I love this podcast. For all the ladies out there who are just starting the stay at home process, I’m pregnant now with my first baby but I’ve been a stay at home wife for almost two years because my husband and I wanted me to get good at homemaking and cooking before having children… I just want to let everyone out there know that only about two months ago I finally started to feel like I got a good homemaking and cooking system going. It truly does take time to get good at this like it does with any other skill or job in life so make sure to give yourself a lot of time to learn and grace through the process! ❤
Thanks for your comment this hit like a revelation. I recently became a sahm 8 months ago when my kids were 3&1. I feel like I am just now getting the hang of it. I was under the false assumption that it would be just an easy transition that came naturally, but it is similar to starting a new job, it takes time to get the hang of it. Now the rewards of getting more comfortable far exceed any other job I’ve put time into. ☺️
@@audidog Aw you’re so welcome!! Glad my comment could help. I’m so glad you’re starting to like it and get the hang of it. This job is absolutely the most fulfilling and joyful. 🥰
I feel like I was made to be a homemaker. Always loved cooking. Organizing. Nurturing. Having a baby was so easy for me. Loved every second. Only have one approaching 14 now and applying to high schools this fall. Still a SAHM and love it. Never going back to corporate hustle. Maybe get a pt job to earn some cash for travel. Don't believe the lie ladies. You can't have it all at the same time and will destroy your health trying. Follow your heart and find the right man with same idea for family life.
I fell into the trap that it will come easily and I even worked part time and it was kick butt hard bc I had certain standards for my kiddos like no daycare and I cooked homrmade healthy meals..but women weren't talking about it.. they are all just working full time and trying to juggle kids
I utilized parks. Had my son outdoors pushing his Tonka trucks in nature (park in Brooklyn NY) for 3 plus hours a day. Packed meals and snacks, books, toys, etc. We have amazing playgrounds in NYC and we also spent lots of hours in the sandbox. I found spending time outdoors was a life saver for all. The house didn't get destroyed. Kids got their energy out and connected to outdoors. I got a lot of handfree time. If you have access to parks and/or playgrounds... take advantage of them. Being indoors is probably the worst place to be because kids want to run and explore... that's why they destroy the house... not their fault 😊
In the winter, you could get a membership to an indoor pool, children's gym, trampoline park. They might get pricey but if you plan ahead and only did it for 3 months it might be worth it.
It's funny how it is 'normal' to lean into the discomfort of going to work and feeling like we are missing out on our kids but it's backwards to lean into the discomfort of learning about the development of our kids and how to manage our homes. So thankful to see more spaces like this. It's time to get back to the real normal
Stay at home wife of a year here, childless but not by choice. It can be lonely but I’ll take the loneliness over what this society has turned into. I’ve learned new things like interior decorating and reading and learning about Christianity. God has made this transition in my life so I can get closer to him. I smile at complete strangers now when I’m out and about, and people tell me how friendly I am. I love my life, all thanks to God and my wonderful husband. I pray that other women can experience this kind of joy.
I’m sure that you have mothered many children within the community. God says no woman shall be barren or without. His Word never returns void. Love your story! Many blessings.
Oh how wonderful! I wish you many blessibgs and that your life may be fruitful in Gods will! I staying home for 9years now, since the children. I thought the twins are now 9years old, I could go to work half time. Had the perfect job opening, near the school, 50%, in our church even! But God said no, and gave that job to a dear friend of mine. I think we don't always know how prescious our roles are, what He plans for us in that role. He already is doing His work on my friend who got the church job. I can see so many positive changes in her! For me, it seems He wants me to stay home. It may seem so insignificant to many, but my family is so thankful for the things I do. I'm sure your husband is as well! I think if we just do our best to be obedient to God, He will do amazing things in our lifes, that we never saw coming
What moms who think being a stay at home mom isn't for them fail to realize is that being a homemaker is a profession like any other. You have to put in the time, understand your domain, and implement systems that bring efficiency, peace, and order. You start to anticipate needs, set rhythms, and it starts to become 2nd nature. If you don't see it as a set of skills you can constantly improve upon, then you'll be bored or burn out. I find it fascinating. My skills 3 years into mothering/homemaking (3 kids and 3 homes later) are lightyears ahead of where I was when I started. You put in the time, pursue mastery of the skills, and it will pay off. Another HUGE mistake is thinking that you need to wait for naptime to do anything. Bring your kids into your tasks. You may move slower...at first. But, after a couple years, they'll know how to help. Plus, they'll be engaged with you. Win win.
Been a homemaker for almost four years now. I’m 28 an have three babies and I’m praying for a few more. So happy I’ve unlearned a lot of lies before my thirties. Been married almost five years now too. Being barefoot and pregnant doesn’t bother me ahaha I’m here for it. Running a home and raising littles is ENOUGH work for any women truly.. coming from a navy vet here. Stay blessed fellow sisters and homemakers
One of my mistakes was thinking I could run a business from home and be a sahm. It was somewhat doable with my first and second child but now that we’re about to have our third child, I was hit with the realization that I don’t want to run a business anymore. I can’t run my household and manage the daily requirements of a business while tending to my children’s needs. I told my husband that I didn’t want to do it anymore and the relief I feel now is so calming. It’s funny to me that right now what brings me happiness is caring for my family and cleaning my house.
Low income family relying solely on husband's income here. We make it work and have for 20 years! I appreciate him so much for his hard work. I do things differently 😅 😆 under 40 and living a traditional family life.
yes. me too. for 20 years. Always made it work. Husband says the financial burden/responsibility that he carries on his shoulders is lifted by the peaceful home & the support I give him. I am frugal & have lots of time for everyone around me. He earns alot more $ now than in the early years, but actually we are often happier when we are broke.
People say it's impossible and things have changed so much to make it work.. people say it's dangerous to depend on your spouse. No. It takes being wise in who you marry and choosing a simpler life.
@@rachelbuster2826it is dangerous to rely on your spouse. I am a stay at home mom and have been with my husband for 14 years but I still have 3 of my own bank accounts and insisted on moving somewhere with public transit lots of neighbors libraries job training and apprenticeships and entry level jobs. Too many men just snap. You need to know if push comes to shove you can get out for your and your kids safety.
@@mrsevergreentree learn to separate wants from needs. Hubby will probably have to get a new, higher earning job to cover the difference. You will have to drive old cars, use cheap android phones, eat at home, etc. It's super possible. Single moms all over the country prove everyday that it's possible to live on one income.
My husband agreed to me going off work for the full 3rd trimester with our first baby (I'm 39 weeks pregnant now). This time has been so special to me for feeling calm and prepared with the house organized, decorated and deep cleaned, nursery stocked and decorated (I hand painted a 8'x10' woodland mural 😊), birth plan and baby research done. I'm only realizing now how much goes into being a SAHM like I keep finding ways to save money I'd never thought of and figuring out ways to keep meals and snacks ready. It's a whole skillset I'd never had time or energy to think about while working full-time. I'll have to try to not feel guilty for leaving him with the full financial burden, especially when maternity leave pay runs out. The plan is to help his business WFH part-time.
Thank you ❤ i was raised by a single (by choice) "feminist" mom who never let my biological dadbin my life. Its a miracle I wasnt molested or abused by caretakers growing up (at least nothing i can remember). I was brainwashed into thinking women can "do it all," until it was my turn to be mom (despite watching my mom get drunk alone and cry every night). I was the breadwinner in my marriage, and I COULD NOT bring myself to drop my BABY off with strangers everyday. So we made a change. Now I'm a stay at home mom of two, my husband has stepped up is the breadwinner. I can't imagine what my ex coworkers kids have to go through everyday, for years. One joked, at dropping his 3 month old off at daycare the first day, that he (the baby) has a full time, 40hrs per week, job. 😮 I've never looked back or wished for anything different. I have worked part time weekends or nights here and there to help earn money when needed, but it is so different, knowing my kids are home with dad. My own mother cannot understand my lifestyle choice (so much for being "prochoice," eh?)
When I was working outside of the home, initially it was great. The kids and I got out of the house, I was socializing with other adults, it was a change of pace. A few months in, my workload increased and I was burnt out. I gained a lot of weight and my apartment was stuffed to the brim with stress purchases. Now that I’m back home, my husband has confessed how much he’s missed both my presence and my contributions. I’ve gained a new fire for trying new things. I’ve gotten into new kinds of cooking such as sourdough and sushi, and I’m not just cleaning the house, but creating systems so that it stays clean and feels more homey. I’m going to school online so that when the kids are older, I can get a job in a career that I’m passionate about. As you’ve said, this is just a season and the kids are growing too fast! Thank you for the validation and community of like-minded people.
I am so incredibly thankful for this episode. I am 24 weeks with our first and we just moved across the country 6 months ago. I lost my job just a couple days before we moved and so we made the decision that I would be a stay at home mom instead of looking for work after our move. For so many years, I had the "work as much as possible to earn as much as possible" mindset (I'm 33) and my husband has stepped up beautifully to being our sole provider. I have always made 99% of our meals but now I get to make our house an actual home, prepare for our daughter's arrival and not stress about a job, hours, how long I'll get postpartum. I know it's no possible for everyone but we don't make an incredible amount but we decided that me staying at home was a priority and made it work. I have NEVER felt this much as peace in my life with any job than now stepping into my role as a stay at home mom. And, the sad thing is, I can maybe think of one friend out of the hundreds of people I've known who I could have this conversation with....either be belittled and told we must be rich or that I should be ashamed for bringing another child into this "horrible world"...
Set up boundaries with those "friends"..make friends with like minded other sahm...embrace the slow newborn season..have grace in yourself and your husband..do playdates when ready, protect your peace...things I wish someone told be 6 yrs ago when having my first and going from lucrative career to sahm
35 year old mum of 3 boys here in England. Yes, there's hard parts and monotonous bits like any occupation has. But the joy of seeing my boys grow, having a close relationship with them and giving them our values is a precious gift. They are so happy and secure with mummy around, anyone else would be an insufficient stand in. Thanks for the great channel Suzanne, keep on telling everyone how valuable motherhood is!
Im a 55 year old grandmother to a newborn. My daughter and her boyfriend live with me while trying to save for a house of their own. I am encouraged to hear my own thoughts echoed through this podcast. I feel the women in my daughter’s age group feel helpless, wanting to stay at home and raise her children, but not knowing how to live on one income. Thank you for the support for those brave enough to go against the culture.
I ❤️what you stated in your response: “ for the support for THOSE BRAVE enough”. That communicates something that I think the Guillable feminist generation(s) that came before many of us here, Did NOT discern from the era of “ I am woman hear me roar “. That 1960’s-1970’s motto of “ equal = better& therefore more powerful “ proved to be a trap” for the family unit & therefore the quality of our very society.
God bless my mother for staying home. I grew up thinking this life was the norm , my husband had a stay at home mom too so we just expected (and I greatly desired ) to stay home. My mother taught me by example how to cook , clean, be selfless , care for the home and children . I’ve had the best experience as a stay at home mother , my kids are now 7 and 9 and I wouldn’t trade this life for any other. I was able to nurse each baby until they were 18 months old . We spent our days home and just being together. I do have a career , but only work one morning per week. I feel it’s important for a mother to have a passion and enjoy some work outside the home, but only in the amount that it doesn’t compromise the first priority, which is the family . This is a very unpopular opinion these days , I definitely am seen as old fashioned I’m sure. But our family thrives every day because of the choices we’ve made.
I have been a stay at home wife for a very long time! Gen X, anyway, I'm am so grateful that the algorithm put this in as a suggestion, not so much for me (although it's incredibly validating about the choices I've made) but for my 25 year old daughter. Other than me, she doesn't have any women to talk to about what she really wants out of her life. She is highly educated and is embracing her femininity is feeling more comfortable in her own skin like never before. She went to college and got her Masters with the intention that the real goal was marriage and a family. She needs this podcast, none of her peers can relate, so she stays quiet, and tells herself - one day (probably too late) they will figure out what they really wanted at 40.
Suzanne, could you do a podcast on how to talk with our husbands about mother hood and being a stay at home mom and wife. They have been programed too that women need work and contribute to the income for a family to survive.
I had neighors screaming at me and verbally assaulted me with death threats because they were jealous that I was a stay at home mother. Welcome to the neighborhood lol. This was I'm chicagoland I noticed the author is from the midwest. It was absolutely ridiculous, but that is how countercultural staying at home is and how much it enrages those who choose to do the opposite. The funny thing is I worked from home so they were not even accurate about attempting to insult me for not working. I'm so glad I moved lol and I never will regret raising my kids at home. It honestly was the best time of my life. The sacrifice was no sacrifice because I knew my kids needed me to raise them not a stranger.
I’m getting a lot of backlash from talking about thinking about being a sahm. It’s crazy how jealous people get! I was wondering if it go any better if I were actually in that role. Sorry you went thought that!
This podcast is a gem...I'm so glad that I found your channel. Year 2 of being a sahm after 12 years of being a nurse. I can totally relate. Im 36 y.o and still learning house routines. I have benefited from listening to sally clarkson and elizabeth elliot how to be a wife and a mom.
Starting my stay at home wife journey next week!! It’s a big pay cut and I’ve never in my life relied on anyone for anything. It’s hard to believe that I don’t have to be a provider. This process is a MAJOR shift in my psyche! It was freeing to hear you say that it’s good for the man too. I am trusting in his competence, his ability as a man to handle pressure and stress.
I’ve stayed home with our son since he was born and homeschool him now. Right now we are trying to make it so that we are both home and my husband doesn’t have to work outside the farm. I feel like it’s not natural to be apart for so many hours of the day 🤷🏻♀️
My family has done the same. I quit working after we started having kids, and my husband has worked toward working from home. He's now running a home bakery while I homeschool. Finances are not pillowy, but we work hard and trust that things will work out.
I can attest to the attachment issues carrying into adulthood. My mom only worked part time so that's cool, but she may as well have been at work because I found out later on in life that she believed in the cry it out theory so when I was a baby she would leave me in the other room, close the door, and walk away until I "cried it out" and fell asleep. Growing up I felt isolated and distrust toward everyone, even my friends, so naturally I was behind socially. Now that I'm an adult I've had to put so much work into correcting these underlying beliefs and learning new skills. It even requires upkeep or I fall back into those same insecurities.
I think the isolation is the biggest things for me. I've been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years. The first 3, I didn't have a vehicle and was stuck at home, and I didn't know any other moms, the next 2 were horrid with covid restrictions, and so I still never had the chance to find any mom friends. And now I've got an almost 6 year old, a 4 year old, a 1 year old, and about to have a newborn, and it's even harder now to find a group where I'm actually welcome to bring them all. Everything is for toddlers only, and I'm just not in that phase anymore. I think the isolation is the main reason it's so hard for me to be present and not distracted on my phone in order to get some form of social interaction
Do you homeschool? If so find a co-op, there’s also nature walk type of groups where you can join other families in a less informal setting, or find play date groups in your neighborhood.
@wendymtzc I do homeschool! My community doesn't have a ton going on for homeschoolers, and what they do have isn't really set up for moms of school age kids AND toddlers and babies. Maybe I'll have to make my own!
Thank you, not enough people talking about this topic. As a millennial mom, the amount of pressure to work and put my children to daycare is insane. Currently I’m working from home, looking after my babies and taking care of the house, my marriage is definitely taking a toll… This lifestyle is exhausting beyond belief… Feels like it’s almost a taboo for women wanting to care for their children and therefore needing a husband who is ready to step up to protect and provide for his family. Me and my husband are slowly coming to realize, that we won’t be able to grow our family further if I don’t focus on keeping the house in order and raising our children well. Every time I tell my mother or friends about my plans to leave work, I get smashed with the feminist agenda. 😭 it’s hard to make decisions without other women supporting you, even if you know it’s the right thing to do.
So happy I found this channel today!! 🙏 just became a SAHM to my autistic non verbal toddler . I stayed home the first year with him, then went to work right after he turned 1 and I quit a few months ago, he’ll be 3 next month and I don’t regret it. ❤
I don't usually comment but your thoughts on daycare mirror what I always felt when I left my kids in a daycare setting to go to work. It broke my heart
I just found you after watching your episode at Alex Clark Show. I truly enjoy your content. SAHM mom for 6yrs. Worked at daycare and felt that my family needed me at home once we had a child. I struggled with cultural expectations, loneliness , we adjusted our lifestyle to match living in one income and can’t imagine going to work anytime soon. It’s just so stressful to think about and my partners work schedule constantly changes.
It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who struggles with loneliness during this lifestyle. We lost our pregnancy last year and have no kids yet still, we even moved to another state closer to my in-laws, I gave up my corporate banking career to become a stay-at-home wife (and future mother hopefully). It's just been so frustrating and I don't feel like I have the coping mechanisms that I used to have when I was this successful, accomplished career woman. I know I'm the same person but after the loss, it just changes things. If our pregnancy had worked out the way we anticipated then I know I would feel differently. But looking at an unfinished baby room really doesn't help with the loneliness.
I LOVE this podcast. This was in my TH-cam recommended. It is exactly what I was looking for- finally someone who is sane and can say, men and women are equal, but VERY different. Thank you for that quote!!
I LOVE and appreciate this podcast SO much. For the new homemakers out there: Homemaking and child rearing are both HUGE sets of skills that take time and practice. Be patient with yourself. As you develop your skills it does get easier! And it’s worth it.
This was such a encouraging chat. I wish all young moms who work could hear this message. And you are so right about the cell phones. I have been at parks with my grandson where the mom (or dad), sit on the sidelines and focus on their phones, not their children. So sad I agree women need their mothers. I moved away when my first baby was 1 month old. Yet my mom and I didn't have a real close relationship so i don't know how much help she would of been. I am there for my children and enjoy the role. 😊 Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much. I found Suzanne’s podcast about 3 days ago and I’ve been bingeing on it. My culture has been high jacked by the feminist movement which goes hand on hand with communism (Cuba) and it has destroyed us, mostly everyone I know from my country comes from a broken home and the issues arising from that are endless. I’m pregnant for the second time and finally really internalizing that my place is at home with my children specially in the early years of life. I feel nothing is more in line with our nature and although it a huge battle with our brains bc we’ve been absolutely immersed in a culture that’s against nature, nothing feels like the most righteousness thing to do emotionally, spiritually. .. I don’t know, I feel and can’t quite articulate it. So thanks again for empowering us in what really feminism should all be about. We shouldn’t be competing, instead we should be embracing and praising who we are at every level and at each stage of life. ❤
Ladies/gentlemen, if one parent can stay home, PLEASE DO!! I know it's hard money wise, but if you can make it work, do it. Our precious children need us and not all the material things we think we need. They want our attention and time. Boy almost 16 and girl 13. I blinked, and my heart is now broken. 😢 Someone stole time from me. Damn this job, 30 yrs, and they could care less!! 😕 I wish i could retire 😪
I'm a Nigerian, and there's a high financial and domestic abuse rate in marriages coupled with coercive control. I think the ideology of feminism has limitations for modern women as we have now realised that we can't have it all. But the ideology did not spring up from thin air, it was created to give women options and to meet the needs of women at the time. Without financial security, control over one's life and fulfilment being a full-time stay-at-home mum also has it own limitations
Yea it sucks. Theres no easy solution. You stay home and risk abuse. Or work and miss out on kids and deal with burn out. Women are just always going to get the short end of the stick in any situation.
This is a topic i have never heard discussed and Im so thankful for it! I realise now the struggle I went through LEARNING how to be a stay at home mom. Im in my mid 30s with three kids aged 7, 5, 2, and only now do I feel like im in the swing of things. I worked in high pressure corporate roles for some of the worlds biggest companies, and tried to do tgat for a few ywars while having two little ones at home, and it nearly broke me. Still not great at everything- preparing meals and cooking has never been my forte and Ive learnt to accept that and just do my best, but im great at organising and tidying, so i lean into that. My own mother was a lawyer through my childhood, and was never at home, and she passed away a few years ago, so never had a model of what a stay at home mom was. I feel better knowing for many women (especially us millenials) it took time to settle into feeling good about being a stay at home mom, and enjoying this part of life.
Listening to this conversation makes realize how blessed I am to be involved in a church with lots of young families. All my stay at home mom friends come from church. I think it would be much harder to meet mom friends if I was having to meet them at the grocery store.
Love you podcast. It reminded me of raising my kids who are now grown, the new challenges of raising a family in the age of cell phones and social media. I liked how you talked about how women and men handle stress differently. I can relate.
I just discovered this podcast. I had my baby on NYE 2022. Miraculously, my husband's employer called him while I was still in the hospital and offered him a management job. I intended on returning to work (teaching), but by March of 2023, we realized that it just isn't worth it by the time I would pay for daycare and then never see my kid. I resigned. It was a great job, too. My son and I will go to school together when he's old enough for Kindergarten.
It's interesting, at the part about(not directly quoting) "when you drop your kid off at day care, you cry and your child cries and that shows there's something wrong with it and you both feel it's wrong." WOH, did that hit home for me. When I started preschool I had such a hard time coping with the fact of being away from my at home mom. I balled my eyes out at first, plus I can't handle high energy situations, so being around crazy kids had always been hard for me to deal with, it drives me crazy sometimes even as an adult. i didn't understand why I had to be there and had to be consoled by the ladies at the preschool when I had my mom at home all day.
I may not remember the time my mom spent with me when I’m 3 but I have more memories from daycare or my grandma than with her ever growing up. And she did resent my dad that they couldn’t afford for her to stay home.
I love this podcast and just recently found this. I'm an older woman who stayed at home with my children. It really struck me, when your guest said about older mentors, because I would love to mentor young mothers and help them. Any suggestions to find those young women who would appreciate that?
I recommend the book “Spiritual Mothering,” and it could start with something as simple as asking a young lady in your life to come over for coffee (teach hospitality!) great if you can connect with a young wife or mother, but open your heart and home to teens and young adults too- could save them a lot of pain and frustration if even one woman was speaking these truths into their lives before they head for marriage/family.
Does your community have a pregnancy center you could volunteer at? Can you volunteer at a nicu to hold infants? Find young moms and offer to meet up for coffee or to come by and help with their dishes once in a while. Offer to nanny a few hours a week… Invite them over to your house? Meet people at church, the gym, etc…
Just found this channel as new stay at home mom and the content is positive and exactly what I need to hear. Very reassuring to hear common sense knowledge that affirms my natural urge to nurture my family. This is great content to listen to if you are starting the new journey to really "walk the walk" when it comes to your values and what is really important to you in life.
The trend for educated tradcon SAHMs is to have podcast! The challenge for dopamine driven women to confront the problems of the career mom transitioning to SAHM is getting that fix (see Helen Fisher on hormone types).
Thank you so much for talking so much sense ! Stay at home mum here feeling the constant battle for standing firm in our choice, i agree we do need to talk to other adults and having that connections is healthy but it’s ok to minimise,stay away from toxic environments pushing brainwashing views of false female empowerment sadly seems to be very prominent ! I am happy I found a good play group ran by church that creates a better vibe 💝
I was agreeing up until the young mother part. What is not talked about is the amount of mothers who lose their entire identities to their children or feel like they didn’t get to explore, creat who they are, or travel before they sacrifice for kids for the rest of their lives. What isn’t talked about also is that young moms can be more selfish and self involved than older moms.
I just found this podcast and am very thankful I did! I've been a homemaker for all of my marriage, now mom of 2 and although I know why I want to live this way and my husband has always wanted that as well, I get insecure at times, talking to other moms. What gets me angry though is when full time working mums with their kids in daycare think that they are doing two jobs at a time. So they think they are doing what I do PLUS a conventional job. I mean, that's just offensive, as if they think I was just sitting around, drinking coffee, watching the children play...
No need to be offended, know your value… they can brag all they want about having “two jobs” but the sad truth is that most have to leave their children in the care of strangers, that to me is nothing to be proud of, secondly they are overworked and that is not good either.
My mother worked and never paid enough attention to me growing up. I’m not really proud of her and I have no attachment to her. She is like a stranger to me. So be proud of yourself. You are a great mom to your kids.
Pressure for men is like physical exercise. We get stronger with it and we love the result of it. It's similar on women too but the limit is lesser and they don't like the result as it makes them overwhelmed by the aftereffects. Good video, Suzanne :)
Suzanne, you are a amazing!!!! All I ever wanted to do was be a wife and have kids. I knew what I wanted so I didn’t go to college. I’m 39 and it still has not happened. All I do is work and survive…and it’s impossible to meet men that understand that you want to be home with kids what’s out here is very discouraging. I am slowly starting to realize that that ship has sailed. I now need to understand what going into my 40s without a family will be like.. thank you so much for your podcast.❤
I have been a homemaker and homeschoolers for 8 years now and one thing is for sure.. At almost 50 years old my husband is at the best shape of his life. You know why? He eats meals cooked from scratch most days and he NEVER misses a scheduled workout because I am here at home to take care of the work that needs to be done for the family instead of out in an office an hour away. I also workout at least 4-5 times a week which never happened before and have restored my health. This is just one of the blessings of taking a huge leap of faith and quitting years ago. I would encourage any woman to find a way to to what I did.. And no... We did not have the money to do it at the time but God provided in an amazing way and it all worked out and still does. I just found your podcast and I love it already. So refreshing to hear other women wake up from the trance we have been raised into and build amazing fruitful lives way beyond what they ever imagined.
Please learn to be more empathetic. Not every woman has the support of her husband to do what you have done. My husband left the faith and after doing so demanded that I work. He totally changed his tune. I do everything inside of the home and guess what? My husband is out of shape. NOT because he has to help around the home but because he is not interested in working out. It's not a woman's job to ensure her husband takes care of himself. I have scheduled appointments etc. but if someone wants to drink, they will. It's not a woman's job to mother her husband, he must be responsible for himself. I have done everything I can for my husband outside of feeding him(literally). I make home cooked meals although I have a really tight schedule. I get up early and get it done. There are so many women that do stay home and they are way lazier than me. I don't have the time to play around like you guys do so diligence is my best friend. Just because you stay home doesn't mean that you are more diligent than a woman that doesn't. If someone loves their family and their home, regardless of whether they work or not, they will be diligent. This is not mutually exclusive to SAHM. I know plenty of them that ask ME for help with being diligent. I also teach my children to the point where they are all in gifted education in school. So yes, it can be done by working moms. Would I have wanted to stay home with them? Yes. But my husband no longer believes in Christianity. If I would have taken your advice I would be screwed right now. None of you are using foresight and factoring in your husband leaving you. Don't think that because a working mom isn't willing to put all of her eggs in one basket, she isn't as diligent etc. She's missing the mark. By all accounts I am still a virtuous woman and I am way more respectful of time than most. Not every one's husband would go for this. Your own husband can change on you. Nothing is promised. Vows are broken all of the time. I used to be like you thinking I had it all figured out. Thinking that my husband would always be solid. But the day I found out my husband left the faith was the day I got humbled. You don't know what's down the line. Be humble.
Dear@@StepTwoCK-xo6lz , you are obviously speaking out of a lot of pain. No wonder my simple comment about my own life here hit you so hard. My heart goes out to you. You have no idea how intensely terrible times I have navigated in my own marriage but, trust me, I can 100% relate with what you are going through. I agree with you, you can't make your husband do anything. Only God can change a heart. I really hope and pray you never tire of doing what is right, that your strength will be renewed every morning to fight the good fight, that you will find joy even in the hardest of days and that, sooner rather than later, the Lord will bless you by transforming your husband's heart. God bless.
It’s quite simple actually: tell people to mind their business and that you’re doing what’s best for your family. That will require some courage and thinking for yourself instead of following the sisterhood
Can you recommend resources for mothers (newly staying home) wanting to repair attachment with preschoolers and kindergartners who were in daycare in the first few years?
I’ve been home for six years now. My husband has increased his income by 115% and we spend way less with me home because I am caring for the family and he can focus on his career and pouring into me and our kids.
I’d love to hear more from moms who escaped this treadmill after doing it for decades. After being working mom, 4 kids for over 17 yrs, my escape plan seems harder with college looming.
My husband and I moved from PA (where we grew up) to TX right after we got married for his job. That job moved us out to UT next before we decided to make changes so we could move back to PA and start a family. We successfully moved back and lived with my parents for a few months while house hunting. Now two years later we just had our first son and my mom is sending us houses with in law suites with the intention of all of us living together permanently. I grew up living with my maternal grandparents and I really like the idea of giving that experience to my children. For context I'm in my mid 30s and they are newly retired in their early 60s. Financially all of the proposals my mom has made would benefit us. We recently found a place we'd actually consider. Do you think this arrangement could have a negative impact on our marriage? I don't know anyone who is intentionally living multigenerationally like this at this stage of life.
Look, I’m not pretending to be an expert on any of this. But, this has worked for generations. I think you need strong boundaries, ones your husband & you set together and ones that your mom set. Get to know each others needs and make boundaries around that. And this could be good for your mom. You know her being in her 60’s retired and all. It’s my personal belief that the older should not be away from family if they’ve retired. Try it out. I really believe, strong communication, boundaries all round (marriage, kids, your mom) it will work out if you implement those.
Listen, really listen, to what your husband says about this. Children are blind to their parents' dysfunction. Maybe they aren't dysfunctional- that's great. But still, I would never want to have an open door policy. Intimacy opportunities are really hard to find in the exhausted early years of child-raising.... you have to work to find them. If you have in-laws in your face 24/7, those finds could be all but eliminated. I don't care if my parents (or his) were saints........ I would never want this arrangement unless there were very clear delineations. In my opinion, having them have a guest house on the same property with a rule that no one goes to either place unless invited is ideal. You are there for health emergencies and financial advantages, but everything else stays separate and invitations are required--- just like if you lived 30 minutes away. If either parent is controlling, pushy, a narcissist.... run.
it's works for so many , like in Indian/asian cultures. I would look for truly seperate living spaces with their own door. kitchen etc My cousin lived in a duplex with her mother downstairs
What would you suggest to a couple who just can’t make enough (at the moment at least) because of high cost of living and because husband can’t make a lot more or move to a different location (he’s running his inherited family farm)?
Separate finances is absolutely bizarre to me. You all eat the groceries. You buy a house together. You share cars. Etc. Why wouldn't you want a massive pool of money from both of you?
EXACTLY! That was the main piece of advice from Henry Rockefeller that has helped build multigenerational wealth for their famous family: "Keep the money together." It's no secret that larger sums invested compound more interest / make more gains. You just can't beat the math. The exception would be if a spouse was dysfunctional, particularly with finances. If one spouse cannot be responsible or trustworthy with money, it's better managed by the more responsible one, but with a regular 'blow money' allowance of the less responsible one so they don't feel in a financial straightjacket AND it sets a limit to their spending, so they learn to live within their financial boundaries.
One caveat would be if one person absolutely will not control his/her spending. Although even then, if they're irresponsible enough, they'll still end up needing the other person's money.
insecurity , in my case I always had my own seperate account after seeing how my parents grew up. We have a his,hers and ours but majority of the money is joint assets anyway as it was earned while we were married
I went back to work full-time when my daughter was in 1st grade and i hate it. I'd quit in a heartbeat. I dont feel fulfilled. I feel boiled down to a paycheck. I miss my family, i miss being the primary caretaker of my daughter. My husband does all that now and works full time from home and im away. Its not permanent though, looking for fully remote and eventually go to part time.
As a child of the 90s with two career driven parents, i was in daycare at 6 months on and given my own room to cry it out. I have embraced attachment parenting because i do feel psychologically damaged by the norm. . . I am here to comment to say that I used to envision that there would be a community to raise a family in and I appreciate y'all saying that the village isn't doing so well right now. . . The village wants to involve itself in my home life but are they even qualified?
This podcast is the same for me. I used to work with my husband for over a decade, and with my 3rd child we decided it was best to stop working together. It was becoming tough on our marriage. That transition was rough in the beginning because I couldn’t see myself not working and staying at home. This decision completely changed our marriage for the BETTER.
This gives me so much hope. I’m in a very similar position and pregnant with my 3rd. I have decided to be a SAHM but still have a hard time coming to terms with walking away from the business I’ve built with my husband over the past 6 years
I LOVE everything you have to say! I was an at home mom and home schooled for junior high and high school. My kids are now 18 and 21, generation Z. What I am seeing with their age group is that the girls are afraid of being dependent on a man financially. They are TERRIFIED of being financially trapped in an unhappy marriage. This comes from girls that were raised by at home moms and girls that were not. The guys, however, don't seem to have a preference either way. It makes me sad, but I actually think it is a rational fear. I would love to know your thoughts.
My mom didn’t bond with me and I had kids young and wasn’t a pro at being a mom no one is it’s a skill I say it’s important to learn about children physiology
I feel so sad for “modern” women who have been taught such unnatural and complicated things regarding marriage and families. It’s also still a little mind blowing to think that we live in a world where housework and running a household is technically easier than it’s ever been, yet due to that, we’ve added so many other expectations that again have complicated things and overwhelmed women. To me, it just seems like the traditional way of doing things is still the simplest and most effective. A girl trains from a young age to run a household while a boy learns to work and develop a skill set that can apply to a career. Then a young man notices a young lady, courts her, proposes to her, and they get married. Then they move in to a starter home together, immediately combine finances, and immediately begin working together to find a routine and rhythm. Once children come along, the mom becomes full time caretaker and homemaker while the dad accepts that he may need to work harder or longer hours to make enough for new mouths to feed. I just don’t see why there’s such an intense hatred of that in society today.
Divorce laws are changed to ensure women must work regardless. Spousal support is either capped and/or limited to a few years. It doesn't make up the differences of years lost in career development. Women especially those with children live in fear of being destitute without means to take care of the kids.
My thoughts exactly! People don’t realize that was the sole purpose of the welfare system in ADOS (African descendants of slavery) families. It wasn’t as obvious but just as sinister!
I don't understand at all how their finances worked before they were combined how the heck did the husband never pay for groceries? Did he never go grocery shopping?
🤔 Mark Mathanabe. Is he Nigerian or South African? Two completely separate countries in different parts of Africa, with very different histories. Nigeria did not have apartheid, South Africa did. Nigerians did migrate to South Africa, but only after 1994 and the end of apartheid.
What you're saying is admirable but VERY unrealistic. I started out in a traditional marriage, my husband wanted me to stay home, work on finishing my Master's and I got pregnant 2 weeks after we were married. I would go on to have 2 additional children in consecutive years thereafter. All the while I finished my master's and applied to medical school. During this journey he got injured and I had to drop that dream of his and get a job while applying to medical school. He was in law enforcement and they barely get paid anything so I had to get a job and pay someone to keep my kids so that they could see their father. Fast forward to now, he has changed careers, to engineering, and I am almost finished with medical school. The only problem now is that he doesn't have the same mindset about me staying home as he has left Christianity behind. Every other conversation is about him not being able to wait until I finish so that he can spend money the way he wishes to etc. I think that Christianity in general has lost the upper hand on the talk surrounding family because as I said before it's LARGELY unrealistic. Even my friend that is a stay at home mom was forced in her late 30's to go into the work force because her husband is burnt out from working. Lots of women are facing this issue. Your podcast never speaks of this huge issue. The men are cowering away and we HAVE to work. This concept is great for women that have husbands that still want to support them. At one point my husband spoke of how he would work 3 jobs for me to stay home etc. Now his speech has changed. By large I have heard so many horror stories of men cheating or making their wives feel bad for wanting to stay home. I have even heard of women being abandoned and left with nothing. I just don't recommend what you are speaking of because I will NEVER put my trust in a man that has left the Lord. I think there is a level of shaming here, I don't feel ashamed because I will never depend on another person, but when I snoop around to other channels it's apparent that we have lost the upper hand on the conversation of working moms etc. So many women did stay home and got burnt terribly for doing so. When they hear podcasts like this one it just fills them with anger because of all of the data on the other side that shows that SAHM's get burnt really bad in divorce court etc. I think as Christian women we really need to start listening more to what other women have to say about this topic. Differing view points. Ever since my husband left the faith I have had to pull back from this type of rhetoric and I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL TO GOD that I kept pursuing my education. I can't even imagine depending on my husband to provide for me as he is a totally different person now and I don't even know if we will be married much longer. I shutter to think about the level of treatment I would be receiving and the resentment that would be stored up in his heart towards me for not working. These conversations need to be had. Men are not the men of old that valued a woman staying home. My husband fully expects me to do it all. He went from being a very conservative rugged man to being liberal and progressive. I know we are to honor our husbands in the Christian culture, but we have got to get realistic and hit the issues head on. Women are always being preached at, we are the predominant group still attending church. But we are largely not the issue when it comes to wanting a traditional marriage. It's time for people to start calling men out and dealing with the real issues. Men largely DO NOT want to care for a family alone anymore. I would have loved a podcast like this when I first got married, but life happened to me and my marriage feels weird at best now. This advice would have sunk me if I would have followed it. I think the only thing that gives me leverage in my marriage is the fact that I will make more than my husband. NO I do not plan to remind him of that at all, because I find that behavior extremely tacky. But in a society where no one is faithful to their spouse anymore no matter how loyal you are to them, at least I have the fact that I will be making an income. I long for the days when my husband was conservative, but I'm grateful that I never felt called to stay home. I would be immensely depressed right now. More and more men are leaving the faith. I'm not the only one dealing with this. I encourage you all to open up your hearts to those of us that don't have it as good as you. This podcast is very validating for you guys but I think that instead of coming for women that don't have it like you, try to figure out why and try to be understanding. Oh yeah, I cook, clean, clean the cars, work with the kids constantly on their schoolwork and I never get a thank you or anything for it. I am extremely diligent even while being in Medical School. I love being a homemaker. So please stop saying that every working mom despises this lifestyle, I don't. I love it all. I love life. I love having my own thing and I love raising my kids in this season and nesting.
Your perspective is valid and true but you used a lot of straw man and red herring. Be careful. Emotions are high. I get it. Definitely praying for you and please don’t lose your faith just because your spouse is inconsistent with the Good Lord.
No, my emotions aren't high actually. You are judging someone based off of words on the internet. Your perception of my tone etc. is based on the voices in your head not my actual tone etc. Don't pray for me as I have it under control and I don't think you have the discernment necessary to be effective in prayer. Judging by what you have already posted. I did not use a bunch of straw men or red herrings...You have a hard time accepting alternate realities. That is the main problem in the Christian community. Which is why we are becoming more and more ineffective. Please don't think you are speaking from a place of authority or "I know better than you" when you don't. You can't give me any advice. No one mentioned anything about losing their faith, again another immature incorrect perception. I truly met the Lord and when you truly meet the Lord, there is no such thing as turning back. He keeps you. @@shemlahnaphish3260
Even though my life experience has been the opposite of yours and more in line with what this podcast talks about, I thought your comment was really thought provoking and a great addition to the conversation. We seem to be a people given to extremes. It’s one way or the other. There are risks involved with both choices. The experiences of many working mothers who see the affects of being away so much are very real. Also, the experiences of women who were homemakers/SAHM who were abused, abandoned or widowed are also important and very real. Even the Proverbs 31 women had some part time business ventures and investments. Life has different seasons and we need to be flexible. God is all knowing, so he knew this season you would be in and provided a way through your studies. It also seems (based on what you wrote) that he made a way for you to be with your children more when they were younger while your husband was still on board. Personally, if the Lord has called you to medicine, I think that is awesome. We need more good, God fearing medical professionals (and teachers). I was very grieved to read about your husband walking away from the faith. The Bible says this will happen but it is very painful every time I see it or hear about it. I know you don’t want prayer and I will respect that, but I do have hope that your husband will have an encounter with God. You mentioned that many men do not want all the pressure of being the sole providers and I do think that a part of that is that our exceptions here in the west are too high. We have all (Christian or not) been influenced by the wisdom of the world regarding materialism. Providing is one thing, but some of our lifestyles are too inflated. I always thought I was living pretty simply and frugal since we have been on one income for 13 years, but through inflation the Lord has revealed to me areas where we/I could do better. I am not saying that applies to your situation, I am just saying it is a factor in the pressure men feel. Just like all the Pinterest worthy posts put unnecessary pressure on women/mothers. God just wants us to do the best we can unto him with what he has put in our care. I am a SAHM who homeschools my children and my husband is the spiritual leader of our home. This is what the Lord called me to, yet he had also allowed trials into my life. My mother lives with us which was always a blessing, but she went through breast cancer and now I also care for her through dementia. It has been heart breaking, a devastating year for me. And yet, God is faithful and he renews my strength. I believe he will get us both through because He is faithful. I wish you successful in your studies and medical profession. God bless.
@to_whom_would_we_go6285 Thank you for your much welcomed post on what I said. It was filled with true encouragement and a peacefulness that is welcomed. I agree with everything you said. By the time I had children I was already in a boat load of debt from school so staying home on a cops salary when he barely made 30K was not doable. As I kept going I realized that my kids could benefit from me being home but I have never felt a call to be home full-time. However, I did feel a call to be diligent in my home life and with my time. I was also able to spend my children's younger years at home because I was in school etc. So God did in fact work it out. I was also able to teach my children diligently on top of my other obligations and now they are in gifted at school. THANK YOU for stating that your heart was grieved when you read that my husband left the faith. Not many women respond with sympathy. I'm not opposed to prayer at all, that would be silly, but when someone is attempting to speak from a place of false holiness I will oppose them. The fact that you lovingly mentioned my husband leaving the faith in my opinion shows that you are truly a woman after God's own heart. That is the part of my story that has been most devastating to me. The fact that my husband no longer has his Father. I am a great mother and I am always complimented for my diligence even from my friends that homeschool. Just because a woman stays home doesn't' mean she uses her time wisely you know? So I have never felt bad about not staying home with my children because my husband and children alike constantly praise my diligence. You are right, God knew that I would pursue medicine and graciously provided a way to give me the best of both worlds. I have seen all of my children off to their first days of school. I have picked them up. I have done the homework. etc. etc. I don't waste time as most women do, whether they stay home or not and days off are not lost on me because of the fact that I am a working mother. Time is more precious to me because I don't have as much of it as most women. I just think that I have been given the opportunity to value life a little more than most. I appreciate you truly hearing my heart on this topic. It is so disheartening to hear women outside of the faith not be able to relate to Christian women because we are so judgmental thinking that everyone has the opportunity to stay home. Men are not as faithful as they used to be and a lot of SAHM stories that I have heard about online are so frightening and heartbreaking. I am here for all of the dialogue surrounding this topic because we should all serve as support for one another first and foremost. So thank you for your support. Your words have anchored me in a way that I truly needed to be anchored. Validating someone's experience doesn't take much, you are a truly gracious woman. I never thought this would be my testimony. Yet here I am.
Guys, these lady conversations don't take into account, when shit gets rough while trying the things spoken here, she can just pull the rip-cord and blow your life up. Don't marry guys.
There are a lot of generalizations here, & the problem is these high level assumptions get into the court room & keep women from being able to get their children out of abusive situations. I expected something different. Actually how to nest in this culture, not the repeat of all the assumptions of who a working mom is & how she parents. One cannot separate this conversation from the epidemic of Domestic Violence in this country.
The guest is mistaken about South Africa's apartheid. She said "it was illegal for a black family to live together" but that's very untrue; it was just illegal for black/white couple to live together. An all-black family was never illegal.
"My husband never had to pay for groceries before." 🤯WTF?!??! You lost me at separate finances with 2 kids. 😮 That's not a family. That's two individuals running their lives in two different directions, conviently sleeping with one another and popping out a kid every 3 or 4 years. 🙃🙄
I love this podcast. For all the ladies out there who are just starting the stay at home process, I’m pregnant now with my first baby but I’ve been a stay at home wife for almost two years because my husband and I wanted me to get good at homemaking and cooking before having children… I just want to let everyone out there know that only about two months ago I finally started to feel like I got a good homemaking and cooking system going. It truly does take time to get good at this like it does with any other skill or job in life so make sure to give yourself a lot of time to learn and grace through the process! ❤
Thanks for your comment this hit like a revelation. I recently became a sahm 8 months ago when my kids were 3&1. I feel like I am just now getting the hang of it. I was under the false assumption that it would be just an easy transition that came naturally, but it is similar to starting a new job, it takes time to get the hang of it. Now the rewards of getting more comfortable far exceed any other job I’ve put time into. ☺️
@@audidog Aw you’re so welcome!! Glad my comment could help. I’m so glad you’re starting to like it and get the hang of it. This job is absolutely the most fulfilling and joyful. 🥰
Yay!! Congratulations!!
I feel like I was made to be a homemaker. Always loved cooking. Organizing. Nurturing. Having a baby was so easy for me. Loved every second. Only have one approaching 14 now and applying to high schools this fall. Still a SAHM and love it. Never going back to corporate hustle. Maybe get a pt job to earn some cash for travel. Don't believe the lie ladies. You can't have it all at the same time and will destroy your health trying. Follow your heart and find the right man with same idea for family life.
I fell into the trap that it will come easily and I even worked part time and it was kick butt hard bc I had certain standards for my kiddos like no daycare and I cooked homrmade healthy meals..but women weren't talking about it.. they are all just working full time and trying to juggle kids
I utilized parks. Had my son outdoors pushing his Tonka trucks in nature (park in Brooklyn NY) for 3 plus hours a day. Packed meals and snacks, books, toys, etc. We have amazing playgrounds in NYC and we also spent lots of hours in the sandbox. I found spending time outdoors was a life saver for all. The house didn't get destroyed. Kids got their energy out and connected to outdoors. I got a lot of handfree time. If you have access to parks and/or playgrounds... take advantage of them. Being indoors is probably the worst place to be because kids want to run and explore... that's why they destroy the house... not their fault 😊
Love this idea 💡
What did you do in the winter? That’s the hard time for me.
In the winter, you could get a membership to an indoor pool, children's gym, trampoline park. They might get pricey but if you plan ahead and only did it for 3 months it might be worth it.
It's funny how it is 'normal' to lean into the discomfort of going to work and feeling like we are missing out on our kids but it's backwards to lean into the discomfort of learning about the development of our kids and how to manage our homes. So thankful to see more spaces like this. It's time to get back to the real normal
Stay at home wife of a year here, childless but not by choice.
It can be lonely but I’ll take the loneliness over what this society has turned into. I’ve learned new things like interior decorating and reading and learning about Christianity.
God has made this transition in my life so I can get closer to him. I smile at complete strangers now when I’m out and about, and people tell me how friendly I am. I love my life, all thanks to God and my wonderful husband. I pray that other women can experience this kind of joy.
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I’m sure that you have mothered many children within the community. God says no woman shall be barren or without. His Word never returns void. Love your story! Many blessings.
Oh how wonderful!
I wish you many blessibgs and that your life may be fruitful in Gods will!
I staying home for 9years now, since the children. I thought the twins are now 9years old, I could go to work half time.
Had the perfect job opening, near the school, 50%, in our church even!
But God said no, and gave that job to a dear friend of mine.
I think we don't always know how prescious our roles are, what He plans for us in that role.
He already is doing His work on my friend who got the church job. I can see so many positive changes in her! For me, it seems He wants me to stay home.
It may seem so insignificant to many, but my family is so thankful for the things I do. I'm sure your husband is as well!
I think if we just do our best to be obedient to God, He will do amazing things in our lifes, that we never saw coming
What moms who think being a stay at home mom isn't for them fail to realize is that being a homemaker is a profession like any other. You have to put in the time, understand your domain, and implement systems that bring efficiency, peace, and order. You start to anticipate needs, set rhythms, and it starts to become 2nd nature. If you don't see it as a set of skills you can constantly improve upon, then you'll be bored or burn out. I find it fascinating. My skills 3 years into mothering/homemaking (3 kids and 3 homes later) are lightyears ahead of where I was when I started. You put in the time, pursue mastery of the skills, and it will pay off.
Another HUGE mistake is thinking that you need to wait for naptime to do anything. Bring your kids into your tasks. You may move slower...at first. But, after a couple years, they'll know how to help. Plus, they'll be engaged with you. Win win.
Been a homemaker for almost four years now. I’m 28 an have three babies and I’m praying for a few more. So happy I’ve unlearned a lot of lies before my thirties. Been married almost five years now too. Being barefoot and pregnant doesn’t bother me ahaha I’m here for it. Running a home and raising littles is ENOUGH work for any women truly.. coming from a navy vet here. Stay blessed fellow sisters and homemakers
My husband said he prefers me as a housewife over me working, after he experienced me being home. He'll do everything he can to keep me home now lol.
😂🔥🔥🔥love that for you Queen
One of my mistakes was thinking I could run a business from home and be a sahm. It was somewhat doable with my first and second child but now that we’re about to have our third child, I was hit with the realization that I don’t want to run a business anymore. I can’t run my household and manage the daily requirements of a business while tending to my children’s needs. I told my husband that I didn’t want to do it anymore and the relief I feel now is so calming. It’s funny to me that right now what brings me happiness is caring for my family and cleaning my house.
Low income family relying solely on husband's income here. We make it work and have for 20 years! I appreciate him so much for his hard work. I do things differently 😅 😆 under 40 and living a traditional family life.
Tips?
yes. me too. for 20 years. Always made it work. Husband says the financial burden/responsibility that he carries on his shoulders is lifted by the peaceful home & the support I give him. I am frugal & have lots of time for everyone around me. He earns alot more $ now than in the early years, but actually we are often happier when we are broke.
People say it's impossible and things have changed so much to make it work.. people say it's dangerous to depend on your spouse. No. It takes being wise in who you marry and choosing a simpler life.
@@rachelbuster2826it is dangerous to rely on your spouse. I am a stay at home mom and have been with my husband for 14 years but I still have 3 of my own bank accounts and insisted on moving somewhere with public transit lots of neighbors libraries job training and apprenticeships and entry level jobs. Too many men just snap. You need to know if push comes to shove you can get out for your and your kids safety.
@@mrsevergreentree learn to separate wants from needs. Hubby will probably have to get a new, higher earning job to cover the difference. You will have to drive old cars, use cheap android phones, eat at home, etc. It's super possible. Single moms all over the country prove everyday that it's possible to live on one income.
My husband agreed to me going off work for the full 3rd trimester with our first baby (I'm 39 weeks pregnant now). This time has been so special to me for feeling calm and prepared with the house organized, decorated and deep cleaned, nursery stocked and decorated (I hand painted a 8'x10' woodland mural 😊), birth plan and baby research done. I'm only realizing now how much goes into being a SAHM like I keep finding ways to save money I'd never thought of and figuring out ways to keep meals and snacks ready. It's a whole skillset I'd never had time or energy to think about while working full-time. I'll have to try to not feel guilty for leaving him with the full financial burden, especially when maternity leave pay runs out. The plan is to help his business WFH part-time.
Thank you ❤ i was raised by a single (by choice) "feminist" mom who never let my biological dadbin my life. Its a miracle I wasnt molested or abused by caretakers growing up (at least nothing i can remember). I was brainwashed into thinking women can "do it all," until it was my turn to be mom (despite watching my mom get drunk alone and cry every night). I was the breadwinner in my marriage, and I COULD NOT bring myself to drop my BABY off with strangers everyday. So we made a change. Now I'm a stay at home mom of two, my husband has stepped up is the breadwinner. I can't imagine what my ex coworkers kids have to go through everyday, for years. One joked, at dropping his 3 month old off at daycare the first day, that he (the baby) has a full time, 40hrs per week, job. 😮 I've never looked back or wished for anything different. I have worked part time weekends or nights here and there to help earn money when needed, but it is so different, knowing my kids are home with dad. My own mother cannot understand my lifestyle choice (so much for being "prochoice," eh?)
When I was working outside of the home, initially it was great. The kids and I got out of the house, I was socializing with other adults, it was a change of pace. A few months in, my workload increased and I was burnt out. I gained a lot of weight and my apartment was stuffed to the brim with stress purchases.
Now that I’m back home, my husband has confessed how much he’s missed both my presence and my contributions. I’ve gained a new fire for trying new things. I’ve gotten into new kinds of cooking such as sourdough and sushi, and I’m not just cleaning the house, but creating systems so that it stays clean and feels more homey.
I’m going to school online so that when the kids are older, I can get a job in a career that I’m passionate about. As you’ve said, this is just a season and the kids are growing too fast! Thank you for the validation and community of like-minded people.
Holy Toledo! I was shouting, “Yes! Finally, more than Dr. Laura is speaking out on this nightmare we’ve been living…especially children!”
Amen 🎉❤
I am so incredibly thankful for this episode. I am 24 weeks with our first and we just moved across the country 6 months ago. I lost my job just a couple days before we moved and so we made the decision that I would be a stay at home mom instead of looking for work after our move. For so many years, I had the "work as much as possible to earn as much as possible" mindset (I'm 33) and my husband has stepped up beautifully to being our sole provider. I have always made 99% of our meals but now I get to make our house an actual home, prepare for our daughter's arrival and not stress about a job, hours, how long I'll get postpartum. I know it's no possible for everyone but we don't make an incredible amount but we decided that me staying at home was a priority and made it work. I have NEVER felt this much as peace in my life with any job than now stepping into my role as a stay at home mom. And, the sad thing is, I can maybe think of one friend out of the hundreds of people I've known who I could have this conversation with....either be belittled and told we must be rich or that I should be ashamed for bringing another child into this "horrible world"...
Hope you have a safe pregnancy.
Being at home is so much better❤️
Set up boundaries with those "friends"..make friends with like minded other sahm...embrace the slow newborn season..have grace in yourself and your husband..do playdates when ready, protect your peace...things I wish someone told be 6 yrs ago when having my first and going from lucrative career to sahm
Also be financially savvy frugal even if you can afford to splurge
35 year old mum of 3 boys here in England. Yes, there's hard parts and monotonous bits like any occupation has. But the joy of seeing my boys grow, having a close relationship with them and giving them our values is a precious gift. They are so happy and secure with mummy around, anyone else would be an insufficient stand in. Thanks for the great channel Suzanne, keep on telling everyone how valuable motherhood is!
Im a 55 year old grandmother to a newborn. My daughter and her boyfriend live with me while trying to save for a house of their own. I am encouraged to hear my own thoughts echoed through this podcast. I feel the women in my daughter’s age group feel helpless, wanting to stay at home and raise her children, but not knowing how to live on one income. Thank you for the support for those brave enough to go against the culture.
I ❤️what you stated in your response: “ for the support for THOSE BRAVE enough”.
That communicates something that I think the Guillable feminist generation(s) that came before many of us here, Did NOT discern from the era of “ I am woman hear me roar “.
That 1960’s-1970’s motto of “ equal = better& therefore more powerful “ proved to be a trap” for the family unit & therefore the quality of our very society.
They should get married. Marriage doesn’t cost a lot.
@@MsFlamingFlameryeah, the marriage point was left out.
God bless my mother for staying home. I grew up thinking this life was the norm , my husband had a stay at home mom too so we just expected (and I greatly desired ) to stay home. My mother taught me by example how to cook , clean, be selfless , care for the home and children . I’ve had the best experience as a stay at home mother , my kids are now 7 and 9 and I wouldn’t trade this life for any other. I was able to nurse each baby until they were 18 months old . We spent our days home and just being together. I do have a career , but only work one morning per week. I feel it’s important for a mother to have a passion and enjoy some work outside the home, but only in the amount that it doesn’t compromise the first priority, which is the family . This is a very unpopular opinion these days , I definitely am seen as old fashioned I’m sure. But our family thrives every day because of the choices we’ve made.
I have been a stay at home wife for a very long time! Gen X, anyway, I'm am so grateful that the algorithm put this in as a suggestion, not so much for me (although it's incredibly validating about the choices I've made) but for my 25 year old daughter. Other than me, she doesn't have any women to talk to about what she really wants out of her life. She is highly educated and is embracing her femininity is feeling more comfortable in her own skin like never before. She went to college and got her Masters with the intention that the real goal was marriage and a family. She needs this podcast, none of her peers can relate, so she stays quiet, and tells herself - one day (probably too late) they will figure out what they really wanted at 40.
Suzanne, could you do a podcast on how to talk with our husbands about mother hood and being a stay at home mom and wife. They have been programed too that women need work and contribute to the income for a family to survive.
I had neighors screaming at me and verbally assaulted me with death threats because they were jealous that I was a stay at home mother. Welcome to the neighborhood lol. This was I'm chicagoland I noticed the author is from the midwest. It was absolutely ridiculous, but that is how countercultural staying at home is and how much it enrages those who choose to do the opposite. The funny thing is I worked from home so they were not even accurate about attempting to insult me for not working. I'm so glad I moved lol and I never will regret raising my kids at home. It honestly was the best time of my life. The sacrifice was no sacrifice because I knew my kids needed me to raise them not a stranger.
That’s such terrible, unacceptable behavior, I’m sorry
I’m getting a lot of backlash from talking about thinking about being a sahm. It’s crazy how jealous people get! I was wondering if it go any better if I were actually in that role. Sorry you went thought that!
Focus on completing each-other not competing with each-other
*complementary
This podcast is a gem...I'm so glad that I found your channel. Year 2 of being a sahm after 12 years of being a nurse. I can totally relate. Im 36 y.o and still learning house routines. I have benefited from listening to sally clarkson and elizabeth elliot how to be a wife and a mom.
Starting my stay at home wife journey next week!! It’s a big pay cut and I’ve never in my life relied on anyone for anything. It’s hard to believe that I don’t have to be a provider. This process is a MAJOR shift in my psyche! It was freeing to hear you say that it’s good for the man too. I am trusting in his competence, his ability as a man to handle pressure and stress.
Youll be helping him to focus and earn.
Say for me too, Mama! Trust your man and talk to each other often when the days are hard AND good 🩵
I’ve stayed home with our son since he was born and homeschool him now. Right now we are trying to make it so that we are both home and my husband doesn’t have to work outside the farm. I feel like it’s not natural to be apart for so many hours of the day 🤷🏻♀️
Agreed ❤
My family has done the same. I quit working after we started having kids, and my husband has worked toward working from home. He's now running a home bakery while I homeschool. Finances are not pillowy, but we work hard and trust that things will work out.
I can attest to the attachment issues carrying into adulthood. My mom only worked part time so that's cool, but she may as well have been at work because I found out later on in life that she believed in the cry it out theory so when I was a baby she would leave me in the other room, close the door, and walk away until I "cried it out" and fell asleep. Growing up I felt isolated and distrust toward everyone, even my friends, so naturally I was behind socially. Now that I'm an adult I've had to put so much work into correcting these underlying beliefs and learning new skills. It even requires upkeep or I fall back into those same insecurities.
I think the isolation is the biggest things for me.
I've been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years. The first 3, I didn't have a vehicle and was stuck at home, and I didn't know any other moms, the next 2 were horrid with covid restrictions, and so I still never had the chance to find any mom friends. And now I've got an almost 6 year old, a 4 year old, a 1 year old, and about to have a newborn, and it's even harder now to find a group where I'm actually welcome to bring them all. Everything is for toddlers only, and I'm just not in that phase anymore.
I think the isolation is the main reason it's so hard for me to be present and not distracted on my phone in order to get some form of social interaction
Do you homeschool? If so find a co-op, there’s also nature walk type of groups where you can join other families in a less informal setting, or find play date groups in your neighborhood.
@wendymtzc I do homeschool! My community doesn't have a ton going on for homeschoolers, and what they do have isn't really set up for moms of school age kids AND toddlers and babies. Maybe I'll have to make my own!
Thank you, not enough people talking about this topic. As a millennial mom, the amount of pressure to work and put my children to daycare is insane. Currently I’m working from home, looking after my babies and taking care of the house, my marriage is definitely taking a toll… This lifestyle is exhausting beyond belief… Feels like it’s almost a taboo for women wanting to care for their children and therefore needing a husband who is ready to step up to protect and provide for his family. Me and my husband are slowly coming to realize, that we won’t be able to grow our family further if I don’t focus on keeping the house in order and raising our children well. Every time I tell my mother or friends about my plans to leave work, I get smashed with the feminist agenda. 😭 it’s hard to make decisions without other women supporting you, even if you know it’s the right thing to do.
Suzanna your more valuable then what is being told to you and helping more than what’s being said to you
So happy I found this channel today!! 🙏 just became a SAHM to my autistic non verbal toddler . I stayed home the first year with him, then went to work right after he turned 1 and I quit a few months ago, he’ll be 3 next month and I don’t regret it. ❤
Whoa! I am also a SAHM to a nonverbal autistic son, who is turning 3 in December! Hi there
I don't usually comment but your thoughts on daycare mirror what I always felt when I left my kids in a daycare setting to go to work. It broke my heart
I just found you after watching your episode at Alex Clark Show. I truly enjoy your content. SAHM mom for 6yrs. Worked at daycare and felt that my family needed me at home once we had a child. I struggled with cultural expectations, loneliness , we adjusted our lifestyle to match living in one income and can’t imagine going to work anytime soon. It’s just so stressful to think about and my partners work schedule constantly changes.
It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who struggles with loneliness during this lifestyle. We lost our pregnancy last year and have no kids yet still, we even moved to another state closer to my in-laws, I gave up my corporate banking career to become a stay-at-home wife (and future mother hopefully). It's just been so frustrating and I don't feel like I have the coping mechanisms that I used to have when I was this successful, accomplished career woman. I know I'm the same person but after the loss, it just changes things. If our pregnancy had worked out the way we anticipated then I know I would feel differently. But looking at an unfinished baby room really doesn't help with the loneliness.
❤
This was a beautiful podcast. I am so happy to listen before my baby comes.
Congrats ❤
I LOVE this podcast. This was in my TH-cam recommended. It is exactly what I was looking for- finally someone who is sane and can say, men and women are equal, but VERY different. Thank you for that quote!!
I LOVE and appreciate this podcast SO much. For the new homemakers out there: Homemaking and child rearing are both HUGE sets of skills that take time and practice. Be patient with yourself. As you develop your skills it does get easier! And it’s worth it.
This was such a encouraging chat. I wish all young moms who work could hear this message.
And you are so right about the cell phones. I have been at parks with my grandson where the mom (or dad), sit on the sidelines and focus on their phones, not their children. So sad
I agree women need their mothers. I moved away when my first baby was 1 month old. Yet my mom and I didn't have a real close relationship so i don't know how much help she would of been. I am there for my children and enjoy the role. 😊
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much. I found Suzanne’s podcast about 3 days ago and I’ve been bingeing on it. My culture has been high jacked by the feminist movement which goes hand on hand with communism (Cuba) and it has destroyed us, mostly everyone I know from my country comes from a broken home and the issues arising from that are endless. I’m pregnant for the second time and finally really internalizing that my place is at home with my children specially in the early years of life. I feel nothing is more in line with our nature and although it a huge battle with our brains bc we’ve been absolutely immersed in a culture that’s against nature, nothing feels like the most righteousness thing to do emotionally, spiritually. .. I don’t know, I feel and can’t quite articulate it. So thanks again for empowering us in what really feminism should all be about. We shouldn’t be competing, instead we should be embracing and praising who we are at every level and at each stage of life. ❤
Rush called them Feminazis
We are waking up 😊 this brings me hope.
Ladies/gentlemen, if one parent can stay home, PLEASE DO!! I know it's hard money wise, but if you can make it work, do it. Our precious children need us and not all the material things we think we need. They want our attention and time. Boy almost 16 and girl 13. I blinked, and my heart is now broken. 😢 Someone stole time from me. Damn this job, 30 yrs, and they could care less!! 😕 I wish i could retire 😪
I'm a Nigerian, and there's a high financial and domestic abuse rate in marriages coupled with coercive control. I think the ideology of feminism has limitations for modern women as we have now realised that we can't have it all. But the ideology did not spring up from thin air, it was created to give women options and to meet the needs of women at the time. Without financial security, control over one's life and fulfilment being a full-time stay-at-home mum also has it own limitations
Yea it sucks. Theres no easy solution. You stay home and risk abuse. Or work and miss out on kids and deal with burn out. Women are just always going to get the short end of the stick in any situation.
This is a topic i have never heard discussed and Im so thankful for it! I realise now the struggle I went through LEARNING how to be a stay at home mom. Im in my mid 30s with three kids aged 7, 5, 2, and only now do I feel like im in the swing of things. I worked in high pressure corporate roles for some of the worlds biggest companies, and tried to do tgat for a few ywars while having two little ones at home, and it nearly broke me. Still not great at everything- preparing meals and cooking has never been my forte and Ive learnt to accept that and just do my best, but im great at organising and tidying, so i lean into that. My own mother was a lawyer through my childhood, and was never at home, and she passed away a few years ago, so never had a model of what a stay at home mom was. I feel better knowing for many women (especially us millenials) it took time to settle into feeling good about being a stay at home mom, and enjoying this part of life.
Listening to this conversation makes realize how blessed I am to be involved in a church with lots of young families. All my stay at home mom friends come from church. I think it would be much harder to meet mom friends if I was having to meet them at the grocery store.
Love you podcast. It reminded me of raising my kids who are now grown, the new challenges of raising a family in the age of cell phones and social media. I liked how you talked about how women and men handle stress differently. I can relate.
Thanks for this, looking ‘in’ to motherhood and learning from you is super helpful
Love your podcasts !!! Please keep the coming. They are so needed during this time .
I just discovered this podcast. I had my baby on NYE 2022. Miraculously, my husband's employer called him while I was still in the hospital and offered him a management job. I intended on returning to work (teaching), but by March of 2023, we realized that it just isn't worth it by the time I would pay for daycare and then never see my kid. I resigned. It was a great job, too. My son and I will go to school together when he's old enough for Kindergarten.
It's interesting, at the part about(not directly quoting) "when you drop your kid off at day care, you cry and your child cries and that shows there's something wrong with it and you both feel it's wrong." WOH, did that hit home for me. When I started preschool I had such a hard time coping with the fact of being away from my at home mom. I balled my eyes out at first, plus I can't handle high energy situations, so being around crazy kids had always been hard for me to deal with, it drives me crazy sometimes even as an adult. i didn't understand why I had to be there and had to be consoled by the ladies at the preschool when I had my mom at home all day.
This episode made me cry. Gosh, so much truth and you can just hear it in their voices about how important motherhood is and being a wife.
I may not remember the time my mom spent with me when I’m 3 but I have more memories from daycare or my grandma than with her ever growing up. And she did resent my dad that they couldn’t afford for her to stay home.
This conversation is so recognizable!!!! Thank you for sharing!! 👏👏👏👍
It’s the ‘Well I went to daycare and I turned out fine’ or ‘my mom worked and I turned out fine’ etc.
I love this podcast and just recently found this. I'm an older woman who stayed at home with my children. It really struck me, when your guest said about older mentors, because I would love to mentor young mothers and help them. Any suggestions to find those young women who would appreciate that?
I recommend the book “Spiritual Mothering,” and it could start with something as simple as asking a young lady in your life to come over for coffee (teach hospitality!) great if you can connect with a young wife or mother, but open your heart and home to teens and young adults too- could save them a lot of pain and frustration if even one woman was speaking these truths into their lives before they head for marriage/family.
Does your community have a pregnancy center you could volunteer at? Can you volunteer at a nicu to hold infants? Find young moms and offer to meet up for coffee or to come by and help with their dishes once in a while. Offer to nanny a few hours a week… Invite them over to your house? Meet people at church, the gym, etc…
Just found this channel as new stay at home mom and the content is positive and exactly what I need to hear. Very reassuring to hear common sense knowledge that affirms my natural urge to nurture my family. This is great content to listen to if you are starting the new journey to really "walk the walk" when it comes to your values and what is really important to you in life.
The trend for educated tradcon SAHMs is to have podcast! The challenge for dopamine driven women to confront the problems of the career mom transitioning to SAHM is getting that fix (see Helen Fisher on hormone types).
Cooking and cleaning is part of the deal...
Thank you for your content! Very helpful and needed in our modern culture ❤🎉😊
Thank you so much for talking so much sense ! Stay at home mum here feeling the constant battle for standing firm in our choice, i agree we do need to talk to other adults and having that connections is healthy but it’s ok to minimise,stay away from toxic environments pushing brainwashing views of false female empowerment sadly seems to be very prominent ! I am happy I found a good play group ran by church that creates a better vibe 💝
This is so validating❤
I was agreeing up until the young mother part. What is not talked about is the amount of mothers who lose their entire identities to their children or feel like they didn’t get to explore, creat who they are, or travel before they sacrifice for kids for the rest of their lives. What isn’t talked about also is that young moms can be more selfish and self involved than older moms.
I just found this podcast and am very thankful I did! I've been a homemaker for all of my marriage, now mom of 2 and although I know why I want to live this way and my husband has always wanted that as well, I get insecure at times, talking to other moms. What gets me angry though is when full time working mums with their kids in daycare think that they are doing two jobs at a time. So they think they are doing what I do PLUS a conventional job. I mean, that's just offensive, as if they think I was just sitting around, drinking coffee, watching the children play...
No need to be offended, know your value… they can brag all they want about having “two jobs” but the sad truth is that most have to leave their children in the care of strangers, that to me is nothing to be proud of, secondly they are overworked and that is not good either.
My mother worked and never paid enough attention to me growing up. I’m not really proud of her and I have no attachment to her. She is like a stranger to me. So be proud of yourself. You are a great mom to your kids.
The old definition of village for "it takes a village..." is still a good, true statement.
Pressure for men is like physical exercise. We get stronger with it and we love the result of it. It's similar on women too but the limit is lesser and they don't like the result as it makes them overwhelmed by the aftereffects.
Good video, Suzanne :)
@@kc6810 lol. Don't worry, it may take two or three births for you to understand it. Take your time.
@@kc6810 no I meant two or three life times for you to understand that. But don't be discouraged just keep trying.
Suzanne, you are a amazing!!!! All I ever wanted to do was be a wife and have kids. I knew what I wanted so I didn’t go to college. I’m 39 and it still has not happened. All I do is work and survive…and it’s impossible to meet men that understand that you want to be home with kids what’s out here is very discouraging. I am slowly starting to realize that that ship has sailed. I now need to understand what going into my 40s without a family will be like.. thank you so much for your podcast.❤
Do you have a prayer life?
@@shemlahnaphish3260 no what’s that?
I have been a homemaker and homeschoolers for 8 years now and one thing is for sure.. At almost 50 years old my husband is at the best shape of his life. You know why? He eats meals cooked from scratch most days and he NEVER misses a scheduled workout because I am here at home to take care of the work that needs to be done for the family instead of out in an office an hour away. I also workout at least 4-5 times a week which never happened before and have restored my health. This is just one of the blessings of taking a huge leap of faith and quitting years ago. I would encourage any woman to find a way to to what I did.. And no... We did not have the money to do it at the time but God provided in an amazing way and it all worked out and still does. I just found your podcast and I love it already. So refreshing to hear other women wake up from the trance we have been raised into and build amazing fruitful lives way beyond what they ever imagined.
Please learn to be more empathetic.
Not every woman has the support of her husband to do what you have done.
My husband left the faith and after doing so demanded that I work. He totally changed his tune.
I do everything inside of the home and guess what? My husband is out of shape. NOT because
he has to help around the home but because he is not interested in working out. It's not a woman's job to ensure
her husband takes care of himself. I have scheduled appointments etc. but if someone wants to drink, they will.
It's not a woman's job to mother her husband, he must be responsible for himself. I have done everything I can for
my husband outside of feeding him(literally). I make home cooked meals although I have a really tight schedule.
I get up early and get it done.
There are so many women that do stay home and they are way lazier than me.
I don't have the time to play around like you guys do so diligence is my best friend.
Just because you stay home doesn't mean that you are more diligent than a woman that doesn't.
If someone loves their family and their home, regardless of whether they work or not, they will be diligent.
This is not mutually exclusive to SAHM.
I know plenty of them that ask ME for help with being diligent.
I also teach my children to the point where they are all in gifted education in school. So yes, it can be done by working moms.
Would I have wanted to stay home with them? Yes.
But my husband no longer believes in Christianity.
If I would have taken your advice I would be screwed right now.
None of you are using foresight and factoring in your husband leaving you.
Don't think that because a working mom isn't willing to put all of her eggs in one basket, she isn't as diligent etc. She's missing the mark. By all accounts I am still a virtuous woman and I am way more respectful of time than most.
Not every one's husband would go for this. Your own husband can change on you. Nothing is promised. Vows are broken all of the time.
I used to be like you thinking I had it all figured out. Thinking that my husband would always be solid. But the day I found out my husband left the faith was the day I got humbled.
You don't know what's down the line. Be humble.
Dear@@StepTwoCK-xo6lz , you are obviously speaking out of a lot of pain. No wonder my simple comment about my own life here hit you so hard. My heart goes out to you. You have no idea how intensely terrible times I have navigated in my own marriage but, trust me, I can 100% relate with what you are going through. I agree with you, you can't make your husband do anything. Only God can change a heart. I really hope and pray you never tire of doing what is right, that your strength will be renewed every morning to fight the good fight, that you will find joy even in the hardest of days and that, sooner rather than later, the Lord will bless you by transforming your husband's heart. God bless.
It’s quite simple actually: tell people to mind their business and that you’re doing what’s best for your family. That will require some courage and thinking for yourself instead of following the sisterhood
Men want respect (and peace)…Women want Love (and security).
What a beautiful conversation between two ladies thank you very informative ❤
Thanks for all you do!
Can you recommend resources for mothers (newly staying home) wanting to repair attachment with preschoolers and kindergartners who were in daycare in the first few years?
One is the best stations on youtube
I’ve been home for six years now. My husband has increased his income by 115% and we spend way less with me home because I am caring for the family and he can focus on his career and pouring into me and our kids.
I’d love to hear more from moms who escaped this treadmill after doing it for decades. After being working mom, 4 kids for over 17 yrs, my escape plan seems harder with college looming.
My husband and I moved from PA (where we grew up) to TX right after we got married for his job. That job moved us out to UT next before we decided to make changes so we could move back to PA and start a family. We successfully moved back and lived with my parents for a few months while house hunting. Now two years later we just had our first son and my mom is sending us houses with in law suites with the intention of all of us living together permanently. I grew up living with my maternal grandparents and I really like the idea of giving that experience to my children. For context I'm in my mid 30s and they are newly retired in their early 60s. Financially all of the proposals my mom has made would benefit us. We recently found a place we'd actually consider. Do you think this arrangement could have a negative impact on our marriage? I don't know anyone who is intentionally living multigenerationally like this at this stage of life.
Look, I’m not pretending to be an expert on any of this. But, this has worked for generations. I think you need strong boundaries, ones your husband & you set together and ones that your mom set. Get to know each others needs and make boundaries around that. And this could be good for your mom. You know her being in her 60’s retired and all. It’s my personal belief that the older should not be away from family if they’ve retired. Try it out. I really believe, strong communication, boundaries all round (marriage, kids, your mom) it will work out if you implement those.
Listen, really listen, to what your husband says about this. Children are blind to their parents' dysfunction. Maybe they aren't dysfunctional- that's great. But still, I would never want to have an open door policy. Intimacy opportunities are really hard to find in the exhausted early years of child-raising.... you have to work to find them. If you have in-laws in your face 24/7, those finds could be all but eliminated. I don't care if my parents (or his) were saints........ I would never want this arrangement unless there were very clear delineations. In my opinion, having them have a guest house on the same property with a rule that no one goes to either place unless invited is ideal. You are there for health emergencies and financial advantages, but everything else stays separate and invitations are required--- just like if you lived 30 minutes away. If either parent is controlling, pushy, a narcissist.... run.
it's works for so many , like in Indian/asian cultures. I would look for truly seperate living spaces with their own door. kitchen etc My cousin lived in a duplex with her mother downstairs
Thanks!
What would you suggest to a couple who just can’t make enough (at the moment at least) because of high cost of living and because husband can’t make a lot more or move to a different location (he’s running his inherited family farm)?
Separate finances is absolutely bizarre to me.
You all eat the groceries. You buy a house together. You share cars. Etc.
Why wouldn't you want a massive pool of money from both of you?
EXACTLY! That was the main piece of advice from Henry Rockefeller that has helped build multigenerational wealth for their famous family: "Keep the money together." It's no secret that larger sums invested compound more interest / make more gains. You just can't beat the math.
The exception would be if a spouse was dysfunctional, particularly with finances. If one spouse cannot be responsible or trustworthy with money, it's better managed by the more responsible one, but with a regular 'blow money' allowance of the less responsible one so they don't feel in a financial straightjacket AND it sets a limit to their spending, so they learn to live within their financial boundaries.
One caveat would be if one person absolutely will not control his/her spending. Although even then, if they're irresponsible enough, they'll still end up needing the other person's money.
insecurity , in my case I always had my own seperate account after seeing how my parents grew up. We have a his,hers and ours but majority of the money is joint assets anyway as it was earned while we were married
I love it!
I understand having kids younger but making sure you have the right partner is difficult and takes time.
I went back to work full-time when my daughter was in 1st grade and i hate it. I'd quit in a heartbeat. I dont feel fulfilled. I feel boiled down to a paycheck. I miss my family, i miss being the primary caretaker of my daughter. My husband does all that now and works full time from home and im away. Its not permanent though, looking for fully remote and eventually go to part time.
As a child of the 90s with two career driven parents, i was in daycare at 6 months on and given my own room to cry it out. I have embraced attachment parenting because i do feel psychologically damaged by the norm. . . I am here to comment to say that I used to envision that there would be a community to raise a family in and I appreciate y'all saying that the village isn't doing so well right now. . . The village wants to involve itself in my home life but are they even qualified?
This podcast is the same for me. I used to work with my husband for over a decade, and with my 3rd child we decided it was best to stop working together. It was becoming tough on our marriage. That transition was rough in the beginning because I couldn’t see myself not working and staying at home. This decision completely changed our marriage for the BETTER.
This gives me so much hope. I’m in a very similar position and pregnant with my 3rd. I have decided to be a SAHM but still have a hard time coming to terms with walking away from the business I’ve built with my husband over the past 6 years
I LOVE everything you have to say! I was an at home mom and home schooled for junior high and high school. My kids are now 18 and 21, generation Z. What I am seeing with their age group is that the girls are afraid of being dependent on a man financially. They are TERRIFIED of being financially trapped in an unhappy marriage. This comes from girls that were raised by at home moms and girls that were not. The guys, however, don't seem to have a preference either way. It makes me sad, but I actually think it is a rational fear. I would love to know your thoughts.
Can I get a link to her podcast? I’m having trouble finding it.
God bless you
My mom didn’t bond with me and I had kids young and wasn’t a pro at being a mom no one is it’s a skill I say it’s important to learn about children physiology
I love this show!!
I feel so sad for “modern” women who have been taught such unnatural and complicated things regarding marriage and families. It’s also still a little mind blowing to think that we live in a world where housework and running a household is technically easier than it’s ever been, yet due to that, we’ve added so many other expectations that again have complicated things and overwhelmed women.
To me, it just seems like the traditional way of doing things is still the simplest and most effective. A girl trains from a young age to run a household while a boy learns to work and develop a skill set that can apply to a career. Then a young man notices a young lady, courts her, proposes to her, and they get married. Then they move in to a starter home together, immediately combine finances, and immediately begin working together to find a routine and rhythm. Once children come along, the mom becomes full time caretaker and homemaker while the dad accepts that he may need to work harder or longer hours to make enough for new mouths to feed. I just don’t see why there’s such an intense hatred of that in society today.
Divorce laws are changed to ensure women must work regardless. Spousal support is either capped and/or limited to a few years. It doesn't make up the differences of years lost in career development. Women especially those with children live in fear of being destitute without means to take care of the kids.
Meanwhile men live in fear of her leaving, taking the kids, the house, and half his stuff.
So don't get a divorce.
It is so weird to be married and not haveyour income going into the same place and not be on the same page of knowing each others spending.
"The village is a shitshow," ...yes.
Love this take on daycare. Now do home schooling. Sending those kids to cesaer will have them coming home as Romans
I’m considering getting rid of my cell phone for exactly these reasons
i started keeping mine in my purse and using my laptop for everything as much as I can.
That’s probably a good first step for me
11.07 min mark. Illegal to be married, they would break up families. That's exactly what America's did to ADOS.
My thoughts exactly! People don’t realize that was the sole purpose of the welfare system in ADOS (African descendants of slavery) families. It wasn’t as obvious but just as sinister!
I don't understand at all how their finances worked before they were combined how the heck did the husband never pay for groceries? Did he never go grocery shopping?
🤔 Mark Mathanabe. Is he Nigerian or South African? Two completely separate countries in different parts of Africa, with very different histories. Nigeria did not have apartheid, South Africa did. Nigerians did migrate to South Africa, but only after 1994 and the end of apartheid.
What you're saying is admirable but VERY unrealistic. I started out in a traditional marriage, my husband wanted me to stay home, work on finishing my Master's and I got pregnant 2 weeks after we were married. I would go on to have 2 additional children in consecutive years thereafter. All the while I finished my master's and applied to medical school. During this journey he got injured and I had to drop that dream of his and get a job while applying to medical school.
He was in law enforcement and they barely get paid anything so I had to get a job and pay someone to keep my kids so that they could see their father. Fast forward to now, he has changed careers, to engineering, and I am almost finished with medical school.
The only problem now is that he doesn't have the same mindset about me staying home as he has left Christianity behind.
Every other conversation is about him not being able to wait until I finish so that he can spend money the way he wishes to etc.
I think that Christianity in general has lost the upper hand on the talk surrounding family because as I said before it's LARGELY unrealistic.
Even my friend that is a stay at home mom was forced in her late 30's to go into the work force because her husband is burnt out from working.
Lots of women are facing this issue. Your podcast never speaks of this huge issue.
The men are cowering away and we HAVE to work.
This concept is great for women that have husbands that still want to support them. At one point my husband spoke of how he would work 3 jobs for me to stay home etc. Now his speech has changed.
By large I have heard so many horror stories of men cheating or making their wives feel bad for wanting to stay home.
I have even heard of women being abandoned and left with nothing.
I just don't recommend what you are speaking of because I will NEVER put my trust in a man that has left the Lord.
I think there is a level of shaming here, I don't feel ashamed because I will never depend on another person, but when I snoop around to other channels it's apparent that we have lost the upper hand on the conversation of working moms etc.
So many women did stay home and got burnt terribly for doing so. When they hear podcasts like this one it just fills them with anger because of all of the data on the other side that shows that SAHM's get burnt really bad in divorce court etc.
I think as Christian women we really need to start listening more to what other women have to say about this topic. Differing view points.
Ever since my husband left the faith I have had to pull back from this type of rhetoric and I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL TO GOD that I kept pursuing my education.
I can't even imagine depending on my husband to provide for me as he is a totally different person now and I don't even know if we will be married much longer.
I shutter to think about the level of treatment I would be receiving and the resentment that would be stored up in his heart towards me for not working.
These conversations need to be had.
Men are not the men of old that valued a woman staying home.
My husband fully expects me to do it all. He went from being a very conservative rugged man to being liberal and progressive.
I know we are to honor our husbands in the Christian culture, but we have got to get realistic and hit the issues head on.
Women are always being preached at, we are the predominant group still attending church. But we are largely not the issue when it comes to wanting a traditional marriage.
It's time for people to start calling men out and dealing with the real issues. Men largely DO NOT want to care for a family alone anymore.
I would have loved a podcast like this when I first got married, but life happened to me and my marriage feels weird at best now. This advice would have sunk me if I would have followed it.
I think the only thing that gives me leverage in my marriage is the fact that I will make more than my husband.
NO I do not plan to remind him of that at all, because I find that behavior extremely tacky.
But in a society where no one is faithful to their spouse anymore no matter how loyal you are to them, at least I have the fact that I will be making an income.
I long for the days when my husband was conservative, but I'm grateful that I never felt called to stay home. I would be immensely depressed right now.
More and more men are leaving the faith. I'm not the only one dealing with this. I encourage you all to open up your hearts to those of us that don't have it as good as you. This podcast is very validating for you guys but I think that instead of coming for women that don't have it like you, try to figure out why and try to be understanding.
Oh yeah, I cook, clean, clean the cars, work with the kids constantly on their schoolwork and I never get a thank you or anything for it.
I am extremely diligent even while being in Medical School.
I love being a homemaker.
So please stop saying that every working mom despises this lifestyle, I don't.
I love it all. I love life. I love having my own thing and I love raising my kids in this season and nesting.
Your perspective is valid and true but you used a lot of straw man and red herring. Be careful. Emotions are high. I get it. Definitely praying for you and please don’t lose your faith just because your spouse is inconsistent with the Good Lord.
No, my emotions aren't high actually. You are judging someone based off of words on the internet. Your perception of my tone etc. is based on the voices in your head not my actual tone etc. Don't pray for me as I have it under control and I don't think you have the discernment necessary to be effective in prayer. Judging by what you have already posted. I did not use a bunch of straw men or red herrings...You have a hard time accepting alternate realities. That is the main problem in the Christian community. Which is why we are becoming more and more ineffective. Please don't think you are speaking from a place of authority or "I know better than you" when you don't. You can't give me any advice. No one mentioned anything about losing their faith, again another immature incorrect perception. I truly met the Lord and when you truly meet the Lord, there is no such thing as turning back. He keeps you. @@shemlahnaphish3260
Even though my life experience has been the opposite of yours and more in line with what this podcast talks about, I thought your comment was really thought provoking and a great addition to the conversation.
We seem to be a people given to extremes. It’s one way or the other. There are risks involved with both choices. The experiences of many working mothers who see the affects of being away so much are very real. Also, the experiences of women who were homemakers/SAHM who were abused, abandoned or widowed are also important and very real.
Even the Proverbs 31 women had some part time business ventures and investments. Life has different seasons and we need to be flexible.
God is all knowing, so he knew this season you would be in and provided a way through your studies. It also seems (based on what you wrote) that he made a way for you to be with your children more when they were younger while your husband was still on board.
Personally, if the Lord has called you to medicine, I think that is awesome. We need more good, God fearing medical professionals (and teachers).
I was very grieved to read about your husband walking away from the faith. The Bible says this will happen but it is very painful every time I see it or hear about it. I know you don’t want prayer and I will respect that, but I do have hope that your husband will have an encounter with God.
You mentioned that many men do not want all the pressure of being the sole providers and I do think that a part of that is that our exceptions here in the west are too high. We have all (Christian or not) been influenced by the wisdom of the world regarding materialism. Providing is one thing, but some of our lifestyles are too inflated.
I always thought I was living pretty simply and frugal since we have been on one income for 13 years, but through inflation the Lord has revealed to me areas where we/I could do better.
I am not saying that applies to your situation, I am just saying it is a factor in the pressure men feel. Just like all the Pinterest worthy posts put unnecessary pressure on women/mothers. God just wants us to do the best we can unto him with what he has put in our care.
I am a SAHM who homeschools my children and my husband is the spiritual leader of our home. This is what the Lord called me to, yet he had also allowed trials into my life. My mother lives with us which was always a blessing, but she went through breast cancer and now I also care for her through dementia. It has been heart breaking, a devastating year for me. And yet, God is faithful and he renews my strength.
I believe he will get us both through because He is faithful. I wish you successful in your studies and medical profession. God bless.
@to_whom_would_we_go6285 Thank you for your much welcomed post on what I said. It was filled with true encouragement and a peacefulness that is welcomed. I agree with everything you said. By the time I had children I was already in a boat load of debt from school so staying home on a cops salary when he barely made 30K was not doable. As I kept going I realized that my kids could benefit from me being home but I have never felt a call to be home full-time. However, I did feel a call to be diligent in my home life and with my time. I was also able to spend my children's younger years at home because I was in school etc. So God did in fact work it out. I was also able to teach my children diligently on top of my other obligations and now they are in gifted at school. THANK YOU for stating that your heart was grieved when you read that my husband left the faith. Not many women respond with sympathy. I'm not opposed to prayer at all, that would be silly, but when someone is attempting to speak from a place of false holiness I will oppose them. The fact that you lovingly mentioned my husband leaving the faith in my opinion shows that you are truly a woman after God's own heart. That is the part of my story that has been most devastating to me. The fact that my husband no longer has his Father. I am a great mother and I am always complimented for my diligence even from my friends that homeschool. Just because a woman stays home doesn't' mean she uses her time wisely you know? So I have never felt bad about not staying home with my children because my husband and children alike constantly praise my diligence. You are right, God knew that I would pursue medicine and graciously provided a way to give me the best of both worlds. I have seen all of my children off to their first days of school. I have picked them up. I have done the homework. etc. etc. I don't waste time as most women do, whether they stay home or not and days off are not lost on me because of the fact that I am a working mother. Time is more precious to me because I don't have as much of it as most women. I just think that I have been given the opportunity to value life a little more than most. I appreciate you truly hearing my heart on this topic. It is so disheartening to hear women outside of the faith not be able to relate to Christian women because we are so judgmental thinking that everyone has the opportunity to stay home. Men are not as faithful as they used to be and a lot of SAHM stories that I have heard about online are so frightening and heartbreaking. I am here for all of the dialogue surrounding this topic because we should all serve as support for one another first and foremost. So thank you for your support. Your words have anchored me in a way that I truly needed to be anchored. Validating someone's experience doesn't take much, you are a truly gracious woman. I never thought this would be my testimony. Yet here I am.
My greatest peice of advice would be to have kids when your friends have kids.
Guys, these lady conversations don't take into account, when shit gets rough while trying the things spoken here, she can just pull the rip-cord and blow your life up. Don't marry guys.
Ladies, run from these kind of guys PLEASE
There are a lot of generalizations here, & the problem is these high level assumptions get into the court room & keep women from being able to get their children out of abusive situations. I expected something different. Actually how to nest in this culture, not the repeat of all the assumptions of who a working mom is & how she parents.
One cannot separate this conversation from the epidemic of Domestic Violence in this country.
The guest is mistaken about South Africa's apartheid. She said "it was illegal for a black family to live together" but that's very untrue; it was just illegal for black/white couple to live together. An all-black family was never illegal.
"My husband never had to pay for groceries before." 🤯WTF?!??!
You lost me at separate finances with 2 kids. 😮 That's not a family. That's two individuals running their lives in two different directions, conviently sleeping with one another and popping out a kid every 3 or 4 years. 🙃🙄
Who is Erica?
Erica Komisar. She's a child psychologist.
Thank you!