I haven't been watching you for about 8 months because my husband unexpectedly passed away in our kitchen. I laid them on the floor and I said, I love you and he mouthed I love... And he died. It's taken me 8 months of being completely left alone and living in my head and trying to maneuver through mourning to be able to watch anything on TH-cam. I used to watch every one of your videos and there is such a change in your affect. It's a joy to see you so much more comfortable and confident in your abilities. This is a wonderful video. I like the phrase sleep talking and it has a lot of good information for us INFJs. You know what's funny, when an infj is left completely alone and has no one to communicate with, at least in my case, I actually started sleep talking, literally. In my sleep, I would wake enough to hear myself explaining how I thought of something or what had happened to me out loud. I could have stopped and changed my dream but, I figured that I must need to do this so, I went back deep into sleep and kept on talking. I guess I really need to be understood and I don't feel like anyone understands me anymore. That died with my partner in life 8 months ago. We spent 23 years together having marathon conversations. I wanted to know everything about him and he patiently answered all my questions. When I didn't feel confident that I knew how I was being perceived, I would ask him and he would tell me the truth. I think I will miss being known for the rest of my life. It took a long time to be able to look across the room and truly know what each other was thinking. If he saw me put my hands together in a certain way, I would find him at my side saying, I think it's time to go. If I saw a certain smile on his face, I knew that later he would have a very funny and ironic story to tell. Thank you for making this wonderful video. You have me wondering if you have a different girlfriend. Or how your routine has changed in order for you to have changed so much. That's my infj curiosity. I want you to be successful and happy. Sincerely, Carly
Carly, I think it takes a lot of strength to write about a spouse that has gone. I am filled with compassion for you, knowing you're going through something so utterly devastating. What a gift he must have been to you, to know you so well, to love you so well that he could read a subtle cue from you and know exactly what you were thinking. What a precious and precarious thing love is...but I am so glad that you experienced it fully. I am wishing you love, light, and healing as you navigate this new path.
@@loref4200 Thank you, Lore. It honestly helps me when you take the time to write to me. It's so hard to live completely in silence and alone. I feel like I'm mourning in slow motion. I know one day I will have the strength to look back at all the adventures and times of laughter that we shared. He was a gift from God. I always used to say to him that the sweetest fruit I've ever tasted is knowing and being known. Thank you for your kind words. 💜 Carly
Hi Carly, I'm sorry to hear about your loss and wand to thank you for your kind words. I still have the same loving, kind, supportive girlfriend as always, but I also feel what you feel, that I am more confident, and more secure in myself than ever. I just moved in to a new apartment and feel positive about life, despite all the chaos going on around us right now. I wish the best for you too and if I can help you in any way, let me know!
Simply Me my heart goes out to you! I hope you find peace and I can only imagine how challenging your loss has been; your love story sounds amazing. I just met my INFJ, true love. That’s why I’m here. I like your honesty and truth. Take care! ❤️
Have trouble reading their thoughts toward me, but usually am right when considering what they are needing and when considering how they think or feel about others, anyone other than myself. It's a huge blindspot.
I'm an ENFP and my ex is an INFJ. One of our biggest communication struggles revolved around his tendency to believe that I was able to read his mind and know exactly what he was feeling and going through. He would also tell me that we went through things together or that I said things to him that I've never said to anyone before and that kinda made me feel a bit crazy and my doubt my sense of memory, however this video cleared everything up for me. Those instances were made up scenarios by him. It was hard because I tend to value direct and honest communication with people and I usually feel like something I'm doing is wrong when they don't tell me directly. The assumptions got in the way because I also have a problem as an ENFP with thinking that I'm flawed or that I said the wrong thing and I think about it so much that it carry over into a later conversation and we end up both being triggered by different things. I'm hoping that my newfound knowledge and my greater insight over the course of several months can help me to effectively communicate with him again sometime soon. I still miss him, but I'm not sure if I should reach out to him or wait for him to do so again because I'm aware that INFJs are usually uncomfortable with initiation.
Just what I needed , thank your Eric. You have helped me greatly understand myself. I am fairly new to learning about being an INFJ. So many things ,make so much sense now. You help me work through things I struggled with all my life. Thank you so, so much Eric.
Your message came just in the right time for me. Love the example with INFP's. It happen that I have two of them in my life - bf and partner, and both teach me how to improve myself as an INFJ. Thank you for this video!
This why we get so frustrated when people don’t t understand us or are misunderstood feel like people don’t know truly know us because we have major communication issues when it comes to ourselves
good information, but INFJ is extremely rare, I'm studying it just in case the one in a million hence happens.😂 I hope you can do more communication video on the most common types such as ISFJ, ESFJ and ISTJ, as an NT that'll b really helpful in day to day life. thx
I really agree with the anger or frustration of not being understood. That can be taken many ways but I guess for me it's more about communicating thoroughly and still not being understood or respected. It can be very taxing reading people and accommodating what you deem their needs or whims to be. I feel it helps me navigate to be a better person in the situation and build in the moment but sometimes misreading or reading whims can make me feel like I give too much effort in a situation. Noting that, I do begin to feel taxed and then frustrated and want to withdraw my efforts and be alone. As an INFJ I give so much to things but once I feel someone is entitled to that I cut it off. That has happened lately at work. I believe this younger woman is an INFJ but she has the tendency to push people to be forthcoming about themselves (root for personal truths and intimacy) and be overly emotional about things with intensity (from an outside perspective). That makes me want to shut off as her behaviors are taxing to witness and to try and interact with. For a week I didn't really talk to her much (we don't work together frequently but had just started talking a month or so ago) and she took it personally and now feels slighted. In all reality there was no unkindness but it's obvious she took it that way. All this to say now I'm very much over it and very much wanting to keep to myself without justifying my need for space and overexplaining. Maybe that story doesn't necessarily belong here but I feel a lot better putting it out there. On another note, I'm really struggling with overcompensating with my communicating. Either by conveying too much emotion (stewing, overthinking, not taking a step back to keep perspective), not enough or having a lack of feelings, or being adamant about radical honesty. Example - Having conversations with friends about things and pushing them to open up about it. Not to say pushing in an abusive or intrusive way, but to get them to speak freely and honestly. "Just be honest". I know recent situations have drawn me to this place in my life but I feel at this point I can no longer tell when I am doing too little or too much until it has happened. I feel out of sorts with it. Anyone else struggling with this or experienced this before? I actually wish I had INFJ friends for mutual sound boarding.
Thank you for this Erik. I always enjoy hearing my unspoken tendencies being revealed to me. It amazes me every time. Side note, I noticed that you didn't sound like yourself. You sounded down and exhausted maybe? (There I go inferring) Is it the stress of everything happening right now?
Right. On. Point... I really thought it's just me and I had big problems that I just havee to stop itt with my thoughts. It's frustrating 😂 I'm an AVM survivor so the more I blame everything on that.
lol maybe these people see different sides of you or they use different theories to come at the answers they do, make sure you try to find the right perspective to look from and to understand where people are coming from, context is super important to typing yourself
I know I know I know I am sick of saying it BUT ENFJ, well at least me- have the same issue!!! I assume people are mind reader like myself- I mean I am really good with Ni! Actually so annoying to myself too😳🙄🤯Thanks Eric, you are legend 👍ps. Funny you are 9-5-2 and I am 2-5-9 ( 9 bothers me a bit but...probably not sure on that one)😁
The notion of reading the minds of others is off putting once one really delves into that house of horrors and those who have been around long enough know very well some of those things between abuse, toxic relationships, perversions, and overall flaws that make any clean soul run for the hills. I've more or less given up entirely when it comes to somethings like seeking depth in others as most only want to be around the surface and even then it is usually around predictable subjects that I no interest in like sports ect.
Lots of people are capable of depth but few dare to open up to it, I try to be refreshingly honest, and I just hope that other people will open up too.
Please advise if you can: When I take any MBTI test I get INFJ as my type but I relate to being an ENFP (though I really never have any energy to talk to people lol... I feel energized when I talk to others but feel drained after a couple of minutes no matter what we're talking about. I took different enneagram tests and got 4,6,8 once and 2,7,8 another time. I don't really know which type I am. I'm trying to find who I really am because I get depressed easily and get happy easily (no in-between), I smile easily even when I'm crying. -_-
Have question. I am infj. It’s hard for me. The older I am the harder it is to come up with Mx personality. However that’s no that biggist problem. Bigger problem is anxiety. And panic attacks when I am in deep shit conversations what makes me sad becouse I love deep conversations. Do you have some experience how to solve it or only chance is some therapist?
My friends love alone time away from me because I'm so EXTRAVERTED, so I understand if they want to leave early when they tfade away, and stop talking. We laugh at it because I throw them MENTAL energy. They can5 describe it. But my friend can hide away from people for days, saying hes busy, when I know hes not. They just say that they have to recharge their batteries. Are all introverts really like that, for the most part?
I know, I have it too, I'm bipolar. And I was always curious how my RARE ENFJ personality and mental illness go together all my life, and know at my age, I am finally looking into it. The Quarentine has given me time to learn more. I was thinking about going back to school, but I wasnt sure, at my age, but I know I will now. I just found out the ennogram was all about SELF ACTUAL7ZATION. NOW I REMEMBER THIS IN COLLEGE. I 2AS A SPECIAL NEEDS NANNY, UNTILL A FEW YEARS AGO. I HAVE FINNALLY PUT THE PEICES TOGETHER. THANKS. I SURE HOPE THE QUARENTINE IS IVER SOON. NOW, I CAN GO BACK OUT ABD PLAY THE DRUMS, ECT... YOU GUYS ARE SMART, MY TI INFERIOR WAS JUST IN MY BLINDSPOT, I THINK I CAN SEE A LITTLE BETTER NOW. I THINK IM OK ON EVERY5HING NOW. IM PRETTY MUCH SEKF ACTUALIZED. BUT I DONT THINK WE EVER TRUELY ARE... .
Find ways to get more in-tune with your body. When you feel anxious, think about what your trigger/cause is. Whatever causes it, remove yourself from that environment, then focus on your breathing, and release it. As an INFJ, you have low Se, meaning your sensations or signals your body is giving you (fight or flight) are not always apparent, until they take over, and your mind ti and ni are frantically trying to fix it, which leads to a panic attack. Focus on controlling your Se, coming home to your body and breathing in a quiet place. Do this often. Meditation, yoga, or a quiet walk in nature are essential. If you find that you cannot get past your mind, then low dosage medications or herbs might be necessary to get you past it. Please, take care. You are not alone.
opinion.. I know I am not INFJ, because they think before they talk, and I don't. Plus, some of my friends close their eyes when they process their thoughts first, because of the Sensing thing. My son who is INFJ had sensory I integration for 5 years after the school met me and his ESTJ brother. INFJ PROCESSES ARE SO DIFFERENT. I JUST HAVE TO HAVE PATIENTS.
Plus, I always make the initiative, and they are more reserved. My friend asked me where she should go to meet men, and I said, Just go to Boston, walk around and talk with people". But then she said, That I was the only one Like that, but I forgot. INFJ rarely make the initiative in a social situation, and they have alot more boundaries. My opinion only. . Maybe that's why most of my friends are INFJ. and INFP. IF IT WASNT FOR ME GOING UP TO TALK, WE WOULD NOT BE FRIENDS. GREAT VIDEO. INSITEFUL...
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I haven't been watching you for about 8 months because my husband unexpectedly passed away in our kitchen. I laid them on the floor and I said, I love you and he mouthed I love... And he died. It's taken me 8 months of being completely left alone and living in my head and trying to maneuver through mourning to be able to watch anything on TH-cam. I used to watch every one of your videos and there is such a change in your affect. It's a joy to see you so much more comfortable and confident in your abilities. This is a wonderful video. I like the phrase sleep talking and it has a lot of good information for us INFJs. You know what's funny, when an infj is left completely alone and has no one to communicate with, at least in my case, I actually started sleep talking, literally. In my sleep, I would wake enough to hear myself explaining how I thought of something or what had happened to me out loud. I could have stopped and changed my dream but, I figured that I must need to do this so, I went back deep into sleep and kept on talking. I guess I really need to be understood and I don't feel like anyone understands me anymore. That died with my partner in life 8 months ago. We spent 23 years together having marathon conversations. I wanted to know everything about him and he patiently answered all my questions. When I didn't feel confident that I knew how I was being perceived, I would ask him and he would tell me the truth. I think I will miss being known for the rest of my life. It took a long time to be able to look across the room and truly know what each other was thinking. If he saw me put my hands together in a certain way, I would find him at my side saying, I think it's time to go. If I saw a certain smile on his face, I knew that later he would have a very funny and ironic story to tell. Thank you for making this wonderful video. You have me wondering if you have a different girlfriend. Or how your routine has changed in order for you to have changed so much. That's my infj curiosity. I want you to be successful and happy. Sincerely, Carly
Carly, I think it takes a lot of strength to write about a spouse that has gone. I am filled with compassion for you, knowing you're going through something so utterly devastating. What a gift he must have been to you, to know you so well, to love you so well that he could read a subtle cue from you and know exactly what you were thinking. What a precious and precarious thing love is...but I am so glad that you experienced it fully. I am wishing you love, light, and healing as you navigate this new path.
@@loref4200 Thank you,
Lore. It honestly helps me when you take the time to write to me. It's so hard to live completely in silence and alone. I feel like I'm mourning in slow motion. I know one day I will have the strength to look back at all the adventures and times of laughter that we shared. He was a gift from God. I always used to say to him that the sweetest fruit I've ever tasted is knowing and being known. Thank you for your kind words. 💜 Carly
Hi Carly, I'm sorry to hear about your loss and wand to thank you for your kind words. I still have the same loving, kind, supportive girlfriend as always, but I also feel what you feel, that I am more confident, and more secure in myself than ever. I just moved in to a new apartment and feel positive about life, despite all the chaos going on around us right now. I wish the best for you too and if I can help you in any way, let me know!
Simply Me my heart goes out to you! I hope you find peace and I can only imagine how challenging your loss has been; your love story sounds amazing. I just met my INFJ, true love. That’s why I’m here. I like your honesty and truth. Take care! ❤️
@@simplyme7821 Carly, I hope you are doing well. I am glad that you are able to recall nice memories shared with him. Those are precious. Take care.
Imagine not having any of these issues what a relief it would be
Have trouble reading their thoughts toward me, but usually am right when considering what they are needing and when considering how they think or feel about others, anyone other than myself. It's a huge blindspot.
Yes, I struggle with this too.
I'm an ENFP and my ex is an INFJ. One of our biggest communication struggles revolved around his tendency to believe that I was able to read his mind and know exactly what he was feeling and going through. He would also tell me that we went through things together or that I said things to him that I've never said to anyone before and that kinda made me feel a bit crazy and my doubt my sense of memory, however this video cleared everything up for me. Those instances were made up scenarios by him. It was hard because I tend to value direct and honest communication with people and I usually feel like something I'm doing is wrong when they don't tell me directly. The assumptions got in the way because I also have a problem as an ENFP with thinking that I'm flawed or that I said the wrong thing and I think about it so much that it carry over into a later conversation and we end up both being triggered by different things.
I'm hoping that my newfound knowledge and my greater insight over the course of several months can help me to effectively communicate with him again sometime soon. I still miss him, but I'm not sure if I should reach out to him or wait for him to do so again because I'm aware that INFJs are usually uncomfortable with initiation.
This is just so true and helpful Erik, thank you ❤
Oh my goodness! This is so very true for me. Thank you.
Just what I needed , thank your Eric. You have helped me greatly understand myself. I am fairly new to learning about being an INFJ.
So many things ,make so much sense now. You help me work through things I struggled with all my life.
Thank you so, so much Eric.
Your videos are way better than therapy
Your message came just in the right time for me. Love the example with INFP's. It happen that I have two of them in my life - bf and partner, and both teach me how to improve myself as an INFJ. Thank you for this video!
This why we get so frustrated when people don’t t understand us or are misunderstood feel like people don’t know truly know us because we have major communication issues when it comes to ourselves
good information, but INFJ is extremely rare, I'm studying it just in case the one in a million hence happens.😂 I hope you can do more communication video on the most common types such as ISFJ, ESFJ and ISTJ, as an NT that'll b really helpful in day to day life. thx
Thank you so much for this video, you helped me very much
Thanks for this important reminder
I really agree with the anger or frustration of not being understood. That can be taken many ways but I guess for me it's more about communicating thoroughly and still not being understood or respected. It can be very taxing reading people and accommodating what you deem their needs or whims to be. I feel it helps me navigate to be a better person in the situation and build in the moment but sometimes misreading or reading whims can make me feel like I give too much effort in a situation. Noting that, I do begin to feel taxed and then frustrated and want to withdraw my efforts and be alone. As an INFJ I give so much to things but once I feel someone is entitled to that I cut it off. That has happened lately at work.
I believe this younger woman is an INFJ but she has the tendency to push people to be forthcoming about themselves (root for personal truths and intimacy) and be overly emotional about things with intensity (from an outside perspective). That makes me want to shut off as her behaviors are taxing to witness and to try and interact with. For a week I didn't really talk to her much (we don't work together frequently but had just started talking a month or so ago) and she took it personally and now feels slighted. In all reality there was no unkindness but it's obvious she took it that way. All this to say now I'm very much over it and very much wanting to keep to myself without justifying my need for space and overexplaining. Maybe that story doesn't necessarily belong here but I feel a lot better putting it out there.
On another note, I'm really struggling with overcompensating with my communicating. Either by conveying too much emotion (stewing, overthinking, not taking a step back to keep perspective), not enough or having a lack of feelings, or being adamant about radical honesty. Example - Having conversations with friends about things and pushing them to open up about it. Not to say pushing in an abusive or intrusive way, but to get them to speak freely and honestly. "Just be honest". I know recent situations have drawn me to this place in my life but I feel at this point I can no longer tell when I am doing too little or too much until it has happened. I feel out of sorts with it.
Anyone else struggling with this or experienced this before? I actually wish I had INFJ friends for mutual sound boarding.
Thank you for this Erik. I always enjoy hearing my unspoken tendencies being revealed to me. It amazes me every time. Side note, I noticed that you didn't sound like yourself. You sounded down and exhausted maybe? (There I go inferring) Is it the stress of everything happening right now?
Just in time
Right. On. Point... I really thought it's just me and I had big problems that I just havee to stop itt with my thoughts. It's frustrating 😂 I'm an AVM survivor so the more I blame everything on that.
That is so accurate. Erik, i'm really not sure if i'm an entj.( Some people typed me as infp and estp as well, i'm nobody now, lol).
lol maybe these people see different sides of you or they use different theories to come at the answers they do, make sure you try to find the right perspective to look from and to understand where people are coming from, context is super important to typing yourself
@@ErikThor Thanks for answering ❤ I'm afraid i can't go any further with self-analyses - my subjectivity just grows stronger...
I know I know I know I am sick of saying it BUT ENFJ, well at least me- have the same issue!!! I assume people are mind reader like myself- I mean I am really good with Ni! Actually so annoying to myself too😳🙄🤯Thanks Eric, you are legend 👍ps. Funny you are 9-5-2 and I am 2-5-9 ( 9 bothers me a bit but...probably not sure on that one)😁
The notion of reading the minds of others is off putting once one really delves into that house of horrors and those who have been around long enough know very well some of those things between abuse, toxic relationships, perversions, and overall flaws that make any clean soul run for the hills. I've more or less given up entirely when it comes to somethings like seeking depth in others as most only want to be around the surface and even then it is usually around predictable subjects that I no interest in like sports ect.
Depth is very hard to come by in a society so enamored and engrossed in the material, their appearance, and their possessions. I'm weary of it all.
Lots of people are capable of depth but few dare to open up to it, I try to be refreshingly honest, and I just hope that other people will open up too.
Omg yes
Please advise if you can: When I take any MBTI test I get INFJ as my type but I relate to being an ENFP (though I really never have any energy to talk to people lol... I feel energized when I talk to others but feel drained after a couple of minutes no matter what we're talking about. I took different enneagram tests and got 4,6,8 once and 2,7,8 another time. I don't really know which type I am. I'm trying to find who I really am because I get depressed easily and get happy easily (no in-between), I smile easily even when I'm crying. -_-
I'm a year late, but try researching the cognitive functions. ENFP has Ne-Fi-Te-Si, while INFJ has Ni-Fe-Ti-Se.
Have question. I am infj. It’s hard for me. The older I am the harder it is to come up with Mx personality. However that’s no that biggist problem. Bigger problem is anxiety. And panic attacks when I am in deep shit conversations what makes me sad becouse I love deep conversations. Do you have some experience how to solve it or only chance is some therapist?
Been there with anxiety and the easy fix was simply to avoid interacting with types of people that cause the most stress with the exception of family.
My friends journal ot write poems and songs. That might help you if you enjoy those activities. My opinion.
My friends love alone time away from me because I'm so EXTRAVERTED, so I understand if they want to leave early when they tfade away, and stop talking. We laugh at it because I throw them MENTAL energy. They can5 describe it. But my friend can hide away from people for days, saying hes busy, when I know hes not. They just say that they have to recharge their batteries. Are all introverts really like that, for the most part?
I know, I have it too, I'm bipolar. And I was always curious how my RARE ENFJ personality and mental illness go together all my life, and know at my age, I am finally looking into it. The Quarentine has given me time to learn more. I was thinking about going back to school, but I wasnt sure, at my age, but I know I will now.
I just found out the ennogram was all about SELF ACTUAL7ZATION. NOW I REMEMBER THIS IN COLLEGE. I 2AS A SPECIAL NEEDS NANNY, UNTILL A FEW YEARS AGO. I HAVE FINNALLY PUT THE PEICES TOGETHER. THANKS. I SURE HOPE THE QUARENTINE IS IVER SOON. NOW, I CAN GO BACK OUT ABD PLAY THE DRUMS, ECT... YOU GUYS ARE SMART, MY TI INFERIOR WAS JUST IN MY BLINDSPOT, I THINK I CAN SEE A LITTLE BETTER NOW. I THINK IM OK ON EVERY5HING NOW. IM PRETTY MUCH SEKF ACTUALIZED. BUT I DONT THINK WE EVER TRUELY ARE... .
Find ways to get more in-tune with your body. When you feel anxious, think about what your trigger/cause is. Whatever causes it, remove yourself from that environment, then focus on your breathing, and release it. As an INFJ, you have low Se, meaning your sensations or signals your body is giving you (fight or flight) are not always apparent, until they take over, and your mind ti and ni are frantically trying to fix it, which leads to a panic attack. Focus on controlling your Se, coming home to your body and breathing in a quiet place. Do this often. Meditation, yoga, or a quiet walk in nature are essential. If you find that you cannot get past your mind, then low dosage medications or herbs might be necessary to get you past it. Please, take care. You are not alone.
I would gladly love CS Joseph expose you as INFP.
I dont like him because he seems to bad mouth people too much. Just my oplnion.
opinion.. I know I am not INFJ, because they think before they talk, and I don't. Plus, some of my friends close their eyes when they process their thoughts first, because of the Sensing thing. My son who is INFJ had sensory I integration for 5 years after the school met me and his ESTJ brother. INFJ PROCESSES ARE SO DIFFERENT. I JUST HAVE TO HAVE PATIENTS.
Oh ya, plus we have a funny thing going, because when I see them fade away, throw them MENTAL energy. Lol. INFJ@ ARE COOL
Plus, I always make the initiative, and they are more reserved. My friend asked me where she should go to meet men, and I said, Just go to Boston, walk around and talk with people". But then she said, That I was the only one Like that, but I forgot. INFJ rarely make the initiative in a social situation, and they have alot more boundaries. My opinion only. . Maybe that's why most of my friends are INFJ. and INFP. IF IT WASNT FOR ME GOING UP TO TALK, WE WOULD NOT BE FRIENDS. GREAT VIDEO. INSITEFUL...
"expose" is a nice word, would make it sound like I'm a fraud, when in reality, if I was an INFP, I would be an awesome one.