Alone Time is Critical For an Autistic Person’s Self Care
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ต.ค. 2023
- Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. #ActuallyAutistic #orionkelly #autism #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd
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I have found a major issue with being employed full time,for me, is that I'm unable to get enough alone time, rest or peace and quiet. I normally start out strong but then I end up overwhelmed, fatigued, cranky, sad & with a brain that is unable to process simple things or remember basic vocabulary or spelling. It's really hard to communicate to my boss or coworkers why I'm unable to do extra shifts when we're short staffed. I don't know what to call what I'm experiencing. And I love my job. Lately I've been working around 25 hrs a week & that seems to help. It's also made me cash poor.🤷♀️
I get this too! I become inarticulate and reactive.
They should be increasing your pay, wtf
@@BLu3RayDiskRang3 Maybe they’re paying her as much as they can so they make a profit & don’t go bankrupt.
@@KAT-dg6el These employers more often than not, make plenty of money for the overall business they run, but are too stingy with it. They say they're cutting costs for the business, but they just want more business money for themselves. It's called capitalism, which people in power get away with nearly all the time.
You know.. After being in and out of jobs my whole life and never finding one I felt I could do or where I fit in.. I finally got a job as a postie.. 12 years later and I'm still loving it.. Its the best job ever.. Only thing is, its mentally overwhelming, I have to deal with people all the time, masking and unmasking all day.. I need alone time every day otherwise I'll get angry and go into meltdown/shutdown mode.. So in my house is one room thats my "fortress of solitude" the door is lockable, the window is boarded up on the outside and its completely dark inside. I have a super comfy recliner chair inside and a TV attached to a playstation.. Its my "get the hell away from everyone" room.. When I go in there and the door goes "click" it means leave me alone till I'm ready to rejoin the rest of the world..
I'm in here now getting away from everyone and everything..
Pure Bliss...
Damn right it is! Also good to point out that we ASD people need MUCH more rest than we think we do. I usually double the amount I THINK I need.
I have found myself staying up until 2 am several times lately. I set 5 "Get to bed" alarms on my phone today, at 5 minute intervals. Hoping I heed them before the fifth is reached.
@@joycebrewer4150 If I haven't gotten enough alone time or quiet time during the day I want to stay up late at night to get it.
That's right. I think NT people need alone time too, but their bubbles tend to be smaller and with less of a need for alone time than autistic people. It's hard sometimes to respect everyone's needs. I wondered if getting everyone in my house a separate bed tent might help...so if they need to be alone they have a place to go that is already set up and established.
😊 My best alone time is outdoors, unless it is too chilly to sit out there.
I always need alone time at the end of the day, and that would sometimes confuse me. Especially when I has just spent hours playing a game with friends. I had done my relaxing and unwinding, right? Why did I need to unwind more? It's only recently this has all started to make sense.
I love alone time
I adore being alone! I run a school and am a parent and the biggest contributor to meltdowns is the social overstimulation that I just can’t seem to escape. When I was a kid, my mom (who is a nurse and likely - very likely also autistic) was always in her room with the door closed. I now struggle to not be that parent.
I remember as a school child, spending recess sitting in the deep window wells of my school's basement windows. I found pebbles with a chalky texture and rusty color that I used to draw on the smooth concrete. The janitor was not happy, he had to scrub them clean. He said my pebbles were harder to get off than real chalk marks. By the time I was found out, I had used all the rusty pebbles I could find.
Truth
Exactly why I taught my 4 year old to say I need space❤ we all need our space and that's okay
💯
This spoke to me SO much. I feel like I need to share this short with everyone in my life. Especially potential partners. Some people just don't understand the struggle!
Yes!!!! Since my husband retired, I’ve gone from enjoying solitude 8hrs/day, 5 days a week, to ZERO! My battery reserves for dealing with people/society are gone. It’s been a difficult adjustment this first year; it’s hard to say “what I need is for you to go away!” I don’t need time away from my husband (and being around other people)per se, I need to be ALONE, truly alone. He’s trying to understand and accommodate.
I don't know if I am autistic or not, but goodness I need alone time, always have done! Otherwise I get so tired and can't cope, and may even have a meltdown. I always felt such a failure as others seemed to cope so well, encouraging to know there could be a good reason for why I am like I am.
thank you so much for articulating this so succinctly! i need to show this to my family, holy crap!
Omg I am burnt out RN after going to meet a new client (I’m a pet sitter). I felt sick leaving the house, and I’m always incredibly awkward during. It gets a little easier as time goes on, and I get to know the people better. Most of the human interactions are through text, and otherwise I’m just interacting with the animals.
I feel a little better now that I’m home and am doing some of my morning routine stuff that I had too much anxiety to do before I left (ie eat breakfast). I think it’s hard because I do have to mask a lot in person, and even for a 30-minute meeting…my brain is like spinning after and have to get back in my head. If I’m just engaging with one person it’s easier.
Even when people help me with stuff and it’s one on one I get grouchy and then very overwhelmed. Especially when they insist on things a certain way. I really wish I could find an aide to just be present sometimes and like their job is just mostly to be present for a couple of hours -which is more of a soothe for my adhd… then the rest of the time working on stuff myself. It gets frustrating because people want to help or do things that I want to do myself and it gets so frustrating because NT’s are usually pushy as hell! Then they don’t want to help with the stuff I legit need help with. For example: tiling is a me project, but I don’t mind company. Gardening is a me project, I’d prefer to do it myself, but will allow people to help… if I’m building stairs or framing something I mostly want to do it on my own, but I like a person there for extra hands and I want them to help me. I do work well on teams as long as it’s not my own project. I like someone being there an not helping on my own projects, and I do think that’s the moderate for my adhd and asd brains… but again not all the time. I got more work done in my garden yesterday doing it myself; vs the day before I got more done having a helper.
Yes, I cherish my alone time. I use that time to recharge and refresh myself from masking all day. It is critical that I have my alone time each day.
Is 5 weeks without seeing anyone you know still considered alone time? Asking for a friend. I have challenges with myself to see how long I can go
Without human contact, 5-6 weeks seems to be my limit or I just end up talking to myself all day.
alone time is as long as it takes to want to be subjected to neurotypical society again. for me that can range anywhere from a night, to several weeks. the world sucks, and forcing yourself to put up with it is like bottling up trauma day after day. it can't go on forever.
I wish people would understand this more about people on the Autism Spectrum!
Best is to find a "solitude job," that requires minimum people interaction, there are many of these.
Can you give any examples where you don't need specific qualifications? I'm trained as a teacher and I burnt out within a few years and couldn't handle the constant interactions and now I don't know what to do, but I know it can't be around too many people.
@@gracusromanus Night watchman, UBUR driver, Postman, Warehouse Work, dog walker, house sitter, writer, gardener, garbage collection, Museum Guard, elder assistant, dishwasher....I can think of many. i taught HS briefly too, way to many social interactions, I irritated everyone with my social avoidance, it was a disaster.
It's mandatory.
Can’t agree with this enough
Yes it is😊😊😊
I got divorced because I couldnt hold it that my husband was around me each day, which is normal. I often told him I need more space for myself but he just got angry. Am so happy now
I need lots of alone time! I am not autistic. My 42 year old son is autistic. He prefers to be alone most of the time. I make quilts to escape the exhaustion of the world
Orion, would you mind explaining a bit more on the specifics of what alone time actually is? It sounds slightly different from what I experience and what I need for alone time. For me I need to be free of social small talk and mostly verbal interactions along with a break from feeling and being able to read others emotions. I miss and actually enjoy people around me doing their own thing but comfortable in my presence. For ASD, is it better to not be in the same room or area, even if the other person is reading or doing something enjoyed quietly?
I'm ADHD and live a glorified cave.
I am neurotypical. I realise this is a must for the autistic person but as an introvert ir maybe being an only child( i am old now one likes peace more😆) being alone, having quiet time, being exhausted by probably masking, hating small talk. Its not just autistic. I feel personal space and allowing quiet for processing or even if creative, for deep thought is neglected , even trampled on in this extroverted world. Its not abnormal to be quiet. Its abnormal
To be continually expected to be busy. busy people to me are running away from themselves. Teaching your child to go from one activity to the next without time for quiet to use imagination and learn to be content for a short while by themselves is also not healthy and condones this attitude against those who are quiet naturally and dampens creative thought.