Homosexuality is a sin. Sin shortens life, because of our sins we are separated from God. Everyone have an expiration date and this world have an expiration date.There is nothing in this world worth going to hellfire for, depart from worldliness everyone. It's NOT about religion/denomination, it's about a relationship with Jesus Christ by praying everyday, reading the Bible everyday, believe the gospel, While you are still alive repent of all of your sins and be born again. Rapture is imminent, do not be left behind. Jesus Christ is coming back everyone, get yourselves ready.
Just depends on the relationship and how hard you work at this. Often times the spark does burn out. That's a big reason relationship come and go for a lot of people and the divorce rate so high.
Just a quick note, these videos are put out a good bit later than they were filmed. I wouldn’t be putting any of this stuff out there if we hadn’t already addressed them together first and gave each other the ok to put it out there
That makes sense now because of the last C and T episode. You mentioned how things were getting better. Scared alot of people right there. We're only your followers but we all want your marriage to succeed. Thanks for filling us in.
Again a real-life couple working together to acknowledge the struggles of lifetime commitments. I love seeing you both work through the challenges and difficulties of a relationship while also placing value on the positives. I consider you both friends even though we have never met. Thank you for opening up your personal lives to us and showing that it is all worth the work/fight. Luv you guys!!!
I've been watching you guys since the beginning and after 24 years with my partner, I know only a few things for certain: Contentment is not a bad thing, it is the foundation that everything else is built on. Loving people live in families, and a quiet life growing old together is the ideal. If it gets boring at home, it's because you've built a home - with all of the comfy boring parts that make a home. If you want spice, leave the house for a night - you need to leave your nest, dress up, break up your comfy patterns - the spice will be there waiting.
Zach, my wife and I have been married 8 years (we’re lesbians) and our life is monotonous, slow paced and … I love it. I don’t know that there’s a spark per se, but what we have is warm, and it’s REAL. We fought through long distance, a large age difference and 6 years of couples counseling to be together. As soon as we married, I got cancer, and after that we both got some other illnesses. So listen, boring is not necessarily bad. We don’t travel as much internationally as we used to, but try to take weekend trips, spontaneous hikes and coffee dates in different towns, etc. I know you guys have a schedule that may not allot for much getting out and about but hopefully this too shall pass when Alistair’s schedule changes again. Rooting for you guys. ❤ from Michigan.
@@t.w.7731 you’re not wrong about that being typical. And it depends on what your definition of keeping a marriage going is. Sex is honestly the least important thing to us (intimacy for us is a must but that doesn’t necessarily mean sex).
@@jslasher1 as in “root, root root for the home team?” In the song Take Me Out to the Ball Game? :-p. Yeah I guess I hadn’t thought of that. Linguistics are fun.
As always, the two of you are very real in front of a camera and present yourselves not in a glossed over, prettied up way, but in an authentic way, and I definitely appreciate that. You are communicating with each other, if that makes all the difference.
now that was special, touching and funny, yall deserve one another, my pa use to say "if ur lookin for excitement in a marriage.....buy some firecrackers....."
I love the idea of the contract. Making sure to communicate what you want to change and what you want to add to your relationship and making a compromise to do it together, setting a goal that you want to reach and keep you focused instead of just waiting for something to magically happen and get things fixed.
I’m a 22 year old gay man, been a fan for a long time, and God I would do anything for the opportunity to ask you guys a million questions about your relationship. It’s so fascinating how the two of you manage to navigate the obstacles a lot of couples often face. There are plenty of iconic and noteworthy gay people that guys like me could look to for some insight or guidance but the two of you are unique because of your authenticity. You aren’t afraid to ask the difficult questions and I’m sure that’s why you’ve, despite some bumps in the road along the way, have persevered. You give a lot of people hope that they, not only can find love but, can build a bond with someone that is enduring. What a beautiful message. I adore you both and am grateful to be apart of your community. Much love.
This is the first time I’ve ever commented on any video on TH-cam in my entire life, video literally made tears come to my eyes . Simplicity at its finest . Just pure communication and Boom it can move a mountain. That’s a lost concept in the LGBTQ+ culture. Thank you guys for the video !
You guys are in need of a long vacation! I remember being 3-5 years old and waiting until 4am for my dad to come home from work. He’s LAPD. I’ve spent my entire life missing him. I would see him almost every day but for 2 hours max, some days as little as 15 mins. On his days off he always had court for an arrest so I saw him the same time as if he was working. Once Alastair is out of the military I’m sure things are going to get much better. It’s hard Zach, I know all to well! A life in military/ law enforcement is one of the hardest jobs on loved ones. My mom is the toughest woman I know and his job almost broke apart our entire family and their marriage. This is just one moment in time, and it shall pass. Alastair, give your boy the attention he needs!! ❤
While my husband and I haven’t been married as long as y’all (got married last September 2022) we are the same age as y’all and I appreciate the acts and wants you express with one another. It seems like queer people all around are just more cognizant of their short comings and wants and desires that the just simple conversations about between one another shows that we are trying and want to make things work. We are ACTIVE in our relations and don’t just go through the motions or norms like older societal expectations.
Routine and building a life together may seem boring and dull but there are times for excitement, travel, doing things together, and there are times for laying on the couch and watching movies, taking care of each other. After 43 years together, my husband (male/male) and I lead a quiet, very low key life most of the time but we still love to travel and spend time together and doing whatever we both feel is interesting. Alistair and Zach, keep working and communicating and let life be an adventure. It's waiting out there. Enjoy it when you can make time but take care of the less exciting times and savor those also. Life can't always be a fun trip or a buzz in the head. Keep on loving!!!
It's called life guys. Think about your love for each other and remember things pass. But you both need to start honestly working on your marriage. The very best of luck.
Maybe the reason their marriage seems boring, is because it *is* boring? They're so desperate to embody the picture perfect monogamous marriage. But it will never work in the end. They need to stop trying to be the model married couple and instead go out there and get their freak on. It's obviously bubbling right under the surface. Idiots are wasting valuable time and the best years of their lives.
So true, people often chase the butterflies or the chemical high they experienced at the beginning of the relationship, failing to realize that that high comes and goes and is naturally replaced by something deeper: a feeling of contentment and happiness.
@@t.w.7731 Plenty of couples do monogamy and succeed. If you need to open your marriage to save it, then the monogamy wasn't the issue. Personally, I don't like the idea of my partner screwing around, sex in a relationship is one of the most intimate parts of it. To each their own, but it's nice seeing a gay couple who value that. Also, can I say how frustrating it is within the gay community that ppl are trying to dictate what other gay relationships should be? Whatever happened to open-mindedness? Monogamy is a non-negotiable for me, personally.
Suggestions: get out of the house, go hiking, camping, on a day trip, see some historic sights. Learn some new hobbies both together and separately. When I turned 40 and was bored I took classes for sewing, pottery, making stained glass, painting, crochet, and gardening. Most hobbies were good ways to meet new people with similar interests and turned into life long hobbies. Many communities have gay bowling, volleyball and softball leagues as well as book groups and dinner groups. As you get older you realize that you can’t have your partner be your only interest in life, you have to live for yourself also and learn to be content during times when you are alone as well. I hope some of these suggestions help.
This right here. This is also really great advice for single guys. Other people, even your spouse, aren't going to save you from yourself. You have to build the life you want with your own sweat. It takes thoughtfulness, intention and effort to avoid passivity. A bit of impulsiveness isn't bad, either. Don't be confined by what you've never done - Go and do it, and the people part will fill itself in along the way.
I think if you continue your good communication things will get better. It’s not easy loving someone so much and yet feel somewhat alone. Your love for each other is evident to those of us on the outside.
Zachary…love is very much the same as grief. While one is associated with good feelings and the other with sadness, they both have the same thing in common. Your love for Alastair and your love for him is still there…it’s evolved, it’s changed….that’s normal hon! It’s a rare thing to have found someone that you just mesh with. Try new things…new nights…new anything! And that was a great starting point.
7 years is an important step to go through. My husband is a flight attendant so I can related to you because he is often away. I sometimes go with him on layovers. When he’s here we have a social life. We go to see plays, ballet, contemporary dance, movies, have dinner with friends and family. We both do our outmost to make each other loved and appreciated. I do multiple small things to please him and make him feel important and special to me. Keeping the flame up is done by succeeding at making each other the most important man alive.
Zachary's voice is great and Alastair's expressions with that baby face and smile like he's planning to pull a trick on someone for fun is so nice. The six or seven year itch was when we had become so comfortable with each other nothing seemed like a surprise. You do get past it when you decide this isn't how we were. But, it takes work to get out of the habits we fell into. When both people decide this isn't what we wanted. We started changing our patterns, but still together.
Life ebbs and flows. Nothing stays the same forever, sometimes it can change in a minute. Enjoy the RIDE. Your feelings are important and they are yours. Remember the reason you fell for each other and how far you both have come. Try to stay in the moment, because that's all we really have! Love you guys!❤
I love that you guys are actively trying to reconnect. I can feel that you both want it. I think in relationships we have to remember that it’s so easy to give up and move on to the next person and repeat the same cycle. All we have to do is fix the active problems together
....Not only this was a GREAT post about Gay intimacy between Married Couples, it used my FAVE Spice Girls tune, "Too Much"! (10:58) ...ha-HAA!! ...but seriously, if I may add some viewpoints for both Men, If I may...(CONT.) *ZACH* : ....easy, Bub, easy! ....You're full of passion, wonderment, creativity & insightful-ness ....but, THAT'S what a relationship IS, Babe! (7:32) ...It's watching TV, shopping, Movies, living LIFE....but, with someone, that you care to SHARE it with...have more little "check-ins", like this, to make sure both of you are on the same page in the relationship.... *ALISTAIR* : ...I do agree with Sir Zach that your shyness tends to keep you from voicing your true feelings...I believe you hold Zach in such high regard, you're fearful to say something 'wrong'....You are A MAN, now, Babe, we ALL see it...and if you approach him honestly, it brings more respect, in his eyes..... ....It's YOUR union, and we're only seeing what you give us....but, It seems nice, from where WE are.... don't analyze, just live LIVES...... ; )
I’ve been with my man for 8 years, we’re getting married this month! All the things you guys are going through sound normal to me, part of life, part of love…. You’ll be okay fellas. Best wishes to you.
One thing that I think is a game changer for wanting to feel that spark again and break the monotony is to do acts of kindness towards each other. It stops you from focusing on yourself so much and gives you a sense of happiness.
The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck talks about the "honeymoon period" where the sparks fly, but then that will eventually go away and be replaced by something deeper, storgic love, I think he calls it (it's Greek). Only a couple married for years reaches that level of relationship. It's a good book, btw. I highly recommend.
This really has to be one of your best episodes, guys! Your sharing of such intimate thoughts and moments with us is truly heartwarming. You really make us feel welcomed and included in your lives. And that ending was just so beautiful...You actually brought a tear to my eye, but in a good way. Thank you!
I wish media and animation can showcase more positive representation of mlm relationship like this. If Zack and Allister had their own romantic drama-comedy show, portraying themselves on and being executive producers, I would definitely watch it. ❤💜💖💙💚🌈
I love this so much. From the conversation in the dark to the contract. It’s a moment that needed to happen. Yes, this is TH-cam. But this is real life. I appreciate your transparency and Zach and I love the little corkiness of Al. None of this is easy but I hope you both see and know your value in eachother is worth it
It sounds like you guys aren't bored of each other but of your activities. You just need to mix it up. And that could be small things -- start calling each other a new pet name, dance around the house, tell each other a stupid joke, just do something silly to impress each other. Even making something new for dinner and cooking together. Little things are easier than big things. When Zach told Alistair he likes him to be rough, he should've gotten up right then and there and gotten rough with him to be playful. Travel is important too, see something new and then be happy when you come back home with a fresh perspective. That's all the advice I got! It's great y'all are sharing and communicating bc there's clearly so much love there to rediscover.
Every real relationship are always ups and downs all the time. I am in my 44th anniversary of mine and we just have to never take the other person for granted and start anew each and every day. Keep at it, it is really worth it, you are doing good because you keep communication open between you two. Life is not always funny but because you make it through those moments you are better for it.
Throw the television in the bin. Seriously. The best thing I ever did. It will trigger a whole new life. You are both extremely emotionally intelligent, you have the ability to be open and honest, you’ll get thru. ❤
Screens have become the bane of our lives. I work all day on a computer so once work is over I step away. The tyranny of technology is ludicrous, we have to control it and not let it control us.
I have loved your love from the beginning. Maybe the 7 year itch can be summed up by your saying, "I want to get the fuck out of here!" You are stupendous people, and maybe you need a greater challenge, something bigger than the two of you that you can fight for, so that when you come home at night, tired and proud, your embrace will resonate within every ounce of souls, the love and intelligence you are. You have achieved something rare.
My husband and I have been together 14 years and now married 2 1/2 years and it since he is still working and I took early retirement, we do find ourselves not having as much spark in our relationship as when were younger so no we have made a commitment to take at least one major trip each year and 2 or 3 road trips and it has been wonderful! We are leaving for Puerto Vallarta, Mexico the last week in April and have two road trips planed before the end of the year and one that both look forward to in the fall is going home to NJ/New York our hometown. We moved to Florida 6 years ago and the most we love about Florida is the beautiful weather! Good luck guys and continue to love each other and grow and make memories! 🙏😁
Thirty years together. I still love my husband. You get through the exciting times and the dull times. If you are excited to see your partner every time they walk through the door that's what matters
My husband and I have been married 7 years n the sparks still fly the fire is still the same as the day we met! You guys are awesome 🤩 and keep it goin!!
This is such a sweet and healthy video. We all tend to focus on the negatives and lose sight of what’s amazing right in front of us. Even through boredom there’s beauty in being bored together.
Too many expectations can destroy things. You are basically describing life and how it works. Life can sometimes get in the way. Any day you wake up is a good day. Any day together is a great day.
Your honesty and actionable agreements are so heartening to see in a younger gay couple online, even if the content is delayed (appreciate the acknowledgment of consent from both parties when addressing such intimate moments). Much love and appreciation.
Love your communication! I hope you both make it a regular tradition to talk about your wants and needs with one another in such a loving and safe space. Hugs!
Wow this video really validated a lot of what my boyfriend and I have been talking about for a while now. The monotony of everyday life just gets soooo boring. We’re trying to do more little trips (like even small little day trips to another town or something) to get away from it too. This is my first like actual relationship (you left a really nice comment back to one of mine like 2 years ago after coming out, thanks for that btw haha) and we moved soooo fast at the beginning that once things calmed down some it was like “so uhh…what now?” 😂 I guess there isn’t a right answer but we sorta did the same thing as you guys did here so fingers crossed! I sure do love him still after a year and a half. Thanks for continuing to post videos!
Thanks for sharing, Zach. This reminds me that humans are in a constant state of dissatisfaction. Most single people want to be relationships, and many in relationships eventually get bored and/or say it takes a lot of work to maintain. What to do? 😀
It comes at a time in marriage that this happens. The important thing is that you guys love each other. When your other half is not there you want them back. i was in the military and when you come home your dead tired. You guys seem to be good together. Appreciated the little things.
Marriage has seasons just like the calendar. It's not always spring and summer with out the pruning of autumn and winter. It's the commitment to love each other and learn about Love's seasons.
Life gets in the way sometimes… not everyday can be a flight to the islands with sun soaked beaches… But if y’all can find time for each other it doesn’t matter about the location really, it’s about being together… That alone will illuminate the location… make every day special in someway… y’all have made it this far and I see y’all going the distance… at least you recognize your both missing each other… unplug and find time for each other, you’ll both be fine…. 👊🏼💯💙
I've been with my husband for 24 years (married for 19 years) It's was a struggle on our 6th year (a year after our wedding. we separated for a couple weeks. no cheating. Just "I'm a man & you're not going to tell me what to do" stupid crap. After we made it though that. We LOVE each & are excited to see each other. We have a comfort & joy with each other. Stay STRONG! & focus why you're together.
I see LOVE there. I also see 2 people who want their relationship to thrive and grow. What I don't see is the 'one sided' behavior that seems to rough up relationships between people. Like when one person doesn't really want to work through issues. I can't imagine how tough being a military spouse would be. Your most important person has to leave for a significant amount of time, and you lose their companionship and support for that time. I am glad you have some friends who can help fill those times when Alastair is away. The problem is work. There are only so many vacation days they give you and they go fast. Take all the time off they give you. America is notorious for NOT taking vacation days. Keep working on your relationship, the contract was wonderful. Love to both of you! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Zachary, it’s been a while since you spoke so enthusiastically about your life. Talking about your family dynamic and in my marriage we stared to date again and role playing.
Both of you guys need to work on it. Y'all are so great together and need to grow old together. I am a USAF Veteran. Army life from what I saw while living next door to Fort Lewis WA is hard. I was next door at McChord AFB. We had it much better. Hugs you two and B.
You guys are so a dorkable. Never let the lines of communication fail between you. Talking about something that bothers you does not have to end up in a fight. Always be sweet to each other, especially when you are pissed. Get out of the house together. Go for a walk. Go to the zoo. Have a picnic in the park. Go bowling. Watch the sumset together. It is the simple things can make the best memories.
First I would say that the excitement will always come and go and now that you know each other so well, it will rarely happen spontaneously. You have to WORK together and as individuals to CREATE something more than your daily routine. It's also important keep in mind that it is impossible to be everything to each other all the time. There will always be things that you want or need (various interests or activities) that you have to fulfill as an individual. Just be honest and communicate what those are and be supportive about it.
I love how honest you guys are with each other and your audience. This is not something that us surprising thoguh. Every couple goes through it and everything you expressed to each other are convos me and my partner have had. More intimacy (with and without sex), more leaving the house, deeper convos
You guys are awesome. I really appreciate and enjoy your work on these videos. They give me a different perspective and a refreshing approach in my marriage with my hubby. We have been together for 33 years.
I am 77 and the end of this episode left me with tears in my eyes. I so want you to succeed with your relationship. Love to you both from far away. My partner of 33 years passed away 10 years ago and I have been single ever since. Perhaps I should add buy my own choice.
Excellent, honestly wonderfully refreshing and so different to other UTubers who tend to paint a perfect lifestyle and blissful happiness. Good job, guyz. Mike
It takes work to maintain that "spark" and keep communicating. An the being board is on the individual to not be be that way. No partner can meet all of your needs and keep you entertained. One of the tricks to my marriage we've found to balance is that we both do things on are own to keep ourselves engaged in life. It's really helped not having that pressure on each other and gives us all kinds of things to talk about. One of the things also that has helped keep the spark alive and well is we actually thrive ( in what I think is healthy) on not always agreeing and having debates on it but eventually come to a compromise. It's not even in the cards we're going to leave over a disagreement.
Being a military spouse IS lonely. I was one for 20 years, my husband just retired in December. The last time I had a best friend near me was 2013. I stay in touch but it’s not the same. I understand completely how you feel!
Zack look i made some comments on this video but at the end of the day you have to find away to make you feel happy not someone or anyone just you but y'all just know it that's what y'all have to do.. But i love your videos have been with you guys for some time so just see on what YOUR THE most happiest and see where you can be their for the most times .. Love you boys ❤
That is the sweetest, warmest and most honest video I've seen from a TH-cam couple. Been there done that but unfortunately unlike you two! I was in a 4 years long committed relationship that ended up being ruined and destroyed just because my partner would not agree to go to the couple's therapy or address our needs and concerns in such a sweet & productive way. How heart warming and raw this video is as it reaches to so many people going through the similar situation in their love life. Tears in my eyes. May you both be happy and blessed and figure out how to keep your spark burning. Sending love and hugs from Pakistan.
Another great video. I love the vulenerability and openness of it. Thank you for sharing. All relationships are a work in progress and I think it's the journey that is beautiful more so than any prescribed destination.
I'm living in paradise, an exotic point in Australia called Port Douglas, but and its a big BUT ! When ur alone there is nothing good even in paradise...
Don't worry about things, get out and make great memories together. Me and hubby are going on our 50th and we are very sedentary now but we have lots of great memories from our lives. As for kids ? That is one hell of a double edged sword. Can be good and can be a life killer. We got 8 and our worst times and biggest headaches were the kids. The first 10 years were great but when they hit about 11, you become the enemy and overseer ruining their lives.
@AZB, I think the problem with you guys being so bored is that you’re in El Paso. Unfortunately, any time anyone has ever mentioned El Paso, it’s nothing positive. When does Alastair get out of the Military? I think once you guys are able to live where you actually WANT to live, every day will be a new adventure! ❤️
We were thinking the same thing. Even if you have things you like to do creatively that take up your time no matter where you live, being in a boring city doesn't give you a lot of things to do out of the house.
I'm sorry to burt your bubble butt there is plenty to do in El Paso. @AZB I would be happy to show you our beautiful city, the sights, the mountains, our local sports teams that are pretty great except for utep football. Reach out, you have people here that are happy to show you around.
We’ve been together 23 years. Part of our success is that we don’t rely on each other for entertainment. We each have our own interests but have fun together as well.
Get a passion. Develop yourself. Don’t whine…abiding love is beautiful, be your best and support him to be his best. Grow together and individually also but not apart.
Speaking as a Senior Citizen, life is wasted on the young. I am 40 years older than u guys, I work 40 to 45 hours a week, go out around 2 times a week on a school night & that doesn't count weekends. I travel 4 or 5 times a year including New York. I am.in a book club, play Trivia at a Bar once a week. I find things to do. Since turning 60, I have been to.Rome. Florence, NYC, Toronto, celebrated my birthday in New Orleans, I used to be like u guys sit at home. I find stuff to do, even going out dancing. The best thing u have is someone who loves u.
I'm not even in a relationship and I feel just burn out from life. I think a lot of people are just tired of what has been going on the past few years and it carries into all aspects of our lives.
Stick it out if you can. It has to be this way. Starting over with another is no different. You end up at the same place which is what people don't get.
OMG you sound like me.....I say that almost everyday! We're together 11 years yesterday.......semi introverts and homebodies.......We love being home but need to do more and go places.....talked about couples therapy also.......yes Zach's voice and laugh are special! You two are so great........not to worry, you're good together!!!
I completely relate to Zach. My husband is passive as well. We have been together since High School. We have also been together for 40 years. We are at a stage in our life where we can’t get away because we take care of our elderly parents. We still love each other very much. We are bored at times. Just know that relationships as you know have peaks and valleys. Cherish what you have and have more date nights..travel more. And get your ass off the couch 😂
You guy’s should do couples counseling. Especially because you guys don’t wanna breakup, it will help you guys get back on track. I have been following you guys for years and I see the special bond you guys have. The bond looks like forever. So try the counseling it does work
Alastair is a genius. What a lovely idea for some great communication. Looks like you both want the same thing. It's all about wanting more connection not less. Also, on the travel side. Just. Book. It. Stop talking about it. Just friggin book it.
Visit helixsleep.com/zachandb to get 20% off your Helix mattress, plus two free pillows. Offers subject to change. #helixsleep
Homosexuality is a sin. Sin shortens life, because of our sins we are separated from God. Everyone have an expiration date and this world have an expiration date.There is nothing in this world worth going to hellfire for, depart from worldliness everyone. It's NOT about religion/denomination, it's about a relationship with Jesus Christ by praying everyday, reading the Bible everyday, believe the gospel, While you are still alive repent of all of your sins and be born again. Rapture is imminent, do not be left behind. Jesus Christ is coming back everyone, get yourselves ready.
@@MaryLovesJesus your satanic comment may affect the innocent children. shame on you. Jesus Christ will never forgive you.
The spark doesn't die or even dim. It just becomes a steady stream of electricity. Been there for over 30 years and I know!
I like the way you put it better haha
After 43+ years, I endorse that wholeheartedly.
Just depends on the relationship and how hard you work at this. Often times the spark does burn out. That's a big reason relationship come and go for a lot of people and the divorce rate so high.
Just a quick note, these videos are put out a good bit later than they were filmed. I wouldn’t be putting any of this stuff out there if we hadn’t already addressed them together first and gave each other the ok to put it out there
Pin this reply to the top Zach
That makes sense now because of the last C and T episode. You mentioned how things were getting better. Scared alot of people right there. We're only your followers but we all want your marriage to succeed. Thanks for filling us in.
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@@chadcoxrox Merci beaucoup Chad for that brillant suggestion ! Big kisses of gratitude to you and to Monsieur Zach from Gatineau, QUÉBEC
Mutual Respect!
Again a real-life couple working together to acknowledge the struggles of lifetime commitments. I love seeing you both work through the challenges and difficulties of a relationship while also placing value on the positives. I consider you both friends even though we have never met. Thank you for opening up your personal lives to us and showing that it is all worth the work/fight. Luv you guys!!!
I've been watching you guys since the beginning and after 24 years with my partner, I know only a few things for certain: Contentment is not a bad thing, it is the foundation that everything else is built on. Loving people live in families, and a quiet life growing old together is the ideal. If it gets boring at home, it's because you've built a home - with all of the comfy boring parts that make a home. If you want spice, leave the house for a night - you need to leave your nest, dress up, break up your comfy patterns - the spice will be there waiting.
Amen to this idea bingo !!!
Zach, my wife and I have been married 8 years (we’re lesbians) and our life is monotonous, slow paced and … I love it. I don’t know that there’s a spark per se, but what we have is warm, and it’s REAL. We fought through long distance, a large age difference and 6 years of couples counseling to be together. As soon as we married, I got cancer, and after that we both got some other illnesses. So listen, boring is not necessarily bad. We don’t travel as much internationally as we used to, but try to take weekend trips, spontaneous hikes and coffee dates in different towns, etc. I know you guys have a schedule that may not allot for much getting out and about but hopefully this too shall pass when Alistair’s schedule changes again. Rooting for you guys. ❤ from Michigan.
A slow pace (aka: boring) and monogamous lesbian marriage? Wow. Ground breaking. I'm guessing the dead bed was already there by month six. 🤣
@@t.w.7731 you’re not wrong about that being typical. And it depends on what your definition of keeping a marriage going is. Sex is honestly the least important thing to us (intimacy for us is a must but that doesn’t necessarily mean sex).
Great advice here
The word 'rooting' in Australia means 'f..king'. Most people don't realise this.
@@jslasher1 as in “root, root root for the home team?” In the song Take Me Out to the Ball Game? :-p. Yeah I guess I hadn’t thought of that. Linguistics are fun.
One day you will realize sitting on the couch with your best friend is what life is all about. With age comes clarity.
As always, the two of you are very real in front of a camera and present yourselves not in a glossed over, prettied up way, but in an authentic way, and I definitely appreciate that. You are communicating with each other, if that makes all the difference.
now that was special, touching and funny, yall deserve one another, my pa use to say "if ur lookin for excitement in a marriage.....buy some firecrackers....."
I love the idea of the contract. Making sure to communicate what you want to change and what you want to add to your relationship and making a compromise to do it together, setting a goal that you want to reach and keep you focused instead of just waiting for something to magically happen and get things fixed.
I’m a 22 year old gay man, been a fan for a long time, and God I would do anything for the opportunity to ask you guys a million questions about your relationship. It’s so fascinating how the two of you manage to navigate the obstacles a lot of couples often face. There are plenty of iconic and noteworthy gay people that guys like me could look to for some insight or guidance but the two of you are unique because of your authenticity. You aren’t afraid to ask the difficult questions and I’m sure that’s why you’ve, despite some bumps in the road along the way, have persevered. You give a lot of people hope that they, not only can find love but, can build a bond with someone that is enduring. What a beautiful message. I adore you both and am grateful to be apart of your community. Much love.
.. pm MNpm
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This is the first time I’ve ever commented on any video on TH-cam in my entire life, video literally made tears come to my eyes . Simplicity at its finest . Just pure communication and Boom it can move a mountain. That’s a lost concept in the LGBTQ+ culture. Thank you guys for the video !
❤Hang in there guys. Just keep,loving each other deeply and tell each other everyday
You guys are in need of a long vacation! I remember being 3-5 years old and waiting until 4am for my dad to come home from work. He’s LAPD. I’ve spent my entire life missing him. I would see him almost every day but for 2 hours max, some days as little as 15 mins. On his days off he always had court for an arrest so I saw him the same time as if he was working. Once Alastair is out of the military I’m sure things are going to get much better. It’s hard Zach, I know all to well! A life in military/ law enforcement is one of the hardest jobs on loved ones. My mom is the toughest woman I know and his job almost broke apart our entire family and their marriage. This is just one moment in time, and it shall pass. Alastair, give your boy the attention he needs!! ❤
While my husband and I haven’t been married as long as y’all (got married last September 2022) we are the same age as y’all and I appreciate the acts and wants you express with one another. It seems like queer people all around are just more cognizant of their short comings and wants and desires that the just simple conversations about between one another shows that we are trying and want to make things work. We are ACTIVE in our relations and don’t just go through the motions or norms like older societal expectations.
Routine and building a life together may seem boring and dull but there are times for excitement, travel, doing things together, and there are times for laying on the couch and watching movies, taking care of each other. After 43 years together, my husband (male/male) and I lead a quiet, very low key life most of the time but we still love to travel and spend time together and doing whatever we both feel is interesting. Alistair and Zach, keep working and communicating and let life be an adventure. It's waiting out there. Enjoy it when you can make time but take care of the less exciting times and savor those also. Life can't always be a fun trip or a buzz in the head. Keep on loving!!!
It's called life guys. Think about your love for each other and remember things pass. But you both need to start honestly working on your marriage. The very best of luck.
Maybe the reason their marriage seems boring, is because it *is* boring? They're so desperate to embody the picture perfect monogamous marriage. But it will never work in the end. They need to stop trying to be the model married couple and instead go out there and get their freak on. It's obviously bubbling right under the surface. Idiots are wasting valuable time and the best years of their lives.
So true, people often chase the butterflies or the chemical high they experienced at the beginning of the relationship, failing to realize that that high comes and goes and is naturally replaced by something deeper: a feeling of contentment and happiness.
@@t.w.7731 Plenty of couples do monogamy and succeed. If you need to open your marriage to save it, then the monogamy wasn't the issue. Personally, I don't like the idea of my partner screwing around, sex in a relationship is one of the most intimate parts of it. To each their own, but it's nice seeing a gay couple who value that. Also, can I say how frustrating it is within the gay community that ppl are trying to dictate what other gay relationships should be? Whatever happened to open-mindedness? Monogamy is a non-negotiable for me, personally.
@@cherrymilk5590 you are trying to dictate what other relationships should be too.
@@sufyanlowel4631 lmao how
Suggestions: get out of the house, go hiking, camping, on a day trip, see some historic sights. Learn some new hobbies both together and separately. When I turned 40 and was bored I took classes for sewing, pottery, making stained glass, painting, crochet, and gardening. Most hobbies were good ways to meet new people with similar interests and turned into life long hobbies. Many communities have gay bowling, volleyball and softball leagues as well as book groups and dinner groups. As you get older you realize that you can’t have your partner be your only interest in life, you have to live for yourself also and learn to be content during times when you are alone as well. I hope some of these suggestions help.
This right here. This is also really great advice for single guys. Other people, even your spouse, aren't going to save you from yourself. You have to build the life you want with your own sweat. It takes thoughtfulness, intention and effort to avoid passivity. A bit of impulsiveness isn't bad, either. Don't be confined by what you've never done - Go and do it, and the people part will fill itself in along the way.
I think if you continue your good communication things will get better. It’s not easy loving someone so much and yet feel somewhat alone. Your love for each other is evident to those of us on the outside.
Zachary…love is very much the same as grief. While one is associated with good feelings and the other with sadness, they both have the same thing in common. Your love for Alastair and your love for him is still there…it’s evolved, it’s changed….that’s normal hon! It’s a rare thing to have found someone that you just mesh with. Try new things…new nights…new anything! And that was a great starting point.
7 years is an important step to go through. My husband is a flight attendant so I can related to you because he is often away. I sometimes go with him on layovers. When he’s here we have a social life. We go to see plays, ballet, contemporary dance, movies, have dinner with friends and family. We both do our outmost to make each other loved and appreciated. I do multiple small things to please him and make him feel important and special to me. Keeping the flame up is done by succeeding at making each other the most important man alive.
Zachary's voice is great and Alastair's expressions with that baby face and smile like he's planning to pull a trick on someone for fun is so nice. The six or seven year itch was when we had become so comfortable with each other nothing seemed like a surprise. You do get past it when you decide this isn't how we were. But, it takes work to get out of the habits we fell into. When both people decide this isn't what we wanted. We started changing our patterns, but still together.
Life ebbs and flows. Nothing stays the same forever, sometimes it can change in a minute. Enjoy the RIDE. Your feelings are important and they are yours. Remember the reason you fell for each other and how far you both have come. Try to stay in the moment, because that's all we really have! Love you guys!❤
I love that you guys are actively trying to reconnect. I can feel that you both want it. I think in relationships we have to remember that it’s so easy to give up and move on to the next person and repeat the same cycle. All we have to do is fix the active problems together
....Not only this was a GREAT post about Gay intimacy between Married Couples, it used my FAVE Spice Girls tune, "Too Much"! (10:58) ...ha-HAA!! ...but seriously, if I may add some viewpoints for both Men, If I may...(CONT.)
*ZACH* : ....easy, Bub, easy! ....You're full of passion, wonderment, creativity & insightful-ness ....but, THAT'S what a relationship IS, Babe! (7:32) ...It's watching TV, shopping, Movies, living LIFE....but, with someone, that you care to SHARE it with...have more little "check-ins", like this, to make sure both of you are on the same page in the relationship....
*ALISTAIR* : ...I do agree with Sir Zach that your shyness tends to keep you from voicing your true feelings...I believe you hold Zach in such high regard, you're fearful to say something 'wrong'....You are A MAN, now, Babe, we ALL see it...and if you approach him honestly, it brings more respect, in his eyes.....
....It's YOUR union, and we're only seeing what you give us....but, It seems nice, from where WE are.... don't analyze, just live LIVES...... ; )
I’ve been with my man for 8 years, we’re getting married this month! All the things you guys are going through sound normal to me, part of life, part of love…. You’ll be okay fellas. Best wishes to you.
You guys have amazing communication with each other.
One thing that I think is a game changer for wanting to feel that spark again and break the monotony is to do acts of kindness towards each other. It stops you from focusing on yourself so much and gives you a sense of happiness.
The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck talks about the "honeymoon period" where the sparks fly, but then that will eventually go away and be replaced by something deeper, storgic love, I think he calls it (it's Greek). Only a couple married for years reaches that level of relationship. It's a good book, btw. I highly recommend.
This really has to be one of your best episodes, guys! Your sharing of such intimate thoughts and moments with us is truly heartwarming. You really make us feel welcomed and included in your lives. And that ending was just so beautiful...You actually brought a tear to my eye, but in a good way. Thank you!
I wish media and animation can showcase more positive representation of mlm relationship like this. If Zack and Allister had their own romantic drama-comedy show, portraying themselves on and being executive producers, I would definitely watch it. ❤💜💖💙💚🌈
I love this so much. From the conversation in the dark to the contract. It’s a moment that needed to happen. Yes, this is TH-cam. But this is real life. I appreciate your transparency and Zach and I love the little corkiness of Al. None of this is easy but I hope you both see and know your value in eachother is worth it
Sitting on the couch with someone I love sounds great.
It sounds like you guys aren't bored of each other but of your activities. You just need to mix it up. And that could be small things -- start calling each other a new pet name, dance around the house, tell each other a stupid joke, just do something silly to impress each other. Even making something new for dinner and cooking together. Little things are easier than big things.
When Zach told Alistair he likes him to be rough, he should've gotten up right then and there and gotten rough with him to be playful.
Travel is important too, see something new and then be happy when you come back home with a fresh perspective.
That's all the advice I got! It's great y'all are sharing and communicating bc there's clearly so much love there to rediscover.
Every real relationship are always ups and downs all the time. I am in my 44th anniversary of mine and we just have to never take the other person for granted and start anew each and every day. Keep at it, it is really worth it, you are doing good because you keep communication open between you two. Life is not always funny but because you make it through those moments you are better for it.
Seeing you guys gives me hope for humanity. And I’m pushing 87! Don’t give up on each other.
Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing-it’s very beautiful!
Throw the television in the bin. Seriously. The best thing I ever did. It will trigger a whole new life. You are both extremely emotionally intelligent, you have the ability to be open and honest, you’ll get thru. ❤
Totally agree I don't watch TV at all.
Also limit cell phone use.
Technology has truly made a lot of us so disconnected from our loved ones and it's sad
Screens have become the bane of our lives. I work all day on a computer so once work is over I step away. The tyranny of technology is ludicrous, we have to control it and not let it control us.
I have loved your love from the beginning. Maybe the 7 year itch can be summed up by your saying, "I want to get the fuck out of here!" You are stupendous people, and maybe you need a greater challenge, something bigger than the two of you that you can fight for, so that when you come home at night, tired and proud, your embrace will resonate within every ounce of souls, the love and intelligence you are. You have achieved something rare.
My husband and I have been together 14 years and now married 2 1/2 years and it since he is still working and I took early retirement, we do find ourselves not having as much spark in our relationship as when were younger so no we have made a commitment to take at least one major trip each year and 2 or 3 road trips and it has been wonderful! We are leaving for Puerto Vallarta, Mexico the last week in April and have two road trips planed before the end of the year and one that both look forward to in the fall is going home to NJ/New York our hometown. We moved to Florida 6 years ago and the most we love about Florida is the beautiful weather! Good luck guys and continue to love each other and grow and make memories! 🙏😁
Its happen. You need to travel it together. somewhere new, out of your comfort zones. making new memories is living in fullness 😊
Thirty years together. I still love my husband. You get through the exciting times and the dull times. If you are excited to see your partner every time they walk through the door that's what matters
My husband and I have been married 7 years n the sparks still fly the fire is still the same as the day we met! You guys are awesome 🤩 and keep it goin!!
So sweet. Love how boys can be out.
This is such a sweet and healthy video. We all tend to focus on the negatives and lose sight of what’s amazing right in front of us. Even through boredom there’s beauty in being bored together.
Noticed the copy of "Loving" on the coffee table. That book makes me so happy and sad at the same time.
Zach, I love one of your videos so much at your house in Texas, so I'm proud of you, thanks to your husband, Alastair!!
Too many expectations can destroy things. You are basically describing life and how it works. Life can sometimes get in the way. Any day you wake up is a good day. Any day together is a great day.
Your honesty and actionable agreements are so heartening to see in a younger gay couple online, even if the content is delayed (appreciate the acknowledgment of consent from both parties when addressing such intimate moments).
Much love and appreciation.
Love your communication! I hope you both make it a regular tradition to talk about your wants and needs with one another in such a loving and safe space. Hugs!
Wow this video really validated a lot of what my boyfriend and I have been talking about for a while now. The monotony of everyday life just gets soooo boring. We’re trying to do more little trips (like even small little day trips to another town or something) to get away from it too. This is my first like actual relationship (you left a really nice comment back to one of mine like 2 years ago after coming out, thanks for that btw haha) and we moved soooo fast at the beginning that once things calmed down some it was like “so uhh…what now?” 😂 I guess there isn’t a right answer but we sorta did the same thing as you guys did here so fingers crossed! I sure do love him still after a year and a half. Thanks for continuing to post videos!
Thanks for sharing, Zach. This reminds me that humans are in a constant state of dissatisfaction. Most single people want to be relationships, and many in relationships eventually get bored and/or say it takes a lot of work to maintain. What to do? 😀
I just love yalls love!! Boring is inevitable and a sign of safety and love❤❤
I have to say, pretty hilarious with the writing of each's requests at the end!! Lol. Got to keep that sence of humour for sure!
Always refreshing to see everyone had their challenges. Love the opnenness guys! ❤
It comes at a time in marriage that this happens. The important thing is that you guys love each other. When your other half is not there you want them back. i was in the military and when you come home your dead tired. You guys seem to be good together. Appreciated the little things.
Marriage has seasons just like the calendar. It's not always spring and summer with out the pruning of autumn and winter. It's the commitment to love each other and learn about Love's seasons.
Life gets in the way sometimes… not everyday can be a flight to the islands with sun soaked beaches… But if y’all can find time for each other it doesn’t matter about the location really, it’s about being together… That alone will illuminate the location… make every day special in someway… y’all have made it this far and I see y’all going the distance… at least you recognize your both missing each other… unplug and find time for each other, you’ll both be fine…. 👊🏼💯💙
Write a contract???? Shades of Sheldon Cooper!!!!!! Love you guys.
I've been with my husband for 24 years (married for 19 years) It's was a struggle on our 6th year (a year after our wedding. we separated for a couple weeks. no cheating. Just "I'm a man & you're not going to tell me what to do" stupid crap. After we made it though that. We LOVE each & are excited to see each other. We have a comfort & joy with each other. Stay STRONG! & focus why you're together.
I see LOVE there. I also see 2 people who want their relationship to thrive and grow. What I don't see is the 'one sided' behavior that seems to rough up relationships between people. Like when one person doesn't really want to work through issues. I can't imagine how tough being a military spouse would be. Your most important person has to leave for a significant amount of time, and you lose their companionship and support for that time. I am glad you have some friends who can help fill those times when Alastair is away. The problem is work. There are only so many vacation days they give you and they go fast. Take all the time off they give you. America is notorious for NOT taking vacation days. Keep working on your relationship, the contract was wonderful. Love to both of you! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Zachary, it’s been a while since you spoke so enthusiastically about your life. Talking about your family dynamic and in my marriage we stared to date again and role playing.
Both of you guys need to work on it. Y'all are so great together and need to grow old together. I am a USAF Veteran. Army life from what I saw while living next door to Fort Lewis WA is hard. I was next door at McChord AFB. We had it much better. Hugs you two and B.
LOVE this and you two. You're relationship is maturing - it's natural... just try to keep the spark in it, if you can.
You guys are so a dorkable. Never let the lines of communication fail between you. Talking about something that bothers you does not have to end up in a fight. Always be sweet to each other, especially when you are pissed. Get out of the house together. Go for a walk. Go to the zoo. Have a picnic in the park. Go bowling. Watch the sumset together. It is the simple things can make the best memories.
First I would say that the excitement will always come and go and now that you know each other so well, it will rarely happen spontaneously. You have to WORK together and as individuals to CREATE something more than your daily routine. It's also important keep in mind that it is impossible to be everything to each other all the time. There will always be things that you want or need (various interests or activities) that you have to fulfill as an individual. Just be honest and communicate what those are and be supportive about it.
You guys are amazing Zack and Alailster. You are a great inspiration for us all.
I love how honest you guys are with each other and your audience.
This is not something that us surprising thoguh. Every couple goes through it and everything you expressed to each other are convos me and my partner have had. More intimacy (with and without sex), more leaving the house, deeper convos
You guys are awesome. I really appreciate and enjoy your work on these videos. They give me a different perspective and a refreshing approach in my marriage with my hubby. We have been together for 33 years.
Honestly, I like the routine. It’s important to have surprises and new things but most of a relationship is companionship.
These videos are helpful for so many of us.
Thanks for sharing your life experiences with all of us.
You make a difference in our lives.
😺✌️
I am 77 and the end of this episode left me with tears in my eyes. I so want you to succeed with your relationship. Love to you both from far away. My partner of 33 years passed away 10 years ago and I have been single ever since. Perhaps I should add buy my own choice.
Excellent, honestly wonderfully refreshing and so different to other UTubers who tend to paint a perfect lifestyle and blissful happiness.
Good job, guyz.
Mike
It takes work to maintain that "spark" and keep communicating. An the being board is on the individual to not be be that way. No partner can meet all of your needs and keep you entertained. One of the tricks to my marriage we've found to balance is that we both do things on are own to keep ourselves engaged in life. It's really helped not having that pressure on each other and gives us all kinds of things to talk about. One of the things also that has helped keep the spark alive and well is we actually thrive ( in what I think is healthy) on not always agreeing and having debates on it but eventually come to a compromise. It's not even in the cards we're going to leave over a disagreement.
7:36 your laugh is contagious ❤️ Can't stop watching that part,had to replay❤️❤️❤️
I always get so happy when I see a new vlog. Awesome as always!
Being a military spouse IS lonely. I was one for 20 years, my husband just retired in December. The last time I had a best friend near me was 2013. I stay in touch but it’s not the same. I understand completely how you feel!
Handsome couple, fly your love high guys. The love is bright with you too. Peace..hug😊
Zack look i made some comments on this video but at the end of the day you have to find away to make you feel happy not someone or anyone just you but y'all just know it that's what y'all have to do.. But i love your videos have been with you guys for some time so just see on what YOUR THE most happiest and see where you can be their for the most times .. Love you boys ❤
That is the sweetest, warmest and most honest video I've seen from a TH-cam couple. Been there done that but unfortunately unlike you two!
I was in a 4 years long committed relationship that ended up being ruined and destroyed just because my partner would not agree to go to the couple's therapy or address our needs and concerns in such a sweet & productive way.
How heart warming and raw this video is as it reaches to so many people going through the similar situation in their love life. Tears in my eyes. May you both be happy and blessed and figure out how to keep your spark burning.
Sending love and hugs from Pakistan.
Another great video. I love the vulenerability and openness of it. Thank you for sharing. All relationships are a work in progress and I think it's the journey that is beautiful more so than any prescribed destination.
I'm living in paradise, an exotic point in Australia called Port Douglas, but and its a big BUT ! When ur alone there is nothing good even in paradise...
Don't worry about things, get out and make great memories together. Me and hubby are going on our 50th and we are very sedentary now but we have lots of great memories from our lives. As for kids ? That is one hell of a double edged sword. Can be good and can be a life killer. We got 8 and our worst times and biggest headaches were the kids. The first 10 years were great but when they hit about 11, you become the enemy and overseer ruining their lives.
@AZB, I think the problem with you guys being so bored is that you’re in El Paso. Unfortunately, any time anyone has ever mentioned El Paso, it’s nothing positive. When does Alastair get out of the Military? I think once you guys are able to live where you actually WANT to live, every day will be a new adventure! ❤️
We were thinking the same thing. Even if you have things you like to do creatively that take up your time no matter where you live, being in a boring city doesn't give you a lot of things to do out of the house.
I'm sorry to burt your bubble butt there is plenty to do in El Paso. @AZB I would be happy to show you our beautiful city, the sights, the mountains, our local sports teams that are pretty great except for utep football. Reach out, you have people here that are happy to show you around.
You guys are my very favorite couple on social media ever!
We’ve been together 23 years. Part of our success is that we don’t rely on each other for entertainment. We each have our own interests but have fun together as well.
Get a passion. Develop yourself. Don’t whine…abiding love is beautiful, be your best and support him to be his best. Grow together and individually also but not apart.
Speaking as a Senior Citizen, life is wasted on the young. I am 40 years older than u guys, I work 40 to 45 hours a week, go out around 2 times a week on a school night & that doesn't count weekends. I travel 4 or 5 times a year including New York.
I am.in a book club, play Trivia at a Bar once a week. I find things to do. Since turning 60, I have been to.Rome. Florence, NYC, Toronto, celebrated my birthday in New Orleans, I used to be like u guys sit at home. I find stuff to do, even going out dancing. The best thing u have is someone who loves u.
That last sentence it's so true.
He’s yours, you are his. Just keep one another, and make each other laugh.
I'm not even in a relationship and I feel just burn out from life. I think a lot of people are just tired of what has been going on the past few years and it carries into all aspects of our lives.
one day you will freaking love the "boredom" and realize it is a great thing to have with someone
I love the way that as you were writing up your contract you each just started writing bigger and bigger 😂😂
Stick it out if you can. It has to be this way. Starting over with another is no different. You end up at the same place which is what people don't get.
Damn it you guys! The end made me cry happy tears!! I love the way you love each other....
OMG you sound like me.....I say that almost everyday! We're together 11 years yesterday.......semi introverts and homebodies.......We love being home but need to do more and go places.....talked about couples therapy also.......yes Zach's voice and laugh are special! You two are so great........not to worry, you're good together!!!
I completely relate to Zach. My husband is passive as well. We have been together since High School. We have also been together for 40 years. We are at a stage in our life where we can’t get away because we take care of our elderly parents. We still love each other very much. We are bored at times. Just know that relationships as you know have peaks and valleys. Cherish what you have and have more date nights..travel more. And get your ass off the couch 😂
Beautiful communication!!
Loving the raw side of you guys!
Love all the way! 😎💖🎉
You guy’s should do couples counseling. Especially because you guys don’t wanna breakup, it will help you guys get back on track. I have been following you guys for years and I see the special bond you guys have. The bond looks like forever. So try the counseling it does work
You are made for each other. Love your love
Alastair is a genius. What a lovely idea for some great communication. Looks like you both want the same thing. It's all about wanting more connection not less.
Also, on the travel side. Just. Book. It. Stop talking about it. Just friggin book it.