ANOREXIA RECOVERY- Day of my discharge
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
- LONG TIME NO POST!
Hello lovelies, sorry I've been so absent- I've missed you all greatly! This video is just an update on the little hospital stay I've had.
Whilst I DIDN'T FAIL my 1 week challenge, my body gave up and I wound up in hospital a few days in to my experiment.
Head over to the 'community' section of my channel for a proper explanation- and check out today's video for a little summary of what I conquered through my inpatient stay!
Hugs and kisses, thanks for sticking with me darlings
Lilli
xxx
I've been so worried about you, relieved to see you're still with us & still fighting. It's a very long & difficult road to recovery. But don't forget that we are here for you.
Lils I can just see that a light has genuinely turned on for you and it makes me the proudest friend alive, we all want nothing but for you to reach that place you KNOW you want and also deserve. I just have so much respect for your determination. Absolutely bless your soul Lilli, I love you and we are here for you every step of the way.
The way you described the "route" was brilliant. Although I dont have an eating disorder, I too am working on rewiring my brain to face my fears & I may have to find a route as well. Thank you for sharing, sorry the hospital booted you when you were ready to work with them, but you seem pretty ready regardless & we are glad youre back making vids :)
The comments you made about eating what you like was a pivotal point in my own recovery!
I CLEARLY remember the point when my food choices changed. I started to understand that the 'salad, no dressing, no cheese' wasn't my preference because I liked it, it was my preference because it 'met my rules'. Years of thinking that way actually distorted my knowledge of what I actually LIKED versus what was just 'safe'.
From a fellow ED sufferer, I can tell you that the world is INCREDIBLE on the other side of that mindset. Good on you for starting to break through these habits!
Ps- how damn good is that Cobbs popcorn!!
Was this all in one go ?
It’s not a let’s end this illness,
It takes time
@@georginamorrison4257 The mindset change for me was VERY sudden and pivotal.
I suffered my ED for 3 years before receiving various interventions and treatments that I resisted for a further 4 years. I 'physically' improved my health in the 2 years after that, but my mental attitude was still really entrenched in ED habits. I worked on my mental state for 1-2 years and thats where the 'breaking point' happened. There is a big difference between 'understanding' a fact and actually being able to incorporate the actions into everyday life. However having the mindset is really what got me to where I am today!
I’m so glad to hear that you were able to choose to eat your fear foods in hospital! I’m rooting for you :)
One should never not eat cake. There is always time for tea and biscuits
You are so brave for continuously sharing this journey with us. You’re an inspiration! Wishing you the best, I believe in you
Reality check (not because I'm mean, but because I think it's sometimes difficult for us to identify these things ourselves); you say in this vlog how you're giving up any ED behaviours, how there's no reason to stick with safe foods, how you can't half-ass recovery, etc. etc. but then you go and order yourself a small pizza with no cheese and eat half of it. I think ordering pizza was a great step and a wonderful challenge for you, but be honest, is that fully committing? There's nothing wrong with admitting that while you FEEL like you want to commit 100%, there are still places that you need to improve. If you're not honest with yourself (and, by extension, with your "audience") about that, then you get stuck in a state of convincing yourself that you're doing great when in reality life could actually be so, so much better! Take it from a girl who waffled around in semi-recovery for years. Bring your actions in line with the words you share in this video and you will not regret it!
This!!!!
Recovery.Chii yes
100 % agree
Be honest with yourself
U think you convince others ( been there ) but it’s denial
yep ... your so right ...100%
I can’t believe they discharged you !
This is so messed up
lena jazuk I don’t understand it .
AHHHHH UR BACK WELCOME ☺️ we missed you
Welcome back, Lilli!!! New sub here. Wishing you nothing but the best in your recovery!
In that case- welcome to you too!! Thank you my love xx
@@lillijohnston3880 Many thanks to you as well!!!
I’m so excited to be on this journey/recovery with you. We’re all rooting for you! I love your positivity!
I'm so glad to see that you have uploaded! I'm sorry that the hospital was so rude I hope that you keep up the good work to being a healthier happier you! If you need support or help don't hesitate to reach out to loved ones, I believe everyone wants to help you keep up this positive momentum!
I'm glad to see you're ok and you sound like you're so confident in your recovery process. I'm excited for you! Good luck with everything! 😊
You give me hope that recovery is possible, (currently in a relapse) and make me feel less alone, thank you
i'm starting to look like her,because of narcissistic abuse.
I'm happy you posted a video. Im glad ur ok. You got this! Even though I've been in recovery for 8 years, I still have to work hard on my meal plan.
You are really strong getting thru these days
Im sending love and hugs
Hug yourself each day
You deserve only the best days 🍀❤
HIPPY CHIC LIFE Hippy
🍀☘️🍀☘️!
Welcome back Lilli! I haven't watched this video yet but I do hope you're doing well. Sending lots of love from the UK ♥️
I am happy to hear from you Lilli, you are amazing! God bless you xoxo
You’re doing so well Lil. You really are kicking ass 💕 you’ve got this
Yes Lilli, you’re killin it girl!!!
Lilli, you are so inspiring. I was an inpatient last yr, 7mths, mentally unwell & anorexic. After a few months I realised the ward environment was not helping my mind!! I also asked for more food!! I was so hungry I couldn’t sleep, & the dietician told me I was bored!?
Wow to deny an anorexic person and to say because they're bored. What in the heck!
@@heathercombs8170 I understand why they only allow a small amount of food in the early days in hospital (danger of potentially fatal re-feeding syndrome if calorie intake increased too rapidly), but to shrug off their great feelings of hunger or dismiss it as boredom is ridiculous & emotionally neglectful. Many Drs, nurses & therapists in mental health hospitals need a lot more training & compassion it seems! Ppl with EDs are already living with great anxiety, loneliness & mental anguish - to face dismissal, ignorance by the very ppl who are meant to support those suffering as they try to recover is horrible.
Lilli i miss you every day , i can’t accept that this beautiful girl is gone - lilli i love you beyond words 😩
Mumma loves you xxxxx
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. It is utterly unfair that she isn't here anymore... it is just so wrong.
@@mistypeach- Thankyou sweetheart , she was the most beautiful thoughtful daughter anyone could wish for - though she left us on july 30 2019 , i ve only recently been able to look at her videos .Just know anyone who left a kind comment like you have to me means everything to me and to those who left Lilli a kind comment - it made her so happy amongst such incredible despair .xxx
You’re doing great, so far! I wish all the best, and success! Continue to push yourself!
Good luck to you girl! That hospital discharge seemed really fucked up. Hope you recover and continue to bring us along this inspiring journey with you.
Sending my love and prayers 💖 xxx
Wonderful to see you back! Eat, drink and enjoy life xx
You’re back! Have been thinking of you!
The hospital stay sounds Nanny McPhee “when you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go” (seeing as the doctors and staff all thought you were progressing well).
Jokes aside though, that is pretty strange, but hats off to you for driving everything and being so driven and motivated! It’s great to see that you truly want recovery. Looking forward to seeing more videos!
Love your explanation on your anorexic self to your recovered self route. So true and that’s already your brain that truly wants recovery working. So amazing. Keep it up! :)
haha this comment made me giggle! Thank you so much lovely xxx
So glad to see you! Was really getting worried after you stopped posting! Sending lots of love from the UK. Wishing you lots of luck on your journey and glad to see you are taking charge of your own journey rather than taking the word of 'healthcare professionals' to the absolute letter xx Hope you continue to enjoy new stuff - see it, try it. Try it all. You never know what you are going to find or what you are going to like. Sending a million hugs to you hon...your bravery is inspiring xxxx
I want to see you succeed so badly! You are such a sweet beautiful girl....sometimes getting lost along the way Happens ...but as long as you have a breath in you and are willing to fight nothing is impossible. I hope
Your
Recovery is one of success and at some time you can put it behind you and see how amazing life can be to just LIVE! I wrote myself a quote when I decided to take my own lofe back from my own addiction (pill addiction of 24 years) “my determination to stay clean is stronger then my desire to use”....I’m so proud of you! Life really is worth living! Keep it up!
You are such an inspiration. It's so wonderful to see you again. You are such a strong fighter
You're back!!! I'm glad you've been successful so far. I'm sorry you didn't get to stay as long as you wanted, but you're still doing great. Keep it going, lovely!!! 🤩
I'm very proud of you. It is disappointing how soon you were discharged. Keep your strong mindset. You've got this!
You have such an intelligent and beautiful mind ❤️ hearing your thoughts is so exciting! I love your Let’s Get Down To Business attitude ❤️❤️❤️ wishing you soooooo much success on your journey ❤️
Lilli glad you're doing well and sorry to hear that they didn't understand and listen to what your body needed. Keep taking great care of yourself, much loves for you 💖
I can't believe they discharged you
But I'm glad your back and I'm still rooting for you...YOU GOT THIS ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Its true, the faster you get there you have more chances to recover quicker. As long as it makes you feel physically and mentally stronger, You can do it! We are supporting your positivity Lilli 😀👍🏼
I’m so happy your back your videos and positivity has really helped me and I know you can get through this you have the will power and taking action will only increase to your bravery to challenge your disorder. I really love your videos and I hope to see you post more now that your out! Sending my positive vibes to you ❤️
Hi hun , glad you’re back, I’m in recovery or trying. It’s when your alone with your head that its hard. You have been brave to start this utube and you are never alone. You will become iconic ❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏 wish I was so brave. Isolation kills 😢
Hi girl! So glad to see you so positive. Keep it up ❤️. One step at a time. You are the master of your recovery! 💪
I can’t believe you’ve been discharged! But I’m so happy you’re back because tbh I missed your videos! I wish you all the best ❤️
You're so pretty ! I wish you the best!😚
Not being rude here, but I feel you should still be in the hospital. There is a lot of denial here. You are doing a lot of talking without action. The ed way of thinking is still very much there. I don't want this to discourage you! You have a lot to be proud of and you're going in the right direction. I want nothing but happiness for you! Xoxo♡
Wow i'm so proud of you that is amazing, you deserve every cookie in the world. Life is too short to not enjoy all the yummy foods ❤️ I know you can do this
Hi from Uk, welcome back its good your out of hospital. Hope to see another video soon, kind regards Carl
You’ve got this, one day at a time! Fall in love with the foods that taste good to you! So proud your still going strong! 🙏💜
Hi beautiful. So glad you are okay. I was in hospital for few days for panic attacks & depression and wanted to stay longer but insurance won’t pay! Praying for you & stay strong my love! You are worth it ❤️🙏🏻
I’ve e been looking for you!! I’m so glad your still here with us. You think they would want you to be eating snacks that’s ridiculous. I’ve missed you and I’m looking forward to seeing you getting better
I’m so glad to see you back, but wow, I’m sorry you had that experience in the hospital. You can do this! I’m rooting for you from California. ❤️
Omg!! Super negligent on the part of the hospital Dr's! I'm soo thankful you're in a good place though because you're right, it's all in your hands sweet gal.. You're doing an amazingly hard thing and we're ALL sooo PROUD OF YOU!!!!!🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
you wonderful human being are so inspiring. thanks for giving me hope, hence helping me with my own recovery. lot's of luck on this journey, you can do it love.
Been waiting for your upload! So happy you’re back :) Always supporting you through your recovery ❣️
We’ll all be here on your route to recovery too!
I'm sorry about the unexpected discharge, but I am so excited that you're back!
I'm so proud of you! You are committed and positive. Dont worry if you have bad moments, keep on trucking 🤗
Wow your discharged be gentle and kind to yourself and your body rooting for you from Texas pls take care of yourself Lilli. Prays are with you today and always. Never give up the good I’m bipolar 1 so I know what struggle feels like. You got this. 💯🌈🙏🏽🌈❤️☝️
This is why I’m afraid of seeking help. I’m still 16 lbs overweight (though I’m down 50 lbs since December). I feel like I need to be emaciated again before any medical professionals take me seriously again. If I walk in looking “healthy” they will think there is nothing wrong with me. I am in the US not the UK but the attitude is similar here.
Great job on your path to recovery. You sound like you are in a better place and I wish you the best of luck moving forward.
there are always alternative treatment options available! Please DO seek help. We can't beat this all on our own. Sending you lots of love and courage xxxx
Omg I love your positivity and strength 😤💕💖💗💜I can really see that you can do this! 💪👏
Hi Lilli! Looking forward to watching your recovery. Thanks for sharing!
YESSSS DO WHATEVER U HAVE TO DO TO MAKE U HEALTHY ALL OVER AGAIN!!!
ALL MY LOVE FROM MONTERREY MÉXICO :)
So happy you’re back!! 💖
So glad you're back!!!
Im so happy you are back hun! Wish u the best gurl x
Love your channel and would love to see you upload more. Can you make a video giving us the full back story of your life story and history with eating disorders? I feel that could help lots of people. Also be helpful to hear more details about what happened during your clinical admissions, and how helpful you found them- or not
You are an inspiration. You can do this. You have a great speaking voice by the way xxx
I stole an ensure from the kitchen in hospital! It's such a headfuck when you're starving to death, literally, and they scold you for WANTING to eat more. I'm sorry they didn't handle that the right way. Ugh. i'm sorry they didn't let you stay longer. That's so upside down. But you can do this! And this way, you get to do it on your own terms, totally tailored to your personal needs, without all the bullshit coneyor-belt one-style-fits-all treatment rules that might not be right for you personally. Hold onto your reasons and never let go. You've totally got this xxxxxx
“I could _____, but I didn’t” what a powerful statement!
The public health system is fucked. There's no way they should have discharged you and should be up for malpractice, but we know that's not going to happen. Really fucking angers me. You need and deserve treatment. I'm sorry they're so inept, but I'm glad you're on a good footing. You know that this is the end of ed for you, screw living like that. Keep going hun, your fighting the best fight possible. Claim back your health and you freedom. Rooting for you. You can. x
Fellow Australian here. I’m so sorry your recent hospital stay ended like that. That’s appalling. Yes, the public system here has a great many faults. As fortunate as we are....there’s still a lot to be improved. It tends to end up as “crisis only” care and then you’re turfed out to fend for yourself. (Speakin from experience with a different mental health condition)
Anyway, I really do wish you the best. Be kind and take it slow. One moment, one meal at a time. Do you still have your outside supports? I hope so.
Sending you bestest wishes.
Lilli you are honestly such an ~ I N S P I R A T I O N ~
I'm in a near identical situation to you at this point, so let's go from anorexic to recovered together hehe x
Here's to:
~ Eating Without Restriction
~ Gaining Weight
~ Recovering!
F ANOREXIA
@@ketherlily Aw! Thank you - right back at you xx
@Xendre Raine Hehe, damn right! xoxo
Yesss! I'm so happy to see you 💓
I'm glad you're back
You're so right: If recovered me is someone who has no rules around food, eating times or rituals around it, why would I try to get to that person by having rituals and times and safe foods? That doesn't make sense
beautiful soul, you can do hard things. 💛🌻 this makes my heart hurt for you. the mental health system lets so many of the best people down. you deserve support, and no one should prevent you from receiving the care you are worthy of. but, you know, i truly believe that everything happens for a reason. there is a silver lining to each cloud. and maybe, this just might be the turning point you are looking for. maybe, hospital isn't suitable for you. maybe, you were discharged, because even the universe believes you can do this, and heal outside (that sounds so hippie 🙈). and, you can. you can do this, as you are stronger and more capable than you could ever realise or conceive. prove those who didn't have faith in you wrong. prove your eating disorder wrong. prove even yourself wrong. you are infinitely worthy of every single bite of food, of feeling free again, and of finally living the life lilli dreams of and wants to. take a risk. take the plunge. take a chance, and do the very things your head fears, and says not to. you are more powerful than this illness, and whilst healing takes time, i know that you are going to get to the brighter side. i'm sending my love your way. you are so brave. thankyou, for simply holding on. xo
this is such a beautiful message. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. This is just what I needed to read tonight ❤️❤️
The weather looks beautiful where you are. Best of luck this week.
YOURE DOING SO WELL FUCK YES YOU CAN DO IT
Only time I was in inpatient was 2014 when I hit my lowest weight ever. I left after 2 weeks cause one girl was trying to bully me. Inpatient is hard enough, no one wants to be bullied when they're at their lowest point 😑 Plus some of the women staff were not nice. I think a lot of them get some kinda power trip by being in control. Didn't like that either. I attend outpatient and see a nutritionist every week.. Which is OK for me. Inpatient is not for everyone.
So sorry to hear of your negative experience. Wishing you all the best for your recovery. Lots of love and courage 💖💖
Hi Lilli, I am in QLD and all of my admissions for anorexia they have always sent me straight to private psychiatric hospital with ED program after medical stabilization, was always specialized too. It seems weird that there were so few rules and no specialling even though you were so underweight and then they chucked you out with no requirement to go to a psych ED program. How did that happen? I am surprised that you didn't get a tube. Did you not even have to drink supplements like Ensure or Fortisips? No wonder you were so hungry!
Btw looking forward to more videos and more recovery for you, well done! 💕
I was just on a medical ward, and in the past I’ve had very strict supervision but it just wasn’t necessary this time around! And yes I usually do the ED program but there aren’t beds available for a little while so I was sent home xx
@@lillijohnston3880 Do you think they would've sent you to one if beds were available? Or was your good mental space actually paid attention to? I was most recently on public medical ward too.
Did you not have to have supplements?
i cant believe that omg smh!!!!!! thats horrible. figures its the one time you want it lol, life always seems to happen like that. your nails are so pretty! you are definitely strong enough to recover
Much love for you
U're a fighter! I love brave ppl like u! :D
The public system is a total mess! It’s all power trips with them. They keep you when you want to go and discharge you when you really want the help. Have you considered getting private health cover hun? There’s some really good treatment clinics in Sydney and interstate and I think you would get /no I KNOW you would get so much more out of it than just a medical admission. Or even a day program. It’s really hard work self recovering and you truly deserve all the support you can get. X
Welcome back 💕💕💕
to my gym went a girl like you to start recovery, the reaction we all felt in love with her instantly , we encourage her and she want to change.
RIP Lilli
Very sad this killed you
You’ve got this! Xx
Same thing has happened to me, lilli. Was in hospital for mental issues and all of a sudden, one day they came up to me and they’re like “you can go home today”. I wasn’t ready and I really wish they’d plan with us in advance. I asked to stay but they refused.
IVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU
Oh, the food you could choose looks very different to what I had! English NHS hospital food is of course challenging to an anorexic but, OMG, every lunchtime - a splat on a plate!!!!!
Yay! Go Lilli! ❤️
i wish you allll the luck in the world ..💚
Mwah!! Big hugs to you, gorgeous one xxx
Looking forward to future videos! ❤️
At least its showed you that you CAN take responsibility for your own recovery!!
Wishing you the best. From Los Angeles
I have faith in you!
Try not to think so much sweetie, u got this🥰🥰
Oh and your nails are lovely!
New subscriber. Glad you are home 🙂
I wish you luck in your recovery. You need to spend less time talking and more time eating. Less time thinking about yourself and more time thinking about what you can do for others.
Yikes that is very concerning... I hope you're okay. Sounds like they may have shifted your treatment approach to the SEED model. More about small top ups. That was a shift in approach my clinicians were looking at taking when I was last hospitalised but my psychologist fought against it. I was in the same situation with being super compliant (stark different to when I was younger!!) Hold out hope. You can do this, but will need help, and I really hope they are able to provide this.
Also I know what you mean about the meal plan sizes to begin with! They seemed to assume i was eating much less before admission than I told them. I actually lost weight in the first week despite eating everything they gave me, and needed about 5 times more than what they started me on. They were going to give me the NG because they didn't believe I was holding the food in. I've never purged. Snacks were the size of most peoples entire meals. Its just what some peoples bodies need to get back on track hey.