text in which he requests one more conversation on "where it went wrong" and I gave in to this appointment next week, because I feel sorry for him and, at the same time, I am also scared of him as to what he would do if my mom and I would ignore him completely. So there I go again... Listen to his same old finger pointing, victimized, angry talks towards me and my mother..... I just don't know how to get rid of this " problem" as long as he is alive. He just won't let me be in peace without him and enjoy my own little family I have created.
You could establish some ground rules before meeting with your Dad so he understands that as soon as he starts finger pointing, etc, then you are going to leave. And once he falls back into those old predictable patterns, then leave. He has a choice and you are not responsible for whatever choices he makes going forward. And you might consider bringing someone with you for support, as well. Best to you!
I'm just going to share my experience here that it took me a long time to recognize that absent any obligations created under "filial responsibility" laws, you are under no obligations to take those calls (or emails, or texts).
If it were someone you were dating, it'd be actionable harassment
PS ...
Every time you agree to meet with your Dad, or anyone who verbally & psychologically abuses you, then you are allowing more abuse to take place. I had to learn this lesson the hard way. I allowed my mother-in-law to abuse me for over 35 years and the verbal abuse only got worse. So two years ago I finally went no contact with her and blocked her on my cell phone. She became so upset by this and would call my husband begging him to change my mind. But I stuck to my guns. I knew that if I agreed to talk to her again that she would use that as an opportunity to *abuse* me again. She died 3 mths ago, and she was begging my husband to talk to me before she died, but I just said NO WAY. I knew that she only wanted to talk to me to get her narcissistic 'fix' of abusing me. And this was my mother-in-law, someone who held importance to my husband and the entire family. She even used a smear campaign against me because I refused to talk to her anymore. But I had to preserve what remained of my mental health because her abuse had already taken it's toll. Now I'm thankful that she's gone and that she can no longer hurt me, but I'm still left with some battle wounds and I'm currently working with a therapist on moving forward. First & foremost please take care of yourself!
@@druchampion-payne1489 Thank you so much for sharing your story and insight on this. It sometimes feel so lonely and like the situation is endless and hopeless since there is no way really getting rid of a narc while they're alive, as they will always use our sense of empathy or guilt.
I will go there one last time. I all honesty I haven't spoke 1-1 with him since the divorce, so I feel like for my own peace of mind i "owe" him that.But that will be the final conversation where I let him have his moment and then will explain to him what my boundaries are. There is also so little point in him complaining. Like Dr Carter said in another video "what is your point?!"
I respect it very much how you handled the situation with your mother-in-law. I hope you find peace of mind soon, because it is not you, it is their toxic behavior (ps: not a native, so sorry for any spelling mistakes)
I recently spoke to a blind man and a blind woman at a local RNIB shop; they had less blind spots than your average Narcissist.!!
🐾🐈 I agree and will journal my possible blind spots.
Thanku so so much. 🧘🌄
Thanks Doc I’ve enjoyed your videos and gained a great deal from them in my journey. I made the mistake of telling my narc wife I feel sorry for her. She went into a rage and then a few weeks later said I was so cruel to say that. My genuine intention was not that. I realise now there is no hope for change. I do forgive her for everything over the past 20 years which in hindsight was a lot. Think my only option is to get a lawyer now and proceed in that manner as we have kids involved and I don’t trust her without legally binding orders.
When I read about a wife who found the assistance of her husband and went to therapy ..I get so excited because this validates your work. A huge thank you to all in this utube family. Its true if we can combine efforts to get beyond the cult that attacks us we will survive it. They are all blind yes and it makes me scoff at religion. The keaders and controlling spouses be they male ir female are " the blind leafing the blind and both fall into the ( proverbial ) pit" Religions ack of narcissism power control narrow mondedness and archaic thinking. Thank youso much Dr Carter.
I have to listen to your advice over and over to get it in my head. I have had 2 narcissist husbands. My self esteem, energy, hope, has been zero. You have helped me see their actions are a reflection of them, not a definition of who i am.
So difficult. Been in a similar situation. Not a narc parent, but similar.
For some reason I just really heard something you have said so many times. It's like, we can blame you. No more thinking needed. Especially acute when like in the extended family you have the goat, and all the others in the family keep the party in line and on target--me. No need to look any further, no need to question, no need for introspection, no need for kindness or any of that garbage. Go team narcs. Also no need to wonder why I left and never looked back. Just now seeing more of how they functioned. Better late than never. Thanks Dr. C
I told my narc mother that her dogs nails need clipped. She told me to stop putting her down. Wait, what!??
The link was helpful
Interested to see what direction you go with this one, DrC. I look back and sometimes compare their blind spots to the many shades of rose colored glasses I now see that I was wearing. I liked what you had to say in this past Wednesday’s live about “reactive abuse.” TY for pointing out how the victim of the narcissist’s abusive behaviors is not abusive. After learning what I’ve learned (from you as well as many other professionals,) I see it more as reactive defense- at least while enduring their abuse and even in the beginning of the realization of recognizing real change had to begin with me. Real change has to be one that is a healthy change FOR MYSELF and not just giving in to the narcissist and changing to cater to their every whim. Once we finally move forward with that realization, I believe we can (and I believe this because I was finally able to do it myself) I believe we can enter into a stage (so to say) of “reactive offense” where there is a balance of caring for self as well as others so that we see how others are hurting and yet can recognize whether they are simply hurting so that we might be able to help them OR they are just hurting themselves by choosing to hurt other people to which we can walk away. The reactive offense begins with caring enough about ourselves that we stop letting others hurt us for the sake of thinking they could use our help. They can’t be helped if they don’t want help. And they can’t be helped if they continue to hurt others just to avoid their own pain. Reactive Offense is self care that nurtures selflessness.
Celebrating my city ribbon cutting today, DrC. I still am in awe that my hard work, determination to explore real freedom coupled with self confidence is paying off this well. I can’t believe I let another person’s control over me keep me so naive and blinded to my purposes in life. I hosted my first in-store class (called it “Brewing Basics” where people could learn more about the best ways to steep tea) in the store last night and it seemed to be a nice hit with folks. Excited and nervous about today’s ribbon cutting… always not sure if I’ve made enough samples and such. And my grand opening is planned for the first three days in September! It feels so good to think for myself AND CHOOSE for myself while definitely identifying I still have so much to learn.
Have a great weekend, DrC and Team Healthy!!!
TH is so thrilled for you, Stampin'! We miss the contribution of your live chat wisdom. Congrats & continued success with your new business.🫖👍
Caring for self as well as others…thats a big one! 🎯 Congratulations on your new business. You deserve the very best! 🎉 We missed you! ❤
Hey Kelly, I'm so pleased for all the lightbulbs that have been turning on inside your mind. Your comments here are so appropriate! Hope you have a great day! Way to go!
Well done. I'm so pleased for you. I'm sure with your strength and determination, you'll be a huge success. 🎉❣️🤗
Good going 🎉. Much success & impressive 💯
My notes (not necessarily direct quotes):
4:55 ONE - When they become defensive but refer to it as being decisive. Their defensiveness is not decisiveness. You try to discuss something and run into a wall of defensiveness. They justify and explain that you are being unreasonable. "You are raining on my parade."
6:00 TWO - Their desire for admiration is really a reflection of their acceptance deficit. Narcissists desperately want you to say, "Oh, you are a great person." It's to the extent that they have way too strong of a need for that. They are psychologically needy. They must have your compliments and words of strong affirmation. They want your loyalty. They want you to give priority to who they are. They don't want you to talk about any blemishes they have. But if you were to bring up their strong need for admiration, they would say, "I don't know what you are talking about." Yet all of their tension and anxiety when they don't get admiration tells us otherwise.
7:00 THREE - They will very commonly interpret disagreement as rejection. If you express your interpretation or opinion, they are thinking, "You are trying to run me into the ground." They make themselves out to be a victim.
8:05 FOUR - Narcissists refuse to admit how controlling they are. They can be bossy; they can have all sorts of advice that you didn't ask for. If you say that that's really not what you need, they think that they are just trying to be helpful. "You need someone like me to explain to you how it is." If you point out that they are being controlling, they will tell you that you got it wrong. They will continue to press their issues over and over.
8:55 FIVE - A narcissist's efforts in 'love' are not really love. If they approach you in such a way that says, "I want to have a loving and caring relationship," it goes back to their need for admiration. They are wanting you to express loyalty and they want you to conform to them. It's very ego-driven on their side. Their is no humility. There is hardly any sense of servitude or kindness or goodness, except if they are going to get something from you. They don't really understand the nature of love as being something where you lay down your ego and tend to other individuals. That is not what they are looking for at all.
10:00 Over time, as narcissists maintain these blind spots (and there can be more), it sets up the narcissist for other characteristics. Like stubbornness, or repeating the same dysfunctions, or being unable to receive feedback (closemindedness). It also sets them up for lots, and I mean lots, of projection. In fact, projection is the ultimate defense mechanism of a person with major blind spots.
11:10 Try telling a narcissist, "Hey, there's something here that you're not really recognizing," what they will do is tell you that you are wrong. You know what my reaction to that is? You're proving my point.
13:05 I'm hoping that you can become more and more of an enlightened individual, which means that you have psychological vision. Narcissists not only don't have that psychological vision, they are psychologically blind to so much of what drives them. That's not something that you need to be pulled down by. That's their issue. I'm hoping that you can decide to be honest with yourself. By being open to input, you can grow.
I call my narc out with a play on his name when he's "Mike-romanaging" 😏
I'll have to remember that for the Mike's I know!
Thank you so much Dr. C. Your videos are healthy for everyone, even for those who aren't currently dealing with an abuser. I choose to take full responsbility for all my "short commings" including my low self-esteem and anger wich both are most likely related to the abuse I've been receiving my whole life. But I am an adult now. I can take actions.
I am definitely on team healthy, I have chosen the straight and narrow as my health and well-being is my priority. Seen the truth in all this scenario I am very much aware of the path I choose to follow. A peaceful life is a gift from God. Thanks for your education. ❤
dr C please can you say some more about the effects of lifelong influence of narcs on our own behaviours. So often I ‘wear’ the projection or guilt easily - like when the narc family accuse me of being rejecting and uncooperative because of course when I stop them abusing me that is all true in a sense. I reject them and I become uncooperative. How do I then get rid of the guilt? And in a way I feel like I need ‘loyalty’ now from people or others to appreciate me for who I am as part of my healing as I can’t take people pulling me down anymore. Is that not me needing ‘admiration’ perhaps. The narc will point all of these things out of course. More guilt!
I saw Leslie vernick video where she drew a line, on one end was extreme narcissism, on the other codependence. We need a healthy amount of self care and saying "no". Can't waste the best of you to enable the worst in someone else. I get it, was raised by them, so hard to change that sense of guilt but really they should be adults and able to give and take as well, not always draining you dry.
So tired of hearing my narcissistic mother say stupid shit like “you don’t have to love me but you better respect me.” I want so badly to say “ no bitch I actually don’t have to do either.” But alas we all know that would cause a nuclear reactor level of breakdown. She serves no purpose in my life other than to remind me of what not to do as a parent in the future. I know that’s a terrible way to feel but I’m at the brink of insanity with dealing with her.
My ex accused me of being this way towards her. She wanted to get married and we had very differing opinions on finances and other things like parenting her older kids.. well, her son is now in prison, her daughter is racking up huge college debt, and she committed work comp fraud.. so yeah, it wasn’t me.. good luck 🤦♂️
True, exactly the case. Thank you dr Carter
Thank you for another great video Dr. Carter. They have really helped me so much and they continue to help me even though I’m in a much better place. To be able to laugh at some of the things that I’ve learned to recognize as toxic, it strengthens me even more. To go from sad, confused, sick and desperate and now strong, happy, healthy and confident… it’s an amazing feeling. Thank you for your time, kind words and humor 🥰🙏🏽 Have a great weekend @Surviving Narcissism and please give Gus a little belly rub from me 😃❤️
So pleased for this encouraging report!! #TeamHealthy
If a person is codependent, will a lot of what you say about narcissism sound like them?
May be, because people mirror their behaviour without realizing it.
Yes, a problem with the codependent is being too much of a reactor as opposed to an independent initiator.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you!
"You're proving my point" -LOVE THIS!!! Thank you so much!
I really reapect & admire those individuals that have had the abilty to introspect enough to make the proper changes; how awesome. 👍🏼
Another insightful video, Dr. C. Thank you so much for the work you do! Every time I tune in, I hear something I never thought of. Best to you and Gus.
Dr Carter, thank you so much for the revelation you bring to the many aspects of narcissism.
This is another one I hadn’t considered but your analysis is exactly what I have experienced. Thanks so very much for the cumulative awareness and skills you have given me!
Thank you, Dr. Carter. I learned more about what I went through living with my narc husband and his narc family for several decades. This video also caused me to think about my own blind spots. I look at my blind spots but it is so difficult because all my emotions about anything are so strong! So when I look at a character flaws my feelings of embarrassment, shame, and guilt is so strong, I just want to run from dealing with it. But then I tell myself, I can work on this and be aware and get to the point, I never live blindly with these flaws again.
So grateful for your videos. It can be maddening to continue to tolerate and undue amount of injustice and disrespect from and man and his female best friend both nearly 50 years of age. From last weekend to this one. I gathered all the insight I needed. If you give people the illusion of second chances the will either reveal they are capable of acting like adults and choose not to around me OR they set themselves up for failure by once again attempting to betray an empathetic kind woman like me who although I give endless chances,last weekend I had to put my 3 priorities first. It’s never about ego or pride with me because I’ll sacrifice anything for my 3 angels but it’s when I watch other adults attempt to utilize their access to my children to get to violate me. Now it’s game over. Hand in the cookie jar like you’ve said before, I set that boundary and they stole another cookie. Game over now. And I hate that for these 2 people but they accepted their own fate.
Thank you! Your talks are so insightful. I am getting healthier with every video.
So pleased, Diane.
This was a nice video with a few good examples and a clear presentation. On the other hand of I may say so, it might be best suited fo those who have just started to get some understanding of narcissism.
Why do I say that? Because in my opinion narcissism and narcissist ARE the blindspot. I mean most of the things they say, do and think is bassed on false assumptions. Their perception about both themselves and their outer world is in many ways turned upside down. And if they would admint one major flaw, they fear that they might as well admit to other flaws, and that means stearing into the deep, dark abyss that they are. It seems to me that they either prefer to go down in flames or become isolated rather than taking a deep honest look into themselves.
I learn something everyday from watching your videos. Years ago I didn't know the clinical term for my toxic family's behavior. I knew it was off. I always felt like " Marilyn Munster" from the tv show " The Munsters". I didn't know the term for the anger my sibling would show seemingly out of nowhere. I am the family scapegoat. Years ago, one day, she & another of my siblings were just talking about hairstyles. I simply told her that it's time for her ends to be trimmed. She stopped laughing and looked at me and said...." Why did you single my hair out? There's 3 of us here." Then she went home. The next day her 4yr old told me...." You're not even beautiful, my mom says you're not, but you think you are". My sister was angry about the harmless suggestion she trim her ends. I became afraid to say the wrong thing. Sure enough, yrs later, I accidentally called her by my other sister's name. She blew her top and said..." Why did you call me ( our sister's name )? She's very fat. You just called me fat" I told her...." I meant no harm. It was a slip of the tongue." That incident took place 5 yrs ago. I have stayed clear out of her way from that point on. She is hot & cold and likes to argue. I could no longer deal with the mood swings.
Smart move to stay away.
I thought about the need for admiration she needs. That's one of the 5 narcissistic blind spots I know now to look out for. Thank You again Dr. Carter 😁
One narcissistic personality disorder person who I deal with has to turns every meeting into "her against me" instead of sticking to what the meeting is actually for. She's also a stalker. Showing up in places I go to and attempting to "engage me"
Thank you Dr. Carter. I began to become triggered, and it manifested in physical ways. I have an all-over “icky” feeling and I begin to shake and have anxiety. I had to put a stop to that and take some time for myself (small steps). I stand in my Truth, and my “go-to” reminder is that, he can alienate me if he wants to and “burn down the house”, but that will only lead to loneliness and well, no house. (For him).
Just as an aside, I once thought I could assist in changing an alcoholic, but who did I think I was? In Al-Anon I learned I didn’t create it, I can’t change it, I can’t cure it. But the hardest concept in Alanon to learn, was whatever he gets up to is none of my business.👍
I never wanted to be in a situation where I had to learn that, but I have no regrets and I take the concept with me. And I see that, as growth.
Dr. C, would you consider speaking on the topic of Spiritual Narcissism? I have experienced this from what I believe to be of a collective narcissistic environment. I no longer am in fellowship with that group as it became very toxic after observing some very troubling signs of behaviour from leadership. I would love to hear your take on the topic. Thanks for all you do, it is much appreciated.
I did a video a while back on How Religious Narcissists Will Gaslight You. That might touch on what you are asking about.
COMPETITIVE!
thank you
You're welcome
They are quite stubborn, aren't they? That's what they often called me.
Standing up to a small army of red alert generational NPD's would have kilt me without this channel's info. And law enforcement,adult protective services. Thanks to those entities for being professional & fair. I could only see all of it as individual instances but now understand it's all one long narc session. Hybrid NPD's,flying monkeys,etc .... I didn't ask to know you,but it's time for you to go.
Sorry about the dang typos and misspellings on this cell phone
Been there, done that. We're human!!
Thanks so much Dr C for this insight... it's really shone light on some questions I had.
I do have a question...
Dr C are there some narcissists that are "exhibitionists"?
And their "exhibitionism" makes one feel instinctively uncomfortable.
Hi, My father and I are having some issues, we work together and he is my boss, constantly he owns my achivements and when confronted he truly forgets my participation is that normal? Is really hard cause he constantly thinks he is the only one capable even though I ran the bussiness since the pandemic mostly alone but it seems he is competing and undermining me most of the time, what can i do for improving our relationship.
🙏🏼
Dr Carter, how do I cope with constant rumination about the narcissists, and the urge to point out their hypocrisy?
I do the same. It’s better since I became educated about the personality disorder and started taking care of myself through therapy and focusing on my health. It still creeps in and then I say “what’s the point? They don’t care and I can’t fix them. Only me.”
G’day Snowbear. I’ve found self-satisfaction of knowing them well enough to actually start predicting their next tactic. I can smile inside (while n my maintaining grey rock) at the knowledge that I’m right and just how predictable they can be. The added bonus of this prediction is the preparedness and the ability to respond and not react.
@@aaronkwolfe Very wise Aaron. I have the urge to poke the bear.
@@snowbear1877 Resist the urge. The bear is ferocious and attacks in ways we would not. Could not. The bear rarely sleeps.
@@aaronkwolfe Aaron, you are spot on.
How do I break up with one and stop going back
🌟